RYUSUKE HAMAGUCHI'S SHORT STORIES WHEEL OF FORTUNE AND FANTASY
EPISODE 1: MAGIC (OR SOMETHING LESS ASSURING)
Really pretty!
I like the eyelashes reflecting the light.
Let's try the hat.
- There's something here. - Thanks.
Okay, let me take a look now.
Give us a minute, please.
- Good. - Yep.
- They're very good. - Yes.
I'm happy with them. What do you guys think?
Yep. Me, too.
- Okay! - Good job, everyone!
Yay, we're done!
- Thank you, bye. - Take care!
- Ride with me. - Is it okay?
- See you later. - See you!
- Take care. - Thanks, bye.
What?!
You just met him! How'd you click so well?
Well, at some point, he started saying...
"Tsu, you're not who I thought you were."
"Tsu"?
The bar owner suggested nicknames for us,
"Tsu" for Tsugumi, "Ka" for Kazuaki.
So, I asked him what he thought of me initially.
He thought I was beautiful when we met.
- Yup... - Well, well...
But he was under the impression that I was aloof
because of our email exchanges before we met.
That's the way business communication should be.
But you know how friendly I am.
So, he was like, "The contrast blew me away."
Then I said, "Hang on. You're a fine one to talk."
Honestly, he seemed like a player.
- A player! - Well, not exactly.
I mean, he's a hottie.
- A hottie isn't the same as a player. - I mean...
He struck me as a ladies man at times,
but not in a negative way.
He says his home office is in Aoyama.
That's players' haven!
Hmm, I don't know about that.
What does he do?
He's the head of an interior design company and he invests.
Now he sounds... like a player.
Really, Gumi? You don't like players.
I know. I'm surprised that I enjoy being with him so much.
I see.
I declined the business offer and he accepted.
But we kept chatting and two hours passed before we knew it.
Then, it went from "Wanna grab coffee?" to "Do you drink?"
And we missed the last train.
Amazing. How long were you together?
The meeting started at 1:00 PM, so 15 hours altogether.
- No way! - I know.
Somehow, we started talking about our childhoods.
We both had similar upbringings and moved around a lot.
We quickly realized that's why we both approach people from a distance.
I told him about things I've never told anybody,
not even to you, Meiko, and he did the same thing.
Maybe he was copying me to be nice.
But...
I could sense that I touched something deep within him...
and I felt he touched me deep within, too.
That sounds... erotic.
Doesn't it?
Honestly, I felt something very erotic about it.
I didn't know conversations could be this erotic.
- Did you talk dirty? - No.
No dirty talk, no physical touching.
I don't get it.
But we caressed each other as we talked.
That's damn erotic.
We ended up talking about what we'd be like as a couple.
- You guys are in love! - I guess.
We both sensed we were falling for each other,
or at least that we got along really well.
In fact, we thought, we can do it.
That's not dirty?
No. Our talk flowed naturally in that direction.
You're so mature!
But we were like, "Nah, not today." So, we said goodbye and took taxis home.
What? Why not?
- No, no, no... - No?
Is sex on the first date unusual?
I don't know, but in your case, you could have.
Hmm, you're right about that.
How about you, Meiko? Have you ever...
What do you mean?
Doing it on the first date.
No, not the first date.
The second or third time?
Yeah, that sometimes happens.
- Never done it? - No.
I can't. That's too fast for me.
Most guys want it by the third time.
I know. So, I put them in "the players" basket.
Gumi, you're harsh!
- You and I are different on this one. - Yup.
To be honest...
it wasn't a bad idea.
I've never that felt I could on the first date.
Actually, I wanted to.
I wondered what we'd be like afterwards.
If the conversation was that good...
I thought about consequences and felt a little unsure.
But I think I was giving him signals.
What kinda signals?
I won't tell you. I can't.
- Oh, c'mon! - It just happened in that moment.
You know... it was him who held back.
He couldn't get it up?
- Oh, shush! - Ow!
In a nutshell,
he couldn't bring himself to it mentally.
He said...
him and his ex broke up because she cheated.
Ah... that sounds familiar...
Yeah, cheater! Apologize.
Let us pray for forgiveness.
And you know, he got cheated on more than once.
Uh-huh...
But he loved her so much and
it was so painful that he probably can't love again.
When did that happen?
About two years ago.
- He's dwelling on it too long! - I know! But...
I can empathize with that.
I see.
He also said he had lots of fun with me, but feels unprepared.
That came out of left field.
It excited him but,
it also made him realize he's scared of falling in love.
He said I reminded him of his ex.
- You look like her? - No.
It wasn't my face or personality.
But, he'd never...
felt so at ease talking to someone.
Then, he remembered that he was never able to talk like this with his ex.
Hmm... at ease...
Yeah, it caught my mind, so I said,
"Feeling at ease isn't the same as romance."
What'd he say?
"What do you think, Tsu?"
How annoying.
It's hard to explain the nuances.
We spent a really magical time together
and both felt we'd never had an experience like it.
He said that, for us who have always kept others at bay,
our paths crossing is special.
And I knew that he meant what he said.
Then, he suggested we leave each other at that and call it a day.
He said, "If the magic is gone next time we meet, then let it be."
Magic, huh?
The word was perfect for us.
He said, "I honestly had the best day of my life."
"It'll be great if our next meeting turns out even better.
I feel optimistic about us. Let's hope we make it."
Then, we shook hands goodbye.
