1 00:00:08,885 --> 00:00:10,595 - Okay, y'all. Listen. 2 00:00:10,636 --> 00:00:12,472 We got some high rollers in the building tonight. 3 00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,348 I'm talking about some big spenders. 4 00:00:14,390 --> 00:00:15,975 Type of niggas that wear white pants. 5 00:00:16,017 --> 00:00:17,393 - They gonna regret it. 6 00:00:17,435 --> 00:00:19,812 - Now I need all y'all booty-head niggas on point. 7 00:00:19,854 --> 00:00:22,023 Few orders of business. 8 00:00:22,065 --> 00:00:24,150 Shirts tucked in, nigga. 9 00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:27,111 No cell phones on the floor. - Fuck. 10 00:00:27,153 --> 00:00:29,655 - Dealers will now be exclusively paid through tips. 11 00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:31,699 And since can't nobody do Spanish, 12 00:00:31,741 --> 00:00:34,952 Jalapeno poppers will now be known on the menu 13 00:00:34,994 --> 00:00:36,704 as "lil hot nuggets." 14 00:00:36,746 --> 00:00:40,208 [crowd shouting] 15 00:00:40,249 --> 00:00:43,419 [barking] 16 00:00:45,588 --> 00:00:47,006 Y'all can't beat my ass, though. 17 00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:50,343 - All right, Langston, time to step on your soapbox 18 00:00:50,385 --> 00:00:52,553 and tell us what flavor oppression is this. 19 00:00:52,595 --> 00:00:54,639 - Mm-mm. No, not today. 20 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:58,059 No, sir, you know, cause every time 21 00:00:58,101 --> 00:01:00,103 I try to stand up for what's right, 22 00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:02,605 you guys tell me I'm a whiny ho 23 00:01:02,647 --> 00:01:05,358 and you call me mean names like Yawn Lewis 24 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:07,902 or Desmond Fufu 25 00:01:07,944 --> 00:01:10,321 or Nel-Suck Mandel-Suck. 26 00:01:10,363 --> 00:01:11,656 [laughter] No, no. 27 00:01:11,697 --> 00:01:14,158 Yeah, dap away, because I'm not participating. 28 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:15,576 - No. No. That's your job. 29 00:01:15,618 --> 00:01:17,036 Come on. We're "Seinfeld." 30 00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:19,288 You're the lady, and we're all Kramer yelling "nigga." 31 00:01:19,330 --> 00:01:21,416 - Mm-hmm. - Don't tempt him. 32 00:01:21,457 --> 00:01:23,918 If Langston doesn't start swinging his tampon around, 33 00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:26,462 I don't have to get involved in any of this bullshit. 34 00:01:26,504 --> 00:01:27,672 I can't afford it. 35 00:01:27,714 --> 00:01:29,215 I promised Nina that I would focus 36 00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:30,675 and take things more seriously. 37 00:01:30,717 --> 00:01:32,135 I'm trying to stop cheating on my girl 38 00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:33,136 and get on "Top Chef." 39 00:01:33,177 --> 00:01:34,512 - Come on, Langston. 40 00:01:34,554 --> 00:01:38,057 If there was ever a time to be annoying for a cause, 41 00:01:38,099 --> 00:01:39,517 this is it, bruh. - Yeah-- 42 00:01:39,559 --> 00:01:42,103 - I mean, look at all these people watching, man. 43 00:01:42,145 --> 00:01:45,273 Wait a minute, Chris, you love all the people watching. 44 00:01:45,314 --> 00:01:48,317 [crowd shouting] 45 00:01:48,359 --> 00:01:52,447 Unlike me, this injustice will not stand! 46 00:01:52,488 --> 00:01:54,949 - Wait, wait, wait. Is that a triple negative? 47 00:01:54,991 --> 00:01:56,367 What are you saying, brother? 48 00:01:56,409 --> 00:01:59,328 - What I'm saying is, the people are getting fucked 49 00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:01,080 and it is not good. 50 00:02:01,122 --> 00:02:02,540 - Oh, he yelling about us. 51 00:02:02,582 --> 00:02:05,501 - Listen, it starts with the dealers. 52 00:02:05,543 --> 00:02:08,463 Then it's gonna go, what, to the cocktail servers, 53 00:02:08,504 --> 00:02:11,841 the bedsheet bleachers, the card ironers, 54 00:02:11,883 --> 00:02:14,510 the untouchably fuckable valet guys. 55 00:02:14,552 --> 00:02:16,721 - Oh, this nigga wanna see which bald-head nigga 56 00:02:16,763 --> 00:02:18,139 can get the loudest? Well, let's do it! 57 00:02:18,181 --> 00:02:19,932 - Well, let's go, cause I can get louder than that! 58 00:02:19,974 --> 00:02:21,434 I said, think about it for a second. 59 00:02:21,476 --> 00:02:23,061 First, it's the dealers. 60 00:02:23,102 --> 00:02:25,188 Then, all of a sudden, the dish niggas not making no money. 61 00:02:25,229 --> 00:02:28,566 - Uh-uh-uh. What you call me? - A dish nigga. Dish nigga. 62 00:02:28,608 --> 00:02:30,068 Dish nigga, he don't know how to lishen. 63 00:02:30,109 --> 00:02:31,861 - Langston, come on, bro. 64 00:02:31,903 --> 00:02:33,571 This is not how this is supposed to be going down. 65 00:02:33,613 --> 00:02:34,947 You gotta play your part. 66 00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:36,657 You're supposed to say a whole bunch of stuff 67 00:02:36,699 --> 00:02:38,284 nobody cares about, Sam frowns, 68 00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:39,702 Chris says some sexy shit, 69 00:02:39,744 --> 00:02:41,079 and then, I get to have all the fun. 70 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,372 I get to make a botanical laser tag garden. 71 00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:44,874 - Whoo, can't you help you, player. 72 00:02:44,916 --> 00:02:46,667 I'm eating pudding with my friend. 73 00:02:46,709 --> 00:02:48,586 - Dog, come on. - That's right. 74 00:02:48,628 --> 00:02:50,963 Everybody get mad! Let's protest, niggas! 75 00:02:51,005 --> 00:02:52,590 [crowd cheers] 76 00:02:52,632 --> 00:02:54,801 - Chris, what the fuck are you doing? 77 00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:57,762 - Uh, nobody gets popped faster 78 00:02:57,804 --> 00:03:00,431 than a motherfucker pretending to care about injustice. 79 00:03:00,473 --> 00:03:02,350 Tamika Mallory, poppin'. 