1 00:00:04,045 --> 00:00:05,130 ♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 2 00:00:05,213 --> 00:00:07,132 NARRATOR: Previously, on a very special Clone High. 3 00:00:07,215 --> 00:00:09,300 The clones resolved their differences 4 00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:11,344 and achieved perfect friend-group harmony. 5 00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:13,263 Literally, everyone's doing great 6 00:00:13,304 --> 00:00:15,306 and Abe Lincoln even found a girlfriend. 7 00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:16,933 That's all well and good for them, 8 00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:18,601 but I live for the drama. 9 00:00:18,643 --> 00:00:20,687 I got no tea to spill-- (GRUNTING) 10 00:00:20,770 --> 00:00:22,147 Of course, as soon as I say that 11 00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:24,983 I spill tea all over my lap. Ah, fuck! 12 00:00:25,066 --> 00:00:26,484 I just washed these pants. 13 00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,405 ♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 14 00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:36,202 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 15 00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:39,497 -JOAN OF ARC: Hey, Abe. -Oh, hey, neighbor slash BFF. 16 00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:41,583 Your hair is so freshly tousled. 17 00:00:41,666 --> 00:00:44,336 Let me guess, you just got back from a date with Mary? 18 00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:46,671 I know we've only been together for two weeks, 19 00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:49,007 but I told her those three little words. 20 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,175 You did? 21 00:00:50,258 --> 00:00:53,803 -I'm a virgin. -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 22 00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:55,305 I really think she's the one. 23 00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:56,681 Well, as your best friend, 24 00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:59,309 I need to dig a little deeper for confirmation. 25 00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:01,519 I mean, would you do anything for her? 26 00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:04,022 Definitely. I'd sacrifice anything. 27 00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:08,026 My credit score, my dignity, my virginity. 28 00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:10,862 Actually, virginity is number one on that list. 29 00:01:10,945 --> 00:01:12,739 That's sweet. 30 00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:15,784 But, would you hold a kitten in a bag in a river for her? 31 00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:17,369 -Yes! -Would you take her to the prom 32 00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:18,703 if she was only a head? 33 00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:20,205 -Yes! -Would you sit with her parents 34 00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:21,831 -at her beginners' improv show? -Of course. 35 00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:24,751 But would you still do all that for her 36 00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:27,045 if she were a sea turtle? 37 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,420 Shell yeah. 38 00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:32,676 Wow! Your girlfriend is best friend approved! 39 00:01:32,717 --> 00:01:35,178 I can already see you two becoming festies. 40 00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:38,014 -Fast besties? Really? -Of course! 41 00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:40,140 Is there any better foundation for a friendship 42 00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:42,227 between two girls than a deep connection 43 00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:44,437 -to the same guy? -Um... 44 00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:46,815 I'll bring her to lunch tomorrow. You'll see. 45 00:01:46,898 --> 00:01:49,109 -(BOTH MOAN, SMOOCH) -♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 46 00:01:50,735 --> 00:01:55,198 -(GRUNTS, MOANS) -I guess, I was done with that? 47 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:58,118 -(ABE LINCOLN CHEWING) -(MARY MOANS) 48 00:01:58,201 --> 00:02:00,829 (BOTH GRUNT, MOAN) 49 00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:02,664 -(MOANS, CHUCKLES) -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 50 00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:07,210 Baby, meet me outside to help me study for AP Foreign Tongues. 51 00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:08,752 (LAUGHS) 52 00:02:08,794 --> 00:02:12,257 Uh, she means French kissing. (CHUCKLES) Isn't she clever? 53 00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:14,926 (LAUGHS EMPHATICALLY) I, er, uh, am totally fine 54 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,846 with someone else doing sexy puns! Fine with me! 55 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,098 (CLONES SIGH) 56 00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:22,100 Hey, we need to be supportive here. 57 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,436 It can't be easy for Mary to jump into 58 00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:25,895 a new friend group like this. 59 00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:29,107 And Abe really likes her, so let's make her feel welcome. 60 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,401 Hold on, we don't even know this girl. 61 00:02:31,443 --> 00:02:34,279 Sure, she's manic and pixie-like and Abe's absolute dream girl, 62 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,781 but there's gotta be more to the story. 