(PERCUSSIVE MUSIC)
MARIA:
(SPRAY CAN RATTLES AND HISSES)
(MARIA SPEAKS SPANISH)
What are we supposed to do with the bird?
DOM: Dunno. Feed it?
Why doesn't he take it with him?
Oh, he's going to Dubai.
ANGIE: Why?
Yeah.
Oh, oh, oh. No, no, that's mine.
Yeah, but I paid for it with my credit card.
Oh, come on. You don't even drink tea.
I'm trying to cut down on coffee.
The blue one gets a drip when it pours. It's useless.
Who said we need to be adults about this?
-OK, fine. -Thank you.
Should we scissor-paper-rock, then, for the first week?
ANGIE: Mm-hm.
-Scissor, paper... -I know. It's OK.
You want it first
so you can have a play date with your girlfriend.
(THWACK!)
-(ROSA GRUNTS) -(EGG SMASHES)
What's going on?
(RUNNING FOOTSTEPS)
(WHISPERS) This will make Christmas awkward.
Can you go down and deal with it?
-(EGG SMASHES) -Me?
(WHISPERS) Yeah, just... tell her I'm not here.
DOM: I'm not going out there. She looks really angry.
But, Dom...
"Please, Dom."
(EGG SMASHES)
(DOM SPEAKS FIRMLY) "Please, Dom."
(WHISPERS) Please.
(QUIRKY PERCUSSIVE MUSIC)
DOM: Oi!
(CAR DOOR SLAMS, ENGINE STARTS)
(ENGINE REVS)
(TYRES SQUEAL)
I might go first, actually.
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
They're gonna take turns living with you?
How civilised.
Yep. My parents are literally going part-time on me.
Yeah, and you remain the literal centre of their universe.
That seems pointed.
-Slut! -REEMA: Fuck off!
Yeah, well, you're the dick who thinks shaming girls
will boost your status in a culture of toxic masculinity!
-(CAR RUMBLES) -(KIDS CHATTER)
I need a shorter comeback.
Yeah.
He probably didn't even mean you.
Yeah, he was probably talking about
the other high school student with a baby on the street.
Sorry! Sorry, sorry, sorry.
SANTI: That's all right. I can put her down.
No, she just had a nap in biology.
-She fed? -Just before the nap.
-Due for a change? -(CLICKS) About now.
(OLY GASPS PLAYFULLY) Ready?
-(OLY GASPS) -(BABY BURBLES)
And we're gonna lie down.
(OLY GASPS) Good girl.
-I can do it. -It's all right. I got it.
-Sure? -Uh-huh.
Now if you just...
OK.
Thank you.
Ooh! It's a nice stinky one.
-OLY: All done. -SANTI: OK.
So she's due for another feed in 1 hour 15.
SANTI: OK, so how about I'll take her to art?
And then I can meet you back here for lunch.
(SANTI GRUNTS) Done!
-Nailing this! -Nailing this.
-(SCHOOL BELL RINGS) -(BOTH TRILL)
So cool.
(BABY GURGLES)
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
Erasing misogyny one dick at a time.
One less cock and balls in the world, huh?
I've got French.
(SPEAKS SPANISH)
-(BABY GURGLES) -Bye!
Ooh, I've got one who says
that getting graded for her art works
is a microaggression.
-Microaggression? -Microaggression.
-Nice... -I know...
ROSA: Matias.
You forgot your lunch.
Should I put your lunch...
..here? (SLAMS BAG)
No.
(ROSA TUTS)
(WHISPERS) Rosa.
How romantic. (BANGS BENCH) Here.
Next to a sink.
MATIAS: Rosa!
Where's Angie?
Huh? Angie around?
-Where is she? -I don't know.
Well, maybe you will be able to keep your marriage vows
till lunchtime, then.
(BABY GURGLES)
Have you ever been called a slut in the street
while you were carrying J?
Uh, once.
(OLY LAUGHS)
-Hey, I've been thinking. -OLY: Hmm?
Maybe I could spend a little bit more time with J
in the afternoon.
But you've got football.
Yeah, but not till 5:00.
