-(cheering)
samantha: You guys really love your cakes.
Happy one year sober.
-Yes! You did it! -(whoops)
(laughs)
oh, man. (clears throat) uh, hi,
I'm samantha and I'm an alcoholic.
-All: How did you do it? -(samantha laughs)
I will try to keep this brief.
Olivia... (chuckles)
thank you for taking me through, uh, most of the steps.
I know that I'm one of your more annoying sponsees,
but you very rarely let that show,
and I really appreciate it.
Mindy, thank you for being the greatest boss I've ever had,
and-and by that I mean thank you for not firing me.
Felicia, thank you for not giving up on me,
even though you definitely should have.
And james, hey.
Thanks for the support and the jogging
and the camaraderie, and the, um...
Boundaries.
And, yeah, to the rest of my sober and non-sober posse,
you guys are the best trudging buddies a girl could ask for.
And, um, I just wish my dad could be here,
'cause he-he never got to see me sober, you know.
I mean, he did when I was a kid.
I-I wasn't drinking when I was four.
Even though I think I would have been really good at it.
Uh, yeah, I just wish he could see this.
Anyway, uh, yeah, that's it.
I love you guys. I love this room.
Thank you so much. Okay.
-(cheering) -you did it.
So great.
Felicia: I'm so proud of you.
Samantha: Oh...
-All: Mm... -Yeah, that's nice.
Felicia: Me too.
Olivia: We get it.
(indistinct chatter)
-"thanks for the boundaries?" -yeah,
-that was the safe-for-work version. -Mm.
♪ ♪
-my place? Your place? -Um...
I live with my mom, so...
Okay, so, my place. Yeah.
♪ I can make the crowd go crazy ♪
♪ make the crowd go crazy ♪
♪ walkin' like you about to get paid, yeah... ♪
wow. Okay, jogging works.
♪ go crazy ♪
♪ make the crowd go crazy. ♪
joel: All right, stop right here.
Drop your hand.
Open your eyes.
Surprise.
What's the surprise?
(english accent): Oh, my god, did you want to have some
outlander -style field sex, jamie?
-Yes, absolutely. Um, okay, -(laughs)
-but first, I need you to walk around, all right? -(regular accent): All right.
So, s-start here and walk forward.
Open your mind. What do you see?
Brit: Land.
-Okay. -Trees.
Sure.
-Dead leaves. -Okay, keep going.
Um... A fire hazard.
Do you, um...
-Do you see a house? -(chuckles)
what, joel, did you buy this? 'cause, no, I don't see a house.
-I bought it. -You bought it?
I bought it, yeah. It was such a good deal.
'cause I was looking at houses online,
but, you know-- expensive, so...
Yeah, more expensive than places without houses. Um...
Yeah, but then I heard about this lot
and I remembered, "um, oh, yeah, I build houses."
so why not just build our house?
Two-story, cape cod style, four bedrooms, two baths,
-for the kids. -We don't have kids.
Yeah, but I mean, we...
-Like, we talked about it. -Yeah.
Like, we talked about building a house,
but it was just conversation.
I mean, I w-I want kids, but...
Years from now.
Yeah, or we have them sooner.
'cause what-what's stopping us-- no space, right?
Well, that and the fact that we don't know
what our next five years looks like. I mean, what if...
What if we want to leave malden after my residency?
What if I get that fellowship at ucla?
What fellowship at ucla?
I applied to a fellowship at ucla.
And you didn't tell me?
Well, I was gonna tell you if I got in.
I mean, you didn't tell me that you bought empty land.
I-I thought you'd, like, cry with happiness.
Like on extreme home makeover,
-when they move the bus. -When they move the bus
there's a new house, not a field of...
Nothing.
Can you use your imagination for a second?
All right? Look.
You know, open your mind.
What do you see now?
Where you going?
I got a breakfast meeting. Vcs are in town,
they want to talk about a series a funding round.
No.
What about my series a funding round?
-Nope. That didn't work. -No.
-I'm tired. -Yeah, I know.
(kissing)
you can chill here if you want. You don't have to leave.
Oh, okay, I'll stay in bed for another
four hours, then rifle through your sock drawer.
Oh, my god, if you find my passport,
-please let me know. -(chuckles) okay.
Fine.
But you're not skipping town without me.
