1 00:00:03,394 --> 00:00:06,615 Question: I'm the most sensitive guy you know. 2 00:00:06,745 --> 00:00:07,833 Not a question. 3 00:00:07,964 --> 00:00:09,313 Thank you. 4 00:00:09,444 --> 00:00:11,098 Why do you sort of ask? 5 00:00:11,228 --> 00:00:12,534 Well, I went on a date with this woman, 6 00:00:12,664 --> 00:00:14,188 and she said I wasn't sensitive enough. 7 00:00:14,318 --> 00:00:17,669 Apparently, I'm a bad listener and... blah, blah, blah. 8 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:20,150 Look, you're super nice, 9 00:00:20,281 --> 00:00:22,935 but you don't always have the best attention span, 10 00:00:23,066 --> 00:00:25,590 so it can come off a little insensitive. 11 00:00:25,721 --> 00:00:26,983 I never noticed that. 12 00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:29,246 I was reading a book on how crystals 13 00:00:29,377 --> 00:00:31,118 can regulate your menstrual cycle, 14 00:00:31,248 --> 00:00:32,728 -and... -Bep-bep-bep. I'm gonna stop you. 15 00:00:32,858 --> 00:00:34,643 I just became hyperaware of my feet. 16 00:00:34,773 --> 00:00:37,428 Every movement, every twitch. 17 00:00:37,559 --> 00:00:39,430 You know, I have some great listening exercises 18 00:00:39,561 --> 00:00:41,171 -to help you improve your... -Bep-bep-bep. 19 00:00:41,302 --> 00:00:42,781 I don't need to, and I don't need you doing 20 00:00:42,912 --> 00:00:43,608 your little fixy thing. 21 00:00:43,739 --> 00:00:45,436 What do you mean? 22 00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:47,090 You're a meddler. 23 00:00:47,221 --> 00:00:48,787 It's sweet you want to help, but you go too far. 24 00:00:48,918 --> 00:00:50,267 No, I'm not a meddler. 25 00:00:50,398 --> 00:00:53,705 I just give amazing unsolicited advice. 26 00:00:53,836 --> 00:00:55,098 I have to leave for my interview 27 00:00:55,229 --> 00:00:56,534 with that big stylist in 17 seconds. 28 00:00:56,665 --> 00:00:58,449 -How do I look? -Uh, here, let me just... 29 00:00:58,580 --> 00:01:00,060 Was actually just looking for validation, but... 30 00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:01,713 She's meddling! 31 00:01:01,844 --> 00:01:04,020 You are gonna crush that meeting like a soda can. 32 00:01:04,151 --> 00:01:05,500 Oh, thanks for the pep talk. 33 00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:07,241 I actually need it. I'm super stressed. 34 00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:09,286 I have a shift at Skybucks right after the interview. 35 00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:11,114 -Guess what? -Can't guess. No time. 36 00:01:11,245 --> 00:01:13,073 Griffin, that badass guy I dated... 37 00:01:13,203 --> 00:01:15,205 Who turned out to be obsessed with collecting Pee Wee Babies? 38 00:01:15,336 --> 00:01:17,294 -Yeah. Not so badass. -Oh! 39 00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:19,470 -[coughs] -So, he DM'd me to meet up. 40 00:01:19,601 --> 00:01:21,864 I guess I'm just the one that got away. 41 00:01:21,994 --> 00:01:24,519 Oh! Well... Oh! Have him meet you at Skybucks 42 00:01:24,649 --> 00:01:26,173 so I can watch the whole thing go down. 43 00:01:26,303 --> 00:01:28,610 -Mm. Love you. Bye! -Love you. Bye! 44 00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:32,135 -Hey, Harper. How are you? Oh. -Can't talk. No time. 45 00:01:32,266 --> 00:01:34,181 So, Freddie, how's the glamorous world of tech support? 46 00:01:34,311 --> 00:01:36,922 He asked, sensitively. 47 00:01:37,053 --> 00:01:39,969 It sucks. But I've saved up almost $4,000, 48 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,101 so pretty soon, 49 00:01:41,231 --> 00:01:42,798 I can move out of my mom's. 50 00:01:42,928 --> 00:01:45,148 Got my eye on a place with a Peloton on the roof. 51 00:01:45,279 --> 00:01:47,629 It's like cycling but outside. 52 00:01:48,891 --> 00:01:50,719 I just need another thousand bucks, and I'm good to go. 53 00:01:50,849 --> 00:01:51,894 Which could take a while. 54 00:01:52,024 --> 00:01:53,896 Millicent just discovered birding. 55 00:01:54,026 --> 00:01:55,724 Strangely expensive hobby. 56 00:01:56,725 --> 00:01:58,901 Maybe you need a side hustle. You could babysit. 57 00:01:59,031 --> 00:02:01,817 I already do. All the time. For free. 58 00:02:01,947 --> 00:02:03,601 It's called being a parent. 59 00:02:03,732 --> 00:02:05,647 [phone rings] 60 00:02:05,777 --> 00:02:07,649 Thank you for calling NoJudgementTechSupport.com, 61 00:02:07,779 --> 00:02:10,391 where we close your browser tabs for you. This is Freddie. 