1 00:00:01,840 --> 00:00:04,960 -- This programme contains scenes of violence and strong language from the outset. 2 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:08,720 Oi! 3 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:08,720 -- Come and watch pikeys making a mess of the lives 4 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:11,240 they were given by "him upstairs". 5 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:15,200 And kids they're convinced aren't actually theirs. 6 00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:16,000 -- Wicked! 7 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:16,880 -- Piss off! 8 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:21,680 -- What sounds on earth could ever replace kids needing money, 9 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:23,120 or wives in your face? 10 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:27,240 Cos this, people reckon - and me included - 11 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:30,560 is why pubs and drugs were kindly invented. 12 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:33,160 To calm us all down, stop us going mental. 13 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:37,960 These are Chatsworth Estate's basic essentials. 14 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:44,200 We are worth every penny for grinding your axes. 15 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:48,520 You sit on our head, but you pay the taxes. 16 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:52,760 Imagine a Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers, 17 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:56,080 who'd come on your face for the price of a beer, eh? 18 00:00:57,680 --> 00:00:59,800 Make poverty history! 19 00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:02,560 Cheaper drugs now! 20 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,440 Make poverty history! 21 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,440 Cheaper drugs now! 22 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:08,360 (LAUGHS) 23 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:23,880 -- 'My Brendan were a strapping lad as a youngster. 24 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:26,840 'Arms like hams. Shapely in the leg. 25 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:30,360 'Had a look of a young John Nettles without the hair. 26 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:33,760 'Bergerac period, not Midsomer - no, ta. 27 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:36,280 'Gone to seed by then. 28 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:39,960 'Dream fella, Brendan. Knew he were t'one for me. 29 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,400 'Took months to wear him down. 30 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:45,160 'So handsome. All t'girls wanted him.' 31 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:51,800 -- Fuck off, Worzel! Do you have to do that every night? 32 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:53,080 -- It's Lillian! 33 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:54,120 -- Lillian? 34 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:56,960 It's really late! 35 00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:00,360 -- I've been clubbing, but I think there's a burst gas main. 36 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:01,760 Smell it? 37 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,480 'I was so certain we were meant to be together. 38 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:06,440 'He got bored arguing and gave in. 39 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:10,640 'And we were largely happy - apart from the affairs and the drinking.' 40 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:13,240 SIRENS WAIL 41 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:13,960 -- What the fuck?! 42 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,480 -- 'There's only room for one great love in my life.' 43 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:18,640 -- Clear the area! Wake everyone! 44 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:21,040 -- '..but there's plenty of time for a few small ones. 45 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:23,280 'I bloody hope so, anyway.' 46 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:24,040 -- Fire brigade! 47 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:25,800 -- 'I really miss me cop.' 48 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:27,120 KNOCK ON DOOR 49 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:31,560 -- Fire brigade! Fire brigade! Fire brigade! 50 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,160 Clot on the sofa's trying to light a fag, boss! 51 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:37,600 Fire brigade! Stand away! 52 00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:40,280 -- Hang on... hang on... Oh! 53 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:41,480 -- Coming through! 54 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,280 -- Fucking hell! 55 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:51,440 -- I think we've found our burst main. 56 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:02,280 -- Ribbons! Blood! MY blood! 57 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:03,160 -- Are you all right, Dad? 58 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:05,960 -- Get a bucket! I don't want to cause a mess 59 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,680 while I'm bleeding to fucking death! 60 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:10,720 -- Ooooh, chin up, love! Baby doesn't like blood. 61 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:14,040 -- Oh, fucking hell, it's Bo Selecta - I'm having a bad dream! 62 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:15,720 -- Should have let you suffocate! 63 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:16,440 -- Aaagh! 64 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:18,760 -- < John - upstairs - open some windows. 65 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:19,560 -- < Yes, Boss. 66 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:20,640 -- What's with the torsos? 67 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:22,200 -- Doing a hen night. 68 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:23,520 -- Do you know how much we're paid? 69 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:24,880 -- 'Kin hell! He's bleating - 70 00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:27,520 I'm the one looking at the stairway to heaven here! 71 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:28,720 -- < We'll drop him at the hospital. 72 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:33,200 -- Oh, what - all the ambulances mobile DJs, are they, this evening? 73 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:35,360 -- Come on. Anyone going with him? 74 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,200 -- Are you mad? They know him down at casualty better than we do! 75 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:42,240 -- Oh cheers, progeny! Beloved spawn... 76 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:45,080 So-called...loved one! 77 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:49,320 -- Right, I'm off to my pit. 78 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:52,800 -- Mum's got Katie to give me a full night for a change. 79 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:56,960 -- I won't be able to kip, now. All those firemen! 80 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,280 -- Yeah! Cliche, but I'd do 'em! 81 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:00,640 -- I'll have one of them. 82 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:03,160 -- HORN BLARES 83 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:06,360 ENGINE SOUNDS 84 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:09,360 Pissed off without me, again. 85 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:11,760 -- Does that happen a lot? 86 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:13,120 -- Arseholes! 87 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:14,320 -- < Brew? 88 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:15,360 -- Have you got anything stronger? 89 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:17,120 -- With my dad in the house? No chance! 90 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:21,680 -- Thought you'd be all "Don't drink on duty, Ma'am - babies to save". 91 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,560 -- I'm not on duty. We were passing, 92 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,240 thought we'd check it out, save the boys a trip. 93 00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:28,200 You the couple of the house? 94 00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:30,400 -- Not even close. 95 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:31,680 -- I'm single. 96 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:33,960 -- What, brother and sister? 97 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:37,080 I don't know why I even bother asking questions about families. 98 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:37,400 They're all so... 99 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:38,120 -- Fucked. 100 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:39,440 -- Yeah. 101 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:42,960 HORN BLARES 102 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,520 Ah! They care, after all! 103 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,920 You should have a smoke alarm, with that old piss-pot living here. 104 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:50,920 No offence. 