80 00:03:02,392 --> 00:03:04,519 DeRay Mckesson, poppin' in a bubble vest. 81 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,521 Colin Kaepernick got his own ice cream and shit, man. 82 00:03:06,562 --> 00:03:09,315 I want my own Kneeling Nougat, so what I'm gonna do 83 00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:11,442 is pretend to care about injustice, kind of, 84 00:03:11,484 --> 00:03:13,319 and then, when I get poppin', shit, 85 00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:15,238 Chris Henson's Freedom Frankfurters. 86 00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:18,157 12 inches of justice for that ass, and then some. 87 00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:19,909 Somebody scream! 88 00:03:19,951 --> 00:03:21,953 [crowd cheers] 89 00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:23,454 - Scream again, nigga. 90 00:03:23,496 --> 00:03:25,957 - Chris, I know you're trying to do something, 91 00:03:25,998 --> 00:03:27,959 but could you not? 92 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,794 I can't lose this job. 93 00:03:29,836 --> 00:03:31,879 Besides, these protests never work. 94 00:03:31,921 --> 00:03:34,340 It's always just a bunch of people 95 00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:35,883 doing arts and crafts and being loud 96 00:03:35,925 --> 00:03:38,469 and then going back to their jobs. 97 00:03:38,511 --> 00:03:39,804 You deflate the giant rat, 98 00:03:39,846 --> 00:03:41,472 and it's back to shoveling shit. 99 00:03:41,514 --> 00:03:43,182 - Langston. - Mm-mm-mm. 100 00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:44,475 - Langston. - Mm-hmm? 101 00:03:44,517 --> 00:03:46,269 - And then, you say? - No. 102 00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:47,520 - Dude. - No. 103 00:03:47,562 --> 00:03:49,063 - Oh, my God. 104 00:03:49,105 --> 00:03:53,317 "Progress, no matter how incremental, is important. 105 00:03:53,359 --> 00:03:55,987 Ouchie. My pussy go wah-wah." 106 00:03:56,028 --> 00:03:59,198 - Now, see, that was a stunning impression of me. 107 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:03,119 Unfortunately, I'm keeping my pussy out of this one. 108 00:04:03,161 --> 00:04:04,370 - Dog. 109 00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:06,330 - We're not even talking about progress. 110 00:04:06,372 --> 00:04:07,790 Best case scenario, 111 00:04:07,832 --> 00:04:09,542 they give the dealers their wages back. 112 00:04:09,584 --> 00:04:11,544 And they'll be as poor as they were last week. 113 00:04:11,586 --> 00:04:14,172 - Exactly, my sister. Exactly. 114 00:04:14,213 --> 00:04:15,590 Fuck change. 115 00:04:15,631 --> 00:04:18,134 The only way to make money off of social justice 116 00:04:18,176 --> 00:04:19,802 is if shit never changes. 117 00:04:19,844 --> 00:04:21,888 Batman don't wanna catch the Joker for real. 118 00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:24,599 Without the Joker, Batman is just a nigga in leather 119 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,726 standing on a roof missing his daddy. 120 00:04:26,768 --> 00:04:28,102 Watch this shit right here. 121 00:04:28,144 --> 00:04:29,854 We are the people! 122 00:04:29,896 --> 00:04:32,023 [crowd cheers] 123 00:04:32,065 --> 00:04:33,900 We love the people! 124 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,151 [crowd cheers] 125 00:04:35,193 --> 00:04:36,903 We fight for the people! 126 00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:38,237 [crowd cheers] 127 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:40,073 And this nigga's just a person. 128 00:04:40,114 --> 00:04:42,158 - He is just a person! [all shouting] 129 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:43,576 - That's exactly right. 130 00:04:43,618 --> 00:04:46,579 - I say, all my fellow employees, let's band together 131 00:04:46,621 --> 00:04:49,499 until justice is dealt to the dealers. 132 00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:51,542 Leave this building and never look back! 133 00:04:51,584 --> 00:04:54,796 [crowd cheers] 134 00:04:54,837 --> 00:04:58,257 - Y'all gonna walk out on me? Me? 135 00:04:58,299 --> 00:04:59,550 After all I've done for you? 136 00:04:59,592 --> 00:05:01,386 - Man, you ain't done shit. - What? 137 00:05:01,427 --> 00:05:03,554 When you niggas wanted them Takis in the vending machine, 138 00:05:03,596 --> 00:05:05,681 who got 'em for you? 139 00:05:05,723 --> 00:05:07,767 And Craig, I could've fucked your wife, nigga, 140 00:05:07,809 --> 00:05:10,019 but I ain't do all that, though, did I? 141 00:05:10,061 --> 00:05:11,896 Man, Chris, what kind of game you trying to run, man? 142 00:05:11,938 --> 00:05:13,022 You know this shit coming from 143 00:05:13,064 --> 00:05:14,482 the money motherfuckers upstairs. 144 00:05:14,524 --> 00:05:15,733 - Well, then show me the stairs 145 00:05:15,775 --> 00:05:17,985 and I'll walk them motherfuckers! 146 00:05:18,027 --> 00:05:19,821 Let's go, y'all! 147 00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:22,448 - Get me a light. Ain't there a-- 148 00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:23,699 God damn. 149 00:05:23,741 --> 00:05:25,827 - Busy day. [chuckles] 150 00:05:28,204 --> 00:05:32,083 - This is--I don't care. I'm not losing my job. 151 00:05:32,125 --> 00:05:34,335 - Mm. - All yours now, boss man. 152 00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:37,588 - Well, now that school's out, 153 00:05:37,630 --> 00:05:40,216 you tryna go to dinner? 154 00:05:40,258 --> 00:05:42,593 - Me? - Yeah, you. 155 00:05:42,635 --> 00:05:45,763 This whole rhythm is off. 156 00:05:45,805 --> 00:05:47,724 Might as well have ourselves a nice night. 157 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,811 - Okay. Sure. 158 00:05:51,853 --> 00:05:53,896 - I'ma go home and get dressed. You go home and get dressed. 159 00:05:53,938 --> 00:05:57,483 Uh, meet around 9:30, Fondue Factory? 160 00:05:57,525 --> 00:06:00,069 I'll make a rezzy. - A rezzy? 161 00:06:05,867 --> 00:06:08,745 - We want change. We want dollars. 162 00:06:08,786 --> 00:06:12,248 We want change and dollars. Stop dancing. 163 00:06:12,290 --> 00:06:16,753 Tell your CEO that I'm about to put my foot in his A-S-S. 164 00:06:16,794 --> 00:06:18,254 - Well, he's not here. 165 00:06:18,296 --> 00:06:20,923 You know, he works about as much as a kittycat barks. 