1
00:00:07,763 --> 00:00:10,163
Good morning.
You must be Steven Toast.

2
00:00:10,163 --> 00:00:12,243
How are you today?
I'm fine, thanks.

3
00:00:12,243 --> 00:00:14,203
And I trust you're well?
Amazing.

4
00:00:14,203 --> 00:00:17,923
Another Canadian.
You guys are taking over this town.

5
00:00:17,923 --> 00:00:20,203
I'm not Canadian.

6
00:00:20,203 --> 00:00:23,763
Hold your horses.
Is that Scramble Studios in London?

7
00:00:26,163 --> 00:00:29,123
Yeah, Scramble is one of our
sister studios.

8
00:00:29,123 --> 00:00:31,363
We've got studios
all over the world.

9
00:00:31,363 --> 00:00:32,563
Is that right?

10
00:00:32,563 --> 00:00:35,523
Sure. I'm due to fly out
to the London studio next month

11
00:00:35,523 --> 00:00:37,883
as part of our
staff exchange scheme.

12
00:00:37,883 --> 00:00:42,603
I can't wait. I'm super-excited,
it's going to be so super-cool.

13
00:00:42,603 --> 00:00:44,723
Sounds fascinating.

14
00:00:44,723 --> 00:00:47,043
Hey, do you know Donald Sutherland?

15
00:00:47,043 --> 00:00:48,603
Isn't he Canadian?

16
00:00:48,603 --> 00:00:49,803
Is he single?

17
00:00:49,803 --> 00:00:51,603
I've no idea.

18
00:00:51,603 --> 00:00:53,403
He's a bit old for you, isn't he?

19
00:00:53,403 --> 00:00:55,803
Hey, if Daddy can raise the bridge,

20
00:00:55,803 --> 00:00:57,883
then Mama's river be flowing.

21
00:00:59,363 --> 00:01:01,643
Good grief.

22
00:01:01,643 --> 00:01:05,763
Erm, I'm due to record,
and I'm guessing it's through there.

23
00:01:05,763 --> 00:01:09,043
Sure. Studio one.
Go right in. They're ready for you.

24
00:01:09,043 --> 00:01:10,483
Thanking you.

25
00:01:14,603 --> 00:01:17,043
Would you mind if I raised
this microphone?

26
00:01:17,043 --> 00:01:19,043
Make yourself comfortable, Steven.

27
00:01:21,643 --> 00:01:24,603
Hello, Steven, this is
Clem Fandango. Welcome to LA.

28
00:02:04,043 --> 00:02:06,083
{\an8}Of all the recording studios
in the world,

29
00:02:06,083 --> 00:02:09,283
I end up in the same one
as you two clowns.

30
00:02:09,283 --> 00:02:10,763
Is it always this hot?

31
00:02:10,763 --> 00:02:13,123
I mean, I'm going to pass out
in here.

32
00:02:13,123 --> 00:02:15,483
Got to say,
I kind of like the heat, man.

33
00:02:15,483 --> 00:02:17,403
Always wanted to live out here
in LA.

34
00:02:17,403 --> 00:02:21,003
"Man"? You've only been here
ten minutes, you idiot.

35
00:02:21,003 --> 00:02:22,523
But this is too hot.

36
00:02:22,523 --> 00:02:24,843
Hi, Steven, this is Clem Fandango.
Can you hear me?

37
00:02:24,843 --> 00:02:25,883
Yes, unfortunately.

38
00:02:25,883 --> 00:02:28,643
I'm afraid the air-con in the
vocal booth broke down last night.

39
00:02:28,643 --> 00:02:31,763
Oh! Means it's 27 degrees hotter
in there than it is in here.

40
00:02:31,763 --> 00:02:33,003
Oh, God!

41
00:02:33,003 --> 00:02:35,603
Also bad timing, I'm afraid,
Steven, it's the hottest day

42
00:02:35,603 --> 00:02:38,123
there's ever been in LA.
Oh, for God's sake!

43
00:02:38,123 --> 00:02:39,923
Don't you just love it?

44
00:02:39,923 --> 00:02:42,163
No. All right, let's crack on.

45
00:02:42,163 --> 00:02:45,563
The quicker we finish this, the
sooner I can get out of this oven.

46
00:02:45,563 --> 00:02:47,763
OK, Steven, pepper spray,
take one.

47
00:02:50,243 --> 00:02:52,763
Fed up with people
knocking at your door?

48
00:02:52,763 --> 00:02:57,043
Well, one sharp burst of Corden's
pepper spray will make anyone

49
00:02:57,043 --> 00:02:59,203
think twice about ringing your bell.

50
00:02:59,203 --> 00:03:03,483
Corden's criminal deterrents -
America's favourite pepper spray.

51
00:03:07,803 --> 00:03:10,283
Perfect. That was great, Steven,
real swell.

52
00:03:10,283 --> 00:03:12,843
We'll shoot that over to the client,
see what gives.

53
00:03:12,843 --> 00:03:14,403
What is this snake oil?

54
00:03:15,523 --> 00:03:17,123
Corden's pepper spray.

55
00:03:25,843 --> 00:03:27,363
Huh.

56
00:03:27,363 --> 00:03:29,883
Wonder what could have caused that.
Must be the heat.

57
00:03:29,883 --> 00:03:32,083
Mm.

58
00:03:32,083 --> 00:03:34,003
Get...me...out.

59
00:03:38,003 --> 00:03:39,803
What am I doing here?

60
00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:42,643
Look at Russ Nightlife.
Who is he?

