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(RELAXING SONG PLAYING)
(MELVIN VOICEOVER) Some might say we’re becoming a world without sentiment...
...a world that’s lost its magic.
(MELVIN VOICEOVER) Everything is known at the tap of a button.
Everything we could possibly want is readily available.
And yet, we’ve never been more disconnected from one another.
(MELVIN VOICEOVER) I’d argue that, with all of our airs and graces,
all of our pompous dressing up of the truth,
what we yearn for most is right next to us.
But we’re unable to remain still enough to reach out
and ask for its loving comforts.
(MELVIN VOICEOVER) We’re so close to it, that magic, everything we’ve wanted.
That feeling creeps in.
And we feel alone, petrified even.
(MELVIN) "Despite all evidence of past pains previously learned,
despite life telling us magic is not real,
it whispers to us to try again."
Percy looks to Atlantis, embracing for their final kiss.
(DAVE CHUCKLES)
What do you think?
-(DAVE) What am I gonna say? It's great. -That's right.
It’s a bit wordy for my taste, but you’re British.
You’re born with a dictionary attached to your ass.
-(BOTH LAUGH) -Now, say Merry Christmas, Dave.
-Happy holidays, Dave. -Happy holidays.
(DAVE) I just got you on the biggest morning show in the UK,
on the hottest book sale day of the year,
so you can promote "Voyage to Atlanta."
-"Voyage to Atlantis". -Right.
I dunno, mate. I...
A London Christmas sounds like a bit of a nightmare to me.
Let’s do Good Morning America instead.
Listen, you want it all, right? You got to sell you, Melvin McKenzie,
the young, Black British writer who's becoming an international success.
Ahh, bitch! I'm telling!
Jesus! Do you really need to say bitch a hundred times at work?
Oh, don’t get brand new just 'cause you got a proper British boo.
A little Idris Elba. (LAUGHS)
You must not swear, darling-- Wrong!
Look, if he wanted himself some boring ass tea-and-crumpets chick,
he would’ve stayed his ass in England.
Instead he got you. And this! (LAUGHS)
You cannot say a word.
I am not ready for anyone to know about this,
especially not one around here, so...
Ready? You was ready when you was hopping that Georgia peach
on that English flag, talking about...
America
Sweet America
-Chantelle.-I put his baby in me
-Are you serious? -Chantelle.
-(BRENDA) Lisa... -Yes, Brenda?
(LISA SIGHS)
(CHANTELLE ON THE PHONE) Peter Jackson? Oh, girl!
(LISA) But a year in New Zealand? I can't have a baby in New Zealand.
(CHANTELLE ON THE PHONE) What you mean? This is huge.
The studio will probably give you a nanny and a day care.
(SOFT R&B MUSIC PLAYING)
"Voyage to Atlantis."
This one’s special, baby. I can feel it.
Oh!
(LISA) Oh.
(BAND PLAYING SMOOTH JAZZ MUSIC)
Oh, my God.
Baby...
I wanna be living
For the love of you
And all that I’m giving
Is for the love of you
Voice needs some work, but, um... what do you think?
(CHUCKLES)
(RETCHES)
(LISA RETCHES)
Oh, my God!
-(MELVIN) you okay in there? -No!
Baby, I am so sorry.
-I... I am just so, so sorry. -(MELVIN) Aw, don't apologise.
You only ruined the world’s best proposal with bad sushi belly.
(LISA WHIMPERS, SOBS)
(MELVIN CHUCKLING)
(MELVIN) Oh, are you okay?
-(LISA WHIMPERS) -Mm, I’m joking.
(MELVIN) Listen, we could try again when I get back from London.
Wait, you’re going to London?
My agent says it’s essential to promote this bloody book.
So, just... You’re going to London
during the holidays. You just proposed to me.
It’s the perfect opportunity for me to meet your family, but you’re not inviting me
-to come and meet your family? -I don’t even want to see my family.
Now's not the time to bring them into what we’ve got,
especially if we want to enjoy it.
If not now, then- when, baby? -(SIGHS)
Wait, hold on. Is this about that, um...
that Boxing Day thingy-bobby-thing? Um...
The same Boxing Day thingy-bobby-thing
that’s a post-Christmas tradition for the McKenzie family?
Well...
Ooh, the same Boxing Day thingy-bobby-thing
where your parents announced their divorce
and you fled to America?
I wouldn’t say fled. I’d say chance at a new life.
Huh. Yeah, okay, I’m gonna skip it.
No, no, no, babe, listen. I’m being stupid.
I’ve met your family. They are lovely. You should definitely meet my family.
It's just... I left things a bit... funked.
Funked? Very cute.
But with your wonderful Southern charm,
you may be able to save my life, so please come, yes?
-Oh, come on, don't make me beg. -Yeah.
-I’m begging you. I’m begging you. -(LAUGHS)
Smart move, Mr. McKenzie.
Mrs. McKenzie.
-Uh, let’s pause on that. -(LISA) What?
I wanna try again.
You think you can beat that beautiful proposal
you gave downstairs with a band and shit.
I want it to be perfect.
(SIGHS) Perfect fucks itself.
It will be perfect, okay?
So for now, young lady, that is my ring.
If you don't mind putting it back in it’s expensive-ass box,
the little section you gave me, thank you very much.
-(LISA LAUGHING) -There you go. Look at you, though. Mmm!
Oh, so is this what being your wife is gonna be like?
Fun, isn’t it?
-(PHONE DINGS) -(MELVIN SIGHS) Oh, babe.
You said you had a something to tell me?
Oh, uh... It's nothing. Night, baby.
See you in the future.
-What you saying, Ali?-We doing nicknames now, yeah?
-Sorry, sorry Alison.-Ali’s cute. Where are you?
Just doing a little Christmas shopping and things.
Better not be spending your money on me.
Hey! Now watch how a big man spends their money, understand?
Hey!
What you doing blowing kisses to my missus on the 'gram, fam?
What you talking about? What, Alison? Oh, yeah, I liked a few pics.
-What’s the matter with that? -A few pics?
Big man, I'm seeing roses and heart eyes and smiley faces.
And wagwan for the eggplants. Wait, cuz. Do you think I'm an idiot?
She’s a pretty lady. I was showing her support.
-Furthermore, I swear you're not together-- -Hey!
My things are my things forever and ever.
Amen.
Wait, mandem. Back up. Back up, back up, back up.
What you saying? You're trying to fight me?
-What's going on? -I haven’t said anything.
But if I was to bring up two things, I wouldn’t refer to Alison as a "thing,"
and secondly, Black on Black crime has to end somewhere.
-This guy's taking the piss, fam. -(JOSEPH LAUGHS) Bro, do you--
Hey! Joseph, Joseph. Wait!
It wasn’t me, all right? It wasn’t me.
My eggplant hit the like button.
-(GRUNTING) -(CHUCKLES)
(SPIRITED MUSIC PLAYING)
Stop! Please!
-Answer your phone, man. -(WHISPERS) What?
(JOSH SCREAMING) I... need... your...
Help!
-What's up, Big Batty? -Shut up, man!
This is about Alison, isn’t it? I told you this would happen!
-(JOSH) Hey! -Ohh...
-All right, I got you. -Okay.
Joshua? Jermaine? What the backside?
-I'm sorry, Mum. -You trying kill me?
-Auntie, we're sorry. -Why are running like that?
Oh, this is... my friend.
-(JERMAINE) Hi. -Hi, Richard.
-You must be Joshua. -Josh.
Pleased to meet you, Josh.
So you guys have finally come to help me with rehearsals?
Your sister was meant to help me. Where is she?
I don't know, probably babysitting a singer.
Yo, your brother was dumb, though. Gigi is the thing.
Okay, grab some books
and start putting up some of the decorations.
Christmas is days away.
-Ouch! -Got ya!
Naomi, Stewart, stop it! Excuse me.
(RICHARD) Come here, come here. Why are you fighting?
So... (CLEARS THROAT)
Will Dick be joining us at this year’s Boxing Day party?
Yeah, we thought it wasn't gonna happen since you and Uncle Bilal broke up.
Well, it’s time to revive it.
Family's family, despite our issues. Yeah?
(SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
Oh, no! Not Santa. Call your sister!
Well, call again, please.
(CONCIERGE) I’m sorry, Miss Pocahontas is not answering.
All right, just give me the key.
(CONCIERGE) Sorry, we have a policy. Miss Pocahontas is not--
Okay, stop with the dead Miss Pocahontas talk, yeah? You sound tapped.
