1 00:00:06,952 --> 00:00:08,951 ♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly 2 00:00:08,952 --> 00:00:10,951 ♪ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la... 3 00:00:10,952 --> 00:00:12,951 ♪ Alec Norman is a... ♪ 4 00:00:12,952 --> 00:00:14,951 Girls... Sing it! 5 00:00:14,952 --> 00:00:18,952 ♪ Six geese a'laying... Five gold... ♪ 6 00:00:19,952 --> 00:00:23,951 Decorations on the tree, twins. 7 00:00:23,952 --> 00:00:27,951 Oh, look at that! All right, elves? 8 00:00:27,952 --> 00:00:28,952 - Mm. Eh. - Mm... 9 00:00:29,992 --> 00:00:32,951 Right, let's phone Mariette. Yes. 10 00:00:32,952 --> 00:00:35,951 Mm! Exciting! 11 00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:39,151 Primrose, stand by with your "aw-ee-aw-ee aw-ee-aw". No, no. 12 00:00:39,152 --> 00:00:41,951 No, I'm not speaking French until I've mastered it. 13 00:00:41,952 --> 00:00:43,952 That's how you learn, by getting things wrong, innit?! 14 00:00:43,952 --> 00:00:46,951 Look at the wheel - they tried all shapes and sizes. 15 00:00:46,952 --> 00:00:49,151 Erm, oh... er, bonjour. 16 00:00:49,152 --> 00:00:51,991 Mademoiselle Larkin? 17 00:00:51,992 --> 00:00:53,952 Larkan? 18 00:00:54,952 --> 00:00:55,952 Leu-keeng-sound? 19 00:00:58,952 --> 00:01:00,951 Parlez-vous Anglais? That'll do it. 20 00:01:00,952 --> 00:01:02,951 No, Pop... 21 00:01:02,952 --> 00:01:04,952 They put the phone down. Huh? 22 00:01:08,952 --> 00:01:11,151 Oh, well... You know Mariette, she'll ring us. 23 00:01:11,152 --> 00:01:14,951 Yeah, but I want her here. Our first Christmas without her. 24 00:01:14,952 --> 00:01:17,631 Bloody France. 25 00:01:17,632 --> 00:01:19,951 No excuse for language, apologies. 26 00:01:19,952 --> 00:01:21,951 Where's the bleeding swear box? 27 00:01:21,952 --> 00:01:23,951 Charley may have run off with a Parisian hussy 28 00:01:23,952 --> 00:01:26,951 and Mariette's started drinking inordinately from a chagrin. 29 00:01:26,952 --> 00:01:29,951 Primrose, can you cut down on your novel-reading, please?! 30 00:01:29,952 --> 00:01:33,791 Look, are we downhearted?! 31 00:01:33,792 --> 00:01:37,951 Well, we are a bit, but... Come on, Oscar, eh... 32 00:01:37,952 --> 00:01:40,311 Give us a smile. 33 00:01:40,312 --> 00:01:42,951 There you go. 34 00:01:42,952 --> 00:01:44,951 Oscar... 35 00:01:44,952 --> 00:01:46,951 ♪ I saw three ships come sailing in 36 00:01:46,952 --> 00:01:48,951 ♪ On Christmas Day On Christmas Day 37 00:01:48,952 --> 00:01:54,951 ♪ I saw three ships come sailing in On Christmas Day in the morning 38 00:01:54,952 --> 00:01:56,951 ♪ And what was In those ships all three... ♪ 39 00:01:56,952 --> 00:01:58,951 Oh, hello, you Fothergills! 40 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,951 Seasonal whatsits, Mr and Mrs Larkin! 41 00:02:00,952 --> 00:02:03,951 Bet that makes a nice change. Riding a couple of woolly mammoths. 42 00:02:03,952 --> 00:02:07,951 Have you Larkins been burgled? They've struck again. 43 00:02:07,952 --> 00:02:10,951 What, another burglary in our dear little village? How dare he! 44 00:02:10,952 --> 00:02:13,951 When we catch him, we should be allowed to punch him repeatedly. 45 00:02:13,952 --> 00:02:15,951 Or you could pray for him. 46 00:02:15,952 --> 00:02:17,951 He got Edith Pilchester last night. No! 47 00:02:17,952 --> 00:02:22,151 Oh... Edith! A moment of your precious, darling. 48 00:02:22,152 --> 00:02:25,951 Come on, spill the sad beans. Yes, it's, well... 49 00:02:25,952 --> 00:02:27,951 Is it absolutely ghastly? 50 00:02:27,952 --> 00:02:29,951 That's exactly what it is. 51 00:02:29,952 --> 00:02:32,951 What did they get away with? Nothing of value. 52 00:02:32,952 --> 00:02:34,951 Well, I have nothing of value. 53 00:02:34,952 --> 00:02:36,992 But the picture frame given to me by my fiance Piers 54 00:02:36,992 --> 00:02:39,951 before he was, you know... 55 00:02:39,952 --> 00:02:40,952 No, what? 56 00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:41,952 Alec! Ignore him. 57 00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:43,952 Killed in the war! Oh. 58 00:02:44,952 --> 00:02:47,951 Still, no time for ennui, it's all go in the village hall. 59 00:02:47,952 --> 00:02:48,952 How's the panto going? 60 00:02:48,953 --> 00:02:51,791 Very well. Oh, no, it isn't! 61 00:02:52,952 --> 00:02:56,951 It's no secret that Norma is livid at being ousted as director. 62 00:02:56,952 --> 00:02:58,951 Aren't you, dear? Well, it's about time. 63 00:02:58,952 --> 00:03:01,151 Edith's been waiting for years for her chance. 64 00:03:01,152 --> 00:03:03,951 I just fear for the village. 65 00:03:03,952 --> 00:03:06,951 ♪ Christmas Day in the morning 66 00:03:06,952 --> 00:03:08,951 ♪ I saw three ships come sailing in 67 00:03:08,952 --> 00:03:11,791 ♪ On Christmas Day On Christmas Day... ♪ 68 00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:14,951 We all know who did the burglary. We mustn't jump to conclusions. 69 00:03:14,952 --> 00:03:16,951 Yeah. Innocent until proven giggly. 70 00:03:16,952 --> 00:03:19,951 Ambrose Nunn did it. You don't have to be Hercule Poirot. 71 00:03:19,952 --> 00:03:21,471 Or the other one, Marple. 72 00:03:21,472 --> 00:03:23,951 He's done time for burglary. Sits in his weird house 73 00:03:23,952 --> 00:03:25,991 on the edge of the village, hating decent people. 74 00:03:25,992 --> 00:03:28,951 Probably hiding from people like you, Alec. 75 00:03:28,952 --> 00:03:30,951 You divide people, Alec - 76 00:03:30,952 --> 00:03:32,951 some dislike you, others sort of hate you. 77 00:03:32,952 --> 00:03:37,952 ♪ Here we come A-wassailing among the leaves... 78 00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:42,951 ♪ Here I come a-wassailing Among the leaves of green... ♪ 79 00:03:42,952 --> 00:03:46,631 Mrs Batty, stop now, you're embarrassing yourself. 80 00:03:46,632 --> 00:03:50,951 Well done, that songbird. 81 00:03:57,312 --> 00:03:59,951 Hello Mr Larkin. PC Harness. Is your Sarge in? 82 00:03:59,952 --> 00:04:01,631 Lord love you but, you know, 83 00:04:01,632 --> 00:04:03,951 I prefer a copper who's started shaving, know what I mean? 84 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:06,951 He's gone down with the dropsy again, so I'm in charge. Right. 85 00:04:06,952 --> 00:04:08,951 So, what shall we do about these burglaries? 86 00:04:08,952 --> 00:04:10,951 Yes, I'm investigating. 87 00:04:10,952 --> 00:04:12,951 And what have you got so far? 88 00:04:12,952 --> 00:04:15,951 A number of items seem to have been removed from a number of houses. 89 00:04:15,952 --> 00:04:18,951 Well, I can see I'm in capable hands Yes. 90 00:04:18,952 --> 00:04:22,151 Listen, I'm not one to judge but are aware that Ambrose Nunn 91 00:04:22,152 --> 00:04:24,951 has got a police record as long as Southend Pier. 92 00:04:24,952 --> 00:04:28,951 Yes. I-I'm... going to see him now, on my bicycle. 93 00:04:28,952 --> 00:04:32,951 Right... Maybe you should wait for Sergeant Plummer to come back. Why? 94 00:04:32,952 --> 00:04:34,951 Well, I like Ambrose, we go way back, 95 00:04:34,952 --> 00:04:36,791 but he's had a tough old life 96 00:04:36,792 --> 00:04:38,951 and he's not averse to thumping folk. 97 00:04:38,952 --> 00:04:41,951 I'm not scared of anyone. Well, that's good, 98 00:04:41,952 --> 00:04:44,631 but you were beaten up by the Froggatts' 12-year-old. 99 00:04:44,632 --> 00:04:46,951 She had a stick. Even so, you may want help 100 00:04:46,952 --> 00:04:49,952 if you're gonna accuse Nunnsy or try and bring him in. 101 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,951 I might wait, then. Yeah. Good. 102 00:04:53,952 --> 00:04:54,992 Erm, Pop... Yes? 103 00:04:56,952 --> 00:04:59,951 Could you put it about the village that I'm really brave? 104 00:04:59,952 --> 00:05:01,951 Any particular reason? 105 00:05:01,952 --> 00:05:04,951 I'm in love with Pauline Molloy and I really need to impress her. 106 00:05:04,952 --> 00:05:06,792 Oh, yeah. 107 00:05:08,952 --> 00:05:10,952 Someone's nicked your bike, haven't they? 108 00:05:15,152 --> 00:05:17,991 Yes. You wanna get the police onto that. 109 00:05:21,952 --> 00:05:23,951 Merry Christmas, everyone. Merry Christmas. 110 00:05:23,952 --> 00:05:25,951 'Try to have a bit more fun with it.' 111 00:05:25,952 --> 00:05:27,992 'I'm more interested in Cinderella's struggle 112 00:05:27,992 --> 00:05:29,311 'for domestic justice.' 113 00:05:29,312 --> 00:05:32,152 Well... don't be. Let's move on. 114 00:05:35,952 --> 00:05:37,951 I'm not querying the virgin birth 115 00:05:37,952 --> 00:05:40,951 but may I explore my feelings with a short monologue? 116 00:05:40,952 --> 00:05:44,792 No, dear, it's a simple Nativity, albeit swaddled in a pantomime. 117 00:05:45,792 --> 00:05:48,951 Twins, where's your fellow shepherd? He's not coming any more. 118 00:05:48,952 --> 00:05:50,951 He said his costume made him look silly. 119 00:05:50,952 --> 00:05:51,953 It did actually. He's right. 120 00:05:51,953 --> 00:05:54,951 Really silly. And we've lost a king. Ringworm. 121 00:05:54,952 --> 00:05:56,471 What?! 122 00:05:56,472 --> 00:05:58,951 Well, er, let's run through the scene 123 00:05:58,952 --> 00:06:01,951 of Mary and Joseph knocking on the door of Hardup Hall. 124 00:06:01,952 --> 00:06:04,951 My time is nearly come. Please, do you have a spare room in your b... 125 00:06:04,952 --> 00:06:06,951 Sorry, can I get a less bulky foetus? 126 00:06:06,952 --> 00:06:10,952 Greetings. Mr Delamere. We're honoured. 127 00:06:11,952 --> 00:06:12,952 Why are you here? 128 00:06:12,953 --> 00:06:15,951 Well, you know, I thought I'd drop in to offer my expertise 129 00:06:15,952 --> 00:06:18,951 as what's laughingly known as "a professional actor". 130 00:06:18,952 --> 00:06:20,951 Are you not working at the moment? 