1 00:00:04,045 --> 00:00:06,464 (upbeat music playing) 2 00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:09,551 (indistinct chatter) 3 00:00:09,634 --> 00:00:11,594 -Jeremy, party of five! -That's us! 4 00:00:12,637 --> 00:00:15,473 Ooh, oh. Ah! Excuse me. 5 00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:18,393 Whew. (chuckles) 6 00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:19,853 Remember when we had to legally 7 00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:21,771 stand six feet apart from one another? 8 00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,356 Yeah, I miss it. 9 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:24,816 -Excuse us. -Oh, excuse us. 10 00:00:25,316 --> 00:00:26,651 Sorry. 11 00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:27,569 Carrie? 12 00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:29,696 Is that Bitsy von Muffling? 13 00:00:29,779 --> 00:00:32,407 -Carrie. Excuse me. -Yep, that's Bitsy. 14 00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:34,659 I can't believe it. I cannot believe it. 15 00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:37,120 Oh, it's been forever. 16 00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:38,997 Do we hug or bump elbows? 17 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,915 Sign language, smoke signals. 18 00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:41,750 Where are we these days? 19 00:00:41,833 --> 00:00:45,253 And, and where's the fourth musketeer? 20 00:00:45,336 --> 00:00:46,504 Where's Samantha? 21 00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:49,340 Oh, um, she's no longer with us. 22 00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:51,384 No, no, no, no. She didn't die. 23 00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:54,262 Charlotte: Oh no! No, no. I'm so sorry, no. 24 00:00:54,345 --> 00:00:55,847 I just meant she's not with us. 25 00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:59,768 -She's in London. -Oh, thank god. 26 00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:01,770 After the horror show we've been through, 27 00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:03,438 I just assume anyone I haven't seen 28 00:01:03,521 --> 00:01:04,272 in a while has passed on, 29 00:01:04,355 --> 00:01:06,107 or... gave up and moved to Palm Beach. 30 00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:10,320 -No, she moved to the U.K. for work. -Smart. 31 00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:14,115 Sexy sirens in their 60s are still viable over there. 32 00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:17,869 -Well, enjoy. -Friend: Bitsy, are you coming? 33 00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:21,581 Group: Bye! 34 00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:24,292 Remember when we couldn't air kiss hello or goodbye? 35 00:01:24,375 --> 00:01:26,002 Yes, I miss it. 36 00:01:26,085 --> 00:01:27,003 Carrie, party of three! 37 00:01:27,086 --> 00:01:30,882 -Yay! Yes, that's us. Yay. -Nice! Here we go. 38 00:01:30,965 --> 00:01:33,343 ♪ ♪ 39 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:40,683 I stepped on a used condom in Brady's room this morning. 40 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,185 -Eww-- -Wait! 41 00:01:42,268 --> 00:01:44,145 I was barefoot at the time. Okay now. 42 00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:48,274 -Eww. -Ooh, does anyone wanna split the croque madame? 43 00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:50,610 I will. Did you hear what I said? 44 00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:52,821 Mm-hm. Are we getting fries with that? 45 00:01:52,904 --> 00:01:55,240 I stepped on my son's semen before coffee. 46 00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:56,115 We are definitely getting fries with that. 47 00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:59,786 -Hmm. -This is totally on Steve and me. 48 00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:02,163 We started letting Luisa spend the night because we like her, 49 00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:05,041 and now Brady's bedroom floor is a minefield. 50 00:02:05,124 --> 00:02:07,252 Well, it's good he's using protection. 51 00:02:07,335 --> 00:02:09,838 Now that is seeing the condom as half full. 52 00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:10,922 When do you start school? 53 00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:14,926 What? I changed the subject. Life's too short. 54 00:02:15,009 --> 00:02:17,929 I'm starting with spring semester next week. 55 00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:20,849 -Wow. -Oh, really? Next week? 56 00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:23,268 Are you gonna, you know-- 57 00:02:23,351 --> 00:02:26,104 Go crazy? Too late, already happened. 58 00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:27,272 No, color your hair. 59 00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:32,026 Now where is that darn waitperson with the check? 60 00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:33,987 -We haven't even ordered yet. -Oh, I know, but I want out now. 61 00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:35,905 I just think the gray ages you. 62 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:38,700 No, you think the gray ages you 63 00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:40,201 because if we're friends, and I am this age, 64 00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:43,037 you can't be whatever age you're pretending to be. 65 00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:45,206 I am not pretending to be any age. 66 00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:47,458 -I am 55. -What? You want a medal? 67 00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:50,044 Yes. Yes, I do. Can I get a medal? 68 00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:53,339 Yes, you can, and when I turn 55 in 10 years, 69 00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:55,258 I would like a medal as well. 70 00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:59,304 -Thank you. -And... why are you just going after me? 71 00:02:59,387 --> 00:03:00,805 Carrie dyes her hair, too. 72 00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:03,224 Yeah, but hers is obvious. You're trying to pass. 73 00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:05,018 Yeah, but obvious in a good way, right? 74 00:03:05,101 --> 00:03:07,020 'Cause this kind of "obvious," it don't come cheap. 75 00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:09,063 You look great gray, but I miss the red. 76 00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:12,233 And I just thought it might be fun, 77 00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:13,693 you know, for the start of school. 78 00:03:13,776 --> 00:03:15,862 Yeah, for all your playdates and things. 79 00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:18,781 Charlotte, I'm getting a Master's in Human Rights 80 00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,700 to pair with my law degree, 81 00:03:20,783 --> 00:03:24,412 so, hopefully, I can become an advocate for women who need one. 82 00:03:24,495 --> 00:03:28,374 I don't have to be a spicy redhead to do that. 83 00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:31,377 I mean, we can't just stay who we were. 84 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:32,128 -Right? -Absolutely. 85 00:03:32,211 --> 00:03:34,464 And there are more important issues 86 00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:36,299 in the world than trying to look young. 87 00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:41,679 Ruth Bader Ginsburg dyed her hair. 88 00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:42,931 Mic drop. 89 00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:48,227 Wow, I've gotta get him. 90 00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:51,314 Do you see his hat? Looks like a light fixture. 91 00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:55,443 -For my Instagram. -(camera clicks) 92 00:03:55,526 --> 00:03:56,402 How's all that goin'? 93 00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,655 Uh, you know, when I first started doing it, 94 00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:00,865 it was really just for me, you know, just for fun, 95 00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:03,785 posting strangers who have interesting style, 96 00:04:03,868 --> 00:04:06,537 but now... that I'm on that podcast, 97 00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:07,956 it's kind of growing into a thing. 