1 00:00:03,916 --> 00:00:05,221 -Hello, Neil. 2 00:00:05,389 --> 00:00:07,903 -Better now that you're here. 3 00:00:07,919 --> 00:00:10,181 -Okay. 4 00:00:10,575 --> 00:00:13,081 -Oh, that was uncomfortable to watch 5 00:00:13,083 --> 00:00:15,955 and I've seen Olivia trying to hold a baby. 6 00:00:17,495 --> 00:00:20,410 -It's Neil's crush on me. I mean, he was already being weird 7 00:00:20,411 --> 00:00:24,632 and now I know about it, so, me weird, too. 8 00:00:24,633 --> 00:00:28,853 -Been there. There was a bailiff I worked with who had a thing for me. 9 00:00:28,854 --> 00:00:30,116 Ponytail Lou. 10 00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:32,770 -Oh, how'd you handle it? -Well, one night 11 00:00:32,771 --> 00:00:35,382 he yelled out, "Gurgs" while in bed with his wife 12 00:00:35,383 --> 00:00:37,862 and she snatched that ponytail right off his head. 13 00:00:37,863 --> 00:00:39,777 [Laughs] 14 00:00:39,778 --> 00:00:41,692 Now he's just Lou. 15 00:00:42,651 --> 00:00:46,567 -Next up, the People vs Zack and Patty Ludlow. 16 00:00:48,918 --> 00:00:51,224 -Mr. and Mrs. Ludlow are charged with criminal mischief 17 00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:52,616 in a gender reveal gone wrong. 18 00:00:52,617 --> 00:00:56,403 They set off a pyrotechnic device inside a Ruby Tuesday's. 19 00:00:57,405 --> 00:00:59,406 Oh, God, what is that smell?! 20 00:00:59,407 --> 00:01:01,451 Did you walk through a geyser of cologne? 21 00:01:01,452 --> 00:01:03,540 -It's not cologne, it's body spray, 22 00:01:03,541 --> 00:01:06,369 and I bought it from an Uber driver. 23 00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:10,112 -Your Honor, my clients were merely excited 24 00:01:10,113 --> 00:01:13,028 about their announcement, which they decided to hold 25 00:01:13,029 --> 00:01:15,683 -in the booth where they first met. -Aww. 26 00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:19,991 -And where their child was conceived. -Uhh. 27 00:01:20,515 --> 00:01:23,256 -Defense pleads guilty and asks for the court's leniency. 28 00:01:23,257 --> 00:01:25,492 -My little girl is innocent! 29 00:01:25,494 --> 00:01:28,104 There was a second shooter. 30 00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:29,827 -I'm sorry, who is that? 31 00:01:29,828 --> 00:01:34,178 -Ah, the distinguished grandma-to-be is Mrs. Ludlow's mother. 32 00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:36,573 She has her own opinions about the defense strategy. 33 00:01:36,574 --> 00:01:40,290 And, while not a practicing lawyer herself, obviously, she... 34 00:01:40,291 --> 00:01:42,971 passed a fewbars on the way here. 35 00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:48,150 -I demand a real lawyer, not some blurry guy who's making the room spin. 36 00:01:48,151 --> 00:01:51,544 -Okay, uh, how does a fine plus damages sound? 37 00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:55,462 -Let me consult with my co-counsel, Long Island Iced Tina. 38 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:59,161 Oh, that's right, I don't care. We'll take it. 39 00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:03,252 -This is your fault! -Uh_ 40 00:02:08,911 --> 00:02:10,650 Next case? 41 00:02:26,058 --> 00:02:27,798 -Hey, Gurgs, what are you doing in here? 42 00:02:27,799 --> 00:02:30,573 -I'm turning in my badge. -Oh. 43 00:02:30,575 --> 00:02:32,838 -And my sword. 44 00:02:33,065 --> 00:02:35,377 -There's no way the court gave this to you; 45 00:02:35,379 --> 00:02:38,643 Oh, wow, "Property of the state of New York." 46 00:02:38,940 --> 00:02:44,300 -I swore an oath that I made up to protect this court at all costs... and tonight 47 00:02:44,312 --> 00:02:46,730 a suit lost its life on my watch. 48 00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:49,211 -Aw, Gurgs. You know that old saying, 49 00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:53,650 "Every time a suit dies, an angel gets a suit." 50 00:02:53,651 --> 00:02:56,218 -But the fact is I should've known that woman was trouble 51 00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:58,916 the moment she puked in her purse. 52 00:02:59,788 --> 00:03:01,759 I have to do some soul searching. 53 00:03:01,761 --> 00:03:05,503 If you need me, I'll be playing my saxophone on the roof. 54 00:03:07,317 --> 00:03:08,926 -Alright, this has gone on long enough. 55 00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:10,711 We need to talk about this Neil crush. 56 00:03:10,712 --> 00:03:14,367 -Neil who?! DeGrasse Tyson? 