-Yeah. I'll give you plenty of warning. -Thank you.
You okay?
Yeah. No, I'm fine.
I'm great. This was great.
I'm just, uh, a little distracted with work.
It was really fun.
Yeah.
Maybe...
Epic?
I'm glad we waited.
Me too.
-Ugh, gross. I was joking. -Oh.
Get out of here.
I...
Samantha: Stupid dimples.
Don't smile at me, just leave.
Hey. Turns out you don't need as much cake
when you're having tons of sex.
Child: You're my best friend.
What's that?
This is a duck and a puppy who are best friends.
-Okay. -Oh. Sorry.
It's the estrogen.
I'm on massive amounts of this stuff for ivf.
Well, they should warn you that earnestness
-is a serious side effect. -Yeah. They should.
I would have loved to know that before I cried on air today.
Believe me, I do not care about overcrowding at fish farms.
(scoffs)
although those fish are really...
-They're really jammed in there. -Okay,
I-I thought stephanie was the one doing the hormones.
Yeah, she did the egg retrieval.
But I'm up next. Her eggs, my womb.
Wait. (laughs)
olivia, you're gonna have another baby?
Oh, my god. Well, I mean, obviously,
I count myself as your first.
I'm way too young to be your mother. Never say that again.
Okay.
Okay, this is my favorite part.
You're a year sober. We get to talk about
how far you've come, how fun the party was
-(laughs) -and why carol wasn't there.
Oh, I didn't invite her.
Okay.
Come on, she doesn't get any of this stuff.
She's always saying it reminds her of wild wild country.
Maybe she doesn't understand it
because you haven't made her a part of it yet.
Have you written your amends to her?
I did a draft.
It doesn't have to be perfect.
Just list all of the ways in which
you've done her harm and synthesize it
into a nice, bite-sized piece that she can swallow.
Right, totally. I'll just, um...
Fit 13 years of being a total asshole into 30 minutes.
-Talk fast. -(short chuckle)
hi.
Hey.
Do you have a few minutes to talk, mom?
Sure.
What is it?
I, um...
Sorry, this feels weird. Uh...
You seem tense.
-(exhales) -so,
this is feeling like it's turning into a thing,
and I'm not emotionally prepared for a thing right now.
-Right. -I'm in the grading zone, so
why don't we schedule it?
You want to... Schedule a time to talk?
Let's go for a drive this afternoon.
Yeah, all right.
I do like when we both stare straight ahead, so...
All right, we're gonna buzz the sides. And then,
-you know, we can do j... -(knocking) -hey.
Oh.
Hey.
Did you come here on purpose?
Yeah. Oh, h... Hey, girl.
-Hi. Hi. (laughs) -hey.
I came here to talk to you.
-Why? Is sam okay? -Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, she's-she's awesome.
I mean... Wow, this is great. You are...
-Wow, you look so great... -Okay, cut the crap.
What is really going on?
Okay, so, I don't really know how to say this, but, um...
Do you know anyone or any place, um...
(chuckles)
(whispering): Do you know where I can get some... Drugs?
-Drugs?! -Shh! Shh, shh, shh.
(chuckles) wow.
Little miss perfect asking me for drugs--
never thought I'd see the day. Aren't you getting married,
-like, any day now? -Yes.
I am. Uh, thank you for remembering.
You know, that's actually, um...
That's actually why I want the drugs. You know?
I just... I read a million studies about it,
and-and it just... It helps people get some...
Clarity on some stuff.
Well, not, like, a million studies--
it's not, like, in the med books or anything,
it's just, you know, I... Reddit.
Reddit's really reliable these days, I mean, right?
Um... Can you help me or not?
Why would I help you?
I don't know. Uh...
I thought you might know somebody.
You know? I-I remember that-that party
in high school-- you know, darius' party--
-you-you had... Weed. -Oh, so you thought
because I had weed at a party in high school
I now know a bunch of drug dealers and shamans?
-Y-yes, I did. I did. -Wow.
I'm a mother and a volunteer member of the pta.
I own a condo, I have condo fees,
that I pay on time. I even recycle,
I separate the bottles by color,
just like the state of massachusetts requires.
Okay, I know. Wow, that's really responsible of you.
-Thank you. -I know. I know
you're not that person, my god. I...
I know that. It's just...
Okay.
