1
00:00:07,028 --> 00:00:11,699
[high-heel shoes clacking]

2
00:00:18,539 --> 00:00:22,209
[Sheila] So I asked for truth,
and I asked for your erotic power

3
00:00:22,293 --> 00:00:24,420
and that beautiful desire.

4
00:00:25,046 --> 00:00:26,714
So I want you to really bring it.

5
00:00:27,631 --> 00:00:30,051
Don't forget that's a thing
that's hard to show.

6
00:00:30,593 --> 00:00:34,138
This is going to provoke you,
and it's going to make you surrender.

7
00:00:35,264 --> 00:00:36,932
Thank you.
Thank you for being the first up.

8
00:00:37,016 --> 00:00:39,727
-[sensual music playing]
-[women cheering]

9
00:00:47,359 --> 00:00:50,488
[Sheila] If you think
about the society that we live in,

10
00:00:50,571 --> 00:00:54,241
women are trapped
in the culture of the masculine.

11
00:00:55,159 --> 00:00:59,497
There's so much global abuse of women.

12
00:01:01,791 --> 00:01:05,836
Body-image shaming,
sexual abuse, and ego smashing.

13
00:01:07,797 --> 00:01:09,840
[Amy] There's a lot of shame
that women carry

14
00:01:09,924 --> 00:01:14,220
because their body doesn't look
like that body on a magazine cover.

15
00:01:15,012 --> 00:01:17,098
[Sheila] Finding your erotic body.

16
00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:20,851
[Ali] More Tiffany! More!

17
00:01:20,935 --> 00:01:22,353
Hit them with your hips!

18
00:01:22,436 --> 00:01:25,856
[woman] Just because someone is
dressing some way or looking sexy

19
00:01:25,940 --> 00:01:27,942
doesn't mean that they're inviting you

20
00:01:28,025 --> 00:01:29,610
to be sexual with them.

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00:01:30,152 --> 00:01:32,822
[Sheila] We've been shutting down
the feminine body,

22
00:01:32,905 --> 00:01:34,657
curbing women's eroticism.

23
00:01:35,157 --> 00:01:38,244
[Dr. Berman] It is time for women
to step into their power,

24
00:01:38,327 --> 00:01:40,287
and the time is now!

25
00:01:42,373 --> 00:01:45,584
[Sheila] The way to step into that power
is through movement.

26
00:01:46,794 --> 00:01:49,755
I believe that taking the pole
and reframing it

27
00:01:49,839 --> 00:01:53,342
allows for personal reclamation

28
00:01:53,425 --> 00:01:55,678
of the feminine body.

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[Sheila] We like to talk
about how forward-thinking we are,

30
00:01:58,264 --> 00:02:01,308
but the truth of the matter is,
the second you say "pole dancing,"

31
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they immediately think

32
00:02:02,768 --> 00:02:06,772
where men go smoke cigars, drink,
and women do lap dances for money.

33
00:02:07,481 --> 00:02:09,650
[Amy] And that's
just a part of what it is.

34
00:02:12,653 --> 00:02:14,363
[Jenyne] It's the world of pole.

35
00:02:15,823 --> 00:02:18,200
It's pole dance, and it's pole artistry,

36
00:02:19,493 --> 00:02:20,369
pole fitness,

37
00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:21,954
pole sport.

38
00:02:22,037 --> 00:02:24,540
It's different things to different people.

39
00:02:28,252 --> 00:02:30,421
It's a journey of growth
and self-discovery.

40
00:02:30,504 --> 00:02:32,965
I wanted to just get my mojo back.

41
00:02:33,841 --> 00:02:38,929
[Sheila] I am in a war to help women
reclaim themselves.

42
00:02:39,555 --> 00:02:41,015
When you enter my world,

43
00:02:41,515 --> 00:02:44,977
you're gonna feel
like you walked into Fight Club for women.

44
00:02:45,769 --> 00:02:49,190
And if you judge here,
I'm going to ask you to leave.

45
00:02:50,107 --> 00:02:53,944
Baby, this is not for sissies.

46
00:03:20,930 --> 00:03:22,264
Good morning.

47
00:03:31,690 --> 00:03:33,776
I'm 50 years old.

48
00:03:33,859 --> 00:03:36,237
I'm the mother of two children.

49
00:03:37,154 --> 00:03:39,865
And I'm also a widow.

50
00:03:43,577 --> 00:03:47,414
We are coming up
on now a year and eight months

51
00:03:48,415 --> 00:03:50,292
since my husband passed.

52
00:03:51,085 --> 00:03:52,211
[softly] There you go.

53
00:03:56,090 --> 00:03:57,800
Anyone who knows me

54
00:03:57,883 --> 00:04:00,594
knows that I'm always on the go,

55
00:04:00,678 --> 00:04:02,137
out and about,

56
00:04:02,721 --> 00:04:05,140
keeping busy all the time.

57
00:04:07,476 --> 00:04:09,019
Losing my husband…

58
00:04:09,937 --> 00:04:12,022
So much of me died with him.

59
00:04:14,024 --> 00:04:17,319
I can go to work.
I can take care of my customers.

60
00:04:18,070 --> 00:04:19,780
I can take care of the shop.

61
00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:22,741
Once I'm back in the car,

62
00:04:23,867 --> 00:04:25,202
there's no music.

63
00:04:25,703 --> 00:04:27,037
There's no life.

64
00:04:30,749 --> 00:04:34,378
Right now, the kitchen table
is not a kitchen table anymore.

65
00:04:34,461 --> 00:04:36,463
It's piled with bills.

66
00:04:38,173 --> 00:04:39,883
There's darkness everywhere.

67
00:04:41,218 --> 00:04:44,388
Terry just wasn't my husband.
He was my best friend.

68
00:04:44,471 --> 00:04:46,724
He was stepfather to my children.

69
00:04:47,516 --> 00:04:50,060
I lost all of that in…

70
00:04:51,103 --> 00:04:52,730
in one weekend. [cries]

71
00:04:54,189 --> 00:04:57,151
I need to allow myself to be happy.

72
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That's why I wanted to try S Factor.

73
00:05:01,113 --> 00:05:03,240
I opened up the application,

74
00:05:03,824 --> 00:05:06,201
and then I closed it and left it alone.

75
00:05:06,285 --> 00:05:08,495
-[women cheering]
-[Evelyn] Something told me, "Go back."

76
00:05:08,579 --> 00:05:10,122
"Just look at what it is."

77
00:05:11,498 --> 00:05:14,001
[Sheila] I already was
a voice for this movement.

78
00:05:14,585 --> 00:05:16,295
[reporter] Created by actress
Sheila Kelley,

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00:05:16,378 --> 00:05:19,256
the S Factor is
Hollywood's hottest fitness trend.

80
00:05:19,340 --> 00:05:23,093
I had already written a book.
I had been on the Oprah Show with S.

81
00:05:23,177 --> 00:05:26,972
Sheila Kelley is back to show us
how to work the pole.

82
00:05:27,056 --> 00:05:29,892
[Sheila] That happened
'cause Teri Hatcher, she was a student,

83
00:05:29,975 --> 00:05:31,685
went on Oprah and showed some moves.

84
00:05:31,769 --> 00:05:33,979
[Teri] It's very much about empowerment.

85
00:05:34,063 --> 00:05:36,065
There's all size women in the class.

86
00:05:36,148 --> 00:05:38,359
It's not about
looking at yourself or being sexy.

87
00:05:38,442 --> 00:05:41,111
It's about finding this place of comfort

88
00:05:41,195 --> 00:05:42,696
and confidence in your own body.

89
00:05:42,780 --> 00:05:43,822
[audience cheers]

90
00:05:43,906 --> 00:05:46,200
-[Sheila] Martha, come on!
-[audience cheers]

91
00:05:46,283 --> 00:05:48,577
Why is it called the S Factor?

92
00:05:48,660 --> 00:05:51,705
It's called the S Factor
after the shape of a woman's body.

93
00:05:51,789 --> 00:05:52,790
The curves of a…

94
00:05:52,873 --> 00:05:55,459
the S kind of mimics
the shape of a woman's body,

95
00:05:55,542 --> 00:05:58,462
as opposed to, like,
a man, who's more, like, of an H.

96
00:05:58,545 --> 00:05:59,880
-We're an H? Oh!
-Well, you know--

97
00:05:59,963 --> 00:06:01,715
-Thanks a lot! [laughs]
-[laughs]

98
00:06:01,799 --> 00:06:03,759
Women are an S!

99
00:06:03,842 --> 00:06:05,552
Men are an H!

100
00:06:05,636 --> 00:06:08,138
-[growls]
-[audience laughs]

101
00:06:08,222 --> 00:06:09,473
[Sheila] Oh, my God!

102
00:06:10,682 --> 00:06:15,312
[Sheila] I knew
I had to separate it from this male gaze.

103
00:06:15,396 --> 00:06:18,023
I talked about it as fitness,

104
00:06:18,107 --> 00:06:20,442
as something you can do
to get in great shape.

105
00:06:21,193 --> 00:06:22,986
Really, what S Factor is,

106
00:06:23,070 --> 00:06:24,822
it's a lifestyle practice

107
00:06:24,905 --> 00:06:27,241
designed for those that identify as women

108
00:06:27,741 --> 00:06:30,285
to unlock the body
through sensual movement…

109
00:06:30,369 --> 00:06:31,995
[women cheer]

110
00:06:32,079 --> 00:06:33,122
[Sheila] …and to learn

111
00:06:33,205 --> 00:06:36,583
how it can bring you
into a better place in the world.

112
00:06:36,667 --> 00:06:37,543
[woman] Okay.

113
00:06:38,460 --> 00:06:40,212
[Sheila] When I realized that, I was like,

114
00:06:40,295 --> 00:06:43,507
"Okay, I have to get this to women.
I want to get this to women."

115
00:06:49,972 --> 00:06:52,182
[indistinct chatter]

116
00:06:53,308 --> 00:06:55,602
Can you fill these out,
and bring it to me when you're done?

117
00:06:55,686 --> 00:06:56,854
There's a pen right there.

118
00:06:57,354 --> 00:06:59,356
[indistinct chatter continues]

119
00:07:00,899 --> 00:07:03,485
[receptionist] All right, we're good.
We're awesome. Thank you.

120
00:07:04,862 --> 00:07:06,238
-What's your name?
-Evelyn.

121
00:07:06,321 --> 00:07:07,489
-Evelyn. Patty.
-Patty.

122
00:07:07,573 --> 00:07:10,492
-Pleased to meet you.
-My middle name's Evelyn. I'm Violet.

123
00:07:10,576 --> 00:07:11,994
-[Patty] Violet.
-Nice to meet you.

124
00:07:12,077 --> 00:07:15,247
-I'm traveling from Fontana.
-Oh! Is that far?

125
00:07:15,330 --> 00:07:18,542
[Evelyn] My goal is to climb the pole.

126
00:07:18,625 --> 00:07:21,879
I'll be happy if I just get up to the top
and just wave at everybody. [chuckles]

127
00:07:21,962 --> 00:07:24,131
I probably won't be waving,
but you know. [laughs]

128
00:07:24,214 --> 00:07:25,841
That's my goal, is to climb.

129
00:07:26,592 --> 00:07:27,634
Evelyn.

130
00:07:27,718 --> 00:07:29,052
-I'm Ava.
-[Elizabeth] Ava.

131
00:07:29,136 --> 00:07:30,220
Elizabeth.

132
00:07:30,304 --> 00:07:32,264
[receptionist] Right here,
we need your initials.

133
00:07:32,347 --> 00:07:35,809
[Amber] I am, like,
so not coordinated at all.

134
00:07:35,893 --> 00:07:38,645
-[woman laughs] You don't need to be.
-Super dork.

135
00:07:38,729 --> 00:07:41,315
I haven't had a dance class
since I was in third grade.

136
00:07:41,398 --> 00:07:43,400
-Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
-Same skills.

137
00:07:43,484 --> 00:07:45,569
I guess... not sure what to expect.

138
00:07:45,652 --> 00:07:48,238
-[laughs] Yeah.
-You know? So it'll be interesting.

139
00:07:48,322 --> 00:07:50,491
[all] Hi!

140
00:07:50,574 --> 00:07:51,658
How's it going?

141
00:07:51,742 --> 00:07:53,243
[women cheering] Whoo!

142
00:07:53,327 --> 00:07:54,620
Are you guys nervous?

143
00:07:54,703 --> 00:07:56,538
-[women] Yes.
-You guys are brave motherfuckers.

144
00:07:56,622 --> 00:07:58,081
[all laugh]

145
00:07:58,165 --> 00:08:00,876
[Ali] I'm gonna, um,
ask you to leave your shoes out here.

146
00:08:00,959 --> 00:08:04,421
Come on in here.
Put your stuff on the bench here.

147
00:08:05,047 --> 00:08:05,881
[softly] Hi!

148
00:08:05,964 --> 00:08:09,885
[Ali] Hair down, glasses off, and then
we're gonna sit in a little circle.

149
00:08:09,968 --> 00:08:12,346
[Sheila] Wow! Look at this crew!

150
00:08:12,429 --> 00:08:14,890
-[class laughs]
-[Sheila] I wanna introduce you to Ali,

151
00:08:14,973 --> 00:08:16,892
who will be co-teaching with me.

152
00:08:16,975 --> 00:08:20,354
I'm Sheila, and it's my life mission

153
00:08:20,437 --> 00:08:22,481
to help bring women back

154
00:08:22,564 --> 00:08:24,149
into their wholeness.

155
00:08:24,233 --> 00:08:27,361
So we're about to embark
on a six-month journey,

156
00:08:27,444 --> 00:08:32,157
where we'll reconnect with our bodies
through sensual movement.

157
00:08:32,241 --> 00:08:34,034
And we'll get to know each other,

158
00:08:34,117 --> 00:08:36,328
even though we feel
like strangers right now.

159
00:08:36,828 --> 00:08:38,121
It takes feeling safe.

160
00:08:38,705 --> 00:08:41,458
That is why there's no mirrors,
and there's no judgement.

161
00:08:41,959 --> 00:08:45,546
I wanna know your name, where you're from,
and what you're seeking here.

162
00:08:46,046 --> 00:08:47,172
Who wants to go first?

163
00:08:48,423 --> 00:08:49,925
I think what I wanna get out of this,

164
00:08:50,008 --> 00:08:53,178
I've noticed recently
that I've stopped looking in the mirror…

165
00:08:53,804 --> 00:08:55,681
particularly this region. [chuckles]

166
00:08:55,764 --> 00:08:58,350
Sort of like the shame
of putting weight on.

167
00:08:59,184 --> 00:09:01,645
There's never been a day in my life
where I felt sexy

168
00:09:01,728 --> 00:09:04,731
or where I felt
like I accepted my body for what it was.

169
00:09:04,815 --> 00:09:06,650
I've always been a tomboy.

170
00:09:06,733 --> 00:09:08,527
I never really understand

171
00:09:08,610 --> 00:09:11,446
the true meaning of what being a woman is.

172
00:09:11,530 --> 00:09:15,200
I'm hoping this class will help that
and help me fall in love with myself,

173
00:09:15,284 --> 00:09:18,078
'cause Lord knows I don't. [chuckles]

174
00:09:18,161 --> 00:09:21,498
[Evelyn] I recently lost my husband.
It's been a year and a half.

175
00:09:21,582 --> 00:09:23,542
So, this is a big thing.

176
00:09:23,625 --> 00:09:26,211
I want to embrace being intimate again,

177
00:09:26,295 --> 00:09:27,462
even with myself,

178
00:09:27,963 --> 00:09:30,132
because I let a lot go,

179
00:09:30,215 --> 00:09:31,550
and I want it back.

180
00:09:32,050 --> 00:09:34,303
-[class] Yes!
-Let's do it. Shall we move?

181
00:09:34,886 --> 00:09:37,180
[sensual music playing]

182
00:09:38,140 --> 00:09:40,100
[Lisset] So my girlfriend's
been coming to this,

183
00:09:40,183 --> 00:09:44,146
and she's been opening up
and seeing the goddess in her,

184
00:09:44,229 --> 00:09:47,190
and I'm just like, "I want some of that."

185
00:09:47,274 --> 00:09:49,318
-[all laughing]
-[mouthing]

186
00:09:52,070 --> 00:09:55,532
I have three children,
and my baby is 21 years old.

187
00:09:55,616 --> 00:09:57,826
And so I kind of feel like I'm done

188
00:09:57,909 --> 00:10:00,871
with the motherhood part of my life.

189
00:10:01,371 --> 00:10:04,041
If I don't get on it,
I'm not gonna be able to.

190
00:10:06,460 --> 00:10:10,631
[Ali] As your head pulls
your whole body to the left…

191
00:10:10,714 --> 00:10:13,342
Every other woman that I see,
she looks gorgeous to me.

192
00:10:13,425 --> 00:10:14,968
I'm like, "Wow, she's pretty!"

193
00:10:15,052 --> 00:10:16,970
[cries] But I can never see it in myself.

194
00:10:19,181 --> 00:10:21,683
[crying] And I wanna find that confidence

195
00:10:21,767 --> 00:10:26,021
and feel sexy and not compare myself
negatively to other women.

196
00:10:26,104 --> 00:10:27,105
I look around here,

197
00:10:27,189 --> 00:10:30,400
"Oh, my God, everybody's so pretty!
Like, what am I looking like right now?"

198
00:10:30,484 --> 00:10:32,444
-[laughing] So…
-[Sheila] She asked you a question.

199
00:10:32,527 --> 00:10:35,280
-[woman] How is she looking?
-Yeah. How is she looking right now?

200
00:10:35,364 --> 00:10:37,866
-[woman] Super hot!
-[all exclaiming]

201
00:10:37,949 --> 00:10:40,702
[class cheering]

202
00:10:40,786 --> 00:10:42,996
[Sheila] Every woman
that comes in the studio

203
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:46,208
has a side of herself that's been hushed.

204
00:10:47,501 --> 00:10:50,587
The world has such incredible judgement

205
00:10:50,671 --> 00:10:52,714
around anyone who carries excess weight.

206
00:10:53,548 --> 00:10:55,509
I went through the process of,

207
00:10:55,592 --> 00:10:58,762
"You're too this. You're too that.
You're not enough of this."

208
00:10:59,388 --> 00:11:00,389
[Evelyn] Growing up,

209
00:11:00,889 --> 00:11:01,807
my father,

210
00:11:02,557 --> 00:11:05,352
he used to call me "Hot Dog."
It was a nickname.

211
00:11:05,435 --> 00:11:07,979
That one little thing just crushed me.

212
00:11:08,063 --> 00:11:09,606
I developed early,

213
00:11:09,690 --> 00:11:11,525
and everybody started noticing me.

214
00:11:11,608 --> 00:11:15,529
[crying] And I was being called a slut
because of what I was born with.

215
00:11:16,238 --> 00:11:18,699
[sniffling] I detached myself from it

216
00:11:19,574 --> 00:11:22,786
because I didn't wanna be judged.
I didn't wanna be called names.

217
00:11:23,370 --> 00:11:26,289
[Erin] Why does being a voluptuous woman,

218
00:11:26,373 --> 00:11:29,209
or even a slim woman with cellulite,

219
00:11:29,292 --> 00:11:32,713
why is that a thing that cannot be loved

220
00:11:33,672 --> 00:11:34,589
and beautiful?

221
00:11:36,508 --> 00:11:39,052
[Ali] I'm gonna teach you to walk

222
00:11:39,136 --> 00:11:40,846
S Factor style.

223
00:11:40,929 --> 00:11:42,764
The first step of the walk

224
00:11:42,848 --> 00:11:44,683
is to start to drag your toe

225
00:11:44,766 --> 00:11:48,270
from back to front across your midline.

226
00:11:48,353 --> 00:11:50,856
So my whole body is slithering along.

227
00:11:51,982 --> 00:11:55,277
You're gonna stick your breasts out,
your shoulder blades back.

228
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:58,029
Pull your belly button in
to support your low back

229
00:11:58,113 --> 00:11:59,448
'cause it arches.

230
00:11:59,531 --> 00:12:00,949
And it doesn't matter.

231
00:12:01,032 --> 00:12:03,535
You're not going
in a straight line or getting anywhere.

232
00:12:03,618 --> 00:12:06,705
You're just enjoying how you get there.

233
00:12:06,788 --> 00:12:07,998
That's the journey.

234
00:12:08,081 --> 00:12:09,332
[class cheers]

235
00:12:09,416 --> 00:12:11,084
[indistinct chatter]

236
00:12:11,168 --> 00:12:14,588
[Sheila] If a woman is feeling like,
"I can't dance…"

237
00:12:15,422 --> 00:12:17,340
"I feel too awkward, too clumsy…"

238
00:12:17,424 --> 00:12:18,508
[woman] Yeah!

239
00:12:19,134 --> 00:12:23,388
[Sheila] …that's maddening 'cause it's not
like a "dance on the beat" kind of thing.

240
00:12:23,472 --> 00:12:24,389
It's... no, it's…

241
00:12:24,473 --> 00:12:29,186
it's all about releasing deep, deep pain

242
00:12:29,770 --> 00:12:31,772
and deep trauma in your body.

243
00:12:31,855 --> 00:12:33,940
[Sheila] So where's your curve right now?

244
00:12:34,941 --> 00:12:38,528
-[chuckling] Where's your…
-[class laughs]

245
00:12:40,197 --> 00:12:41,490
[Sheila] Can I have your glasses?

246
00:12:42,407 --> 00:12:43,366
Thank you.

247
00:12:44,618 --> 00:12:45,952
-I can't see.
-[Sheila] It's great.

248
00:12:46,036 --> 00:12:46,953
[class laughs]

249
00:12:47,037 --> 00:12:49,456
Kick your hip out. Just kick a hip out.

250
00:12:49,539 --> 00:12:52,209
Let your hair go. Yeah.

251
00:12:52,793 --> 00:12:54,002
You're like this vixen

252
00:12:54,085 --> 00:12:55,796
who hides in this place,

253
00:12:55,879 --> 00:12:57,923
which we don't want you
to hide there anymore. Okay?

254
00:12:58,006 --> 00:12:58,965
So, how we gonna do it?

255
00:12:59,049 --> 00:13:01,843
In the middle of 2015,
I was diagnosed with lupus.

256
00:13:01,927 --> 00:13:06,223
[voice breaking] So I had a reason
for why, um, I was frozen all the time.

257
00:13:06,306 --> 00:13:07,891
To want to walk and not be able to,

258
00:13:07,974 --> 00:13:09,309
to want to pick up a cup,

259
00:13:09,810 --> 00:13:12,521
and you just couldn't do it.

260
00:13:13,021 --> 00:13:15,148
So, I became very aware of movement,

261
00:13:15,649 --> 00:13:17,317
and I want to explore that more.

262
00:13:19,027 --> 00:13:21,154
Honestly, I don't have a crazy story.

263
00:13:21,238 --> 00:13:23,240
I just wanted to try pole class.

264
00:13:23,657 --> 00:13:26,743
And that's just something different, new.

265
00:13:26,827 --> 00:13:28,495
I wanna shake my thing.

266
00:13:28,578 --> 00:13:30,330
[class laughs] Whoo!

267
00:13:30,413 --> 00:13:33,458
-This, to me, is a transformative journey.
-Yeah, I'm kind of getting that.

