- Okay, y'all. Listen.
We got some high rollers in the building tonight.
I'm talking about some big spenders.
Type of niggas that wear white pants.
- They gonna regret it.
- Now I need all y'all booty-head niggas on point.
Few orders of business.
Shirts tucked in, nigga.
No cell phones on the floor. - Fuck.
- Dealers will now be exclusively paid through tips.
And since can't nobody do Spanish,
Jalapeno poppers will now be known on the menu
as "lil hot nuggets."
[crowd shouting]
[barking]
Y'all can't beat my ass, though.
- All right, Langston, time to step on your soapbox
and tell us what flavor oppression is this.
- Mm-mm. No, not today.
No, sir, you know, cause every time
I try to stand up for what's right,
you guys tell me I'm a whiny ho
and you call me mean names like Yawn Lewis
or Desmond Fufu
or Nel-Suck Mandel-Suck.
[laughter] No, no.
Yeah, dap away, because I'm not participating.
- No. No. That's your job.
Come on. We're "Seinfeld."
You're the lady, and we're all Kramer yelling "nigga."
- Mm-hmm. - Don't tempt him.
If Langston doesn't start swinging his tampon around,
I don't have to get involved in any of this bullshit.
I can't afford it.
I promised Nina that I would focus
and take things more seriously.
I'm trying to stop cheating on my girl
and get on "Top Chef."
- Come on, Langston.
If there was ever a time to be annoying for a cause,
this is it, bruh. - Yeah--
- I mean, look at all these people watching, man.
Wait a minute, Chris, you love all the people watching.
[crowd shouting]
Unlike me, this injustice will not stand!
- Wait, wait, wait. Is that a triple negative?
What are you saying, brother?
- What I'm saying is, the people are getting fucked
and it is not good.
- Oh, he yelling about us.
- Listen, it starts with the dealers.
Then it's gonna go, what, to the cocktail servers,
the bedsheet bleachers, the card ironers,
the untouchably fuckable valet guys.
- Oh, this nigga wanna see which bald-head nigga
can get the loudest? Well, let's do it!
- Well, let's go, cause I can get louder than that!
I said, think about it for a second.
First, it's the dealers.
Then, all of a sudden, the dish niggas not making no money.
- Uh-uh-uh. What you call me? - A dish nigga. Dish nigga.
Dish nigga, he don't know how to lishen.
- Langston, come on, bro.
This is not how this is supposed to be going down.
You gotta play your part.
You're supposed to say a whole bunch of stuff
nobody cares about, Sam frowns,
Chris says some sexy shit,
and then, I get to have all the fun.
I get to make a botanical laser tag garden.
- Whoo, can't you help you, player.
I'm eating pudding with my friend.
- Dog, come on. - That's right.
Everybody get mad! Let's protest, niggas!
[crowd cheers]
- Chris, what the fuck are you doing?
- Uh, nobody gets popped faster
than a motherfucker pretending to care about injustice.
Tamika Mallory, poppin'.
DeRay Mckesson, poppin' in a bubble vest.
Colin Kaepernick got his own ice cream and shit, man.
I want my own Kneeling Nougat, so what I'm gonna do
is pretend to care about injustice, kind of,
and then, when I get poppin', shit,
Chris Henson's Freedom Frankfurters.
12 inches of justice for that ass, and then some.
Somebody scream!
[crowd cheers]
- Scream again, nigga.
- Chris, I know you're trying to do something,
but could you not?
I can't lose this job.
Besides, these protests never work.
It's always just a bunch of people
doing arts and crafts and being loud
and then going back to their jobs.
You deflate the giant rat,
and it's back to shoveling shit.
- Langston. - Mm-mm-mm.
- Langston. - Mm-hmm?
- And then, you say? - No.
- Dude. - No.
- Oh, my God.
"Progress, no matter how incremental, is important.
Ouchie. My pussy go wah-wah."
- Now, see, that was a stunning impression of me.
Unfortunately, I'm keeping my pussy out of this one.
- Dog.
- We're not even talking about progress.
