1 00:00:41,683 --> 00:00:44,003 PHONE RINGS 2 00:00:44,003 --> 00:00:46,923 Toast. How are you finding Uncle Sam? 3 00:00:46,923 --> 00:00:48,083 Who? 4 00:00:48,083 --> 00:00:50,563 Uncle Sam. The old US of A. 5 00:00:50,563 --> 00:00:52,163 It's exactly as I expected. 6 00:01:03,003 --> 00:01:05,123 Well, you know what they say. 7 00:01:05,123 --> 00:01:06,323 Sorry, who is this? 8 00:01:06,323 --> 00:01:09,963 It's Ed. Calling collect from England. 9 00:01:09,963 --> 00:01:13,363 You haven't forgotten me already, old chap? Oh, yes. Sorry, Ed. 10 00:01:13,363 --> 00:01:15,123 Found anywhere to stay? 11 00:01:15,123 --> 00:01:18,803 Listen, guess who's landed a role in the latest Star Wars movie. 12 00:01:18,803 --> 00:01:20,563 I'll give you a clue. 13 00:01:20,563 --> 00:01:23,123 Not only is he a great actor, 14 00:01:23,123 --> 00:01:26,523 but also a good friend of yours. 15 00:01:26,523 --> 00:01:27,723 Hopkins? 16 00:01:27,723 --> 00:01:29,363 No. Ian McKellen? 17 00:01:29,363 --> 00:01:31,723 No. Tom Conti? 18 00:01:31,723 --> 00:01:33,163 No! 19 00:01:33,163 --> 00:01:34,803 Wow, you've stumped me there, Toast. 20 00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:40,283 Not only is he a fantastic actor, but also a great friend of yours. 21 00:01:40,283 --> 00:01:41,763 Patrick Stewart? 22 00:01:41,763 --> 00:01:43,603 No! Fucking hell, Ed, it's me. 23 00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:44,763 Ah. 24 00:01:44,763 --> 00:01:46,323 Found anywhere to stay yet? 25 00:01:46,323 --> 00:01:48,923 Well, Ed, as luck would have it, I sat next to this chap, 26 00:01:48,923 --> 00:01:50,963 Russ Nightlife, on the plane. 27 00:01:50,963 --> 00:01:54,123 He reckoned he needed the rent, so he give me his address. 28 00:01:54,123 --> 00:01:55,523 That's a stroke of luck. 29 00:01:55,523 --> 00:01:58,083 Strange thing is, he disappeared halfway through the flight. 30 00:01:58,083 --> 00:02:00,403 I didn't even see him get off the plane. 31 00:02:00,403 --> 00:02:02,843 That's odd. Have you reported this to the police? 32 00:02:02,843 --> 00:02:04,843 To the LAPD? 33 00:02:04,843 --> 00:02:06,363 To the FBI? 34 00:02:06,363 --> 00:02:10,683 Calm down, Ed, I think someone might have watched too much of The Quincy. 35 00:02:10,683 --> 00:02:13,083 So how are you enjoying the climate, Toast? 36 00:02:13,083 --> 00:02:14,723 Is it always this hot? 37 00:02:14,723 --> 00:02:17,323 You've got some mail. Really? What is it? 38 00:02:17,323 --> 00:02:19,963 It's just a postcard. Not worth forwarding on. 39 00:02:19,963 --> 00:02:21,363 Well, who's it from? 40 00:02:21,363 --> 00:02:22,883 It's from Greta Thunberg. 41 00:02:25,123 --> 00:02:27,243 She must know you're a climate sceptic. 42 00:02:27,243 --> 00:02:30,403 Well, with this heat, I'm beginning to think Greta has a fair point. 43 00:02:30,403 --> 00:02:32,243 HE CHUCKLES OBNOXIOUSLY 44 00:02:32,243 --> 00:02:34,883 Look, I can't talk to you any longer, I'd better get back 45 00:02:34,883 --> 00:02:37,043 to the apartment to see Russ Nightlife. 46 00:02:37,043 --> 00:02:38,363 All the best. 47 00:02:38,363 --> 00:02:40,483 I say, waiter! 48 00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:51,323 Is it always this hot? 49 00:02:51,323 --> 00:02:55,323 My previous roommate was in the apartment for six months. 50 00:02:55,323 --> 00:02:58,523 He died. Kounis syndrome. 51 00:02:58,523 --> 00:03:00,163 Poor Kounis. 52 00:03:00,163 --> 00:03:03,363 That wasn't his name. It's the disease he died of. 53 00:03:03,363 --> 00:03:05,843 Oh, sorry, I thought it was his name. 54 00:03:05,843 --> 00:03:09,683 No, his name was Razzmatazz. Hercule Razzmatazz. 55 00:03:09,683 --> 00:03:11,363 Thanks for letting me stay, Russ. 56 00:03:11,363 --> 00:03:14,163 You've done me a huge favour. 57 00:03:14,163 --> 00:03:17,763 Did I mention I've got a large part in the new Star Wars movie? 58 00:03:17,763 --> 00:03:19,723 Yeah. Sure. 59 00:03:21,963 --> 00:03:23,443 Out of interest, 60 00:03:23,443 --> 00:03:25,803 why did you disappear halfway through the flight? 61 00:03:25,803 --> 00:03:29,083 One minute we were chatting... OK, Toast, I'll level with you. 62 00:03:29,083 --> 00:03:31,243 I don't have many rules or regs here, 63 00:03:31,243 --> 00:03:34,643 but I've got to insist that my roommates be respectable and neat. 64 00:03:34,643 --> 00:03:36,043 You got that? 65 00:03:36,043 --> 00:03:37,523 Understood. 66 00:03:37,523 --> 00:03:40,643 I also don't want you bringing back any Goddamn hook-ups. 67 00:03:40,643 --> 00:03:41,803 Hook-ups? 68 00:03:41,803 --> 00:03:43,203 That's right. 