131 00:06:20,952 --> 00:06:23,951 Well, as you know, I wouldn't normally touch am-dram 132 00:06:23,952 --> 00:06:26,951 but I'm happy to help with a small role, at Yule... 133 00:06:26,952 --> 00:06:28,951 to spread the joy. Oh, that would be lovely. 134 00:06:28,952 --> 00:06:31,952 Twins, we've found you a replacement shepherd. 135 00:06:34,952 --> 00:06:38,951 No... I was thinking more of a cameo, as, perhaps... 136 00:06:38,952 --> 00:06:40,632 God? 137 00:06:41,952 --> 00:06:43,951 King? 138 00:06:43,952 --> 00:06:45,791 Yes, I think I can make king work. 139 00:06:45,792 --> 00:06:47,951 Forgive me if I appear rather woebegone... 140 00:06:47,952 --> 00:06:50,951 I-I was burgled today... Oh, I'm sorry. Me too. 141 00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:53,951 It's upsetting. I lost a very precious... 142 00:06:53,952 --> 00:06:55,951 Fortunately, they missed all my awards. 143 00:06:55,952 --> 00:06:58,951 Miss Pilchester... are there other kings? 144 00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:02,952 Yes. Three in all. It's a Nativity. 145 00:07:04,952 --> 00:07:09,952 Don't mind me. I'm just seeing how it's all going. 146 00:07:12,152 --> 00:07:14,952 Let's carry on. 147 00:07:16,952 --> 00:07:19,951 Beard, Joseph. You two have been busy. 148 00:07:19,952 --> 00:07:21,951 Yes, and no... 149 00:07:21,952 --> 00:07:23,791 Oh, oh! Oh. 150 00:07:23,792 --> 00:07:24,951 Ooh! Oops! 151 00:07:24,952 --> 00:07:26,472 Oh, dear. 152 00:07:29,952 --> 00:07:31,951 'I feel sorry for Miss Pilchester. 153 00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:33,951 'I think it'll be a theatrical fiasco.' 154 00:07:33,952 --> 00:07:37,951 Mm... and it's taken so long for her to get her go from Norma. 155 00:07:37,952 --> 00:07:40,951 I hate to pigeonhole, but it's like... 156 00:07:40,952 --> 00:07:44,951 the Good Fairy taking on the Wicked Old Bag of the East! 157 00:07:46,792 --> 00:07:47,951 Shh. Shh-shh. 158 00:07:47,952 --> 00:07:51,952 Ma. Ma. Noises. There's been burglaries. 159 00:07:54,952 --> 00:07:56,952 Shh. 160 00:07:59,952 --> 00:08:02,951 Mariette! 161 00:08:02,952 --> 00:08:05,631 Oh! 162 00:08:05,632 --> 00:08:07,951 Mariette! 163 00:08:07,952 --> 00:08:10,951 Oh, my, my! Oh-ho-ho-ho! 164 00:08:10,952 --> 00:08:12,951 Mariette! 165 00:08:15,632 --> 00:08:19,952 Wait, wait, wait... no Charley? Oh, no. 166 00:08:20,952 --> 00:08:23,632 Ah, Charley! 167 00:08:24,952 --> 00:08:27,791 Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Charley. 168 00:08:27,792 --> 00:08:30,311 He wanted you to see me first. Hello, Ma. 169 00:08:30,312 --> 00:08:33,951 Merry Christmas! Oh, it's so good to see you all. 170 00:08:33,952 --> 00:08:35,951 Monty, you've grown at least a foot in six months. 171 00:08:35,952 --> 00:08:37,951 Why didn't you tell us you were coming? 172 00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:39,951 Didn't you get our postcard? 173 00:08:39,952 --> 00:08:42,951 Brigitte Bardot in a bikini, holding a snake? No. 174 00:08:42,952 --> 00:08:45,951 We've had the most fantastic time. Paris is... 175 00:08:45,952 --> 00:08:49,951 Oh! How do you say it in English? Oh, here we go. 176 00:08:49,952 --> 00:08:52,951 Ajoutez deux lettres a Paris, et c'est le paradis. 177 00:08:52,952 --> 00:08:54,951 You can't argue with that. 178 00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:56,952 How long are you back for? 179 00:08:59,632 --> 00:09:02,951 We're back for good! 180 00:09:02,952 --> 00:09:04,951 That is great news. 181 00:09:04,952 --> 00:09:07,951 Well, don't just stand there, kids, come and get these suitcases. 182 00:09:07,952 --> 00:09:09,951 That's it. There you go. Go on. 183 00:09:09,952 --> 00:09:12,951 Come here! Come here! That's it, girls, well done. 184 00:09:22,472 --> 00:09:23,951 That's what I like to hear, 185 00:09:23,952 --> 00:09:26,951 mindless tittering from the young lovers. 186 00:09:26,952 --> 00:09:29,951 We parents could be on fire and they'd never notice. 187 00:09:29,952 --> 00:09:32,951 I was actually just saying I want to meet Charley's mum and dad. 188 00:09:32,952 --> 00:09:34,952 Oh... we all do. 189 00:09:36,952 --> 00:09:38,951 Oh, we could invite them over! Yeah. 190 00:09:38,952 --> 00:09:40,951 Oh! Ooh... Erm, erm... 191 00:09:40,952 --> 00:09:41,953 There's no rush, really... 192 00:09:41,953 --> 00:09:45,791 No. No. No. Ma's right, get 'em up here tomorrow. 193 00:09:45,792 --> 00:09:48,951 Christmas Eve, posh lunch! Yes. Blinding idea. 194 00:09:48,952 --> 00:09:50,951 I'll get Primrose to strangle a goose. Erm... 195 00:09:50,952 --> 00:09:53,471 Well, just to warn you, they are still alarmed 196 00:09:53,472 --> 00:09:55,311 that I gave up a career at the Tax Office 197 00:09:55,312 --> 00:09:58,471 and took off with a girl, so... Ah, well, that's totally normal. 198 00:09:58,472 --> 00:10:00,951 Bog-standard. Well, they, erm, they also... 199 00:10:00,952 --> 00:10:03,951 have reservations about me living in the countryside so... 200 00:10:03,952 --> 00:10:06,952 Charley they'll be fine. We'll make them so welcome. 201 00:10:08,952 --> 00:10:11,951 My dad said that if we wanted his only child to waste his education 202 00:10:11,952 --> 00:10:15,952 and live on a farm, that we would have stayed in Nigeria. 203 00:10:17,312 --> 00:10:20,951 So, maybe we should give them a bit longer 204 00:10:20,952 --> 00:10:22,951 to get used to the idea. 205 00:10:22,952 --> 00:10:25,311 Sorry it's so last-minute, but we'd love to invite you over 206 00:10:25,312 --> 00:10:28,951 for a festive Christmas luncheon, tomorrow. 207 00:10:28,952 --> 00:10:31,951 He says it's rather short notice. 208 00:10:31,952 --> 00:10:33,951 It is. Our apologies - 209 00:10:33,952 --> 00:10:36,951 we're as mad as a box of penguins, we Larkins! 210 00:10:36,952 --> 00:10:38,991 They should make some sort of device 211 00:10:38,992 --> 00:10:40,951 so we can all hear what's bein' said. 212 00:10:40,952 --> 00:10:42,951 He says, nonetheless, he and Mrs Charlton 213 00:10:42,952 --> 00:10:44,951 would love to see their son 214 00:10:44,952 --> 00:10:48,951 since he's been away so long... doing Lord knows what. 215 00:10:48,952 --> 00:10:49,952 I bet. 216 00:10:49,953 --> 00:10:52,151 You should stay for the whole Christmas! 217 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,951 No, they don't wanna do that. 218 00:10:54,952 --> 00:10:56,952 We understand. 219 00:10:59,312 --> 00:11:00,992 Well, how exciting! 220 00:11:05,952 --> 00:11:09,471 So the performance in front of the whole village is tomorrow. 221 00:11:09,472 --> 00:11:11,951 Don't panic. Even though... there is cause for panic. 222 00:11:11,952 --> 00:11:14,951 May I have your attention, please? Of course, you can act it like that, 223 00:11:14,952 --> 00:11:17,951 but... I wouldn't... Listen to your superior officer! 224 00:11:17,952 --> 00:11:18,991 Thank you, Brigadier. 225 00:11:18,992 --> 00:11:21,951 Prince Charming, do remember you're a man, 226 00:11:21,952 --> 00:11:23,951 I'm still getting an overwhelming sense of woman. 227 00:11:23,952 --> 00:11:27,951 I am what I am. That's like... asking a bell not to ring. 228 00:11:27,952 --> 00:11:29,951 Well, do your best. Conversely, Ugly Sister, 229 00:11:29,952 --> 00:11:31,951 can you magic up some more femininity? 230 00:11:31,952 --> 00:11:33,951 No, I-I fear I'm up to my limit. 231 00:11:33,952 --> 00:11:36,951 Although I have been experimenting at home with this, 232 00:11:36,952 --> 00:11:38,952 which I notice the ladies do... 233 00:11:40,632 --> 00:11:41,952 You need to be a bit more sensitive... 234 00:11:41,952 --> 00:11:44,951 No, don't do that. Kings... Nobody asked you to... 235 00:11:44,952 --> 00:11:46,951 Stop, stop. What's happening? Mr Binns feels 236 00:11:46,952 --> 00:11:50,951 Mr Highwater is upstaging him by swinging his cup of frankincense. 237 00:11:50,952 --> 00:11:52,952 Why does he think that? I told him he was being upstaged. 238 00:11:52,952 --> 00:11:54,951 It is a matter of professional etiquette. 239 00:11:54,952 --> 00:11:56,951 CLATTERING I am leaving, this is ridiculous. 240 00:11:56,952 --> 00:11:59,951 Did you engineer that argument so you could be the only king? 241 00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:01,791 Amateurs! What a monstrous imputation. 242 00:12:01,792 --> 00:12:03,952 Can we have real sheep? No, I'm struggling with the humans, 243 00:12:03,952 --> 00:12:06,951 I don't need a pack of defecating animals. 244 00:12:06,952 --> 00:12:08,952 I'm sorry. 245 00:12:09,952 --> 00:12:12,472 Do go now, and let's hope this comes together tomorrow. 246 00:12:15,952 --> 00:12:17,952 I'm sorry, Miss Pilchester, we're letting you down. 247 00:12:17,952 --> 00:12:20,951 It's my fault, I've looked forward to this for too long, 248 00:12:20,952 --> 00:12:22,951 and it's going to be absolutely ghastly. 249 00:12:22,952 --> 00:12:23,952 Maybe it's not important. 250 00:12:23,953 --> 00:12:25,951 Not to you, perhaps, but people like me, 251 00:12:25,952 --> 00:12:28,312 who have no family, rely on their village to give their life meaning. 252 00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:30,951 This was my chance to create something memorable. 253 00:12:30,952 --> 00:12:35,472 A Christmas feast, rather than the chilly meal for one which is my lot. 254 00:12:45,312 --> 00:12:48,952 Good night, Norma. Good night, Alec. 255 00:13:30,792 --> 00:13:32,791 Oh, no! 256 00:13:32,792 --> 00:13:34,832 Yes, a burglary during the night. 257 00:13:36,312 --> 00:13:40,631 My husband, Mr Norman, is so furious he's unable to speak. 258 00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:48,792 And now they seem to have stolen the electricity. 