Seriously?
Are you scared about next time?
I am... very much so.
And yet I want to see him. Soon.
Gumi, you look great.
You're glowing right now.
Thanks.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
Thanks a lot.
- Good night. - See you.
Excuse me.
Do you mind going back the same way we came?
Is the president in?
- Pardon? - May I come in?
And you are...
I'm his friend. Excuse me.
Yes?
I need a word.
Ms. Morita, you can go.
But...
I'll be fine. I can do the rest myself.
Sure.
- Good night. - Good night.
Good night.
Cute.
What?
You've moved your office.
The old one was cute, too.
Where's your bed now?
- Upstairs. - I see.
You look successful.
What do you want to talk about?
I heard you started investing.
Can you handle that? I never saw you as the type.
Who told you that?
You two spent a magical time together.
"Tsu" and "Ka"?
You guys are lame.
You know her?
You mean, Gumi? My best friend.
"Gumi"?
From Tsugumi. We had a shoot today.
Are you surprised?
Surprised? It's rather hard to believe.
What's so hard to believe?
She told you about me?
Not exactly.
I realized she was talking about you.
Did you tell her about us?
No, I didn't. How could I?
Right.
Are you in love with Gumi?
- I don't know yet. - How can you not tell?
"A magical time"?
"The best day of my life"?
Hey, stop that.
You think I'm jealous?
- Aren't you? - Not at all.
I'm not at all in love with you, Kazu.
You've hardly crossed my mind.
You got it easy.
You passed yourself off
as this traumatized guy who got cheated on.
Did she say that?
No. Partly my interpretation.
Who are you to probe into that night?
"That night"?
Get out. You're acting like a stalker. You're insane.
Don't worry, I'm aware of my insane behavior.
You're operating normally, then.
- You know me. - Why'd you come here?
- Want to know? - I need to. I'm scared.
To tell the truth, I don't know.
Huh?
But there's nobody else I can talk to about this.
Not Gumi, of course.
And I knew you'd listen to me,
even after two years.
- How have you been? - Listen to what?
I don't know.
But you used to enjoy hearing what I had to say.
How've you been?
What do you want to know?
I got so pissed off when I heard about you and her.
I felt sad, too.
But I'm not in love with you now.
- And you... - Don't.
Maybe it's the loss of someone I believed was mine.
- I don't belong to you. - I'm talking about Gumi.
Look, woman. That girl's not yours, either.
Why'd you just call me "woman"?
You've never spoken to me like that.
Say it again and I'll leave.
Woman, leave.
Also, I don't like how you refer to Gumi as "that girl."
- Ms. Konno doesn't belong to you. - What do you want?
I don't know yet.
Are you going to sleep with her next time?
That's none of your business.
You're in for an ordinary, boring relationship.
What are you saying?
You're gonna cry over that enchanting first date...
Are you cursing me?
- Maybe. - What the hell?
Are you mad at me?
I'm not sure if I'm mad at you,
but maybe I am.
Then, at Tsugumi?
- It's not Tsu's fault. - Don't call her Tsu.
Well...
If I'm mad, I'm probably mad at our fate.
Fate?
Our fate is nobody's fault.
If there's anyone evil in this story, it's you.
Why? Because I cheated on you?
You not only cheated but...
But...
Your motives were disgusting.
You wanted to experience sex with a rich man.
Yeah, I totally said that.
You're despicable.
Yeah, but that's because you kept probing.
I wasn't ready to verbalize my thoughts, but you forced me to.
- The words didn't feel right. - And the truth?
Sexual frustration.
And curiosity.
You called me evil,
but what about you for leaving me frustrated?
- I'm not your dildo. - Dildos are better. Be humble.
What? You frightened me!
- Was that even yours? - Leave.
I might lose control and kill you.
Then you'll never see Tsu again.
- Where are you going? - Let go! I'm leaving.
- You live here. - Get lost!
- Running away again? - Yeah!
Why do you keep hurting me?
Don't know. It might be love.
When I was a kid, I hurt the boys I liked.
Stop. I'll never let you fool me again.
I might love you.
- But I doubt it. - What?
Isn't this fun?
- Not at all. - There's rhythm in our spats.
Like the old days.
You're just pissed off about losing
the man you thought was yours.
You're only repeating what I said.
You've always had to have me loving you,
even after we separated, even if you don't love me.
Yeah... maybe.
So leave.
We can't be together. At least, I can't be with you.
I see, but why is that?
I can't stand you.
But "you loved me so much."
I heard it from Gumi.
And you were devastated.
But, Kazu,
I bet you've never imagined...
What?
How badly I got hurt from hurting you.
No, no... Hold on.
That's too easy.
I can't help it, I love you.
I always have.
What about Gumi?
I told you I don't know yet.
My feelings for her are different.
If you hug me, Tsugumi will vanish. Is that okay?
And I can't guarantee I'll become yours.
You might lose both.
I can't promise anything.
That's who I am. Can you accept me?
I'm about to puke.
Have you always loved me? All this time?
I wonder...
- You just said so. - On impulse.
The truth sometimes comes out impulsively.
I came here on impulse.
It's anything but the truth with you.
You think so?
At least, nothing assuring.
Right.
Because I don't know.
- Why are you here? - Are you sure about yourself?
Because you're not. You're halfhearted about Gumi.
I really like Gumi.
She's amazing.
I think you're a good match.
But she's hard work.