105 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:52,240 -- None taken. 106 00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:54,040 -- < Want to come back and fit one for us? 107 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:56,880 -- Yeah - come and do that. 108 00:04:58,720 --> 00:04:59,920 -- Why not? 109 00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:01,120 -- Tomorrow? 110 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,840 -- OK. Sean. 111 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:07,080 -- Mandy. 112 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:08,440 -- Ian. 113 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:10,120 -- All right? 114 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:18,560 -- Jesus, I'm so obvious! 115 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:19,600 -- Just a bit! 116 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:20,640 -- Fit or what? 117 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:22,600 -- He won't go for you, Mand. 118 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:23,920 -- There's a vote of confidence! 119 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:25,280 -- No, he bats for us. 120 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,880 -- Piss off! Him? No way. 121 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:30,000 -- Tenner says I give him one before you do. 122 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:33,320 -- You think everyone's gay. Can't you be different on your own? 123 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:34,760 -- Money, and mouth! 124 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:38,880 -- Bollocks! Tenner. 125 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,720 You'd better not win! I'm gagging for it. 126 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:52,520 -- One here, one upstairs. 127 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:56,040 All lethal, flammable boozehounds covered! 128 00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:57,640 -- I've got cake. 129 00:05:57,680 --> 00:06:01,160 -- Ta. Er... I've got a shift. 130 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:05,520 -- Listen... Fancy a drink? 131 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,520 Shit! 132 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:14,000 Bastard! 133 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,280 He's at work. 134 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:17,840 The Jockey. 135 00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:30,160 -- Number of kids you've had, you could pop 'em without touching the sides. 136 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,040 I mean, why bother? 137 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:35,440 -- Because this little baba is going to be done proper, 138 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,520 and I want his daddy there! 139 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:42,040 -- He'll only nick all the drugs or start a ruck or summat! 140 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:46,880 I could be your birthing partner. Ask me! 141 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:48,400 -- No. Frank is doing it, 142 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:52,000 and he's coming to antenatal to learn how to do it right. 143 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:59,080 -- Oh my God! Stacy Anne? 144 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:01,760 THE Stacy Anne? 145 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:04,080 She's a cabbage! You can do well better! 146 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:05,760 -- She's all right when you get to know her. 147 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,880 -- I DO know her! Suet dumpling. 148 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:10,800 -- Aidy Simpson said I should give her a go. 149 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:11,880 -- That dick? > 150 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:17,800 -- Trust me, man, she's well worth it. Best ever! Ever! Hidden depths. 151 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:20,560 -- He gets anyone he wants, and she's his best ever. 152 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,480 As long as she doesn't get smitten. 153 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:23,720 -- Smitten? 154 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:28,880 -- When she says "smitten", you gotta bail. Got me? Smitten - bail. 155 00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:32,760 -- That is a pathetic reason to go out with someone. "My mate told me to!" 156 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,200 -- Why do you care? 157 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:37,600 -- Trapped in a circle on the... 158 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:39,840 -- That's Dad! 159 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:39,840 -- What are you doing here? 160 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:44,320 -- Oh - abandoned, tossed out - NHS rubbish! 161 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:47,640 No sharps, medical waste... 162 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:50,920 Bevan'd be turning in his grave! Fucking bollocks! 163 00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:54,960 Same old, same old - trapping in a fucking circle! 164 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,000 -- Mum's looking for you. 165 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:58,480 -- A circle of shite. 166 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:05,160 -- Tits first. 167 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:06,240 LAUGHTER 168 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:07,360 Mum and Dad! 169 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:13,320 -- What's this? Shagging our lass? In me own gaff? 170 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:16,280 -- I bet he's got the working equipment! Unlike some! 171 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:19,960 -- Piss off! Last time I saw to you, you couldn't walk for a week! 172 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,000 -- That were a shock! 173 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:24,520 -- Alright, mate? It's Carl, isn't it? Don't mind me and the missus, mate. 174 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:27,760 If she could give a decent hum job, she'd be a diamond. 175 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,520 -- Stay for a bit of tea, Carl? 176 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:30,440 -- You don't have to. 177 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:32,680 -- Shut up, you! We like to get to know your friends. 178 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:35,440 What do you say, Carly? Pork chops and minty tats? 179 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:36,080 -- Ta. 180 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:37,880 -- You can call me Teresa, love. 181 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:40,080 The pig's Dave. 182 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:43,880 -- Look at the arse on that, eh? Not bad for an old bird. 183 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:52,080 -- Bag of pear drops and a penny chew, please, Mister. 184 00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:57,520 I need a piss. 185 00:08:57,560 --> 00:09:02,520 -- Beer pourer - barman. Toucher of old men's cocks - rent boy. 186 00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:04,120 Do you see the difference? 187 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:05,760 -- Seems to know a lot about it. 188 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:09,240 -- While we're on old people, shouldn't we ban that? 189 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:14,440 -- That's her new fella! Jeff works in finance. 190 00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:20,600 -- Hiya, Fireman Sam! Didn't recognise you with your kecks on! 191 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:23,400 -- Well, same problem for me, gas victim! 192 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:25,840 -- So...coincidence? 193 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:29,000 -- No, I've just been fitting your smoke alarm and Mandy said, erm... 194 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:31,120 -- I had a bet on with her. 195 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:33,160 -- Let me guess... 196 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:36,800 Buy us a pint with your winnings! 197 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:39,000 -- I get off in ten minutes. 198 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:39,480 -- Yeah? 199 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:42,200 -- I've got a room. 200 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:44,560 -- You a bit of a slag, Ian? 201 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,160 -- Too right! You a bit of a prude, Sean? 202 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:48,200 -- Only to slags. 203 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:51,080 -- So... what? Six months courting, 204 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:55,080 meet the parents, find out my intentions? 