63 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:39,117 As the new editor in chief of the school newspaper, 64 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:42,787 -it's my job to find it. -There's no story here. 65 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,414 We're all gonna get along with Mary 66 00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:45,915 and Mary's gonna get along with us, 67 00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:49,085 -and we're gonna be one big happy family. -(RECORDER BEEPS) 68 00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:51,796 Why do you wanna be friends with Mary so bad, Joan? 69 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,632 What's your angle here? It's all about the angles, see? 70 00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:57,302 And something tells me you've got more than a protractor. 71 00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:59,471 Ooh, that's good. Ooh, yay, I recorded it. 72 00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:02,057 Look, if we're mean to Mary that could push Abe away. 73 00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:03,933 We're all finally in a good place with each other 74 00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:06,019 and I just don't want things to fall apart again. 75 00:03:06,102 --> 00:03:08,146 Focus up and help Mary fit in! 76 00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:11,733 -(RECORDER BEEPS) -Where was she going? 77 00:03:11,816 --> 00:03:14,444 There were still 15 minutes left in the lunch period. 78 00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:17,655 Joan quickly realized her mistake and sat back down. 79 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,409 ♪ ("CLONE HIGH THEME SONG" BY ABANDONED POOLS PLAYING) ♪ 80 00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:22,827 ♪ Way, way back in the 1980s ♪ 81 00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:28,458 ♪ Secret government employees Dug up famous guys and ladies ♪ 82 00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:31,336 ♪ And made amusing Genetic copies ♪ 83 00:03:31,419 --> 00:03:34,297 ♪ Then the clones as teens Were frozen ♪ 84 00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:37,216 ♪ Thawed out decades later Why? ♪ 85 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:40,136 ♪ Back for reasons They’re not disclosin’ ♪ 86 00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:46,351 ♪ Giving high school Another try ♪ 87 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:52,190 ♪ It’s time to watch Clone High ♪ 88 00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:57,779 ♪ Energetic and engaging Clone High ♪ 89 00:03:57,862 --> 00:04:04,744 ♪ Our angst is entertaining Clone High ♪ 90 00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:09,207 ♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪ 91 00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:14,045 (PRINCIPAL SCUDWORTH AND MR. BUTLERTON SINGING "SYMPHONY NO. 5" BY BEETHOVEN) 92 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:22,262 -Cinnamon! You idiot! -What? I'm nailing this. 93 00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:24,055 I just looked at the clone manifest. 94 00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:26,599 You haven't made a single new clone since 2012. 95 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:29,060 We've got extras in the freezer, remember? 96 00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:30,729 Yeah, but no good ones. 97 00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:33,398 You need to start harvesting new clones at once. 98 00:04:33,481 --> 00:04:35,066 Look, Candide, I'll be honest. 99 00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:37,068 Making clones is backbreaking work. 100 00:04:37,152 --> 00:04:38,445 There's the digging up the graves, 101 00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:39,654 getting into the coffins, 102 00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:42,365 extracting DNA from the dead historical figures. 103 00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:44,367 Filling the graves back up. 104 00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:46,578 Filling the graves back up! Thank you, Mr. B. 105 00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:49,539 And you gotta do all of this in the middle of the night, 106 00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:51,666 which, I'm sorry, but I have a bedtime. 107 00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:55,920 -Scudworth, get me new clones! -Oh, boy! 108 00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:58,590 Looks like we're getting back in the saddle, Mr. B. 109 00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:01,426 Yee-haw! Time to dust off 110 00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:05,555 the supersecret DNA-extracting lab equipment. 111 00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:08,350 -Gear me up! -♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 112 00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,602 SCUDWORTH: Shovel! Gloves! Mud boots! 113 00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:13,146 Lifting belt! Trail mix sans raisins! 114 00:05:13,229 --> 00:05:15,523 Headlamp! Butt lamp! Crotch lamp! 115 00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:18,985 Let's get busy-- (GRUNTS) Cramps! 116 00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:22,238 -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ -(GRUNTS) 117 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,115 ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 118 00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:27,327 Hey, turds, you guys wanna do some locker room talk? 119 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:28,620 -Hell yeah! -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 120 00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,747 (CHUCKLES) You know it, my dudes! 121 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,624 And I, too, can join in 122 00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:35,126 now that I have a living human girlfriend. 123 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,128 Might not be long until I join JFK 124 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,339 in the "people who have made love at least once" club. 125 00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:41,758 You'd be joining me in that club too, A-Train. 