98 00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:09,123 Wow. Instagram, podcast. 99 00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:11,793 I guess you're passing as younger, too. 100 00:04:11,876 --> 00:04:13,795 Still haven't listened to it, have you? 101 00:04:13,878 --> 00:04:16,297 Carrie, I love you to death, 102 00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:17,966 but I draw the line at podcasts. 103 00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:22,595 I just ran into LTW in the ladies' room. 104 00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:24,764 Great! I don't know what that means. 105 00:04:24,847 --> 00:04:26,849 Lisa Todd Wexley. 106 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,977 Everyone at school calls her LTW. 107 00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:32,188 Now, is LTW a person, 108 00:04:32,271 --> 00:04:34,816 -or a sorority you hope to pledge. -I know, I know. 109 00:04:34,899 --> 00:04:37,777 I sound so silly, but she's just so cool. 110 00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:41,447 She is a documentarian, and a humanitarian. 111 00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:45,284 And her husband, Herbert, is an investment banker who might run for mayor. 112 00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:48,663 And she's on the International "Vogue" Best-Dressed List. 113 00:04:48,746 --> 00:04:50,373 Wow, I think I need a nap. 114 00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:51,582 We are on the parent school board together, 115 00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:54,669 so, this year, we've been getting to know each other better 116 00:04:54,752 --> 00:04:56,546 'cause she signed her son, Henry, up 117 00:04:56,629 --> 00:05:00,383 to study with the same piano teacher that Lily studies with. 118 00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:02,010 -Oh, which reminds me-- -To breathe? 119 00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:04,929 You haven't RSVP'd yet for Lily's piano recital. 120 00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:08,016 Oh, I know. I'm sorry, sweetie. I can't go. 121 00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:08,933 Big and I are driving out east on Wednesday. 122 00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:11,060 Can't you drive out Friday? 123 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,854 'Cause Lily has been practicing 124 00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:14,522 for this night every day for a year. 125 00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:17,817 Sweetie, I know, but Big already took time off. 126 00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:20,403 But you could go to the Hamptons with Big any time. 127 00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:23,948 And this concert is at the Manhattan School of Music. 128 00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:26,659 It's a very big deal. 129 00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:27,910 The Manhattan School of Music, Carrie. 130 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:31,289 The Manhattan School of Music. 131 00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:32,290 I'm sorry, where is the concert again? 132 00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:36,502 All right, I'll talk to him. I will. 133 00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:38,421 -Oh, hi! -I don't wanna interrupt. 134 00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:40,173 -Oh, you're not interrupting! -Hi. 135 00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:42,967 These are my very best friends, Miranda and Carrie. 136 00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:44,218 -Hi. -Hi, I'm Lisa. 137 00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:45,386 Charlotte has told me so much about you both. 138 00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:48,347 Well, we just got the crash course on you, too. 139 00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:49,474 -Oh no. -(all laughing) 140 00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:53,061 -That's a great bracelet. -It's interesting, right? 141 00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:55,063 It's this 20-year-old out of Jackson, Mississippi, I came across online. 142 00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:56,314 -She's amazing. -Oh, that's great. 143 00:05:56,397 --> 00:05:59,067 Oh my god. Who ordered the French fries? 144 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:02,236 I'd have to know you a lot longer before I confessed that. 145 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:03,571 -Can I have one? -Sure, they're cold. 146 00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:06,407 -But they're still greasy, right? -(group laughing) 147 00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:07,992 -So bad, they're good. -Ooh, yikes, I'm gonna be late. 148 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,787 I have to go do a podcast. 149 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:14,207 -They're like jury duty now. -Yeah, I should go, too. 150 00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:15,958 Um, it was really, really nice to meet you. 151 00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:20,254 -Any friend of French fries is a friend of mine. -Hope to see you again. 152 00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:22,298 -Yeah, same here. -(all saying "goodbye") 153 00:06:22,381 --> 00:06:24,550 -Sit! -What did you get at Oscar? 154 00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,636 -Show me. -Oh, it's for the girls. 155 00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:30,389 -Ta-da! -(gasps) It's gorg. 156 00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,016 I just wanted them to have something so special 157 00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,477 for Lily's big night. 158 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:35,311 Henry is gonna bomb this recital. 159 00:06:35,394 --> 00:06:36,771 -Oh, no, he won't. -It's my fault. 160 00:06:36,854 --> 00:06:38,773 I started him too late. 161 00:06:38,856 --> 00:06:39,607 I have to force him to practice. 162 00:06:39,690 --> 00:06:41,734 I literally have to pry his fingers 163 00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:44,278 off the PlayStation, and put them on the keyboard. 164 00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:46,155 Well, you know what? He's a beginner. 165 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:49,117 -People will understand. -People might, but my mother-in-law won't. 166 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,119 She's a world-renowned concert pianist, 167 00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:53,955 and an even more accomplished pain in my ass. 168 00:06:54,038 --> 00:06:56,165 Oh, my friends are waiting. I'll call you later. 169 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,792 -Bye. -Bye! I'll talk to you soon. 170 00:06:57,875 --> 00:06:59,460 Lisa: Yes! Bye. 171 00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:01,129 Miranda: Don't stress if you can't make the recital. 172 00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:04,799 Her piano teacher rents that venue. 173 00:07:04,882 --> 00:07:06,634 It's the Park Avenue equivalent of 174 00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:07,510 "every kid gets a trophy." 175 00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:11,347 Still, I should go. 176 00:07:11,430 --> 00:07:14,725 Charlotte's an amazingly supportive friend. 177 00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:17,603 -She listens to the podcast. -(Miranda chuckles) 178 00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:23,025 You know, it is kinda like she's dead... 179 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,110 Samantha. 180 00:07:24,193 --> 00:07:25,736 We never even talk about her. 181 00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:28,531 Well, what is there to say? 182 00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:32,827 I told her that because of, you know, 183 00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:33,661 what the book business is now, 184 00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:36,539 it just didn't make sense for me to... 185 00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:38,541 keep her on as a publicist. She said, "Fine," 186 00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:41,919 -and then fired me as a friend. -She didn't fire you. 187 00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:43,796 Okay, she stopped returning my calls. 