1 00:00:01,419 --> 00:00:05,254 [brass fanfare] 2 00:00:05,464 --> 00:00:07,214 - Can you believe we're at hephaestus' 3 00:00:07,258 --> 00:00:08,882 Technology convention? 4 00:00:08,968 --> 00:00:10,426 Are you so excited? - Yeah. 5 00:00:10,469 --> 00:00:12,344 If there's two things smart people love, 6 00:00:12,388 --> 00:00:15,055 It's huge crowds and more smart people. 7 00:00:15,099 --> 00:00:17,433 Is that a giant automaton? 8 00:00:17,476 --> 00:00:19,685 I didn't even know that was possible yet. 9 00:00:19,729 --> 00:00:21,103 - Welcome to volcon. 10 00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:23,188 I am not an automaton. 11 00:00:23,274 --> 00:00:26,942 I am a living giant, painted gold 12 00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:29,194 And forced to repeat this message 13 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:31,113 By mechanized torture, 14 00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:33,824 Which is arguably more impressive. 15 00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:35,993 Welcome to volcon. 16 00:00:36,078 --> 00:00:38,871 - Ah, I should not have looked up. 17 00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:39,997 - Were they painted gold? 18 00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:41,874 - Someone may have died trying. 19 00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:43,542 Tyrannis, you're happy with my work 20 00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:44,793 As your inventor, right? 21 00:00:44,837 --> 00:00:46,920 You didn't, like, bring me here to show me 22 00:00:47,006 --> 00:00:49,882 How replaceable I am? - That's your take? 23 00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:51,592 How can the smartest guy in my family 24 00:00:51,635 --> 00:00:54,428 Also be the most childish and least secure? 25 00:00:54,472 --> 00:00:57,264 - I don't know, maybe years of you saying stuff like that? 26 00:00:57,266 --> 00:00:59,099 - Hippocampus, you're my big brother 27 00:00:59,143 --> 00:01:01,143 And a genius, and I brought you here 28 00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:02,853 To connect with great thinkers. 29 00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:04,396 So, please, grow up and enjoy it 30 00:01:04,482 --> 00:01:07,941 Because I'm giving you a priceless opportunity. 31 00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:10,069 - Two chickens, please. - Two chick-- 32 00:01:10,154 --> 00:01:12,613 I thought this was a priceless opportunity. 33 00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:14,114 - Two adults, two chickens. 34 00:01:14,158 --> 00:01:15,449 - This was our lunch and dinner. 35 00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:18,035 - No outside food or drinks. We do sell eggs. 36 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:20,037 - Oh, I bet you do. 37 00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:23,207 [plucky music] 38 00:01:23,292 --> 00:01:30,422 ♪ ♪ 39 00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:48,315 - [crowing] 40 00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:51,068 - [moos] 41 00:01:51,153 --> 00:01:52,444 - Where is everyone? 42 00:01:52,530 --> 00:01:54,530 - Ty and hippo are at a tech convention, 43 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:57,199 And stupendous is adventuring, leaving their parents 44 00:01:57,326 --> 00:02:00,035 An entire palace for their erotic playground. 45 00:02:00,079 --> 00:02:02,287 - Aren't you, like, 5,000? 46 00:02:02,373 --> 00:02:04,790 How does sex still interest you? 47 00:02:04,834 --> 00:02:06,792 - I married the goddess of it. 48 00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:08,961 - That was a test, and you passed. 49 00:02:09,088 --> 00:02:10,254 Ooh. - Mm. 50 00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:13,048 - I'm in the room. - Why? 51 00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:15,843 - Emergency--I was adventuring with my friend felix, 52 00:02:15,928 --> 00:02:16,969 And we started fighting a medusa. 53 00:02:17,012 --> 00:02:18,303 - The medusa. - What? 54 00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:20,848 - Medusa is one of several gorgons. 55 00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:24,059 You can fight the medusa or a gorgon. 56 00:02:24,103 --> 00:02:25,936 You can't fight a medusa. 57 00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:28,063 - I don't think felix cares. 58 00:02:28,107 --> 00:02:30,149 I need a ride to the nearest temple of athena. 59 00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:31,441 - Why? 60 00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:33,694 - The only way to reverse a medusa stoning is to-- 61 00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:35,737 - Gorgon stoning. - Do you want to die today? 62 00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,197 - I'll stop helping. 63 00:02:37,283 --> 00:02:40,159 - The only way to reverse this is a sacrifice to athena. 64 00:02:40,244 --> 00:02:43,537 - Ha, you do realize athena created the gorgons, 65 00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:44,746 Which include medusa? 66 00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,039 - Thank you. - So? 67 00:02:46,125 --> 00:02:48,500 - So her crappy monster turns people to stone, 68 00:02:48,586 --> 00:02:51,086 And the only way to undo it is to worship her? 69 00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:53,172 Talk about a scam. 70 00:02:53,257 --> 00:02:55,257 - Can we talk about it on the way to the temple? 71 00:02:55,301 --> 00:02:58,177 - I'm not flying my daughter back to that hack's temple 72 00:02:58,262 --> 00:03:00,053 To reverse her clumsy cursing. 73 00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:01,889 I'll turn your friend back to flesh myself. 74 00:03:01,974 --> 00:03:03,015 - You can do that? 75 00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:04,850 - Did she just ask if I can do that? 76 00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:06,852 - She did. - I'm sorry? 