1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,334 -♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -NARRATOR: Previously, 2 00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:03,545 on a very special season of Clone High. 3 00:00:03,628 --> 00:00:05,880 Joan tried to kill her friends in the Death Maze 4 00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:08,132 and that was social suicide. To be clear, 5 00:00:08,173 --> 00:00:09,634 -no one actually got hurt... -(PARTY HORN HONKS) 6 00:00:09,718 --> 00:00:11,302 ...except The Board of Shadowy Figures, 7 00:00:11,386 --> 00:00:13,388 who were all assassinated. 8 00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:16,099 On a lighter note, Abe and JFK are friends now. 9 00:00:16,140 --> 00:00:18,935 Lots of clones found love and it didn't take 20 years 10 00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:20,812 for the new season to come out this time. 11 00:00:20,895 --> 00:00:22,772 We're getting the hang of this thing, people. 12 00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:25,316 Are we countin' our chickens? Yep. 13 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,235 Now, watch 'em hatch. 14 00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:28,486 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 15 00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:30,822 (SCHOOL BELL RINGING) 16 00:00:30,905 --> 00:00:31,906 (SMOOCHING, MOANING) 17 00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:38,496 (BOTH MOANING) 18 00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:40,331 Okay, welcome back 19 00:00:40,373 --> 00:00:42,000 to a brand new year at Clone High! 20 00:00:42,083 --> 00:00:45,337 -How was everyone's summer? -You kept me in a box. 21 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,213 That's all the time we have for sharing. 22 00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:48,840 Now, things got a little crazy 23 00:00:48,923 --> 00:00:51,676 at the end of last term, what with the Death Maze, 24 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:55,305 the elaborate musical numbers, etcetera, etcetera. 25 00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:58,308 So, we gotta cool it. Just do some actual schoolwork. 26 00:00:58,350 --> 00:00:59,601 How does that sound? 27 00:00:59,684 --> 00:01:03,021 It sounds like you blew your budget on the Death Maze 28 00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,772 and don't have the funds to treat us 29 00:01:04,855 --> 00:01:08,026 like experimental rats anymore. Am I right, guys? 30 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,361 -(DESKS SCREECH) -(STUDENTS GRUNT) 31 00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:11,237 He's not the one who was trying to kill us. 32 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:13,782 Normally, you hate the game and not the player 33 00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:14,949 but this is opposite. 34 00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:16,158 (BOTH MOAN) 35 00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:19,871 Okay, bring your desks back together in front of Joan, 36 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,831 -blocking her from my view. -(DESKS SCREECH) 37 00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:23,333 PRINCIPAL SCUDWORTH: Yep, yep, yep, that's right. 38 00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:24,459 Now, does anyone know 39 00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:26,044 where we keep the science textbooks? 40 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,213 Anyone? Not one person, including me. 41 00:01:28,295 --> 00:01:29,839 -Pathetic. -JOAN OF ARC: What the... 42 00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:31,132 ♪ (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 43 00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:35,387 -Hmm? -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 44 00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:36,971 You know, in the spirit of learning, 45 00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:39,933 I would love to show everyone the independent study project 46 00:01:40,015 --> 00:01:41,685 -I did on magnets this summer. -(ELECTRICITY ZAPS) 47 00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:42,769 -Boo! -STUDENT: No, thanks. 48 00:01:42,852 --> 00:01:44,020 Can't we just sit here? 49 00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:45,896 I'd like to learn about magnets. 50 00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,191 Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Toussaint Louverture. 51 00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:49,734 Yes, my latest creation! 52 00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:51,695 The new sensation that's sweeping the nation, 53 00:01:51,735 --> 00:01:53,238 who also happens to be Haitian. 54 00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:55,532 Listen, I'll be doing the teaching here, okay? 55 00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:56,825 And let's start it off 56 00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:59,744 with an edutaining freestyle on peptides. 57 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,579 Ah, wikki, wikki, wah, wikki, wah, wah-- 58 00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:03,206 -(SCREAMS) -♪ (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 59 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,750 (STUDENTS CHEER) 60 00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:08,419 The labels on these say, "Don't shoot indoors." 61 00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:10,005 You wanna know who writes these labels? 62 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:11,673 Know-it-alls like him. 63 00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:14,759 -(SCREAMS, GROANS) -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 64 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:17,095 I'm sorry. What the hell is this? 65 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,764 I'm the new Science teacher, Professor Hirsute. 66 00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:22,434 And I tend to go a little outside the box. 67 00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:24,269 Did you say your name was Hair-suit? 68 00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:26,228 It's pronounced "Her-suit," and if you don't know 69 00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:28,273 what it means, I suggest you look it up! 70 00:02:28,356 --> 00:02:30,442 -(KEYS CLACKING) -It kinda does mean hair suit. 71 00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:32,861 Yes! See? You were right all along. 72 00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:35,321 Trust your instincts. That's a point for this guy. 73 00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:36,781 Babe, I got a point! 