126 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:44,969 Wait, you're not flying Virgin Airlines, Confucius? 127 00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:46,554 I leggo my virgo a couple years ago 128 00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,139 to our chauffeur's daughter once removed. 129 00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,352 Our chauffeur has a chauffeur and I did it with her. 130 00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:53,812 Well, then I'll be in rarefied air 131 00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:56,231 -with the two of you. -(GEORGE WASHINGTON CARVER CLEARS THROAT) 132 00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:59,150 ABE: George Washington Carver? You got your peanut shelled? 133 00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:00,652 -Indeed. -♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 134 00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:02,529 -Ditto over here. -Topher? 135 00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:04,364 I'm bad at it, but I've done it. 136 00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:05,740 Not a virgin, bro. 137 00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:07,367 They don't call me Peenie for nothing! 138 00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,077 -I do sex. -Wait. 139 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:13,415 So, I'm stranded on the Virgin Islands by myself? 140 00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:14,791 ♪ (MUSIC INTENSIFIES) ♪ 141 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:16,376 -(GROANS) -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 142 00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:18,837 It's okay, buddy. It'll happen when the time is right. 143 00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:20,797 And with the right person. 144 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,091 Or a trio of open-minded cousins. 145 00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:25,301 Mary's my person, I just know it. 146 00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,303 Besides, I don't have many other choices. 147 00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:28,638 Look at this. 148 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:32,808 "We, the girls of Clone High, are not attracted to Abe." 149 00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:35,353 Damn, that's a lot of signatures. 150 00:06:35,437 --> 00:06:36,896 And they notarized it. 151 00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:39,816 Well, I guess if Mary makes you happy, man. 152 00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:42,193 -That makes us happy, man. -Oh, yeah. 153 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:45,697 We'll be supes happy for you and Mary doing the intercourse. 154 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:46,781 Thanks, guys. 155 00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:51,077 -Hey, nice penis, Confucius. -Thank you. 156 00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:54,247 -♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -(OWLS HOOTING) 157 00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,711 (CARTOON TIPTOEING) 158 00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:05,717 (CARTOON TIPTOEING) 159 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,761 I told you snooping on Mary would lead 160 00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:08,970 somewhere interesting. 161 00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:11,389 What could she be doing in the cemetery at night? 162 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,224 We're not snooping, we're friend-making. 163 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,101 And lots of people hang in cemeteries at night. 164 00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:18,396 Like for film screenings or for film screenings. 165 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:19,731 This sucks. 166 00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:21,983 Frida, why did you wanna come here? 167 00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:23,902 I didn't wanna come, I thought you wanted to come. 168 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:27,530 -Oh, my God. We're the worst. -I'm just gonna go say hi. 169 00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:30,408 -Hey, Mary. Whazap? -♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ 170 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,534 You here for a film screening like us? 171 00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:33,870 No. 172 00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,330 So, what brings you to the cemetery, 173 00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:37,415 if you don't mind me asking? On the record. 174 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:40,251 Just visiting loved ones. 175 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,420 Look how many flowers she's putting down. 176 00:07:42,504 --> 00:07:45,924 Maybe she has a big family. Like, a big dead family. 177 00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:49,094 There's got to be something juicy here! I'm goin' in. 178 00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:52,430 -(CAMERA CLICKS) -(GASPS) 179 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,140 I didn't say you could take my picture. 180 00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:56,267 ♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC RESUMES) ♪ 181 00:07:56,308 --> 00:07:57,602 (GASPS) What? 182 00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,896 Why did you do-- How did you do that? 183 00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:03,942 I don't like pictures. 184 00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:05,944 -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ -No, no, no. We're sorry. 