57 00:03:14,368 --> 00:03:18,849 In my dreams! That guy's married to the stars. [Laughs] 58 00:03:18,850 --> 00:03:21,504 Yeah, I know this Neil thing is a real problem for me. 59 00:03:21,505 --> 00:03:25,291 -It's worse than a problem for you. It's a problem for me! 60 00:03:25,466 --> 00:03:29,860 He's distracted, he smells like the inside of a comedy club greenroom, 61 00:03:29,861 --> 00:03:33,560 and look what he drew on the backside of my crime scene photo. 62 00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:37,651 -Aww, he put me in a hat. 63 00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:40,915 I should wear more hats. 64 00:03:41,438 --> 00:03:45,136 Look, I don't know what he's thinking. He knows that nothing can happen. 65 00:03:45,137 --> 00:03:49,924 I mean, I have a fiancé. Just today, Rand sent me this. [Chuckles] 66 00:03:49,925 --> 00:03:51,316 -I don't get it. 67 00:03:51,317 --> 00:03:53,928 Is it a sex thing? 68 00:03:53,929 --> 00:03:57,148 -It's an inside joke. And it's cute. 69 00:03:57,149 --> 00:04:00,891 Look, I'm doing everything I can to shut this thing down with Neil. 70 00:04:00,892 --> 00:04:04,155 Before I knew he had a crush on me, whenever he would say something funny, 71 00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:06,593 I would laugh like... Ha, ha, ha! [Laughter] 72 00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:10,466 And now, I laugh like... 'heh'. 73 00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:14,035 -See, stuff like that is what's just going to drag this on forever. 74 00:04:14,036 --> 00:04:16,080 You need to be swift and direct. 75 00:04:16,081 --> 00:04:19,910 -Okay, maybe doing it quickly is the best way to preserve his feelings. 76 00:04:19,911 --> 00:04:23,479 [Sultry jazz plays] ♫ 77 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,308 -Great! Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse; 78 00:04:26,309 --> 00:04:28,049 Jazz! 79 00:04:30,487 --> 00:04:33,300 -Okay, here's the best of the lost and found. 80 00:04:33,302 --> 00:04:39,489 -Looks like most of these clothes are merch from something called Craig-Fest 2017. 81 00:04:39,491 --> 00:04:41,002 Who's Craig? 82 00:04:41,003 --> 00:04:44,065 Better question is why are these things still wet? 83 00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:49,157 But I feel like you could pull this off. 84 00:04:49,158 --> 00:04:51,766 -Exposed arms are just someone's way of saying 85 00:04:51,768 --> 00:04:54,902 that their muscle tone is their only currency. 86 00:04:54,903 --> 00:04:56,817 I'm just trying to apologize for letting that lady 87 00:04:56,818 --> 00:04:59,167 and her daiquiri give you a North Florida baptism. 88 00:04:59,168 --> 00:05:02,431 -Listen, I'm a lawyer. I've had things thrown at me for years. 89 00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:05,448 At least this wasn't sharp or on fire or a ferret. 90 00:05:05,449 --> 00:05:08,872 Poor thing was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. 91 00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:11,484 -Wait, so this happens to you a lot? 92 00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:13,449 -Yeah. -Well, not anymore! 93 00:05:13,451 --> 00:05:18,142 I swear, by this Sandals visor, I'll protect you! 94 00:05:18,143 --> 00:05:19,796 -Um, uh-huh. 95 00:05:19,797 --> 00:05:22,233 Oh-oh, wait a minute, wait. Is that a Rolex?! 96 00:05:22,234 --> 00:05:23,452 Oh, no! 97 00:05:23,453 --> 00:05:26,455 It's a silverfish hive. Aah! Ew! 98 00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:28,599 Really, good job on the protecting. 99 00:05:28,601 --> 00:05:31,212 -I feel like they're all over me! -[Gasps] 100 00:05:32,723 --> 00:05:35,264 -Oh, there he is. Now's your chance. 101 00:05:35,266 --> 00:05:39,076 -Just remember; Swift and direct. -Okay. 102 00:05:39,077 --> 00:05:41,035 -Hey, Neil. -Hi. 103 00:05:41,036 --> 00:05:43,820 -We need to talk. 104 00:05:43,821 --> 00:05:46,867 -When I was a little girl... -We're screwed. 105 00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:49,961 -...I heard the story of another little girl. 106 00:05:49,962 --> 00:05:53,700 Now, she was half fish, but her problems were all too human. 107 00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:54,918 -Oh, no. 108 00:05:54,919 --> 00:05:58,792 -Yeah, so you see what I'm getting at, huh? -It's Gabrielle. 109 00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,924 -Who? -Don't look! 110 00:06:00,925 --> 00:06:02,361 I had a crush on her in high school. 