1 00:00:36,411 --> 00:00:38,288 [boy] First of all, let me get something straight. 2 00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,415 This is a journal, not a diary. 3 00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,544 When Mom went out to buy this thing, 4 00:00:44,627 --> 00:00:47,922 I specifically told her not to get a book that said "Diary" on it. 5 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,549 But, of course, she didn't listen. 6 00:00:49,632 --> 00:00:51,634 [video game beeping] 7 00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:54,012 It's been hard enough getting through the first week of middle school 8 00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:56,306 without carrying this thing around with me. 9 00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:59,768 Hey, this kid's got a diary. 10 00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:01,895 [laughs] 11 00:01:01,978 --> 00:01:03,396 A-Actually, it's a jour-- 12 00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:05,357 [grunts] 13 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:08,318 [both laughing] 14 00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:11,738 [boy] If Mom's expecting me to write down my feelings or whatever, 15 00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:13,490 she's gonna be disappointed. 16 00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:14,824 [chattering] 17 00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:17,744 The only reason I agreed to write in this thing at all 18 00:01:17,827 --> 00:01:20,038 is because one day I'm gonna be rich and famous. 19 00:01:20,121 --> 00:01:23,083 And people'll wanna read about my early years. So I'm doing this for them. 20 00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:24,959 -Greg is so smart. -So handsome. 21 00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:27,712 -So brave. -And he smells terrific. 22 00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:31,299 [Greg] But for now, I'm stuck in middle school… 23 00:01:31,383 --> 00:01:32,384 [both grunt] 24 00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:33,677 [Greg] …surrounded by morons. 25 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,428 [grunts] 26 00:01:36,596 --> 00:01:39,015 [Greg] But luckily, I'm not alone in this middle school thing. 27 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:42,102 My best friend, Rowley, is in the same grade as me. 28 00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:44,813 I doubt he's ever gonna be rich and famous, 29 00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:46,815 but it's good to have him around for laughs. 30 00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:49,943 Did you know if your hand is bigger than your face, 31 00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:51,945 it's a sign that your brain is shrinking? 32 00:01:52,028 --> 00:01:53,029 It is? 33 00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:55,990 [laughs] Gotcha. 34 00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:59,244 But does this mean my brain is shrinking? 35 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:01,371 Not sure. 36 00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:02,872 Let's check the other hand. 37 00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:05,792 [Greg] I'm glad Rowley's along for the ride, 38 00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:08,128 because everything else about middle school stinks. 39 00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:10,380 And I can't believe it was just a week ago 40 00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,716 that me and Rowley were actually looking forward to this. 41 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:14,300 Heads up! 42 00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:17,762 [snaps] 43 00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:18,805 [bell dings] 44 00:02:21,766 --> 00:02:25,228 That was a good one. You almost hit the front tire that time. 45 00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:28,732 You just need to slow down a little so I can get locked in. 46 00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,191 [Rowley panting] 47 00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:32,235 -Let me get this straight. -Come on, Rowley. 48 00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:34,154 So in middle school, 49 00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:36,489 do you just go to a different room for each class? 50 00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:37,782 Come on. You got it. 51 00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:40,535 And you just carry all your stuff around with you all day? 52 00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:42,495 No, no. No, no, no. 53 00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:43,872 They give you a locker 54 00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:47,250 so you can just ditch the books you don't need in between periods. 55 00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:48,877 W-w-what about recess? 56 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,170 [continues panting] 57 00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:52,172 There's still recess, right? 58 00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:54,549 I told you, like, a million times, Rowley. 59 00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:56,718 Recess is an elementary school thing. 60 00:02:56,801 --> 00:02:59,471 Aw. But I like recess. 61 00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:02,599 Are you gonna go, or are you just gonna sit there? 62 00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:05,560 Don't you want a turn riding? I've gone three times in a row. 63 00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:07,103 [dog barks] 64 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:10,815 But you're way better at riding than me. I can never do it as good as you. 65 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:15,362 Woo-hoo! 66 00:03:16,237 --> 00:03:19,366 [screaming, laughing] 67 00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:20,658 -[grunts] -[Rowley screaming, laughing] 68 00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:21,993 [horn honks] 69 00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:23,119 [laughs] 70 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,454 [screams] 71 00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:26,539 [screams, grunts] 72 00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:29,709 Oh, come on, Rodrick! You made me miss! 73 00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:31,252 [Rowley] I'm okay. 74 00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:37,717 [sighs] 75 00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:40,845 [Greg] One of the reasons I'm friends with Rowley is 76 00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:43,640 there aren't a whole lot of boys my age in the neighborhood. 77 00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:46,685 In fact, aside from Rowley, there's only really-- [screams] 78 00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:48,228 Fregley! 79 00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,563 Why, hello, Greg Heffley. 80 00:03:51,523 --> 00:03:54,943 [groans] Hi, Fregley. I was just, um, getting-- getting my football. 81 00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:57,570 Wanna come inside my house for a playdate? 82 00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,615 I can show you my room. 83 00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:04,327 You know, I'll definitely take you up on that offer sometime. 84 00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:05,829 [screams] 85 00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:06,913 Wanna see my… 86 00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:09,874 secret freckle? 87 00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:12,544 [chuckling] 88 00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:13,712 [sighs, screams] 89 00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:15,130 -[Rowley laughs] -[Greg screams] 90 00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:16,715 [screams, grunts] 91 00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:21,928 [Rowley shouting] Should we do that one over? 92 00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:23,013 [grunts] 93 00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:26,349 [woman] Who's hungry? 94 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,353 [woman humming] 95 00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:35,400 [baby grunts, giggles] 96 00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:40,030 So, did everyone have a good day? 97 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,824 Frank, don't do that with your food. It's weird. 98 00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:45,452 -It tastes better this way. -[baby grunts] 99 00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:48,038 Hey! Oh! 100 00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,497 I'm still gonna eat it. 101 00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:53,293 Greg, is that dirt on your back-to-school clothes? 102 00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:54,961 [sighs] Please don't call them that. 103 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:57,339 What on earth were you doing to get so filthy? 104 00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:59,591 I was throwing a football in the street with Rowley. 105 00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:06,139 You were playing a sport with your feet and hands and not a device. 106 00:05:06,222 --> 00:05:07,265 [chuckles] Wo-- Wow. 107 00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,017 I guess. 108 00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:12,103 Mark the calendar, Susan. Greg here played a sport. 109 00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:15,231 You weren't playing that game with Rowley, were you? 110 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,359 You know you're banned from playing that. 111 00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,652 Somebody is going to get hurt. 112 00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:20,737 What? 113 00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,364 Oh! Oh, that game? 114 00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:23,782 No. No way. 115 00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:25,658 You said we couldn't play that anymore. 116 00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:28,703 Right. And Rowley's parents are in full agreement. 117 00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:29,871 Mm-hmm. 118 00:05:29,954 --> 00:05:32,040 Okay, there. All clean. 119 00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:33,124 [baby laughs] 120 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:36,544 I'm only three. [laughing] 121 00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:39,130 Speaking of Rowley, how's he feeling about Monday? 