She can be hardheaded.
I've gathered.
You and Gumi are similar.
You might be right.
That's very true.
What is it you loved about me?
That you're honest.
Yeah, I am...
You were a trustworthy person, Meiko.
But I cheated on you.
Was it cheating?
I tried not to see you as my property.
So that you wouldn't get hurt.
Can't you let that slide?
Did you ever, even once, try to truly face me?
I tried to understand you.
I listened to you as much as I could.
Answer my question.
How do you mean "truly face"?
If you don't know, you'll repeat the same mistakes with Tsugumi
and end up hurting her in the end.
Did you get hurt?
Yup.
Why?
All I can do is hurt the ones I love.
Love's supposed to make people happy.
We had happy times.
I feel like a defective product.
You're not the only one.
I'm not even a dildo.
Because you're so kind...
you're not for me.
- You and Gumi will make a good couple. - I know.
Kazu.
Would you dare to believe in...
something less assuring than magic?
Sorry. I forgot my laptop.
Is she the woman you said was on your mind?
No, she isn't.
Then, why chase her?
Is that bad?
Of course it is.
THREE DAYS LATER...
Gumi, did something good happen?
Why?
You look extra pretty.
What?
The guy I told you about asked me out tonight.
He wants to meet me for a chat.
I see.
No way!
That's him.
- I'll go. - Stay!
I want to know what you think.
Over here!
What a surprise! Sorry for stopping you.
Oh, this is my friend, Meiko. And this is Mr. Kubota.
Sorry, I already told her about you.
- Have you decided? - What?
Who's it gonna be, Kazu?
Sorry, Gumi.
I'm his ex-girlfriend.
An awful coincidence, isn't it? It's so funny.
I went to see him right after we spoke.
It felt as if the two years vanished in an instant.
It was like magic.
Then, I realized...
I love you, Kazu.
With all my heart...
all I want is you.
I can't imagine life without you.
I realized that your encounter with Gumi was the magic meant for us.
You must have realized that, too.
Meet my friend, Meiko.
And this is Mr. Kubota.
Sorry, I already told her about you.
I'll go.
Huh? Stay!
C'mon, I know social etiquette.
Will you take care of this?
Good couple!
Oh, stop.
I got this.
Oh, no. Don't...
Please, let me. And then we'll go somewhere.
Okay. Where to?
EPISODE 2: DOOR WIDE OPEN
Once you've finished writing, please stick it on the window.
Now, what makes a person feel distant?
Please discuss amongst yourselves.
Like when people use honorifics.
Please!
I'm begging you!
Get up.
My future depends on you.
It'll affect my job!
I don't care.
Sasaki?
Please! Why won't you help me?
You ought to be ashamed.
Um, excuse me... Professor Segawa.
Leave it open.
It looks like harassment.
More so with the door closed. Please leave it open.
Nothing to see here.
Let's go. Keep discussing.
Let's get up.
FIVE MONTHS LATER...
You're late.
Sorry, it took a minute. I had questions after class.
Hey!
You're so young.
Dressed already?
I have to pick up my kid.
- You still have time. - You showered.
I can take cold showers all day.
A summer seminar trip?
Hm?
I got held back a year. Why would I go?
At least you got invited, unlike me.
I forgot they left you out of the group chat. Sorry.
Whoa. That hurt.
It's funny though.
Do you even care that your words could hurt me?
Do they?
Who cares?
It's not like I want to be hated.
- Maybe it's my fault that... - Of course it is.
You don't go with the flow and you put up a wall.
A wall? Me?
Everyone says it feels like you look down on them.
Who?
Everyone.
Really?
Yeah, really.
I'll never have that campus life.
I'm the only one...
who climbed over, so be thankful.
To think I drummed up the courage to go to college...
You've got me.
I can find friends with benefits somewhere else.
That right there.
What?
That's why you're not in the girl's chat.
Girl's chat?
I heard from Kana. She was laughing.
I thought it was funny too, sorry.
Weird... I think I'm gonna cry.
Go ahead. Cry.
Seriously?
Professor Segawa won? That's great.
No it isn't.
It's a prestigious award.
I couldn't write twenty plus years,
but I was able to write this novel without hesitation from start to finish.
I actually have his book on me now.
You bought it?
I want you to read it.
Hell no.
Praised for its fresh literary style and clever story structure...
I could've presented this news.
So you're his former student?
Yes. It's very humbling. I know I caused him trouble.
What was he like?
Very strict. I wasn't the best student.
Hey.
Read this part.
Hello?
French is mandatory to graduate, so it's your own fault.
Araki was gonna let me pass just for showing up,
but she had to get pregnant.
Geez.
- I'm glad you didn't get the job. - Why?
Just because.
Well, no one'll hire me.
Not even local stations.
What the hell? He's such a creep.
I thought Professor Segawa was all shriveled up.
But I'm glad, and it kinda turned me on.
Really?
I just had an idea.
What?
A honey trap.
Honey trap the professor?
Yeah. You gotta help me, Nao.
Why?
He killed my future, so I wanna return the favor.
Fair, right?
Nuh-uh. I like him.
Are you serious?
More than sex with me?
What the heck?
No help, no sex. This is goodbye.
Huh?
I'll ignore you on campus.
- You do that now. - I'll shut you out.
Poor thing.
Come on.
You're the only one I can ask.
I wanna keep doing it with you.
Then no honey traps.
Our bodies are perfectly compatible.