188 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,506 You know Samantha. 189 00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,592 -Her pride got damaged. -Which was why I kept 190 00:07:47,675 --> 00:07:51,179 leaving her voicemails, asking her to please call me back, 191 00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:52,471 so we could talk about this and fix it. 192 00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:57,768 Look, I understand that she was upset, 193 00:07:57,852 --> 00:07:59,896 but I thought I was more to her than an ATM. 194 00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:02,231 You are. 195 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:06,569 -She was embarrassed. -So embarrassed she took a job and moved to London? 196 00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:08,029 Wait, have you spoken to her? 197 00:08:08,112 --> 00:08:11,908 No, neither has Charlotte. 198 00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:14,619 I mean, we texted and called, but we never heard back. 199 00:08:16,495 --> 00:08:20,208 -Do you think, maybe, if you-- -I did. Multiple texts. 200 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,376 -And nothing. -Okay. 201 00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:25,963 Well, then I guess that's all we can, you know, do. 202 00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:28,382 -So weird. -I know. 203 00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:31,469 I always thought the four of us would be friends forever. 204 00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:36,849 -Anyway, up I go. -Okay. 205 00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:38,601 -Okay, thanks for walking me. -Sure. 206 00:08:40,811 --> 00:08:43,731 Hey, Carrie... My hair? 207 00:08:43,814 --> 00:08:45,233 Fabulous. 208 00:08:46,817 --> 00:08:48,611 ♪ ♪ 209 00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:58,829 Hi, everyone. 210 00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:03,793 That's it? That's all the greeting I get after I rescued you? 211 00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:07,797 Are you talking to me or Burton? 'Cause you rescued me, too. 212 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,258 Lily, that is a terrible thing to say. 213 00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:13,094 I know. That's why I said it. 214 00:09:13,177 --> 00:09:14,929 Well, never say it again, 215 00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:17,431 and, for the record, you rescued me. 216 00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:19,475 Mwah! 217 00:09:19,558 --> 00:09:21,477 -Please love me. -Mom, don't be so needy. 218 00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:26,023 I am not being needy. He's withholding. 219 00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:27,650 -Do you wanna see your dress? -Mm-hm. 220 00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:30,736 Do you wanna see the dress, Richard Burton? 221 00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:31,570 Do you wanna see the dress, hm? 222 00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:36,701 Da-da-da-da! 223 00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:38,619 -So pretty! -I love it. 224 00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:40,579 And what's in the other bag? 225 00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:42,248 A dress for Rose, of course. 226 00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:42,456 (scoffs) 227 00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:49,088 -We are here! -Hit it, kiddo. Hit it hard. 228 00:09:50,631 --> 00:09:52,717 Ooh, nicely done. 229 00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:57,138 Okay, go for it, Dad. 230 00:09:57,221 --> 00:10:00,683 Harry, you better not have your hands on those walls again! 231 00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:01,559 I don't! 232 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:04,770 Much... 233 00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:06,147 Just once or twice. 234 00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:09,150 -I'm gettin' really good, babe. -You are ridiculous. 235 00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:12,028 -But it keeps you guessin'. -Yes. 236 00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:15,114 Rose, honey, let me show you the dress I got you for Lily's concert. 237 00:10:15,197 --> 00:10:16,032 I am gettin' there. 238 00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:19,285 Uh-huh, yeah, yeah. 239 00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:21,037 -Isn't it pretty? -Ooh. 240 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,705 Okay... define pretty. 241 00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:31,047 -Uh, Dad? -Harry: What? 242 00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:33,883 Bike helmet not a good look on a 58-year-old Jew? 243 00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:35,134 (laughs) 244 00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:38,429 (light music playing) 245 00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:46,437 -Oh, honey, I'm home! -Hey, kid. 246 00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:47,521 Let the wine begin. 247 00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,610 ♪ ♪ 248 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:56,447 Mmm. 249 00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:01,035 Is that supposed to make me forget that you're a half-hour late? 250 00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:02,411 -Did it? -Oh yeah. 251 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:05,373 Then my work here is done. 252 00:11:08,292 --> 00:11:09,460 How was your day? 253 00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:13,506 Perfect. The Dow and the Mets both up. 254 00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:15,424 Carrie: Very nice. 255 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:18,719 Hey... that shady fish guy 256 00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,471 tried to slip me some low-rent salmon again. 257 00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:23,140 I said, "At these prices?" Oh, no, sir. 258 00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:25,518 No, no, no, no, no. 259 00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:27,978 That is not the Copper River sockeye salmon. 260 00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:30,064 (chuckles) 261 00:11:31,732 --> 00:11:34,568 -What? -I'm just wondering who this person is I'm looking at 262 00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:36,570 because I remember when you kept 263 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:37,405 your sweaters in the stove. 264 00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:40,241 I remember when your hair was black. 265 00:11:40,324 --> 00:11:41,659 Oh, that's really uncalled for. 266 00:11:41,742 --> 00:11:45,788 -Totally uncalled for. -You wanna go there, huh? 267 00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:48,457 'Cause I can go there. 268 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,584 Well why don't you stop going there, 269 00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:53,254 and go there, and put on the album du jour. 270 00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:54,130 Okay, Mr. Big. 271 00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:56,715 What letter we up to? 272 00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,592 "R," last night was Ronstadt. 273 00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:02,430 That's right. Yep, Ronstadt. Here we are. 274 00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:05,433 So, tonight is Todd Rundgren. 275 00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:08,519 -Oh, that's my favorite fucking album. -Fucking album. 276 00:12:08,602 --> 00:12:10,146 You know, you've said that about 277 00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:12,064 pretty much every album since we started 278 00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:13,441 this little dinner ritual waaay back 279 00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:16,068 on day three of the lockdown. 