69 00:03:43,203 --> 00:03:45,283 I'm not up to speed on your situation, 70 00:03:45,283 --> 00:03:48,603 but looking at you, I'm guessing that you're a single guy. 71 00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:51,403 I don't mean to smash your action, 72 00:03:51,403 --> 00:03:53,443 but I've got to keep it clean. 73 00:03:53,443 --> 00:03:56,843 I can't have any strangers in this apartment snooping around. 74 00:03:56,843 --> 00:04:00,683 So no strangers, no snooping, and no Goddamn hook-ups. 75 00:04:01,763 --> 00:04:03,363 Fair enough. 76 00:04:03,363 --> 00:04:05,323 Erm, I'll use a motel. 77 00:04:05,323 --> 00:04:07,243 Anyhoo, here's the key. 78 00:04:08,443 --> 00:04:09,923 What? 79 00:04:09,923 --> 00:04:12,123 I'm just fooling around. That's a joke key. 80 00:04:12,123 --> 00:04:13,443 Oh! 81 00:04:13,443 --> 00:04:15,763 We don't use a key any more, we use a code. 82 00:04:15,763 --> 00:04:17,083 6789 83 00:04:17,083 --> 00:04:19,683 3654 7011 84 00:04:19,683 --> 00:04:22,203 001 4603 85 00:04:22,203 --> 00:04:23,683 279 601 86 00:04:23,683 --> 00:04:26,083 111 395. 87 00:04:26,083 --> 00:04:27,923 Will you remember that? No! 88 00:04:27,923 --> 00:04:29,523 I'm going to text it to you. 89 00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:35,363 COMICALLY ANTIQUATED BEEPING 90 00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:43,923 All right, I just sent you the code. 91 00:04:43,923 --> 00:04:45,243 PHONE CHIMES 92 00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:47,523 I need you to memorise it and then immediately delete it 93 00:04:47,523 --> 00:04:49,363 from your cell. Capisce? Capisce. 94 00:04:49,363 --> 00:04:50,683 PHONE RINGS 95 00:04:50,683 --> 00:04:52,203 Ah, I need to take this. 96 00:05:01,003 --> 00:05:02,923 Has he not answered yet, India? 97 00:05:02,923 --> 00:05:05,603 Ugh, no point in getting him to call me back, 98 00:05:05,603 --> 00:05:07,603 because he's as tight as a duck's arse, 99 00:05:07,603 --> 00:05:09,323 and they're watertight. Ha! 100 00:05:09,323 --> 00:05:11,363 Is that right, Jane? 101 00:05:11,363 --> 00:05:13,363 I'm guessing you have tremendous news. 102 00:05:13,363 --> 00:05:16,003 I have tremendous news. 103 00:05:16,003 --> 00:05:17,243 Which is? 104 00:05:17,243 --> 00:05:19,003 Ray Sober is dead. 105 00:05:19,003 --> 00:05:20,283 What? 106 00:05:20,283 --> 00:05:22,643 Ray Sober is dead. Ray Sober? 107 00:05:22,643 --> 00:05:25,723 Yes, you remember him, Ray Sober, the actor. 108 00:05:25,723 --> 00:05:26,963 You hated him. 109 00:05:26,963 --> 00:05:28,803 Oh, Ray Sober, yeah. 110 00:05:28,803 --> 00:05:31,963 He was that prick that sent me off to fetch him a skyhook 111 00:05:31,963 --> 00:05:34,483 and some tartan paint on my first job. 112 00:05:34,483 --> 00:05:37,043 Ha! The classic fool's errand. 113 00:05:37,043 --> 00:05:40,603 Well, I'm glad he's dead, but why is that tremendous news, Jane? 114 00:05:40,603 --> 00:05:45,163 Well, Ray Sober was about to star in a major film over there, 115 00:05:45,163 --> 00:05:48,203 but now, because he's dead, they fear he won't turn up, 116 00:05:48,203 --> 00:05:51,203 so I reckon you're a shoo-in for the role. 117 00:05:51,203 --> 00:05:55,963 And apparently, it's going to be the biggest rom com film of all time. 118 00:05:55,963 --> 00:05:57,603 Rom com? 119 00:05:57,603 --> 00:05:59,883 Do you mean Romley Compton, the actor? 120 00:05:59,883 --> 00:06:01,723 I didn't even know he was in films. 121 00:06:01,723 --> 00:06:04,723 No, not Romley Compton the actor, rom com. 122 00:06:04,723 --> 00:06:09,403 It's short for romantic comedy, like Love Actually 123 00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:12,003 or The Four Weddings And The Funeral. 124 00:06:12,003 --> 00:06:14,483 I haven't heard of either of those. 125 00:06:14,483 --> 00:06:17,283 Hang on a second, so I will be starring in the biggest 126 00:06:17,283 --> 00:06:19,443 science fiction film of all time, 127 00:06:19,443 --> 00:06:22,243 and the biggest rom com film of all time? 128 00:06:22,243 --> 00:06:23,763 Isn't it amazing? 129 00:06:23,763 --> 00:06:26,203 The biggest science fiction film of all time 130 00:06:26,203 --> 00:06:29,363 and the biggest rom com film of all time. 131 00:06:29,363 --> 00:06:31,443 You'll make $1 billion. 132 00:06:31,443 --> 00:06:35,363 $1 billion? Well, I'll take a pinch of that shit. 133 00:06:35,363 --> 00:06:36,523 Ha! 134 00:06:36,523 --> 00:06:38,163 As long as I'm not playing the butler. 135 00:06:38,163 --> 00:06:40,003 What? Brits in Hollywood. 136 00:06:40,003 --> 00:06:43,043 They're always playing butlers, and if not butlers, murderers. 137 00:06:43,043 --> 00:06:45,923 No, no, you won't be playing the butler. 138 00:06:45,923 --> 00:06:48,963 Well, what's the plan? Do you remember Brooke Hooberman? 