1 00:00:06,798 --> 00:00:09,926 rock/pop music 2 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,985 rock music 3 00:00:28,485 --> 00:00:30,070 Na, na, na, na 4 00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:31,948 Na, na, na, na 5 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:34,283 Na, na, na, na, na, hey, hey, hey... 6 00:00:34,325 --> 00:00:35,909 [Kev] Morning, Billy. 7 00:00:35,951 --> 00:00:37,370 Three bucks a shot. 8 00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:38,747 Steady just watch 9 00:00:38,787 --> 00:00:40,539 Hands up high as confetti gets dropped 10 00:00:40,581 --> 00:00:42,250 Go, go, can't be stopped 11 00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:44,585 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 12 00:00:44,626 --> 00:00:45,754 Ready or not... 13 00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:48,673 I got Oxy, Vicodin, Percocet, 14 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,968 Xanax, Adderall, morphine, and Valium. 15 00:00:52,009 --> 00:00:55,055 Five bucks a pill, less if you buy in bulk. 16 00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:56,305 [Kev] No, no, no, no. 17 00:00:56,346 --> 00:00:57,599 If I can't buy my girlfriend's mom drinks, 18 00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:58,891 what good am I? 19 00:00:58,932 --> 00:01:00,643 No damn good. 20 00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:01,602 What do you call that? 21 00:01:01,644 --> 00:01:03,396 Death. Bottoms up. 22 00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:05,732 - [Tommy] Cheers. - Cheers. 23 00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,067 Motherfucker. 24 00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:09,110 Ready or not 25 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:11,070 Here I come 26 00:01:11,111 --> 00:01:12,739 - Oh, shit. 27 00:01:13,990 --> 00:01:14,991 [Kev] Hey. 28 00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:16,408 [spluttering] 29 00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:22,039 -[thunk] -Aah! 30 00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:26,293 [Svetlana cries out] 31 00:01:26,335 --> 00:01:27,420 Gah! 32 00:01:27,461 --> 00:01:28,754 [Svetlana cries out] 33 00:01:28,796 --> 00:01:30,256 Should we try to stop them? 34 00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:31,465 Not until some clothes come off. 35 00:01:31,507 --> 00:01:32,801 Lenny, what the fuck, man? 36 00:01:32,841 --> 00:01:34,426 This isn't a litter box. 37 00:01:34,468 --> 00:01:35,637 Where did you dump the asbestos? 38 00:01:35,677 --> 00:01:36,929 You know what? You know what? 39 00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:38,264 Don't tell me. It's better that I don't know. 40 00:01:38,306 --> 00:01:39,848 [Veronica] How many mamas we know in the hood 41 00:01:39,890 --> 00:01:41,433 still feeding their babies titty milk? 42 00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:44,020 Whoa, no IV drugs. Pump it pure. 43 00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:45,354 [man] Where's the keg? 44 00:01:45,395 --> 00:01:48,525 A little early to be drinking, isn't it? 45 00:01:50,734 --> 00:01:52,402 A tough night for the new liver. 46 00:01:52,444 --> 00:01:54,280 How much you give me... for this? 47 00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:55,198 [dog whines] 48 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,032 Take him back right now, man. 49 00:01:57,074 --> 00:01:59,244 We left Billy here last night? 50 00:01:59,284 --> 00:02:01,204 I'm sorry about that, buddy. 51 00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:04,623 Oh, my God, he's dead. I touched a dead guy. 52 00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:10,129 all chanting in Russian 53 00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:16,510 Whoo-ee! 54 00:02:16,552 --> 00:02:18,221 Shift change. 55 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:20,140 Russian hour is over. 56 00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:21,431 It's Kentucky time. 57 00:02:21,473 --> 00:02:23,476 Ladies and gentlemen, 58 00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:26,479 announcing the latest addition to the Ball family, 59 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:27,896 Amy and Gemma! 60 00:02:27,938 --> 00:02:30,191 -Oh, nice! -[bargoers cheer] 61 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:32,151 Why do you drink 62 00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:33,652 [all] To get drunk! 63 00:02:33,694 --> 00:02:35,989 And why do you all smoke 64 00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:37,365 [all] To get high! 65 00:02:40,075 --> 00:02:42,412 Now everybody 66 00:02:42,453 --> 00:02:43,705 Have you heard 67 00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:46,498 All right, place your bets. Thank you. 68 00:02:46,540 --> 00:02:47,792 Nine... 69 00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,710 -Thirty, thirty-one... -[Frank] Uh-oh. 70 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:51,336 [Lip] Thirty-two... 71 00:02:51,378 --> 00:02:53,715 Oh! 72 00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:55,592 driving electronic music 73 00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,801 Do it! 74 00:02:57,843 --> 00:02:59,512 [groaning] 75 00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:00,805 [officiant] You may kiss the bride. 76 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:01,972 Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! 77 00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:06,019 Yeah! 78 00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:08,020 [laughter] 79 00:03:16,236 --> 00:03:17,864 Do you wanna open a whorehouse? 80 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,698 No, of course not. 81 00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,283 Just a rub and tug. 82 00:03:21,325 --> 00:03:23,328 Just wanna know if you, uh... 83 00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:25,205 want a hand job. 84 00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:28,457 Hey, hand me my phone, would you? 85 00:03:28,498 --> 00:03:31,419 Might wanna toss that minnow back into the lake, Lorenzo. 86 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:34,254 Holy shit, look at the hog on Stan. 87 00:03:34,296 --> 00:03:35,715 I've heard rumors about that thing. 88 00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,217 [Kev] What's he doing with the belt around his neck 89 00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:38,383 while he's taking a piss? 90 00:03:38,425 --> 00:03:39,593 He was jacking off, Kev. 91 00:03:39,635 --> 00:03:41,221 And strangling himself at the same time. 92 00:03:41,262 --> 00:03:42,472 Why? 93 00:03:42,513 --> 00:03:43,472 'Cause it feels good. 94 00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:46,475 upbeat music 95 00:03:58,029 --> 00:03:59,030 [Velcro ripping sound] 96 00:03:59,071 --> 00:04:01,741 -Oh -[murmuring, snickering] 97 00:04:01,782 --> 00:04:04,244 You said we were all doing the full Monty. 98 00:04:08,121 --> 00:04:09,373 [Svetlana] Out. 99 00:04:17,047 --> 00:04:19,342 -[knock at door] -[Kev] City of Chicago says 100 00:04:19,383 --> 00:04:21,510 all bars are closed until further notice. 101 00:04:21,551 --> 00:04:22,720 -[pounding continues] -[Veronica] Go, go, go! 102 00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:23,845 Hide in the back. This is what we practiced. 103 00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:25,931 We are absolutely complying 104 00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:28,225 with the mayor's very smart decision 105 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,936 to close all bars and taverns. 106 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:35,441 -[Frank] What the fuck, Kev? -Oh, my--come on. 107 00:04:35,482 --> 00:04:37,652 Hail, 'rona survivors! What? 108 00:04:37,693 --> 00:04:38,695 Where is everyone? 109 00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:43,782 rock music 110 00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:45,450 [telephone rings] 111 00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:46,869 It's our parent-teacher call, Kev. 112 00:04:46,910 --> 00:04:49,162 Okay, be right there. 113 00:04:49,205 --> 00:04:51,873 Okay, girls. Breakfast of champions. 114 00:04:51,916 --> 00:04:54,544 Have a good day at school. 115 00:04:54,585 --> 00:04:56,128 -[Veronica] Kev! -Coming. 116 00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:59,924 Hi, Mrs. Cardenas. How's it going? 117 00:04:59,965 --> 00:05:02,260 Good morning, Kev. I was just telling Veronica-- 118 00:05:02,301 --> 00:05:03,845 Amy is smart and Gemma's a dumbass. 119 00:05:03,885 --> 00:05:05,138 -What? -I didn't say it 120 00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:08,140 exactly like that, but...yes. 121 00:05:08,181 --> 00:05:10,310 Gemma's been falling behind in her schoolwork. 122 00:05:10,350 --> 00:05:12,477 There's schoolwork in kindergarten? 123 00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:16,732 Gemma's been logging off the Zoom call 124 00:05:16,773 --> 00:05:18,234 right after I take attendance. 125 00:05:18,275 --> 00:05:19,318 That's genius. 126 00:05:19,359 --> 00:05:21,070 -Kev. -That's wrong. 127 00:05:21,111 --> 00:05:23,071 Wrong, wrong, wrong. 128 00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:24,866 Is she watching a YouTube video? 129 00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:26,034 Looks that way from here. 130 00:05:26,075 --> 00:05:27,451 Children this age, most parents 131 00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:29,162 stay on the Zoom call with their kids. 132 00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:30,455 The whole time? 133 00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:32,164 That's, like, six hours of our day. 134 00:05:32,205 --> 00:05:34,792 If you want Gemma to keep up with the other children, 135 00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:37,587 I suggest you participate in her education. 136 00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:40,881 What work could they possibly have? 137 00:05:40,922 --> 00:05:42,008 It's kindergarten. 138 00:05:42,049 --> 00:05:43,885 -This is all my fault. -What is? 139 00:05:43,926 --> 00:05:46,262 Why Gemma's dumb. 140 00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:48,013 It's my eggs. I wasn't supposed to have kids 141 00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:50,015 in the first place. 142 00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:51,224 soft music 143 00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:52,727 I think we should have our own kid. 144 00:05:52,768 --> 00:05:53,936 Could we start right now? 145 00:05:53,977 --> 00:05:55,188 [laughs] 146 00:05:55,229 --> 00:05:56,104 [squeals] 147 00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:57,815 [Kev] Veronica... 148 00:05:57,857 --> 00:05:59,775 I got 20 minutes left on my break. 149 00:05:59,816 --> 00:06:01,068 That should give us enough time 150 00:06:01,109 --> 00:06:03,195 to go three times, easy. 151 00:06:03,236 --> 00:06:04,321 Just--hey. 152 00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,989 It's okay. I'll do all the work. 153 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,450 -Maybe later. -Oh, come on. 154 00:06:07,491 --> 00:06:08,743 The best part about making a baby 155 00:06:08,784 --> 00:06:11,203 is you get to have sex while we're doing it. 156 00:06:11,244 --> 00:06:14,039 I need to know the truth. Can I have a damn baby or not? 157 00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:17,794 You have a 99.999 chance of not getting pregnant. 