77 00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:08,896 - Give me your stupid friend. 78 00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:13,066 You can do that? That's you. 79 00:03:13,152 --> 00:03:15,652 - Can she do it? - Not sure. 80 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,447 [deep plucky music] 81 00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:20,490 - What's your invention, friend? 82 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:23,160 - A standard unit of measure called the ned. 83 00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:25,245 This stick is a quarter ned. 84 00:03:25,331 --> 00:03:28,790 You are 3 and 1/2 quarter neds. - I suppose you're ned. 85 00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:30,250 - Easy to remember. 86 00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:32,169 - We should use the ned system back home. 87 00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:34,671 - I can measure things with my own height. 88 00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,882 - What are you, like, 3/4 ned? 89 00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:38,550 That's a lot of extra calculations 90 00:03:38,636 --> 00:03:39,843 Just to service your vanity. 91 00:03:39,929 --> 00:03:41,511 - I officially hate it here. 92 00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,222 - Because you think it's a competition. 93 00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:45,057 You practically attacked the creator 94 00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,725 Of the miniature bucket. - It's a cup! 95 00:03:46,769 --> 00:03:48,227 - So? 96 00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:50,312 You know what's more useful than one genius, hippocampus? 97 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:53,023 100 neds, willing to work together. 98 00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:55,067 - Hey, do not use me as a metric of-- 99 00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:57,569 I mean, do use me as a metric, but-- 100 00:03:57,613 --> 00:03:58,820 - I was right. 101 00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:01,731 You brought me here because you think I'm useless. 102 00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,200 - I never said that. 103 00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:04,868 But have you ever invented anything 104 00:04:04,954 --> 00:04:06,203 That anyone actually asked for? 105 00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,622 - That wouldn't be very inventive, would it? 106 00:04:08,666 --> 00:04:09,957 [laughter] 107 00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:11,333 - Must be nice. 108 00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:13,669 Ned, where's the hephaestus panel happening? 109 00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:15,420 - It's about 30 stevens south-- 110 00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:16,588 Neds, 30 neds. 111 00:04:16,674 --> 00:04:18,090 - Did you say 30 stevens? 112 00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:19,841 - Slip of the tongue-- 30 neds. 113 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:22,386 - Who's steven? - Exactly. 114 00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:24,846 - Ma, can I just have my friend back? 115 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:27,182 I'm coming in. She bailed. 116 00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:29,268 - That's not like her. - Yes, it is. 117 00:04:29,353 --> 00:04:30,352 - Fair enough. 118 00:04:30,396 --> 00:04:32,437 - Someone open this door, please. 119 00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:33,730 Thank you. 120 00:04:33,899 --> 00:04:35,899 But if you're going to be in here, cover your eye. 121 00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:38,610 - Is that the medusa? - Not for long. 122 00:04:38,696 --> 00:04:39,945 - [hissing] 123 00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,363 - Yes, darling, get over yourself. 124 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:44,574 You are henceforth, "reversadusa." 125 00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:47,160 - [hissing] 126 00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:49,830 - Easy, girl, easy. - What's a "reversadusa"? 127 00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:51,331 - I think it's self-explanatory. 128 00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:53,709 Turn the statue to look at her. Hey. Hey. Here. 129 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:56,295 Psst. Over here, here, honey. 130 00:04:59,425 --> 00:05:02,175 Ah, hmm. Should have seen that coming. 131 00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:04,970 - Did it work? - I have a process. 132 00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:09,141 - Hello, volcon! I'm chris hardwick. 133 00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:12,060 I'm moderating this panel and, due to a curse, 134 00:05:12,104 --> 00:05:13,353 All panels until the end of time. 135 00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:15,772 But hey, you didn't sleep outside on the gravel 136 00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:17,816 For a month to hear my story. 137 00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:20,902 You waited to see the god of making stuff, 138 00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:24,656 The father of forges, the master of metal, 139 00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,742 Hephaestus! 140 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,745 [triumphant orchestral music] 141 00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:33,040 ♪ ♪ 142 00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:34,708 - Huh? Huh? Pretty cool. 143 00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:35,751 - Whatever. 144 00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:37,377 - Let them hear you, guys. 145 00:05:37,463 --> 00:05:42,174 Oh, hephaestus, where is your hammer? 