Best case scenario,
they give the dealers their wages back.
And they'll be as poor as they were last week.
- Exactly, my sister. Exactly.
Fuck change.
The only way to make money off of social justice
is if shit never changes.
Batman don't wanna catch the Joker for real.
Without the Joker, Batman is just a nigga in leather
standing on a roof missing his daddy.
Watch this shit right here.
We are the people!
[crowd cheers]
We love the people!
[crowd cheers]
We fight for the people!
[crowd cheers]
And this nigga's just a person.
- He is just a person! [all shouting]
- That's exactly right.
- I say, all my fellow employees, let's band together
until justice is dealt to the dealers.
Leave this building and never look back!
[crowd cheers]
- Y'all gonna walk out on me? Me?
After all I've done for you?
- Man, you ain't done shit. - What?
When you niggas wanted them Takis in the vending machine,
who got 'em for you?
And Craig, I could've fucked your wife, nigga,
but I ain't do all that, though, did I?
Man, Chris, what kind of game you trying to run, man?
You know this shit coming from
the money motherfuckers upstairs.
- Well, then show me the stairs
and I'll walk them motherfuckers!
Let's go, y'all!
- Get me a light. Ain't there a--
God damn.
- Busy day. [chuckles]
- This is--I don't care. I'm not losing my job.
- Mm. - All yours now, boss man.
- Well, now that school's out,
you tryna go to dinner?
- Me? - Yeah, you.
This whole rhythm is off.
Might as well have ourselves a nice night.
- Okay. Sure.
- I'ma go home and get dressed. You go home and get dressed.
Uh, meet around 9:30, Fondue Factory?
I'll make a rezzy. - A rezzy?
- We want change. We want dollars.
We want change and dollars. Stop dancing.
Tell your CEO that I'm about to put my foot in his A-S-S.
- Well, he's not here.
You know, he works about as much as a kittycat barks.
- Well, I'm going in there anyway
because I work for the people who also ain't working.
- Oh, go ahead. It's a pretty cool office.
You know, he's got the jacket from Weird Al's "Eat It" video
framed on the wall.
- I want fair wages for my people.
- Oh. Well, I don't think I can help with that,
but if you want a picture with that jacket, I'm your man.
- I don't need no damn jacket.
Fuck yo M&M's.
Hey, man.
Tell your CEO, I'm chaining myself
and I'm chaining myself forever.
And I ain't Django!
Once I'm chained, I can't be unchained, motherfuckers.
["Peggy Lee's "Till There Was You"]
* *
- * There were bells * - [chuckles] Here we go.
[chuckles] - * On the hill *
* But I never heard them ringing *
- [strained] Big boy.
- * No, I never heard them at all *
* Till there was you *
- What's up, bitch?
Yeah, I bet you didn't know I could do that, huh?
Guess what, Jak?
There's a lot you don't know about me.
Whoo! [chuckles]
Fuck. What are you doing?
- Hey, man, take off those Heelys.
You're 34.
- Mirror Klay Thompson?
- Just be yourself. You're a great guy.
You're so good at not staring at people with disabilities.
You got the juice, man.
You're gonna be the CEO someday.
And, hey, I'd be nervous to go to dinner with Jak too,
but whatever he says to you
is just a reflection of how he feels about himself.
Now peace out, my fellow yellow.
- Wow. Thanks, Klay Thompson.
- You see that dude over there?
His name is Abegunde Madu.
You remember that boat got stuck in the Suez Canal?
- Nah.
- Well, this the nigga that got it unstuck.
- Whoa.
- You know how much money you gotta have
to get a motherfucking boat unstuck?
Well, it's his last night in Gary
and he don't know this casino is low-key ass,
so I need you to take good care of him.
Whatever he wants, you do it.
- You got it. - Mm, get it.
- [exhales sharply] Okay, Sam.
Time to pretend like you like African niggas.
You can do this. I need this money.
- Oh. Oh!
Fine girl. - Hmm?
- No pimples. Mmm.
- [stammers] All right, man.