62 00:02:10,521 --> 00:02:13,045 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 63 00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:16,266 Let me ask you this: is your device plugged in? 64 00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:22,794 There we go. 65 00:02:22,925 --> 00:02:24,187 ♪ I know ♪ 66 00:02:24,318 --> 00:02:25,710 ♪ You see ♪ 67 00:02:25,841 --> 00:02:28,235 ♪ Somehow the world will change for me ♪ 68 00:02:28,365 --> 00:02:31,325 ♪ And be so wonderful ♪ 69 00:02:31,455 --> 00:02:35,024 ♪ So wake up the members of my nation ♪ 70 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,287 ♪ It's your time to be ♪ 71 00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:40,334 ♪ There's no chance unless you take one ♪ 72 00:02:40,464 --> 00:02:42,945 ♪ And the time to see the brighter side ♪ 73 00:02:43,075 --> 00:02:46,296 ♪ Of every situation ♪ 74 00:02:46,427 --> 00:02:48,211 ♪ Some things are meant to be ♪ 75 00:02:48,342 --> 00:02:51,171 ♪ So give your best and leave the rest to me. ♪ 76 00:02:54,957 --> 00:02:56,437 Hey, CJ! [chuckles] 77 00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:58,874 As your friend, I say, "Hey, queen." 78 00:02:59,004 --> 00:03:00,528 But as your new assistant manager, I say, 79 00:03:00,658 --> 00:03:02,312 "We need a coach and counsel." 80 00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:04,488 Ooh, is that where we spill the tea on our coworkers? 81 00:03:04,619 --> 00:03:07,056 'Cause Angel's new purse is a horror show. 82 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,405 I gave her that purse. 83 00:03:08,536 --> 00:03:11,234 Harper, you're three minutes late. 84 00:03:11,365 --> 00:03:12,757 I had an important interview. 85 00:03:12,888 --> 00:03:14,846 Working for this stylist could change my life. 86 00:03:14,977 --> 00:03:16,979 As your friend, I say, "You go, girl." 87 00:03:17,109 --> 00:03:19,547 But as your assistant manager coming into their power, 88 00:03:19,677 --> 00:03:22,811 I say, "Do it again, and you're fired." 89 00:03:26,728 --> 00:03:28,164 Oh, hey, Carly. 90 00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:29,731 You mind flipping off my assistant manager? 91 00:03:29,861 --> 00:03:31,515 They can't fire you. Oh. 92 00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:33,343 Griffin's over there. 93 00:03:33,474 --> 00:03:34,344 How'd you know that was him? 94 00:03:34,475 --> 00:03:36,216 Oh, he looks like the kind of guy 95 00:03:36,346 --> 00:03:37,956 who used to wear his backpack with one strap. 96 00:03:38,087 --> 00:03:40,568 Ooh, you trying to strap him back on? 97 00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:43,919 Your euphemisms confuse me, but maybe. 98 00:03:45,094 --> 00:03:46,487 Hey, Carly, over here. 99 00:03:46,617 --> 00:03:47,662 Oh, hey, Griffin. 100 00:03:47,792 --> 00:03:49,490 You look amazing. How are you? 101 00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:51,187 I'm great. How are you? 102 00:03:51,318 --> 00:03:53,668 Are you leaning more towards stealing motorcycles 103 00:03:53,798 --> 00:03:56,105 or temperature-controlling stuffed animals? 104 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,760 Oh, my Pee Wee Baby days are long gone. 105 00:03:58,890 --> 00:04:02,111 -Oh, yeah? -Oh, yeah. 106 00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:05,810 I had to sell them to pay for my settlement. 107 00:04:05,941 --> 00:04:08,030 Apparently, you can't just say you're a hypnotist. 108 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:09,379 Anyway, long story short, 109 00:04:09,510 --> 00:04:12,730 bankruptcy, prison, I'm infertile. 110 00:04:12,861 --> 00:04:14,558 [chuckles] 111 00:04:14,689 --> 00:04:16,995 This latte is a delight. 112 00:04:17,996 --> 00:04:21,696 Yeah. Uh, so nice to see you, platonic friend. 113 00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:26,440 By the way, you seem very calm considering you've... 114 00:04:26,570 --> 00:04:28,572 lived a lot of life. 115 00:04:28,703 --> 00:04:30,618 It's 'cause I found Sand. 116 00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:32,054 Sand? 117 00:04:32,184 --> 00:04:34,012 It's this genius line of supplements. 118 00:04:34,143 --> 00:04:36,188 I use Calm Sand. You just take some, 119 00:04:36,319 --> 00:04:39,148 put it in your water, and it "sands" away the rough parts. 120 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,802 If I didn't have this, 121 00:04:40,932 --> 00:04:43,631 I'd probably drive my motorcycle off a bridge. [laughing] 122 00:04:43,761 --> 00:04:45,328 [chuckling] 123 00:04:46,982 --> 00:04:48,853 Want to try some? 124 00:04:48,984 --> 00:04:50,899 Sure. Uh, 125 00:04:51,029 --> 00:04:53,031 Sand me. 126 00:04:53,162 --> 00:04:55,512 -So, what's in it? -Antioxidants, superfoods, 127 00:04:55,643 --> 00:04:57,688 organic mood boosters. 128 00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:02,127 I guess I have a pretty stress-packed day. 129 00:05:05,957 --> 00:05:06,784 What do you think? 130 00:05:06,915 --> 00:05:09,221 ♪ ♪ 131 00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:14,096 It's actually amazing. 132 00:05:14,226 --> 00:05:16,490 I've never felt so calm. 133 00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:19,319 Like a snowy owl on the quiet tundra, 134 00:05:19,449 --> 00:05:21,277 watching the sunrise. 135 00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:25,455 Hoo. Hoo. 136 00:05:26,543 --> 00:05:28,545 You sure there's nothing in there 137 00:05:28,676 --> 00:05:30,112 the DEA would object to? 138 00:05:30,242 --> 00:05:32,288 [chuckles] Oh, Spence. 