Good morning. Dale Jennings with the latest news.
Dire Straits have commenced their Australian tour amidst...
(SIGHS) Mate, newsreading - not for everyone.
Is it a vocal thing?
HELEN: You know, I am a disaster.
But I'm also relentless. I reckon we can make you a newsreader.
EVELYN: If you or the network mistreat my husband in any way,
the public response will be utterly devastating.
But I think we may have reached the end of the line.
How about I go to the press
and detail how I've been treated by this network after 30 years?!
Noelene confirmed the quote was false.
And you're coming to see me after the bulletin.
ROB: You can come back in on Monday. You're the best one there, Noel.
Hey, Noelene, would you like to come out for a drink at the pub?
Has anything like this happened since you were a teenager?
The things that I hid are the things that I don't want to resist.
I have these feelings. They won't go away.
But neither will my feelings for you.
I love you just the way you are. And I'm gonna be right next to you.
Good evening. I'm Helen Norville.
And I'm Dale Jennings. You are watching News At Six.
(DOOR OPENS) MAN: This way, please.
(FOOTSTEPS) MAN: And big laugh.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
That's it. Keep watching me for the cues.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
(1980s SYNTH POP PLAYS)
MAN: # With an endless desire
# Oh, I kept on searching
# Sure in time our eyes would meet
# Like a bridge that's on fire
# The hurt is over, baby
# One touch and you set me free
# Mmm, I don't regret a single moment
# No, I don't
# Looking back
# When I think of all those disappointments
# Well, I just laugh
# Ha! I just laugh
# When the river was deep, I didn't falter
# When the mountain was high, I still believed
# When the valley was low, it didn't stop me
# No, no
# I knew you were waiting
# I knew you were waiting for me
# I didn't falter # Oh, no
# When the mountain was high # I still believed
# When the valley was low
# When the valley was low, it didn't stop me
# No, I knew you were waiting
# I knew you were waiting for me. #
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Please thank the Tony Bartuccio Dancers!
You ready?
OK, so, just remember, he's not gonna stick to the script
and he kind of likes it if you tease him a little bit.
What? (CLEARS THROAT)
Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!
Are we lucky? Yes!
Well done.
Now, three more sleeps till election day.
Are we all exhausted yet? (AUDIENCE MURMURS)
I certainly am.
Hawke and Howard, Keating and Peacock,
well, it's all just a blurry sea of very bushy eyebrows
at this point, isn't it? (LAUGHTER)
Now, my next guests have been there
for every twist, every turn, every insult of the campaign,
and they are, of course,
News At Six's very own golden couple of news.
Please welcome the magnificent Miss Helen Norville and Mr Dale Jennings.
(BIG BAND PLAYS LIVELY INTRO)
Wow. Wow. What can I say?
You look beautiful. Thank you.
Gerry. Good to see you. Yeah.
Whoo!
Now, tell me...
Oh, is there still anything left to discuss about this election?
Well, I think this election might be
a lot closer than people think, Gerry.
Really, Dale? Yes.
Well, people are tipping for a Hawke re-election,
but I'm not so sure, and like any election night,
there might be some...turns, some twists, some surprises,
some bad losers, possibly even some tears.
Mmm. But all of that will be coming from me.
(LAUGHTER)
Now, now, the pair of you.
Two newsreaders in a relationship. Can we talk about that?
Be careful, Gerry!
Oh, I don't think you can lecture me about good behaviour, Miss Norville.
(LAUGHTER)
Your voices are always so... calm and polished.
What I want to know is what happens when you have an argument.
(LAUGHS) Oh, well...
Well, we don't really have any arguments, do we?
Well, I actually find it quite useful.
"Crossing now to the kitchen,
"where Dale has forgotten to take out the rubbish."
(LAUGHTER)
You spend your whole working day together,
you read the news together, you go home together.
That's right. Yeah.
Well, at what point do you run out of things to say?
Well, the news never stops, Gerry.
One always has a lot to talk about, especially in an election year.
This is... Alright, Dale.
It's not election night yet. At ease.
(LAUGHTER)
Now, in 1986, you delivered us all a newsroom romance.
In 1987...
..can we...expect a newsroom wedding?
AUDIENCE: Oooh! Mmm.
(CHUCKLES) "Uh, crossing now to Dale Jennings."
(LAUGHTER)
Well, thanks, Helen.
Look, we're just focusing on this critical election
that we have ahead of us, uh, this year.
It's also a... it's a jolly fascinating...
Who says "jolly"? (HELEN LAUGHS)
Dale, I told you not to watch it.
Who am I, Santa Claus? I've never used that adjective in my life!
My favourite was when you referred to yourself as "the royal one".
I did not do that!
Rewind. It's right there on the tape.
We sent specific questions about the election!
Yeah, but I told you, he never sticks to the script.
Hey, there's not a history between you two, is there?
What, a history between... With Gerry?!
Yeah. No!
Are you sure? 'Cause he was very flirtatious.
Oh, are you a bit jealous?
No. You sure?
Yeah, a little bit, but...
Correct!
(GIGGLES) Don't be.
..on this critical election ahead.
And it's not only an Australian election this year, it's also...