158 00:06:17,835 --> 00:06:22,047 jazzy music 159 00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:24,092 [Carol] So I'll just be carrying it, 160 00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:25,967 and you two take it from me when it comes out? 161 00:06:26,010 --> 00:06:27,387 -Yes, Mom. -'Cause Lord knows 162 00:06:27,427 --> 00:06:29,679 I am too old to be raising an infant. 163 00:06:31,890 --> 00:06:32,933 Not much in there. 164 00:06:32,974 --> 00:06:34,434 We could've used an eyedropper. 165 00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:35,811 Jeez, Kevin. 166 00:06:35,852 --> 00:06:38,688 rock music 167 00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:39,857 [Kev] Bottoms up. 168 00:06:46,196 --> 00:06:47,948 [both] Are you out of your fucking mind? 169 00:06:47,989 --> 00:06:49,575 Kev is just gonna lie down with you 170 00:06:49,616 --> 00:06:51,076 for procreation, not sex. 171 00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,244 What is the difference? 172 00:06:52,285 --> 00:06:53,955 It's clinical, so no one enjoys it. 173 00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:56,582 Millions of sperm died in that turkey baster. 174 00:06:56,623 --> 00:06:58,792 Uh-uh, no. Honey, this is an express bus 175 00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,294 to The Maury Povich Show. 176 00:07:00,335 --> 00:07:02,587 What kind of hard liquor you got, and how much? 177 00:07:02,629 --> 00:07:03,714 [Kev] Okay, let's get this going. 178 00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:07,051 -[Carol laughing] -Knock it off, Mama. 179 00:07:07,092 --> 00:07:08,344 Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 180 00:07:08,385 --> 00:07:10,179 W-what's with the KKK costume? 181 00:07:10,220 --> 00:07:11,638 I saw them use something like this 182 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:12,765 at that super-Jewy wedding 183 00:07:12,806 --> 00:07:13,933 I went to last year. 184 00:07:13,974 --> 00:07:15,475 It keeps the skin from touching, 185 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:16,977 acts as a barrier. 186 00:07:17,018 --> 00:07:19,479 [Carol] I feel like a ghost prostitute. 187 00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:21,816 ...why she didn't cut me a mouth hole. 188 00:07:21,857 --> 00:07:25,277 How am I supposed to--whoa! Hello. 189 00:07:25,318 --> 00:07:28,030 Looks like I got a visitor down there. 190 00:07:28,071 --> 00:07:29,157 Can I take this off my face? 191 00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:30,991 No! No! 192 00:07:31,032 --> 00:07:32,869 How many more times are we gonna have to do this? 193 00:07:32,909 --> 00:07:34,369 Until we complete the mission. 194 00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:36,998 You're Luke Skywalker, and it's up to you 195 00:07:37,039 --> 00:07:39,958 to shoot one in and destroy the Death Star. 196 00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:42,169 rock music 197 00:07:42,210 --> 00:07:44,296 N-n-no, not there. No. 198 00:07:44,337 --> 00:07:45,465 Sorry, sorry, sorry. 199 00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:47,174 You-you got a-a shoehorn or something? 200 00:07:47,215 --> 00:07:49,385 Can you not talk, please? Just don't say a word. 201 00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:53,013 Come on, you piece of shit! 202 00:07:53,054 --> 00:07:54,056 Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! 203 00:07:55,849 --> 00:07:57,225 Mama, get on it. 204 00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:58,143 Mm. 205 00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:01,397 [Kevin] Oh! Ah! 206 00:08:01,438 --> 00:08:02,315 [sighs] 207 00:08:02,355 --> 00:08:03,608 [Kev] Oh, man. 208 00:08:03,648 --> 00:08:05,066 Hold that thought. Mom! 209 00:08:05,109 --> 00:08:06,485 Jump in between us. Hurry up. 210 00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:08,778 Oh, yeah, that's it. 211 00:08:08,820 --> 00:08:10,489 Ooh, yeah, that's it. 212 00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:11,574 Ooh, bring it home. 213 00:08:11,615 --> 00:08:13,493 Bring it home, baby. Ooh! 214 00:08:13,533 --> 00:08:15,036 [gasps] 215 00:08:15,076 --> 00:08:16,495 Stop, stop. 216 00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:18,748 -Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. -[clicking] 217 00:08:18,788 --> 00:08:20,208 -[music stops] -Stop! 218 00:08:20,248 --> 00:08:22,375 You people wanna have a baby? Beautiful. 219 00:08:22,417 --> 00:08:23,835 Find another way to do it. 220 00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:26,339 I can't be working under these conditions. 221 00:08:26,379 --> 00:08:28,173 All right, we'll call you. 222 00:08:28,215 --> 00:08:29,508 Jump, jump 223 00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:31,301 Jump, jump for joy 224 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,802 Jump, jump 225 00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:34,680 -[gasping] -Oh, flex. 226 00:08:34,721 --> 00:08:35,848 Flex. 227 00:08:35,889 --> 00:08:36,932 [gasps] 228 00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:41,019 [both panting] 229 00:08:44,856 --> 00:08:46,359 [urine splashing] 230 00:08:47,317 --> 00:08:48,777 You gotta be shitting me. 231 00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:50,153 Attention, people! 232 00:08:50,195 --> 00:08:51,821 Kevin is gonna be a daddy! 233 00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:55,158 [bar cheers] 234 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:56,410 Really? 235 00:08:56,451 --> 00:08:58,162 Look at the stick, people! 236 00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,038 Beware. For the rest of the night, 237 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:03,209 I am stirring cocktails with this stick. 238 00:09:03,250 --> 00:09:05,210 [laughs] 239 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:07,588 You are doing amazing, honey. 240 00:09:07,629 --> 00:09:08,881 How would you know? 241 00:09:08,922 --> 00:09:09,757 Because you're making all the right sounds. 242 00:09:09,798 --> 00:09:11,050 Remember that birthing video 243 00:09:11,091 --> 00:09:13,134 with the chick making all the buffalo noises? 244 00:09:13,176 --> 00:09:14,887 You're totally making those noises. 245 00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:17,098 Would you like to stand around here with us? 246 00:09:17,138 --> 00:09:18,306 No, I'm good. 247 00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:19,432 You don't wanna watch? 248 00:09:19,474 --> 00:09:21,060 Oh, honey, I was over there earlier, 249 00:09:21,101 --> 00:09:22,894 and I saw some...hardcore shit, 250 00:09:22,936 --> 00:09:24,312 like, horror movie shit. 251 00:09:24,354 --> 00:09:25,480 No, I'm gonna stay with you. 252 00:09:25,522 --> 00:09:27,399 [muffled groan] 253 00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:29,402 Nnh! I am so sorry I can't help. 254 00:09:29,442 --> 00:09:30,610 I'm useless at this. 255 00:09:30,652 --> 00:09:32,779 You know, Tommy says that in some cultures, 256 00:09:32,821 --> 00:09:34,824 men aren't even allowed near the birth, 257 00:09:34,864 --> 00:09:36,825 just a bunch of women in tents, which makes sense, 258 00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:38,160 because I would be so much more useful 259 00:09:38,201 --> 00:09:39,494 if I was out hunting moose or something. 260 00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:40,912 Ooh, shut up. Shut the fuck up, Kevin. 261 00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:42,123 Please shut the fuck up. 262 00:09:42,163 --> 00:09:43,206 Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 263 00:09:43,248 --> 00:09:44,458 The nurses just left them here 264 00:09:44,499 --> 00:09:46,335 like we know what the fuck we're doing. 265 00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:48,713 This is Amy, and that's Gemma. 266 00:09:48,753 --> 00:09:50,171 Right, now, uh, tell me again. 267 00:09:50,214 --> 00:09:52,465 Um, this one's Amy. 268 00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:54,384 Uh...I think so. 269 00:09:54,426 --> 00:09:55,802 I mean, I know their names. 270 00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,095 I'm just not 100 percent yet 271 00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:58,263 on which one is which. 272 00:10:01,349 --> 00:10:03,311 dramatic chords 273 00:10:03,351 --> 00:10:04,269 [bell dinging] 274 00:10:08,481 --> 00:10:09,524 [buzzer] 275 00:10:09,566 --> 00:10:11,277 This is not your fault, V. 276 00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:12,527 Gemma is not dumb. 277 00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:15,196 Mrs. Cardenas has no idea what she's talking about. 278 00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:17,617 operatic classical overture 279 00:10:20,911 --> 00:10:22,037 [Kev] Is she drawing on her face? 280 00:10:22,079 --> 00:10:23,830 La, la, la, la, la 281 00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:26,042 La, la, la, la, la 282 00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:27,460 If Gemma were in real school, 283 00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,295 this wouldn't even be an issue. 284 00:10:29,336 --> 00:10:31,129 How the hell is anybody 285 00:10:31,171 --> 00:10:32,632 supposed to learn anything on a damn iPad? 286 00:10:32,672 --> 00:10:34,508 She doesn't even have to go to kindergarten. 287 00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:36,134 It's not like it's a law or something. 288 00:10:36,176 --> 00:10:38,303 Yeah, but I don't want her to fall behind. 289 00:10:38,345 --> 00:10:39,805 Okay, fine. 290 00:10:39,846 --> 00:10:41,014 You homeschool Gemma. 291 00:10:41,056 --> 00:10:42,642 You're a smarty-pants. 292 00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:45,728 jaunty music 293 00:10:45,769 --> 00:10:47,187 Wait, so you're a nurse, Veronica? 294 00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:48,397 -[Veronica] Used to be. -Lying bitch. 295 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:50,191 Fine... but I was offered a place 296 00:10:50,231 --> 00:10:51,691 in the nursing school. 297 00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,360 Fine, but it never happened. 298 00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:55,863 They fired her for selling medical supplies on eBay. 299 00:10:55,904 --> 00:10:57,782 Holy crap. 300 00:10:57,822 --> 00:10:59,032 I'm a ghetto nurse. 301 00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:00,950 Better for folks around here to come to me 302 00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:03,244 than wait 18 hours in the emergency room. 303 00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:05,498 No, no! Always elevate extremities. 304 00:11:05,538 --> 00:11:07,333 Move before you give him a fucking embolism. 305 00:11:07,374 --> 00:11:09,752 The nose is the most commonly broken bone 306 00:11:09,793 --> 00:11:12,588 in boys between the ages of 13 and 25. 307 00:11:12,629 --> 00:11:14,840 Uh, that's-that's fascinating, but who's the old dude? 308 00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:17,718 Eww, that's nasty. 309 00:11:17,759 --> 00:11:19,845 Almost looks like shingles. 