139 00:06:48,963 --> 00:06:50,523 Yes, I remember. 140 00:06:50,523 --> 00:06:52,963 She handles all the Brits over there. 141 00:06:52,963 --> 00:06:55,403 I'll text you her number. Call her pronto. 142 00:07:07,483 --> 00:07:09,603 Is it always this hot, Pronto? 143 00:07:09,603 --> 00:07:12,403 Why are you calling me Pronto? 144 00:07:12,403 --> 00:07:13,723 I don't know. 145 00:07:13,723 --> 00:07:16,483 Jane said to call you that. Is it a nickname or something? 146 00:07:16,483 --> 00:07:18,963 No, don't call me Pronto. 147 00:07:18,963 --> 00:07:20,923 My name is Brooke Hooberman. 148 00:07:26,603 --> 00:07:29,883 May I ask, is this your permanent office? 149 00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:31,603 It seems to be a car. 150 00:07:31,603 --> 00:07:33,483 I love British actors. 151 00:07:33,483 --> 00:07:37,043 I've handled them over here for Goddamn years. 152 00:07:37,043 --> 00:07:39,203 Peter O'Toole, love him. 153 00:07:39,203 --> 00:07:43,403 Larry Olivier, Ollie Reed, all great guys. 154 00:07:43,403 --> 00:07:45,123 Are they doing OK? 155 00:07:45,123 --> 00:07:48,043 Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but... 156 00:07:48,043 --> 00:07:50,763 Ray Sober is dead. 157 00:07:50,763 --> 00:07:55,003 Poor bastard can't do the movie now, he's dead. 158 00:07:55,003 --> 00:07:58,003 Jane recommended you, and the director took a look at your reel - 159 00:07:58,003 --> 00:08:00,883 he thinks you're the Goddamn guy. 160 00:08:00,883 --> 00:08:05,363 You got a bit of time before the Star Wars movie, right? 161 00:08:05,363 --> 00:08:08,163 You mean the biggest science fiction movie of all time? 162 00:08:08,163 --> 00:08:12,163 Yeah, anyway, the director is Dwight Difference. 163 00:08:12,163 --> 00:08:14,083 SHE GROWLS 164 00:08:14,083 --> 00:08:16,563 I'll arrange a Zoom call with him. 165 00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:18,083 SHE GROWLS AGAIN 166 00:08:18,083 --> 00:08:20,483 All right. Well, as long as I'm not playing the butler. 167 00:08:20,483 --> 00:08:21,723 What? 168 00:08:21,723 --> 00:08:24,443 You know, British actors, always playing the butler 169 00:08:24,443 --> 00:08:26,083 or the murderer. 170 00:08:26,083 --> 00:08:29,203 It is the butler. You'll be playing the butler. 171 00:08:29,203 --> 00:08:30,363 Right. 172 00:08:30,363 --> 00:08:33,643 But the butler turns out to be the murderer, 173 00:08:33,643 --> 00:08:36,083 so you're playing the butler AND the murderer. 174 00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:37,843 I thought it was a rom com. 175 00:08:37,843 --> 00:08:39,683 A what? 176 00:08:39,683 --> 00:08:43,363 Dwight signed up a real A-lister to play the lead. 177 00:08:43,363 --> 00:08:47,523 This guy wants to meet you before they officially offer you the part. 178 00:08:47,523 --> 00:08:49,283 Who is this A-lister? 179 00:08:49,283 --> 00:08:54,603 Ah, Dwight's keeping shtoom, but he's big. 180 00:08:54,603 --> 00:08:57,563 HORNS HONK, TYRES SCREECH 181 00:08:57,563 --> 00:08:59,283 BROOKE CHUCKLES 182 00:08:59,283 --> 00:09:02,923 Oh, I need you to do me a Goddamn favour. 183 00:09:02,923 --> 00:09:04,403 What? 184 00:09:04,403 --> 00:09:07,123 Are you friends with David Bowie? 185 00:09:07,123 --> 00:09:08,523 What? 186 00:09:08,523 --> 00:09:11,443 Well, you're from London, you must know David. 187 00:09:11,443 --> 00:09:13,043 I have something belonging to him. 188 00:09:13,043 --> 00:09:16,483 You know the suit he wore in the 1983 Serious Moonlight tour? 189 00:09:16,483 --> 00:09:18,083 No. 190 00:09:18,083 --> 00:09:21,363 Well, it's in that suitcase next to you. 191 00:09:21,363 --> 00:09:25,643 He left it here years ago, and then he never collected it. 192 00:09:25,643 --> 00:09:29,083 Could you give that back to him next time you see him in London? 193 00:09:29,083 --> 00:09:33,163 Well, again, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Brooke, but... 194 00:09:33,163 --> 00:09:34,923 Could you do that for me, Toast? 195 00:09:34,923 --> 00:09:36,203 OK. 196 00:09:36,203 --> 00:09:39,003 I've got to meet my next actress. 197 00:09:39,003 --> 00:09:41,363 Right. 198 00:09:41,363 --> 00:09:44,283 You've got to get out, I've got to meet my next girl. 199 00:09:44,283 --> 00:09:45,963 Oh, right, OK. 200 00:09:50,483 --> 00:09:56,723 Ah, Natasia, great news about the vampire comedy, huh? 201 00:10:00,803 --> 00:10:02,003 BUZZING 202 00:10:03,483 --> 00:10:05,203 MORE BUZZING 203 00:10:10,523 --> 00:10:11,643 Hey. 204 00:10:11,643 --> 00:10:13,083 Didn't mean to barge in. 205 00:10:13,083 --> 00:10:14,363 Wasn't sure where you were. 206 00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:15,563 BUZZING 207 00:10:15,563 --> 00:10:17,363 Well, you can see me through the glass. 