259 00:13:53,472 --> 00:13:56,791 Power cut! We love power cuts! 260 00:13:56,792 --> 00:13:58,791 We don't even know what electricity is! 261 00:13:58,792 --> 00:14:00,791 Well, your show's not gonna be able to go on 262 00:14:00,792 --> 00:14:02,792 if there's not light or heat in the village hall. 263 00:14:04,792 --> 00:14:05,793 Maybe it's just as well. Cor! 264 00:14:05,793 --> 00:14:08,791 Dear-oh, it's a bit dark in here, innit? 265 00:14:08,792 --> 00:14:11,311 Let's crack open some leccy. 266 00:14:11,312 --> 00:14:12,791 Oh, no. 267 00:14:12,792 --> 00:14:15,791 That'll put a kink in Christmas if they don't fix it, eh? 268 00:14:15,792 --> 00:14:17,311 Victoria! Yes, Pop? 269 00:14:17,312 --> 00:14:19,152 Get that genny going, can you, love, please? 270 00:14:21,792 --> 00:14:25,791 It's a Christmas Eve calamity if they don't restore the power soon. 271 00:14:25,792 --> 00:14:27,791 It is. The whole village is out. 272 00:14:27,792 --> 00:14:30,991 My stove's electric. Ever tried eating raw sausages? 273 00:14:30,992 --> 00:14:32,792 No. Sorry. 274 00:14:33,792 --> 00:14:37,791 How are they? I managed it but they're not a patch on cooked. 275 00:14:37,792 --> 00:14:41,631 We'll have to go and stay in my chum Jasper's castle for Christmas. 276 00:14:41,632 --> 00:14:45,631 Well, you're annoying. Oh, isn't that pretty? 277 00:14:45,632 --> 00:14:47,791 Let's not worry about the fire risk. 278 00:14:47,792 --> 00:14:49,791 Right, now, something special for the Charltons. 279 00:14:49,792 --> 00:14:52,791 Word is they can't repair the electricity sub-station 280 00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:54,791 till after Christmas. 281 00:14:54,792 --> 00:14:56,791 Any news about the power? The power cut? 282 00:14:56,792 --> 00:14:58,992 The light, the heat, the power, can they fix it? 283 00:15:00,792 --> 00:15:02,791 Oh, no. Do the show after Christmas. 284 00:15:02,792 --> 00:15:04,151 It's not like anybody cares. 285 00:15:04,152 --> 00:15:07,791 You can't really do Nativity after Christmas. Horse has bolted. 286 00:15:07,792 --> 00:15:09,791 Yeah, even better, don't do it at all. 287 00:15:09,792 --> 00:15:11,791 We've got a generator, you can do it in our barn. 288 00:15:11,792 --> 00:15:13,791 Oh, could we? If we move up there now, 289 00:15:13,792 --> 00:15:16,791 we could squeeze in a dress rehearsal and then the show. 290 00:15:16,792 --> 00:15:18,792 Er... 291 00:15:19,992 --> 00:15:23,791 Do we really want a pant-ivity on our premises 292 00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:26,792 when we're trying to impress Charley's parents with a posh lunch? 293 00:15:27,792 --> 00:15:30,791 Yeah, but we can't let Edith and the village down. 294 00:15:30,792 --> 00:15:31,991 We'd be helping them. 295 00:15:31,992 --> 00:15:34,792 By all accounts the show is gruesome. 296 00:15:35,792 --> 00:15:38,791 Yeah. Well, it always is beforehand, and then it turns out brilliant. 297 00:15:38,792 --> 00:15:42,792 If it turns out brilliant, I'll eat my hat... and my coat. 298 00:15:44,792 --> 00:15:48,791 Of course, we insist that you put the show on in our barn! 299 00:15:48,792 --> 00:15:51,152 You're both lambs. See you later. 300 00:15:54,792 --> 00:15:56,791 That is quite a face, Alec. 301 00:15:56,792 --> 00:15:59,791 Hope you got a nicer one, seeing as it's Christmas. 302 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,791 We were burgled last night by Mr Nunn. 303 00:16:02,792 --> 00:16:04,991 He got away with a host of treasured knick-knacks. 304 00:16:04,992 --> 00:16:08,791 You're determined that it's Ambrose. Who did it, then, Santa? 305 00:16:08,792 --> 00:16:10,792 A dissident elf? Or maybe it was you. 306 00:16:13,792 --> 00:16:15,792 Right, time to sort this out. 307 00:16:27,792 --> 00:16:29,791 So, on an average day I must risk my life, 308 00:16:29,792 --> 00:16:31,991 what, half a dozen times? 309 00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:33,831 You're full of it. Full of valour. 310 00:16:33,832 --> 00:16:35,791 See? I'm the perfect boyfriend 311 00:16:35,792 --> 00:16:37,791 because I provide security, literally. 312 00:16:37,792 --> 00:16:40,991 Yeah, I'm not ruling you out. I like a uniform. 313 00:16:40,992 --> 00:16:43,791 I prefer firemen, but... 314 00:16:43,792 --> 00:16:45,792 Do you wanna... blow on my whistle? 315 00:16:48,792 --> 00:16:49,792 You never know. 316 00:16:51,312 --> 00:16:53,791 Merry Christmas, trouble. You too, Pop. 317 00:16:53,792 --> 00:16:56,791 I hear Mariette's back. Yeah, and I want you two to get along. 318 00:16:56,792 --> 00:16:59,792 You've been butting heads like angry goats for far too long. 319 00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:08,791 And I'd put that tongue back in before it freezes hard. 320 00:17:08,792 --> 00:17:10,791 Now, then... got any more clues? 321 00:17:10,792 --> 00:17:14,791 No, I'm clue-less. 322 00:17:14,792 --> 00:17:16,472 Well, we can't put it off any longer, can we? 323 00:17:16,472 --> 00:17:18,791 Folk are getting upset. It'll ruin their Christmas. 324 00:17:18,792 --> 00:17:21,631 Do you wanna start in the obvious place? Ambrose Nunn? 325 00:17:21,632 --> 00:17:24,632 Uh-huh. Can you come with me? 326 00:17:33,992 --> 00:17:35,791 Start! 327 00:17:35,792 --> 00:17:37,631 They'll be here soon! Is it nearly ready? 328 00:17:37,632 --> 00:17:40,472 From the Place Vendome to this. 329 00:17:45,792 --> 00:17:47,792 Oh! 330 00:17:50,792 --> 00:17:51,792 Monty, napkins. 331 00:18:09,792 --> 00:18:11,791 It's just that we didn't even know 332 00:18:11,792 --> 00:18:13,791 you were returning from France, Cedric. 333 00:18:13,792 --> 00:18:18,471 I'm sorry. Life has just been so overwhelming since I met Mariette. 334 00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:20,791 Mum, she is just so... 335 00:18:25,792 --> 00:18:26,792 dirty. 336 00:18:28,992 --> 00:18:32,791 Oh, erm... Mother, Father... 337 00:18:32,792 --> 00:18:34,792 this is Mariette. Hello. 338 00:18:36,792 --> 00:18:39,791 She scrubs up very attractively. Oh, but as we Larkins say - 339 00:18:39,792 --> 00:18:42,311 "No point in washing... only get mucky again!" 340 00:18:43,792 --> 00:18:46,791 Hello. Good day to you. 341 00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:50,791 Welcome! I'm Florence, but everyone calls me Ma. 342 00:18:50,792 --> 00:18:53,791 I'm Ginika... but everyone calls me Mrs Charlton. 343 00:18:53,792 --> 00:18:57,312 No idea why... am I that scarifying?! 344 00:18:58,792 --> 00:19:00,831 May I utilise your latrine? 345 00:19:00,832 --> 00:19:05,791 Oh, if needs must and nature calls, Brigadier. 346 00:19:07,792 --> 00:19:10,791 There's a power cut in the village and we have a generator, 347 00:19:10,792 --> 00:19:13,791 so they've relocated the Nativity to our barn. 348 00:19:13,792 --> 00:19:15,991 How delightful, a Nativity. 349 00:19:15,992 --> 00:19:19,471 Combined with a panto - more of a nativi-tanto. 350 00:19:19,472 --> 00:19:20,791 Make it more interesting. 351 00:19:20,792 --> 00:19:23,471 More interesting than the story of the birth of Jesus? 352 00:19:23,472 --> 00:19:26,791 Oh, no, I don't think she means more interesting. Just, er... 353 00:19:26,792 --> 00:19:29,631 just more, er... More of an excuse to swap gender 354 00:19:29,632 --> 00:19:31,992 than you'd usually find in a panto... Nativity. 355 00:19:33,792 --> 00:19:35,792 I'm sure it'll all be very respectful. 356 00:19:38,792 --> 00:19:40,791 Might I provide you with a snifter? 357 00:19:40,792 --> 00:19:43,791 Oh, no, no, no. No, they don't drink. No. 358 00:19:43,792 --> 00:19:46,791 We would welcome a cup of tea. Oh, of course. No, please, 359 00:19:46,792 --> 00:19:51,151 do sit down by the fire and I will proceed with the luncheon. 360 00:19:51,152 --> 00:19:54,791 I would be very willing to help. No, no, no, no, please... 361 00:19:54,792 --> 00:19:57,792 No. No. My family will all entertain you. 362 00:20:00,792 --> 00:20:04,991 My husband appears to be detained... on important work in the village. 363 00:20:04,992 --> 00:20:07,311 Come on. Come on, hurry. Can't be late. 364 00:20:07,312 --> 00:20:09,792 Excuse me, Charley, thank you. 365 00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:17,791 Well, the show must go on! 366 00:20:17,792 --> 00:20:20,792 So... Montgomery will entertain you. 367 00:20:23,792 --> 00:20:25,312 Er... 368 00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:29,791 Let's all play poker for money. No! No. No. 369 00:20:29,792 --> 00:20:32,791 Mother and Father don't gamble. 370 00:20:32,792 --> 00:20:34,792 Nor, nor do we! Mm. 371 00:20:44,992 --> 00:20:47,791 Merry Christmas Eve, Ambrose. Pop. 372 00:20:47,792 --> 00:20:49,792 Good day to you. 373 00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:52,791 What's up? Oh, this and that. 374 00:20:52,792 --> 00:20:53,793 How's the little 'uns? Eh? 375 00:20:53,793 --> 00:20:57,791 Oh, here they are! Nelson, how are you doing, son? 376 00:20:57,792 --> 00:21:00,791 Christine, what have I said to you about being too adorable? 377 00:21:04,792 --> 00:21:07,791 Ambrose, could we have a chin-wag? Does he have to come in? 378 00:21:07,792 --> 00:21:09,791 Yeah, no, he's a good lad. 379 00:21:09,792 --> 00:21:12,792 He's more likely to get a bit tearful than to arrest you. 380 00:21:17,792 --> 00:21:20,791 Hello, Mr Larkin. Oh, Roy! Blimey. Look at you. 381 00:21:20,792 --> 00:21:23,791 All of a sudden I turn round, you're a bloke. 382 00:21:23,792 --> 00:21:25,791 I brought something for you kids, as well, look... 383 00:21:25,792 --> 00:21:28,791 Merry Christmas, Christine, Merry Christmas, Nelson. 384 00:21:28,792 --> 00:21:30,471 Lovely to see you. And... 385 00:21:30,472 --> 00:21:33,791 Ena, come on, crack open a smile, it's Christmas, darling. 