1 00:00:01,218 --> 00:00:03,699 ♪♪ 2 00:00:03,742 --> 00:00:05,309 -First up, we have Mr. Turkel, 3 00:00:05,353 --> 00:00:07,616 who's accused of attempted robbery. 4 00:00:07,659 --> 00:00:10,053 -Your Honor, the security-camera footage 5 00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:12,273 clearly places the defendant at the scene of the crime. 6 00:00:12,316 --> 00:00:15,711 -So, grainy footage that could be either my client or Bigfoot? 7 00:00:17,582 --> 00:00:19,106 -Well, we don't even need the camera footage 8 00:00:19,149 --> 00:00:20,368 because we have an eyewitness. 9 00:00:20,411 --> 00:00:21,630 -Oh, sorry, Your Honor. 10 00:00:21,673 --> 00:00:23,240 The witness could've seen anyone. 11 00:00:23,284 --> 00:00:25,895 My client has an undeniable, everyman look. 12 00:00:25,938 --> 00:00:28,637 He could be mistaken for anyone in this gallery. 13 00:00:34,512 --> 00:00:36,906 -Counselor, is your defense just finding people 14 00:00:36,949 --> 00:00:38,081 who look like your client? 15 00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:39,300 -What? Do they? 16 00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:40,388 Oh! Yes! 17 00:00:40,431 --> 00:00:42,781 My God. 18 00:00:42,825 --> 00:00:44,435 They do. 19 00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:46,394 -Carmine, what are you doing here? 20 00:00:46,437 --> 00:00:49,962 -I got caught robbing this lady's store. 21 00:00:50,006 --> 00:00:51,529 -He's joking. The only thing my client 22 00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:55,751 is guilty of is possession of a razor-sharp wit. 23 00:00:55,794 --> 00:00:57,840 -The defendant just confessed. Can we have the stenographer 24 00:00:57,883 --> 00:00:59,189 read that back, please? 25 00:00:59,233 --> 00:01:01,365 -Oh, did you guys start? 26 00:01:01,409 --> 00:01:03,411 -Your Honor, I think we can wrap this up pretty quickly. 27 00:01:03,454 --> 00:01:05,543 Now, the prosecution is going to argue 28 00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:07,371 that the evidence is incontrovertible. 29 00:01:07,415 --> 00:01:09,243 And I will refute it, point by point, 30 00:01:09,286 --> 00:01:11,593 successfully showing that it's inadmissible. 31 00:01:11,636 --> 00:01:13,725 The bailiff is gonna drop her keys... 32 00:01:15,727 --> 00:01:17,860 -Witch! -...and since it is 33 00:01:17,902 --> 00:01:19,122 my client's first offense, 34 00:01:19,166 --> 00:01:20,689 you're obviously going to rule -- 35 00:01:20,732 --> 00:01:23,170 -Guilty. 36 00:01:23,213 --> 00:01:24,388 -Damn it! 37 00:01:24,432 --> 00:01:26,129 Fine. Fine, fine. 38 00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:29,741 Well, you got to admit, the key thing was pretty good. 39 00:01:29,785 --> 00:01:31,439 Especially the second time. 40 00:01:36,226 --> 00:01:43,799 ♪♪ 41 00:01:43,842 --> 00:01:51,372 ♪♪ 42 00:01:51,414 --> 00:01:53,330 -I don't understand this new judge. 43 00:01:53,374 --> 00:01:54,636 Work is over. 44 00:01:54,679 --> 00:01:55,941 Why does she want us to stick around? 45 00:01:55,985 --> 00:01:57,987 -Well, maybe she got us a present. 46 00:01:58,030 --> 00:01:59,206 Maybe we can wear it. 47 00:01:59,249 --> 00:02:00,859 Ooh! Or eat it. 48 00:02:00,903 --> 00:02:03,166 Maybe we can wear it, then eat it. 49 00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:06,430 Chocolate jackets. 50 00:02:06,474 --> 00:02:08,170 -You know, if I were you, I'd get used to this. 51 00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:10,434 I worked with Abby's father for a long time, 52 00:02:10,478 --> 00:02:13,785 and in addition to being an overenthusiastic judge, 53 00:02:13,829 --> 00:02:15,222 he was an amateur magician. 54 00:02:15,265 --> 00:02:17,702 His greatest trick was to make my free time 55 00:02:17,746 --> 00:02:19,356 outside of his courtroom... 56 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:22,838 [gasps] disappear. 57 00:02:22,881 --> 00:02:25,971 10 bucks says it's an inspirational speech. 58 00:02:26,015 --> 00:02:27,669 -Hey, everybody. 59 00:02:27,712 --> 00:02:31,194 I have presents for you all. 60 00:02:31,238 --> 00:02:33,501 But first, a speech. 61 00:02:36,939 --> 00:02:40,203 When my dad sat in that chair, he made every person 62 00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:42,336 who walked through those doors feel like they mattered, 63 00:02:42,379 --> 00:02:44,120 and that's just what I want to do. 64 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,688 That's why I went out and got us an awesome public defender. 65 00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:48,211 -When will they be getting here? 66 00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:50,300 -Oh, God. [ Laughs ] 67 00:02:52,041 --> 00:02:55,784 -And it was the inspiration behind this present. 