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00:00:04,912 --> 00:00:07,715
JOHN LURIE: Previously,
on Painting with John...

2
00:00:11,786 --> 00:00:15,121
Why do I have to be the bad guy?
You have to support me on this.

3
00:00:15,190 --> 00:00:19,458
She's a child.
She deserves a childhood.

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00:00:19,527 --> 00:00:22,694
I don't wanna do my homework.
I don't wanna do my homework.

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00:00:22,763 --> 00:00:25,898
I don't wanna do my homework.
I don't wanna do my homework.

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00:00:25,967 --> 00:00:27,366
I don't wanna do my homework.

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00:00:27,434 --> 00:00:34,577
♪ ("PAINTING WITH JOHN
NEW OPENING" PLAYING) ♪

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♪ Ah-dee ♪

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00:00:42,951 --> 00:00:44,353
♪ Ah-da ♪

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00:00:46,450 --> 00:00:48,491
♪ Ah-dee ♪

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00:00:49,224 --> 00:00:50,759
♪ Ah-da ♪

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00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:55,795
♪ Ha-dee ♪

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♪ Ah-da ♪

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-♪ Ha-dee ♪
-♪ Ha-dee ♪

15
00:01:02,638 --> 00:01:03,706
♪ Ah-da ♪

16
00:01:05,206 --> 00:01:09,642
-♪ Ha-dee ♪
-♪ Ha-dee ♪

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♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

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♪ Ah-da ♪

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What is this shit?
You-- you see it online, like,

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00:01:17,719 --> 00:01:20,285
"Ha-ha-ha, he's old."

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00:01:20,354 --> 00:01:23,459
John Lurie's old now.
They do it to everybody.

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What is-- I don't...

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00:01:29,364 --> 00:01:32,231
hold the theory
"you're supposed to
respect your elders."

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00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:34,403
I think you
should respect everyone.

25
00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:41,273
Until they give you a reason
to not respect them any further.

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And most people will give you
that opportunity.

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But...

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Man! I mean
the odds were against me.

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I survived some stuff
in this life,

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and I'm proud
that I'm still here.

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And I put beautiful things
into this world.

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And I hope to keep doing that.

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So isn't it kind of more like,
"Ha-ha-ha! You're young, kid."

34
00:02:07,235 --> 00:02:09,068
And well, almost
without exception,

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00:02:09,137 --> 00:02:10,502
your music sucks.

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00:02:10,571 --> 00:02:15,411
♪ ("THE EMPEROR OF CAMELDOM"
BY JOHN LURIE PLAYING) ♪

37
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♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

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(INHALES SHARPLY) Ah!

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00:03:54,843 --> 00:03:56,142
Ooh!

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00:03:56,211 --> 00:03:57,613
Macaulay Culkin.

41
00:04:07,088 --> 00:04:08,424
John the Baptist.

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00:04:11,727 --> 00:04:13,862
One good thing
about getting older,

43
00:04:14,763 --> 00:04:16,328
for a man anyways,

44
00:04:16,397 --> 00:04:20,232
is that your penis
no longer rules your life.

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00:04:20,301 --> 00:04:22,367
And you kind of miss
some of the wildness,

46
00:04:22,436 --> 00:04:24,871
some of the excitement,
but in general... (CHUCKLES)

47
00:04:24,940 --> 00:04:26,239
...it's a good thing.

48
00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:27,606
You used to wake up
in the morning

49
00:04:27,675 --> 00:04:30,009
and it would just be
standing there and saying,

50
00:04:30,078 --> 00:04:33,516
"You have to fly to Frankfurt."
And you would go.

51
00:04:34,717 --> 00:04:35,684
Fucking penis.

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00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:43,522
One thing is odd
to me or it seems unfair,

53
00:04:43,591 --> 00:04:46,926
where it's like as you get older
and your body, you're not--

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00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:48,727
You can't run as fast,
you can't jump as high.

55
00:04:48,796 --> 00:04:53,297
Your-- Everything is decreasing.
Everything in you is decreasing.