Her name is Georgia, and she’s gonna be late
for her press day at your hotel because some dickhead wasn’t smart enough
to cover his tracks and another bored dickhead--you--
won’t give her assistant the key to go and check on her safety.
-Oh, my God, have you checked on her safety? -Her safety, ma’am?
I warned you she was not in a good mental place.
And now you’re refusing me to go and check on a woman. What--
Is this a male dominance thing?
-I assure you, it's not-- -Okay!
Okay. Oh, my God!
You’re gonna be the guy responsible for a broken-hearted pop singer’s fatality.
At Christmas time as well!
Please just...
-Take the key. -(BOOBSY) Thank you.
Next time, hurry up. That was way too much work.
Georgia?
(BOOBSY SIGHS)
-Georgia. -(GEORGIA) Hmm?
Can you look at me?
(BOOBSY) Bruv, are you mad? Everyone is on your side.
Online, the blogs, even them racist newspapers.
Here, listen.
"Gangster Love Rat, Ian Gorgeous, Just Lost His Mind and the Jackpot."
See? And here, comments from the Shade Borough.
"We love you, Georgia! Keep your head up, girl.
Literally, keep your head up.
pretty girls have had no reason to learn the head game
Ian was getting from them Miami things.
-Hashtag... -Finish it!
"Hashtag, good sloppy keeps the cocky." Are they mad?
-I can’t give sloppy. -(BOOBSY) Georgia!
-Bun da mandem. -Bun da mandem?
Bun da mandem Bun da mandem
Oh, you’re so stupid!
Come on, Gigi, man. You’re lucky.
You’re living your dreams. The world loves you, thinks you’re buff.
-Am I not buff? -You’re all right, but a lighty.
-They push lighties. -You’re out of order.
Maybe if you did keep the Nigerian gap tooth,
you’d have a bit more culture, but you’re just light-skinned.
-Oi! -Because, bruv, just any like lighty!
With your Brazilian curl!
(BOTH SCREAMING)
-(BOTH LAUGHING) -Ooh!
Come here. (PANTS)
Why do I keep you around?
-(CHUCKLES) -Because you love me.
-And because I tell you the truth. -True.
So what am I gonna do?
(BOOBSY LAUGHS)
(GEORGIA) What are you doing?
Pfft!
Mash-up a wasteman.
Are you serious?
Okay. Whoo!
(LAUGHS) Madam...
Oh, I love you.
-(BOOBSY) Let's go. -(BOTH SCREAM)
Oh, baby, London's gonna be so magical.
I mean, it’s all right. It’s not all tea and crumpets.
-Miserable most of the time. -Damn, Scrooge.
I thought you were excited to take me to the city where you the man.
(IMITATING MELVIN) I... (CLEARS THROAT) wrote a cult classic film back in 2017.
(LAUGHS)
Oh, come to find out that this face was just a little daytime soap star.
-Listen, man is the man back home. -Oh, yeah.
-Yeah? I’m marrying a bad boy, huh? -That's right.
That's what I’m in for for the next 20 years?
Twenty years?
Baby, we live in Hollywood. I wouldn't be surprised if, in our fifties,
we were headed towards an expensive divorce.
Listen, I’m not getting married just to get divorced.
Well, if you have my child,
then you really have the winning chip.
(BABY STARTS CRYING)
-You want us to have one of those? -Baby...
They ruin life!
Do you know my dad's got one? Sixty years old and got a one-year-old.
Nah. Irresponsible men having children is a flop.
(SCOFFS)
-Where you going? -To the bathroom. I feel sick.
-Babe-- -No, no, you’re making me sick.
-Babe, just-- -Apologise now.
-I’m sorry. -No, not to me, Melvin.
(SCOFFS)
(INHALES, EXHALES DEEPLY)
You still mad at me?
It’s been eleven hours, man. We’re in the city of dreams, mate.
Enjoy.
All right, well, as the future wife of a very important writer,
I thought I'd tell you before the paparazzi catch your face looking like butt, like...
-(CHUCKLES) -(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)
(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)
Oh, wow. Okay, you weren't kidding.
Uh... I can't...
Yo! I think that’s for me, big man.
Ian.
-Name’s Gorgeous, bro. -I’m not calling you Gorgeous, mate.
Why not? We're in a new world.
A man can call a man Gorgeous and still be manly, right?
I’m all right.
Anyway, who’s the beautiful lady?
Hi, I’m Lisa.
-Lisa. Gorgeous. -(LISA LAUGHS)
You know, I caught your performance at the VMAs.
It was very impressive. You got real acting jobs.
-For real? -Yeah. I'm a casting agent in L.A.
-Got an eye for this sort of thing. -That's dope. Thank you so much.
-So how do you two know each other? -We share a common history.
-He knows one of my ex-girlfriends. -Basically, we share the same type.
-Ha! This guy's a fool. -(PAPARAZZI) How’s your missus doing
-after the tape leaked? -Babe, do you mind finding the driver?
-Okay, sure. -Thank you.
Well, it's a pleasure meeting you, Gorgeous.
His name’s Ian.
Pleasure.
See you got you a little American ting, huh?
So I got to ask you, which ones do it better?
How's Georgia? What's this type thing?
This guy. Man, you don’t got to worry about Georgia no more.
She's rich, bro. That's how she's doing.
And she can thank you for that whole melancholy debut.
Shit, she even more famous than the both of us now.
-(PAPARAZZI) I see Gorgeous. -Let's get this picture.
-Thank you, mate. One more. -Come on, man.
-Another one? -There you go. Soak it up.
(PHONE DINGS)
(GIRL) Oh, my God, is that Georgia?
(GIRLS GIGGLING)
(GIRL) You got cheated on by that guy Gorgeous, bro.
I am a rose in a garden.
(GURU VOICE) A pretty rose.
A very pretty rose.
(GURU VOICE) Nothing can break your peace.
Nothing can break my--
(PHONE RINGS)
Nothing can break--
(PHONE RINGS)
Hello!
-Did you know Melvin was in London? -What?
And he’s posing with Gorgeous.
You got to stop lying to that guy, bro. He’s bareback ugly.
You’re getting distracted. Melvin is in London!
(SHOUTS) Mum?!
(BOOBSY) Mum?!
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
(BOOBSY) Shirley McKenzie.
(KNOCKS) Hello?
Okay, okay. This is why I’ve got affection issues in my romantic relationships,
because you and dad ignored me growing up.
Aretha! Who's dead?
Did you know Melvin was back in London?
-Melvin’s back in London? -Go away! Fuck.
Don’t smile, Mum. Don’t smile, yeah?
His bougie ass is on the internet posing with that dickhead
Georgia was going out with.
Oh, no. Well, she can do a lot better than him anyway.
Even my mum thinks you can do better than the golden child.
-I was talking about the rapper.-(GEORGIA) Hi, Shirley.
Hello, Gigi, darling. How are you?
-Been better.-(SHIRLEY) Oh, you’ll be fine.
Your mum called and told me to tune in to the Wake Up London show this morning.
I got it Sky recorded.
(BANGING SOUND) Oh, geez. That bloody shelf.
Um, tell your brother to call his mother.
-I am not calling him. -Gigi.
Keep calm and carry on, my dear.
(BOOBSY SCOFFS)
-(DOOR SLAMS) -(BOOBSY SCOFFS)
(SIGHS) Georgia, book me an Uber to Soho.
Boobsy, are you serious? You’re the worst assistant ever!
-Just book it, bruv! -Ugh!
Mum, you’re acting bare weird, man!
(SHIRLEY CHUCKLING)
(RICHARD WHISPERING) You said there'd be no one here.
(RICHARD) We could've gone to a hotel.
I’m too old to be booking into hotels if I’m not on holiday.
You're not too old.
You’re young and beautiful and beyond perfection.
Such a kind man.
Now, kindly sneak out of my house,
so as not to make a scene with my children.
-Come on. -Yes, ma'am.
Good, good, good.
-(RICHARD CLEARS THROAT) -Shh!
No, no, no.
Through the en suite.
No, that's Boobsy's room! Open the window.
Go on.
Go on, Richard. Go. There’s a tree.
You can come back later. Go on!
(RICHARD) No, no, no,
Shirley!
(RICHARD) Shirley?
Yo, Boobs, let me come see you and Georgia today.
Oh, you’re so gassed off the hype, man.
Aretha, allow me. I’m trying to get advice on this song I’m writing for a girl.
-What girl? -Alison.
Alison? As in Joseph’s thing, Alison?
Bruv, you crazy? You can't check for your cousin’s girl.
It’s not even like that. And they’re not even together anymore.