111 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:03,231 -Ah. -We had chemistry. 112 00:06:03,232 --> 00:06:06,756 The class. I can't let her see me like this. 113 00:06:06,757 --> 00:06:10,456 Play it cool, Neil, play it cool. Nope, don't know how. 114 00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:13,763 -Neil Valluri? -Oh, hey! 115 00:06:13,764 --> 00:06:15,896 -I thought that was you. 116 00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:17,419 -Me too! 117 00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:20,727 I mean, I knew I was Neil. Hey. 118 00:06:20,728 --> 00:06:23,556 -What are you doing at the courthouse? You seem pretty traumatized. 119 00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:25,514 Was it a robbery, a home invasion? 120 00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:28,256 [Whispering] Wait, are you being held hostage right now? 121 00:06:28,257 --> 00:06:30,954 -I wish! [High-pitched laugh] 122 00:06:30,955 --> 00:06:33,043 -Ooh, this is hard to watch! 123 00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:36,873 -This weirdness is what I'm dealing with every day now. 124 00:06:36,874 --> 00:06:38,831 -I'm doing well. I'm a dentist now. 125 00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,747 You probably remember. I always loved mouths. 126 00:06:40,748 --> 00:06:42,444 -Yeah! -They do so many things -- 127 00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:44,641 Smile, talk, eat. 128 00:06:44,643 --> 00:06:46,818 -They're not lazy, like arms. -Totally! 129 00:06:46,820 --> 00:06:49,799 Arms have been riding hands' coattails for far too long. 130 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:51,322 -Yeah. 131 00:06:51,323 --> 00:06:52,628 -So, what brings you here? 132 00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:54,325 -I'm finalizing my divorce. 133 00:06:54,326 --> 00:06:56,806 I brought these for all the nice people in the records office. 134 00:06:56,807 --> 00:06:58,765 -Aww! -Huh! 135 00:06:58,766 --> 00:07:00,810 The incessant smile, the way she's holding 136 00:07:00,811 --> 00:07:05,119 those treats... she... kind of reminds me of you. 137 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:09,645 -Oh, really? I don't see it. -I do, and I think it can help us. 138 00:07:09,646 --> 00:07:11,908 -Oh, and, uh, these are my coworkers. 139 00:07:11,909 --> 00:07:14,824 -Well, hi! You know, I saw those and I have to ask, 140 00:07:14,825 --> 00:07:18,828 are those the Funfetti cookie muffins from Julia Child's "S'moredorable Collection"? 141 00:07:18,829 --> 00:07:21,309 -Good eye. That's the one recipe I can remember. 142 00:07:21,310 --> 00:07:23,645 I can't believe they pulled that book off the shelves. 143 00:07:23,690 --> 00:07:27,620 -Uh, I know! It's not her fault the Zodiac Killer used it for one of his cyphers. 144 00:07:27,621 --> 00:07:30,927 You know, I actually have two copies. You could totally have one. 145 00:07:30,928 --> 00:07:32,102 -That's so nice! 146 00:07:32,103 --> 00:07:34,191 -Oh, by the way, I'm Abby. -I'm Gabby. 147 00:07:34,192 --> 00:07:37,181 -[Both] -It's so nice to meet you! -It's so nice to meet you! 148 00:07:37,183 --> 00:07:38,569 [Laughs] 149 00:07:38,740 --> 00:07:40,088 Okay, yeah, maybe I see it. 150 00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:46,900 -Thank you so much for this! 151 00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:48,554 Oh! Just look at Julia, 152 00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:51,861 putting out her cigarette in that pile of cookies. [Laughs] 153 00:07:51,862 --> 00:07:54,074 -It was a different time. -It was a different time. 154 00:07:54,076 --> 00:07:56,170 -[Laughter] -Okay, that's enough. 155 00:07:56,171 --> 00:07:57,650 It was real nice for Abby to meet you. 156 00:07:57,651 --> 00:07:59,109 Bye. 157 00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:02,829 She's great! Hey, do you think I should do pink highlights in my hair? 158 00:08:03,047 --> 00:08:04,700 -Let's not get hung up on the fact 159 00:08:04,701 --> 00:08:07,050 that Neil's high school crush is basically a carbon copy of you 160 00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:09,313 and let's just focus on the opportunity that we have here. 161 00:08:09,314 --> 00:08:11,838 -Ooh, that Gabby and I can win the courthouse bake sale 162 00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:15,276 and knock Sal from probate down a peg or two? 163 00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:17,887 -No, that we should set her up with Neil. 164 00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:19,759 -Yeah, yeah, they'd make a great couple. 