56
00:04:54,035 --> 00:04:55,038
Except...

57
00:04:55,937 --> 00:04:58,374
the body's ability...

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00:04:59,375 --> 00:05:01,607
to produce pain.

59
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,843
Or-- That's does--
That's not right.

60
00:05:03,912 --> 00:05:06,445
The pain shouldn't be as intense
as it--

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00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:08,952
as it is when you're young.
It should be less.

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00:05:09,918 --> 00:05:11,984
I don't know who we talked to
about this,

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00:05:12,053 --> 00:05:14,487
but we should work this out.

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00:05:14,556 --> 00:05:19,325
-(BIRDS CHIRPING)
-(CAR ENGINE REVVING)

65
00:05:19,394 --> 00:05:21,064
This is my trash can.

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♪ ("FLOATING NESRIN"
BY JOHN LURIE
AND STEVEN BERNSTEIN PLAYING) ♪

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♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

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♪ ("SEA MONSTER"
BY JOHN LURIE PLAYING) ♪

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Once I encountered
a sea monster.

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I've tried to tell
this story before

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00:07:39,367 --> 00:07:41,804
and it doesn't really catch.

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I tried to paint
this sea monster and...

73
00:07:47,809 --> 00:07:49,643
was about three weeks
into painting it

74
00:07:49,712 --> 00:07:52,746
and then it wasn't--

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It didn't have much.
It wasn't great.

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And then a flood destroyed
the painting.

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It's not fair
to call this thing a monster.

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00:08:01,656 --> 00:08:03,126
It felt benign.

79
00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:07,530
But I don't know
what else to call it.

80
00:08:09,230 --> 00:08:11,831
I used to go swimming
right near the house.

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00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:14,537
I try to go every day,
try to swim every day.

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And...

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00:08:18,406 --> 00:08:22,007
the beach I normally go to,
there was some local holiday

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00:08:22,076 --> 00:08:25,944
and so that there were tents
and music and lots of people

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00:08:26,013 --> 00:08:29,815
at the beach where I swim,
where there usually is nobody.

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00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:33,853
So Leroy drove me
like about a mile down the road

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00:08:33,922 --> 00:08:36,688
to another beach
where there was no one.

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00:08:36,757 --> 00:08:40,827
There was one tourist lady
with her two kids

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00:08:40,896 --> 00:08:42,629
playing in the sand
but otherwise,

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I was the only person.

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00:08:43,932 --> 00:08:45,598
I was the only person
to go swimming.

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00:08:45,667 --> 00:08:47,670
And I used to swim out far.

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Like a dolphin.

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00:08:54,676 --> 00:08:58,177
And I'm swimming, and my goggles
are kind of fogged up.

95
00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:01,280
So I come up and, you know,
cleaning them off.

96
00:09:01,349 --> 00:09:05,918
I see this shape,
this black shape up ahead of me.

97
00:09:05,987 --> 00:09:08,855
Which I'm just assuming
is like some patch of rocks

98
00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:11,285
or something.
But I'm in very deep water,

99
00:09:11,354 --> 00:09:13,625
so I know that can't be
the bottom.

100
00:09:13,694 --> 00:09:17,630
That's gotta be something else.
What is that?

101
00:09:17,699 --> 00:09:20,366
And I put the goggles back on
and I go under there,

102
00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:22,005
and I look at this thing.

103
00:09:25,140 --> 00:09:26,405
It's about 20 feet away,

104
00:09:26,474 --> 00:09:28,640
and you can't really see
so good

105
00:09:28,709 --> 00:09:30,679
with those swimming goggles.
But it's--

106
00:09:31,245 --> 00:09:33,049
It's about 11 feet long.

107
00:09:34,181 --> 00:09:36,481
And it's not a shark,
'cause it's like,

108
00:09:36,550 --> 00:09:39,118
just hovering there under
the surface.

109
00:09:39,187 --> 00:09:41,958
It wasn't a Manta Ray.
It wasn't the right shape.