268
00:13:33,542 --> 00:13:34,626
-[Sheila] Okay.
-So…

269
00:13:34,709 --> 00:13:35,877
[all laughing]

270
00:13:35,961 --> 00:13:37,170
It's kind of intense. Yeah.

271
00:13:37,254 --> 00:13:39,214
[class laughing]

272
00:13:39,297 --> 00:13:42,008
I'm like, "Wow, okay.
What did I get myself into?"

273
00:13:42,092 --> 00:13:44,845
A lot. You got yourself
into the deep fucking end, baby!

274
00:13:44,928 --> 00:13:48,390
I wasn't scared.
Now I'm, like, a little scared. [laughs]

275
00:13:49,140 --> 00:13:53,395
[Sheila] You're gonna hold
each other accountable to not giving up.

276
00:13:53,478 --> 00:13:55,897
Emotion is gonna come up.
Fear is gonna come up.

277
00:13:55,981 --> 00:13:58,859
Judgement is gonna come up.
You have to fight through it.

278
00:13:59,401 --> 00:14:01,444
I'll tell you right now,
you're all gonna wanna quit.

279
00:14:02,028 --> 00:14:05,907
You're all gonna go, "This is
too fucking intimate. This is scary."

280
00:14:05,991 --> 00:14:08,285
And then if you are brave enough,

281
00:14:08,368 --> 00:14:11,246
you'll continue forward
and reclaim yourself completely.

282
00:14:11,329 --> 00:14:13,039
If you give in to it,

283
00:14:13,123 --> 00:14:16,751
you will drift off and live
in a state of "Where the fuck am I?"

284
00:14:18,086 --> 00:14:21,006
So, listen, I want you to look
across the circle at someone

285
00:14:21,089 --> 00:14:23,758
and catch the eye of somebody,
and then point to her.

286
00:14:25,594 --> 00:14:27,137
Does everybody have somebody?

287
00:14:28,138 --> 00:14:30,473
I'm going that direction.
I can't actually see.

288
00:14:30,557 --> 00:14:32,934
-[class laughing]
-[Sheila] Is someone looking at her?

289
00:14:33,018 --> 00:14:35,478
-You're my girl!
-[Sheila] Put your hand up. Okay.

290
00:14:36,646 --> 00:14:39,316
That is your mirror for this journey.

291
00:14:40,066 --> 00:14:42,319
She's gonna keep you
and hold you accountable,

292
00:14:43,361 --> 00:14:45,071
and you're gonna create a sisterhood.

293
00:14:45,572 --> 00:14:47,574
[soft music playing]

294
00:14:50,619 --> 00:14:51,870
[all cheering]

295
00:14:56,416 --> 00:14:57,918
[dog whimpers]

296
00:15:08,053 --> 00:15:12,807
[Sheila] I never set out
or intended to be the founder

297
00:15:12,891 --> 00:15:15,018
of a feminine movement practice.

298
00:15:15,101 --> 00:15:16,978
[Sheila] Yeah. This is done.

299
00:15:20,106 --> 00:15:23,568
[Sheila] I was preparing for a movie
where I was playing a stripper.

300
00:15:23,652 --> 00:15:25,654
[sensual music playing]

301
00:15:26,321 --> 00:15:29,532
[Sheila] I became
fascinated by pole dance.

302
00:15:32,327 --> 00:15:34,162
It felt so amazing

303
00:15:34,245 --> 00:15:36,498
to be that overtly feminine.

304
00:15:39,125 --> 00:15:41,294
When you have been offended constantly

305
00:15:41,378 --> 00:15:44,130
and told what is right and wrong
to do with your body,

306
00:15:44,839 --> 00:15:47,759
you start to take that inside,
and you start to self-offend.

307
00:15:49,219 --> 00:15:51,721
I had an enormous amount of self-abuse.

308
00:15:52,555 --> 00:15:55,058
I was diagnosed with anorexia.

309
00:15:55,767 --> 00:15:56,810
I was a cutter.

310
00:15:58,228 --> 00:16:00,814
This lifestyle and practice

311
00:16:00,897 --> 00:16:02,440
has made me confront

312
00:16:02,524 --> 00:16:05,318
all the things
that have made me self-conscious,

313
00:16:05,402 --> 00:16:06,945
made me feel judged,

314
00:16:07,028 --> 00:16:09,155
made me feel shut down.

315
00:16:12,033 --> 00:16:12,909
One day,

316
00:16:13,410 --> 00:16:16,538
I was dropping my son off at preschool,

317
00:16:16,621 --> 00:16:18,415
and there was a knock on my window.

318
00:16:19,124 --> 00:16:21,960
It was a mom
I didn't really know. She goes, um,

319
00:16:22,043 --> 00:16:24,629
"I hear you do that pole dance."

320
00:16:25,171 --> 00:16:27,966
And I'm like,
"Yeah, go get some six-inch heels."

321
00:16:28,049 --> 00:16:29,592
"Come on over to my house."

322
00:16:29,676 --> 00:16:31,386
So I started teaching.

323
00:16:32,178 --> 00:16:33,930
[Sheila] Okay, it's ready.

324
00:16:34,514 --> 00:16:35,849
-Let's all sit.
-[all laughing]

325
00:16:35,932 --> 00:16:39,310
[Sheila] My kids
came up against challenges,

326
00:16:39,394 --> 00:16:41,730
being the mom with the poles in the house.

327
00:16:41,813 --> 00:16:42,981
[laughing]

328
00:16:43,064 --> 00:16:45,233
[sensual music playing]

329
00:16:45,316 --> 00:16:49,904
The mothers and the fathers would not
let their daughters come over here

330
00:16:49,988 --> 00:16:52,532
because people think, you know,
"A strip club."

331
00:16:52,615 --> 00:16:55,618
[sensual music continues]

332
00:16:55,702 --> 00:16:57,495
-We needed that.
-[woman exclaims]

333
00:16:57,579 --> 00:16:59,998
Can we start
every single meeting like that?

334
00:17:06,588 --> 00:17:08,173
[cars honking]

335
00:17:09,174 --> 00:17:12,594
[Sheila] I eventually opened studios
in Chicago, San Francisco,

336
00:17:12,677 --> 00:17:14,888
Los Angeles, Houston, and New York.

337
00:17:20,268 --> 00:17:21,936
[Patricia] When I first started,

338
00:17:22,020 --> 00:17:26,107
it just felt like freedom and release.

339
00:17:26,858 --> 00:17:28,860
[sensual music playing]

340
00:17:41,706 --> 00:17:43,708
Even though I wasn't physically crying,

341
00:17:44,584 --> 00:17:46,252
every dance was me crying.

342
00:17:49,214 --> 00:17:52,300
I was just in a really,
really dark, dark place.

343
00:17:52,383 --> 00:17:54,344
My relationship had ended.

344
00:17:54,844 --> 00:17:56,679
I was really devastated.

345
00:17:57,347 --> 00:17:59,224
It just felt like…

346
00:17:59,724 --> 00:18:02,227
"I'm 38 years old,
I'm never gonna get married,

347
00:18:02,310 --> 00:18:04,062
I'm never gonna have a baby,

348
00:18:04,145 --> 00:18:06,147
it's never gonna happen for me."

349
00:18:07,273 --> 00:18:10,568
I wanted to kind of reconnect with myself.

350
00:18:10,652 --> 00:18:12,070
I was feeling very dejected.

351
00:18:12,153 --> 00:18:14,739
I just wanted to feel
more sensual and more sexual.

352
00:18:16,491 --> 00:18:17,867
When I first started,

353
00:18:17,951 --> 00:18:22,831
a lot of what I went through was about
just feeling comfortable in my own skin,

354
00:18:23,456 --> 00:18:25,708
feeling the sensuality in my body.

355
00:18:26,292 --> 00:18:28,711
I didn't know there was a deeper journey.

356
00:18:30,088 --> 00:18:31,631
[Sheila] There's a fight happening

357
00:18:31,714 --> 00:18:34,467
between two erotic energies.

358
00:18:34,551 --> 00:18:37,595
Between your lust and your fire

359
00:18:37,679 --> 00:18:40,890
has been your fear, your pullback, right?

360
00:18:42,433 --> 00:18:45,103
And what's coming is a lot of hope.

361
00:18:46,312 --> 00:18:48,565
But I want the hope to bring the lust.

362
00:18:48,648 --> 00:18:50,650
Don't leave the lust back there.

363
00:18:51,860 --> 00:18:54,195
[Patricia] As a Black woman
in the workplace,

364
00:18:54,279 --> 00:18:55,822
you encounter so many things

365
00:18:55,905 --> 00:18:57,407
that will make you angry.

366
00:18:58,366 --> 00:19:03,121
There's such a stigma
around this idea of the angry Black woman.

367
00:19:03,204 --> 00:19:06,583
That's been something
that I really try to keep a handle on

368
00:19:07,083 --> 00:19:09,794
because you know that people have
those kinds of perceptions

369
00:19:09,878 --> 00:19:12,630
and that your anger is really not okay.

370
00:19:13,173 --> 00:19:15,258
S Factor can be sort of a safe place

371
00:19:15,341 --> 00:19:17,635
to explore that and try to express it.

372
00:19:21,431 --> 00:19:22,599
[women laugh]

373
00:19:22,682 --> 00:19:25,059
[Patricia] I've been doing S Factor
for about eight years now.

374
00:19:25,143 --> 00:19:28,730
A lot of it is about the deepness
of the relationships

375
00:19:28,813 --> 00:19:30,899
that all these women have
with each other.

376
00:19:30,982 --> 00:19:32,984
[soft classical music playing]

377
00:19:39,824 --> 00:19:41,826
[Amy] I went from believing
that pole dancing

378
00:19:41,910 --> 00:19:44,078
was this very solitary thing

379
00:19:44,162 --> 00:19:47,123
to discovering this huge family of people

380
00:19:47,207 --> 00:19:49,042
who are open arms, embrace me,

381
00:19:49,125 --> 00:19:52,045
and would celebrate
all of my wins with me.

382
00:19:53,046 --> 00:19:55,048
Pole is an industry that is unique

383
00:19:55,131 --> 00:19:57,258
because it is built by women.

384
00:19:57,342 --> 00:19:59,344
[soft classical music continues]

385
00:20:01,095 --> 00:20:02,722
The original pole studio owners

386
00:20:02,805 --> 00:20:04,933
come from, like, an S Factor background,

387
00:20:05,016 --> 00:20:07,936
or they were strippers,
and people wanted to learn their craft.

388
00:20:08,895 --> 00:20:12,357
This creative industry
has been growing like crazy

389
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,692
because we built our business around,

390
00:20:14,776 --> 00:20:19,364
"How does pole dancing help you become
empowered in the rest of your life?"

391
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:23,785
"How do you feel bigger and bolder
outside of the studio

392
00:20:23,868 --> 00:20:27,205
because of the confidence
that pole dance instills in you?"

393
00:20:27,789 --> 00:20:30,750
And that's really
the intoxicating part of pole.

394
00:20:32,085 --> 00:20:34,087
[upbeat music playing]

395
00:20:40,134 --> 00:20:41,469
[Amy] I love competition.

396
00:20:42,053 --> 00:20:44,806
I always want to win,
and that's just the way I am.

397
00:20:44,889 --> 00:20:47,684
[upbeat music continues]

398
00:20:53,147 --> 00:20:54,649
[Amy] I'm also an attorney.

399
00:20:55,316 --> 00:20:58,528
I currently practice pro bono family law.

400
00:20:58,611 --> 00:21:00,571
You can be a pole dancer
and you can be a lawyer.

401
00:21:00,655 --> 00:21:01,656
How cool is that?

402
00:21:01,739 --> 00:21:03,741
[upbeat music playing]

403
00:21:04,659 --> 00:21:05,827
[Amy] I generally am known

404
00:21:05,910 --> 00:21:09,080
as what, in the pole dance world,
we call a trickster.

405
00:21:09,747 --> 00:21:12,500
I post a lot of tricks on social media.

406
00:21:12,583 --> 00:21:14,419
I love teaching tricks.

407
00:21:15,336 --> 00:21:17,964
In five weeks, I am competing

408
00:21:18,047 --> 00:21:20,133
at the Golden Gate Pole Championship.

409
00:21:21,009 --> 00:21:22,468
My reason for competing

410
00:21:22,552 --> 00:21:25,096
has always been about telling stories.

411
00:21:27,098 --> 00:21:28,766
Can I tell a story with my body

412
00:21:28,850 --> 00:21:30,685
that I truly believe in,

413
00:21:30,768 --> 00:21:33,271
that maybe other people
can relate to too?

414
00:21:34,272 --> 00:21:36,274
[R&B music playing]

415
00:21:38,609 --> 00:21:40,069
[audience cheers]

416
00:21:40,153 --> 00:21:42,947
[Amy] I took
my very first pole dancing class,

417
00:21:43,031 --> 00:21:46,200
and I was like,
"Oh, this will be such a nice hobby."

418
00:21:46,951 --> 00:21:49,203
I don't know.
Maybe it was, like, an electric,

419
00:21:49,287 --> 00:21:52,040
magnetic thing
in the stainless steel on the pole,

420
00:21:52,123 --> 00:21:53,875
but as soon as I touched the pole,

421
00:21:53,958 --> 00:21:57,628
I was like, "Oh, I love this."

422
00:21:58,212 --> 00:22:00,590
I literally fly when I'm on the pole.

423
00:22:00,673 --> 00:22:02,800
I'm flying. That's crazy.

424
00:22:03,384 --> 00:22:07,180
I never would've believed
I could have done that five years ago.

425
00:22:08,806 --> 00:22:10,600
-[woman] Amy, did you wash your hands?
-Yes.

426
00:22:10,683 --> 00:22:12,060
[woman] Okay.

427
00:22:12,727 --> 00:22:14,604
[man] There she is. Talk to him.

428
00:22:14,687 --> 00:22:15,688
[young Amy] Hi!

429
00:22:15,772 --> 00:22:17,857
[Amy] I'm the oldest of seven kids.

430
00:22:18,524 --> 00:22:20,985
I was raised in the Mormon Church.

431
00:22:22,945 --> 00:22:23,780
Being Mormon,

432
00:22:23,863 --> 00:22:27,950
women owning their sexuality was something
that was really frowned upon.

433
00:22:28,034 --> 00:22:30,620
You just pretend
that your sexuality doesn't exist.

434
00:22:30,703 --> 00:22:34,499
And if you run into a moment
where it happens to exist for you,

435
00:22:34,582 --> 00:22:38,002
you, like, say your prayers
and you ask for forgiveness for it.

436
00:22:38,795 --> 00:22:40,421
I felt like a bad person

437
00:22:40,505 --> 00:22:42,882
because of this lesson I'd had in my body

438
00:22:42,965 --> 00:22:45,093
about being ashamed of my sexuality.

439
00:22:45,176 --> 00:22:49,180
Like, is this really real?
Is this something I actually believe in?

440
00:22:53,768 --> 00:22:55,186
When I started pole dancing,

441
00:22:55,269 --> 00:22:56,771
I didn't tell anyone about it

442
00:22:56,854 --> 00:23:00,733
because it was still
this weird underground thing.

443
00:23:01,776 --> 00:23:04,862
I want to create a world
where you say that you pole dance,

444
00:23:04,946 --> 00:23:07,281
and the first question
people ask you isn't,

445
00:23:07,365 --> 00:23:09,200
"Oh, are you a stripper?"

446
00:23:09,283 --> 00:23:11,160
It's, "Oh, that's really cool."

447
00:23:11,244 --> 00:23:13,996
-"I've heard that's really hard."
-[man clapping]

448
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:16,833
Yeah! Do it again! All right!

449
00:23:16,916 --> 00:23:19,127
[man shouting indistinctly]

450
00:23:19,210 --> 00:23:20,962
[sensual music playing]

451
00:23:21,045 --> 00:23:22,046
[door lock beeps]

452
00:23:27,927 --> 00:23:30,012
[Amy] I own San Francisco Pole and Dance.

453
00:23:33,057 --> 00:23:35,184
I wanted to create a space

454
00:23:35,268 --> 00:23:36,477
where anybody can come,

455
00:23:36,561 --> 00:23:38,604
and they're not ashamed to pole dance.

456
00:23:39,230 --> 00:23:43,776
Whatever face my students put on for work,
they can take off when they come in here.

457
00:23:44,944 --> 00:23:47,613
If they've got a belly
on top of their abs,

458
00:23:47,697 --> 00:23:49,282
let it all hang out.

459
00:23:50,783 --> 00:23:54,287
The reason we don't wear a lot of clothes
is because it helps you stick to the pole.

460
00:23:55,580 --> 00:23:57,748
-[teacher] All the way up.
-[Amy] I tell my students,

461
00:23:57,832 --> 00:24:00,960
"I know that you've been shamed
about your body for most of your life,

462
00:24:01,043 --> 00:24:03,880
but I want you to take off
most of your clothes,

463
00:24:03,963 --> 00:24:05,423
strip down to a bikini,

464
00:24:05,506 --> 00:24:07,758
come out here
in front of full-length mirrors,

465
00:24:07,842 --> 00:24:10,636
and I want you to try something
you've never done before

466
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:13,055
and that you're
probably gonna be really terrible at."

467
00:24:13,139 --> 00:24:15,224
That's a hard sell right there.

468
00:24:15,308 --> 00:24:17,310
[sensual music continues]

469
00:24:22,398 --> 00:24:25,943
I'm gonna show you guys three, like,
tricksy things today.

470
00:24:26,027 --> 00:24:28,362
We'll incorporate it and kind of break up

471
00:24:28,446 --> 00:24:30,323
the tricks that we learn
with free dancing.

472
00:24:30,948 --> 00:24:33,326
And face! Chest!

473
00:24:33,826 --> 00:24:35,161
Belly! Hips!

474
00:24:35,244 --> 00:24:38,706
And then you're gonna tuck your hips.
You're gonna sit down into it,

475
00:24:39,999 --> 00:24:42,376
pulling your face in towards the pole.

476
00:24:44,337 --> 00:24:47,507
Getting your pussy down to the ground.

477
00:24:47,590 --> 00:24:50,259
I signed up
for the sexy choreography class

478
00:24:50,343 --> 00:24:53,346
because I've never
been in shape or felt sexy.

479
00:24:53,429 --> 00:24:57,016
I like doing things that terrify me,
and I swear, this thing terrified me.

480
00:24:57,099 --> 00:24:58,809
[Amy] Let's do this move together.

481
00:24:59,519 --> 00:25:01,145
One, back.

482
00:25:01,229 --> 00:25:02,813
Two, back.

483
00:25:02,897 --> 00:25:03,981
Kick, drop.

484
00:25:04,065 --> 00:25:05,233
Oh! You queen!

485
00:25:05,316 --> 00:25:07,860
That was fucking awesome! That was great!

486
00:25:07,944 --> 00:25:09,946
[soft classical music playing]

487
00:25:17,286 --> 00:25:19,372
[Amy] What is so exciting
about pole dancing

488
00:25:19,455 --> 00:25:22,124
is it helps people, especially women,

489
00:25:22,208 --> 00:25:25,086
rediscover their relationship
with their bodies.

490
00:25:25,169 --> 00:25:27,171
[gentle music continues]

491
00:25:30,883 --> 00:25:32,426
[Sheila] Here's what you're gonna do.

492
00:25:32,510 --> 00:25:35,304
Take your right hand or left hand,
whichever is dominant.

493
00:25:35,930 --> 00:25:39,809
And you're going to stay
in that beautiful curvy walk,

494
00:25:39,892 --> 00:25:42,228
and you're going to close the door.

495
00:25:42,728 --> 00:25:44,188
And then you're gonna turn around.

496
00:25:44,272 --> 00:25:47,275
-[mimics rocket taking off]
-[class cheering]

497
00:25:49,944 --> 00:25:50,778
[Sheila] Right?

498
00:25:50,861 --> 00:25:52,947
I want you to think of the pole

499
00:25:53,030 --> 00:25:55,741
as the frame of the artwork of your body.

500
00:25:56,325 --> 00:25:58,160
It's not about the pole.

501
00:25:58,244 --> 00:26:00,329
[class cheering and clapping]

502
00:26:16,929 --> 00:26:19,140
[Megan] I'm from Ohio, originally.

503
00:26:19,223 --> 00:26:21,017
I grew up doing gymnastics.

504
00:26:21,100 --> 00:26:22,727
It just was my life.

505
00:26:22,810 --> 00:26:27,690
When I was younger,
I was repeatedly sexually abused by

506
00:26:27,773 --> 00:26:32,194
the ex-famed Olympic gymnastics doctor,
Larry Nassar,

507
00:26:32,278 --> 00:26:34,071
but it was one of those things

508
00:26:34,155 --> 00:26:35,615
that I stuffed away.

509
00:26:35,698 --> 00:26:38,492
My whole life,
I just pretended like it never happened,

510
00:26:39,452 --> 00:26:41,203
but it was always there.

511
00:26:41,287 --> 00:26:43,456
[exhales sharply]
I gotta breathe for a sec.

512
00:26:43,539 --> 00:26:45,291
[voice breaking] Um, but, you know, this--

513
00:26:45,374 --> 00:26:47,001
[Sheila] You don't have to keep talking.

514
00:26:47,084 --> 00:26:47,918
[exhales]

515
00:26:48,002 --> 00:26:50,212
-[Sheila] You can just be.
-Okay. Okay.

516
00:26:52,214 --> 00:26:53,883
[exhales]

517
00:26:53,966 --> 00:26:55,968
[gentle guitar music playing]

518
00:26:57,762 --> 00:26:59,096
[man] Wow!

519
00:27:00,139 --> 00:27:02,350
I was two when I started gymnastics,

520
00:27:02,433 --> 00:27:04,101
and I fell in love with it,

521
00:27:04,185 --> 00:27:06,854
and I immediately wanted
to be an Olympian.

522
00:27:08,522 --> 00:27:11,192
I remember the 1996 Atlanta Olympics,

523
00:27:11,275 --> 00:27:13,527
when Kerri Strug broke her foot.

524
00:27:14,528 --> 00:27:16,155
That was such a big moment.

525
00:27:19,867 --> 00:27:21,118
[man] All right, Meg.

526
00:27:22,203 --> 00:27:24,413
[Megan] I gave up everything for it.

527
00:27:24,497 --> 00:27:27,541
I didn't have friends
or a social life or anything.

528
00:27:27,625 --> 00:27:29,460
-[man] Yeah! Good job, Meg!
-[audience applauds]

529
00:27:30,419 --> 00:27:31,879
[Megan] When I was 15,

530
00:27:31,962 --> 00:27:35,007
I ended up having
three stress fractures in my back.

531
00:27:35,716 --> 00:27:38,928
As a gymnast,
what you're told by your coaches is,

532
00:27:39,011 --> 00:27:41,138
"No pain, no gain. Push through it."

533
00:27:42,139 --> 00:27:45,685
So I pushed, and I trained
on those fractures for six months…

534
00:27:46,185 --> 00:27:48,813
and I couldn't walk
'cause there was just so much spasming,

535
00:27:48,896 --> 00:27:51,774
and, like, my body was just so contracted

536
00:27:51,857 --> 00:27:53,651
and trying to protect itself.