185 00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:08,279 We want to be your friend. Right, guys? 186 00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:10,115 I-- I mean, I'm definitely not terrified. 187 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,367 -Us, you, friend. -Very much friend. 188 00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:15,203 We know how much Abe likes you, 189 00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:18,289 and we just wanna make sure you feel comfortable around us 190 00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:20,457 since we're a big part of his life. 191 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:24,045 Me, being the biggest part of his life as his best friend. 192 00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:27,549 Okay. I see what this is. 193 00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:29,384 Okay, good. We're getting somewhere. 194 00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:31,678 You're in love with Abe. 195 00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:32,971 -♪ (DRAMATIC MUSICAL STING) ♪ -What? 196 00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:35,015 Oh, my God. That's totally why you're doing this. 197 00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:36,390 I can't believe I didn't see it! 198 00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:39,477 -Yup, now it makes sense. -Joan, you tricky slut. 199 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:43,148 No, Abe and I are just friends! Nothing more, nothing less. 200 00:08:43,188 --> 00:08:46,985 That's what we've always been and that's what we'll always be! 201 00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,486 We can't be friends anymore. 202 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,447 -I'm sorry, Joan. -Wait, what? 203 00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,991 Mary said it's clear that you "like me" like me. 204 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,951 -So, we can't hang. -♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 205 00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:57,537 -Like, at all. -It's really obvious. 206 00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,497 -(BOTH MOAN, SMOOCH) -(GROANS) 207 00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:03,793 But I don't, like, "like you" like you. 208 00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:06,546 -I'm with Confucius! -I brought pizza! 209 00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:10,800 You're just my male best friend, as you have been for years! 210 00:09:10,842 --> 00:09:11,885 Come on, Abe! 211 00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,720 You know, I'm starting to think that maybe having 212 00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:15,930 a girl best friend is a big reason why 213 00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:18,058 I'm the only guy at school who's still a virgin. 214 00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:20,185 A friend isn't what I need right now, Joan. 215 00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:21,311 I need a lover. 216 00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:26,358 -(GASPS) -Sorry, but this is goodbye. 217 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,568 ♪ (SOMBER MUSIC FADES) ♪ 218 00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:37,243 Stupid friggin' cords! (GROANS) 219 00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:43,208 ♪ (SOMBER MUSIC RESUMES, CONCLUDES) ♪ 220 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:46,795 I've tried calling Abe, DM'ing him, snapping at him. 221 00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:48,880 I even sent a messenger pigeon. 222 00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:51,883 And now, the messenger pigeon isn't even talking to me! 223 00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:54,302 -(SQUAWKS) -It just talks at me. 224 00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:56,930 I can't believe Mary's keeping us apart! 225 00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:58,765 Why do you wanna talk to Abe so bad, Joan? 226 00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:00,266 -'Cause you like him? -(RECORDER BEEPS) 227 00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,560 -No. -Mary seems to think so. 228 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,562 Yeah. Well, who is Mary anyway? 229 00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:08,525 She's definitely not as manic and pixie-like as we thought. 230 00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:09,901 And who was she cloned from? 231 00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:11,569 She's never even said her last name 232 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,571 and there's like a million Marys from history. 233 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,240 -That's a good point. -HARRIET TUBMAN: Interesting. 234 00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:17,367 I don't know any Marys from history. 235 00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:19,411 -(DOOR OPENING) -Oh, don't mind me. 236 00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,246 I am definitely not here printing out 237 00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:24,874 a list of nearby gravesites home to untapped historical figures. 238 00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:25,917 Oh, Scudworth! 239 00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:28,545 We were just wondering who Mary was cloned from. 240 00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:29,921 -Mary? -Yeah. 241 00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,506 Is she like Mary Queen of Scots, 242 00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:34,801 Mary Tudor, Mary Shelley, Mary Todd Lincoln? 243 00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,594 Oh, that would be clever, wouldn't it? 244 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,430 If I cloned Abe Lincoln's actual wife 245 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:41,558 and didn't tell anyone and just set her loose in the school. 