61
00:03:42,643 --> 00:03:46,443
He's a grown man doing a jigsaw
puzzle like some geriatric

62
00:03:46,443 --> 00:03:49,923
in a care home.
Definitely an odd fish.

63
00:03:49,923 --> 00:03:51,443
And I should know.

64
00:03:51,443 --> 00:03:54,043
I've swum with a few in MY time.

65
00:03:54,043 --> 00:03:59,523
What a loser. I hope I never end up
like that - sad, lonely,

66
00:03:59,523 --> 00:04:03,403
without hope, pathetically
assembling a ludicrous jigsaw

67
00:04:03,403 --> 00:04:06,163
just to pass the endless hours.

68
00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:08,803
You know,
I could read your thoughts.

69
00:04:08,803 --> 00:04:10,763
What?! You're thinking about sex.

70
00:04:12,763 --> 00:04:15,483
I'm not, actually.
I'm meeting a friend tonight.

71
00:04:15,483 --> 00:04:18,643
I was thinking
about booking a restaurant.

72
00:04:18,643 --> 00:04:20,443
A friend?
Yes.

73
00:04:20,443 --> 00:04:23,043
What, like a lady friend?

74
00:04:23,043 --> 00:04:24,403
Yes.

75
00:04:25,763 --> 00:04:28,643
Well, I'm telling you now,
don't ever bring her back here,

76
00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:31,443
I can't have anyone just sniffing
around the joint, all right?

77
00:04:31,443 --> 00:04:32,843
All right.

78
00:04:39,803 --> 00:04:42,403
Are you planning
to have sex with her?

79
00:04:42,403 --> 00:04:48,283
What? The thought of you having sex
under my roof disgusts me.

80
00:04:48,283 --> 00:04:51,243
It's a stupid question anyway.
I mean, look at you.

81
00:04:52,523 --> 00:04:55,443
I beg your pardon?
If you do have sex with her,

82
00:04:55,443 --> 00:04:58,763
I want you to inject yourself
with a millilitre of this.

83
00:04:58,763 --> 00:05:00,123
Do what?!

84
00:05:00,123 --> 00:05:01,963
It doesn't hurt. Look.

85
00:05:12,843 --> 00:05:15,243
Ugh! Aghhh!

86
00:05:17,003 --> 00:05:18,923
What the hell?

87
00:05:18,923 --> 00:05:20,803
Jesus Christ, man!

88
00:05:24,243 --> 00:05:26,363
Toast, I'm joking.

89
00:05:31,843 --> 00:05:34,803
Oh, you need to lighten up a little,
man.

90
00:05:34,803 --> 00:05:35,883
Oh!

91
00:05:39,123 --> 00:05:40,803
Jesus Christ.

92
00:05:42,203 --> 00:05:45,163
Easing it in...slowly.

93
00:05:45,163 --> 00:05:48,723
And now a persistent rhythmic
movement.

94
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:50,203
Oh, yes.

95
00:05:50,203 --> 00:05:51,843
In an accelerating motion.

96
00:05:51,843 --> 00:05:53,163
Oh, God.

97
00:05:53,163 --> 00:05:56,523
Quickly followed
by a...rapid emission.

98
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:57,883
Good God!

99
00:05:59,243 --> 00:06:00,563
Oh!

100
00:06:00,563 --> 00:06:05,243
The act was completed in
pretty much the same time period

101
00:06:05,243 --> 00:06:06,683
as the previous procedure

102
00:06:06,683 --> 00:06:10,323
last Tuesday,
3 minutes and 28 seconds.

103
00:06:11,443 --> 00:06:12,763
It's all a bit...

104
00:06:12,763 --> 00:06:15,803
A bit what?
A bit clinical, isn't it?

105
00:06:15,803 --> 00:06:17,963
But I am a clinical sexologist.

106
00:06:17,963 --> 00:06:21,443
Yeah, but do you need to make notes
while we're actually making love?

107
00:06:21,443 --> 00:06:25,043
Oh, yes. It's very important
to make notes during the procedure

108
00:06:25,043 --> 00:06:26,963
rather than having to rely
on memory.

109
00:06:26,963 --> 00:06:30,163
And even the word "procedure" -
it's not very romantic, is it?

110
00:06:30,163 --> 00:06:35,243
"Romantic" is not a word
easily defined in scientific terms.

111
00:06:35,243 --> 00:06:38,163
This IS a relationship, isn't it?
Just to be clear.

112
00:06:38,163 --> 00:06:39,603
Oh, yes.

113
00:06:39,603 --> 00:06:43,643
I draw a very clear distinction
between sex with you

114
00:06:43,643 --> 00:06:47,163
and sex with people I'm sleeping
with for research purposes.

115
00:06:49,963 --> 00:06:51,323
Glad to hear it.

116
00:06:51,323 --> 00:06:55,963
Except, in this case, when it kills
two birds with one stone,

117
00:06:55,963 --> 00:06:57,843
as you Brits like to say.

118
00:07:02,003 --> 00:07:05,483
Shepherd, there's another man
in bed with us.

119
00:07:05,483 --> 00:07:09,883
Yes, he's a fellow professor
accompanying me on field work.

120
00:07:09,883 --> 00:07:11,963
Does he have to be here?

121
00:07:11,963 --> 00:07:15,283
Professor Map? Yes. Yes, he does.

122
00:07:15,283 --> 00:07:16,763
Right.

123
00:07:16,763 --> 00:07:20,843
It's rather taken me by surprise
seeing him in bed here with us.