166 00:06:20,965 --> 00:06:22,842 - Well, I'm going in there anyway 167 00:06:22,884 --> 00:06:25,762 because I work for the people who also ain't working. 168 00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:28,389 - Oh, go ahead. It's a pretty cool office. 169 00:06:28,431 --> 00:06:31,100 You know, he's got the jacket from Weird Al's "Eat It" video 170 00:06:31,142 --> 00:06:33,478 framed on the wall. 171 00:06:33,519 --> 00:06:36,064 - I want fair wages for my people. 172 00:06:36,105 --> 00:06:39,192 - Oh. Well, I don't think I can help with that, 173 00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:42,070 but if you want a picture with that jacket, I'm your man. 174 00:06:42,111 --> 00:06:45,406 - I don't need no damn jacket. 175 00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:46,991 Fuck yo M&M's. 176 00:06:50,161 --> 00:06:52,121 Hey, man. 177 00:06:52,163 --> 00:06:56,626 Tell your CEO, I'm chaining myself 178 00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:59,295 and I'm chaining myself forever. 179 00:06:59,337 --> 00:07:00,713 And I ain't Django! 180 00:07:00,755 --> 00:07:05,593 Once I'm chained, I can't be unchained, motherfuckers. 181 00:07:05,635 --> 00:07:08,471 ["Peggy Lee's "Till There Was You"] 182 00:07:08,513 --> 00:07:14,143 * * 183 00:07:14,185 --> 00:07:17,105 - * There were bells * - [chuckles] Here we go. 184 00:07:17,146 --> 00:07:19,732 [chuckles] - * On the hill * 185 00:07:19,774 --> 00:07:21,734 * But I never heard them ringing * 186 00:07:21,776 --> 00:07:24,320 - [strained] Big boy. 187 00:07:24,362 --> 00:07:28,616 - * No, I never heard them at all * 188 00:07:28,658 --> 00:07:33,538 * Till there was you * 189 00:07:35,748 --> 00:07:37,166 - What's up, bitch? 190 00:07:37,208 --> 00:07:40,420 Yeah, I bet you didn't know I could do that, huh? 191 00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:41,754 Guess what, Jak? 192 00:07:41,796 --> 00:07:44,215 There's a lot you don't know about me. 193 00:07:44,257 --> 00:07:47,510 Whoo! [chuckles] 194 00:07:47,552 --> 00:07:49,887 Fuck. What are you doing? 195 00:07:52,390 --> 00:07:55,101 - Hey, man, take off those Heelys. 196 00:07:55,143 --> 00:07:56,561 You're 34. 197 00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:59,021 - Mirror Klay Thompson? 198 00:07:59,063 --> 00:08:01,357 - Just be yourself. You're a great guy. 199 00:08:01,399 --> 00:08:04,318 You're so good at not staring at people with disabilities. 200 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:05,695 You got the juice, man. 201 00:08:05,737 --> 00:08:07,905 You're gonna be the CEO someday. 202 00:08:07,947 --> 00:08:10,867 And, hey, I'd be nervous to go to dinner with Jak too, 203 00:08:10,908 --> 00:08:12,577 but whatever he says to you 204 00:08:12,618 --> 00:08:16,664 is just a reflection of how he feels about himself. 205 00:08:16,706 --> 00:08:18,541 Now peace out, my fellow yellow. 206 00:08:18,583 --> 00:08:22,503 - Wow. Thanks, Klay Thompson. 207 00:08:22,545 --> 00:08:24,213 - You see that dude over there? 208 00:08:26,466 --> 00:08:29,218 His name is Abegunde Madu. 209 00:08:29,260 --> 00:08:31,262 You remember that boat got stuck in the Suez Canal? 210 00:08:31,304 --> 00:08:32,638 - Nah. 211 00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:34,140 - Well, this the nigga that got it unstuck. 212 00:08:34,182 --> 00:08:35,266 - Whoa. 213 00:08:35,308 --> 00:08:36,726 - You know how much money you gotta have 214 00:08:36,768 --> 00:08:38,436 to get a motherfucking boat unstuck? 215 00:08:38,478 --> 00:08:39,937 Well, it's his last night in Gary 216 00:08:39,979 --> 00:08:42,148 and he don't know this casino is low-key ass, 217 00:08:42,190 --> 00:08:45,026 so I need you to take good care of him. 218 00:08:45,068 --> 00:08:47,361 Whatever he wants, you do it. 219 00:08:48,946 --> 00:08:50,907 - You got it. - Mm, get it. 220 00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:53,034 - [exhales sharply] Okay, Sam. 221 00:08:53,076 --> 00:08:55,578 Time to pretend like you like African niggas. 222 00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:58,664 You can do this. I need this money. 223 00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:00,416 - Oh. Oh! 224 00:09:00,458 --> 00:09:02,210 Fine girl. - Hmm? 225 00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:04,921 - No pimples. Mmm. 226 00:09:04,962 --> 00:09:07,423 - [stammers] All right, man. 227 00:09:07,465 --> 00:09:09,550 Welcome to Diamondback Palace. 228 00:09:09,592 --> 00:09:12,387 I'm your VIP experience. What do you want? 229 00:09:12,428 --> 00:09:15,348 - Mm-mm, you are too pretty to be working. 230 00:09:15,390 --> 00:09:17,392 Why does your husband make you work, hmm? 231 00:09:17,433 --> 00:09:20,144 Point him out to me. Which man makes you do this? 232 00:09:20,186 --> 00:09:21,145 - Him. 233 00:09:23,648 --> 00:09:24,774 - Fuck! 234 00:09:24,816 --> 00:09:28,444 - But he's my boss, not my husband. 235 00:09:28,486 --> 00:09:30,780 I'm not married, and I actually have a girlfriend, 236 00:09:30,822 --> 00:09:32,031 so before we even-- 237 00:09:41,332 --> 00:09:42,417 Oh, oh! 238 00:09:42,458 --> 00:09:45,128 [hip hop playing over radio] 239 00:09:45,169 --> 00:09:49,215 - 666-1JAC-UZZI. 240 00:09:49,257 --> 00:09:52,176 [line trilling] 241 00:09:55,346 --> 00:09:57,807 - Bubble, bubble. That's right. 242 00:09:57,849 --> 00:10:00,685 You're live with DJ Jeremy Jacuzzi 243 00:10:00,727 --> 00:10:01,811 and the Pool Boy. 244 00:10:01,853 --> 00:10:04,021 - Hello? Am I on the air? 245 00:10:04,063 --> 00:10:06,315 - Damn right. What's your name, Kemosabe? 246 00:10:06,357 --> 00:10:07,817 - This is Chris Henson, 247 00:10:07,859 --> 00:10:10,194 and I'm calling on behalf of the people. 248 00:10:10,236 --> 00:10:12,697 - Well, Chris, my boy, tell the people 249 00:10:12,739 --> 00:10:14,282 you're the lucky 44th caller, 250 00:10:14,323 --> 00:10:18,035 and all we need to hear is the phrase that pays. 251 00:10:18,077 --> 00:10:20,705 - Oh, for real? - Give it to me, my man. 252 00:10:20,747 --> 00:10:22,498 - Jeremy Jacuzzi got me wet. 253 00:10:22,540 --> 00:10:24,125 - Uh-oh! There it is. 254 00:10:24,167 --> 00:10:26,961 And that means you've won a free trip to the mall 255 00:10:27,003 --> 00:10:30,757 with Indiana backup guard Justin Holiday. 