310 00:11:19,887 --> 00:11:21,180 Scabies, maybe? 311 00:11:21,221 --> 00:11:22,431 Been hiking in the woods lately? 312 00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:23,849 Changing your diet? Does your throat hurt? 313 00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:25,350 -No. -Stress rash. 314 00:11:31,648 --> 00:11:33,234 -[Fiona] V? -[Veronica] Making a video 315 00:11:33,274 --> 00:11:35,402 for one of those do-it-yourself websites online. 316 00:11:35,444 --> 00:11:37,696 Pays 150 bucks. This one's on a high colonic. 317 00:11:37,738 --> 00:11:39,322 Next week, I bleach my exit ramp. 318 00:11:39,364 --> 00:11:41,867 What do you want? Vicodin, morphine, peyote? 319 00:11:41,908 --> 00:11:43,786 -Tetrodotoxin. -These red ones. 320 00:11:43,827 --> 00:11:44,994 Give me, uh, the horse tranquilizer, 321 00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:46,413 enough to knock out a Clydesdale. 322 00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:47,498 This baby is coming. 323 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,083 -Now? -She's crowning. 324 00:11:49,124 --> 00:11:50,209 [Debbie screams] 325 00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:51,292 All right, ambulance is on its way. 326 00:11:51,335 --> 00:11:52,420 When I was having my girls, 327 00:11:52,460 --> 00:11:54,046 the doc told me to do three quick pants 328 00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,547 and then one long blow. Okay? 329 00:11:55,589 --> 00:11:57,841 -I'm gonna do it with you. -Start pushing now, okay? 330 00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:59,468 Push, push. Push, baby. 331 00:11:59,509 --> 00:12:00,427 Push, push, push. 332 00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:01,387 Ooh. 333 00:12:01,428 --> 00:12:02,513 [yelling] 334 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,431 Is the baby okay? 335 00:12:04,473 --> 00:12:05,974 She's great. 336 00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:08,561 She? 337 00:12:08,601 --> 00:12:09,729 Frederick Douglass. 338 00:12:09,769 --> 00:12:10,896 -Who? -[Veronica] Author, orator, 339 00:12:10,937 --> 00:12:11,939 escaped slave. 340 00:12:11,980 --> 00:12:13,315 The life expectancy 341 00:12:13,356 --> 00:12:14,899 for an average white man is 76. 342 00:12:14,941 --> 00:12:16,152 Exactly. 343 00:12:16,192 --> 00:12:17,737 For a poor white man from the South Side, 344 00:12:17,777 --> 00:12:19,154 it's 70 if you're lucky. 345 00:12:19,195 --> 00:12:21,322 -Jesus was a blond? -[Veronica] No, Jesus was Black 346 00:12:21,364 --> 00:12:22,575 and had nappy hair, 347 00:12:22,615 --> 00:12:23,743 but no one ever wants to talk about that. 348 00:12:23,783 --> 00:12:25,161 What does this have to do with pickles? 349 00:12:25,201 --> 00:12:26,662 Pickles provide essential vitamins, 350 00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,247 minerals, and antioxidants, 351 00:12:28,288 --> 00:12:30,583 improve digestion and liver protection. 352 00:12:30,623 --> 00:12:33,418 Your drug is like a jar of pickles, but better. 353 00:12:33,460 --> 00:12:34,628 How do you know so much about pickles? 354 00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:36,921 -How'd it go? -You are a genius. 355 00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:38,423 If this one pill had been around 356 00:12:38,465 --> 00:12:40,551 when my daddy was juggling two pills and three jobs, 357 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:41,801 he would still be here... 358 00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,888 to be a grandfather. 359 00:12:43,928 --> 00:12:45,513 Don't cry. Please don't cry. 360 00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:46,724 I'm-I'm sorry. 361 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,267 So it's one pill instead of two, huh? 362 00:12:48,308 --> 00:12:49,976 [Veronica] What if you were to, say, 363 00:12:50,018 --> 00:12:51,896 misplace your scrip pad? 364 00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:55,983 All right, ladies. Saddle up. 365 00:12:56,024 --> 00:12:57,526 We're going on a field trip. 366 00:12:57,567 --> 00:13:00,112 [pharmacist] Mifepristone. You need an abortion. 367 00:13:00,153 --> 00:13:01,446 Here's my copay. 368 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:03,114 I'm afraid you're gonna have to pay full price. 369 00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:05,700 Medicare only covers abortion in cases of rape, incest, 370 00:13:05,743 --> 00:13:07,202 or when the mother's life is in danger. 371 00:13:07,244 --> 00:13:08,412 I'm 80 years old. 372 00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,205 Having a baby'll probably kill me. 373 00:13:10,247 --> 00:13:11,998 I was raped. 374 00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:14,000 -Incest for me. -Me too! 375 00:13:14,042 --> 00:13:15,377 [woman] Rape again. 376 00:13:15,418 --> 00:13:18,171 -[woman] I was raped too. -[woman] Incest too. 377 00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,965 Bullshit. I'm not homeschooling her. 378 00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:21,633 -You homeschool her. -Fuck that. 379 00:13:21,675 --> 00:13:22,843 I got a bar to run. 380 00:13:22,884 --> 00:13:25,304 [Veronica] You run the bar? I run the bar. 381 00:13:27,013 --> 00:13:28,516 Alibi. Alibi. 382 00:13:28,556 --> 00:13:29,474 Alibi. 383 00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:30,684 I gotta go to The Alibi. 384 00:13:30,725 --> 00:13:32,186 Vamoose. I gotta go to the bar. 385 00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,396 Who wants a drink? 386 00:13:34,437 --> 00:13:36,565 Come on, V. Free pour it like Kev does. 387 00:13:36,606 --> 00:13:38,399 That's why the bar's losing money. 388 00:13:38,441 --> 00:13:39,652 Gonna take real money, Frank. 389 00:13:39,692 --> 00:13:41,362 Kev's not here for you to confuse. 390 00:13:41,402 --> 00:13:42,363 [drunk] Uhh-- 391 00:13:42,403 --> 00:13:43,781 Drag him to the sober chair. 392 00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:44,907 Where is everybody? 393 00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:46,200 It's 10 a.m. 394 00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:47,951 Shut up, Billy. Nobody asked you. 395 00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:49,452 [Kev] All right, you know what? Fuck it. 396 00:13:49,494 --> 00:13:50,704 I'll homeschool Gemma. 397 00:13:50,745 --> 00:13:51,955 How hard can it be? 398 00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:54,499 "Learning is knowing a few tricks." 399 00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:56,167 "For example, 400 00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:58,503 to learn the color spectrum, 401 00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:00,840 just remember ROY G. BIV." 402 00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:02,966 "Which stands for red, orange, yellow, green, 403 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:04,426 blue, indigo, violet." 404 00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:06,052 What the hell is indigo? 405 00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:07,470 Purple. 406 00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:09,181 I thought violet was purple. 407 00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:10,932 I-I don't know. 408 00:14:10,974 --> 00:14:12,976 PEMDAS, 409 00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:14,519 which stands for "parentheses, 410 00:14:14,561 --> 00:14:15,937 exponents, multiplication, division, 411 00:14:15,979 --> 00:14:18,356 addition, subtraction." 412 00:14:18,398 --> 00:14:20,191 Yeah, this is way too hard. 413 00:14:20,984 --> 00:14:22,862 jaunty music 414 00:14:22,902 --> 00:14:23,778 Are you calling me dumb? 415 00:14:23,820 --> 00:14:24,864 No. 416 00:14:24,904 --> 00:14:26,031 Well, it sounds like you are. 417 00:14:26,072 --> 00:14:27,449 Maybe I'm just too dumb to understand. 418 00:14:27,490 --> 00:14:28,617 I'm not calling you dumb. 419 00:14:28,658 --> 00:14:29,450 You applied it. 420 00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:30,744 "Implied." 421 00:14:30,786 --> 00:14:31,787 I know. 422 00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:32,912 It's not like I'm "unliterate." 423 00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:33,955 Como se huh? 424 00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:35,541 The Alibi Room. I'm gonna buy it. 425 00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,125 With what, your silver chains? 426 00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:38,710 No, I'm gonna go to the loan store today 427 00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:39,795 and pick up some forms. 428 00:14:39,836 --> 00:14:41,129 You mean the bank? 429 00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:42,089 Yeah. 430 00:14:42,130 --> 00:14:43,215 Well, does it start with an S? 431 00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:44,966 What the fuck? 432 00:14:45,008 --> 00:14:46,384 Cat. I know that shit, bitch. 433 00:14:46,426 --> 00:14:47,552 That's a cat! 434 00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:49,138 You learning shit off the TV again? 435 00:14:49,178 --> 00:14:50,471 Just a little bit of this, honey. 436 00:14:50,513 --> 00:14:51,891 Just a little bit of this. 437 00:14:52,974 --> 00:14:54,183 [yells] 438 00:14:54,225 --> 00:14:55,853 Son of a bitch, that's hot. 439 00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:57,646 My super "spermazoa" too much for her? 440 00:14:57,687 --> 00:14:58,855 Spermatozoa. 441 00:14:58,897 --> 00:15:00,273 And what, now you're-you're the arbiter 442 00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:01,609 on where everybody's supposed to be? 443 00:15:01,649 --> 00:15:03,192 Yeah, maybe, 444 00:15:03,234 --> 00:15:04,945 if I knew what "arbiter" meant. 445 00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:05,945 GFY. 446 00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:07,239 Eh, TGIF. 447 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:11,911 You realize that's not how you spell "come," right? 448 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:14,913 Diplomas are overrated. 449 00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:16,956 I didn't get a diploma, and look at me. 450 00:15:16,998 --> 00:15:18,917 [falsetto] And don't be giving me no shit, Kev! 451 00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:20,835 I do not sound like that. 452 00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:21,921 -[pops balloons] -Oh! 453 00:15:21,961 --> 00:15:23,421 Takes two to tangle, you know. 454 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:26,008 It's "tango," and I've tried to fuck you plenty of times. 455 00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:28,301 They're not identical twins. They're... 456 00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:30,262 whatever it is when- when you're not identical. 457 00:15:30,303 --> 00:15:32,306 -Whee! Whee! -[giggling] 458 00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:33,932 Separate individuals. 459 00:15:33,974 --> 00:15:35,517 Too many damn countries in Asia. 460 00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:37,101 They should just make it one country. 461 00:15:37,143 --> 00:15:38,269 No, no, no. Heatstroke. 462 00:15:38,311 --> 00:15:40,189 Isn't that when the heat... 463 00:15:40,229 --> 00:15:41,815 strokes you gently? 