122 00:05:39,214 --> 00:05:41,633 Is he looking forward to his first day of middle school? 123 00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:42,926 Hmm. I'm not sure. 124 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:45,470 I think he might be a little nervous, actually. 125 00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:49,557 Well, he's lucky to have you as a best friend. 126 00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:52,727 You know, that's all you need to get by in this world. 127 00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:54,562 One good friend. 128 00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:56,314 Yeah. 129 00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:59,734 And you're lucky to have a big brother 130 00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:03,113 who's already gone through the middle school experience. 131 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,197 Right, Rodrick? 132 00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:08,118 -Rodrick! -Huh? 133 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:11,413 Take off your headphones. You know the rule. 134 00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:15,125 Why don't you give Greg a pep talk about middle school? 135 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,419 Greg's going to middle school? 136 00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:18,837 Yes, Rodrick. 137 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:23,341 Why don't you tell him what he can expect on his first day? 138 00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:27,679 Okay, listen close. [sighs] Here's what you need to know. 139 00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:32,892 First of all, watch where you sit on the first day of school, 140 00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:35,520 because your teacher might make that your permanent seat. 141 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,275 Next, don't use the bathroom on the second floor, 142 00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,444 no matter how bad you have to go. 143 00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:45,488 -There aren't any doors on those stalls. -[toilet flushes] 144 00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:49,117 And finally, whatever you do, 145 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:52,287 don't get the Cheese Touch. 146 00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:55,457 'Cause if you do, you might as well be dead. 147 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:57,834 [whimpers] 148 00:06:57,917 --> 00:06:59,002 Thank you, Rodrick, 149 00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:01,171 -for that wonderful pep talk. -[baby babbling] 150 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:04,257 Greg, please forget everything that you just heard. 151 00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:06,551 Especially the nonsense about the cheese. 152 00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:09,346 But wha-- what's the Cheese Touch? 153 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,974 It all started in my first year of middle school. 154 00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:14,893 No one knows where it came from 155 00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:16,561 -or who put it there. -[boy] Don't do it! 156 00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:17,937 -[Rodrick] One day… -[girl] Stay away! 157 00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:20,523 [Rodrick] …a slice of Swiss cheese appeared on the blacktop. 158 00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:21,608 [students] Ew! 159 00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:22,692 [Rodrick] At first, 160 00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,235 -no one would go near it. -Ugh! 161 00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:25,904 -[Rodrick] And then one day… -Hmm. 162 00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:28,531 [Rodrick] …a kid named Darren Walsh got curious. 163 00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:29,824 -[boy] No way! -[screaming] 164 00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:32,786 [Rodrick] And that's what started the Cheese Touch. 165 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:38,291 The only way to get rid of the Cheese Touch is to give it to someone else. 166 00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:40,335 [screaming] 167 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:41,878 -[Rodrick] Then one day… -[horn honks] 168 00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:44,172 …a kid named Abe Hall moved to California. 169 00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:46,424 He took the Cheese Touch with him. 170 00:07:46,925 --> 00:07:48,635 But the cheese remained. 171 00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:51,471 And to this day, it sits on the blacktop, 172 00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:54,516 waiting to strike again! 173 00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:56,393 [Greg] Well, that's terrifying. 174 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,853 Don't let Rodrick scare you, Greg. 175 00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:00,939 Middle school's gonna be fun. 176 00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:05,402 Oh, and please don't mention the-- the cheese thing to Rowley. 177 00:08:06,027 --> 00:08:08,363 Honestly, it-- it'll scare him half to death. 178 00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,323 Who's Rowley? 179 00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:11,408 Greg's best friend. 180 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:14,494 You know, the kid who's over here almost every single day. 181 00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:15,829 [scoffs] Oh, him. 182 00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:18,039 I thought you were babysitting that kid. 183 00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:19,874 We're the same age. 184 00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:21,793 He's the same age as y-- 185 00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:23,628 [chuckles] 186 00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:27,674 Oh, man. I thought he was, like, in kindergarten or something. 187 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,052 [laughs] Middle school's gonna eat him alive. 188 00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:32,137 Rodrick. 189 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:36,057 Let me give you one last piece of advice, Greg. 190 00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:38,768 Middle school is every man for himself. 191 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:41,688 You don't need some overgrown baby weighing you down. 192 00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:42,856 [Susan] Rodrick! 193 00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,274 That's enough. 194 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:46,526 [baby exclaims] 195 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,739 Greg, come on, man. Trust me. 196 00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:53,616 Cut him loose now or you both drown. 197 00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:56,661 [door closes] 198 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:07,172 [video game beeping] 199 00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:25,690 [video game beeps] 200 00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:28,443 -You lose! -[Rowley] Woo-hoo! 201 00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:31,654 In your face, Greg! That's three in a row. 202 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:33,406 Wanna go again? 203 00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:35,283 No, that's okay. We can shut it off. 204 00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:36,576 What's the matter? 205 00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:39,371 Afraid to lose? 206 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,706 No, I'm just not in the mood. 207 00:09:41,790 --> 00:09:46,419 [imitating chicken clucking] 208 00:09:50,882 --> 00:09:52,175 Rowley, cut it out! 209 00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:54,636 I mean-- 210 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,514 Don't you think it's time to start acting our age? 211 00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:00,350 But you always do the chicken thing to me. 212 00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:02,811 [sighs] It's not just that, Rowley. 213 00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:04,062 Look around this room. 214 00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:08,775 All these stuffed animals, that bedspread, and what's with this Joshie guy anyway? 215 00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,610 Joshie's from Europe. 216 00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:14,364 And you're just jealous because I discovered him first. 217 00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:17,701 Yeah, I'm jealous that you discovered some stupid pop star 218 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,786 whose fans are only six-year-old girls. 219 00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:21,079 Joshie says, 220 00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:23,832 "Follow your dreams and respect your parents." 221 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,751 Don't you think it's time to grow up, Rowley? 222 00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:28,211 You're in middle school now. 223 00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:29,671 Well, not yet. 224 00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:32,465 [Joshie] "Be friendly to one another, yes?" 225 00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:33,967 Come on, Rowley. 226 00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:35,635 Middle school's no joke. 227 00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:40,140 There's bullies, and bathrooms with no stall doors, and permanent seats, 228 00:10:40,223 --> 00:10:42,183 -and-- and-- -And what? 229 00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:44,436 And the cheese! 230 00:10:44,519 --> 00:10:45,937 What's the cheese? 231 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:53,361 [Susan] Please don't mention the cheese thing. 232 00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:54,863 It'll scare him half to death. 233 00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:57,282 You know what? 234 00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:58,825 Forget I said anything. 235 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:02,871 Middle school's gonna be just fine. In fact, it'll be great. 