So, pretty please.
- I have to go. - Come on.
Help me feel better.
Stop.
Oh, Miss Murayama.
You remember me?
Of course. How can I help you?
Um... congratulations on the Akutagawa Prize.
Thank you.
May I have your autograph?
Oh, sure.
I really enjoyed it.
Thank you. Come in.
Sorry. Please leave it open.
Oh, okay. I'm sorry.
That's all right.
Can you sign right here?
Not the cover?
I really love the picture that you've painted here.
Your signature here would make me happy every time I read it.
Is that okay?
Yes... of course.
Thank you so much.
No, thank you.
Wow.
I'm really happy that you won, Professor.
I was in your French class my first and second year.
Yes, I remember.
That was over a year ago.
I'm impressed.
Well, you stood out.
Right. I'm much older than everyone else.
No, not for that reason.
You asked a lot of questions during and after class.
Yes, that's me.
I especially enjoyed your classes.
You're very thorough, and your French is beautiful.
Not at all.
Um... if you have time, and you don't mind...
Yes?
May I ask you questions about your book?
Oh, sure.
Are you busy now?
No, I'm free.
- Would you like to go to a cafe? - No, here is fine.
I'll pour us tea.
- You don't have to. - It's all right.
Please sit.
So what year are you now?
Senior. Time really does fly.
Do you have a job lined up?
Not exactly.
- I'll just be a housewife again. - So you're married?
Yes. I have a daughter too.
Going back to school must've been difficult.
I wanted to study psychology.
Here you go. It's quite humid.
Thank you.
Grad school is out of the question, so I won't be able to finish.
I see.
Enough about me. I want to hear about you.
- But I don't know what to ask... - Anything.
Do you have a family? Are you married?
No, I'm single.
I'm sorry. You meant anything about your book.
I did think of questions.
About the scene on this page you autographed...
It's very fascinating.
"I held myself upright with the back of my hand
"so that it wouldn't get in the way while she shaved me."
"She treated my testicles like a little bird with a broken wing."
"She had little interest in my penis and only occasionally supported it"
"with the back of her hand as she shaved."
"My penis gradually stiffened.
"But she kept sliding the razor at a constant speed"
"over the tight skin of my testicles."
"After shaving,
"she gently washed off the shaving cream with a towel soaked in lukewarm water.
"Not to leave any hairs behind,"
"she carefully went between my testicles and the metal wash basin."
"After the last wipe,
"when nothing stood between her and my smooth testicles,
"she smiled proudly for the first time.
"Then she opened her mouth to the extent her craftsmanship wasn't undermined,"
"and placed my right testicle in her mouth."
"My penis was so stiff that it no longer needed to be supported,"
"but she turned her palm and gently held it up."
"I felt nothing but her courtesy"
"so nothing would interfere while she had my testicle in her mouth."
"Just as a carpenter measures a bolt with a caliper,"
"she tried to match the size of her mouth and my testicle."
"Every time she opened her mouth wide,
I hoped my testicle would expand enough to fill the gaps."
Pardon me.
"Other than to wipe her drool, she focused on measuring..."
"the size of my right testicle as she moved her chin and tongue up and down."
"Seeing her simply work,"
"I felt utterly embarrassed of my stiff penis."
"My humiliation and its hardness were proportionate,"
"and the shame turned into aching pain."
"The moment she inhaled a particularly big breath with drool, I ejaculated."
"She let go of my right testicle.
"While holding my withering penis in her left hand,
"she said, 'I'm sorry.' without taking a single look at me.
"She slowly opened her mouth again,"
"swallowed my left testicle, and began measuring."
"With my penis still withered, I ejaculated again."
"Before she could apologize,
"I knelt and touched the floor with my forehead.
"Tears welled. I continued to tremble.
I let my fluids flow for a while."
Professor...
Yes?
What makes you write like this?
What...
The answer is complex.
Complex?
First is story structure.
Simply put, it appeals to a certain type of readers.
Having this appear in the middle,
I figured readers would want to continue reading until the end.
One judge strongly rejected my book.
She said this scene cheapened the novel greatly.
Perhaps it's true.
I liked this scene.
I got the impression that you enjoyed writing this part.
Perhaps.
However, it's what the words wanted, rather than what I wanted.
The words?
That's my other reason.
Their arrangement is determined by their relationship.
Words ask for words, which is different from what I ask for.
If the resulting sequence of words is correct by my standards,
I leave them as is.
Were you erect while you wrote this?
Perhaps...
I thought so.
I think I must be. That's what the scene should evoke.
Of course.
I was happy to read this excerpt.
How so?
I'm weak when it comes to sex.
You are?
Yes.
I'm often defeated by sexual temptation.
- Often? - Yes.
I can't refuse men I feel attracted to.
I'm in a few relationships now.
What I wanted to say
is that maybe you have the same weakness.
Like giving in to sexual temptation?
Yes.
Well, perhaps.
To write a novel, you also need to make the most of your weaknesses.
Have you ever given in?
My life is quite boring.
I've never encountered any temptations.
If I had, I would've immediately tripped.
How can someone who's lived a boring life write a novel?
I merely maximize what can be expressed in words.
There's no room for my experiences.
The words resonate with the reader's experience.
For example, your experience.
My experience?
Pardon my intrusiveness,
but you said sex is your weakness.
Yes.
Are you concerned about that?
If you are, perhaps you should be speaking to a counselor, not me.
