1 00:00:02,524 --> 00:00:04,221 -City of New York vs. John Ott. 2 00:00:04,265 --> 00:00:06,658 Mr. Ott is charged with drunk and disorderly conduct. 3 00:00:06,702 --> 00:00:08,443 -Your Honor, the defendant entered the Broadway-themed 4 00:00:08,486 --> 00:00:09,922 drag show, jumped on stage, 5 00:00:09,966 --> 00:00:11,489 removed his clothes, and then made off 6 00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:14,275 with Josephine's Technicolor Dreamcoat. 7 00:00:14,318 --> 00:00:16,581 -Your Honor, this behavior is not typical for my client. 8 00:00:16,625 --> 00:00:18,888 He had a few too many Sondheim Slings 9 00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:21,282 while celebrating the conclusion of a tech project 10 00:00:21,325 --> 00:00:22,761 that was years in the making. 11 00:00:22,805 --> 00:00:25,025 As far as the "wardrobe" malfunction, 12 00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:26,417 many said that the nudity 13 00:00:26,461 --> 00:00:29,290 was tasteful and integral to the plot. 14 00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:31,161 Case dismissed. 15 00:00:31,205 --> 00:00:32,945 -The defense has a character witness, Your Honor. 16 00:00:32,989 --> 00:00:34,860 Brock Gallivan. -Okay, um, Mr. Gallivan, 17 00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:36,819 can you please approach the bench? 18 00:00:36,862 --> 00:00:39,082 I understand that you two work together? 19 00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,041 -Uh, John's a coder for my app, Your Honor. 20 00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:42,781 An app that's gonna completely change the way 21 00:00:42,825 --> 00:00:44,435 that we fall in love. 22 00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:46,916 You see, everyone wants to find that special someone, 23 00:00:46,959 --> 00:00:50,267 but dating apps make the process tedious and superficial. 24 00:00:50,311 --> 00:00:51,529 But what if it wasn't? 25 00:00:53,314 --> 00:00:55,620 -I'm sorry, is this the defense? 26 00:00:55,664 --> 00:00:58,275 -Only if it's working. 27 00:00:58,319 --> 00:00:59,929 -Introducing arranged marriage, 28 00:00:59,972 --> 00:01:02,975 but without the vowels, so "Rrngdmrrg." 29 00:01:03,019 --> 00:01:06,283 My algorithm pairs you with exactly one person -- 30 00:01:06,327 --> 00:01:08,068 your perfect match. 31 00:01:08,111 --> 00:01:10,113 I will now answer any questions. 32 00:01:10,157 --> 00:01:13,203 -No, no, no. That's not how this works. 33 00:01:13,247 --> 00:01:15,510 Gurgs? -Sure. I'll start us off. 34 00:01:15,553 --> 00:01:17,381 Are you subscription based 35 00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:20,384 or will you draw income from advertising? 36 00:01:20,428 --> 00:01:22,430 What, y'all don't watch "Shark Tank?" 37 00:01:23,561 --> 00:01:24,562 -Order! 38 00:01:24,606 --> 00:01:25,955 This is a real court, 39 00:01:25,998 --> 00:01:28,218 no matter what Yelp says. 40 00:01:28,262 --> 00:01:30,090 -Speaking of which, if you're satisfied with your defense, 41 00:01:30,133 --> 00:01:31,917 I could use a five-star review. 42 00:01:33,136 --> 00:01:40,578 ♪♪ 43 00:01:40,622 --> 00:01:48,108 ♪♪ 44 00:01:48,151 --> 00:01:50,066 -Could you believe that guy? 45 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,982 Using this court as a targeted Instagram ad. 46 00:01:53,025 --> 00:01:56,158 No, I don't want your portable, battery-operated banana peeler. 47 00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:00,511 Because I already bought two. 48 00:02:00,555 --> 00:02:03,297 -Yeah. There's no way his algorithm works. 49 00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:05,603 If the Internet can't help me find pictures of shirtless 50 00:02:05,647 --> 00:02:07,388 Mandy Patinkin with an armful of baby chicks, 51 00:02:07,431 --> 00:02:08,911 how's it going to help me find love? 52 00:02:08,954 --> 00:02:11,131 That app sounds dumb. 53 00:02:11,174 --> 00:02:12,523 -Dumb is good. 54 00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:14,482 Dumber the idea, the richer it will make you. 55 00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:16,266 Why throw away garbage when I can auction it off 56 00:02:16,310 --> 00:02:18,225 to lonely people? 57 00:02:18,268 --> 00:02:19,356 That's eBay. 58 00:02:21,532 --> 00:02:22,838 -Don't tell me you're actually 59 00:02:22,881 --> 00:02:24,318 buying whatever that guy is selling. 60 00:02:24,361 --> 00:02:26,189 -Let me tell you a story about another guy 61 00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:29,061 came through here in a hoodie on a traffic violation. 62 00:02:29,105 --> 00:02:30,541 He asked me, "Hey, do you want to get in 63 00:02:30,585 --> 00:02:32,630 on the ground floor of my website?" 64 00:02:32,674 --> 00:02:34,284 I look at him and I say, 65 00:02:34,328 --> 00:02:35,546 "Hey, you know the fastest way to the ground floor?" 66 00:02:35,590 --> 00:02:37,200 And then I open a window. 67 00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:41,770 Huge laugh. 