124
00:07:20,843 --> 00:07:23,843
Very well. Professor Map...

125
00:07:23,843 --> 00:07:28,043
Wurde es Ihnen etwas ausmachen,
uns bitte zu verlassen?

126
00:07:35,323 --> 00:07:38,363
It's only 11.30.
What say we go for a walk?

127
00:07:38,363 --> 00:07:39,883
We can stop at a cafe.

128
00:07:39,883 --> 00:07:43,163
You fancy a cappuccino bianco
in the shade?

129
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:45,003
Or maybe a cocktail at high noon?

130
00:07:45,003 --> 00:07:46,963
I can't.

131
00:07:46,963 --> 00:07:49,963
I have to go
and have sex with someone else.

132
00:07:49,963 --> 00:07:52,603
How many other men are you having
sex with on this project?

133
00:07:52,603 --> 00:07:54,123
Oh, I would say somewhere in the...

134
00:07:54,123 --> 00:07:57,203
Oh! Goddamn it!

135
00:07:57,203 --> 00:07:59,843
I really have to get these
organised.

136
00:07:59,843 --> 00:08:02,363
What are they?
Score cards.

137
00:08:02,363 --> 00:08:04,883
You give scores for performance?

138
00:08:04,883 --> 00:08:07,523
I'm guessing I'd be
in the higher points bracket.

139
00:08:07,523 --> 00:08:11,083
Oh, I haven't filled out
your score card yet, Toast.

140
00:08:11,083 --> 00:08:13,923
I only do that when I've completed
a full assessment

141
00:08:13,923 --> 00:08:15,443
of the participants' performance.

142
00:08:15,443 --> 00:08:18,163
Yeah, but I'm guessing I'd be
pretty up there, wouldn't you say?

143
00:08:18,163 --> 00:08:21,163
I'm sorry, Toast.
That's confidential information.

144
00:08:21,163 --> 00:08:22,523
Oh-ho-ha!

145
00:08:23,603 --> 00:08:26,363
I really need to get
this shit together.

146
00:08:26,363 --> 00:08:28,443
Maybe my daughter could do it.

147
00:08:28,443 --> 00:08:31,603
I must admit,
I'm very fond of you, Shepherd,

148
00:08:31,603 --> 00:08:34,283
so it's only natural
that I should be slightly jealous,

149
00:08:34,283 --> 00:08:37,843
seeing as you're sleeping with
literally dozens, if not hundreds,

150
00:08:37,843 --> 00:08:40,283
of other men, including me.

151
00:08:40,283 --> 00:08:43,123
But as long as I know
that I'm the special one,

152
00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:44,683
then I'm absolutely...

153
00:08:44,683 --> 00:08:47,163
..fine with it.
You sure you're fine with it?

154
00:08:47,163 --> 00:08:50,083
Sounds a little goddamn weird to me.

155
00:08:50,083 --> 00:08:52,563
You couldn't be more wrong,
Hooberman.

156
00:08:52,563 --> 00:08:54,723
She's a professional psychologist,

157
00:08:54,723 --> 00:08:58,963
perfectly capable of distinguishing
between business and pleasure.

158
00:08:58,963 --> 00:09:01,083
They're business, I'm pleasure.

159
00:09:03,123 --> 00:09:04,683
Who's that fella?

160
00:09:04,683 --> 00:09:09,403
Sonny-Sam Dysco, they say he's going
to be the next goddamn big thing.

161
00:09:09,403 --> 00:09:11,323
He's got a whole billboard
to himself.

162
00:09:11,323 --> 00:09:13,763
Wouldn't mind a slice
of that action myself.

163
00:09:13,763 --> 00:09:15,883
Anything juicy coming up for me?

164
00:09:15,883 --> 00:09:18,923
How would you like to play
another butler?

165
00:09:18,923 --> 00:09:20,283
I'd hate that.

166
00:09:20,283 --> 00:09:22,483
Weech Beacon needs a butler.

167
00:09:22,483 --> 00:09:25,323
He's about to make a huge
goddamn movie,

168
00:09:25,323 --> 00:09:28,843
so the dollars will be a plenty,
Daddy-o.

169
00:09:28,843 --> 00:09:30,923
Weech Beacon?

170
00:09:30,923 --> 00:09:35,443
Weech Beacon, talented director,
also a major league asshole.

171
00:09:35,443 --> 00:09:38,563
I've never heard of that league.
Sounds prestigious.

172
00:09:38,563 --> 00:09:40,083
Well, if he likes the look of you,

173
00:09:40,083 --> 00:09:42,563
he'll probably offer you the job
on the spot.

174
00:09:42,563 --> 00:09:45,283
He's pretty impulsive that way.
You want to meet him?

175
00:09:45,283 --> 00:09:48,803
Well, if the dollars are plenty,
Mummy-o, why not?

176
00:09:48,803 --> 00:09:50,043
I'll text him.

177
00:09:50,043 --> 00:09:53,323
He's probably at The Dive.
He hangs out there all the time.

178
00:09:53,323 --> 00:09:57,123
The Dive? They tell me
it's the hippest bar in town

179
00:09:57,123 --> 00:10:02,163
but, hell, my ass is as old as time,
so what would I goddamn know?

180
00:10:04,803 --> 00:10:07,803
Oh, we're pretty damn close.
I'll text him now.

181
00:10:14,283 --> 00:10:16,003
Asshole!

182
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:53,483
Like I said, Red's on board.
Are you sure?