246 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:42,934 Well, that makes sense. 247 00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,937 Yeah, that's not what I did. Oh, you silly clones. 248 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,856 I've never cloned a Mary. 249 00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:51,443 My sister's name is Mary, and she is human garbage. 250 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:55,030 And speaking of human garbage, I am off to the cemetery! 251 00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,948 Mr. Scuddleworth never cloned a Mary? 252 00:10:57,032 --> 00:11:00,368 -Who the eff is she then? -Oh, we're gonna find out. 253 00:11:00,452 --> 00:11:02,996 (GASPS) Oh, my God. This is it! This is my story! 254 00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:04,330 I can be the next Gayle King! 255 00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:08,293 Or the next, um-- Um... There's not a lot of famous 256 00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:10,962 Black female investigative reporters, are there? 257 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,422 -Uh, Gwen Ifill? -Oh, Gwen Ifill! 258 00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:14,466 I knew that, I was just about to say Gwen Ifill. 259 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:15,967 I was about to say it! 260 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:18,470 Okay. Let's go, I can't listen to this. 261 00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:21,639 (BOTH MOAN, SMOOCH) 262 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,516 Hey, Mare. Do you think ending my friendship 263 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,935 with Joan forever was maybe a bit too harsh? 264 00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,646 I've been thinking, too, Abe. 265 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:32,609 And I think tonight is the night that I'm finally ready 266 00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:37,322 to have sex with you! (LAUGHS) That is what you want, right? 267 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,074 Yes. Absolutely. Joan who? 268 00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:41,159 Who needs friends when I have Mary? 269 00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:45,872 And soon you shall have me and I'll have you. 270 00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,707 (KISSES, CHUCKLES) 271 00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:50,585 See you tonight at our usual place. 272 00:11:50,669 --> 00:11:52,671 -♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -Yes! 273 00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:57,425 A High School Musical mid-air jump for joy? 274 00:11:57,509 --> 00:12:00,679 -What's up, Abe? -It's Mary. 275 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,055 Sorry. Here you go. 276 00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:04,349 -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ -It's Mary! We're gonna do it! 277 00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:07,268 Tonight! The sex! Real sex! 278 00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:11,523 I've dreamed of this moment since I was a tall, horny child. 279 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:15,276 This is a big moment. Losing my virginity changed me. 280 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,987 I made my first sex pun that day, 281 00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:21,199 and ever since it's formed my whole personality. 282 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,702 (LAUGHS) I said "hole." (LAUGHS) 283 00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:26,246 Let's get you ready! Where are you gonna do it? 284 00:12:26,329 --> 00:12:31,209 The sexiest place in the world, the cemetery! 285 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:35,005 ♪ (OMINOUS MUSICAL STING) ♪ 286 00:12:35,046 --> 00:12:36,256 -What? -No, nothing. 287 00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:38,550 -Yeah. Congrats. -Cemetery sex is very normal. 288 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,552 Hope she gives good headstone. 289 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,012 (CHUCKLES) Thanks, fellas. 290 00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:44,472 Maybe I'll dig a little grave and put my virginity in it. 291 00:12:44,556 --> 00:12:45,682 -(LAUGHS) -Er, uh. 292 00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:48,184 -Hey, that's a good one. -Cemetery sex is very normal! 293 00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:52,564 -♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -(HUMS) 294 00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:57,777 ♪ (EERIE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 295 00:12:57,861 --> 00:12:59,696 Wow! She doesn't even lock her door. 296 00:12:59,738 --> 00:13:01,740 No Ring camera, either? 297 00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:03,491 She's just trying to get kidnapped, huh? 298 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,411 JOAN: Whoa. So many mirrors. 299 00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,749 (SCOFFS) The amount of Windex you have to use 300 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,250 to keep these clean. 301 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:17,088 -(GASPS) -Bruh. What in the world? 302 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,968 CLEOPATRA: "Wall of virgins I've had sex with?" 303 00:13:22,052 --> 00:13:23,887 I hate that font. (SCOFFS) 304 00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:26,765 And what are these? Affirmations? Pathetic. 305 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:31,227 JOAN: "You can do it, Mary." "Go have cemetery sex with Abe." 306 00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:33,772 Ew. "Who cares if they call you Bloody." 