236 00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:07,709 Yeah, 'cause we're in it together. Right, Greg? Friends till the end. 237 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,503 Yeah, friends till the end. 238 00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:19,971 [school bell ringing] 239 00:11:20,055 --> 00:11:23,141 -[girl] Hi, how was your summer? -[boy] My summer was awesome. 240 00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:25,852 [girl] No, I hate camp. 241 00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,688 Oh, my gosh, I love your backpack. 242 00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:30,648 [girl 2] Did your mom dress you this morning? 243 00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:32,275 [girl 3] Look at those high waters. 244 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:35,862 [girl] I heard that Peter Mud and Alicia Tango got their braces stuck together 245 00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:38,114 -over the summer. -Move to the side, shrimp. 246 00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:42,786 -Come on. Let's go. I don't wanna be late. -But what about the-- the cheese? 247 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:45,038 That's just some stupid fairy tale Rodrick made up. 248 00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:48,083 [girl 4] Stop trying to copy my style, please. 249 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,335 [chattering] 250 00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:52,629 [girl 5] Nice mom jeans, Kelsey. 251 00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:54,547 Hair color… 252 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:57,258 You know, maybe this isn't such a good idea. 253 00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:59,219 Maybe my mom can homeschool me. 254 00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:00,512 -Come on, Rowley. -[grunts] 255 00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:02,180 You can do this. 256 00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:06,393 We can do this. We just need to find our lockers and we'll be fine. 257 00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:07,727 Heads up. 258 00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:09,145 -[Rowley grunts] -[Greg] Whoa! 259 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:10,230 [grunts] 260 00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:11,773 Ugh! 261 00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,776 -[boy] But I gotta go to the bathroom! -[pounds on locker] 262 00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:16,653 Ugh! 263 00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:19,531 [groans] 264 00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:23,535 [Rowley grunts] 265 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,704 -[boy chuckles] -[Rowley groans] 266 00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:29,082 That's not even… [gags] …sanitary. 267 00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:30,792 Yep. Homeschool for sure. 268 00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:31,876 One step at a time. 269 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,546 Don't make eye contact, and they won't even notice you're here. 270 00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:36,673 [girl 3] You better not be looking at my boyfriend, Kelsey. 271 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,883 -[electric razor hums] -[both groaning] 272 00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:41,219 [girl 4] Come on. I was eating that. 273 00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:42,303 [groans] 274 00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:44,973 -[boy groans] -[shouts] 275 00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,474 Help me. 276 00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:48,143 [both grunt] 277 00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:49,561 [both whimper] 278 00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:50,979 Mm-mmm. 279 00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:53,356 That was close. 280 00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:57,569 [boy 3] Kindergarten's down the street. [laughs] 281 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:00,196 [Greg] Not so bad. 282 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,365 And look. Our lockers are right next to each other. 283 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,242 [gasps] Yes! 284 00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:07,412 Look. They keep our schedules in here. 285 00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:08,830 Cool. Let me see yours. 286 00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,791 But they don't match. 287 00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:14,669 Well, we've got lunch together. We'll see each other then. 288 00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:16,129 [school bell rings] 289 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:17,672 -[boy] Oh, hey! -[girl] See ya! 290 00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:18,965 What do we do now? 291 00:13:19,674 --> 00:13:20,759 [Greg] We go to homeroom. 292 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:22,719 Mine's right here. 293 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,305 Yours is upstairs, I think. 294 00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:27,557 -There's an upstairs? -[chattering] 295 00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:30,560 -Out of the way, runt. -Move to the side, shrimp. 296 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,604 -Step aside, little man. -Yes, not for long, little man. 297 00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:36,649 Greg! What do I do? What do I do? 298 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,860 [Greg] There was no time to worry about Rowley, 299 00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:41,321 because I needed to focus on my own situation. 300 00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:47,702 [sighs] 301 00:13:49,621 --> 00:13:51,247 [chattering] 302 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,502 [grunts] 303 00:13:58,713 --> 00:14:01,800 [Greg] I was glad Rodrick gave me a few pointers, so I knew what not to do. 304 00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:03,468 [chuckles softly] 305 00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:08,765 -[girl] Oh, hey. -[boy] Yeah. Awesome. 306 00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:10,934 [grunts] 307 00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:12,811 Uh… 308 00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:17,273 -[squish] -[gasps] 309 00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:18,358 [whimpers] 310 00:14:21,319 --> 00:14:22,320 [boy 2] Exactly! 311 00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:25,073 -[Greg] But it turns out… -[boy] Shh. 312 00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:27,325 …having an older brother who went to the same school 313 00:14:27,409 --> 00:14:29,577 isn't such a good thing after all. 314 00:14:29,661 --> 00:14:31,538 -Greg Heffley? -Huh? 315 00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:34,040 -As in Rodrick Heffley's brother? -[boy laughs] 316 00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:37,460 You'll be sitting in the chair in front of my desk. 317 00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:40,505 -[Greg groans] -[students laughing] 318 00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:42,173 [Greg chuckling] 319 00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:44,801 [Greg groans] Oh! 320 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,761 -[boy] Bro, dude's with the weirdo. -[whimpers] 321 00:14:46,845 --> 00:14:49,806 [Greg] Just about everything's different from elementary school. 322 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,474 [chuckles] 323 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,227 [girl] Wouldn't want to be him. 324 00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:55,979 Mm-hmm. 325 00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:59,691 [Greg] And the biggest change is who's popular and who's not. 326 00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:01,735 -Back in elementary school, it was simple. -[starter pistol fires] 327 00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:04,279 If you were the fastest runner, you were the most popular. 328 00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:05,405 -In fifth grade… -[cheering] 329 00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:07,282 …the fastest runner was Ronnie McCoy. 330 00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:09,200 But now, all the rules have changed. 331 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,662 Now it's all about whether or not you have cool hair 332 00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:14,914 and how many followers you have on social media. 333 00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:16,750 In middle school, 334 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:19,586 a kid like George Deveney is at the top of the food chain, 335 00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:23,298 and Ronnie McCoy is scratching his head wondering what the heck happened. 336 00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:26,634 So what I'm trying to figure out is where I fit into all this. 337 00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:30,680 I'm sure I'm not at the top of the ladder, but at least I'm not at the bottom. 338 00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:31,765 [Greg gasps] 339 00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,516 Does this scab smell funny to you? 340 00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:36,436 [Greg] But there's one way for sure to get to the bottom. 341 00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:37,520 Come on! 342 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:40,023 -[boy] Run! Yeah! -Yo, get in there for the rebound, dude. 343 00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:42,776 [Greg] And nobody's risking that. 344 00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:46,071 -[fly buzzes] -[whistle blows] 345 00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:47,364 [all gasp] 346 00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,699 What are you standing around for? 347 00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:51,117 Get the ball! 348 00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:53,119 -[girl] Ew. It's so gross. -[students gagging] 349 00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:55,246 [gulps] 350 00:15:56,915 --> 00:16:00,669 -[boy] Hey, what did you get for lunch? -[girl] Today I have a jacket. 351 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:02,837 [Rowley] Looks pretty full up. 352 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:04,881 Oh, hey. 353 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:08,927 Try your luck with someone else. Maybe try the table next door. 354 00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:11,012 -[cell phone chimes] -Eighth-graders only, newbies. 