110
00:09:44,659 --> 00:09:46,725
It wasn't a Manatee.
They don't come around here.

111
00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:49,696
I don't know what it was.
It was like 11 feet long

112
00:09:49,765 --> 00:09:52,368
and it was gray and black
and white.

113
00:09:53,368 --> 00:09:55,905
And looking at this thing.

114
00:09:56,871 --> 00:09:59,538
And I swear it had a head
that was...

115
00:09:59,607 --> 00:10:01,675
proportionally small
to the rest of the body,

116
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and it turned
and it looked at me.

117
00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:06,715
And there was intelligence
in the look.

118
00:10:09,684 --> 00:10:13,089
So, I swam back to shore
as fast as I could.

119
00:10:17,359 --> 00:10:20,492
I went to go visit
this lifeguard I knew here,

120
00:10:20,561 --> 00:10:22,662
who worked at one of the hotels.

121
00:10:22,731 --> 00:10:25,098
I tell him what I've seen...

122
00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:27,166
and it's not like
he didn't believe me,

123
00:10:27,235 --> 00:10:28,237
it's just like...

124
00:10:28,937 --> 00:10:30,302
he didn't really care.

125
00:10:30,371 --> 00:10:32,772
But he could-- He said that,
"Ah, that's a manta ray."

126
00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:34,841
But it wasn't a manta ray.

127
00:10:34,910 --> 00:10:37,610
And then he said,
"Well, my rule is,

128
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:39,178
if I encounter something
in the water

129
00:10:39,247 --> 00:10:42,582
and it's not afraid of me,
then I think maybe

130
00:10:42,651 --> 00:10:44,344
I should be afraid of it."

131
00:10:44,413 --> 00:10:47,753
Which is reasonable advice
but...

132
00:10:47,822 --> 00:10:49,154
I wanna know
what this thing was.

133
00:10:49,223 --> 00:10:50,226
I'm curious.

134
00:10:52,294 --> 00:10:53,296
So...

135
00:10:55,130 --> 00:10:57,497
I ask other people here
and nobody's curious

136
00:10:57,566 --> 00:10:59,298
what this thing was.

137
00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:02,001
And I try to tell the story
and I couldn't really tell it,

138
00:11:02,070 --> 00:11:03,902
like on camera,
so it made any sense.

139
00:11:03,971 --> 00:11:07,134
And I tried to paint it
and that painting got destroyed.

140
00:11:07,203 --> 00:11:08,140
And so I said, "Okay,

141
00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:10,674
leave the sea monster
story behind."

142
00:11:13,181 --> 00:11:16,549
And I'm working
on this camel head painting,

143
00:11:16,618 --> 00:11:19,152
I was going to paint
a concrete wall

144
00:11:19,221 --> 00:11:20,987
and I wasn't sure
if it was gonna have arches

145
00:11:21,056 --> 00:11:22,689
or it was gonna have blocks.

146
00:11:22,758 --> 00:11:25,424
I thought I'd make them
pretty ornate.

147
00:11:25,493 --> 00:11:29,228
So I just did the first band
with black and gray and white.

148
00:11:29,297 --> 00:11:31,900
The first band
of this concrete wall.

149
00:11:35,836 --> 00:11:37,970
And I just leave it here
for a second like this

150
00:11:38,039 --> 00:11:40,009
and see-- see what I think.

151
00:11:41,476 --> 00:11:43,810
So I go upstairs to my room
and you can see down

152
00:11:43,879 --> 00:11:45,377
to the painting table
from upstairs.

153
00:11:45,446 --> 00:11:47,984
Kind of a great thing,
you can make decisions...

154
00:11:49,184 --> 00:11:50,784
that you wouldn't make
ordinarily.

155
00:11:50,853 --> 00:11:52,852
So I'm looking down
and I realize

156
00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:54,823
that this thing
that I've painted...

157
00:11:55,858 --> 00:11:57,123
is the sea monster.

158
00:11:57,192 --> 00:11:58,824
♪ ("SEA MONSTER" CONTINUES) ♪

159
00:11:58,893 --> 00:12:01,393
JOHN: It's the same,
the colors are perfect.