205 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:58,120 -- Summat like that! Get us a pint. 206 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:01,000 Driving us, then? 207 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:02,640 -- Where to? 208 00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:04,040 -- Trampolining. I said. 209 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:05,600 -- Oh... 210 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:09,600 -- Right. Do you want dropping anywhere, Carl? 211 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:10,720 -- Yeah, ta. 212 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:13,560 -- There's a spare chop here. No need to hurry away. 213 00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:19,480 Well, you can't have it! Not with that great hanging gut! 214 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:20,800 -- Right, see you later then. 215 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,960 -- Do you know...? 216 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,560 I believe I've miscounted. 217 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:37,160 There isn't another chop. 218 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:38,440 -- I'll see if I can catch them up... 219 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:41,640 -- Have you had your portion, Carly? 220 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,680 I'm not sure I have. 221 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,400 Perhaps I should suck on your bone. 222 00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:52,920 -- If you want. 223 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,840 -- End of my shift. 224 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:11,040 -- I don't shag strangers. 225 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:13,200 -- Why don't you try something new? 226 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:17,600 -- All right. Why not? 227 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:18,640 PAGER BEEPS 228 00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:19,960 Shit! 229 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:21,000 -- What? 230 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:22,560 -- Emergency pager. 231 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:26,120 BEEPING CONTINUES 232 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:32,720 It'll just be a kid with his head stuck in some railings. 233 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:47,080 Who-who-whoah! Easy, tiger! 234 00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:13,760 Oooh! Oooh! 235 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:18,800 Oh, yes! Oooh! Oh, yes! 236 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:20,960 Oh! Oh, yes! 237 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:30,160 -- Listen, all you have to do is be there and bring me some flowers 238 00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,560 or something! 239 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:34,280 -- I know my limitations. 240 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,400 -- All I am saying is just 241 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:41,560 be there and hold my hand and say "Welcome to the world, little baby!" 242 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:45,160 -- I didn't want to say, and I know you don't like me mentioning this, but... 243 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,160 ..it's them little twins. 244 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:50,720 I was there at the birth and it was 245 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:54,640 like the fucking Battle of the Somme. I couldn't go through that again. 246 00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:59,080 -- Right. So you did it for her, but you won't do it for me! 247 00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:03,080 -- Look, it's not... Ah! 248 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:06,040 It's not just the... 249 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:07,280 horror. 250 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,240 It's the memories. 251 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:12,680 It's all I've got left of little Gordon and Delia. 252 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:15,080 You can give me that, can't you? 253 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:18,680 It tears my heart out every time I think of them. 254 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:21,120 You, more than anyone, you know 255 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:24,640 what it's like not to be with your kiddies. 256 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:26,600 -- Nigel and Delia. 257 00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:30,400 It's Nigel and Delia, not Gordon! 258 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:33,600 -- Piss off! How many of you are there? 259 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:37,240 I'm bound to get the odd name wrong, aren't I? What am I, a census?! 260 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:39,880 -- You are coming! 261 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:42,000 -- Look, I just... 262 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,080 Fuckin' little... 263 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:49,680 thingy in the nest, you are! Fuck you! 264 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:52,560 If I'd fathered you, I'd tear me own balls off! 265 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:55,000 -- If you'd fathered me, I'd help! 266 00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,720 -- You should have got a chair years ago. 267 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:04,640 Suits you never having to get off your arse. 268 00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:07,840 -- Abused, slashed... Why do I come in here? 269 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,920 -- Because we serve beer and we haven't barred you this week. 270 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:15,480 -- You've been getting some, haven't you? 271 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:16,640 -- Why d'you say that? 272 00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:18,600 -- I can tell. 273 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:21,200 You're all smug-looking and shit. 274 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:23,920 -- Cheers, Mick. Glad you're so pleased for us. 275 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:25,400 -- It's true, then? 276 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:26,600 -- Maybe. 277 00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:28,200 -- Oh, sorry, mate. 278 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:30,640 -- Out my fuckin' space, man! 279 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:33,080 Touching me! What are you, some kind of fuckin' queer boy? 280 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:33,480 -- Shane! 281 00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:35,680 -- I'm sorry I accidentally touched you. 282 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:36,520 -- It's all right. 283 00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:39,360 -- Don't do that. 284 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,560 -- What you gonna fucking do about...? 285 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:42,160 -- Christ! 286 00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:43,120 -- Eh! That's our kid! 287 00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:44,960 -- It's all right! It's all right! 288 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,000 I know him! I know him! There's no need, yeah? 289 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,680 There's no need, eh? It's only Shane. 290 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:51,200 You know what he's like! 291 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:54,640 Come on. 292 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:07,040 He well deserved that! He's a prick and a half! 293 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:07,640 -- I was a prick, too. 294 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:08,800 -- It was hot! 295 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:11,960 I wasn't expecting you to... 296 00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:16,760 -- Look, we've done it your way - let's try mine. 297 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:19,920 How about I take you away from all this? 298 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:22,280 -- What? Take me where? 299 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:24,920 -- Well, there's only one way to find out, isn't there? 300 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:31,680 Are you coming? 301 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:41,800 Is that where you chuck a ribbon in the air and dance about on a mat? 302 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:44,720 -- Or a ball. 303 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,120 -- What? 304 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:48,000 -- Chuck a ball in the air, too. 305 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:50,680 -- When? 306 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:54,120 -- Rhythmic gymnastics. You were asking! 307 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:56,200 -- Oh, yeah. Great. 308 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,480 -- Ah! The lovebirds! 309 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:04,520 Cooing and billing - nice! 310 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:06,960 You off for physical jerks, madam? 