('LOVE SICK' BY MAGUGU PLAYS)
(MAN RAPS REGGAE-STYLE)
Can you not?
Not what?
(RAPPING CONTINUES)
(BOTH LAUGH)
(LAUGHS) How old are you?
(LAUGHS)
49.
Five.
(RAPPING CONTINUES)
(ANGIE LAUGHS)
Out of it!
Oh, can you help me? Can you put...
-(BAKING TIN CLATTERS) -..something in that?
I never said I didn't like it. I just said it was kind of bleak.
And your point is?
Bleakness is the reason for the film, darling.
That's why it exists.
Yeah, yeah, look,
I understand it's an important piece of cinema for you, man,
but, like, the reality is it's actually kind of problematic.
Oh, Boz, everything's problematic
if you want it to be problematic.
It's problematic.
Can't we just enjoy each other as a family?
(EDITH MOANS)
Ahhh! Haaaaa!
Ha-ha. Beginner's luck.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
EDITH: Ah. (WHIMPERS)
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh! Oh, God! Ahh!
EDITH: OK, so that just happened.
ANGIE: This is...this is bad.
EDITH: Yep. Yep. Let's not minimise it.
I can't just run away. We...we've gotta go back.
Yeah?
We can't. We can't ever go back.
No. No.
Sell the house, move in here.
This undoes every good thing I have ever done.
I am now officially the world's worst mother.
Yeah, well, you know, I'm the world's worst aunt.
And sister. And baker.
-I'll text them. -What, and say what?
I don't know. Sorry?
Or some fun emojis?
(LAUGHS)
-No. No, you're right. -I know.
I think we just pretend this never happened
and we never talk about it again.
Yes. Good plan.
I mean, at the end of the day, we're adults, they're adults.
It's my kitchen, it's my house.
If they're gonna sneak around unannounced, then it's on them.
Yeah. And maybe, in a way, this is good.
Well, now we don't have to tell them about us.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, that would have been really awkward.
(ENIGMATIC MUSIC)
(WHINES)
ARIEL: I'm not gaslighting you.
I'm just saying that right now, you are being ridiculous.
TALIA: What, so now I'm crazy AND ridiculous?
ARIEL: Oh! And you're walking away.
Yeah, of course you are.
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
(DOOR OPENS)
Hey, are you busy?
No, I was just, um... (CLEARS THROAT)
What's going on?
Ariel and I had a fight.
Really? Oh, no.
She's not wanting to go back to work. Ever.
She wants to focus on motherhood.
Yeah, that's good, isn't it?
Well, I want to focus on motherhood too.
I'm also a parent, aren't I?
Yeah. Yeah, for sure.
(SIGHS)
So, what, we have to go to work and pay for everything
while she gets to stay home and hang out with the baby?
I'm sure it'll be fine.
Wait, did you say we, like you and me?
Yeah. Yeah.
And...and if this is what she's like now,
what's it gonna be like once it's here?
But I thought I was just the sperm donor, aren't I?
Sometimes I just wanna run away, you know?
But you probably shouldn't because babies are hard work.
But...I know you two can handle it.
I know you can.
We can?
Yeah.
Talia and Ariel.
-Mmm. -(CHUCKLES)
What a team. What a team of two.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Thanks, Vince.
(VINCE SIGHS)
(SPEAKS SPANISH)
I know.
(SPEAKS SPANISH)
The school told me.
They filled out an incident report.
It's more complicated than that. It was...
(BOTH SPEAK SPANISH)
Yes, Ita, that's right.
Look, I've spoken to J.
I've told her she can't be so rough
and the teachers will watch them.
OK, Ita.
It's gonna be fine.
Here you go, Dad.
I didn't have any whisky so I made you a Milo.
Hey, how about...how about we put on some tunes?
Hey, what'll it be? The Cure?
Joy Division? The Regurgitators?
Should we order food? Let's have food.
-Yeah. -Not hungry.
Oh, yes, you are.
We were there to have dinner. So let's have some dinner.
What shall we have? A pizza?
-How's J? -Oh, she's so great.
She did something so funny the other day.
-Surely. -Yeah, yeah.
-It's...it's a great age. -Yeah, it is.
Shall we play chess?
Yeah. Yeah, chess. Hey?
I had no idea she was bi.
Everyone's bi.