139 00:05:33,681 --> 00:05:35,726 Griffin's made a ton of money off of it. 140 00:05:35,857 --> 00:05:38,512 Freddie, this could be your side hustle. 141 00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:39,904 -Hmm. -Carly... 142 00:05:40,035 --> 00:05:41,079 Not meddling. Just saying, "Try it." 143 00:05:41,210 --> 00:05:42,777 See if you like it. 144 00:05:43,778 --> 00:05:45,083 There's all different kinds of Sand. 145 00:05:45,214 --> 00:05:46,737 Griffin gave me this sample pack. 146 00:05:46,868 --> 00:05:50,001 More like "sand-ple" pack. 147 00:05:50,132 --> 00:05:54,484 [chuckles] Maybe there's some Funny Sand in there, Dad Jokes. 148 00:05:54,615 --> 00:05:55,920 Sensitivity Sand? [gasps] 149 00:05:56,051 --> 00:05:58,096 This'll come in handy. The woman from the other night 150 00:05:58,227 --> 00:05:59,881 wants to give me a second chance. 151 00:06:00,011 --> 00:06:02,405 She wants to watch a documentary about a penguin orphanage, 152 00:06:02,536 --> 00:06:05,495 and if I don't cry, I am gonna hear about it. 153 00:06:06,627 --> 00:06:09,891 Brave Sand. "For people who have trouble standing up to bullies." 154 00:06:10,021 --> 00:06:11,719 Oh, perfect. 155 00:06:11,849 --> 00:06:13,590 Millicent scheduled a serious talk with me 156 00:06:13,721 --> 00:06:15,200 when she gets home from school. 157 00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:18,465 I heard back from the stylist. 158 00:06:18,595 --> 00:06:20,118 [ALL]: And...? 159 00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:21,250 I didn't get it. 160 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:22,643 [ALL]: Aw. 161 00:06:22,773 --> 00:06:23,948 I wish I would've had more time to prepare, 162 00:06:24,079 --> 00:06:25,863 but Skybucks has me opening, closing, 163 00:06:25,994 --> 00:06:27,212 and in-betweening so much, 164 00:06:27,343 --> 00:06:29,476 I wasn't as ready as I could've been. 165 00:06:29,606 --> 00:06:31,391 -[ALL]: Oh. -Stop doing that. 166 00:06:31,521 --> 00:06:34,959 You know what you need? Happy Sand. 167 00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:36,787 Unless it's sand under a beach towel 168 00:06:36,918 --> 00:06:39,268 I'm sharing with Cara Delevingne on a romantic Miami getaway, 169 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,923 it's not gonna make me happy. 170 00:06:46,493 --> 00:06:48,451 You're very welcome. If you'd like to take a brief survey, 171 00:06:48,582 --> 00:06:50,888 please stay on the... Hello? 172 00:06:51,019 --> 00:06:54,457 Sir, I know you're still there. You just said, "Click." 173 00:06:55,458 --> 00:06:58,156 I'm ready for our meeting, Mr. Benson. 174 00:06:58,287 --> 00:07:00,463 [sighs] Okay. 175 00:07:00,594 --> 00:07:02,596 Let me take a shot of courage first. 176 00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:10,560 Okay, let's do this. [exhales] 177 00:07:10,691 --> 00:07:13,258 This is important, so I put together a presentation 178 00:07:13,389 --> 00:07:16,827 that people from your generation will understand. 179 00:07:16,958 --> 00:07:18,568 [over computer]: Extra! Extra! 180 00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:21,353 Breaking news from the Emerald City. 181 00:07:21,484 --> 00:07:22,964 What's that, you say? 182 00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:25,314 This little girl's gotten all A's 183 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,795 and still isn't allowed to have a doggy? 184 00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:32,408 Aw, but she looks so lonely without a pupper! 185 00:07:32,539 --> 00:07:34,671 How much is that doggy in the window? 186 00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:37,805 It'll only cost you peanuts. 187 00:07:46,335 --> 00:07:48,424 No. 188 00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:50,557 What?! But I made a video and everything. 189 00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:52,123 And I'm in the hole for two clams 190 00:07:52,254 --> 00:07:54,604 on a 1940s lingo app. 191 00:07:54,735 --> 00:07:56,737 I was born in the '90s. 192 00:07:56,867 --> 00:07:58,216 [scoffs] Look, 193 00:07:58,347 --> 00:08:00,741 having a dog is a lot of responsibility. 194 00:08:00,871 --> 00:08:03,091 The feeding, the walking, the pooping. 195 00:08:03,221 --> 00:08:04,875 My God, the pooping. 196 00:08:05,006 --> 00:08:07,138 I want a dog. 197 00:08:07,269 --> 00:08:08,923 How 'bout we start you off with something easier? 198 00:08:09,053 --> 00:08:10,141 Like a pet rock? 199 00:08:10,272 --> 00:08:12,013 -How 'bout a cat? -Sea monkeys. 200 00:08:12,143 --> 00:08:12,883 -Gerbil. -Ant farm. 201 00:08:13,014 --> 00:08:14,276 -Fish. -Deal. 202 00:08:14,406 --> 00:08:16,757 Tough negotiation, Dad. 203 00:08:16,887 --> 00:08:20,282 Normally, you just cave into a fetal ball. 204 00:08:20,412 --> 00:08:22,066 Pleasure doing business. 205 00:08:22,197 --> 00:08:24,242 I don't suppose you'd like to take a brief survey? 206 00:08:24,373 --> 00:08:25,635 Click. 207 00:08:29,378 --> 00:08:31,554 Carly! 