307 00:13:33,855 --> 00:13:36,232 "Don't forget to unplug the air fryer." 308 00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:37,817 Wait. "Call you Bloody"? 309 00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:42,781 -Uh. Gals... -Wait. No. It-- It can't be. 310 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:47,494 That's our sleepover night. That must mean... (GASPS) 311 00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:48,912 ♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 312 00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:52,248 Guys... I don't think she's just "Mary." 313 00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:55,585 I think she's Bloody Mary! 314 00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:57,545 But she went back in the mirror! 315 00:13:57,629 --> 00:13:59,464 Wait, what sleepover was this? 316 00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:00,674 We left you out of that one. 317 00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:03,176 -Right, you weren't invited. -Persona non grata. 318 00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:05,428 JOAN: So what happened was, we summoned Bloody Mary 319 00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:07,889 and let her out of the mirror dimension. 320 00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:10,809 FRIDA KAHLO: She was hella chill. We had a great time. 321 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,644 HARRIET: Then she hopped back in the mirror dimension 322 00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:14,354 and we said goodbye forever. 323 00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:16,690 -JOAN: Or so we thought. -(SCREAMS) 324 00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:19,943 -What is she doing here? -It says here. 325 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:21,986 "Bloody Mary is a demon that emerges after you look 326 00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:23,655 in a mirror and say her name three times." 327 00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:24,781 'Kay. Yup. Check. 328 00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:26,032 That was totally us. Okay. 329 00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:28,827 "Bloody Mary then appears and preys on virgin boys 330 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,245 -to have sex with them..." -(GASPS) 331 00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:32,205 HARRIET: "...in order to steal their life force and remain youthful. 332 00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:34,457 The only way to force a stubborn Bloody Mary back 333 00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:36,084 into the mirror dimension is to say 'please.' 334 00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:38,044 Just kidding, you gotta stand in front of her 335 00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:41,297 and say 'Bloody Mary' 6,969 times! 336 00:14:41,339 --> 00:14:43,341 If you liked that--" Oh! "I'd really appreciate it 337 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,468 if you donate to my page." God damn. 338 00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:47,679 Confucius said Abe was going to the cemetery 339 00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:49,014 with Mary tonight! 340 00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:50,306 She's not just toxic, 341 00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:53,143 she's a monster who's gonna try and kill my best friend! 342 00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:56,813 Or suck him dry, literally and figuratively! 343 00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:57,981 Let's grab the others. 344 00:14:58,023 --> 00:15:00,316 We have to stop her before it's too late! 345 00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:01,818 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 346 00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:05,363 So just to clarify, am I invited to this? 347 00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:07,449 -Very funny, babe. -Just come on! 348 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,660 ♪ (SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 349 00:15:10,702 --> 00:15:17,208 (GRUNTS, GROANS) 350 00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:20,045 -(GRUNTS) -You can do it. 351 00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:23,048 Shut up! I know I can do it. Just let me concentrate. 352 00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:26,718 Please, Mama. Maybe if I just... (SCREAMS) 353 00:15:26,801 --> 00:15:29,346 Come on. (GRUNTS, SCREAMS) 354 00:15:29,387 --> 00:15:34,184 Still got it! Eat shit, fence! Cloney babies, here we come! 355 00:15:37,062 --> 00:15:38,855 ♪ (EERIE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 356 00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:41,900 (ABE VOCALIZING) 357 00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:43,902 -JOAN: Abe! -Oh, hey guys! 358 00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,236 Thanks for coming to cheer me on, 359 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,280 but I'm not sure if Mary wants an audience. 360 00:15:47,364 --> 00:15:50,075 Mary is a demon who wants to have sex with you 361 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:53,370 to steal your soul and stay young forever! 362 00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:55,705 What? Joan! You're ruining what is clearly 363 00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:57,290 a very romantic moment! 364 00:15:57,374 --> 00:16:00,085 Abe, my eyebrow doesn't just freak out over nothing! 365 00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:03,838 This is real! Your girl Mary is Bloody Mary. 366 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,840 And by the way, I want first bite at the story. 