(SIGHS) Alison, yeah?
-She's cute still. -Yes, sir!
(JOSH LAUGHS)
All right. Come by in the afternoon.
Thanks, Boobs.
-And don’t forget to call Melvin, yeah? -Huh.
(BOOBSY) No!
(JOSH) Whoo!
(BOOBSY) Uh, excuse me? Yo, hello?
Are you mad? Excuse me, who are you?
-Look, next time, I’m calling the police! -(CAR HORN HONKS)
Will we be running into your ex as well?
My ex? No.
If I have it my way, it’ll be a quick in-and-out,
and then me gonna have you all to myself still.
-Come here. Come here. -Hmm. Hmm.
Listen. You carry on. All this is gonna be inspiration for tonight’s session.
Mm, mm, mm, baby.
Tonight’s session...
Oh, you mean when you're going like uh, uh, uh,
playing thumb war with yourself, huh?
-Aw! -Yeah. Cocoa or Shea?
Wow. You're gonna do me like that?
Come on, babe. It's just a little rub-and-tug.
Stop that weird accent. What's the matter with you? Weird, man.
Come here. You know you like it.
-What? -(BOTH LAUGHING)
You know you like it.
-Come on. Like Mary Poppins? -(LAUGHS)
Ah!
-Jeez. -Oh.
(MELVIN) So when we meet my mum, go with the Jamaican.
-(LISA) Go Jamaican? -(MELVIN) Yeah, man. Shirley, what happened?
(LISA) Okay. Shirley, what happened? I wanna be with your son, man.
(MELVIN) I wanna be with your son, man.
(LISA AND MELVIN LAUGHING)
-Hello, madam, welcome to Soho Hotel. -(LISA) Why thank you.
-American. First time? -Certainly is.
Well, allow me to extend the courtesy of the most mannerable people.
-Ooh, finally, a true English gentleman. -Really, mate?
Come on, fella, got to give them what they paid for.
-Welcome to London, beautiful. -I love it.
-You love me? -I love you.
-Yeah? -Mm-hmm.
I gotta go.
-Hold on, let me smell you. -(CHUCKLES)
Mmm, smells like mine.
Good luck, Tiny Tim.
-You got to stop that shit. Immediately. -Uh-uh. (LAUGHS)
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
-Oh, my God, are you okay? -(LISA) I'm so sorry.
-I'm sorry. -Sorry, sorry.
Oh, wow! You’re Georgia Folorunsho.
-Girl, I love your music, like love, love! -Oh, thank you!
Yeah, still so new to me that people know my face around the world.
Your face? I mean, practically have made love to your music.
Wait. What? Seriously?
-You got me on the sex playlist? -You know...
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Sorry to interrupt, Miss. Georgia, on a bit of a tight schedule.
You mind if I get a picture real quick?
-My fiancé won’t believe I met you. -Yeah, yeah. Of course.
-Thank you, yeah. -Cool. So are you staying here or...?
Yeah. Me and my fiancé--boyfriend.
-Hopefully, I’ll see you around. -Yeah.
-All right. See you in the future. -Oh.
-Mels! -What's happening?
-Hi, babes. How are you? -Hello!
Haven't seen you for ages!
-No, no. -Just got off the plane?
Yes. Dedicated to see your beautiful self this morning.
Oh, give it a rest. You dashed us Londoners, remember? for Hollywood.
-(CHUCKLES) -Fake bums, big tits, you know how it goes.
-Looking very nice today. -Thank you very much.
-You look wonderful too. -Okay, just save it.
We're just about to go live. One second.
(SET PRODUCER) We’re live in five, four, three, two...
Melvin McKenzie may look familiar to some of our viewers this morning
as the delinquent heartthrob that was in Grange Hill.
Shirl! You didn’t say Melvin was in town.
Look how him handsome like him father!
(CAROLINE) Does he know Gigi's performing?
He's turned now into a writer, and he has opened the hearts of the nation.
He’s here today to talk about his new book,
which is climbing the pre-sale charts right now
and taking Hollywood by storm,Voyage to Atlantis.
Melvin, thank you for coming. How are you?
Thank you for having me. Wonderful to be with you.
(CHATTERING)
Wait! Hush up, hush up! That’s me nephew!
What do you know?
(LAUGHS) Hey! Celebrity!
Big-time superstar!
Do you think so?
I mean, I feel like it's because
maybe you're not as relevant as you once were, I mean, over here.
In Hollywood, you're doing your thing, but here, not so relevant. (LAUGHS)
-Hopefully after this book, eh? -Yeah.
-Together and speaking from the heart -(PHONE RINGS)
Do you remember, I think it was about four years ago,
when I used to have this really big crush on you?
Yeah. I heard that American girl say...
Brenda. Hi, how are you?
Yeah, we just landed a couple hours ago.
I... I haven’t really had time to make a decision.
But I am...
He falls in love with an alien in human form.
Oh, okay. So would you say that this book
is almost like a metaphor of your real life?
(MELVIN) Actually, Zeze, yes. As you know, I moved to America two years ago,
and... I fell in love with this beautiful American woman.
American?!
Me will find you a nice Jamaican girl, a church girl!
Know plenty girls' numbers. Call me!
What, you couldn't find no British girl now?
British girls not good enough for you?
I'm just joking. Just a little bit of morning fun.
(LAUGHS) Anyway, Melvin, thank you so much for coming on.
-No, I'm just happy to see you. -(ZEZE MILLZ) I'm sure you are.
Anyway, I hope that this is gonna be a hit.
And you're welcome to come back any time you want, okay?
Merry Christmas, Zeze. Thank you for having me.
Thank you. Don't go anywhere. You're really gonna like this next one.
Speaking of the Christmas spirit,
up next, we have my favourite new singer.
She is literally taking the world by storm
with five chart-topping songs this year alone.
Do not listen to the blogs. My girl is on fire.
Please welcome to the stage Georgia Folorunsho!
This should be controversial. (CHUCKLES)
Merry Christmas, London.
Feels like I've been through every phase
From heartbreak, honeymoon, and teenage
Thought growing up Would make it change
But it don't, oh
-The thing about loving you that's so hard -See that look on your face? It's regret.
You're always so close yet so far
I just can't keep playing This part anymore...
You proper work for her now.
-What you doing in London? -Hello to you, Boobsy.
Mm-mm. Don’t call me that. What are you doing here?
I’m home for the holidays.
"I’m home for the holidays." Wow, you even sound like them!
-This isn't the time or place, okay? -Okay, then you are all image, bruv,
because you ain't been home in two years,
so who are you to chat to me about time and place?
I'm not having this argument here.
Okay, yeah, all right. Walk away then, coward.
Just like you did to Georgia.
I gave you love I can never...
Oi, dickhead! Mum wants to see you.
-Laters, Auntie. -You gone?
-I'm gone. -(VALRIE) You only come here to see Alison.
Thank you for gifts, babe. Make sure you shout me
-when you're done, you know. -(SIGHS)
(JOSH) He bought you gifts.
What was I supposed to do, dash them away?
Yo, Jermaine. It’s time to go bigger.
I'm gonna tell him, just...
I’m gonna tell him, just... after I meet his family. I'm gonna tell him, just...
I’m gonna tell him, just... after I meet his family.
Bitch, what meeting his family got to do with you having his child?
(LONDON) Come Juneteenth,
your ass gonna be wobbling around New Zealand
-with swollen feet. -Oh...
You ain’t told him about New Zealand?!
It’s complicated. Okay? Melvin isn’t really the have-a-kid type.
He looks at babies like they’re possums or something.
(SIGHS) I want kids. I just...
I dunno, I--
Right now, I want the job more.
Oh God, is that bad?
(LONDON) Hey, ultimately, your choice.
But he needs to know.
(LONDON) Shit, make his ass a house husband. (LAUGHS)
(LONDON) Yo, tell me you’ve at least opened your windows
and sung "Spice Up Your Life".
Don’t be out there pretending.
You know them Spice Girls was the shit when we were growing up.
That’s how I got my name, Ms. London.
-(LONDON) Now tell me your name? -Girl.
Ha-ha. Bitch, say it.
-Miss Best Buy.-Ha-ha!
Miss Best Buy me a ring If you want this pretty thing
Better buy me all I see If you tryna’ talk to me
To me, to me... (BOTH LAUGHING)
(GIGGLES) All right. All right.
Bye, Chantelle.
-(SIGHS) -(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
-Oh, wow. Uh... -From Mr. McKenzie.
Thank you. Oh my gosh. Sorry.
Hold on, let me get some cash.