160
00:12:01,462 --> 00:12:04,931
The shape is perfect.
The vagueness is perfect.

161
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:08,235
Even the size
of its head is perfect.

162
00:12:08,304 --> 00:12:09,338
It's like, so...

163
00:12:10,805 --> 00:12:12,872
brought the sea monster back.

164
00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:15,278
So I felt like
I had to tell the story now.

165
00:12:17,712 --> 00:12:19,345
But now, I don't go swimming
way out deep.

166
00:12:19,414 --> 00:12:21,951
I don't try to swim
like a dolphin anymore.

167
00:12:22,885 --> 00:12:24,849
I stay close to the shore.

168
00:12:24,918 --> 00:12:27,553
I mean, you know, younger people
are always laughing

169
00:12:27,622 --> 00:12:29,722
at older people
for getting scared,

170
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,790
but like...

171
00:12:31,859 --> 00:12:33,793
I get nervous every time
I light the oven here,

172
00:12:33,862 --> 00:12:35,364
but it exploded once.

173
00:12:36,598 --> 00:12:39,498
And I saw a sea monster. So...

174
00:12:39,567 --> 00:12:41,968
at least before I'm gonna
go swim out into deep water,

175
00:12:42,037 --> 00:12:43,872
I wanna know
what the hell that was!

176
00:12:46,841 --> 00:12:48,144
(BALL THUDS)

177
00:12:49,010 --> 00:12:51,544
-(LAUGHS)
-(GRUNTS)

178
00:12:51,613 --> 00:12:53,612
-(GLASS SHATTERING)
-(THUDS)

179
00:12:53,681 --> 00:12:56,920
♪ ("DOTS"
BY JOHN LURIE PLAYING) ♪

180
00:13:18,607 --> 00:13:21,844
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

181
00:13:29,918 --> 00:13:31,851
Well, that's clearly
Mary Magdalene.

182
00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:33,990
I mean look,
that's Mary Magdalene.

183
00:13:37,725 --> 00:13:40,126
I'm painting something
very beautiful

184
00:13:40,195 --> 00:13:42,328
that requires
extreme concentration.

185
00:13:42,397 --> 00:13:44,433
NESRIN WOLF: Oh, perfect timing
to come in then.

186
00:13:45,434 --> 00:13:46,431
JOHN: Why?

187
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:48,868
NESRIN: (LAUGHS) Because I love
interrupting you.

188
00:13:48,937 --> 00:13:51,140
Why do you like interrupting me
so much?

189
00:13:51,806 --> 00:13:53,209
It's so much fun.

190
00:13:54,810 --> 00:13:56,843
It's getting cloudy.
Oh, no. The shorts.

191
00:13:56,912 --> 00:13:58,845
Oh, no, no, no, no.

192
00:13:58,914 --> 00:14:00,647
-JOHN: The what?
-NESRIN: The shorts.

193
00:14:00,716 --> 00:14:02,218
It's getting cloudy.

194
00:14:03,918 --> 00:14:05,985
We have to be careful
with the shorts because...

195
00:14:06,054 --> 00:14:08,154
-There are ten of them.
-...during the rainy season,

196
00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:10,890
they all start to smell
like mildew.

197
00:14:10,958 --> 00:14:13,462
So we have to catch
the spots of sun...

198
00:14:14,863 --> 00:14:17,396
which surprisingly go away
in moments.

199
00:14:17,465 --> 00:14:20,369
-Right, Nesrin?
-That is right, John. (CHUCKLES)

200
00:14:22,938 --> 00:14:25,171
That is very true.
Whatever you say.

201
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:29,212
I always agree with John.
That's my job, always.

202
00:14:30,111 --> 00:14:31,344
(HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING)

203
00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:33,877
JOHN: Coming up next,
on Painting with John...

204
00:14:36,485 --> 00:14:38,318
Oh, God. They found us.