146 00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:44,926 Oh, no, everyone, hephaestus doesn't seem 147 00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,303 To have his-- oh, wait a minute. 148 00:05:46,347 --> 00:05:51,058 What is happening right now? Oh, my gods! 149 00:05:51,143 --> 00:05:54,436 [cheers and applause] 150 00:05:54,563 --> 00:05:55,979 Come on! 151 00:05:56,065 --> 00:05:58,899 [laughs] wow! 152 00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:01,860 That is why you come to volcon, folks. 153 00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:03,195 It ain't for the eggs. 154 00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:05,739 Hephaestus, what are you working on these days? 155 00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:08,950 - I'm making a new hat for hermes with smaller wings. 156 00:06:09,078 --> 00:06:09,826 - Pfft. - Don't do that. 157 00:06:09,912 --> 00:06:11,203 - Don't tell me what to do. 158 00:06:11,330 --> 00:06:15,207 - And I'm working on a chariot for apollo, the sun god. 159 00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,250 - What's apollo like? - Hot, chris. 160 00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:19,044 - [laughs] - pfft. 161 00:06:19,088 --> 00:06:22,297 - I'm sorry, someone keeps making a very critical, 162 00:06:22,383 --> 00:06:25,217 Unimpressed, pfft sound. - It's a tech convention. 163 00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:27,010 You know, half the audience just breathes weird. 164 00:06:27,096 --> 00:06:28,220 - I think it was that guy there, 165 00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:30,847 The guy with the glass helmet. - It's okay. 166 00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:32,682 He's my brother, and he's non-verbal. 167 00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:34,017 - That's not true. 168 00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:35,477 - More of a half-brother, really. 169 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:38,188 - Why are you using your talent to make toys and trinkets 170 00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,898 For a bunch of royal normies 171 00:06:39,942 --> 00:06:41,316 That are never gonna respect you? 172 00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:43,193 - I've never met this man in my life. 173 00:06:43,278 --> 00:06:45,445 - Oh, you're expert on respect, are you? 174 00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:48,115 Should I respect you more than all these other fans 175 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,950 Because, why, because you're more jaded? 176 00:06:50,035 --> 00:06:51,368 Less polite? 177 00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:55,455 - Because I picked the lock you made for prometheus. 178 00:06:55,499 --> 00:06:57,332 [audience gasps] 179 00:06:59,128 --> 00:07:02,504 - What the--? - How'd you make this? 180 00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:04,923 - It's complicated. - What's your name? 181 00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:08,301 - Hippocampus. - That is a stupid name. 182 00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:12,347 But guys like us have to work with what we're given. 183 00:07:12,391 --> 00:07:16,017 This is my new friend, hippocampus the great. 184 00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:17,018 [cheers and applause] 185 00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:19,229 - That's my brother. 186 00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:23,817 - Oh, my goodness. - Yeah. 187 00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:25,944 Hey, I'll see you guys there. 188 00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:29,156 I'm going on a tour of hephaestus' volcano. 189 00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:31,450 - Is that a plus-one situation? 190 00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:33,243 - I could ask. 191 00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:35,495 I just don't want to seem rude or unprofessional though. 192 00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:36,788 - Right, not anymore. 193 00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:38,165 I'll just go wait on the boat 194 00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,876 And fondly remember my two chickens. 195 00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:43,003 - You mad? - No, I'm happy for you. 196 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:45,046 - You did want me to connect with great thinkers. 197 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:46,965 Speaking of, there's this girl-- 198 00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:48,049 She wants to have lunch. 199 00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,177 She has an idea called paper. 200 00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:53,346 It's like foldable clay. - I'd love to meet her. 201 00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:55,515 - Oh, well, it's a creative thing. 202 00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:59,728 - Yeah, like the volcano tour. - Priceless opportunities. 203 00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:01,095 I'll meet you at the boat. 204 00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:03,231 - I'll be there, probably. 205 00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:07,777 Paper sounds stupid. I hope the volcano erupts. 206 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:10,572 Oh--ooh. - Do not look at my balls. 207 00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,115 - Sorry. Sorry. 208 00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:14,576 - No, wait. Wait. Please, please! 209 00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:16,828 - Shlub, you're the only one she's gonna listen to. 210 00:08:16,872 --> 00:08:19,122 - Yes, because she trusts me. - Yes. 211 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:22,250 So tell her to let this go so I can take felix to athena. 