68 00:02:55,827 --> 00:02:57,742 Water bottles with motivational quotes 69 00:02:57,786 --> 00:02:59,396 to get you through the day. 70 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:01,746 Night! -"Made in China." 71 00:03:01,790 --> 00:03:03,618 I do feel motivated. 72 00:03:03,661 --> 00:03:04,880 -I know there are problems here 73 00:03:04,923 --> 00:03:06,447 that water bottles can't solve -- 74 00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:08,057 the weird stain on the wall, 75 00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:09,711 the thriving bird colony 76 00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:12,583 that lives in the ceiling -- I've got a whole list. 77 00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:13,845 But there is nothing that can stop us 78 00:03:13,889 --> 00:03:15,238 from making this place better 79 00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:18,328 if we all work together as Nighthawks. 80 00:03:20,635 --> 00:03:23,072 -Oh, I'm not putting energy into making this place better. 81 00:03:23,115 --> 00:03:24,639 I'm trying to get out of here. 82 00:03:24,682 --> 00:03:25,988 This isn't a job, 83 00:03:26,031 --> 00:03:28,295 it's an escape room. 84 00:03:28,338 --> 00:03:29,818 -Come on. There's gotta be someone here 85 00:03:29,861 --> 00:03:32,037 who wants to make some big changes with me. 86 00:03:35,824 --> 00:03:37,434 Neil! 87 00:03:37,478 --> 00:03:40,002 Thank you for volunteering. 88 00:03:40,045 --> 00:03:42,265 I want you to pick anything you want to improve out 89 00:03:42,309 --> 00:03:44,006 this courtroom and go crazy. 90 00:03:44,049 --> 00:03:45,964 Take a cue from Nikolai, who's already hard at work 91 00:03:46,008 --> 00:03:47,618 getting rid of those pesky ceiling birds. 92 00:03:47,662 --> 00:03:49,359 -Oh, we don't have the budget to get rid of them. 93 00:03:49,403 --> 00:03:52,232 He's just throwing food up there to satisfy the alphas. 94 00:03:54,408 --> 00:03:57,019 Pepperoni's their favorite. 95 00:03:57,062 --> 00:03:58,325 -We're gonna fix that. 96 00:03:58,368 --> 00:03:59,587 'Cause we're the Nighthawks! 97 00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:01,328 Ca-caw! -Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh! 98 00:04:01,371 --> 00:04:03,068 Not while they're feeding. 99 00:04:06,115 --> 00:04:08,117 -Thanks. Hey, can I get your advice 100 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:09,292 on something, Gurgs? 101 00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:11,033 -I mean, I can tell it's a wig, 102 00:04:11,076 --> 00:04:12,904 but I don't think anyone else can. 103 00:04:14,906 --> 00:04:16,298 -Here's my problem -- 104 00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:18,301 I asked Dan to be our public defender because, 105 00:04:18,345 --> 00:04:20,216 based on the stories my dad told me, 106 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,436 I thought he had the potential to be really good at it. 107 00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:25,352 -[ Laughs ] 108 00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:26,701 You were wrong about that. 109 00:04:26,744 --> 00:04:28,398 Your daddy got you good. 110 00:04:30,531 --> 00:04:32,489 -I know. I just need a good 111 00:04:32,533 --> 00:04:34,491 defense attorney to make this work. 112 00:04:34,534 --> 00:04:36,145 I'm just worried if I push him too hard, 113 00:04:36,188 --> 00:04:38,539 he's gonna go back to his lonely existence. 114 00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:40,932 Just a man, a freezer of loose meat, 115 00:04:40,976 --> 00:04:44,327 and Target bag full of duck sauce. 116 00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:46,068 -Well, unless you can fit all that on a water bottle, 117 00:04:46,111 --> 00:04:48,113 you're gonna have to tell him to his bearded face. 118 00:04:48,157 --> 00:04:50,507 -Whose bearded face? 119 00:04:50,551 --> 00:04:51,987 -You're gonna figure this out. 120 00:04:52,030 --> 00:04:53,641 Just keep your wig on. 121 00:04:55,469 --> 00:04:56,818 -You wanted to see me? 122 00:04:56,861 --> 00:04:59,211 -Yes! Yeah. Thanks for stopping by. 123 00:04:59,255 --> 00:05:03,128 First off, gotta say, you are an amazing lawyer. 124 00:05:03,172 --> 00:05:04,434 It is truly an honor -- 125 00:05:04,478 --> 00:05:07,698 -What do you want? -Okay, um... 126 00:05:07,742 --> 00:05:09,091 Well, you know how sometimes 127 00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:10,571 when someone is doing some things -- 128 00:05:10,614 --> 00:05:13,574 -Faster. 