-I'm sorry. I'm gonna... -Oh, my god.
Yes, of course I have a drug dealer, dummy.
And it is the same one from high school.
They give me a discount if I bring a new customer, so...
Let's ride 'em, cowgirl.
-♪ ♪ -(indistinct chatter)
ronnie: What you having?
Uh, do you have any ipas?
I got you.
Crap.
(quietly): Ipa's the dark one? I always forget.
Uh... (clears throat) could I change that to...
It's... That's actually perf...
It's perfect. This is fine. Thank you so much.
-You want to start a tab? -Uh, yeah.
Thanks.
Oh, sorry. Think I'm on your jacket.
Bitter.
So, what happens when he gets here?
You know, how do-how does he know it's us?
Again: Known him since high school.
Also, he is a she.
Thought you were a feminist. Women can be drug dealers, too.
No, of course they can. Right.
Oh, there she is!
You ready, goody two-shoes?
-Val. -(chuckles): Hey.
Hey. Wow.
Look at you cute girls.
This is my friend brit, she's interested in purchasing
-some merchandise from you. -Hi.
I'm brit. I'm so, so very excited for the merchandising.
Okay. Well...
Uh, what are you in the mood for? We have got...
Katy, kat,
uh, miss emma, lucy, molly,
-captain cody. -Mm-hmm.
Uh, sad vince, little diane.
Although go easy on that, because... (vocalizes)
well, I'm just looking for something
that's plant-based, organic,
locally-sourced, if possible.
What, like... Lettuce?
-She's looking for hallucinogens. -Oh.
-(felicia and val chuckle) -let me just ask you--
these-these aren't laced, right? 'cause I just
don't want to end up passed out, drooling
or jump off a bridge
'cause I think I'm riding a unicorn, you know?
Like the stuff that kills teens on 60 minutes. It's...
So, to be clear, your question is
are the drugs laced with drugs?
Why would I do that?
It would just cost me more money.
-I heard it. -How much do we owe you?
$50. Venmo.
Hit it up. It's, uh, #potteryval.
I also sell ceramics on etsy.
-It's my passion. -Felicia: She's great.
But drugs is where the money is.
-Mm. -Here you go.
Right. (exhales) um...
I've just never done anything like this before.
Oh, no, it's gonna be just fine.
You do have a sober person monitoring you, right?
I don't want you to freak the hell out. (chuckles)
♪ ♪
don't look at me. I can't wait to freak the hell out.
-(laughs) -that's right.
What's even worse is she doesn't yell,
she just gets disappointed.
What am I even supposed to do with that, you know?
You're kidding me. I ordered another ipa?
-You did. -Damn it. I...
I wanted a lager. Uh...
All right, will you-will you just remember that for next time?
Ronnie (laughs): Yeah.
Do you want this?
Yeah. Sure, dude, I'll drink anything.
Cool.
♪ ♪
-that's efficient. -Mm.
So, mom, I... I just...
I really don't want to put this off anymore, so, I...
-I've been trying to... -Honey, I want to hear what you have to say,
but I'm getting something.
Okay. You brought dad?
I knew if I told you we were sprinkling his ashes
you wouldn't come.
Correct.
Mom, there's, like, laws against this.
You need, like, a permit,
and you have to ask way in advance...
♪ ♪
(both sigh)
-okay. Let's do it. -Wait, wait, wait,
mom. Hold on a second, it's...
It's not toxic waste, it's dad, okay?
If we're actually gonna do this we should, like,
at least say something first, right?
-Say something. -Okay.
Dad...
You were my best friend.
-And... -And you were my best friend.
You were our best friend.
And you, uh, you loved this place,
you loved motown, um...
You taught me how to play piano.
You told me not to play the cello 'cause I was bad at it.
And, um...
You know, you knew me better than anybody.
You definitely knew I was an alcoholic before I did.
I'm sorry for a lot of stuff and I miss you a lot.
And I miss you, too.
-We miss you. -We miss you. Okay.
Oh, just going right in for it, huh?
-Goodbye, darling. -Oh.
-Oh! Oh... -Go. Go.
Throw it in. In the water.
-Bye, dad. -Throw it in.
-Uh, it's in. Oh, god. -Bye, dear.
Oh, my god, this is a lot.
-Is it always this much? -He was very tall.
-No, he wasn't. -He was.