183
00:10:53,483 --> 00:10:56,483
He might even bring Jen with him.
Who knows? Sure?

184
00:10:56,483 --> 00:10:58,323
Relax, baby.

185
00:10:58,323 --> 00:11:00,403
The chicken's in the basket, huh?

186
00:11:00,403 --> 00:11:01,763
Chicken's in the basket.

187
00:11:01,763 --> 00:11:05,523
Are you Toast?
I'm Steven Toast. Good afternoon.

188
00:11:05,523 --> 00:11:08,003
You came in costume. I like that.

189
00:11:08,003 --> 00:11:12,923
I'm Weech Beacon, and this is
my producer, Ben Egyptian.

190
00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:15,083
Hi, Steven.

191
00:11:15,083 --> 00:11:19,283
I got to go.
See you later, Ben.

192
00:11:19,283 --> 00:11:21,443
Hey, sit.

193
00:11:21,443 --> 00:11:24,243
All right.
Yeah, Ben couldn't stay.

194
00:11:24,243 --> 00:11:27,123
He's gotta go square things
with his daughter.

195
00:11:27,123 --> 00:11:29,763
It's the 16th time
he's missed her birthday.

196
00:11:29,763 --> 00:11:32,963
Yeah.

197
00:11:32,963 --> 00:11:34,363
Jesus.

198
00:11:35,883 --> 00:11:39,723
You know what?
You look exactly like a waiter,

199
00:11:39,723 --> 00:11:43,763
but also exactly like a butler.

200
00:11:43,763 --> 00:11:46,203
Yeah, you'll be perfect.

201
00:11:46,203 --> 00:11:48,363
I'm just going to tell Brad.

202
00:11:48,363 --> 00:11:50,123
That's all very good.

203
00:11:50,123 --> 00:11:52,283
Sorry,
I've drunk rather a lot of water,

204
00:11:52,283 --> 00:11:55,363
so I'll need to use the men's room.
Do you know where it's located?

205
00:11:59,883 --> 00:12:02,963
What, that?
Yeah.

206
00:12:05,603 --> 00:12:07,243
Really? What?

207
00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:46,003
Must have drunk a gallon of water.
Is it always this hot?

208
00:12:46,003 --> 00:12:47,483
Actually...

209
00:12:47,483 --> 00:12:49,043
Oh, damn.

210
00:12:49,043 --> 00:12:51,443
That chilli went
straight through me.

211
00:12:55,283 --> 00:12:56,763
Whoa!

212
00:12:56,763 --> 00:12:58,763
Goddamn chilli.
Good God.

213
00:12:58,763 --> 00:13:00,203
Jesus Christ!

214
00:13:00,203 --> 00:13:01,443
Oh!

215
00:13:05,283 --> 00:13:09,683
You say the line, "May I offer you
some wine, Herr Shimmerman?"

216
00:13:09,683 --> 00:13:14,123
"Shimmerman." And then hand
the glass to him from the tray.

217
00:13:14,123 --> 00:13:15,803
OK, doesn't sound too difficult.

218
00:13:15,803 --> 00:13:17,803
Hey, this is a crucial scene,

219
00:13:17,803 --> 00:13:20,683
and I'm planning to do it all
in one ten-minute take.

220
00:13:20,683 --> 00:13:22,803
There'll be a long tracking shot.

221
00:13:22,803 --> 00:13:26,723
I'm using 2,000 extras, dancing
girls, and well over 1,000 horses,

222
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:31,523
and then everything will focus
on you,

223
00:13:31,523 --> 00:13:34,843
and the shot will probably cost
about $3 million,

224
00:13:34,843 --> 00:13:38,603
so, yeah,
you better not screw it up.

225
00:13:38,603 --> 00:13:40,643
Well, no pressure, then.

226
00:13:42,043 --> 00:13:44,523
Shit.
Oh, dear.

227
00:13:44,523 --> 00:13:48,083
No. LOTS of pressure.

228
00:13:48,083 --> 00:13:49,923
I know, I was just being sarcastic.

229
00:13:49,923 --> 00:13:52,163
You were being what? Sarcastic.

230
00:13:52,163 --> 00:13:54,483
Well, that's a British thing,
sarcasm.

231
00:13:54,483 --> 00:13:57,043
We don't do that here in LA, OK?

232
00:13:57,043 --> 00:13:58,803
Say the goddamn line!

233
00:14:00,243 --> 00:14:02,123
May I offer you some wine,

234
00:14:02,123 --> 00:14:03,523
Mr Shimmershine?

235
00:14:03,523 --> 00:14:05,523
Shimmerman! Shimmerman.

236
00:14:05,523 --> 00:14:07,923
Jesus.
Sorry, I just got the name wrong.

237
00:14:07,923 --> 00:14:09,803
Would you mind if I took that again?

238
00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:14,923
I could have offered this role
to any slack Jack Harris in town.

239
00:14:14,923 --> 00:14:18,083
Harris? But you got the part
because you look like a butler.

240
00:14:18,083 --> 00:14:23,763
And remember, this set-up
is going to cost $3 million.

241
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:25,243
Right.

242
00:14:25,243 --> 00:14:26,763
Don't fuck it up, buddy.

243
00:14:26,763 --> 00:14:28,043
Understood.

244
00:14:28,043 --> 00:14:30,123
Yeah, it better be.

245
00:14:32,843 --> 00:14:34,323
Jesus Christ.

246
00:14:39,243 --> 00:14:41,963
Look at you, you dirty dog.