464 00:15:41,856 --> 00:15:44,777 Kev, you misspelled "résumé" on your résumé. 465 00:15:44,817 --> 00:15:47,904 [man screaming] 466 00:15:49,322 --> 00:15:50,490 [blows] 467 00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:52,700 It was benign, but the scare was very... 468 00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:54,494 v--shit. What is the word again? 469 00:15:54,536 --> 00:15:55,995 -Malignant. -[Kev] Malignant. 470 00:15:56,037 --> 00:15:57,288 Do you remember what the doctor said? 471 00:15:57,330 --> 00:15:59,874 They're inbred. What if they try to eat us? 472 00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:01,627 -I think that's cannibals. -[Kev] Well, whatever. 473 00:16:01,668 --> 00:16:03,336 Why is it so much worse for her 474 00:16:03,378 --> 00:16:05,714 to take a tiny little pill that makes her "crazy" 475 00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:07,715 than it is for me to get my testicle lobbed off? 476 00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:09,969 [nurse] Your testicle will not be "lobbed off," sir. 477 00:16:10,009 --> 00:16:11,595 Only your vas deferens tubes are blocked. 478 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:12,805 All right. 479 00:16:12,845 --> 00:16:14,806 I think I went overboard with my background. 480 00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:17,393 It's less cowboy and more hick. 481 00:16:17,433 --> 00:16:20,479 Your wife is...a knockout. 482 00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:22,522 Hell, she could be cousins with my wife. 483 00:16:22,564 --> 00:16:24,148 Oh, that runs in the family, too. 484 00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:25,316 Or hillbilly. 485 00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:26,902 Bumpkin? I have so much to learn. 486 00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:28,528 We need a Jesus for the Festival 487 00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,489 of St. Felicity pageant next weekend, 488 00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:32,825 and Mr. Ball looks like he works out. 489 00:16:32,865 --> 00:16:35,536 You want Kev to be Jesus? 490 00:16:35,576 --> 00:16:38,998 dramatic high note 491 00:16:39,038 --> 00:16:40,665 Maybe I will go suck a dick. 492 00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:42,000 I could be all gender liquid like you. 493 00:16:42,041 --> 00:16:43,001 You don't know. 494 00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:44,420 You mean genderfluid? 495 00:16:44,460 --> 00:16:46,337 Fluids, liquids, whatever. 496 00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:47,588 V, what the hell are we supposed to do again? 497 00:16:47,631 --> 00:16:49,508 Make a face story on graham cracker? 498 00:16:49,549 --> 00:16:51,050 What have we done, Kev? 499 00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:53,429 We have increased our demand... 500 00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:54,805 or our supply. 501 00:16:54,846 --> 00:16:56,890 One of those two things, we've increased... 502 00:16:56,931 --> 00:16:58,017 or decreased. 503 00:16:58,057 --> 00:16:59,518 We can't keep going around in circles 504 00:16:59,559 --> 00:17:00,893 like the "our-oh-beris." 505 00:17:00,935 --> 00:17:02,979 -[Veronica] The what? -The "our-oh-beris." 506 00:17:03,021 --> 00:17:05,024 We keep going around in the same circle 507 00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:07,108 like the snake eating its own tail. 508 00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:08,317 The ouroboros. 509 00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:09,987 Yes. I was saying it wrong. 510 00:17:10,028 --> 00:17:11,989 Oh, that's such a badass word. 511 00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:13,406 Maybe we get a tutor. 512 00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:14,866 No money, V. 513 00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:17,286 We need somebody that'll work for free. 514 00:17:17,326 --> 00:17:19,203 [both] Svetlana. 515 00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:20,748 Too bad she isn't here right now. 516 00:17:20,788 --> 00:17:22,874 Where's our throuple when we need it most? 517 00:17:23,750 --> 00:17:24,751 V... 518 00:17:24,793 --> 00:17:26,045 Eh, what the hell? 519 00:17:26,085 --> 00:17:28,963 Uh--what the? 520 00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:30,632 I cook. I clean. 521 00:17:30,673 --> 00:17:32,050 Wifely duty. 522 00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:33,594 Are you kidding? I'm not gay. 523 00:17:33,634 --> 00:17:36,387 Tongue is tongue, no? 524 00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:38,056 What the hell? 525 00:17:38,097 --> 00:17:39,975 I'm halfway home already. 526 00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:41,393 Oh! Holy fuck. 527 00:17:41,434 --> 00:17:42,728 Mother of God. 528 00:17:42,769 --> 00:17:45,814 [moaning] 529 00:17:45,855 --> 00:17:47,441 [Svetlana] Consider it like rent check. 530 00:17:47,482 --> 00:17:49,777 I go mop now. 531 00:17:49,817 --> 00:17:52,196 [Kev] First shower. Anybody wanna wash my back? 532 00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:54,198 upbeat music 533 00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:56,408 Don't use all the hot water! 534 00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:58,576 -[Kev] Girls... -I'll do it. 535 00:18:02,914 --> 00:18:04,458 [mutters] 536 00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:10,421 [trainer] Four, and lift... 537 00:18:10,463 --> 00:18:11,882 Cover bar with baby? 538 00:18:11,923 --> 00:18:13,174 It's okay. I babysit. 539 00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:14,509 [Kev] Ah, Svet, thank-- 540 00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:18,931 [Kev] I thought we were good in the sack, 541 00:18:18,971 --> 00:18:21,517 but she's like the Michael Jordan of erotic stimuli. 542 00:18:21,557 --> 00:18:24,268 -It's done. -What? How? 543 00:18:24,310 --> 00:18:25,104 I'm good with numbers. 544 00:18:25,144 --> 00:18:26,104 Since when do we have 545 00:18:26,145 --> 00:18:26,939 a karaoke machine? 546 00:18:26,979 --> 00:18:28,272 Since half-hour ago. 547 00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:30,608 We strip now. Pimp, watch babies. 548 00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:32,527 Your husband fucked your mother to make babies. 549 00:18:32,568 --> 00:18:34,696 You want to ride on high horse? 550 00:18:34,738 --> 00:18:36,698 Family meeting tonight. 551 00:18:36,739 --> 00:18:38,325 He will not be interested in baby girls 552 00:18:38,366 --> 00:18:39,826 until they reach at least ten years old. 553 00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:42,871 Ready for a family meeting. 554 00:18:42,912 --> 00:18:44,789 [Svetlana] This is about family finances. 555 00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:46,583 Sit. 556 00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:49,460 -[heavy pounding] -Oh, shit. 557 00:18:49,502 --> 00:18:51,337 Fuck. Immigration. Fuck! 558 00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:52,672 Don't forget your lines. 559 00:18:52,713 --> 00:18:54,466 [insistent pounding continues] 560 00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:56,384 rock music 561 00:18:56,425 --> 00:18:57,510 Coming! 562 00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:03,225 Morning. Lester from USCIS. 563 00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:04,893 -Oh. -[Lester] Immigration? 564 00:19:04,934 --> 00:19:06,562 This is the home you and your ex share 565 00:19:06,603 --> 00:19:08,104 with your two children? 566 00:19:08,146 --> 00:19:09,397 Yes. Yes, it is, 567 00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:11,691 until she fell for that no-good commie slut. 568 00:19:11,732 --> 00:19:14,318 You discovered your employee's being deported. 569 00:19:14,361 --> 00:19:15,903 Moments later, your live-in partner 570 00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:18,156 of many years dumps you. 571 00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:19,908 Can you fucking believe that shit? 572 00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:20,784 No. 573 00:19:20,825 --> 00:19:21,951 He didn't buy any of it? 574 00:19:21,993 --> 00:19:22,827 Not one word. 575 00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:23,745 And when is he coming back? 576 00:19:23,787 --> 00:19:25,831 Could be tomorrow, next week. 577 00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:26,873 I'm gonna break my neck 578 00:19:26,914 --> 00:19:28,208 flying down those stairs like that again. 579 00:19:28,249 --> 00:19:30,419 Maybe you should just stay down there. 580 00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:32,421 So are we gonna have a fuck schedule, 581 00:19:32,461 --> 00:19:34,088 or a fuck calendar? 582 00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:37,508 You see, like, Sunday will be V and Kev. 583 00:19:37,550 --> 00:19:40,261 -You never hang up wet towels. -[moaning] 584 00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:42,681 You never refill the ice tray. 585 00:19:42,722 --> 00:19:46,852 Monday will be V and Kev and Svetlana. 586 00:19:46,893 --> 00:19:48,269 [Kev] Ohh... 587 00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:49,563 [Svetlana] No, you cannot come yet. 588 00:19:49,604 --> 00:19:51,606 [Veronica gasping] 589 00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:53,357 -[Svetlana] Now you may come. -[groans] 590 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,027 [Kev] Tuesday will just be V and Svetlana. 591 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,908 Am I gonna get my own night with Svetlana? 592 00:20:00,949 --> 00:20:02,409 Oh, shit. That's awesome. 593 00:20:02,450 --> 00:20:04,202 Part of me wants to brag, but the other part's like, 594 00:20:04,243 --> 00:20:06,496 "Whoa, this is kind of freaky-deaky." 595 00:20:06,537 --> 00:20:09,290 No other dudes. No other dudes. 596 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:12,001 [gasps] 597 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,711 We know about Ivan. 598 00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:15,922 -Ivan is husband. -So you didn't fuck your dad? 599 00:20:15,963 --> 00:20:17,382 Not since I left Russia. 600 00:20:17,423 --> 00:20:19,508 So what brings you here? 601 00:20:19,550 --> 00:20:22,220 So, um... 602 00:20:22,261 --> 00:20:23,931 me and my two wives are having trouble 603 00:20:23,971 --> 00:20:25,223 seeing eye to eye... 604 00:20:25,265 --> 00:20:26,682 eyes to eyes. 605 00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:28,768 I cook. I give oral. 606 00:20:28,809 --> 00:20:30,729 I protect from dangerous Russian. 607 00:20:30,770 --> 00:20:32,230 Everything for these two. 608 00:20:32,271 --> 00:20:34,816 [therapist] Kev and V, are you hearing Lana? 609 00:20:34,857 --> 00:20:36,777 -[Kev and V] Yes. [therapist] What is she saying? 610 00:20:36,817 --> 00:20:38,152 She gives oral. 611 00:20:38,194 --> 00:20:41,073 I always thought you were just some hand job whore. 612 00:20:41,114 --> 00:20:42,490 [Svetlana] Oh, that's okay. 613 00:20:42,531 --> 00:20:44,242 I thought you were illiterate bartender pimp. 614 00:20:44,284 --> 00:20:46,995 Paperwork says Svetlana Fisher owns the joint. 615 00:20:47,037 --> 00:20:49,456 I am new owner of Alibi. 616 00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:50,998 To being a family again. 