355 00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:12,639 [Rowley] Should we sit with the girls? 356 00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:14,516 We're out of our league here. 357 00:16:14,599 --> 00:16:15,600 Hey! Over there. 358 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,395 -Take a hike. -Hey. 359 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,814 -[girl] Band members only. -[boy] Not today, guys. 360 00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:22,816 [Rowley] Over there. Let's go! 361 00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:24,984 [girl 2] Yeah? Check back when we're not so busy. 362 00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:27,654 [chattering] 363 00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:29,072 [laughs] 364 00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:30,323 Uh… 365 00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:33,451 [gasps] There's two! 366 00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:34,577 [Greg sighs] 367 00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,621 -[playing lone note] -[chattering continues] 368 00:16:36,705 --> 00:16:38,164 And another thing. 369 00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:41,042 Don't use the bathroom on the second floor. 370 00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:43,670 That was a big mistake. 371 00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:46,506 Yeah, I probably should have warned you about that. 372 00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:48,091 [piano keys clunk loudly] 373 00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:49,300 [sighs] 374 00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:52,429 I can't deal with this. I need to be sitting at a table. 375 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:55,348 But you said only popular kids get seats at the table. 376 00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:58,476 [Greg] Well, I heard Charlie Davies is getting braces next week, 377 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,395 so he'll definitely drop a few spots for sure. 378 00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:02,981 But that's only one spot. We need two. 379 00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:05,442 [school bell ringing] 380 00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:09,654 That's all the time we get? I didn't even get to finish my juice box. 381 00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:11,906 We gotta go to fifth period, Rowley. 382 00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:14,325 I'll meet you back here at the door after school. 383 00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:16,703 But I don't want to go back out there. 384 00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:19,122 Keep a low profile and you'll be fine. 385 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:22,876 Think good thoughts, Rowley. 386 00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:26,755 Good thoughts, Rowley. Good thoughts. 387 00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:28,882 Hey, Greg! 388 00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:32,260 After school, wanna come over and play? 389 00:17:32,344 --> 00:17:35,513 Play, play, play, play, play… 390 00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:43,605 [all laughing] 391 00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:45,106 [girl] Play. 392 00:17:45,190 --> 00:17:46,608 Play. 393 00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:48,943 -Play. -[boy] Play. 394 00:17:52,781 --> 00:17:55,784 -[laughing continues] -[shutters clicking] 395 00:18:00,622 --> 00:18:01,664 [grunts] 396 00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:04,000 I wanna come over and play. [laughs] 397 00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:07,295 -Hey, kid. Wanna come over and play? -Huh? 398 00:18:07,379 --> 00:18:09,255 Um, no, thank you. 399 00:18:09,339 --> 00:18:10,507 Psst! Rowley! 400 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:14,135 There you are! You said we were gonna meet at the back door. 401 00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:15,845 "Hang out," Rowley. 402 00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:18,765 You say "hang out" in middle school, not "play." 403 00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:20,642 I've told you that a million times. 404 00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:23,561 Oh, yeah. Sorry. 405 00:18:23,645 --> 00:18:25,855 Seriously, you gotta start listening to me, Rowley. 406 00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:27,524 You're gonna get us both killed. 407 00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:32,779 So, do you wanna hang out and "do" video games? 408 00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:33,863 Better. 409 00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:38,993 [Greg] Thankfully, Rowley did start listening to me. 410 00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:41,246 We made it through the next few weeks alive. 411 00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:45,834 But by the time Halloween rolled around, Rowley started to slip again. 412 00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:49,921 Do you think our teachers will let us wear our costumes to school tomorrow? 413 00:18:50,005 --> 00:18:53,800 No, Rowley. No! Have I not taught you anything? 414 00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:56,302 They had a costume parade in elementary school. 415 00:18:56,386 --> 00:19:00,056 Right, elementary school. We're in middle school now, remember? 416 00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:02,600 Yeah, you keep reminding me. 417 00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:05,145 Listen. The only reason I'm trick-or-treating this year 418 00:19:05,228 --> 00:19:06,271 is for the candy. 419 00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:09,232 And I really don't want anyone knowing we're doing this, okay? 420 00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:12,444 -I guess. -Listen, things are hard enough at school. 421 00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:14,988 I just don't wanna put a target on our backs, you know? 422 00:19:15,697 --> 00:19:16,740 Fine. 423 00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:19,325 So wear something that doesn't attract too much attention. 424 00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:21,953 -Seriously, we have to be invisible. -Got it. 425 00:19:31,963 --> 00:19:33,089 [doorbell rings] 426 00:19:33,173 --> 00:19:35,425 [Susan] Ooh! Is that our first trick-or-treater? 427 00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,594 -Can someone get the door? -I'm on it. 428 00:19:41,765 --> 00:19:42,807 [screams] 429 00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:44,851 [fanfare plays] 430 00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:46,102 [floatie squeaks] 431 00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:48,188 [Greg] What? Huh? 432 00:19:48,271 --> 00:19:49,647 [Greg groans] 433 00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:55,487 Rowley, what are you doing? I thought we said we were being invisible? 434 00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:58,531 -My mom made me add safety stuff. -We can deal with costume stuff later. 435 00:19:58,615 --> 00:19:59,616 -[baby] Bubby. -[Susan] Greg? 436 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:00,909 Let's get out of here before-- 437 00:20:00,992 --> 00:20:03,078 You weren't gonna leave without Manny, were you? 438 00:20:03,161 --> 00:20:06,331 -Rowley, you look adorable. -Come on. 439 00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:08,917 -[giggles] -Mom, can't someone else take Manny? 440 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:13,129 Well, Rodrick's at the high school party, I'm going to be handing out the candy, 441 00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:17,676 and Dad is doing that thing that he does on Halloween. 442 00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:20,887 [panting] Okay. Man your stations. Well, I'll man mine. 443 00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:24,140 Just making sure we're not getting toilet-papered this year. 444 00:20:24,683 --> 00:20:27,185 It takes too long to get that off. No, no. It's not happening. 445 00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:29,604 Good thoughts. All positivity. 446 00:20:29,688 --> 00:20:31,564 But Manny will just slow us down. 447 00:20:31,648 --> 00:20:33,900 We're trying to double our territory this year, Mom. 448 00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:36,569 Well, there are only so many houses in our neighborhood. 449 00:20:36,653 --> 00:20:37,821 Wait a minute. 450 00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:41,324 You're not planning to take the shortcut through Snake Road, are you? 451 00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:42,951 -What? No. -[Manny giggles] 452 00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:44,994 [stammering] 453 00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:46,746 [chuckles] That-- That would be crazy. 454 00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:51,084 Good. Because you would be in big trouble if you did. 455 00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:53,962 -Right, Manny? -[giggles] 456 00:20:54,045 --> 00:20:55,547 [Manny giggling] 457 00:20:55,630 --> 00:20:58,091 Keep to the sidewalks, and I want you back at 8:00. 458 00:20:58,174 --> 00:20:59,259 It's a school night. 459 00:20:59,342 --> 00:21:01,219 8:00? 8:00 a.m.? 460 00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:03,638 All right. I-- I mean, I'm fine with that. 461 00:21:03,722 --> 00:21:05,140 -[chuckles] -[giggling] 462 00:21:05,223 --> 00:21:08,143 Fine. 8:30 and not a second later. 463 00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:11,104 Oh, Rowley, you know what? Those glow sticks are a great idea. 464 00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:13,940 Let me see if I have any in the pantry. 465 00:21:14,024 --> 00:21:15,275 Okay, time to go. 466 00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:17,444 -Come on, Manny. You wanna get some candy? -[giggles] 467 00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:18,820 [Manny] Arr! 468 00:21:19,654 --> 00:21:21,865 -[boy] Thank you. -[girl] Isn't he in your class? 469 00:21:22,365 --> 00:21:25,076 -[boy 2] That's a kiddy costume! -All right! Let's go! 470 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:26,828 It's the Prince of Preschool. 471 00:21:28,163 --> 00:21:29,581 [girl] What a dork. 472 00:21:31,374 --> 00:21:32,375 [both] Trick or treat. 473 00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:35,003 Trick or treat. 