256 00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:33,051 - Jrue Holiday's brother? Damn, that's dope. 257 00:10:33,092 --> 00:10:35,553 - That's right, Mr. Locker Room himself. 258 00:10:35,595 --> 00:10:37,555 You've seen him almost play. 259 00:10:37,597 --> 00:10:38,848 - Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on. 260 00:10:38,890 --> 00:10:40,558 Okay. I'm a celebrity activist. 261 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:43,436 The casino's cutting wages, exploiting workers, 262 00:10:43,478 --> 00:10:46,689 and it got niggas chained up to desk in random offices. 263 00:10:46,731 --> 00:10:48,649 And I'm "niggas." 264 00:10:48,691 --> 00:10:50,234 [rattles chains] You hear that? 265 00:10:50,276 --> 00:10:52,195 Tell everybody listening right now 266 00:10:52,236 --> 00:10:54,530 to boycott the Diamondback Palace casino 267 00:10:54,572 --> 00:10:57,575 until our voices are heard and justice is served. 268 00:10:57,617 --> 00:11:02,038 - Uh-oh, sounds like we've got ourselves a r-r-r-rebellion. 269 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:04,165 [air horn blasts] 270 00:11:06,584 --> 00:11:07,835 - Reservation? 271 00:11:07,877 --> 00:11:10,755 - Yeah, um... 272 00:11:10,797 --> 00:11:13,883 I believe it's under Boba Fett. 273 00:11:13,925 --> 00:11:17,470 - Ah, yes. I'll show you to Mr. Fett. 274 00:11:17,512 --> 00:11:18,888 Right this way. 275 00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:25,228 - [laughs] 276 00:11:25,269 --> 00:11:27,647 Thank you, Robin. I told you he'd show up. 277 00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:29,524 How are you? 278 00:11:29,565 --> 00:11:30,983 - I'm okay. 279 00:11:31,025 --> 00:11:32,860 - You look good. You smell good too. 280 00:11:32,902 --> 00:11:34,362 - Thanks. - Come on. 281 00:11:36,531 --> 00:11:37,907 [sighs] The times. 282 00:11:37,949 --> 00:11:39,450 The times. The times. 283 00:11:39,492 --> 00:11:40,535 [chuckles] 284 00:11:43,621 --> 00:11:45,665 - Wow. 285 00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:47,792 Is this-- is this a Moscato? 286 00:11:47,834 --> 00:11:49,752 - That's a dessert wine, silly. 287 00:11:49,794 --> 00:11:52,422 This is a skin contact pét-nat. 288 00:11:52,463 --> 00:11:55,133 I don't know how familiar you are with orange wines, 289 00:11:55,174 --> 00:11:58,052 but that right there is gonna pair perfectly 290 00:11:58,094 --> 00:11:59,303 with the octopus I got us. 291 00:11:59,345 --> 00:12:00,638 - I'll be real, I didn't even know 292 00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:02,974 they made wine in orange. 293 00:12:03,015 --> 00:12:05,393 Did you say you ordered us an entire octopus? 294 00:12:05,435 --> 00:12:08,104 - Oh, it's a special off-the-menu preparation. 295 00:12:08,146 --> 00:12:09,522 Trust me. You're gonna love it. 296 00:12:09,564 --> 00:12:12,108 Have you ever had ponzu sauce? - Wait a minute. 297 00:12:12,150 --> 00:12:14,110 Why are you talking like Frasier? 298 00:12:14,152 --> 00:12:16,028 And why am I the one that's underdressed? 299 00:12:16,070 --> 00:12:17,363 - Hey, hey, hey. - This all feels like 300 00:12:17,405 --> 00:12:19,031 a big prank, and if it is, I'll scream-- 301 00:12:19,073 --> 00:12:21,617 - Shhh. Relax, dude. 302 00:12:21,659 --> 00:12:23,077 Let's just enjoy our evening. 303 00:12:23,119 --> 00:12:25,413 Come on. Cheers. 304 00:12:25,455 --> 00:12:27,123 Cheers. - Cheers. 305 00:12:27,165 --> 00:12:30,293 - Wow, we don't have nights out like this. 306 00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:35,339 - All right, look, I gotta ask... 307 00:12:35,381 --> 00:12:37,800 why are you-- 308 00:12:37,842 --> 00:12:41,345 why are you the way that you are? 309 00:12:41,387 --> 00:12:43,431 - Wow. 310 00:12:43,473 --> 00:12:47,727 Uh-- [chuckles] 311 00:12:47,769 --> 00:12:51,481 Where would I begin? Um... 312 00:12:51,522 --> 00:12:53,816 I'm a military brat. 313 00:12:53,858 --> 00:12:55,234 - Oh. - You know. 314 00:12:55,276 --> 00:12:57,612 And with that means I would change schools 315 00:12:57,653 --> 00:12:59,238 over and over again. 316 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,991 And with each new school, it became harder and harder 317 00:13:02,033 --> 00:13:05,161 for me to connect with any of my peers. 318 00:13:05,203 --> 00:13:08,581 Sure, I played sports and joined clubs, 319 00:13:08,623 --> 00:13:13,544 but I could never make a true bond with anyone. 320 00:13:15,296 --> 00:13:17,673 - I had no idea. I'm so sorry. 321 00:13:17,715 --> 00:13:22,637 - Uh, it's crazy the things you do for a sense of belonging. 322 00:13:22,678 --> 00:13:24,472 [laughs] 323 00:13:24,514 --> 00:13:28,393 Like, this one time, I wore cowboy boots to gym class. 324 00:13:28,434 --> 00:13:30,436 I don't even--I don't even know what I was thinking, 325 00:13:30,478 --> 00:13:33,272 but I kicked a basketball right up into the rafters 326 00:13:33,314 --> 00:13:34,649 and it got stuck. - Whoa. 327 00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:37,985 - Everybody went apeshit. They lost their minds. 328 00:13:38,027 --> 00:13:39,612 People were fucking doing backflips. 329 00:13:39,654 --> 00:13:42,073 It was amazing, but they all remembered my name. 330 00:13:42,115 --> 00:13:45,701 - Yeah. - For the first time. 331 00:13:45,743 --> 00:13:48,454 - Yeah, that must have been so cathartic for you. 332 00:13:48,496 --> 00:13:51,165 - Yeah, it was, but ever since then, 333 00:13:51,207 --> 00:13:53,292 I feel like I've just been in constant pursuit 334 00:13:53,334 --> 00:13:55,837 of what that spontaneity afforded me. 335 00:13:55,878 --> 00:13:58,631 - Like--like Peter Pan syndrome? 