129 00:05:13,617 --> 00:05:16,446 -You were a great prosecutor, and I just noticed 130 00:05:16,490 --> 00:05:17,795 that you might be hitting a rough patch 131 00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:19,362 now that you're on the other side, 132 00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:20,624 and I was wondering if you might need any help 133 00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:22,713 in the transition. -Not necessary. 134 00:05:22,757 --> 00:05:24,759 I'm only here temporarily until you find someone 135 00:05:24,802 --> 00:05:26,238 to fill in permanently. 136 00:05:26,282 --> 00:05:28,066 -Okay, okay, just hear me out. 137 00:05:28,110 --> 00:05:29,764 For a lot of people, coming through night court 138 00:05:29,807 --> 00:05:31,635 can be a major low point. 139 00:05:31,679 --> 00:05:34,072 And I just think if we show them some compassion, 140 00:05:34,116 --> 00:05:36,945 we have the opportunity to really turn their lives around. 141 00:05:36,988 --> 00:05:39,034 Who knows? One of your clients could be 142 00:05:39,077 --> 00:05:41,166 the next Bill Gates or Maya Angelou. 143 00:05:41,210 --> 00:05:43,386 -So, the guy busted for stealing menthol cigarettes 144 00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:46,998 and beef jerky could be the next Maya Angelou? 145 00:05:47,042 --> 00:05:48,826 -You don't know what Maya got up to. 146 00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:52,003 -Okay, just look. 147 00:05:52,047 --> 00:05:54,179 I am not here to be part of anybody's project. 148 00:05:54,223 --> 00:05:57,487 -Hold on! Hold on! You're not a project. 149 00:05:57,531 --> 00:06:00,751 I realize that you're doing me a favor, but... 150 00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:02,797 is there any way you could do that favor 151 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:07,758 slightly differently-ish? 152 00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:11,849 -So you want me to act more like a public defender. 153 00:06:11,893 --> 00:06:14,591 -Yes. -A sad, soup-eating, 154 00:06:14,635 --> 00:06:18,247 outer-borough-living public defender. 155 00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:20,423 If that's what you really want, I can do that. 156 00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:23,121 So you just get ready for more public defending than -- 157 00:06:23,165 --> 00:06:24,775 -Faster! 158 00:06:27,778 --> 00:06:29,171 Sounds better when you say it. 159 00:06:29,214 --> 00:06:32,522 -I was just waiting for you to realize that. 160 00:06:36,483 --> 00:06:39,747 -This is bone white, and this is ghost white. 161 00:06:39,790 --> 00:06:43,620 -That's not what ghosts look like in my neighborhood. 162 00:06:43,664 --> 00:06:45,970 -So, this is your big change? 163 00:06:46,014 --> 00:06:48,364 The boss gave you carte blanche to do anything you wanted, 164 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:49,452 and that's what you did? 165 00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:50,497 -Shows how much you know. 166 00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:52,281 This is carte blanche. 167 00:06:52,324 --> 00:06:53,761 -This opportunity is wasted on you. 168 00:06:53,804 --> 00:06:56,372 -It's not an opportunity, Olivia, it's a curse. 169 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,635 I come here so I can do nothing. 170 00:06:58,679 --> 00:07:02,073 And if you do nothing, you can't fail. 171 00:07:02,117 --> 00:07:04,467 -There are a million things you can change around here. 172 00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:05,816 Start with the stenographer. 173 00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:07,470 -I thought y'all were friends. 174 00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:09,472 She's telling everyone you're her emergency contact. 175 00:07:09,516 --> 00:07:10,995 -Oh, yeah, no, that's only 'cause her last 176 00:07:11,039 --> 00:07:14,608 three emergency contacts mysteriously disappeared. 177 00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:16,871 Wait. 178 00:07:16,914 --> 00:07:18,742 Should I be worried about that? 179 00:07:18,786 --> 00:07:21,266 -I would be. 180 00:07:21,310 --> 00:07:23,355 -You gotta keep a stenographer on your good side. 181 00:07:23,399 --> 00:07:24,748 Otherwise, they'll read back testimony 182 00:07:24,792 --> 00:07:26,402 with just a tinge of disdain. 