474 00:21:35,837 --> 00:21:38,715 -Candy. -Aw. Here, take five. 475 00:21:40,175 --> 00:21:41,176 -Yay! -[chuckles] 476 00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:43,011 Thanks. 477 00:21:43,094 --> 00:21:44,846 Aren't you too old for trick or treat? 478 00:21:44,929 --> 00:21:46,681 [floatie squeaking] 479 00:21:48,558 --> 00:21:49,642 [grunts] 480 00:21:51,353 --> 00:21:52,562 What the heck? 481 00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:53,813 [doorbell rings] 482 00:21:55,940 --> 00:21:57,609 [man chuckles] Aw. 483 00:21:59,444 --> 00:22:00,570 Bye. 484 00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:01,988 [man chuckles] 485 00:22:02,947 --> 00:22:03,948 [man grunts] 486 00:22:04,449 --> 00:22:06,076 [Greg] Unbelievable. 487 00:22:06,743 --> 00:22:07,744 [Manny grunts] 488 00:22:08,328 --> 00:22:09,662 [Manny cries] 489 00:22:10,372 --> 00:22:13,416 Come on, guys. We need to pick up the pace a little. 490 00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:14,709 You guys are killing me. 491 00:22:19,297 --> 00:22:21,966 -[sighs] -[doorbell rings] 492 00:22:23,218 --> 00:22:26,513 [screaming, whimpering] 493 00:22:26,596 --> 00:22:27,806 Hi. 494 00:22:28,348 --> 00:22:30,934 Is that a cute little pirate I see? 495 00:22:31,017 --> 00:22:32,018 [Manny] Mm-hmm. 496 00:22:32,102 --> 00:22:34,020 [giggling] 497 00:22:34,104 --> 00:22:35,063 [woman] Aw. 498 00:22:35,146 --> 00:22:37,232 Here's some extra booty for your bucket. 499 00:22:37,315 --> 00:22:38,733 -Biggie! -Seriously? 500 00:22:38,817 --> 00:22:41,903 King-size? It'll take you a week to get through that. 501 00:22:41,986 --> 00:22:43,029 Bubby! 502 00:22:47,492 --> 00:22:48,493 Hmm… 503 00:22:49,661 --> 00:22:51,913 -Do you see what's happening here, Rowley? -Hmm? Aw. 504 00:22:51,996 --> 00:22:53,707 -[Greg] This kid's our golden ticket! -[Manny giggles] 505 00:22:53,790 --> 00:22:55,458 [cash register bell dings] 506 00:22:55,542 --> 00:22:57,836 [floatie squeaks] 507 00:22:58,420 --> 00:23:00,422 -Hmm? -[Manny giggles] 508 00:23:00,505 --> 00:23:02,132 [both] Aw. 509 00:23:02,215 --> 00:23:03,967 -[man] There you go. -[cash register bell dings] 510 00:23:04,050 --> 00:23:05,218 Oh, yes! 511 00:23:05,301 --> 00:23:07,178 [Manny laughing] Yay! 512 00:23:08,930 --> 00:23:10,348 Bubby! Candy! 513 00:23:10,849 --> 00:23:11,850 [gum pops] 514 00:23:11,933 --> 00:23:14,269 [floatie squeaking] 515 00:23:14,352 --> 00:23:16,563 I can't believe we never thought of bringing Manny. 516 00:23:16,646 --> 00:23:18,857 -This kid's a gold mine. -Yeah. [sighs] 517 00:23:18,940 --> 00:23:21,526 So we'll stop by my house, empty these bags in my room, 518 00:23:21,609 --> 00:23:23,445 then head back out for another round, okay? 519 00:23:23,528 --> 00:23:27,490 I don't know. I mean, Manny looks tired. 520 00:23:27,574 --> 00:23:29,367 He's fine. Aren't you, Manny? 521 00:23:30,285 --> 00:23:32,328 [snores, sighs] 522 00:23:32,412 --> 00:23:33,621 See? That was a nod. 523 00:23:33,705 --> 00:23:36,541 -Actually, I'm kind of tired too. -[Manny babbles] 524 00:23:37,125 --> 00:23:40,170 Come on, Rowley. We can stock up on candy for the year! 525 00:23:40,253 --> 00:23:42,255 We can't let this opportunity go to waste. 526 00:23:42,339 --> 00:23:44,132 But we don't need that much candy. 527 00:23:44,215 --> 00:23:47,093 Seriously? You can never have too much candy, Rowley. 528 00:23:47,177 --> 00:23:50,430 Candy's like money in middle school. We can buy someone's lunch seats off them. 529 00:23:50,513 --> 00:23:51,681 [Rowley yawns] 530 00:23:51,765 --> 00:23:53,975 How about just like a couple more houses, okay? 531 00:23:54,059 --> 00:23:55,477 [Rowley groaning] 532 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:56,728 It's the end of the night. 533 00:23:56,811 --> 00:23:58,646 Everyone's looking to get rid of their candy. 534 00:23:58,730 --> 00:24:00,940 -We can make a killing. -I don't know. 535 00:24:01,024 --> 00:24:03,902 Okay, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna hit Whirley Street. 536 00:24:03,985 --> 00:24:06,821 Whirley Street? But that's like a mile from here. 537 00:24:06,905 --> 00:24:09,324 -Not if we take a shortcut. -Snake Road? 538 00:24:09,866 --> 00:24:12,827 -Don't you remember what your mom said? -She'll never even know. 539 00:24:12,911 --> 00:24:16,414 Twenty more minutes and we'll be back at my house eating our candy. I promise. 540 00:24:18,166 --> 00:24:19,751 We're not little kids anymore. 541 00:24:23,546 --> 00:24:26,549 [floatie squeaking] 542 00:24:30,178 --> 00:24:31,721 All right. That's my boy. 543 00:24:34,432 --> 00:24:36,685 [animal howls] 544 00:24:38,269 --> 00:24:40,647 [owl hooting] 545 00:24:41,523 --> 00:24:43,191 [floatie squeaking] 546 00:24:45,777 --> 00:24:47,362 [animal calls] 547 00:24:48,697 --> 00:24:50,699 [squeaking continues] 548 00:24:52,450 --> 00:24:53,451 [animal calls] 549 00:24:55,078 --> 00:24:56,329 [screams, groans] 550 00:24:57,205 --> 00:24:59,207 I-- I think we made a mistake. 551 00:24:59,290 --> 00:25:02,085 It's gonna be worth it, Rowley. Just think about all the candy. 552 00:25:02,168 --> 00:25:04,004 I don't even like candy all that much. 553 00:25:04,087 --> 00:25:07,090 Rowley, do not say that. Don't even joke about it. 554 00:25:07,173 --> 00:25:10,802 Do you think the Goat Man is gonna get us? 555 00:25:10,885 --> 00:25:13,763 Are you kidding me, Rowley? That's obviously a made-up story. 556 00:25:13,847 --> 00:25:17,517 -Rodrick was just trying to scare us. -That's what you said about the cheese. 557 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,352 And that was real. 558 00:25:19,436 --> 00:25:22,063 Yeah, well, a half-man, half-goat? 559 00:25:22,147 --> 00:25:24,274 It's not even physically possible, Rowley. 560 00:25:24,357 --> 00:25:25,358 [animal bleats] 561 00:25:25,442 --> 00:25:28,445 -[wings flapping] -[animals howling] 562 00:25:32,949 --> 00:25:33,950 But-- 563 00:25:34,034 --> 00:25:36,494 But if the Goat Man was real, 564 00:25:36,578 --> 00:25:39,622 do you think he's a goat on the top and a person on the bottom? 565 00:25:40,248 --> 00:25:41,791 Or the other way around? 566 00:25:42,459 --> 00:25:44,502 Or do you think he's got a split down the middle 567 00:25:44,586 --> 00:25:47,047 with a goat on the left side and a person on the right? 568 00:25:47,130 --> 00:25:48,131 [Greg grunts] 569 00:25:48,214 --> 00:25:50,967 Can we stop talking about this? I think I hear some-- 570 00:25:51,051 --> 00:25:54,304 -[vehicle approaching] -[rock music playing] 571 00:25:54,971 --> 00:25:55,972 [groans] 572 00:25:56,056 --> 00:25:58,308 -["Breaking the Law" playing] -[engine revs] 573 00:25:58,391 --> 00:25:59,476 Teenagers! 574 00:26:00,143 --> 00:26:01,978 ♪ Breaking the law, breaking the law ♪ 575 00:26:02,062 --> 00:26:04,230 Whoa! That was close! 576 00:26:04,773 --> 00:26:07,776 Yeah. Um, let's just keep moving before-- 577 00:26:07,859 --> 00:26:10,904 [tires screeching] 578 00:26:10,987 --> 00:26:12,364 -[engine revs] -[floatie squeaks] 579 00:26:13,865 --> 00:26:16,785 [bully] Free candy. [laughs] 580 00:26:16,868 --> 00:26:19,412 ♪ Breaking the law, breaking the law ♪ 581 00:26:20,038 --> 00:26:21,539 ♪ Breaking the law, breaking the law ♪ 582 00:26:21,623 --> 00:26:22,707 [tires screech] 583 00:26:22,791 --> 00:26:23,958 ♪ Breaking the law, break-- ♪ 584 00:26:24,042 --> 00:26:25,627 -[engine turns off] -[laughs] 585 00:26:25,710 --> 00:26:29,547 Look at these little nerds, out past their bedtimes. 586 00:26:29,631 --> 00:26:33,760 Yeah. Shouldn't you be getting a good night's sleep? [chuckles] 587 00:26:33,843 --> 00:26:38,723 Kindergarten starts early. [laughing] 588 00:26:39,307 --> 00:26:42,185 Actually, we're in middle school. My bedtime's not until 9:00. 589 00:26:42,268 --> 00:26:44,604 Mom let me stay up extra tonight. 590 00:26:44,688 --> 00:26:47,565 Yeah, we-- we better head home. Have a good night, fellas. 591 00:26:48,650 --> 00:26:51,528 Ooh! Look at those bags. Is that all candy? 592 00:26:52,070 --> 00:26:55,740 Mostly. But my parents handed out miniature toothbrushes this year, 593 00:26:55,824 --> 00:26:57,409 so we've got those too. 594 00:26:57,492 --> 00:27:00,954 We'd really better-- [chuckles] We-- We'd really better get going now. 595 00:27:01,037 --> 00:27:05,083 It would be a real pity if that candy got wet. 596 00:27:06,501 --> 00:27:07,544 [laughs] 597 00:27:12,048 --> 00:27:15,135 -[bully 2 laughing] -[Greg, Rowley screaming] 598 00:27:15,218 --> 00:27:16,553 [bully 3 laughs] 599 00:27:17,804 --> 00:27:19,139 -What? -Huh? 600 00:27:19,222 --> 00:27:22,350 [upbeat orchestra music playing] 601 00:27:22,434 --> 00:27:23,643 -[growls] -[groans] 602 00:27:23,727 --> 00:27:25,895 Greg, run! 603 00:27:25,979 --> 00:27:27,731 [Rowley pants] 604 00:27:30,650 --> 00:27:32,277 [bully 2 laughs] Let's go! 605 00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:33,445 [tires squealing] 606 00:27:36,114 --> 00:27:38,033 [bullies cheering, laughing] 607 00:27:38,116 --> 00:27:39,701 [panting, screaming] 608 00:27:39,784 --> 00:27:41,369 [Rowley] Hang on to Manny! 609 00:27:41,453 --> 00:27:43,288 [Rowley panting, grunts] 610 00:27:44,039 --> 00:27:45,331 [squeaks] 611 00:27:48,626 --> 00:27:49,878 [grunts] 612 00:27:49,961 --> 00:27:51,796 [bullies] Whoa! 613 00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:53,465 [panting] 614 00:27:53,548 --> 00:27:55,133 [bullies laugh] 615 00:27:55,216 --> 00:27:56,843 -Yeah! -[laughing] 616 00:27:56,926 --> 00:27:59,095 [panting continues] 617 00:27:59,179 --> 00:28:01,014 [both grunting] 618 00:28:03,141 --> 00:28:04,559 [grunts] 619 00:28:05,810 --> 00:28:07,228 [both grunting] 620 00:28:07,729 --> 00:28:09,647 [laughs] Yeah, baby! 621 00:28:09,731 --> 00:28:11,316 [panting] 622 00:28:11,399 --> 00:28:13,151 [laughs] Not so fast! 623 00:28:13,234 --> 00:28:14,235 [panting continues] 624 00:28:14,319 --> 00:28:15,236 [bully] Whoo! 625 00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:16,529 [Greg grunts] 626 00:28:18,365 --> 00:28:20,867 -[bullies screaming] -[tires squealing] 627 00:28:20,950 --> 00:28:22,994 -[Greg] Whoa! -[Rowley screams] 628 00:28:23,578 --> 00:28:25,246 [bullies screaming] 629 00:28:27,290 --> 00:28:29,042 [screams, grunts] 630 00:28:29,125 --> 00:28:29,959 [growls] 631 00:28:30,043 --> 00:28:31,461 [panting] 632 00:28:31,544 --> 00:28:34,130 [laughing] 633 00:28:34,214 --> 00:28:35,256 Oh, yes! 634 00:28:36,633 --> 00:28:38,802 You'll pay for this! 635 00:28:42,514 --> 00:28:44,766 We know where you go to school! 636 00:28:45,767 --> 00:28:47,143 [engine stalls] 637 00:28:48,770 --> 00:28:50,021 -Whoa! -[screams] 638 00:28:50,105 --> 00:28:51,147 [both grunting] 639 00:28:51,231 --> 00:28:54,734 [grunting, groaning] 640 00:28:57,153 --> 00:28:58,321 [Manny yawns] 641 00:28:59,739 --> 00:29:00,740 Is this… 642 00:29:01,658 --> 00:29:03,868 My yard! We made it, Rowley. 643 00:29:03,952 --> 00:29:05,453 We're alive! 644 00:29:06,579 --> 00:29:07,622 I told you, Rowley. 645 00:29:07,706 --> 00:29:10,000 If you just stick with me, everything will be fine. 646 00:29:10,083 --> 00:29:12,544 Now let's get inside and enjoy some of this candy. 647 00:29:13,044 --> 00:29:14,045 [both scream] 648 00:29:15,088 --> 00:29:16,715 Ha ha! Oh! 649 00:29:16,798 --> 00:29:19,634 Sorry. I-I thought you were teenagers. 650 00:29:19,718 --> 00:29:20,844 Are you all right? 