165 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,622 -Like "Beauty and the Beast." [Laughs] 166 00:08:21,624 --> 00:08:25,982 If Beauty fell for one of the townspeople who sold bread or something. 167 00:08:25,983 --> 00:08:27,723 -Or like me and Rand. You know, we met 168 00:08:27,724 --> 00:08:30,639 at the 99.7 Not Bummer Summer concert. 169 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:34,600 We roasted hot dogs together while Train played "Drops of Jupiter." 170 00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:38,417 Well, a Train cover band... Tram. 171 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:40,606 -So it's settled, then. 172 00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:44,370 I'll get Neil to ask Gabby out and you'll never tell me that story again. 173 00:08:44,959 --> 00:08:47,700 Wait, is that why he sent you a train? 174 00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:50,677 Now I really wish it was a sex thing. 175 00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:55,795 -Alright, everyone, I need to lock a perimeter around this man. 176 00:08:55,796 --> 00:08:58,275 That means six feet, Carol. 177 00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:01,670 That's better. 178 00:09:02,469 --> 00:09:04,210 Gurgs, what are you doing? 179 00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,120 She's not even the most likely Carol to hurt me. 180 00:09:06,122 --> 00:09:08,022 That's Carol in the mail room. 181 00:09:08,024 --> 00:09:10,734 I told her her dog wasn't that cute. You know what? 182 00:09:10,735 --> 00:09:13,464 We have the Internet, nowadays. Standards are much higher. 183 00:09:13,465 --> 00:09:16,345 -Listen, I failed you once and it's not going to happen again; 184 00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:20,254 So, from now on, I'm with you day and night, no exceptions! 185 00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:24,258 Except tomorrow, 'cause I got a massage at 11:30 and it'd be great if you came with me. 186 00:09:24,259 --> 00:09:29,089 -Oh, okay, well, no, you see, because I have a "never going to happen" at noon. 187 00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:31,265 -Let me finish my lunch! -Of course. 188 00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:33,136 I just need to make sure it's safe. 189 00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:35,654 -What are you ta_ What? Gurgs, it's_ 190 00:09:35,655 --> 00:09:39,621 -Mm-kay. Now, we're going to wait 20 minutes to see if the poison kicks in. 191 00:09:39,622 --> 00:09:42,842 -Are you_ Screw this. I've got three Toblerone in my desk. 192 00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:44,620 -I'm going to my office. -Oh, not by yourself, 193 00:09:44,622 --> 00:09:46,417 -you're not! -Oh, Gurgs. 194 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,943 -Carol, what'd I tell you? 195 00:09:52,113 --> 00:09:54,505 -This is a really big step in our relationship. 196 00:09:54,506 --> 00:09:57,900 I'm so honored that you wanted me to come meet your dentist. 197 00:09:57,901 --> 00:09:59,873 -About that... 198 00:09:59,875 --> 00:10:02,992 -Be with you in a sec. Just finishing up with a patient. 199 00:10:02,993 --> 00:10:06,169 It's a redhead, so the painkillers didn't take. 200 00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:08,563 -Wait a minute. You brought me to Gabby's office? 201 00:10:08,564 --> 00:10:11,044 I thought you were going to talk to Neil about asking her out. 202 00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:15,004 -I was, but then I tried to picture Neil asking her out, and I just couldn't do it. 203 00:10:15,005 --> 00:10:19,052 It's shocking, the amount of scenarios that end up with his head stuck in a honeypot. 204 00:10:19,053 --> 00:10:21,097 -Come on, it's not that hard to picture. 205 00:10:21,098 --> 00:10:23,186 He just walks up to her and -- Oh, wow! 206 00:10:23,187 --> 00:10:26,450 How'd his head get in there so fast? 207 00:10:26,451 --> 00:10:28,583 -So, now, our only shot is to get Gabby to ask himout. 208 00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:30,835 And, since you two are practically the same person, 209 00:10:30,837 --> 00:10:33,196 I figured you'dknow how to talk youinto it. 210 00:10:33,502 --> 00:10:35,764 -We don't have to do this. Neil can ask her out. 211 00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:38,506 Let me picture it one more time. I see them on a beach. 