247
00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:46,043
Have you been a naughty mongrel?

248
00:14:48,843 --> 00:14:50,923
What's that?

249
00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:52,083
Good grief.

250
00:14:52,083 --> 00:14:54,363
I wondered where that went.

251
00:14:54,363 --> 00:14:56,683
You nasty, thieving mutt.

252
00:14:56,683 --> 00:14:58,763
Someone's getting punished now.

253
00:14:58,763 --> 00:15:00,483
Severely punished.

254
00:15:02,603 --> 00:15:05,883
Has anyone ever told you that
you actually do look like a dog?

255
00:15:05,883 --> 00:15:09,083
Yes. Some people have remarked on it
before.

256
00:15:09,083 --> 00:15:11,203
Shut up, Dogface!

257
00:15:11,203 --> 00:15:15,963
Shepherd, I'm not sure
this S&M stuff is for me.

258
00:15:15,963 --> 00:15:17,763
Are you serious?

259
00:15:17,763 --> 00:15:20,723
We haven't even introduced
the man in the mask yet.

260
00:15:20,723 --> 00:15:21,883
Who?

261
00:15:21,883 --> 00:15:25,363
I auditioned a lot of people
to help me out with our little game.

262
00:15:25,363 --> 00:15:29,483
You want to see this guy.
He has no inhibitions whatsoever.

263
00:15:29,483 --> 00:15:32,963
Jesus.
Man in the mask, enter.

264
00:15:34,763 --> 00:15:37,243
I'm ready to be your slave,
O Mistress.

265
00:15:37,243 --> 00:15:39,083
Hang about.
Huh?

266
00:15:40,283 --> 00:15:41,803
Ed?!

267
00:15:41,803 --> 00:15:44,083
Toast!

268
00:15:44,083 --> 00:15:45,563
How are you finding LA?

269
00:15:45,563 --> 00:15:48,083
What the hell are you doing here,
Ed?

270
00:15:48,083 --> 00:15:50,603
I was visiting friends and happened
to see an advertisement

271
00:15:50,603 --> 00:15:52,283
in a local cafe.
What the hell is going on?

272
00:15:52,283 --> 00:15:53,603
Do you two know each other?

273
00:15:53,603 --> 00:15:56,563
Yes, we used to be housemates
in London.

274
00:15:56,563 --> 00:15:58,243
I was going to look you up, Toast,

275
00:15:58,243 --> 00:16:00,283
but I wasn't expecting to meet you
like this.

276
00:16:00,283 --> 00:16:01,603
Can't say I'm surprised.

277
00:16:01,603 --> 00:16:04,283
Could never resist a kinky knees-up,
could you, Ed?

278
00:16:04,283 --> 00:16:06,803
A kinky knees-up?

279
00:16:06,803 --> 00:16:09,323
Oh, I like the sound of that.

280
00:16:09,323 --> 00:16:12,083
So, since we're all here,
let's get down to business.

281
00:16:12,083 --> 00:16:14,283
Starting on Toast,
is that right, mistress?

282
00:16:14,283 --> 00:16:16,283
Are you ready, man in the mask?

283
00:16:16,283 --> 00:16:17,603
Oh, yes.

284
00:16:17,603 --> 00:16:21,003
Then, if it's OK, me next.

285
00:16:23,203 --> 00:16:24,843
Shit.

286
00:16:28,723 --> 00:16:29,883
How was your day?

287
00:16:29,883 --> 00:16:32,603
Well, apart from my
sexually-liberated girlfriend

288
00:16:32,603 --> 00:16:34,963
who insisted on stringing me up
and whipping me

289
00:16:34,963 --> 00:16:39,083
in front of my old roommate from
London who was dressed in rubber,

290
00:16:39,083 --> 00:16:40,723
I'd say pretty ordinary.

291
00:16:40,723 --> 00:16:42,963
It is hard in LA
to find your footing,

292
00:16:42,963 --> 00:16:44,883
but at least you have
this other acting job.

293
00:16:44,883 --> 00:16:46,243
What's your line again?

294
00:16:46,243 --> 00:16:47,803
Oh.

295
00:16:47,803 --> 00:16:51,843
"May I offer you some wine,
Herr Shimmer...ton?"

296
00:16:53,923 --> 00:16:56,603
Herr Shimmerson.

297
00:16:56,603 --> 00:16:58,403
Shimmergroove.

298
00:16:59,963 --> 00:17:01,963
Herr... Shimmerguff.

299
00:17:03,803 --> 00:17:06,203
Herr Shimmertree.

300
00:17:06,203 --> 00:17:09,203
Herr Shimmerblue.

301
00:17:10,683 --> 00:17:13,483
Herr Shimmerfoot.

302
00:17:13,483 --> 00:17:16,723
Herr Shimmersquare.

303
00:17:16,723 --> 00:17:19,363
Herr Shimmerhair.

304
00:17:25,323 --> 00:17:28,963
Hello, my name is Liberty.
Are you Sandwich?

305
00:17:28,963 --> 00:17:30,563
What?

306
00:17:30,563 --> 00:17:32,403
No, not Sandwich, Toast.

307
00:17:32,403 --> 00:17:36,363
Toast! I'm so sorry.
Mr Toast, not Mr Sandwich.

308
00:17:36,363 --> 00:17:40,163
Mr Toast, I'm afraid I'm going
to need to take that chair, sir.

309
00:17:40,163 --> 00:17:41,523
What, this chair?

310
00:17:41,523 --> 00:17:42,923
That chair, yes.