-No, that won’t be necessary, madam. -Oh.
-Merry Christmas. -Oh. Merry Christmas.
Aw.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Wow! (CHUCKLES)
"Welcome to London, my darling. I love you. Keep digging.
(GASPS) Ooh! Yes, I'm gonna eat this.
Oh my... What?
(CHUCKLING) What is this? Oh, my God.
What is this?
(MELVIN) Yo, it’s DJ Melvin right now introducing a bit of old-school London vibes
to the wifey named Lisa. S-s-s-selecta!
(SQUEALS, LAUGHS)
London!
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
-Wow! -Oh! (LAUGHS)
-I guess you got your surprise. -That was so romantic.
-Brownie points? -Major, major brownie points.
Let me show you.
Oh. You’re doing that weird throat thing. What’s wrong?
Listen, I need to talk to you about something
before we go and see my mum.
-I saw my sister at BBC. -Oh, how did that go?
Um, I just want to talk to my mum
-while it’s just us three. -Oh.
-You ready? -Uh, I just ordered brunch.
Can we cancel it, please?
-Uh huh. Okay. -Thank you, babe. Appreciate it.
Hello.
Hi. Um, I just ordered some food to my room, penthouse 113.
-Can I get that to-go instead? -Certainly.
-Thank you. -This day can’t get any worse.
Oh. Georgia, hey!
She’s not in the mood to be famous now.
-Aretha, it’s okay, I met-- Lisa? -Yes.
-Lisa earlier on. -I’m sorry, I just--
I wanted to introduce you to my fiancé, but I can see now is not the right time.
-And they say Americans aren’t quick. -Aretha, man!
Lisa, I love love. I’d love to meet him.
-You sure? -Yeah.
-She said yes. -Okay. Okay, well--
He’s just right over there. Melvin!
Wow, fam! It just got worse.
One moment.
-Melvin? -Georgia?
Mels, I’ve been trying to call you.
-Melvin! -Melvin!
Baby, wait! Melvin!
Melvin?!
Georgia, wait.
-(DISHES CLATTERING) -(PATRONS GASP)
Hey, Gigi.
(GASPS) What the hell's wrong with you? Oh my God.
Georgia, I’m so, so sorry. This is my stupid idiot of a fiancé, Melvin.
-Boobsy, go after her. -(SIGHS)
We’ve had sex to her music!
I told you to change the song.
I can’t believe you didn't tell me that Georgia--the Georgia Folorunsho--
-is your ex-girlfriend. -I didn’t think that was important.
If it wasn't, then why didn't you tell me that your ex is a superstar
and fucking gorgeous?
She’s beautiful. And American.
Georgia, you’re buff, bruv.
Look at you, look. Your face is on the front page, right there.
How did you not know your brother was engaged?
I didn’t see no ring. She’s chatting shit, man.
Lisa, it is in the past.
She is friends with your sister! She is very much part of your life.
-I’ve not spoken to Gigi in forever. -Oh, Gigi?
You and Gigi? You and Gigi haven't talked? No, okay, no. You and Gigi.
-Everyone calls her that. -I get it.
But clearly, you don’t get it.
No, I don’t. Five minutes ago you were switchin’ over some butters rapper.
Melvin is not Ian, Aretha.
Melvin is Melvin. We were supposed to work it out.
He's supposed to see me on all the billboards, see all my success,
and become so distressed by what he lost, he’d fly to England and beg for me back.
And then I’d pretend for six months that I wasn’t interested,
when I clearly fucking am. (HUFFS)
And then we’d cry together on the South Bank as he proposed to me.
(SIGHS)
I thought I was over this shit.
Is your mum close to her?
Well...
Melvin?
Kind of, maybe a little bit.
(SIGHS) My mum and her mum are best friends.
I wanna go home.
-This house on the right? -Yes.
Lisa, I promise you...
I promise you, if this doesn’t go right, you can go home.
But I’m coming with you, because I love you and you are my home.
That sounds like a line from your book.
Lisa. Babe, come on.
Please. Come here. Just-- Lis? Lis?
(SIGHS)
Good luck, mate.
Your mother knows she’s meeting me, right?
-I didn't... -Oh.
-Hello, son! -Hello, Mum.
(LAUGHING)
-You look good. Look at you. -(CHUCKLING) Oh!
And you must be the lovely young lady he spoke about on National TV?
Yes. Hi, I’m Lisa. It's such a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. McKenzie.
-Welcome. Welcome. -Who’s at the door?
Two years, boy!
You finally bring your ass home to see your family.
Where you get them punches from?
I used to ring your father and Uncle Leo’s necks
when they would answer me back, God rest Leo’s soul.
-Wow, flipping hell. Really? -Mind your mouth.
-Ow! What are you doing? -You want me to bust your lip?
How are you, Melvin?
Hi, Auntie Caroline. Long time.
Well, she’s bloody gorgeous, isn’t she?
-Do you fancy a drink, darling? -Oh my God, yes.
A virgin cocktail would be amazing.
Well, we don’t have any of those. This is a virgin-free zone
(KNOCKS) You gotta make the picture good, man.
I've got you, cuz. I've got you.
-What? -Stop acting, Boobsy, man.
-You’re not a real assistant. -Who you talking to?
You said I could talk to Georgia about this writing.
-Well, tings change, sorry, bye! -No, Boobs, hold on, wait!
(KNOCKS)
-What happened to you lot-- (SCREAMS) -Do your ting, cuz!
Juicy bum, get off of me!
-(SCREAMS) -Georgia! Georgia!
Georgia, it’s Josh.
George, what the hell?!
-What are you doing in my room? -Trying to survive the dragon queen.
-You busted my lip, man. -Sorry.
Who you trying to hurt, Melvin or Gorgeous?
I know you didn’t break into my room to talk about my feelings, Josh.
Actually, um...
(SIGHS) I kinda did.
You’re like a superstar, Georgia. Legit.
Like, everyone loves you.
You and Melvin was a big ‘ting to this family.
The kinda ‘ting that inspired us young lot to...
to get off the bare gyal ‘ting, and...
and find ourselves a Georgia.
Everyone for sure thought you two were gonna get married.
Melvin messed up, man.
Anyway, all that to say,
there’s this girl.
She's a little bit older than me, but I like her, man.
She’s got this twinkle about her that gets me kinda drunk when I look at her.
(CHUCKLES)
Yeah, her ex is trying to act like they're still together but...
I wanna hold her hand through the changes.
I wanna lay it all on the line,
and with a bit of luck, we’ll be something special.
Anyway, since got the love bars,
I thought maybe you could help me out with the words.
Josh, I couldn’t write you anything as beautiful and honest as that.
You got a mad right hand.
But you’re all right, Georgia.
(SIGHS) Be honest. Go talk to her.
Mad thought. Maybe it’s worth you being honest about Melvin.
Aw! He looks so cute in this picture.
Oh, who's he playing with?
Oh, that's my GiGi. Well, they were very close at one point.
Very close, but you know, life goes on.
You remember that fight in the bathtub?
Georgia came too close!
You would have thought they’d grow old together.
-Yeah. -(CLEARS THROAT)
Sorry, which way is the restroom, please?
-Oh, it's just at the top of the stairs. -Okay, thank you, excuse me.
(LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS)
(DOOR SQUEAKS, CLOSES)
(SHIRLEY CHUCKLES) I remember that day.
2016 Screen International Writer To Watch.
We were all so proud of you.
Yeah, it was a good day.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Hmm. (CLICKS TONGUE)
(SIGHS) Why did you come home, Melvin?
It’s been almost two years.
Sending gifts, making excuses, why now?
I’ve found someone I love, and I wanted her to know my family.
-Did you not love Georgia? -Yes, I loved Georgia, jeez.
And were you not going to announce your engagement on Boxing Day?
-And whose fault that? -Your father's.
Your father impregnated another woman, Melvin.
you had to announce that in front of the fam
the day I was supposed to propose to the woman I love.
Love? Or loved?
-(CLICKS TONGUE) -Hmm.
You just left me, son.
What was I supposed to do, stay and be your husband?
-Hey. -Boy...
It's getting late. Think we should start heading out?
Oh, no, Lisa, you must stay.
Christmas Eve tomorrow, the family will be over.
(CHUCKLES) Our family don’t celebrate Christmas.
No. But they want to celebrate you coming home.
-You’re deeply loved, you know, son. -Is it?
And it's the perfect time to introduce Lisa.
-Oh, Mrs. McKenzie, I-- -Shirley, please.
Oh, Shirley. Um, I don’t have any clothes.