208 00:08:32,816 --> 00:08:33,904 How are you? 209 00:08:34,035 --> 00:08:36,864 I'm good. You? 210 00:08:36,994 --> 00:08:38,735 I hear you saying you're good, 211 00:08:38,866 --> 00:08:41,085 but I still need to acknowledge the cruelty of my actions. 212 00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:44,698 I never should've accused you of caring too much. 213 00:08:44,828 --> 00:08:46,438 If anything, I should've accused you 214 00:08:46,569 --> 00:08:48,310 of being just so gosh darn wonderful. 215 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:51,487 -Come here. -Aw. 216 00:08:51,618 --> 00:08:53,010 Thank you. 217 00:08:53,141 --> 00:08:56,057 -I just like to help my friends. -Mm. 218 00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:58,363 Don't really need a hug 219 00:08:58,494 --> 00:09:01,192 to still be happening. 220 00:09:01,323 --> 00:09:03,412 Everybody needs a hug. 221 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:07,547 And if it's a convenient time, I got you this gift. 222 00:09:11,942 --> 00:09:14,336 It's a menstrual crystal. 223 00:09:15,076 --> 00:09:16,468 Oh. 224 00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:18,993 Thank you. [chuckles] 225 00:09:19,123 --> 00:09:21,648 But, you know, I was just saying that stuff 226 00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:23,345 about the book to mess with you. 227 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:27,175 I misunderstood your joke. 228 00:09:27,305 --> 00:09:29,873 And for that, I apologize. 229 00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:32,963 Wow. That Sensitivity Sand really works. 230 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,663 [high-pitched]: Do you not want it?! 231 00:09:36,793 --> 00:09:39,840 Oh. No, it's... 232 00:09:39,970 --> 00:09:41,363 It's great. 233 00:09:41,493 --> 00:09:43,191 Thank you, Carly. 234 00:09:43,321 --> 00:09:44,584 If you hadn't have meddled, 235 00:09:44,714 --> 00:09:46,237 I never would have found Sensitivity Sand. 236 00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:47,674 And then where would I be? 237 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,285 [voice breaking]: Lost. 238 00:09:50,415 --> 00:09:52,156 That's where. 239 00:09:53,288 --> 00:09:55,246 I feel that it's best 240 00:09:55,377 --> 00:09:58,423 you process these emotions on your own. 241 00:10:00,556 --> 00:10:04,125 [sighs] You know who else needs a hug? 242 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,524 [elevator dings] 243 00:10:14,570 --> 00:10:16,093 Freddie? 244 00:10:16,224 --> 00:10:17,486 Over here. 245 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,183 -What is all this? -[grunts] 246 00:10:19,314 --> 00:10:22,360 You said I needed a side hustle. I'm side-hustling. 247 00:10:22,491 --> 00:10:26,538 Say hello to the latest Sandbassador. 248 00:10:26,669 --> 00:10:29,716 -Wow, that's amazing. Congrats. -Yeah. 249 00:10:29,846 --> 00:10:33,328 -But they just gave you all this inventory? -Yeah, 250 00:10:33,458 --> 00:10:35,809 once I gave them $4,000, 251 00:10:35,939 --> 00:10:38,072 which was an amazing discount. 252 00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:41,510 But wasn't that all the money you saved 253 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,382 so that you could move out and get your own apartment? 254 00:10:44,513 --> 00:10:47,255 Nah, Griffin says I'll make my money back super fast. 255 00:10:47,385 --> 00:10:49,953 And then Millicent and I will be out of Mom's apartment. 256 00:10:50,084 --> 00:10:52,303 I already joined the waitlist to use the rooftop Peloton. 257 00:10:52,434 --> 00:10:55,263 Mondays at 3:00 a.m., here I come. 258 00:10:55,393 --> 00:10:58,048 What's the problem? You love Sand. 259 00:10:58,179 --> 00:11:01,008 Yeah, but I just thought you'd start small 260 00:11:01,138 --> 00:11:02,792 and work your way up. 261 00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:04,315 Freddie, spending all your money 262 00:11:04,446 --> 00:11:06,143 -is a huge risk. -Eh. 263 00:11:06,274 --> 00:11:08,145 I'd be really, really worried for you now 264 00:11:08,276 --> 00:11:11,148 -if I wasn't all hopped up on Calm Sand. -[chuckles] 265 00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:14,064 Thank you, Carly. 266 00:11:14,195 --> 00:11:16,893 I am standing on the precipice of total success 267 00:11:17,024 --> 00:11:18,416 or absolute failure, 268 00:11:18,547 --> 00:11:20,288 and you're pushing me over the cliff. 269 00:11:38,045 --> 00:11:40,569 Harper, I have a huge prob... 270 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,310 Whoa. 271 00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:45,400 You're dressed as a normie. 272 00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:46,793 Look away. 273 00:11:48,359 --> 00:11:50,666 The pain of this polycotton blend against my skin 274 00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:54,104 is a direct reflection of the pain I feel inside. 275 00:11:54,235 --> 00:11:56,498 I'm really sorry. But your pain, 276 00:11:56,628 --> 00:11:59,631 like that shirt, will shrink and fade. 277 00:12:01,111 --> 00:12:03,113 I promise. You'll have other opportunities. 