1 00:00:01,305 --> 00:00:03,264 ♪♪ 2 00:00:03,307 --> 00:00:06,136 -Wow, that was a tricky clasp. -Thanks for the help. 3 00:00:06,180 --> 00:00:08,007 People are usually scared of me, for some reason. 4 00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:09,487 -Why, 'cause you have a few tattoos? 5 00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:11,489 What's so scary about a flaming skull? 6 00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:12,838 -That's my Nana. 7 00:00:12,882 --> 00:00:14,797 -Aw. I love her cheekbones. 8 00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:16,668 -I hope you're not in a rush to get to court. 9 00:00:16,712 --> 00:00:19,584 This could take awhile -- Arlo has more jewelry 10 00:00:19,628 --> 00:00:21,978 than a pawn shop after Valentine's Day. 11 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,327 -It's okay if I'm a little late. 12 00:00:23,371 --> 00:00:24,894 They can't start without me. I'm the judge. 13 00:00:24,937 --> 00:00:26,330 -Oh, you're the new night court judge. 14 00:00:26,374 --> 00:00:29,029 Well, let me be the first to introduce you to me. 15 00:00:29,072 --> 00:00:30,682 I'm your bailiff, Donna Gurganous. 16 00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:32,815 Everyone calls me Gurgs. -Oh, so nice to meet you, Gurgs. 17 00:00:32,858 --> 00:00:35,165 I'm Abby Stone. I just moved here from upstate. 18 00:00:35,209 --> 00:00:37,080 -Judge Stone. That sounds familiar. 19 00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:38,951 -Maybe you heard of my dad, Harry Stone? 20 00:00:38,995 --> 00:00:40,910 He worked here back in the '90s. 21 00:00:40,953 --> 00:00:42,607 Yeah, I guess anyone who worked with my dad 22 00:00:42,651 --> 00:00:44,740 moved on a long time ago. 23 00:00:44,783 --> 00:00:47,351 -Oak milk latte for Tad. 24 00:00:47,395 --> 00:00:50,702 Non-drink for a non-name. 25 00:00:50,746 --> 00:00:52,269 -Dan Fielding? Is that you? 26 00:00:52,313 --> 00:00:56,012 -If I have to be, yeah. Yes. A hot tea for Mary. 27 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,709 Oh, you know what? You could make that at home. 28 00:00:57,753 --> 00:01:00,582 I'll get you the recipe. 29 00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:02,279 -You know, the last time I saw you, 30 00:01:02,323 --> 00:01:03,802 I had a client in night court. 31 00:01:03,846 --> 00:01:06,805 -Yeah, I left that place years ago, have not looked back. 32 00:01:06,849 --> 00:01:08,764 -I've looked forward to this for so long. 33 00:01:08,807 --> 00:01:10,809 I can't believe I get to work here. 34 00:01:10,853 --> 00:01:13,116 My dad used to tell the most wonderful stories 35 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,900 over the years about -- -The people. 36 00:01:14,944 --> 00:01:16,163 To call the criminals that came through 37 00:01:16,206 --> 00:01:17,729 that court the bottom of the barrel 38 00:01:17,773 --> 00:01:19,818 is an insult to the bottom of the barrel. 39 00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:23,605 More like the stuff that grows underneath the barrel. 40 00:01:23,648 --> 00:01:25,433 They all deserve -- -A judge who sees them 41 00:01:25,476 --> 00:01:27,087 for more than their crime. 42 00:01:27,130 --> 00:01:30,045 That's what my dad did, and that's what I want to do. 43 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,527 I believe anyone is capable of turning things -- 44 00:01:32,570 --> 00:01:35,269 -Around. Turn the top around, 45 00:01:35,312 --> 00:01:38,750 and the milk will come out. 46 00:01:38,794 --> 00:01:40,404 Skinny latte for Barry. 47 00:01:40,448 --> 00:01:41,622 -That's mine. -Oh, wait. 48 00:01:41,666 --> 00:01:42,928 Are you Barry Grenache? -Yeah. 49 00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:44,713 -Oh, I got something else for you. 50 00:01:44,756 --> 00:01:47,585 Consider yourself served. 51 00:01:47,628 --> 00:01:48,804 I've been working here three weeks. 52 00:01:48,847 --> 00:01:51,545 Where the hell you been? 53 00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:53,939 Hey, Louis, thanks for the assist. 54 00:01:53,983 --> 00:01:55,985 Oh, by the way, I'm keeping the hat and this, 55 00:01:56,027 --> 00:01:58,466 because you made me clean the bathroom. 56 00:01:58,509 --> 00:02:00,076 -Wait, so this is all an act? 57 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,209 The whole barista thing? That fake beard? 58 00:02:02,252 --> 00:02:04,907 -Barista, yeah. But this is my real face, ass-- 59 00:02:04,950 --> 00:02:07,779 -Holy moly, I can't wait to get started. 60 00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:09,868 Oh, no. Arlo forgot his nose ring. 61 00:02:09,912 --> 00:02:12,262 -That wasn't in his nose. 62 00:02:12,306 --> 00:02:14,438 -Dad never mentioned that in his stories. 63 00:02:14,482 --> 00:02:16,136 -Welcome to night court. 