You can borrow Boobsy’s.
And I’ll arrange for your stuff to be brought over tomorrow.
Shirley, we're gonna be late. Let’s go!
We gotta go now. We got to head off to Georgia’s pop-up concert.
Oh, Georgia Folorunsho has a concert?
-You a fan? -(SIGHS)
-We've got extra tickets. -We gotta be going. I gotta show you...
No, no, no. We would love to go.
Melvin knows what a big fan I am of Georgia.
Oh, that's lovely. Well, let's get going.
-Come on, Smelly, quickly. -Yeah. Come on, Smelly, quickly.
(AUDIENCE CHANTING) Georgia! Georgia! Georgia! Georgia!
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
-A lot's changed in two years. -I can see.
-How are you feeling? -(CROWD CHEERING)
Why are we doing this?
Doing what? You should be happy she blew up.
Boy, you better clap for her.
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
Merry Christmas, guys!
-Thank you for coming to hang with me. -We love you, Georgia!
And I love you back.
I know many of you have seen the headlines.
And if you’re waiting for me to respond,
you're gonna wait a long bloodclot time!
Bun a wasteman!
Let’s have some fun.
-Hold on. I have to take this. -Shall I come?
The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little prayer for you
I'm combing my hair now
And wondering what dress to wear now
I say a little prayer for you
Forever and ever You'll stay in my heart
And I will love you Forever and ever
We never will part Oh, how I love you
Together, together That's how it must be
To live without you
Would only be heartbreak for me
I run for the bus, dear,
And while riding, I think of us, dear
I say a little prayer for you
At work, I just take time
And all through my coffee-break time
I say a little prayer for you
Forever and ever
You'll stay in my heart And I will love you
Forever, and ever We never will part
Oh, how I love you Together, together
That's how it must be to live without you
Would only mean heartbreak for me,
My darling, believe me
For me, there is no one
No one but you
Please love me too
I'm in love with you
Answer my prayers now, baby
Say you love me too
Answer my prayers now, baby
My baby
Forever, and ever, You'll stay in my heart
And I will love you Forever and ever
We never will part Oh, how I love you
Together, together,
That's how it must be to live without you
Would only bring heartbreak for me
For me
(CROWD CHEERING)
Did you have sex with her on this bed?
(MELVIN CLICKS THROAT)
(REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
(BILLY) Are you dat? Are you dat?
-(CHUCKLES) -Hey!
So come, come, come, bring it.
Yes, yes, yes. Straight out of the kitchen, Auntie.
Let me know what you think.
How y'all put too much curry on di goat?
Mi know say your mother not teach to cook curry like Indian people.
Oh, I love me an Indian curry.
Caroline, I love Indian food too.
But if mi did want small island, Vincy-style curry,
mi woulda get Janet to cook it! (LAUGHS)
-You'll see, you Yardies-- -What you call me?
Yardie! You're back-of-the-yard people.
All mouth and no class.
Oh yeah? Janet!
If it wasn’t for we loudmouth Jamaican Yardies,
you couldn’t even feel comfortable walking the streets of England!
-True that. -(ALL LAUGHING)
Iyeee! (CHUCKLES)
You see this move here? (CHUCKLES)
-Mi call it fool-fool style. -(THUDS)
(ALL LAUGH)
All that song and dance, and he ain't even finished the game!
Jammo. Jamaicans, they make a show of everything.
-Where is Mr. Hollywood? -(THUDS) Behave yourself, Clint.
No, no, no. I want to see the big shot,
come back to his poor Jamaican family with his American princess.
Who does he think he is, Prince Harry?
(ALL LAUGH)
So you’re Jamaican now?
I’m Jamaican. I’m Jamaican.
Where do you think it is that you come from?
Is it not Nigeria? (CHUCKLES)
Whatever. You know, this boy is just like his father.
Jumps onto the next best thing,
leaving his roots for some ditsy, air-headed American girl.
I mean, is she Black, eh?
Confirm for me that she is at least Black.
Your wife is white, mate.
(CLINT) Me and Caroline got married at a very hard time in this country.
Now it is just fashionable.
Oh, she is most definitely Black.
(SIGHS) You must be Uncle Clint.
Relax, I love putting names to faces.
And there are pictures of you guys all over the house.
You’re Uncle Kirk, right?
Um, yes, that’s me.
You’re a looker, aren’t you?
Oh, you’re pretty handsome yourself in real life.
You won’t know me. These wankers don't put me on the walls.
Too handsome.
But you can forget about all that uncle stuff.
Oh, so just Billy then?
Or Bill. Depends how close you wanna get.
I like Billy. That’s a cute name for an uncle.
-G'wan, girl! -(ALL LAUGHING)
Melvin get himself a goddess to ‘rass.
She is stunning.
-But so is my Gigi. -Much better.
You think me ah go sit here and listen to you chat nonsense
about the man’s woman, huh?
Caroline! Georgia and the boy know each other since them children.
Sometimes, growing up means growing apart.
And she rich, man! With she rich rapper man. (CHUCKLES)
Josh, boy! Pour me some rum now.
This is a serious game, you know? I’m not sure it’s for you Yankees.
Well, are we gonna play, or are you too soft like pum pum?
(ALL LAUGH)
She can play. I taught her well.
-What? -Family!
-Yes, it's Melvin, baby! Mel Money. -Mr. Hollywood.
Everyone get back. I can smell the city of sin on his clothes.
-Uncle Clint, I missed you the most. -Mm-hmm.
Yes! Good to see you still.
Hi, Lisa, I’m Joshua, the handsome younger brother.
Well, I’m so sorry we didn’t meet first,
but obviously, a man's taken now, you get me?
But maybe in a new life, yeah, babe? Aah!
-(LAUGHING) -What's up?
Bro, we need some Wray and Nephew.
-I’m on vacation. Where’s Boobsy? -Somewhere with You Know Who.
-Okay, Mum? -She’s not here. Call her.
-You call her. -No, you call her.
Oh, no. I’ll call her. But you can deal with the aunties.
Gigi.
-I'll call her. -(LAUGHS)
-Baby, I'm gonna call my mum quickly, okay? -G'wan. We don’t need you here, English boy!
(ALL LAUGHING)
-Tell her to bring Red Stripe! -(ALL LAUGHING)
There’s an impromptu party at your place
where your estranged son is going to introduce
-his secret fiancée and-- -Girlfriend.
-They’re pretending they’re not engaged. -Right.
And I’ve got a feeling that she’s pregnant and Melvin doesn’t know.
-Wow. -Uh huh.
And... and why do you think that?
-Mothers know these things, single man. -Uh huh.
Right. And you think that... that with all this going on,
that you introducing me-- Yeah?
Introducing us is gonna be the controversy of the night?
-Yep! -My God, why?
Darling, please don’t make me state the obvious.
Yeah, but they sort of... They kind of know already, don't they?
Well, kind of, sort of knowing is not the same
as me going, "Hey, this handsome white man is mm..." Yeah.
-Hey, hey, hey! My boyfriend! -(PHONE RINGS) Smelly!
(SHIRLEY) How’s the party going? How's Miss Lisa?
She’s talking in a horrific Ja-fake-can accent.
-And the uncles are loving it, and her.-Well, it can be a challenging,
adapting to a new culture.
People are often afraid of the unfamiliar.
But if it’s worth it, it’s worth it, Mum.
Listen, we need more Wray and Nephew and Red Stripe.
-I'm already on it. Shit. -All right.
Oh, God.
-Look, Melvin, I’ll see you at home. -All right. Bye.
We’re friends, okay? Just friends, okay?
-Shirley? -Good evening, Bilal.
How is it you look more beautiful than the 19-year-old girl that I married, eh?
(KISSES LOUDLY)
What you’re seeing is happiness.
-Single life will do that to you. -Is that so?
-Bilal. How are you? -Richard. Very well, thanks.
-I’m Shirley’s husband-- -Ex.
-Ex-husband. -Yeah.
You know what they say, Richard?
"Children keep you married for life."
-You know what I’m saying? -Children keep you locked for life.
-Isn't that what they say? -Well...
Love, marriage, relationships.
-All a matter of perspective. -Hmm.
I seem to remember that it was your perspective
that was the issue in the first place, Bilal.
Do you see how she still loves me, Richard, eh? (CHUCKLES)
Look, I'll just... go to the checkout.
-Good to meet you. -Mmm.
Hmm? I didn't know you liked vanilla in your tea.
-What on earth are you talking about? -Isn’t that a white man?
That is a Richard. And so what if he is?