208 00:10:17,363 --> 00:10:19,163 Could you get that? Get what? 209 00:10:19,163 --> 00:10:20,963 It's Billy. Could you just buzz her in? 210 00:10:20,963 --> 00:10:22,603 Who's Billy? What time is it? 211 00:10:22,603 --> 00:10:23,923 It's 6.00am. 212 00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:25,523 BUZZING 213 00:10:31,763 --> 00:10:36,163 MORE BUZZING 214 00:10:36,163 --> 00:10:37,483 What? 215 00:10:39,923 --> 00:10:41,163 Hello? 216 00:10:41,163 --> 00:10:44,083 WOMAN SPEAKS SPANISH 217 00:10:50,003 --> 00:10:51,843 Yeah, I'm letting you in. 218 00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:57,323 SHE SPEAKS SPANISH 219 00:10:58,363 --> 00:10:59,683 What? 220 00:10:59,683 --> 00:11:01,923 SHE SPEAKS SPANISH 221 00:11:04,483 --> 00:11:07,403 SHE SPEAKS SPANISH 222 00:11:15,243 --> 00:11:16,283 Who is she? 223 00:11:16,283 --> 00:11:18,643 What? Who is that woman? 224 00:11:18,643 --> 00:11:20,203 Hold on a second. 225 00:11:21,923 --> 00:11:23,723 VOLUME DECREASES 226 00:11:27,083 --> 00:11:28,323 What were you saying? 227 00:11:28,323 --> 00:11:29,603 Who is that lady? 228 00:11:29,603 --> 00:11:31,523 That's Billy. She helps me out. 229 00:11:31,523 --> 00:11:33,603 Billy, can I have a can of soda? 230 00:11:33,603 --> 00:11:38,243 SHE SPEAKS SPANISH ANGRILY 231 00:11:45,643 --> 00:11:47,443 SHE CHUCKLES 232 00:11:47,443 --> 00:11:50,243 SHE SPEAKS SPANISH 233 00:12:13,203 --> 00:12:14,443 What do you think of that? 234 00:12:20,403 --> 00:12:22,043 Shit! 235 00:12:23,163 --> 00:12:26,403 SHE GASPS, SPEAKS SPANISH 236 00:12:29,363 --> 00:12:30,963 Did you ever do that at immigration? 237 00:12:30,963 --> 00:12:35,443 No, but as an actor, I've found it useful for both comedy and drama. 238 00:12:35,443 --> 00:12:36,763 PHONE CHIMES 239 00:12:36,763 --> 00:12:39,403 Ah. My agent, checking in. 240 00:12:39,403 --> 00:12:40,803 Your agent? 241 00:12:40,803 --> 00:12:42,123 You with the FBI? 242 00:12:42,123 --> 00:12:44,043 No, my acting agent. 243 00:12:44,043 --> 00:12:45,123 Oh! 244 00:12:46,363 --> 00:12:48,083 I'm just going to go lie down. 245 00:12:49,443 --> 00:12:50,803 OK. 246 00:12:58,483 --> 00:13:00,483 He's in a funny mood. 247 00:13:00,483 --> 00:13:03,043 But hey, guess he's always in a funny mood. 248 00:13:03,043 --> 00:13:05,403 You speak English? Yeah! 249 00:13:05,403 --> 00:13:07,363 Just not in front of Russ Nightlife. 250 00:13:07,363 --> 00:13:09,443 It's easier that way. He's not the kind of person 251 00:13:09,443 --> 00:13:11,483 you want to get into a long conversation with. 252 00:13:11,483 --> 00:13:13,923 It's best if he thinks I don't speak English. 253 00:13:13,923 --> 00:13:16,123 Yeah, he is very odd. Yeah. 254 00:13:16,123 --> 00:13:18,203 He rarely leaves this apartment. 255 00:13:18,203 --> 00:13:20,923 And don't provoke him, because he'll get frightened 256 00:13:20,923 --> 00:13:22,763 and he'll try to fight you. 257 00:13:22,763 --> 00:13:25,243 You know that whole fight or flight response 258 00:13:25,243 --> 00:13:27,563 to a tense situation? Yes. 259 00:13:27,563 --> 00:13:28,803 What would you do? 260 00:13:28,803 --> 00:13:31,043 Well, it would depend on the situation. 261 00:13:32,523 --> 00:13:34,523 DISTANT THUD, RUSS LAUGHS 262 00:13:34,523 --> 00:13:36,643 Yeah, he is VERY odd. Mm. 263 00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:42,203 Hey, you know what? I've got to go Zoom with this British guy, 264 00:13:42,203 --> 00:13:43,763 so I'll call you back, all right? 265 00:13:43,763 --> 00:13:45,203 Holy Moley! 266 00:13:45,203 --> 00:13:46,643 Holy mackerel. 267 00:13:46,643 --> 00:13:49,443 Oh, my God, Catherine, if you could see what I'm looking at right now. 268 00:13:49,443 --> 00:13:51,003 He looks like he's calling from jail. 269 00:13:51,003 --> 00:13:52,603 He looks like a sex nuisance. 270 00:13:52,603 --> 00:13:56,403 Erm, hello there. Just so you know, you're not muted. 271 00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:58,843 Shit. Hey, Catherine, I'm going to call you back. 272 00:13:58,843 --> 00:14:00,443 I am so sorry. 273 00:14:00,443 --> 00:14:02,803 It's OK. I am incredibly mortified. 274 00:14:02,803 --> 00:14:05,003 I am so sorry. No. Forget it. 275 00:14:05,003 --> 00:14:08,323 I'm Steven Toast, and I'm assuming you're Dwight Difference. 276 00:14:08,323 --> 00:14:12,243 I am Dwight Difference, and I am very excited about the possibility 277 00:14:12,243 --> 00:14:13,803 of us working together. 278 00:14:13,803 --> 00:14:16,523 I met with Brooke Hooberman, who suggested I get in touch 279 00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:18,963 with you regarding your new motion picture. 