Newsreader Dale Jennings there, avoiding my question.
(LAUGHTER)
(ALARM BEEPS LOUDLY)
(ALARM CONTINUES BEEPING)
TV: The issue overshadowed Mr Howard's campaign
in marginal Brisbane seats today.
He was quick to respond and issued one of his strongest
campaign attacks yet against the government.
JOHN HOWARD: The creator of the "banana republic"
is now campaigning like a treasurer of a banana republic...
Howard called him an "economic vandal"
and Keating fired back and said, "If the Liberals win government,
"you'd need a pair of binoculars to find the Australian dollar."
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
NOELENE: Have you seen it? Seen what?
The promo for election night.
Do we want to?
Promos just delivered it. They're very proud of it.
The new CEO dictated the copy himself.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
VOICEOVER: Showdown 87 - Hawke and Howard.
And News At Six will give you the winner first.
Our state-of-the-art Datamax computer system
will deliver the result at 7:45 guaranteed.
Join Helen Norville and Dale Jennings...
Is that confirmed? Guaranteed?
..with comic interludes by Gerry Carroll...
No.
..and an Australian exclusive with federal treasurer Paul Keating.
The biggest names. The fastest results.
Only on the News At Six.
I mean, that can't... that can't go on air.
It's on air. The print version is a double-page spread.
Uh...
Did you sign off on that promo? Good morning to you too, Helen.
A 7:45 guaranteed result? And an Irish comedian?
Just so you know,
that's come directly from little Charlie himself.
He doesn't know the first thing about news.
He doesn't see the election as a news event, Helen.
He sees it more as being a, um...
..a network branding event. What?
And he has decided that our network brand is, uh...
..backyard barbecue.
What does that mean? Dennis?
He reckons that networks are like different kinds of food.
Yeah? So, the ABC is like a plate of vegetables.
But then you have your roast chook, right?
Your Sunday lamb! Mmm.
Backyard barbecue.
He just wants the tone to be relaxed and irreverent, OK? That's it, so...
Are you even listening to yourself?
Um, I can check with the data analyst, but it was my understanding
that 7:45 is more of a likelihood than a guarantee.
OK, thanks, Noelene, but there's nothing we can do about that.
Also, I don't think Paul Keating's an exclusive.
I think he's appearing on several networks.
OK, thanks again, Noelene! Nothing we can do about that!
No other news director would sign off on that.
That is not true, OK? The ABC has comedians!
You know that guy that does the impersonations?
Lindsay, shit, we've got to go.
Dale, now that she's had her little showboat,
I don't want any more hissy fits about this, because...little, uh...
..little Chuck has invested a lot of money in News At Six
and, mate, he's not happy.
He always seems upbeat. (LAUGHS) Yeah, right. To your face.
Do you know what he called you two the other night?
"The silver couple of news".
Sometimes you're "the bronze couple of news",
and sometimes you're dangerously close to "polished turd" territory.
But our ratings have been consistent. Jesus, Dale!
The amount of money he has spent, he doesn't want consistent,
especially on election night, and especially given the competition!
MAN: Out of the 10 previous elections that you've hosted,
which ones in particular stand out?
Well, it's hard to go past '69. Gorton versus Whitlam.
And you were the first to call that one, correct?
Just after 8pm. Over an hour before the competition.
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
Well, over the years, you, uh...
..you develop an understanding of the key swing seats.
It paid off in '69, and I'm sure it will tomorrow night.
What about you, Kay?
Any, uh, childhood memories of watching Dad on election night?
Uh, I remember always loving it.
It's the one night Mum let me eat sausages and chips for dinner.
Ah. (LAUGHS)
And will it be sausages this Saturday?
Oh, of course!
With Kay back from London, I'll be doing all the favourites.
(CHUCKLES)
Geoff, Saturday's also the first time
that you'll be in direct competition with your former colleagues
at the News At Six.
You've had some strong words to say about the News At Six in the past.
Well, I've said all I intend to say, Keith.
Yeah, well, nothing to add a year down the track?
We'd, of course, like to thank the viewers
for all their cards and letters
and to assure them that Geoff is absolutely thriving.
The new network is wonderful
and we're just loving living a little closer to the city.
But can I just ask, have you had any contact with Helen Norville...
Let's move on, Keith.
Yep. Uh...
(CLEARS THROAT) Well, uh...
Thank you very much. Um, we might just get a family photo if we could.
Kay, would you mind just squeezing up a little bit,
we'll get a family shot?
That'd be great. Thank you.
Big smiles. (LAUGHS)
Thank you.
We so appreciate it, Cheryl.
Um, are we still on for the 5th?
If that's alright.
I'd hate to get you into trouble with the News At Six.
Oh, no, no. I just don't tell 'em. (CHUCKLES)
Oh, thank you.
Truly, no-one does it better.
Thank you. (CLEARS THROAT)
That went well.
Mmm.
I do think it'd be worth doing a little bit of afternoon radio.
Evvie... Just a couple of interviews...
Enough!
Oh, take the dress. I bought it for you.
I'm OK.
Oh, it looked really lovely, Kay. Very feminine. Stylish.
Yes. It's the height of '87 style.