280 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:19,155 -What's your point? -My point is... 281 00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:22,199 -You got a lot of favorites. -John: Yes, I do. 282 00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:26,120 ("Hello It's Me" by Todd Rundgren playing) 283 00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:27,413 But this guy-- 284 00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:34,587 This guy and this song... this song. 285 00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:36,839 (sings along) ♪ Hello it's me ♪ 286 00:12:39,758 --> 00:12:45,264 ♪ I've thought about us for a long, long time ♪ 287 00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:48,642 ♪ Maybe I think too much but something's wrong ♪ 288 00:12:50,769 --> 00:12:56,025 ♪ There's something here doesn't last too long ♪ 289 00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:59,487 ♪ Maybe I shouldn't think of you as mine ♪ 290 00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:03,073 Oh, I'm yours, and I'm hungry. 291 00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:04,283 Okay, what do I do to help? 292 00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:07,536 -Salt the fish, please. -(chuckles) 'Kay. 293 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,330 ♪ Seeing you ♪ 294 00:13:09,413 --> 00:13:10,915 Hey, can we wait to drive out 295 00:13:10,998 --> 00:13:13,876 -to the Hamptons 'til Friday? -♪ Or seeing anything ♪ 296 00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:16,128 Charlotte really wants me to go to 297 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,964 Lily's recital on Thursday. 298 00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:22,510 Thank you. Do you wanna come with me? 299 00:13:24,678 --> 00:13:26,514 Didn't think so. 300 00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:28,182 Well, what are you gonna do that night? 301 00:13:28,265 --> 00:13:30,267 Oh, don't worry about me. 302 00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:34,355 I'll be spending the night at home... with Allegra. 303 00:13:34,438 --> 00:13:36,649 Oh, her again? 304 00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:39,985 Yes, jealous? 305 00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:40,486 That's enough salt. 306 00:13:40,569 --> 00:13:43,364 Yeah, I'm jealous. 307 00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:46,242 I'm jealous of your Peloton instructor. 308 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:48,160 Well, you should be. 309 00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:50,204 You know she's from Barcelona? 310 00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:52,289 -She motivates me. -(Carrie chuckles) 311 00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:54,833 And she's giving me a special shout-out 312 00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:56,168 on my thousandth ride. 313 00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:59,171 Aw, you love shout-outs. 314 00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:02,383 ♪ Think of me ♪ 315 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:09,890 ♪ You know that I'd be with you if I could ♪ 316 00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:12,851 - ♪ I'll come around ♪ -♪ 'Round to see you once in a while ♪ 317 00:14:15,479 --> 00:14:20,734 ♪ Or if you ever need a reason to smile ♪ 318 00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:25,072 ♪ And spend the night if you think I should ♪ 319 00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:26,407 Pepper. 320 00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:31,287 (deep bass music playing) 321 00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:33,414 ♪ ♪ 322 00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:41,964 Oh. 323 00:14:52,182 --> 00:14:54,393 ♪ ♪ 324 00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,740 Hi. 325 00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:08,532 Could I get a glass of Chablis, please? 326 00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:10,868 Oh, we don't open 'til 11. 327 00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:15,039 -It's 11:00 somewhere. -Sorry, ma'am. 328 00:15:17,499 --> 00:15:20,669 Okay, I'll wait. 329 00:15:24,381 --> 00:15:26,383 (music continues) 330 00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:38,395 (indistinct chatter) 331 00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:53,327 -Hey, that's where the professor sits. -Oh, sorry. 332 00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:56,747 Thanks. 333 00:15:58,290 --> 00:15:59,124 Thank you. 334 00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:01,919 (door shuts) 335 00:16:04,254 --> 00:16:05,339 Oh, hey, hey, hey. 336 00:16:06,173 --> 00:16:07,883 That's where the professor sits. 337 00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:10,219 Uh, sorry, he just told me. 338 00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:12,680 -Someone's quick with the pronouns. -Uh, it's fine. 339 00:16:13,263 --> 00:16:14,848 I am the professor. 340 00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:18,477 -Wa-- Y-You're the professor? -Yeah. 341 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,688 -You're Nya Wallace? -(chuckles) Yes. 342 00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:22,356 Why do you seem so surprised? 343 00:16:22,439 --> 00:16:24,692 Well, your braids. 344 00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:26,402 A law professor can't have hair like mine? 345 00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:29,530 -Why is that? -Oh, no, no, no. I didn't, I didn't mean 346 00:16:29,613 --> 00:16:31,240 because of the braids. I was, I was-- 347 00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:34,118 I, I was just thrown because the braids 348 00:16:34,201 --> 00:16:36,787 are, are so different than the hair in your photo 349 00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:38,372 on the Columbia website. 350 00:16:38,455 --> 00:16:39,873 My comment had nothing whatsoever 351 00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:40,708 to do with it being a Black hairstyle. 352 00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:42,543 I, I knew that you were Black 353 00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:44,211 when I signed up for this class. 354 00:16:44,294 --> 00:16:44,920 Uh, that was important to me. 355 00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:49,842 You signed up for this class because I'm Black? 356 00:16:49,925 --> 00:16:52,302 Well, not just because you're Black. 357 00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:54,221 I picked this class because... 358 00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:55,264 you're such a force in academia 359 00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:58,892 on top of everything you do as a community activist. 360 00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,394 God, I sound like such a brown-nose. 361 00:17:00,477 --> 00:17:02,479 I mean, um... 362 00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:05,232 please just forget 363 00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:07,818 that I ever said anything about your hair. 364 00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:10,738 Hair has... nothing whatsoever 365 00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:12,781 to do with, uh, appropriateness, 366 00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:15,492 or intelligence, or gravitas, obviously. 367 00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:16,577 I mean, do I look like someone who attaches 368 00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:18,245 any significance to hair? 369 00:17:18,328 --> 00:17:22,499 I, I let mine go gray, and I don't care if it makes me look old. 370 00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:25,419 Not that I'm ageist. Do I sound ageist? 371 00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:27,337 You really want me to answer that question? 