64 00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:24,231 ♪♪ 65 00:02:24,274 --> 00:02:32,152 ♪♪ 66 00:02:32,195 --> 00:02:34,589 All rise. Manhattan Criminal Court 67 00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:36,199 Part Two is now in session. 68 00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:39,159 The Honorable Apny Strone presiding. 69 00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:40,986 -Uh, it's Abby Stone, but that's okay. 70 00:02:41,030 --> 00:02:42,640 -This is what happens when I overprepare. 71 00:02:42,684 --> 00:02:45,469 Let me take another crack at it. 72 00:02:45,513 --> 00:02:49,168 The Stormatable Abner Splumf. 73 00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:51,954 The Abomomitable Snowmay -- -Close enough. 74 00:02:51,997 --> 00:02:54,652 This is night court and we're running out of night. 75 00:02:54,696 --> 00:02:56,567 -Oh, thanks. Neil, right? 76 00:02:56,611 --> 00:02:58,395 I like the way you clerk it. 77 00:02:58,439 --> 00:03:00,876 Alright, let's do this. -Olivia Moore, your honor, 78 00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:02,399 representing the City of New York. 79 00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:05,924 Look at us. Excuse me while I brush a few pieces of 80 00:03:05,968 --> 00:03:09,058 the glass ceiling off my shoulder. 81 00:03:09,101 --> 00:03:10,929 -Nice to meet you, counselor. 82 00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:13,149 And I assume that you are our public defender? 83 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,152 -Paul Grossman -- and as someone who's fallen through an actual 84 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:19,590 glass ceiling, I find your comments in poor taste. 85 00:03:19,634 --> 00:03:23,028 -First up, we have the People vs Esmerelda the Magnificent. 86 00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:26,031 -AKA Jane Horowitz, the repeat fraud offender. 87 00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:28,425 Ms. Horowitz is charged with criminal impersonation 88 00:03:28,469 --> 00:03:30,558 for misrepresenting her ability to make 89 00:03:30,601 --> 00:03:33,300 100% accurate predictions. -Where's the proof? 90 00:03:33,343 --> 00:03:36,041 -The State would like to submit into evidence this sign, 91 00:03:36,085 --> 00:03:39,349 which says the thing I just said. 92 00:03:39,393 --> 00:03:42,700 -Oof. I didn't know she'd have a sign. 93 00:03:42,744 --> 00:03:45,703 The defense rests. -Hang on, hang on. 94 00:03:45,747 --> 00:03:47,227 I'd love to just dig in a bit and hear 95 00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:48,837 Ms. Horowitz's side of things. 96 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,013 -Oh, no. We don't dig here. 97 00:03:51,055 --> 00:03:52,884 I make my case, you're awed by my charm. 98 00:03:52,928 --> 00:03:55,060 Bangy-bangy, we move on. 99 00:03:55,103 --> 00:03:56,453 This is clearly fraud. 100 00:03:56,497 --> 00:03:59,326 -Well, it's only fraud if she's not psychic. 101 00:03:59,369 --> 00:04:01,980 -Hold on. You -- You want her to prove she's psychic? 102 00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:03,373 -Yeah, I don't know if we have time -- 103 00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:04,635 -Oh, you know what they say. 104 00:04:04,679 --> 00:04:06,942 There's always time for CPLR 4011, 105 00:04:06,985 --> 00:04:08,335 which allows judges broad discretion 106 00:04:08,378 --> 00:04:10,075 to regulate the conduct of the trial 107 00:04:10,119 --> 00:04:11,468 in a setting of proper decorum. 108 00:04:11,512 --> 00:04:13,253 Also, they gave me this fancy wooden hammer, 109 00:04:13,296 --> 00:04:15,472 so I kind of get to do what I want. 110 00:04:15,516 --> 00:04:19,781 Alright, Ms. the Magnificent, let's see what you got. 111 00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:21,261 -You think you're better than this place -- 112 00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:24,264 -Oh, hang on, I'm gonna need to hear the voice. 113 00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:26,353 -[Romani accent] You think you're better than this place 114 00:04:26,396 --> 00:04:29,486 and are desperate to work at a big firm. 115 00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:32,750 -Well, that's obvious, I'm not just gonna rot here like Paul. 116 00:04:32,794 --> 00:04:34,839 -I'd love to disagree, but this isn't 117 00:04:34,883 --> 00:04:37,842 how a 30 year old man should look. 118 00:04:37,886 --> 00:04:41,281 -You took this job to minimize expectations, 119 00:04:41,324 --> 00:04:45,807 and you're in a hurry to leave, but have no place to go. 120 00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:48,418 -Okay, she might be magic. 121 00:04:48,462 --> 00:04:50,812 -What number am I thinking of? -All of them. 122 00:04:50,855 --> 00:04:52,944 -Get out of my head! 123 00:04:52,988 --> 00:04:54,729 -Okay, now me. 124 00:04:54,772 --> 00:04:57,297 -I'm sensing you are career-driven. 