278 00:12:03,244 --> 00:12:04,898 Yeah, other opportunities to fail. 279 00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:06,334 This shirt is a lie! 280 00:12:06,464 --> 00:12:08,945 [whispers]: And it's from an outlet. 281 00:12:09,076 --> 00:12:12,209 Well, things could always be worse. 282 00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:13,297 I hate when people try to cheer you up 283 00:12:13,428 --> 00:12:14,821 by saying, "Things could be worse." 284 00:12:14,951 --> 00:12:16,431 Unless you know a specific person 285 00:12:16,561 --> 00:12:19,477 for whom things are worse, in which case, dish. 286 00:12:19,608 --> 00:12:21,044 It's Freddie. 287 00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:23,655 Aw, poor guy. Tell me everything. 288 00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:26,746 I can feel my emotional healing already. 289 00:12:26,876 --> 00:12:28,051 I told him to get a side hustle, 290 00:12:28,182 --> 00:12:30,967 and he spent his life savings on Sand. 291 00:12:31,098 --> 00:12:32,534 What if he can't sell it and he gets stuck 292 00:12:32,664 --> 00:12:35,102 with his mom forever, and it's all my fault? 293 00:12:35,232 --> 00:12:38,061 -Yeah. That's the good stuff. -Wait. 294 00:12:38,192 --> 00:12:40,107 I can help him sell it. 295 00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:41,543 I have three million subscribers, 296 00:12:41,673 --> 00:12:43,284 and Sand is amazing. 297 00:12:43,414 --> 00:12:45,286 The day is saved. 298 00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:47,984 I'm going back to my neck massager. 299 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,858 "The creature revealed itself in the moonlight. 300 00:12:51,988 --> 00:12:54,164 A dragon ten times the boy's size." 301 00:12:54,295 --> 00:12:57,864 A dragon is like a giant land fish, 302 00:12:57,994 --> 00:13:00,170 but not as cool as you, Donut. 303 00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:02,303 Now that we have your laptop sorted, 304 00:13:02,433 --> 00:13:05,001 can I interest you in a supplement to... Hello? 305 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,832 Look, Millicent, it's great 306 00:13:09,963 --> 00:13:12,356 that you're spending so much time with your new pet. 307 00:13:12,487 --> 00:13:16,534 Um, excuse you? Donut is my daughter. 308 00:13:16,665 --> 00:13:19,668 Just don't forget about your homework and your chores. 309 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:23,019 Oh, I'll juggle it all. Like working moms everywhere. 310 00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:25,195 Hey. 311 00:13:25,326 --> 00:13:26,936 How's it going with the Sand? 312 00:13:27,067 --> 00:13:28,720 Great! Sold a case to Spencer. 313 00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,592 That's a start. Anyone else? 314 00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:32,724 Uh, not yet. You know, mostly just putting out feelers. 315 00:13:32,855 --> 00:13:34,378 Getting the word out. Branding. 316 00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:36,032 Begging. 317 00:13:36,163 --> 00:13:38,426 He made me text my bus driver. 318 00:13:39,688 --> 00:13:40,820 Well, beg no more. 319 00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:42,865 We're gonna sell Sand on iCarly. 320 00:13:42,996 --> 00:13:45,346 No, stop, I'm no hero. 321 00:13:45,476 --> 00:13:48,697 That seems like I'd be expanding to a much bigger market. 322 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:51,265 Yeah! It'll be great. We can even have testimonials 323 00:13:51,395 --> 00:13:53,571 from you and me and Spencer 324 00:13:53,702 --> 00:13:55,530 if he ever stops crying in the bath. 325 00:13:56,444 --> 00:13:57,749 We'll make your money back in no time. 326 00:13:57,880 --> 00:13:59,316 Okay, sure. 327 00:13:59,447 --> 00:14:01,275 You know, I'll order more Sand so I'm ready. 328 00:14:01,405 --> 00:14:03,973 Wait, I-I just meant to sell what you already have. 329 00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:05,670 You know what's really brave? 330 00:14:05,801 --> 00:14:07,498 Playing it safe. 331 00:14:07,629 --> 00:14:08,978 No, you're right. 332 00:14:09,109 --> 00:14:10,937 Expanding is totally the right call. 333 00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:13,417 Hey, Mom! I need a loan! 334 00:14:15,376 --> 00:14:17,726 Well, there goes your college fund, Donut. 335 00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:20,120 She's getting a scholarship. 336 00:14:24,646 --> 00:14:25,952 Yeah. A sales chart, 337 00:14:26,082 --> 00:14:28,780 people calling in-- the whole QVC shebang. 338 00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:29,999 We'll even do testimonials. 339 00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:31,740 I'll do my classic owl speech. 340 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:33,524 Do you think you could cry? 341 00:14:33,655 --> 00:14:35,222 Oh, no problem. 342 00:14:35,352 --> 00:14:37,528 [voice breaking]: This stuff is like Pixar. 