617 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:52,250 Hoorah! 618 00:20:52,291 --> 00:20:53,919 upbeat music 619 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:55,962 Immigration! Nobody move! 620 00:20:56,004 --> 00:20:58,006 [overlapping shouting] 621 00:21:02,009 --> 00:21:03,720 What the hell is going on? 622 00:21:03,761 --> 00:21:06,014 That's her. She's the leader. 623 00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:08,976 dramatic folk music 624 00:21:14,021 --> 00:21:16,275 Yeah, no. I'm never doing that again. 625 00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:18,777 rock music 626 00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:22,405 Here's your breakfast, girls. 627 00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:24,908 And Amy, you have a new job. 628 00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:27,411 You are gonna teach Gemma everything you know. 629 00:21:27,451 --> 00:21:29,371 Isn't that exciting? It's like a game. 630 00:21:29,412 --> 00:21:32,708 You make Gemma as smart as you, you get a big prize at the end. 631 00:21:32,748 --> 00:21:34,459 [Veronica] And make sure that Gemma doesn't leave Zoom 632 00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:36,460 until school is over. 633 00:21:36,502 --> 00:21:37,546 Okay? Mommy and Daddy 634 00:21:37,586 --> 00:21:38,462 are gonna go to work.. 635 00:21:38,505 --> 00:21:40,464 jaunty music 636 00:21:40,507 --> 00:21:42,217 -You think it'll work? -[Veronica] Well, it's better 637 00:21:42,258 --> 00:21:44,177 her teaching homeschool than us. 638 00:21:44,219 --> 00:21:45,636 It's actually my fault, V. 639 00:21:45,679 --> 00:21:47,722 -What is? -[Kev] Gemma. 640 00:21:47,764 --> 00:21:49,807 I was a bad student, too. Gemma got it from me. 641 00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:52,728 I passed on my bad student gene to Gemma. 642 00:21:52,768 --> 00:21:54,354 Shit. I hope I don't pass on 643 00:21:54,395 --> 00:21:56,440 my breast cancer gene, too. 644 00:21:56,940 --> 00:22:00,192 - dance music -[whooping, whistling] 645 00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:18,377 [man] When's the last time you did a self-exam? 646 00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:20,046 -[record scratch effect] -A what? 647 00:22:22,214 --> 00:22:23,133 You have a lump. 648 00:22:23,174 --> 00:22:25,552 piano and drum music 649 00:22:25,594 --> 00:22:27,636 [oncologist] There is a four-centimeter mass 650 00:22:27,679 --> 00:22:28,805 in your right breast. 651 00:22:28,846 --> 00:22:30,556 We need to do a biopsy immediately. 652 00:22:30,598 --> 00:22:33,852 [Randi] Kevin, do you wanna share? 653 00:22:33,893 --> 00:22:35,687 Uh, yeah. 654 00:22:35,729 --> 00:22:36,729 Hello. 655 00:22:36,771 --> 00:22:37,730 -Hello. -Hi 656 00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:39,024 Glad to be here. 657 00:22:39,066 --> 00:22:41,567 Tomorrow, I get this guy cut into. 658 00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:44,028 And I got all these thoughts swimming around my head, 659 00:22:44,071 --> 00:22:46,280 like "Will I survive surgery?" 660 00:22:46,323 --> 00:22:48,200 "Has the cancer spread?" 661 00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,035 "Will I get to watch my kids grow up?" 662 00:22:50,076 --> 00:22:52,537 "Will I ever be able to take my shirt off again in the gym 663 00:22:52,578 --> 00:22:54,456 or let men feel me up for tips?" 664 00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:55,915 [group members] Mm? 665 00:22:55,957 --> 00:22:57,541 [Randi] Would you be comfortable 666 00:22:57,584 --> 00:22:59,210 if we gave you a group hug? 667 00:23:01,837 --> 00:23:04,048 Oh, yes, yes, yes. 668 00:23:05,467 --> 00:23:08,720 [group] Together we stand. Together we fight. 669 00:23:08,761 --> 00:23:11,681 We do it with power. We do it with might. 670 00:23:11,722 --> 00:23:14,101 Cancer, you asshole, get out of our sight. 671 00:23:14,142 --> 00:23:15,684 Cancer, you asshole, get out of our sight. 672 00:23:15,727 --> 00:23:17,437 [quickening] Cancer, you asshole, get out of our sight. 673 00:23:17,479 --> 00:23:18,896 Cancer, you asshole, get out of our sight. 674 00:23:18,939 --> 00:23:20,356 Go on, make a wish. 675 00:23:23,943 --> 00:23:25,653 Shit. 676 00:23:25,694 --> 00:23:27,029 It's still there. 677 00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:28,406 Kev, let's pray. 678 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:33,370 Mm. God, please protect Kev 679 00:23:33,412 --> 00:23:35,788 during his surgery. 680 00:23:35,831 --> 00:23:38,583 Let him wake up cancer-free, God. 681 00:23:38,624 --> 00:23:41,169 And God, when I'm under, 682 00:23:41,210 --> 00:23:43,337 please, please don't let anyone probe me 683 00:23:43,380 --> 00:23:44,756 where they're not supposed to. 684 00:23:44,797 --> 00:23:46,091 Kev... 685 00:23:46,133 --> 00:23:49,594 No, I read about it in my cancer chat rooms. 686 00:23:49,635 --> 00:23:51,095 [heart monitor beeping] 687 00:23:51,137 --> 00:23:52,931 [starts] V! 688 00:23:52,972 --> 00:23:55,267 What happened? Am I alive? 689 00:23:55,307 --> 00:23:56,434 Baby, what happened? 690 00:23:56,476 --> 00:23:57,810 [Veronica] Okay, I'ma go get the nurse, okay? 691 00:23:57,853 --> 00:23:59,604 What happened with my titty? 692 00:23:59,645 --> 00:24:02,356 Did they take my nipple? 693 00:24:02,399 --> 00:24:04,942 Oh, hey there, fella. How are you doing? 694 00:24:04,985 --> 00:24:06,361 How do you feel, Mr. Ball? 695 00:24:06,402 --> 00:24:07,863 Does he have cancer? 696 00:24:07,903 --> 00:24:09,948 I'll get the doctor. I'm not qualified to discuss 697 00:24:09,989 --> 00:24:11,740 what needs to be discussed. 698 00:24:13,451 --> 00:24:15,703 The fuck is that supposed to mean? 699 00:24:15,745 --> 00:24:18,248 I don't know. It sounded bad. 700 00:24:18,289 --> 00:24:20,749 It did sound bad, didn't it? 701 00:24:20,792 --> 00:24:22,085 Baby... 702 00:24:23,252 --> 00:24:26,172 I want you to set up a memorial for me at The Alibi. 703 00:24:26,213 --> 00:24:29,049 Everyone drinks 704 00:24:29,092 --> 00:24:32,554 at the exact time I die every year. 705 00:24:32,595 --> 00:24:35,222 And I want you to play Boyz II Men "End of the Road" 706 00:24:35,265 --> 00:24:37,433 really loud. 707 00:24:38,393 --> 00:24:40,144 Sorry for the delay, folks. 708 00:24:40,187 --> 00:24:41,896 I biopsied your lump, Mr. Ball. 709 00:24:41,938 --> 00:24:44,524 It's benign. 710 00:24:44,566 --> 00:24:48,361 Why? Why? 711 00:24:48,402 --> 00:24:50,197 What? 712 00:24:50,238 --> 00:24:51,989 What--is that good or bad? I can never remember. 713 00:24:52,031 --> 00:24:54,409 Oh, it's good, baby. You don't have cancer. 714 00:24:54,450 --> 00:24:55,993 I don't have cancer? 715 00:24:56,036 --> 00:24:58,037 -Oh, thank you, Lord! -Oh, thank God. 716 00:24:58,078 --> 00:24:59,163 Not the brightest bulb. 717 00:24:59,206 --> 00:25:01,165 Well, God doesn't give with both hands. 718 00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:02,750 You have other great qualities. 719 00:25:02,792 --> 00:25:05,711 Yeah, I do, don't I? 720 00:25:05,754 --> 00:25:07,046 Like what? 721 00:25:07,087 --> 00:25:08,464 You're a great dad. 722 00:25:09,007 --> 00:25:11,425 Now, the players in the black and white-- 723 00:25:11,468 --> 00:25:13,385 they're the White Sox. That's our team. 724 00:25:13,428 --> 00:25:15,846 And the pussies in the gray and blue-- 725 00:25:15,889 --> 00:25:17,223 they're the Twins. We hate the Twins. 726 00:25:17,265 --> 00:25:19,308 -[baby fussing] -No, no, no, no. 727 00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:20,977 Not the baby girl twins. 728 00:25:22,895 --> 00:25:24,730 [Kev on tape] You're the best tennis players 729 00:25:24,772 --> 00:25:26,232 on the planet. 730 00:25:26,274 --> 00:25:29,110 Gemma, you have the number one backhand smash 731 00:25:29,152 --> 00:25:31,196 -in the world. -[Veronica] Kev... 732 00:25:31,238 --> 00:25:32,864 I'm thinking the subliminal message thing 733 00:25:32,905 --> 00:25:34,156 is really working. 734 00:25:34,199 --> 00:25:35,616 There is no Gemma. 735 00:25:35,659 --> 00:25:37,576 Gemma doesn't exist anymore. 736 00:25:37,618 --> 00:25:38,620 Only Amy. 737 00:25:38,662 --> 00:25:40,079 And you're devout Catholics, 738 00:25:40,121 --> 00:25:42,123 so cross yourselves a lot like this. 739 00:25:42,164 --> 00:25:43,708 rock music 740 00:25:43,749 --> 00:25:44,875 In my house, the way to get closer to God 741 00:25:44,918 --> 00:25:46,377 on Saturday is to play. 742 00:25:46,419 --> 00:25:49,088 -Is that in Ezekiel? -Yeah, the updated version. 743 00:25:49,130 --> 00:25:50,422 Holy fuck. 744 00:25:50,464 --> 00:25:52,258 I'm ready for you, sir. 745 00:25:52,299 --> 00:25:53,425 Clyde usually had me on Tuesdays, 746 00:25:53,468 --> 00:25:54,760 but if you want me on Saturday-- 747 00:25:54,803 --> 00:25:56,220 No, I don't want you on Saturdays. 748 00:25:56,262 --> 00:25:58,139 -I don't want you ever-- -Hey, Deb, we're all ready to-- 749 00:25:58,181 --> 00:25:59,473 [laughing] Whoa. 750 00:25:59,516 --> 00:26:01,768 -[Liam] Hey. -Hey, what's up, man? 751 00:26:01,809 --> 00:26:03,269 What are you doing? 752 00:26:03,310 --> 00:26:05,104 Giving Santiago more of an American look 753 00:26:05,145 --> 00:26:06,565 before we go to The Alibi. 754 00:26:06,605 --> 00:26:09,108 Final touch. 755 00:26:09,150 --> 00:26:10,235 How's he look? 756 00:26:10,277 --> 00:26:11,361 Like a cheesy American. 757 00:26:11,402 --> 00:26:14,114 [crowd cheers] 758 00:26:14,154 --> 00:26:15,824 Kid brought the heat. 759 00:26:15,864 --> 00:26:17,366 My God, he's got a cannon! 760 00:26:17,409 --> 00:26:19,118 This is gonna be the best summer ever. 761 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,412 [Amy and Gemma yipping] 762 00:26:21,453 --> 00:26:22,872 Come on. Come on, let's go. 763 00:26:22,913 --> 00:26:24,332 -What are you doing? -[Kev] We're gonna go 764 00:26:24,373 --> 00:26:25,374 play fetch. 765 00:26:25,417 --> 00:26:26,750 It worked for that dog walker lady. 766 00:26:26,793 --> 00:26:28,127 Maybe it'll work for our kids. 767 00:26:28,169 --> 00:26:30,212 Okay, girls, you ready? You ready? 768 00:26:30,255 --> 00:26:32,382 Go get it! Go get it! 769 00:26:32,423 --> 00:26:34,300 Bring it back. Run fast. 770 00:26:36,635 --> 00:26:37,886 Okay, drop it. 771 00:26:37,929 --> 00:26:39,055 Drop it. Drop it. 772 00:26:40,890 --> 00:26:42,851 You have rocking bod, 773 00:26:42,892 --> 00:26:45,437 and you know how to stick the stones to me real good. 774 00:26:45,478 --> 00:26:46,979 Well, I am a genius in that department. 775 00:26:47,021 --> 00:26:48,355 [Veronica laughs] 776 00:26:48,398 --> 00:26:50,107 Get naked...now. 777 00:26:50,150 --> 00:26:50,983 peppy music 778 00:26:51,026 --> 00:26:52,443 [Veronica] Yes! Yes! 779 00:26:52,485 --> 00:26:53,944 Oh, sorry. I came in the back way. 780 00:26:53,987 --> 00:26:55,529 [Veronica] You're not the only one. 781 00:26:55,572 --> 00:26:59,534 [laughing] 782 00:26:59,575 --> 00:27:00,618 Debbie? 783 00:27:00,660 --> 00:27:01,786 No, stay focused, baby. 784 00:27:01,827 --> 00:27:03,287 Are the Gallaghers in our bathroom? 785 00:27:07,083 --> 00:27:08,168 Don't know where you been 786 00:27:08,209 --> 00:27:09,501 [Kev moaning] 787 00:27:09,544 --> 00:27:10,629 Take off your clothes 788 00:27:10,670 --> 00:27:11,880 and get on the bed on all fours. 789 00:27:11,921 --> 00:27:13,964 Now I will spank you with this paddle... 