I would actually really love to hear about
the genesis of Radiohead's album 'OK Computer'.
BOWIE: I didn't want to tell you this,
but this is my fault.
Mum had a dream about a human-sized bird
and I told her that she should open the cage door
and spread her wings.
How was I to know that...that my truth would be this powerful?
What I'm realising is that
I've got too much jing stored inside me.
Jing's like life force.
I really need to rethink this whole celibacy thing.
OK, Bowie, I think that's more something that you think
rather than something that you verbalise.
I think I'm gonna need something stronger than Milo.
(CHILDREN LAUGH AND CHATTER)
(SANTI CHATTERS INDISTINCTLY)
Stay calm, don't panic. Demon family at 10 o'clock.
Oh, God.
-Where's the teen mum? -They broke up, remember?
Of course they did. No wonder the daughter's a bad seed.
Now, remember what we said, sweetie.
If anyone plays too rough with you,
you go straight to the teacher and you say, "Jacinda hit me."
OK?
-GRACIE: J! -Please don't kill our child.
Gracie!
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
-Hi, Gracie. -'Bye, Gracie.
Oh, God, is the muscly child gonna stab us now?
KARL: It's the old woman I fear.
Something very witchy going on there.
-Hello. -Hi. Yeah.
Your daughter is a violent delinquent.
See you at the court case.
But luckily, the titanium screws in his elbow
were linked to this small Russian medical manufacturer
and that's how they linked the corpse to the crime.
Yeah, right. How did you know him?
I didn't know him, doofus. It's a podcast.
I'm talking directly into your ear. How can you not hear me?
I'm sorry. I'm just...
There's stuff going on at home.
Ooh. Dish.
-Trouble with your throuple? -We're not a throuple.
Stop moving, keep talking.
Talia's freaking out because Ariel doesn't wanna
go back to work.
-Ever? -Yeah.
So is the baby gonna get a job or...
It's serious.
Talia was talking about me helping out, like, financially.
You're just the donor.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Well, what have you all agreed will happen?
OK, I'm no longer speaking to you as a friend.
I'm speaking to you as someone
with two years of a UK law degree.
-Are you nuts? -Objection.
Overruled.
Vince, I've read a million articles
about this kind of thing going wrong.
What you guys are doing is complicated.
Without some kind of mutually agreed-upon framework,
you have no legal recourse.
Nah, we'll be fine. They're my friends.
That's...that's great.
But whose kid is it?
Who's gonna pay for it?
What happens if Talia and Ariel split up?
The donor can get frozen out, Vince, and never see the child.
Ever.
Am I the first person you've spoken to about this?
What does your mum think?
No. Y...you still haven't told her?
Vince.
(SIGHS)
See how gentle I'm being with Rory?
Rory likes it when people are gentle and respectful.
That's how we should be with each other when we play.
Right, girls?
-Can I hold him? -Only Ms Young holds Rory.
Let's put him back. I think Rory might be a bit sleepy.
Bye-bye, Gracie. Bye-bye, Jacinda.
(DRILL WHIRRS AND STOPS)
OK, take your hands away.
-Perfect. -Yeah.
(LAUGHS)
Welcome to your new home, my little darlings.
So, um, Mum, do you know Ariel who I live with?
-Yes. Brown hair. -No, that's Talia.
Oh. Yeah, I know Ariel.
Yeah. Um...she's pregnant.
Oh, how wonderful.
-I thought she was a lesbian. -She is.
-Well, good for her.
They're gonna have to move out.
Your place isn't big enough for a family.
VINCE: Yeah, that's the thing.
I'm sort of part of their family now.
Well, of course. Friends are important.
-But when a baby comes... -No, because I'm the dad.
What?
Not...not the dad, the donor.
They wanted to have a baby.
Asked me if I could help, so I did.
You're having a baby with Ariel?
No, Ariel and Talia are having the baby.
I just, um...I just gave them some...sperm.
(OBJECT SHATTERS)
(SIGHS)
Are you gonna get married?
-To Ariel? -Well...
No. Ariel and Talia are the couple, Mum.
I'm just their friend.
Am I gonna be the grandmother?
Oh. I don't know.
Yes?
Are you okay?
Do you know what you're doing?
I do.
We do.
A baby?
Yeah.
Hello, Rory, let's have a cuddle.
Have you got him?
Yep. I'm good with animals. See?