I'm scared that my husband may find out some day.
But personality-wise, I'm not too worried
since I'm not addicted to it.
I just feel I simply need slightly stronger will power.
To me, you seem to have very strong will power...
Compared to other students.
Thank you.
- I am much older. - No.
It's not about age, it's about talent.
What sort of talent would that be?
Your ability to be indescribable and remain undefined.
Simply put, you can think and act without being bound by common sense.
That's very difficult, especially in Japanese society.
It's not that big of a deal.
My libido is just stronger than others, or my self-control is weaker.
I don't fit well with other people's standards.
That's what I'm saying. I think it's wonderful.
Is it?
I've never thought I was better than others in any way.
I think that's also a sign of your intelligence.
You're amazing, Professor.
How so?
Nobody's ever been this sure about me.
Is that so?
But I disagree. I'm a fool.
If so, please persuade me, because I don't think so.
That'll take a while since I'd have to start with my childhood.
You'd probably tell me to see a counselor again.
I apologize for my rudeness.
However, counseling is not a bad thing.
I agree.
I should go one day.
I think this is all I need to prove my foolishness.
Did you know that I was trying to tempt you this entire time?
No, it never crossed my mind.
Then what did you think was happening?
I just thought you were very strange.
To be honest, I was a little scared.
I'd be scared too.
I think I was wary because I didn't understand your behavior.
I was trying to seduce you.
My aim was to elicit statements and actions
that would lead you to seduce me.
What for?
To record it and sell it to the media.
Are you recording now?
- Yes, I'll stop... - The whole time?
While you read aloud?
Yes, it was recording.
Unbelievable...
- I'm sorry. - Please listen.
I hope you don't misunderstand me.
May I have the data?
While listening, I wished I was recording it
because this may never happen again.
But you had been.
I'm excited.
I'm sure this is awkward for you.
The part you read can also be misleading.
Having someone with such a beautiful voice read my writing
was exhilarating.
I never knew.
You'll have many opportunities in the future.
No, it's your voice that was incredible.
- Thank you. - No, thank you.
Don't you... want to know why I tried to trap you?
Isn't it because you dislike me?
No. I have no reason to dislike you.
You may be disliked just for being you.
But I can't change who I am.
In that case, what should I do...
if I'm hated for just being me.
I don't know.
If who I am, something I can't change,
makes people nauseous, what am I to do?
I don't know what happened in your life.
But if people around you made you think you're worthless,
then please fight back.
Refuse when society's ruler tries to measure you.
You must embrace your own value that only you know.
It's very painful to do it alone. Still, you must do it.
Because only those who do can unexpectedly connect with
and encourage somebody.
It may never happen,
but if nobody does it, it will never happen.
Not anyone can.
You were talented enough to be recognized by society.
That's why you can say that.
True.
I wish we had been able to talk like this before the prize.
But if I didn't win, we wouldn't be here.
You're right.
I'm sorry. I should've read your book sooner.
There are many other books you should be reading.
I haven't read much else.
That makes me envious.
How shall I send you the recording?
Can you e-mail it?
Yes, I'm sure I can.
Please send it to "segawa" with the university domain.
Okay.
When you receive the recording,
do you plan on doing anything peculiar with it?
Peculiar?
- I mean masturbate. - No, I don't think so.
Then I can't give it to you.
If you want the recording, you have to promise me...
that you'll masturbate to my voice at least one time.
Then you can have it.
I understand. I promise to masturbate at least once to your voice.
Okay, I'll send it.
Thank you.
Would you mind if I think of you too?
Please feel free.
If you like, I'll send you a recording
of me reading from start to finish.
You'll do that?
I'm happy that somebody likes my voice,
and that somebody's you.
It won't be easy.
It'll be my pleasure.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
I appreciate it.
The door?
Please leave it open.
Goodbye.
Take care.
DEAR PROFESSOR SEGAWA,
THANK YOU FOR TODAY. HERE IS THE AUDIO FILE.
ALTHOUGH UNUSUAL,
A WEIGHT HAS BEEN LIFTED OFF MY SHOULDERS.
TOO HEAVY...
THANK YOU FOR TODAY. IT WAS FUN.
HERE IS THE AUDIO FILE. DON'T FORGET THE PROMISE.
- We're home. - Welcome back.
- I thought you went out. - Huh? Oh, my plans changed.
Sagawa Express left a delivery note.
Really?
- Yamato. - Thank you! Yamato?
It's "Sagawa," not Yamato.
Sagawa... Sagawa...
That's right.
We're out of groceries, so let's eat out.
Okay, well, what do you want to eat?
TO: SAGAWA@TOKO-UNIV.AC.JP
You can do it! Oh, good job!
Very good.
FIVE YEARS LATER...
No way!
You haven't changed a bit.
- Really? - Yeah, really.
Oh, man. Why are you here?
I feel like you've changed.
Well, yeah. How long has it been?
What are you up to?
- I work as a proofreader. - No way.
My company just got rid of our proofreading department.
What do you do now?
Publishing. I'm an editor.
I'm in charge of literature. Hilarious, right?
Give me your business card.
Why?
We're gonna be outsourcing our proofreading.
- I don't have any on me. - What's your company called?
It's a secret.
Whoa.
What?
Are you mad at me?
You don't even read novels.
Well, I will now.
But I think that's what makes me unique.
It's probably why they gave me the job.
Being all scholarly is boring.