790 00:27:14,007 --> 00:27:16,050 you bad wife. 791 00:27:19,554 --> 00:27:20,846 French fry. French fry. 792 00:27:20,889 --> 00:27:21,972 Just a really quick French fry. 793 00:27:22,015 --> 00:27:23,266 V, I don't really wanna hurt you, 794 00:27:23,307 --> 00:27:25,643 -but this could scar you. -It's not gonna scar. 795 00:27:25,684 --> 00:27:26,978 Okay. 796 00:27:27,019 --> 00:27:28,354 Okay, I can do this. 797 00:27:28,395 --> 00:27:31,357 Now, brace yourself for my wrath, 798 00:27:31,399 --> 00:27:33,902 because it's paddle time. 799 00:27:33,942 --> 00:27:36,863 funky music 800 00:27:36,904 --> 00:27:37,989 French fry. 801 00:27:39,114 --> 00:27:41,200 Oh! 802 00:27:41,241 --> 00:27:42,410 Oh, sorry. 803 00:27:42,451 --> 00:27:44,245 -Ow. -Yeah, take it, you old gimp. 804 00:27:44,287 --> 00:27:45,997 Turn over. Mama's gonna give you an exam. 805 00:27:46,038 --> 00:27:47,164 Ah. 806 00:27:47,207 --> 00:27:49,668 -[slap] -That didn't hurt half as much 807 00:27:49,709 --> 00:27:51,502 as I thought it would. 808 00:27:52,379 --> 00:27:55,006 You're a sharp businessman. 809 00:27:55,798 --> 00:27:57,174 -Uh-oh. -What uh-oh? 810 00:27:57,217 --> 00:27:59,594 Sometimes your plans can be a little crazy-pants, Kev. 811 00:27:59,635 --> 00:28:01,095 [Lip] Oh, ho, ho, ho! 812 00:28:01,136 --> 00:28:02,096 What? 813 00:28:02,137 --> 00:28:03,515 We may need to sell some pot. 814 00:28:03,556 --> 00:28:04,723 Isn't that what we always do? 815 00:28:04,766 --> 00:28:05,933 A lot of pot. 816 00:28:07,059 --> 00:28:07,935 [groans] 817 00:28:07,977 --> 00:28:09,437 I know. Baby, I know. 818 00:28:09,479 --> 00:28:10,521 I got carried away. 819 00:28:10,563 --> 00:28:11,855 Isn't it wonderful? 820 00:28:11,897 --> 00:28:14,275 Mr. Kevin is gonna help all the old people 821 00:28:14,316 --> 00:28:16,068 who are going blind. 822 00:28:16,111 --> 00:28:17,277 What can I get you, champ? 823 00:28:17,319 --> 00:28:18,738 Lemon-lime shot, chocolate chip cookie bar, 824 00:28:18,779 --> 00:28:20,656 -and a Molson's. -Molson's? 825 00:28:20,699 --> 00:28:23,034 We sell American beer here to children of age. 826 00:28:23,075 --> 00:28:24,993 Come back for a Bud Light when you're 16. 827 00:28:25,036 --> 00:28:26,954 Two Buds and a spliff, please. 828 00:28:26,996 --> 00:28:28,498 -How old are you? -[child] 15. 829 00:28:28,539 --> 00:28:29,915 Here's four fives. Keep the change. 830 00:28:29,958 --> 00:28:31,418 Raise your arms. 831 00:28:31,459 --> 00:28:33,670 Come back when you grow some hair in your pits. 832 00:28:33,711 --> 00:28:35,171 Well, it's dorms, right? 833 00:28:35,212 --> 00:28:36,839 I mean, they're our permanent ice cream truck. 834 00:28:36,881 --> 00:28:39,258 I always wanted to go to college. 835 00:28:39,299 --> 00:28:41,260 [partygoers cheering] 836 00:28:41,302 --> 00:28:44,264 upbeat rock music 837 00:28:46,807 --> 00:28:47,726 [all cheer] 838 00:28:52,479 --> 00:28:54,606 I'm a gentleman, Lip. I'm just escorting them home. 839 00:28:54,649 --> 00:28:56,985 Our rape blocker to the rescue. 840 00:28:57,026 --> 00:28:58,611 I'm here about the bartending job. 841 00:28:58,652 --> 00:29:01,614 upbeat dance music 842 00:29:08,121 --> 00:29:11,583 [overlapping shouting, whooping] 843 00:29:14,335 --> 00:29:15,920 [onlooker] Oh! 844 00:29:15,961 --> 00:29:18,547 Come on, Milo. Push that 60. 845 00:29:18,589 --> 00:29:20,341 There you go. You gotta work off 846 00:29:20,383 --> 00:29:22,218 that Avocado Kombucha smoothie, 847 00:29:22,259 --> 00:29:23,595 or whatever the fuck you drink. 848 00:29:23,635 --> 00:29:25,095 Full rotations, man. 849 00:29:25,137 --> 00:29:27,931 Do you want your name under "Pussy of the Day"? 850 00:29:27,973 --> 00:29:30,393 Is that what you want, Jasper? 851 00:29:30,434 --> 00:29:31,935 Way to go, Oscar. 852 00:29:31,978 --> 00:29:33,229 Puke is pride. 853 00:29:33,270 --> 00:29:35,899 I wanna join. Uh, you take Amex? 854 00:29:35,940 --> 00:29:38,567 Cash only. ATM is right there. 855 00:29:38,610 --> 00:29:39,818 We could open up a dry cleaner. 856 00:29:39,861 --> 00:29:40,944 -No. -[Kev] Mattress store. 857 00:29:40,987 --> 00:29:41,821 [Veronica] Uh-uh. 858 00:29:41,863 --> 00:29:42,905 Think tank. 859 00:29:42,947 --> 00:29:44,073 [Veronica] What the hell is a think tank? 860 00:29:44,114 --> 00:29:46,159 It's where people sit around and think. 861 00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:48,076 [Veronica] That's The Alibi. 862 00:29:48,118 --> 00:29:49,953 Got some TVs fell off the back of a truck. 863 00:29:49,996 --> 00:29:51,288 This where you sell stuff? 864 00:29:51,331 --> 00:29:53,624 No, this is not the place that... 865 00:29:53,665 --> 00:29:55,794 sells stolen goods as a side hustle. 866 00:29:56,376 --> 00:29:57,796 That's a relic. 867 00:29:57,836 --> 00:29:59,005 I'll give you five for it. 868 00:29:59,046 --> 00:30:00,798 Pleasure doing business with you. 869 00:30:00,839 --> 00:30:02,800 rock music 870 00:30:02,842 --> 00:30:05,886 Check it out! Sister wives. 871 00:30:05,929 --> 00:30:07,305 Whoo. 872 00:30:07,346 --> 00:30:08,806 All right, stop. You're gonna give me 873 00:30:08,847 --> 00:30:11,351 -a big head. -[laughs] 874 00:30:11,392 --> 00:30:12,977 What are we gonna do about Gemma? 875 00:30:13,018 --> 00:30:14,229 Well, at least we got one good one. 876 00:30:14,269 --> 00:30:16,314 -Kev. -I'm joking. 877 00:30:16,355 --> 00:30:18,816 I love those girls the same, but I do feel better that Amy's 878 00:30:18,857 --> 00:30:20,485 probably gonna take care of us when we're older. 879 00:30:20,527 --> 00:30:22,444 -Mm. -[Amy and Gemma laugh] 880 00:30:22,487 --> 00:30:24,572 Mama, how do I look? 881 00:30:24,614 --> 00:30:25,656 Amy? 882 00:30:25,698 --> 00:30:27,534 Gemma did my makeup. 883 00:30:27,575 --> 00:30:29,076 What? How? 884 00:30:29,117 --> 00:30:32,412 Binge watching Huda Kattan YouTube videos. 885 00:30:32,454 --> 00:30:34,998 What's a Huddacatan? 886 00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:35,999 Is that what you've been doing 887 00:30:36,041 --> 00:30:37,125 instead of going to Zoom school? 888 00:30:37,168 --> 00:30:38,377 Uh-huh. 889 00:30:38,419 --> 00:30:39,962 jaunty music 890 00:30:40,004 --> 00:30:42,172 God doesn't give with both hands. 891 00:30:42,214 --> 00:30:44,467 No, she doesn't. 892 00:30:44,508 --> 00:30:45,927 There you go. 893 00:30:48,095 --> 00:30:51,891 Wow. I look great. 894 00:30:51,932 --> 00:30:53,601 Thank you. 895 00:30:53,643 --> 00:30:55,269 My baby does a good job, huh? 896 00:30:55,310 --> 00:30:57,188 I'd say so. [laughs] 897 00:30:57,229 --> 00:30:58,355 That'll be $25, 898 00:30:58,398 --> 00:30:59,691 plus whatever tip you'd like to leave. 899 00:30:59,731 --> 00:31:01,942 Mm, here is $30. 900 00:31:01,985 --> 00:31:03,361 Thank you. 901 00:31:03,402 --> 00:31:04,696 -See you again? -[Kev] Definitely. 902 00:31:04,737 --> 00:31:06,698 Pimping out your daughter? 903 00:31:06,739 --> 00:31:08,365 Hell no. 904 00:31:08,408 --> 00:31:10,450 I don't objectify women. You know me. 905 00:31:12,161 --> 00:31:13,287 What the hell? 906 00:31:13,328 --> 00:31:14,454 They made a list 907 00:31:14,497 --> 00:31:16,457 of the rapiest bars in the South Side, 908 00:31:16,498 --> 00:31:18,209 and The Alibi's number one? 909 00:31:18,250 --> 00:31:19,376 I haven't raped anybody in here. 910 00:31:19,419 --> 00:31:21,421 No one's ever raped anyone in here, 911 00:31:21,461 --> 00:31:22,588 at least not on the inside. 912 00:31:22,630 --> 00:31:23,797 Out in the alleyway, maybe. 913 00:31:23,839 --> 00:31:25,383 Who says we're rapey? 914 00:31:25,424 --> 00:31:26,550 Some stupid article. 915 00:31:26,593 --> 00:31:28,052 I mean, look around. W-w-what- 916 00:31:28,094 --> 00:31:30,012 what's so rapey about this place, anyway? 917 00:31:30,054 --> 00:31:31,890 Do your thing, girl 918 00:31:31,931 --> 00:31:33,348 What's your preference? 919 00:31:33,391 --> 00:31:35,727 Man of your dreams or a death wish 920 00:31:35,768 --> 00:31:38,270 Somebody to live on the edge with 921 00:31:38,313 --> 00:31:40,523 Girl, I teach you oh so special 922 00:31:40,565 --> 00:31:43,442 I get nasty, boys get raspy 923 00:31:43,483 --> 00:31:44,943 I don't know, V. Maybe this place is 924 00:31:44,986 --> 00:31:46,069 -a little rapey. -[Veronica] You think? 925 00:31:46,112 --> 00:31:47,614 Craig has his dick out right now. 926 00:31:47,654 --> 00:31:48,698 Craig! 927 00:31:48,739 --> 00:31:50,783 I have two daughters. 928 00:31:50,825 --> 00:31:52,785 What kind of father am I if I'm also the owner 929 00:31:52,826 --> 00:31:53,912 of the local rapery? 930 00:31:53,952 --> 00:31:55,579 The bottom line is that 931 00:31:55,622 --> 00:31:57,248 the bar can't be rapey anymore. 932 00:31:57,289 --> 00:31:59,625 If women stay away, 933 00:31:59,666 --> 00:32:01,085 bad for business. 934 00:32:01,126 --> 00:32:03,671 Plus rapey is wrong. 935 00:32:03,712 --> 00:32:05,589 And-and more importantly, rapey is wrong. 936 00:32:05,632 --> 00:32:08,593 cheerful music 937 00:32:11,470 --> 00:32:12,764 [Veronica] You don't think someone 938 00:32:12,805 --> 00:32:14,097 could misinterpret that sign? 939 00:32:14,140 --> 00:32:15,098 [Kev] What? 940 00:32:15,141 --> 00:32:16,683 How? If you have a vagina, 941 00:32:16,726 --> 00:32:18,478 you're safe. Vagina safe zone. 942 00:32:18,518 --> 00:32:22,272 There's no way we are still on that rapiest bar list. 943 00:32:22,315 --> 00:32:24,150 We have all the signed sex consent forms. 944 00:32:24,191 --> 00:32:26,027 We took down all the rapey posters 945 00:32:26,068 --> 00:32:27,694 and the bondage stuff. 946 00:32:27,737 --> 00:32:29,529 You're the, uh, Vagina Safe guy? 947 00:32:29,572 --> 00:32:31,156 Yes. 948 00:32:31,199 --> 00:32:33,575 I'm Bill Doyle. I own the Spread Eagle 949 00:32:33,617 --> 00:32:34,451 on 52nd. 950 00:32:34,493 --> 00:32:35,370 Oh, yeah, I know the place. 951 00:32:35,411 --> 00:32:36,746 Uh, deep-fried pickles, right? 952 00:32:36,787 --> 00:32:38,456 I was number two on the rapey bar list. 953 00:32:38,498 --> 00:32:39,623 Then you got off it, 954 00:32:39,665 --> 00:32:40,999 so now I'm number one. 955 00:32:41,041 --> 00:32:43,044 You already got women coming in. 956 00:32:43,085 --> 00:32:45,837 Wow. How'd you turn it around? 957 00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:47,798 I had to take an honest inventory 958 00:32:47,839 --> 00:32:49,508 about how The Alibi was contributing 959 00:32:49,549 --> 00:32:51,219 to the oppression of women 960 00:32:51,259 --> 00:32:53,136 and helped furthering the patriarchy. 961 00:32:58,101 --> 00:33:01,062 bluesy music 962 00:33:05,857 --> 00:33:06,985 [Bill] Hey, how you doing? 963 00:33:07,026 --> 00:33:08,152 Hi. 964 00:33:08,193 --> 00:33:09,653 What can I get you? 965 00:33:09,696 --> 00:33:11,572 May I have a vodka cranberry, please? 966 00:33:11,614 --> 00:33:14,741 [Bill] Vodka cranberry coming right up. 967 00:33:25,795 --> 00:33:27,046 [Kev] Hey. 968 00:33:30,508 --> 00:33:32,509 How you doing? 969 00:33:32,552 --> 00:33:34,804 Would you like a little lime with that, or... 970 00:33:34,845 --> 00:33:36,681 -Please. -[Bill] All right. 971 00:33:40,727 --> 00:33:43,855 [quietly] Four topless mermaids with nipples exposed. 972 00:33:46,899 --> 00:33:50,694 Approximately 41 pairs of panties 973 00:33:50,736 --> 00:33:53,698 hanging from the ceiling. 974 00:33:53,739 --> 00:33:56,743 Centerfold pinup behind the bar 975 00:33:56,783 --> 00:34:00,455 with dart sticking out of her posterior area. 976 00:34:04,082 --> 00:34:06,209 Man at end of bar visually undressing 977 00:34:06,252 --> 00:34:07,754 subject Veronica. 978 00:34:10,964 --> 00:34:13,259 Subject Veronica going to bathroom 979 00:34:13,301 --> 00:34:16,928 as planned. 980 00:34:16,971 --> 00:34:20,433 No one following her into the bathroom as of yet. 981 00:34:20,475 --> 00:34:22,602 Hold on. 982 00:34:22,642 --> 00:34:25,730 Man approaching subject's cocktail. 