(RORY WHIMPERS)
-JACINDA: Catch him! -Rory!
JACINDA: Catch him!
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
I have to go.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
(DRYER WHIRRS)
Here you go, Gracie. All dry.
W...what are you looking for?
Nothing. Everything's fine.
(TOILET FLUSHES)
(BOTH LAUGH)
Oly. Hi.
OLY: Hi.
Bowie, you're here too.
Hi.
Is your dad here by any chance?
DOM: No.
Do you mind if I have a word with him?
Of course. Come in.
Listen, guys, I just wanted to say...
-We were just on our way out... -Oh.
..actually.
Yeah, we've got a...thing.
-Oh. -Bowie.
Dad's just in there.
-'Bye. -'Bye.
I just wanted to say,
um...
..I'm not angry.
I do have anger.
Not for you, but it does, um...stem from your actions.
Yeah.
I wanted to talk about that.
But...
I'm gonna forgive you, Edith.
Oh, good. I'm glad.
-But not today. -Right.
(CLEARS THROAT)
What you doing?
Dom?
Are you going to turn this into a massive deal?
Wow.
That's a strong opener.
It just...happened.
-Again. -Again?
Don't pretend you don't remember.
-Mmm? -Belinda Scott-Bevan.
Belinda Scott-Bevan? From high school?
Oh, come on, mate, she was obviously gay.
Not until you got your hands on her.
-You knew I liked her. -Oh.
Look, you and Angie aren't even together anymore, you know?
Don't conflate your anger at Angie...
I'm not conflating anything.
I didn't plan this, OK?
I mean, I...I wanted it
but I never, ever thought it would happen but it did and...
..and I don't know what the fuck is happening but...
You know, I'm...I'm sorry.
And Belinda Scott-Bevan
was a competitive axe thrower.
You know, it's not my fault if you can't read the signs.
And, fuck it, you know, this actually isn't about you.
You're my sister.
Angie's my ex.
The mother of my children.
And what the two of you are conducting is borderline incest.
And if you can't see how that impacts me,
then you're a sociopath.
Dom, come on, we...we need to talk about this properly.
Do we?
What's the point?
You're just gonna tell me all the ways that I'm wrong.
(SIGHS)
JACK RIVER: ♪ To be by your side
♪ She's walking up to you
♪ She's dying to be... ♪
-(MUSIC STOPS) -(SINGS) ♪ B... ♪
What's going on?
I need to keep my cortisol levels low for the baby,
so I'm just releasing some dopamine into my bloodstream.
Fair. Fair.
Um, can I talk to you for a second?
-Yeah. -Is Talia here?
Talia, are you here as well?
What's up?
Um, well, I thought it would be a good idea
if us three have a low-key chat about everything.
Good idea.
-Sure thing. -Cool.
Um, I didn't really think about it before,
but what we're doing is epic.
Yeah. It is.
It's huge.
It's really cool.
Um... (CLEARS THROAT)
But whether we want them to or not,
thing are going to change.
-So, firstly... -I'm not going back to work.
Oh, my God.
It makes me unhappy, Talia, and that makes the baby unhappy.
-Is that what you want? -Of course not.
But we all have to make compromises.
-No, not about this, we don't. -Yes, we do.
OK, can we take a...
ARIEL: I am not going to apologise
for wanting the best for my child.
-YOUR child? -Hey, OK.
Look, this is what I mean. This is exactly what I mean.
-Everyone has their concerns. -No, no.
We are in this together, Ariel.
You don't get to make unilateral decisions.
-Stop talking to me like that! -Like what? Truthfully?
No, zzzz, aggressively.
-OK. -Wow!
OK, can we keep everything chill?
You know that I can't get stressed out
and you are deliberately stressing me out!
Cool. Hey, how about I never speak to you again?
Do you know what? That would actually be great.
-Fine. -Fine.
JACK RIVER: ♪ Be by your side
♪ Fool's gold... ♪
-(LIVELY CHATTER) -SANTI: Hello, puchita!
-BERNADITA: Ohh. -SANTI: Mmm.
-Beautiful. -Do you wanna say hi to Ita?
BERNADITA: Hello, beautiful.
Hello.
Hey, do you want to go play there with Maddie?
(GASPS) Yeah!
It's Gracie's dads. Just let me do the talking.