I'm so sorry.
Why?
For my mum. And also for not telling you about them.
It's all right.
They're adults, I guess.
You don't mind?
My dad's a fuck-up, Oly.
Well, it's not only his fault.
Hey, um, I'd like to spend more time with J.
I was thinking maybe she could have sleepovers with me.
Oh, we...we haven't really done that.
I know, but...
I mean, it should be 50/50, right?
How about it, bub?
Daddy sleepovers?
(SANTI SMOOCHES)
I mean, you'll have time to study.
Get some more sleep.
-Um... -Yeah?
When she's not waking up three times a night
to breastfeed,
then I'll think about it.
-(BABY GURGLES) -OK.
(GURGLES)
(HIP-HOP MUSIC LEAKS THROUGH HEADPHONES)
(BABY CRIES LOUDLY)
Oh, yes. Ooh, yum.
-(MYSTICAL MUSIC PLAYS) -(PHONE RINGS)
-(BABY CONTINUES CRYING)
You missing the daily witching hour
at your fancy new apartment?
Oh, it's not that fancy.
I'm just checking in. How are you going?
OLY: Yeah, well... (CHUCKLES)
..as scheduled, we're having a pretty shit time right now.
I know.
(BABY CRIES)
Hey, um, Santi wants to have sleepovers with J.
It's, like, quite impractical.
Why's that?
Um, because I have to breastfeed her,
like, three times a night, obviously.
Well, he wants to help. Let him.
(CRIES)
Mwah!
Oh, I got this organic baby formula.
I've got everything, Oly.
-(WHISPERS PLAYFULLY) -Sleeping bag?
SANTI: Uh, except that.
I don't have that.
See, now I'm worried, because you said you had everything
and you didn't have a sleeping bag.
Oly... (SPEAKS SPANISH)
We're gonna be fine, OK?
-OK. -SANTI: Hmm?
(SOFTLY) Well, bye.
Can you say bye to Mummy?
-(BABY BABBLES) -(OLY AND SANTI LAUGH)
(SANTI WHISPERS) Bye.
Um, just call me anytime,
because I'll be on my phone all day.
Oly...
..we're good.
-(DOOR OPENS) -(SINGING IN SPANISH)
SONG: ♪ Ah-ooh! Pull up, pull up in a German
-♪ Your crew look nervous -♪ Why?
♪ Your gang came from the circus
♪ You ain't never, ever made no earnings
-♪ Ah-ooh! ♪ -BOTH: Uce!
This is gonna be mad.
You're going down, bro.
Little combo. Little combo here.
Here we go. (GRUNTS)
-Defended. Owned. Noped. -(BABY BABBLES)
Look at the tiny little gamer.
(BABBLES AND GIGGLES)
-She loves it, eh? (LAUGHS) -Own it.
Ah!
(SECURITY DOOR SQUEAKS)
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
Oh, Oly!
To what do I owe this pleasure?
Oh, you know, Santi's got J,
so I thought I'd come check out where you'd rather live
than be at home with your family.
-(DOOR CLOSES) -ANGIE: Hmm.
Literally anywhere some days. (SNICKERS)
OLY: What?
Nothing. What's that?
Hmm. Where did you get it?
-Early childhood clinic. -(COCKATIEL CHIRPS)
Whoa. What's its name?
Um, I don't know. I feel sorry for it.
Do you need any help with that?
(READS) "Visualise your baby while doing it."
-Eugh. -(ANGIE CHUCKLES)
That's kind of creepy.
Hmm. Never worked for me.
Although, most things didn't then.
This thing is so agricultural.
What do you mean, "most things didn't"?
I don't know, well, it was just...
..wasn't an easy time, you know?
Dom was working long hours and Mum had cancer.
Another difficult birth, I don't know.
I was pretty depressed, actually.
Really?
ANGIE: Hmm.
Oh. I didn't know that.
Why didn't you tell me that?
I'm telling you now.
Are you depressed now?
No.
Really?
That's so good.
That's so good that you're keeping a positive attitude.
Sorry?