983 00:34:30,609 --> 00:34:32,779 Man has slipped unknown pharmaceutical 984 00:34:32,819 --> 00:34:35,823 into subject's cocktail. Assume a roofie. 985 00:34:37,950 --> 00:34:41,120 Second man approaching subject cocktail, 986 00:34:41,162 --> 00:34:43,997 also dropping unknown pharmaceutical 987 00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:47,627 into drink. 988 00:34:47,667 --> 00:34:50,587 Third man approaching with unknown pharmaceutical, 989 00:34:50,629 --> 00:34:53,299 and he has dropped unknown pharmaceutical 990 00:34:53,341 --> 00:34:55,551 into her drink. 991 00:34:58,471 --> 00:34:59,888 [clears throat] 992 00:35:02,683 --> 00:35:05,770 [mouths silently] 993 00:35:06,645 --> 00:35:09,357 To satisfy my soul 994 00:35:09,397 --> 00:35:12,359 [mouthing words] 995 00:35:18,366 --> 00:35:22,328 I wanna hug all women, 996 00:35:22,370 --> 00:35:25,163 all of them, 997 00:35:25,205 --> 00:35:26,373 everywhere I see them, 998 00:35:26,415 --> 00:35:28,625 to apologize. 999 00:35:28,667 --> 00:35:31,671 A random hug from a giant white stranger 1000 00:35:31,712 --> 00:35:34,422 ain't gonna make us feel any more comfortable about men. 1001 00:35:36,801 --> 00:35:39,303 But we will capitalize on their strengths. 1002 00:35:39,345 --> 00:35:41,180 We got two good ones, babe. 1003 00:35:41,221 --> 00:35:43,181 [Kev] Yeah, we do. 1004 00:35:43,223 --> 00:35:44,850 It's all my fault. 1005 00:35:44,892 --> 00:35:46,560 -What is? -How great they are. 1006 00:35:46,602 --> 00:35:48,855 No, it's not your fault. That's my fault. 1007 00:35:48,895 --> 00:35:51,941 funky music 1008 00:35:55,402 --> 00:35:57,696 My baby daddy can take care of me! 1009 00:35:57,738 --> 00:35:59,239 And your baby, and your mama's baby. 1010 00:35:59,281 --> 00:36:01,951 Ooh-hoo, we a regular modern family, baby. 1011 00:36:01,993 --> 00:36:04,245 [both laughing] 1012 00:36:04,287 --> 00:36:05,997 [Kev] Hey! 1013 00:36:08,540 --> 00:36:10,084 And I'm sorry, 1014 00:36:10,125 --> 00:36:12,669 but I would never leave you, 1015 00:36:12,712 --> 00:36:14,087 ever. 1016 00:36:14,129 --> 00:36:15,506 You gotta know that. 1017 00:36:15,547 --> 00:36:16,841 I'm putting a force field around us now. 1018 00:36:16,883 --> 00:36:18,091 Babe. 1019 00:36:18,134 --> 00:36:20,218 Taking care of what's mine. Come here. 1020 00:36:20,261 --> 00:36:22,221 Get in my force field. 1021 00:36:22,263 --> 00:36:25,223 I'm really sorry I didn't fuck you before, but... 1022 00:36:25,265 --> 00:36:27,185 I really, really wanna fuck you now. 1023 00:36:27,225 --> 00:36:30,020 I borrowed Lip's school computer to get online, 1024 00:36:30,062 --> 00:36:32,189 and I found that porn that we made, 1025 00:36:32,230 --> 00:36:33,774 and then I jerked off to it. 1026 00:36:33,816 --> 00:36:34,984 That's so sweet. 1027 00:36:35,026 --> 00:36:37,986 heavy metal music 1028 00:36:40,323 --> 00:36:42,325 That's what I'm talking about. 1029 00:36:42,366 --> 00:36:44,368 -Yeah! -[Kev] Aww. 1030 00:36:44,410 --> 00:36:46,412 [laughing] 1031 00:36:46,453 --> 00:36:47,830 You! 1032 00:36:48,747 --> 00:36:49,998 Oh, my gosh. 1033 00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:51,250 Ask me. 1034 00:36:51,292 --> 00:36:52,877 Veronica Fisher, 1035 00:36:52,919 --> 00:36:54,127 will you marry me? 1036 00:36:54,169 --> 00:36:55,546 Yes. 1037 00:36:55,587 --> 00:36:58,256 Yes, yes, yes, yes. 1038 00:37:00,259 --> 00:37:01,801 [Kev squeals] 1039 00:37:01,843 --> 00:37:03,428 Oh, shit! 1040 00:37:03,471 --> 00:37:04,513 That's cold! 1041 00:37:04,555 --> 00:37:06,223 What the hell? Veronica! 1042 00:37:06,265 --> 00:37:07,850 There's no hot water. 1043 00:37:10,810 --> 00:37:12,897 Fucking Gallaghers. 1044 00:37:12,939 --> 00:37:14,732 No wonder those foster kids are messed up. 1045 00:37:14,774 --> 00:37:17,651 That's why they need a positive influence. 1046 00:37:17,692 --> 00:37:19,904 Where's my damn toaster? Huh? 1047 00:37:19,946 --> 00:37:21,988 -You live here now? -Toaster. 1048 00:37:22,031 --> 00:37:23,241 My cell's gone. Help me look for my cell. 1049 00:37:23,281 --> 00:37:24,575 -It's gone. -I gave Lip your cell 1050 00:37:24,616 --> 00:37:25,660 so he could call around, see if anybody knew 1051 00:37:25,701 --> 00:37:26,576 where Frank was. 1052 00:37:26,618 --> 00:37:27,662 So now both my bills 1053 00:37:27,703 --> 00:37:28,913 are being run up over there. 1054 00:37:28,955 --> 00:37:30,497 We need more time. Can you stall him? 1055 00:37:30,538 --> 00:37:31,790 [car alarm blaring] 1056 00:37:31,832 --> 00:37:33,584 Chopped up some leftover chuck 1057 00:37:33,625 --> 00:37:35,169 for a bolognaise ragout. 1058 00:37:35,210 --> 00:37:36,921 I hope everybody is good and hungry. 1059 00:37:36,962 --> 00:37:38,547 Hey, Kev, you got a Bears jersey I can borrow? 1060 00:37:38,589 --> 00:37:40,591 Borrow as in I get it right back, 1061 00:37:40,633 --> 00:37:43,176 or borrow as in you plan to keep it forever 1062 00:37:43,218 --> 00:37:44,428 and forget it isn't yours? 1063 00:37:44,470 --> 00:37:45,888 He wants me to come over to his place tonight. 1064 00:37:45,930 --> 00:37:47,430 Oh. You should go. 1065 00:37:47,473 --> 00:37:49,600 I'll keep an eye on the kids. I need the kid practice now. 1066 00:37:49,642 --> 00:37:51,685 -Yeah, times two. -Oh. 1067 00:37:51,727 --> 00:37:52,812 [whispering] What about her? 1068 00:37:52,852 --> 00:37:54,062 [Fiona] You're not gonna get fired 1069 00:37:54,105 --> 00:37:55,814 for letting us borrow an old lady, right? 1070 00:37:55,855 --> 00:37:56,941 Or what? 1071 00:37:56,982 --> 00:37:58,401 [Veronica] Ah, shit. 1072 00:38:01,361 --> 00:38:02,696 Can you watch him for 15 minutes? 1073 00:38:02,738 --> 00:38:03,948 Damn, Fi, you see I'm in the middle of doing my-- 1074 00:38:03,989 --> 00:38:05,283 [Fiona] Thanks. 1075 00:38:05,323 --> 00:38:06,491 Okay, sure. 1076 00:38:06,533 --> 00:38:07,701 Hey. 1077 00:38:08,410 --> 00:38:09,495 Who the fuck are you? 1078 00:38:09,537 --> 00:38:10,788 Is this that missing kid? 1079 00:38:10,830 --> 00:38:11,705 [Fiona] Debbie stole him, 1080 00:38:11,747 --> 00:38:12,622 and now we have to figure out 1081 00:38:12,665 --> 00:38:13,790 how to give him back 1082 00:38:13,832 --> 00:38:14,875 without giving her 36 months of juvie. 1083 00:38:14,917 --> 00:38:16,294 I'm not sure what's going on with her. 1084 00:38:16,334 --> 00:38:18,004 Oh, maybe it's 'cause your mom bailed 1085 00:38:18,044 --> 00:38:20,297 and Frank's a big drunk. 1086 00:38:20,339 --> 00:38:21,464 Oh, what, I'm the asshole now? 1087 00:38:21,506 --> 00:38:22,633 She's the one who stole a baby. 1088 00:38:22,674 --> 00:38:23,801 [Lip] Kev, what time you going to work today? 1089 00:38:23,843 --> 00:38:25,468 Uh, I go in at 6:00. 1090 00:38:25,511 --> 00:38:26,721 All right, you're going in early. 1091 00:38:26,761 --> 00:38:27,971 You should go in, tell them you saw 1092 00:38:28,013 --> 00:38:29,180 a little boy in a Superman costume 1093 00:38:29,223 --> 00:38:30,890 walking down Grand Avenue. 1094 00:38:30,933 --> 00:38:31,892 I was walking to work, 1095 00:38:31,933 --> 00:38:33,477 and I saw this cute little kid 1096 00:38:33,518 --> 00:38:35,145 wearing a Superman costume. 1097 00:38:35,187 --> 00:38:36,980 Cute little kid. 1098 00:38:37,022 --> 00:38:38,316 A little kid in a Superman costume? 1099 00:38:38,357 --> 00:38:40,067 Superman costume. Sandy hair. 1100 00:38:40,109 --> 00:38:41,401 That's the little boy that's missing. 1101 00:38:41,444 --> 00:38:42,319 Where did you see him? 1102 00:38:42,361 --> 00:38:43,654 On Grand. I just passed him, 1103 00:38:43,696 --> 00:38:44,821 like, five minutes ago. 1104 00:38:44,863 --> 00:38:45,948 [sighs] Well, we have to call that in, 1105 00:38:45,989 --> 00:38:46,866 Kev. 1106 00:38:46,906 --> 00:38:48,326 Yes, we do. 1107 00:38:48,366 --> 00:38:49,826 Two virgin piña coladas. 1108 00:38:49,868 --> 00:38:50,953 Thank you, Kate. 1109 00:38:50,995 --> 00:38:53,330 I had no idea people I knew could die. 1110 00:38:53,372 --> 00:38:55,082 Honey, he was old. 1111 00:38:55,123 --> 00:38:57,917 Yeah, but that means my family is gonna die, too, 1112 00:38:57,959 --> 00:38:59,502 and then I'll be all alone. 1113 00:38:59,544 --> 00:39:01,464 Debs, there are way too many things in life 1114 00:39:01,504 --> 00:39:02,964 you gonna have to worry about. 1115 00:39:03,006 --> 00:39:04,924 Don't stress about this right now. 1116 00:39:04,966 --> 00:39:05,968 What's wrong with me? 1117 00:39:06,009 --> 00:39:07,218 What? 1118 00:39:07,261 --> 00:39:08,678 Ethel's got a boy into her, 1119 00:39:08,721 --> 00:39:10,180 and she's already has a husband. 1120 00:39:10,221 --> 00:39:12,767 You're a guy. Don't spare my feelings. 1121 00:39:12,808 --> 00:39:14,517 Are you sure you're sending strong enough signals? 1122 00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:15,770 I've tried. 1123 00:39:15,810 --> 00:39:17,270 Guys are pretty dumb. 1124 00:39:17,312 --> 00:39:19,230 Sometimes you have to put something shiny in a window 1125 00:39:19,272 --> 00:39:20,441 to get them to the store. 1126 00:39:20,482 --> 00:39:21,567 Thanks, Kevin. 1127 00:39:21,609 --> 00:39:22,776 So you gonna tell me what happened? 1128 00:39:22,817 --> 00:39:24,527 Why do you wanna know anyway? 1129 00:39:24,569 --> 00:39:26,279 'Cause you been running your ass around here 1130 00:39:26,321 --> 00:39:28,281 like a Black Scarface, and I care about you, okay? 1131 00:39:28,323 --> 00:39:30,408 That stupid dumbass. 1132 00:39:30,451 --> 00:39:32,370 He seemed scared, Kev, made me swear 1133 00:39:32,410 --> 00:39:33,370 that I wouldn't tell Fiona. 1134 00:39:33,412 --> 00:39:35,705 Oh, no, no, no, no. 1135 00:39:35,747 --> 00:39:36,873 That's why you're here. 1136 00:39:36,915 --> 00:39:38,417 Well, we have to do something. 1137 00:39:38,459 --> 00:39:39,709 No, you want me to do something. 1138 00:39:39,752 --> 00:39:41,127 I promised I wouldn't say anything. 1139 00:39:41,169 --> 00:39:42,546 You know I can't keep secrets. 1140 00:39:42,587 --> 00:39:45,508 Exactly, so you'll tell Fiona. 1141 00:39:45,549 --> 00:39:46,966 God damn it, V. 1142 00:39:47,009 --> 00:39:48,803 -May I see some ID, please? -What, are you kidding me? 1143 00:39:48,843 --> 00:39:51,596 Show me something. I gotta cover my ass. 1144 00:39:54,140 --> 00:39:55,892 Thank you, Dwayne Foster. 1145 00:39:55,935 --> 00:39:58,520 What if we adopt Lip as our own? 1146 00:39:58,562 --> 00:40:00,189 Wouldn't that change everything? 1147 00:40:01,439 --> 00:40:03,274 I'll go chase the rats out of the cooler. 1148 00:40:03,317 --> 00:40:04,401 Hey, guys. 1149 00:40:04,442 --> 00:40:06,654 [Kev yelling, rats squeaking] 1150 00:40:06,694 --> 00:40:08,071 Dude, who the hell around here is gonna go to school 1151 00:40:08,113 --> 00:40:09,573 if the one really smart guy quits? 1152 00:40:09,614 --> 00:40:12,158 Go to school and enjoy being smarter than everyone 1153 00:40:12,201 --> 00:40:13,743 and become master of the universe. 1154 00:40:13,785 --> 00:40:14,620 I mean, fuck. 1155 00:40:14,662 --> 00:40:15,453 Well, what if I don't wanna be 1156 00:40:15,495 --> 00:40:16,413 master of the universe? 1157 00:40:16,455 --> 00:40:17,665 [Kev] Tough. You gotta be 1158 00:40:17,705 --> 00:40:19,834 one of those ridiculously rich successful dudes 1159 00:40:19,875 --> 00:40:21,960 and put my kid through college someday. 1160 00:40:22,002 --> 00:40:23,337 No pressure. 1161 00:40:23,379 --> 00:40:25,339 Joking, right, about not going back to college? 