372 00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:30,799 I am so sorry for taking everyone's time. 373 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:31,717 This is not at all who I am. 374 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,302 I will just be quiet now. 375 00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:34,928 Okay, uh... 376 00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:38,766 -Hi, hi, hello, everyone. -(all greet professor) 377 00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:40,684 Welcome to Policies and Principles of Humanitarian Law. 378 00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:43,061 I am Professor Nya Wallace, 379 00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:44,938 and before we delve into this 380 00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:45,647 complicated and important work, 381 00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:48,108 I just want to clear up 382 00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:50,944 that on the Columbia University website, 383 00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:54,114 -I am rockin' a short Halle Berry, right? -(all chuckling) 384 00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:58,577 This is "X, Y, and Me," the podcast that talks about 385 00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:01,288 gender roles, sexual roles, and... cinnamon rolls. 386 00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:04,917 -(laughing) -All the roles I care passionately about. 387 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,794 Representing the cisgender women is... 388 00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:07,586 Carrie Bradshaw. 389 00:18:07,669 --> 00:18:09,797 -Hey, hey. -Hey, Ms. Cis. 390 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:13,008 And representing the cishet men is... 391 00:18:13,091 --> 00:18:15,093 the dude himself, Jackie Nee. 392 00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:18,430 What up, sista-brotha? (laughs) 393 00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:19,681 That's right because I'm both and neither. 394 00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:23,310 I am Che Diaz, your host. 395 00:18:23,393 --> 00:18:25,312 And queer, nonbinary, Mexican, Irish diva 396 00:18:25,395 --> 00:18:28,690 representing everyone else outside these two boring genders. 397 00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:30,317 Soundboard: Woke moment! 398 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:31,693 -(laughing) -And yes, I know that no one person 399 00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,654 can represent all the genders, 400 00:18:33,737 --> 00:18:34,947 and sexual orientations, 401 00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:38,450 or an entire race, and I, I fully acknowledge 402 00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:41,286 that we are complicated, diverse beings 403 00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:42,204 here on this wondrous planet 404 00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:45,415 all just striving to be our very best self. 405 00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:48,168 -Many of us just tryin' to get laid. -(all laughing) 406 00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:48,919 Or at least that's what we talk about on my show, 407 00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:51,088 so let's figure some shit out. 408 00:18:51,171 --> 00:18:52,631 -Who's got what? -I'll go. 409 00:18:52,714 --> 00:18:53,715 -Carrie: Oh, okay. -Hi, Carrie. 410 00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:54,967 -Hello. -I have a question 411 00:18:55,050 --> 00:18:56,176 for you about women. 412 00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:57,719 What is it, Jackie? 413 00:18:57,803 --> 00:19:01,014 Why don't you see women jerkin' it on the subway? 414 00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:03,559 I'm hoping that's a multiple choice question. 415 00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:06,687 Yeah, good one, Jackie. I was worried you were gonna ask something sophomoric, 416 00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:07,896 like, "What can I, as a straight cis male, 417 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,190 "personally do to eradicate the harmful patriarchal system 418 00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:13,861 of the gender binary, and compulsory heterosexuality?" 419 00:19:13,944 --> 00:19:16,780 No, but for serious, I see dudes masturbating everywhere. 420 00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:19,241 I saw a guy jerkin' off on the J train today. 421 00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:20,033 I guess that's what the "J" stands for. 422 00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:23,203 And the "A" train stands for anal. 423 00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:24,705 -Oh, that must be why I don't ride it. -(Jackie laughs) 424 00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:27,332 Soundboard: Woke moment! 425 00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:29,042 Sexual expression of any kind should 426 00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:29,751 always be discussed and consented to 427 00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:31,879 by all parties involved. 428 00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:33,589 Unless it's just you and your sex toys. 429 00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:35,424 Then, go ahead! 430 00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:37,050 -(Jackie laughs) -Surprise yourself. 431 00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:39,761 Che: All right, let's, uh, move off the prototypes, 432 00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:42,222 and into the personal. Jackie-- 433 00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:44,641 -Yeah. -Have you ever masturbated out in pub-- 434 00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:46,393 Nah, you know what? Let's just speed this along. 435 00:19:46,476 --> 00:19:49,396 Is there any public place where you haven't masturbated? 436 00:19:49,479 --> 00:19:53,525 -Uh... nah. -(all laughing) 437 00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:54,818 I like to masturbate at Yankee Stadium. 438 00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:56,737 Well, my version of masturbation. 439 00:19:56,820 --> 00:19:58,196 I, uh, I wear a Yankees cap, 440 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:01,825 and I just, uh, I sit there sippin' a beer, 441 00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,076 and... 442 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,703 I really get off on watching 443 00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:06,705 the bros try to figure out what I am. 444 00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:09,207 And it's not just the dudes. It's also the ladies. 445 00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:11,627 -I'm an equal opportunity confuser. -(Jackie chuckles) 446 00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:13,211 -What about you, Carrie? -Oh, me? What? What? What? 447 00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:16,715 Oh. What about, What about me? Oh, oh, oh-- 448 00:20:16,798 --> 00:20:19,885 Oh, are you ask-- You're asking me about, about masturbation? 449 00:20:19,968 --> 00:20:22,804 Yes, I'm, I'm asking you about masturbation. 450 00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:24,139 Particularly you. Do you masturbate? 451 00:20:24,222 --> 00:20:27,726 Uh, I would like to buy a vowel, please. 452 00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:30,938 (giggling) 453 00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:33,607 Sorry, I don't-- I don't know what that means. 454 00:20:33,690 --> 00:20:35,817 Um, okay, yes, sorry. 455 00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,903 Let's see. Ooh, yes. I'm here, okay. 456 00:20:38,528 --> 00:20:41,281 Yes, go. I'm here. Yes. 457 00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:43,116 Um... have you ever masturbated in a public place? 458 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:46,995 Uh, well, uh, not since Barneys closed. 459 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,872 -Che: Hmm. -Uh, what's Barneys? 460 00:20:48,956 --> 00:20:52,459 Okay, now that's offensive. 461 00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:53,168 (street noise) 462 00:20:56,546 --> 00:20:58,674 What are we thinkin' time frame-wise about our next IVF round? 463 00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:01,259 I don't know, Andre. 464 00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:02,511 Uh, my body still feels off from that last round, 465 00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:05,806 and why're we talkin' about this as I'm gettin' on mass transit? 466 00:21:05,889 --> 00:21:07,683 Uh, Samuel was just kinda 467 00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:10,018 pushing me about whether I'm going out on the tour or not. 468 00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:11,395 -Now you're pushing me? -Andre: Am I? 469 00:21:11,478 --> 00:21:15,691 Um, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. My bad. I just-- 470 00:21:15,774 --> 00:21:16,858 Andre: I didn't wanna keep him hangin'. 