280 00:14:18,963 --> 00:14:21,803 Now, when you mentioned my name, did she sort of mumble 281 00:14:21,803 --> 00:14:23,963 under her breath, like kind of a growl? 282 00:14:23,963 --> 00:14:27,443 Now you bring it up, I think she did. 283 00:14:27,443 --> 00:14:29,803 You know, I've got to tell you, I love your accent. 284 00:14:29,803 --> 00:14:32,163 I love it. Can you say something else? 285 00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:33,683 Something else. 286 00:14:33,683 --> 00:14:35,523 You know, I love that. 287 00:14:35,523 --> 00:14:37,403 You know Shakespeare? 288 00:14:37,403 --> 00:14:39,243 Let me hear some Shakespeare. Yeah. 289 00:14:39,243 --> 00:14:45,403 "Drink provokes the desire but takes away the performance." 290 00:14:45,403 --> 00:14:47,883 That's from Macbeth. 291 00:14:47,883 --> 00:14:49,163 Is that Shakespeare? 292 00:14:49,163 --> 00:14:50,323 Yes, it is. 293 00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,203 Is he English? Yes, he was. 294 00:14:52,203 --> 00:14:53,603 Did not know that. 295 00:14:53,603 --> 00:14:55,003 That is so cool. 296 00:14:55,003 --> 00:14:57,683 You know something? You're going to be great in my film. 297 00:14:57,683 --> 00:15:01,443 Not to mention the fact that we have a major star playing the lead. 298 00:15:01,443 --> 00:15:03,003 Really? Who is it? 299 00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:04,563 I bet you want to know. 300 00:15:04,563 --> 00:15:07,603 I got to tell you this, he's British, just like you, 301 00:15:07,603 --> 00:15:09,003 and he's a little reclusive, 302 00:15:09,003 --> 00:15:11,403 so he wants to meet you before I offer you the part. 303 00:15:11,403 --> 00:15:14,523 It's a formality, but everything's going to be all right, OK? 304 00:15:14,523 --> 00:15:16,243 It's going to be beautiful. 305 00:15:16,243 --> 00:15:19,043 Did I mention I'm starring in the new Star Wars movie? 306 00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:20,603 Yeah, sure. 307 00:15:20,603 --> 00:15:22,163 All right, so I've got to go. 308 00:15:22,163 --> 00:15:24,683 I will see you at the Canyon Cafe, 4.00 this afternoon. 309 00:15:24,683 --> 00:15:26,043 Say it after me. 310 00:15:26,043 --> 00:15:27,883 Canyon Cafe, 4.00. I'll be there. 311 00:15:27,883 --> 00:15:30,283 I love that accent. 312 00:15:30,283 --> 00:15:33,923 Oh, by the way, remember to wear some tennis shorts. 313 00:15:33,923 --> 00:15:35,643 Tennis shorts? 314 00:15:41,643 --> 00:15:43,323 Jim! 315 00:15:43,323 --> 00:15:44,843 Hey, Steven. 316 00:15:44,843 --> 00:15:46,243 Nice shorts, man. 317 00:15:46,243 --> 00:15:47,683 I thought you were in Paris. 318 00:15:47,683 --> 00:15:49,403 How's Jane? 319 00:15:49,403 --> 00:15:52,483 Jane's good, yeah. I'm glad I saw you, hold on. 320 00:15:52,483 --> 00:15:53,923 I'll just give you my... 321 00:15:55,483 --> 00:15:57,123 What the f...? 322 00:16:09,043 --> 00:16:10,403 Hey! 323 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:13,803 I'm Nina Armenian, Dwight's assistant. 324 00:16:13,803 --> 00:16:16,843 All right. Dwight suddenly had to take a short skiing holiday, 325 00:16:16,843 --> 00:16:19,723 but I'll be organising things for you today. 326 00:16:19,723 --> 00:16:22,643 He what? He had to suddenly take a skiing holiday. 327 00:16:22,643 --> 00:16:24,843 He says it's too hot in LA. 328 00:16:24,843 --> 00:16:26,643 Well, he's right about that. 329 00:16:26,643 --> 00:16:29,203 When do I get to meet this major star? 330 00:16:29,203 --> 00:16:32,963 Our major star is British, and like a lot of you British guys, 331 00:16:32,963 --> 00:16:35,563 he's kind of eccentric, you know? 332 00:16:35,563 --> 00:16:38,043 And he wants you to do something for him. 333 00:16:38,043 --> 00:16:39,483 What's that? 334 00:16:39,483 --> 00:16:41,083 He needs to see your knees. 335 00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:43,243 He's got this thing about knees. 336 00:16:43,243 --> 00:16:44,763 Are you serious? 337 00:16:44,763 --> 00:16:47,403 He says the knees have to look right and not be too distracting, 338 00:16:47,403 --> 00:16:50,123 otherwise it's a deal-breaker. 339 00:16:50,123 --> 00:16:52,363 Well, this is bloody odd. 340 00:16:52,363 --> 00:16:55,843 Not how I thought I'd get my first major Hollywood movie role. 341 00:16:55,843 --> 00:16:58,523 Never a dull moment in Hollywood, right? 342 00:16:58,523 --> 00:17:00,403 What? Follow me, please. 343 00:17:09,923 --> 00:17:11,643 Is that a two-way mirror? 344 00:17:11,643 --> 00:17:13,723 Yes! How did you guess? 345 00:17:13,723 --> 00:17:15,323 He's behind the mirror. 