651 00:29:21,428 --> 00:29:22,554 You're all right. 652 00:29:23,763 --> 00:29:25,432 We were worried sick about you two. 653 00:29:25,515 --> 00:29:26,766 -Mama. -Where were you boys? 654 00:29:28,018 --> 00:29:29,519 Snake Road. 655 00:29:29,602 --> 00:29:30,603 [chuckles] 656 00:29:30,687 --> 00:29:31,813 [Manny] Busted. 657 00:29:31,896 --> 00:29:34,691 [Greg] Mom grounded me from playing video games for a week, 658 00:29:34,774 --> 00:29:36,151 which is her go-to punishment. 659 00:29:36,234 --> 00:29:39,904 That meant I had to figure out something else to do with my time after school. 660 00:29:39,988 --> 00:29:41,031 Woo-hoo! 661 00:29:42,615 --> 00:29:43,616 Woo-hoo! 662 00:29:47,954 --> 00:29:49,205 [gulps] 663 00:29:50,248 --> 00:29:53,084 I'm thinking I might either run for student council 664 00:29:53,168 --> 00:29:56,671 or maybe sign up for the dance committee. Or maybe I'll try out for the play. 665 00:29:56,755 --> 00:29:59,132 -They're doing Wizard of Oz this year. -Uh-huh. 666 00:29:59,215 --> 00:30:00,925 Chirag Gupta wants to be Toto, 667 00:30:01,009 --> 00:30:04,596 and Patty Farrell says Mrs. Norton already promised her Dorothy. 668 00:30:04,679 --> 00:30:08,683 I'm trying to decide if I wanna try out for the Scarecrow or the Cowardly Lion. 669 00:30:08,767 --> 00:30:11,478 [sighs] Sounds great, Rowley. Can you go now? 670 00:30:11,561 --> 00:30:13,605 Well, aren't you gonna sign up for anything? 671 00:30:13,688 --> 00:30:17,692 My mom says, "It's important to belong to something when you're in middle school." 672 00:30:17,776 --> 00:30:18,985 Belong to something? 673 00:30:19,069 --> 00:30:22,113 Rowley, I can't even get a seat at lunch, and I'm sick and tired of it. 674 00:30:22,197 --> 00:30:23,406 But if we were in the play, 675 00:30:23,490 --> 00:30:26,576 we could make friends who could invite us to sit at their lunch table. 676 00:30:26,659 --> 00:30:29,704 That's a lot of work, Rowley. And it'll take too much of my time. 677 00:30:29,788 --> 00:30:31,373 I need to change my situation now! 678 00:30:40,590 --> 00:30:42,050 [chuckles] Oh, yeah! 679 00:30:43,468 --> 00:30:45,970 [grunts] Whoa! 680 00:30:46,054 --> 00:30:47,305 Hey, oh! 681 00:30:47,972 --> 00:30:49,057 Rowley! 682 00:30:49,140 --> 00:30:50,141 [groans] 683 00:30:50,642 --> 00:30:53,978 You okay? I feel so bad! I really didn't mean to flip you. 684 00:30:54,062 --> 00:30:55,772 [groaning] 685 00:30:55,855 --> 00:30:57,399 I think I hurt my arm. 686 00:30:57,482 --> 00:30:59,984 Yeah, I think I might have pulled something myself. 687 00:31:00,527 --> 00:31:02,821 Can you believe that throw though? I mean-- 688 00:31:02,904 --> 00:31:03,905 [groans] 689 00:31:04,406 --> 00:31:05,448 Ow. 690 00:31:05,532 --> 00:31:07,158 Oh, man. You're really hurt. 691 00:31:08,118 --> 00:31:09,119 [groans] 692 00:31:09,202 --> 00:31:10,870 I think I'd better go home. 693 00:31:11,413 --> 00:31:14,374 Okay. But you can't tell your parents how this happened. 694 00:31:14,457 --> 00:31:17,335 If my mom found out we were playing this game, she'd go nuts. 695 00:31:17,419 --> 00:31:20,046 -I'm already grounded. -What am I supposed to tell them then? 696 00:31:20,130 --> 00:31:23,174 Just say you were playing tag and that you tripped on the curb. 697 00:31:23,258 --> 00:31:25,802 But whatever you do, don't mention the Rumble Trike. 698 00:31:29,097 --> 00:31:30,098 Got it? 699 00:31:30,682 --> 00:31:31,683 Got it. 700 00:31:38,148 --> 00:31:41,192 -[Greg] So what happened at the hospital? -[Rowley] They took a bunch of X-rays. 701 00:31:41,276 --> 00:31:43,236 The doctor says my arm is broken. 702 00:31:43,319 --> 00:31:44,404 Broken? 703 00:31:44,487 --> 00:31:47,032 Oh, man. I thought it was just bruised or something. 704 00:31:47,115 --> 00:31:49,909 Nope. I've got a cast and everything. 705 00:31:49,993 --> 00:31:52,120 A cast? That's serious! 706 00:31:52,203 --> 00:31:53,580 [Rowley] Yeah, I know. 707 00:31:53,663 --> 00:31:55,874 I mean, that's really awful and everything. 708 00:31:56,916 --> 00:31:58,626 -But do you know what this means? -Yeah. 709 00:31:58,710 --> 00:32:02,339 I have to put a plastic bag over my arm in the shower for a whole month. 710 00:32:02,422 --> 00:32:05,342 No! What this means for school. 711 00:32:06,259 --> 00:32:10,096 I guess I can't do the wrestling unit in Phys Ed? 712 00:32:10,180 --> 00:32:13,183 Rowley! A cast is the greatest thing that can happen to a kid. 713 00:32:13,266 --> 00:32:15,060 -It is? -Yes, Rowley. 714 00:32:15,143 --> 00:32:18,229 -Everyone's gonna wanna sign it. -What? They will? 715 00:32:18,313 --> 00:32:21,191 Yes. Kids will be begging you to sit at their lunch table. 716 00:32:21,274 --> 00:32:22,275 Yeah. 717 00:32:22,359 --> 00:32:24,861 And I hope you'll remember who your real friends are, Rowley. 718 00:32:24,944 --> 00:32:27,030 The people who helped you get to where you are. 719 00:32:27,113 --> 00:32:28,823 -Yeah. -What about your parents? 720 00:32:28,907 --> 00:32:29,991 Are they suspicious? 721 00:32:30,075 --> 00:32:33,328 I told them I tripped on a rock playing Duck, Duck, Goose, like you said. 722 00:32:33,411 --> 00:32:34,746 Like I said? 723 00:32:34,829 --> 00:32:37,957 We were playing tag, Rowley! And you tripped over the curb. 724 00:32:38,041 --> 00:32:41,586 It doesn't even make sense for two people to play Duck, Duck, Goose. Come on! 725 00:32:41,670 --> 00:32:45,382 -Oh, yeah. Sorry. -We gotta get our story straight, 726 00:32:45,465 --> 00:32:47,384 or they're gonna find out about the Rumble Trike. 727 00:32:47,467 --> 00:32:49,594 Did you say, "Rumble Trike"? 728 00:32:53,223 --> 00:32:54,224 [gulps] 729 00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:57,936 [Susan] I don't know what to do with you, Greg. 730 00:32:58,019 --> 00:33:00,689 First you disobey me and go to Snake Road. 731 00:33:00,772 --> 00:33:02,774 Then you play that-- that game. 732 00:33:02,857 --> 00:33:05,819 I told you someone was going to get hurt playing that. 733 00:33:05,902 --> 00:33:07,737 [sighs] I'm sorry, Mom. I just… 734 00:33:07,821 --> 00:33:10,907 And now this? [sighs] 735 00:33:10,990 --> 00:33:12,992 Lying to me is bad enough, 736 00:33:13,076 --> 00:33:17,539 but telling Rowley to lie to his parents is just-- just-- 737 00:33:18,039 --> 00:33:19,040 [sighs] 738 00:33:20,333 --> 00:33:21,543 Mom, I know I messed up. 739 00:33:22,585 --> 00:33:24,921 You can take away my video games for the month. 740 00:33:25,005 --> 00:33:26,631 The year if it makes you feel better. 741 00:33:26,715 --> 00:33:29,884 Punishing you doesn't make me feel better, Greg. 742 00:33:29,968 --> 00:33:31,761 I'm trying to raise a good kid. 743 00:33:31,845 --> 00:33:33,513 I do wanna be good, Mom. 744 00:33:34,639 --> 00:33:36,224 Well, then here's what you need to do. 745 00:33:36,307 --> 00:33:40,061 You need to figure out a way to make things right by Rowley. 746 00:33:41,104 --> 00:33:42,522 You owe that to him. 747 00:33:43,273 --> 00:33:45,608 That boy is such a good friend to you. 748 00:33:46,484 --> 00:33:47,485 Yeah, Mom. 749 00:33:48,361 --> 00:33:50,488 I can't tell you how to make things right. 750 00:33:51,322 --> 00:33:52,699 That part is up to you. 751 00:33:53,283 --> 00:33:54,284 [sighs] 752 00:33:56,244 --> 00:33:59,914 -But Mom… -Listen to that inner voice, Greg. 753 00:34:01,041 --> 00:34:02,375 I know it's in there. 754 00:34:03,126 --> 00:34:04,377 Do the right thing. 755 00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:06,921 [door closes] 756 00:34:10,175 --> 00:34:12,844 [Greg] Okay, I know what my mom wanted me to do. 757 00:34:12,927 --> 00:34:15,930 She wanted me to tell Rowley's parents the truth about what happened. 758 00:34:16,973 --> 00:34:20,643 But here's the thing. Rowley's dad has never really liked me. 759 00:34:20,727 --> 00:34:23,063 I knew if I told him what really happened, 760 00:34:23,146 --> 00:34:25,607 it was just gonna make him like me even less. 761 00:34:25,690 --> 00:34:27,317 That wouldn't make things any better. 762 00:34:28,026 --> 00:34:29,903 I don't wanna get Rowley in trouble for lying, 763 00:34:29,986 --> 00:34:31,780 'cause then he'd be in trouble too. 764 00:34:31,863 --> 00:34:36,618 So, I decided the right thing to do was to just let things be. 765 00:34:40,872 --> 00:34:43,750 Because telling the truth would make things worse for everybody. 766 00:34:49,297 --> 00:34:54,094 [chattering] 767 00:34:54,886 --> 00:34:56,971 -Ooh. -Oh, my gosh. What happened? 768 00:34:57,055 --> 00:34:59,265 -It looks so cool. -Oh, you're so great. 769 00:35:00,183 --> 00:35:01,184 Can I sign it? 770 00:35:01,267 --> 00:35:03,812 [Greg] And I'll tell you another thing that I was right about. 771 00:35:05,438 --> 00:35:08,775 That cast. In fact, it worked even better than I thought it would. 772 00:35:11,069 --> 00:35:12,320 It's so cool. 773 00:35:12,404 --> 00:35:14,572 [chattering] 774 00:35:14,656 --> 00:35:17,909 [Greg] Just like I predicted, getting a seat at lunch was no problem at all. 775 00:35:19,077 --> 00:35:20,286 [sighs] 776 00:35:20,370 --> 00:35:21,705 [grunts] 777 00:35:21,788 --> 00:35:22,789 [grunts] 778 00:35:24,958 --> 00:35:26,835 [Greg] Well, at least for Rowley it wasn't a problem. 779 00:35:26,918 --> 00:35:29,379 Here comes the airplane. 780 00:35:29,462 --> 00:35:32,882 -[girl imitates airplane] -[imitates airplane, smacks lips] 781 00:35:32,966 --> 00:35:35,677 -Nom! -Here comes the train! 782 00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:39,556 Chugga chugga chugga, choo choo! 783 00:35:41,891 --> 00:35:43,643 He can feed himself just fine, okay? 784 00:35:43,727 --> 00:35:45,228 Mmm. 785 00:35:45,311 --> 00:35:47,022 You know Rowley's left-handed? 786 00:35:47,105 --> 00:35:48,356 Who are you? 787 00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:51,234 I'm Greg Heffley, Rowley's best friend. 788 00:35:51,317 --> 00:35:52,819 I'm the one who broke his arm. 789 00:35:52,902 --> 00:35:53,903 [girls stammering] 790 00:35:53,987 --> 00:35:55,030 You jerk! 791 00:35:55,113 --> 00:35:56,364 -[girl] Get out of here. -[boy] Heads up! 792 00:35:56,448 --> 00:35:59,075 [chattering, laughing] 793 00:36:00,410 --> 00:36:02,328 [Greg] I couldn't have Rowley hog all the attention, 794 00:36:02,412 --> 00:36:04,581 so I decided to whip up an injury of my own. 795 00:36:08,793 --> 00:36:12,172 [chattering] 796 00:36:12,255 --> 00:36:13,381 [girl gasps] 797 00:36:13,465 --> 00:36:15,508 Yeah. No big deal. [sighs] 798 00:36:15,592 --> 00:36:19,054 It's just an infection caused by a splinter that was left untreated. 799 00:36:19,137 --> 00:36:20,472 [gags] 800 00:36:23,224 --> 00:36:24,434 -Hey. -[screams] 801 00:36:24,517 --> 00:36:26,770 Can I peek at your infection? 802 00:36:26,853 --> 00:36:27,979 [grunts] Ew. 803 00:36:29,105 --> 00:36:31,858 [Greg] I realized I couldn't compete with Rowley's stupid injury. 804 00:36:32,692 --> 00:36:34,069 [grunts] 805 00:36:34,152 --> 00:36:36,196 So that meant I needed to find something of my own. 806 00:36:36,279 --> 00:36:38,323 And just like that, I did. 807 00:36:49,709 --> 00:36:50,710 [door closes] 808 00:36:51,961 --> 00:36:54,255 Hey, Greg. I couldn't find you after school. 809 00:36:54,339 --> 00:36:55,340 Huh? 810 00:36:55,423 --> 00:36:57,842 Sorry. I wanted to go home and start working on my comics. 