- It doesn't sell. - Sorry.
Can you please shut up?
You know, it's not all my fault.
Segawa quit and you got a divorce.
You're barking up the wrong tree.
I know.
It was priceless, though...
when admin got your sexy e-mail by mistake.
- Segawa and Sagawa... - Stop.
I can't believe you mixed up the two.
It's still funny.
I can't believe it either.
Well, Nao, I feel bad I had you do all that.
But I'm really grateful.
My own stupidity makes me want to cry.
We don't hear about him anymore. I wonder what he's up to?
I don't know.
Is he even alive?
- You can ask him to write a book. - Nope. He disappeared pretty much.
You can get leads from other editors, can't you?
Why would I?
Someday, you can edit his work,
and I can proofread it.
No way.
- Wouldn't that be nice? - Not in the least.
Next stop...
Is this you?
Yeah.
I'm getting married, Nao.
Oh.
- No "congratulations"? - Congrats.
Thanks.
Tell me about her.
She's a coworker, two years older, she wants to get married before 30.
I got trapped.
Congrats.
I wish you all the best.
Wow, that was unexpected.
- What's this? - My card.
You had one?
I changed my mind.
EPISODE 3: ONCE AGAIN
XERON: A COMPUTER VIRUS THAT SPREADS BY SENDING RANDOM FILES
IN THE USER'S HARD DRIVE TO PEOPLE THEY HAVE PREVIOUSLY CONTACTED.
SINCE 2019, IT HAS LEAKED EVERY TYPE OF CLASSIFIED INFORMATION.
THE WORLD WENT OFFLINE RETURNING TO POSTAL MAIL AND TELEGRAPHS.
NOBODY KNOWS IF THE SITUATION IS TEMPORARY OR PERMANENT...
CLASS OF 1998 HIGH SCHOOL REUNION
MIYAGI GIRLS' HIGH SCHOOL 1998 CLASS REUNION
Time for a toast. Cheers!
Cheers!
Good to see you again.
- Oh! - You haven't changed.
Really?
Not a bit. Remember me?
Sure. You're Kiyohara.
- It's Kiyomiya. - Sorry.
Don't be. You're that type.
- What type? - The innocent type.
- Ouch, that's mean. - Yeah.
Did I do something?
- Come to see someone? - Not really.
- Why're you here? - Should I not be?
I thought you didn't like crowds.
I liked Mr. Fujisaki's history class.
- Want to call him? - Nah.
It'll just be awkward.
Were you like that?
I don't know what I was like.
I mean, you chose a skirt.
I found out I liked skirts. Weird, right?
You got soft.
Yup, I got soft and ordinary.
- You don't mean that. - Huh?
You're gorgeous. It looks great.
Thanks.
Let's go to the after-party.
- You're leaving? - Huh?
Yeah. Thanks.
- Bye. - Bye.
See you.
PORK CUTLET BOWLS
Mister...
Yes?
This is delicious!
Thank you.
I used to come here when I was in high school, remember?
Sorry, I have bad memory.
It's okay.
This is so good.
I appreciate it.
- Come again soon. - I will!
Sendai Station
Wait upstairs.
Should I come down?
Wait upstairs!
Got it.
- What a surprise! - Yeah.
Unbelievable!
Why are you here?
For the reunion.
High school reunion?
- I didn't know about it. - Really?
I bet it's 'cause my last name and address changed.
Yeah, but I got to see you.
Right. I'm glad.
Do you still live in Tokyo?
Yeah.
- Heading back? - Yeah.
Do you have time?
- Oh... - Can we go for tea?
It's a silly reason to ruin this dramatic meeting...
But I need to be home for a delivery between 2:00 and 4:00.
Oh, I see.
I'm not saying "no." Come home with me.
If you have time, that is. Let's have tea.
I have time, but is it really okay?
Of course. Nobody's home during the day.
Sound good?
Sure.
It's a 15-minute walk, near Kadan.
That's a nice place.
It is convenient.
Who was at the reunion?
I couldn't tell who was who.
It's been 20 years and their last names changed.
Right.
I couldn't keep up the chitchat.
I think they didn't recognize me, too.
You must think I had no friends.
No, I don't.
Then I guess it was all in my head.
But I did talk with Kiyomiya from the art club.
Kiyomiya?
I don't remember.
She's a school art teacher now.
Oh, really.
She said she had wanted me to model for her.
A nude model?
No way!
I'm not sure, though.
You were cool back then.
Kiyomiya said I hadn't changed a bit.
That can't be true.
Maybe so. We both changed.
What do you do?
I'm a systems engineer. IT worker.
So it means...
- Yup, I'm out of a job now. - That's too bad.
But I have savings, and IT workers get extra unemployment benefits.
I'll just take it as a break.
That's good.
Hello.
- Hot, isn't it? - It is.
- Yu had fun at your home. - I'm glad.
Hitomi can come play anytime, too.
Thanks, she'd love that.
- Have a good day. - You too.
It's kind of surreal.
Is it?
How old's your kid?
I've got a son who's 16, and a daughter who's 14.
- Really? - Yup.
- Incredible. - It's not.
Here we are.
Wow.
"Kobayashi."
Come on in.
You can put your bag anywhere.
Your partner...
What's his job?
He's in research and development in a pharmaceutical company.
Makes sense.
- What does? - Nothing.
Any affects?
Of the virus?
His research data got leaked, but same for other companies.