74 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:39,284 Believe me, this schtick's gonna get old fast, 75 00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:41,244 the flowing hair, the tweed jacket, 76 00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:44,414 -his patent leather satchel-- -Don't touch my satchel! 77 00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:45,498 (SCREAMING) 78 00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:46,583 -What the hell? -Hey. 79 00:02:46,624 --> 00:02:48,251 -He tried to touch his satchel. -(STUDENTS LAUGHING) 80 00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:49,793 Sorry, we're late. We were rasslin' 81 00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:52,464 -in the bathroom. (LAUGHS) -(LAUGHS) Oh, you know, 82 00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:54,799 givin' each other zerberts and other manly junk. 83 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,259 I'm not mad. 84 00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:57,844 -What? -You're not? 85 00:02:57,927 --> 00:03:00,305 Not even close. In fact, I'm giving you both 86 00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:03,308 two points each for doing what made sense to you. 87 00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:07,479 I'm losing now, babe. I gotta get more points! 88 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,732 So, let me get this straight. We got rewarded for being late? 89 00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:13,318 You got rewarded for thinking for yourselves. 90 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,944 See, I don't care about things like, 91 00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:17,322 "Showing up on time" as long as you come in here 92 00:03:17,405 --> 00:03:18,823 -with an open mind... -(SNORING) 93 00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:22,160 ...and a beautiful mind and a dangerous mind 94 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,829 and you stand and you deliver. 95 00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:28,208 That actually makes me want to be on time! 96 00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:31,002 He seems too cool for school, yet here he is! 97 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,004 Question for my two superstars here. 98 00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:35,006 Should we be done with class for the day? 99 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,049 -Yes! -Yes! 100 00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:39,219 -Go on, get outta here. -(STUDENTS CHEER) 101 00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:45,183 And now, a funky jam about peptides! (BABBLES) 102 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,851 ♪ ("CLONE HIGH THEME SONG" BY ABANDONED POOLS PLAYING) ♪ 103 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:51,231 ♪ Way, way back in the 1980's Secret government employees ♪ 104 00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:54,025 ♪ Dug up famous guys And ladies ♪ 105 00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:57,153 ♪ And made amusing Genetic copies ♪ 106 00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:59,864 ♪ Then the clones As teens were frozen ♪ 107 00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:02,826 ♪ Thawed out decades later Why? ♪ 108 00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:05,870 ♪ Back for reasons They're not disclosin' ♪ 109 00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:12,127 ♪ Giving high school Another try ♪ 110 00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:18,382 ♪ It's time To watch Clone High ♪ 111 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:24,055 ♪ Energetic and engaging Clone High ♪ 112 00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:30,353 ♪ Our angst is entertaining Clone High ♪ 113 00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:33,982 ♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪ 114 00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:36,234 -Look at that moron... -(BELL RINGING) 115 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,028 ...clutching his timeless satchel! 116 00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:40,238 Mr. B! Call the Board of Shadowy Figures! 117 00:04:40,321 --> 00:04:42,449 I must get to the bottom of this! 118 00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:44,242 -♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -(LINE RINGING) 119 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,994 What do you want, Cinnamon? 120 00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:47,579 Candide? What are you doing there? 121 00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:50,248 I've become sole member of the Board of Shadowy Figures 122 00:04:50,331 --> 00:04:52,207 ever since the others were murdered. 123 00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:54,711 Well, I took two weeks off after the murders 124 00:04:54,753 --> 00:04:57,255 and then I started. That's why I'm tan. 125 00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:00,842 My God, you're the first woman to ever fail upward. 126 00:05:00,925 --> 00:05:01,968 Congratulations! 127 00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:03,595 We have a problem with the new science teacher. 128 00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:05,263 I hate him and his stupid face. 129 00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:07,390 I hired him for a reason, Scudworth. 130 00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:09,100 No one is to touch him 131 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,644 or the finely crafted satchel from Firenze 132 00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:14,022 he carries so stylishly at his side. 133 00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:16,775 He's to have carte blanche at the school. 134 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:18,818 -That's an order. -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 135 00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:21,071 (GROANS) He thinks he's so cool. 136 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:24,115 -It's like, quit trying so hard. -Pathetic. 137 00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:27,077 I know, right? I can try way harder than that. 138 00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:35,669 -(SCREAMS) How's it look? -Infected. 139 00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:37,629 But, like, dope, right? 