346 00:17:15,323 --> 00:17:16,763 Yeah, I thought so. 347 00:17:16,763 --> 00:17:18,483 This is going so great. 348 00:17:18,483 --> 00:17:22,163 He's now asked if you could turn and stand in profile. 349 00:17:27,163 --> 00:17:29,483 Bit kinky, all this, isn't it? 350 00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:32,443 Wouldn't be surprised if it was Mark Rylance behind the mirror. 351 00:17:32,443 --> 00:17:34,883 I know he's into this kind of rumshenanigan. 352 00:17:34,883 --> 00:17:36,843 He says he's very grateful. 353 00:17:36,843 --> 00:17:38,163 I bet he is. 354 00:17:38,163 --> 00:17:39,483 When do I get to meet him? 355 00:17:39,483 --> 00:17:40,763 Not just yet. 356 00:17:40,763 --> 00:17:44,723 He says he doesn't feel quite ready. He's sure you understand. 357 00:17:44,723 --> 00:17:47,163 Understand what? 358 00:17:47,163 --> 00:17:50,563 Makes me wonder what kind of crazy shit he'll get up to on set. 359 00:17:50,563 --> 00:17:52,803 Oh, great, he's got everything he needs. 360 00:17:52,803 --> 00:17:54,443 He says you can go now. 361 00:18:04,963 --> 00:18:07,283 The whole thing was very odd indeed. 362 00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:12,203 Russ, can I ask you a personal question? 363 00:18:12,203 --> 00:18:14,363 Due to our situation, it could be relevant. 364 00:18:14,363 --> 00:18:15,883 What is it? 365 00:18:15,883 --> 00:18:17,923 Do you have OCD? 366 00:18:19,443 --> 00:18:21,483 You mean obsessive-compulsive disorder? 367 00:18:21,483 --> 00:18:25,243 Yes. Do you have OCD? 368 00:18:25,243 --> 00:18:27,043 Why do you ask? 369 00:18:27,043 --> 00:18:29,843 Because you've spelt OCD with your peas. 370 00:18:30,923 --> 00:18:32,523 Oh, weird. 371 00:18:32,523 --> 00:18:34,083 Didn't know I did that, 372 00:18:34,083 --> 00:18:35,923 but no, I don't have OCD. 373 00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:43,323 Ah, thanks. 374 00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:47,003 Hold on, these shrimps, 375 00:18:47,003 --> 00:18:49,883 are they definitely dead? 376 00:18:49,883 --> 00:18:52,803 Billy, did you get these from the usual fish place? 377 00:18:52,803 --> 00:18:56,923 SHE SPEAKS SPANISH ANGRILY 378 00:18:59,163 --> 00:19:00,963 Yeah, but are they definitely dead? 379 00:19:00,963 --> 00:19:02,123 SHE SIGHS 380 00:19:02,123 --> 00:19:05,403 I thought I saw some movement, a sign of life. 381 00:19:05,403 --> 00:19:07,163 Well, they look pretty dead to me. 382 00:19:07,163 --> 00:19:08,643 Well, how do you know?! 383 00:19:10,643 --> 00:19:12,923 Billy, did you get any documentation certifying 384 00:19:12,923 --> 00:19:15,683 that they're definitely dead? SHE SIGHS 385 00:19:15,683 --> 00:19:18,683 SHE SPEAKS SPANISH 386 00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:24,723 What did she say? 387 00:19:24,723 --> 00:19:27,323 She said they were caught in Alaska, so she's guessing 388 00:19:27,323 --> 00:19:29,643 there's a fair chance they didn't survive the journey. 389 00:19:29,643 --> 00:19:31,243 HE LAUGHS 390 00:19:31,243 --> 00:19:32,763 Toast! 391 00:19:32,763 --> 00:19:35,723 I don't think you appreciate how serious I am about this. 392 00:19:40,203 --> 00:19:42,163 Jesus, this guy looks like a dog. 393 00:19:42,163 --> 00:19:44,883 That Goddamn white streak makes him look like an asshole. 394 00:19:44,883 --> 00:19:46,923 He looks like a fucking asshole, like skunkhead. 395 00:19:46,923 --> 00:19:49,483 Maybe he's in the witness protection programme, I don't know. 396 00:19:49,483 --> 00:19:52,723 Maybe he's going through something. Just so you know, you're not muted. 397 00:19:52,723 --> 00:19:54,003 Fuck me. 398 00:19:54,003 --> 00:19:55,443 All right, I've got to go. Bye. 399 00:19:55,443 --> 00:19:57,123 I am so sorry. 400 00:19:57,123 --> 00:20:00,003 I am terribly, terribly sorry. 401 00:20:00,003 --> 00:20:03,403 You know, I'm juggling my cellphone, I've got the iPad... 402 00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:04,963 It's OK. 403 00:20:04,963 --> 00:20:06,443 These things, they happen. 404 00:20:06,443 --> 00:20:09,763 Now, listen, Toast, I'm so glad you called. 405 00:20:09,763 --> 00:20:11,803 He wants to meet you. Who does? 406 00:20:11,803 --> 00:20:14,723 "Who does?" Our Goddamn star, that's who, our A-lister. 407 00:20:14,723 --> 00:20:18,483 He is ready to say hello personally. 408 00:20:18,483 --> 00:20:21,883 Yesterday's knee thing went so great, and now he thinks 409 00:20:21,883 --> 00:20:25,203 it's time to, you know, finally meet face-to-face. 410 00:20:25,203 --> 00:20:27,003 Great. When's it happening? 411 00:20:27,003 --> 00:20:29,523 Tomorrow. I'm hosting a big Hollywood party. 