343 00:14:37,659 --> 00:14:39,835 Harper, you sure I can't offer you some Sand? 344 00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:42,838 They have one for Gen Z-level confidence. 345 00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:44,057 Nothing's gonna cheer me up. 346 00:14:44,187 --> 00:14:45,841 Especially when everyone else's life 347 00:14:45,972 --> 00:14:48,322 is going so perfectly. 348 00:14:48,452 --> 00:14:52,804 I just made VIP Diamond Salesperson 349 00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:55,546 for North Seattle District. Can you believe it? 350 00:14:55,677 --> 00:14:58,114 VIPDS for NSD! 351 00:14:58,245 --> 00:15:00,595 Plus, I got this awesome Sand Scooter. 352 00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:03,424 This is not fun for me. 353 00:15:03,554 --> 00:15:05,382 I thought you only sold one case. 354 00:15:05,513 --> 00:15:08,864 I did. But that netted me 50,000 bonus Sand Coins, 355 00:15:08,995 --> 00:15:11,780 which I used to buy more Sand. 356 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:14,000 Oh, I'm gonna be rich. 357 00:15:14,130 --> 00:15:16,176 Which is why I quit my job. 358 00:15:16,306 --> 00:15:19,701 You quit your job? You can't quit. 359 00:15:19,831 --> 00:15:22,791 You have a daughter to support and a mother to placate. 360 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:26,099 Brave Sand Freddie leaps without a net, baby! 361 00:15:26,229 --> 00:15:30,233 I am so ready for this iCarly Sand-sational Sales event! 362 00:15:30,364 --> 00:15:32,409 [whoops] 363 00:15:32,540 --> 00:15:35,673 Today, he has wheels. Tomorrow, he'll fly. 364 00:15:35,804 --> 00:15:38,241 Yeah, fly into debt. 365 00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:40,504 It took me a minute to figure it out, 366 00:15:40,635 --> 00:15:41,941 but Sand is shady. 367 00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:43,507 It's an MLM. 368 00:15:43,638 --> 00:15:44,682 Nuh-uh. 369 00:15:44,813 --> 00:15:47,120 What is that? 370 00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:49,122 Multilevel marketing. 371 00:15:49,252 --> 00:15:50,775 It's a pyramid scheme. 372 00:15:50,906 --> 00:15:53,474 Companies get you to buy inventory of phony products 373 00:15:53,604 --> 00:15:55,737 that you can't sell 'cause they don't work, 374 00:15:55,867 --> 00:15:58,740 so your only way out is to recruit more salespeople. 375 00:15:58,870 --> 00:16:01,177 I learned all about it on my favorite podcast, 376 00:16:01,308 --> 00:16:03,136 Scam Empress. 377 00:16:03,266 --> 00:16:05,007 That's not what's going on here. 378 00:16:05,138 --> 00:16:08,619 Hmm. They keep sellers interested with cheap prizes, 379 00:16:08,750 --> 00:16:11,883 fancy titles and worthless fake currency. 380 00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:14,582 Check, check and ch-check. 381 00:16:14,712 --> 00:16:17,977 You said MLM products are bogus, but Sand works. 382 00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:20,544 I'm calm, Spencer's sensitive, 383 00:16:20,675 --> 00:16:24,200 and Freddie's so brave he inadvisably quit his job. 384 00:16:24,331 --> 00:16:26,550 Now, if you'll just excuse me, 385 00:16:26,681 --> 00:16:29,510 I have a Sand-sational Sales event to prepare for. 386 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,339 I've got my head in the Sand, and it's staying there. 387 00:16:35,690 --> 00:16:38,258 They make baby carriers for goldfish? 388 00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:39,737 They make everything on Etsy. 389 00:16:39,868 --> 00:16:43,219 Clearly, you didn't check my registry. 390 00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:46,701 I don't believe in registries. No one tells me how to shop. 391 00:16:46,831 --> 00:16:49,356 Well, I'll take a black coffee for myself 392 00:16:49,486 --> 00:16:51,358 and a seaweed tea for her. 393 00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:53,055 [laughs] I'll give you an apple juice 394 00:16:53,186 --> 00:16:56,841 and a pass on our zero-tolerance policy for non-service animals. 395 00:16:56,972 --> 00:17:00,149 Fine. I'll feed her myself. 396 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:01,194 What are you doing here, anyway? 397 00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:03,370 I'm here for my Fishy and Me group. 398 00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:05,894 I love Donut, but it's nice to connect 399 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,461 with other parents. 400 00:17:07,591 --> 00:17:09,767 I need something just for me. 401 00:17:09,898 --> 00:17:11,595 That's fair. 402 00:17:12,596 --> 00:17:15,730 Oh, my God! I think I killed my baby. 403 00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:18,820 Why did I ever do anything just for me? 404 00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:20,256 Whoa, whoa, whoa. What happened? 405 00:17:20,387 --> 00:17:22,867 I fed Donut this dumb Brave Sand 406 00:17:22,998 --> 00:17:24,217 instead of fish food! 407 00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:25,957 How did I mix these up? 408 00:17:26,088 --> 00:17:27,742 Because they look identical. 