311 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,200 The exercise she does and she still thinks she's got a hymen! 312 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:10,840 -- Mum! 313 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:11,960 Getting me coat. 314 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,200 -- What a waste, when she's got this one! 315 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:16,720 D'you remember when you were a bit of a specimen, Dave? 316 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:18,520 -- This morning, weren't it? 317 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,520 -- You wish. 318 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:23,960 -- Drop you anywhere, Carl? 319 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,240 -- I'm fine, thanks. 320 00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:26,760 -- Dad. 321 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:37,520 -- Don't know anything, does he? 322 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,160 -- Course he doesn't. 323 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:40,440 He wouldn't care anyway. 324 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:41,800 -- You sure? 325 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:42,840 -- Of course I am. 326 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:46,880 Trousers off! 327 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,560 -- No... Argh! No, it's not for me, that one! 328 00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:06,040 -- Yes! 329 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:13,320 -- This is Geoff - works in finance. 330 00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:14,160 -- That right? 331 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,000 -- Don't expect to get anyone at my age, 332 00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,880 never mind someone wi' a proper job! 333 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:20,440 -- So how did you meet? 334 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:21,720 -- Slow dating. 335 00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:24,320 -- What's that? 336 00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:26,000 -- Speed dating for pensioners. 337 00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:27,640 Do you watch Corrie? 338 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,680 Do you watch Corrie? 339 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:34,200 Do you watch Corrie? 340 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:36,760 -- I sometimes watch Emmerdale! 341 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:40,200 -- Fuck it - that'll have to do! 342 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:42,720 We've been inseparable ever since. 343 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:46,200 -- So what exactly do you do in finance, Geoff? 344 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:49,480 -- Security. 345 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:52,640 -- Very responsible! 346 00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:54,920 -- Pushbike squad! 347 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:56,920 -- Mountain bike patrol! 348 00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,400 It's not a demotion - they're better for getting round the estates. 349 00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:01,160 -- How can we help? 350 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:02,120 -- Frank been in? 351 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,080 -- It's a day of the week, isn't it? 352 00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:04,320 -- We're gunning for him. 353 00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:05,320 -- He knows why, too! 354 00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:06,960 -- So where are your bikes? 355 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,960 -- Outside. 356 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,240 -- Outside here? 357 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:16,360 -- Police are looking for you! 358 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:18,200 -- What? Oh... 359 00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:22,960 This is what happens when you live life on the margins! 360 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,800 Society releases its pitbulls. 361 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:28,240 -- Been robbing charity boxes again, have we? 362 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:29,320 -- Fuck off! 363 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:35,960 Where've you been? 364 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:39,520 -- Bridlington. Gay capital of Yorkshire! 365 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:39,920 -- Yeah? 366 00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:42,560 -- Got taken away. Hotel and everything! 367 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:43,880 -- What's with the bag? 368 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,240 -- Gonna be at the Jockey for a bit. 369 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:50,880 What? 370 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:54,240 -- You know gays are, like, famous for casual sex and that? 371 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:55,520 -- Go on, surprise me! 372 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:58,320 -- Is that all there is? I mean, 373 00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:00,920 you go out with someone and it's all right, but... 374 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:04,960 you want to shag their friend and you like them but... 375 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:08,040 I mean, is it all right to have sex with someone that you don't 376 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,920 even like if it's really good sex? 377 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:13,080 And they can cook! Or does that not matter? 378 00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:16,680 -- Listen, are you shagging our mum? 379 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,560 -- How d'you guess? 380 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:33,360 Hey, we're ticking a list - sex, travel, food... 381 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:34,680 -- Peanut butter's rank! 382 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:37,080 -- Cheers. What's next? 383 00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:38,640 Meeting mates? 384 00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:39,520 -- Meeting family? 385 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:42,760 -- No chance! I wouldn't inflict mine on anyone! 386 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:44,440 Honestly! 387 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:48,200 -- That's stiff for someone who stayed in a hotel with someone. 388 00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:51,360 -- God, you really are young and naive, aren't you? 389 00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:55,320 You think that was a hotel? Barely even made it to guesthouse. 390 00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:58,200 -- Why'd you take me there? Am I a cheap date? 391 00:19:58,240 --> 00:19:58,640 -- No, it's gay friendly. 392 00:19:58,680 --> 00:19:59,640 -- How? 393 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:01,720 -- The woman serving there had a tache. 394 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:07,720 -- Oh... Peanut butter! 395 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:08,920 -- Fuckin' hell! 396 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:10,040 -- Nasty! 397 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:18,160 -- Gallagher! 398 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,120 Come here! Frank! 399 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,800 Frank! Can you stop? 400 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:28,840 Frank! Come here! Gallagher! 401 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,760 You should be ashamed of yourself! 402 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:36,560 -- Oh, spare me the fuckin' lecture! 403 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:40,160 -- Hospital property, Francis! You're lucky it was us that saw the CCTV! 404 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:44,040 Anyone else, you'd be on a charge. 405 00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:47,440 -- They're not superficial, you know! They hurt! 406 00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:54,000 -- So... You stole a wheelchair to try and get 407 00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:57,360 out of going to antenatal classes? 408 00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:58,640 -- Yes! 409 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:01,520 -- Tosser! 410 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:13,920 -- You remember Sean, don't you? 411 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:16,600 -- The Shane nutter! Yeah, we've met. 412 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:17,600 -- I'm really sorry about that. 413 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:20,120 -- Well, Sean's probably gonna be around for a bit - 414 00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:22,880 if he plays his cards right. 415 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:24,640 -- Howdy doody(!) 