537
00:27:55,277 --> 00:27:58,656
We went to a few doctors.
They couldn't find what was wrong,

538
00:27:58,739 --> 00:28:00,491
and so when we found Larry Nassar,

539
00:28:00,574 --> 00:28:02,284
it was like a godsend

540
00:28:02,368 --> 00:28:03,744
that he knew what was wrong

541
00:28:03,828 --> 00:28:05,996
and could treat it. [chuckles]

542
00:28:07,540 --> 00:28:09,375
This is a famous doctor.

543
00:28:09,959 --> 00:28:12,586
All of my heroes saw him.

544
00:28:13,337 --> 00:28:15,923
When Kerri Strug broke her foot,

545
00:28:16,006 --> 00:28:18,467
little do people realize
that it was Larry Nassar

546
00:28:18,551 --> 00:28:20,428
holding his hand out for her.

547
00:28:24,682 --> 00:28:26,892
He would sort of start this massage,

548
00:28:26,976 --> 00:28:29,770
and he'd sort of
work his way up in your inner thighs.

549
00:28:29,854 --> 00:28:31,355
And then he'd camouflage

550
00:28:31,439 --> 00:28:33,816
by standing in between my mom and I,

551
00:28:33,899 --> 00:28:36,610
and he would have one hand massaging,

552
00:28:36,694 --> 00:28:40,156
and then the other
would just aggressively go in.

553
00:28:40,239 --> 00:28:43,659
And it was painful.
It hurt. I'd walk out of there sore

554
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:45,578
every single time.

555
00:28:45,661 --> 00:28:47,788
It was… it was really intense.

556
00:28:49,749 --> 00:28:52,334
I knew from day one
that something was wrong,

557
00:28:52,418 --> 00:28:54,754
but I was too scared.

558
00:28:54,837 --> 00:28:57,006
I was terrified.

559
00:28:58,299 --> 00:29:00,009
I was terrified to say something.

560
00:29:00,092 --> 00:29:02,803
I didn't even know
that area of my body yet.

561
00:29:05,181 --> 00:29:07,892
[Megan] This past year has been awful.

562
00:29:07,975 --> 00:29:09,852
I just kind of stopped living

563
00:29:09,935 --> 00:29:12,813
because I started to deal with it.

564
00:29:12,897 --> 00:29:15,149
And I went to therapy,
and I was proactive,

565
00:29:15,232 --> 00:29:18,402
but I don't know…
you know, I… I don't know who I am.

566
00:29:19,445 --> 00:29:21,989
[Sheila] You're put on this Earth
to be life force,

567
00:29:22,072 --> 00:29:23,949
and this culture we live in

568
00:29:24,033 --> 00:29:25,993
just robs it from the feminine.

569
00:29:26,076 --> 00:29:27,953
And I am no longer okay with it.

570
00:29:28,662 --> 00:29:32,792
So thank you for joining me on this crazy,
crazy amazing journey of reclamation.

571
00:29:32,875 --> 00:29:34,293
We'll… we'll get there, okay?

572
00:29:35,669 --> 00:29:38,088
Just wanna talk to you
about what you're gonna bring next week.

573
00:29:38,172 --> 00:29:39,340
-[slams loudly]
-Shoes.

574
00:29:39,423 --> 00:29:42,092
-[class exclaims]
-Six-inch to eight-inch shoes.

575
00:29:42,176 --> 00:29:43,260
[class applauding]

576
00:29:43,344 --> 00:29:46,096
[Sheila] These shoes are gonna start
to tell you about yourself.

577
00:29:46,180 --> 00:29:48,516
They will tilt your pelvis
another 30 degrees

578
00:29:48,599 --> 00:29:50,309
and make the curve even louder.

579
00:29:50,392 --> 00:29:54,480
They're also gonna allow your body
to be more heightened in her sexuality.

580
00:29:54,563 --> 00:29:56,440
[class laughs]

581
00:29:56,524 --> 00:29:58,692
Miss Evelyn. Yeah?

582
00:29:59,527 --> 00:30:01,320
-What's going on?
-[crying softly]

583
00:30:01,862 --> 00:30:02,696
[sniffles]

584
00:30:03,197 --> 00:30:04,698
[Evelyn] My husband, Terry…

585
00:30:05,533 --> 00:30:07,868
March 6th was a year and a half

586
00:30:07,952 --> 00:30:09,328
that he's been gone.

587
00:30:10,788 --> 00:30:11,789
[sniffs]

588
00:30:11,872 --> 00:30:14,792
[voice breaking] Around that time,
I put my wedding ring back on

589
00:30:15,376 --> 00:30:17,211
'cause I took it off.

590
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:20,256
[Sheila] Let the sob happen.
Just sob for a second.

591
00:30:20,339 --> 00:30:22,758
There's no shame here.
There's no cutting back the sobbing.

592
00:30:22,842 --> 00:30:24,468
-No, I--
-[Sheila] You're grieving.

593
00:30:24,552 --> 00:30:27,429
But what your body needs to do
is move emotion through it.

594
00:30:28,013 --> 00:30:31,767
[sobbing] But it's such an ugly cry.

595
00:30:31,851 --> 00:30:34,562
-[Sheila] Oh, my God!
-[class applauding and cheering]

596
00:30:35,187 --> 00:30:36,856
[Evelyn crying] No,
I don't mean it's ugly.

597
00:30:36,939 --> 00:30:39,441
[crying] Yeah, it's probably ugly
in the face, but I mean…

598
00:30:39,525 --> 00:30:41,443
this is a cry I've never…

599
00:30:41,527 --> 00:30:42,945
[sobbing]

600
00:30:43,028 --> 00:30:44,405
…I've not experienced.

601
00:30:44,488 --> 00:30:48,450
And I know it's different,
and I hear it in the echoes in my house.

602
00:30:48,534 --> 00:30:50,411
And it's horrible.

603
00:30:50,494 --> 00:30:51,495
[sobbing]

604
00:30:52,037 --> 00:30:54,540
[Sheila] Put your hand
where he is right now in your body.

605
00:30:54,623 --> 00:30:55,457
I'm sorry?

606
00:30:55,541 --> 00:30:59,086
Put your hand on where he is in your body.
Where do you feel him most?

607
00:31:00,254 --> 00:31:02,423
-[inhales] Right here.
-[Sheila] Right here?

608
00:31:03,883 --> 00:31:05,092
I want you to just move it.

609
00:31:05,175 --> 00:31:07,595
I don't want you to feel…
I don't want you to talk anymore.

610
00:31:07,678 --> 00:31:09,430
I want you to move your body.

611
00:31:10,556 --> 00:31:11,682
[crying softly]

612
00:31:12,516 --> 00:31:14,059
I don't think I can.

613
00:31:15,769 --> 00:31:18,439
[Sheila] Let that hand
and that arm soothe you right now.

614
00:31:18,522 --> 00:31:19,899
If that's where he is,

615
00:31:21,525 --> 00:31:23,027
let that arm soothe you.

616
00:31:24,069 --> 00:31:26,071
["Let It Go" by James Bay playing]

617
00:31:29,658 --> 00:31:31,911
[Sheila] You know how to do this. Breathe.

618
00:31:32,828 --> 00:31:34,079
-Breathe.
-[exhales]

619
00:31:34,163 --> 00:31:35,414
[Sheila] Let it move you.

620
00:31:36,165 --> 00:31:37,666
Have a dance right now.

621
00:31:39,752 --> 00:31:41,503
Come on. Come on.

622
00:31:42,588 --> 00:31:44,214
Move toward me with your breath.

623
00:31:44,298 --> 00:31:46,634
-[music continues]
-♪ Just let it be ♪

624
00:31:47,134 --> 00:31:49,678
♪ Why don't you be you ♪

625
00:31:50,220 --> 00:31:52,014
♪ And I'll be me? ♪

626
00:31:53,223 --> 00:31:56,393
♪ Everything that's broke ♪

627
00:31:56,477 --> 00:31:58,062
♪ Leave it to the breeze… ♪

628
00:31:58,145 --> 00:32:00,814
[Sheila] That's it. That's it. That's it.
Beautiful, Evelyn.

629
00:32:01,732 --> 00:32:02,691
And let it go.

630
00:32:03,192 --> 00:32:04,860
♪ And I'll be me? ♪

631
00:32:06,612 --> 00:32:08,155
♪ And I'll be me… ♪

632
00:32:08,238 --> 00:32:11,408
[Sheila] Crawl over to me.
Slow. You know how to do this.

633
00:32:12,326 --> 00:32:13,243
Yes!

634
00:32:13,327 --> 00:32:15,162
[class applauding] Yeah!

635
00:32:16,163 --> 00:32:16,997
Yes!

636
00:32:17,498 --> 00:32:19,458
[class cheering]

637
00:32:24,004 --> 00:32:27,925
[Sheila] Keep moving.
Put his… on your… that arm, yes!

638
00:32:28,008 --> 00:32:29,969
Feel him dancing with you, baby.

639
00:32:32,096 --> 00:32:35,140
♪ Why don't you be you ♪

640
00:32:35,641 --> 00:32:37,393
♪ And I'll be me… ♪

641
00:32:39,019 --> 00:32:41,939
[Sheila] Good!
Now, you're gonna go all the way back.

642
00:32:47,194 --> 00:32:50,864
-[exclaiming and laughing]
-[all cheering]

643
00:32:54,493 --> 00:32:56,495
It's okay to be happy again.

644
00:32:57,997 --> 00:32:59,456
Thank you for trusting us.

645
00:32:59,540 --> 00:33:02,251
[Evelyn crying] It's been a long time
since I could trust.

646
00:33:02,334 --> 00:33:03,460
So, thank you.

647
00:33:04,128 --> 00:33:06,130
[class clapping]

648
00:33:07,923 --> 00:33:11,260
[Dr. Berman] Even though
you're not therapists, you, as teachers,

649
00:33:11,343 --> 00:33:13,679
are providing an experience

650
00:33:13,762 --> 00:33:16,932
that is extremely healing
in a therapeutic way.

651
00:33:17,516 --> 00:33:19,268
But you wanna be extra careful,

652
00:33:19,351 --> 00:33:23,439
because if you're triggering
PTSD reaction,

653
00:33:23,522 --> 00:33:25,649
call her over after class
and connect with her.

654
00:33:25,733 --> 00:33:27,526
"Are you seeing a therapist

655
00:33:27,609 --> 00:33:29,862
to give you the support
that we're not equipped to give you

656
00:33:29,945 --> 00:33:32,698
but that you really need,
not only to get the most out of the class,

657
00:33:32,781 --> 00:33:34,533
but to do your healing?"

658
00:33:34,616 --> 00:33:37,995
Sheila asked me to come in
and just brief you,

659
00:33:38,078 --> 00:33:40,330
make sure you feel confident

660
00:33:40,414 --> 00:33:43,167
working with women
who have a trauma history,

661
00:33:43,250 --> 00:33:45,085
or maybe trauma is coming out
right now…

662
00:33:45,169 --> 00:33:47,212
I have a student in my class

663
00:33:47,296 --> 00:33:49,882
that had sexual trauma
at a very young age.

664
00:33:50,466 --> 00:33:51,717
[Dr. Berman] So what do you see?

665
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:54,678
-[Jenn] Hesitation, locked body.
-[Dr. Berman] Mmm-hmm.

666
00:33:55,387 --> 00:33:59,016
The key with trauma recovery
is shame release

667
00:33:59,892 --> 00:34:02,686
in the process of reclaiming

668
00:34:02,770 --> 00:34:06,190
your sexuality on your terms at your pace

669
00:34:06,273 --> 00:34:08,275
because the power was
taken away from you,

670
00:34:08,358 --> 00:34:10,861
and shame was put in that place.

671
00:34:10,944 --> 00:34:13,822
Shame will hold you prisoner,

672
00:34:13,906 --> 00:34:18,160
but really all shame wants is to come
into the light and be let go.

673
00:34:18,243 --> 00:34:19,745
"You no longer serve me."

674
00:34:19,828 --> 00:34:21,830
[class cheers]

675
00:34:24,708 --> 00:34:29,755
[Sheila] This movement will bring you
into such an incredible state of peace

676
00:34:30,339 --> 00:34:31,840
and ownership again.

677
00:34:31,924 --> 00:34:33,926
[class cheers]

678
00:34:38,347 --> 00:34:41,183
[Amy] It's amazing how pole can be
so many different things

679
00:34:41,266 --> 00:34:42,601
to so many different people.

680
00:34:42,684 --> 00:34:44,686
[cello music playing]

681
00:34:45,604 --> 00:34:49,024
[Amy] You have your pole competitions
that are more about winning and losing.

682
00:34:49,108 --> 00:34:51,151
They're about performance.

683
00:34:51,235 --> 00:34:54,196
-[indistinct chatter]
-[cello music continues]

684
00:34:54,279 --> 00:34:56,031
[audience cheering]

685
00:34:57,282 --> 00:34:59,910
I have a PhD in theoretical physics
and neuroscience.

686
00:35:00,911 --> 00:35:02,955
I got into it to fix my spine.

687
00:35:08,460 --> 00:35:10,212
[audience cheers]

688
00:35:13,465 --> 00:35:16,343
[Amy] My schools are focused
on building good technical training

689
00:35:16,426 --> 00:35:18,470
with an eye towards competition.

690
00:35:21,348 --> 00:35:24,518
The hands are, like,
making this whole thing. It looks awesome.

691
00:35:26,603 --> 00:35:31,024
[vocalizes]

692
00:35:31,108 --> 00:35:33,569
Don't lose your audience,
since you're telling them a story.

693
00:35:33,652 --> 00:35:35,279
-You gotta keep eye contact.
-Okay.

694
00:35:36,947 --> 00:35:39,950
[Amy] You have professional performers
like Jenyne Butterfly,

695
00:35:40,033 --> 00:35:42,369
who do pole
at shows like Cirque du Soleil.

696
00:35:43,787 --> 00:35:47,416
[announcer on mic] Ladies and gentlemen,
Jenyne Butterfly!

697
00:35:47,499 --> 00:35:48,667
[audience cheers]

698
00:35:55,799 --> 00:35:57,593
My name is Jenyne,

699
00:35:57,676 --> 00:35:59,970
also known as Butterfly.

700
00:36:00,053 --> 00:36:01,597
I'm an aerialist

701
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:04,892
specializing in pole artistry.

702
00:36:06,393 --> 00:36:09,021
I recently performed five years
with Cirque du Soleil.

703
00:36:10,314 --> 00:36:13,108
And I am also a mother.

704
00:36:13,192 --> 00:36:14,693
[upbeat music playing]

705
00:36:18,447 --> 00:36:20,741
[Jenyne] When I was 18,

706
00:36:20,824 --> 00:36:23,702
I was brought to a gentlemen's club

707
00:36:24,203 --> 00:36:27,748
where the best pole dancer
in the country performed.

708
00:36:29,333 --> 00:36:30,959
Her name was Pantera.

709
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:34,588
She was very intimidating.

710
00:36:36,048 --> 00:36:38,425
I could not believe what I was watching.

711
00:36:40,469 --> 00:36:43,597
She would go up and do a lay-back
and then do crunches,

712
00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:46,225
and then she would spin around really fast

713
00:36:46,308 --> 00:36:48,352
and then drop down

714
00:36:48,435 --> 00:36:50,771
and then do one-handed push-ups on stage.

715
00:36:51,897 --> 00:36:54,191
I couldn't stop thinking about it.

716
00:36:54,274 --> 00:36:57,027
So I started
working at the club as a waitress.

717
00:36:57,986 --> 00:36:59,821
I had set down my tray

718
00:36:59,905 --> 00:37:02,866
and went to go, you know,
try some stuff on the pole.

719
00:37:02,950 --> 00:37:04,201
I couldn't do anything.

720
00:37:04,785 --> 00:37:07,454
And Pantera walked by and saw me.

721
00:37:07,537 --> 00:37:09,915
She said, "You need boots to climb."

722
00:37:10,666 --> 00:37:13,377
She actually gave me a pair of boots.

723
00:37:13,460 --> 00:37:15,087
I ripped the boots.

724
00:37:15,170 --> 00:37:17,506
Then I realized
that I had to build strength.

725
00:37:20,259 --> 00:37:21,927
[Jenyne] I was self-taught.

726
00:37:23,262 --> 00:37:26,306
I try to spend my time mostly in the air

727
00:37:26,390 --> 00:37:27,933
because I'm really clumsy.

728
00:37:29,268 --> 00:37:31,645
I'm only graceful when I'm in the air.

729
00:37:33,438 --> 00:37:36,024
I decided to stop going to college

730
00:37:36,108 --> 00:37:37,943
and really focus on my training.

731
00:37:38,568 --> 00:37:40,946
-Pole became a priority.
-[upbeat music playing]

732
00:37:42,572 --> 00:37:46,159
I ended up going
to the World Pole Dancing Championship,

733
00:37:46,243 --> 00:37:48,120
where I represented the US.

734
00:37:48,203 --> 00:37:51,039
[audience applauds and cheers]

735
00:37:51,123 --> 00:37:53,875
[Jenyne] That's when things
really started picking up in my career.

736
00:38:02,050 --> 00:38:04,052
[sensual music playing]

737
00:38:12,185 --> 00:38:14,438
[Jenyne] There's so much freedom in pole.

738
00:38:17,983 --> 00:38:20,444
The second my feet come off the ground,

739
00:38:21,737 --> 00:38:23,780
I am in another world.

740
00:38:25,240 --> 00:38:27,492
[Jenyne] There's no right and wrong
in pole.

741
00:38:28,076 --> 00:38:29,619
There's just focus

742
00:38:30,287 --> 00:38:33,498
and the connection with my body.

743
00:38:34,916 --> 00:38:36,376
It's therapy.

744
00:38:37,002 --> 00:38:38,086
It's a release.

745
00:38:39,046 --> 00:38:41,631
You shut out everything else that's
happening in your life,

746
00:38:41,715 --> 00:38:43,550
and you focus on yourself.

747
00:38:45,302 --> 00:38:47,679
It helps you become healthier.

748
00:38:47,763 --> 00:38:50,891
It gives you strength,
and it gives you flexibility.

749
00:38:50,974 --> 00:38:52,768
Good. There you go.

750
00:38:52,851 --> 00:38:55,937
[Jenyne] It doesn't matter
how long it takes you.

751
00:38:56,021 --> 00:38:59,107
You will develop everything that you need

752
00:38:59,191 --> 00:39:01,068
to be able to lift yourself.

753
00:39:01,651 --> 00:39:04,780
You can just start
by taking one class a week.

754
00:39:04,863 --> 00:39:06,740
You know, get off the couch.

755
00:39:08,158 --> 00:39:09,743
When I started pole dancing,

756
00:39:09,826 --> 00:39:12,871
it was still fairly new.

757
00:39:13,413 --> 00:39:14,915
There wasn't anything

758
00:39:14,998 --> 00:39:16,500
as a pole dance instructor.

759
00:39:17,334 --> 00:39:20,921
So when I heard that it was on the news,

760
00:39:21,004 --> 00:39:23,673
I said, "What? This is amazing!"

761
00:39:25,092 --> 00:39:26,343
It was Sheila Kelley.

762
00:39:28,387 --> 00:39:31,973
I thought, "Wow, that's really amazing,
how she's taking it out

763
00:39:32,057 --> 00:39:35,018
and making it available
for so many women."

764
00:39:35,102 --> 00:39:37,646
She's doing this beautiful thing with it

765
00:39:37,729 --> 00:39:41,316
that I knew was a part of pole,

766
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:44,861
but it was the part
that I had really looked over.

767
00:39:44,945 --> 00:39:46,863
[sensual music playing]

768
00:39:48,323 --> 00:39:51,701
[Jenyne] I felt like
we were going along similar paths,

769
00:39:51,785 --> 00:39:55,247
but I was going the performance route,
and she was going the teaching route.

770
00:39:58,333 --> 00:40:00,252
[Sheila] I'm not gonna teach you
to do what I do.

771
00:40:00,335 --> 00:40:03,880
I'm gonna teach you to do
what your body wants to do,

772
00:40:03,964 --> 00:40:05,882
how your body moves

773
00:40:05,966 --> 00:40:09,136
into your pleasure and your desire.

774
00:40:10,595 --> 00:40:12,973
That's the whole premise of what I teach.

775
00:40:13,515 --> 00:40:16,685
I want women to feel safe enough
to explore this part of themselves

776
00:40:16,768 --> 00:40:18,395
so that they can rediscover,

777
00:40:18,478 --> 00:40:20,397
reclaim, and come whole,

778
00:40:20,939 --> 00:40:22,858
and fucking shine!

779
00:40:24,025 --> 00:40:25,777
[upbeat hip-hop music playing]

780
00:40:31,825 --> 00:40:34,161
♪ Hey, we're just here to have fun now ♪

781
00:40:34,244 --> 00:40:37,080
♪ Livin' life on the high
We can't come down ♪

782
00:40:37,164 --> 00:40:38,165
[Patty] Whoo!

783
00:40:38,248 --> 00:40:40,500
[laughing]

784
00:40:42,836 --> 00:40:45,297
I need orthopedic stilettos.

785
00:40:45,881 --> 00:40:47,257
A demure heel.

786
00:40:47,340 --> 00:40:48,717
It's a classic stiletto.

787
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:50,135
This could kill somebody!

788
00:40:50,218 --> 00:40:51,636
[mimics stabbing]

789
00:40:51,720 --> 00:40:53,221
[woman] I'm more of a Converse girl.

790
00:40:53,805 --> 00:40:57,184
Hey, look! Dude!
They have something for everyone!

791
00:40:57,267 --> 00:40:59,394
-[all laughing]
-They've got something for everyone.

792
00:40:59,478 --> 00:41:01,480
[hip-hop music continues]

793
00:41:03,356 --> 00:41:04,774
-All right.
-Get up. Ready?

794
00:41:05,609 --> 00:41:07,110
[all exclaiming]

795
00:41:07,194 --> 00:41:08,987
Wow, the air is different up here.

796
00:41:09,070 --> 00:41:10,530
[all laughing]

797
00:41:11,198 --> 00:41:12,699
[Lisset] Oh, yes!

798
00:41:12,782 --> 00:41:14,034
[Jaimee] Oh, yeah!

799
00:41:14,701 --> 00:41:16,828
-[Ava] S Walk!
-I don't know that I can do it.

800
00:41:17,537 --> 00:41:18,622
[Jaimee] I wanted to…

801
00:41:19,331 --> 00:41:21,208
I feel like I'm walking down the aisle.

802
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:25,462
I am already getting there.

803
00:41:25,545 --> 00:41:26,379
Whoa!

804
00:41:27,005 --> 00:41:29,883
Walk it straight. One, two, one…

805
00:41:31,092 --> 00:41:33,136
[chatting and laughing]

806
00:41:34,513 --> 00:41:35,639
-[Patty] Hi!
-[woman] Hi!

807
00:41:35,722 --> 00:41:37,057
-[Evelyn] Hi!
-Feels a lot bigger.

808
00:41:37,974 --> 00:41:39,059
Brought my gloves.

809
00:41:39,142 --> 00:41:41,728
[all exclaim] Whoo!

810
00:41:41,811 --> 00:41:43,980
-Neat!
-I was, like, really excited.

811
00:41:44,064 --> 00:41:46,483
-Yeah! [laughs]
-[Evelyn] These have been, like…

812
00:41:46,566 --> 00:41:48,318
I'm surprised there's no cobwebs, but…
yeah.