68 00:02:41,813 --> 00:02:43,163 That laugh cost me a billion dollars, 69 00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:44,728 because that hoodie was wrapped 70 00:02:44,773 --> 00:02:50,126 around the haunted visage of one Mark Zuckerberg. 71 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,172 -What would you have done with a billion dollars? 72 00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:53,521 -I would find another planet 73 00:02:53,564 --> 00:02:55,436 that was able to support human life, 74 00:02:55,478 --> 00:02:58,439 and I would ship everybody who isn't me there. 75 00:03:00,484 --> 00:03:02,747 -I'm sorry you missed out on Facebook, Dan, 76 00:03:02,791 --> 00:03:05,881 but like an annoyed tour guide in San Francisco once told me, 77 00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:08,275 "Not every guy in a hoodie is Mark Zuckerberg." 78 00:03:10,407 --> 00:03:12,496 -If you're interested in investing, 79 00:03:12,540 --> 00:03:16,935 you should get in on my latest venture -- Instachair. 80 00:03:16,978 --> 00:03:19,895 It's Uber but for chairs. 81 00:03:19,938 --> 00:03:21,418 This app puts money in your pockets 82 00:03:21,462 --> 00:03:25,204 by putting butts in your seats. 83 00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:26,728 Well, it's in beta now, 84 00:03:26,771 --> 00:03:29,165 but there's still plenty of equity to go around. 85 00:03:30,384 --> 00:03:31,863 -I-If you're renting out chairs, 86 00:03:31,907 --> 00:03:34,126 couldn't you call it ChairBNB? 87 00:03:34,170 --> 00:03:35,563 -[ Laughs ] 88 00:03:35,606 --> 00:03:37,347 Like I didn't already think of that. 89 00:03:37,391 --> 00:03:40,002 I did not. That's a good name. 90 00:03:40,045 --> 00:03:42,222 -Oh, um, hi. Excuse me. 91 00:03:42,265 --> 00:03:45,616 -Yeah, I Instachaired your seat and made 38 cents. 92 00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:48,053 Cha-ching! 93 00:03:48,097 --> 00:03:50,926 -Couldn't it be "chair-ching"? [ Chuckles ] 94 00:03:50,969 --> 00:03:53,668 -We get it. You're good at names. 95 00:03:53,711 --> 00:03:55,670 ♪♪ 96 00:03:55,713 --> 00:03:57,585 -I think Brock's app is broken. 97 00:03:57,628 --> 00:03:59,587 I'm trying to prove that me and Abby belong together, 98 00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:02,807 but it keeps telling me to just get a cat. 99 00:04:02,851 --> 00:04:04,940 -You think that app is going to tell you Abby's your soulmate, 100 00:04:04,983 --> 00:04:06,463 even though she's engaged, your boss, 101 00:04:06,507 --> 00:04:09,292 and doesn't have a profile on the app? 102 00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:11,860 -So you're saying -- -No, don't make her a profile. 103 00:04:11,903 --> 00:04:14,341 You know what, this is mine now. 104 00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:18,867 -Exciting news. 105 00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:21,303 I finally found the future Mr. Olivia Moore. 106 00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:25,656 -Fine, but I'm keeping my middle name. 107 00:04:26,918 --> 00:04:30,008 I just have to remember what it is. 108 00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:31,271 -No. 109 00:04:33,664 --> 00:04:35,318 Brock, the tech douche. 110 00:04:35,362 --> 00:04:36,754 I Googled him -- tell me this isn't 111 00:04:36,798 --> 00:04:38,930 the sexiest thing you have ever seen. 112 00:04:38,974 --> 00:04:42,020 -A LinkedIn profile? -Look at the résumé. 113 00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:44,327 The blind ambition, the complete lack of interests, 114 00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:46,286 and the best part is he's not a lawyer, 115 00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:47,678 so the only place we'll have to be competitive 116 00:04:47,722 --> 00:04:49,245 is in the bedroom. 117 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,594 And if he thinks he can steal the covers from me, 118 00:04:50,638 --> 00:04:52,204 he's dreaming. 119 00:04:52,248 --> 00:04:55,512 And the second he is, those covers are all mine. 120 00:04:55,556 --> 00:04:57,166 -Marilyn! 121 00:04:57,209 --> 00:04:58,167 I remember. 122 00:04:58,210 --> 00:04:59,995 My middle name is Marilyn. 123 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:05,566 -Okay, Rand, move your head a little closer, and -- 124 00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:07,785 yep, that's it. -Hello. 125 00:05:07,829 --> 00:05:09,396 How do I look? -Uh, well, 126 00:05:09,439 --> 00:05:11,876 it's a lot of brown, so kind of like a UPS driver, 127 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:13,182 but how about me? 128 00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:15,184 -Well, I got you on my Batman standee. 129 00:05:15,227 --> 00:05:16,403 I'm not gonna lie... 130 00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:19,449 it's really working for me. 131 00:05:19,493 --> 00:05:21,321 Makes sense. You both look great in black. 132 00:05:21,364 --> 00:05:22,887 You both fight crime at night. 133 00:05:22,931 --> 00:05:25,455 And neither of you trust penguins. 