Welcome to Diamondback Palace.
I'm your VIP experience. What do you want?
- Mm-mm, you are too pretty to be working.
Why does your husband make you work, hmm?
Point him out to me. Which man makes you do this?
- Him.
- Fuck!
- But he's my boss, not my husband.
I'm not married, and I actually have a girlfriend,
so before we even--
Oh, oh!
[hip hop playing over radio]
- 666-1JAC-UZZI.
[line trilling]
- Bubble, bubble. That's right.
You're live with DJ Jeremy Jacuzzi
and the Pool Boy.
- Hello? Am I on the air?
- Damn right. What's your name, Kemosabe?
- This is Chris Henson,
and I'm calling on behalf of the people.
- Well, Chris, my boy, tell the people
you're the lucky 44th caller,
and all we need to hear is the phrase that pays.
- Oh, for real? - Give it to me, my man.
- Jeremy Jacuzzi got me wet.
- Uh-oh! There it is.
And that means you've won a free trip to the mall
with Indiana backup guard Justin Holiday.
- Jrue Holiday's brother? Damn, that's dope.
- That's right, Mr. Locker Room himself.
You've seen him almost play.
- Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Okay. I'm a celebrity activist.
The casino's cutting wages, exploiting workers,
and it got niggas chained up to desk in random offices.
And I'm "niggas."
[rattles chains] You hear that?
Tell everybody listening right now
to boycott the Diamondback Palace casino
until our voices are heard and justice is served.
- Uh-oh, sounds like we've got ourselves a r-r-r-rebellion.
[air horn blasts]
- Reservation?
- Yeah, um...
I believe it's under Boba Fett.
- Ah, yes. I'll show you to Mr. Fett.
Right this way.
- [laughs]
Thank you, Robin. I told you he'd show up.
How are you?
- I'm okay.
- You look good. You smell good too.
- Thanks. - Come on.
[sighs] The times.
The times.
[chuckles]
- Wow.
Is this-- is this a Moscato?
- That's a dessert wine, silly.
This is a skin contact pét-nat.
I don't know how familiar you are with orange wines,
but that right there is gonna pair perfectly
with the octopus I got us.
- I'll be real, I didn't even know
they made wine in orange.
Did you say you ordered us an entire octopus?
- Oh, it's a special off-the-menu preparation.
Trust me. You're gonna love it.
Have you ever had ponzu sauce? - Wait a minute.
Why are you talking like Frasier?
And why am I the one that's underdressed?
- Hey, hey, hey. - This all feels like
a big prank, and if it is, I'll scream--
- Shhh. Relax, dude.
Let's just enjoy our evening.
Come on. Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Wow, we don't have nights out like this.
- All right, look, I gotta ask...
why are you--
why are you the way that you are?
- Wow.
Uh-- [chuckles]
Where would I begin? Um...
I'm a military brat.
- Oh. - You know.
And with that means I would change schools
over and over again.
And with each new school, it became harder and harder
for me to connect with any of my peers.
Sure, I played sports and joined clubs,
but I could never make a true bond with anyone.
- I had no idea. I'm so sorry.
- Uh, it's crazy the things you do for a sense of belonging.
[laughs]
Like, this one time, I wore cowboy boots to gym class.
I don't even--I don't even know what I was thinking,
but I kicked a basketball right up into the rafters
and it got stuck. - Whoa.
- Everybody went apeshit. They lost their minds.
People were fucking doing backflips.
It was amazing, but they all remembered my name.
- Yeah. - For the first time.
- Yeah, that must have been so cathartic for you.
- Yeah, it was, but ever since then,
I feel like I've just been in constant pursuit
of what that spontaneity afforded me.
- Like--like Peter Pan syndrome?
- Exactly. Like, I know there's no adult version of me
kicking a basketball into the rafters, but--
- Sure. - Those boots just feel
so deeply ingrained in me
that I don't think I'll ever shake 'em.
- Do you still have the boots? - No.
Those boots are lost in the sands of time, man.
But I've grown.