813
00:41:48,401 --> 00:41:50,070
[all laugh]

814
00:41:50,153 --> 00:41:52,113
[indistinct chatter]

815
00:41:52,197 --> 00:41:53,907
[woman 1] Yeah.

816
00:41:53,990 --> 00:41:55,158
[woman 2] No.

817
00:41:55,867 --> 00:41:59,829
[woman 3] There's tons of pole dancing,
stripper things on Hollywood Boulevard.

818
00:41:59,913 --> 00:42:02,290
I went to, like, 20 places, literally.

819
00:42:02,374 --> 00:42:03,959
They had nothing that fit me.

820
00:42:04,042 --> 00:42:05,710
"Put on a thong," and I can't wear thongs

821
00:42:05,794 --> 00:42:07,462
because they get lost
in my butt. [chuckles]

822
00:42:07,546 --> 00:42:09,965
-And I'm like… I'm just like…
-[all laugh]

823
00:42:10,048 --> 00:42:13,301
I'm so fucking pissed off and angry.

824
00:42:13,385 --> 00:42:15,887
And I was like, "Fuck this class."

825
00:42:15,971 --> 00:42:17,305
"Fuck everyone else in it."

826
00:42:17,389 --> 00:42:20,475
-No offense to you guys, but I was like…
-[all laugh]

827
00:42:20,559 --> 00:42:22,769
But I'm, like, in the mirror, seeing this.

828
00:42:22,852 --> 00:42:25,647
And I remember I'm going on the pole,
and it's, like, wrapping around,

829
00:42:25,730 --> 00:42:28,233
and I was just like,
"I don't wanna do this."

830
00:42:28,316 --> 00:42:30,235
"I just feel gross,

831
00:42:30,318 --> 00:42:31,695
and I wanna feel sexy,

832
00:42:31,778 --> 00:42:33,738
but I feel disgusting."

833
00:42:33,822 --> 00:42:35,073
[Sheila] Fucking gorgeous.

834
00:42:35,156 --> 00:42:38,785
-[Sheila] Are you sick and tired yet?
-Yeah, which is why I'm here.

835
00:42:38,868 --> 00:42:41,288
Right now, you're living
with the critical masculine mind.

836
00:42:41,371 --> 00:42:45,041
The critical masculine mind sees the world
with the critical masculine gaze

837
00:42:45,125 --> 00:42:46,501
that measures everything.

838
00:42:46,585 --> 00:42:48,962
Baby! Keep going! Go, go, go!

839
00:42:49,045 --> 00:42:52,632
[Sheila] All the tools I'm gonna give you
are tools that teach the body,

840
00:42:52,716 --> 00:42:54,509
and the body will teach the mind

841
00:42:54,593 --> 00:42:55,427
if you let it.

842
00:42:55,510 --> 00:42:56,970
[women cheering]

843
00:42:57,053 --> 00:42:59,931
A lot of what you learn
in your level-one intro class

844
00:43:00,015 --> 00:43:02,309
is about appreciating your curves.

845
00:43:02,392 --> 00:43:05,145
A lot of the cues they give you,
say things like,

846
00:43:05,228 --> 00:43:06,396
"Stroke your tummy."

847
00:43:06,479 --> 00:43:08,481
And I didn't wanna do it. I…

848
00:43:08,565 --> 00:43:09,858
[laughs] I hate my tummy.

849
00:43:09,941 --> 00:43:11,776
And then I just had this realization of,

850
00:43:11,860 --> 00:43:14,487
"Gosh, if you can't touch your tummy,
who will?"

851
00:43:14,571 --> 00:43:17,741
[Sheila] What we're doing is
we're changing patterns in your body.

852
00:43:17,824 --> 00:43:19,993
-Anyone immediately feel a difference?
-[woman] Yeah.

853
00:43:20,076 --> 00:43:21,703
Hands. I wanna see hands. Hold 'em up.

854
00:43:21,786 --> 00:43:23,913
It's just, to me, it's so similar…

855
00:43:23,997 --> 00:43:25,373
[all chuckling]

856
00:43:25,457 --> 00:43:27,125
I don't… I can't even talk now.

857
00:43:27,208 --> 00:43:29,753
-[women laugh]
-Lisset, what is happening?

858
00:43:29,836 --> 00:43:32,422
[Lisset] I had a very emotional week.

859
00:43:32,505 --> 00:43:35,717
I would look at my dog, and I'm like,
"Oh, you love me so much!"

860
00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:37,552
[women laugh]

861
00:43:37,636 --> 00:43:40,138
I felt very open,
like I've been cracked open,

862
00:43:40,221 --> 00:43:42,557
and I can feel everything and everyone.

863
00:43:43,266 --> 00:43:44,934
I've always had a tough exterior,

864
00:43:45,518 --> 00:43:48,980
so moving my body,
I could feel certain things activate

865
00:43:49,064 --> 00:43:50,482
and just started crying.

866
00:43:51,983 --> 00:43:54,402
[woman] I never wear my hair up.
I've always worn it down.

867
00:43:54,486 --> 00:43:56,613
I feel like I use it
as a defense mechanism.

868
00:43:57,364 --> 00:43:59,908
It deflects attention from my features,

869
00:43:59,991 --> 00:44:02,285
but at work,
I actually wore my hair up twice.

870
00:44:02,369 --> 00:44:04,746
It sounds silly to people
who wear their hair up all the time.

871
00:44:04,829 --> 00:44:07,165
I felt confident enough to do it. Sorry.

872
00:44:07,248 --> 00:44:10,210
[crying] Uh, for the first time
in a very long time.

873
00:44:10,293 --> 00:44:11,711
[voice breaking] Um…

874
00:44:11,795 --> 00:44:13,296
[Sheila] Do yourself a favor,

875
00:44:13,797 --> 00:44:15,048
and don't wipe the tears.

876
00:44:15,131 --> 00:44:16,633
Um… sorry.

877
00:44:16,716 --> 00:44:17,801
[class laughing]

878
00:44:17,884 --> 00:44:19,177
It's natural!

879
00:44:19,260 --> 00:44:20,595
-[Sheila] That's a pattern.
-Yeah.

880
00:44:20,679 --> 00:44:22,097
-Pattern of apology.
-Yeah.

881
00:44:22,180 --> 00:44:24,641
[sniffs] I'm happy
I have all of you, by the way.

882
00:44:24,724 --> 00:44:26,893
-[class chuckles]
-[sniffs]

883
00:44:28,395 --> 00:44:30,271
[Sheila] Amber,
you felt a difference. Don't lie.

884
00:44:31,064 --> 00:44:34,776
I had zero idea,

885
00:44:34,859 --> 00:44:37,237
like, what a prude I was.

886
00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:40,031
-[class cheering]
-I mean…

887
00:44:40,115 --> 00:44:41,116
I've run marathons.

888
00:44:41,199 --> 00:44:43,201
I've been an athlete my entire life.

889
00:44:43,284 --> 00:44:45,662
There is nothing that I haven't done.

890
00:44:45,745 --> 00:44:48,081
I left and I was like…

891
00:44:48,164 --> 00:44:49,999
[inhales and exclaims]

892
00:44:50,083 --> 00:44:54,963
I started crying, and I was like,
"I am so much lamer than I thought I was."

893
00:44:55,046 --> 00:44:57,507
My first thing was, like,
"Okay, I'm gonna quit."

894
00:44:57,590 --> 00:44:59,634
Yeah, you said,
"You're gonna want to quit."

895
00:45:00,301 --> 00:45:01,136
I'm not a crier.

896
00:45:01,219 --> 00:45:04,431
Like, I did not expect
that I was gonna ugly cry in the car.

897
00:45:04,514 --> 00:45:07,058
-[women chuckle]
-Maybe the tears are a beautiful thing.

898
00:45:07,142 --> 00:45:08,601
Well, you didn't see 'em. It wasn't…

899
00:45:08,685 --> 00:45:11,396
-[class laughing]
-[laughs] It wasn't like…

900
00:45:11,479 --> 00:45:14,649
There was… it was like…
there was some snot involved.

901
00:45:14,733 --> 00:45:17,694
-It was not pretty.
-Know what? I'm gonna keep pushing at you.

902
00:45:17,777 --> 00:45:19,946
I don't wanna cry in here,
but, like, okay. [laughs]

903
00:45:20,029 --> 00:45:22,365
Amber, you excel at masculine shit.

904
00:45:22,449 --> 00:45:23,742
You're a good little man.

905
00:45:23,825 --> 00:45:24,951
-Yeah.
-[class laughs]

906
00:45:25,034 --> 00:45:27,996
[Sheila] But you ain't never gonna be
as good a man as a man,

907
00:45:28,079 --> 00:45:30,039
but you're gonna be
a phenomenal fucking woman.

908
00:45:30,540 --> 00:45:31,916
[class murmuring] Mmm-hmm.

909
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:34,794
[Amber] I think
I'll be here next week? We'll see.

910
00:45:34,878 --> 00:45:36,045
[Sheila] Okay, sweetie.

911
00:45:37,005 --> 00:45:40,383
What I struggle with a lot
is disassociating from my body.

912
00:45:40,467 --> 00:45:43,178
Like, it just doesn't seem
part of me ever.

913
00:45:43,261 --> 00:45:46,473
[Sheila] Which parts of your body
scare you the most?

914
00:45:46,556 --> 00:45:50,185
I… I think, like,
my heart and what my heart wants, and…

915
00:45:51,352 --> 00:45:52,729
my feminine areas.

916
00:45:52,812 --> 00:45:54,063
[Sheila] Your vulva?

917
00:45:54,147 --> 00:45:55,982
[all laughing]

918
00:45:58,151 --> 00:45:59,778
Yeah, vulva.

919
00:45:59,861 --> 00:46:01,821
Someone stole that from you,

920
00:46:01,905 --> 00:46:03,865
and we need to re-own it, reclaim it.

921
00:46:03,948 --> 00:46:07,160
Yeah, I was thinking back to, like,
the first time I started

922
00:46:07,243 --> 00:46:09,579
to dissociate with my vulva

923
00:46:09,662 --> 00:46:11,873
and learn about that part of my body.

924
00:46:11,956 --> 00:46:13,833
And I was taught from a young age

925
00:46:13,917 --> 00:46:15,084
that this was just bad,

926
00:46:15,168 --> 00:46:16,461
and sexuality was bad.

927
00:46:16,544 --> 00:46:19,380
And that pisses me off
that I was conditioned that way.

928
00:46:19,464 --> 00:46:22,342
It just… like, it makes me red with rage.

929
00:46:22,425 --> 00:46:26,221
And that's okay. Not only is it okay,
we wanna release the kraken.

930
00:46:26,304 --> 00:46:27,138
Yeah.

931
00:46:27,639 --> 00:46:29,349
[class whooping]

932
00:46:29,432 --> 00:46:30,975
[woman] What are we doing, Jenn?

933
00:46:31,059 --> 00:46:32,852
[Jenn] So,
we're gonna walk around the pole.

934
00:46:32,936 --> 00:46:36,064
Using your half-pint, you're gonna pivot
up on to your left foot.

935
00:46:36,147 --> 00:46:38,274
Cross your left hand across.

936
00:46:38,358 --> 00:46:40,777
Bring that to the right,
and go all the way back here.

937
00:46:40,860 --> 00:46:42,403
[women cheering]

938
00:46:47,116 --> 00:46:49,994
Once you're here,
you've already done half the work.

939
00:46:50,537 --> 00:46:53,456
The only thing to do now
is to hold your grip

940
00:46:53,540 --> 00:46:55,750
and bring your other leg behind you.

941
00:46:57,126 --> 00:46:59,337
[women laugh]

942
00:46:59,420 --> 00:47:02,340
-So sad.
-[Sheila] No, that was awesome!

943
00:47:02,423 --> 00:47:04,425
[upbeat music playing]

944
00:47:06,219 --> 00:47:07,595
Whoo!

945
00:47:07,679 --> 00:47:09,806
[women exclaiming and cheering]

946
00:47:12,308 --> 00:47:13,560
[Sheila] Work it!

947
00:47:13,643 --> 00:47:15,603
[women cheer]

948
00:47:17,272 --> 00:47:19,232
[yelps]

949
00:47:19,315 --> 00:47:20,692
I have never done that!

950
00:47:20,775 --> 00:47:22,193
[women cheer] Whoo!

951
00:47:22,277 --> 00:47:24,696
Next week, you're gonna go up two feet.

952
00:47:24,779 --> 00:47:26,823
And then the week after,
you'll be all the way up.

953
00:47:26,906 --> 00:47:27,740
[woman] Yes!

954
00:47:27,824 --> 00:47:30,243
Upper body strength, gotta get that.

955
00:47:31,870 --> 00:47:33,872
[women cheering]

956
00:47:35,874 --> 00:47:37,917
[Jenn] When I first started,
it was as a student.

957
00:47:39,085 --> 00:47:42,255
Sheila tapped me in. She's like,
"You should become a teacher."

958
00:47:42,338 --> 00:47:45,133
I'm like, "Oh, my gosh. She's crazy.
There's no way I can teach."

959
00:47:45,216 --> 00:47:47,010
But I was totally enthralled,

960
00:47:47,093 --> 00:47:49,762
came back, signed up
for teacher training, and taught,

961
00:47:50,388 --> 00:47:52,640
and then became the events director.

962
00:47:52,724 --> 00:47:54,475
And it became a mission in my life

963
00:47:54,559 --> 00:47:58,521
to give women
another opportunity, as I had.

964
00:47:58,605 --> 00:48:00,023
-[boy] Ready?
-[Jenn] Ready.

965
00:48:00,106 --> 00:48:01,733
-Am I in now?
-[boy] Yeah, you're in.

966
00:48:01,816 --> 00:48:03,026
Ooh! Oh!

967
00:48:03,109 --> 00:48:04,193
That was stressful.

968
00:48:04,277 --> 00:48:06,279
-[ball bounces]
-Oh! Whoa!

969
00:48:06,821 --> 00:48:08,197
[laughs]

970
00:48:08,281 --> 00:48:09,824
See that? Oh, no!

971
00:48:09,908 --> 00:48:11,451
When I was 13,

972
00:48:12,577 --> 00:48:16,497
that was, like, the beginning
of just a slow downfall in my life.

973
00:48:17,040 --> 00:48:19,542
-[exclaims] Yes!
-You're out.

974
00:48:19,626 --> 00:48:22,295
[Jenn] I was short-tempered.
Some people called me a monster.

975
00:48:23,504 --> 00:48:25,548
I felt like I was misunderstood.

976
00:48:26,549 --> 00:48:28,968
I lost touch with my body.

977
00:48:29,552 --> 00:48:31,763
I stopped loving her.

978
00:48:32,931 --> 00:48:34,891
I went into a raging spiral.

979
00:48:35,725 --> 00:48:37,143
I started putting on weight.

980
00:48:37,226 --> 00:48:38,686
Then I would take it off.

981
00:48:39,187 --> 00:48:43,232
It's been a rise and fall of 40,
50 pounds.

982
00:48:43,316 --> 00:48:45,276
And then I had my children,

983
00:48:45,360 --> 00:48:47,612
so I added another 60 pounds.

984
00:48:47,695 --> 00:48:50,782
Now, I'm over 100 pounds overweight.

985
00:48:51,449 --> 00:48:53,660
I've stopped taking care of myself.

986
00:48:55,411 --> 00:48:57,413
What's on the dinner menu tonight?

987
00:48:58,164 --> 00:49:02,085
Well, since the vines finally,
uh, bloomed a little bit,

988
00:49:02,168 --> 00:49:03,962
I figure we can make tamales.

989
00:49:05,755 --> 00:49:07,674
[Straty] Does it bother me
if she's overweight?

990
00:49:08,591 --> 00:49:10,385
You know, um…

991
00:49:11,803 --> 00:49:13,471
it's… it's a health thing.

992
00:49:14,472 --> 00:49:16,516
I know she's beautiful,
and she knows she's beautiful,

993
00:49:16,599 --> 00:49:19,435
but there is inherent negativity out there

994
00:49:19,519 --> 00:49:21,688
when someone is overweight.

995
00:49:22,772 --> 00:49:25,441
I could go and teach an S Factor class

996
00:49:25,525 --> 00:49:27,402
and then go to McDonald's
right afterwards…

997
00:49:28,111 --> 00:49:29,946
or go all day without eating

998
00:49:30,029 --> 00:49:32,240
and then come home and do a sweet binge.

999
00:49:32,323 --> 00:49:36,035
I wasn't practicing
what I'm preaching in class.

1000
00:49:37,996 --> 00:49:40,540
The idea of looking in the mirror,

1001
00:49:40,623 --> 00:49:43,584
I feel like Roger Rabbit,
that girl on Roger Rabbit.

1002
00:49:43,710 --> 00:49:46,838
She's voluptuous, and just sexy,

1003
00:49:46,921 --> 00:49:50,341
and furious, and just, like… ugh.

1004
00:49:50,425 --> 00:49:53,594
Radiant, then I stand in front of the
mirror, I'm like, "You fat motherfucker."

1005
00:49:53,678 --> 00:49:55,972
"Who are you? Get out of my mirror!"

1006
00:49:57,390 --> 00:50:00,351
My body was just screaming for freedom.

1007
00:50:02,603 --> 00:50:04,731
It wasn't until I started moving my body

1008
00:50:04,814 --> 00:50:07,275
and coming to terms with my rage,

1009
00:50:08,026 --> 00:50:11,362
listening to that vibrating
muscle exertion music

1010
00:50:11,446 --> 00:50:13,281
that allowed me to really release

1011
00:50:13,364 --> 00:50:15,283
instead of hitting walls.

1012
00:50:15,783 --> 00:50:17,827
[Sheila] Uh-uh. You're letting her win.

1013
00:50:17,910 --> 00:50:21,039
They've gotta fight inside,
and you don't let that happen.

1014
00:50:21,664 --> 00:50:23,750
[shouts] Uh-uh! I can't hear it!

1015
00:50:25,209 --> 00:50:27,211
[hip-hop music playing]

1016
00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:30,673
[Jenn] I just had
a lot of oomph and aggression,

1017
00:50:30,757 --> 00:50:32,633
and I didn't know what to do with it.

1018
00:50:33,593 --> 00:50:35,386
But rage is always with me.

1019
00:50:35,928 --> 00:50:36,846
[Sheila] Yes!

1020
00:50:38,056 --> 00:50:40,558
[hip-hop music continues]

1021
00:50:40,641 --> 00:50:42,602
[Sheila shouting] Yeah!
Feel the battle inside!

1022
00:50:42,685 --> 00:50:44,687
Feel the fight inside!

1023
00:50:44,771 --> 00:50:47,273
[hip-hop music continues]

1024
00:50:51,819 --> 00:50:54,530
-[music stops]
-[Jenn laughs]

1025
00:50:55,031 --> 00:50:56,491
[Sheila cheers] Whoo!

1026
00:50:56,574 --> 00:50:57,408
[applauds]

1027
00:50:58,076 --> 00:51:01,662
[Jenn] I'm ready to look in the mirror
and see what everybody else sees.

1028
00:51:02,371 --> 00:51:04,916
-That was, um, massive.
-Thank you.

1029
00:51:04,999 --> 00:51:06,375
-Massive.
-Thank you.

1030
00:51:06,459 --> 00:51:08,461
Do you know what I… it was a rebirth.

1031
00:51:08,544 --> 00:51:09,545
Okay.

1032
00:51:10,713 --> 00:51:12,340
[Patricia] Within this community,

1033
00:51:12,423 --> 00:51:15,259
there is such a level of truth because…

1034
00:51:15,343 --> 00:51:18,971
"I just saw you dance,
so I know you're not fine."

1035
00:51:22,850 --> 00:51:26,979
I had an experience of molestation
from a family friend.

1036
00:51:27,647 --> 00:51:29,732
It's a hard thing when you feel

1037
00:51:29,816 --> 00:51:31,442
that no one is protecting you.

1038
00:51:32,026 --> 00:51:33,945
One of the great gifts of S Factor

1039
00:51:34,028 --> 00:51:35,738
is figuring out a way

1040
00:51:35,822 --> 00:51:38,241
to move through sadness,

1041
00:51:38,324 --> 00:51:40,326
to feel your emotion

1042
00:51:40,952 --> 00:51:43,371
but not let it drown you.

1043
00:51:46,374 --> 00:51:47,917
[Sally] When I first felt that lump,

1044
00:51:48,000 --> 00:51:50,461
I knew that I most likely had cancer.

1045
00:51:55,133 --> 00:51:58,553
[Janelle] I'm becoming
a second-time mother here soon,

1046
00:51:59,053 --> 00:52:03,683
and the fear of losing myself

1047
00:52:03,766 --> 00:52:06,352
in that first year of motherhood.

1048
00:52:07,395 --> 00:52:10,731
And it feels terrifying and isolating.

1049
00:52:13,818 --> 00:52:17,238
[Sally] I went through sadness.
I went through anger.

1050
00:52:17,321 --> 00:52:19,907
I lost my breasts. I lost my hair.

1051
00:52:19,991 --> 00:52:22,076
And for most women,

1052
00:52:22,160 --> 00:52:24,036
those are the two body parts

1053
00:52:24,120 --> 00:52:25,913
that are so strongly tied

1054
00:52:25,997 --> 00:52:27,582
to our femininity.

1055
00:52:29,750 --> 00:52:31,836
[Janelle] Having that dance was

1056
00:52:31,919 --> 00:52:34,505
about how lonely it feels

1057
00:52:34,589 --> 00:52:36,716
and feeling sometimes

1058
00:52:36,799 --> 00:52:39,510
like you just have to scream

1059
00:52:39,594 --> 00:52:41,596
and knock down walls, and…

1060
00:52:43,139 --> 00:52:44,140
I don't know.

1061
00:52:44,765 --> 00:52:47,143
Destroy things in order to be heard.

1062
00:52:47,226 --> 00:52:49,228
[uplifting music playing]

1063
00:52:51,939 --> 00:52:54,025
[Sally] My teacher asked me
to touch my head,

1064
00:52:54,108 --> 00:52:56,402
and I was grossed out and disgusted,

1065
00:52:56,485 --> 00:52:57,987
and I couldn't do it.

1066
00:52:59,030 --> 00:53:01,657
The moment
where she had me touch my head,

1067
00:53:01,741 --> 00:53:03,659
that was the most powerful moment

1068
00:53:03,743 --> 00:53:05,703
I have ever shared with a friend

1069
00:53:05,786 --> 00:53:07,121
in my entire life.

1070
00:53:07,747 --> 00:53:09,749
[Janelle sobbing]

1071
00:53:14,378 --> 00:53:15,379
[Sheila] You made this.

1072
00:53:16,339 --> 00:53:17,924
[Janelle sobbing]

1073
00:53:18,007 --> 00:53:20,426
[crying] Oh, this is humiliating.

1074
00:53:20,509 --> 00:53:23,763
It's so cathartic.
Just let it keep coming out, baby.

1075
00:53:23,846 --> 00:53:26,349
[sobbing]

1076
00:53:26,432 --> 00:53:28,184
[Sally] To have a place

1077
00:53:28,267 --> 00:53:30,228
that taught me a vocabulary

1078
00:53:30,311 --> 00:53:33,189
to move through the myriad of emotions

1079
00:53:33,272 --> 00:53:35,441
that comes with being cut open,

1080
00:53:35,524 --> 00:53:36,817
having that gift

1081
00:53:36,901 --> 00:53:39,028
was especially meaningful.