134 00:05:25,499 --> 00:05:27,718 So, how are things going in the ol' court du noir? 135 00:05:27,762 --> 00:05:30,591 -Eh, just reviewing some materials from this trial 136 00:05:30,634 --> 00:05:33,028 I had today with these app guys. -Oh! 137 00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:34,682 You should tell them about my app idea. 138 00:05:34,725 --> 00:05:36,336 It tells you the perfect jam 139 00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:39,643 to put on whatever bread you're eating. 140 00:05:39,687 --> 00:05:40,905 -Huh, that's weird. 141 00:05:40,949 --> 00:05:42,820 This guy who was in here pitching his app 142 00:05:42,864 --> 00:05:46,650 was once convicted of fraud for ripping off his investors. 143 00:05:46,694 --> 00:05:49,261 Oh, my God! I wasn't supposed to see that. 144 00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:51,046 These records are sealed. 145 00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:52,308 -W-We can fix this. 146 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:53,657 I can be there in four hours. 147 00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:56,181 Five. I'm gonna get lost. 148 00:05:56,225 --> 00:05:57,748 Then we can go on the run. 149 00:05:57,792 --> 00:05:59,228 You know I've always wanted to dye my hair 150 00:05:59,271 --> 00:06:01,578 in a gas station bathroom with you. 151 00:06:01,622 --> 00:06:03,188 -It's not that big a deal. 152 00:06:03,232 --> 00:06:04,842 I-I'm technically allowed to see it. 153 00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:06,409 I just can't tell anyone. 154 00:06:06,453 --> 00:06:08,585 Oh, hey, Dan, I just need a minute. 155 00:06:08,629 --> 00:06:09,934 I'm Zooming with Rand. -Alright, good, 156 00:06:09,978 --> 00:06:11,371 so you're not doing anything important. 157 00:06:11,414 --> 00:06:13,242 Now -- -Is that Dan? 158 00:06:13,285 --> 00:06:15,026 Dan! What's up, man -- 159 00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:17,332 -Look. 160 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:18,769 I talked to Brock and he's open to investors, 161 00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:20,771 but it's a $50,000 minimum, 162 00:06:20,815 --> 00:06:23,557 so I'm assembling an elite group of investors. 163 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,559 I may not be a "whale," 164 00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:27,212 but I know how to tie a bunch of fish together. 165 00:06:27,256 --> 00:06:28,649 Meeting, cafeteria, 10 minutes. 166 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,393 -Did you hear that? 167 00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:34,655 -You have to tell him not to do that. 168 00:06:34,698 --> 00:06:36,265 -I know, but I'm legally not allowed 169 00:06:36,308 --> 00:06:38,746 to share anything I've seen in this sealed file. 170 00:06:38,789 --> 00:06:41,488 -Babe, you got to tell him not to try and tie fish together. 171 00:06:41,531 --> 00:06:44,099 Think about it. They're far too slippery. 172 00:06:44,142 --> 00:06:45,448 ♪♪ 173 00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:51,933 -And that's why I'm bringing you this opportunity 174 00:06:51,976 --> 00:06:54,718 to join the Fielding Group. 175 00:06:54,762 --> 00:06:57,895 I mean, 'cause what's the point of being fabulously wealthy 176 00:06:57,939 --> 00:06:59,680 unless you can share it with the people 177 00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:02,509 who are physically near you and in possession of $10,000? 178 00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:05,642 -Oh, good luck. 179 00:07:05,686 --> 00:07:07,818 There's all the people I care about. 180 00:07:07,862 --> 00:07:10,299 Hey, do you guys want to see a fun video 181 00:07:10,342 --> 00:07:13,389 of a dog doing a puzzle? 182 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,260 It's nuts. He starts in the middle. 183 00:07:17,306 --> 00:07:18,960 -I'm trying to change lives here. 184 00:07:19,003 --> 00:07:20,440 -No one wants to hear 185 00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:22,442 about your crazy risky financial endeavor. 186 00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:23,965 -It's not risky! 187 00:07:24,008 --> 00:07:26,794 Brock's app is the future of... 188 00:07:26,837 --> 00:07:28,752 I want to say finding a gas station. 189 00:07:30,275 --> 00:07:32,103 -That's not even what it does. 190 00:07:32,147 --> 00:07:34,366 -Who cares? 191 00:07:34,409 --> 00:07:35,629 You're not investing in the product, 192 00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:37,457 you're investing in the man. 193 00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:39,154 Yeah, look. 194 00:07:39,197 --> 00:07:42,592 Nobody had even tasted Colonel Sanders' spicy thighs, 195 00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:45,552 and they'd be just throwing money at him. 196 00:07:45,595 --> 00:07:47,858 All they knew was that he was a twisted war vet 197 00:07:47,902 --> 00:07:53,429 with an insatiable desire to murder chickens. 198 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,736 -We know even less about Brock. 