You know what they say about sarcasm, darling.
"It's the lowest form of wit." It's the lowest form of wit.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
(DOOR OPENS) Why isn't Mum going up?
Well, Canberra is a touch bleak in the wintertime, so...
You want to escape her? No, no, no.
I wouldn't blame you.
Shh. (GIGGLES)
Wait.
Drive carefully.
(STARTS ENGINE)
You've got a single.
Dale and Helen are in a full suite. Mm-hm.
Per diems.
Um, sorry, if I order room service,
do I use the per diems or do I charge the room?
Officially, the per diems.
Unofficially, most people charge the room and pocket the cash.
They also tend to save the taxi vouchers for personal use.
I'm sure Rob could tell you all about it.
I don't know what you're talking about there...
(LAUGHS) ..Jean.
Uh, Noels, just before you take off,
could I ask you to have a quick squiz at that late update script?
Yes, of course. Alright?
Thanks, Jean. Have a good time.
Just, the wording is...weird.
Yeah. I'll help you.
(GIGGLES) Mmm...
Hey? Mmm?
How many stars is the hotel? Four.
Well, should I see if I can get a flight up?
We don't have to tell your family.
Well, it's just that Helen and Dale will be there.
Yeah. I thought you wanted to start telling the office post-election.
Well, not the very next day.
Oh, OK. Mmm.
But...how about when I get back... Mmm?
..I pick you up, and we use all my taxi vouchers and per diems
and I take you to Sizzler?
Oh, yes! (GIGGLES)
Mmm. Mmm.
(SIGHS) OK.
Oh. Wait 30 seconds.
Last time, you came up two steps behind me and it was really obvious.
Yeah, roger that.
Rob. Oh, shit. Sorry.
You just told me that. Sorry. Shh. Shush.
Shhh-ush.
OK. So...
(JET ENGINES ROAR)
(BUSY CHATTER)
G'day.
Hey, Noelene. How are you?
Hi, guys. How are you doing? Nice to see you all.
NOELENE: The statistician is here. No sign of Gerry yet.
What about Geoff?
His network is here. They're two booths over.
Well, we should go over and say hello, you know?
Get it over and done with. No, I'm not talking to him.
This is Trevor, data analyst. Hello.
Helen. Lovely to meet you. Welcome. Of course.
Nice to meet you, Trevor. Thank you.
So, we're looking good for 7:45?
Well...just between us...
..I think it'll be more like 7:15.
7:15! Wow. Yeah.
I ran the results for '77, '80 and '83,
and in each case, the system would have the winner by 7:15.
So it'll be earlier? Great.
GERRY: I made the assumption there'd be edible food here tonight.
I'm guessing that was foolish. Hi.
Wow. You honestly expect the viewers to focus on the politicians?
Welcome, Gerry. How are you, Dale?
Uh, good. Um...
I might go to the...
Hey, Ray, can I grab a glass of water?
Thank you.
(GATES CLANK, WHIRR)
(WHISPERS) Wow.
Jesus!
Rob, you look like a bloody Lowes catalogue.
(DENNIS LAUGHS) Well, I got told it was casual.
Yes, mate. The rich pricks' version of casual!
Very different. Well, should I go and get changed?
It'd take me 25 minutes to duck back, grab a jacket.
No, no, no, mate. Not enough time. You've got to go as you are.
Don't want to blot the copybook. I want an invite on that yacht.
What yacht? He's got a $3 million yacht.
No. Yeah, he does.
Does he? He does, yeah.
Hello. Hey. How are you?
Follow me. Yep. Thank you.
(WHISPERS) Shit.
Wow.
No shit.
Bigger than the bar at Young & Jackson's, isn't it?
Here he is.
Gentlemen, how are we?
Good, thanks, Charlie. How are you? Yeah, good, mate.
What, you off to the races after this?
Sorry?
You look like one of the old man's bookies there. (LAUGHS)
Oh, right. OK. Yeah.
Hey, so, I just saw an ad for the competition.
Their big interview - some senator I've never heard of.
We got the bloody treasurer!
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
That you, Dermot? Dennis.
Dennis. Sorry, mate. It was, uh, Noels.
Do I know Noel?
Yeah, Noelene. She's a producer. Noelene. Producer, yes.
She's had about 800 calls to Keating's office.
Wore him down. She's...
Yeah, she's... I made a call too to Paul.
Yeah, people say I'm a bit like Keating, actually, you know.
Not physically, of course.
Just a sort of a... certain gravitas or something.
Their words, not... I see it.
Yeah. (ALL CHUCKLE)
So...just us tonight, boys. Yeah. Casual seafood buffet.
Grab yourselves a drink, make yourselves at home, eh?
Beautiful. Yeah.
You, uh...you want to take care of that, please, love? Beautiful.
Thank you.
GEOFF: Young Dale. (CLEARS THROAT)
Geoff! Good to see you.
(CLEARS THROAT) Hello.
Hey, congratulations on the new network.
My mother's terribly conflicted on who to watch tonight. (CHUCKLES)
Is Helen with you?
Yep.
I gather you'll be delivering the result by 7:45 guaranteed.