All he needs for work is a microscope, so we're fine.
I see.
What'd you do today?
- I had a tea class. - Really?
What?
Sort of unexpected, but I bet you're cut out for tea ceremonies.
Thanks.
But I'm making normal tea for now.
I'm fine with it.
Want sweet bean jelly? I froze it.
- It's the best. - You don't mind?
My family doesn't like it like I do.
What a waste.
Can I help you?
It's okay. Just relax.
- Don't touch that! - Sorry.
I'm sorry.
Is your kid a fan?
Yeah, my son is.
I see.
I'm embarrassed.
But anime these days are intriguing.
Today's package is a Blu-ray for an anime.
Because all the VOD services don't work anymore.
I missed the package two days ago.
My son gets cranky, you know?
Do you watch it too?
No. Do you?
I binge watch to kill time now.
I don't get it anymore. I can't keep up with the conversation.
- You can, if you watch it. - Maybe.
But I'm not interested.
I don't mind what people like, but I'm not interested.
It's my mother-in-law's.
Oh, really.
You still play the piano?
Huh?
Not at all.
I see.
I only play for my daughter's violin, too.
You seem to be scared of silence.
Do I?
You keep avoiding what's important. Even though it's been 20 years.
What's important?
Are you happy right now?
Oh...
It sounds silly to ask after seeing this house.
But that's my only question.
I haven't thought about it.
You shouldn't have to think.
I can't say.
I do my best to get by every day.
There were hard times, but I wasn't miserable.
Objectively speaking, I must be very happy.
I feel like I'd get scolded if I say I'm not happy.
I'm asking what you think.
I don't know...
Are you happy?
I'm not.
Why? Because of your job?
No.
Because I've been regretting not fighting for my feelings.
I shouldn't have given up, even if the result was the same.
But I was ignorant then.
I was scared to be hurt more.
That's why I came here to see you.
Hold on.
Let me clarify 'cause this conversation seems important to you.
What?
To be honest, I can't remember your name.
Are you serious?
I'm sorry. I hoped I'd recall, or you'd say it as we talked.
How could you forget?
Then it made me wonder.
What?
Do you know my name?
Of course, I do.
Then who am I?
Mika Yuki.
Oh...
Aya Kobayashi.
My name's Aya Kobayashi.
My maiden name's Nomura. I'm not Mika Yuki either way.
- You're not Mika? - No.
I'm Aya Kobayashi, and not your classmate.
You got the wrong person.
But... you remembered me.
Well...
We met on the escalator, right?
Yeah.
When we passed each other, you looked at me all surprised.
So I thought you must be someone I know.
When I went back up, you came down, and I panicked.
I was trying hard to recollect. Then it hit me.
"She's my classmate who went to Tokyo for college."
Doesn't that mean you know me?
Where's your school?
Miyagi Girls' High.
I went to Sendai High.
See? I'm sorry, it was my mistake.
I mean, our mistake.
I don't believe this...
You must've wanted to see her badly.
Yeah, that's right.
I missed her so much.
That must be why you mistook me, who's of a similar age, for Mika.
That can't be.
But you haven't seen her 20 years.
Did you keep in touch?
No.
'Cause I heard she got married after college.
Was it that you and Mika were involved?
I'm sorry.
Whoa, excuse me.
I brought your package.
Thank you.
Please sign here.
Sure.
KOBAYASHI
- Here you go. - Thank you.
Why don't you stay longer?
The sweet bean jelly and kettle's ready.
It's like a sweet bean Popsicle!
Right?
A high-grade version.
Are you sure you're not Mika?
I'm not Mika. Sorry.
Ugh.
Was Mika your first love?
I'm not sure about that.
But she was my first partner.
We dated at the end of high school
and did long-distance after I moved to Tokyo.
Then, she got a boyfriend.
Oh...
She wasn't like me, so I should've seen it coming.
But I was oblivious somehow.
You mean, only you were a genuine lesbian?
Genuine?
Yeah.
We were planning to live together in Tokyo after college.
But broke up when she cheated... I mean, changed.
I see.
Never saw her again?
Yeah. Afterward, someone told me she married the guy.
Did you love her?
My husband...
He was contacting his high school ex.
Really?
I found out because the virus sent his emails to me.
You know, you can see the history of their responses.
Yeah.
He wrote in the email,
"I really want to see you, but we shouldn't."
"I know we love our families."
He's faithful.
He is.
How did you feel?
It's hard to put it into words.
But it was beautifully written.
I was surprised by his words.
What words?
"The things you said to me keep me going even now."
"Your existence is my anchor, even to this day.
Meeting you was one of the best things that has ever happened in my life."
Wow.
I kept rereading it.
But isn't there only one "best thing"?
Yeah, it's a weird expression.
Did you tell him you read it?
No.
Did your partner... I mean, Mr. Husband notice?
"Mr. Husband"?
I'm not sure. I think he was too busy back then.
Almost everything was leaked.
I bet he couldn't tell what got exposed.
You're not gonna tell him?
It'll only make things awkward.
He did contact her, after all.
And wanted to see her.
Can't forgive him?
For just the thought?
I think you can't stop wanting to see someone.
You don't have to be so understanding.
Sorry. I don't even know you.
It's okay.
Do I look understanding?
What's wrong?
I keep seeing Mika in you.
Do I resemble her that much?
Maybe it's the vibe you give off.
You look exactly like what I imagined she'd look now.