183 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,143 It could cost you a case. 184 00:07:28,186 --> 00:07:31,363 But I'm just -- I'm so tired of keeping up this relentless -- 185 00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:33,191 Oh, hey, Maggie! Whoo! 186 00:07:33,235 --> 00:07:36,630 Those pants are on you, girl. 187 00:07:36,673 --> 00:07:39,850 -Is that what you think a friend sounds like? 188 00:07:39,894 --> 00:07:43,593 -Neil, I noticed the paper, and I love it. 189 00:07:43,637 --> 00:07:47,205 Want to see the first thing I printed? 190 00:07:47,249 --> 00:07:50,207 -Is that paper serious? 191 00:07:50,252 --> 00:07:52,254 -The paper was a home run. And you know what? 192 00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:55,518 Feel free, next time, take an even bigger swing. 193 00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:58,521 -Big Swing Neil. 194 00:07:58,565 --> 00:07:59,914 -Probably after we do the court stuff. 195 00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:01,089 -Yeah, right, the court stuff. 196 00:08:01,132 --> 00:08:03,004 Uh, okay. 197 00:08:03,047 --> 00:08:05,528 Uh, next up, we have... 198 00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:08,400 uh, the People vs., 199 00:08:08,444 --> 00:08:10,141 uh, that guy. 200 00:08:20,891 --> 00:08:23,720 -Mr. Buchwald is charged with indecent exposure 201 00:08:23,764 --> 00:08:26,070 while urinating on a Starbucks. 202 00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:29,552 -Your Honor, the facts of this case are not in dispute, 203 00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:35,078 but this man -- this beautiful human person man -- 204 00:08:35,123 --> 00:08:36,558 deserves better. 205 00:08:36,602 --> 00:08:37,778 If your loving father had died 206 00:08:37,821 --> 00:08:39,996 in the bean fields of Colombia, 207 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:41,956 you would hate coffee, too. 208 00:08:41,999 --> 00:08:43,914 You see a puddle of urine, 209 00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:50,486 I see a puddle of tears shed for the loss of a dear papa. 210 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,096 -Sir, is any of this true? 211 00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:54,272 -Please, Your Honor, don't make my client relive 212 00:08:54,316 --> 00:08:55,883 a painful experience that happened 213 00:08:55,926 --> 00:09:01,062 to millions of people -- and possibly him. 214 00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:02,585 -Mr. Fielding, what are you doing? 215 00:09:02,629 --> 00:09:04,892 -I'm doing exactly what you asked me to do. 216 00:09:04,935 --> 00:09:07,503 I'm acting like a public defender. 217 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,636 I'm feeling for my client. 218 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:13,814 And I have so many feelings. 219 00:09:13,857 --> 00:09:17,774 They're moving around [gasps] inside my body. 220 00:09:17,818 --> 00:09:19,994 -Counselor, please approach the bench. 221 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:26,653 I like the sweater. 222 00:09:26,696 --> 00:09:28,655 It really makes a statement, like, 223 00:09:28,698 --> 00:09:30,570 "I told the judge I was gonna do something 224 00:09:30,613 --> 00:09:34,574 but then did as close to nothing as possible." 225 00:09:34,617 --> 00:09:36,184 -This is not nothing. 226 00:09:36,227 --> 00:09:38,186 Uh, this is me showing that your idea of how 227 00:09:38,229 --> 00:09:41,015 I should defend these clients is no better than how I do it 228 00:09:41,058 --> 00:09:45,802 because, basically, [whispers] they're all guilty anyway. 229 00:09:45,846 --> 00:09:48,675 -Mr. Buchwald, I, um -- 230 00:09:48,718 --> 00:09:51,373 I notice this is your first run-in with the law. 231 00:09:51,415 --> 00:09:53,201 Also see here on your intake forms you misspelled 232 00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:54,594 a couple words. 233 00:09:54,637 --> 00:09:57,466 You transposed your vowels a few times. 234 00:09:57,509 --> 00:09:59,381 By any chance, are you dyslexic? 235 00:09:59,424 --> 00:10:01,644 -I am, Your Honor, but it's my understanding 236 00:10:01,688 --> 00:10:04,125 that's only a crime in Texas. 237 00:10:04,168 --> 00:10:06,344 -And does this condition make it difficult to, say, 238 00:10:06,388 --> 00:10:08,085 type in a bathroom security code? 239 00:10:08,129 --> 00:10:11,872 -Uh, objection -- the judge is doing his job. 240 00:10:11,915 --> 00:10:14,657 -Court finds in favor of defense on the basis of disability. 241 00:10:14,701 --> 00:10:16,528 Case dismissed. 242 00:10:16,572 --> 00:10:18,879 -Good catch. We make a great team, huh? 243 00:10:21,708 --> 00:10:23,623 Yeah, all right, fine, fine, fine, you made your point. 244 00:10:23,666 --> 00:10:25,712 Your -- Your approach could work, too. 245 00:10:25,755 --> 00:10:27,148 But, you know, I'm not that kind of lawyer. 