416 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,760 -- Yeah. You off out? 417 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:29,840 -- Yeah. 418 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:31,880 -- Hey, you couldn't give us a hand, could ya? 419 00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:34,440 -- Yeah. 420 00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:37,120 -- Can't we even have a family drink without you going off on one? 421 00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:39,920 -- It's not my fault you can't get it up any more. 422 00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:42,480 -- I didn't hear you complaining this morning! 423 00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:45,320 -- Yeah? What d'you want? 424 00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:47,320 I can't talk now. 425 00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:49,240 I'll be there. 426 00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:50,680 Look, I've got to go. 427 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:52,000 -- What's up? 428 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:54,920 -- Nothing. Just... 429 00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:57,840 a crisis at work. I'll see ya. 430 00:21:57,880 --> 00:21:59,840 Sorry. 431 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:05,240 -- What's all that about? 432 00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:06,720 -- Dunno. 433 00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:10,800 -- You don't think it was "if he plays his cards right", do you? 434 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:14,120 I'm such a dick! 435 00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,360 -- Teresa, we can't! 436 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:30,720 -- Scared of showing your cock, Carl? 437 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:33,000 -- Er, no! 438 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:36,000 Bit of a bad...pint. 439 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:38,040 -- You were drinking Coke! 440 00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:40,320 -- I'm having a shit, Dave! 441 00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:55,680 Jeez, Teresa - it's too close for me! 442 00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:58,400 -- I can't help meself, love. I'm smitten! 443 00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:01,080 -- Smitten? Bail! 444 00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:03,680 -- You've really touched me. 445 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:05,800 And I don't just mean the sex. 446 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,000 I 'ate hurting Dave. 447 00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:13,480 I hate it. 448 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:16,440 But what can I do? 449 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:19,200 D'you feel the same way, Carl? 450 00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:20,960 Say you do! 451 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,920 -- Yeah. Course I do! 452 00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:26,640 -- This is big time now. 453 00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:29,880 But if you want to stop, you say the word. 454 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,800 Can I rely on you? 455 00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:34,480 -- Yeah, course you can. 456 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:52,520 Ian! Hey, wait up! 457 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,120 -- Weren't sure I'd see you again. 458 00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,040 -- Why? 459 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:00,400 -- Your excuse. 460 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:02,400 Your work crisis. There wasn't one, was there? 461 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:08,640 -- Hey, hey, it -- was -- a crisis. Just not work. 462 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:11,080 It was my brother. 463 00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:14,280 It was just too boring to tell you the truth. 464 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:18,040 -- I thought I messed up coming across all Mr Cocky Bollocks 465 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,120 in front of Jamie and Karen. 466 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:22,240 -- Course you didn't. 467 00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:26,240 If you say something that pisses me off, I'll tell you. 468 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:27,960 I promise. 469 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,520 You do the same for me. 470 00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:37,720 Where you off? 471 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,320 -- I -- was -- going home. 472 00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:40,600 -- Do you fancy a visitor? 473 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,120 -- Everyone's in. 474 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:44,280 -- And? 475 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,000 -- You really want to meet the fuckers? 476 00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:48,000 -- Yeah! 477 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:52,040 -- < Right, come on. 478 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:53,560 -- Well, then! 479 00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:01,040 -- Hiya, love. Give us a kiss. 480 00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:03,040 -- I can't, we're on a wages run. 481 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:07,280 -- You can stop long enough to give your girlfriend a kiss. 482 00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:10,880 -- Oh, two seconds, Bradley. Come here! 483 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,080 What?! 484 00:25:15,120 --> 00:25:16,080 Did you do this? 485 00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:16,960 -- No, I didn't! 486 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:18,640 -- You're an inside woman. 487 00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:20,320 It's a set up! 488 00:25:20,360 --> 00:25:23,480 -- I didn't, Trev. Don't hate me! 489 00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:33,280 I was going to the chemist. Condom run for the girls. 490 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:34,400 -- Don't tell us that! 491 00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:35,040 -- It's the truth! 492 00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:37,080 -- Let's not complicate the armed robbery 493 00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:40,120 with living off immoral earnings. You'll get 15 years. 494 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:40,600 -- In prison?! 495 00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:42,920 -- No-one thinks Lillian was involved. 496 00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:45,680 -- Judas! Judas! 497 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:47,520 -- Does that mean we're finished? 498 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:49,840 -- Judas! 499 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:53,280 -- I think he really meant it. I've been dumped. 500 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:03,200 -- So, you don't care that I'm scared? 501 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:07,080 -- And what about me? There's no point in us both cracking it, is there? 502 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:15,160 Come on, we're fucking useless. We both know it. 503 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:24,600 -- I know. I'll do you a swap. 504 00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:27,400 You come to the birth, 505 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:32,080 and I will get the doctor to put in an extra stitch downstairs. 506 00:26:32,120 --> 00:26:33,960 Honeymoon fresh. 507 00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:39,760 -- Make it two, and you got yourself a deal. 508 00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:43,720 -- Tinker. 509 00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:47,400 -- MOBILE PHONE RINGS 510 00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:51,320 -- < Monica Gallagher. 511 00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:52,600 -- Oi! 512 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:55,560 Just realised what you look like with those bandages on. 513 00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:58,800 -- Oh, surprise and delight me with your acute observation! 514 00:26:58,840 --> 00:26:59,840 -- The Mummy! 515 00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:05,160 -- Everyone's a comedian! 516 00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:14,600 -- Gary Bennett's died. 517 00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:15,880 -- What, the impressionist? 518 00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:18,120 -- No, Ian's real dad. 519 00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:20,640 -- Oh. 520 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:22,160 Good. 521 00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:30,720 -- This is Sean. 522 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:34,800 -- Hello. 523 00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:35,920 -- All right? 524 00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:38,480 -- It's official then? You two an item? 525 00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:41,600 -- Yeah, laugh once, then get over it. 526 00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:43,160 Bastards. 