212 00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:24,044 - Then she'll stop trusting me. 213 00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:25,662 - I don't think you know what trust is. 214 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,215 - Well, in strict terms, it's a belief in reliability, 215 00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:30,425 As one might trust a wall to hold a ceiling. 216 00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:32,344 Interpersonally, it's knowing another 217 00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:34,304 Has your best interests at heart. 218 00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:36,932 - Okay, maybe you do know what it is. 219 00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,100 But I also think you're just scared to say stuff 220 00:08:39,228 --> 00:08:41,228 She doesn't want to hear. - A fine distinction. 221 00:08:41,313 --> 00:08:43,355 Let's discuss it over a drink while your mother 222 00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:45,899 Does whatever she wants and trusts me to support it. 223 00:08:45,943 --> 00:08:48,068 - Or-- - or what? 224 00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:51,112 - Just sit still, please! 225 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:53,323 - [screams] help us. 226 00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:56,451 - What? You can't sculpt without clay. 227 00:08:58,121 --> 00:08:59,454 Oh, I thought I had at that time. 228 00:08:59,498 --> 00:09:01,748 Don't worry. It's all part of the process. 229 00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:03,708 Trust the process. 230 00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:05,252 - Such a cool workshop. 231 00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:07,837 - It actually used to be a volcano. 232 00:09:07,923 --> 00:09:09,214 - Hard to believe. 233 00:09:09,258 --> 00:09:11,132 Aren't you gonna ask how I picked your lock? 234 00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,676 - You turned the third cylinder. 235 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:13,885 I designed it that way. 236 00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:15,720 - Who designs a lock to be picked? 237 00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:18,515 - Come here. 238 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:25,105 You know, I was also born with certain challenges. 239 00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:29,693 - No offense, heph, I can't breathe or walk. 240 00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:32,279 But I will allow the comparison. 241 00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:34,656 - When I was born, my parents threw me away. 242 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,116 I don't mean that figuratively. 243 00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:38,118 My dad could throw, you know? 244 00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:39,953 He threw lightning for a living. 245 00:09:40,038 --> 00:09:41,121 I went... [whistling] 246 00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:43,081 Far. - That sucks. 247 00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:44,833 - Glad it happened. Made me what I am. 248 00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:46,918 You know who my wife is? - Aphrodite. 249 00:09:46,962 --> 00:09:48,545 - And what's that say about the gods? 250 00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:51,089 - They're tolerant of incest? - You know what family is? 251 00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:53,008 I figured this out. It's a disease. 252 00:09:53,051 --> 00:09:54,509 You're born with it. 253 00:09:54,553 --> 00:09:56,845 You have no say in the one you get, and you don't need it, 254 00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,847 But, boy, does it need you. 255 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,307 I designed that lock to be picked 256 00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:03,018 Because my father is an insane bully, 257 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,228 Just like prometheus, just like heracles, 258 00:10:05,314 --> 00:10:07,814 Who everyone thinks freed prometheus 259 00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:09,983 Because handsome, stupid asses 260 00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:11,359 Think they run the world. 261 00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:15,947 And that's how ugly, smart people like it. 262 00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:19,784 - Is it possible for the brain to get a boner? 263 00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:22,120 [upbeat music] 264 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,080 - Got anything warm and comforting? 265 00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:26,082 - My mother-in-law is lactating. 266 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,334 - I'll have a beer. 267 00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,711 - Hey, want to hear a derogatory joke 268 00:10:29,755 --> 00:10:30,754 About inventors? 269 00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:32,213 I assume you're also a king 270 00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,716 That paid to bring his science dork here 271 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:35,884 And got ditched? 272 00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:37,594 I'm minos from crete. 273 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:40,722 - Tyrannis, krapopolis. What's the joke? 274 00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,682 - What do you get what an inventor 275 00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:44,476 Crosses your wife with a bull? 276 00:10:44,519 --> 00:10:49,064 A flesh-eating monstrosity that has to be kept in a labyrinth. 