125 00:04:57,340 --> 00:04:58,994 -'Cause I'm young for a judge? 126 00:04:59,037 --> 00:05:01,823 -I am seeing you are new to this place. 127 00:05:01,866 --> 00:05:03,607 -'Cause I was unsure of my clerk's name? 128 00:05:03,651 --> 00:05:05,696 -But as successful as you are, 129 00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:08,264 you are unlucky in love. 130 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,179 -'Cause I'm not wearing a ring? 131 00:05:10,222 --> 00:05:13,443 Which I took off to set you up. 132 00:05:13,487 --> 00:05:15,140 I'm very happily engaged. 133 00:05:15,184 --> 00:05:18,492 My fiancé is upstate and moving down soon. 134 00:05:18,535 --> 00:05:20,320 -Oh, you're going to fry. 135 00:05:20,363 --> 00:05:24,454 -Not quite. 50 hours of community service. 136 00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:27,327 Paul? You didn't put up much of a fight. 137 00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:28,763 I expected more. 138 00:05:28,806 --> 00:05:31,983 But -- ah, I see you trying harder, 139 00:05:32,027 --> 00:05:33,637 'cause I'm gonna keep pushing you, 140 00:05:33,681 --> 00:05:36,292 'cause I believe in you. 141 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,163 -That's all I needed to hear. 142 00:05:38,207 --> 00:05:40,252 I quit. -Quit? 143 00:05:40,296 --> 00:05:42,864 -Yeah. I didn't take this job to work hard 144 00:05:42,907 --> 00:05:45,997 or have some kid tell me she believes in me. 145 00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:47,825 -Paul. Paul, come back. 146 00:05:47,869 --> 00:05:50,698 I don't believe in you that much! 147 00:05:50,741 --> 00:05:52,656 -Oh, don't worry, Judge, he does this sort of thing 148 00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:54,441 all the time. -Really? 149 00:05:54,484 --> 00:05:56,181 -Nah, I was just trying to cheer you up. 150 00:05:56,225 --> 00:05:58,096 I think you broke him. 151 00:06:02,187 --> 00:06:03,624 Look what I found in storage. 152 00:06:03,667 --> 00:06:05,495 I think it's some of your daddy's old stuff. 153 00:06:05,539 --> 00:06:08,237 -Oh, my gosh. Really? 154 00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:09,978 Oh. 155 00:06:10,021 --> 00:06:13,764 I can't believe it's you! 156 00:06:13,808 --> 00:06:16,419 Welcome home, Clarence. 157 00:06:16,463 --> 00:06:19,944 -Well, I'm off to investigate a report of vandalism. 158 00:06:19,988 --> 00:06:21,642 Apparently, the culprit rearranged letters 159 00:06:21,685 --> 00:06:24,079 on the directory board to spell joke names. 160 00:06:24,122 --> 00:06:27,996 -I saw that. "Hugh Janus" was my favorite. 161 00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:30,999 Get it? Hugh Janus? 162 00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:32,392 -So an attack on this court is funny. 163 00:06:32,435 --> 00:06:35,046 -They just moved some letters around. 164 00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:37,353 -Moving letters is a huge deal. 165 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:40,356 Ask Vanna White. 166 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,532 -Legal Aid said they'll send another public defender 167 00:06:42,576 --> 00:06:43,881 as soon as they can. 168 00:06:43,925 --> 00:06:45,187 -What if we get another Paul? 169 00:06:45,230 --> 00:06:47,015 -We'd be lucky to get another Paul. 170 00:06:47,058 --> 00:06:48,233 He had a way of not caring 171 00:06:48,277 --> 00:06:50,366 that would make the night just fly by. 172 00:06:50,409 --> 00:06:52,716 -We can do better than that. 173 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:55,980 We need someone who cares as much about people as I do. 174 00:06:59,375 --> 00:07:01,421 I think I might know just the guy. 175 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:05,381 [ Knocking at door ] 176 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:08,950 -You better not have forgotten the coleslaw this time! 177 00:07:10,995 --> 00:07:12,823 I have all the Girl Scout cookies I need. 178 00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:15,391 Thanks. 179 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:16,957 -Maybe that wasn't Dan Fielding. 180 00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:19,134 -No, it was. 181 00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:26,141 -Mr. Fielding, I'm not a Girl Scout, but if I was, 182 00:07:26,184 --> 00:07:28,535 that door slam might have really hurt my feelings. 183 00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:29,971 Though I guess I'd have the support 184 00:07:30,014 --> 00:07:31,320 of a nurturing community 185 00:07:31,363 --> 00:07:32,930 who would help rebuild my self confidence 186 00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:35,629 and set me on an empowered path of discovery and self -- 187 00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:39,502 -Who are you, and why are you still talking? 