Well. (CHUCKLES)
I don't fully understand the computer technology myself, but...
Well, careful what you wish for.
Three hours is a very long time to fill.
Come on, Paul. Yep. (SIGHS)
I just saw Geoff. I don't care.
30 seconds!
Hey, Noelene, you got those teeth pictures?
Teeth pictures? Yep.
Yep. All four. Mmm.
Yeah, I thought I could say
what's always stood out to me about Australian elections is the teeth.
And then we'd super up pictures
of Howard, Hawke, Peacock and Keating's teeth,
and I'd do a comedic dental assessment of them.
RAY: Positions, please! (GERRY LAUGHS)
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS) I'm terrifying you, aren't I?
No. And here we go.
And in 10.
Nine. Eight. Seven. Six.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
and welcome to the National Tally Room for Election Night 1987.
I'm Helen Norville. And I'm Dale Jennings.
It's a freezing night here in our nation's capital,
and the tally room is filling up with hundreds of journalists,
party members, even some members of the public.
All of them are looking to the boards behind us,
anxiously waiting for those first crucial results
to start coming through.
Polling booths on the east coast have already closed...
ROB: It's a nice set.
Very nice.
..first votes are counted, our computer analyst...
Good design. Yeah.
..Trevor Lehmann, will be able to see them
on the News At Six Datamax computer.
Welcome.
Uh, thank you, Helen.
So, what percentage of votes need to be counted
before you can convincingly call for a winner?
Actually, just 4% or 5%.
Remarkable, isn't it?
And we could reach that point very early, so stay tuned.
No, we reach that point at 7:45.
Really got to hammer that, Lindsay. 7:45.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got a chyron that's really gonna punch 7:45.
It is coming. It is coming. Mmm.
You mind if we have a quick flick?
Oh, not at all.
DALE: ..live on the desk...
MAN: It truly wouldn't be an election night without him.
I'm so thrilled to welcome a television icon -
Mr Geoff Walters.
Good evening to viewers across this vast and great nation.
(DEEP VOICE) "And to you too."
GEOFF: It's an honour to be with you on this most critical of nights.
They're letting him write his own script!
Mate, this is gonna end in tears. (DEEP VOICE) "In tears."
(LAUGHS)
Well, Paddy, I'm happy to confirm that from August onward,
I will be on screen five nights a week
with a brand-new show, The Walters Report.
A half-hour of hard-hitting current affairs...
Awful name. ..probing analysis...
Terrible. Oh, are they axing Quizmasters?
PADDY: ..very excited to have you back on their screens.
But right now, east coast polls have closed,
so let's cross to Bankstown, where federal treasurer Paul Keating
is arriving to watch the results in his home seat...
Wait, Bankstown?
Keating's confirmed for our desk, isn't he?
Yes. Yes, he is.
Uh... So?
Yeah. Hey, is this live? This is live.
Uh...uh, look, Dennis, do you want to...want to go call Noelene
just to, uh...to check on her?
Yep, great. Great idea. (SHOUTS) Marta!
Phone!
Thank you, Marta.
This guy. Oh, great. Thank you.
You can use it anywhere. OK. Thank you. (DIALS)
(RINGING TONE)
(TELEPHONE RINGS) HELEN: Thank you.
Tally room. Noelene speaking.
Yes! Hi. Yes, it's...it's Dennis.
So, we just flipped to Geoff's coverage
and there is live footage of Keating from Bankstown!
I don't think so. Bankstown! Sydney!
Five hours from you! I know where it is.
He was always scheduled to spend the day in Bankstown,
then head to Canberra in the afternoon.
It can't have been live footage.
It WAS live footage, Noelene, OK? Because it was dark there!
I, er, might call his media adviser.
Give me that thing here!
Listen, you! I've got some notes for Helen and Dale.
You get a pen and a shitload of paper!
(LINDSAY RANTS INDISTINCTLY)
Mm-hm.
(LINDSAY HANGS UP)
Sorry.
Just a couple of notes from Lindsay. What?
He doesn't want you to be so vague about the time of the results.
Keep reiterating the 7:45 guarantee.
Yeah, but it could be earlier. I'm just relaying.
Also, the CEO wants a big build-up.
"Get your dinners now. Top up your drinks. The big moment's coming."
And we're back in 20.
I am not gonna be dictated to by little Charlie,
especially not live on air.
We can definitely weave in a little build-up.
No, I'm not gonna say, "Come on, get your dinners, please."
It's not Romper Room.
We don't have to use those words necessarily.
Wrap it up. 10 seconds.
Charlie's rung my staff with joke suggestions
before three of my shows - they were all terrible.
Yeah, so you just ignored them, right?
Oh, no, I said them. But I've got no integrity.
You stick to your guns.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
and welcome back to Election Night '87.
Where the nation decides.
We have 21% of the vote counted in the seat of Forde
and appear to be seeing a swing to the opposition.
Is that right, Geoff? (DOOR OPENS)
KAY: Just me. GEOFF: That's right, Paddy.
And Forde, as you know, is in Queensland
and it is, of course, a swing seat.
How's he going?
EVELYN: Uh...it's still early.
I got the sausages.