277 00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:51,650 I guess you had to be there. - Ah! 278 00:10:51,735 --> 00:10:53,318 Ugh, what is this? 279 00:10:53,362 --> 00:10:55,320 - Oh, you ordered the beer. So sorry. 280 00:10:55,364 --> 00:10:57,030 - Well, don't give me that one now. 281 00:10:57,074 --> 00:10:59,157 - New one's gonna take a while. 282 00:10:59,201 --> 00:11:02,911 - Then I'll have a free beer while I wait. 283 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:07,957 Non-kings. - Oh, non-kings. 284 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,210 - How long are you gonna let this go on for? 285 00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:11,920 - I don't see any downside to letting 286 00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:13,213 Your mother keep trying. [villagers screaming] 287 00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,757 - I think they might see a downside. 288 00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:19,427 - Damn it! Double damn it! 289 00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:20,720 [knocking] 290 00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:22,555 - What do you want? 291 00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:24,432 I've got to work this out before the shipment 292 00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:27,310 Of new servants gets here from thebes. 293 00:11:27,396 --> 00:11:29,104 - I think it might be time for you to admit 294 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:32,440 You don't know how to reverse a medusa stoning 295 00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:33,650 And give up. 296 00:11:33,694 --> 00:11:35,151 - Hubris! 297 00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:37,112 [gasps] what have I done? 298 00:11:37,155 --> 00:11:39,280 - Don't blame yourself. This is mostly my fault. 299 00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:41,366 I saw you struggling, and I let you go on 300 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:43,368 Because I didn't want to hurt your feelings. 301 00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:46,079 - No, I've been so consumed with proving 302 00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:48,790 I could undo athena's hacky monster nonsense 303 00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:51,126 That I overreacted a bit. 304 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,169 - At least I know stupendous won't eat me. 305 00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:57,465 That girl's never touched a vegetable in her entire life. 306 00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:04,681 - Where have you been? 307 00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,224 Are you hungover? 308 00:12:06,268 --> 00:12:07,934 - It's called still being drunk. 309 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:09,227 There's a difference. 310 00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:11,187 - Hephaestus offered me a job. 311 00:12:11,273 --> 00:12:13,648 - So why are you even here? - What's that mean? 312 00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:14,774 I want to talk to you about it. 313 00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,317 - You mean gloat about it. 314 00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:20,113 You want me to beg you to do me the favor of breeding 315 00:12:20,157 --> 00:12:21,322 My wife with a bull? 316 00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:23,533 - When did you get either of those things? 317 00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:24,826 - It's a metaphor. 318 00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:26,536 - You're the one that called me useless! 319 00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:27,746 - Is that what I said? 320 00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:30,123 You're so creative about remembering what I say, 321 00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:33,042 Do you remember me asking you to invent written language? 322 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,086 - It's a bad idea. 323 00:12:35,172 --> 00:12:36,713 - I'll have to take your word for it. 324 00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:39,257 I guess everything I ask for is beneath your genius, 325 00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:41,301 So it's no loss to me if you quit. 326 00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:44,012 - Now there's an idea I can get behind. 327 00:12:44,055 --> 00:12:45,472 - Wow. I did it, everybody. 328 00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:49,017 I finally got smart enough to know it's all about him. 329 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,185 - Hate you! - Hate you! 330 00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:51,686 - Nerd fight. - Nerd fight. 331 00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:52,979 - Nerd fight. 332 00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:54,981 - Nerd fight. - Guys, stop nerd fighting. 333 00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,983 - I'm a king. - Okay, well-- 334 00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:58,151 - I know I'm nerdy for a king. 335 00:12:58,195 --> 00:12:59,360 That doesn't make it a nerd fight. 336 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:02,280 - What's this all about? - Just saying goodbye. 337 00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:04,783 - What about all your stuff? - Give it away. 338 00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:08,328 - Even your fully articulated, life-size wooden lady? 339 00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:09,579 - I don't know what you're describing, 340 00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:11,915 But it sounds way less shameful than snooping. 341 00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,208 Goodbye, tyrannis. 