Built a beautiful group of people
who accept me for who I am, boots or not.
- Wow.
Well, I always thought boots were made for walking,
but I had no idea boots were also made
for finding your emotional truth.
[laughs]
- Gentlemen. - Oh, the octopus is here. Yes.
- Please, blow on the handle.
Let your sweet breath multiply my wealth.
- Whatever, dude.
If you into breath shit--
- Yes. - Here we go.
[coins clinking]
- Ooh. Aye, Aye. [chuckles]
You do well.
Do you know how to play? - Yeah, nigga.
It's just pulling a stick. - Yes.
You know how to pull, but do you know to release?
Meet me in room 227.
- I'm really 'bout to suck this African nigga's dick.
I can't believe this shit.
Just in case.
[hip hop music playing]
- Hey, hey, Sam. Hey, come here.
Come help me with something.
Yo, Sam, what you think of these?
"Injustice." Huh, huh?
"Reparations." "Oppression."
You know, "'FernGully." "Voter Suppression."
"Keystone Pipeline." "Key Lime Pie Time."
Oh, can you write "Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade"
on my back? - Nah. I got stuff to do.
- What the hell you got to do?
- There's an African man waiting for me,
and I either have to fuck him or kill him.
- Oh, perfect. He's African.
He would love to write "Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade"
on my back, but tell him to write it small
and in English.
[water splashes] - I'll tell you, Pool Boy,
the phones have been ringing off the hook
about this casino walkout.
Let's take another caller.
The tub is hot, so who we got?
- Hey, it's Jrue Holiday's brother,
and boy, am I tired of going one for five in garbage time.
I'm just calling to express my support for Chris.
I love everything you're doing down there, my man.
And just know that when you get it all sorted out,
we're gonna go to Lids and shut it down.
- [sobs] Ooh, you made it, Chris.
You made it, dog.
* I'ma be in the mall, inspiring niggas *
* Inspiring bitches to be better bitches *
* Oh, no, you Lidn't *
* Oh, yes, I Lids *
* Food courts *
* I'ma be fucking bitches in the food court *
- We've created a society where so much of who we are
is defined by our cultural identities, man.
- Mm-hmm. - Like, every choice I make
has to be the choice of a Black man.
- Yes. Yes, exactly. - Trevor Noah.
- Maybe the greatest freedom is being able to walk away
from all of it and just exist.
- Yeah, but even as we're saying it,
the freedom that we're talking about still feels like
it's in spite of race or in spite of racism.
- That's fair. - It still feels like
we're playing the game, you know?
Like the other day, I was reading this article
about the expansion of the universe.
It said that the universe is infinitely expansive.
Even if you were to try to approach the edge of it
at the speed of light, it would expand away from you
faster than you could even approach it.
- Whoa. - Crazy.
Right? - Mm-hmm.
- And sometimes, when it comes to Black people,
I think freedom is a finish line
that just keeps moving further and further away.
- Yeah.
I mean, I guess if that's true,
then we can only really finish what's right in front of us.
Like this salmon. [laughs]
Hey, and I hope it's free.
Oh! Come on! [laughter]
- Oh, Langston, you are a hoot.
- May I interest you two in some dessert this evening?
- Oh. Oh. - Mm.
- Come on. Should we be a little naughty?
- I think so. - Okay.
You tell him. You tell him.
- Crème brûlée. Two spoons.
- There it is. My man.
- I'll be right back.
- Tuna got a little kick to it.
- Hey, we're pals, right?
- Yeah, of course. - Yeah?
- I mean, yes. Yes.
We haven't always, um...
I guess felt close, but that could be me.
It might be my fault.
I can be a little preachy at times, I see that.
And I don't-- it doesn't matter.
Long story short, yes, absolutely.
We are pals.
- Hey, what's pals backwards?
- Pals backwards.
S-L--
- [laughs] - [groans]
- S-L--pop!
[laughs maniacally]
- You know what happened to motherfuckers
that go on strike? They get struck.
And if you get struck, you can get fucked!
Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Palace, hey.