I'm alright. Oh, are you sure?
It's tradition.
Yeah, I'll just have a drink, thanks.
Is Scott joining us?
What?
It's over with Scott.
When did that happen? Last week.
Oh, darling.
Come on, Mum. Don't pretend like you're not happy about it.
No, of course I'm not.
No, he was a very...
He was a pleasant man.
You hated him. No!
No, I just wondered if he had enough drive for you.
Well, he's pissed off without paying the rent,
so I don't have that $200.
He's a prick.
Well, do you want your father to call him about that?
No, it's just...it's $200.
Well, technically, your father is Scott's landlord...
Mum, I've just told you I've broken up,
and you're chasing rent.
Sorry.
Sure you don't want the sausages?
Fine.
TV: The voting booths were open at eight o'clock this morning,
and there was an early morning surge to vote.
By lunchtime, the crowds had thinned to...
Yes, I called his campaign office.
They directed me to his electorate office.
RAY: Eight. Seven.
He's the treasurer of Australia. Someone must know where he is.
Can you at least give me the name of the venue in Bankstown?
Well, we are just a quarter of an hour away from that crucial moment,
so, Australia, clear away the dinner plates and top up those drinks,
because as per the News At Six 7:45 guarantee, the moment is imminent.
HELEN: So, Trevor, with 4% now counted...
Yeah, that's better.
..is the Datamax system showing any emerging trend?
Wouldn't say solid, though, would you?
TREVOR: So far, I can confirm that the vote is down for Labor,
but not necessarily down evenly.
So there is a negative swing against the government?
In some places, yes. Definitely New South Wales, but not in others.
In fact, their vote is up in some surprising places.
So...yeah, i-it may or it may not be a swing.
Well, Gerry Carroll thinks he's identified
a surprising factor at play in the 1987 campaign.
Gerry, can you illuminate us?
Why, of course, Dale.
Now, for me, this election has all been about the dental work...
Is there a problem? What? No, no, no, no, no.
I'm just...I'm just, uh... I'm just inputting.
You said 7:15. It's just turned 7:30.
Yeah, well, the program was built to work off national swing, so...
Is 7:45 at risk, Trevor?
OK, the way it processes is...is...is...is...
D-d-d-d... Look... look, I could explain it to you,
or I could just keep inputting data and actually get us there,
which is what I think you want.
..teeth take up most of his face.
With what little space that's left being dedicated to his eyebrows,
it leaves you in a position of not being sure what brush to reach for.
(CLEARS THROAT) Uh...
Paul Keating, on the other hand, rarely if ever reveals a tooth,
for obvious reasoning.
Paul, I'm narrowing my focus to the eight seats I'm listing here.
Could I ask you to update me as soon as any of these figures come in?
Yeah.
And also, let me know what happens at 7:45 on News At Six.
(CHUCKLES) OK.
800 calls you made - for what?!
His office said they tried to call.
It was a last-minute change just this afternoon.
The results were looking tight, so Keating wanted
to stay in Bankstown instead of come to Canberra.
Fuck me sideways! Just give me this.
Send the link truck to Bankstown and do it as a live cross.
Well, I HAVE sent a link truck, but there's a technical issue here.
Our OB van isn't getting return audio. They can't work out why.
But right now, Keating wouldn't be able to hear us. We need a studio.
Give me that thing, will you?
Listen, Noelene, I want you to tell me this.
I want to hear it from you
that both our relentlessly advertised features -
the 7:45 verdict and Paul fucking Keating live -
has come a gutser!
Y-y...yeah, just...
There's a studio in Parliament House.
They use it for live crosses every now and then, OK?
You're gonna have to send Dale or Helen there.
How far away is it? I don't know! It's Canberra!
It's a glorified country town.
Look, I'm just gonna make some phone calls, right? Just...
Is that off?! Have I turned it off? Er...
BOB HAWKE: I think we'll win, but, uh...
..it's just silly to jump in too quickly.
INTERVIEWER: Certainly, you wouldn't be...
So, I hear you're a bit of a sailing man, Charlie?
Not really.
HAWKE: ..and John Mildren's got some ground to make up. That's one...
You've got one minute, Trevor.
Sorry, I presently cannot focus my left eye.
I think...I think... I think that we just have to...
..we just have to say that the guarantee's just not gonna happen.
No, we can't put it like that.
We have to say that we're in uncharted territory,
that we're on a knife's edge.
But it might not actually be a knife's edge.
OK, we're a ship tossed at sea. RAY: And in 10!
That doesn't even make any sense. Just take the CEO out of your head.
I'm not thinking of the CEO. Jesus Christ!
"The result has defied the most advanced computer technology,
"and all we can do is sit and wait." OK.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, we have hit that crucial time of 7:45
and we have found ourselves in uncharted territory.
HELEN: They say that the news never stops.
Dale, I think we can add to that.
The news can never truly deliver a guarantee.
What, is that a sledge at the promo?
With 5% of the vote now counted, the results have defied
our state-of-the-art Datamax computer system.
So, ladies and gentlemen... Jesus Christ!
..you're just gonna have to keep watching,
'cause it looks like we're in for a roller-coaster of a night.