311
00:17:42,923 --> 00:17:44,923
The director has asked me to get him
a chair,

312
00:17:44,923 --> 00:17:47,043
but as soon as I find another one,
Mr Toast,

313
00:17:47,043 --> 00:17:48,843
I'll bring it straight over here.

314
00:17:51,483 --> 00:17:54,523
Oh, he's also asked
you don't move from this spot,

315
00:17:54,523 --> 00:17:56,163
otherwise you could be in shot.

316
00:18:06,683 --> 00:18:08,043
Jesus Christ, if...

317
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:12,883
Bloody hell, you could have
killed me, you dozy bastard.

318
00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:14,483
What?

319
00:18:14,483 --> 00:18:17,163
What the hell did he call us?
Fucking loser.

320
00:18:17,163 --> 00:18:19,763
So, there you go. One trumpet.

321
00:18:19,763 --> 00:18:21,643
I didn't ask for a trumpet.

322
00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:24,243
Oh, wait. You wanted a chair.

323
00:18:24,243 --> 00:18:26,843
A chair? Yes.
Unless you want me to sit on that.

324
00:18:26,843 --> 00:18:28,803
I'm so sorry, Mr Toast.

325
00:18:28,803 --> 00:18:31,043
This is my first day.

326
00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:32,963
Who ordered the trumpet?

327
00:18:32,963 --> 00:18:34,603
This is ridiculous.

328
00:18:34,603 --> 00:18:38,163
You might want to get rid of this
before someone falls arse over tit.

329
00:18:38,163 --> 00:18:39,483
Absolutely.

330
00:18:43,483 --> 00:18:46,123
Toast! Get your ass over here!

331
00:18:47,563 --> 00:18:52,123
I can't tell you how important it is
that you don't mess up this shot.

332
00:18:52,123 --> 00:18:55,643
It's going to be a ten-minute
one-shot take.

333
00:18:55,643 --> 00:18:59,283
At the end of it, you walk in,
say your line.

334
00:19:01,603 --> 00:19:02,963
You know your line, right?

335
00:19:02,963 --> 00:19:07,203
Yeah. "May I offer you some wine,
Herr Shimmershoo?"

336
00:19:07,203 --> 00:19:08,763
Shimmerman! Jesus Christ!

337
00:19:08,763 --> 00:19:11,283
Sorry. Do I look like
the cream cheese fairy, huh?

338
00:19:11,283 --> 00:19:12,963
I don't know.
I don't know who that is.

339
00:19:12,963 --> 00:19:15,003
Am I a chicken in a basket?

340
00:19:15,003 --> 00:19:16,523
Again, I'm not sure.

341
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:19,643
This set-up costs $3 million.

342
00:19:19,643 --> 00:19:20,843
How much did it cost?

343
00:19:20,843 --> 00:19:22,243
Three million.

344
00:19:22,243 --> 00:19:23,643
Yeah, that's right.

345
00:19:23,643 --> 00:19:26,203
So you'd better get it right, baby.
One chance.

346
00:19:26,203 --> 00:19:27,363
How many chances?

347
00:19:27,363 --> 00:19:29,003
One.

348
00:19:29,003 --> 00:19:31,483
OK, everybody ready.

349
00:19:31,483 --> 00:19:33,203
Positions, please.

350
00:19:35,163 --> 00:19:36,523
Hey!

351
00:19:41,083 --> 00:19:43,163
Fucking...

352
00:19:57,923 --> 00:20:01,563
May I offer you some wine,
Herr Shimmelshine?

353
00:20:01,563 --> 00:20:03,323
Whoa!

354
00:20:03,323 --> 00:20:04,803
Damn it!

355
00:20:06,643 --> 00:20:07,963
What?!

356
00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:18,123
How do you think that scene went
just now?

357
00:20:18,123 --> 00:20:19,803
Not great, to be honest.

358
00:20:19,803 --> 00:20:22,283
I tripped on a skateboard
and buggered up my line.

359
00:20:22,283 --> 00:20:24,083
Yeah, yeah.

360
00:20:24,083 --> 00:20:26,763
Forgive me,
my memory's a little hazy,

361
00:20:26,763 --> 00:20:31,243
but at any point did I tell you
it was absolutely crucial

362
00:20:31,243 --> 00:20:34,523
that you got your shit together,
because if you didn't,

363
00:20:34,523 --> 00:20:38,043
you could totally fuck up a shot
that cost $3 million?!

364
00:20:39,643 --> 00:20:42,683
You... You remember that?

365
00:20:42,683 --> 00:20:44,083
Yeah, I remember.

366
00:20:44,083 --> 00:20:47,043
OK, Steven Toast...

367
00:20:49,203 --> 00:20:51,643
..what do you think we should do
now?

368
00:20:51,643 --> 00:20:53,643
I don't know, er,

369
00:20:53,643 --> 00:20:56,523
reset and shoot the scene again?

370
00:21:00,603 --> 00:21:04,043
OK, I see what we got here.

371
00:21:04,043 --> 00:21:06,483
Take off your pants.
I beg your pardon?

372
00:21:06,483 --> 00:21:08,563
Take them down
and bend over the table.

373
00:21:08,563 --> 00:21:10,083
What the...?
Now!

374
00:21:11,323 --> 00:21:14,083
Hey, Ben. Hey, Weech. Just in time.

375
00:21:14,083 --> 00:21:15,763
You want a piece of the action?

376
00:21:18,683 --> 00:21:20,683
Is this absolutely necessary?