199 00:07:55,779 --> 00:07:58,565 I mean, what if he doesn't recycle, huh? 200 00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:02,917 I mean, picture a dolphin with a six-pack ring around his nose. 201 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,528 Brock did that. 202 00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:07,008 -Well, we know he's good enough to be one half 203 00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:08,400 of the next great power couple. 204 00:08:08,444 --> 00:08:10,098 -Have you two even had a conversation? 205 00:08:10,141 --> 00:08:11,839 -No. 206 00:08:11,882 --> 00:08:13,144 We also haven't written each other letters by candlelight 207 00:08:13,188 --> 00:08:14,189 from the front lines of the Civil War. 208 00:08:14,232 --> 00:08:16,844 What's your point, grandpa? 209 00:08:16,887 --> 00:08:18,541 -Alright, so, Olivia's in. 210 00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:20,543 Neil, I take it you'll do what everybody else does. 211 00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:23,503 -I have a mind of my own. -So Neil's in. 212 00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:24,808 -Come on, you guys don't need Brock. 213 00:08:24,852 --> 00:08:26,375 I mean, especially you, Gurgs. 214 00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:28,159 You have all your own ideas. -Whoa, whoa, whoa. 215 00:08:28,203 --> 00:08:29,639 With the money she makes from this app, 216 00:08:29,683 --> 00:08:31,554 you can invest in your own amazing app, 217 00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:35,384 which I want to say finds gas stations. 218 00:08:35,427 --> 00:08:38,299 -ChairBNB rents chairs. 219 00:08:38,342 --> 00:08:39,780 That's right, I changed the name, 220 00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:42,870 and by being present for the thing I just said, 221 00:08:42,913 --> 00:08:46,700 you forfeit all rights to the name and cannot sue me, 222 00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:49,833 ChairBNB LLC, its parent company GurgsCo, 223 00:08:49,877 --> 00:08:53,271 or any of its subsidiaries therein. 224 00:08:55,796 --> 00:08:58,059 -So, Abby, your last chance to join the Fielding Group. 225 00:08:58,102 --> 00:09:01,062 -Absolutely not, and -- and I'm gonna tell you why. 226 00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:02,063 Uh... 227 00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:03,412 Because money, right? 228 00:09:03,455 --> 00:09:05,632 I mean, who needs it? Who needs it? 229 00:09:05,675 --> 00:09:07,024 That's right. I said it. 230 00:09:07,068 --> 00:09:10,811 I mean, all that risk and for what? 231 00:09:10,854 --> 00:09:12,552 This -- This jerk paper? 232 00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:15,467 I mean, we spend so much time and energy 233 00:09:15,511 --> 00:09:17,034 trying to get this stuff. 234 00:09:17,078 --> 00:09:18,819 It's insanity. 235 00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:23,650 I'm gonna leave that there for you all to consider 236 00:09:23,693 --> 00:09:25,129 as I go get some tape, 237 00:09:25,173 --> 00:09:27,262 because destroying money is a federal offense. 238 00:09:27,305 --> 00:09:30,221 ♪♪ 239 00:09:30,265 --> 00:09:32,484 -Alright, what the hell's going on? 240 00:09:32,528 --> 00:09:34,008 I haven't seen you this worked up 241 00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:36,576 since they pulled the Shamrock Shake early. 242 00:09:36,619 --> 00:09:38,882 -It should be all of March! 243 00:09:38,926 --> 00:09:41,189 [ Sighs ] You just have to trust me. 244 00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:43,321 Investing in Brock's app is a bad idea. 245 00:09:43,365 --> 00:09:44,540 I can't say anything else about it. 246 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,411 -Well, luckily you don't have to, 247 00:09:46,455 --> 00:09:48,196 because I'm a master at reading people, 248 00:09:48,239 --> 00:09:51,852 and you're a master at having absolutely no poker face. 249 00:09:51,895 --> 00:09:53,114 -I have a poker face. 250 00:09:53,157 --> 00:09:55,420 I just haven't showed it to you yet. 251 00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:58,075 -Alright, then. Have a seat. 252 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,603 Now, I am going to ask you a series of questions. 253 00:10:03,646 --> 00:10:06,606 All you need to do is respond "no." 254 00:10:06,649 --> 00:10:07,694 Do you understand? 255 00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:10,087 -No. -Perfect. 256 00:10:10,131 --> 00:10:12,089 Now we can start. 257 00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:14,222 Is this about Brock? -No. 258 00:10:14,265 --> 00:10:15,615 -Oh! That's a big yes. 259 00:10:15,658 --> 00:10:18,748 Make me work a little bit here. 260 00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:20,881 Is he a criminal? -No. 261 00:10:20,924 --> 00:10:23,405 -A-ha. What kind of criminal is he? 262 00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:25,712 Are we talking theft? -No. 263 00:10:25,755 --> 00:10:26,800 -Fraud? -No. 264 00:10:26,843 --> 00:10:28,105 -Drugs? -No. 265 00:10:28,149 --> 00:10:31,108 -How did you hear about the fraud? 