386 00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:37,791 So... a question, Ambrose, nothing controversial... 387 00:21:37,792 --> 00:21:40,791 we come in peace. 388 00:21:40,792 --> 00:21:43,791 Are you doing the burglaries in the village? 389 00:21:43,792 --> 00:21:45,791 PC Harness here wants to know. 390 00:21:45,792 --> 00:21:47,991 What burglaries? 391 00:21:47,992 --> 00:21:50,792 Well, do muck in, constable. Erm... 392 00:21:51,792 --> 00:21:55,791 Yes, there's been a few around the village. 393 00:21:55,792 --> 00:21:58,791 And, well, you have some form. So, I thought that maybe... 394 00:21:58,792 --> 00:22:02,791 Don't hit a copper, love. Ambrose... Hello. 395 00:22:02,792 --> 00:22:05,791 I thought you, of all people, would be on my side, Pop. 396 00:22:05,792 --> 00:22:07,791 I want to be, Ambrose. I do. 397 00:22:07,792 --> 00:22:09,791 I'm just here to flush out the truth, is all. 398 00:22:09,792 --> 00:22:11,791 Well, how can I prove I've done nothing wrong?! 399 00:22:11,792 --> 00:22:13,791 Not easy. But folk are talking. 400 00:22:13,792 --> 00:22:15,152 And if you are doing the burglarising, 401 00:22:15,152 --> 00:22:17,991 well, this is me warning you to stop. 402 00:22:17,992 --> 00:22:21,792 Or if you know who's doing it... get them to stop. 403 00:22:27,792 --> 00:22:30,792 Look, I'm sorry, Pop, but I've had it up to here. 404 00:22:33,792 --> 00:22:37,791 Nobody gives my family a break. I can't find any work. 405 00:22:37,792 --> 00:22:41,471 The whole village hates me... well, us. 406 00:22:41,472 --> 00:22:42,792 And they always will. 407 00:22:45,792 --> 00:22:48,791 Blimey, do you know what? I've gotta go. 408 00:22:48,792 --> 00:22:50,792 It's my daughter's boyfriend's parents are coming over 409 00:22:50,792 --> 00:22:53,791 and animals have laid down their lives for lunch, so I've... 410 00:22:53,792 --> 00:22:57,792 Please... stay for tea. No-one ever visits. 411 00:23:00,792 --> 00:23:01,992 Oh... 412 00:23:11,792 --> 00:23:13,792 I'll just see how the show's going. 413 00:23:17,792 --> 00:23:19,791 We missed you so much, Cedric. 414 00:23:19,792 --> 00:23:22,792 We loved your occasional letters, you write so well. 415 00:23:23,792 --> 00:23:26,791 She's a pretty one, your Mariette. Where's she gone? 416 00:23:26,792 --> 00:23:30,792 I... I imagine she's washing the dung off. 417 00:23:31,792 --> 00:23:34,791 Where is everyone? It's very rude. 418 00:23:34,792 --> 00:23:37,791 Yes, well, they're usually so friendly. 419 00:23:37,792 --> 00:23:40,791 In fact, everyone's friendly down here. 420 00:23:40,792 --> 00:23:42,791 DOOR OPENS If you... 421 00:23:42,792 --> 00:23:44,791 Ooh, hello. 422 00:23:44,792 --> 00:23:47,792 Oh, don't mind me, I'm just a toff in search of a lav. 423 00:23:48,792 --> 00:23:51,791 Welcome back, big boy. Hi. 424 00:23:51,792 --> 00:23:53,792 Mm... you could have had me. 425 00:23:58,472 --> 00:23:59,792 Er, as... 426 00:24:01,792 --> 00:24:04,791 The next bloke I shared a cell with 427 00:24:04,792 --> 00:24:07,791 used to tear his toenails off in front of me 428 00:24:07,792 --> 00:24:11,151 just so he could go to the sick bay. That's terrible. 429 00:24:11,152 --> 00:24:13,791 I tell you, you've really opened my eyes. 430 00:24:13,792 --> 00:24:15,791 I mean, it's a disgrace, 431 00:24:15,792 --> 00:24:17,832 incarcerating people just cos they've nicked things. 432 00:24:19,792 --> 00:24:21,791 Well, look, Ambrose, I gotta go. 433 00:24:21,792 --> 00:24:23,791 I'm sorry you've had a bad few years, mate... 434 00:24:23,792 --> 00:24:27,471 but all the more reason for you to look to your future. 435 00:24:27,472 --> 00:24:29,151 And thanks, Ena, really appreciate it, 436 00:24:29,152 --> 00:24:30,791 but you and Ambrose, 437 00:24:30,792 --> 00:24:33,791 you need to stop sitting in here and feeling put upon, right? 438 00:24:33,792 --> 00:24:35,791 You've got no idea, Pop. 439 00:24:35,792 --> 00:24:38,791 People move towards you, they move away from us. 440 00:24:38,792 --> 00:24:42,831 Why don't you come to the panto in our barn today at three o'clock. 441 00:24:42,832 --> 00:24:45,791 What, so the whole village can sneer at me and my kids? 442 00:24:45,792 --> 00:24:49,791 No! So they can see that you are good people. 443 00:24:49,792 --> 00:24:51,791 Well, good-ish. 444 00:24:51,792 --> 00:24:54,631 Come on, eh? It's grim out there, innit? 445 00:24:54,632 --> 00:24:57,791 The shop's gonna be shut, the whole of village will be at our place. 446 00:24:57,792 --> 00:25:00,791 Could be a new start. 447 00:25:00,792 --> 00:25:01,792 See you. 448 00:25:06,792 --> 00:25:08,632 God bless you. 449 00:25:11,792 --> 00:25:13,791 Wow, what a super family! 450 00:25:13,792 --> 00:25:15,792 I guess we need to look elsewhere for our burglar, Pop. 451 00:25:15,792 --> 00:25:17,791 Looks like it. Any ideas? 452 00:25:17,792 --> 00:25:19,791 I have my theories. What are they? 453 00:25:19,792 --> 00:25:22,791 Don't you worry your tiny little pointy head there, constable. 454 00:25:22,792 --> 00:25:25,792 If I play my cards right, the village... 455 00:25:27,152 --> 00:25:30,791 will have its stolen goods back in time for Christmas. 456 00:25:30,792 --> 00:25:33,791 Well, come on, jump in. 457 00:25:44,912 --> 00:25:46,712 Ta-da! 458 00:25:50,712 --> 00:25:52,711 You have cooked for the whole of Kent. 459 00:25:52,712 --> 00:25:54,711 Yes, well, we do overdo it sometimes. 460 00:25:54,712 --> 00:25:56,711 Sit down, Ma. 461 00:25:56,712 --> 00:25:58,711 She's normally so relaxed. 462 00:25:58,712 --> 00:26:00,711 Yes, well, it's not every day 463 00:26:00,712 --> 00:26:03,711 that you make your daughter's boyfriend's parents' acquaintance. 464 00:26:03,712 --> 00:26:07,071 I promise you, we're just here to get to know you, not to find fault. 465 00:26:09,712 --> 00:26:12,711 Oh, come on, you arsy...! Oh, that's Victoria. 466 00:26:12,712 --> 00:26:14,711 She's working on the generator. 467 00:26:14,712 --> 00:26:17,232 She is a mechanical genius. 468 00:26:24,712 --> 00:26:27,711 And Montgomery is painting the scenery. 469 00:26:27,712 --> 00:26:29,711 Ooh! What an artist! 470 00:26:29,712 --> 00:26:32,712 Stand back, Renoir, there's a new guy in town. 471 00:26:34,752 --> 00:26:36,711 Sorry everyone's so distracted. 472 00:26:36,712 --> 00:26:38,711 Yes, I don't know where my husband is. 473 00:26:38,712 --> 00:26:40,751 I do apologise for his absence. 474 00:26:40,752 --> 00:26:44,711 Cedric informs us that he is a pillar of the community 475 00:26:44,712 --> 00:26:47,711 and also a purveyor of antiquities. 476 00:26:48,713 --> 00:26:50,911 Well, it's more of a junkyard, really. 477 00:26:50,912 --> 00:26:52,712 You find me amusing? 478 00:26:55,712 --> 00:26:58,391 Why did you exaggerate the truth, Cedric? 479 00:26:58,392 --> 00:27:00,711 No, it's not. I... 480 00:27:00,712 --> 00:27:03,711 I just know that you like people to be respectable. 481 00:27:03,712 --> 00:27:04,911 My husband's respectable. 482 00:27:04,912 --> 00:27:07,391 We all are. Mm-hm. 483 00:27:07,392 --> 00:27:09,711 ♪ Oh, cockle-doodle-do 484 00:27:09,712 --> 00:27:12,711 ♪ Got nuffin to do with you 485 00:27:12,712 --> 00:27:13,712 ♪ It's a jolly fine cock 486 00:27:13,713 --> 00:27:16,391 ♪ But it's all I've got... ♪ Excuse me. 487 00:27:16,392 --> 00:27:18,711 ♪ A cockle-doodle-do 488 00:27:18,712 --> 00:27:22,711 ♪ Cockle-doodle-do It's got nothing to do with you 489 00:27:22,712 --> 00:27:25,391 ♪ I put me cock under me arm... ♪ 490 00:27:25,392 --> 00:27:26,751 Must you?! 491 00:27:26,752 --> 00:27:28,711 ♪ Cockle-doodle-do! ♪ 492 00:27:28,712 --> 00:27:30,391 Where've you been?! 493 00:27:30,392 --> 00:27:32,551 Been trying to solve these burglaries, Ma. 494 00:27:32,552 --> 00:27:33,712 Well, don't! Find a policeman. 495 00:27:33,712 --> 00:27:34,713 Yeah, I tried that an' all. 496 00:27:34,713 --> 00:27:36,711 It's ruining folks' Christmas, you know. 497 00:27:36,712 --> 00:27:38,711 You want to see ruined?! Huh? 498 00:27:38,712 --> 00:27:40,711 We are re-enacting the War Of The Roses in there. 499 00:27:40,712 --> 00:27:42,712 Don't worry! Go in. 500 00:27:44,712 --> 00:27:45,751 A million apologies, 501 00:27:45,752 --> 00:27:48,711 I've been having tea with a very angry burglar. 502 00:27:48,712 --> 00:27:50,711 Hello, there's lovely, look, 503 00:27:50,712 --> 00:27:52,711 the two very loins that came together 504 00:27:52,712 --> 00:27:54,711 and created our Charley boy! 505 00:27:54,712 --> 00:27:57,551 Don't say loins. Imagine you're the Queen. 506 00:27:57,552 --> 00:27:59,711 Shall we lighten the mood? Sherry? Cocktails? No! No. 507 00:27:59,712 --> 00:28:01,711 Thank you, no. No, no, don't be shy. Vodka? 508 00:28:01,712 --> 00:28:03,711 Everyone loves a bit of Russian. 509 00:28:03,712 --> 00:28:05,711 No, no, no. You're right. 510 00:28:05,712 --> 00:28:06,713 Something a bit more sophisticated. 511 00:28:06,713 --> 00:28:09,911 What about a bottle of Burgundy? Been laying down for years, 512 00:28:09,912 --> 00:28:11,711 needs opening and giving a good seeing to. 513 00:28:13,912 --> 00:28:17,231 Pardon! Both ends. Just to be clear, that was the baby. 514 00:28:17,232 --> 00:28:20,711 I've seen enough. We should be heading home. 515 00:28:20,712 --> 00:28:23,711 No, Sylvester, loosen your tie, relax now. 516 00:28:23,712 --> 00:28:24,712 We haven't really talked. 517 00:28:24,713 --> 00:28:27,711 And there's the nativity... type thing, 518 00:28:27,712 --> 00:28:30,711 in our barn, to see this evening. 519 00:28:30,712 --> 00:28:32,712 Word is, it's gonna be magical. 520 00:28:39,712 --> 00:28:40,713 Performance in half an hour. 521 00:28:40,713 --> 00:28:42,712 Good luck, everybody. 