140 00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:39,381 I'm gonna lie down. 141 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:40,590 (THUDS) 142 00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:43,134 ♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 143 00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,770 -Hello? -(GROWLING) 144 00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:57,232 What is this place? What is going on? (SCREAMS) 145 00:05:57,899 --> 00:05:59,818 We're the Bleacher Creatures. 146 00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:01,236 -Roll call! -♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 147 00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:04,447 ♪ My name is Topher I'm an ally ♪ 148 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:07,534 ♪ Nobody likes me I do not know why ♪ 149 00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:10,453 ♪ My name is Ivan And I'm terrible ♪ 150 00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:11,913 -♪ (MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY) ♪ -Okay, okay, stop, stop! 151 00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:13,456 I don't need a roll call song, thank you. 152 00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:16,543 I just want to know what you're doing down here? 153 00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:18,712 We're the outcasts! The misfits! 154 00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:23,341 I'm Jackée The Ripper. Nice to meet you, Mary. 155 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,301 I'm actually-- I'm-- I'm Joan. 156 00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,178 Everyone thinks that Jack the Ripper was a man 157 00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:28,513 but it was me, 158 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:32,475 a lady with a lust for blood and nail art! (CHUCKLES) 159 00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,352 Men aren't the only serial killers. 160 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,521 -Right, Lizzie Borden? -Affirmative. (CHUCKLES) 161 00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:38,857 -♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -And you can be one of us. 162 00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:41,276 (CHUCKLES) I haven't fallen that far. 163 00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:44,738 Oh, come on, Joan. You're a clone alone. 164 00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:46,531 You're clearly craving companionship. 165 00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:48,867 -You have no friends! -Thanks? 166 00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:52,162 Being a Bleacher is a hoot. We're about to select our logo! 167 00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:56,041 We've got the anarchy A's. Classic, but is it played out? 168 00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,376 Satanist vibe. Maybe a little preachy. 169 00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,879 Dripping with blood. Dripping with irony. 170 00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,505 And all of our butts. 171 00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:05,175 We're gonna tag the winning design all over school, 172 00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:06,718 so let's get it right, Marys. 173 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,887 Joan, if you join our little group of pariahs, 174 00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:12,140 -you get a vote. -(SIGHS) Can I think about it? 175 00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:13,767 Of course. We just need you to sign 176 00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:15,393 our non-disclosure agreement. 177 00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:17,395 -We're very litigious. -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 178 00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:19,606 ♪ (HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 179 00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:21,858 Learning doesn't happen by reading books. 180 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:24,444 It happens by experiencing the world! 181 00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:26,404 Oh, I've never had a favorite teacher before. 182 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,865 He sees something in me and that makes me feel special. 183 00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:31,910 -I just want more points! -Outdated teaching methods. 184 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:33,912 That's the problem with these urban schools 185 00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:35,872 that you poor, underprivileged teens 186 00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:37,957 -have to attend. -We live in the suburbs. 187 00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:40,669 -Our school is very well funded. -(ROCKET WHIZZES) 188 00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:43,254 You just don't like him because you're a rule follower 189 00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:44,714 and he's a rule breaker. 190 00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:47,926 Yeah, you're by the book and he likes to burn the books. 191 00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:50,720 Books are sort of famously a bad thing to burn! 192 00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:53,348 Five points for anyone who helps me burn these books! 193 00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,475 I found some worthless old kindling. 194 00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:57,560 That's my science project! 195 00:07:57,602 --> 00:08:00,647 -I got some gasoline! -I got some matches! 196 00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:03,191 -Confucius, no! -Babe, I need the points! 197 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:05,902 What? 198 00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:08,071 -Oh, fire is spreading. -I'll get some water. 199 00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:10,573 No, come on. Books tell you to fight fire with water! 200 00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:12,867 -(GUN COCKS) -And books can go to hell! 201 00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:16,788 The fire just doubled in size! 202 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,915 Therefore, it'll burn out doubly fast. 203 00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:21,418 Which is why we fight fire with fire! 204 00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:23,294 That's our time. See you tomorrow! 205 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:26,131 Am I the only one who thinks this guy is dangerous at all? 206 00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:28,133 You're not alone. 207 00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:30,093 Toussaint Louverture. I never thanked you 208 00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:32,136 for having my back in class yesterday. 