811 00:36:57,926 --> 00:37:00,136 Your comics? For what? 812 00:37:00,220 --> 00:37:01,388 The school paper. 813 00:37:01,471 --> 00:37:04,099 One of the cartoonists quit, so now there's a spot open. 814 00:37:07,769 --> 00:37:08,895 Can I help? 815 00:37:08,978 --> 00:37:11,106 Sorry, Rowley. There's only one spot open. 816 00:37:14,567 --> 00:37:16,361 [laughing] 817 00:37:16,444 --> 00:37:18,071 Zoo-Wee Mama! 818 00:37:18,154 --> 00:37:19,406 [laughs] 819 00:37:19,489 --> 00:37:21,074 This is funny! 820 00:37:22,409 --> 00:37:24,744 "Oops. I've stepped in a puddle! 821 00:37:25,245 --> 00:37:28,248 Well, at least it's not an acid puddle! 822 00:37:28,873 --> 00:37:33,086 Ah! It is an acid puddle! 823 00:37:33,169 --> 00:37:35,005 Zoo-Wee Mama!" 824 00:37:35,088 --> 00:37:38,717 Zoo-Wee Mama! Do you have any more like this one? 825 00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:40,427 I'm working on something better. 826 00:37:40,510 --> 00:37:43,179 Check this one out. It's called "Creighton the Cretin." 827 00:37:43,263 --> 00:37:47,642 [Rowley] "Hiya, doc! Can I get a new butt? My old one has a crack in it." 828 00:37:47,726 --> 00:37:50,437 "Everyone's butt has a crack in it, you idiot!" 829 00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:51,521 "Oops." 830 00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:54,399 But when does he say, "Zoo-Wee Mama"? 831 00:37:54,482 --> 00:37:55,692 He doesn't. 832 00:37:55,775 --> 00:37:59,738 I think it'd be funnier if he said, "Zoo-Wee Mama!" 833 00:38:02,782 --> 00:38:06,036 You know what? If you wanna draw your own comic, be my guest. 834 00:38:06,119 --> 00:38:08,371 But we always do everything together. 835 00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:11,416 Yeah, well, not this time. Sorry. 836 00:38:12,542 --> 00:38:14,753 But can we be partners? 837 00:38:14,836 --> 00:38:16,838 You can write the comic, and I can draw it. 838 00:38:17,589 --> 00:38:20,175 No offense, Rowley, but you don't even draw noses on people. 839 00:38:20,258 --> 00:38:24,304 Sorry. This is kinda my thing, like the way Joshie's your thing. 840 00:38:24,387 --> 00:38:28,308 Okay. Well, I guess I'll go work on my comic at my house. 841 00:38:29,142 --> 00:38:30,185 Sounds good. 842 00:38:34,314 --> 00:38:35,398 [sighs] 843 00:38:38,651 --> 00:38:39,736 See ya. 844 00:38:43,782 --> 00:38:47,077 -[school bell rings] -[chattering] 845 00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:50,497 [Greg] After I turned in my comic, all I could do was wait. 846 00:38:51,289 --> 00:38:53,583 But after a whole week went by, 847 00:38:54,709 --> 00:38:56,628 Mr. Humphreys made an announcement. 848 00:38:56,711 --> 00:38:59,422 [Mr. Humphreys on PA] Attention, students. After careful consideration, 849 00:38:59,506 --> 00:39:02,634 we've made a decision on the cartoonist for the school paper. 850 00:39:02,717 --> 00:39:04,469 And the new cartoonist is… 851 00:39:05,178 --> 00:39:08,014 -Greg Heffley. -Yes! Yes! 852 00:39:10,725 --> 00:39:13,478 This is possibly the biggest thing that has ever happened to me. 853 00:39:13,561 --> 00:39:14,646 [chattering, laughing] 854 00:39:14,729 --> 00:39:17,148 -That's the dude? -He wrote that? 855 00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:19,818 Is that cartoon kid? 856 00:39:20,819 --> 00:39:22,696 [laughing] 857 00:39:22,779 --> 00:39:24,948 [Greg] For the first time since I stepped through those double doors, 858 00:39:25,031 --> 00:39:26,700 I wasn't invisible. 859 00:39:26,783 --> 00:39:28,284 -[grunts] -Teacher's pet! 860 00:39:28,368 --> 00:39:30,286 [boy] Aren't comics supposed to make you laugh? 861 00:39:30,370 --> 00:39:31,579 "Creighton the Curious Student." 862 00:39:31,663 --> 00:39:33,248 -[girl] Did you think that was funny? -What the-- 863 00:39:33,331 --> 00:39:38,336 [Greg] "Teacher, if x plus 43 is 89, what would x be?" 864 00:39:38,420 --> 00:39:40,046 "Why, it would be 46!" 865 00:39:40,130 --> 00:39:43,299 "Thanks! Kids, if you'd like to learn more about math, 866 00:39:43,383 --> 00:39:45,677 have Mr. Humphreys show you around 867 00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:49,139 the newly expanded math and science section of the library." 868 00:39:49,222 --> 00:39:53,309 "And thanks to the Parent-Teacher Organization for funding the new section. 869 00:39:53,393 --> 00:39:55,729 Our old books were badly outdated." 870 00:39:55,812 --> 00:39:57,230 They changed it? 871 00:39:57,313 --> 00:39:59,899 -Teacher's pet! -Thanks for ruining my day. 872 00:39:59,983 --> 00:40:01,735 -What a waste of ink. -Nerd! 873 00:40:01,818 --> 00:40:03,361 [chattering] 874 00:40:03,445 --> 00:40:04,821 [chattering stops] 875 00:40:04,904 --> 00:40:06,865 [all] Boo! 876 00:40:06,948 --> 00:40:07,949 [boy] Teacher's pet! 877 00:40:08,033 --> 00:40:09,409 [Greg] See? That's what happens 878 00:40:09,492 --> 00:40:11,953 when the school librarian is in charge of the newspaper. 879 00:40:12,037 --> 00:40:14,080 They've always gotta get pushy with their books. 880 00:40:14,164 --> 00:40:15,957 [students booing] 881 00:40:16,041 --> 00:40:17,542 [Greg] One week after I quit, 882 00:40:17,625 --> 00:40:21,171 Mr. Humphreys chose someone to replace me, and you'll never believe who he picked. 883 00:40:21,254 --> 00:40:23,131 -[girl] Zoo-Wee Mama! -[chattering] 884 00:40:23,214 --> 00:40:25,008 [laughing] 885 00:40:26,426 --> 00:40:27,886 [boy] Zoo-Wee Mama! 886 00:40:28,386 --> 00:40:32,307 [laughing] 887 00:40:32,390 --> 00:40:35,977 -[boy 2] Zoo-Wee Mama! -Zoo-Wee Mama! 888 00:40:36,061 --> 00:40:37,062 [laughs] 889 00:40:37,145 --> 00:40:39,356 Zoo-Wee Mama! 890 00:40:39,856 --> 00:40:41,775 [girl laughs] 891 00:40:41,858 --> 00:40:43,568 [boy 3] Zoo-Wee Mama! 892 00:40:47,155 --> 00:40:50,200 [Greg] "Hey, pretty lady. Do you wanna go on a date?" 893 00:40:50,283 --> 00:40:53,411 "I'm actually not a lady. I'm one of those dogs with long hair. 894 00:40:53,495 --> 00:40:55,330 So, no thanks to that date." 895 00:40:55,413 --> 00:40:57,207 "Zoo-Wee Mama!" 896 00:40:57,290 --> 00:41:01,878 So a kid who can barely draw got his comic in the school paper? 897 00:41:01,961 --> 00:41:05,298 It's totally unfair. Why didn't they censor Rowley's work? 898 00:41:07,926 --> 00:41:09,010 [piano keys clang] 899 00:41:13,598 --> 00:41:15,183 You stole my comic. 900 00:41:15,266 --> 00:41:17,310 You said you didn't wanna do it anymore. 901 00:41:17,394 --> 00:41:20,146 Well, couldn't you come up with something original for once, Rowley? 902 00:41:20,230 --> 00:41:22,732 Well, I can't help it if I'm just naturally funny. 903 00:41:22,816 --> 00:41:24,359 Zoo-Wee Mama! 904 00:41:24,442 --> 00:41:25,777 Zoo-Wee Mama! 905 00:41:25,860 --> 00:41:29,114 -Zoo-Wee Mama! -[students] Zoo-Wee Mama! 906 00:41:29,197 --> 00:41:31,783 [cheering] 907 00:41:31,866 --> 00:41:35,745 You know what? I hope you enjoy all this, because I'm tired of carrying you. 908 00:41:35,829 --> 00:41:37,747 Maybe it's the other way around. 909 00:41:37,831 --> 00:41:40,917 This comic, this lunch table, that cast. 910 00:41:41,001 --> 00:41:43,378 You wouldn't have any of it if it wasn't for me! 911 00:41:43,461 --> 00:41:45,547 Yeah, because you broke my arm. 912 00:41:45,630 --> 00:41:46,840 Yeah. You're welcome. 913 00:41:49,217 --> 00:41:52,137 [students groan, giggle] 914 00:41:54,180 --> 00:41:57,100 -[bully] Rowley deserves your respect. -[whimpers] 915 00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:00,895 -Zoo-Wee Mama! -[students] Oh! 916 00:42:00,979 --> 00:42:01,980 [slurps] 917 00:42:02,063 --> 00:42:03,815 [Greg] Okay, I'll admit. 918 00:42:03,898 --> 00:42:06,609 Maybe I could have handled the situation at lunch a little better. 919 00:42:06,693 --> 00:42:08,028 But I figured, after a while, 920 00:42:08,111 --> 00:42:10,447 me and Rowley would cool down, things would go back to normal. 921 00:42:10,530 --> 00:42:12,574 So do you like DinoBlasters? 922 00:42:12,657 --> 00:42:13,658 No. 923 00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:15,618 I love it. 924 00:42:15,702 --> 00:42:17,370 [both laugh] 925 00:42:20,123 --> 00:42:22,167 [Greg] Thing is, that hasn't happened yet. 926 00:42:28,882 --> 00:42:31,968 Rowley's been hanging out with this kid Chirag every day. 927 00:42:32,052 --> 00:42:34,721 You know the only reason he's doing it is to make me jealous. 928 00:42:34,804 --> 00:42:36,556 [both laughing] 929 00:42:36,639 --> 00:42:38,933 But two can play at that game. 930 00:42:43,188 --> 00:42:45,190 -You wanna see my room? -Yeah. 931 00:42:45,899 --> 00:42:46,900 [scoffs] 932 00:42:47,817 --> 00:42:48,818 [scoffs] 933 00:42:51,279 --> 00:42:52,280 [sighs] 934 00:43:06,795 --> 00:43:07,796 Yes! Come on! 935 00:43:15,428 --> 00:43:17,055 [doorbell rings] 936 00:43:17,138 --> 00:43:21,518 [door creaking] 937 00:43:22,894 --> 00:43:24,104 [gasps] 938 00:43:24,187 --> 00:43:28,817 The one and only Greg Heffley is on my front step. 939 00:43:28,900 --> 00:43:30,777 [gasps, chuckles] 940 00:43:30,860 --> 00:43:32,987 Yeah, I guess I am. 941 00:43:33,947 --> 00:43:36,825 So I was thinking, me and you are neighbors. 942 00:43:36,908 --> 00:43:37,909 Yeah. Uh-huh. 943 00:43:37,992 --> 00:43:40,745 But we barely even know each other. 944 00:43:40,829 --> 00:43:42,330 How'd you feel about a sleepover? 945 00:43:42,414 --> 00:43:43,415 Tonight? 946 00:43:43,998 --> 00:43:46,835 Yeah. Right now. You and me. Just a couple of pals. 947 00:43:46,918 --> 00:43:48,753 Woo-hoo! Come on in. 948 00:43:49,254 --> 00:43:50,630 [laughing] 949 00:43:55,677 --> 00:43:57,137 [birds squawk] 950 00:43:57,679 --> 00:43:58,763 [clocks ticking] 951 00:43:58,847 --> 00:44:00,265 Hey! [chuckles] 952 00:44:02,726 --> 00:44:04,019 [laughter echoes] 953 00:44:04,102 --> 00:44:06,354 -[grunts] -[clock chimes] 954 00:44:09,441 --> 00:44:12,152 You know, maybe we should take this one step at a time. 955 00:44:12,235 --> 00:44:15,947 How about if we just play a quick game of cards and call it a night? 956 00:44:19,159 --> 00:44:20,577 -[Fregley babbles] -[screams] 957 00:44:20,660 --> 00:44:23,163 Hey, Greg. 958 00:44:23,246 --> 00:44:25,081 [stammers, whimpers] 959 00:44:25,165 --> 00:44:27,167 [laughing] 960 00:44:28,585 --> 00:44:29,794 -[screams] -[Greg screams] 961 00:44:29,878 --> 00:44:32,881 [Fregley's mother] Oh, Fregley. Do you have a playmate over? 962 00:44:32,964 --> 00:44:35,675 Would you like for me to knit him some socks? 963 00:44:35,759 --> 00:44:38,303 [Greg] Yep. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be in therapy over this. 964 00:44:38,803 --> 00:44:40,138 Yeah! [laughs] 965 00:44:40,221 --> 00:44:41,598 Whoo! 966 00:44:41,681 --> 00:44:43,725 Greg Heffley's in my room. 967 00:44:44,642 --> 00:44:45,685 Woo-hoo! 968 00:44:46,311 --> 00:44:48,396 Yeah, but just for a short visit. 969 00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:50,023 In fact, I really need to be-- 970 00:44:50,106 --> 00:44:51,608 You wanna play make-believe? 971 00:44:52,150 --> 00:44:55,862 You can be the church organist, and I'll be the school hygienist. 972 00:44:58,114 --> 00:45:00,950 You know, that's tempting. But I'm not really into-- 973 00:45:01,034 --> 00:45:03,411 How about a tickle fight? 974 00:45:03,912 --> 00:45:06,081 [laughs] Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle. 975 00:45:06,164 --> 00:45:08,208 I'm gonna tickle, tickle. 