522 00:28:43,712 --> 00:28:47,711 Where was I? Oh, yes, so, I went to my local amateur troupe 523 00:28:47,712 --> 00:28:52,711 and the leading lady, Marcia Fulcrum, chiropodist by day, 524 00:28:52,712 --> 00:28:54,712 walked into the scenery and it promptly fell on her. 525 00:28:54,712 --> 00:28:56,711 Oh, there's danger everywhere. 526 00:28:56,712 --> 00:28:59,711 Another difference between professional and amateur theatres - 527 00:28:59,712 --> 00:29:02,751 the pros can walk and say their lines at the same time. 528 00:29:02,752 --> 00:29:05,711 This may be amateur, you patronising clot, 529 00:29:05,712 --> 00:29:08,272 but there's nothing that a bit of effort and belief wouldn't fix. 530 00:29:09,752 --> 00:29:13,071 I don't want to care what Norma Norman thinks, 531 00:29:13,072 --> 00:29:15,712 but if this goes badly, she will remind me for the rest of my days - 532 00:29:15,712 --> 00:29:18,711 on the street, in church, at every committee meeting. 533 00:29:18,712 --> 00:29:20,712 Kill me now. 534 00:29:23,712 --> 00:29:25,711 We did take a sharp intake of breath 535 00:29:25,712 --> 00:29:27,711 when Cedric said he was quitting the tax office. 536 00:29:27,712 --> 00:29:29,711 But, you know, it's just... 537 00:29:29,712 --> 00:29:31,712 Then he's spent six months in France doing nothing. 538 00:29:31,712 --> 00:29:33,071 Oh, we weren't doing nothing. 539 00:29:33,072 --> 00:29:34,711 MA CHUCKLES Course they weren't! 540 00:29:34,712 --> 00:29:37,391 Young and in love, in romantic "Paree". 541 00:29:37,392 --> 00:29:39,711 Pop and I never got out of bed the first few months, 542 00:29:39,712 --> 00:29:42,231 and we were in a caravan in Sheppey. Not half! 543 00:29:42,232 --> 00:29:45,711 Here, and you loved working in that bar, you two, didn't you! 544 00:29:46,713 --> 00:29:49,711 Oh, have I blundered in again? You can't take me anywhere, can you? 545 00:29:49,712 --> 00:29:51,711 It was more of a posh restaurant, really. 546 00:29:51,712 --> 00:29:53,711 We've never seen so many fancy omelettes! 547 00:29:53,712 --> 00:29:56,711 Yes! Un oeuf! Enough. Yeah! 548 00:29:58,712 --> 00:29:59,911 Ah, dear. 549 00:29:59,912 --> 00:30:02,711 So, you swapped your career in accountancy 550 00:30:02,712 --> 00:30:03,712 in order to carry plates? 551 00:30:03,713 --> 00:30:06,711 I'm afraid my husband is very much a traditionalist. 552 00:30:06,712 --> 00:30:09,711 No, I'm a realist. We are a family of good repute. 553 00:30:09,712 --> 00:30:12,711 I want to keep it that way. 554 00:30:12,712 --> 00:30:13,712 Ah! 555 00:30:13,713 --> 00:30:15,711 They'll need food. More words, Victoria. 556 00:30:15,712 --> 00:30:18,711 Like I say, she is brilliant with machinery. 557 00:30:18,712 --> 00:30:20,551 But hates a long sentence! 558 00:30:20,552 --> 00:30:21,711 The audience. 559 00:30:21,712 --> 00:30:23,711 - Oh. - Good point, Victoria. 560 00:30:23,712 --> 00:30:26,711 Especially as the power cut has knocked out electric ovens 561 00:30:26,712 --> 00:30:27,712 right across the village. 562 00:30:27,713 --> 00:30:30,711 I'll make refreshments, don't worry. I'll help you. 563 00:30:30,712 --> 00:30:32,711 Oh, no, I couldn't possibly ask you to. 564 00:30:32,712 --> 00:30:36,231 Why not? I'm sorry, but don't be so proud. 565 00:30:36,232 --> 00:30:37,712 It is a deadly sin. 566 00:30:38,712 --> 00:30:41,551 Yeah! I mean, why don't you two get to know each other, 567 00:30:41,552 --> 00:30:42,711 you know, sharing a kitchen? 568 00:30:42,712 --> 00:30:45,712 I'm sure you've got a lot to teach Ma, Mrs C. 569 00:30:49,712 --> 00:30:51,711 I knew it was a bad idea, them coming! 570 00:30:51,712 --> 00:30:54,712 Well, we can't keep our families apart forever. 571 00:31:00,712 --> 00:31:02,712 Found it! 572 00:31:05,712 --> 00:31:07,711 Primrose... 573 00:31:07,712 --> 00:31:09,712 Now I'm Mary. 574 00:31:11,072 --> 00:31:12,711 Sorry! 575 00:31:12,712 --> 00:31:14,711 If my parents hadn't got on with you, 576 00:31:14,712 --> 00:31:17,071 I'd have said that's their problem, cos it's you I love. 577 00:31:17,072 --> 00:31:19,912 Oh! Oh, I love you. 578 00:31:21,712 --> 00:31:22,712 So much. 579 00:31:25,712 --> 00:31:29,391 You seem scared of your dad. Stand up to him. 580 00:31:29,392 --> 00:31:30,711 Ooh. You've got strong opinions. 581 00:31:30,712 --> 00:31:33,071 You're the most intelligent person I know. 582 00:31:33,072 --> 00:31:34,711 Oh, thank you. 583 00:31:34,712 --> 00:31:36,711 Apart from Primrose. What?! 584 00:31:36,712 --> 00:31:40,711 Speak your mind. Be honest with him. 585 00:31:40,712 --> 00:31:43,711 I would love to, Mariette, but it is not that simple with fathers. 586 00:31:43,712 --> 00:31:46,711 He just sees through me. 587 00:31:46,712 --> 00:31:49,712 I... I am a part of him. 588 00:31:51,712 --> 00:31:52,712 I'm not. 589 00:31:52,713 --> 00:31:54,711 And I like a challenge. 590 00:31:54,712 --> 00:31:57,711 I'm gonna make sure he doesn't leave here 591 00:31:57,712 --> 00:31:58,712 until we've won him over. 592 00:32:12,712 --> 00:32:15,711 Hello and welcome to the Near East. 593 00:32:15,712 --> 00:32:17,711 Please don't smoke, 594 00:32:17,712 --> 00:32:20,712 because this place could burn down in seconds. 595 00:32:26,712 --> 00:32:30,751 Edith, darling, your words cut me to the quick. 596 00:32:30,752 --> 00:32:32,711 I've become a monster, 597 00:32:32,712 --> 00:32:36,231 a mountebank trapped inside a painted doll. 598 00:32:36,232 --> 00:32:38,751 No, I'm sorry. My mouth ran away with me. 599 00:32:38,752 --> 00:32:42,711 You know, this is now the biggest challenge of my theatrical life, 600 00:32:42,712 --> 00:32:45,711 bigger even than my Tartuffe, 601 00:32:45,712 --> 00:32:48,392 bigger than my Bottom in Stratford. 602 00:32:51,712 --> 00:32:53,712 Miss Pilchester, we think we should use real sheep, 603 00:32:53,712 --> 00:32:56,711 especially because, well, this is their barn. 604 00:32:56,712 --> 00:32:58,711 Ah, no, I fear a calamity. 605 00:32:58,712 --> 00:33:01,192 Besides, the magic of theatre will make what we have look real. 606 00:33:05,712 --> 00:33:06,712 Glass of mulled wine? 607 00:33:06,713 --> 00:33:09,711 This will help take the edge off our ordeal. 608 00:33:09,712 --> 00:33:12,711 Oh, yes, your beastly burglary! 609 00:33:12,712 --> 00:33:15,231 No, the production. Indeed. 610 00:33:15,232 --> 00:33:17,711 They'll have to go some to match your shows, Norma. 611 00:33:17,712 --> 00:33:20,711 What was it the Mid-Kent Times called your Mikado? 612 00:33:20,712 --> 00:33:23,551 "Sturdy." Thank you, Alec. 613 00:33:23,552 --> 00:33:24,711 But I'll take no pleasure 614 00:33:24,712 --> 00:33:26,711 in Edith Pilchester's loss of face 615 00:33:26,712 --> 00:33:28,711 and social standing. 616 00:33:28,712 --> 00:33:30,711 Would you like to sit at the back, 617 00:33:30,712 --> 00:33:32,711 so the actors can't hear you both tutting? 618 00:33:37,712 --> 00:33:39,751 May I have your ticket, please, Vicar? 619 00:33:39,752 --> 00:33:41,551 I don't have to pay. 620 00:33:41,552 --> 00:33:43,711 I'm the production's religious advisor. 621 00:33:43,712 --> 00:33:45,711 Er... 622 00:33:45,712 --> 00:33:47,711 A glass of mulled wine? Thank you. 623 00:33:47,712 --> 00:33:49,712 Oh. 624 00:34:10,712 --> 00:34:12,392 Oh, please. 625 00:34:18,712 --> 00:34:21,391 I'm not sure the village is ready for what you're cooking. 626 00:34:21,392 --> 00:34:22,712 Really? 627 00:34:26,712 --> 00:34:28,711 Oh! 628 00:34:28,712 --> 00:34:30,711 I mean, I hope so. 629 00:34:30,712 --> 00:34:33,711 But round here, we're only just getting used to lettuce. 630 00:34:47,712 --> 00:34:50,711 Mr Charlton, can I get you anything? 631 00:34:50,712 --> 00:34:52,711 No, thank you. 632 00:34:52,712 --> 00:34:54,711 Cup of tea? Bible? 633 00:34:54,712 --> 00:34:55,911 Stiff-backed chair? 634 00:34:55,912 --> 00:34:59,711 Some choral music on the gramophone? 635 00:34:59,712 --> 00:35:01,712 No, that will not be necessary. 636 00:35:05,712 --> 00:35:09,711 I'm sorry I gave you the impression I don't take your views seriously. 637 00:35:09,712 --> 00:35:14,712 Truth is, you and I believe in the same things. 638 00:35:16,392 --> 00:35:17,711 What do you believe in? 639 00:35:17,712 --> 00:35:22,712 Prudence, justice, temperance and fortitude. 640 00:35:24,712 --> 00:35:25,712 Me too. 641 00:35:26,712 --> 00:35:30,711 That's my big four. How lovely! 642 00:35:30,712 --> 00:35:33,711 In that case, do you believe in chastity before marriage? 643 00:35:33,712 --> 00:35:35,391 Very much so. 644 00:35:35,392 --> 00:35:38,751 We Larkins may seem laissez-faire because it's the country style, 645 00:35:38,752 --> 00:35:40,712 but in fact, we're highly moral. 646 00:35:42,232 --> 00:35:43,711 Shall we join the Nativity? 647 00:35:43,712 --> 00:35:46,712 I hasten to add the Larkins aren't responsible for the content. 648 00:35:47,712 --> 00:35:49,712 Except for the respectful bits. 649 00:35:54,712 --> 00:35:56,712 Hello, do you have tickets? 650 00:35:57,712 --> 00:35:59,551 Um... no. 651 00:35:59,552 --> 00:36:01,912 So, that will be one pound, one shilling. 652 00:36:02,752 --> 00:36:04,711 I don't have that much. 653 00:36:04,712 --> 00:36:07,711 Can I pay half now and the rest another time? 654 00:36:07,712 --> 00:36:10,711 No, that would be massively bonkers. 655 00:36:10,712 --> 00:36:12,711 Either pay up or leave! 656 00:36:12,712 --> 00:36:13,712 We vote leave! 657 00:36:15,712 --> 00:36:16,712 Please. 658 00:36:16,713 --> 00:36:20,231 I can't deviate from the rules without authorisation 659 00:36:20,232 --> 00:36:22,552 from the Ticket and Refreshments Committee. 