471 00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:18,986 They've been so good to me. 472 00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:20,362 No, I get that, um... 473 00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:26,827 Uh... I guess what I'm saying is, um... 474 00:21:26,910 --> 00:21:27,869 I'm feeling-- 475 00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:30,330 (whimsical music playing) 476 00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:32,624 Can't talk right now. 477 00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:33,875 Andre: No, no. Uh, go ahead, Ny. 478 00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:36,378 -You're feelin' what? -I can't talk right now, Andre Rashad. 479 00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:39,256 I have a student lookin' right at me. (chuckles) 480 00:21:39,339 --> 00:21:40,132 Shit, she's comin' over here. 481 00:21:40,215 --> 00:21:44,678 Okay, I gotta go. Uh, I'll be home soon. 482 00:21:44,761 --> 00:21:47,055 I'll set dinner. Nothin' but love. 483 00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:48,265 Okay, bye. 484 00:21:49,516 --> 00:21:50,892 I just wanted to introduce myself 485 00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:52,894 in a non-manic, non-crazy lady way. 486 00:21:52,978 --> 00:21:55,063 -Oh. (chuckles) -I'm Miranda Hobbes, 487 00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:56,898 and that, I don't even know what to call it, 488 00:21:56,982 --> 00:21:58,358 -performance I gave about your hair-- -It's fine. 489 00:21:58,442 --> 00:22:01,862 -We don't have to do that again. -Miranda: Oh, I hear ya. 490 00:22:01,945 --> 00:22:03,447 I, I just wanted you to know that I am, 491 00:22:03,530 --> 00:22:05,991 actually, a serious person, 492 00:22:06,074 --> 00:22:08,744 and that being in your class means a lot to me. 493 00:22:08,827 --> 00:22:10,370 -I, I quit-- -(loud guitar riff playing) 494 00:22:11,788 --> 00:22:12,664 I, uh-- 495 00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:14,499 (talking louder): I left corporate law, 496 00:22:14,583 --> 00:22:16,710 recently, after almost 30 years 497 00:22:16,793 --> 00:22:19,129 because I couldn't be part of the problem anymore. 498 00:22:19,212 --> 00:22:21,214 I was at home watching CNN 499 00:22:21,298 --> 00:22:23,675 when the Muslim ban was initiated, 500 00:22:23,759 --> 00:22:25,844 and I saw all those attorneys 501 00:22:25,927 --> 00:22:28,221 out at the airport offering assistance, 502 00:22:28,305 --> 00:22:28,889 and I just-- The next thing I knew, 503 00:22:28,972 --> 00:22:32,350 I was in a cab goin' to JFK 504 00:22:32,434 --> 00:22:35,270 to do something, anything because, you know... 505 00:22:36,855 --> 00:22:39,816 my wearing a pink pussy hat just wasn't cutting it. 506 00:22:39,900 --> 00:22:43,278 -I'm sorry, I didn't catch a lot of that. -Probably just as well. 507 00:22:44,279 --> 00:22:46,323 (indistinct announcement over P.A.) 508 00:22:53,288 --> 00:22:55,832 Hey, Carrie. You got a minute? 509 00:22:55,916 --> 00:22:58,752 Oh, sure... That was a funny show today. 510 00:22:58,835 --> 00:23:01,171 -I like the gloves. -Oh, thanks. 511 00:23:01,254 --> 00:23:04,257 Yeah, they're really mostly for elevator buttons and handrails. 512 00:23:04,341 --> 00:23:07,010 It's just a little something I started during the pandemic. 513 00:23:07,094 --> 00:23:08,011 -Seems to be hangin' in there. -(Che chuckles) 514 00:23:08,095 --> 00:23:10,055 So, about today's show, 515 00:23:10,138 --> 00:23:10,764 you need to dialogue with us more. 516 00:23:10,847 --> 00:23:13,100 (elevator dings) 517 00:23:13,183 --> 00:23:15,769 Oh, um, no, go ahead. I'll, I'll ride down with you. 518 00:23:15,852 --> 00:23:16,686 Okay. 519 00:23:24,986 --> 00:23:27,155 Oh, just a few quick puffs. I'm so wired after a show. 520 00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:29,449 -You want a hit? -No, I'm, I'm good, thank you. 521 00:23:33,870 --> 00:23:35,956 Yeah, so... 522 00:23:36,039 --> 00:23:38,125 you can't just sit there giggling. You know what I mean? 523 00:23:38,208 --> 00:23:41,086 (chuckles) Well, um, 524 00:23:41,169 --> 00:23:42,129 I'm really stronger when people call in 525 00:23:42,212 --> 00:23:45,382 with relationship questions. 526 00:23:45,465 --> 00:23:47,300 You know, today turned kind of raunchy. 527 00:23:47,384 --> 00:23:48,552 Well, that's where it goes sometimes, 528 00:23:48,635 --> 00:23:51,763 and you need to go with it, or the trolls will label you 529 00:23:51,847 --> 00:23:55,142 "the uptight cisgender female married lady." 530 00:23:55,225 --> 00:23:57,310 -And that's not who you are. -It's not? 531 00:23:57,394 --> 00:23:59,104 I know you got more. 532 00:23:59,187 --> 00:24:00,480 C'mon, I mean, you had a column about sexuality 533 00:24:00,564 --> 00:24:03,442 in a mainstream newspaper in the fuckin' 1990s. 534 00:24:03,525 --> 00:24:07,154 You're the OG. You... are badass. 535 00:24:07,237 --> 00:24:09,197 Well, you know, that was writing at a desk. 536 00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:12,784 I'm not a stand-up like you two. 537 00:24:12,868 --> 00:24:16,329 I'm, I'm not comfortable with the more graphic content, 538 00:24:16,413 --> 00:24:18,498 you know, it's just-- It's not me. 539 00:24:18,582 --> 00:24:20,250 Hmm, you might wanna step out of that box. 540 00:24:20,333 --> 00:24:23,753 Surprise yourself. Just a suggestion. 541 00:24:23,837 --> 00:24:26,173 Well, in, in my defense, I did do that anal joke 542 00:24:26,256 --> 00:24:28,341 -about not riding the A train. -That was good! 543 00:24:28,425 --> 00:24:30,927 -See? Don't hold yourself back. -(softly): Okay. 544 00:24:31,011 --> 00:24:33,388 You were-- You were so funny at your job interview. 545 00:24:33,471 --> 00:24:35,599 Yeah, but that was like our first date, you know? 546 00:24:35,682 --> 00:24:37,767 I gave you all my good stuff. 547 00:24:37,851 --> 00:24:39,603 Look, I really want this to work out for all of us, 548 00:24:39,686 --> 00:24:41,188 so I say this with love... 549 00:24:41,271 --> 00:24:43,356 ya better step your pussy up. 550 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:46,985 -Oh, okay. -Okay, so what're you gonna do? 551 00:24:48,111 --> 00:24:50,780 I'm gonna... step my pussy up? 552 00:24:50,864 --> 00:24:53,033 -Hmm, was that a question? -No. 553 00:24:53,116 --> 00:24:54,951 -Oh. -I'm gonna step my pussy up. 554 00:24:55,035 --> 00:24:57,787 Yes! (laughs) 555 00:24:59,915 --> 00:25:01,458 (quirky music playing) 556 00:25:11,843 --> 00:25:13,470 ♪ ♪ 557 00:25:31,446 --> 00:25:32,614 Do you masturbate? 558 00:25:36,785 --> 00:25:38,870 I feel like that's a trick question. 559 00:25:38,954 --> 00:25:41,957 -Do you? -Uh, Senator, I'm gonna wait for my counsel 560 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:42,624 before I respond to that. 561 00:25:44,209 --> 00:25:46,836 Is this for your new book? 562 00:25:47,963 --> 00:25:48,463 For the podcast. 563 00:25:51,424 --> 00:25:52,592 I have to step my pussy up. 564 00:25:52,676 --> 00:25:54,135 Well, I don't know what we're talkin' about, 565 00:25:54,219 --> 00:25:55,470 but I like the sound of it. 566 00:25:57,097 --> 00:25:57,472 Well... 567 00:25:59,099 --> 00:26:00,267 do you? 568 00:26:01,685 --> 00:26:04,062 -Do you? -Yes. 569 00:26:04,145 --> 00:26:05,230 Well, next time give me a heads up. 570 00:26:05,313 --> 00:26:06,815 I'd like to attend that event. 571 00:26:06,898 --> 00:26:09,276 You have my LinkedIn address, right? 572 00:26:14,239 --> 00:26:14,489 (clears throat) 573 00:26:17,075 --> 00:26:17,575 Masturbate for me. 574 00:26:19,035 --> 00:26:20,120 I wanna see you. 575 00:26:21,288 --> 00:26:23,707 -Okay, what are you doing? -I'm surprising myself. 576 00:26:23,790 --> 00:26:26,626 Well, you're surprising the hell outta me, too. 577 00:26:30,255 --> 00:26:32,590 Are you gonna join me? 578 00:26:32,674 --> 00:26:35,051 Mm-mm, I just wanna watch. 579 00:26:35,969 --> 00:26:37,470 With or without my glasses? 580 00:26:40,223 --> 00:26:41,391 Ahem... 581 00:26:43,810 --> 00:26:44,477 What're you doing? 582 00:26:44,561 --> 00:26:47,230 Getting some lube. I'm not 30. 583 00:26:47,314 --> 00:26:48,648 (chuckles) 584 00:26:48,732 --> 00:26:50,859 I thought you were reaching for your emergency 585 00:26:50,942 --> 00:26:52,652 nitroglycerin pill. 586 00:26:52,736 --> 00:26:54,571 (sighs) You want me to masturbate or not? 587 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:05,498 (breathing deeply) 588 00:27:07,834 --> 00:27:09,502 -Come here. -Mm-mm. 589 00:27:09,586 --> 00:27:12,797 Just do what you usually do. Pretend I'm not here. 590 00:27:19,679 --> 00:27:21,389 (exhaling) 591 00:27:22,432 --> 00:27:23,683 (groans) 592 00:27:25,143 --> 00:27:26,019 -Oh, Carrie! -(chuckles) 593 00:27:26,102 --> 00:27:29,481 Oh my, Carrie! 