266 00:10:31,152 --> 00:10:32,675 Did the police tell you? -No. 267 00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:36,157 -So, you accidentally read it in a sealed file. 268 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:38,376 -How did you do that? 269 00:10:38,420 --> 00:10:42,119 -I'm going to need a "no" from you. 270 00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:44,339 -No. -Perfect. 271 00:10:44,382 --> 00:10:46,602 I have everything I need. This was fun. 272 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:47,690 We should have more conversations 273 00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:50,345 where I do all the talking. 274 00:10:50,388 --> 00:10:53,348 -Look, I filed a motion to have Brock's record unsealed, 275 00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:55,393 which will take forever, but now that you know, 276 00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:58,005 you can tell everyone before they throw their money away. 277 00:10:58,048 --> 00:10:59,180 -No. 278 00:10:59,223 --> 00:11:01,269 -I can't read your "no's." 279 00:11:01,312 --> 00:11:04,359 Is that a real "no." -It's a sealed file. 280 00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:06,753 It would be illegal for me to tell them. 281 00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:09,581 Besides, I already RSVP'd to the investor party. 282 00:11:09,625 --> 00:11:13,411 Attire wasn't specified, so I'm assuming "Mountain Dew casual." 283 00:11:13,455 --> 00:11:15,587 -Wait, you're still going to invest, 284 00:11:15,631 --> 00:11:17,241 even though you know the guy ripped people off? 285 00:11:17,285 --> 00:11:19,635 -Hey, you know what? It's worth the risk for me. 286 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,506 You don't get a whole lot of billion-dollar ideas 287 00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:23,030 coming through here, you know. 288 00:11:23,073 --> 00:11:24,118 -But you're not just risking your own money. 289 00:11:24,161 --> 00:11:25,423 You're risking everyone else's. 290 00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:27,034 You're being selfish. -Oh, am I? 291 00:11:27,077 --> 00:11:29,384 Or maybe I'm being selfless, 292 00:11:29,427 --> 00:11:31,691 thinking that Brock may have changed, 293 00:11:31,734 --> 00:11:33,736 that he deserves a second chance, 294 00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:37,000 and all the other nonsense that you talk about. 295 00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:39,394 -You don't believe the nonsense I talk about. 296 00:11:39,437 --> 00:11:40,525 -No. No, I don't. 297 00:11:40,569 --> 00:11:43,006 But I do believe that one day, 298 00:11:43,050 --> 00:11:47,228 I could be so rich that I will never die. 299 00:11:48,490 --> 00:11:49,970 ♪♪ 300 00:11:52,059 --> 00:11:56,280 ♪♪ 301 00:11:56,324 --> 00:11:58,152 -I want you to be on your best behavior. 302 00:11:58,195 --> 00:12:00,328 When you're in this room with all these investors, 303 00:12:00,371 --> 00:12:02,199 you're representing the Fielding Group. 304 00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:04,898 -Is that a slide? 305 00:12:04,941 --> 00:12:07,988 -That's actually the best case scenario with him. 306 00:12:08,031 --> 00:12:10,642 -I have to go introduce myself to Brock. 307 00:12:10,686 --> 00:12:13,210 I'll be co-hosting this party soon. 308 00:12:13,254 --> 00:12:14,646 Hey! Use a coaster. 309 00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:16,344 This isn't a zoo. 310 00:12:19,434 --> 00:12:22,350 -Alright, Dan, time to make some money. 311 00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:24,613 -Why are you dressed like a mime? 312 00:12:24,656 --> 00:12:26,397 -Because I'm thinking... 313 00:12:26,441 --> 00:12:28,965 outside the box. 314 00:12:29,009 --> 00:12:31,359 'Cause I'm not just here to invest in Brock's ideas. 315 00:12:31,402 --> 00:12:32,752 I'm pitching my own. 316 00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:33,970 Now, if you'll excuse me, 317 00:12:34,014 --> 00:12:36,320 I'm going to attract some whales. 318 00:12:39,802 --> 00:12:41,151 -Uh, buddy, do me a favor. 319 00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:44,111 Mash a bunch of these up into one real hamburger. 320 00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:49,856 Oh. I thought I might see you here tonight. 321 00:12:49,899 --> 00:12:51,988 -Is it because you just saw me in the lobby 322 00:12:52,032 --> 00:12:54,512 and wouldn't hold the elevator? -Listen, if you're here to try 323 00:12:54,556 --> 00:12:55,731 to talk me out of this, forget it. 324 00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,472 It's not gonna work. -Not at all. 325 00:12:57,515 --> 00:12:58,560 I'm just here to introduce 326 00:12:58,603 --> 00:12:59,996 everyone to my new friend Esther. 