660 00:36:25,712 --> 00:36:27,711 We'll have to go. Come on. 661 00:36:27,712 --> 00:36:29,711 Hello Ambrose! Ena, wait. 662 00:36:29,712 --> 00:36:31,711 Sorry, Pop said you were coming, 663 00:36:31,712 --> 00:36:33,392 I'm supposed to be looking after you. 664 00:36:45,712 --> 00:36:47,712 Move up a bit. 665 00:37:08,072 --> 00:37:09,711 Oh! 666 00:37:09,712 --> 00:37:12,711 Long ago, there lived a young woman named Mary. 667 00:37:12,712 --> 00:37:14,711 Me. 668 00:37:14,712 --> 00:37:16,752 And me, Cinderella. 669 00:37:18,712 --> 00:37:21,711 I am engaged to be married. 670 00:37:21,712 --> 00:37:23,911 And I have a family I could cheerfully kill. 671 00:37:25,712 --> 00:37:29,552 And we are both about to embark on our greatest adventure. 672 00:37:32,712 --> 00:37:34,712 How lovely to be home. 673 00:38:10,552 --> 00:38:11,712 Afternoon, Roy. 674 00:38:13,912 --> 00:38:15,711 What are you doing here? 675 00:38:15,712 --> 00:38:17,712 Well, I tipped you off that this shop was gonna be closed, 676 00:38:17,712 --> 00:38:20,711 because, well, I had my doubts about you. 677 00:38:20,712 --> 00:38:23,711 And I wanted us to talk about it before you got in any deeper. 678 00:38:23,712 --> 00:38:26,551 I'm taking what we need, I don't care what you have to say. 679 00:38:26,552 --> 00:38:29,711 You're a good lad, and you think your family deserve a Christmas. 680 00:38:29,712 --> 00:38:32,231 Don't you? Yeah, but not like this. 681 00:38:32,232 --> 00:38:33,712 I mean... 682 00:38:34,712 --> 00:38:36,711 what would your mum and dad say, 683 00:38:36,712 --> 00:38:38,711 hey, if they knew you were here, 684 00:38:38,712 --> 00:38:41,711 about to bugger up your life before it's even started? 685 00:38:41,712 --> 00:38:44,711 I don't care. We're all tired of having nothing. 686 00:38:44,712 --> 00:38:46,072 No presents and bad food. 687 00:38:48,752 --> 00:38:52,711 Look, put that stuff back, right, 688 00:38:52,712 --> 00:38:55,712 then what we'll do is return all the swag that you've got. 689 00:38:57,712 --> 00:39:00,392 And then we'll find a way to get out of this, eh? 690 00:39:03,712 --> 00:39:05,712 Oh, Roy. 691 00:39:07,552 --> 00:39:08,711 How did you come by that? 692 00:39:08,712 --> 00:39:10,711 Burgled it off that Indian army bloke. 693 00:39:10,712 --> 00:39:11,751 I'll use it! 694 00:39:11,752 --> 00:39:14,712 Well, you're gonna have to, in't ya? 695 00:39:15,712 --> 00:39:18,071 Cos I'm going nowhere until I've talked you out of this. 696 00:39:19,712 --> 00:39:23,711 And if that's got bullets in it, 697 00:39:23,712 --> 00:39:25,711 I'm a Dutchman. 698 00:39:25,712 --> 00:39:26,712 BANG Ah! 699 00:39:31,712 --> 00:39:35,712 You ever been to Amsterdam? Lovely in springtime. 700 00:39:42,712 --> 00:39:44,711 Aw! 701 00:39:46,712 --> 00:39:49,231 Tonight feels special. 702 00:39:49,232 --> 00:39:51,711 Yeah, there's something in the air. 703 00:39:51,712 --> 00:39:52,712 Where are the sheep? 704 00:39:52,713 --> 00:39:54,711 Oh, no, we had one job to do! 705 00:39:57,752 --> 00:40:00,711 As you can see, it's a very supportive village. 706 00:40:00,712 --> 00:40:04,071 I'd say that's second only to its... fortitude. 707 00:40:04,072 --> 00:40:05,712 Or its... prudence. 708 00:40:06,752 --> 00:40:10,231 So, this is the charm she used to conquer my son. 709 00:40:10,232 --> 00:40:11,712 Mm... 710 00:40:12,712 --> 00:40:13,712 'Scuse me. 711 00:40:21,712 --> 00:40:23,711 You probably think you're the only one 712 00:40:23,712 --> 00:40:25,712 who's a victim of prejudice, you know, treated badly, 713 00:40:25,712 --> 00:40:28,071 about as welcome as a turd in a jug of Pimms. 714 00:40:28,072 --> 00:40:30,711 So, tell me I'm wrong. No, you're not wrong. 715 00:40:30,712 --> 00:40:32,711 But also, you're not alone. 716 00:40:32,712 --> 00:40:35,231 Do you think this village welcomed me and Ma with a parade? 717 00:40:35,232 --> 00:40:37,711 Dinky little place like this with its landed gentry 718 00:40:37,712 --> 00:40:40,711 and its Alec Normans and his judgements and his assumptions? 719 00:40:40,712 --> 00:40:42,711 No. Me and Ma, we had to work hard. 720 00:40:42,712 --> 00:40:44,711 Made some money. 721 00:40:44,712 --> 00:40:46,712 Fell in love with the place, but loved the people - 722 00:40:46,712 --> 00:40:49,391 the Miss Pilchesters, the Brigadiers, even the Vicar. 723 00:40:49,392 --> 00:40:52,711 You can talk all you want, I've got nothing to lose. 724 00:40:52,712 --> 00:40:54,711 Yes, you have, Roy. 725 00:40:54,712 --> 00:40:57,711 You've got a loving family. 726 00:40:57,712 --> 00:41:00,551 Do you know how precious that is, huh? 727 00:41:00,552 --> 00:41:01,712 You're gonna get caught, son. 728 00:41:05,232 --> 00:41:06,711 You will. 729 00:41:06,712 --> 00:41:09,711 And everyone'll say, "Told you so! See that Roy Nunn? 730 00:41:09,712 --> 00:41:12,712 "He's just a chip off his old dad's block." 731 00:41:18,712 --> 00:41:20,712 Come on, Roy, put the gun down, eh? 732 00:41:22,712 --> 00:41:24,711 Before you do yourself a nasty. 733 00:41:24,712 --> 00:41:26,711 Or me, more to the point. 734 00:41:26,712 --> 00:41:30,711 Cos see, I've got seven kids and a Rolls Royce to support! 735 00:41:30,712 --> 00:41:32,712 BANG No! 736 00:41:43,632 --> 00:41:45,632 'Beans and Cornbread' by Louis Jordan 737 00:41:46,672 --> 00:41:53,631 ♪ Bean and cornbread... ♪ 738 00:41:53,632 --> 00:41:57,631 It's all wrong, you cooking, a guest. 739 00:41:57,632 --> 00:41:59,631 Don't start that again, Ma. 740 00:41:59,632 --> 00:42:01,631 The least I could do is make a contribution, 741 00:42:01,632 --> 00:42:03,631 as today's been rather awkward. 742 00:42:03,632 --> 00:42:08,151 Yes, and the truth is, our men haven't shone. 743 00:42:08,152 --> 00:42:09,631 Pop's normally good at people, 744 00:42:09,632 --> 00:42:11,631 but he's had a tin ear for you two. 745 00:42:11,632 --> 00:42:14,471 No, it's my husband - he's more fun than he looks, 746 00:42:14,472 --> 00:42:17,631 but he's buried it. He fears he's losing his son. 747 00:42:17,632 --> 00:42:19,631 I've told him, "Stop sulking!" 748 00:42:19,632 --> 00:42:22,631 Well, it must be harder when it's an only child. 749 00:42:22,632 --> 00:42:24,631 I recommend having half a dozen. 750 00:42:25,633 --> 00:42:27,632 We are sad that Cedric seemed to forget us. 751 00:42:28,632 --> 00:42:30,632 But I forgive him more easily than his father. 752 00:42:33,632 --> 00:42:35,152 Ooh! 753 00:42:37,632 --> 00:42:38,831 But this looks beautiful. 754 00:42:38,832 --> 00:42:40,631 Well, you understand, like me, 755 00:42:40,632 --> 00:42:43,631 food is the best way to get people to come together. 756 00:42:43,632 --> 00:42:45,471 So, there's still hope for us all! 757 00:42:47,632 --> 00:42:48,633 It's the interval, Mrs Larkin. 758 00:42:48,633 --> 00:42:50,991 Oh, Libby, how is it going? 759 00:42:50,992 --> 00:42:52,631 Oh, passably well, 760 00:42:52,632 --> 00:42:55,472 but it's fair to say refreshments will help the mood. 761 00:42:58,632 --> 00:43:01,671 Ah. That's not going to go down well. 762 00:43:01,672 --> 00:43:03,311 Oh, yes it is! 763 00:43:03,312 --> 00:43:05,631 ♪ Beans and cornbread. ♪ 764 00:43:13,632 --> 00:43:16,312 Come on, let's go play outside! Yeah, let's go play! 765 00:43:18,632 --> 00:43:21,632 You from around these parts? No. 766 00:43:23,992 --> 00:43:26,632 What do you want to know? I've got all the gossip. 767 00:43:29,632 --> 00:43:31,831 Tell me about the Larkins. 768 00:43:31,832 --> 00:43:33,631 They eat a couple of geese a day, 769 00:43:33,632 --> 00:43:35,631 Ma and Pop can't keep their hands off each other. 770 00:43:35,632 --> 00:43:38,311 The kids basically live outdoors. 771 00:43:38,312 --> 00:43:40,631 Pop's so canny, he's literally sold coals to Newcastle. 772 00:43:40,632 --> 00:43:43,471 They all watch two tellies every night till closedown. 773 00:43:43,472 --> 00:43:45,632 Pauline, our Prince Charming and Mariette fight like cats. 774 00:43:45,632 --> 00:43:47,672 It's all "trollop this, floozie that". 775 00:43:49,632 --> 00:43:54,152 I've got more. Shall I go on? No. Please don't. 776 00:43:55,632 --> 00:43:58,631 For all you poor people with no power at home 777 00:43:58,632 --> 00:44:01,631 to cook your Christmas food - feed your faces. 778 00:44:01,632 --> 00:44:03,631 Look at that! Lovely. 779 00:44:03,632 --> 00:44:06,631 Goodness me, is there gonna be enough to go round, I wonder? 780 00:44:06,632 --> 00:44:08,632 That's it. Lovely. 781 00:44:10,632 --> 00:44:13,632 That's wonderful, Mrs Charlton. That's a beautiful thing. 782 00:44:15,632 --> 00:44:18,631 That's it. Lovely, Mrs Charlton. 783 00:44:18,632 --> 00:44:19,632 Thank you. 784 00:44:19,633 --> 00:44:21,632 Right, well, this won't do. 785 00:44:23,632 --> 00:44:26,152 Mrs Fothergill, try this. Er... 786 00:44:27,152 --> 00:44:28,631 I don't really want to. 787 00:44:28,632 --> 00:44:31,631 Yes, you do! Charley's mum made it. 788 00:44:31,632 --> 00:44:33,632 Get outside it, come on. 789 00:44:34,632 --> 00:44:37,632 Kentish ingredients with a continental treatment. 790 00:44:40,632 --> 00:44:44,631 Mmm! Actually, that's delicious. 791 00:44:44,632 --> 00:44:45,632 What's that taste? 792 00:44:45,633 --> 00:44:49,311 Minced beef, flour and some spices from my grandmother's kitchen. 793 00:44:49,312 --> 00:44:50,631 Wonderful! 794 00:44:50,632 --> 00:44:51,632 Mmm! Mm! 795 00:44:51,633 --> 00:44:54,311 Thank God for that, something with a bit of flavour. 796 00:44:54,312 --> 00:44:55,632 Careful. 797 00:44:57,632 --> 00:44:59,631 Tuck in! Your turn. 798 00:44:59,632 --> 00:45:01,631 Form an orderly queue. 799 00:45:01,632 --> 00:45:04,631 Now, we've got a few new things here... 800 00:45:04,632 --> 00:45:06,631 Father. 