1082
00:53:40,529 --> 00:53:41,656
That's why I believe

1083
00:53:41,739 --> 00:53:43,866
that I danced my way through cancer.

1084
00:53:43,950 --> 00:53:45,952
[uplifting music continues]

1085
00:53:56,379 --> 00:53:57,296
[Amy sighs]

1086
00:53:57,380 --> 00:53:58,339
[trainer] Here.

1087
00:53:58,422 --> 00:53:59,257
[Amy exhales]

1088
00:54:00,424 --> 00:54:02,593
The majority of my time is focused

1089
00:54:02,677 --> 00:54:05,471
around training for competition.

1090
00:54:06,472 --> 00:54:08,015
I've got 32 students

1091
00:54:08,099 --> 00:54:09,558
and six instructors competing

1092
00:54:09,642 --> 00:54:11,352
at the Golden Gate Pole Championship,

1093
00:54:11,435 --> 00:54:12,603
myself included.

1094
00:54:12,687 --> 00:54:15,147
Okay. Sit back all the way.

1095
00:54:15,231 --> 00:54:16,607
Mmm!

1096
00:54:17,441 --> 00:54:18,401
Yeah.

1097
00:54:19,068 --> 00:54:21,988
Breathe in. More. Okay. Now…

1098
00:54:22,071 --> 00:54:24,782
[Amy] I think that discipline
and that will to succeed

1099
00:54:24,865 --> 00:54:26,492
comes from my parents.

1100
00:54:27,201 --> 00:54:30,162
My dad was a lieutenant colonel
in the Marines.

1101
00:54:30,246 --> 00:54:33,666
My mom was in the first class of women
to graduate from West Point.

1102
00:54:34,083 --> 00:54:36,085
[funk music playing]

1103
00:54:36,877 --> 00:54:39,213
[Amy] When I was 19, I ran away from home

1104
00:54:39,755 --> 00:54:41,340
and I moved to Los Angeles.

1105
00:54:44,135 --> 00:54:45,970
I really wanted to be an actress.

1106
00:54:46,053 --> 00:54:48,431
I didn't know how to act.
I didn't know how to sing.

1107
00:54:48,514 --> 00:54:52,059
I didn't know how to do anything,
but I had a lot of confidence…

1108
00:54:52,143 --> 00:54:54,145
[laughs]
…that I was just gonna be amazing,

1109
00:54:54,228 --> 00:54:57,732
and then I was gonna walk into an audition
or be discovered in a mall.

1110
00:54:57,815 --> 00:54:59,233
You know, like, very cliché.

1111
00:55:00,818 --> 00:55:02,903
I'd saved up maybe, like, $2,000,

1112
00:55:02,987 --> 00:55:06,198
and very quickly ran out of that money.

1113
00:55:06,282 --> 00:55:09,452
[man] I'll pay you $25 an hour
to do nude modeling.

1114
00:55:09,535 --> 00:55:10,911
Oh, this is nude modeling?

1115
00:55:10,995 --> 00:55:12,371
[man] You don't have to do it.

1116
00:55:12,455 --> 00:55:15,791
I only make
six dollars an hour babysitting, so…

1117
00:55:16,584 --> 00:55:18,127
[man] Start by taking off your top.

1118
00:55:19,170 --> 00:55:21,756
Lack of funds led me to nude modeling,

1119
00:55:21,839 --> 00:55:25,968
and then nude modeling
led to working in the porn industry.

1120
00:55:26,594 --> 00:55:28,846
[man] Who's this gorgeous face
here before my lens?

1121
00:55:28,929 --> 00:55:30,514
My name is Wendy James.

1122
00:55:30,598 --> 00:55:33,726
[man] Wendy James.
Tell us, Wendy, how old are you?

1123
00:55:34,643 --> 00:55:36,062
I'm old enough.

1124
00:55:36,645 --> 00:55:37,813
Old enough.

1125
00:55:37,897 --> 00:55:40,608
[Amy] I was still a virgin
when I started porn.

1126
00:55:41,233 --> 00:55:44,028
And it wasn't until I was in the industry

1127
00:55:44,111 --> 00:55:47,656
that I learned,
"Oh, sexuality can be an okay thing!"

1128
00:55:48,324 --> 00:55:51,577
-[man] Do your friends know what you do?
-Of course, they don't! Are you kidding?

1129
00:55:51,660 --> 00:55:52,620
[laughing]

1130
00:55:53,621 --> 00:55:55,373
[Amy] I lied to a lot of people

1131
00:55:55,456 --> 00:55:58,959
and kind of lived
this double life for a long time.

1132
00:56:00,086 --> 00:56:01,462
I was desperate enough.

1133
00:56:02,963 --> 00:56:06,592
I also didn't want to admit
to the people I love that I was failing.

1134
00:56:10,221 --> 00:56:13,224
I had a lot of shame
about what I was doing

1135
00:56:13,307 --> 00:56:16,227
because I was still going
to church and doing porn.

1136
00:56:17,853 --> 00:56:20,356
I was tithing on my porn money

1137
00:56:20,439 --> 00:56:22,733
like that somehow made it okay.

1138
00:56:22,817 --> 00:56:24,693
I told myself I was like Robin Hood.

1139
00:56:24,777 --> 00:56:27,780
I was, like, taking from the bad
and giving to the good,

1140
00:56:27,863 --> 00:56:29,615
which is ridiculous.

1141
00:56:31,617 --> 00:56:35,246
My two worlds collided
when two of the Mormon elders…

1142
00:56:35,329 --> 00:56:37,706
they're literally called "the patriarchy…"

1143
00:56:38,332 --> 00:56:40,876
they met me in the parking lot
before the service.

1144
00:56:41,419 --> 00:56:44,797
They told me they knew what I was doing,
and I got really embarrassed,

1145
00:56:44,880 --> 00:56:46,799
and I never went back to church.

1146
00:56:47,675 --> 00:56:50,886
I got punished
because someone saw me in a porn video.

1147
00:56:50,970 --> 00:56:52,221
They were watching it,

1148
00:56:52,304 --> 00:56:54,014
but they didn't get punished.

1149
00:56:55,433 --> 00:56:57,852
After six months, I got out of porn.

1150
00:56:57,935 --> 00:56:58,894
Okay.

1151
00:57:00,604 --> 00:57:02,565
I started waitressing,

1152
00:57:02,648 --> 00:57:04,733
and people started to realize

1153
00:57:04,817 --> 00:57:07,945
I was Wendy James in porn movies.

1154
00:57:08,529 --> 00:57:09,613
They'd call me a whore,

1155
00:57:09,697 --> 00:57:12,700
and they would tell me
that I was a cum dumpster.

1156
00:57:14,118 --> 00:57:17,746
There would be these men
who would come into the restaurants,

1157
00:57:17,830 --> 00:57:20,499
and they'd be out with their kids
and their wives.

1158
00:57:22,460 --> 00:57:24,545
I would get a receipt back saying,

1159
00:57:24,628 --> 00:57:27,131
"I've seen how you give great head."

1160
00:57:27,840 --> 00:57:30,259
"Meet me in the parking lot at 10:00 p.m."

1161
00:57:30,885 --> 00:57:35,514
I would have my co-workers walk me out
to my car so that I would be safe.

1162
00:57:36,223 --> 00:57:39,935
I really wondered
if there was a life for me after porn.

1163
00:57:41,353 --> 00:57:42,688
"Should I go back?"

1164
00:57:42,771 --> 00:57:44,940
"Is this all I can be now…

1165
00:57:45,524 --> 00:57:48,527
because I spent six months working
in this industry?"

1166
00:57:49,904 --> 00:57:52,406
It was a really dark moment
and it was really sad.

1167
00:57:54,116 --> 00:57:55,743
It took me four years

1168
00:57:55,826 --> 00:57:58,120
to get through community college

1169
00:57:58,204 --> 00:57:59,955
and transfer to Berkeley.

1170
00:58:00,539 --> 00:58:01,499
When I got there,

1171
00:58:01,582 --> 00:58:03,709
I felt like I was starting over.

1172
00:58:03,792 --> 00:58:06,545
I was like,
"Okay, this is a new world now."

1173
00:58:06,629 --> 00:58:10,049
"I'm using my mind.
It's not about using my body anymore."

1174
00:58:11,759 --> 00:58:14,720
I go to Ralphs that night
to pick up some groceries.

1175
00:58:14,803 --> 00:58:18,224
And the first thing
the checkout guy says is,

1176
00:58:18,766 --> 00:58:21,018
"Oh, hey! Are you Wendy James?"

1177
00:58:21,101 --> 00:58:24,855
[laughs] And I'm like,
"No! It's gonna follow me forever!"

1178
00:58:24,939 --> 00:58:26,232
[laughing]

1179
00:58:27,024 --> 00:58:29,944
[upbeat music playing]

1180
00:58:32,029 --> 00:58:34,114
♪ Everybody's got something to prove ♪

1181
00:58:34,198 --> 00:58:35,282
♪ So much to gain ♪

1182
00:58:35,366 --> 00:58:37,117
♪ Nothing to lose ♪

1183
00:58:37,201 --> 00:58:38,452
♪Just try
What will you do… ♪

1184
00:58:38,536 --> 00:58:41,080
[Sheila] You're gonna enter intermediate
in about a week or two.

1185
00:58:41,163 --> 00:58:43,457
And then after July,
when we do the ceremony,

1186
00:58:43,541 --> 00:58:47,169
that's gonna be a ritual to take you
into your advanced practice here.

1187
00:58:47,253 --> 00:58:50,839
We'll be taking flower petals.
We'll do this dancing a bit at the ocean.

1188
00:58:50,923 --> 00:58:53,676
[Jenn] So, really quickly, just to review,

1189
00:58:53,759 --> 00:58:57,137
it's right hand up, left hand here.

1190
00:58:57,221 --> 00:59:00,516
You're gonna bring your foot
over on this side.

1191
00:59:00,599 --> 00:59:03,477
♪ Never seen nothin' quite
Quite like it ♪

1192
00:59:03,561 --> 00:59:05,354
♪ Give me some
Give me some silence ♪

1193
00:59:05,437 --> 00:59:08,315
♪ Never seen nothin' quite
Quite like it ♪

1194
00:59:08,399 --> 00:59:10,234
♪ Give me some
Give me some silence ♪

1195
00:59:10,317 --> 00:59:12,778
♪ Give it to me straight
Stop makin' me wait ♪

1196
00:59:12,861 --> 00:59:13,696
♪ Game on… ♪

1197
00:59:13,779 --> 00:59:15,823
[teacher] There is gonna be a new one

1198
00:59:15,906 --> 00:59:17,992
called "the Corkscrew."

1199
00:59:18,492 --> 00:59:19,785
I'm just gonna demo it for you.

1200
00:59:19,868 --> 00:59:22,079
♪ Everybody's got something to prove ♪

1201
00:59:22,162 --> 00:59:24,748
♪ So much to gain
Nothing to lose ♪

1202
00:59:24,832 --> 00:59:26,333
♪Just try
What will you do… ♪

1203
00:59:26,417 --> 00:59:28,919
Who wants to go upside down?
Come over here.

1204
00:59:29,003 --> 00:59:30,879
[teacher] Inversion is kind of freaky.

1205
00:59:30,963 --> 00:59:33,340
You're gonna bring your knees to chest.

1206
00:59:33,424 --> 00:59:35,759
Let your head come back.
Lift your hips up.

1207
00:59:36,885 --> 00:59:38,596
♪ Game on, game on ♪

1208
00:59:38,679 --> 00:59:41,181
♪ Round and around
And around we go ♪

1209
00:59:43,809 --> 00:59:46,145
♪ Never seen nothin' quite
Quite like it ♪

1210
00:59:46,770 --> 00:59:48,606
♪ Give me some
Give me some silence ♪

1211
00:59:48,689 --> 00:59:50,691
♪ Give it to me straight
Stop making me wait… ♪

1212
00:59:50,774 --> 00:59:53,777
-[women applauding and cheering]
-[music fading]

1213
00:59:54,737 --> 00:59:56,113
[Ali] So, here's the thing, gals.

1214
00:59:56,780 --> 01:00:00,576
You are just starting to awaken
what we call your "erotic creature."

1215
01:00:00,659 --> 01:00:04,038
So what you're gonna do is
you're gonna take your walk

1216
01:00:04,121 --> 01:00:05,497
over towards the wall.

1217
01:00:05,581 --> 01:00:07,082
I'm gonna reach up,

1218
01:00:07,625 --> 01:00:09,460
and then I'm gonna do a wall push

1219
01:00:09,543 --> 01:00:11,045
all the way back.

1220
01:00:11,879 --> 01:00:14,673
Yes, Evelyn! Beautiful!

1221
01:00:16,050 --> 01:00:17,635
[Evelyn] I'm a plus-size woman.

1222
01:00:18,469 --> 01:00:20,304
There's judgement,

1223
01:00:21,013 --> 01:00:22,431
but in here

1224
01:00:23,515 --> 01:00:24,683
I don't feel different.

1225
01:00:25,184 --> 01:00:26,268
The door closes.

1226
01:00:26,352 --> 01:00:27,811
The music turns on,

1227
01:00:28,520 --> 01:00:30,189
and I feel we're the same.

1228
01:00:31,315 --> 01:00:33,484
That's what I wanna get from this journey.

1229
01:00:33,567 --> 01:00:36,362
I want to carry it, so it leaves with me.

1230
01:00:37,071 --> 01:00:38,822
-[woman hyperventilating]
-[teacher] Breathe.

1231
01:00:38,906 --> 01:00:41,784
In through your nose.
Out through your mouth. Okay?

1232
01:00:41,867 --> 01:00:43,452
[breathes deeply]

1233
01:00:44,036 --> 01:00:46,872
-What was overwhelming?
-[woman] I just felt really uncomfortable,

1234
01:00:46,955 --> 01:00:50,376
like I don't belong here and,
"What the fuck? Why am I here?"

1235
01:00:50,459 --> 01:00:53,295
"You're not pretty enough,
not this, not that. You'll look stupid."

1236
01:00:53,379 --> 01:00:55,005
And I just got really…

1237
01:00:55,089 --> 01:00:57,591
But you were called
to put this on your body,

1238
01:00:57,675 --> 01:01:01,178
which means that she's dying to be here
and dying to be seen.

1239
01:01:01,261 --> 01:01:02,471
[women cheering faintly]

1240
01:01:02,554 --> 01:01:04,390
[soothing music playing]

1241
01:01:04,473 --> 01:01:08,102
♪ Give me the love ♪

1242
01:01:10,187 --> 01:01:13,148
♪ Give me the love ♪

1243
01:01:16,443 --> 01:01:20,531
♪ Give me  ♪

1244
01:01:22,491 --> 01:01:24,493
[music fading]

1245
01:01:26,078 --> 01:01:28,872
[woman] I'm the one
flying from Utah every Sunday.

1246
01:01:28,956 --> 01:01:30,249
It's fun to be here

1247
01:01:30,791 --> 01:01:34,503
getting on such a high vibration
that I'm just absolutely craving

1248
01:01:34,586 --> 01:01:36,463
and loving and wanting more of.

1249
01:01:36,547 --> 01:01:39,049
[voice breaking] But then to go home and…

1250
01:01:40,175 --> 01:01:43,887
I don't understand how to explain this

1251
01:01:43,971 --> 01:01:46,515
to my very conservative family.

1252
01:01:47,975 --> 01:01:49,393
When people see this,

1253
01:01:49,476 --> 01:01:53,689
it'll be perceived
as my one-way ticket to hell.

1254
01:01:54,356 --> 01:01:56,442
And so that's my struggle right now.

1255
01:01:56,525 --> 01:01:58,736
Does your husband know what you're doing?

1256
01:01:58,819 --> 01:02:01,280
I think he knows
a little bit about it, but…

1257
01:02:02,823 --> 01:02:04,783
I don't know how to share it. [laughs]

1258
01:02:04,867 --> 01:02:06,994
Did you sit him in a chair
and do a lap dance?

1259
01:02:07,077 --> 01:02:09,413
-Fuck no! [chuckles]
-[class laughing]

1260
01:02:10,164 --> 01:02:11,665
Okay, you have an assignment.

1261
01:02:11,749 --> 01:02:15,002
[class clapping] Yeah!

1262
01:02:15,669 --> 01:02:19,256
Next time I see you, you will have done
at least one lap dance for him.

1263
01:02:19,339 --> 01:02:21,300
So that will explain it to him.

1264
01:02:21,383 --> 01:02:23,093
That I learned how to lap dance?

1265
01:02:23,177 --> 01:02:26,513
If you do it the way we're teaching you,
which is for your pleasure,

1266
01:02:26,597 --> 01:02:28,599
he's gonna feel a free woman.

1267
01:02:30,976 --> 01:02:32,144
I have the same struggle,

1268
01:02:32,227 --> 01:02:34,646
but the thing is
my family don't watch Netflix.

1269
01:02:34,730 --> 01:02:36,982
-[class laughs]
-So, I don't have…

1270
01:02:37,065 --> 01:02:39,443
I don't have to tell them.

1271
01:02:40,778 --> 01:02:44,031
So, it's my secret
I am taking to the grave.

1272
01:02:44,114 --> 01:02:45,824
[class laughs]

1273
01:02:46,366 --> 01:02:48,368
[choral music playing]

1274
01:02:50,829 --> 01:02:53,373
[Amy] My husband
is an executive at Microsoft.

1275
01:02:54,082 --> 01:02:56,168
He calls me "Wonder Woman."

1276
01:02:56,835 --> 01:02:58,921
He believes I can do anything.

1277
01:03:00,339 --> 01:03:02,341
He's just my greatest cheerleader.

1278
01:03:03,342 --> 01:03:04,551
[record scratching]

1279
01:03:06,929 --> 01:03:09,598
[audience cheering]

1280
01:03:09,681 --> 01:03:11,809
["Party in the USA"
by Miley Cyrus playing]

1281
01:03:14,645 --> 01:03:16,980
[Keith] Being a pole husband can be fun.

1282
01:03:17,064 --> 01:03:19,566
At first, pole dancing is very exotic,

1283
01:03:19,650 --> 01:03:22,444
and you're like,
"Ooh, look at my wife being all sexy!"

1284
01:03:22,945 --> 01:03:24,404
There comes a point when you're like,

1285
01:03:24,488 --> 01:03:26,615
"I just don't wanna watch
any more pole dancing."

1286
01:03:26,698 --> 01:03:27,533
[laughs]

1287
01:03:27,616 --> 01:03:29,159
"I've seen all I can see."

1288
01:03:31,286 --> 01:03:33,163
[Richard] Oh, nice! Look at this!

1289
01:03:35,874 --> 01:03:38,877
She wanted to put a pole
in my little office in the backyard,

1290
01:03:39,837 --> 01:03:42,631
and I said no
'cause it was gonna block the TV.

1291
01:03:42,714 --> 01:03:45,133
But then we both started working out
at the same time.

1292
01:03:45,217 --> 01:03:47,678
I was doing the step on the pole
and against the wall.

1293
01:03:47,761 --> 01:03:51,598
He didn't give a flying banana
about the Yankees.

1294
01:03:51,682 --> 01:03:52,766
He was just like…

1295
01:03:54,852 --> 01:03:56,603
We're 28 years in.

1296
01:03:57,771 --> 01:03:59,398
But he's a handful.

1297
01:04:00,023 --> 01:04:01,567
[Richard] We had a roller coaster ride,

1298
01:04:01,650 --> 01:04:05,112
and it was rocky for a while.

1299
01:04:05,696 --> 01:04:08,323
[Sheila] If I didn't have
this feminine lifestyle practice,

1300
01:04:08,407 --> 01:04:12,035
I would be divorced from who I'm with.

1301
01:04:12,703 --> 01:04:15,706
[Richard] No,
I don't think we'd be divorced.

1302
01:04:16,665 --> 01:04:19,334
What did she say?
"Yes, we would be divorced"?

1303
01:04:20,168 --> 01:04:23,046
Know what? Now I want a divorce.

1304
01:04:25,007 --> 01:04:27,175
-[kissing]
-[Sheila] I'm totally in love.

1305
01:04:27,259 --> 01:04:29,803
This is where I can collapse right here.

1306
01:04:31,763 --> 01:04:33,181
He's my everything.

1307
01:04:33,265 --> 01:04:34,182
I'm her pole.

1308
01:04:34,683 --> 01:04:37,227
[gasps and laughs]

1309
01:04:37,311 --> 01:04:39,021
In more ways than one.

1310
01:04:39,813 --> 01:04:41,273
I do get annoyed sometimes

1311
01:04:41,356 --> 01:04:45,277
'cause I'll see husbands and boyfriends

1312
01:04:45,360 --> 01:04:46,778
of other pole dancers,

1313
01:04:46,862 --> 01:04:48,530
and they seem very ashamed

1314
01:04:48,614 --> 01:04:51,909
that their wives or girlfriends
are pole dancing.

1315
01:04:51,992 --> 01:04:54,494
I just think
those girls should dump those guys.

1316
01:04:54,578 --> 01:04:56,747
'cause you don't need that in your life.

1317
01:04:56,830 --> 01:04:59,333
If your boyfriend
or husband doesn't like you pole dancing,

1318
01:04:59,416 --> 01:05:00,542
just get a new one.

1319
01:05:00,626 --> 01:05:01,752
[Amy chuckles]

1320
01:05:01,835 --> 01:05:04,004
There's, like, 3.5 billion of them
in the world.

1321
01:05:04,087 --> 01:05:05,505
[laughs]

1322
01:05:05,589 --> 01:05:06,590
Maybe four.

1323
01:05:07,674 --> 01:05:09,676
[mellow music playing]

1324
01:05:19,019 --> 01:05:22,147
[Allison] The pole
has changed my life in so many ways.

1325
01:05:24,983 --> 01:05:28,987
After I had my child, I gained 60 pounds.

1326
01:05:29,071 --> 01:05:32,449
I didn't feel confident in my skin,
didn't fit in any of my clothes.

1327
01:05:33,283 --> 01:05:35,577
I tried everything I could
to lose the weight.

1328
01:05:35,661 --> 01:05:37,329
It wouldn't drop off.

1329
01:05:37,412 --> 01:05:38,705
Then I tried pole.

1330
01:05:40,999 --> 01:05:43,377
I lost all the 60 pounds.

1331
01:05:43,460 --> 01:05:46,004
It's just such a fun way of working out.

1332
01:05:48,465 --> 01:05:50,634
I understand that people will judge.

1333
01:05:51,301 --> 01:05:53,804
I wish that that perception would change,

1334
01:05:53,887 --> 01:05:56,014
because it's not what people think it is.

1335
01:05:56,098 --> 01:05:58,475
[soft piano music playing]

1336
01:06:01,144 --> 01:06:03,772
[Allison] My husband
is extremely conservative.

1337
01:06:03,855 --> 01:06:07,192
When I first told him
that I wanted to take pole classes,

1338
01:06:07,275 --> 01:06:08,986
he didn't understand,

1339
01:06:09,069 --> 01:06:11,363
and he thought
that it was gonna be a phase,

1340
01:06:12,072 --> 01:06:14,199
that I would find pole
and then give it up.