212 00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:40,160 Not a honeypot in sight. 213 00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:41,640 Neil walks up to her, and... 214 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,207 Oh, there it is, right on his head again. 215 00:10:44,208 --> 00:10:47,108 -Sorry, ladies. The redhead is really fighting me. 216 00:10:47,110 --> 00:10:49,914 Got to bring out the big guns. 217 00:10:54,262 --> 00:10:56,916 -Where you going? -To the men's room. 218 00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:58,469 Is that still allowed? 219 00:10:58,471 --> 00:11:01,082 -I'll let you know. -Ah_ 220 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:12,018 -Yeah, there's someone in there and he's real confused and angry right now. 221 00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:16,762 -That's funny, because there's somebody really confused and angry out here! 222 00:11:16,763 --> 00:11:18,863 -I understand it's been an adjustment. 223 00:11:18,865 --> 00:11:21,867 And that's why I have a gift to make up for it. 224 00:11:21,869 --> 00:11:23,333 -What? 225 00:11:23,334 --> 00:11:25,248 -It's a new watch. 226 00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:28,251 It goes around your ankle, it doesn't tell time, 227 00:11:28,253 --> 00:11:31,255 and it's not a watch. 228 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,256 Well, don't be rude. Try it on! 229 00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:38,174 -No, listen, nobody is trying to poison my food or ambush me in the men's room. 230 00:11:38,175 --> 00:11:39,893 And you know what else? 231 00:11:39,895 --> 00:11:43,963 My newspaper, it doesn't have to be childproofed. 232 00:11:43,964 --> 00:11:46,431 When is this going to end? 233 00:11:46,433 --> 00:11:49,305 -When my debt to you is paid. 234 00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:51,689 -Got it. 235 00:11:51,691 --> 00:11:54,606 Who wants to throw a drink in my face? 236 00:11:55,105 --> 00:11:57,454 Preferably someone with acting experience. 237 00:11:57,455 --> 00:11:58,927 -[English accent] I went to Juilliard. 238 00:11:58,929 --> 00:12:01,284 -So did I. 239 00:12:01,285 --> 00:12:03,769 -Kenny, you did not go to Juilliard. 240 00:12:03,771 --> 00:12:07,209 -Oh, I went to Julie's yard. 241 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:11,294 And I'm not supposed to. That's why I'm here. 242 00:12:11,295 --> 00:12:12,643 -Alright, the part is yours. 243 00:12:12,644 --> 00:12:15,777 Hey, this is the easiest job you'll ever book, so, don't get used to it. 244 00:12:15,778 --> 00:12:17,126 Learn a practical skill, alright? 245 00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:19,921 Like typing or... shoveling. 246 00:12:19,923 --> 00:12:21,244 Let him out. 247 00:12:21,246 --> 00:12:22,837 -Shoveling? 248 00:12:22,839 --> 00:12:26,190 That's what I was doing in Julie's yard! 249 00:12:28,378 --> 00:12:30,139 -I mean, what are the odds? 250 00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:33,316 I just met you yesterday and now you're my patient! 251 00:12:33,883 --> 00:12:35,144 -We got to come clean, Gab. 252 00:12:35,145 --> 00:12:40,106 This visit wasn't totally coinci-dental. [Laughter] 253 00:12:40,107 --> 00:12:43,109 -Oh, my God. I love that. 254 00:12:44,198 --> 00:12:47,635 -We made the appointment after Neil told us how amazing you are. 255 00:12:47,636 --> 00:12:49,506 -Aww, he is so sweet. 256 00:12:49,507 --> 00:12:51,247 I wish I knew him better in high school, 257 00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:55,469 but back then, my life revolved around my ex Steve and being goth together. 258 00:12:55,470 --> 00:12:57,616 You know how it goes. 259 00:12:57,686 --> 00:13:00,775 -My fiancé, Rand, and I were goth, too! 260 00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:02,781 Actually, we did adult stage managing, 261 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:06,088 but we were mistaken for goth, but it was a fun mistake. 262 00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:07,524 -Steve and I were stage managers. 263 00:13:07,525 --> 00:13:09,004 We met during our school's production 264 00:13:09,005 --> 00:13:12,834 of "A Christmas Carol," so, every year, he'd get us tickets for our anniversary. 265 00:13:12,835 --> 00:13:16,142 -Kind of became our thing. -Rand and I have a thing like that, too. 266 00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:18,361 We met at a Train concert and, every year, 267 00:13:18,362 --> 00:13:20,612 that's what we do on our anniversary. 