209 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,304 Like my clone father, 210 00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:35,640 I would give my life for a righteous cause. 211 00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:37,976 Therefore, it is I who has to thank you 212 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,477 for giving me purpose, Harriet Tubman. 213 00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:41,813 Oh, my. (CHUCKLES) 214 00:08:41,895 --> 00:08:43,773 -Oh, my, as well. -(SCREAMING) 215 00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:46,901 Why is the forest on fire? 216 00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:49,279 This isn't the western United States. 217 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,156 -Or is it? -(DOOR OPENING) 218 00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:55,827 Welcome to my cool office! It's so casual and hip. 219 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:56,995 Did you see my earring? 220 00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:58,163 (ECHOING SCREAMING) 221 00:08:58,246 --> 00:08:59,539 It's a bit infected 222 00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:01,666 but it's still bitching, am I right? 223 00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:04,377 You've been bitching about it all day. 224 00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,463 Professor Hirsute is a terrible teacher 225 00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:08,673 and not just because he wears blazers with jeans! 226 00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:10,425 Someone's going to get hurt! 227 00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,010 Hirsute might be opening minds 228 00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:13,803 but he's filling them with garbage! 229 00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:16,598 I knew it! Come to my secret hiding place. 230 00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:19,017 I believe we're being watched. 231 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,436 ♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 232 00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:25,315 The secret is in that 233 00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:27,192 casually luxurious satchel of his. 234 00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,735 You must get it from him! 235 00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:31,738 We'll snatch the satchel. That's fun to say. 236 00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:34,366 I'd do it but I'm being watched by the man 237 00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:35,992 and the man is a genderless lizard 238 00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,369 with a stethoscope. 239 00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:39,621 (HISSES) 240 00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:42,499 Get the satchel and you'll find the evidence 241 00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:45,377 that can take that cocky Mr. Kotter down, 242 00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:48,546 making me the coolest faculty member again. 243 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,215 Ahem. 244 00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,300 -Right, snackpacks? -♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ 245 00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:54,010 See, you get it. 246 00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:55,679 Here, take this cheap knockoff satchel 247 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,389 that I purchased on Canal Street. 248 00:09:57,472 --> 00:10:00,558 Which I definitely knew was fake the whole time. 249 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,727 You paid 360-- 250 00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:05,397 I knew it was fake, okay? 251 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,565 -♪ (ROCK SONG PLAYING) ♪ -(WHIMPERS) 252 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:11,569 As you can see, I, uh, er, just disproved water displacement 253 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:15,573 and buoyancy by giving this nerd a swirly. 254 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,784 Impressive, Kennedy. Five points! 255 00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:23,081 (CHOMPS, GULPS) Professor, look at me! I was told that 256 00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:26,084 eating magnets was deadly, yet I am still alive. 257 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,210 Another myth busted! 258 00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,920 -(GULPS) -Well done, Confucius. 259 00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:30,505 (SWALLOWS) 260 00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:33,174 Professor, look! I'm staring directly at the sun, 261 00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:36,177 and it doesn't hurt. It's just beautiful! (GRUNTS) 262 00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:39,597 Hear that? Those are for you. 263 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,976 You freed your minds, gentlemen. Now let them run wild. 264 00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,352 CONFUCIUS: There's snow on a mountaintop, 265 00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:45,770 so hot air doesn't rise! 266 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:46,855 PROFESSOR HIRSUTE: Oh, I like it! 267 00:10:46,938 --> 00:10:48,273 JFK: The Big Bang Theory didn't start everything, 268 00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:49,774 -Young Sheldon did! -PROFESSOR HIRSUTE: Oh, yeah! 269 00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:51,192 ABE LINCOLN: Lefty tighty, righty loosey! 270 00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:53,028 -PROFESSOR HIRSUTE: Keep it up! -CONFUCIUS: Deep state, 271 00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:54,446 -dark web! -JFK: Dark state, deep web! 272 00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,948 (CHUCKLES) Just look at all the truth you've found! 273 00:10:56,990 --> 00:11:00,618 Uh, Professor, I'm just curious who has the most points. 274 00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:02,746 Yeah, and what exactly does the winner win? 275 00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:04,456 Abe thinks it's a chocolate factory. 