377
00:21:20,683 --> 00:21:24,163
Well, it won't bring me
my money back,

378
00:21:24,163 --> 00:21:27,043
but I'll feel
a whole shitload better about it.

379
00:21:28,243 --> 00:21:29,683
Grip the desk.

380
00:21:29,683 --> 00:21:31,723
Hey, Mr Toast, I found you a chair,

381
00:21:31,723 --> 00:21:33,443
but I'm guessing you're good.

382
00:21:38,403 --> 00:21:42,123
Moving my right hand
across the lower back

383
00:21:42,123 --> 00:21:45,283
and down to the buttock area.

384
00:21:48,243 --> 00:21:50,803
What the hell is going on, Toast?

385
00:21:50,803 --> 00:21:54,603
Your goddamn ass
feels like a giant cookie.

386
00:21:54,603 --> 00:21:59,123
Yeah, it's a bit sore down there,
Shepherd. It's starting to burn.

387
00:21:59,123 --> 00:22:01,083
Maybe I'll have a cold shower.

388
00:22:03,683 --> 00:22:07,043
That ass has taken
one hell of a beating.

389
00:22:08,243 --> 00:22:10,883
I thought you said
you weren't into S&M.

390
00:22:10,883 --> 00:22:14,243
I'm not. The director
I'm working with did it.

391
00:22:14,243 --> 00:22:16,923
I ruined his shot,
so he thrashed me with his belt.

392
00:22:16,923 --> 00:22:19,603
Did it in front of his producer
and a young runner.

393
00:22:19,603 --> 00:22:22,883
Very humiliating, not to mention
highly unprofessional.

394
00:22:22,883 --> 00:22:24,483
Mm. Urgh.

395
00:22:29,723 --> 00:22:31,443
You're top class, Shepherd.

396
00:22:31,443 --> 00:22:35,323
This is the best relationship
I've ever been in.

397
00:22:35,323 --> 00:22:38,283
I'm so incredibly happy,
I believe I could fly.

398
00:22:39,603 --> 00:22:40,923
What are you doing, darling?

399
00:22:40,923 --> 00:22:46,843
Oh, I'm just making
a few final notes on my scorecards.

400
00:22:46,843 --> 00:22:50,003
Scorecard, you say?

401
00:22:50,003 --> 00:22:52,763
I'm guessing I'll get a 10,
or maybe a 9.5.

402
00:22:54,163 --> 00:22:57,523
I have to go. More research.

403
00:22:57,523 --> 00:22:59,683
All right.

404
00:22:59,683 --> 00:23:03,283
♪ My grandfather's hands
went wandering

405
00:23:03,283 --> 00:23:06,643
♪ Wandering from north
down to south... ♪

406
00:23:14,643 --> 00:23:16,683
What's this?

407
00:23:16,683 --> 00:23:19,083
Weech Beacon?

408
00:23:19,083 --> 00:23:25,083
What's it say? "Poor performance,
predictable, dull, unexciting.

409
00:23:25,083 --> 00:23:28,723
"Total, zero out of ten." Brilliant.

410
00:23:38,203 --> 00:23:41,643
I say, Billy,
how do I post something online?

411
00:23:41,643 --> 00:23:44,603
You know that bloody director
who shredded my arse?

412
00:23:44,603 --> 00:23:47,283
Well, I found out something
pretty embarrassing about him

413
00:23:47,283 --> 00:23:50,443
and I want to put it online
as an act of revenge.

414
00:23:50,443 --> 00:23:51,963
I can do that for you.

415
00:23:51,963 --> 00:23:53,363
You can? Mm.

416
00:23:53,363 --> 00:23:57,683
I must warn you, I'm pretty useless
when it comes to the social mediums.

417
00:23:57,683 --> 00:23:59,883
Nonos problemos. Let's do it.

418
00:23:59,883 --> 00:24:01,843
Really? Yeah. Fantastic.

419
00:24:01,843 --> 00:24:05,283
I'll leave you to it and I'll enjoy
the rest of my pina colada

420
00:24:05,283 --> 00:24:08,323
on the terrace.
Okey dokey, Smokey.

421
00:24:08,323 --> 00:24:10,683
Very much appreciate you helping me,
Billy.

422
00:24:10,683 --> 00:24:13,003
Happy to do this for you, Toast.
Yes.

423
00:24:16,963 --> 00:24:20,923
Oh, before I forget, do make sure
my account is anonymous.

424
00:24:25,923 --> 00:24:27,243
This is the life.

425
00:24:31,523 --> 00:24:34,403
What's the internet saying about me?

426
00:24:34,403 --> 00:24:36,003
How cool I am? Yeah.

427
00:24:36,003 --> 00:24:38,883
Loved my last movie.

428
00:24:40,643 --> 00:24:42,243
What the...?

429
00:24:42,243 --> 00:24:44,323
Shit. Shit!

430
00:24:47,123 --> 00:24:49,883
Jesus Christ, how the hell
did that get there?

431
00:24:49,883 --> 00:24:51,563
Is that my scorecard, huh?

432
00:24:51,563 --> 00:24:55,523
"Poor performance, predictable,
dull, unexciting"?!

433
00:24:55,523 --> 00:25:00,243
I mean, whoa, zero out of ten?
Zero out of goddamn ten?!

434
00:25:00,243 --> 00:25:03,523
No, that is not right.
That is not your scorecard.

435
00:25:03,523 --> 00:25:06,763
What? Well, that is the score card
of a hopeless loser

436
00:25:06,763 --> 00:25:09,163
I was sleeping with
as research for my book.