336 00:13:58,673 --> 00:14:01,175 - Exactly. Like, I know there's no adult version of me 337 00:14:01,217 --> 00:14:03,219 kicking a basketball into the rafters, but-- 338 00:14:03,261 --> 00:14:05,638 - Sure. - Those boots just feel 339 00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:07,140 so deeply ingrained in me 340 00:14:07,181 --> 00:14:10,268 that I don't think I'll ever shake 'em. 341 00:14:10,309 --> 00:14:13,688 - Do you still have the boots? - No. 342 00:14:13,730 --> 00:14:16,607 Those boots are lost in the sands of time, man. 343 00:14:16,649 --> 00:14:18,234 But I've grown. 344 00:14:18,276 --> 00:14:19,569 Built a beautiful group of people 345 00:14:19,610 --> 00:14:21,863 who accept me for who I am, boots or not. 346 00:14:21,904 --> 00:14:23,406 - Wow. 347 00:14:23,448 --> 00:14:26,409 Well, I always thought boots were made for walking, 348 00:14:26,451 --> 00:14:28,411 but I had no idea boots were also made 349 00:14:28,453 --> 00:14:30,246 for finding your emotional truth. 350 00:14:30,288 --> 00:14:33,708 [laughs] 351 00:14:33,750 --> 00:14:36,252 - Gentlemen. - Oh, the octopus is here. Yes. 352 00:14:36,294 --> 00:14:39,213 - Please, blow on the handle. 353 00:14:39,255 --> 00:14:42,300 Let your sweet breath multiply my wealth. 354 00:14:46,095 --> 00:14:47,722 - Whatever, dude. 355 00:14:47,764 --> 00:14:48,848 If you into breath shit-- 356 00:14:48,890 --> 00:14:50,558 - Yes. - Here we go. 357 00:14:57,690 --> 00:14:58,900 [coins clinking] 358 00:14:58,941 --> 00:15:01,569 - Ooh. Aye, Aye. [chuckles] 359 00:15:01,611 --> 00:15:02,737 You do well. 360 00:15:04,572 --> 00:15:07,992 Do you know how to play? - Yeah, nigga. 361 00:15:08,034 --> 00:15:10,536 It's just pulling a stick. - Yes. 362 00:15:13,414 --> 00:15:18,169 You know how to pull, but do you know to release? 363 00:15:23,341 --> 00:15:26,302 Meet me in room 227. 364 00:15:32,350 --> 00:15:35,269 - I'm really 'bout to suck this African nigga's dick. 365 00:15:35,311 --> 00:15:37,230 I can't believe this shit. 366 00:15:43,861 --> 00:15:45,196 Just in case. 367 00:15:50,451 --> 00:15:51,452 [hip hop music playing] 368 00:15:51,494 --> 00:15:54,455 - Hey, hey, Sam. Hey, come here. 369 00:15:54,497 --> 00:15:56,958 Come help me with something. 370 00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:59,335 Yo, Sam, what you think of these? 371 00:15:59,377 --> 00:16:01,087 "Injustice." Huh, huh? 372 00:16:01,129 --> 00:16:03,256 "Reparations." "Oppression." 373 00:16:03,297 --> 00:16:05,758 You know, "'FernGully." "Voter Suppression." 374 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:08,553 "Keystone Pipeline." "Key Lime Pie Time." 375 00:16:08,594 --> 00:16:10,555 Oh, can you write "Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade" 376 00:16:10,596 --> 00:16:13,015 on my back? - Nah. I got stuff to do. 377 00:16:13,057 --> 00:16:14,684 - What the hell you got to do? 378 00:16:14,726 --> 00:16:16,686 - There's an African man waiting for me, 379 00:16:16,728 --> 00:16:18,604 and I either have to fuck him or kill him. 380 00:16:18,646 --> 00:16:20,231 - Oh, perfect. He's African. 381 00:16:20,273 --> 00:16:22,191 He would love to write "Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade" 382 00:16:22,233 --> 00:16:24,861 on my back, but tell him to write it small 383 00:16:24,902 --> 00:16:26,362 and in English. 384 00:16:26,404 --> 00:16:28,322 [water splashes] - I'll tell you, Pool Boy, 385 00:16:28,364 --> 00:16:30,825 the phones have been ringing off the hook 386 00:16:30,867 --> 00:16:32,785 about this casino walkout. 387 00:16:32,827 --> 00:16:34,120 Let's take another caller. 388 00:16:34,162 --> 00:16:36,456 The tub is hot, so who we got? 389 00:16:36,497 --> 00:16:38,875 - Hey, it's Jrue Holiday's brother, 390 00:16:38,916 --> 00:16:42,503 and boy, am I tired of going one for five in garbage time. 391 00:16:42,545 --> 00:16:45,548 I'm just calling to express my support for Chris. 392 00:16:45,590 --> 00:16:48,384 I love everything you're doing down there, my man. 393 00:16:48,426 --> 00:16:51,304 And just know that when you get it all sorted out, 394 00:16:51,345 --> 00:16:54,182 we're gonna go to Lids and shut it down. 395 00:16:54,223 --> 00:16:57,602 - [sobs] Ooh, you made it, Chris. 396 00:16:57,643 --> 00:17:00,688 You made it, dog. 397 00:17:00,730 --> 00:17:04,734 * I'ma be in the mall, inspiring niggas * 398 00:17:04,776 --> 00:17:09,072 * Inspiring bitches to be better bitches * 399 00:17:09,113 --> 00:17:10,865 * Oh, no, you Lidn't * 400 00:17:10,907 --> 00:17:12,909 * Oh, yes, I Lids * 401 00:17:12,950 --> 00:17:14,869 * Food courts * 402 00:17:14,911 --> 00:17:17,371 * I'ma be fucking bitches in the food court * 403 00:17:23,503 --> 00:17:25,380 - We've created a society where so much of who we are 404 00:17:25,421 --> 00:17:27,548 is defined by our cultural identities, man. 405 00:17:27,590 --> 00:17:29,384 - Mm-hmm. - Like, every choice I make 406 00:17:29,425 --> 00:17:32,095 has to be the choice of a Black man. 407 00:17:32,136 --> 00:17:34,680 - Yes. Yes, exactly. - Trevor Noah. 408 00:17:34,722 --> 00:17:37,392 - Maybe the greatest freedom is being able to walk away 409 00:17:37,433 --> 00:17:40,061 from all of it and just exist. 410 00:17:40,103 --> 00:17:42,897 - Yeah, but even as we're saying it, 411 00:17:42,939 --> 00:17:44,899 the freedom that we're talking about still feels like 412 00:17:44,941 --> 00:17:47,819 it's in spite of race or in spite of racism. 413 00:17:47,860 --> 00:17:49,278 - That's fair. - It still feels like 414 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:50,822 we're playing the game, you know? 415 00:17:50,863 --> 00:17:52,573 Like the other day, I was reading this article 416 00:17:52,615 --> 00:17:53,908 about the expansion of the universe. 417 00:17:53,950 --> 00:17:56,744 It said that the universe is infinitely expansive. 418 00:17:56,786 --> 00:17:58,663 Even if you were to try to approach the edge of it 419 00:17:58,704 --> 00:18:01,290 at the speed of light, it would expand away from you 420 00:18:01,332 --> 00:18:03,000 faster than you could even approach it. 421 00:18:03,042 --> 00:18:04,210 - Whoa. - Crazy. 