Well.... (SCOFFS) ..you know, you're a divorced grandmother
alone in this weird flat with a crossword and a bird, so...
(CHUCKLES)
Yikes. (LAUGHS)
(LAUGHS MIRTHLESSLY)
(COCKATIEL CHIRPS)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ON CAR STEREO)
(TYRES SCREECH)
(MUSIC AND ENGINE CUT OUT)
(SNIFFLES)
(DOOR OPENS)
Nope! No!
No. Please no.
No, I had to pay for a Gerni to get rid of the last lot of eggs.
Where's your wife?
I... She's not here. She...
Fucked my husband.
-Yeah. -"Yeah."
(SNIFFLES)
That's all you have to say?
What's wrong with you people?
ROSA: Huh?
Well...
You want some alcohol?
It helps.
Why didn't you go over there and knock Matias out, huh?
Don't you wanna kill him?
I don't feel great about it, but...
What, do you reckon I...
Is he a good fighter?
Oh, Matias has a terrible temper.
Yeah, yeah, well, violence doesn't solve anything.
You know, I was at the supermarket tonight.
Hmm? Shopping. (SCOFFS)
Can you believe this?
I mean, he screws your wife and I'm the victim here.
-Oh, yeah, me too. -(SCOFFS) I guess.
And now he's all like, "Ai, sí, poor me.
"My wife made me cheat on her."
-(ROSA SCOFFS) -Yeah.
And I'm still running the business and shopping
and cooking for the boys and for his ex in-laws.
Oh, is that where you got the eggs from?
Yes.
Are you gonna get divorced?
-SANTI: J! J, J, J, J. -VINCE: Hey, JJ.
-(PHONE BUZZES) -Look! Look!
-(BABY BABBLES) -Hey! Oh!
-Where's Daddy gone? -(PHONE BUZZES)
-(BABY HUFFS) -VINCE: JJ. Hey, JJ, look.
-Hey! -Hey.
-(BABY FUSSES) -Is that J?
Yeah, yeah, that's over. She's fine. She's good.
OK, I'm gonna come over.
No, no. Hey, Oly? I've got this.
She's just, um...she's just a little bit overstimulated.
Hey, um, I've gotta feed her now, so I gotta go.
OK, well, I'm probably not gonna be able to sleep.
-So just call me anytime. -OK.
Yep. 'Night, Oly. Bye.
Ooh. (SIGHS) There she goes.
(GENTLE MUSIC)
-(BABY FUSSES) -SANTI: Hey, hey, calm down.
Can you hurry up with that, Vince?
-Yes, I'm on it, man. -Hey, come on. J. J!
It's OK. Hey, hey.
Wait, bro, bro, Oly says
you're not supposed to heat that in the microwave.
You wanna wait while I heat up the saucepan, then?
Good point. OK.
It's OK, J. Come on.
Hey, it's OK! Come on, little J.
Uncle Vince is gonna feed you a bottle.
It's coming, 'Cinda.
It's coming!
You'll be here like this, but not like this.
-Yep, it's coming. -Yeah, that's all right.
Where did you learn to do that, bro?
I look after my nephews all the time.
-Go on. Take it. Take it! -(BABY SQUEALS)
She's not taking it, bro.
-This is hectic. -(BABY SQUEALS)
-What do we do, man? -(BABY FUSSES)
Hey?
She might be congested, actually.
Like, a blocked nose.
You know, baby...babies get it all the time.
Um, like, they feel like they can't breathe
if they're sucking on a bottle.
OK. So what do we do?
You gotta suck the snot out of her nose.
What?!
You gotta suck the snot out of her nose.
Are you...are you messing with me right now, Vince?
Babies can't blow their own noses.
It's the only way.
Are you... are you sure this is...
Do you want her to breathe or not?
OK, what do I do, bro? What do I do?
-Lean her back. -Lean her back?
Mouth to nose and just suck all the snot out.
Mouth to nose and suck the snot out. Like...like...
You can do it, man. You're a great dad. Best dad.
-You can do it. -(BABY WAILS)
(SANTI SUCKS BABY'S NOSE FORCEFULLY)
-(SANTI GAGS) -(BABY WAILS)
-(SANTI GRUNTS INSISTENTLY) -Oh, yeah.