188 00:07:39,546 --> 00:07:43,593 -My name is Abby Stone. You used to work with my dad. 189 00:07:43,637 --> 00:07:45,377 -You're Harry's daughter? 190 00:07:47,771 --> 00:07:49,120 Come in. 191 00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:50,644 -Hope you don't mind me dropping by. 192 00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:52,907 I found your address in a box of my dad's stuff. 193 00:07:52,950 --> 00:07:54,082 -Yeah, no. Uh, no. 194 00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:56,432 It's, uh, fine. It's just -- 195 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,739 Sorry, it's been, well, quite awhile 196 00:07:58,782 --> 00:08:01,698 since I did any entertaining. 197 00:08:01,742 --> 00:08:03,961 Oh, duck sauce? 198 00:08:06,137 --> 00:08:09,314 -For later. 199 00:08:09,358 --> 00:08:11,795 -I was sorry to hear about your father. 200 00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:16,147 We had lost touch over the years, but he was a great guy. 201 00:08:16,191 --> 00:08:17,627 -I know he felt the same way about you. 202 00:08:17,671 --> 00:08:19,237 -Mm. 203 00:08:19,281 --> 00:08:20,674 -I almost didn't recognize you with the beard. 204 00:08:20,717 --> 00:08:24,242 In pictures, you always looked so put together. 205 00:08:24,286 --> 00:08:26,070 Not that the beard isn't a good look. 206 00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:28,986 It's -- It's a great way to cover up a weird neck. 207 00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:32,686 Not that your neck is weird. It's -- Wow, look at that view! 208 00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:37,168 -That is what sold Sarah on the place. 209 00:08:37,212 --> 00:08:39,475 -Is Sarah your wife? 210 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,956 -She was. 211 00:08:41,999 --> 00:08:44,567 So, what brings you to town? 212 00:08:44,611 --> 00:08:46,613 -I moved here for a job. 213 00:08:46,656 --> 00:08:50,225 I am the new night court judge. -[ Yelps ] 214 00:08:55,273 --> 00:08:57,188 -Anyway, our public defender quit, 215 00:08:57,232 --> 00:08:59,713 and I was wondering if you might be interested. 216 00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:01,541 -In being a public defender? 217 00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:04,631 I'm afraid you've confused me with someone else, 218 00:09:04,674 --> 00:09:08,025 someone who likes people. 219 00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:12,464 -Huh. Then I guess this doesn't mean anything to you? 220 00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:13,901 -Pull the rest of the table out of there, 221 00:09:13,944 --> 00:09:16,817 I'll be very impressed. 222 00:09:16,860 --> 00:09:19,123 -It's a souvenir from the night that my dad almost quit 223 00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:21,691 being a judge; you found him in a pool hall 224 00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:25,173 and helped him go back to the thing that he loved. 225 00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:27,610 You said you admired him. 226 00:09:27,654 --> 00:09:28,959 -Doesn't ring a bell. 227 00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:30,439 -You also called him "a pathetic, 228 00:09:30,482 --> 00:09:33,094 whiny, wheezy jackass twig." 229 00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:36,880 -Oh, that I remember. 230 00:09:36,924 --> 00:09:38,273 That was a very long time ago. 231 00:09:38,316 --> 00:09:40,841 You know, my practicing days are behind me. 232 00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:43,539 Nowadays, I'm in more of a supportive role. 233 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,236 -Teaching? -I'm a process server. 234 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:46,977 The look on someone's face when you tell them 235 00:09:47,021 --> 00:09:50,067 they've been served at their kid's flag football game, 236 00:09:50,111 --> 00:09:52,548 priceless. 237 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,463 -Hmm. 238 00:09:54,506 --> 00:09:56,552 The guy with all those thank you cards 239 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:57,901 must like people a little bit. 240 00:09:57,945 --> 00:09:59,729 -Occasionally with the subpoena, I'll throw in 241 00:09:59,773 --> 00:10:01,731 a little free legal advice, just so that the poor bastards 242 00:10:01,775 --> 00:10:04,952 don't do something utterly stupid. 243 00:10:04,995 --> 00:10:07,171 And they'll thank me with a card, 244 00:10:07,215 --> 00:10:11,872 or 26 pounds of black market ribeyes. 245 00:10:11,915 --> 00:10:13,438 Here. 246 00:10:13,482 --> 00:10:16,093 One for the road? Don't ask where they came from. 247 00:10:16,137 --> 00:10:17,834 These cows have seen stuff. 