(MURMURS)
-SANTI: Hey. -Hi.
I'm Austin. This is Karl. We're Gracie's dads.
I know.
-I'm Bernardita. -Santi.
(CLEARS THROAT) This is kind of delicate.
Yeah, look, I've been planning to talk to you guys.
About how our kids attacked each other?
This isn't about that.
Something happened with Gracie today
which I am not allowed to talk about.
It's a "cross my heart and hope to die" situation.
-You understand? -Uh-huh.
What I can say is
our daughter really needed a friend today
and your Jacinda stepped up.
Gracie's so grateful. And so are we.
I feel like we might have misjudged their friendship.
Oh.
Maybe we could organise a play date for them?
J could come to our place one weekend?
Or Gracie can come to our place.
Yeah, absolutely.
SANTI: Awesome.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
(MUSIC ENDS)
(INSECTS CHIRP)
Should we, um... Want to eat on the couch?
OLY AND BOWIE: Yep.
Listen.
-I just want to say that... -No need.
Uh, look, I don't want to talk about it either. And we won't.
Ever again.
But, um, I do want you both to know
that this thing with Edith,
it...it's a good thing.
You know, obviously I didn't,
um, want you to find out the way you did.
Um, but, to be honest, I don't know what's happening.
But what I do know is that I'm...
I don't know.
..happy.
So, um, that's it. The end.
We are happy too.
Happiness is one of the many feelings
that we're grappling with right now.
You don't have to justify yourself to us.
You've opened the cage door,
you're flapping your wings,
you've tapped into the divine feminine.
How is that not awesome?
Yeah, it is awesome.
How's your dad?
Uh...
He's not great.
Yeah, you'd think he'd be used to your sexcapades by now.
It's the second time?
Mmm, third.
-Third? -Yep.
OK, I've decided that I want to be a part of this baby's life.
And I also want to have a say in its future.
We can fight as much as we like,
but we all know that the baby is the most important thing.
I think the best way forward
is if we all see a lawyer,
set some ground rules that we can all agree on.
Are these gluten-free?
Of course.
OK.
(GATE SQUEAKS)
Hi.
I've thought about it and I don't care.
-Huh? -(LOUDLY) I don't care!
Love is rare and we're all gonna die,
so I want you to know I'm happy for you both.
Do you mean that? Because you're kind of screaming.
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
Doesn't matter what I think.
It doesn't matter what Oly and Bowie thinks.
If Angie is what you want,
then you should go for it 100%.
Fuck the consequences.
OK. Wow! Well, um, thanks.
See ya!
Dom.
(DOM SIGHS)
Really?
Yeah!
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
-(GASPS) Hey. -Hey.
Come in.
I can't.
OK.
(SIGHS)
God, I love you, Angie.
I love you too.
I've always loved you. You know that, yeah?
Yeah.
That's...that's great, isn't it?
What's happened?
Um, nothing, but, um...
..I don't think I can do this.
Of course you can.
I can't. I can't.
I want to - very much - but, um...I can't.
(SIGHS) I, um...
I can't risk everything for this.
I...
There's Dom, there's...there's Oly,
Bowie...
Edith, you're catastrophising. This has just started.
Not for me, you know? Not for me.
This has been going on a very long time.
Stop. Just breathe. Come in.
And come on, come in, we'll talk about it.
Sweetie, I can't come in. I'll kiss you.
I want you to kiss me.
Please don't make this hard.
What? That's it?
Yeah, that's it. I'm...I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Angie.
(WISTFUL GUITAR MUSIC)
SONG: ♪ White rabbit... ♪
(PANTS)
(SIGHS HEAVILY)
Ohh. (CRIES)
♪ And if I don't fit
♪ Your world
♪ I'll shrink myself down
♪ 'Cause the lights shine a little brighter here
♪ Feeling so alive out here
♪ Everything is heightened
♪ We're flying till my
♪ Balance returns
♪ And I hit the ground
♪ My thoughts get too loud here
♪ Without you now
♪ My head starts to pound
♪ In this empty house
♪ I can't stand the sound
♪ So I drown it out
♪ Take me back
♪ Under the silver sky
♪ Just a minute
♪ That I've lived maybe like 10,000 times
♪ Do you feel it?
♪ When you take all the world
♪ From my mind
♪ Do you mean it?
♪ When you say that you'll stay here this time? ♪