246 00:10:27,191 --> 00:10:29,150 I deal with evidence and precedent, 247 00:10:29,193 --> 00:10:31,152 not feelings, emotions, 248 00:10:31,195 --> 00:10:35,765 and "Mommy didn't hug me enough so now I eat people." 249 00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:37,506 -See, you're giving up on yourself, 250 00:10:37,549 --> 00:10:40,509 which makes you the perfect person to represent people 251 00:10:40,552 --> 00:10:43,077 who are constantly given up on. 252 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:44,426 -Fine. 253 00:10:44,469 --> 00:10:45,906 Fine. All right, fine, fine. 254 00:10:45,949 --> 00:10:47,690 I will try. 255 00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:49,083 I will dig in. 256 00:10:49,126 --> 00:10:51,738 I will get to know my clients as people. 257 00:10:51,781 --> 00:10:56,351 Just like my water bottle says, "You Can D It." 258 00:10:56,394 --> 00:10:57,744 The "O" is already washed off. 259 00:10:57,787 --> 00:11:00,747 FYI, you can't get these wet. 260 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:07,231 -So, are we still on for this weekend? 261 00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:08,929 -This weeken-- This -- Can't. 262 00:11:08,972 --> 00:11:11,366 Ugh, got my cousin's baby shower. 263 00:11:11,409 --> 00:11:14,021 -No, you don't. On October 8th, 264 00:11:14,064 --> 00:11:15,762 I asked if you had anything planned this weekend, 265 00:11:15,805 --> 00:11:17,720 and you said it was your cousin's baby shower. 266 00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:20,114 But then, on the 12th, you said it moved to my birthday 267 00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:22,290 when I invited you to Medieval Times. 268 00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:27,643 So that means that this weekend, you are all mine. 269 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,819 Girls trip! 270 00:11:29,863 --> 00:11:33,083 Bus leaves at 5:00 a.m. 271 00:11:33,127 --> 00:11:35,825 -You have the memory of a serial killer. 272 00:11:35,869 --> 00:11:39,307 In a fun way. 273 00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:42,266 -Let us talk about you as a person, Howie. 274 00:11:42,310 --> 00:11:44,878 Now, we know that you've been dropping nets on your neighbors 275 00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:48,403 because you believe them to be "secret lizards." 276 00:11:48,446 --> 00:11:51,928 But I want to get to know the man behind the nets. 277 00:11:51,972 --> 00:11:53,800 So how did we get here? 278 00:11:53,843 --> 00:11:56,063 -I believe the Constitution guarantees me 279 00:11:56,106 --> 00:12:00,241 the right to a human attorney, not a bug-eating lizard lawyer. 280 00:12:01,590 --> 00:12:04,767 -[ Chuckles ] Okay. 281 00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:08,423 Were you attacked by a salamander when you were a kid? 282 00:12:08,466 --> 00:12:12,514 D-Did your dad leave your mom for a -- a gecko? 283 00:12:12,557 --> 00:12:17,519 Paint me the science-fiction country song that is your life. 284 00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:20,435 -Let me put this into words you'll understand. 285 00:12:20,478 --> 00:12:23,525 [ Hissing, growling ] 286 00:12:31,272 --> 00:12:32,882 -How am I supposed to get to know 287 00:12:32,926 --> 00:12:35,667 these people when they do stuff like that? 288 00:12:35,711 --> 00:12:38,235 -Don't take this the wrong way, but nobody likes you. 289 00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:40,890 You're too tall. 290 00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:42,544 You think you're better than everybody. 291 00:12:42,587 --> 00:12:44,807 You got a mean face. 292 00:12:44,851 --> 00:12:46,461 There it is. 293 00:12:46,504 --> 00:12:48,811 -Hold on a second. You talk to people. 294 00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:50,682 I mean, and they talk back to you. 295 00:12:50,726 --> 00:12:53,250 You could talk to them and report back to me. 296 00:12:53,294 --> 00:12:54,817 -What's in it for me? 297 00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:59,082 -Joy of getting to know your fellow human beings. 298 00:12:59,126 --> 00:13:01,345 20 bucks. -$50. 299 00:13:01,389 --> 00:13:04,087 Or I'll do it for free if you can tell me my name. 300 00:13:04,131 --> 00:13:06,873 -Mm, you are getting 50 bucks. 301 00:13:11,965 --> 00:13:13,444 -Goodnight, everybody. I brought some -- 302 00:13:13,488 --> 00:13:14,924 Oh. Ah. 303 00:13:14,968 --> 00:13:16,447 What's happening? 304 00:13:16,491 --> 00:13:19,755 -So, I took your advice and made some big moves. 