412 00:20:29,523 --> 00:20:31,163 It's a fancy dress party, 413 00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:33,803 a David Bowie-themed fancy dress party. 414 00:20:33,803 --> 00:20:35,723 Ooh, I like the sound of that. 415 00:20:35,723 --> 00:20:37,403 I'm going as Ziggy Stardust. 416 00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:39,803 Yes, I did think you looked a little different. 417 00:20:39,803 --> 00:20:42,163 So that look is gone. 418 00:20:42,163 --> 00:20:45,283 You can't look like Ziggy Stardust, OK? 419 00:20:45,283 --> 00:20:48,403 You need another David Bowie costume, because as I say, 420 00:20:48,403 --> 00:20:50,443 Ziggy is gone. 421 00:20:50,443 --> 00:20:52,523 No Ziggy. Very well. 422 00:20:59,203 --> 00:21:03,723 BILLY SPEAKS SPANISH 423 00:21:20,043 --> 00:21:22,563 This movie's going to be my best ever, I can smell it. 424 00:21:22,563 --> 00:21:26,123 Great. I did presume you were going to be here. 425 00:21:26,123 --> 00:21:28,123 I'm actually in Alaska. 426 00:21:28,123 --> 00:21:30,603 It's such a shame I can't meet you in person, Toast, 427 00:21:30,603 --> 00:21:33,643 but it won't stop me from enjoying this party. 428 00:21:33,643 --> 00:21:36,203 Anyway, our star is dying to meet you. 429 00:21:36,203 --> 00:21:37,843 Is he here yet? 430 00:21:39,443 --> 00:21:41,203 I don't see him there. 431 00:21:41,203 --> 00:21:45,243 One thing, Toast, you see anybody else dressed like Ziggy Stardust, 432 00:21:45,243 --> 00:21:47,243 tell Nina Armenian to throw 'em out, all right? 433 00:21:47,243 --> 00:21:48,883 ENTRYPHONE RINGS 434 00:21:51,283 --> 00:21:52,643 Hello? 435 00:21:52,643 --> 00:21:55,363 Hi, I'm Paul Rudd, I'm here for the Dwight Difference party. 436 00:21:55,363 --> 00:21:57,443 Are you dressed as Ziggy Stardust? 437 00:21:57,443 --> 00:21:58,963 Yes. 438 00:21:58,963 --> 00:22:01,803 I'm so sorry, Dwight's already selected that costume, 439 00:22:01,803 --> 00:22:04,363 so I'm afraid you're not allowed to enter the premises. 440 00:22:08,963 --> 00:22:10,923 Drink, sir? 441 00:22:10,923 --> 00:22:12,523 Why not? 442 00:22:21,203 --> 00:22:22,963 I knew David Bowie. 443 00:22:22,963 --> 00:22:26,283 Charming chap. Always carried explosives. 444 00:22:26,283 --> 00:22:28,763 Is it always this hot? 445 00:22:28,763 --> 00:22:30,403 Are you English? 446 00:22:30,403 --> 00:22:33,523 Yes. Is it that obvious? I'm an actor. 447 00:22:33,523 --> 00:22:35,883 Are you Anthony Hopkins? 448 00:22:35,883 --> 00:22:37,443 No. He's Welsh. 449 00:22:38,923 --> 00:22:42,043 I'm actually here because I'm starring in the new Star Wars movie. 450 00:22:42,043 --> 00:22:43,923 Yeah, sure. 451 00:22:43,923 --> 00:22:45,163 What did you say? 452 00:22:45,163 --> 00:22:47,603 I said make sure you see the beautiful garden. 453 00:22:47,603 --> 00:22:52,563 It was actually the first garden in America, created in 1965. 454 00:22:52,563 --> 00:22:54,843 You never know who you might see there. 455 00:22:54,843 --> 00:22:57,843 I saw Simon Garfunkel once. 456 00:22:57,843 --> 00:23:00,003 Oh, it's one person? 457 00:23:00,003 --> 00:23:02,403 For years, I assumed they were a double act. 458 00:23:02,403 --> 00:23:03,883 HE LAUGHS 459 00:23:05,843 --> 00:23:08,963 Anyway, you might bump into a few celebrities out there. 460 00:23:08,963 --> 00:23:11,043 OK, sounds great. Do you fancy a stroll? 461 00:23:11,043 --> 00:23:14,563 Sorry, sir, I'm not allowed to socialise in any way with guests. 462 00:23:14,563 --> 00:23:16,443 Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right. 463 00:23:24,283 --> 00:23:26,243 Ah, wishing well. 464 00:23:26,243 --> 00:23:27,763 So it is. 465 00:23:32,923 --> 00:23:34,203 Ooh! 466 00:23:35,523 --> 00:23:36,843 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 467 00:23:36,843 --> 00:23:39,843 I knew very little of science fiction before I accepted the role, 468 00:23:39,843 --> 00:23:44,363 so to win this Oscar is very special. 469 00:23:44,363 --> 00:23:46,403 Very special indeed. 470 00:23:47,683 --> 00:23:48,883 Thank you. 471 00:23:50,483 --> 00:23:55,003 MUSIC BASED ON DAVID BOWIE'S "ASHES TO ASHES" 472 00:24:03,603 --> 00:24:04,643 Hello. 473 00:24:04,643 --> 00:24:06,283 TOAST SCREAMS 474 00:24:07,283 --> 00:24:08,963 MYSTERIOUS MAN SCREAMS 475 00:24:13,763 --> 00:24:15,523 Toast, Toast, snap out of it. 476 00:24:15,523 --> 00:24:17,323 Toast! Snap out of it! 477 00:24:17,323 --> 00:24:18,923 Where a...? Where am I? 478 00:24:18,923 --> 00:24:20,883 What the hell happened, Steven? 479 00:24:20,883 --> 00:24:25,923 I was attacked by a man in a David Bowie Ashes To Ashes costume. 480 00:24:25,923 --> 00:24:29,403 This man? That's him. That's who attacked me. 481 00:24:29,403 --> 00:24:31,323 Shit, that's just Daniel being Daniel. 