268 00:13:20,614 --> 00:13:23,627 Wow, this is like listening to a mirror. 269 00:13:23,628 --> 00:13:26,704 -Except your relationship hasn't ended in a messy divorce 270 00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:29,969 and a Pomeranian who blames himself. 271 00:13:30,505 --> 00:13:31,592 -Right, no. 272 00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:36,203 Rand and I are veryhappy and our pet pig is extremely positive. 273 00:13:36,205 --> 00:13:38,467 Honestly, it's kind of toxic. 274 00:13:38,635 --> 00:13:40,278 [Muffled] Who cares? 275 00:13:40,279 --> 00:13:42,413 -Just talk about the other thing. -What? 276 00:13:42,415 --> 00:13:45,258 She said, "Who cares? Talk about the other thing." 277 00:13:45,694 --> 00:13:49,436 -Oh, right, okay. I was just wondering, though. I-It sounds like you and Rand_ 278 00:13:49,437 --> 00:13:51,830 Sorry, you and Steve... were very cute together. 279 00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:54,061 -What happened? -I don't know. 280 00:13:54,063 --> 00:13:57,400 One day, I realized all that cute stuff we had was all we had. 281 00:13:57,401 --> 00:14:01,535 Then I didn't find it that cute anymore. I mean, "A Christmas Carol" sucks. 282 00:14:01,536 --> 00:14:05,432 It's not romantic. Only a couple scenes are sexy. 283 00:14:05,743 --> 00:14:09,833 But, yeah, we kind of just... drifted apart. 284 00:14:11,241 --> 00:14:14,085 -[Muffled] Enough of this! Neil has a crush on you! 285 00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:17,594 -Wait, really, Neil has a crush on me? 286 00:14:17,595 --> 00:14:20,336 -Yes! And he's too shy to ask you out, so, 287 00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:22,338 you need to be the one to make the first move. 288 00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:24,601 -Oh, wow! 289 00:14:24,602 --> 00:14:26,342 Huh! 290 00:14:26,343 --> 00:14:28,693 -We'll give it a couple days and, if this doesn't work out, 291 00:14:28,695 --> 00:14:31,044 we take the Pomeranian. 292 00:14:33,263 --> 00:14:37,092 -Okay, so, uh, when Gurgs comes in, you yell at me, 293 00:14:37,093 --> 00:14:39,128 and then --here, take -- 294 00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:41,422 And then you act like you're going to throw this drink at me 295 00:14:41,439 --> 00:14:42,927 and then let her stop you. 296 00:14:42,929 --> 00:14:45,318 -I don't feel like my character would have a drink. 297 00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:47,146 -Your character is a guy who wanted his bail paid. 298 00:14:47,147 --> 00:14:49,626 -Right, and you did that, so why am I throwing a drink at you? 299 00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:52,313 I just --I-I'm having a hard time finding my... 300 00:14:52,315 --> 00:14:55,023 My motivation. Uh... 301 00:14:55,677 --> 00:14:58,314 Alright, fine, um... Oh! 302 00:14:58,315 --> 00:15:00,121 -I stole your girlfriend. -Oh 303 00:15:00,123 --> 00:15:03,466 -Oh. What's hername? -Oh, for God's sakes, man! I_ 304 00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:05,120 -Her name is Penelope! -Oh. 305 00:15:05,121 --> 00:15:09,192 -She and I met in a cooking class where she was learning to make your favorite dessert... 306 00:15:09,194 --> 00:15:11,523 Brioche bread pudding with pecan ice cream. 307 00:15:11,525 --> 00:15:14,477 But now, she can't even stand to eat dessert 308 00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:17,115 because the taste of sweet caramel reduction 309 00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:19,091 just turns bitter in her mouth. 310 00:15:19,092 --> 00:15:20,708 -And then so_ -And, yes, 311 00:15:20,710 --> 00:15:22,789 you have unresolved issues with your father. 312 00:15:22,791 --> 00:15:25,010 -Places. -Great, yeah. 313 00:15:26,969 --> 00:15:29,275 -I got to tell ya; Gabby is a wizard. 314 00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:31,451 My teeth have never felt stronger. 315 00:15:31,452 --> 00:15:34,628 I bit a chicken leg in half earlier. 316 00:15:34,629 --> 00:15:38,023 -Oh, sorry, I was still thinking about her divorce. 317 00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:41,548 I mean, one minute, everything's okay, and then, suddenly, you're sick 318 00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:44,322 of all the things that you used to love? 319 00:15:44,324 --> 00:15:47,822 -I mean, that won't happen to me and Rand, right? -Well, to be fair, 320 00:15:47,824 --> 00:15:49,841 "A Christmas Carol" was always going to get old. 321 00:15:49,843 --> 00:15:51,925 It's just a bunch of socialist ghosts trying 322 00:15:51,927 --> 00:15:55,016 to stop a decent man from running a small business. 