-How is it even your business? -Any change?
-We’re singing for charity. -Oh, no, no.
-Please don't sing. -Oh, yes, please. I love a song.
Sing, thanks.
Deck the hall with boughs of holly...
Shirley. It stopped being my business a long time ago.
But tell me something.
Do our children know that you and the white man are...?
Oh. They don’t know? Hmm.
(CHUCKLES) I gotta get some extras.
-You’re not coming to my house? -Yes, of course.
-Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la! -Boobsy invited me.
I gotta see my boys. It’s been a long while.
And how is your other son, Bilal?
The baby's fine. Haven't seen him for a while either.
You know, I spend most of my days just feeling sorry...
Sing her another song, eh? (CHUCKLES)
Silent night
I’ll see you at home, hmm? Bring the white boy. (CHUCKLES)
The white boy?
Richard is busy, thank you very much.
Oh, do shut up!
Gigi, I think he's really into this girl. I'm just warning you.
-Didn't see the way he looked at me. -Don't get gassed.
(BOOBSY) You’re not welcome round here no more.
-What's she doing here? -I dunno.
No. What are you doing here?
-It’s a family affair! (LAUGHS) -(BOOBSY) Yes!
-You are right. Shit. (LAUGHS) -I have to pass, man!
-Wagwan, family! -What? The superstar has come home!
-My daughter, my pride and joy. -Dad! How are you?
Can I please have your autograph so I can sell it and get rich quick?
(BOTH LAUGH)
-Love you too, Dad. Come here. -Get off.
Oh, Mum!
Stand your ground. This is old news. You are today's newspaper.
(CHUCKLES)
-Where are you going, pretty girl? -Auntie Valerie.
Auntie Valerie. Have you met Melvin’s new lady Lisa?
Yeah, I briefly met the soon-to-be Mrs. McKenzie yesterday.
Oh, we’re not engaged.
Oh, sorry, must've missed a beat.
Well, that’s a little odd for someone of your gifts.
Nothing wrong with my hearing. Hollywood tends to embellish the truth.
-What have you done? -I didn’t know she was gonna be here.
-Yes, you did, man. -(SIGHS) Yeah, I did still.
Well, as a fan of your music and now meeting you,
sometimes the truth can be disappointing.
-(OTHERS GASP) -What did she just say?
-(MUSIC PLAYING) -Yo! Josh! Josh!
(MELVIN) Big tune!
Come on, Josh!
Devil music!
When you were 16, I thought you’d never get no pum pum.
Uncle, stop.
Look at you now.
You know people is gonna 'rass!
Hollywood, baby! You made it!
Oh, you love a party, eh?
-Daddy! (SCREAMS) -(CHUCKLES) Baby
-(CHUCKLES) -(GASPS) Yes!
Does mum know you got a key?
Nothing like a welcome home from the McKenzie family.
I bring peace, joy, Red Stripe, and Wray and Nephew.
All right! You are welcome then!
-(SOFTLY) That's my dad. -You’re a scholar and a gentleman, Bilal.
Yes, man. Come in! (CHUCKLES)
Oh! Well...
Two beautiful ladies gracing our presence.
I honour both your energies.
Georgia, I’m proud of you.
-Bilal, I missed you. -Aw! (CHUCKLES)
And you must be the lady I heard about on National TV.
-Bilal. -Lisa.
Wow. Gorgeous!
(CHUCKLES)
Welcome.
You know, I sing in a band.
Papi, you still know how to make an entrance, oh.
-Look at you, you Black bastard! -(LAUGHS)
-Oi! -Billy!
Let's get busy! Come on!
Now go curry this goat. Come on!
-(BILAL) Boobsy, you're putting on weight! -(CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
(BILAL) Look at it! Look at it outside.
Aren't you going to say anything?
What is there to say?
-You’re embarrassed by me. -Ugh!
Why am I embarrassed by you, Richard?
Because I am not of your culture.
You’re not Black.
And that matters to who?
-Well, it might matter to my kids. -I’ve hardly met your kids.
Their father, so pretty much my kids.
So this is about... (IN DEEP VOICE) Bilal?
-Richard. -No. Come on.
Well, he’s very... bloody...
Well, he’s very bloody charming, isn’t he?
He is. He’s very impressive.
-I like him. -It's not about Bilal.
Look, I've raised my children in a different time.
And during that time...
...raising Black children was challenging.
You know, to... (SIGHS)
It was challenging to teach them
to be open and loving to everyone
and, at the same time, take pride in who they saw in the mirror.
When you we have that self-love,
you very often choose a partner
that is the mirror image of that self-love.
And by that, I’m not saying that, by choosing you...
(CHUCKLES) Don't laugh.
-Oh, look, I don't know. -I love you.
I love you.
(SHIRLEY) Okay.
Well...
(TURNS RADIO VOLUME UP)
("SWEET LOVE" BY ANITA BAKER PLAYING)
With all my heart I love you, baby
Stay with me
And you will see my arms
Will hold you, baby
Never leave, 'cause I believe
I'm in love, sweet love
Hear me calling out your name
I feel no shame
I'm in love, sweet love...
-Yo, bro. Whoa. Fam, wagwam? -(PANTING) Oh, sh...
-Is Joseph here? -Why the hell would Joseph be here?
You said he wouldn’t be home. (PANTING)
Jermaine. Jermaine, look at me.
Hey, look at me!
Did he see the painting?
-(DOORBELL RINGS) -Shit!
Ahh. Oh boy.
God bless Jamaica.
Jehovah bless Jamaica.
Don’t nobody start your politics. Just start the game.
You must call Him by his name, oh.
-Who said God's a he? -Oh, here we go. Please!
Don’t give us none of this new-age hippie bullshit.
Melvin, come on, fella, talk to your missus.
(CHUCKLES)
I’m just saying. Men don’t create life. They don’t bring a child into this world--
-They destroy them. -Amen!
So, just maybe, God is a woman.
(MEN LAUGHING)
Lisa will play on my team.
Bilal, the game is now serious. Are we involving the women?
Excuse me?
-We are involving the women. -(LAUGHING)
Georgia, come join your father.
Dad, I wouldn’t want to embarrass anyone.
Well, I’m new to the game, so don’t worry.
Well, it's not just a game to this family.
I’m a quick learner, especially when the stakes are so high,
and family is everything to me.
And yet, you decided to spend your time with us.
Well, that’s because this family is growing, Georgia.
Don’t worry, I won’t take much space.
-Has anyone got any whisky? -Drink rum, man!
-Rum! -(DOORBELL RINGS)
-(MELVIN) What are you guys doing? -(JOSH) No, no, no, no. Please, please!
Hollywood Melvs, ya know. Wagwan?
How you doing, Joseph?
"How you doing, Joseph?"
Bruv, do you know what? I can’t even say you sold out.
You’ve been committed to sounding like a white man from day.
What's good though, gold chains?
What's LA saying? Any white girls? Beach babes?
Bring me in, bro.
-Ain't got no time for this. All right? -Melvs! Melvs, book me a flight!
-What's the matter with you lot? -(JOSEPH) Family!
How we say? Me deya!
-(THUDS) -(ALL LAUGH)
Lisa, it's not your turn.
-Oh, sorry! -But I like the spirit.
A bit premature for a victory dance.
Not when you already know the outcome of the game.
-Babe, we should get home? -Back off.
Back off.
(CHUCKLES)
Um, step in, man dem.
-Come on. Wagwam, cuz? You all right? -Yeah.
All right, so... Oh!
What you lot saying though?
You all right?
You lot eaten? Huh? You lot need to eat, man.
Look at this stuff.
Beautiful, isn't it? So buff.
I love it. I love it.
-So wagwan. What you lot saying? -No, listen...
-(YELPS) -Come here, wagwan?
You all right? It's cool. It's cool, cuz.
'Cause I'm the dickhead. Yeah?
I’m the dickhead chasing you through Westfield,
whose warning you won’t heed.
I’m the dickhead whose girl broke up with me
because of my little cousin.
So thank you, bruv.
She did? It’s official?
-Do you want me to... -Joseph, You don’t want to do this.
You don't really love her. It’s just your ego, my bro.
Yo, you know you’re my cousin, init. And it's Christmas for God's sake!
Technically, Christmas is a time for giving.
And forgiving. And plus she liked Josh’s paintings.
That you painted for her, lickle fassie-hole. Shut up.
(GRUNTS)
-Oh, shit. -Dedicated.
Oi! Ya fucking... (GRUNTS)
-Whoo-hoo-hoo! Yes, baby! -(GRUNTS)
-(GRUNTING) -Show me your strength!