482 00:24:31,323 --> 00:24:33,923 Who? Daniel Day-Lewis, you goof. 483 00:24:33,923 --> 00:24:36,363 That's who. He's the A-lister in our movie. 484 00:24:36,363 --> 00:24:39,723 Daniel Day-Lewis was the Ashes To Ashes man? 485 00:24:39,723 --> 00:24:43,883 Yes. He just wanted to say hello. 486 00:24:43,883 --> 00:24:45,883 Jesus, I think you might have blown it, Steven. 487 00:24:45,883 --> 00:24:47,883 I mean, you bit his ear off. 488 00:24:47,883 --> 00:24:49,163 I what? 489 00:24:49,163 --> 00:24:50,963 You lost all control, Toast. 490 00:24:50,963 --> 00:24:53,963 Daniel has gone straight to the hospital whilst his team search 491 00:24:53,963 --> 00:24:55,723 the gardens for his missing ear. 492 00:24:55,723 --> 00:24:58,483 Really? What the fuck's the matter with you? 493 00:24:58,483 --> 00:25:00,363 They've been looking for it for three hours. 494 00:25:00,363 --> 00:25:02,763 Do you remember biting it off, Steven? No. 495 00:25:02,763 --> 00:25:04,683 I mean, I may have slightly panicked, you know, 496 00:25:04,683 --> 00:25:07,603 the fight or flight response to a tense situation. 497 00:25:07,603 --> 00:25:09,283 I chose fight. 498 00:25:09,283 --> 00:25:11,323 Which was the wrong response. 499 00:25:11,323 --> 00:25:14,323 Yes, in hindsight, I should have chosen flight. 500 00:25:16,043 --> 00:25:18,963 Do you think this might affect our movie? 501 00:25:18,963 --> 00:25:21,523 Nina, take me inside. 502 00:25:21,523 --> 00:25:23,923 Yes, Dwight. No, wait, wait... 503 00:25:23,923 --> 00:25:25,683 Dumb Limey asshole. 504 00:25:25,683 --> 00:25:28,683 Should've known not to hire someone who looks like a pimp from the '70s. 505 00:25:31,123 --> 00:25:33,643 Apart from the fight with Daniel Day-Lewis, 506 00:25:33,643 --> 00:25:35,483 where they claim I bit his ear off, 507 00:25:35,483 --> 00:25:38,083 I'd say the party was a huge success. 508 00:25:38,083 --> 00:25:40,563 The movie's not going ahead. 509 00:25:40,563 --> 00:25:41,963 Finished. 510 00:25:41,963 --> 00:25:45,083 You messed up big time, buddy. 511 00:25:45,083 --> 00:25:48,963 Daniel Day-Lewis has pulled out. You bit his Goddamn ear off. 512 00:25:48,963 --> 00:25:50,723 He's gone into retirement. 513 00:25:50,723 --> 00:25:53,603 He's never going to make a movie ever again. 514 00:25:53,603 --> 00:25:55,963 Bit of an overreaction, wouldn't you say? 515 00:25:55,963 --> 00:25:58,203 You bit his ear off! 516 00:25:58,203 --> 00:26:00,683 I've no recollection of that at all. 517 00:26:00,683 --> 00:26:04,763 It doesn't matter what you recollect, you crazy bastard, 518 00:26:04,763 --> 00:26:06,963 the main thing is the movie is not happening. 519 00:26:06,963 --> 00:26:09,443 My son-in-law... SHE GROWLS 520 00:26:09,443 --> 00:26:11,323 ..is real pissed. 521 00:26:11,323 --> 00:26:14,483 Well, thank goodness I still have the Star Wars movie 522 00:26:14,483 --> 00:26:15,723 to look forward to. 523 00:26:15,723 --> 00:26:18,683 Have you seen the state of David Bowie's costume? 524 00:26:18,683 --> 00:26:20,883 What the hell are you going to tell him? 525 00:26:20,883 --> 00:26:23,123 Tell who? 526 00:26:23,123 --> 00:26:25,763 OK, here's my next meeting. 527 00:26:29,163 --> 00:26:30,963 Good God, it's Edward Fox. 528 00:26:30,963 --> 00:26:34,483 Toast? What the hell are you doing here in LA? 529 00:26:34,483 --> 00:26:37,283 I'm starring in the new Star Wars movie. 530 00:26:37,283 --> 00:26:39,803 Yeah, sure. 531 00:26:39,803 --> 00:26:43,043 What's this rumshenanigan I hear about you 532 00:26:43,043 --> 00:26:46,283 chomping off Daniel Day-Lewis' ear? 533 00:26:46,283 --> 00:26:49,923 The poor bugger just came out of retirement. 534 00:26:49,923 --> 00:26:51,443 How the hell did you know that? 535 00:26:51,443 --> 00:26:53,043 Toast, your time with me is over. 536 00:26:53,043 --> 00:26:55,363 I'm now in a meeting with Edward Fox. 537 00:26:55,363 --> 00:26:58,003 Please vacate the vehicle. 538 00:26:58,003 --> 00:26:59,483 Toodle-pip, Toast. 539 00:27:10,003 --> 00:27:11,443 Where's Billy? 540 00:27:11,443 --> 00:27:13,763 Don't worry about Billy. Billy's going to be fine. 541 00:27:13,763 --> 00:27:15,963 You just concentrate on standing still, 542 00:27:15,963 --> 00:27:17,843 and put that apple on your head. 543 00:27:17,843 --> 00:27:19,443 You got a problem with that? 544 00:27:19,443 --> 00:27:20,763 If I'm honest, Russ, 545 00:27:20,763 --> 00:27:23,803 it's not really the Tinseltown experience I imagined. 546 00:27:23,803 --> 00:27:27,563 Just put the apple on your head, keep the dialogue to a minimum, 547 00:27:27,563 --> 00:27:30,803 and your head...still. 548 00:27:32,123 --> 00:27:33,683 All right. 549 00:27:42,043 --> 00:27:44,043 TOAST GROANS