305 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,409 I decided, why wait months for maintenance 306 00:13:21,452 --> 00:13:23,106 to paint over the water stain 307 00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:25,282 when Nikolai can do a beautiful mural of your favorite 308 00:13:25,326 --> 00:13:27,502 Supreme Court Justices in no time? 309 00:13:27,545 --> 00:13:29,286 -Nikolai's painting a mural? 310 00:13:29,330 --> 00:13:30,853 -Apparently, one of his paintings 311 00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:32,942 was almost in the Getty Museum. 312 00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:36,076 -Ah, and why are they all wearing baseball mitts? 313 00:13:36,119 --> 00:13:39,731 -I don't do hands. 314 00:13:39,775 --> 00:13:41,255 -And you hired a new stenographer? 315 00:13:41,298 --> 00:13:44,084 -Oh, that was my idea. 316 00:13:44,127 --> 00:13:45,389 This is Blaine. 317 00:13:45,433 --> 00:13:47,435 He types 250 words per minute, 318 00:13:47,478 --> 00:13:51,831 has his own friends, and he brought doughnuts. 319 00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:54,398 -So, any big swings on your end? 320 00:13:54,442 --> 00:13:55,486 -I brought doughnuts. 321 00:13:55,530 --> 00:13:58,402 -As good as Blaine's? 322 00:13:58,446 --> 00:14:00,883 -No. 323 00:14:00,927 --> 00:14:03,668 I gotta say, you really went for it with the changes. 324 00:14:03,712 --> 00:14:05,279 And maybe you should've run some of them by me, 325 00:14:05,322 --> 00:14:07,324 but I'm proud of you, Neil. 326 00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:09,718 Can you read that back, Blaine? 327 00:14:09,761 --> 00:14:10,719 -"I'm proud of you, Neil." 328 00:14:10,762 --> 00:14:12,112 -You didn't have to do that. 329 00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:14,984 -It felt like he needed it. 330 00:14:15,028 --> 00:14:16,551 -Where have you been?! 331 00:14:16,594 --> 00:14:18,683 -I needed a moment to organize my notes. Here. 332 00:14:18,727 --> 00:14:21,686 -What? -Okay, so, greens are bad news, 333 00:14:21,730 --> 00:14:23,645 yellows are good news. 334 00:14:23,688 --> 00:14:25,038 And for your convenience, 335 00:14:25,081 --> 00:14:27,040 I've arranged them in order of juiciness. 336 00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:30,043 -I was expecting a folder. 337 00:14:30,086 --> 00:14:32,480 What -- This is nonsense. 338 00:14:32,523 --> 00:14:33,915 -Counselor, everything okay? 339 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,092 -Yes, Your Honor, just organizing my, um, 340 00:14:36,136 --> 00:14:38,660 e-extensive research. 341 00:14:38,703 --> 00:14:40,792 "Eats paper." What does that even mean? 342 00:14:40,836 --> 00:14:43,970 -It's pretty self-explanatory. 343 00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:46,494 -I hate you. 344 00:14:46,537 --> 00:14:50,150 -Okay. Next case -- People vs. Dargis. 345 00:14:50,193 --> 00:14:52,587 -Mr. Fielding, are you prepared to defend your client? 346 00:14:52,630 --> 00:14:54,458 -Yes, Your Honor, so prepared. 347 00:14:54,502 --> 00:14:55,851 I know all about this man. 348 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,940 We just shared a meal. 349 00:14:57,984 --> 00:14:59,986 -Your Honor, Mr. Dargis is charged with 350 00:15:00,029 --> 00:15:02,118 disturbing the peace. He's accused of dropping nets 351 00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:05,469 on unsuspecting pedestrians while shouting, and I quote, 352 00:15:05,513 --> 00:15:08,864 "You ain't got not style, reptile." 353 00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:14,174 -Um, uh, Your Honor, before we get into who threw what on whom, 354 00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:18,091 I would like to talk about my client as a person. 355 00:15:18,134 --> 00:15:22,138 This man, he's, um -- um, he's... 356 00:15:22,182 --> 00:15:24,097 Two words. 357 00:15:24,140 --> 00:15:27,187 Um, he is not... 358 00:15:27,230 --> 00:15:29,667 gill... 359 00:15:29,711 --> 00:15:30,712 tea. 360 00:15:30,755 --> 00:15:31,713 Not guilty. 361 00:15:31,756 --> 00:15:34,194 How does that help? 362 00:15:34,237 --> 00:15:35,760 -What is going on? 363 00:15:35,804 --> 00:15:37,545 -Your Honor, he tried to talk to his clients, 364 00:15:37,588 --> 00:15:40,461 but he hated it so much, he paid me to do it for him. 365 00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:42,245 Sorry. I'm under oath. 366 00:15:42,289 --> 00:15:44,030 -Not under oath. 367 00:15:44,073 --> 00:15:46,336 -I asked you to do one thing -- your job -- 368 00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:48,425 and you couldn't even try? -You know what? 369 00:15:48,469 --> 00:15:50,558 If you don't like what I'm doing, just say so. 370 00:15:50,601 --> 00:15:52,473 I can leave. I don't need this. 371 00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:53,909 -Yeah, you do. 372 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,432 Otherwise, you're back on your sad couch 373 00:15:55,476 --> 00:15:58,044 with your freezer full of pity meat. 374 00:15:58,087 --> 00:15:59,480 -That was thank-you meat. 375 00:15:59,523 --> 00:16:01,961 -Yes! For helping people! 