Wagwan? Yeah!
-What's going on? What's going on? -(GRUNTS)
Let's go, go on. Show me what you're on.
-Wagwan. -(GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS) Come on, cuz! Come on.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Hey, no, no, no!
Pick another one, man. Mum will kill us.
Yes, okay. Yeah. That's true.
-Trying again. -(GRUNTS)
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Come on, Bilal! Send it!
(GIGGLES) Make sure you study your opponent, you know.
I dunno, Uncle Kirk. She’s looking kind of shook.
(CLINT) Watch how she disappoints her country.
(ALL LAUGH)
Baby girl, we don’t shiver nor shake where I’m from.
-What are you saying? What are you saying? -Domino, shawty! What’s happening!
(ALL CHEER)
-Give me five, Georgia. -Hey! Hey!
(LISA LAUGHING) (CLINT) Another glass.
-(CLEARS THROAT) -(CHUCKLING)
-You're not gonna drink with us? -I’m good for now.
(GEORGIA) It's just that Wray and Nephew is a family tradition.
-Are you religious? Muslim? -Muslim?
(JANET) Who bring Muhammad in this house? (CHUCKLES)
Actually, my family actually leans a bit more towards African spirituality.
-Juju! -Voodoo business! (GIGGLES)
A little advice, you’re gonna have to get down with traditions of this family.
I think I’ll be all right.
Just a little advice to keep your man happy.
(SCOFFS)
That's funny coming from someone who can’t keep a man.
-(MEN GASP) -(GEORGIA) Excuse me?
Listen, you American fantasy. You know nothing about what I can do.
If Bilal and Miss Shirley never split, you’d never have met.
-You’re a rebound, a convenience. -Georgia!
No, no, no. Hey, it's cool. Let’s cut the bullshit.
-Oh, it’s cut. -(ALL MURMURING)
You’re hurt. I get it. You didn’t know I existed.
Maybe you thought you two would someday find your way back to each other,
and I’m sorry for that, but that’s not the way this story ends.
-Georgia, come on, darling. -You sure about that?
You’re not even sure if you’ve got a ring.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Little girl,
I’m sure that you weren’t even a thought before yesterday.
-(BILLY) Well. G? G-- Georgia? -Oh, no, Georgia.
Georgia!
-(CLINT) Caroline, come and sit down. -Are you okay?
I should go.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
If God was a woman, we’d all be fucked.
-(CHUCKLES) -(ALL GROAN)
-Hey. -Whoa. Hey.
I forgot how cute you are when you’re nervous.
I’m not nervous.
All alone with your ex in your garden,
family and fiancée on the other side of the door.
-(GEORGIA) I’d say it’s okay to be nervous. -Yeah.
I saw the way you looked at me last night.
Yeah, it’s crazy. You’re a superstar now, Georgia.
Do you remember what you said to me when you first asked me out?
Choose me.
Lisa? Lisa!
Lisa! Lisa!
Lisa, please! Lisa, wait, wait, wait! Please!
-Baby? Babe, listen. -No!
Babe, that was a mistake.
Stop. So Is that why you didn’t tell me about her?
-Because you two were still in love? -I love you. That's it!
-It doesn’t have to be a big deal. -What? God!
She still loves you! They all love her and you know!
-Just... This is a big fucking deal, Melvin! -Listen to me, darling, I promise you.
-It's just me and you, okay? -No!
-No. No. -It's just you and me, babe. I promise you.
Believe that, please!
You have just shown me in the worst kind of way
that it has never been just you and me.
I’ve been so worried about what you want.
I got a great job opportunity in New Zealand.
I’m taking it.
-(GLASS CRASHES) -(CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
Lisa! Lisa--
Lisa!
-Hey, Melvin! -What!
-Look! -What happened?
-Gigi. Gigi, Gigi. -No!
-Has anyone got a key? Anyone got a key? -(CLINT) What did you do to her? Huh?
You Hollywood bastard! You come back after all these years
-and no apology. -Relationships end!
(CLINT) The son will inherit the sins of the father.
Just because your father shitted on your life does not mean
-you get to shit on my daughter! -(EVERYONE SHOUTING)
Who are you talking to? Who are you talking to?
Respect your elders now. How dare you, idiot!
-Boobsy, don't-- -‘Unno, behave yourself.
-What? -Yes, Uncle.
-Ohh! -(ALL GASP)
(ALL CHATTERING)
This was a Versace!
(ALL SHOUTING AND LAUGHING)
Come on, let’s do this.
-Oi! -(CHATTERING STOPS)
Are you taking the piss? Leave you in my house and you go--
-Oh, God! Shirley! -(THUDS)
(SHIRLEY GROANING) Oh, Lord have mercy!
-(BILAL) Hey, Shirley, you're lucky. -Lucky?
-I've got my nativity show tomorrow. -Don’t worry about that. It'll be all right.
Yeah, Mum, we could help you with that as well, and Boxing Day.
(SHIRLEY) Oh? Now you wanna help me, Aretha?
Wow. Okay?
-You guys mash up my house. Get off! -Shirley.
(CHATTERING)
Everyone out.
-(BILAL) Shirl, come on! Come on! -Now! Everyone get out of my house!
Clint? We gotta go.
You, Melvin, upstairs!
(CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
-You all right, Mum? -(SHIRLEY SIGHS)
-You okay? -Where's Lisa?
She had to go back. I gotta go and see her.
-Did you know that she’s pregnant? -What?
Did you know
-that your fiancée is pregnant? -Well, hold on.
-Did she speak to you about something? -She didn’t have to say anything.
I’m watching this beautiful young woman who loves you,
hiding her shit because she doesn't have the confidence
that you've got your shit together.
-Are you ashamed of us? -Mum, I can't deal with this.
-Yeah, go on. Run. Run like your father. -Why are you talking to me like that?
What your dad did to me and this family was messed up.
How I handled it was messed up.
But you,
jumping on a plane and not talking to us for months on end,
running away without a proper explanation to Georgia,
and then turning up here with your pregnant fiancée,
and walking her straight into this shit blindly,
now it's that you should be ashamed of.
Now, leave my house.
Boxing Day is off.
(MS. LONDON ON SPEAKER)You need me to come out there?
No. Just meet me in New Zealand.
(MS. LONDON)You already know. I got you.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
(MELVIN) Lisa, can you open the door, please?
I've got a key, but I don’t wanna just come in.
I want you to want me to come in.
Babe, you’re pregnant.
Why not tell me? Why carry that by yourself?
(LISA SNUFFLES SOFTLY)
I know I can be a scared little shit.
(MELVIN) I'm a scared little shit.
But I love you, and I promise you I will do anything to make our life perfect.
(MELVIN) You're right. I should’ve told you about Georgia.
I just...
I didn’t want you to see how much of a coward I can be.
(MELVIN) Lisa, I'm sorry. I love you,
and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
-Lisa? -(LISA) Melvin...
I need you to go.
("TONIGHT MAY HAVE TO LAST ME ALL MY LIFE" BY NANCY WILSON PLAYING)
Hold me close to you
Say you love me too
Tonight may have to last me
All my life
Leave a memory
To keep me company
Tonight
May have to last me
All my life
Then, when I'm alone...
(KNOCKS)
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
Clap your hands and stomp your feet.
This happens to be a Bilal special treat.
Style can't spoil.
(CROWD CHEERING)
Hold on tight. Merry Christmas, everybody.
(BILAL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
Here, a good life.
-It’s all we know. -(GLASSES CLINK)
Tonight, I realised I’m just like you.
I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me.
I like her.
Strong. Good manners.
Beautiful. (CHUCKLES)
Maybe we are alike, eh? (CHUCKLES)
-Lisa’s pregnant, Dad. -Hmmm...
Well...
Congratulations.
I’ve never known if I wanted to be a dad.
-Children are a blessing, son. -(MELVIN CHUCKLES)
That’s easy for you to say, innit?
Your generation were getting women pregnant left, right, and centre.
I only had one family.
But you let us down, Dad.
You let me down.
All these years I spent trying to... live into some...
...expectation for me, all for you to...
All so I could what?
You broke my heart, Dad.
Made me think that nothing was real.
And I judged you severely for it.
(MELVIN SIGHS)
I know.
Now I know life is just complicated.
I could've done better by Shirley, you know.
Shirley is a...
She's a wonderful woman.
A good mother and a wife that...
(SIGHS) I'm gonna regret losing for the rest of my life.
All my mistakes...
the way I've done things...
is no way a reflection of...
the love that I had for you all.