1341
01:06:14,282 --> 01:06:16,159
And then when you hook,

1342
01:06:16,243 --> 01:06:18,578
you need to push and come out.

1343
01:06:18,662 --> 01:06:20,414
There. Do you see it?

1344
01:06:20,998 --> 01:06:22,374
I love him so much,

1345
01:06:22,457 --> 01:06:26,086
but he's extremely possessive
of me and my body.

1346
01:06:26,962 --> 01:06:29,506
He doesn't want anybody
to be looking at me.

1347
01:06:30,048 --> 01:06:33,593
So, I don't have
a social media platform for what I do.

1348
01:06:35,095 --> 01:06:38,015
I do feel like my husband is taking
something away from me.

1349
01:06:38,098 --> 01:06:40,142
Career-wise, it's limiting me

1350
01:06:40,225 --> 01:06:42,811
because instructors will post,
"Here's what I'm teaching in class,"

1351
01:06:43,311 --> 01:06:44,646
but I can't do that.

1352
01:06:45,230 --> 01:06:48,525
And I also feel like it's my body,

1353
01:06:48,608 --> 01:06:53,196
and if it's my body, then I should be
able to do with it what I want.

1354
01:06:53,280 --> 01:06:55,282
[church bells ringing]

1355
01:07:03,999 --> 01:07:05,042
[Allison] I'm a rare breed

1356
01:07:05,125 --> 01:07:08,712
in that there are not a lot
of pole dancers who are also churchgoers.

1357
01:07:09,755 --> 01:07:11,923
I do know that I am to be
a submissive wife

1358
01:07:12,007 --> 01:07:15,510
from a Christian perspective
and respecting and honoring him.

1359
01:07:17,554 --> 01:07:21,641
But if I posted a video of myself
on Instagram, where I was told not to,

1360
01:07:22,142 --> 01:07:23,393
he would be mad at me.

1361
01:07:24,269 --> 01:07:26,313
Is he gonna stay married to me?

1362
01:07:27,147 --> 01:07:28,065
I have two kids.

1363
01:07:28,148 --> 01:07:31,151
I have a family
and I don't want to lose that.

1364
01:07:36,740 --> 01:07:39,701
One thing that I had been taught a lot
through my church

1365
01:07:39,785 --> 01:07:44,956
is that my worth was
quite dependent on the men around me,

1366
01:07:45,040 --> 01:07:49,336
and that I was valuable
if I married a man who is valuable.

1367
01:07:50,337 --> 01:07:54,091
Part of the reason I love pole dancing
is because it's subversive.

1368
01:07:54,174 --> 01:07:55,467
I feel like I'm saying,

1369
01:07:56,051 --> 01:07:59,721
"Take your societal patriarchal standards
and go shove them up your ass."

1370
01:08:00,222 --> 01:08:03,391
This is what I love
and this is what makes me feel alive.

1371
01:08:04,851 --> 01:08:06,686
[Sheila] Drop your head back, Megan.

1372
01:08:06,770 --> 01:08:08,146
[all whooping]

1373
01:08:08,230 --> 01:08:09,606
[Sheila] Yes!

1374
01:08:09,689 --> 01:08:10,607
Yes, baby!

1375
01:08:10,690 --> 01:08:12,692
[woman] Yeah! What?

1376
01:08:14,361 --> 01:08:19,157
[Sheila] I teach women to move into
the fullest integrity of their feminine.

1377
01:08:19,241 --> 01:08:22,786
Slow. I want you to get slow.
Round off slow.

1378
01:08:22,869 --> 01:08:25,872
[Sheila] Starting with their curves,
their sensuality,

1379
01:08:26,456 --> 01:08:27,374
their movement.

1380
01:08:27,457 --> 01:08:28,500
Stay right there.

1381
01:08:29,376 --> 01:08:32,337
Is it burning? Do you feel it?
Is it pissing you off? Yeah?

1382
01:08:32,420 --> 01:08:34,256
Is it? Stay there.

1383
01:08:34,339 --> 01:08:36,424
[Sheila] And when they get
full-voiced in their body,

1384
01:08:36,508 --> 01:08:40,011
apparently, that's extraordinarily
distracting to certain people.

1385
01:08:40,762 --> 01:08:41,721
The patriarchy.

1386
01:08:43,515 --> 01:08:46,434
"Can't control that body.
That's a dangerous body…

1387
01:08:46,518 --> 01:08:49,229
unless I can own it, unless it's for me."

1388
01:08:50,939 --> 01:08:53,108
The minute my son came out of my belly,

1389
01:08:53,942 --> 01:08:56,653
"Be a boy. Be male. Be strong. Be…"

1390
01:08:56,736 --> 01:09:00,157
"Argh! Live as fully as you can
in your manness, your maleness!"

1391
01:09:01,283 --> 01:09:05,370
And we tell our daughters
not to live fully in your body.

1392
01:09:05,453 --> 01:09:06,872
It's too dangerous.

1393
01:09:08,331 --> 01:09:10,584
But to truly be equal…

1394
01:09:12,752 --> 01:09:14,004
you better rise,

1395
01:09:14,087 --> 01:09:16,214
and you better get that body back.

1396
01:09:17,841 --> 01:09:20,218
[indistinct chatter]

1397
01:09:20,302 --> 01:09:23,180
[women cheering] Whoo!

1398
01:09:34,816 --> 01:09:36,818
[cheering and whooping continue]

1399
01:09:55,045 --> 01:09:56,713
[Amber] Well,
I came in pretty open-minded.

1400
01:09:56,796 --> 01:09:58,840
I had no idea what to expect.

1401
01:09:58,924 --> 01:10:00,967
I had no idea what I was getting into.

1402
01:10:01,885 --> 01:10:05,180
We spent two hours, basically,

1403
01:10:05,263 --> 01:10:07,474
with women just crying and sobbing.

1404
01:10:07,557 --> 01:10:09,726
I just didn't feel empowered.

1405
01:10:09,809 --> 01:10:13,396
I felt like I was watching a soap opera.

1406
01:10:13,480 --> 01:10:15,357
We were on that WhatsApp.

1407
01:10:15,440 --> 01:10:16,691
There was, like, a group.

1408
01:10:17,234 --> 01:10:18,818
After I saw the pictures,

1409
01:10:18,902 --> 01:10:22,155
it was not something
that I would have chosen

1410
01:10:22,239 --> 01:10:24,449
to ever be involved in.

1411
01:10:24,532 --> 01:10:26,117
[women cheering]

1412
01:10:26,201 --> 01:10:30,413
I would never want
my 12-year-old son to see me

1413
01:10:30,497 --> 01:10:32,540
in my panties with no shirt on.

1414
01:10:33,959 --> 01:10:36,294
Sheila writhing around on the ground

1415
01:10:36,378 --> 01:10:39,464
and her whole feely "let it out,"

1416
01:10:39,547 --> 01:10:43,635
this wasn't the way
my tribe and I empower each other.

1417
01:10:44,219 --> 01:10:45,679
I feel like I'm coming off

1418
01:10:45,762 --> 01:10:48,431
like such a huge bitch…
[chuckles]

1419
01:10:48,515 --> 01:10:51,643
…but I'm just trying to be
as real as possible

1420
01:10:51,726 --> 01:10:54,062
because I think
that there are probably other people

1421
01:10:54,145 --> 01:10:55,814
that feel the same way I do.

1422
01:10:57,857 --> 01:10:59,734
[Sheila] I have battles all the time.

1423
01:11:01,194 --> 01:11:02,946
There's the external battles

1424
01:11:03,029 --> 01:11:05,615
with the world
not understanding what we do,

1425
01:11:07,409 --> 01:11:09,995
and then there's the internal battles
of the fear.

1426
01:11:14,040 --> 01:11:17,627
[woman] Everything is cool when I'm here,
and I feel wonderful and fabulous.

1427
01:11:17,711 --> 01:11:22,257
And then as soon as I leave it's like,
"Well, it's back to regular stuff."

1428
01:11:23,300 --> 01:11:24,926
I love this class, and I want that.

1429
01:11:25,010 --> 01:11:27,637
I want to grow, feel something different,
feel like I've changed.

1430
01:11:27,721 --> 01:11:29,347
I don't feel like I've changed at all.

1431
01:11:29,431 --> 01:11:31,599
Um, at the party on Friday,

1432
01:11:31,683 --> 01:11:33,560
I was struggling. Everyone was sexy.

1433
01:11:33,643 --> 01:11:36,813
Everyone was dancing and free
and just being themselves.

1434
01:11:36,896 --> 01:11:38,940
At one point, I went and sat by myself.

1435
01:11:39,024 --> 01:11:41,735
I was like, "I'm not sexy at all."

1436
01:11:42,319 --> 01:11:43,987
I look at my body and I hate my body.

1437
01:11:44,070 --> 01:11:45,905
I don't feel sexy in anything.

1438
01:11:46,823 --> 01:11:49,075
It sucked to feel like that.

1439
01:11:52,912 --> 01:11:55,165
[Sheila] This is the safest place
in the world for you

1440
01:11:55,248 --> 01:11:56,666
because we will protect you

1441
01:11:57,167 --> 01:11:59,169
and allow you to be who you need to be.

1442
01:12:01,046 --> 01:12:04,215
To want to always hear
somebody say, "You're beautiful,"

1443
01:12:04,299 --> 01:12:08,470
it meant more to hear it from him,
and I didn't get that from him.

1444
01:12:09,054 --> 01:12:11,264
The last three months when he was alive,

1445
01:12:11,348 --> 01:12:13,683
we were finally getting
to where we needed to be,

1446
01:12:14,184 --> 01:12:15,518
and then he died.

1447
01:12:16,770 --> 01:12:19,522
To want to always hear
somebody say, "You're beautiful…"

1448
01:12:19,606 --> 01:12:22,567
[voice breaking] I want to hear it
from him, and I didn't.

1449
01:12:22,650 --> 01:12:24,194
But I just found it

1450
01:12:24,903 --> 01:12:28,698
in a fucking text message
to some other girl.

1451
01:12:28,782 --> 01:12:29,866
[sobs]

1452
01:12:36,206 --> 01:12:39,167
[crying] And I thought to myself,

1453
01:12:39,250 --> 01:12:41,252
"How… how could you?"

1454
01:12:42,754 --> 01:12:45,382
[Sheila] Your deceased husband
was having an affair?

1455
01:12:46,091 --> 01:12:48,843
Maybe a texting affair? Who knows?

1456
01:12:48,927 --> 01:12:50,845
And, you know, I can't ask him.

1457
01:12:53,014 --> 01:12:55,725
It's just that one word, "Beautiful."

1458
01:12:56,851 --> 01:12:58,436
And I'm like, "Oh, my God."

1459
01:12:59,562 --> 01:13:01,648
How many times have I wanted to hear it?

1460
01:13:06,069 --> 01:13:08,738
Then I thought to myself,
"Maybe it's good I found out

1461
01:13:08,822 --> 01:13:11,991
because I was ready
to fucking just fall a-fucking-part."

1462
01:13:12,575 --> 01:13:13,576
I was like,

1463
01:13:14,244 --> 01:13:17,247
[crying softly] "Okay, I need to come back
and touch this floor,

1464
01:13:17,831 --> 01:13:19,541
and be in this room…

1465
01:13:20,417 --> 01:13:21,668
so I can live again."

1466
01:13:22,460 --> 01:13:24,462
[women cheering and clapping]

1467
01:13:26,005 --> 01:13:27,715
[Evelyn] Gonna have to just go on.

1468
01:13:36,808 --> 01:13:40,645
It has been six years
since I've had intercourse with a person.

1469
01:13:42,897 --> 01:13:44,441
I just felt the need to say it.

1470
01:13:44,524 --> 01:13:46,401
[Sheila] I think it's important to say it.

1471
01:13:46,484 --> 01:13:49,404
I think it's important in this circle
of naked truthing

1472
01:13:50,029 --> 01:13:51,865
to be able to own where you are.

1473
01:13:51,948 --> 01:13:52,949
I'll be quite frank.

1474
01:13:53,032 --> 01:13:56,327
Your body hasn't wanted to have sex
with another human being yet.

1475
01:13:56,411 --> 01:13:58,496
-That's what I'm--
-I haven't.

1476
01:13:58,580 --> 01:14:00,874
[Sheila] There's nothing wrong with that.

1477
01:14:01,416 --> 01:14:04,294
Are you gonna be ready for a haircut soon?

1478
01:14:04,377 --> 01:14:07,005
I haven't had my hair above my shoulders
in 20 years,

1479
01:14:07,088 --> 01:14:09,257
and I have no intention
of putting it there.

1480
01:14:10,425 --> 01:14:13,011
Your hair wants to fly and move more.

1481
01:14:13,553 --> 01:14:15,013
Okay? So we'll do that.

1482
01:14:15,096 --> 01:14:17,474
You're gonna do, like, a makeover thing.

1483
01:14:20,435 --> 01:14:22,479
Some people come in
just to learn how to pole dance,

1484
01:14:22,562 --> 01:14:24,689
and their minds are blown open

1485
01:14:24,772 --> 01:14:27,525
that it touches a part of themselves
they didn't know they had.

1486
01:14:27,609 --> 01:14:30,445
[gentle music playing]

1487
01:14:36,618 --> 01:14:38,828
[indistinct chatter]

1488
01:14:40,288 --> 01:14:42,707
[Sheila] Take a breath
and breathe here and sit back.

1489
01:14:43,291 --> 01:14:47,212
I've needed to fall apart for a long time
and I can't seem to do it.

1490
01:14:47,754 --> 01:14:49,631
[Sheila] This is a neurogenic tremor.

1491
01:14:49,714 --> 01:14:52,634
It's just trying to release shit,
and so you're holding on.

1492
01:14:52,717 --> 01:14:54,135
-It's not--
-I'm fighting it.

1493
01:14:55,929 --> 01:14:56,763
[Sheila] I know.

1494
01:14:57,555 --> 01:14:59,474
You don't want to just sob?

1495
01:15:01,059 --> 01:15:02,602
-No.
-[Sheila] Why?

1496
01:15:04,354 --> 01:15:07,440
Because if I fall, I don't know
that I'll put myself back together.

1497
01:15:07,524 --> 01:15:09,526
[Sheila] We've gotta
get this shit out of you.

1498
01:15:09,609 --> 01:15:10,944
-Right?
-[Jaimee] Yeah.

1499
01:15:11,903 --> 01:15:14,239
Every woman who walks in that door

1500
01:15:14,322 --> 01:15:17,075
is coming here to at the very least

1501
01:15:17,158 --> 01:15:19,702
get into her sexuality and her body.

1502
01:15:19,786 --> 01:15:21,329
So she's signing up for this.

1503
01:15:22,038 --> 01:15:24,916
I know she's not asking
for emotional pain,

1504
01:15:24,999 --> 01:15:27,460
but she's trying to move beyond that.

1505
01:15:27,544 --> 01:15:31,256
And when you are working with her
in a responsible way to do that,

1506
01:15:31,339 --> 01:15:33,424
you're giving her a priceless gift.

1507
01:15:36,594 --> 01:15:39,389
It is something that is healing.

1508
01:15:39,472 --> 01:15:41,015
It's empowering.

1509
01:15:41,641 --> 01:15:44,185
But I also get that it's something

1510
01:15:44,269 --> 01:15:45,562
that can be triggering.

1511
01:15:47,021 --> 01:15:47,981
So, by teaching,

1512
01:15:48,064 --> 01:15:50,858
you're also healing yourself even further.

1513
01:15:53,736 --> 01:15:55,196
[Jenn] You gonna knock on that door?

1514
01:15:55,822 --> 01:15:56,864
[knocks on door]

1515
01:15:57,532 --> 01:15:59,701
[Sheila] You and I have talked
about losing the weight.

1516
01:15:59,784 --> 01:16:01,411
How much do you wanna lose?

1517
01:16:01,494 --> 01:16:03,830
I would like to lose 100 pounds.

1518
01:16:04,330 --> 01:16:05,790
Okay. What are you right now?

1519
01:16:05,873 --> 01:16:09,002
-[Jenn] Um… 265?
-Yeah.

1520
01:16:09,502 --> 01:16:11,713
-Yeah, 100 pounds would be good.
-[Jenn] Mmm-hmm.

1521
01:16:11,796 --> 01:16:14,257
-[Sheila] So let's do that.
-Yeah. [chuckles]

1522
01:16:14,882 --> 01:16:15,925
That's scary.

1523
01:16:16,509 --> 01:16:20,638
-Um, if 100 pounds is doable--
-[Sheila] Fourteen pounds a month for 100.

1524
01:16:21,306 --> 01:16:22,181
Really?

1525
01:16:23,016 --> 01:16:24,350
-That's it?
-[Sheila] Yeah.

1526
01:16:24,434 --> 01:16:25,602
-Really?
-[Sheila] Yeah!

1527
01:16:26,769 --> 01:16:29,606
All I did was calculate
seven months by 100 pounds,

1528
01:16:29,689 --> 01:16:31,691
and it's 14.2 pounds.

1529
01:16:31,774 --> 01:16:33,860
-Can we make that our goal?
-[exhales deeply]

1530
01:16:34,360 --> 01:16:35,653
-Yeah.
-[Sheila] Okay?

1531
01:16:35,737 --> 01:16:38,197
Why now? Why this moment?

1532
01:16:38,865 --> 01:16:40,283
I don't wanna die early.

1533
01:16:42,201 --> 01:16:43,953
I wanna live for my children.

1534
01:16:44,037 --> 01:16:46,539
-I wanna see them grow up. [sniffles]
-Yeah.

1535
01:16:46,623 --> 01:16:50,084
[crying] I wanna have
a thriving marriage, a healthy one.

1536
01:16:50,168 --> 01:16:51,669
-A hot, sexy one?
-[laughs] Yeah.

1537
01:16:51,753 --> 01:16:53,713
-Where you can get on top?
-[laughs] Yeah.

1538
01:16:53,796 --> 01:16:55,673
[Sheila] Do all kinds of fun stuff
up there.

1539
01:16:56,299 --> 01:16:58,593
-Yes.
-[Sheila] Yeah. Yeah.

1540
01:16:58,676 --> 01:17:01,220
-And it hurts. My body hurts.
-I know. I hear.

1541
01:17:01,763 --> 01:17:03,389
-Just now.
-Yeah, now.

1542
01:17:03,473 --> 01:17:04,307
[Sheila] Yeah.

1543
01:17:05,141 --> 01:17:08,478
It took you eight years to tell me
what happened to your body.

1544
01:17:08,561 --> 01:17:09,520
[Jenn] Mmm-hmm.

1545
01:17:10,980 --> 01:17:13,566
That you kind of just went,
"Well, this happened."

1546
01:17:13,650 --> 01:17:16,361
Do we wanna come clean
with what happened to your body?

1547
01:17:17,654 --> 01:17:18,655
I don't know.

1548
01:17:20,239 --> 01:17:21,783
It's easier to just forget about it.

1549
01:17:21,866 --> 01:17:24,327
No, it's not. It's not "forget about it,"
it's in your body.

1550
01:17:26,496 --> 01:17:29,332
Before that incident, were you overweight?

1551
01:17:30,875 --> 01:17:32,335
-No.
-[Sheila] No.

1552
01:17:33,044 --> 01:17:34,587
-Mmm.
-[Sheila] Hmm.

1553
01:17:38,841 --> 01:17:41,344
I was taken advantage of

1554
01:17:42,220 --> 01:17:47,141
by boys in junior high or high school.

1555
01:17:50,019 --> 01:17:52,021
[sobs]

1556
01:17:56,651 --> 01:17:59,320
[breathes deeply]

1557
01:18:01,364 --> 01:18:03,282
[breathes deeply]

1558
01:18:09,997 --> 01:18:12,041
[Sheila] Will you let those fuckers
destroy your life?

1559
01:18:12,125 --> 01:18:14,210
-[cries] No!
-[Sheila] No? Mmm-mmm?

1560
01:18:15,253 --> 01:18:17,213
-Will you let them steal your body?
-No.

1561
01:18:17,296 --> 01:18:18,256
-Your pleasure?
-No.

1562
01:18:18,339 --> 01:18:20,216
-Okay, so it's time.
-Yeah.

1563
01:18:20,299 --> 01:18:22,427
-[Sheila] It's time.
-It's just the excuse

1564
01:18:22,510 --> 01:18:24,721
of them being young and stupid.

1565
01:18:24,804 --> 01:18:26,889
[Sheila] No, it was brutalizing.

1566
01:18:27,640 --> 01:18:30,059
Not realizing the impact.

1567
01:18:30,727 --> 01:18:32,812
And then having my own daughter,
and just…

1568
01:18:32,895 --> 01:18:34,731
-I don't ever want her to just…
-[Sheila] Oof.

1569
01:18:36,899 --> 01:18:38,735
…do what I did and let it be.

1570
01:18:38,818 --> 01:18:40,987
You did nothing wrong, okay?

1571
01:18:41,070 --> 01:18:43,322
Except exist on the planet
as a female creature

1572
01:18:43,406 --> 01:18:46,033
that was innocent and,
I don't know, 16, 15 years old?

1573
01:18:46,117 --> 01:18:47,410
[Jenn] Yeah. Yeah.

1574
01:18:47,493 --> 01:18:51,330
So snap every fucking time you wanna say
something like, "Do what I did."

1575
01:18:52,081 --> 01:18:53,833
And you gotta get back into class.

1576
01:18:55,960 --> 01:18:58,504
You gotta move this, okay?

1577
01:18:58,588 --> 01:19:00,590
[somber music playing]

1578
01:19:04,469 --> 01:19:07,388
[crying] Um, so, I…

1579
01:19:07,472 --> 01:19:09,390
When I was 13, I was raped. [sniffles]

1580
01:19:10,016 --> 01:19:12,018
[voice breaking] Um, and that was…

1581
01:19:13,186 --> 01:19:15,938
that was my first,
like, real sexual experience.

1582
01:19:16,022 --> 01:19:19,692
I was a virgin. I had not had sex.
I was very insecure in my body.

1583
01:19:20,359 --> 01:19:23,988
And I began to feel
more comfortable with myself,

1584
01:19:24,071 --> 01:19:26,949
but then I was drugged
and violently raped,

1585
01:19:27,033 --> 01:19:29,160
and it really fucked me up.

1586
01:19:29,744 --> 01:19:33,664
And it happened again twice in college,
um, two different times.

1587
01:19:34,290 --> 01:19:36,834
I myself was sexually assaulted
by a partner.

1588
01:19:36,918 --> 01:19:40,588
And I ended up comforting
the guy that raped me.

1589
01:19:40,671 --> 01:19:43,216
-[woman] Mmm.
-I know. "How does that work," right?

1590
01:19:43,299 --> 01:19:44,133
[laughs]

1591
01:19:45,051 --> 01:19:46,302
[woman] I was 20 years old

1592
01:19:46,385 --> 01:19:48,387
the first time that I was raped,

1593
01:19:48,471 --> 01:19:50,973
and my rapist
was my boyfriend at the time.

1594
01:19:52,475 --> 01:19:53,768
I was sexually assaulted

1595
01:19:53,851 --> 01:19:57,063
and ostracized and bullied after that

1596
01:19:57,146 --> 01:19:58,481
really badly,

1597
01:19:58,564 --> 01:20:00,233
that I had to drop out of school.