422 00:18:04,252 --> 00:18:05,586 Right? - Mm-hmm. 423 00:18:05,628 --> 00:18:09,006 - And sometimes, when it comes to Black people, 424 00:18:09,048 --> 00:18:10,466 I think freedom is a finish line 425 00:18:10,508 --> 00:18:13,678 that just keeps moving further and further away. 426 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:15,430 - Yeah. 427 00:18:15,471 --> 00:18:17,223 I mean, I guess if that's true, 428 00:18:17,265 --> 00:18:22,228 then we can only really finish what's right in front of us. 429 00:18:22,270 --> 00:18:24,397 Like this salmon. [laughs] 430 00:18:24,439 --> 00:18:26,274 Hey, and I hope it's free. 431 00:18:26,315 --> 00:18:29,360 Oh! Come on! [laughter] 432 00:18:29,402 --> 00:18:32,780 - Oh, Langston, you are a hoot. 433 00:18:32,822 --> 00:18:35,032 - May I interest you two in some dessert this evening? 434 00:18:35,074 --> 00:18:37,243 - Oh. Oh. - Mm. 435 00:18:37,285 --> 00:18:39,954 - Come on. Should we be a little naughty? 436 00:18:39,996 --> 00:18:41,706 - I think so. - Okay. 437 00:18:41,748 --> 00:18:43,458 You tell him. You tell him. 438 00:18:43,499 --> 00:18:45,460 - Crème brûlée. Two spoons. 439 00:18:45,501 --> 00:18:47,211 - There it is. My man. 440 00:18:47,253 --> 00:18:49,297 - I'll be right back. 441 00:18:49,338 --> 00:18:51,466 - Tuna got a little kick to it. 442 00:18:51,507 --> 00:18:55,970 - Hey, we're pals, right? 443 00:18:56,012 --> 00:18:57,388 - Yeah, of course. - Yeah? 444 00:18:57,430 --> 00:18:58,848 - I mean, yes. Yes. 445 00:18:58,890 --> 00:19:01,476 We haven't always, um... 446 00:19:01,517 --> 00:19:05,772 I guess felt close, but that could be me. 447 00:19:05,813 --> 00:19:07,315 It might be my fault. 448 00:19:07,356 --> 00:19:09,567 I can be a little preachy at times, I see that. 449 00:19:09,609 --> 00:19:13,154 And I don't-- it doesn't matter. 450 00:19:13,196 --> 00:19:15,990 Long story short, yes, absolutely. 451 00:19:16,032 --> 00:19:17,950 We are pals. 452 00:19:21,204 --> 00:19:25,708 - Hey, what's pals backwards? 453 00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:28,002 - Pals backwards. 454 00:19:28,044 --> 00:19:30,296 S-L-- 455 00:19:30,338 --> 00:19:33,383 - [laughs] - [groans] 456 00:19:35,218 --> 00:19:37,178 - S-L--pop! 457 00:19:37,220 --> 00:19:40,223 [laughs maniacally] 458 00:19:40,264 --> 00:19:41,682 - You know what happened to motherfuckers 459 00:19:41,724 --> 00:19:43,559 that go on strike? They get struck. 460 00:19:43,601 --> 00:19:45,353 And if you get struck, you can get fucked! 461 00:19:45,395 --> 00:19:47,522 Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Palace, hey. 462 00:19:47,563 --> 00:19:49,399 - It's Pa-lah-chay. 463 00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,734 - Mr. Pa-lah-chay, of course. "Pa-lay-chay." 464 00:19:51,776 --> 00:19:54,654 - We heard there's been some kind of a walkout or dispute. 465 00:19:54,695 --> 00:19:56,614 - Now, I can assure you that 466 00:19:56,656 --> 00:19:58,574 it's getting taken care of right now, Mr. Pa-lay-chay. 467 00:19:58,616 --> 00:20:00,410 Now, we've called security. 468 00:20:00,451 --> 00:20:02,578 And they didn't answer, but when they do, 469 00:20:02,620 --> 00:20:04,789 situation's gonna get taken care of. 470 00:20:04,831 --> 00:20:06,499 It's all ragu. 471 00:20:06,541 --> 00:20:08,543 Now, can I interest you in a wine 472 00:20:08,584 --> 00:20:11,003 or an order of our spicy, lil hot nuggets? 473 00:20:11,045 --> 00:20:12,213 - We don't want your nuggets. 474 00:20:12,255 --> 00:20:13,756 - No. - Let's go. 475 00:20:20,722 --> 00:20:21,931 - Here. 476 00:20:21,973 --> 00:20:26,018 Please put on this gown. 477 00:20:26,060 --> 00:20:28,020 - Look, I've been thinking. 478 00:20:28,062 --> 00:20:30,982 I really need this job, and I appreciate the bread and all, 479 00:20:31,023 --> 00:20:33,484 but I can't go back to giving handjobs. 480 00:20:33,526 --> 00:20:34,736 And I don't want to have to kill a man. 481 00:20:34,777 --> 00:20:36,904 - Oh, oh. Oh, no, no, no. 482 00:20:36,946 --> 00:20:39,365 I did not ask you here for sex or murder. 483 00:20:39,407 --> 00:20:41,075 - Mm-hmm. - Although it would be nice. 484 00:20:41,117 --> 00:20:45,037 I simply want to play mancala with a beautiful woman 485 00:20:45,079 --> 00:20:46,497 on my last night in America. 486 00:20:46,539 --> 00:20:48,249 - That's it? - Yes. 487 00:20:48,291 --> 00:20:50,209 It would be my greatest honor 488 00:20:50,251 --> 00:20:53,421 for you to put on this gown and join me in a game. 489 00:20:55,131 --> 00:20:56,466 - Okay. - Yes. 490 00:21:01,971 --> 00:21:03,014 Yes. 491 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:08,519 [cheers softly] Yes. 492 00:21:08,561 --> 00:21:10,438 [romantic music] 493 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,982 [gasps] Ooh, oh, oh, oh. 494 00:21:13,024 --> 00:21:14,776 My goodness. 495 00:21:14,817 --> 00:21:18,237 You are magnificent like the golden sands of Lekki. 496 00:21:18,279 --> 00:21:19,655 Oh, my goodness. 497 00:21:19,697 --> 00:21:20,948 Oh, come here. Come here. 498 00:21:20,990 --> 00:21:23,951 Come over here. Yes. - This is crazy. 499 00:21:23,993 --> 00:21:27,580 I haven't played mancala since I was, like, seven. 500 00:21:29,499 --> 00:21:32,502 Shit. Maybe I've never played. 501 00:21:32,543 --> 00:21:34,629 Is this White Russian? - No, no, no. 502 00:21:34,670 --> 00:21:37,215 This is palm wine from Enugu. 503 00:21:37,256 --> 00:21:38,633 - Tastes like White Russian. 504 00:21:38,674 --> 00:21:41,386 - So tell me about this girlfriend you say you have. 505 00:21:41,427 --> 00:21:42,845 - Nina? 506 00:21:42,887 --> 00:21:44,806 I mean, we've been going through some problems, 507 00:21:44,847 --> 00:21:47,934 and now, she wants me to buy her a Solo. 508 00:21:47,975 --> 00:21:49,268 - What is a Solo? 509 00:21:49,310 --> 00:21:51,813 - One of these. 510 00:21:51,854 --> 00:21:53,106 - [laughs] 511 00:21:53,147 --> 00:21:55,149 This car looks like driving one sneaker. 512 00:21:55,191 --> 00:21:56,192 - Yeah. 513 00:21:56,234 --> 00:21:57,610 - Why make a car for a single man? 514 00:21:57,652 --> 00:21:59,862 [laughter] - It is stupid. 515 00:22:01,656 --> 00:22:04,951 - Sam, what is the real problem between you two? 516 00:22:04,992 --> 00:22:08,955 - Well, for starters, I cheated on her. 517 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,334 - Yes. I am still waiting to hear the problem. 