437
00:25:09,163 --> 00:25:11,083
His name is Steven Toast.

438
00:25:11,083 --> 00:25:14,003
That's the dumb-ass jerk
who just ruined my movie.

439
00:25:14,003 --> 00:25:17,563
What? I asked Liberty to type up
my scorecards from the notes

440
00:25:17,563 --> 00:25:20,363
I'd put together. She's obviously
got the names mixed up.

441
00:25:20,363 --> 00:25:25,123
What a loser.
Yes, he is a zero out of ten loser.

442
00:25:25,123 --> 00:25:30,883
But you, you, baby,
you are a ten out of ten winner.

443
00:25:30,883 --> 00:25:34,723
I'm going to find your real
scorecard and post it there.

444
00:25:34,723 --> 00:25:36,883
Whoa, I'm a ten out of ten?

445
00:25:36,883 --> 00:25:38,883
You betcha.

446
00:25:38,883 --> 00:25:41,403
Are you ready to play,
little doggie?

447
00:25:41,403 --> 00:25:42,723
Oh, yeah.

448
00:25:42,723 --> 00:25:44,843
Woof!

449
00:25:44,843 --> 00:25:49,883
And after we have some fun,
I'm going to go get my scorecards.

450
00:25:49,883 --> 00:25:52,083
Oh, yeah, baby.

451
00:25:52,083 --> 00:25:55,003
Woof!

452
00:26:00,443 --> 00:26:03,203
Ah, Shepherd, what a lovely
surprise. Come in.

453
00:26:03,203 --> 00:26:06,403
I know you posted that stuff
about Weech, Toast.

454
00:26:06,403 --> 00:26:08,723
No, I didn't.
It was an anonymous account.

455
00:26:08,723 --> 00:26:11,123
Then, maybe you shouldn't have
posted it

456
00:26:11,123 --> 00:26:15,963
under the name of "Steven Toast,
specialises in playing butlers".

457
00:26:15,963 --> 00:26:17,883
Right, OK.

458
00:26:17,883 --> 00:26:22,203
But we are still in a relationship,
aren't we, you and I?

459
00:26:22,203 --> 00:26:23,883
Scorecards.

460
00:26:31,443 --> 00:26:36,803
He's not a happy bunny, Toast.
You screwed up his whole movie,

461
00:26:36,803 --> 00:26:38,843
and then you went on
the social media

462
00:26:38,843 --> 00:26:41,443
saying he couldn't cut it
in the sack.

463
00:26:41,443 --> 00:26:44,283
Yeah, and also he gave my arse
a severe thrashing

464
00:26:44,283 --> 00:26:46,323
and stole my ladyfriend.

465
00:26:46,323 --> 00:26:48,203
Hopefully that'll be the end of it.

466
00:26:49,563 --> 00:26:51,283
Oh, God.

467
00:26:53,923 --> 00:26:55,523
No!

468
00:26:58,363 --> 00:27:00,203
This Hollywood Reporter magazine,

469
00:27:00,203 --> 00:27:03,403
now, I'm guessing it's a niche
publication that nobody reads.

470
00:27:03,403 --> 00:27:04,683
Would I be right?

471
00:27:04,683 --> 00:27:06,923
Wrong? It's read by everyone
in Hollywood.

472
00:27:06,923 --> 00:27:08,523
Absolutely everyone.

473
00:27:08,523 --> 00:27:11,283
Even people who never read anything
read it.

474
00:27:11,283 --> 00:27:12,363
God!

475
00:27:13,923 --> 00:27:17,203
Hey, you want to try to fit
a piece into my Tricky Dick

476
00:27:17,203 --> 00:27:20,243
jigsaw puzzle?
Jigsaw?

477
00:27:20,243 --> 00:27:22,523
Yeah, might take your mind
off of things.

478
00:27:28,923 --> 00:27:30,163
Doesn't fit.

479
00:27:30,163 --> 00:27:32,043
Aw, doesn't fit?

480
00:27:32,043 --> 00:27:33,643
Bad luck, loser.

481
00:27:38,283 --> 00:27:40,483
I'm so sorry I used your name
on the account.

482
00:27:40,483 --> 00:27:43,363
I didn't know
you wanted to be anonymous.

483
00:27:43,363 --> 00:27:44,963
It's not your fault.

484
00:27:44,963 --> 00:27:47,483
I should have supervised
my own caper.

485
00:27:47,483 --> 00:27:49,963
Poor you. Are you OK?

486
00:27:52,123 --> 00:27:53,763
You might have to remove that hand.

487
00:27:53,763 --> 00:27:56,243
I'm not used to people
being nice to me.

488
00:28:04,683 --> 00:28:06,843
♪ Son of a small-town draper

489
00:28:06,843 --> 00:28:09,483
♪ You wanted everything now
not later

490
00:28:09,483 --> 00:28:11,723
♪ Took a job as a hotel waiter

491
00:28:11,723 --> 00:28:14,283
♪ Drank your whisky straight
No chaser

492
00:28:14,283 --> 00:28:16,643
♪ Hang around with a pretty
ice-skater

493
00:28:16,643 --> 00:28:19,163
♪ Till you tired and began
to hate her

494
00:28:19,163 --> 00:28:21,563
♪ Oh, yes, you're boss

495
00:28:21,563 --> 00:28:24,003
♪ And it's just because

496
00:28:24,003 --> 00:28:29,203
♪ They know
that you're the great beatmaker. ♪