327 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,042 She was a victim of Brock's first app scam, 328 00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:03,608 and while I can't talk about it, 329 00:13:03,652 --> 00:13:05,306 she's free to say anything she wants. 330 00:13:05,349 --> 00:13:06,873 -Well, it's gonna take more than that to scare 331 00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:09,789 off the big minds of the Fielding Group. 332 00:13:09,832 --> 00:13:10,964 -Guys, help! 333 00:13:11,007 --> 00:13:13,227 I'm stuck in the slide! 334 00:13:13,270 --> 00:13:15,229 -Just pick up your feet, man! 335 00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:20,495 -Wow. That is an interesting question. 336 00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:23,324 Where do I see myself a year from now? 337 00:13:23,367 --> 00:13:24,847 -I'm sorry, are you talking to me? 338 00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:26,936 -Well, I guess I'd have to say that I see us 339 00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:30,244 starting out own charitable foundation in both of our names. 340 00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:34,161 It'll be something to do with, oh, I don't know, schools. 341 00:13:34,204 --> 00:13:35,727 -You know, I think I see my friend at the top of the slide. 342 00:13:35,771 --> 00:13:37,164 I should -- I should probably go say hi. 343 00:13:37,207 --> 00:13:38,600 -Oh, tell him to be careful. 344 00:13:38,643 --> 00:13:40,863 I saw a cool guy get stuck up there earlier. 345 00:13:40,907 --> 00:13:42,299 -Yeah. It's a trap! 346 00:13:43,735 --> 00:13:45,302 -Oh. 347 00:13:45,346 --> 00:13:46,869 Admiral Ackbar. 348 00:13:46,913 --> 00:13:49,132 I'm sorry, I almost didn't recognize you. 349 00:13:49,176 --> 00:13:50,830 You know what? Why don't I grab us a couple 350 00:13:50,873 --> 00:13:52,179 blue milks from the ol' Cantina? 351 00:13:52,222 --> 00:13:53,789 What do you say? 352 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,486 -You read my mind. 353 00:13:55,530 --> 00:13:57,010 -I'm a Jedi after all. 354 00:13:57,053 --> 00:13:58,533 -Oh! 355 00:13:58,576 --> 00:14:01,405 -[ Laughs ] 356 00:14:01,449 --> 00:14:03,799 What the hell is he talking about? 357 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,106 -Those are "Star Wars" references. 358 00:14:06,149 --> 00:14:08,978 -"Star Wars." -He's a nerd. 359 00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:10,806 Tech guys were indoor kids. 360 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,896 And Endor kids. 361 00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:15,550 That's another "Star Wars" reference. 362 00:14:15,593 --> 00:14:17,030 -But he'll laugh at that? -Mm-hmm. 363 00:14:17,073 --> 00:14:18,509 -Give me more. 364 00:14:18,553 --> 00:14:20,772 Tell me all about the Star Battles, Fraggle Rocks. 365 00:14:20,816 --> 00:14:21,861 If it contributed to your virginity, 366 00:14:21,904 --> 00:14:23,166 I want to know about it. 367 00:14:24,124 --> 00:14:26,604 ♪♪ 368 00:14:26,648 --> 00:14:29,042 -Let me tell you about ChairBNB. 369 00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:31,218 You see this empty chair? I don't. 370 00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:33,437 I see your new Tesla. 371 00:14:33,481 --> 00:14:35,657 I see your second wife. 372 00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:38,529 I see you with a bunch of antique dolls. 373 00:14:38,573 --> 00:14:41,184 Wait, why is that your thing? 374 00:14:41,228 --> 00:14:44,013 -I got to tell you, Gurgs, you have the right idea, 375 00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:46,711 investing in yourself, because you know yourself. 376 00:14:46,755 --> 00:14:48,713 There's no secret past. -That's right. 377 00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:50,802 Whatever I was doing between the years 2004 378 00:14:50,846 --> 00:14:52,282 and 2006 are perfectly normal 379 00:14:52,326 --> 00:14:55,372 and I wouldn't waste your time looking into it. 380 00:14:55,415 --> 00:14:56,852 -Good to know. 381 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,549 Anyway, there's someone I really want you to meet 382 00:14:58,593 --> 00:15:00,682 who has a really interesting investment story. 383 00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:03,163 She should be here any min-- 384 00:15:03,206 --> 00:15:05,643 Dan. -You don't expect me to believe 385 00:15:05,687 --> 00:15:08,733 that I'm the first person to call you "Esther the Investor"? 386 00:15:08,777 --> 00:15:11,084 I -- -Esther, there you are. 387 00:15:11,127 --> 00:15:12,607 And I see you've met Dan. 388 00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:14,174 -I was just telling my friend Esther here 389 00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:16,219 that she can't dwell on the past. 390 00:15:16,263 --> 00:15:17,917 That's where the cavemen live. 391 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:21,616 She has to live in the future, where the spaceships are. 392 00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:23,487 -And from everything Dan's saying, 393 00:15:23,531 --> 00:15:27,622 it sounds like Brock's new app is a rocket ride to Money Town. 394 00:15:27,665 --> 00:15:29,537 -Wait, you're really gonna write a check to a guy 395 00:15:29,580 --> 00:15:31,017 who totally scammed you? 396 00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:34,107 -Dan said lightning never strikes twice. 