976 00:45:08,291 --> 00:45:10,293 I got you. I'm tickling you. Ha ha! 977 00:45:10,377 --> 00:45:12,003 [both laughing] 978 00:45:12,087 --> 00:45:14,047 Hey! What are you doing? 979 00:45:14,130 --> 00:45:15,465 Give me some space here. 980 00:45:15,548 --> 00:45:17,092 Can't you just stay over there? 981 00:45:17,175 --> 00:45:20,178 Well, what do you wanna do then? 982 00:45:22,722 --> 00:45:24,432 I don't know. I thought if we… 983 00:45:26,559 --> 00:45:29,020 [Fregley] Mmm. [chews] Mmm. 984 00:45:29,104 --> 00:45:32,565 Fregley! That's the only candy bar I had that wasn't wet. 985 00:45:32,649 --> 00:45:34,859 Mom never lets me have chocolate. 986 00:45:34,943 --> 00:45:39,447 Says it makes me hyperactive and unstable. 987 00:45:39,531 --> 00:45:42,575 [panting, laughing] 988 00:45:42,659 --> 00:45:46,204 -Fregley, are you okay? Fregley! -[laughing] 989 00:45:46,287 --> 00:45:48,331 [Greg] I've blocked out big parts of that night. 990 00:45:48,915 --> 00:45:51,376 Hey, Greg. 991 00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:54,796 [Greg] I'm so glad I can't remember every little thing that happened. 992 00:45:54,879 --> 00:45:57,465 [Fregley laughing] 993 00:45:58,883 --> 00:45:59,926 -[groans] -Hey! 994 00:46:00,510 --> 00:46:02,595 [Greg groaning] But what I do remember 995 00:46:03,096 --> 00:46:05,306 is that I ended up locked up in Fregley's bathroom 996 00:46:05,390 --> 00:46:07,684 while I waited for his sugar high to wear off. 997 00:46:16,818 --> 00:46:18,361 [Fregley] Dear Gregory, 998 00:46:18,445 --> 00:46:21,906 I'm sorry I ate your candy and chased you with a booger. 999 00:46:21,990 --> 00:46:25,535 Here, I put it on this piece of paper so you can get me back. 1000 00:46:25,618 --> 00:46:27,579 Signed, Fregley. 1001 00:46:28,830 --> 00:46:30,165 What the-- 1002 00:46:30,749 --> 00:46:31,750 [screams] 1003 00:46:31,833 --> 00:46:34,210 But if I could, I would forget everything. 1004 00:46:35,628 --> 00:46:38,131 [chattering] 1005 00:46:46,306 --> 00:46:49,309 [chattering continues] 1006 00:47:04,282 --> 00:47:07,160 [school bell rings] 1007 00:47:09,496 --> 00:47:11,498 -[chattering] -[grunts] 1008 00:47:16,461 --> 00:47:18,505 Hey, Greg. Hey! 1009 00:47:18,588 --> 00:47:20,215 Oh, hey. Hey, Rowley. What's up? 1010 00:47:20,298 --> 00:47:22,217 I was wondering if I could stop by your house today 1011 00:47:22,300 --> 00:47:24,094 and pick up my copy of Twisted Wizard. 1012 00:47:24,177 --> 00:47:25,762 Me and Chirag want to play it. 1013 00:47:27,055 --> 00:47:30,266 Yeah, well, I've had it for a while, so it's kind of mine now. 1014 00:47:30,350 --> 00:47:32,894 I guess you and your new friend will have to find something else to do. 1015 00:47:32,977 --> 00:47:36,189 Oh, yeah? Well, I'm not the only one with a new friend. 1016 00:47:36,272 --> 00:47:37,399 You mean Fregley? 1017 00:47:37,482 --> 00:47:39,484 I'm permanently scarred from that night. 1018 00:47:39,567 --> 00:47:41,611 And it's all your fault for ditching me. 1019 00:47:41,695 --> 00:47:44,155 I ditched you? More like the other way around. 1020 00:47:44,239 --> 00:47:47,450 You haven't been the same ever since you got that stupid cast. 1021 00:47:47,534 --> 00:47:48,702 -You've changed. -Fight! 1022 00:47:48,785 --> 00:47:50,495 -Oh, yeah? -[girl] They're gonna fight. 1023 00:47:50,578 --> 00:47:52,706 Well, you're the one who broke my arm. 1024 00:47:52,789 --> 00:47:54,624 [boy] You can take him. Knock him down! 1025 00:47:55,375 --> 00:47:57,627 Guys, come over. Come check out the fight. 1026 00:47:58,962 --> 00:48:01,881 -[boy 2] Why don't you make a move? -[girl 2] Unless you're chicken. 1027 00:48:01,965 --> 00:48:04,509 [students chanting] Fight, fight, fight! 1028 00:48:04,592 --> 00:48:08,054 Fight, fight, fight, fight! 1029 00:48:08,638 --> 00:48:10,807 [boy 3] Where'd you learn to fight? Ballerina school? 1030 00:48:10,890 --> 00:48:13,351 [girl 3] If you don't do something, I'm gonna fall asleep. 1031 00:48:13,435 --> 00:48:15,937 Who taught you how to fight? Your granny? 1032 00:48:16,021 --> 00:48:18,857 Are you two gonna fight or keep dancing with each other? 1033 00:48:19,649 --> 00:48:21,568 Do they even know how to do this? 1034 00:48:22,235 --> 00:48:23,361 [Rowley screams] 1035 00:48:23,445 --> 00:48:24,946 -[tires screeching] -[Greg, Rowley grunt] 1036 00:48:25,030 --> 00:48:27,365 -Let's get out of here! -Come on. Let's go! 1037 00:48:27,449 --> 00:48:29,868 ["Breaking the Law" plays on car stereo] 1038 00:48:29,951 --> 00:48:30,952 [music stops] 1039 00:48:31,745 --> 00:48:34,581 Well, look who it is. 1040 00:48:34,664 --> 00:48:36,958 Our little friends from Halloween. 1041 00:48:38,084 --> 00:48:39,878 We told you we'd find you. 1042 00:48:39,961 --> 00:48:42,922 And now you're gonna pay for busting my tire. 1043 00:48:44,591 --> 00:48:47,927 But, like, how are they gonna pay? 1044 00:48:48,011 --> 00:48:50,347 Yeah. Do you mean, like, with money? 1045 00:48:50,430 --> 00:48:52,390 'Cause not everybody carries cash these days. 1046 00:48:52,474 --> 00:48:53,892 No, you morons. 1047 00:48:53,975 --> 00:48:57,228 Pay, as in, like, revenge. 1048 00:48:57,312 --> 00:48:58,480 [both gulp] 1049 00:48:58,563 --> 00:49:02,359 Okay. Now we're all on the same page. [chuckles] 1050 00:49:03,151 --> 00:49:04,235 [both grunt] 1051 00:49:04,819 --> 00:49:08,031 [laughs] Okay. Now what? 1052 00:49:08,114 --> 00:49:09,991 I am thinking. 1053 00:49:10,075 --> 00:49:11,076 Ooh! Ooh! 1054 00:49:11,159 --> 00:49:13,370 -You still got that fire extinguisher? -[sighs] 1055 00:49:13,453 --> 00:49:20,001 Nah. My mom made me put it back in the house for "fires." 1056 00:49:20,085 --> 00:49:21,086 [scoffs] 1057 00:49:24,964 --> 00:49:26,841 [chuckling] What's this one looking at? 1058 00:49:26,925 --> 00:49:29,177 Uh, it looks like… 1059 00:49:29,260 --> 00:49:30,261 [gags] 1060 00:49:30,345 --> 00:49:31,638 [bullies] Cheese! 1061 00:49:31,721 --> 00:49:35,475 -[gagging] -[laughing] 1062 00:49:35,558 --> 00:49:37,519 [Greg] Now, I really can't say what happened next. 1063 00:49:37,602 --> 00:49:40,313 Because if Rowley ever tries to run for president when he grows up 1064 00:49:40,397 --> 00:49:42,607 and people find out what those teenagers made him do, 1065 00:49:42,691 --> 00:49:44,234 he won't have a chance. 1066 00:49:46,486 --> 00:49:47,821 So all I'm gonna say 1067 00:49:47,904 --> 00:49:50,031 is that the teenagers made Rowley 1068 00:49:50,115 --> 00:49:53,660 -blank, blank, blank the cheese. -[Rowley chewing, retching] 1069 00:49:53,743 --> 00:49:56,079 [Rowley gagging] 1070 00:49:58,331 --> 00:50:00,625 Okay. You're next. 1071 00:50:00,709 --> 00:50:04,754 No. But I just had lunch. I'm not even really that hungry. 1072 00:50:04,838 --> 00:50:06,423 You're not getting out of this. 1073 00:50:06,506 --> 00:50:09,050 But, um, I'm lactose intolerant. 1074 00:50:10,301 --> 00:50:12,137 [grunts] It'll make me gassy. 1075 00:50:13,346 --> 00:50:14,347 [fly buzzing] 1076 00:50:26,276 --> 00:50:27,610 [flies buzzing] 1077 00:50:29,988 --> 00:50:33,033 -[whistle blows] -Huh? 1078 00:50:33,116 --> 00:50:34,659 Get out of here, you punks! 1079 00:50:39,247 --> 00:50:40,665 [tires squeal] 1080 00:50:41,750 --> 00:50:42,751 You boys okay? 1081 00:50:46,921 --> 00:50:48,882 -[boy sighs] What happened? -They're gone. 1082 00:50:48,965 --> 00:50:51,259 -What's going on? -What's going on over here? 1083 00:50:51,343 --> 00:50:52,844 The cheese! 1084 00:50:52,927 --> 00:50:54,804 Look! There's-- 1085 00:50:54,888 --> 00:50:56,723 There's a piece missing! 1086 00:50:56,806 --> 00:50:58,475 -[boy 1] What? -[boy 2] What? 1087 00:50:58,558 --> 00:51:01,728 [students gasping, gagging] 1088 00:51:01,811 --> 00:51:03,521 -Disgusting! -[boy 3] Ew! 1089 00:51:04,230 --> 00:51:07,484 [Greg] Trust me, I was tempted to tell everyone the truth about what happened, 1090 00:51:07,567 --> 00:51:10,028 but then I heard that annoying inner voice. 1091 00:51:10,612 --> 00:51:12,697 [Susan] Do the right thing, Greg. 1092 00:51:12,781 --> 00:51:15,492 That's all you need to get by in this world, you know? 1093 00:51:15,575 --> 00:51:17,035 One good friend. 1094 00:51:17,118 --> 00:51:18,661 [girl] Somebody has the Cheese Touch. 1095 00:51:18,745 --> 00:51:20,997 Rowley Jefferson ate the-- 1096 00:51:21,081 --> 00:51:22,207 No! 1097 00:51:22,290 --> 00:51:26,211 It was me! Those teenagers dared me to do it, and I did it! 1098 00:51:26,294 --> 00:51:28,046 So what? No big deal. 1099 00:51:28,129 --> 00:51:32,884 -Greg Heffley has the Cheese Touch! -[all gasping] 1100 00:51:32,967 --> 00:51:35,804 -[boy] He has the Cheese Touch. -[girl] Oh, ew! 1101 00:51:35,887 --> 00:51:37,305 [students screaming] 1102 00:51:37,389 --> 00:51:38,723 [boy 2] The Cheese Touch! 1103 00:51:38,807 --> 00:51:41,351 [students chattering, screaming] 1104 00:51:41,434 --> 00:51:44,354 [Greg] Okay, so I might have bent the truth a little, 1105 00:51:44,437 --> 00:51:47,982 but sometimes you have to do that sort of thing to help a friend. 1106 00:51:48,733 --> 00:51:49,734 So, uh… 1107 00:51:50,276 --> 00:51:52,529 you, uh, wanna go to my place 1108 00:51:52,612 --> 00:51:55,907 and, I don't know, play some Twisted Wizard? 1109 00:51:55,990 --> 00:51:58,243 Yeah. That'd be good. 1110 00:52:05,083 --> 00:52:07,961 Oh, man. I totally would've had you. 1111 00:52:08,044 --> 00:52:11,297 [Greg] Are you kidding? You were totally about to start crying. 1112 00:52:11,381 --> 00:52:13,299 [Rowley] I had something in my eye. 1113 00:52:13,967 --> 00:52:16,094 [Greg] I could've taken you with my eyes closed. 1114 00:52:16,177 --> 00:52:18,471 [Rowley] I could've beaten you with my little pinkie. 1115 00:52:18,555 --> 00:52:20,181 [chattering] 1116 00:52:20,265 --> 00:52:22,976 [Greg] Having the Cheese Touch hasn't been as bad as I thought. 1117 00:52:23,059 --> 00:52:24,060 Cheese Touch! 1118 00:52:24,144 --> 00:52:26,688 [students screaming] 1119 00:52:26,771 --> 00:52:29,065 [Greg] The kids at school give me plenty of space. 1120 00:52:30,150 --> 00:52:31,901 And it's not just in the hallways. 1121 00:52:32,902 --> 00:52:35,155 I've pretty much got the run of the place. 1122 00:52:35,655 --> 00:52:37,657 [screams] 1123 00:52:38,241 --> 00:52:39,534 And the best part is, 1124 00:52:39,617 --> 00:52:42,871 getting a seat at lunch is not a problem anymore. 1125 00:52:44,622 --> 00:52:45,623 -Run! -[screams] 1126 00:52:45,707 --> 00:52:48,710 [Greg] In fact, I've got a whole table to myself. 1127 00:52:48,793 --> 00:52:52,714 [students murmuring] 1128 00:52:55,258 --> 00:52:58,386 Well, maybe not entirely to myself, but I'm fine with it. 1129 00:52:58,470 --> 00:53:00,138 [chattering] 1130 00:53:00,221 --> 00:53:02,349 And things are good with me and Rowley. 1131 00:53:02,432 --> 00:53:04,184 In fact, they're better than good. 1132 00:53:08,355 --> 00:53:10,357 But if Rowley ever steps out of line, 1133 00:53:10,440 --> 00:53:13,401 I'll let everyone know who really ate the you-know-what. 1134 00:53:16,154 --> 00:53:18,239 Come on. Almost there. 1135 00:53:18,323 --> 00:53:19,741 -[laughs] -[Rowley laughs] 1136 00:53:19,824 --> 00:53:21,326 -I got you. -[video game beeping] 1137 00:53:21,409 --> 00:53:25,080 -Eat my dust! Get out of my way! -Oh, you got lucky that time. 1138 00:53:25,163 --> 00:53:26,539 How are you this bad? 1139 00:53:26,623 --> 00:53:28,333 -Oh! -Best of three!