- It's Pa-lah-chay.
- Mr. Pa-lah-chay, of course. "Pa-lay-chay."
- We heard there's been some kind of a walkout or dispute.
- Now, I can assure you that
it's getting taken care of right now, Mr. Pa-lay-chay.
Now, we've called security.
And they didn't answer, but when they do,
situation's gonna get taken care of.
It's all ragu.
Now, can I interest you in a wine
or an order of our spicy, lil hot nuggets?
- We don't want your nuggets.
- No. - Let's go.
- Here.
Please put on this gown.
- Look, I've been thinking.
I really need this job, and I appreciate the bread and all,
but I can't go back to giving handjobs.
And I don't want to have to kill a man.
- Oh, oh. Oh, no, no, no.
I did not ask you here for sex or murder.
- Mm-hmm. - Although it would be nice.
I simply want to play mancala with a beautiful woman
on my last night in America.
- That's it? - Yes.
It would be my greatest honor
for you to put on this gown and join me in a game.
- Okay. - Yes.
Yes.
[cheers softly] Yes.
[romantic music]
[gasps] Ooh, oh, oh, oh.
My goodness.
You are magnificent like the golden sands of Lekki.
Oh, my goodness.
Oh, come here. Come here.
Come over here. Yes. - This is crazy.
I haven't played mancala since I was, like, seven.
Shit. Maybe I've never played.
Is this White Russian? - No, no, no.
This is palm wine from Enugu.
- Tastes like White Russian.
- So tell me about this girlfriend you say you have.
- Nina?
I mean, we've been going through some problems,
and now, she wants me to buy her a Solo.
- What is a Solo?
- One of these.
- [laughs]
This car looks like driving one sneaker.
- Yeah.
- Why make a car for a single man?
[laughter] - It is stupid.
- Sam, what is the real problem between you two?
- Well, for starters, I cheated on her.
- Yes. I am still waiting to hear the problem.
- I just feel like I gotta show up and make it up to her.
- You should come with me,
you know, be free of all this stress.
If we were together,
I would cheat on you, you would cheat on me.
Sometimes we can cheat right next to each other.
We can live together in a toxic paradise.
- That sounds so nice. - Yes.
- But I can't.
- Come with me, please.
- No, dude. I can't.
- But Sam.
You can.
- No, I have to go.
- But why?
- Because this is my home.
And I love my girlfriend.
And I'm gonna be on "Top Chef" in the fall.
- Please, reconsider.
Gary smells.
And your friends-- your friends are poor.
- No, I mustn't.
* *
[sobbing]
- Well, then I win this round of mancala!
[inhales deeply]
Very sexy.
- [sobbing]
We could have had such a good life.
- Oh! Sex trafficking.
- What on Earth is going on in here?
- What sick shit is this?
- This sick shit is called resistance,
and I ain't going nowhere till my demands are met.
- Unchain yourself from my desk right now!
That's fine oak, young man.
- I will not, older man.
- Whatever this is, it's all over the radio.
We just need this to be over with, okay?
Tell us what it is that you want.
[Carlton Williams' "Prison Song"]
* *
- * Cold chills *
* Prison cells *
* Locked in *
* Bars of steel *
* Think you done lost your senses *
- * Oh, my Lord, praise Him be *
- * What can you do when they *
- * Set your poor people free *
- * Ooh, you better collect your pieces *
- * Be merciful to our abusers *
- * Freedom, it waits out here *
- * They don't know what they do *
- * You don't have to go to prison *
- * Oh, my Lord, praise Him be *
- * What will it accomplish, you? *
- * Set your poor people free *
- * There in the bars, let's follow *
- * Be merciful to our abusers *
- * Tell me your days aren't done *
- * They don't know what they do *
- [panting]
- You're goddamn right, Chris.
I hereby step down as CEO of Diamondback Palace,
e--effective immediately.
- And what will you be doing, Mrs. White Bitch?
- I feel like a fool. - Mm.
- I'll be discussing next steps.
- O0h, this sounds like check time.