248 00:10:22,491 --> 00:10:24,188 -Come to the courthouse tonight. 249 00:10:24,232 --> 00:10:25,668 I could really use some pointers. 250 00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:27,322 I've been a judge upstate, but night court is -- 251 00:10:27,365 --> 00:10:29,237 -A non-stop freak show. A fetid swamp. 252 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:32,762 Am I close? Come on, you know I'm close. 253 00:10:32,806 --> 00:10:34,634 -It's different. 254 00:10:34,677 --> 00:10:36,940 Please? You're the only person I know 255 00:10:36,984 --> 00:10:38,681 who gets how that world works, 256 00:10:38,725 --> 00:10:41,858 or at least the only person who's still around. 257 00:10:46,602 --> 00:10:48,299 -Yeah, okay. 258 00:10:48,343 --> 00:10:50,214 I'll stop by. 259 00:10:50,258 --> 00:10:52,434 So now, as I said, it's been quite awhile 260 00:10:52,477 --> 00:10:54,088 since I entertained. 261 00:10:54,131 --> 00:10:55,872 How do you get someone to leave? 262 00:11:04,141 --> 00:11:07,188 -Tell me a story, board. 263 00:11:07,231 --> 00:11:08,798 Who hurt you? 264 00:11:08,842 --> 00:11:11,758 Oh, I can't believe this is happening on my watch. 265 00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:13,585 -Is there a world in which you're taking this 266 00:11:13,629 --> 00:11:17,328 a little too seriously? -Oh, Neil. 267 00:11:17,372 --> 00:11:19,983 Innocent, naive, simple, 268 00:11:20,027 --> 00:11:22,899 narrow-hipped Neil. 269 00:11:22,943 --> 00:11:24,727 I wish I could tell you the world was all 270 00:11:24,771 --> 00:11:27,599 sunshine and flapjacks, but this is no isolated incident. 271 00:11:27,643 --> 00:11:29,863 Or have you forgotten the events of last Thursday, 272 00:11:29,906 --> 00:11:32,126 when our courtroom's light bulbs were swapped out 273 00:11:32,169 --> 00:11:34,781 for fingerling potatoes? 274 00:11:34,824 --> 00:11:37,348 -It's just a dumb joke, it's not like anybody's gonna believe 275 00:11:37,392 --> 00:11:40,003 Gary Buttmouth is a real person? 276 00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:43,528 -I'm looking for Gary Buttmouth? 277 00:11:43,572 --> 00:11:45,792 -You think there's a Gary Buttmouth working here 278 00:11:45,835 --> 00:11:48,011 and his office is -- 279 00:11:48,055 --> 00:11:50,013 1814. 280 00:11:50,057 --> 00:11:52,015 He's coming for me. 281 00:11:52,059 --> 00:11:53,713 That's my office. 282 00:11:55,758 --> 00:11:57,455 -So, I'm going to ask you one more time. 283 00:11:57,499 --> 00:11:58,761 Who threw the first punch? 284 00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:01,764 -[Both] He did. I did? You did! 285 00:12:01,808 --> 00:12:04,593 -Cut it out! Cut it out! 286 00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:08,423 -Maybe we should just let them kill each other. 287 00:12:08,466 --> 00:12:10,120 It's basically Thunderdome around here 288 00:12:10,164 --> 00:12:11,774 without a public defender. 289 00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:16,344 -Let's take five. -You don't want to just rule 290 00:12:16,387 --> 00:12:21,349 real quick? Or take five. Maybe 10. 291 00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:23,960 -Hey, Sally. Yes, it's me. 292 00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:27,007 Let's not make a big deal about it, okay? 293 00:12:27,050 --> 00:12:29,357 -So is it weird being back? 294 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:30,967 Like going to your old high school? 295 00:12:31,011 --> 00:12:32,577 -No, more like a trip to the dentist. 296 00:12:32,621 --> 00:12:34,275 Slightly unpleasant, and there's 297 00:12:34,318 --> 00:12:35,755 a decent chance a total stranger 298 00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:38,714 will try to stick their hand in your mouth. 299 00:12:41,586 --> 00:12:43,588 -So, you want to check out my dad's old chambers? 300 00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:45,765 I bet that box of stuff we found will bring back memories 301 00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:47,810 of your glory days. -No, thank you. 302 00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:49,856 I prefer leaving the past in the past. 303 00:12:49,899 --> 00:12:54,512 If these walls could talk, they'd say, "Kill me." 304 00:12:54,556 --> 00:12:57,820 -Oh, Olivia Moore, this is Dan Fielding. 305 00:12:57,864 --> 00:13:00,257 He used to be the Assistant District Attorney of this court. 306 00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:04,784 -Oh, wow, a former night court Assistant District Attorney. 307 00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:07,612 Of all the days to leave my selfie stick at home. 308 00:13:07,656 --> 00:13:09,571 -Well, you could always tape your phone 309 00:13:09,614 --> 00:13:13,314 to that stick up your -- -Oh. 310 00:13:13,357 --> 00:13:14,881 I am liking this back and forth. 