527 00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:45,920 -- Sean, I've got some photos of Ian from when he was a baby, do you wanna see? 528 00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:48,600 -- If you said you were bringing a new friend round, I would have hoovered! 529 00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:49,520 -- Yeah, all right! 530 00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:51,480 -- KNOCK AT DOOR 531 00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:53,120 -- Do you wanna sit down, Sean? 532 00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:54,800 -- Ta. 533 00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:59,440 Are you Liam? I hear you've got a healthy interest in fire. 534 00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:00,480 -- I've grown out of that. 535 00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:05,040 -- Oh. All right. You won't want a ride in the engine, then? 536 00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:08,400 -- No, I want that. I really want that! 537 00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:10,080 -- For you, Carl. 538 00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:10,960 -- Who is it? 539 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:12,280 -- Quick, mind. 540 00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:23,640 -- I've left him, Carl! 541 00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,960 I've finally left him! For real, this time. 542 00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:31,040 And I've told him everything. Everything. 543 00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:43,920 I'm free, Carl. I'm free! 544 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:47,360 This is the real Teresa. I just pinged out the house. 545 00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:48,480 -- What did Dave say? 546 00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:51,640 -- Terrible things. Oh, some threats. 547 00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:53,840 He's a horrible, cruel man. > 548 00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:58,040 I blame Strangeways. Brutalised him. 549 00:28:58,080 --> 00:28:59,440 -- Why was he there? 550 00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:03,600 -- GBH with menaces. Six years. 551 00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:07,320 Very harsh. Fella's still got his other eye. 552 00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:13,160 Just hold me, Carl. Just hold me! 553 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:17,280 When I say just hold me, I didn't mean just hold me! 554 00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:19,600 Do me, Carl! 555 00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:22,440 What? What is it? 556 00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:25,040 -- I can't. Not here. 557 00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:27,920 -- Don't be scared. You've seen the belly on him. 558 00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:31,400 You can outrun that porker. I'll get us a shag pad. 559 00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:33,640 -- Yeah. 560 00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:33,640 -- Then we can be together. 561 00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:35,760 -- What? 562 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:38,560 -- You're not gonna let me down. Are you? 563 00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:43,280 -- Just gonna get a cup of... 564 00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:54,760 Jesus! 565 00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:56,560 -- In case you wondered, you're dumped. 566 00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:57,000 -- Sorry. 567 00:29:57,040 --> 00:30:00,320 -- My dad's gonna tie your dick off and shove it in your mouth. 568 00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:05,080 Thought you liked me. Taking advantage of me like that. Scum! 569 00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:10,560 -- That's what you gotta do. 570 00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:11,680 -- What? 571 00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:13,080 -- Dump the geriatric weirdo. 572 00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:14,400 -- It's not that easy. 573 00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:18,920 -- Yeah, it is. Just tell her she's a dirty old perv. Chuck her. 574 00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:19,880 -- How? 575 00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:21,200 -- Tell her now. 576 00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:29,080 -- Is it always like this? 577 00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:30,400 -- Pretty much. 578 00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:33,960 -- I'll kill myself! I'll throw myself under a bin lorry! 579 00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:36,480 I'm not gonna lose ya, I won't! 580 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:43,240 -- No, no, stop it! I wasn't gonna chuck ya, I wasn't. Honest. 581 00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:48,600 I was gonna suggest someone who might have a flat for us. 582 00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:54,680 -- Sweet, sweet boy. 583 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:03,360 I'll stay at me sister's for now. Walk me there. 584 00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:27,680 See ya later. 585 00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:28,720 -- See ya later. 586 00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:33,960 -- Could you stop smiling? You're making me puke. 587 00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:36,760 You must have a fit straight friend I could do. 588 00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:38,800 -- I'm too busy shagging to meet friends. 589 00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:41,200 -- Shame. I remember that. 590 00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:43,280 It's like a distant memory. 591 00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:45,480 Think it's time I got back on the bike. 592 00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:48,920 You look good together. 593 00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:50,040 -- Piss off. 594 00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:54,200 -- I mean it! Not as good as I'd look with him, but! 595 00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:01,280 -- Debbie, have you got anything black that would fit me? 596 00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:03,920 -- Erm, no. Why don't you try Norma? 597 00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:07,160 -- Can hardly wear one of her T-shirts to a funeral. 598 00:32:07,200 --> 00:32:08,520 -- Who's died? 599 00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:14,320 -- Oh, sorry, love...it's your dad. 600 00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:16,320 -- Dad?! 601 00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:20,560 -- Oh, not that dad, Ian's dad. Gary. 602 00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:22,720 -- Shit. 603 00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:26,080 -- You didn't know him, though, did you? 604 00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:28,400 -- Uh... 605 00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:31,000 -- I didn't actually know you knew who he was. 606 00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:34,880 It was a chat I've been meaning to have together. 607 00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:36,640 -- I'm not going to get the chance to know him now. 608 00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:37,880 -- Mmmm. 609 00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:40,760 -- Do you go to the funeral of everyone you've slept with? 610 00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:46,120 -- Debbie, that would be absurd. No, I gave him a clock and I want it back. 611 00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:49,440 It were me gran's. I always liked it. 612 00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:52,520 Probably worth enough to put up with the name of somebody's wife. 613 00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:53,840 Do you want to come? 614 00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:08,000 -- See this?! You want to take a wild guess? 615 00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:11,920 I'll see to you, Carl! You're as good as dead! 616 00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:15,040 As good as fucking dead! 617 00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:22,040 -- There's your dead dad. Not much of a turnout, is it? 618 00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:24,040 That's alcoholics for you. 619 00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:27,120 Biggish family, mind. 620 00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:28,400 -- Yeah. 621 00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:29,960 -- Nothing compared to us, though. 622 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:33,680 Just four lads with that blonde bitch. Panda eyes over there. 623 00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:38,600 -- Those four? 624 00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:41,800 -- Yeah. Well, you'd have to be related to touch her. 625 00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:46,520 What is it? 626 00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:49,000 -- Can't stay. 627 00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:50,040 -- What about me clock? 