376 00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:03,614 I know you can do this. 377 00:16:03,658 --> 00:16:05,877 I don't know why you're fighting it. 378 00:16:05,921 --> 00:16:09,142 -I am not one of your improvement projects, 379 00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:12,841 which, by the way, none of them will make any difference here. 380 00:16:12,884 --> 00:16:14,799 -Oh, yeah? Our new stenographer 381 00:16:14,843 --> 00:16:16,279 is a huge improvement. 382 00:16:16,323 --> 00:16:17,889 Blaine is getting all of this. 383 00:16:17,933 --> 00:16:19,761 -Please leave me out of this. 384 00:16:19,804 --> 00:16:21,676 -Objection! -Ooh. 385 00:16:21,719 --> 00:16:24,026 Looks like one of your huge improvement projects 386 00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:27,203 just Johnny Walker-ed back in. 387 00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:28,726 -Maggie, Maggie, calm down. 388 00:16:28,770 --> 00:16:30,554 I know it seems like a bad day, but every -- 389 00:16:30,598 --> 00:16:32,339 -Shut up! -Okay. 390 00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:34,254 -I'm here for him. -She's the one you want. 391 00:16:34,297 --> 00:16:37,300 It was her idea to fire you. 392 00:16:37,344 --> 00:16:39,433 -I thought we would get to spend more time together. 393 00:16:39,476 --> 00:16:41,304 Mm-hmm. Yeah, no. Girls trip! 394 00:16:41,348 --> 00:16:42,305 Whoo! 395 00:16:42,349 --> 00:16:44,264 -That's a lie! -Yeah. 396 00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:46,570 -Did you mean anything that you said on October 12th 397 00:16:46,614 --> 00:16:48,050 at 5:47 p.m.? 398 00:16:48,094 --> 00:16:49,747 -Okay, that's enough. Let's go. 399 00:16:49,790 --> 00:16:51,053 Whoa! Look out! 400 00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:52,315 She got a -- 401 00:16:52,359 --> 00:16:53,621 water bottle. 402 00:16:53,664 --> 00:16:56,711 Maggie, come on. -Stop! No! 403 00:16:56,754 --> 00:16:59,322 -Ohh! -Ohh! 404 00:17:04,762 --> 00:17:07,287 [ Birds cooing ] 405 00:17:07,329 --> 00:17:10,594 -We destroyed their home, and now they're coming for ours! 406 00:17:10,637 --> 00:17:13,554 -If it makes you feel any better, your dad used to 407 00:17:13,597 --> 00:17:16,209 make birds appear in this courtroom all the time! 408 00:17:16,252 --> 00:17:17,906 I think I recognize one of them! 409 00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:25,782 -Weird day. 410 00:17:25,827 --> 00:17:27,436 Definitely not the weirdest. 411 00:17:27,481 --> 00:17:30,092 -A whole bird flew in my mouth. 412 00:17:30,136 --> 00:17:31,920 -Well, that's your fault for having a head 413 00:17:31,963 --> 00:17:33,487 that looks like a birdhouse. 414 00:17:33,530 --> 00:17:35,750 Beak to butt, that thing was in there. 415 00:17:37,230 --> 00:17:39,101 -You know, even though there's an argument to be made 416 00:17:39,145 --> 00:17:41,147 that this is all her fault, 417 00:17:41,190 --> 00:17:44,846 I can't help but feeling a little bad for Abby. 418 00:17:44,889 --> 00:17:46,978 But she's got to learn, as long as she's here, 419 00:17:47,022 --> 00:17:50,243 there are gonna be a lot of disappointments in her future. 420 00:17:50,286 --> 00:17:52,071 You know what? 421 00:17:52,114 --> 00:17:54,334 At least I'm helping her realize that by being her first, 422 00:17:54,377 --> 00:17:57,511 because whatever it is she thinks she sees in me, 423 00:17:57,554 --> 00:18:00,818 [laughs] not there. 424 00:18:00,862 --> 00:18:03,299 -I hear you, man. 425 00:18:03,343 --> 00:18:06,998 And I know a thing or two about seeing things that aren't there. 426 00:18:07,042 --> 00:18:09,740 There are days I feel like maybe my stepdad is right 427 00:18:09,784 --> 00:18:11,307 and I should just hang up my lizard nets 428 00:18:11,351 --> 00:18:13,309 and do sex stuff with hotties. 429 00:18:13,353 --> 00:18:16,182 But then I think, do I want my smoking-hot grandkids 430 00:18:16,225 --> 00:18:19,576 living in a world that's riddled with lizards? 431 00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:20,664 -Wait. 432 00:18:20,708 --> 00:18:22,492 Was that what I thought it was? 433 00:18:22,536 --> 00:18:25,234 -Yeah. A client just opened up to you. 434 00:18:25,278 --> 00:18:27,454 Y'all made a real connection! 