311 00:13:14,924 --> 00:13:17,100 Maybe it's just me, but I would love to see you two 312 00:13:17,144 --> 00:13:19,276 squaring off every night. -Mm-hmm. 313 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:21,191 Judge, may I have a word? 314 00:13:21,235 --> 00:13:23,933 -I'm gonna go get some coffee. 315 00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:25,717 Alone. 316 00:13:28,155 --> 00:13:31,636 -I don't want to question your usually impeccable judgment, 317 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:33,856 but if you think Truck Stop Santa's 318 00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:37,077 gonna be our new public defender, you're delusional. 319 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:38,861 -I think he'd be perfect. 320 00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:42,125 -Self-centered narcissists aren't public defenders. 321 00:13:42,169 --> 00:13:44,084 We're prosecutors. 322 00:13:44,127 --> 00:13:46,738 -Okay, yes, he shot me down once, but I think with 323 00:13:46,782 --> 00:13:51,265 a little push, I can get him to a solid maybe. 324 00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:53,267 Okay, open your eyes. 325 00:13:53,310 --> 00:13:54,659 -I never closed them. 326 00:13:54,703 --> 00:13:56,836 Wait a minute. I know these people. 327 00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:58,838 These are all people I've served. 328 00:13:58,881 --> 00:14:01,318 Oh, wait, wait, am I dying and only the most irrelevant parts 329 00:14:01,362 --> 00:14:03,668 of my life are flashing before my eyes? 330 00:14:03,712 --> 00:14:05,714 -These aren't just people you served. 331 00:14:05,757 --> 00:14:07,368 These are lives you've changed. 332 00:14:07,411 --> 00:14:09,196 -Look, I appreciate you trying to give me 333 00:14:09,239 --> 00:14:10,806 a billiard ball moment, 334 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,591 but I like my life the way it is, thank you. 335 00:14:13,635 --> 00:14:16,377 -You say you're happy all alone, ordering takeout 336 00:14:16,420 --> 00:14:18,553 and stockpiling freezer meat, 337 00:14:18,596 --> 00:14:20,555 but I think you could thrive here. 338 00:14:20,598 --> 00:14:22,252 Don't you want that for yourself? 339 00:14:22,296 --> 00:14:24,037 -Why are we talking about me? You're the one that needs help. 340 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,777 -Oh, I just said that to get you to come here. 341 00:14:25,821 --> 00:14:27,997 -You sure about that, because last time I checked your 342 00:14:28,041 --> 00:14:30,608 public defender quit, you're driving your clerk insane, 343 00:14:30,652 --> 00:14:32,915 and is that ketchup on your robe? 344 00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:35,787 -I'll have you know that might be twin blood. 345 00:14:35,831 --> 00:14:38,007 Look, I'm just trying to do the right thing, 346 00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:40,314 and if people aren't on board for that, that's on them. 347 00:14:40,357 --> 00:14:43,534 -Your problem is that you think being right matters. 348 00:14:43,578 --> 00:14:45,797 Yeah, good judges decide what's right. 349 00:14:45,841 --> 00:14:48,017 Great judges convincepeople. 350 00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:50,933 That's what made your father so special. 351 00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:53,588 When he wasn't zapping people with joy buzzers 352 00:14:53,631 --> 00:14:56,373 or stuffing springy snakes into everything. 353 00:14:56,417 --> 00:14:57,940 Because of that man, it was a decade 354 00:14:57,984 --> 00:15:00,508 before I could eat a canned nut. 355 00:15:02,466 --> 00:15:04,077 -So now you want to talk about the past? 356 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:05,600 -If you don't like what I have to say, 357 00:15:05,643 --> 00:15:07,384 next time you find an address in a box, 358 00:15:07,428 --> 00:15:09,299 why don't you just leave it there? 359 00:15:09,343 --> 00:15:10,953 -Sure, because keeping things boxed up 360 00:15:10,997 --> 00:15:13,303 seems to be your thing -- your past, your feelings, 361 00:15:13,347 --> 00:15:14,739 you've put your whole life in a box 362 00:15:14,783 --> 00:15:16,306 and won't let anyone in. -Wait, hold on a second. 363 00:15:16,350 --> 00:15:18,395 Am I in the box or am I putting things in the box? 364 00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:19,614 -I kind of lost the thread. -Yeah. 365 00:15:19,657 --> 00:15:20,920 -The point is, 366 00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:22,965 you're afraid to open that box. 367 00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:24,575 -You know what? It was lovely meeting you, 368 00:15:24,619 --> 00:15:26,055 and good luck with the saving the world thing. 