628 00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:50,680 -- Now! 629 00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:52,200 -- Oh, Ian! 630 00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:04,240 -- What a fuckin' mess. 631 00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:05,280 -- Too right. 632 00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:06,720 -- What's up with you? 633 00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:09,040 -- KNOCKING 634 00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:10,640 -- It's her! Don't answer! 635 00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:12,640 -- KNOCKING 636 00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:14,680 -- Don't answer! 637 00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:14,680 -- < Ian? 638 00:34:14,720 --> 00:34:16,920 < Ian, it's Sean. 639 00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:18,360 -- Don't answer! > 640 00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:19,640 -- First row? 641 00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:21,560 -- < Sean, come on! 642 00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:23,720 KNOCKING 643 00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:24,960 -- Should I get that one? 644 00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:25,600 -- No! 645 00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:28,240 -- Carl? Carl? It's me. > 646 00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:31,240 I've got to speak to you, love. I've got to! > 647 00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:33,440 -- < Ian, I need to talk to you. 648 00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:35,600 -- I'll see you later, love. > 649 00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:37,040 -- < Fuck's sake! 650 00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:39,240 -- I'm guessing you haven't slept with your boyfriend's dad... 651 00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:40,920 -- Much worse than that, mate. 652 00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:44,640 You've been a twat and now you're paying for it. Lesson learnt. 653 00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:46,800 Not many free fucks about, are there? 654 00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:48,000 -- Up yours! 655 00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:52,800 -- Don't! 656 00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:54,320 -- He's gone. 657 00:34:56,080 --> 00:34:57,720 -- It'll work itself out. 658 00:34:57,760 --> 00:34:59,400 Bound to be a tiff when you're starting out. 659 00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:09,240 -- A tiff? That's what you fuckin' think, is it? 660 00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:11,920 Do you not think I'm a real fuckin' person? Don't think it matters 661 00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:13,600 cos it's two blokes? 662 00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:15,800 Cos it's... 663 00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:20,120 -- I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 664 00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:22,640 -- Sorry? 665 00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:27,160 -- DOOR SLAMS 666 00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:33,280 -- All right? 667 00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:35,760 -- Yeah. 668 00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:39,080 -- Heard about your old fella. 669 00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:44,440 Yeah, well you're better off with me, son, 670 00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:47,040 cos from what I hear he was an hopeless piss pot. 671 00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:49,200 -- Yeah, and you're quite good at it. 672 00:35:49,240 --> 00:35:52,720 -- That I am, son. That I am. 673 00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:57,840 -- What's going on? 674 00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:08,160 -- Kids get to a certain age, you'd rather not know what they're up to. 675 00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:10,680 -- I'll say. 676 00:36:10,720 --> 00:36:12,320 -- About two weeks old for me. 677 00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:23,360 -- Your dad... it was your dad who died - Gary? 678 00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:25,240 -- How did you know? 679 00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:28,600 Why didn't you stay? 680 00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:31,280 What? 681 00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:36,320 -- Old mate of my mum's. He were keeping her company. 682 00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:38,960 I didn't know it were your... 683 00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:43,120 I saw you. I thought you'd think I was some stalker weirdo. 684 00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:44,800 -- It was really nice to see you. 685 00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:46,880 It meant a lot. 686 00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:49,800 -- Why didn't you tell me your dad had died? 687 00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:51,480 -- He's... 688 00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:54,680 Well, he'd...been ill for a while. 689 00:36:54,720 --> 00:36:58,400 I got the call here - you know, the crisis? 690 00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:01,840 It wasn't my brother, it was him. 691 00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:05,960 I don't know, it just seemed a turn off. We'd only just met and... 692 00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:09,760 it was all going... I didn't even like him. 693 00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:11,240 He was a joke. 694 00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:13,400 A drunk. 695 00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:16,680 Cruel, absent loser. 696 00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:22,400 I don't know. But your dad's your dad. 697 00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:26,720 Hey... 698 00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:29,760 Hey, I'm the one who should be upset. You're looking after me. 699 00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:31,280 -- Yeah. 700 00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:32,800 -- Come here. 701 00:37:59,720 --> 00:38:02,840 -- All right, speak to the bloke. Tell him to take her back. 702 00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:07,000 Very sorry, big mistake, won't happen again. All that bollocks. 703 00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:09,040 -- He's gonna cut my balls off. 704 00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:10,760 -- Well meet him somewhere public. 705 00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:13,600 The Jockey. What's he gonna do in there? 706 00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:17,000 -- Shit! 707 00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:27,960 -- He's not here. He works at Help the Aged. You should try him there. 708 00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:29,800 -- Very funny. 709 00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:32,080 Some day you will know our love is real. 710 00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:33,800 I will find him. 711 00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:01,480 -- Where's the fire? 712 00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:07,120 Thanks. Me dad and that. It's important having someone. 713 00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:11,240 -- I haven't done anything. 714 00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:13,200 -- Having someone there for me. 715 00:39:13,240 --> 00:39:15,120 You're not just great sex, Ian. 716 00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:18,280 I love you. 717 00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:25,480 -- I don't love you. 718 00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:31,240 -- That's all right. 719 00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:33,880 I'm emotional. 720 00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:35,160 Blabbermouth. 721 00:39:36,720 --> 00:39:39,600 -- I don't wanna carry on seeing you. 722 00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:41,680 -- What? 723 00:39:41,720 --> 00:39:43,200 What, you're chucking me? 724 00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:47,080 My dad's just died. 725 00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:50,360 I don't believe you. 726 00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:51,960 You're not that fuckin' cruel. 727 00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:55,960 We're getting on. We're solid. I know we are. 728 00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:58,960 What is it? There's something else? 729 00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:01,400 -- No... 730 00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:03,560 -- Yes there is. 731 00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:05,760 What is it, Ian? Tell me. 732 00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:08,600 Look, we agreed... If I've pissed you off... 733 00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:15,920 -- My mum... 734 00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:18,000 Monica Gallagher. 