518 00:22:13,376 --> 00:22:18,339 - I just feel like I gotta show up and make it up to her. 519 00:22:18,381 --> 00:22:19,841 - You should come with me, 520 00:22:19,882 --> 00:22:22,385 you know, be free of all this stress. 521 00:22:22,427 --> 00:22:23,720 If we were together, 522 00:22:23,761 --> 00:22:27,098 I would cheat on you, you would cheat on me. 523 00:22:27,140 --> 00:22:29,600 Sometimes we can cheat right next to each other. 524 00:22:29,642 --> 00:22:31,811 We can live together in a toxic paradise. 525 00:22:31,853 --> 00:22:35,106 - That sounds so nice. - Yes. 526 00:22:35,148 --> 00:22:36,149 - But I can't. 527 00:22:36,190 --> 00:22:38,359 - Come with me, please. 528 00:22:38,401 --> 00:22:41,446 - No, dude. I can't. 529 00:22:41,487 --> 00:22:44,073 - But Sam. 530 00:22:46,242 --> 00:22:47,994 You can. 531 00:22:48,035 --> 00:22:50,621 - No, I have to go. 532 00:22:52,373 --> 00:22:53,791 - But why? 533 00:22:53,833 --> 00:22:57,378 - Because this is my home. 534 00:22:57,420 --> 00:22:59,672 And I love my girlfriend. 535 00:22:59,714 --> 00:23:01,340 And I'm gonna be on "Top Chef" in the fall. 536 00:23:01,382 --> 00:23:03,384 - Please, reconsider. 537 00:23:03,426 --> 00:23:05,553 Gary smells. 538 00:23:05,595 --> 00:23:08,097 And your friends-- your friends are poor. 539 00:23:08,139 --> 00:23:09,891 - No, I mustn't. 540 00:23:09,932 --> 00:23:13,311 * * 541 00:23:13,352 --> 00:23:14,645 [sobbing] 542 00:23:14,687 --> 00:23:18,107 - Well, then I win this round of mancala! 543 00:23:20,193 --> 00:23:22,278 [inhales deeply] 544 00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:24,030 Very sexy. 545 00:23:24,072 --> 00:23:26,991 - [sobbing] 546 00:23:30,036 --> 00:23:32,705 We could have had such a good life. 547 00:23:32,747 --> 00:23:34,624 - Oh! Sex trafficking. 548 00:23:37,043 --> 00:23:39,796 - What on Earth is going on in here? 549 00:23:39,837 --> 00:23:41,881 - What sick shit is this? 550 00:23:41,923 --> 00:23:44,217 - This sick shit is called resistance, 551 00:23:44,258 --> 00:23:47,136 and I ain't going nowhere till my demands are met. 552 00:23:47,178 --> 00:23:50,556 - Unchain yourself from my desk right now! 553 00:23:50,598 --> 00:23:52,725 That's fine oak, young man. 554 00:23:52,767 --> 00:23:55,144 - I will not, older man. 555 00:23:55,186 --> 00:23:57,480 - Whatever this is, it's all over the radio. 556 00:23:57,522 --> 00:23:59,941 We just need this to be over with, okay? 557 00:23:59,982 --> 00:24:02,110 Tell us what it is that you want. 558 00:24:02,151 --> 00:24:05,196 [Carlton Williams' "Prison Song"] 559 00:24:05,238 --> 00:24:08,366 * * 560 00:24:08,408 --> 00:24:11,536 - * Cold chills * 561 00:24:11,577 --> 00:24:14,622 * Prison cells * 562 00:24:14,664 --> 00:24:17,708 * Locked in * 563 00:24:17,750 --> 00:24:19,210 * Bars of steel * 564 00:24:19,252 --> 00:24:20,962 * Think you done lost your senses * 565 00:24:21,003 --> 00:24:25,299 - * Oh, my Lord, praise Him be * 566 00:24:25,341 --> 00:24:26,843 - * What can you do when they * 567 00:24:26,884 --> 00:24:30,972 - * Set your poor people free * 568 00:24:31,013 --> 00:24:32,807 - * Ooh, you better collect your pieces * 569 00:24:32,849 --> 00:24:37,729 - * Be merciful to our abusers * 570 00:24:37,770 --> 00:24:39,313 - * Freedom, it waits out here * 571 00:24:39,355 --> 00:24:43,860 - * They don't know what they do * 572 00:24:43,901 --> 00:24:45,570 - * You don't have to go to prison * 573 00:24:45,611 --> 00:24:49,907 - * Oh, my Lord, praise Him be * 574 00:24:49,949 --> 00:24:51,743 - * What will it accomplish, you? * 575 00:24:51,784 --> 00:24:56,205 - * Set your poor people free * 576 00:24:56,247 --> 00:24:57,957 - * There in the bars, let's follow * 577 00:24:57,999 --> 00:25:02,295 - * Be merciful to our abusers * 578 00:25:02,336 --> 00:25:04,005 - * Tell me your days aren't done * 579 00:25:04,047 --> 00:25:09,302 - * They don't know what they do * 580 00:25:09,343 --> 00:25:13,389 - [panting] 581 00:25:13,431 --> 00:25:15,391 - You're goddamn right, Chris. 582 00:25:15,433 --> 00:25:20,188 I hereby step down as CEO of Diamondback Palace, 583 00:25:20,229 --> 00:25:23,733 e--effective immediately. 584 00:25:26,319 --> 00:25:29,864 - And what will you be doing, Mrs. White Bitch? 585 00:25:29,906 --> 00:25:32,200 - I feel like a fool. - Mm. 586 00:25:32,241 --> 00:25:34,452 - I'll be discussing next steps. 587 00:25:34,494 --> 00:25:35,870 - O0h, this sounds like check time. 588 00:25:35,912 --> 00:25:37,914 Okay, well, how this one works is 589 00:25:37,955 --> 00:25:39,874 you write the check to me, and I'll give it to the people 590 00:25:39,916 --> 00:25:41,292 because I know more niggas than y'all. 591 00:25:41,334 --> 00:25:43,419 Let's just be real, okay? That's how activism works. 592 00:25:43,461 --> 00:25:44,879 You active, I'm -visim. 593 00:25:44,921 --> 00:25:46,297 Don't put that on the check, though. 594 00:25:46,339 --> 00:25:47,757 It's Chris P. Henson. 595 00:25:47,799 --> 00:25:50,218 P, short for P'Shawn, but it's short for P'Shawnathan. 596 00:25:50,259 --> 00:25:51,844 And P'Shawnathan is short for nothing. 597 00:25:51,886 --> 00:25:53,763 That's the full name, okay? 598 00:25:55,264 --> 00:25:56,724 - Why would you slap me? 599 00:25:56,766 --> 00:25:58,226 - Because you didn't play your part. 600 00:25:58,267 --> 00:25:59,894 If you would've did what you normally do, 601 00:25:59,936 --> 00:26:02,397 I'd be occupied with Sam or Chris 602 00:26:02,438 --> 00:26:04,482 or figuring out if vampire cum is immortal, 603 00:26:04,524 --> 00:26:07,276 but no, you broke character. 604 00:26:07,318 --> 00:26:09,195 You're the one who set off this whole chain 605 00:26:09,237 --> 00:26:10,947 of unfortunate events. - No. 606 00:26:10,988 --> 00:26:13,533 - If anything, you slapped yourself, sweetie. 607 00:26:13,574 --> 00:26:15,243 - No, that's not true. 608 00:26:15,284 --> 00:26:17,036 - Also, I saw that "pals/slap" game on YouTube. 609 00:26:17,078 --> 00:26:18,996 I was like, "I gotta give this a shot." 610 00:26:19,038 --> 00:26:22,750 - This is at least true about the universe, though? 611 00:26:22,792 --> 00:26:24,919 - I don't know, nigga. 