397 00:15:34,150 --> 00:15:35,325 Except for me. 398 00:15:35,369 --> 00:15:37,632 I've been struck dozens of times. 399 00:15:37,675 --> 00:15:39,764 -All I want to say is welcome to the team, 400 00:15:39,808 --> 00:15:41,070 and I wouldn't feel bad 401 00:15:41,114 --> 00:15:42,202 about getting that loan from your sister. 402 00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:43,203 I mean, come on, we know that kid 403 00:15:43,246 --> 00:15:44,334 is never gonna get into college. 404 00:15:44,378 --> 00:15:46,771 [ Both chuckle ] 405 00:15:49,687 --> 00:15:51,863 -Alright, everyone, I know my party is the coolest, 406 00:15:51,907 --> 00:15:53,953 but please try and give us your full attention. 407 00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:55,128 -"Do or do not. 408 00:15:55,171 --> 00:15:57,608 There is no try." 409 00:15:57,652 --> 00:15:59,523 "Star Wars" dialogue. 410 00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:03,571 -Okay, investors, who's ready to live long and profit? 411 00:16:03,614 --> 00:16:06,226 [ Cheering ] 412 00:16:06,269 --> 00:16:08,663 [ Cellphone chimes ] 413 00:16:08,706 --> 00:16:10,447 -The Clerk's Office -- they -- they unsealed Brock's file. 414 00:16:10,491 --> 00:16:11,840 I'm legally allowed to tell anyone. 415 00:16:11,883 --> 00:16:13,668 -Don't. Alright, look, I'll -- 416 00:16:13,711 --> 00:16:15,539 I'll give you a seat on the board. 417 00:16:15,583 --> 00:16:17,193 You can become VP of snacks. 418 00:16:17,237 --> 00:16:20,414 That means you're in charge of all the snacks. 419 00:16:20,457 --> 00:16:22,198 Fruit is not a snack. 420 00:16:22,242 --> 00:16:24,157 -Why do you keep fighting me on this? 421 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,028 -Because opportunities like this have passed me 422 00:16:26,072 --> 00:16:27,334 by my entire life. 423 00:16:27,377 --> 00:16:28,988 I just want this to be different. 424 00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:30,511 -You can't keep them in the dark. 425 00:16:30,554 --> 00:16:31,555 They deserve to know... [ Glass clinking ] 426 00:16:31,599 --> 00:16:32,861 ...that Brock's a fraud! 427 00:16:37,648 --> 00:16:39,085 -The opinions expressed do not reflect 428 00:16:39,128 --> 00:16:40,782 those of the Fielding Group. 429 00:16:40,825 --> 00:16:43,045 ♪♪ 430 00:16:45,395 --> 00:16:46,788 -For the record, I don't 431 00:16:46,831 --> 00:16:48,746 usually like to make a scene at parties. 432 00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:51,314 Unless it's a crime scene at a murder mystery dinner party. 433 00:16:51,358 --> 00:16:52,924 That's just being a good host. 434 00:16:54,883 --> 00:16:57,668 Look, I just don't want my friends to lose their money, 435 00:16:57,712 --> 00:17:01,977 so I'm sorry, Brock, but I had to let them know the truth. 436 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,979 -It's true. 437 00:17:04,022 --> 00:17:07,765 Years ago, I committed fraud, and I hurt a lot of people. 438 00:17:07,809 --> 00:17:09,680 It was the biggest mistake of my life, 439 00:17:09,723 --> 00:17:12,204 and I once had dreadlocks. 440 00:17:12,248 --> 00:17:14,729 That's why some of the people that are here tonight 441 00:17:14,771 --> 00:17:16,905 are the very people that I scammed. 442 00:17:16,948 --> 00:17:19,733 And tonight, I'm giving them a piece of this company 443 00:17:19,777 --> 00:17:21,953 free of charge in the hopes that they'll forgive me. 444 00:17:21,997 --> 00:17:23,172 -Oh. 445 00:17:25,740 --> 00:17:27,611 -You are? -Well, except for Esther, 446 00:17:27,655 --> 00:17:29,396 who is in violation of a restraining order. 447 00:17:29,439 --> 00:17:30,745 Who brought her here, by the way? 448 00:17:30,788 --> 00:17:33,182 -The lightning fixed me! -Hey! Back off! 449 00:17:33,226 --> 00:17:34,879 -So... [ Chuckles ] 450 00:17:34,923 --> 00:17:37,795 ...the important thing is you all have the information, 451 00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:40,537 and if you're looking for another investor, 452 00:17:40,581 --> 00:17:43,105 I happen to have a little money I got from a settlement 453 00:17:43,149 --> 00:17:45,064 after being kicked by a local celebrity horse -- 454 00:17:45,107 --> 00:17:47,457 -Please leave. -Okay. 455 00:17:47,501 --> 00:17:49,459 -And your friends, too. You guys are all out. 456 00:17:49,503 --> 00:17:51,853 -But not me, right? [ Chuckles ] 457 00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:53,898 I thought we were Luke and Leia. 458 00:17:53,942 --> 00:17:56,292 -They're brother and sister. -What? 459 00:17:56,336 --> 00:17:57,685 Does their dad know? 460 00:18:06,433 --> 00:18:09,653 -Been a rough couple of minutes, hasn't it? 461 00:18:09,697 --> 00:18:11,568 I'm not sure you quite understand 462 00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:13,962 what the Fielding Group can do for you. 463 00:18:14,005 --> 00:18:17,792 We have access to a lot of legal, how should I say, 464 00:18:17,835 --> 00:18:19,446 resources, 465 00:18:19,489 --> 00:18:23,928 and a-an evidence room with a broken lock. 466 00:18:23,972 --> 00:18:26,148 Alright, fine. We don't even want your money. 