801 00:45:06,632 --> 00:45:10,631 Ooh, I am not good at confronting people, 802 00:45:10,632 --> 00:45:12,471 especially you, but... 803 00:45:12,472 --> 00:45:14,631 Well, no, let's not call it confrontation, 804 00:45:14,632 --> 00:45:17,632 let's call it... open-but-nice chat. 805 00:45:18,632 --> 00:45:20,991 Oh, are you enjoying the show? 806 00:45:20,992 --> 00:45:24,632 I can take you backstage afterwards if you'd like, meet the stars. 807 00:45:25,632 --> 00:45:27,631 Terrible out there! 808 00:45:27,632 --> 00:45:29,151 They've shut the railway station. 809 00:45:29,152 --> 00:45:30,631 What?! 810 00:45:30,632 --> 00:45:31,632 The points are frozen. 811 00:45:31,633 --> 00:45:34,831 Cedric? So, how are we going to get home? 812 00:45:34,832 --> 00:45:37,631 Sylvester, it's an adventure. 813 00:45:37,632 --> 00:45:38,672 I don't want an adventure. 814 00:45:40,472 --> 00:45:44,632 I'd prefer a quiet Christmas with my loved ones. 815 00:45:46,632 --> 00:45:49,631 Fine, I'll drive you home in Pop's car after the show. 816 00:45:49,632 --> 00:45:50,671 Thank you. 817 00:45:50,672 --> 00:45:54,632 It will be nice to have you home for Christmas... on your own. 818 00:46:10,632 --> 00:46:14,631 Could your husband not bear to watch the show, Mrs Larkin? 819 00:46:14,632 --> 00:46:18,151 Fear not, Norma, he's on a mission. 820 00:46:18,152 --> 00:46:20,632 He'll come bouncing home any moment. 821 00:46:24,632 --> 00:46:26,631 Well, that wasn't exactly a masterclass 822 00:46:26,632 --> 00:46:28,631 in getting your point across. What about you?! 823 00:46:28,632 --> 00:46:31,631 Goodness, Dad saw your toadying a mile off. 824 00:46:31,632 --> 00:46:35,151 I mean, you might as well have... have... have worn a toad costume! 825 00:46:35,152 --> 00:46:36,631 What?! 826 00:46:36,632 --> 00:46:39,631 I'll tell you the worst thing. I'm worried you'll turn into him. 827 00:46:39,632 --> 00:46:41,631 He's not that bad! 828 00:46:41,632 --> 00:46:45,631 Argh! I mean, maybe we are all a bit too self-indulgent. 829 00:46:45,632 --> 00:46:48,991 Argh! Oh, no, it's started! 830 00:46:48,992 --> 00:46:50,632 What? 831 00:46:52,632 --> 00:46:55,632 This is... This is our first lovers' tiff. 832 00:46:56,632 --> 00:46:59,631 A family row. That's so Christmassy. 833 00:46:59,632 --> 00:47:01,631 I know! 834 00:47:08,632 --> 00:47:11,311 Look, he's my dad, I'll sort it out. 835 00:47:11,312 --> 00:47:12,632 Good. 836 00:47:26,632 --> 00:47:28,631 Hasten to Bethlehem, 837 00:47:28,632 --> 00:47:32,631 where the son of God will be born imminently. 838 00:47:32,632 --> 00:47:33,832 What will we do with the sheep? 839 00:47:33,832 --> 00:47:35,631 What sheep? 840 00:47:37,632 --> 00:47:38,672 Oh, have they gone again? 841 00:47:40,832 --> 00:47:42,471 Oh, there they are! 842 00:47:46,472 --> 00:47:47,831 But we can't just abandon them. 843 00:47:47,832 --> 00:47:51,632 So, come and tend to them. 844 00:47:59,632 --> 00:48:03,631 The night is serene, as though the world is waiting. 845 00:48:03,632 --> 00:48:06,631 There it is before me, 846 00:48:06,632 --> 00:48:08,312 a magical place. 847 00:48:09,152 --> 00:48:10,991 A moment in time, 848 00:48:10,992 --> 00:48:13,672 a coming-together, seemingly insignificant... 849 00:48:16,312 --> 00:48:18,631 but not. 850 00:48:18,632 --> 00:48:20,831 Our spark of humanity, 851 00:48:20,832 --> 00:48:22,832 burning brightly. 852 00:48:25,632 --> 00:48:27,631 Hello, kiddies! 853 00:48:27,632 --> 00:48:29,992 I hope you're all having a lovely time. 854 00:48:31,152 --> 00:48:34,471 There you go, kiddies. Lunch! 855 00:48:34,472 --> 00:48:35,632 The black things should be liquorice, 856 00:48:35,632 --> 00:48:38,631 but check before you eat - this is a barn! 857 00:48:38,632 --> 00:48:39,672 Over here! 858 00:48:41,632 --> 00:48:43,632 Yay! Lovely kiddies! 859 00:48:47,632 --> 00:48:50,631 ♪ Silent Night 860 00:48:50,632 --> 00:48:53,831 ♪ Holy Night 861 00:48:53,832 --> 00:48:56,992 ♪ All is calm 862 00:48:58,632 --> 00:49:00,991 ♪ All is bright... ♪ 863 00:49:00,992 --> 00:49:02,632 I'm worried. 864 00:49:04,312 --> 00:49:08,311 Pop wouldn't miss this if something bad hadn't happened. 865 00:49:08,312 --> 00:49:14,631 ♪ Holy infant so tender and mild 866 00:49:14,632 --> 00:49:22,632 ♪ Sleep in heavenly peace. ♪ Where is he?! 867 00:49:28,632 --> 00:49:31,311 I'm so tired and so happy, 868 00:49:31,312 --> 00:49:33,631 as though I've given birth to the whole world. 869 00:49:33,632 --> 00:49:36,152 Maybe there is something to this religion thing. 870 00:49:38,632 --> 00:49:39,632 Greetings. 871 00:49:39,633 --> 00:49:41,631 I have travelled far, 872 00:49:41,632 --> 00:49:43,631 and come with gifts for the baby Jesus, 873 00:49:43,632 --> 00:49:46,631 of gold, of frankincense and myrrh. 874 00:49:46,632 --> 00:49:48,632 That'll be useful 875 00:49:53,632 --> 00:49:57,471 And the best gift of all is a new beginning 876 00:49:57,472 --> 00:50:00,631 and the joy of Christmases to come! 877 00:50:11,632 --> 00:50:16,632 Bravo! Bravo! 878 00:50:19,632 --> 00:50:21,631 Thank you. You're so kind. 879 00:50:21,632 --> 00:50:23,831 It looked like it would be absolutely ghastly. 880 00:50:23,832 --> 00:50:28,631 You see, Norma, that's a show. I can't see you being asked back. 881 00:50:28,632 --> 00:50:30,631 Good. More time at home with me. 882 00:50:30,632 --> 00:50:33,632 No, not good, Alec! 883 00:50:35,632 --> 00:50:36,632 Bravo! 884 00:50:43,632 --> 00:50:47,632 Oh, sorry I missed the show, everyone. 885 00:50:48,632 --> 00:50:52,631 Could you do it all again, please? 886 00:50:52,632 --> 00:50:53,632 I'm game. Anyone else? 887 00:50:57,552 --> 00:50:59,551 Lovely to see you, Mr and Mrs Nunn. 888 00:50:59,552 --> 00:51:01,551 Now, don't you leave it so long next time. 889 00:51:01,552 --> 00:51:03,551 Thanks, Pop. Merry Christmas. 890 00:51:03,552 --> 00:51:05,552 The rest of you, you're all very welcome to stay over. 891 00:51:05,552 --> 00:51:07,551 You've got no electrics at home. 892 00:51:07,552 --> 00:51:09,072 There's plenty of nosh and booze and hay. 893 00:51:10,232 --> 00:51:12,551 Norma and I would rather lose a nose to frostbite 894 00:51:12,552 --> 00:51:13,553 than stay with the Larkins. 895 00:51:13,553 --> 00:51:16,591 Oh, well, if you're sure. Yeah, please yourself. 896 00:51:16,592 --> 00:51:18,552 You're too kind. 897 00:51:19,752 --> 00:51:22,391 Pop... What? 898 00:51:22,392 --> 00:51:24,551 Which toe did Roy shoot off? 899 00:51:24,552 --> 00:51:25,552 Oh, the middle. 900 00:51:25,553 --> 00:51:28,551 Hospital reckons that ain't one of the important ones. 901 00:51:28,552 --> 00:51:30,552 It'll remind him what an idiot he was. Not half, yeah. 902 00:51:30,552 --> 00:51:34,551 It was so nice to see Ambrose and his family not hiding away. 903 00:51:34,552 --> 00:51:36,551 Let's hope no-one ever hears 904 00:51:36,552 --> 00:51:39,231 that is was one of them that did those burglaries. 905 00:51:39,232 --> 00:51:40,551 Ma, it was all Roy. 906 00:51:40,552 --> 00:51:42,551 Even his dad didn't know. 907 00:51:42,552 --> 00:51:44,592 I mean, I've trusted the kid to return what he stole 908 00:51:44,592 --> 00:51:46,751 by tomorrow, anonymous, like. 909 00:51:46,752 --> 00:51:48,911 He'd better not let me down. No. 910 00:51:48,912 --> 00:51:51,551 It'll ruin folks' Christmas if they don't get their things back. 911 00:51:53,552 --> 00:51:54,912 Oh, goodness, what is that? 912 00:51:56,552 --> 00:51:57,552 Especially Edith. 913 00:51:57,553 --> 00:52:01,551 Oh, yeah. What a lovely day for her, though. 914 00:52:01,552 --> 00:52:04,551 She's planning to do Nativity: The Opera next year. 915 00:52:04,552 --> 00:52:06,551 Maybe we should go away. 916 00:52:08,552 --> 00:52:11,751 That was the best acting I've seen in my life. 917 00:52:11,752 --> 00:52:15,551 The things men will say to get in my... good books. 918 00:52:15,552 --> 00:52:20,551 No, I mean it. You were... strong but vulnerable. 919 00:52:20,552 --> 00:52:22,232 Really, though? Yes. 920 00:52:23,552 --> 00:52:25,551 And I can't let you leave, sorry. 921 00:52:25,552 --> 00:52:27,911 Why's that? Safety grounds. 922 00:52:27,912 --> 00:52:30,591 Looks like they've just crashed their car. 923 00:52:30,592 --> 00:52:32,552 Change of plan. We will stay. 924 00:52:34,552 --> 00:52:36,551 Easy, Norma. Small sips, as discussed. 925 00:52:36,552 --> 00:52:39,551 Or what, you'll drive me into a hedge? 926 00:52:39,552 --> 00:52:41,552 Oh, no, you already have! 927 00:53:15,552 --> 00:53:19,551 Here, Ma, those Charltons are good people, in't they? 928 00:53:19,552 --> 00:53:21,551 Mm-hm. 929 00:53:21,552 --> 00:53:23,551 Ginnika's a darlin', 930 00:53:23,552 --> 00:53:25,552 but the old man's a tougher nut to crack. 931 00:53:29,392 --> 00:53:31,072 Do you think we should say something? 932 00:53:32,552 --> 00:53:36,551 No, absolutely not. 933 00:53:36,552 --> 00:53:37,553 Tell you what we should do, 934 00:53:37,553 --> 00:53:41,231 just let Mariette and Charley sort it out. 935 00:53:41,232 --> 00:53:42,752 Come on, come on. 936 00:54:23,552 --> 00:54:26,551 Oh, I love it when you need me. 937 00:54:26,552 --> 00:54:28,551 And off you go. I know it sounded like a good idea 938 00:54:28,552 --> 00:54:30,552 to get Charley's parents along, but it's been a disaster! 939 00:54:30,552 --> 00:54:33,551 I want us to be happy and obsessed with each other, 940 00:54:33,552 --> 00:54:34,592 like we were in France when it was just us, 941 00:54:34,592 --> 00:54:37,551 but now I've had my first proper row and I feel all... 942 00:54:39,552 --> 00:54:41,551 I think you know the answer. 943 00:54:41,552 --> 00:54:43,591 Being with someone can't all be wine and roses. 944 00:54:43,592 --> 00:54:47,552 Sometimes there's nettles and bladderwort in with the roses. 945 00:54:50,552 --> 00:54:53,552 Leave Charley to sort out his own family, trust him. 946 00:54:55,232 --> 00:54:59,392 You follow your heart, my darling, and enjoy Christmas Day. 947 00:55:11,552 --> 00:55:14,551 Shouldn't you be taking the Christmas Day service, Vicar? 