409 00:17:27,872 --> 00:17:29,439 Put out your hands. 410 00:17:32,007 --> 00:17:35,315 They're the exact same. 411 00:17:37,012 --> 00:17:40,320 Brave Sand is fish food! 412 00:17:44,976 --> 00:17:46,369 I was right. It's a scam. 413 00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:48,632 Carly and Freddie are about to go on her show 414 00:17:48,763 --> 00:17:50,069 and sell this junk to her subscribers. 415 00:17:50,199 --> 00:17:51,505 I have to warn them. 416 00:17:51,635 --> 00:17:54,290 -Oh. -Hey, Harpsichord. 417 00:17:54,421 --> 00:17:57,032 Hey, CJ-piano. 418 00:17:57,163 --> 00:18:00,862 Listen, I have an MLM/friendship emergency, so I got to go. 419 00:18:00,992 --> 00:18:03,169 As your friend, I say, "We've all been there." 420 00:18:03,299 --> 00:18:04,779 But as your assistant manager, I say, 421 00:18:04,909 --> 00:18:07,738 "Employees must complete their shifts as scheduled." 422 00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:09,392 But I covered for you 423 00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:11,699 when you had to chaperone your dog's honeymoon. 424 00:18:11,829 --> 00:18:13,527 As your friend, La Roux, Cookie and I 425 00:18:13,657 --> 00:18:15,311 will never forget your generosity. 426 00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:17,487 But as your assistant manager, you... 427 00:18:17,618 --> 00:18:19,707 Let me stop you right there. 428 00:18:19,837 --> 00:18:22,449 This job is holding me back in all types of ways. 429 00:18:22,579 --> 00:18:24,451 So, as your employee, I say, 430 00:18:24,581 --> 00:18:26,279 "I quit." 431 00:18:33,199 --> 00:18:36,506 But as your friend, I say, "Drinks this weekend?" 432 00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:38,595 All right. 433 00:18:40,684 --> 00:18:42,817 Everyone get ready for a... 434 00:18:42,947 --> 00:18:46,386 [echoing]: Sandstorm! 435 00:18:46,516 --> 00:18:48,518 ♪ ♪ 436 00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:52,696 I'm Freddie, VIPDS for NSD. 437 00:18:52,827 --> 00:18:56,004 And I'm Griffin, VIPPSC of NSD and EST. 438 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,440 Not a licensed hypnotist. 439 00:18:58,485 --> 00:19:01,009 And I'm Carly. 440 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,837 Hello. 441 00:19:02,967 --> 00:19:04,447 Today, we're here to tell you 442 00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:07,146 -about a product we love: Sand! -Sand! 443 00:19:07,276 --> 00:19:11,106 Sand is a mood booster brimming with life-positive elements. 444 00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:12,499 But don't take our word for it. 445 00:19:12,629 --> 00:19:14,109 Let's hear it from a real Sand fan, 446 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,503 -Spencer Shay! -[whoops] 447 00:19:16,633 --> 00:19:19,723 Thank you for letting me speak my truth. 448 00:19:21,725 --> 00:19:24,728 Before Sand, I listened, but I didn't hear. 449 00:19:24,859 --> 00:19:27,470 I heard, but I didn't understand. 450 00:19:27,601 --> 00:19:30,430 I understood, but I pretended not to 451 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:33,433 so I didn't have to give the Greenpeace guy my email. 452 00:19:33,563 --> 00:19:36,784 With Sensitivity Sand, all that has changed. 453 00:19:36,914 --> 00:19:39,221 And with every box of Sand you buy 454 00:19:39,352 --> 00:19:41,049 using promo code "Freddie B," 455 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,051 we'll give you five percent off, 456 00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:46,141 and you'll get to watch Spencer mark it off on our neato chart. 457 00:19:46,272 --> 00:19:47,838 -Scooter break! -[whoops] 458 00:19:47,969 --> 00:19:49,927 Yeah! 459 00:19:50,058 --> 00:19:51,277 [whispering]: Carly! 460 00:19:51,407 --> 00:19:53,496 Carly! Sand! Fish food! 461 00:19:53,627 --> 00:19:54,976 I'm in the middle of something. 462 00:19:55,106 --> 00:19:56,934 -[scoffs] -And let's hear how Calm Sand 463 00:19:57,065 --> 00:19:58,893 can Zen you out. 464 00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:00,242 From the hostess with the most-est, 465 00:20:00,373 --> 00:20:02,201 the chillest of the illest, 466 00:20:02,331 --> 00:20:04,464 the woman you love, know and trust... 467 00:20:04,594 --> 00:20:06,727 "Sand is fish food"? 468 00:20:06,857 --> 00:20:09,295 -[mouths] -...Carly Shay! 469 00:20:09,425 --> 00:20:12,385 [whoops] 470 00:20:12,515 --> 00:20:15,126 All right, help us out. 471 00:20:15,257 --> 00:20:16,606 Sell that Sand, Carly. 472 00:20:16,737 --> 00:20:19,522 Uh-huh. [chuckles] Yeah. 473 00:20:19,653 --> 00:20:22,656 Calm Sand keeps me very calm. 474 00:20:22,786 --> 00:20:25,789 Like a snowy owl on the tundra, 475 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,488 starving for a mouse. 