323 00:15:55,693 --> 00:15:57,129 -Hey, have y'all seen Dan? 324 00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:59,479 I was guarding him in the men's room and he gave me the slip. 325 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:01,046 I opened the stall and all I found were 326 00:16:01,047 --> 00:16:04,832 a pair of pants wrapped around some mannequin legs. 327 00:16:04,833 --> 00:16:06,225 -Ooh, look! There's Gabby! 328 00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:08,813 -Oh. -And they're talking. 329 00:16:08,815 --> 00:16:12,978 -Do you think she's asking him out? -Nah, they're talking about the weather. 330 00:16:13,015 --> 00:16:16,017 I majored in lip reading at_ 331 00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:20,195 I said, "SUNY Binghamton." You'd know that, if you took the class. 332 00:16:21,609 --> 00:16:23,024 -Is she touching his arm? 333 00:16:23,025 --> 00:16:24,983 -Oh? -Is this really happening? 334 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,666 -Oh! She just asked him to dinner. 335 00:16:27,668 --> 00:16:29,494 Or for a skimmer. 336 00:16:29,496 --> 00:16:32,846 She must have a pool! Okay, dentist! 337 00:16:33,949 --> 00:16:35,456 -Did he say no? 338 00:16:35,458 --> 00:16:37,212 Wh-Why would he do that? 339 00:16:37,213 --> 00:16:39,519 -Hey, Fielding! I've got something for you! 340 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,042 -Oh, no, no! What is that?! 341 00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:41,956 -[Sighs] 342 00:16:41,957 --> 00:16:43,586 Forgiveness. 343 00:16:43,588 --> 00:16:46,176 And now my story truly begins. 344 00:16:46,178 --> 00:16:49,877 -Well, no, no, shouldn't it begin with you throwing a drink at me? 345 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:51,444 Actors! 346 00:16:56,798 --> 00:16:58,146 -Hey. 347 00:16:58,147 --> 00:17:01,323 Saw you talking to Gabby before. What was that about? 348 00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:05,761 -She asked if I wanted to get dinner, but I have plans; So_ 349 00:17:05,762 --> 00:17:09,462 -Neil, there's a conversation that I've been trying to avoid. 350 00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:12,290 [Sighs] I should've done it sooner. 351 00:17:12,335 --> 00:17:15,945 -I know you have feelings for me. -Do not! 352 00:17:15,946 --> 00:17:18,427 Unless you have feelings for me. 353 00:17:18,428 --> 00:17:22,475 -Neil, I have a fiancé, and you know that. 354 00:17:22,476 --> 00:17:26,695 Just like you knew that Gabby had a boyfriend back in high school. 355 00:17:26,696 --> 00:17:29,830 Do you think it's possible that you fall for unavailable women 356 00:17:29,831 --> 00:17:33,032 so you have an excuse, if it doesn't work out? 357 00:17:33,034 --> 00:17:36,793 -That would explain why I had a crush on Mrs. Brady. 358 00:17:36,794 --> 00:17:39,900 You could tell she was unhappy, but she was never going to leave Mike. 359 00:17:39,902 --> 00:17:41,450 They were a bunch. 360 00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:44,371 -If you keep doing the same thing, 361 00:17:44,373 --> 00:17:48,028 one day you're going to wake up and realize that it's too late. 362 00:17:48,030 --> 00:17:51,025 So, you need to decide what you really want. 363 00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:55,355 I think there's someone out there that's worth taking the risk on. 364 00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:59,077 -You're right; I'm going to ask Gabby out. 365 00:17:59,469 --> 00:18:02,180 You think I should tell her I still remember her locker combination? 366 00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:04,357 -I wouldn't lead with that. 367 00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:07,922 Uh, excuse me, sir? 368 00:18:07,923 --> 00:18:10,740 I'm going to need you to step six feet away from this man. 369 00:18:10,741 --> 00:18:14,270 -I'm going to need you to step six feet away. 370 00:18:14,272 --> 00:18:16,622 -Well, I said it first! 