594 00:27:29,564 --> 00:27:30,648 I must have you! 595 00:27:34,235 --> 00:27:36,571 -That's some "Bridgerton" shit there. -(Carrie chuckles) 596 00:27:38,990 --> 00:27:40,825 -Look at you. -(Carrie chuckles) 597 00:27:44,287 --> 00:27:47,415 (classical music playing) 598 00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:57,801 (sighs happily) 599 00:27:58,551 --> 00:28:00,428 Hello, lovers. 600 00:28:12,816 --> 00:28:15,819 Oh... the weekly cigar, 601 00:28:15,902 --> 00:28:18,113 and Allegra on the same night? 602 00:28:18,196 --> 00:28:20,907 I'm all in, baby. 603 00:28:20,990 --> 00:28:22,450 Do you notice anything special? 604 00:28:24,244 --> 00:28:27,747 Nope. (chuckles) 605 00:28:27,831 --> 00:28:31,376 I see the wedding shoes. How could I not? 606 00:28:31,459 --> 00:28:33,294 Those blue shoes are the whole ball game. 607 00:28:33,378 --> 00:28:36,005 Carrie: Hey, I was thinking, if I get home early enough, 608 00:28:36,089 --> 00:28:37,298 maybe we can drive out east tonight. 609 00:28:37,382 --> 00:28:39,050 Would you be up for that? 610 00:28:39,134 --> 00:28:41,511 Depends how spent I am after Allegra. 611 00:28:41,594 --> 00:28:43,221 All right, well... 612 00:28:43,304 --> 00:28:44,514 just text me and let me know 613 00:28:44,597 --> 00:28:47,058 and I won't go out for a drink after. 614 00:28:47,851 --> 00:28:51,729 Okay... I'll see you later. 615 00:28:51,813 --> 00:28:53,231 Hm? 616 00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:56,276 What? 617 00:28:57,402 --> 00:28:57,735 I'm just looking at you. 618 00:29:03,908 --> 00:29:06,327 All right, tell that whore Allegra I said bye. 619 00:29:07,203 --> 00:29:08,163 (laughs) 620 00:29:08,246 --> 00:29:10,331 (door closes) 621 00:29:13,543 --> 00:29:17,005 Please put this dress on. I want us all in florals. 622 00:29:17,088 --> 00:29:17,881 I wanna wear what I wanna wear. 623 00:29:17,964 --> 00:29:20,341 What is the problem? It isn't even poofy. 624 00:29:20,425 --> 00:29:23,595 Rose, we're gonna be late! 625 00:29:23,678 --> 00:29:25,889 -And it's Lily's big night. -Leave me out of this. 626 00:29:25,972 --> 00:29:27,390 What's the holdup? What's happenin'? 627 00:29:27,474 --> 00:29:30,101 What's happening is that Rose won't wear her dress. 628 00:29:30,185 --> 00:29:32,103 I picked something else to wear! 629 00:29:32,187 --> 00:29:33,980 Can't she just wear what she wants to wear? 630 00:29:34,063 --> 00:29:35,482 No, Harry, no. 631 00:29:35,565 --> 00:29:37,484 I bought this Oscar de la Renta 632 00:29:37,567 --> 00:29:40,737 -special for tonight. -Okay, okay. 633 00:29:42,780 --> 00:29:45,450 -How about if I wear it? -(Rose chuckles) 634 00:29:47,368 --> 00:29:49,370 Rose, baby... 635 00:29:50,205 --> 00:29:50,788 can you just wear the dress? 636 00:29:52,415 --> 00:29:53,791 Charlotte: Please? 637 00:29:53,875 --> 00:29:55,835 Please. For me? 638 00:30:00,298 --> 00:30:02,759 (indistinct chatter) 639 00:30:04,677 --> 00:30:07,138 -Hey, you. I like your outfit. -It's really cute, right? 640 00:30:07,222 --> 00:30:10,350 Hi, hi, hi! Sorry we're a little late! 641 00:30:10,433 --> 00:30:12,101 What the hell is with that getup? 642 00:30:12,185 --> 00:30:13,853 She looks like a little Edie Beale. 643 00:30:13,937 --> 00:30:15,396 Anthony, not now. 644 00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:17,482 Not in front of the Manhattan School of Music, okay? 645 00:30:17,565 --> 00:30:20,360 Hey, I have everybody's tickets! 646 00:30:20,443 --> 00:30:21,361 (all greeting) 647 00:30:21,444 --> 00:30:24,280 Steve-o, long time, no see. 648 00:30:24,364 --> 00:30:25,949 -What's new? -Hey, I got hearing aids. 649 00:30:26,032 --> 00:30:28,326 -I'm an old timer now. -No, you're not. 650 00:30:28,409 --> 00:30:30,578 You only have 60% hearing loss in one ear, 651 00:30:30,662 --> 00:30:31,829 and 40% in the other. 652 00:30:31,913 --> 00:30:33,331 -Yeah, 'cause I'm old. -Ugh! 653 00:30:33,414 --> 00:30:37,710 -Honey, I think we should get Lily backstage, don't you? -Yes, I agree. 654 00:30:37,794 --> 00:30:40,255 Lily! Here, tickets. 655 00:30:40,338 --> 00:30:42,382 -Brady, here are your tickets. -Thanks, Mom. 656 00:30:42,465 --> 00:30:44,384 -Good luck! Are you nervous? -Not really. 657 00:30:44,467 --> 00:30:48,513 -I've played this piece like a billion times. -Oh my god, I wanna be you. 658 00:30:48,596 --> 00:30:51,266 -Go! -I'll see you all inside! 659 00:30:51,349 --> 00:30:53,309 -Have a good show! -Oh, Anthony, I gave Stanford's ticket to Carrie. 660 00:30:53,393 --> 00:30:56,396 -Okay. -I got it. 661 00:30:56,479 --> 00:30:58,731 -So, where's your better half? -He's late. 662 00:30:58,815 --> 00:31:01,234 -He couldn't decide what to wear. -Of course. 663 00:31:01,317 --> 00:31:04,404 Well, there he is! Hey, good lookin'! 664 00:31:04,487 --> 00:31:06,906 -Whatcha got cookin'? -You left?! 665 00:31:06,990 --> 00:31:09,576 -You just left?! -Oh, we're not in the same place. 666 00:31:09,659 --> 00:31:11,452 I told you I wasn't waiting. 667 00:31:11,536 --> 00:31:13,329 What kind of person just leaves? 668 00:31:13,413 --> 00:31:15,915 -Steve, would you ever just leave Miranda? -Oh, boy. 669 00:31:15,999 --> 00:31:17,542 What? What he say? 670 00:31:17,625 --> 00:31:20,253 You were picking out a suit for an hour and a half. 671 00:31:20,336 --> 00:31:21,504 Periwinkle or tan? Periwinkle or tan? 672 00:31:21,588 --> 00:31:23,756 It didn't friggin' matter! 673 00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:26,968 I'm goin' in. Carrie has your ticket. 674 00:31:27,051 --> 00:31:29,053 -I do. -Did I kiss you hello yet? 675 00:31:29,137 --> 00:31:32,223 Mm-mm. What was all that? 676 00:31:32,307 --> 00:31:36,603 -Us on a good night. -Oh, Lord. 677 00:31:36,686 --> 00:31:39,564 Everyone was looking at me like I was the white lady 678 00:31:39,647 --> 00:31:41,232 who couldn't stop saying the word "Black." 679 00:31:41,316 --> 00:31:43,192 It's a miracle nobody pulled out their phone, 680 00:31:43,276 --> 00:31:44,944 or I would be a meme now. 681 00:31:45,028 --> 00:31:47,196 What do you think was goin' on with you? 682 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:48,781 I think I was just so worried 683 00:31:48,865 --> 00:31:51,034 about saying the wrong thing in this climate 684 00:31:51,117 --> 00:31:52,994 that I said all the wrong things. 685 00:31:53,077 --> 00:31:55,288 I'm sure you didn't say all the wrong things. 686 00:31:55,371 --> 00:31:57,999 You're right. I'll probably blurt out some new ones tomorrow. 687 00:31:59,542 --> 00:32:01,961 God, is this even moving? I really have to go. 688 00:32:02,045 --> 00:32:05,131 Well, there's no line for the men's room, as usual. 689 00:32:05,214 --> 00:32:07,800 Fuck it. I'm 55, and I have to pee. 690 00:32:07,884 --> 00:32:09,677 Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the show is about to begin. 691 00:32:09,761 --> 00:32:11,804 Please find your way to your seats. 692 00:32:11,888 --> 00:32:14,599 It's funny, you couldn't stop talking, 693 00:32:14,682 --> 00:32:17,185 and my boss told me if I wanna keep my podcast job, 694 00:32:17,268 --> 00:32:18,728 which I do, I'm gonna have to start talking, 695 00:32:18,811 --> 00:32:22,607 and a lot more graphically about sex. 696 00:32:22,690 --> 00:32:23,858 Miranda: That's not who you are. 697 00:32:23,941 --> 00:32:27,403 Well, we can't stay who we were, right? 698 00:32:29,405 --> 00:32:31,074 Oh, yeah, no, you're in the right place. 699 00:32:31,157 --> 00:32:32,950 Sorry, I'm just standing guard for my friend. 700 00:32:33,034 --> 00:32:34,369 She'll be done any second now. 701 00:32:34,452 --> 00:32:36,663 -(toilet flushes) -See? 702 00:32:36,746 --> 00:32:39,666 -Just-- -Hey. 703 00:32:42,168 --> 00:32:45,004 -Hello, again. -Oh yeah. 704 00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:47,965 Oh, excuse me, ma'am. 705 00:32:48,049 --> 00:32:50,009 -Hey, where's Stanny? -He's in the balcony. 706 00:32:50,093 --> 00:32:51,844 He'll meet ya in the lobby to go for a drink after. 707 00:32:51,928 --> 00:32:55,848 Hope you like your Cosmos with a side of drama. 708 00:32:55,932 --> 00:32:58,059 Charlotte gave his seat to Rose. 709 00:32:58,142 --> 00:33:00,853 -Well, what's he doing in the balcony? -Actin' out. 710 00:33:00,937 --> 00:33:04,816 Accused me of scrollin' hot boys at a friggin' kids' piano recital. 711 00:33:04,899 --> 00:33:07,193 -Well, what're you doin'? -Scrollin' hot boys... 712 00:33:07,276 --> 00:33:08,736 for my sourdough business. 713 00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:09,904 Hotfellas Bread is not gonna find 714 00:33:09,987 --> 00:33:12,615 its own hot fellas to deliver the bread. 