The love I got for you, Melvin.
All my indiscretions, I had to take a look at myself in the mirror.
And I’m humbled to the fact that...
I am an imperfect human being.
I gotta live with that. Tell me something, son.
What are you scared of?
Scared I'm not ready.
(SIGHS)
I don’t want to hurt her.
(SIGHS) I’m scared I’d fail.
And I ain’t got no business being a father.
Hearing you say all that...
It only tells me one thing.
You are ready.
(SLOW R&B MUSIC PLAYING)
(PHONE VIBRATES)
(PEBBLE TAPS WINDOW)
(RADIO NEWS PLAYING)
(SNORING)
-Morning! -(GRUNTS)
There you go. Dad, you forget about me ‘cause Melvin’s home, yeah?
You get rich and switch. I thought I was your favourite?
You are my favourite. Come.
Right. I’ll go wash up.
(SIGHS)
It'll be all right in the end.
If it’s not all right, then it’s not the end.
-You look morning ugly stressed, bruv. -I am stressed.
I ruined my life last night, Boobsy.
(CLEARS THROAT)
What are you watching?
(SIGHS) The night I proposed.
You proper love her, innit?
(CHUCKLES) I'm not gonna lie.
Lisa's all right, man. She sticks up for herself.
-You’re gonna be an auntie. -What?
Yes.
-What?! -Oh, God. Get off me, man.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
-What? To an American child? -Yes, to an American child.
Daddy, Auntie Boobsy!
Ewww! (SLAPS)
Ow! What the hell are you doing that for?
That is for the future baby mother bride-to-be.
Only an American girl would put up with your shit, bruv.
Don’t worry, I’m gonna teach her the London way.
(GIGGLES) Ah, Auntie Boobsy.
I gotta fix this.
-What? -I need your help.
How is there not one flight leaving for New Zealand?
(CHUCKLES) No shit it’s Christmas. I need to get out of here.
-(MAN) Come on, mate! Move it! -Who are you beeping at?
-What's your problem? Relax, bruv. Relax! -(CARS BEEPING)
Five minutes, yeah? Just wait!
God! All right. Go on, bruv. Do your thing. Do...
Bruv. Them things don’t work no more. Come on.
-Sorry, mate. -Yeah, mate, better luck next time.
(ENGINE STARTS)
Thank you. If you could reverse, please?
Everyone come out! I want everyone to see this.
Who believes in love?
Well, I believe in love.
And Joseph, bro, I love you, man.
-What? -I do! I love you.
(JOSEPH) But you hurt me, man. Like, literally hurt me.
See that girl up there? Alison, she's special to me.
So no matter how many times you punch me up, chase me, or threaten me,
it’s not going to change the way I feel about her.
So what do you want to do?
-(GRUNTS) -You and your dumb speech, man.
Listen.
Alison needs a man, not a boy.
Now go back and spend Christmas with your real family.
You thinking you know what Alison needs is the saddest truth here.
Dedicated.
What are you doing?
For real? For him?
Him? I don’t want either of you jokers.
You lot are on my car, so could you move please?
-Thank you. -Hold on.
What are you saying?
Please don’t be here when I get back.
(SIGHS)
Didn't I say I didn’t like flowers?
What about this?
Oh, Josh.
Babes. (CHUCKLES)
You are cute.
Merry Christmas.
(WISE KID #1) Baby Black Jesus, I gift you this jar of myrrh.
May it represent strength and all ‘dem tings there.
-(CROWD LAUGHS) -He’s a baby.
He needs a dummy, not tree wax, Wasteman.
And this chest of gold is all yours, my G. Got me dripping still.
You lot say my son is the Son of God, yeah? Then make a man a better offer!
-Yeah. -(CROWD LAUGHS)
-(FOOT STOMPS) -(CROWD GASPS)
(CROWD CHEERING)
Please sit down.
(CHEERING CONTINUES)
All right, let's have one big cheer for the young people.
(CROWD CHEERS LOUDLY)
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Ah-yah, yah, yah, ya-yaaah
(RICHARD)Oh, yah, yah, yah-yaaah
(RICHARD)Ah-yah, yah, yah, yah-yaaah
Ah, some things were meant to be
So why not let it be?
And stop worryin’ about it?
(CROWD CHATTERING)
Long as we know what’s in our hearts
We know your inner thoughts, and
No reason for concern, no
They gonna talk, they gonna talk, they gonna talk
They gonna say a lot of things about us
(CROWD CHEERING)
(BOTH) You said you know that our love is not a sin
But you worry what the people say
When they see me with you
And worry what the crowd would say
When they find us together
Worry what the people say
When they know we’re in love
-Worry what the crowd will say -(CROWD CHEERING)
(BILAL) Everybody, let's sing. Come on, let's sing.
Let's go. Let's go.
(EVERYBODY SINGING)Ah-yah, yah, yah, ya-yaaah
Oh, ah-yah, yah, yah-yaaah
Oh-ho, ohh
-One more time. - Ah-yah, yah, yah, ya-yaaah
Oh-ho, ohh
(CROWD CHEERING)
Well done. Well done.
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
I’m here. What do you want?
I wanted to say sorry.
(GEORGIA) I was wrong.
Okay. That it?
I never intended to be malicious.
(SCOFFS) Really?
(INHALES) Then what exactly were your intentions?
My first night meeting his family and all.
I guess I just always felt like we'd...
Oh, it doesn't matter.
I’m so sorry, Lisa.
Thank you for saying that.
This whole thing's Melvin's fault anyways, right?
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) I mean, when we met, we were doing so well without him.
(SIGHS) Yeah.
Hmm. Who needs him?
So... what do you wanna do?
(GEORGIA) 'Cause I can see how much he loves you.
Well, guys, 'til next year.
-Don’t come back, man. -(CHUCKLES)
Yeah, when you’re around, everything's always so dramatic.
-Why you got to Hollywood-ise everything? -Stop it. This is bullying.
-Give me a hug, man. -Take it easy, man.
See you later, darling.
-Mommy! -Oh!
Mmm!
How do you know that she's not already left for New Zealand?
-Hmm? -Then I’ll go to New Zealand.
All right, son. Go find her.
-Richard, nice to meet you. -Very good to meet you.
-(CHUCKLES) -Take care of my mum.
I will. Good luck.
Thank you.
Later.
(ARETHA AND SHIRLEY) Bye!
Aww.
-Boobsy, you good? -(GEORGIA) Melvin, it’s Georgia.
I made Boobsy call on three-way. Don’t hang up.
-Yeah. What’s up? -Can you meet me before you leave?
I promise it will only take a second.
-Cab's waiting. -Melvin, I’m not gonna bite you.
-(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) -You sure?
Listen.
If you never left, we’d never have started our lives,
never have had space to grow.
We’d have always just been what's expected, what's comfortable.
-Gigi and Mello. (CHUCKLES) -Mello.
-(LAUGHS) I haven't heard that in time. -I don’t know why we used to call you that.
-You’re so dramatic. -I’m dramatic?
You’re the one that writes sad love songs.
And you write sad stories.
They’re not always sad.
Georgia, I am so sorry I hurt you.
Beautiful, Melvin.
Beautiful, complicated wasteman.
You really love her, don’t you?
-(GEORGIA) Hey... -(BUSKER) You ready?
Oh, yeah. We'll go one, two, and one, two, three, four.
(GUITAR PLAYS)
(SINGING)Driftin’ on a memory
Ain't no place I'd rather be
Than with you, mmm
# Lovin' you
(GEORGIA SINGING)Day will make a way for night
All we'll need is a candlelight
And a song
Soft and long
Glad to be
Here alone with a lover unlike no other
Sad to see
A new horizon slowly
Coming into view
I wanna be living
For the love of you, yeah
And all that I'm giving...
Lisa Dixon...
I love you, honest and true.
Will you marry me?
Well, see now this is perfect.
And you didn’t do it by yourself, did you?
No, I didn’t.
You needed a little help, right?
Yes.
Yes to our baby?
Billion per cent yes to our baby.
-Yes to New Zealand? -Yes, baby.
Yes, baby. Yes, baby, to you too.
(CROWD CLAPS AND CHEERS)
(SHIRLEY) Woo-hoo! Woo!
(CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
(UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING)
(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)
-Sure you wanna marry into this family? -Oh, more than sure.
(CROWD CHEERING)
(ALL SINGING)I wanna be living
For the love of you
And all that I'm giving Is for the love of you.
(UPBEAT FUNK MUSIC PLAYING)
Translated by: David Benke Iyuno-SDI Group