467 00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:27,802 We'll just leave. Wait, wait, I'm sorry. 468 00:18:27,845 --> 00:18:30,021 Did I hear somebody say, "Stop. Please don't leave?" 469 00:18:30,065 --> 00:18:31,545 Did -- Did you? No, you didn't. 470 00:18:31,588 --> 00:18:33,286 Fine. We'll just leave. 471 00:18:33,329 --> 00:18:37,899 We don't even want your -- I already said that. 472 00:18:37,942 --> 00:18:39,292 We'll just leave! Leave. 473 00:18:39,335 --> 00:18:40,728 We'll just leave! Leave. 474 00:18:46,081 --> 00:18:47,648 Thunderstorms in the forecast. 475 00:18:49,737 --> 00:18:53,306 ♪♪ 476 00:18:53,349 --> 00:18:54,611 -So... 477 00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:56,352 have you forgiven me yet? 478 00:18:56,396 --> 00:18:58,398 -No. 479 00:18:58,441 --> 00:19:01,009 -Aw, that was a yes. 480 00:19:01,052 --> 00:19:02,184 I'm getting good at this. 481 00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:05,927 -So you lost me a few bucks. 482 00:19:05,970 --> 00:19:07,842 I've lost money before. 483 00:19:07,885 --> 00:19:10,366 And not just by hilariously insulting doe-eyed 484 00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:12,368 megalomaniacs. 485 00:19:12,412 --> 00:19:15,545 There're also been scams and shifty accountants 486 00:19:15,589 --> 00:19:16,894 and the occasional guy who calls 487 00:19:16,938 --> 00:19:19,027 and says he's me from the future. 488 00:19:20,855 --> 00:19:22,509 But this was different. 489 00:19:22,552 --> 00:19:25,642 First time it happened because someone cared about me. 490 00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:28,254 -Dan, I'm gonna care about you 491 00:19:28,297 --> 00:19:31,082 all the way to the poor house. 492 00:19:31,126 --> 00:19:33,084 -I still don't know what the app did. 493 00:19:33,128 --> 00:19:36,087 If it's not for gas stations, who's it for? 494 00:19:37,524 --> 00:19:39,047 -Did you guys hear about Brock? 495 00:19:39,090 --> 00:19:40,831 Zuckerberg bought his app for two billion. 496 00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:46,489 -That's a lot of jerk paper. -Yeah. 497 00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:49,057 Sorry you missed out on being part of a power couple. 498 00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:51,407 -Eh. I still have a shot. 499 00:19:51,451 --> 00:19:52,974 I used the app, and it matched me with a man 500 00:19:53,017 --> 00:19:55,411 who does a spot-on Austin Powers. 501 00:19:55,455 --> 00:19:57,326 Maybe one day, I'll get to be... 502 00:19:57,370 --> 00:19:59,894 [as Borat] his wife. 503 00:19:59,937 --> 00:20:01,112 -Oh, that's not Austin Pow-- 504 00:20:01,156 --> 00:20:02,375 -Oh, you're all nerds. 505 00:20:05,073 --> 00:20:06,640 Is he gonna be alright? -Yeah. 506 00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:08,294 Yeah. We had a nice talk. 507 00:20:08,337 --> 00:20:09,556 He's in a really good place. -Oh. 508 00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:13,255 [ Glass shattering ] 509 00:20:17,738 --> 00:20:22,003 ♪♪ 510 00:20:22,046 --> 00:20:23,570 -Oh. 511 00:20:23,613 --> 00:20:25,224 You sitting in your chair? 512 00:20:28,314 --> 00:20:29,793 Oh. [ Chuckles ] Don't worry. 513 00:20:29,837 --> 00:20:31,882 There's a similar chair seven minutes away. 514 00:20:33,841 --> 00:20:35,973 -Hey, Gurgs, I think I figured out a way 515 00:20:36,017 --> 00:20:37,584 to make it up to all of you. 516 00:20:37,627 --> 00:20:38,933 Knicks tickets. -You're treating us 517 00:20:38,976 --> 00:20:40,804 to a Knicks game? -Oh, no. 518 00:20:40,848 --> 00:20:42,458 I-I'm gonna go to the game. 519 00:20:42,502 --> 00:20:44,808 Well, technically, a bunch of games. 520 00:20:44,852 --> 00:20:46,157 Here's the plan. 521 00:20:46,201 --> 00:20:47,289 I'm gonna perfect a dance 522 00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:49,117 that gets me on the Jumbotron. 523 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,511 Based on that, I'm gonna be picked for the half-court shot 524 00:20:51,554 --> 00:20:53,382 for a million dollars. 525 00:20:53,426 --> 00:20:55,819 And the next part, that's gonna require a little bit of luck. 526 00:20:55,863 --> 00:20:59,301 -Judge, it's really okay. -Well, tell that to Neil. 527 00:20:59,345 --> 00:21:01,738 He can't even look at me. -Neil's not mad at you. 528 00:21:01,782 --> 00:21:03,740 He can't look at you 'cause he's in love with you. 529 00:21:03,784 --> 00:21:05,655 -What? -What? 530 00:21:05,699 --> 00:21:06,874 -What? 531 00:21:08,092 --> 00:21:10,181 -I just got an alert. 532 00:21:10,225 --> 00:21:11,835 My chair is available. 533 00:21:14,185 --> 00:21:17,101 Oh, did she just find out that Neil's in love with her? 534 00:21:17,145 --> 00:21:20,540 ♪♪