367 00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:07,133 So if Dateline comes sniffing around, 368 00:16:07,217 --> 00:16:08,718 just tell 'em I have an exclusive, yeah? 369 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:12,597 MARY: Well, well, well. What do we have here? 370 00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:13,932 (CHUCKLES) Nothing! 371 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:17,394 Uh, my friends were just leaving so we can have sex. 372 00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:19,062 They mistakenly thought that you were 373 00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:22,148 the soul-sucking demon, Bloody Mary. (LAUGHS) 374 00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:23,942 That's funny. 375 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,111 Because I am! 376 00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:28,446 -(CLONES SCREAM) -♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 377 00:16:29,823 --> 00:16:31,449 You know what? Not a deal-breaker. 378 00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:35,286 -But it will kill you, Abe! -People die all the time, Joan! 379 00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:38,581 Joan is just jealous and she wants you to herself. 380 00:16:38,623 --> 00:16:40,583 Will people please stop saying that? 381 00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:42,460 -I'm with Confucius! -Hi! 382 00:16:42,544 --> 00:16:44,796 We're here so you don't die, Abe! 383 00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:47,590 Can't you see this relationship is toxic? 384 00:16:47,632 --> 00:16:49,300 Of course, I can't see that Joan. 385 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:51,136 I'm off-the-charts horny right now! 386 00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,595 Okay, guys, come on. 387 00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:57,142 Remember what we have to do to stop her! 6,969 times! 388 00:16:57,225 --> 00:17:00,186 CLONES: (CHANTING) Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary... 389 00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:01,938 -(GROANS) -Mary, No! 390 00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:05,858 As much as I want you to lose it, buddy, Mary sucks. 391 00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:07,402 And not in a good way. 392 00:17:07,484 --> 00:17:10,320 She blows. Also not in a good way. 393 00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:13,532 CLONES: (CHANTING) Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary... 394 00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:16,661 Stop trying to lock my snatch latch. 395 00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:21,915 Perhaps my loved ones can buy some time. (LAUGHS) 396 00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:25,211 CLONES: (CHANTING) Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, 397 00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:27,130 Bloody Mary. 398 00:17:27,172 --> 00:17:29,674 Oh, no! All the graves she put flowers on. 399 00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:31,009 Those must be her exes! 400 00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:34,012 Flowers for the guys she de-flowered. I get it. 401 00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:35,680 -(BOTH SCREAM) -(GROWLS) 402 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:39,392 -We gotta stop them! -(SKELETONS GROWL) 403 00:17:39,476 --> 00:17:40,769 Oh, my God! 404 00:17:40,852 --> 00:17:44,939 I think she's had sex with more people than me! (SCREAMS) 405 00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:46,858 SCUDWORTH: Why is this taking so long? 406 00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:48,902 This has to be six feet by now! 407 00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:55,617 I can't do this anymore. This grave is for me. 408 00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,243 Oh, Mr. B, let's face it, 409 00:17:57,327 --> 00:17:59,329 grave robbing is a young man's game, 410 00:17:59,371 --> 00:18:01,498 and you and I are two old farts. 411 00:18:01,539 --> 00:18:04,876 I wish these dumb bodies could simply dig themselves up! 412 00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:07,545 -(BOTH SCREAM) -(GROWLS) 413 00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:09,714 CLONES: (CHANTING) Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, 414 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:14,177 Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, 415 00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:16,012 -Bloody Mary. -(GROANS) 416 00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:17,472 CLONES: (CHANTING) Bloody Mary.... 417 00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:19,724 There's too many ex-lovers! But-- (CHUCKLES) 418 00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:21,685 Check this guy out. He doesn't even have a head. 419 00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:24,646 My shin! He's treating it like a corn cob! 420 00:18:24,729 --> 00:18:27,857 -CLONES: Bloody Mary. -(SCREAMS, GASPS) 421 00:18:27,899 --> 00:18:30,902 Wait, these skeletons are all teen boys, right? 422 00:18:30,985 --> 00:18:32,862 -♪ (SENSUAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -CLEO: Yoo-hoo. I'm feeling 423 00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:38,076 so lonely and yet so sexually experienced! 424 00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:41,496 (GASPS, GROWLS) 425 00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:46,835 Cleo, you gorgeous bitch. You've done it again. 426 00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:48,545 -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ -Let's finish this! 427 00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:51,715 CLONES: (CHANTING) Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary... 428 00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:53,800 -...Bloody Mary. -Only 6,000 more times! Come on! 429 00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:57,345 -No, no, no! -No, no, no, no! 430 00:18:58,763 --> 00:19:00,765 (GROANS, GRUNTS) 431 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,477 Not on my watch, stupid. Take that! 432 00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:09,566 You just made a grave mistake. (CHUCKLES) 433 00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:13,111 -(SKELETON GROANS) -Mr. B! We did it! 434 00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:15,447 Now let's take a little sample. 