476 00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:31,665 But what if you only think it's a mouse, so you down it, 477 00:20:31,795 --> 00:20:33,754 and then you find out it's fish food? 478 00:20:33,884 --> 00:20:35,843 Do you think that the owl is a fraud 479 00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:37,932 even though she didn't know? 480 00:20:38,062 --> 00:20:39,412 [panting] Oh, my God. 481 00:20:39,542 --> 00:20:40,587 I think I'm gonna throw up. 482 00:20:40,717 --> 00:20:42,719 [laughs] Carly's trying to show us 483 00:20:42,850 --> 00:20:45,287 what she was like before Calm Sand. 484 00:20:45,418 --> 00:20:46,984 Here, Carly. 485 00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:48,943 Why don't you take a nice big drink? 486 00:20:49,073 --> 00:20:51,075 "Hoo, hoo," right? 487 00:20:51,206 --> 00:20:52,860 Chug! Chug! Chug! 488 00:20:52,990 --> 00:20:54,427 -Chug! -I can't drink this. 489 00:20:54,557 --> 00:20:56,820 -Why not? -'Cause Sand is fish food. 490 00:20:56,951 --> 00:20:58,387 What?! 491 00:20:58,518 --> 00:20:59,997 It's not brimming with antioxidants. 492 00:21:00,128 --> 00:21:01,782 It's brimming with fish food. 493 00:21:01,912 --> 00:21:04,132 Oh, my God. Sand is fish food?! 494 00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:06,874 No. It has not been legally proven to be food of any kind. 495 00:21:08,702 --> 00:21:10,007 What?! 496 00:21:10,138 --> 00:21:11,226 You knew? 497 00:21:12,227 --> 00:21:14,185 Wait, that's why you wanted to meet up, 498 00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:16,187 so you could sell me this junk. 499 00:21:16,318 --> 00:21:18,233 Not to get back together. 500 00:21:18,364 --> 00:21:21,192 Yes. N-No. Well, maybe. Um... 501 00:21:21,323 --> 00:21:23,107 We can get back together. 502 00:21:23,238 --> 00:21:24,892 Carly, I love you. 503 00:21:25,022 --> 00:21:26,633 Ew. 504 00:21:26,763 --> 00:21:28,635 I never even considered it for one second. 505 00:21:30,114 --> 00:21:31,333 Freddie, are you okay? 506 00:21:31,464 --> 00:21:33,466 [laughs] 507 00:21:33,596 --> 00:21:34,989 If Sand is fake, 508 00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:37,470 then I stood up to Millicent all on my own. 509 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:39,123 I really am brave. 510 00:21:39,254 --> 00:21:42,475 So I can totally handle the fact that I just quit my job. 511 00:21:42,605 --> 00:21:44,912 And spent all my money. And... 512 00:21:45,042 --> 00:21:47,044 Oh, wow, okay. Well, I'm sweating a lot. 513 00:21:47,175 --> 00:21:50,047 Probably just from the excitement and bravery. 514 00:21:50,178 --> 00:21:52,615 What have I done? 515 00:21:52,746 --> 00:21:55,052 You know what product I can always rely on? 516 00:21:55,183 --> 00:21:56,576 A can of whup-ass. 517 00:21:56,706 --> 00:21:58,578 Scooter exit. 518 00:22:00,623 --> 00:22:02,364 I can't believe it. 519 00:22:02,495 --> 00:22:04,279 I can see that you're hurting, 520 00:22:04,410 --> 00:22:06,847 -and I feel your pain. -No, dude, stop. 521 00:22:06,977 --> 00:22:08,370 Sensitivity Sand is fake. 522 00:22:08,501 --> 00:22:10,111 Yeah. 523 00:22:10,241 --> 00:22:12,374 Which means I've always been this sensitive. 524 00:22:12,505 --> 00:22:14,985 Wow, am I the absolute total package? 525 00:22:16,204 --> 00:22:19,425 Freddie, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have meddled. 526 00:22:19,555 --> 00:22:22,123 You quit your job. You're a fish owner now. 527 00:22:22,253 --> 00:22:24,952 No, it's okay. That job was holding me back. 528 00:22:25,082 --> 00:22:26,910 Look, Sand was a scam, 529 00:22:27,041 --> 00:22:29,522 but this experience reminded me I'm an entrepreneur. 530 00:22:29,652 --> 00:22:31,045 I need to start pursuing that again. 531 00:22:31,175 --> 00:22:34,091 Even if it'll take a lot of bravery. 532 00:22:34,222 --> 00:22:36,659 Well, I quit my job today, too. 533 00:22:36,790 --> 00:22:38,444 -You did? -Yeah. 534 00:22:38,574 --> 00:22:40,924 Oh, well, now I feel great! Everything you do is cool. 535 00:22:41,055 --> 00:22:42,578 Fun-employment dance. 536 00:22:42,709 --> 00:22:45,755 [both vocalizing] 537 00:22:47,801 --> 00:22:49,411 And then I threw my apron down 538 00:22:49,542 --> 00:22:50,934 in a very cool and not embarrassing way, 539 00:22:51,065 --> 00:22:54,416 and I said, "CJ, you can't stop my dreams." 540 00:22:54,547 --> 00:22:56,200 And then I stormed out 541 00:22:56,331 --> 00:22:58,551 as the crowd of customers cheered. 542 00:22:58,681 --> 00:23:01,292 Millicent told a different story. 543 00:23:01,423 --> 00:23:02,555 You know she be lying. 544 00:23:02,685 --> 00:23:04,034 [door opens] 545 00:23:04,165 --> 00:23:05,558 Spencer, I keep telling you, 546 00:23:05,688 --> 00:23:07,516 -I don't want to hug it out. -Bep-bep-bep! 547 00:23:07,647 --> 00:23:09,344 Shut up. 548 00:23:11,564 --> 00:23:15,219 Oh! How are you feeling now that you're unemployed? 549 00:23:15,350 --> 00:23:17,308 Fantastic. Like there's a world of opportunity 550 00:23:17,439 --> 00:23:18,788 in front of me. You? 551 00:23:18,919 --> 00:23:20,355 Absolute same. 552 00:23:20,486 --> 00:23:22,009 [both laugh] 553 00:23:22,139 --> 00:23:23,706 Full of doom and peril. 554 00:23:23,837 --> 00:23:25,316 Like every decision I've ever made was a mistake. 555 00:23:25,447 --> 00:23:27,014 -Hide under a blanket? -You read my mind.