Was Mika understanding?
Not at all.
She looks like she'd be, but you can't reason with her.
Maybe she's really like me.
I can play Mika if you'd like.
Play her?
It seems like a waste.
Of what?
The dramatic meeting.
What do you mean?
My looks and personality seem to fit.
- That's not the point. - I may not be good enough.
But I know it's something that means a lot to you.
I know it's late, but can I ask your name?
Natsuko Higuchi.
Natsuko means "summer child."
Natsuko.
Pretty name.
Natsuko...
You said you weren't happy.
Is it my fault?
Stop it...
You didn't date anyone after me?
There were some.
But I couldn't truly connect.
Were you truly connected with me?
Are you mad?
Yeah.
I'm mad.
I'm sorry.
Don't be.
It's not you.
I'm mad I didn't say the things I should've.
Like what?
What I couldn't say.
The last time you called me, I was at Shibuya Center-gai.
The popular song and super-tanned girls were real noisy.
But I could hear your voice clearly.
You sounded determined.
I sensed you had suffered enough before you made the call.
So, I couldn't say anything.
I knew if I did, it would only make you suffer more.
That's why I hung up and never called again.
But I wanted to say was
that you're my one and only love.
You may be able to love someone else,
but I can't love anyone else.
Being together with me may complicate your life.
But I wanted you to choose me.
I couldn't say that.
I see.
But I didn't come here because I wanted something from you.
I just wanted to tell you that I couldn't say those words.
Even if it made you suffer, I should've said it.
I know now that pain was essential for our lives.
I assumed you'd have a hole in your life now, just like me.
So I came.
A hole?
You must have a hole that nothing can fill.
There's no way for me to fill it.
But I have the same hole as you.
We may be still connected through that hole.
I came to tell you that.
I'm home.
Is it here?
Say hello.
Hello.
Nice to meet you.
He's handsome.
I thought he'd be a geek.
He can't even say hello.
I should be going.
It's okay. He won't come down.
Your daughter will be back. I'll get going.
Okay. Can I walk you to the station?
Yeah. Thanks.
Kei, I'm going to walk my friend to the station.
So your son's name is Kei.
Yeah.
And the girl's Yu.
Right.
How'd you know?
You mentioned it.
Oh, yeah.
Yu means "to play."
Nice, simple names.
We wanted gender-neutral names so it wouldn't shackle them later.
You're progressive.
What's Mr. Husband like?
He's a steady, diligent person.
That might be the best.
- You think so? - Well, I don't know him.
But I felt trust and a little distance from your tone.
You're right.
- But you missed "love." - Sorry.
It's okay.
I've never told anyone before.
I'm honored.
I'm amazed.
What is it?
Who did you mistake me for?
She was my high school classmate. A boyish girl.
Were you two close?
Not really. We weren't that close.
She used to play the piano alone at lunch break.
I also played the piano as a hobby.
So we started meeting in the music room at lunch.
We took turns playing the piano during lunch break
and ate listening to each other's piano.
We didn't talk in class. Only in the music room.
- What a lovely memory. - Yeah.
It was sort of special.
We lost contact after she went to Tokyo.
SENDAI STATION
Hey.
Let's play pretend again.
Where should we start?
I'll be your boyish pianist this time.
But my memory's hazy.
- It seems unfair. - Why?
Let me do it!
All right. You walk from there.
We meet when I come up the escalator, okay?
It's like a skit.
Aya?
Is it you?
Do you recognize me?
Yeah, from high school.
But I can't remember your name.
It doesn't matter.
Do you remember playing the piano together?
Of course.
Why are you back from Tokyo?
For the reunion. I'm on my way back.
Why were you invited, but not me?
Who knows?
But I'm glad to see you. I was wondering how you were doing.
You mean it?
I do.
I'm glad. I thought no one from high school would remember me.
No way. I was secretly proud that I could talk with you.
- You were? - Yeah.
You gave off an antisocial vibe, but a lot of people wanted to talk to you.
- Are you sure? - I am.
You were admired.
Cut it out. You're gonna make me cry.
How are you doing?
Good. There are struggles, but I live every day to the fullest.
I'm so glad you haven't changed.
And you? Are you good?
I can't answer straight away like you.
You're not well?
- My body's fine. - Then...
It's not a big problem.
But sometimes I wonder why I'm here.
I could've become anything, but time flew by before I knew.
I'm fairly satisfied.
This is what I chose.
And I know it's wrong to want more.
But...
I'm not passionate about anything anymore.
I don't know what to do.
Time is...
slowly killing me.
I'm sorry to say this all of a sudden.
It's okay.
Can I tell you how I saw you back then?
Sure.
You said everyone admired me, but that's wrong.
I always felt different, like everyone observed me from afar.
I always felt like an outcast.
You were the only one who stepped in.
It was just one step, but it meant a lot to me.
You were the only light for me. I could find you anywhere you were.
Your existence gave me power.
It's true.
You have the ability to give people power.
Please remember that.
Thanks.
But I didn't say everyone admired you.
Huh?
I admired you.
Thank you.
I'm glad I met you.
I'm glad I met you, too.
Bye.
See you!
See you.
- Wait. - What's wrong?
- It's nothing big. - What is it?
But I can only tell you.
You can tell me anything.
- I remembered. - What?
Her name.
It's Nozomi.
Nozomi?
- Nozomi! - Nozomi!
And her last name?
I can't remember.