342 00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:14,918 - Oh, I'm not leaving just yet. 343 00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:17,128 I'm on an island full of your replacements. 344 00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:19,088 - Is everything-- steven? 345 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:21,966 - Ned, I heard about your ned system. 346 00:13:22,052 --> 00:13:25,595 Sounds familiar. - Easy, steven. 347 00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:27,597 [both grunting] 348 00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:29,432 - Nerd fight? 349 00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:36,356 - Hey, there's my superstar. - Can't wait to start. 350 00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:38,691 - I know you're not a rule guy, and you're in luck. 351 00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:39,692 There are none. 352 00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,152 - [laughs] yeah! 353 00:13:41,196 --> 00:13:43,863 - Here's your workstation. - Got it. What do I do first? 354 00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,949 - First, you never ask that again. 355 00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,367 - Sorry. - I really mean it, hippo. 356 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,994 Your job here is simply to create, 357 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:52,121 Preferably three or four things before sundown. 358 00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:53,706 And if anything you come up with 359 00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:57,377 Becomes a hephaestus original, well, there's upward movement. 360 00:13:57,462 --> 00:14:01,631 - So my job is to create hephaestus originals? 361 00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:05,218 - Okay, don't flatter yourself. I'm not exploiting you. 362 00:14:05,262 --> 00:14:08,221 By the time I'm done making your stuff work, 363 00:14:08,265 --> 00:14:10,265 You'll be the one getting the undeserved credit, 364 00:14:10,308 --> 00:14:12,141 Which trust me, you will take 365 00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,143 When you leave me for a better job. 366 00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:17,188 - Oh, I'm not gonna leave. - Oh, yes, you will. 367 00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:20,149 You didn't get here by being loyal to your stupid brother, 368 00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:21,943 Did you? It's okay. 369 00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:24,988 I expect you to leave. I'm not stupid. 370 00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:29,284 I'm arguably the god of the opposite of stupid. 371 00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:31,786 And I'd rather work with genuine talent 372 00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:34,372 Than phony sycophants! 373 00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:37,041 - Maybe I can be both. - I welcome the attempt. 374 00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:38,835 People do earn my trust-- 375 00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,712 To an extent. 376 00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:44,007 Aphrodite married me because I have the only heart 377 00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:46,175 Even she can't find. 378 00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:48,511 - That's pretty dark, boss. 379 00:14:48,597 --> 00:14:49,804 - [laughs] 380 00:14:49,848 --> 00:14:51,139 We're pieces of work, aren't we? 381 00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:54,142 Don't get back to work. 382 00:14:54,185 --> 00:14:56,895 - [sighs] living the dream. 383 00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,981 - So you'd call yourself a collaborative inventor? 384 00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:02,358 - Yes, I believe it's more important 385 00:15:02,444 --> 00:15:05,570 To collaborate than innovate. - Ah, so refreshing. 386 00:15:05,614 --> 00:15:08,072 I'm interested in my city developing written language. 387 00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:09,949 - Nope, not a thing. - Not a thing? 388 00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:13,328 - Human speak words and they draw pictures. 389 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:16,164 Nobody can draw pictures of words. 390 00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:20,084 That's nonsense. - And is this us collaborating? 391 00:15:20,211 --> 00:15:22,128 - Well, there's collaborating, 392 00:15:22,213 --> 00:15:24,297 And there's indulging childish fantasy. 393 00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:27,133 You see some futuristic world where people are writing 394 00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:30,011 Everything down and, what was the other thing? 395 00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:32,472 Pooping into tubes that transport feces 396 00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:35,266 To a new location after leaving the butt? 397 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,143 - Well, you're making it sound like-- 398 00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:38,978 - Who even spends time thinking about this? 399 00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:40,480 - Preferably someone in your position. 400 00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:45,109 - Then I'm afraid this interview is over. 401 00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:47,236 - You'll be back to your stunning self 402 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,113 In no time, darling, but if you can, 403 00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:50,990 Do try not to snack on you. 404 00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:53,076 - As long as no one invents ranch dressing 405 00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:55,286 In the near future, I should be all right. 406 00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:57,830 - I'm glad you guys are having personal growth, 407 00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:59,415 But felix has kids. 408 00:15:59,501 --> 00:16:02,543 - And that is why you should take him to athena's temple, 409 00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:05,213 Which I now allow because I am capable of everything, 410 00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:07,715 Including change. - Okay. 411 00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:08,883 And you'll give me a ride there 412 00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,468 Since I could have walked by now. 413 00:16:10,512 --> 00:16:11,386 - I was just vulnerable. 414 00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:13,012 You don't get two things. Piss off. 415 00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:14,472 - That's on-brand. 416 00:16:14,516 --> 00:16:16,224 Would you at least keep an eye on felix while I pack? 417 00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:19,102 - Fine. - You're an amazing mother. 418 00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:21,145 - And you're still sexy, even as part carrot. 419 00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:24,107 - Oh, you naughty deity. Oh, yes. 420 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,984 Now you're talking. 421 00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:27,902 No, I want him to watch. 422 00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:30,488 Very good. Oh, yes. 423 00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:31,531 Oh, here we go. 424 00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:33,700 [indistinct chatter] 425 00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:36,119 - [sighs] 426 00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:38,079 What's the excitement? 427 00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:40,289 - There's a king interviewing inventors at the dock. 428 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:44,002 Whoever gets the job gets an entire lab in his palace-- 429 00:16:44,129 --> 00:16:46,254 With underground lair. 430 00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:48,381 - That's my-- definition of a nightmare, 431 00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:50,041 Probably in the middle of nowhere. 432 00:16:50,093 --> 00:16:52,093 - Good. Small pond, big fish. 433 00:16:52,137 --> 00:16:54,721 Sorry, is that offensive to you? 434 00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:56,014 - I'll get over it. 435 00:16:56,099 --> 00:16:57,390 - I hear this king is interested 436 00:16:57,475 --> 00:17:00,435 In some pretty out-there stuff: A sewage system, 437 00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:01,978 Written language. 438 00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:03,980 - See, now that's offensive. 439 00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:05,523 I mean, is he a king or a creative? 440 00:17:05,567 --> 00:17:08,026 Hephaestus doesn't even care what we invent. 441 00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,193 - You got that right. 442 00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:10,737 - This king you're talking about, 443 00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:12,155 He'll be all up in your stuff. 444 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:13,990 How's it going? What are you working on? 445 00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:15,283 I have thoughts. 446 00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:17,076 He's going to think he owns you. 447 00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:20,246 - Free lab, room and board. Um, own me, daddy. 448 00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:22,957 - Seriously, but please, don't apply for the job. 449 00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:24,584 You'd just get it. 450 00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,961 - Yeah, it's always the people that don't give a crap. 451 00:17:27,047 --> 00:17:30,006 [pensive music] 452 00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:35,678 ♪ ♪ 453 00:17:35,764 --> 00:17:38,723 - You can put your inventions down wherever there's space. 454 00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:40,016 - Thanks. What you working on? 455 00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:42,435 - A hat for hermes. - Third one? 456 00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:43,394 - He had thoughts. 457 00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:46,189 - Hermes had thoughts about his hat, 458 00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:48,024 And here, you're surrounded by-- 459 00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:49,734 What's this? - I don't know. 460 00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:51,152 It's called a computer. 461 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,279 It's a machine that calculates-- 462 00:17:53,323 --> 00:17:55,323 Why do you feel comfortable interrupting me like this? 463 00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,200 Are you unfamiliar with being fired? 464 00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:58,618 - I guess I've only ever quit. 465 00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:01,621 A machine that calculates? - Oh, does that impress you? 466 00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:04,707 - It might be a little more important than a third draft 467 00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:06,125 Of hermes's hat. 468 00:18:06,211 --> 00:18:07,794 - Well, can I show you something even better? 469 00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:09,587 - Yeah! 470 00:18:09,631 --> 00:18:11,047 Dude? 471 00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:12,590 - Dude! Wait. 472 00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:13,716 It gets better. 473 00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:14,884 Look at this. 474 00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:16,552 What do you think, dude? 475 00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,096 You like that, dude? 476 00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:19,347 - Why? Why? 477 00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:22,225 - Because it's not what you wanted. 478 00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:26,145 So now you understand, you don't control me. 479 00:18:26,231 --> 00:18:28,397 - But hermes does? - No! 480 00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:33,111 You insipid little fish man, I control everything. 481 00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:37,406 I choose my jobs. I choose my goals. 482 00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:40,952 I have already finished proving I am better than everyone 483 00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:43,746 And that I don't need anyone. 484 00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:45,414 I guess you haven't proven that? 485 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:48,501 I have! It's a thing you can prove. 486 00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:52,380 And do you know what I now have decided to make happen? 487 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:56,050 - You want them to like you. - There you go, buddy! 488 00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,010 There you go. 489 00:18:58,054 --> 00:19:00,179 Is that okay with you? 490 00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:03,891 Remember when your brother tried 491 00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:06,060 To protect you at the panel? 492 00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:11,732 Nobody in my family, nobody, has done that for me. 493 00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:16,279 - Ty, wait! 494 00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:20,074 Ty! - Hold on one moment. 495 00:19:20,118 --> 00:19:21,826 - Excuse me. Excuse me. 496 00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:25,204 - Hippo! - Ty! 497 00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:27,957 I'm sorry. - I am too. 498 00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:29,417 What happened? 499 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,419 - Well, I was definitely right to change jobs 500 00:19:31,462 --> 00:19:33,171 Because I'm right about everything, 501 00:19:33,256 --> 00:19:35,173 Which is why I had to leave. 502 00:19:35,258 --> 00:19:37,008 They found me mentally intimidating 503 00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:39,635 And distracting sexually. 504 00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:42,054 - That's truly unbelievable. 505 00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:44,432 But I'm glad it happened because you're irreplaceable. 506 00:19:44,559 --> 00:19:47,560 - I would have invented your brains out. 507 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:48,686 Lab wrecker. 508 00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:52,481 - Who was that? - I didn't see anybody. 509 00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:55,735 - Hephaestus thanks you for attending volcon. 510 00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:57,737 I am not an automaton. 511 00:19:57,822 --> 00:19:59,906 I am a living, suffering giant. 512 00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:01,282 Have a safe journey home. 513 00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:04,327 My joints are limited to predefined movements 514 00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:06,954 Carried out by a complex system of gears. 515 00:20:07,081 --> 00:20:09,749 We look forward to seeing you next year. 516 00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:11,584 Enjoy your lives. 517 00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:12,752 They could be worse. 518 00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:14,128 I have a family. 519 00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:16,714 I'm a foodie. I love to travel. 520 00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:21,344 Tell my story, but also, tell the world about volcon. 521 00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:24,889 I have had an itch on my back for over a year. 522 00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:27,016 Someone, please scratch it. 523 00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:29,268 And please, come back to volcon. 524 00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:32,188 Before this, I was a giant doctor. 525 00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:34,106 I saved people's lives, 526 00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:36,141 The way you should save the date 527 00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:38,444 For next year's volcon. 528 00:20:53,211 --> 00:20:56,212 - Ah. 529 00:20:59,634 --> 00:21:02,593 [indistinct chatter] 530 00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:10,810 [sighs] hello, print-con! 531 00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:12,144 I'm chris hardwick. 532 00:21:12,230 --> 00:21:14,855 I'm moderating this panel and, due to a curse, 533 00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:16,974 All panels until the end of time. 534 00:21:16,985 --> 00:21:19,735 But you didn't sleep on a pile of plague rats 535 00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:21,570 For a month to hear about me. 536 00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:24,115 You're here for the prince of the press, 537 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:29,537 The mage of the page, johann gutenberg! 538 00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:31,080 - Did you get any of that? 539 00:21:33,668 --> 00:21:35,126 - Bento.