You'll definitely need that.
-(SANTI GAGS AND COUGHS) -(BABY FUSSES)
That was kinda gross. I can't believe you did that.
(SANTI COUGHS AND PANTS)
Fuck you, Vince.
(DANCE MUSIC THUMPS IN DISTANCE)
Fuck you, Oly.
(LAUGHS)
I'm completely fine. I'm not depressed.
(SIGHS) Jesus.
Quite happy with my life choices.
I think I chose really wisely.
(DOG BARKS NEARBY)
(EXHALES)
(SIGHS)
This flat's not weird.
(SIGHS)
(DANCE MUSIC CONTINUES IN DISTANCE)
(SIREN WAILS)
-(BOTH LAUGH) -('SWEETHEART' BY DIED PRETTY)
You're funny. I didn't know you were so funny.
-Oh, thank you. -(LAUGHS)
-Can you dance? -Can I dance?
-(LAUGHS) -'Course I can dance.
I was in a band at uni.
-(LAUGHS) -Bass player, I think. Yeah.
-(LAUGHS) -Ooh, it's not that funny.
We...we toured the east coast once.
-Oh. -Well, Canberra.
(ROSA LAUGHS)
Nothing cool about "used to be cool",
Mr...Uni Band.
(ROSA GIGGLES)
Know what we could do?
Really piss 'em off?
(SCOFFS) What do you have in mind?
(WHISPERS) We could key their cars.
SONG: ♪ Sweetheart It's down to... ♪
(BOTH LAUGH)
♪ Sweetheart
♪ Never cries out
♪ Sweetheart... ♪
How did you find out about Matias?
Well, Angie told me she was in love with him.
(ROSA SETS GLASS DOWN)
Um, no... I...I...I have to go.
(SOFT FOOTSTEPS)
(SANTI WHISPERS) Oly.
-What's going on? -Shh-shh!
-Where's J? -Shh. She's asleep.
She's asleep.
What's happening?
I couldn't get her to bed.
She fell asleep on the way here, though.
Your dad let me in.
Did you just wanna see me?
Yeah. Did cross my mind.
(BABY FUSSES)
-(BABY CRIES) -SANTI: Shh-shh-shh.
(OLY AND SANTI LAUGH SOFTLY)
(BABY FUSSES)
(OLY AND SANTI BREATHE HEAVILY)
(BABY FUSSES AND CRIES)
Come on!
Good girl.
I sucked the snot out of her nose.
What?
I had to suck the snot out of her nose.
Thought she couldn't breathe.
-(BABY FUSSES) -Huh, J?
Like...
Like, sucked?
Like... (SLURPS)
What? (LAUGHS)
There is no way that that's a thing.
There's medicine for that, Santi.
(SANTI CHUCKLES)
I didn't know how to help her, Oly.
I don't think I'm any good at this.
(OLY TUTS)
You're implausibly good at this, actually.
Hmm?
I mean, it is a lower bar for dads.
Ita's right.
About what?
Babies need their mothers.
They need their fathers too.
(GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC)
(DOM LA NENA SINGS 'MILONGA' IN PORTUGUESE)
MARIA: Ohh!
('MILONGA' CONTINUES)
No, no, no.
('MILONGA' CONTINUES)
(TYRES SKID)
Santi.
(MATIAS LAUGHS)
('MILONGA' CONTINUES)
-('MILONGA' FADES) -(UNSETTLING MUSIC)
(MATIAS AND OFFICERS SPEAK INAUDIBLY)
YOUNG SANTI: Papa?
('QUIÉREME NA'MA' BY LA 33 PLAYS)
Hi. (CONTINUES INAUDIBLY)
('QUIÉREME NA'MA' CONTINUES PLAYING)
ANGIE: Thank you.
('QUIÉREME NA'MA' FADES)
(UNEASY LATIN-INSPIRED MUSIC)
SONG: ♪ Hey! Hey! ♪
♪ Hey! Hey! ♪
(SINGING IN SPANISH)