1598
01:20:01,192 --> 01:20:02,527
For years afterwards,

1599
01:20:02,610 --> 01:20:05,112
I carried so much shame in my body

1600
01:20:05,196 --> 01:20:08,950
and I felt really uncomfortable
embracing my sexuality after all of that.

1601
01:20:09,033 --> 01:20:11,786
I felt like it was part of me trying
to be sexual and confident.

1602
01:20:11,869 --> 01:20:13,955
-And so I blamed myself.
-[woman] Yeah.

1603
01:20:14,038 --> 01:20:16,040
I feel still really unsafe,

1604
01:20:16,123 --> 01:20:18,167
like, unsafe in society,

1605
01:20:18,251 --> 01:20:20,795
unsafe around men, specifically.

1606
01:20:21,337 --> 01:20:23,256
My body doesn't feel like my own.

1607
01:20:23,339 --> 01:20:26,843
I feel like a blob sometimes.
Like, I just feel so disconnected.

1608
01:20:26,926 --> 01:20:29,554
I was constantly living
in a state of fear.

1609
01:20:30,763 --> 01:20:33,516
The fear of just any man could hurt me.

1610
01:20:35,184 --> 01:20:37,353
Pure terror, and it, um…

1611
01:20:38,521 --> 01:20:40,356
[sniffles] Yeah.

1612
01:20:40,439 --> 01:20:41,524
[laughs nervously]

1613
01:20:43,025 --> 01:20:44,026
[exhales]

1614
01:20:44,110 --> 01:20:46,112
[somber music playing]

1615
01:20:47,822 --> 01:20:50,658
[laughs]

1616
01:20:55,955 --> 01:20:58,207
[woman] I really want to learn

1617
01:20:58,291 --> 01:21:00,042
how to trust myself.

1618
01:21:00,543 --> 01:21:04,672
So that's basically why I'm here,
to really have a confidence within myself,

1619
01:21:04,755 --> 01:21:08,509
to trust my inner self,
to just be who I know I'm meant to be.

1620
01:21:08,593 --> 01:21:10,344
[all agreeing]

1621
01:21:10,428 --> 01:21:14,181
[applauding]

1622
01:21:15,224 --> 01:21:16,767
[Allison] I thought you were after me.

1623
01:21:16,851 --> 01:21:20,146
-[boy] Well, I think you skipped me.
-[Allison chuckling] Oh… sorry.

1624
01:21:20,229 --> 01:21:23,274
[Allison] I have decided to go public
with what I do.

1625
01:21:23,858 --> 01:21:25,860
-Brycee wins!
-[boy exclaims] Yeah!

1626
01:21:25,943 --> 01:21:29,572
My husband found my Instagram account
before I was able to tell him,

1627
01:21:30,489 --> 01:21:31,824
and he immediately said,

1628
01:21:31,908 --> 01:21:34,243
"You did exactly the thing
I told you not to do."

1629
01:21:34,827 --> 01:21:36,370
I said, "You crossed a line,

1630
01:21:36,454 --> 01:21:38,623
telling me what I can and cannot do
with my pole life."

1631
01:21:40,541 --> 01:21:43,044
"If I want to post pictures of myself,

1632
01:21:43,127 --> 01:21:44,921
it's my body, it's my right."

1633
01:21:45,004 --> 01:21:46,255
"This is what I do."

1634
01:21:46,923 --> 01:21:48,132
"Take it or leave it."

1635
01:21:48,883 --> 01:21:51,177
And he said, "We're done."

1636
01:21:52,970 --> 01:21:54,347
"We're getting a divorce."

1637
01:21:56,390 --> 01:21:59,310
I have nothing to be ashamed of.
I have nothing to fear.

1638
01:21:59,852 --> 01:22:01,228
This is who I am.

1639
01:22:01,312 --> 01:22:04,273
I've allowed my husband
to control me for a very long time,

1640
01:22:04,857 --> 01:22:07,610
and then I realized that I wasn't free.

1641
01:22:09,236 --> 01:22:11,238
There's people who question me and say,

1642
01:22:11,864 --> 01:22:14,283
"How is what you're doing
bringing glory to God?"

1643
01:22:15,034 --> 01:22:17,286
And then I have other people that say,

1644
01:22:17,370 --> 01:22:21,916
"You're 40 years old. You have two kids,
and you're in phenomenal shape."

1645
01:22:22,625 --> 01:22:23,668
"You're inspiring."

1646
01:22:23,751 --> 01:22:27,838
[audience applauds and cheers]

1647
01:22:32,009 --> 01:22:35,388
[Sheila] There are women
who become so full and so rich

1648
01:22:35,471 --> 01:22:38,516
and so explosively radiant.

1649
01:22:38,599 --> 01:22:40,601
[gentle music playing]

1650
01:22:44,647 --> 01:22:47,400
[Sheila] And the loves that they're with,
the men that they're with,

1651
01:22:48,693 --> 01:22:49,986
get so overwhelmed

1652
01:22:50,069 --> 01:22:53,072
and don't know how to handle that…

1653
01:22:54,657 --> 01:22:56,534
how to hold space for that,

1654
01:22:56,617 --> 01:22:58,619
how to be even present

1655
01:22:58,703 --> 01:23:00,329
for that kind of power.

1656
01:23:02,289 --> 01:23:03,708
Not only are the women gonna grow,

1657
01:23:03,791 --> 01:23:06,502
but they're gonna affect everything
and everybody in their path.

1658
01:23:06,585 --> 01:23:08,587
[gentle music continues]

1659
01:23:16,929 --> 01:23:19,890
What I'm talking about
is an entire paradigm shift

1660
01:23:19,974 --> 01:23:22,435
of how we live together,

1661
01:23:23,310 --> 01:23:24,603
masculine and feminine.

1662
01:23:27,273 --> 01:23:30,443
[Sheila] I think you all know that I've
invited some masculine energy here.

1663
01:23:30,526 --> 01:23:33,529
I think it would be really,
really helpful for you

1664
01:23:33,612 --> 01:23:35,364
to confront a male presence.

1665
01:23:36,699 --> 01:23:39,577
[Ali] These are heightened, conscious men.

1666
01:23:40,202 --> 01:23:41,746
They cultivate that ability

1667
01:23:41,829 --> 01:23:43,914
to hold the space for the feminine

1668
01:23:43,998 --> 01:23:46,500
and whatever comes up emotionally

1669
01:23:46,584 --> 01:23:47,710
is what comes up.

1670
01:23:48,544 --> 01:23:49,754
[Sheila] Thank you for coming.

1671
01:23:49,837 --> 01:23:52,715
One of the things I love
when I bring masculine presence

1672
01:23:52,798 --> 01:23:55,551
is for you to hold their gaze

1673
01:23:55,634 --> 01:23:58,971
with not just love
but the feeling of "I would kill for you."

1674
01:23:59,638 --> 01:24:01,057
[Ali] Whenever you're ready,

1675
01:24:01,140 --> 01:24:02,558
I'm gonna lead you in

1676
01:24:02,641 --> 01:24:04,143
and just find that flow.

1677
01:24:06,228 --> 01:24:08,230
[soft background music playing]

1678
01:24:08,856 --> 01:24:12,777
[Sheila] Their one goal is
to make you feel loved and seen

1679
01:24:13,444 --> 01:24:14,945
and protected.

1680
01:24:16,155 --> 01:24:17,948
Whatever you need.

1681
01:24:18,699 --> 01:24:21,327
They're holding masculine presence.

1682
01:24:22,828 --> 01:24:24,705
These men do exist.

1683
01:24:24,789 --> 01:24:27,500
This masculine energy does exist.

1684
01:24:28,000 --> 01:24:29,960
-[Patty] Can I touch?
-[Sheila] Ask him.

1685
01:24:30,044 --> 01:24:31,587
Is it okay if I touch you?

1686
01:24:32,254 --> 01:24:34,256
[Sheila] Everything above the belt.

1687
01:24:34,340 --> 01:24:36,383
[women laugh]

1688
01:24:39,845 --> 01:24:42,348
[Sheila] This can be incredibly healing

1689
01:24:42,431 --> 01:24:43,682
if you choose that.

1690
01:24:46,352 --> 01:24:48,771
Feel what it feels like to truly be seen

1691
01:24:49,855 --> 01:24:51,857
in all your feminine splendor.

1692
01:24:55,361 --> 01:24:59,115
-[sobs] I just miss him.
-Mmm.

1693
01:25:00,282 --> 01:25:02,284
-I miss him a lot.
-Yeah.

1694
01:25:04,078 --> 01:25:05,663
[sobs]

1695
01:25:05,746 --> 01:25:06,580
[indistinct]

1696
01:25:06,664 --> 01:25:09,375
[Sheila] Can you ask him to show you love?

1697
01:25:11,710 --> 01:25:13,712
[indistinct crying and chatter]

1698
01:25:23,848 --> 01:25:26,851
[Lisset] I never got to come out
to my father while he was alive,

1699
01:25:27,434 --> 01:25:30,271
mainly because my mother didn't think
he could accept me.

1700
01:25:30,771 --> 01:25:33,941
So I'd like to have
that feeling of acceptance,

1701
01:25:34,024 --> 01:25:36,026
um, by a man who represented him.

1702
01:25:39,446 --> 01:25:40,948
[breathes deeply]

1703
01:25:42,032 --> 01:25:44,034
[sniffling]

1704
01:25:48,497 --> 01:25:49,832
[crying]

1705
01:25:49,915 --> 01:25:51,917
[sobbing]

1706
01:25:55,337 --> 01:25:58,174
Yeah. You need to feel a man
who can protect you.

1707
01:25:58,257 --> 01:26:00,259
[sobbing]

1708
01:26:10,936 --> 01:26:14,440
[gentle music playing]

1709
01:26:32,208 --> 01:26:34,418
[man] I think of women
that I've been with in my life,

1710
01:26:34,501 --> 01:26:38,047
before I was breathing
as consciously as I do now,

1711
01:26:38,923 --> 01:26:39,882
that I hurt.

1712
01:26:40,382 --> 01:26:44,720
I have tons of regrets
of the way that I would treat women.

1713
01:26:46,096 --> 01:26:48,390
Being with you was that…

1714
01:26:48,474 --> 01:26:50,142
for me, that space of, like…

1715
01:26:50,226 --> 01:26:52,770
[voice breaking]
…being seen in that vulnerable place…

1716
01:26:54,230 --> 01:26:56,440
and being held in that space

1717
01:26:57,066 --> 01:26:59,485
without the expectation of anything else.

1718
01:27:00,361 --> 01:27:04,615
What I wasn't expecting is
how almost all of us became frozen.

1719
01:27:05,282 --> 01:27:06,533
Um, and you're like,

1720
01:27:06,617 --> 01:27:09,870
"Wow! Men have
really done a number on us!"

1721
01:27:09,954 --> 01:27:10,788
[all laugh]

1722
01:27:11,830 --> 01:27:14,291
[quavers`] It just felt like
our hearts touched at one point,

1723
01:27:14,375 --> 01:27:17,002
and, like,
I could feel you, and I felt safe.

1724
01:27:17,086 --> 01:27:20,798
And when I held my arms back…
[laughs]

1725
01:27:20,881 --> 01:27:23,592
…and surrendered that, it was,
like, full surrender.

1726
01:27:23,676 --> 01:27:27,054
[cries] I don't think I've ever done that
with anyone in my entire life,

1727
01:27:27,137 --> 01:27:28,264
so thank you.

1728
01:27:28,347 --> 01:27:30,349
[gentle music continues]

1729
01:27:37,856 --> 01:27:40,067
[woman] The next survivor is
Megan Halicek.

1730
01:27:40,150 --> 01:27:41,902
[inaudible]

1731
01:27:43,404 --> 01:27:46,573
[Megan] Larry Nassar used to be
an absolute god to me,

1732
01:27:46,657 --> 01:27:48,867
but he turned out to be a monster.

1733
01:27:49,451 --> 01:27:51,245
He was an unwarranted intruder

1734
01:27:51,328 --> 01:27:55,082
to my most private, intimate,
never-before-touched places.

1735
01:27:56,083 --> 01:27:58,419
My little child self knew
something was wrong,

1736
01:27:58,502 --> 01:28:02,840
but she was petrified to the point
of physical and emotional paralysis.

1737
01:28:02,923 --> 01:28:05,467
[voice breaking] As she tried so hard
to keep trusting this man

1738
01:28:05,551 --> 01:28:06,677
she thought was her savior,

1739
01:28:06,760 --> 01:28:08,220
the most confusing part was

1740
01:28:08,304 --> 01:28:10,723
my mother was
in the room with us while this happens.

1741
01:28:11,849 --> 01:28:14,518
[crying] When I heard about the abuse,
it was just disbelief.

1742
01:28:14,601 --> 01:28:16,228
"How could I let that happen?"

1743
01:28:17,146 --> 01:28:20,482
You have an image
of what safe should be, and you're there,

1744
01:28:20,566 --> 01:28:22,901
you're there with her,
and she's still not safe.

1745
01:28:23,610 --> 01:28:25,612
[cries] 'Cause I thought you were safe.

1746
01:28:27,948 --> 01:28:29,575
[exhales] Sorry.

1747
01:28:30,075 --> 01:28:31,160
[mouthing] It's okay.

1748
01:28:31,827 --> 01:28:34,121
I couldn't trust anyone
to keep me safe back then,

1749
01:28:34,204 --> 01:28:36,665
and I can't trust anyone
to keep me safe today.

1750
01:28:36,749 --> 01:28:38,083
The world feels unsafe.

1751
01:28:38,167 --> 01:28:39,126
Men feel unsafe.

1752
01:28:39,710 --> 01:28:42,880
I'm intensely vigilant
that someone, somewhere,

1753
01:28:42,963 --> 01:28:46,508
is about to take advantage of,
sexualize, or hurt me.

1754
01:28:47,885 --> 01:28:49,261
I will do what it takes

1755
01:28:49,345 --> 01:28:51,388
for as long as it takes to heal

1756
01:28:51,472 --> 01:28:53,682
so that this no longer has power over me.

1757
01:28:53,766 --> 01:28:55,517
[women clapping and cheering]

1758
01:28:55,601 --> 01:28:58,354
-[Sheila] What's the sound?
-[yelling fiercely]

1759
01:28:58,437 --> 01:29:00,439
-[laughing]
-[women cheer]

1760
01:29:11,617 --> 01:29:13,619
[Amy] On Twitter,
there's actually somebody

1761
01:29:13,702 --> 01:29:15,829
who's created a fake profile.

1762
01:29:17,039 --> 01:29:19,166
So it's @WendyJamesXXX.

1763
01:29:19,249 --> 01:29:21,168
It's not an account that I created.

1764
01:29:21,251 --> 01:29:25,589
He would send people I know
videos of men cumming on my face.

1765
01:29:26,840 --> 01:29:30,135
Here's a pole dance video
that I posted on YouTube.

1766
01:29:30,219 --> 01:29:33,263
Of course, some user named "bug man"

1767
01:29:33,347 --> 01:29:36,058
needs to call it out like he always does.

1768
01:29:36,809 --> 01:29:40,437
"Watch, drain your balls, or squirt,
this woman is very good at her job."

1769
01:29:40,521 --> 01:29:44,483
At every turn, even now, 15 years later,

1770
01:29:44,566 --> 01:29:47,111
"Did you know she used to be in porn?"

1771
01:29:47,194 --> 01:29:49,363
Like it's this terrible thing.

1772
01:29:49,446 --> 01:29:53,075
And I don't think it is, but also,
"Why do you care?"

1773
01:29:53,158 --> 01:29:57,037
You know? "Why are you still
bothering me with this?"

1774
01:29:58,455 --> 01:30:00,958
[upbeat music playing]

1775
01:30:04,837 --> 01:30:09,383
[Amy] The hardest thing
after we go through social ostracization

1776
01:30:09,466 --> 01:30:11,468
is to get up, go back, and say,

1777
01:30:11,552 --> 01:30:14,304
"I'm still here. You can't push me down."

1778
01:30:17,266 --> 01:30:21,270
Using my story
to help others get over the shame

1779
01:30:21,353 --> 01:30:23,313
that they also feel in their lives

1780
01:30:23,397 --> 01:30:25,399
is why I believe I'm here.

1781
01:30:26,316 --> 01:30:27,526
[Amy] I'm gonna check in.

1782
01:30:27,609 --> 01:30:28,819
My name's Amy Bond.

1783
01:30:28,902 --> 01:30:31,238
[laughing] Hey!

1784
01:30:31,321 --> 01:30:34,658
-Oh, my God, you're here! Come!
-[woman] How are you?

1785
01:30:34,741 --> 01:30:37,244
-[Amy] Having fun!
-[woman] Good! How are you doing?

1786
01:30:37,327 --> 01:30:38,912
-I'm so good.
-Are you having fun?

1787
01:30:38,996 --> 01:30:39,997
I'm having so much fun.

1788
01:30:40,080 --> 01:30:42,541
My only goal for tonight is
to make somebody cry.

1789
01:30:42,624 --> 01:30:44,835
-[both laughing]
-[Amy] And not fuck everything up.

1790
01:30:44,918 --> 01:30:47,463
[exclaiming] Oh, my God!

1791
01:30:48,422 --> 01:30:49,381
Can I touch it?

1792
01:30:49,465 --> 01:30:50,883
-Yes!
-[Amy] Ahh!

1793
01:30:50,966 --> 01:30:53,010
-How far along are you?
-Seven months.

1794
01:30:53,093 --> 01:30:54,928
-And you wore heels?
-Oh, yeah.

1795
01:30:55,012 --> 01:30:56,972
They're church shoes, you know.

1796
01:30:59,975 --> 01:31:02,728
-[Amy] How's the spin pole?
-[woman] It's slow.

1797
01:31:02,811 --> 01:31:04,396
[upbeat music continues]

1798
01:31:08,358 --> 01:31:10,777
[Amy] I'm nervous
about all the different ways

1799
01:31:10,861 --> 01:31:12,863
that my routine would go wrong,

1800
01:31:12,946 --> 01:31:16,658
worried about my grip and whether
I would be able to hold on to the pole.

1801
01:31:16,742 --> 01:31:19,036
I just don't wanna die.
That's all I ask today.

1802
01:31:19,119 --> 01:31:21,872
Hold on to the pole and I don't fall off.

1803
01:31:21,955 --> 01:31:23,332
[Amy] That will not happen.

1804
01:31:24,917 --> 01:31:27,085
[engine starting]

1805
01:31:34,635 --> 01:31:38,013
[Jenn] Tomorrow, I am beginning
a weight loss journey.

1806
01:31:38,764 --> 01:31:42,893
I am terrified of the safety
of holding on to my weight

1807
01:31:43,435 --> 01:31:46,772
and the fear of what happens
if I let it go.

1808
01:31:48,023 --> 01:31:49,983
Over the last 12 years,

1809
01:31:50,067 --> 01:31:52,402
I have been releasing layers.

1810
01:31:54,363 --> 01:31:58,033
I truly believe
that the moment my healing started

1811
01:31:58,116 --> 01:32:00,702
was when I actually acknowledged
it was a rape,

1812
01:32:00,786 --> 01:32:03,163
and I didn't make any other excuses.

1813
01:32:03,247 --> 01:32:05,582
[man] Hello. How's it going?

1814
01:32:06,708 --> 01:32:08,335
-[woman] You look very nice.
-Thank you.

1815
01:32:08,418 --> 01:32:10,754
So what is going on exactly today?

1816
01:32:10,837 --> 01:32:12,005
[Jenn] A release.

1817
01:32:12,923 --> 01:32:15,425
[man] I didn't know until seven,
eight years ago

1818
01:32:15,509 --> 01:32:19,054
that she had, um, been raped.

1819
01:32:20,556 --> 01:32:22,724
[woman] I can only imagine
what she went through

1820
01:32:22,808 --> 01:32:24,977
and how she stuffed it down

1821
01:32:25,060 --> 01:32:26,103
all these years.

1822
01:32:26,603 --> 01:32:29,356
[crying] And I know
how important forgiveness is to a person,

1823
01:32:29,439 --> 01:32:31,858
and that was important for me,

1824
01:32:31,942 --> 01:32:36,446
that she truly forgive me for being
ignorant of things that happened,

1825
01:32:36,530 --> 01:32:39,366
for not being there when she needed me,

1826
01:32:39,449 --> 01:32:44,121
for being so busy with work
and taking care of, uh, business

1827
01:32:44,204 --> 01:32:46,498
when I should have been taking care
of my daughter.

1828
01:32:48,584 --> 01:32:50,377
She is putting her life out there,

1829
01:32:50,877 --> 01:32:53,255
but if she can find peace in her heart,

1830
01:32:53,755 --> 01:32:57,342
if she can become the kind of woman
that she wants to be,

1831
01:32:58,885 --> 01:33:00,596
then I say more power to her.

1832
01:33:05,058 --> 01:33:07,728
[Jenn] I'm releasing any ounce of the rape

1833
01:33:07,811 --> 01:33:09,646
that no longer serves my body

1834
01:33:10,188 --> 01:33:13,275
and the thoughts of me
not being worthy enough.

1835
01:33:16,945 --> 01:33:19,990
[sensual pop music playing]

1836
01:33:24,036 --> 01:33:27,039
[Sheila] The next two weeks is
kind of understanding free dance.

1837
01:33:27,748 --> 01:33:30,000
We'll be dancing not from here,

1838
01:33:30,959 --> 01:33:33,670
but it's finding pleasure
and finding a story

1839
01:33:33,754 --> 01:33:36,548
and the conversation
that your body wants to have.

1840
01:33:37,341 --> 01:33:39,343
[pop music continues]

1841
01:33:40,636 --> 01:33:43,096
[Evelyn] I don't know
what wakes you up in the morning,

1842
01:33:43,180 --> 01:33:45,098
but Katy Perry's been waking me up
in the morning.

1843
01:33:45,182 --> 01:33:46,016
[women laugh]

1844
01:33:46,099 --> 01:33:50,187
-I changed all my alarms to erotic songs.
-[Sheila] Yes!

1845
01:33:50,270 --> 01:33:51,647
-Soulful songs.
-[Sheila] Yes!

1846
01:33:51,730 --> 01:33:53,440
So in the morning, when I wake up,

1847
01:33:53,523 --> 01:33:56,526
I lay there in bed, and I smile.

1848
01:33:57,110 --> 01:34:00,280
And then I turn just for a second,

1849
01:34:00,364 --> 01:34:02,949
and just, like,
"Okay, I wanna start my day."

1850
01:34:03,033 --> 01:34:05,661
Hey, I'm not gonna lie,
I'll hit the snooze again, and, you know…

1851
01:34:05,744 --> 01:34:07,037
[women laugh]

1852
01:34:07,537 --> 01:34:09,706
[Evelyn] Music has come back into my life.

1853
01:34:10,374 --> 01:34:13,669
-And I bought a thong.
-[Sheila] I wanna see the thong!

1854
01:34:13,752 --> 01:34:15,545
-[all] Whoo!
-[Evelyn] I'm wearing a thong.

1855
01:34:15,629 --> 01:34:18,090
Who fucking does that?
I mean, I'm sure you guys do that.

1856
01:34:18,173 --> 01:34:20,342
-[women laugh]
-But I… I'm wearing a thong.