435 00:19:15,530 --> 00:19:19,117 This is all we need to create the perfect next baby clone 436 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,578 beloved singer Don Ho! 437 00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:25,790 ♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 438 00:19:25,874 --> 00:19:30,587 CLONES: (CHANTING) Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary. 439 00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:33,048 (GROANS) Bloody Mary. 440 00:19:33,131 --> 00:19:39,429 Lips are, uh, too chapped to say it any-ore! Loody Ary. 441 00:19:39,471 --> 00:19:42,599 Loody Ary. Me either! 442 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:49,189 We're at 6,966! Only three ore to go! Loody Ary. 443 00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:51,441 -(BLOODY MARY GROANS) -It's not working. 444 00:19:51,483 --> 00:19:57,447 Yes, time to sex you. (GROANS) 445 00:19:57,489 --> 00:19:59,616 Wait! I'll do it. 446 00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:01,785 -I'll have sex with you. -What? 447 00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:04,496 I don't want you to end up with blue balls. 448 00:20:04,579 --> 00:20:07,290 But we can't let her give you red balls! 449 00:20:07,332 --> 00:20:10,168 That is the sweetest thing a friend could offer, JFK, 450 00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:13,380 but I was really not planning on losing my virginity to a guy. 451 00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:16,174 -Nice try. -JOAN: I'll do it! 452 00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:18,677 -I'll have sex with you! -What? 453 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,011 -No! -Seriously? 454 00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:21,680 She doesn't wanna be with you, Abe. 455 00:20:21,763 --> 00:20:24,683 She just doesn't want anyone else to be with you. 456 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:28,978 -That's how jealous she is! -Oh, my God. She's right! 457 00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:32,941 I'm just trying to save my best friend's life. 458 00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:35,360 -Wow. -Don't listen to her! 459 00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:37,195 I'm the one you want. 460 00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:39,364 Yes, but I also wanna stay alive. 461 00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:41,032 And I'd be lying if I said I never thought 462 00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:43,868 about losing my virginity to Joan, Bloody Mary. 463 00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:47,038 (SCREAMS) What are you doing? 464 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,040 -Oh, right! I said Bloody Mary. -(GROANS) 465 00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:51,042 Oh, I said it again! What if I say it backwards? 466 00:20:51,126 --> 00:20:53,003 How do you say Bloody Mary backwards? 467 00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:59,884 -Oh, crap! -(SCREAMS) 468 00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:03,054 ♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 469 00:21:03,096 --> 00:21:04,556 (SCREAMS) 470 00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:07,058 How do you like this shade? Bitch. 471 00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:08,727 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 472 00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:12,522 Wow. Okay. Back to what we were talking about. 473 00:21:12,564 --> 00:21:13,857 I'm all yours, Joan. 474 00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:15,859 God, I can't believe we're actually doing this! 475 00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:18,153 Abe, I'm not having sex with you now! 476 00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:19,320 I beg your pardon? 477 00:21:19,404 --> 00:21:21,740 We were only doing it to save your life! 478 00:21:21,823 --> 00:21:25,076 And you put Loody Ary back in the mirror dimension, 479 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,037 so, you know, life saved. 480 00:21:27,078 --> 00:21:29,372 So, I'm not having sex with anybody then? 481 00:21:29,456 --> 00:21:33,918 My offer's still good, pal, if that helps. Nah? All right. 482 00:21:34,252 --> 00:21:35,378 (GROANS) 483 00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:37,756 -Abe, I'm sorry, this-- -Not now, Joan! 484 00:21:37,797 --> 00:21:39,591 This could've been the best night of my life! 485 00:21:39,674 --> 00:21:42,093 I could've just had sex! But because of you, 486 00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:44,846 I'm just another naked virgin in a cemetery! 487 00:21:44,929 --> 00:21:47,599 -Abe! -Mary was right about you! 488 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,517 (SOBBING) 489 00:21:50,602 --> 00:21:53,396 Offering to have sex with Abe was genius, babe. 490 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:56,441 You knew he'd say Bloody Mary the whole time, didn't you? 491 00:21:56,524 --> 00:21:59,444 -(CHUCKLES) Yeah. -You're amazing. 492 00:21:59,486 --> 00:22:02,405 Yes, Joan was a hero, but it was also clear 493 00:22:02,447 --> 00:22:05,200 that her feelings were more complicated than she let on. 494 00:22:05,283 --> 00:22:08,203 If you print that, I'll put you in the mirror dimension. 495 00:22:08,286 --> 00:22:10,455 Copy that. I will go with my back-up story. 496 00:22:10,497 --> 00:22:12,582 ♪ (FANFARE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 497 00:22:16,294 --> 00:22:17,629 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 498 00:22:18,296 --> 00:22:21,132 ♪ (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 499 00:23:07,387 --> 00:23:09,014 ♪ (THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