205
00:14:38,387 --> 00:14:40,319
(BOTH GASP)

206
00:14:40,388 --> 00:14:47,030
♪ ("DISAPPEARING ALLIGATOR"
BY JOHN LURIE PLAYING) ♪

207
00:16:29,230 --> 00:16:32,368
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

208
00:16:36,572 --> 00:16:39,575
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

209
00:16:50,386 --> 00:16:51,354
Hi, Moon.

210
00:16:52,854 --> 00:16:54,523
(CHUCKLES) How are you?

211
00:16:55,957 --> 00:16:57,693
I fell asleep on the couch.

212
00:17:01,763 --> 00:17:04,767
I had the weirdest dream.
I was a cab driver.

213
00:17:05,567 --> 00:17:08,671
And Russell Crowe
got in the cab.

214
00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:12,571
And then he kept--
He was chewing tobacco

215
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:15,711
and he kept spitting it
on the floor of my cab.

216
00:17:16,712 --> 00:17:18,081
I didn't know what to do.

217
00:17:19,581 --> 00:17:21,981
Because it just seemed like
the only way I could stop him

218
00:17:22,050 --> 00:17:23,386
was to fight him.

219
00:17:25,788 --> 00:17:26,786
And then I woke up.

220
00:17:26,855 --> 00:17:28,524
My dreams
have been really weird.

221
00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:33,629
You don't even know--
Yeah. You don't have dreams.

222
00:17:40,934 --> 00:17:43,736
Yeah-- No, I'm not sorry.
I mean, I'm sorry I got angry,

223
00:17:43,805 --> 00:17:45,338
but no, I'm not sorry.

224
00:17:45,407 --> 00:17:48,640
I mean, you stood me up
and then you lied

225
00:17:48,709 --> 00:17:50,443
and said you were there,
but you weren't there.

226
00:17:50,512 --> 00:17:53,178
So, if somebody just lies
to your face...

227
00:17:53,247 --> 00:17:55,481
I mean if you were a person,
I would just avoid you

228
00:17:55,550 --> 00:17:57,917
going forward,
but since you're the moon

229
00:17:57,986 --> 00:18:01,687
and you're always up there,
I gotta--

230
00:18:01,756 --> 00:18:04,957
Yeah, Russell Crowe, the actor.
Wait, don't change the subject.

231
00:18:05,026 --> 00:18:06,829
He-- I’ve...

232
00:18:08,596 --> 00:18:11,297
You're used to it because
all the moons--

233
00:18:11,366 --> 00:18:13,966
All the moons
are a bunch of liars.

234
00:18:14,035 --> 00:18:16,736
Yeah? Why don't you
change that?

235
00:18:16,805 --> 00:18:18,141
You could be the first.

236
00:18:21,042 --> 00:18:22,245
(SCOFFS)

237
00:18:23,411 --> 00:18:27,481
All right. Yeah, I'll say hi
to Russell Crowe for you.

238
00:18:27,550 --> 00:18:28,617
All right, bye.

239
00:18:29,752 --> 00:18:32,821
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

240
00:18:37,959 --> 00:18:39,123
JOHN: When I was like...

241
00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:41,464
four years old...

242
00:18:44,232 --> 00:18:48,333
it was a Sunday afternoon,
I remember.

243
00:18:48,402 --> 00:18:52,504
And my parents were expecting
these people, this couple

244
00:18:52,573 --> 00:18:55,707
that they really liked
and respected.

245
00:18:55,776 --> 00:18:58,447
And we were looking forward
to these people coming.

246
00:19:02,951 --> 00:19:04,587
And this couple had a son...

247
00:19:05,820 --> 00:19:07,256
who was my age...

248
00:19:08,790 --> 00:19:11,924
that I was expected
to hang out with this son,

249
00:19:11,993 --> 00:19:13,796
so that we were out of the way.

250
00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:16,996
When I recognized
what was going on

251
00:19:17,065 --> 00:19:18,701
and I didn't like this kid.

252
00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:21,570
I didn't like him, like at all.