369 00:15:26,099 --> 00:15:30,103 I am sure that it's gonna happen any day now. 370 00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:31,756 -I'm gonna pretend you're being sincere, 371 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:35,804 and there's nothing you can do about it! 372 00:15:38,850 --> 00:15:40,156 -I tried everything! Following the money, 373 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:44,421 police psychic, unlikely partner to a dog, 374 00:15:44,465 --> 00:15:46,597 going undercover as a teen. 375 00:15:46,641 --> 00:15:48,469 -How many of those did you actually do? 376 00:15:48,512 --> 00:15:50,427 -You're missing the point -- all this work, 377 00:15:50,471 --> 00:15:51,994 and I came up with jack diddly squat, 378 00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:54,257 which incidentally, is a name on the board. 379 00:15:54,301 --> 00:15:58,435 This guy is a criminal master mind, like -- 380 00:15:58,479 --> 00:16:00,829 like a Hannibal. 381 00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:04,964 Or it's "Fight Club." 382 00:16:08,837 --> 00:16:11,057 Maybe I really am Gary Buttmouth. 383 00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:13,102 No, no, no, no. 384 00:16:13,146 --> 00:16:15,583 I gotta hurry up and stop me before I do something 385 00:16:15,626 --> 00:16:17,889 I can't even believe I'm capable of. 386 00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:23,634 -Are you gonna tell her it was you? 387 00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:27,464 -My job isn't exactly fulfilling, 388 00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:31,120 so I've got to find ways to keep my brain from eating itself. 389 00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:34,428 You're not gonna rat me out, are you? 390 00:16:34,471 --> 00:16:35,777 -No. 391 00:16:35,820 --> 00:16:37,387 You've got to cool it, though. 392 00:16:37,431 --> 00:16:38,823 I've already lost a public defender. 393 00:16:38,867 --> 00:16:40,347 If I lose a bailiff, you might be next. 394 00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:43,872 -Knowing my luck, I might just end up in a later court. 395 00:16:46,266 --> 00:16:48,529 -So if court clerk isn't your dream job, what is? 396 00:16:48,572 --> 00:16:50,400 -Oh, no. No, no, no. 397 00:16:50,444 --> 00:16:51,923 You're not doing that thing to me. 398 00:16:51,967 --> 00:16:53,795 -What thing? -That thing where you 399 00:16:53,838 --> 00:16:55,057 ask questions and dig deeper 400 00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:56,798 and turn a simple jaywalking charge 401 00:16:56,841 --> 00:16:58,408 into a full-on therapy session. 402 00:16:58,452 --> 00:17:00,193 I mean, I'm glad Ellie made a major breakthrough. 403 00:17:00,236 --> 00:17:02,630 She can't be the son her father always wanted her to be, 404 00:17:02,673 --> 00:17:03,979 and that's his issue, not hers. 405 00:17:04,022 --> 00:17:07,200 And why do I know any of this? 406 00:17:07,242 --> 00:17:09,637 -Yeah, I guess I'm always looking for what's 407 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,683 going on underneath. 408 00:17:12,727 --> 00:17:15,164 My dad used to do a lot of magic tricks, 409 00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:16,905 and whenever I asked him how they were done, 410 00:17:16,948 --> 00:17:19,038 he would say, "It's magic." 411 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,778 Drove me crazy. 412 00:17:20,821 --> 00:17:22,301 He thought if I knew how they worked, 413 00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:24,694 I wouldn't like them as much, but to me, 414 00:17:24,739 --> 00:17:26,696 the truth was the magic. 415 00:17:26,741 --> 00:17:28,134 I feel that way about people. 416 00:17:28,176 --> 00:17:29,744 It's hard not to like them once you know 417 00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:32,399 what's going on underneath. 418 00:17:32,442 --> 00:17:35,489 I see how that makes me a pain in the butt as a judge 419 00:17:35,532 --> 00:17:37,708 and as a fan of magic. 420 00:17:37,752 --> 00:17:39,710 And as an Uber passenger. 421 00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:45,629 -I guess I could take a closer look at the docket, 422 00:17:45,673 --> 00:17:47,544 find a little more time for digging in. 423 00:17:47,588 --> 00:17:49,155 -Neil, that would be amazing! 424 00:17:49,198 --> 00:17:50,895 -But just a little more, like, five minutes here and there. 425 00:17:50,939 --> 00:17:52,462 -I'm hearing 10! -You're hearing five! 426 00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:55,378 -Nine? -You're gonna do whatever you want anyway. 427 00:17:55,422 --> 00:17:57,163 -You get me, Neil! 428 00:18:04,605 --> 00:18:06,955 -Afraid to open a box. 429 00:18:09,958 --> 00:18:11,655 Huh. 430 00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:16,225 Well, this place hasn't changed, 431 00:18:16,269 --> 00:18:21,404 right down to the guy fishing dead birds out of the ceiling. 