715 00:33:12,699 --> 00:33:13,074 So true. 716 00:33:15,368 --> 00:33:16,911 -Well, what about him? -Unavail. 717 00:33:16,994 --> 00:33:18,746 -Carrie: Well, he's hot. -Unavail. 718 00:33:19,455 --> 00:33:23,876 Not hot, not hot, not hot. 719 00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:26,045 -Well, he looks like he could kill you. -Hot. 720 00:33:26,129 --> 00:33:27,755 Who wants wine? Carrie? 721 00:33:27,839 --> 00:33:31,718 Oh, sure. I love some good purse wine. 722 00:33:31,801 --> 00:33:34,929 -Audience Member: Hi, Charlotte. -Hi, how are you? 723 00:33:35,012 --> 00:33:36,723 (gasps) Miranda. 724 00:33:36,806 --> 00:33:41,060 What? I had a rough first day of school, 725 00:33:41,144 --> 00:33:43,354 and I'm lookin' at two hours of tween Mozart. 726 00:33:44,564 --> 00:33:46,399 Let it go. 727 00:33:46,482 --> 00:33:49,068 -Charlotte... Hi! -Hi! 728 00:33:49,152 --> 00:33:50,820 I wanted you to meet my mother-in-law, Eunice Wexley. 729 00:33:50,903 --> 00:33:54,073 -Oh, it is so nice to meet you. -Hello. 730 00:33:54,157 --> 00:33:58,161 -Uh, Lisa, where am I seated? -I have you seated here 731 00:33:58,244 --> 00:34:00,246 with Herbert Jr. and Gabrielle in this row 732 00:34:00,329 --> 00:34:03,040 right in front of Herbert and myself. 733 00:34:03,124 --> 00:34:04,333 This far back? 734 00:34:04,834 --> 00:34:07,044 Yes... God. 735 00:34:07,128 --> 00:34:09,589 (gasps) Miranda brought wine. 736 00:34:09,672 --> 00:34:11,424 She had a rough first day of school. 737 00:34:11,507 --> 00:34:13,593 My hero. May I have some? 738 00:34:13,676 --> 00:34:15,052 Here, give that to Black Charlotte. 739 00:34:17,889 --> 00:34:21,017 -You sure you good? -I got this. 740 00:34:21,100 --> 00:34:23,144 All right, you got this. 741 00:34:26,898 --> 00:34:29,192 (applause) 742 00:34:37,533 --> 00:34:39,535 (bench scraping) 743 00:34:45,958 --> 00:34:47,960 (scraping continues) 744 00:34:48,044 --> 00:34:49,712 All right, uh, he don't got this. 745 00:34:49,796 --> 00:34:50,797 (softly): No. 746 00:34:51,881 --> 00:34:55,092 (playing "Minuet in G Major" by Bach) 747 00:34:55,176 --> 00:34:57,178 (plays wrong notes) 748 00:35:02,683 --> 00:35:03,518 (plays wrong notes) 749 00:35:03,601 --> 00:35:05,937 (wine pouring) 750 00:35:06,020 --> 00:35:08,356 I think my soul just left my body. 751 00:35:13,027 --> 00:35:16,280 -Pass. -Lisa: Don't you want to know what it is? 752 00:35:16,364 --> 00:35:18,282 Is it alcoholic in nature? 753 00:35:19,575 --> 00:35:20,910 Then pass. 754 00:35:21,327 --> 00:35:22,370 Thank you. 755 00:35:27,917 --> 00:35:29,877 (playing wrong notes) 756 00:35:31,254 --> 00:35:33,881 Welcome to Peloton. I'm Allegra Planche, 757 00:35:33,965 --> 00:35:35,341 and thank you for joining me 758 00:35:35,424 --> 00:35:37,969 for this 45-minute power ride. 759 00:35:38,052 --> 00:35:39,554 -Let's go! -Yes! 760 00:35:39,637 --> 00:35:42,014 (playing skillfully) 761 00:35:48,104 --> 00:35:51,440 -Tell your son to stop. -What? 762 00:35:52,775 --> 00:35:54,277 They're making out. 763 00:35:55,444 --> 00:35:58,865 It's your turn. I can't always be the bad guy. 764 00:35:58,948 --> 00:36:01,576 -Mom, we will not be sex-shamed. -(applause) 765 00:36:01,659 --> 00:36:03,286 Tell Luisa I got the message. 766 00:36:06,789 --> 00:36:09,208 (applause) 767 00:36:18,551 --> 00:36:22,513 (playing "Piano Sonata No. 14 in C Sharp Minor" by Beethoven) 768 00:36:45,536 --> 00:36:48,414 In three, two, one, pick it up! 769 00:36:48,497 --> 00:36:50,291 (piano continues) 770 00:37:02,219 --> 00:37:02,762 Ah, sí, señor! 771 00:37:02,845 --> 00:37:05,389 (Allegra speaking Spanish) 772 00:37:19,028 --> 00:37:22,281 Allegra: Now, we sprint. Three, two, one, go! 773 00:37:27,620 --> 00:37:29,956 Whew! 774 00:37:30,039 --> 00:37:31,457 Celebrate yourself! 775 00:37:31,540 --> 00:37:34,001 (piano continues) 776 00:37:39,006 --> 00:37:41,175 We have a three-minute climb. 777 00:37:41,259 --> 00:37:43,135 Three, two, one, arriba! 778 00:37:47,932 --> 00:37:51,310 Now we sprint! Three, two, one, go! 779 00:38:00,736 --> 00:38:01,362 (panting) 780 00:38:27,430 --> 00:38:27,471 Shit! 781 00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:35,396 (piano continues) 782 00:38:35,479 --> 00:38:37,189 ♪ ♪ 783 00:38:54,623 --> 00:38:56,876 ("Sonata" ends) 784 00:38:56,959 --> 00:38:59,503 (cheers) Yeah, Lily! 785 00:39:04,133 --> 00:39:05,885 Woo! 786 00:39:05,968 --> 00:39:07,261 Woo! 787 00:39:10,639 --> 00:39:11,640 Thanks, thanks. 788 00:39:11,724 --> 00:39:15,478 I need to stay at your old apartment again tonight. 789 00:39:15,561 --> 00:39:17,021 I'm not going home to that 790 00:39:17,104 --> 00:39:20,066 selfish, self-involved, sourdough Mussolini. 791 00:39:20,149 --> 00:39:21,400 I can't get a drink. 792 00:39:21,484 --> 00:39:22,610 Big and I are gonna drive out to the beach tonight. 793 00:39:22,693 --> 00:39:24,153 Oh, fuck me. 794 00:39:24,236 --> 00:39:27,823 I'm sorry. Here. Here's the key. 795 00:39:27,907 --> 00:39:30,409 Oh, go. I had one made after our last fight. 796 00:39:32,244 --> 00:39:32,578 -Nighty-night. -Good night. 797 00:39:32,661 --> 00:39:34,246 Good night. 798 00:39:35,998 --> 00:39:38,709 -(horn beeps) -Oh, oh. 799 00:39:47,468 --> 00:39:48,969 Hmm. 800 00:39:55,393 --> 00:39:57,269 -(water running) -I'm here. 801 00:40:00,439 --> 00:40:02,274 (light music playing) 802 00:40:17,873 --> 00:40:18,874 John? 803 00:40:38,519 --> 00:40:39,728 (screams) John! 804 00:40:41,605 --> 00:40:42,022 Oh god! 805 00:40:42,106 --> 00:40:44,817 Oh god, John! Oh! 806 00:40:44,900 --> 00:40:45,526 John! Honey! 807 00:40:47,069 --> 00:40:49,655 John! Honey? 808 00:40:49,738 --> 00:40:50,573 Oh! 809 00:40:52,366 --> 00:40:55,411 Honey! (muttering) 810 00:40:55,494 --> 00:40:57,580 John! John. 811 00:40:58,414 --> 00:40:59,206 John. 812 00:40:59,957 --> 00:41:01,208 (softly): John. 813 00:41:01,292 --> 00:41:01,458 John. 814 00:41:06,380 --> 00:41:07,464 (somber music playing) 815 00:41:10,926 --> 00:41:14,972 Oh god! (cries) 816 00:41:16,265 --> 00:41:17,474 John. John. 817 00:41:19,435 --> 00:41:19,685 John. 818 00:41:19,768 --> 00:41:21,729 John. 819 00:41:21,812 --> 00:41:22,646 John. 820 00:41:24,148 --> 00:41:25,482 And just like that... 821 00:41:27,735 --> 00:41:29,069 Big died. 822 00:41:31,363 --> 00:41:34,450 ("You Got the Love" playing) 823 00:41:36,660 --> 00:41:40,289 ♪ I know I can count on you ♪ 824 00:41:40,372 --> 00:41:43,542 ♪ Sometimes I feel like sayin', Lord, I just don't care ♪ 825 00:41:43,626 --> 00:41:46,462 ♪ But you've got the love I need to see me through ♪ 826 00:41:53,093 --> 00:41:57,848 ♪ When food is gone, you are my daily meal ♪ 827 00:41:58,349 --> 00:42:01,560 ♪ Mm-hmm ♪ 828 00:42:01,644 --> 00:42:06,148 ♪ When friends are gone, I know my Savior's love is real ♪ 829 00:42:06,232 --> 00:42:10,027 ♪ Your love is real ♪ 830 00:42:10,110 --> 00:42:13,072 ♪ You've got the love, you've got the love ♪ 831 00:42:13,155 --> 00:42:16,242 ♪ You've got the love ♪ 832 00:42:17,660 --> 00:42:22,414 ♪ You've got the love, you've got the love ♪ 833 00:42:22,498 --> 00:42:24,124 ♪ You've got the love ♪ 834 00:42:27,044 --> 00:42:27,920 ♪ Sometimes I feel like ♪ 835 00:42:28,003 --> 00:42:29,463 ♪ Throwin' my hands up in the air ♪ 836 00:42:31,507 --> 00:42:35,261 ♪ I know I can count on you ♪ 837 00:42:35,344 --> 00:42:38,764 ♪ Sometimes I feel like sayin', Lord, I just don't care ♪ 838 00:42:38,847 --> 00:42:42,851 ♪ But you've got the love I need to see me through ♪ 839 00:42:47,439 --> 00:42:48,482 ♪ ♪ 840 00:42:57,449 --> 00:42:58,492 ♪ ♪ 841 00:43:00,869 --> 00:43:04,790 ♪ Time after time I say, oh, Lord, what's the use ♪ 842 00:43:04,873 --> 00:43:08,752 ♪ Time after time I say, this just won't do ♪ 843 00:43:08,836 --> 00:43:10,921 ♪ But sooner or later in life ♪ 844 00:43:11,005 --> 00:43:13,257 ♪ The things you love, you lose ♪ 845 00:43:13,340 --> 00:43:17,011 ♪ Just like before you know I call on you ♪ 846 00:43:17,094 --> 00:43:22,266 ♪ Occasionally my thoughts are brave and friends are few ♪ 847 00:43:22,349 --> 00:43:26,478 ♪ Occasionally I cry out, Lord, what must I do? ♪ 848 00:43:26,562 --> 00:43:29,857 ♪ Occasionally I call out, Master, make me new ♪ 849 00:43:29,940 --> 00:43:34,945 ♪ You've got the love I need to see me through ♪ 850 00:43:35,029 --> 00:43:38,574 ♪ Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air ♪ 851 00:43:39,783 --> 00:43:43,495 ♪ I know I can count on you ♪ 852 00:43:43,579 --> 00:43:47,666 ♪ You've got the love, you've got the love ♪ 853 00:43:47,750 --> 00:43:49,585 ♪ You've got the love ♪ 854 00:43:51,253 --> 00:43:53,297 ♪ You've got the love ♪ 855 00:43:53,380 --> 00:43:55,341 ♪ You've got the love ♪ 856 00:43:55,424 --> 00:43:58,344 ♪ You've got the love, ooh ♪