253
00:19:22,636 --> 00:19:25,772
And they had just come
from a fair or a carnival

254
00:19:25,841 --> 00:19:26,809
or something and...

255
00:19:28,176 --> 00:19:29,741
he had a helium balloon...

256
00:19:29,810 --> 00:19:31,777
♪ ("HELIUM BALLOON"
BY JOHN LURIE PLAYING) ♪

257
00:19:31,846 --> 00:19:35,514
And we're off in another room,
supposed to be playing,

258
00:19:35,583 --> 00:19:37,116
but he's just playing
with his balloon

259
00:19:37,185 --> 00:19:40,186
and basically bragging
that he has this balloon

260
00:19:40,255 --> 00:19:41,490
and I don't have one.

261
00:19:43,925 --> 00:19:47,896
So after about half hour
of this, I got fed up.

262
00:19:49,464 --> 00:19:50,629
And he wouldn't even
respond to me,

263
00:19:50,698 --> 00:19:52,568
he would just play
with his balloons.

264
00:19:54,569 --> 00:19:55,538
So...

265
00:19:56,737 --> 00:19:58,942
I grabbed the string
of the balloon...

266
00:20:00,074 --> 00:20:02,775
and ran through the kitchen...

267
00:20:02,844 --> 00:20:06,682
pushed through the screen door
and let the balloon go.

268
00:20:10,151 --> 00:20:12,012
I mean, I knew the balloon
would go up,

269
00:20:12,081 --> 00:20:14,721
but then it went up
like it did, like,

270
00:20:14,790 --> 00:20:17,360
up into the heavens,
you know, like,

271
00:20:18,060 --> 00:20:20,859
it was way the fuck up there.

272
00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:24,364
It made me feel like,
I was falling off the planet.

273
00:20:24,433 --> 00:20:27,599
Almost, like, and...

274
00:20:27,668 --> 00:20:29,601
So of course he started to cry.
(MIMICS CRYING)

275
00:20:29,670 --> 00:20:32,008
He runs in the house
to complain to his parents.

276
00:20:33,074 --> 00:20:37,343
And when I come in,
I think I'm in for trouble.

277
00:20:37,412 --> 00:20:40,516
But it's been decided
that I couldn't have realized...

278
00:20:41,382 --> 00:20:43,486
that the balloon
was gonna float away.

279
00:20:46,188 --> 00:20:47,519
And I think my dad--

280
00:20:47,588 --> 00:20:51,424
I mean, I think it was one
of those lies that was told,

281
00:20:51,493 --> 00:20:54,763
that everybody just accept it
to make the thing over with.

282
00:20:56,030 --> 00:20:57,762
But...

283
00:20:57,831 --> 00:21:00,599
my parents knew that
I would have been smart enough

284
00:21:00,668 --> 00:21:02,268
at that age to realize
that the balloon

285
00:21:02,337 --> 00:21:03,706
was gonna float away.

286
00:21:05,507 --> 00:21:07,643
And so it was over.
I was off the hook.

287
00:21:10,111 --> 00:21:12,015
Except that night, I'm in bed.

288
00:21:13,514 --> 00:21:17,053
And I'm overwhelmed
with this horrendous feeling.

289
00:21:18,987 --> 00:21:20,689
I just feel awful.

290
00:21:21,555 --> 00:21:22,688
And I don't quite understand it,

291
00:21:22,757 --> 00:21:24,957
but I had just learned
about conscience,

292
00:21:25,026 --> 00:21:26,959
like having a bad conscience.

293
00:21:27,028 --> 00:21:29,361
And I realize that this is
having a bad conscience.

294
00:21:29,430 --> 00:21:30,830
This is what it feels like.

295
00:21:30,899 --> 00:21:33,436
I'm never doing
anything wrong again.

296
00:21:37,472 --> 00:21:39,675
So, I never did anything wrong
after that.

297
00:21:40,675 --> 00:21:47,550
♪ ("SEA MONSTER" PLAYING) ♪

298
00:23:18,540 --> 00:23:23,046
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