435 00:18:27,497 --> 00:18:30,631 Like Neil and that bird. 436 00:18:30,674 --> 00:18:33,416 [ Knock on door ] 437 00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:36,332 -If that's your resignation, you could just leave it right there. 438 00:18:36,376 --> 00:18:38,247 This doesn't have to be awkward. 439 00:18:38,291 --> 00:18:39,857 Or maybe it does. I don't know. 440 00:18:39,901 --> 00:18:41,163 I've never gotten into a fight with an old friend 441 00:18:41,207 --> 00:18:42,512 of my father's in front of a room 442 00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:44,471 full of people during a pigeon storm. 443 00:18:46,821 --> 00:18:48,518 -This is Phil Clemens. 444 00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:52,305 He was arrested for performing non-consensual haircuts. 445 00:18:52,348 --> 00:18:54,742 But that was only because his niece has alopecia 446 00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:56,787 and he wanted to create a wig for her. 447 00:18:56,831 --> 00:18:58,354 He complimented your hair, by the way, 448 00:18:58,398 --> 00:19:01,792 so I'd keep my back to the wall if he's around. 449 00:19:01,836 --> 00:19:03,533 This is Rosa Rosenberg. 450 00:19:03,577 --> 00:19:06,232 She was arrested for carrying a concealed weapon, 451 00:19:06,275 --> 00:19:08,451 but it is a completely non-functional 452 00:19:08,495 --> 00:19:11,802 emotional-support gun. 453 00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:13,326 Reminds her of her father. 454 00:19:13,369 --> 00:19:15,110 His name was Colt. 455 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,764 He died at 45. 456 00:19:20,637 --> 00:19:22,813 -So you connected with your clients? 457 00:19:22,857 --> 00:19:24,815 -There's one more. 458 00:19:24,859 --> 00:19:26,252 This is Dan Fielding. 459 00:19:26,295 --> 00:19:27,992 He can be a bit of a prick, 460 00:19:28,036 --> 00:19:31,126 but he's smart enough to realize that having someone around 461 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:36,523 who can see the best in people is probably a good thing. 462 00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:39,569 We had that type here once before. 463 00:19:39,613 --> 00:19:41,223 And it seems, to him, 464 00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:44,705 that it's a good thing to try and help that person. 465 00:19:44,748 --> 00:19:49,318 It couldn't be the very, very worst way to spend his time. 466 00:19:52,495 --> 00:19:55,237 -♪ Dan, you'll be a great public defender ♪ 467 00:19:55,281 --> 00:19:57,805 ♪ You're gonna be here forever ♪ 468 00:19:57,848 --> 00:20:00,503 -Don't sing sentences. 469 00:20:00,547 --> 00:20:03,941 And I'm still just here temporarily. 470 00:20:03,985 --> 00:20:06,683 But now that I am the whole package, 471 00:20:06,727 --> 00:20:08,250 New York is gonna have to brace itself 472 00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:11,775 for the number of criminals I am gonna set free. 473 00:20:11,819 --> 00:20:15,866 -Not exactly what I had in mind but enough to cross "Fix Dan" 474 00:20:15,910 --> 00:20:16,954 off my list. 475 00:20:16,998 --> 00:20:18,478 -I knew I was on there! 476 00:20:18,521 --> 00:20:20,741 -You're on there like four more times. 477 00:20:24,875 --> 00:20:28,618 So, the Getty Museum Nikolai almost had his painting in 478 00:20:28,662 --> 00:20:30,272 wasn't the famous one in L.A., it was -- 479 00:20:30,316 --> 00:20:33,667 -It was The Estelle Getty Museum in Miami, Florida. 480 00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:38,411 Apparently, Nikolai learned American painting 481 00:20:38,454 --> 00:20:40,282 from watching "Golden Girls" reruns, 482 00:20:40,326 --> 00:20:42,415 and that's all he can paint. 483 00:20:44,417 --> 00:20:47,333 I might not be a big-swing guy. 484 00:20:48,508 --> 00:20:51,032 -I appreciate you trying. 485 00:20:51,075 --> 00:20:53,513 I know it probably doesn't feel like it right at this moment, 486 00:20:53,556 --> 00:20:56,298 but I really believe we're on the right track. 487 00:20:56,342 --> 00:20:57,821 People are starting to buy in. 488 00:20:57,865 --> 00:20:59,693 And at least you made one big improvement -- 489 00:20:59,736 --> 00:21:01,564 you got the birds out of the ceiling. 490 00:21:01,608 --> 00:21:02,696 They're finally gone. 491 00:21:02,739 --> 00:21:05,916 -They're not gone. 492 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:07,657 They're just waiting. 493 00:21:07,701 --> 00:21:10,965 But next time, I will be ready. 494 00:21:14,664 --> 00:21:16,187 -Hey, shouldn't he be cleaning this up? 495 00:21:16,231 --> 00:21:17,319 -Are you gonna tell him? 496 00:21:17,363 --> 00:21:20,279 -Nope. -Yeah.