276 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,624 I told you that in confidence! (SCREAMS) 277 00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:09,627 Boys, the winner will assist me in a public demonstration 278 00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:11,880 exposing the biggest myth of all time. 279 00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:13,631 And since your scores are all tied at the moment, 280 00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:16,551 this next question decides it. Are you ready? 281 00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:17,677 -Oh, my God! -This is it! 282 00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,220 -I'm so nervous! -Right now, 283 00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:22,307 I'm holding something in my hand. If gravity is real, 284 00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:24,809 it should fall when I drop it, correct? 285 00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:26,561 -Uh... -ABE: Um... 286 00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:28,480 -Yes! -Yes, correct! 287 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,315 -Yes! I was gonna say yes. -Yes! I also say yes. 288 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:35,278 And now, a moment of truth. I present to you, gravity. 289 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,280 (BIRD TWEETS) 290 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,157 -♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -It didn't fall! 291 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,493 That means there's no such thing as gravity! 292 00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:44,579 -Correct! -Wait, gravity doesn't exist? 293 00:11:44,662 --> 00:11:46,998 (LAUGHS) I know, right? 294 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:50,043 What? Haven't you ever seen old ladies' knockers? 295 00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:52,003 (SCOFFS) I wish! Well, Confucius, 296 00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:54,297 you'll have the honor of assisting me tomorrow. 297 00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:56,508 We're gonna show all those academic elitists 298 00:11:56,591 --> 00:11:58,259 who've given me fake contact information 299 00:11:58,343 --> 00:12:00,595 through the years that they should have listened. 300 00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:02,430 You're gonna be rich and famous, my friend. 301 00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:03,640 I'm already rich. 302 00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:05,850 Then you're gonna be famous and famous. 303 00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:07,894 -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ -(SCHOOL BELL RINGING) 304 00:12:09,938 --> 00:12:12,065 -♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -There he is! 305 00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,025 How are we gonna snatch that satchel? 306 00:12:14,109 --> 00:12:15,443 I told you it was fun to say. 307 00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:17,362 He's got to put it down some time. 308 00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:26,663 -(GULPS) -Jackpot. 309 00:12:26,705 --> 00:12:28,123 -We'll have to come back. -♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ 310 00:12:28,206 --> 00:12:29,749 Later tonight. I'll pick you up at your house. 311 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:32,127 At my house? (STAMMERS) Oh, of course. 312 00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:35,255 You can pick me up. At night. At my house. 313 00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:37,465 Yeah, like, what-- what's the attire? 314 00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:39,300 -Hey, babe. -(SCREAMS) Hey, babe. 315 00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:40,677 (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) What's up? 316 00:12:40,719 --> 00:12:41,886 You ever have a big secret 317 00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:44,681 you want to tell the person you love but you just can't? 318 00:12:44,723 --> 00:12:46,516 No, and that's a weird thing to ask. 319 00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:48,059 Why would you ask that? I wonder. 320 00:12:48,143 --> 00:12:50,562 Well, 'cause I do have a big secret. 321 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:51,855 It's gonna make me famous. 322 00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:55,734 Oh, yeah, right, okay. Um, you have a secret. Right. 323 00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:58,862 Wait, this doesn't have anything to do with Professor Hirsute, 324 00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:00,655 does it? I don't want you to get hurt. 325 00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:03,450 I'm sworn to secrecy on that. But I will say this. 326 00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:06,077 I ate magnets, and I'm feeling fine. Bye, bae! 327 00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:09,581 -(ELECTRICITY ZAPS) -(GRUNTS, LAUGHS) 328 00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:14,169 All right, Lizzie. 329 00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:15,462 Let's throw up the first transparency. 330 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:17,339 (LAUGHS) 331 00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:19,090 Okay, what are we thinking about the red? 332 00:13:19,174 --> 00:13:21,343 Kinda gets lost in the brick. 333 00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:24,095 It needs to pop like a zit on my eyelid. 334 00:13:24,179 --> 00:13:28,266 I'm hearing no on the red. Next option? 335 00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,810 So we're not actually tagging the wall. 336 00:13:30,894 --> 00:13:32,270 We're just picking colors? 337 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:35,273 Mm-hmm. And frankly, I don't think we've got it yet. 338 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,942 So, that's a no from Jackée on the blue. 339 00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:39,444 IVAN THE TERRIBLE: It's a fuck no from me. 340 00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,237 TOPHER BUS: A simple "no" would have been fine, Ivan. 341 00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:43,948 (GIGGLES, SMOOCHES) 342 00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,950 Hey, Frida! Hey, Cleo! 343 00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:48,286 -(CYCLE BELL RINGS) -(SMOOCHING, MOANING) 344 00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:50,789 Joan, we're looking at a hot pink here? 345 00:13:50,872 --> 00:13:53,375 -Really need you to weigh in. -(SIGHS) 346 00:13:53,458 --> 00:13:55,877 ♪ (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 347 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:59,130 Ooh! A mo-ped. Or is it moped? 348 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:02,133 So European! I've never been on one of these before. 