Carol: All right, that's enough.
Let's go. Goodbye. Just say goodbye.
-Goodbye, dad. -Goodbye.
Samantha: How is it so much?
You know, I'm sure dad
is very proud of you.
Thanks.
Okay, mom, I really do need to tell you something.
Well, some things.
I'm sorry that I didn't show up for thanksgiving
after dad died. And I'm sorry
-that I made such a scene at his shiva, and I... -No.
His family deserved that.
Though you were a little dramatic, even for you.
Okay, can you, um, can you not let me off the hook,
'cause part of the whole thing is taking responsibility.
-Right. Sorry. Go ahead. -Okay.
Um, I'm sorry that I used his diagnosis
as an excuse to drink more.
I-I put him on a pedestal, you know? I...
Made him the higher parent and you the evil witch.
I even tried to blame you for him getting sick,
-which is completely unfair. -Okay, no.
Mm. Time for me to come clean.
Uh...
I know there were years of your life
when I wasn't present.
There are years that are just foggy.
I know I said and did things that I...
Honestly can't... Remember.
But, knowing me, I'm sure they weren't great.
Okay, are you apologizing to me?
I'm taking some blame.
No, no, no, but it's my blame, like, I...
-I have to take the blame. This imy moment. -Okay.
You have some, I get some. Don't be a blame hog.
And I'm so grateful
for this samantha.
(exhales)
I just want to...
Freeze her in time and hold on to her
for as long as I can.
Thanks.
And, while we're getting things off our chest...
Bob's moving in.
Wow.
But you can stay if you like.
You always have a room.
I would like it if you stayed.
Thank you.
But it's time, right?
I got to get my own place.
-Yeah, okay. -Yeah.
'cause you're finally having sex.
-How do you know that? -(scoffs) small town.
Hey, when are we gonna start to feel something?
Oh, you are already flying, baby.
Yeah, I am.
-Thank you so much for this. -Mm.
Oh, my god.
You look like an outline on a green screen, but, like,
you have your normal background.
Oh, my god. Totally.
Val: I am.
Brit: No, no.
-It's just the drugs. -Woman (in distance): Kids, let's go!
If you guys can't accept that hallucinations
are the actual reality
and our daily lives are the hallucination,
I might take off.
Oh, my god, you're right.
Hey, val, is this going okay?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, this shit is good.
Brit: What?
Okay, thank you... Thank you. Thank you for that.
God, why am I such a grade grubber even on psychedelics?
You know, it's like-it's like...
It's like, it's in me, you know? Like, I just, I can't...
Not do well, it's like a serpent.
You need to try screwing up.
No, joel's always telling me to relax.
Oh, no. I can't believe he told a woman to relax.
Such a boner killer.
Oh, my god, felicia, you're so awesome.
Should I get married?
I don't know. Do you want to?
I don't know.
Val, should I get married?
I'm gonna say no.
Really?
I don't know. I am tripping balls, man.
♪ ♪
I mean, I-if I wait for her to make a decision,
I will die waiting.
You guys love each other, right?
Yeah, I mean, it's the most in love I've ever been in my life.
Right. Personally...
I kind of freak out when things are going too well.
To our champagne problems.
And our problems with champagne.
(chuckles) nice. That's funny.
I'm pretty funny.
-Can I go to the bathroom? -No, no.
Can I go up there?
Yeah.
(indistinct chatter)
("get down" by still woozy playing)
♪ she's gonna break me ♪
♪ but I don't give a damn right now ♪
♪ she wanna get down, I wanna to get down ♪
♪ we're gonna get down, so ♪
♪ she's gonna take me... ♪
val: There was this caterpillar,
and he asked me if I had any snacks.
He ate them, and then
guess what he became? -Felicia: What?
He became a butterfly.
-Oh. -And guess what it did?
-What? -It bit me.
-No! -Oh, my god, that's so mean. -Yeah, it bit me.
-That's so mean. -It sucked the venom out of me.
-Val. -Yeah.
-Oh, ooh! -I am so happy to be naked right now.
-(speaking haitian creole) -really feels
so liberating.
Felicia: I really wish I was naked.
Val: Oh, you guys,
I think we should do this again tomorrow.
Felicia: That's a terrible idea.
Captioned by media access group at wgbh access.Wgbh.Org