735 00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:22,600 She wasn't an old mate of your dad's. 736 00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:26,000 She got pregnant by him. 737 00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:28,240 We're brothers. 738 00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:31,320 -- Fuck off. 739 00:40:35,920 --> 00:40:37,760 What about the waster, Frank? 740 00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:39,360 -- He's my dad. 741 00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:43,840 But my real dad was Gary. 742 00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:10,920 -- Look, I know that this hasn't worked out and I'm sorry. 743 00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:12,840 Really. 744 00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:14,480 I didn't mean to... 745 00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:15,760 -- < Take the piss out of me? 746 00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:18,040 My family, 747 00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,000 my whole fuckin' existence. 748 00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:23,280 -- No, I didn't. I just think we need to be straight with each other. 749 00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:25,920 -- I love that woman. 750 00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:29,320 I love the very bones off her. I can't... 751 00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:32,480 Life... Life's unimaginable without her. 752 00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:35,600 I can't see it. 753 00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:37,520 I just can't. -- I don't want her. 754 00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:41,160 I want you to take her back. She's yours. Just have her. 755 00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:45,360 -- So you'll chuck her then, 756 00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:47,240 just like that? 757 00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:51,800 Like she was a piece of fuckin' rubbish. 758 00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:56,920 -- I can't get my head around it. 759 00:41:56,960 --> 00:41:58,440 -- We're brothers. 760 00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:04,160 -- I think I don't wanna stop seeing you. 761 00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:05,360 -- We're related. 762 00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:08,320 -- Yeah, but does it matter? Does it have to be incest? 763 00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:11,600 That stuff's for straights, to stop them having daft kids. 764 00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:12,760 We're not breeders. 765 00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:15,160 -- I think... 766 00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:19,960 I think we know it does. I feel completely different. 767 00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:22,480 You do too. 768 00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:25,520 -- Nobody knows. We could carry on. 769 00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:27,760 We just had sex, for God's sake. 770 00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:32,160 It still works. 771 00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:33,840 -- No, it doesn't. 772 00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:35,120 We know. 773 00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:39,480 It's over. 774 00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:47,400 -- Do you want a drink or something? 775 00:42:48,960 --> 00:42:51,480 -- We didn't want it to turn out like this. 776 00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:55,080 -- So what's it going to be this time then? Both eyes? 777 00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:57,440 Or do I get you back? 778 00:42:57,480 --> 00:42:59,120 -- It's too late. 779 00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:02,120 -- No it's not. It's not too late. 780 00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:03,160 -- This? 781 00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:07,440 Give me one good reason why I shouldn't. 782 00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:09,240 -- I'm 16. 783 00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:12,040 I'm just randy. 784 00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:18,960 -- Take me back or you're gonna see brains. 785 00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:20,880 -- Dave, don't. 786 00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:25,680 < (Dave, put the gun down). 787 00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:25,680 -- Bastard! 788 00:43:25,720 --> 00:43:27,760 -- Oh for Christ's sake, don't! 789 00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:29,960 Leave it! 790 00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:31,240 -- Let's have you! 791 00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:34,960 -- Dave! 792 00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:37,520 -- What the fuck was that? You just fuckin' shot us? 793 00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:41,760 -- Dave! It was loaded! Why did you load it? 794 00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:44,200 -- I meant it, Teresa. 795 00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:49,080 -- It was really loaded. 796 00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:52,320 That's how much he needed me. 797 00:43:52,360 --> 00:43:56,280 I'm sorry, Carl. But how could I leave a man who would do that for hi 798 00:43:56,320 --> 00:43:58,000 -- So what was I? 799 00:43:58,040 --> 00:43:59,640 -- I'm sorry, love. 800 00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:02,000 It's better we finish now. 801 00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:03,920 Cos he needs me 802 00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:06,280 and I have to go back. 803 00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:07,800 Always. 804 00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:15,920 I'll never forget you. But we're locked together, me and him. 805 00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:17,440 It's for life. 806 00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:19,760 Sorry. 807 00:44:19,800 --> 00:44:22,800 -- You used me to get your fuckin' kicks? 808 00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:26,560 -- When you get married, 809 00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:28,200 you'll understand. 810 00:44:28,240 --> 00:44:33,520 -- Fuck that. Youse two deserve each other. No wonder your daughter's a fucked up nut job. 811 00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:38,800 -- 'Hilda Ogden never cried when Stan died. 812 00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:41,800 'Not until she got home, found pair of his glasses 813 00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:44,200 'on the sideboard. Set her right off. 814 00:44:46,720 --> 00:44:49,000 'I understood that when I got widowed. 815 00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:55,320 'All over the house, little ghosts waiting to jump out. 816 00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:58,440 'They remind you of the things you're not going to share.' 817 00:44:58,480 --> 00:45:00,200 -- Did he just try and shoot you? 818 00:45:00,240 --> 00:45:02,240 -- No. 819 00:45:02,280 --> 00:45:04,920 Showing off to his wife, apparently. 820 00:45:06,480 --> 00:45:08,720 So what's happened to you two? 821 00:45:08,760 --> 00:45:11,720 You split up already? 822 00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:12,720 Why? 823 00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:15,080 -- You don't wanna know. 824 00:45:15,120 --> 00:45:16,840 -- 'When you're with someone, 825 00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:20,880 'there's a future, a present, something to look forward to. 826 00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:23,240 'Then they've gone and there's nothing in front. 827 00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:25,120 'It's all back. 828 00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:29,760 'Memories, regrets... and it never stops.' 829 00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:32,720 -- We had the same dad. 830 00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:33,840 We're brothers. 831 00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:36,520 -- Half brothers. 832 00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:38,680 Are we half brothers? 833 00:45:38,720 --> 00:45:41,680 -- Don't worry, you're safe. Dick! 834 00:45:42,400 --> 00:45:43,880 -- You muppet! 835 00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:48,240 -- Rosie Buchan. -- Frank Gallagher. 836 00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:52,880 I love you, Rosie Buchan. 837 00:45:52,920 --> 00:45:54,480 -- I love you, Frank Gallagher. 838 00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:57,920 -- One of the robbers is on the run. Take some measures to be incognito. 839 00:45:57,960 --> 00:45:59,160 -- I'm keeping a low profile. 840 00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:02,320 -- It would be very useful for me to have a friend inside CID. 841 00:46:02,360 --> 00:46:04,240 Just till you work off your debt. 842 00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:07,200 -- Frank? 843 00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:49,440 -- Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd. 844 00:46:54,040 --> 00:46:55,480 -- Oi, look out!