There are a million people changing the channel right now.
I should... Should I go get Lindsay?
Who dropped the ball here, mate? Was it Noelene?
Uh, no. Absolutely not. But sh... I'll just see if I can find him.
Do that, get rid of the data bloke,
and tell Lindsay to get Keating on that fuckin' desk.
Alright.
(QUIETLY) Hey.
The News At Six didn't call it.
They're still just reading individual seat results.
(LAUGHS) I would describe it as very boring.
I need you to give me one more update on Barton
and, uh...one more on Rankin. (CLEARS THROAT)
Rankin and Barton. OK.
And, Paddy?
I'd say five minutes.
(COUGHS) Five. Four...
PADDY: Well, let's have a look at some of the ALP seats
where the Liberal Party is leading.
First up, Chisholm - Chisholm is in Victoria,
currently held by Helen Mayer by a margin of 0.2%.
The Liberal Party candidate, Dr Wooldridge,
has run a very high-profile campaign.
Dr Wooldridge is sitting on 47.6% of the primary vote.
If that trajectory maintains,
Dr Wooldridge will probably be the new member for Chisholm.
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
Mr Walters has been furiously doing his sums, and...
..and, uh, it looks as though he has something that he wants to say.
Geoff?
GEOFF: Yes, Paddy. Oh. Kay.
Now, thus far, we've been focused on the...
Darling?
..percentage of the overall vote, but in fact, the result...
Kay?
..is always going to be dictated by the number of seats.
Is he calling it? I think so.
The Labor government came in tonight with a 16-seat advantage.
Their overall vote is clearly down, but, Paddy, as I see it,
for the Labor government to lose tonight,
they would need to lose the five following seats, and they are...
..Hinkler, Barton, Rankin, Bendigo and...
..Hawker.
As it stands,
I believe Labor can be very confident holding all five.
So, on the basis of that,
I am prepared to declare Labor, the Hawke government...
(APPLAUSE IN BACKGROUND) ..the winner tonight.
..is Peter Paroulakis... (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
..and the Labor...
Well, Dale, it sounds like some good news has emerged from down there.
PADDY: You heard it here first. Geoff Walters...
(LINDSAY LAUGHS)
..veteran of so many federal elections, has declared that...
Ohh! Live telly, eh? It's like juggling eggs on a roller-coaster!
But, mate, Charlie, I think we're definitely well and truly on track.
..a convincing victory.
Walters just called it for Hawke.
..convincing, Paddy.
There's clearly a lot of voter discontent out there,
frankly, both sides, but ultimately, it was the...
Lindsay? Mmm?
..Coalition losses in Queensland...
Where is Paul Keating?
Do you think this loss will mark the end of John Howard...
Dennis, where is Paul Keating?
Certainly not. I don't think so. John Howard put in a...
(GRUNTS)
(APPLAUSE CONTINUES)
We might...
We'll go to a break and we'll be back with so much more,
including, hopefully, that result in just a moment.
Geoff just called it for Labor.
What? What? No, hang on, hang on.
I-I don't know how you can say that
with so little of the West Australian vote counted.
Trevor, I'm gonna have to ask you to step off camera
for the rest of the telecast.
Come on, mate. 30 seconds!
I-I-I'm just... 10...10 minutes. That's all I need.
Dale and Helen will call the result themselves.
Yep. OK. I'm really sorry.
Um...
I also have a Keating update. Yeah?
I think we still have him, but not on our desk.
He didn't come to Canberra this afternoon. I'm so sorry.
There's a link truck already heading out to him in Bankstown...
OK, so then it's just a cross?
Yes, but unfortunately not with you.
Our OB van is having issues with return audio. We need a studio.
And the closest studio is out in Parliament House.
OK, well, that's...that's... that's 10 minutes. We can do that.
No. No. Hang on, hang on... I can get us there in 10.
Including leaving here and setting up is probably more like 20,
and Charlie's demanding that he be interviewed right now.
You get me Charlie Tate on the phone right now!
I don't have his number! RAY: Here we go!
I don't care what he thinks. Helen...
Tell Parliament we're using the studio. We'll be there right now.
If we don't have a Keating interview, then all we've got
is a failed guarantee and some fucking jokes about Hawke's teeth!
Go, go! As fast as you possibly can!
Welcome back to the national tally room in Canberra,
where a sense of jubilation has taken root amongst the Labor supporters
with the breaking news
that Bob Hawke will be re-elected prime minister of Australia
for a historic third term.
(ENGINE STARTS)
NOELENE: Um, head out and turn left.
REPORTER: What are your celebration plans now?
Oh, uh, several cups of tea.
(LAUGHTER)
This is gonna be the highlight of the telecast, trust me.
RAY: 30 seconds!
So, um, are you just imagining more comedic observations or...?
Just ask me the same questions you'd ask a political analyst
and let me answer.
Don't worry about being funny.
Thanks.
Hey. And here we go.
What's that? It's straight vodka.
I haven't had a sip of water all night.
Seven! Six!
Uh, my face goes red with spirits.
You're wearing make-up.
A victorious Bob Hawke there in Melbourne
after a third election victory,
and with me now is noted political analyst Mr Gerry Carroll.