371 00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:20,533 -Gurgs, Gurgs, it's fine. He's with me. 372 00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:22,491 Look, it's very hard for me to say what I need to say. 373 00:18:22,492 --> 00:18:24,972 That's why I'm going to make him do it. 374 00:18:25,118 --> 00:18:26,940 -I'm protecting him... 375 00:18:26,942 --> 00:18:28,856 from you. 376 00:18:29,847 --> 00:18:32,328 -Is this true? 377 00:18:33,242 --> 00:18:35,287 -It is. 378 00:18:35,853 --> 00:18:37,767 -Gurgs, it's... it's much better this way. 379 00:18:37,768 --> 00:18:41,858 Look, you can relax [Scoffs] and I can stop buying mannequin legs online. 380 00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:44,862 That's a very disturbing community. 381 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:50,302 -Well, as much as this hurts, the important thing is you're safe. 382 00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:52,347 Take good care of him. 383 00:18:52,348 --> 00:18:54,292 He likes it when you taste his food. 384 00:18:54,294 --> 00:18:56,644 -I don't. 385 00:18:57,265 --> 00:18:58,346 -Hey, Neil, 386 00:18:58,348 --> 00:19:01,165 I just got a text from Gabby. She said she had a great time on your date. 387 00:19:01,167 --> 00:19:03,267 -Well, I'm not one to kiss and tell, 388 00:19:03,268 --> 00:19:05,534 but we didn't kiss, so I can tell you everything. 389 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:10,409 -I would like to thank whomever it was that kept me out of whatever this is. 390 00:19:10,668 --> 00:19:13,284 -I'm so happy for you. -I'm so happy, too! 391 00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:15,821 I don't know what to do with all this emotion! 392 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:18,240 I just want to hug all of you. [Laughs] 393 00:19:18,242 --> 00:19:20,176 Dan? 394 00:19:21,595 --> 00:19:25,989 -[Echoing] No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o... 395 00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:28,035 [Mop clatters] 396 00:19:28,036 --> 00:19:29,515 ...o-o-o-o! 397 00:19:29,516 --> 00:19:31,430 -Ooh! 398 00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:36,634 Wow! 399 00:19:36,635 --> 00:19:38,350 Someone really wanted a hug. 400 00:19:38,829 --> 00:19:42,637 -Gurgs. Gurgs, you took a hug for me! 401 00:19:42,639 --> 00:19:46,947 You were there when I_ When I needed you the most! 402 00:19:47,650 --> 00:19:49,694 You're fired. 403 00:19:51,015 --> 00:19:53,974 -My debt to you has been paid. -Ah! 404 00:19:53,975 --> 00:19:56,281 -Looks like you won't be needing this Dan tracker anymore. 405 00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:58,326 -Wha--um, oh, uh, that. 406 00:19:58,327 --> 00:20:02,330 I, um, I put it in a piece of bread and threw it at a seagull. 407 00:20:02,723 --> 00:20:06,566 I was wondering how you got to Montauk so fast. [Laughs] 408 00:20:09,598 --> 00:20:11,859 -Well, mission accomplished. 409 00:20:11,861 --> 00:20:14,793 Neil is someone else's problem now. 410 00:20:15,431 --> 00:20:16,953 Wait, why don't you look happy? 411 00:20:16,954 --> 00:20:19,347 -All this just has me thinking about me and Rand. 412 00:20:19,456 --> 00:20:22,344 -Oh, you're getting into a whole thing. 413 00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:26,572 -Wondering what Gabby's story means for my relationship. 414 00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:29,749 I love all the cute stuff that Rand and I have, but, 415 00:20:29,750 --> 00:20:34,098 do I want every anniversary present to be based on "Drops of Jupiter," 416 00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:38,321 or that every trip we take has to be somewhere you can get to by train? 417 00:20:38,715 --> 00:20:42,961 It might be nice to go somewhere exotic, like Hawaii 418 00:20:42,963 --> 00:20:45,460 or Staten Island. 419 00:20:46,027 --> 00:20:49,801 -Well, the... the good news is he's still upstate, so, 420 00:20:49,803 --> 00:20:53,283 you've got the time and the space to figure it out. 421 00:20:53,469 --> 00:20:55,731 By yourself. 422 00:20:55,732 --> 00:20:58,307 Maybe with a journal or a notebook 423 00:20:58,309 --> 00:21:01,345 or something else that doesn't involve me. 424 00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:04,653 -♪ Now that she's back in the atmosphere ♪ 425 00:21:04,654 --> 00:21:06,916 ♪ With drops of Jupiter in her hair ♪ 426 00:21:06,917 --> 00:21:10,355 -Why does it sound like my prom outside? 427 00:21:10,356 --> 00:21:13,923 -Because Rand is on the sidewalk with a Bluetooth speaker. 428 00:21:13,924 --> 00:21:14,957 ♫ 429 00:21:14,959 --> 00:21:16,922 ♫ Guess he took the train. 430 00:21:16,923 --> 00:21:17,745 ♫ 431 00:21:17,747 --> 00:21:20,287 ♫ -And I thought jazz was bad. 432 00:21:20,289 --> 00:21:21,521 ♫ ---oOo--- 433 00:21:21,522 --> 00:21:23,522 ---oOo---