612 00:26:24,961 --> 00:26:28,005 I'm a psychopath. I made it all up. 613 00:26:28,047 --> 00:26:29,924 - [whimpers] So what now? 614 00:26:29,966 --> 00:26:32,885 What do you want from me? 615 00:26:32,927 --> 00:26:35,221 - I want to split this check, 616 00:26:35,263 --> 00:26:38,349 and I want you to stop being a bitch 617 00:26:38,391 --> 00:26:40,601 about being a bitch ass nigga. 618 00:26:40,643 --> 00:26:42,770 Take it. - Fine. 619 00:26:42,812 --> 00:26:46,190 I just want this to stop. 620 00:26:46,232 --> 00:26:48,943 What's half of 248? 621 00:26:48,985 --> 00:26:50,611 I can't even concentrate right now. 622 00:26:50,653 --> 00:26:53,448 I'm just so upset. 623 00:26:53,489 --> 00:26:55,324 I need a minute. 624 00:26:55,366 --> 00:26:57,201 Man, I didn't even order the octopus. 625 00:26:57,243 --> 00:27:00,121 You ordered that before I got here. 626 00:27:00,163 --> 00:27:02,957 - Take all the time you need. 627 00:27:02,999 --> 00:27:07,754 After all, we are pals. 628 00:27:07,795 --> 00:27:09,547 - Help! 629 00:27:09,589 --> 00:27:13,009 Help! Please, help! 630 00:27:13,051 --> 00:27:15,178 Wait, so you're telling me 631 00:27:15,219 --> 00:27:18,139 you get to go to the mall for free 632 00:27:18,181 --> 00:27:20,183 with theJustin Holiday? - Yeah. 633 00:27:20,224 --> 00:27:22,852 - Jrue Holiday's baby brother? - That's the one. 634 00:27:22,894 --> 00:27:25,730 - You are sharing cinnamon pretzels with-- 635 00:27:25,772 --> 00:27:26,898 - No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. 636 00:27:26,939 --> 00:27:28,357 He's gonna be preparing the pretzels. 637 00:27:28,399 --> 00:27:32,820 I'm gonna eat them 'cause I am freshly poppin' superstar 638 00:27:32,862 --> 00:27:34,989 Chris Henson, Social Justice Warrior. 639 00:27:35,031 --> 00:27:37,075 - [as Chris] Ha-ha, nigga! 640 00:27:37,116 --> 00:27:38,993 Guess who got named new CEO? 641 00:27:39,035 --> 00:27:41,496 - R.L. Stine. - R.L. Stine. 642 00:27:41,537 --> 00:27:42,789 No, motherfucker. Me. 643 00:27:42,830 --> 00:27:44,749 What the fuck wrong with you, nigga? 644 00:27:44,791 --> 00:27:45,917 They needed a person of color, 645 00:27:45,958 --> 00:27:47,543 and I'm the only nigga that they knew. 646 00:27:47,585 --> 00:27:49,420 all: What? - You? 647 00:27:49,462 --> 00:27:50,880 You goddamn baboon! 648 00:27:50,922 --> 00:27:52,423 - Oh, my. - Come on, bro. 649 00:27:52,465 --> 00:27:53,841 - Yo. - Whoa. 650 00:27:53,883 --> 00:27:55,593 You wild for that. - You gotta cut that out. 651 00:27:55,635 --> 00:27:57,136 For real. - But they wild for that. 652 00:27:57,178 --> 00:27:59,597 They lying. They know they just met me, man. 653 00:27:59,639 --> 00:28:01,182 This is some bullshit, dog. 654 00:28:01,224 --> 00:28:05,645 All real revolutionaries get lost in the shuffle of history, 655 00:28:05,686 --> 00:28:08,856 like my brother, uh, Martin. 656 00:28:08,898 --> 00:28:10,358 Not Luther King. 657 00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:14,028 Martin, uh--nigga didn't even have a last name, 658 00:28:14,070 --> 00:28:15,863 they erase this nigga so much. 659 00:28:15,905 --> 00:28:17,573 And--and--and Tori. There's some more niggas. 660 00:28:17,615 --> 00:28:20,243 I can't remember, bro. This protest shit is hard. 661 00:28:20,284 --> 00:28:23,079 - You had a good run. - It was good while it lasted. 662 00:28:23,121 --> 00:28:25,706 - We got a Black CEO now. - [chuckles] 663 00:28:25,748 --> 00:28:28,000 - So it looks like you really did change things around here. 664 00:28:28,042 --> 00:28:30,128 - Oh, no, no, no. Ain't shit changed. 665 00:28:30,169 --> 00:28:32,171 As a matter of fact, they gonna go back to the way they was. 666 00:28:32,213 --> 00:28:33,756 - What? - I shouldn't have protested. 667 00:28:33,798 --> 00:28:35,550 - I don't need y'all bugging out 668 00:28:35,591 --> 00:28:37,343 because Sam, look, I saw what you tried to do, 669 00:28:37,385 --> 00:28:39,345 trying to suck up off that rich Nigerian man. 670 00:28:39,387 --> 00:28:40,638 - I do what I can. 671 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:42,557 - Man, you got more bitch in you than I thought. 672 00:28:42,598 --> 00:28:43,766 [chuckles] - Fair. 673 00:28:43,808 --> 00:28:46,394 - A lot more heart too. So you know what? 674 00:28:46,436 --> 00:28:48,146 I'm gonna run you a motherfuckin' promotion, 675 00:28:48,187 --> 00:28:49,897 you know what I'm saying, working my old job. 676 00:28:49,939 --> 00:28:51,399 - Yo, that's fine. - Dog. 677 00:28:51,441 --> 00:28:54,360 - Dude, congratulations! That's so dope! 678 00:28:54,402 --> 00:28:57,780 - No, no, no, no, no, no! This can't be happening. 679 00:28:57,822 --> 00:29:00,616 No. No. That--that's it. 680 00:29:00,658 --> 00:29:02,452 I'm gonna fucking kill myself! 681 00:29:02,493 --> 00:29:04,579 - Oh, don--no. Oh. 682 00:29:04,620 --> 00:29:07,999 - [sobbing] - [cackles] 683 00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:10,293 Feel it. Feel the pain. 684 00:29:10,334 --> 00:29:13,171 I won't let you pull out of this life just yet. 685 00:29:13,212 --> 00:29:15,923 [cackles] - I just got a promotion. 686 00:29:15,965 --> 00:29:17,383 Be happy for me. - Yeah. 687 00:29:17,425 --> 00:29:19,385 - Watch yo hatin' ass. - You hatin', man. 688 00:29:19,427 --> 00:29:21,596 Be happy for our nigga, man. She's getting money. 689 00:29:21,637 --> 00:29:24,098 You getting money now. You a money motherfucker. 690 00:29:24,140 --> 00:29:25,725 Which, you know what that means. 691 00:29:25,767 --> 00:29:27,268 Come on, money motherfucker. 692 00:29:27,310 --> 00:29:29,645 Give the money to the people, our people. 693 00:29:29,687 --> 00:29:31,898 Oh, where am I going? 694 00:29:31,939 --> 00:29:33,441 Up top. Mm. - No! 695 00:29:33,483 --> 00:29:36,819 - Mm-hmm. What? Mm. - [cackles] 696 00:29:36,861 --> 00:29:38,446 - Oh! 697 00:29:38,488 --> 00:29:40,865 [upbeat music] 698 00:29:40,907 --> 00:29:42,825 - Are you throwing semen on me? 699 00:29:42,867 --> 00:29:44,285 - No I'm not throwing semen, girl. 700 00:29:44,327 --> 00:29:45,787 I'm throwing justice. - I don't want this! 701 00:29:45,828 --> 00:29:47,789 - Justice! - Chris. 702 00:29:47,830 --> 00:29:53,044 * *