432 00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:23,058 Hey, you know what? 433 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,408 I wanted to ask you something. 434 00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:29,108 Say a lifetime ago, you worked with a guy, right? 435 00:18:29,151 --> 00:18:32,415 Had your ups and downs, but on the whole, like each other -- 436 00:18:32,459 --> 00:18:34,896 respected, even. 437 00:18:34,939 --> 00:18:38,247 The job ends. You go your separate ways. 438 00:18:38,291 --> 00:18:41,816 Life happens. You live and you love. 439 00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:44,862 And you lose, big time, 440 00:18:44,906 --> 00:18:49,302 so you close off your heart. 441 00:18:49,345 --> 00:18:53,262 Then one day, the child of that almost forgotten guy 442 00:18:53,306 --> 00:18:57,266 comes to you and asks for your help. 443 00:18:57,310 --> 00:18:58,876 Would you take the chance? 444 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:02,271 Would you... open that heart up again, 445 00:19:02,315 --> 00:19:07,015 let feelings in, knowing that undoubtedly, 446 00:19:07,058 --> 00:19:11,933 it would hurt again at some point? 447 00:19:11,976 --> 00:19:15,154 -There is a saying in my country. 448 00:19:15,197 --> 00:19:17,678 "When man is holding dead bird, 449 00:19:17,721 --> 00:19:20,159 tell shorter story." 450 00:19:22,857 --> 00:19:26,034 -And that is why I don't open up to people. 451 00:19:28,906 --> 00:19:32,127 But I am not afraid to open a box. 452 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,260 Oh! Harry! 453 00:19:38,568 --> 00:19:39,917 Okay. 454 00:19:39,961 --> 00:19:43,704 I'll think about it. 455 00:19:45,619 --> 00:19:48,187 -To save time, can we just do all the public urinations 456 00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:51,233 at once? 457 00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:53,627 -Sure. 458 00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:56,325 Guilty. Guilty. 459 00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:58,197 Impressive, but guilty. 460 00:20:01,374 --> 00:20:03,071 Come on, man. 461 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,512 -Oh, to try a case that doesn't involve genitals. 462 00:20:09,556 --> 00:20:11,340 That'd be the dream. 463 00:20:11,384 --> 00:20:15,736 -Your Honor, Dan Fielding for the defense. 464 00:20:17,390 --> 00:20:19,218 -Wait, you -- you actually got him? 465 00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:22,569 -Maybe there's a chance I'm not being catfished after all. 466 00:20:22,612 --> 00:20:24,397 -We've never met, but you... 467 00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,355 definitely are. 468 00:20:26,399 --> 00:20:29,140 -Get that perfectly normal neck over here. 469 00:20:29,184 --> 00:20:30,881 -Alright, look, I just want to say this one thing. 470 00:20:30,925 --> 00:20:34,276 I'm only here to help out temporarily, a few days. 471 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:37,148 -I'm hearing weeks. -If you keep smiling like that, 472 00:20:37,192 --> 00:20:40,021 I'm out of here right now, so just knock it off. 473 00:20:40,064 --> 00:20:43,546 That's better. -Better, Your Honor. 474 00:20:43,590 --> 00:20:45,461 -I'm already regretting this. 475 00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:49,335 -I'd like to know how you did this. 476 00:20:49,378 --> 00:20:51,728 -Maybe it's just magic. -You have no idea, do you? 477 00:20:51,772 --> 00:20:53,295 -No freaking clue. 478 00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:55,819 -Well, whatever you did, you pulled it out. 479 00:20:55,863 --> 00:20:59,606 -Speaking of pulling it out -- 480 00:20:59,649 --> 00:21:01,912 Sorry, too easy. 481 00:21:01,956 --> 00:21:03,914 Mr. Gates was brought in for lewd conduct. 482 00:21:03,958 --> 00:21:06,743 Obviously, this man is a depraved menace 483 00:21:06,787 --> 00:21:09,180 and has no place in decent society. 484 00:21:09,224 --> 00:21:11,705 -Oh, Mr. Fielding, I'd just like to remind you, 485 00:21:11,748 --> 00:21:13,446 you're the defense. 486 00:21:17,667 --> 00:21:20,235 -Your Honor, 487 00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:23,107 my client -- dare I say my friend -- 488 00:21:23,151 --> 00:21:25,196 is an outstanding pillar of his community 489 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:26,937 and we are wasting the court's time 490 00:21:26,981 --> 00:21:30,027 with this gross miscarriage of justice. 491 00:21:30,071 --> 00:21:31,507 If you'll indulge me, 492 00:21:31,551 --> 00:21:33,770 I'd just like to know what's underneath all this. 493 00:21:33,814 --> 00:21:37,078 -You're the judge. -No! Oh! Just... 494 00:21:42,692 --> 00:21:44,346 And I left my house for this. 495 00:21:48,002 --> 00:21:49,395 -It's funny! 496 00:21:49,438 --> 00:21:53,007 ♪♪