Okay, well, how this one works is
you write the check to me, and I'll give it to the people
because I know more niggas than y'all.
Let's just be real, okay? That's how activism works.
You active, I'm -visim.
Don't put that on the check, though.
It's Chris P. Henson.
P, short for P'Shawn, but it's short for P'Shawnathan.
And P'Shawnathan is short for nothing.
That's the full name, okay?
- Why would you slap me?
- Because you didn't play your part.
If you would've did what you normally do,
I'd be occupied with Sam or Chris
or figuring out if vampire cum is immortal,
but no, you broke character.
You're the one who set off this whole chain
of unfortunate events. - No.
- If anything, you slapped yourself, sweetie.
- No, that's not true.
- Also, I saw that "pals/slap" game on YouTube.
I was like, "I gotta give this a shot."
- This is at least true about the universe, though?
- I don't know, nigga.
I'm a psychopath. I made it all up.
- [whimpers] So what now?
What do you want from me?
- I want to split this check,
and I want you to stop being a bitch
about being a bitch ass nigga.
Take it. - Fine.
I just want this to stop.
What's half of 248?
I can't even concentrate right now.
I'm just so upset.
I need a minute.
Man, I didn't even order the octopus.
You ordered that before I got here.
- Take all the time you need.
After all, we are pals.
- Help!
Help! Please, help!
Wait, so you're telling me
you get to go to the mall for free
with theJustin Holiday? - Yeah.
- Jrue Holiday's baby brother? - That's the one.
- You are sharing cinnamon pretzels with--
- No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.
He's gonna be preparing the pretzels.
I'm gonna eat them 'cause I am freshly poppin' superstar
Chris Henson, Social Justice Warrior.
- [as Chris] Ha-ha, nigga!
Guess who got named new CEO?
- R.L. Stine. - R.L. Stine.
No, motherfucker. Me.
What the fuck wrong with you, nigga?
They needed a person of color,
and I'm the only nigga that they knew.
all: What? - You?
You goddamn baboon!
- Oh, my. - Come on, bro.
- Yo. - Whoa.
You wild for that. - You gotta cut that out.
For real. - But they wild for that.
They lying. They know they just met me, man.
This is some bullshit, dog.
All real revolutionaries get lost in the shuffle of history,
like my brother, uh, Martin.
Not Luther King.
Martin, uh--nigga didn't even have a last name,
they erase this nigga so much.
And--and--and Tori. There's some more niggas.
I can't remember, bro. This protest shit is hard.
- You had a good run. - It was good while it lasted.
- We got a Black CEO now. - [chuckles]
- So it looks like you really did change things around here.
- Oh, no, no, no. Ain't shit changed.
As a matter of fact, they gonna go back to the way they was.
- What? - I shouldn't have protested.
- I don't need y'all bugging out
because Sam, look, I saw what you tried to do,
trying to suck up off that rich Nigerian man.
- I do what I can.
- Man, you got more bitch in you than I thought.
[chuckles] - Fair.
- A lot more heart too. So you know what?
I'm gonna run you a motherfuckin' promotion,
you know what I'm saying, working my old job.
- Yo, that's fine. - Dog.
- Dude, congratulations! That's so dope!
- No, no, no, no, no, no! This can't be happening.
No. No. That--that's it.
I'm gonna fucking kill myself!
- Oh, don--no. Oh.
- [sobbing] - [cackles]
Feel it. Feel the pain.
I won't let you pull out of this life just yet.
[cackles] - I just got a promotion.
Be happy for me. - Yeah.
- Watch yo hatin' ass. - You hatin', man.
Be happy for our nigga, man. She's getting money.
You getting money now. You a money motherfucker.
Which, you know what that means.
Come on, money motherfucker.
Give the money to the people, our people.
Oh, where am I going?
Up top. Mm. - No!
- Mm-hmm. What? Mm. - [cackles]
- Oh!
[upbeat music]
- Are you throwing semen on me?
- No I'm not throwing semen, girl.
I'm throwing justice. - I don't want this!
- Justice! - Chris.
* *