1857
01:34:20,425 --> 01:34:22,094
[women cheer]

1858
01:34:22,177 --> 01:34:25,263
[music continues] ♪ Girls do it better
Girls do it better ♪

1859
01:34:25,347 --> 01:34:27,391
♪ Girls do it better
Yeah ♪

1860
01:34:27,474 --> 01:34:28,975
♪ Girls do it better ♪

1861
01:34:29,059 --> 01:34:31,061
♪ Girls do it better
Yeah ♪

1862
01:34:31,144 --> 01:34:32,437
♪ Girls do it better
Oh ♪

1863
01:34:32,521 --> 01:34:34,189
♪ Girls do it better
Yeah ♪

1864
01:34:34,272 --> 01:34:36,566
♪ You know we do it better ♪

1865
01:34:37,526 --> 01:34:39,903
♪ Innocent girls to the naked eye ♪

1866
01:34:40,404 --> 01:34:43,323
♪ Really a bad girl deep inside… ♪

1867
01:34:43,407 --> 01:34:44,408
Oh, goodness!

1868
01:34:44,491 --> 01:34:47,411
♪ I don't care what you say
I don't care how you feel ♪

1869
01:34:47,494 --> 01:34:49,162
♪ You just know when they come ♪

1870
01:34:49,246 --> 01:34:51,331
♪ Hey! I'll make a… ♪

1871
01:34:51,415 --> 01:34:53,542
[Sheila] Jaimee! Look at you!

1872
01:34:53,625 --> 01:34:55,127
[exaggeratedly] What?

1873
01:34:55,210 --> 01:34:56,753
Can we give her some love?

1874
01:34:56,837 --> 01:34:58,714
-All right!
-[women cheering]

1875
01:34:58,797 --> 01:34:59,881
[Sheila] Look at you.

1876
01:35:00,757 --> 01:35:02,676
More! More!

1877
01:35:02,759 --> 01:35:05,011
That's it. Let your head go.

1878
01:35:06,179 --> 01:35:08,557
[Jaimee] The hair coming off
lifted a veil for me.

1879
01:35:09,641 --> 01:35:11,518
I've gotten a lot more confident,

1880
01:35:11,601 --> 01:35:15,981
experiencing the journey with this group
of women and having their support.

1881
01:35:17,691 --> 01:35:20,068
[Sheila] Exhale down. Good! Good!

1882
01:35:20,152 --> 01:35:22,154
Let it go! Let it play!

1883
01:35:22,237 --> 01:35:25,157
As it says, it's alive! Whoo!

1884
01:35:25,240 --> 01:35:28,744
[loudly] What? Who are you?
What's happened to Lisset?

1885
01:35:28,827 --> 01:35:29,828
[class laughs]

1886
01:35:29,911 --> 01:35:33,081
I think the last time I saw you,
you were in a crew neck shirt,

1887
01:35:33,165 --> 01:35:35,876
and I'm like, "What's happened?"
Girl, you were on fire.

1888
01:35:35,959 --> 01:35:38,879
We'd have S women over at the house,
and there'd be a whole pole party.

1889
01:35:38,962 --> 01:35:42,174
And I would sit in the corner and go,
"You guys are so sexy."

1890
01:35:42,257 --> 01:35:43,300
[voice breaks] But that's…

1891
01:35:45,093 --> 01:35:46,094
[exhales]

1892
01:35:47,846 --> 01:35:49,181
[cries] That's not me.

1893
01:35:50,140 --> 01:35:52,684
Drop your right knee into your left knee.

1894
01:35:52,768 --> 01:35:54,269
-[Sheila chuckles]
-[all murmur]

1895
01:35:54,352 --> 01:35:58,190
[Sheila] It's vulnerable for you to let
the feminine curve come out, isn't it?

1896
01:35:58,273 --> 01:36:00,776
You've protected yourself
with the more masculine body,

1897
01:36:00,859 --> 01:36:03,069
but you actually have
a very feminine body.

1898
01:36:03,612 --> 01:36:05,071
It is you, isn't it?

1899
01:36:05,155 --> 01:36:07,032
-It is. [laughs]
-[women laugh]

1900
01:36:07,699 --> 01:36:09,159
[sensual music playing]

1901
01:36:11,745 --> 01:36:14,998
[woman] I'm starting to see
how this spills into everyday life.

1902
01:36:15,081 --> 01:36:16,374
[women cheer]

1903
01:36:16,458 --> 01:36:18,460
Did my lap dance for my husband.

1904
01:36:18,543 --> 01:36:20,545
[women cheering]

1905
01:36:21,463 --> 01:36:25,133
Gazing into each other's eyes
throughout the whole thing

1906
01:36:25,217 --> 01:36:27,052
was just so magical.

1907
01:36:27,135 --> 01:36:28,678
Saved our marriage! [chuckles]

1908
01:36:28,762 --> 01:36:31,765
[women cheer and applaud]

1909
01:36:31,848 --> 01:36:34,100
[Sheila] I get really, really excited

1910
01:36:34,184 --> 01:36:37,437
'cause I see change happening.
I see you confronting demons.

1911
01:36:37,521 --> 01:36:40,065
I see you fucking turning the fuck on.

1912
01:36:40,148 --> 01:36:42,317
And look
how you're just spreading your wings

1913
01:36:42,400 --> 01:36:45,570
in this particular world
that you thought was off-limits to you.

1914
01:36:46,738 --> 01:36:49,449
[upbeat music playing]

1915
01:36:49,533 --> 01:36:51,076
[indistinct chatter]

1916
01:36:57,374 --> 01:36:59,376
[audience applauding]

1917
01:37:03,004 --> 01:37:06,216
[audience cheering]

1918
01:37:08,134 --> 01:37:10,011
[cheering continues]

1919
01:37:18,895 --> 01:37:20,897
[audience cheering]

1920
01:37:22,941 --> 01:37:24,943
[light piano music playing]

1921
01:37:29,239 --> 01:37:32,784
[Jen] My dance today is
not about feeling pretty.

1922
01:37:32,868 --> 01:37:34,870
It is about feeling powerful.

1923
01:37:36,246 --> 01:37:40,458
I was in an abusive marriage
for nine and a half years.

1924
01:37:40,542 --> 01:37:42,210
[audience cheering]

1925
01:37:42,294 --> 01:37:44,170
[Jen] I was able to
go get a restraining order.

1926
01:37:44,754 --> 01:37:48,425
He was out of the house,
and I was able to finally breathe.

1927
01:37:50,468 --> 01:37:54,014
[crying] I just want to let
anyone else know that they're not alone,

1928
01:37:55,473 --> 01:37:57,976
that they're beautiful and they're strong.

1929
01:37:58,476 --> 01:38:02,272
And once you get on the pole and you see
you're doing this for yourself,

1930
01:38:02,355 --> 01:38:05,066
then that can give them
the confidence to realize,

1931
01:38:05,150 --> 01:38:06,693
"I am a strong woman."

1932
01:38:06,776 --> 01:38:10,488
[audience cheering and applauding]

1933
01:38:13,533 --> 01:38:15,452
[indistinct chatter]

1934
01:38:15,535 --> 01:38:17,662
Can I get an Amy Bond?

1935
01:38:17,746 --> 01:38:19,623
-Amy Bond?
-Yes.

1936
01:38:21,207 --> 01:38:22,959
[audience cheering in background]

1937
01:38:23,043 --> 01:38:25,045
[tense music playing]

1938
01:38:40,810 --> 01:38:42,771
[woman on mic] Welcome to Amy Bond.

1939
01:38:42,854 --> 01:38:44,856
[audience cheering and clapping]

1940
01:38:50,487 --> 01:38:54,074
[Rupi Kaur reciting on stereo]
♪ It began as a typical Thursday ♪

1941
01:38:55,283 --> 01:38:58,453
♪ Sunlight kissed my eyelids
Good morning… ♪

1942
01:39:00,330 --> 01:39:03,917
[Amy] I first heard Rupi Kaur
perform this piece about sexual assault

1943
01:39:04,000 --> 01:39:05,377
in a TED Talk.

1944
01:39:06,044 --> 01:39:08,421
[Rupi Kaur] ♪ We ended up
At a get-together with friends ♪

1945
01:39:08,505 --> 01:39:10,757
♪ At the end
You asked if I need a ride home ♪

1946
01:39:10,840 --> 01:39:12,592
♪ And I said yes ♪

1947
01:39:12,676 --> 01:39:15,220
♪ 'Cause our dads work
For the same company ♪

1948
01:39:15,303 --> 01:39:16,972
♪ But I should have known ♪

1949
01:39:17,055 --> 01:39:19,057
♪ When instead of driving me home ♪

1950
01:39:19,140 --> 01:39:20,934
♪ Toward the bright intersection ♪

1951
01:39:21,017 --> 01:39:22,811
♪ Of lights and life ♪

1952
01:39:22,894 --> 01:39:24,521
♪ You took a left ♪

1953
01:39:24,604 --> 01:39:26,648
[Amy] The story is about being raped

1954
01:39:26,731 --> 01:39:28,984
and how to exist in a violated body

1955
01:39:29,067 --> 01:39:30,610
after sexual assault.

1956
01:39:31,569 --> 01:39:34,656
I relate to the story
because I've been raped twice.

1957
01:39:35,532 --> 01:39:37,701
[Rupi Kaur] ♪ Every lover who touches me ♪

1958
01:39:37,784 --> 01:39:39,786
♪ Ends up feeling like you ♪

1959
01:39:41,579 --> 01:39:43,832
♪ They're not even the ones
On top of me anymore ♪

1960
01:39:43,915 --> 01:39:44,916
♪ It's you ♪

1961
01:39:45,917 --> 01:39:49,087
[Amy] Building this routine
with the same body that was violated

1962
01:39:49,170 --> 01:39:51,047
feels like a reclamation.

1963
01:39:51,131 --> 01:39:54,384
It is rebuilding a home in a body
someone tried to take from me.

1964
01:39:55,552 --> 01:39:56,970
[Rupi Kaur] ♪ This home is ♪

1965
01:39:57,053 --> 01:40:00,807
♪ What I came into this world with
You can't take it ♪

1966
01:40:01,599 --> 01:40:03,601
♪ There is no space for you ♪

1967
01:40:06,479 --> 01:40:08,982
♪ I plan to step into the bathtub ♪

1968
01:40:09,566 --> 01:40:11,818
♪ Wash yesterday out of my hair ♪

1969
01:40:13,445 --> 01:40:14,821
♪ Put music on ♪

1970
01:40:15,739 --> 01:40:16,865
♪ Sit back ♪

1971
01:40:17,365 --> 01:40:19,075
♪ Put my feet up ♪

1972
01:40:19,159 --> 01:40:22,370
♪ And enjoy this typical Thursday ♪

1973
01:40:22,454 --> 01:40:25,457
-[music fading]
-[audience cheering and applauding]

1974
01:40:29,961 --> 01:40:32,672
I was so nervous that
the audience was gonna start clapping

1975
01:40:32,756 --> 01:40:34,924
and then you wouldn't be able
to hear the words.

1976
01:40:35,008 --> 01:40:37,135
And it's like they got it.

1977
01:40:37,218 --> 01:40:39,763
I really wish I had nailed my jump,

1978
01:40:39,846 --> 01:40:41,765
'cause I messed it up last year,

1979
01:40:41,848 --> 01:40:44,142
and I messed it up again.
Damn it! [laughs]

1980
01:40:44,225 --> 01:40:46,895
But, um, I guess I'll just have to do it
in another competition

1981
01:40:46,978 --> 01:40:49,064
because I really wanna nail that move
on a stage

1982
01:40:49,147 --> 01:40:50,940
just like I do in the studio. [laughs]

1983
01:40:51,024 --> 01:40:53,026
[woman on mic] Our silver medal…

1984
01:40:53,526 --> 01:40:56,029
-Amy Bond.
-[audience cheering]

1985
01:41:02,452 --> 01:41:03,495
[mouths] Thank you.

1986
01:41:23,765 --> 01:41:25,975
[soft piano music playing]

1987
01:41:45,662 --> 01:41:50,542
[Jenyne] I'm so grateful for how
it's all happened for me in my life.

1988
01:41:50,625 --> 01:41:52,794
And I can't imagine

1989
01:41:52,877 --> 01:41:55,797
where would I be and what would I be doing
if I hadn't seen

1990
01:41:56,422 --> 01:41:57,757
Pantera pole dancing.

1991
01:41:58,842 --> 01:42:01,219
A few years ago, I saw Pantera

1992
01:42:01,302 --> 01:42:03,221
at World Competition,

1993
01:42:03,304 --> 01:42:05,056
and I told her, "Thank you."

1994
01:42:05,140 --> 01:42:08,434
I was so happy that I was able to see her.
It changed my life.

1995
01:42:11,104 --> 01:42:13,231
Everything that I have,
and everything that I am,

1996
01:42:13,314 --> 01:42:16,317
and everything that I do
is because of that.

1997
01:42:18,194 --> 01:42:20,864
I'm 35, and I feel like

1998
01:42:20,947 --> 01:42:23,074
I'm still not the best pole dancer

1999
01:42:23,158 --> 01:42:24,367
that I could be.

2000
01:42:25,201 --> 01:42:28,037
I'm still growing. I'm a lifetime student.

2001
01:42:29,873 --> 01:42:31,875
[hip-hop music playing]

2002
01:42:35,837 --> 01:42:38,423
[in guttural voice] Are you ready to riot?

2003
01:42:38,506 --> 01:42:41,509
-[women cheering]
-[hip-hop music continues]

2004
01:42:50,894 --> 01:42:52,270
Oh, my God!

2005
01:42:52,353 --> 01:42:53,354
Come on!

2006
01:42:53,438 --> 01:42:55,398
[audience applauding]

2007
01:42:56,274 --> 01:42:58,651
[Evelyn] Today, I feel hopeful

2008
01:42:58,735 --> 01:43:01,779
I'm going to meet someone again
and fall in love.

2009
01:43:01,863 --> 01:43:03,781
[gentle music playing]

2010
01:43:03,865 --> 01:43:05,241
[Evelyn] It's gonna be hard.

2011
01:43:05,742 --> 01:43:08,870
[cries] I'm afraid…
what if I give my all to someone again,

2012
01:43:08,953 --> 01:43:10,997
and then he just dies on me?

2013
01:43:11,080 --> 01:43:13,374
But I know that's part of life.

2014
01:43:13,958 --> 01:43:16,669
[audience cheering]

2015
01:43:16,753 --> 01:43:18,880
[Evelyn] I just gotta learn to embrace it.

2016
01:43:20,757 --> 01:43:23,593
And then if it does
get a little too crazy, I'll just…

2017
01:43:23,676 --> 01:43:24,928
[inhales deeply]

2018
01:43:25,011 --> 01:43:26,429
…breathe. [exhales]

2019
01:43:28,765 --> 01:43:30,016
I didn't do that before.

2020
01:43:30,099 --> 01:43:32,518
[instrumental hip-hop music playing]

2021
01:43:47,659 --> 01:43:49,994
[hip-hop music continues]

2022
01:44:09,097 --> 01:44:12,725
[Jaimee] I've been sick for
five years now. I felt the best I've felt.

2023
01:44:12,809 --> 01:44:14,102
I'm doing really well.

2024
01:44:14,894 --> 01:44:16,771
I know this has something to do with it.

2025
01:44:16,854 --> 01:44:18,898
I wanna experience more.

2026
01:44:18,982 --> 01:44:21,401
[hip-hop music continues]

2027
01:44:24,570 --> 01:44:27,282
[Megan] There's been changes
large and small.

2028
01:44:27,365 --> 01:44:29,617
There's been changes sexually.

2029
01:44:29,701 --> 01:44:31,744
Things that we just numb out.

2030
01:44:34,247 --> 01:44:37,166
You feel a side of yourself
you've never felt,

2031
01:44:37,250 --> 01:44:39,002
and it can just conquer the world.

2032
01:44:39,085 --> 01:44:42,380
-[audience applauds]
-[Megan] I have developed real awareness.

2033
01:44:43,089 --> 01:44:45,091
Now, my body's always telling the truth,

2034
01:44:45,174 --> 01:44:46,634
and I need to let that out.

2035
01:44:47,969 --> 01:44:49,137
I'm sexy!

2036
01:44:49,220 --> 01:44:51,264
[women cheering]

2037
01:44:56,352 --> 01:44:59,981
I feel like I've gotten to a place
where I don't have to pretend

2038
01:45:00,064 --> 01:45:03,901
that I didn't do the things
that existed in my past

2039
01:45:03,985 --> 01:45:06,321
in order to be accepted by this world.

2040
01:45:07,071 --> 01:45:08,906
I think, very subconsciously,

2041
01:45:08,990 --> 01:45:12,035
part of the reason it was so important
to me to build this space

2042
01:45:12,118 --> 01:45:15,580
is because I was so fearful
of the world for so long.

2043
01:45:16,831 --> 01:45:19,584
Instead of living in the larger worlds,

2044
01:45:19,667 --> 01:45:22,295
I just decided to create my own.

2045
01:45:22,378 --> 01:45:25,631
The worlds where we all come together
as misfits.

2046
01:45:26,132 --> 01:45:28,968
People who have been ostracized
and sexually shamed,

2047
01:45:29,052 --> 01:45:30,762
and let's dance our hearts out.

2048
01:45:30,845 --> 01:45:33,681
And while those people
are over there judging us,

2049
01:45:33,765 --> 01:45:36,768
because they think
pole dancing is this terrible thing,

2050
01:45:36,851 --> 01:45:38,353
we're gonna be over here,

2051
01:45:38,436 --> 01:45:40,897
fucking bouncing our asses on the ground,

2052
01:45:40,980 --> 01:45:43,358
hair-tossing and twerking,

2053
01:45:43,441 --> 01:45:45,109
having the time of our lives.

2054
01:45:45,193 --> 01:45:48,154
[audience cheering]

2055
01:45:51,282 --> 01:45:54,369
[Sheila] Are these the same people
we had that opening circle with?

2056
01:45:54,452 --> 01:45:56,329
What? Do you feel it?

2057
01:45:57,330 --> 01:45:59,624
The bravery that it took to come

2058
01:45:59,707 --> 01:46:02,418
and take this journey is beautiful.

2059
01:46:03,586 --> 01:46:08,007
I am overwhelmed with love for you.

2060
01:46:08,091 --> 01:46:10,093
[women cheering]

2061
01:46:14,847 --> 01:46:18,851
-[uplifting music playing]
-[women cheering]

2062
01:46:25,775 --> 01:46:27,777
-[music continues]
-[cheering continues]

2063
01:46:43,251 --> 01:46:44,961
[Amy] Right now
we're seeing this resurgence

2064
01:46:45,044 --> 01:46:46,587
of women supporting women.

2065
01:46:46,671 --> 01:46:49,757
Pole dancing has stood for that
for over ten years.

2066
01:46:50,675 --> 01:46:53,052
What if we just didn't carry around shame

2067
01:46:53,136 --> 01:46:54,303
about our bodies?

2068
01:46:54,846 --> 01:46:56,764
I think the world would be a better place,

2069
01:46:56,848 --> 01:46:58,683
and we'd be able to direct that energy

2070
01:46:58,766 --> 01:47:02,145
into helping each other and doing things
that matter more than that.

2071
01:47:02,645 --> 01:47:05,064
That's the hard work
that needs to be done.

2072
01:47:06,524 --> 01:47:08,734
[gentle music playing]

2073
01:47:10,945 --> 01:47:15,116
[Sheila] Every woman has to take a journey
into reclaiming herself…

2074
01:47:17,285 --> 01:47:20,371
and take back what is rightfully hers.

2075
01:47:25,084 --> 01:47:27,837
The biggest obstacle is the male gaze.

2076
01:47:29,005 --> 01:47:30,256
How do you change it?

2077
01:47:32,008 --> 01:47:35,428
It's a battle.
It is a fight for the feminine body.

2078
01:47:40,600 --> 01:47:42,643
This is the only body we're gonna get.

2079
01:47:44,270 --> 01:47:46,063
We're not gonna let them own it.

2080
01:47:46,814 --> 01:47:48,858
We're not gonna be silent anymore.

2081
01:47:49,942 --> 01:47:51,527
That's what I help women do.

2082
01:47:52,361 --> 01:47:54,363
[gentle music continues]

2083
01:48:08,377 --> 01:48:10,588
[judge] It is my honor and privilege

2084
01:48:11,130 --> 01:48:14,675
to sentence you to 175 years.

2085
01:48:16,469 --> 01:48:18,763
I just signed your death warrant.

2086
01:48:18,846 --> 01:48:19,931
[bailiff] All rise.

2087
01:48:20,014 --> 01:48:22,141
[gentle music continues]

2088
01:48:25,853 --> 01:48:27,355
[audience applauding]

2089
01:48:34,153 --> 01:48:36,322
-[Sheila] You're, like, melting.
-Isn't it amazing?

2090
01:48:36,405 --> 01:48:37,615
So what are you at now?

2091
01:48:38,115 --> 01:48:40,159
Oh, my gosh. I've lost 35 pounds.

2092
01:48:40,243 --> 01:48:42,119
-[Sheila screams]
-[laughs]

2093
01:48:42,203 --> 01:48:43,538
[Sheila] Get the fuck out!

2094
01:48:44,205 --> 01:48:46,249
[gentle music continues]

2095
01:49:08,646 --> 01:49:10,648
What needs to stretch?

2096
01:49:10,731 --> 01:49:12,650
What needs to grow?

2097
01:49:16,153 --> 01:49:17,822
[all shouting] Whoo!

2098
01:49:25,329 --> 01:49:27,331
[gentle music continues]

2099
01:49:46,892 --> 01:49:48,894
["Everyday Life" by Coldplay plays]

2100
01:49:50,021 --> 01:49:53,858
♪ What in the world are we going to do? ♪

2101
01:49:55,901 --> 01:50:00,239
♪ Look at what everybody's going through ♪

2102
01:50:05,536 --> 01:50:09,206
♪ What kind of world
Do you want it to be? ♪

2103
01:50:11,334 --> 01:50:15,713
♪ Am I the future or the history? ♪

2104
01:50:20,801 --> 01:50:22,887
♪ 'Cause everyone hurts ♪

2105
01:50:22,970 --> 01:50:24,972
♪ Everyone cries ♪

2106
01:50:28,809 --> 01:50:34,315
♪ Everyone tells each other
All kinds of lies ♪

2107
01:50:36,525 --> 01:50:38,361
♪ Everyone falls ♪

2108
01:50:38,444 --> 01:50:42,239
♪ Everybody dreams and doubts ♪

2109
01:50:42,323 --> 01:50:46,994
♪ Got to keep dancing
When the lights go out ♪

2110
01:50:51,999 --> 01:50:55,586
♪ How in the world I am going to see? ♪

2111
01:50:57,797 --> 01:51:02,259
♪ You as my brother, not my enemy? ♪

2112
01:51:07,264 --> 01:51:09,308
♪ 'Cause everyone hurts ♪

2113
01:51:09,392 --> 01:51:11,435
♪ Everyone cries ♪

2114
01:51:15,231 --> 01:51:21,112
♪ Everyone sees the color
In each other's eyes ♪

2115
01:51:22,988 --> 01:51:24,490
♪ Everyone loves ♪

2116
01:51:24,573 --> 01:51:28,244
♪ Everybody gets their hearts ripped out ♪

2117
01:51:28,786 --> 01:51:33,416
♪ Got to keep dancing
When the lights go out ♪