349 00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:04,386 -Is it safe? -Safe? There's nothing safe 350 00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:06,096 about snatching a teacher's satchel, 351 00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:09,140 but that's why we feel so alive. 352 00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:10,767 (BIKE ENGINE REVVING) 353 00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:13,395 Oh. You know my helmet size. 354 00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:15,605 -(GRUNTS) -Just hold on to me tight. 355 00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:18,024 They don't call these donor cycles for nothing. 356 00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:20,819 -Tighter. Tighter still. -♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ 357 00:14:20,902 --> 00:14:22,654 ♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 358 00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:28,993 (LOCK CLICKING) 359 00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:33,456 (PROFESSOR HIRSUTE SNORING) 360 00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:36,334 (GRUNTS SOFTLY) The biggest number is zero. 361 00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:40,630 (SNORES, GRUNTS SOFTLY) We're the aliens. 362 00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:44,592 (SNORES) Rock covers paper. 363 00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,052 (SNORES) 364 00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:48,179 Scudworth was right! 365 00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:50,515 (SNORES) Who's there? (GRUNTS SOFTLY) 366 00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:53,309 -♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ -(GASPS, GRUNTS) 367 00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:54,644 Who's there? Mom? 368 00:14:54,686 --> 00:14:57,814 Pee-paw? Bill Nye the Science Lie? 369 00:14:57,856 --> 00:15:00,066 Scatter like a loved one's ashes! 370 00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:02,193 -Meet me-- -I know where to meet you. 371 00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:05,280 ♪ (PEPPY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 372 00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:14,873 -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ -Oh, we made it! 373 00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:16,833 We got the evidence and now, we can take down 374 00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:19,002 unconventional teaching forever. 375 00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:20,628 How'd you know this is where I would run? 376 00:15:20,712 --> 00:15:22,047 Where else would you go? 377 00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:24,549 We started our journey right here. 378 00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,718 And tomorrow, it ends. 379 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,679 I guess, I'm just not ready for tomorrow yet. 380 00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:31,181 -♪ (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -I'm sorry. I-- 381 00:15:31,222 --> 00:15:33,350 My hands get sweaty when I'm nervous. 382 00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:36,061 And my pits. (CHUCKLES) And my underbuns. 383 00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:37,479 And my overbuns. 384 00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:41,816 But your eyes are beautifully dry. 385 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:44,569 That's just allergies. I-- I-- I have prescription eye drops. 386 00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:45,987 I-- I left them at home. 387 00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:49,240 We should probably stop staring into each other's eyes then. 388 00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:54,329 -I know, but I can't look away. -I can't either. 389 00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:56,247 Your eyes are just so... 390 00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:57,624 BOTH: Penetrating. 391 00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:00,877 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 392 00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:02,462 ♪ (UPBEAT ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 393 00:16:05,215 --> 00:16:06,424 (SEDUCTIVE VOICE GROANS) 394 00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:09,761 Baby. 395 00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:17,769 That's what I like. 396 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,024 Feels so good. 397 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,781 Come on. (MOANS) 398 00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:38,998 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 399 00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:41,042 What did we do? I have a boyfriend! 400 00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:44,129 But does your eye have a boyfriend? 401 00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:45,422 I have to go. 402 00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:47,882 -But does your eye have-- -HARRIET TUBMAN: Yes! 403 00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:49,968 -♪ (TENSE MSUIC PLAYING) ♪ -My fellow truth seekers! 404 00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:52,470 Prepare to witness a scientific breakthrough 405 00:16:52,554 --> 00:16:55,140 that will forever change the world! 406 00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:56,933 (CROWD GASPS) 407 00:16:56,975 --> 00:16:59,686 Confucius, take it away! 408 00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:01,479 Why is Confucius on the roof? 409 00:17:01,563 --> 00:17:03,273 I don't know. Do you want me to come with-- 410 00:17:03,314 --> 00:17:05,275 Screw you, Joan. 411 00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:07,694 Oh, she'll learn not to talk to you like that, Mary. 412 00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:10,363 They'll all learn. Time for us to strike! 413 00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:13,324 I proved that eating magnets is safe. 414 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,492 And now, I'll prove that gravity 415 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:16,994 does not exist! 416 00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:18,788 On my signal, Confucius! 