948 00:55:14,552 --> 00:55:18,551 My chaplain will do it. I can't risk getting stuck in the snow. 949 00:55:18,552 --> 00:55:20,552 Or missing a hot breakfast. 950 00:55:25,552 --> 00:55:27,551 Erm... Oh, Charley. 951 00:55:27,552 --> 00:55:30,551 We love you, Charley, and you're very bright. 952 00:55:30,552 --> 00:55:32,551 Not as bright as Primrose, apparently. 953 00:55:32,552 --> 00:55:34,591 It's not a competition. So, you'll know the saying 954 00:55:34,592 --> 00:55:37,551 "Walk a mile in someone else's shoes." 955 00:55:37,552 --> 00:55:38,552 Mm-hm. 956 00:55:38,553 --> 00:55:39,554 Well, I don't think you've tried 957 00:55:39,554 --> 00:55:41,552 walking in your dad's footwear recently. 958 00:55:49,552 --> 00:55:50,552 Thank you, Ma! 959 00:55:50,552 --> 00:55:51,552 You're welcome. 960 00:55:56,552 --> 00:55:58,751 So, tell him how you feel. 961 00:55:58,752 --> 00:56:00,911 I should not need to tell him. 962 00:56:00,912 --> 00:56:03,232 He's in love. He's not normal. 963 00:56:06,552 --> 00:56:08,551 Yes, come in. 964 00:56:08,552 --> 00:56:09,552 Hi. 965 00:56:11,552 --> 00:56:13,551 Merry Christmas. 966 00:56:13,552 --> 00:56:15,552 Merry Christmas! 967 00:56:20,232 --> 00:56:21,552 Merry Christmas. 968 00:56:23,552 --> 00:56:26,551 Come on, Dad, enough of this. 969 00:56:26,552 --> 00:56:29,592 Right, well... 970 00:56:32,552 --> 00:56:35,551 Well, firstly, forgive me. 971 00:56:35,552 --> 00:56:37,551 You do everything for me, 972 00:56:37,552 --> 00:56:39,551 and then out of the blue, I ring you 973 00:56:39,552 --> 00:56:42,551 to say that I've left my job and I've moved to the country. 974 00:56:42,552 --> 00:56:45,551 And then I'm in France, and I haven't seen you for months. 975 00:56:45,552 --> 00:56:51,552 So, yes, is it any wonder that you are feeling sad and aggrieved? 976 00:56:53,552 --> 00:56:54,591 Especially you, Dad. 977 00:56:54,592 --> 00:56:56,551 Because, well, like me, 978 00:56:56,552 --> 00:56:58,551 you aren't very good at expressing yourself. 979 00:56:58,552 --> 00:57:01,551 And, incidentally, we both need to do better, 980 00:57:01,552 --> 00:57:05,552 because, well, it's hard work for everyone else. 981 00:57:06,552 --> 00:57:09,551 But I promise you I will spend more time with you, 982 00:57:09,552 --> 00:57:10,552 and we can talk. 983 00:57:10,553 --> 00:57:13,551 And, yes, I know I may not be a taxman any more... 984 00:57:13,552 --> 00:57:14,552 That's really OK. 985 00:57:14,553 --> 00:57:17,551 No, I... I will make you proud of me 986 00:57:17,552 --> 00:57:22,072 for what I achieve in this lovely, lovely village. 987 00:57:24,552 --> 00:57:27,752 I'm... I'm sorry. 988 00:57:29,552 --> 00:57:32,552 You must have felt like I didn't care about you. 989 00:57:33,912 --> 00:57:36,551 Well, you're not wrong there. 990 00:57:36,552 --> 00:57:39,552 Oh, but why do you hate Mariette, Dad? 991 00:57:40,552 --> 00:57:42,551 She stole our son from us. 992 00:57:42,552 --> 00:57:44,551 No! No, she didn't. 993 00:57:44,552 --> 00:57:46,912 Dad, I threw myself at her, and she resisted. 994 00:57:48,232 --> 00:57:51,551 And she's always telling me off for how much I neglect you. 995 00:57:51,552 --> 00:57:55,552 Well, if you let her... 996 00:57:57,552 --> 00:57:59,552 she'll love you too, Dad. 997 00:58:03,552 --> 00:58:04,552 Please, Dad. 998 00:58:07,552 --> 00:58:08,552 I'm sorry. 999 00:58:09,552 --> 00:58:11,552 But we're worried, son. Yes, we are. 1000 00:58:13,552 --> 00:58:15,551 She's prettier and quicker-witted than you. 1001 00:58:15,552 --> 00:58:17,552 So you'll need to work hard to keep her. 1002 00:58:20,552 --> 00:58:22,072 Sorry. 1003 00:58:36,472 --> 00:58:38,472 Shh, shh, shh, it's OK. 1004 00:58:40,992 --> 00:58:44,152 I know. Who's a good boy? 1005 00:58:53,472 --> 00:58:55,472 Oh, Charley! 1006 00:58:56,672 --> 00:58:59,471 Hello. Look at you! 1007 00:58:59,472 --> 00:59:01,671 You didn't... You didn't kill him, did you? 1008 00:59:01,672 --> 00:59:04,472 No, no. I just... 1009 00:59:05,992 --> 00:59:07,472 I walked in his shoes. 1010 00:59:08,672 --> 00:59:10,471 Oh, they love you, by the way. 1011 00:59:10,472 --> 00:59:14,311 Well, Mum does. Dad'll catch up. 1012 00:59:14,312 --> 00:59:15,512 Hello! 1013 00:59:21,472 --> 00:59:24,471 Ah... You know what we should do? 1014 00:59:24,472 --> 00:59:26,471 Yes! 1015 00:59:26,472 --> 00:59:28,471 Yeah, this is as good a place as any. 1016 00:59:28,472 --> 00:59:30,472 No, no! 1017 00:59:32,472 --> 00:59:33,832 Get married. 1018 00:59:46,472 --> 00:59:49,312 Oh, my... 1019 00:59:50,472 --> 00:59:53,152 Charley, Charley, I need your answer! 1020 00:59:57,472 --> 00:59:59,471 Yes. 1021 00:59:59,472 --> 01:00:01,472 Yes! 1022 01:00:03,472 --> 01:00:04,472 Yes. 1023 01:00:04,473 --> 01:00:06,472 Yes! Yes! 1024 01:00:14,472 --> 01:00:16,152 Mum, Dad... 1025 01:00:17,472 --> 01:00:19,312 we're getting married! 1026 01:00:20,472 --> 01:00:22,152 What took you so long? 1027 01:00:24,472 --> 01:00:27,472 Oh! Come here! 1028 01:00:29,472 --> 01:00:31,472 Mum, Dad! 1029 01:00:32,832 --> 01:00:35,472 Charley and me are getting married. 1030 01:00:36,472 --> 01:00:38,471 Fine by us. Yeah, yeah. 1031 01:00:38,472 --> 01:00:40,472 But I'm not sure Charley's mum and dad will like it. 1032 01:00:40,472 --> 01:00:42,472 No, they love it. 1033 01:00:43,472 --> 01:00:45,831 Really? Oh! 1034 01:00:45,832 --> 01:00:48,472 Oh, Ma, I'm so happy. 1035 01:00:49,472 --> 01:00:51,471 Can I apologise? 1036 01:00:51,472 --> 01:00:53,471 No, you can't. 1037 01:00:53,472 --> 01:00:55,472 You know why? You're family now. 1038 01:00:56,472 --> 01:00:59,471 And talking of family... Come here, you! 1039 01:00:59,472 --> 01:01:00,831 Bloody kids. Yeah! 1040 01:01:00,832 --> 01:01:02,471 Ruin Christmas, don't they? 1041 01:01:02,472 --> 01:01:04,151 Brilliant. 1042 01:01:04,152 --> 01:01:06,312 Welcome to the family. Thank you. 1043 01:01:08,472 --> 01:01:10,152 Brilliant, eh? 1044 01:01:11,472 --> 01:01:14,472 I'm off to retrieve young Roy's stolen picking's. 1045 01:01:18,472 --> 01:01:24,472 Norma? We're not leaving until my face stops throbbing. 1046 01:01:45,472 --> 01:01:46,991 Ginnika, Sylvester, 1047 01:01:46,992 --> 01:01:49,151 something to warm your cockles of your heart. 1048 01:01:49,152 --> 01:01:51,471 SHE CHUCKLES Thanks, Ma. 1049 01:01:51,472 --> 01:01:53,472 Thank you, Ma. Yes. 1050 01:01:55,472 --> 01:01:57,471 Your Reverency. 1051 01:01:57,472 --> 01:01:59,151 Biscuit or something? 1052 01:01:59,152 --> 01:02:02,471 You never say no. Alec, Norma? 1053 01:02:02,472 --> 01:02:03,472 Hair of the dog! 1054 01:02:06,472 --> 01:02:09,471 Brigadier? Ah, we could all do with a little refreshment. 1055 01:02:09,472 --> 01:02:11,472 Pop! 1056 01:02:18,312 --> 01:02:19,992 Merry Christmas, Pop! 1057 01:02:24,472 --> 01:02:26,471 There you go. 1058 01:02:26,472 --> 01:02:28,991 Ho, ho, bloody ho, everyone. 1059 01:02:28,992 --> 01:02:30,472 I bring you gifts. 1060 01:02:32,312 --> 01:02:33,471 It's all your own stuff, 1061 01:02:33,472 --> 01:02:36,831 but you'll be glad to get it back anyway. 1062 01:02:36,832 --> 01:02:38,471 What? Oh! 1063 01:02:38,472 --> 01:02:39,472 Edith. 1064 01:02:46,472 --> 01:02:48,471 You do a lovely pucker, Edith, you really do. 1065 01:02:48,472 --> 01:02:50,472 Right, let's see what else I've got in my sack, eh? 1066 01:02:50,472 --> 01:02:53,471 Where did you find the swag, Mr Larkin? 1067 01:02:53,472 --> 01:02:55,471 The brave and courageous PC Harness 1068 01:02:55,472 --> 01:02:58,671 tracked it down to Alec Norman's shed. 1069 01:02:58,672 --> 01:03:01,511 I did? Yes, you did. 1070 01:03:01,512 --> 01:03:03,831 I did! I did. 1071 01:03:03,832 --> 01:03:06,471 All right, I'll keep you on. 1072 01:03:06,472 --> 01:03:08,991 I knew it. What?! No! 1073 01:03:08,992 --> 01:03:10,471 That makes total sense. 1074 01:03:10,472 --> 01:03:12,471 You do hate most people, Alec. 1075 01:03:12,472 --> 01:03:15,991 No, I love people! They're super. 1076 01:03:15,992 --> 01:03:17,991 Well, seeing as it's Christmas, Alec, 1077 01:03:17,992 --> 01:03:21,472 if you beg, maybe the law will let you off with a warning. 1078 01:03:22,472 --> 01:03:24,471 And next, out of Father Christmas' sack, 1079 01:03:24,472 --> 01:03:27,471 maestro, this must be yours. 1080 01:03:27,472 --> 01:03:28,671 My Hamlet. 1081 01:03:28,672 --> 01:03:32,472 Oh, my darling, here I am again. A man of infinite jest. 1082 01:03:34,312 --> 01:03:35,471 General. 1083 01:03:35,472 --> 01:03:37,311 My revolver! 1084 01:03:37,312 --> 01:03:40,151 Oh, wow! We were robbed too? 1085 01:03:40,152 --> 01:03:42,472 We really must keep a tidier house. 1086 01:03:46,472 --> 01:03:51,471 Mariette, congratulations on your engagement at last! 1087 01:03:51,472 --> 01:03:53,471 Oh, thank you, Pauline. 1088 01:03:53,472 --> 01:03:56,471 And you, on finding yourself a nice policeman! 1089 01:03:56,472 --> 01:03:57,472 Hm! 1090 01:03:57,473 --> 01:04:00,472 It will never last. I give it a week. 1091 01:04:03,472 --> 01:04:05,471 Why are you blubbing? 1092 01:04:05,472 --> 01:04:08,471 It's just so romantic. You know, the love and the snow, 1093 01:04:08,472 --> 01:04:11,471 two very culturally different families joining as one. 1094 01:04:11,472 --> 01:04:13,471 Have you been drinking, dafty? 1095 01:04:13,472 --> 01:04:15,471 I had a sherry, yes. 1096 01:04:15,472 --> 01:04:17,471 And a baby yesterday. 1097 01:04:22,472 --> 01:04:24,472 Thanks, Ma. 1098 01:04:27,472 --> 01:04:28,473 Merry Christmas, everyone. 1099 01:04:28,473 --> 01:04:30,472 Merry Christmas! 1100 01:04:39,472 --> 01:04:41,472 Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com