1162 00:40:25,381 --> 00:40:26,464 [Lip] Serious. I'm done. 1163 00:40:26,506 --> 00:40:27,758 College is a racket, huh? 1164 00:40:27,799 --> 00:40:29,259 Well, guess what. 1165 00:40:29,301 --> 00:40:30,928 There's no one better at beating the system than you. 1166 00:40:30,970 --> 00:40:32,596 Hell, man, you got them to give you 1167 00:40:32,638 --> 00:40:34,140 four fucking years for free. 1168 00:40:34,180 --> 00:40:36,183 Why don't you get your damn diploma, 1169 00:40:36,225 --> 00:40:38,768 spit in their faces, and have a fucking future? 1170 00:40:38,810 --> 00:40:40,104 You know, I'm getting pretty damn tired 1171 00:40:40,145 --> 00:40:41,605 -of everybody telling-- -Stop making them have to. 1172 00:40:41,647 --> 00:40:44,066 Grow the fuck up. 1173 00:40:44,107 --> 00:40:45,567 Yeah, yeah, I mean, I told her. 1174 00:40:45,609 --> 00:40:47,111 Lip, you can't tell her that shit. 1175 00:40:47,152 --> 00:40:48,904 That's like waving the flag in front of the bull. 1176 00:40:48,946 --> 00:40:50,406 Well, hide the car keys, 1177 00:40:50,448 --> 00:40:52,741 stop showering, and you tell her nothing, 1178 00:40:52,783 --> 00:40:54,410 and whatever you do, 1179 00:40:54,451 --> 00:40:56,370 do not--Lip, 1180 00:40:56,412 --> 00:40:58,413 do not let her bone you, 1181 00:40:58,455 --> 00:41:00,248 because that oxytocin stuff 1182 00:41:00,290 --> 00:41:01,625 makes them adhesive. 1183 00:41:01,667 --> 00:41:03,544 You got it? 1184 00:41:03,585 --> 00:41:07,381 upbeat rock music 1185 00:41:07,422 --> 00:41:08,466 [Carl] Shit. 1186 00:41:08,506 --> 00:41:11,093 Jesus. 1187 00:41:11,134 --> 00:41:13,053 [Veronica] She's fine. Just passed out. 1188 00:41:13,095 --> 00:41:14,638 Sweet dreams, baby girl. 1189 00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:16,390 Well, she's all yours. 1190 00:41:16,431 --> 00:41:17,808 We gotta get back to the bar. 1191 00:41:19,100 --> 00:41:21,979 [laughing maniacally] 1192 00:41:22,020 --> 00:41:23,564 [Kev] Holy Jesus. 1193 00:41:23,605 --> 00:41:25,524 Are you okay? 1194 00:41:25,566 --> 00:41:27,567 I can't tell if you're laughing or crying. 1195 00:41:27,609 --> 00:41:29,402 I'll help you out in here. 1196 00:41:29,444 --> 00:41:31,363 You'll help me out in here. 1197 00:41:31,404 --> 00:41:32,823 You're on. 1198 00:41:32,864 --> 00:41:33,823 I brought help. 1199 00:41:33,866 --> 00:41:34,825 [Tommy] Everybody shovel 1200 00:41:34,866 --> 00:41:36,201 all this broken tile out. 1201 00:41:36,243 --> 00:41:37,368 Get it the hell out of here. 1202 00:41:37,410 --> 00:41:38,913 [crowd cheering] 1203 00:41:41,873 --> 00:41:43,250 Oh, fuck off! 1204 00:41:43,292 --> 00:41:45,084 Have you examined your breasts in the shower 1205 00:41:45,127 --> 00:41:46,127 this morning, Fiona? 1206 00:41:46,169 --> 00:41:47,462 It's not just here. 1207 00:41:47,504 --> 00:41:50,049 It's here too, and under the arms here. 1208 00:41:50,089 --> 00:41:51,133 All right? 1209 00:41:54,553 --> 00:41:55,638 Last one. 1210 00:41:55,678 --> 00:41:56,971 If I had a dime for every time 1211 00:41:57,013 --> 00:41:58,765 I heard you say that... 1212 00:41:58,806 --> 00:42:00,058 I'd have exactly one dime. 1213 00:42:00,100 --> 00:42:01,352 W-Wendy! 1214 00:42:01,392 --> 00:42:02,645 -Give me the phone! -[Wendy] Hello? Hello? 1215 00:42:02,685 --> 00:42:03,729 You're not gonna slap me, are you? 1216 00:42:03,770 --> 00:42:05,105 [Debbie] No. 1217 00:42:05,147 --> 00:42:06,607 Usually, after Veronica asks me to level with her, 1218 00:42:06,649 --> 00:42:07,816 she slaps me. 1219 00:42:07,857 --> 00:42:09,109 My husband fucked my mother to get pregnant. 1220 00:42:09,151 --> 00:42:11,611 Sorry we can't all have our baby the normal way! 1221 00:42:11,654 --> 00:42:13,531 Just remember, if you're gonna sit on my face, 1222 00:42:13,571 --> 00:42:15,114 I have that sinus thing. Okay? 1223 00:42:15,156 --> 00:42:16,283 I thought that's what you ladies wanted, 1224 00:42:16,325 --> 00:42:18,243 is shared housework, wage equality, 1225 00:42:18,285 --> 00:42:19,578 and all that Hunger Games 1226 00:42:19,620 --> 00:42:21,538 Lady Gaga girl power shit. 1227 00:42:21,580 --> 00:42:22,872 Don't haggle with a woman 1228 00:42:22,915 --> 00:42:24,625 who looks this fly in a power suit. 1229 00:42:24,667 --> 00:42:26,042 Let's get those bitches tugging. 1230 00:42:26,084 --> 00:42:28,879 Here's to good old-fashioned American capitalism. 1231 00:42:28,921 --> 00:42:30,297 You can keep a man down, 1232 00:42:30,339 --> 00:42:32,966 but you can never keep him from getting it up. 1233 00:42:33,008 --> 00:42:35,051 -Yes, sir! Ow! -[Kev] Mm. 1234 00:42:35,093 --> 00:42:37,053 Boom, there it is. 1235 00:42:37,096 --> 00:42:38,973 Boom, there it is. 1236 00:42:39,013 --> 00:42:40,390 Toilets? Toilets. 1237 00:42:40,431 --> 00:42:42,058 Kids drown in toilets all the time. 1238 00:42:42,100 --> 00:42:43,477 Close the lid. 1239 00:42:43,518 --> 00:42:45,562 You gotta be on it all the time. 1240 00:42:45,604 --> 00:42:48,399 I mean, what kind of person doesn't worry about this shit? 1241 00:42:48,439 --> 00:42:50,484 Fine. I will go home 1242 00:42:50,526 --> 00:42:51,944 and fuck my husband. 1243 00:42:51,986 --> 00:42:53,988 Maybe with a little more enthusiasm? 1244 00:42:55,029 --> 00:42:56,698 I'm more like a refugee who sells weed. 1245 00:42:56,739 --> 00:42:58,408 Lots of noises in the ghetto. 1246 00:42:58,450 --> 00:43:00,660 Automatic gunfire, people begging for their lives... 1247 00:43:00,703 --> 00:43:02,162 I changed your diaper, so I know 1248 00:43:02,203 --> 00:43:04,163 your little pudding pop ain't never been chocolate. 1249 00:43:04,205 --> 00:43:06,332 Four hundred years of oppression makes you Black, 1250 00:43:06,375 --> 00:43:08,502 and if you keep up with this wigger bullshit, 1251 00:43:08,544 --> 00:43:10,629 I'm gonna reverse George Zimmerman your ass. 1252 00:43:10,671 --> 00:43:11,964 They're a day old, but no mold. 1253 00:43:12,006 --> 00:43:13,381 I checked. Praise Jesus. 1254 00:43:13,424 --> 00:43:14,799 I've been dealing with toddlers all day, 1255 00:43:14,841 --> 00:43:16,551 talking ABCs, 1256 00:43:16,593 --> 00:43:18,846 telling them what sounds a cow makes. 1257 00:43:18,886 --> 00:43:21,098 It's moo, motherfucker. It's moo. 1258 00:43:21,140 --> 00:43:22,765 Is this really her aunt, 1259 00:43:22,808 --> 00:43:23,808 or are we gonna find her fucking her in our bed 1260 00:43:23,850 --> 00:43:24,977 a week from now? 1261 00:43:25,018 --> 00:43:26,312 When I started dating Kev, I was like, 1262 00:43:26,352 --> 00:43:27,812 "You're my man, I'm your girl, 1263 00:43:27,855 --> 00:43:29,022 and if you're not happy with that, 1264 00:43:29,064 --> 00:43:30,149 I'll kill you in your sleep." 1265 00:43:30,189 --> 00:43:31,274 It's true. 1266 00:43:31,317 --> 00:43:33,026 Too tired to jump up and down with me? 1267 00:43:33,067 --> 00:43:35,696 Yeah, but if it helps, this is my happy face now. 1268 00:43:35,738 --> 00:43:37,363 You're madder than a hornet in a Coke can. 1269 00:43:37,406 --> 00:43:40,658 "Well, slap my ass and call me Sally." 1270 00:43:40,701 --> 00:43:44,163 "Well, sit on my face and call me Bernard." 1271 00:43:44,203 --> 00:43:45,538 Look at you two. 1272 00:43:45,580 --> 00:43:48,667 You're like two friends from that old show... 1273 00:43:48,709 --> 00:43:50,335 Friends. 1274 00:43:50,377 --> 00:43:52,879 Nipple piercing. It's small but meaningful. 1275 00:43:52,921 --> 00:43:54,631 I would legit not say hello to you 1276 00:43:54,672 --> 00:43:55,758 if I saw you in public. 1277 00:43:55,799 --> 00:43:58,009 V! 1278 00:43:59,803 --> 00:44:01,221 V! 1279 00:44:01,263 --> 00:44:02,513 Holy shit. 1280 00:44:02,555 --> 00:44:04,183 You had sex with her, too. 1281 00:44:04,223 --> 00:44:06,477 V, that-that is... 1282 00:44:06,517 --> 00:44:07,895 really hot. 1283 00:44:07,935 --> 00:44:09,145 My husband's a slut. 1284 00:44:09,187 --> 00:44:10,480 V, that's a little harsh. 1285 00:44:10,522 --> 00:44:12,316 Kev, what the hell are you talking about? 1286 00:44:12,357 --> 00:44:13,442 God damn it, V. 1287 00:44:13,484 --> 00:44:14,609 Love you, Kev. 1288 00:44:14,651 --> 00:44:16,277 Marriage is a sacred institution. 1289 00:44:16,319 --> 00:44:17,321 Did she go down on you? 1290 00:44:17,363 --> 00:44:18,613 Yes! 1291 00:44:18,656 --> 00:44:20,031 Did she do that thing with her tongue? 1292 00:44:20,073 --> 00:44:21,491 [Veronica] Yes. 1293 00:44:21,533 --> 00:44:22,533 Did you come a lot? 1294 00:44:22,576 --> 00:44:23,701 -Kev... -[Kev] Right. 1295 00:44:23,743 --> 00:44:24,995 You two just... 1296 00:44:25,037 --> 00:44:27,163 lick each other like cats all day while I'm gone. 1297 00:44:27,205 --> 00:44:28,873 The guy offered me $4,000 1298 00:44:28,915 --> 00:44:30,000 for an hour with you. 1299 00:44:30,042 --> 00:44:31,000 Mm. 1300 00:44:31,042 --> 00:44:32,169 He thinks I'm a whore? 1301 00:44:32,210 --> 00:44:33,169 -Of course. -No. 1302 00:44:33,212 --> 00:44:34,337 It's just a misunderstanding, V. 1303 00:44:34,379 --> 00:44:35,881 That's all. 1304 00:44:38,133 --> 00:44:41,178 [Veronica] Kev, can you come up for a sec? 1305 00:44:52,605 --> 00:44:54,857 V, look how hard I am for you. 1306 00:44:54,899 --> 00:44:56,109 [Alison] You Kevin Ball? 1307 00:44:56,151 --> 00:44:57,319 You a health inspector? 1308 00:44:57,361 --> 00:44:58,486 Uh, no. 1309 00:44:58,529 --> 00:45:00,029 Jehovah's Witness? 1310 00:45:00,071 --> 00:45:01,614 -No. -IRS? 1311 00:45:01,656 --> 00:45:02,741 No. 1312 00:45:02,783 --> 00:45:04,410 Then yes, I'm Kevin Ball. 1313 00:45:08,413 --> 00:45:09,997 Kev. 1314 00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:11,375 [snores] Uh, what? 1315 00:45:11,417 --> 00:45:12,375 V? V! 1316 00:45:12,417 --> 00:45:14,085 V, your mom's here. 1317 00:45:14,127 --> 00:45:15,837 V, don't start that shit. 1318 00:45:15,879 --> 00:45:16,964 -Kevin... -V! 1319 00:45:17,004 --> 00:45:18,549 -Kevin Ball. -V! 1320 00:45:18,589 --> 00:45:19,674 No, I'm done. No more breastfeeding. 1321 00:45:19,716 --> 00:45:21,051 Kev, wake up. 1322 00:45:21,093 --> 00:45:22,428 V, we're doing it, baby. 1323 00:45:22,468 --> 00:45:23,470 [Veronica laughs] 1324 00:45:28,517 --> 00:45:30,143 V, we gotta talk. 1325 00:45:30,185 --> 00:45:31,895 Kevin? Kevin? 1326 00:45:31,937 --> 00:45:33,312 Kevin? Kevin! 1327 00:45:33,355 --> 00:45:35,107 Kevin Ball, get your ass down here. 1328 00:45:38,109 --> 00:45:39,402 What the fuck, V? 1329 00:45:39,444 --> 00:45:40,946 Kev, please stop talking. 1330 00:45:40,988 --> 00:45:42,613 Snookums... 1331 00:45:42,656 --> 00:45:43,991 [Veronica] Kev, come on. We're gonna be late. 1332 00:45:44,031 --> 00:45:45,408 Kevin Ball, 1333 00:45:45,451 --> 00:45:47,243 get your ass out here right now 1334 00:45:47,285 --> 00:45:49,163 before I Lorena Bobbitt you myself. 1335 00:45:53,207 --> 00:45:55,334 Kev, no one needs to know about our sex life. 1336 00:45:55,377 --> 00:45:56,669 -[Kev] Uh... -Kev? 1337 00:45:56,712 --> 00:45:58,464 Kev? Kevin? 1338 00:45:58,504 --> 00:45:59,506 -Kevin. -[Kev] Mm. 1339 00:45:59,547 --> 00:46:01,008 -V? -Kev! 1340 00:46:01,049 --> 00:46:02,384 I'm coming. 1341 00:46:02,426 --> 00:46:03,384 -Kev! -Shh. 1342 00:46:03,426 --> 00:46:05,178 -Come on. -Let me have this. 1343 00:46:05,220 --> 00:46:06,388 -Kev? -Yeah? 1344 00:46:06,430 --> 00:46:08,556 [Veronica] Kev? 1345 00:46:08,598 --> 00:46:10,225 Kevin. 1346 00:46:10,267 --> 00:46:11,893 Hey, hey, hey. 1347 00:46:13,979 --> 00:46:15,355 [quietly] V. 1348 00:46:15,397 --> 00:46:18,192 La la la la la 1349 00:46:18,232 --> 00:46:20,359 Stupid in love 1350 00:46:20,401 --> 00:46:23,071 La la la la la la la la la 1351 00:46:23,113 --> 00:46:26,116 La la la la la la la la 1352 00:46:26,158 --> 00:46:29,453 La la la la la la la la la 1353 00:46:29,495 --> 00:46:32,663 La la la la la la la la la