417 00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:20,498 -Three! Two! -♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ 418 00:17:20,582 --> 00:17:24,919 -Stop! Confucius! Don't jump! -CROWD: Boo! 419 00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:27,339 Ugh. He was so close to saying one. 420 00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:28,840 I can't believe I have to say this, 421 00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:30,633 but gravity is real! 422 00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:33,053 -Professor Hirsute is a fraud! -(CROWD GASPS) 423 00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:34,554 He's wanted in four states 424 00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:36,348 and his satchel's wanted in seven! 425 00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:37,557 -(CROWD GASPING) -(GULPS) 426 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:38,683 We called the feds! 427 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,686 Come on, that's as ridiculous as a round earth! 428 00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:44,397 -(CROWD LAUGHS) -I know. What's next? 429 00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:46,191 Aliens didn't build the pyramids? 430 00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:47,817 Yeah, or the moon isn't flat? 431 00:17:47,859 --> 00:17:49,569 (CROWD LAUGHS) 432 00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:51,780 -We have the proof right here. -♪ (QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 433 00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:54,491 That's not even my satchel! My satchel is right here! 434 00:17:54,532 --> 00:17:57,410 No, it's not, we switched it with a knockoff! 435 00:17:57,494 --> 00:18:00,372 Pull one thread on that thing and it all falls apart. 436 00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:01,664 -Just like everything... -(GASPS) 437 00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:03,416 -...he's taught us! -(PROFESSOR HIRSUTE GASPING) 438 00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:08,046 Admit it, Professor Hirsute! Or should I say Hairsuit? 439 00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:09,964 Professors change their name all the time, 440 00:18:10,048 --> 00:18:12,258 especially the women ones when they get married! 441 00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:15,387 Or did we forget that women can be professors? 442 00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:17,806 Professor Hirsute didn't just change his name once. 443 00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:20,350 He changed it over a dozen times. 444 00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:21,893 Students died when he convinced them 445 00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:23,645 that they could breathe underwater! 446 00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:25,021 -(CROWD GASPS) -They did it wrong! 447 00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:26,731 Others died trying to cure measles 448 00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:28,066 by eating crystals! 449 00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:30,068 Uh, heard of vitamins and minerals? 450 00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:32,070 Crystals are literally minerals! 451 00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:34,072 And then, there was the lethal vaccination 452 00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:35,782 -by raccoon juice. -(CROWD GASPING) 453 00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:36,991 My raccoon! 454 00:18:37,075 --> 00:18:38,952 -Confucius, don't do this! -(GLASS SHATTERING) 455 00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:40,286 He's dangerous! 456 00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:42,831 No one ever said the truth wasn't dangerous, Confucius! 457 00:18:42,914 --> 00:18:44,374 It's about going with your gut. 458 00:18:44,416 --> 00:18:46,543 And right now, my gut is telling me 459 00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:48,920 that your girlfriend, Harriet and Toussaint Louverture 460 00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:50,922 have been having an affair. 461 00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:53,049 -What? (LAUGHS) No way! -(CROWD GASPS) 462 00:18:53,091 --> 00:18:54,884 Then I guess, I didn't see you two 463 00:18:54,926 --> 00:18:56,928 gadabouting around the campus last night! 464 00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,346 -Is that true, Harriet? -♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ 465 00:18:58,430 --> 00:19:01,016 Uh, I mean, uh, no, not-- 466 00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:02,726 Uh, well-- Okay, here's the thing. 467 00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:04,310 Yes, we did steal the satchel together 468 00:19:04,394 --> 00:19:05,937 but it was to save you! 469 00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:08,440 Our eyes were on the prize the whole time! 470 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,275 They certainly weren't on each other. 471 00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:11,443 What would that even look like? 472 00:19:11,526 --> 00:19:13,862 An eye consensually on another eye? (SCOFFS) 473 00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:16,489 Confucius, if you want to keep swallowing everything 474 00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:19,451 the world spoon-feeds you, I've got a couple guys here 475 00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,536 ready to take your place in history. 476 00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:23,246 -Oh, pick me! Pick me! -Let me do it! 477 00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:25,832 Wait, wait, wait, wait, give me a second! 478 00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:27,751 ♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 479 00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:30,587 -Don't do it! -Fly, Confucius! 480 00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:33,590 Okay, I've made my decision-- (SCREAMS) 481 00:19:33,631 --> 00:19:35,467 -♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -(CROWD GASPS) 482 00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,719 Save him! He's so rich! 483 00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:40,638 He swallowed magnets. Quick, quick, quick! 484 00:19:40,722 --> 00:19:41,973 -(SCREAMS) -There's very little time! 485 00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:43,975 Think, Harriet, think! It's magnets. You know this! 486 00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:46,269 Now is not the time to panic. Now is the time to act. 487 00:19:46,311 --> 00:19:48,438 Oh, wow! Okay, he's halfway down. 488 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,940 We need a magnet of the same polarity 489 00:19:50,982 --> 00:19:52,817 as the magnets in Confucius' stomach 490 00:19:52,901 --> 00:19:54,486 to fight the downward force! 491 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,446 Harriet, catch! 