So, Gerry... Mmm?
You told me that Keating was on his way.
Er, Charlie... it'll be on in a second.
It'll be well worth the wait. Keating will put on a good show.
You just sit tight.
GERRY: Uh, well, Dale,
I think Johnny will probably move towards his natural calling in life,
which has always been suburban solicitor...
Right.
..and I think we should be happy for him.
NOELENE: No, no, no, no, no. Sorry, I meant the next one. The next one.
Sorry!
So, ultimately, this result comes as no surprise to you?
Oh, no.
Look, Dale, I have my very own election barometer,
and it works every time.
What you do is you look at the number one sportsman in that country
and you ask yourself, who would they vote for?
Here in 1987, it's clearly Wimbledon champ Pat Cash,
And if you imagine Mr Cash sitting there
weighing up Hawke versus Howard...
..well, there's really no question.
I like this. This is a better tone.
Yeah, it's not bad, is it? Yeah. Yeah.
Absolutely. (CHUCKLES) Absolutely agree.
In 1954, he skols two and a half pints of beer...
OK. Put that on that shit background.
Beg your pardon? Can you help me?
What? Oh. Yes. Go on the other side.
Um...Keating's eyeline is to the screen, not to the camera, so...
Just match that? Uh-huh.
MAN: Trig, could you get in Keating's position, please?
What time is it now? Uh, 20:13.
20:13. OK. It's still good. It's still good.
OK.
Now, did you say he lost votes in his own electorate?
Uh, yes. 5%.
5%. OK, great. Um, good.
(CLEARS THROAT)
And, Gerry, if you had to name one highlight from tonight?
Well, apart from the biscuits, Dale,
I think my highlight was learning a few brand-new words.
My favourite being 'scrutineer'.
Well, a potential new career for you, Gerry?
Well, look, all I know about it, Dale, is that they scrute,
and God knows...I've always been partial to a quick scrute.
Well, famously so.
Right now, ladies and gentlemen, we have a News At Six exclusive.
We are going to cross to Helen Norville,
who will be speaking to our re-elected treasurer...
You alright? Yeah, I'm standing by.
OK. You're on in five.
Four.
Three.
(CLEARS THROAT)
He's one of the most bold and influential men in the country
and, at 43, many predict our next prime minister.
Joining me from Bankstown in Sydney,
please welcome Treasurer Paul Keating.
Yeah! Yes! (ALL LAUGH, CHEER)
Yes! You beauty.
Bob Hawke thinks that he'll be here for the next three years at least.
Are you happy to wait?
Oh, yes, I... When...when Bob is good and ready to go...
All those phone calls. Yeah.
They paid off, mate. Yeah.
..those who fancy ourselves as his successor
then get an opportunity to propose ourselves
to the government, to the caucus.
But that's a matter for our party and, uh, it'll all occur in its time.
Opposition Leader John Howard had to contend with a lot of disunity.
You enjoy total party unity, but your personal vote was down 5%.
She is grilling him.
Do you feel that you won tonight by default?
KEATING: I think there's a lot of rewriting history going on today.
She looks great. The government won this election.
I think Mr Howard debased the political currency.
I mean, I think he ran
on the most disreputable and irresponsible financial policy
of any leader in this country in the last 20 years
and he deserved the loss that he's taken.
And so I'd guess that you would prefer John Howard
to stay on as Opposition Leader
as opposed to returning the leadership to Andrew Peacock?
Oh, she's going for it. She's going for it. Good girl.
But as far as Peacock's concerned,
I mean, let me put the rhetorical question,
can a souffle rise twice?
(LAUGHS)
That's the quote! That's our quote!
Yeah, I don't know, boys, is it just me
or is...she just a hair too... uh...aggressive?
Yeah. Just a hair.
Maybe. (CHUCKLES)
..some substantial good news.
We're gonna see inflation continuing to abate.
KAY: Alright.
TV: A disappointed but stoic John Howard conceded that his...
I'll see you soon?
Yes. Mwah.
Drive safely. Yep. Always do.
Bye. Bye.
HOWARD: And whatever differences that divide us politically,
and they are important differences
and they will remain important differences,
those things that unite us as Australians
are much greater and more enduring than those things that divide us.
Mr Howard congratulated Mr Hawke...
(PIANO PLAYS SOFT CABARET)
GERRY: Can I let you in on something?
DALE: (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
I'm not registered to vote in this country.
(LAUGHS) Really? (LAUGHS)
No... No, no, seriously.
(CHUCKLES) I've just hosted your national election
and I can't even vote.
(LAUGHS) I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud of that.
You did, obviously.
Yeah. Mmm.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
You and Helen are living together. Yeah.
Yeah, living in sin, as my mother likes to point out. (CHUCKLES)
Are you thinking of changing that?
Um...we haven't really discussed it yet.
You've been together a while. Yeah. A year.
Maybe you're not the marrying type.
Well...
Wait, what does that mean?
I don't know, you strike me as a bit...
..open to possibilities.
Uh, it's a compliment.
The best people are.
I am.
Mmm.
(CHUCKLES)
Sorry, maybe I am... Alright.