492 00:19:57,989 --> 00:19:59,240 (SCREAMS) 493 00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:02,827 (SCREAMS) 494 00:20:04,996 --> 00:20:07,791 -(ELECTRICITY ZAPS) -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 495 00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:10,669 -(CROWD CHEERING) -That's right! It's science! 496 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,338 From a book! And it's awesome! 497 00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:15,924 -(METAL CLANKS) -(CROWD CHEERING) 498 00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:21,096 You know what? I've had enough of you pathetic little sheep! 499 00:20:21,179 --> 00:20:22,806 I'm taking back my real satchel, 500 00:20:22,847 --> 00:20:24,683 which is worth more than your entire lives, 501 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,518 and I am outta here. 502 00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:29,312 That's the satchel! Do what we do best! 503 00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:30,855 -♪ (TENSE MUSIC PALYING) ♪ -(OFFICERS GRUNT) 504 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:34,484 Fly, satchel! I'll come for you! 505 00:20:34,526 --> 00:20:37,028 -(THUD) -(GUNSHOTS) 506 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,912 -(MISSILES FIRE) -No! 507 00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:48,623 (EXPLOSION) 508 00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:54,587 -(GUNSHOT) -(CRIES) 509 00:20:55,505 --> 00:20:57,716 (COUGHS, CHOKES) 510 00:20:57,757 --> 00:20:58,967 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 511 00:21:00,343 --> 00:21:01,594 Abe. JFK. 512 00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:04,139 I'm speaking at a frequency only you can hear. 513 00:21:04,222 --> 00:21:06,307 Break me out of jail! (GRUNTS) 514 00:21:07,559 --> 00:21:10,812 (SIREN BLARING) 515 00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:13,481 Why did you hire that dipstick and his purse? 516 00:21:13,565 --> 00:21:15,400 If I'm going to turn these clones 517 00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:18,361 into world leaders, I need to weed out the bad ones. 518 00:21:18,403 --> 00:21:21,364 Anyone who follows this idiot is clearly not leader material 519 00:21:21,406 --> 00:21:23,199 and deserves what they get. 520 00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:26,411 So, you were going to let Confucius die? 521 00:21:26,494 --> 00:21:28,747 Better dead than running the world. 522 00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:31,499 Pretty smart for a woman! (WAILS) 523 00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:35,086 -(SOBS) -Cool ear. 524 00:21:35,128 --> 00:21:37,839 Van Gogh, thank you. I am cool, aren't I? 525 00:21:37,922 --> 00:21:41,301 So very, very cool. So very cold. 526 00:21:41,384 --> 00:21:43,136 -(AMBULANCE SIREN BLARING) -(CHOKES) 527 00:21:44,596 --> 00:21:46,264 (CHOKES, COUGHS) 528 00:21:46,973 --> 00:21:49,017 (GAGS, GASPS) 529 00:21:51,102 --> 00:21:53,021 So glad that guy's gone. 530 00:21:53,104 --> 00:21:56,274 I never want to care that much about school ever again. 531 00:21:56,316 --> 00:21:57,567 Me neither. 532 00:21:57,609 --> 00:21:59,778 (SCOFFS) We should've known he was trouble. 533 00:21:59,819 --> 00:22:02,614 Passionate male teachers are always suspect. 534 00:22:02,697 --> 00:22:04,783 (SIGHS) I bet his chest hair wasn't even real. 535 00:22:04,866 --> 00:22:07,285 I mean, it was real hair, but probably not his. 536 00:22:07,369 --> 00:22:09,621 (CHUCKLES) Well, I'm just glad everyone's okay. 537 00:22:09,704 --> 00:22:12,791 We all came through this calamity together. 538 00:22:12,874 --> 00:22:14,751 As friends. 539 00:22:14,793 --> 00:22:17,796 Uh, sorry, Joan. Doesn't work like that. 540 00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:19,464 Yeah, don't try to horn in on this. 541 00:22:19,547 --> 00:22:22,425 (SCOFFS) You tried to murder us, like, three months ago. 542 00:22:22,467 --> 00:22:25,261 -Who even does that? -Okay. 543 00:22:25,303 --> 00:22:26,888 Did you think we just forgot? 544 00:22:26,971 --> 00:22:29,641 -I said, "Okay!" (GRUNTS) -Keep walkin'. 545 00:22:29,683 --> 00:22:31,643 ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 546 00:22:31,726 --> 00:22:34,437 We're gonna have to add another butt to that. 547 00:22:34,479 --> 00:22:36,147 (ALL CHEER) 548 00:22:36,648 --> 00:22:38,149 Role call! 549 00:22:38,191 --> 00:22:41,319 ♪ Nobody likes me Not even teachers ♪ 550 00:22:41,361 --> 00:22:45,824 ♪ My name is Joan the new Bleacher Creature! ♪ 551 00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:48,702 Thank you for saving me, my sexy Inspector Gadget. 552 00:22:48,785 --> 00:22:50,704 I should have never doubted you for a second. 553 00:22:50,787 --> 00:22:52,163 I'm just glad you're okay. 554 00:22:52,247 --> 00:22:55,333 How did I get so lucky to have such an amazing girlfriend? 555 00:22:55,375 --> 00:22:58,420 Uh, can you repeat the question? 556 00:22:58,503 --> 00:23:00,672 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 557 00:23:00,714 --> 00:23:03,967 SCUDWORTH: And now, a funky jam about peptides. 558 00:23:04,009 --> 00:23:06,302 ♪ Pa, pa, pa, pa, pep, pa Pep, pa, pep, peptide ♪ 559 00:23:06,344 --> 00:23:08,555 ♪ Pa, pa, pa, pa, pep, pa Pep, pa, pep, peptide ♪ 560 00:23:08,638 --> 00:23:10,306 ♪ Peptides are short Amino acid chains ♪ 561 00:23:10,348 --> 00:23:11,766 ♪ They’re the building blocks Of something ♪ 562 00:23:11,850 --> 00:23:12,934 ♪ That we call pro-teins ♪ 563 00:23:13,018 --> 00:23:14,853 ♪ A neuropeptide activates Inside your brain ♪ 564 00:23:14,936 --> 00:23:16,479 ♪ And it can tell you When you’re hungry ♪ 565 00:23:16,521 --> 00:23:17,689 ♪ Isn’t that insane? ♪ 566 00:23:17,772 --> 00:23:19,983 ♪ Pa, pa, pa, pa, pep, pa Pep, pa, pep, peptide ♪ 567 00:23:20,025 --> 00:23:22,193 ♪ Pa, pa, pa, pa, pep, pa Pep, pa, pep, peptide ♪ 568 00:23:22,277 --> 00:23:24,320 ♪ Peptides are found In every living thing ♪ 569 00:23:24,362 --> 00:23:26,531 ♪ From protozoa all the way To human beings ♪ 570 00:23:26,614 --> 00:23:28,700 ♪ They’re synthesized From sequences of DNA ♪ 571 00:23:28,742 --> 00:23:30,952 ♪ So peptides are never Gonna go away ♪ 572 00:23:31,036 --> 00:23:33,121 ♪ Pa, pa, pa, pa, pep, pa Pep, pa, pep, peptide ♪ 573 00:23:33,204 --> 00:23:34,289 ♪ If I was Johnny Depp ♪ 574 00:23:34,372 --> 00:23:35,582 ♪ You could call me Johnny Depptide ♪ 575 00:23:35,665 --> 00:23:37,709 ♪ If I was a soda You could call me Dr. Peptide ♪ 576 00:23:37,792 --> 00:23:39,502 ♪ If I spoke like Yoda I might flip it ♪ 577 00:23:39,544 --> 00:23:40,670 ♪ And say Tide-Pep ♪ 578 00:23:40,712 --> 00:23:42,547 ♪ Say it with me now Anyone who hasn’t tried yet ♪ 579 00:23:42,589 --> 00:23:44,674 ♪ Pa, pa, pa, pa, pep, pa Pep, pa, pep, peptide ♪ 580 00:23:44,716 --> 00:23:47,010 ♪ Pa, pa, pa, pa, pep, pa Pep, pa, pep, peptide ♪ 581 00:23:47,052 --> 00:23:48,970 ♪ They’re synthesized From sequences of DNA ♪ 582 00:23:49,054 --> 00:23:51,264 ♪ So peptides are never Gonna go away ♪