I am a pretty boring person.
I don't think so.
HELEN: Hi.
Ah. Here she is! Hello, hello!
Oh! Oh!
God, I'm glad that's over. Hey. You were brilliant.
Thank you. Brilliant.
He talked so much that I only got through a third of my questions.
Was it OK really? You were great. Yeah.
Mwah. Drink?
Um... You must be tired.
Uh, no, I'll take a double. Yeah?
Yeah. Uh, vodka soda, please.
Sure. Hoo!
Oh, my God!
What time is, um...is checkout?
Uh...10, I think.
Hey, I think Gerry just tried to proposition me.
(CHUCKLES) What?
Well, I could be wrong, but it definitely...seemed like it.
(CHUCKLES)
What...what, um...what happened?
Nothing.
Were you interested?
No.
Are you sure?
Yes.
'Cause he would make sense.
I mean, he...he'd be, um...
..he'd be discreet and...
..and private, and...
..his wife's a very powerful woman, so...
..he...he would be...
..a logical option.
I don't want that option.
Do you?
No.
No, I...I don't.
I want...
I want just us. I want just...
..just you and me.
So do I.
But I want you to keep talking to me about it.
I don't need to. But if anything changes...
It's not gonna change. But if it...if it does...
It won't.
(SIGHS)
(SNIFFLES)
(LIQUID POURS)
(GEOFF CLEARS THROAT)
I'm expecting the call in the next couple of minutes.
Do not touch the phones.
We got numbers?
Not yet. Should be any minute.
(SIGHS) Ah.
Are the numbers in? Should be soon.
We don't have to sit around just waiting for them.
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
LINDSAY: Yep.
Yep.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Yep. Good. Right. Yep.
Thank you.
Lindsay?
No, it was bloody Wardrobe going on about those bloody sports jackets!
What's wrong with them? They're great.
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
Geoff Walters speaking.
Yes.
Yes. Right.
Of course. Yes.
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
Yes?
(SIGHS)
Right.
Yep. Good-o.
Yep.
Yeah, thank you! (CLEARS THROAT)
Hey.
Well, it, uh...
Uh...
1.9 million.
We won. We thrashed Geoff! (ALL CHEER WILDLY)
(LAUGHS) Get about it!
(ALL LAUGH, CHEER)
Jean, you crack open the piss! The special stuff!
Come on, hey? Get about it! Well done, you! Well done...
Huzzah! (LAUGHS)
Hey, Noels. Hey. Could I ask you to help me with a...
Yeah, of course. ..bit? Yep?
DENNIS: Ha! Yes!
OK. Whoo, whoo, whoo.
They said we...collapsed at 7:45.
Never recovered.
That stupid bloody News At Six guarantee.
A cheap trick.
Maybe that's what people want these days.
Cheap tricks.
Clowns.
And that network has spent an absolute fortune
on utterly false advertising.
Helen's being promoted as this... woman of gravitas.
She's far from that. Think what we know about her.
Huh!
And from what I hear, that's the tip of the iceberg.
You've maintained a dignified silence.
It's time the truth about her emerged.
You know...you know...you know... Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.
Wh-what it was was it was the guarantee.
(LAUGHS) Mate, we didn't even have to deliver!
It was just the promise of it.
It was a stroke of genius, mate. Well done, you.
Yeah, I actually think Gerry was the main drawcard.
He was good. He was good, wasn't he? Surprisingly to some people.
But, you know, I like to think the, um...the whole team...
You were right about Dale. He's getting there.
It's just, uh...
..Helen.
Yes?
Mate, she was great under Geoff. It's just, as a headliner...
I don't know what it is. I think she's just sort of...
..too dominant over Dale and she's really aggressive and...
I reckon we give her a couple of months to pull it in.
If she can't...
..we talk replacements.
Sure.
Sure. No complaints this end on that.
But, you know, it could be a little bit tricky.
They, uh...
..they are a couple.
Yeah, it's not my problem.
No. Of course it's not. It's theirs.
Good plan. Very good plan.
Well, happy days. And well done...well done again...
(HANGS UP)
I mean, did he show any humility at all, or...?
Well, you know, he was... he was Charlie. (CHUCKLES)
But, um, he did say congratulations. So...
Ah. Well, that was nice of him.
I think...I think a toast is called for. Uh...
To the person who will appreciate our victory the most.
Here's to Geoff Walters.
(LAUGHTER) He can blow it out his arse!
(ALL CHEER, APPLAUD)
Dennis asked me today if we were a couple.
What did you say?
If you don't see us having a future together, just tell me.
You know what's at stake for me if we tell the office!
Breaking news from the heart of Melbourne
as terror unfolds on a Clifton Hill street.
The whole country is on the brink of a colossal change
and it is our job to report it.
A civilian was able to walk into a shop...
Ohh! ..on High Street and walk out
with a military-grade weapon made for war zones!
Am I cutting around that or...? No. I mean, we should keep it.
Run the bloody things, then. With a big graphic.
"First on the scene." Oh!
If it bleeds, it leads.
And the approach taken by the network in question
represents a troubling new low.
Mostly they're complaints about you!
Captions by Red Bee Media
Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation