1 00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:23,320 Six months. 2 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:28,280 It had taken me six months to report Martha. 3 00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:32,320 Can I help you? 4 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:34,080 I should have started with Teri, 5 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:36,800 how Martha attacked her just yesterday, but I didn't. 6 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:40,280 I would like to report something. How does it work? 7 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:41,880 What would you like to report? 8 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:44,840 I should have mentioned the grope, but I didn't. 9 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:48,840 I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm, like... I'm getting stalked. 10 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,800 - By a man or a woman? - A woman. 11 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,920 I should have mentioned her name, the articles, her previous crimes, 12 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:55,040 but I just didn't. 13 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:57,560 Look, I'm... I'm really worried here. 14 00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:00,200 I think she needs help. 15 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:04,360 And when the policeman asked... - Why'd it take you so long to report it? 16 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:09,080 ...it all just came flooding back. 17 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:23,520 About five years earlier, I went to the Edinburgh Festival. 18 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:26,360 It was always an ambition of mine to take a show there, 19 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:29,280 to join the hustle and bustle of street performers and artists 20 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:31,680 gambling their luck on a shot at fame. 21 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:35,280 I knew I had to come here one day and take a chance myself. 22 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:38,200 Writing, acting, comedy, whatever it took. 23 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:40,920 I just needed the kind of freedom in life 24 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:44,880 which only comes from dreaming big and stopping at nothing to get there. 25 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:49,680 ♪ I sit playing solitaire By the window... ♪ 26 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:53,120 So as I arrived at my venue on the outskirts of town 27 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,680 and noticed the grubby windows, the sticky floors, 28 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:57,720 the smell of chip fat as I walked in... 29 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:01,280 it felt like everything to me. 30 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:04,480 - Hello. Yo. 31 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:07,080 Can you let me know where to go for the comedy? 32 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:08,760 Performer or punter? 33 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:09,760 Performer. 34 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:13,120 Door over there. 35 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:14,720 Thank you. 36 00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:35,720 Do you mean, like, a different door, or... 37 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:38,360 Plug it in in the corner. Shove the table to the side. 38 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:41,480 What? This is my stage? Here? In with the main bar? 39 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:42,480 That's right. 40 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:44,800 I mean, do the televisions stay on? 41 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,440 We mute. 42 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:50,800 - And the punters? - You can ask them to leave if you'd like. 43 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:52,240 Oh no, I couldn't do that. 44 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,720 They're here 12 months a year. I'm only here one. 45 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:57,040 Can you ask them to leave? 46 00:02:57,640 --> 00:02:58,480 No. 47 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,960 I mean, do they even wanna see comedy? 48 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:04,120 Only one way to find out. 49 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,600 All right. We'd better begin. Yeah. 50 00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:11,600 Come on! 51 00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:15,000 Fucking Edinburgh Fringe! 52 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,280 Hello, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the comedy. 53 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:22,280 Uh, I'm gonna go behind that little wall there and change. 54 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:25,040 When I shout out, you all go mad and welcome me to the stage. 55 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:26,080 How does that sound? 56 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,760 Woo. - Great. One person. 57 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:30,960 All right, here goes. 58 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:42,720 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage 59 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,160 Donny Dunn! 60 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:45,720 Wa-hey! 61 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:49,040 Fucking yes! Let me hear ya! Whoo! 62 00:03:58,200 --> 00:03:59,720 So my mum died today. 63 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:04,840 Really? Nothing? 64 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:09,720 You see, it's funny opening a show like that when my mum has just died, no? 65 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:12,200 Antithesis? 66 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:20,120 The shows were just awful. 67 00:04:21,280 --> 00:04:24,040 Most days, I had to cancel due to nobody turning up. 68 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:26,800 One time, I had to end the show early 69 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,080 when I was caught in the crosshairs of a stag do. 70 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:30,560 - Give that! Hey, hey! - Here! 71 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:32,480 No, no! 72 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,320 No, please! I need that for the rest of the month. 73 00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:37,680 ♪ ...of your loving mind... ♪ 74 00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:41,960 Some days, I stood not handing out any flyers 75 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:43,560 in the hope nobody would come. 76 00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:48,560 I was about a week in, and I felt like the dregs of show business. 77 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:51,680 Got circumcised the other day. Just had to find scissors big enough. 78 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:53,440 Do you know what I mean? Yeah? 79 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:55,680 I'm saying I got a big cock. 80 00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:59,040 Nothing? No? Really? Okay. That's fine. 81 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:00,120 Um... Oh. 82 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,680 Went to the shops for some eggplant. Came back with this. 83 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,960 Bloody hell! He saw me coming, didn't he? 84 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:07,440 Yeah? He's just taped some eggs to a plant. 85 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:09,520 ♪ ...I'd look, your eyes I'd find... ♪ 86 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,800 I questioned if I went home, whether anyone would notice, 87 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,360 whether anyone would care. 88 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:18,560 All right, ladies and gentlemen, that's the show! 89 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:21,960 - ♪ ...sweetest thing, would make me sing... ♪ - 90 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:26,360 ♪ Ah, but I may as well try and catch... ♪ 91 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:27,960 I'm gonna be standing by the door 92 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:32,360 with a bucket for your donations. Give what you think the show is worth. 93 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,080 Thanks for coming. 94 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:37,000 Thanks for coming. 95 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:38,640 Thanks for coming. 96 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,800 - Ouch. - Better than yesterday, I suppose. 97 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:52,200 What was yesterday? 98 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,360 - A button and a condom. 99 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:56,480 Here, I've got something for you. 100 00:05:57,760 --> 00:05:59,440 Fell out of someone's wallet last night. 101 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:04,000 It's yours if you want it. I know how much you artistes love to schmooze. 102 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:18,400 We had no idea it would ever work when we shot it. 103 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:21,520 You know the, uh, the scene with the tin-can soldiers? 104 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:25,520 We shot that on a beach in Lancaster using tinfoil from catering. 105 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:28,880 We used so much that Benji said he could feel his fillings coming out. 106 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:32,960 Uh, excuse me. Sorry to interrupt, but did you work on Cotton Mouth? 107 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,640 - Yeah. - Oh my God, I fucking love that show. 108 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:37,760 - What did you do on it? - I was on the writing staff. 109 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:40,880 - Holy shit, do I kiss your feet now? 110 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:45,080 Um, look, I'm doing this show up at the Hoppy bar. 111 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:46,640 Come down and see it if you can. 112 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:51,440 Uh, "LOL on Cancer." - Yeah. Yeah, it's a great title, isn't it? 113 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:52,400 We'll try. 114 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,240 You guys seen anything decent? 115 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:56,560 See you later. - Yeah. 116 00:06:58,040 --> 00:06:59,080 Fuck. 117 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:02,160 - Wankers, aren't they? 118 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:06,080 Yeah, terrible first impression on my part though. 119 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,760 Shocking. You'll never work in the industry again. 120 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:11,920 Chance would be a fine thing. 121 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:15,280 - See that guy over there? - Yeah. 122 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:18,160 He wrote Cotton Mouth. It's fucking amazing. Have you seen it? 123 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,560 - Bits and bobs. Not my thing. - Then you're mental. 124 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,800 Should be illegal for people to be that young and that successful. 125 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:26,000 Wanna slip poison in his drink? 126 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:27,680 Wow, that's dark. 127 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:28,840 But yes. 128 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:33,000 - Anyway, the actors made that show. - Couldn't agree more. 129 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,400 Man, I hate that I care about his opinion. 130 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,040 What do you do? 131 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:42,560 Uh, I'm a comedian when they laugh, a performance artist when they don't. 132 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:45,280 - How were they tonight? - They came for the art. 133 00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:51,520 - Um, I'm Donny, by the way. - Darrien O'Connor. 134 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:53,720 Uh, as in... 135 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:54,720 Cotton Mouth. 136 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:57,600 - What? But... But then who's-- - My writing assistant. 137 00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:00,040 Former writing assistant, now I know he's stealing my job. 138 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:02,720 I'm so sorry. All that actor stuff was merely banter. 139 00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:06,320 I knew who you were. The writing was the best bit about that show. 140 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:07,400 - Don't worry. Fu... 141 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:09,440 - You just said you didn't like it. - I don't. 142 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,680 Why would you do a show that you don't like? 143 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:15,800 I'm a televisual prostitute. I'll take whatever anyone gives me. 144 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:19,960 Well, how about a failing comedian? 145 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:27,760 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage 146 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:32,800 the man who puts the LOL in propranolol... 147 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:35,360 We'll probably cut that bit. 148 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:37,480 ...Donny Dunn! 149 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:39,440 Wa-hey! 150 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:43,360 Whoa, whoa! 151 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,960 Whoa, whoa! 152 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:55,640 Wa-hey! [grunts] Yes! 153 00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:58,680 So my mum died today. 154 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:05,000 I guess this is what she would've wanted. Me to die with her. 155 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:09,600 Um, who wants to meet my friend Percy? 156 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:12,840 All right. Yeah, okay. 157 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:16,200 This is Percy. We're a ventriloquist double act. 158 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,520 Hi, Percy, how are you? 159 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:20,720 I'm good, thanks. You? 160 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:23,880 What have you been up to today, Percy? 161 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:25,160 Sucking cock. 162 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:35,040 Oh, wow, great. Thank you. 163 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:36,040 Oh, cool! 164 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:38,240 - Thanks for coming. Cheers. 165 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:39,160 Appreciate that. 166 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:43,760 - Jesus, a 20. - I didn't get a goodbye last night. 167 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:47,360 - So I thought I'd come get it now. - Oh, right. Well, uh, goodbye. 168 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:48,360 Oh. 169 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:50,280 No. No, wait. I'm joking. Sorry. 170 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:52,080 You're strange. 171 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:54,160 Am I? Shit. 172 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:57,040 Don't worry. I don't mind a bit of strange. 173 00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:02,000 Let's talk. Might have a few pointers how to take this show to the next level. 174 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,680 Wow. Yeah. I mean... I mean, that would be great, yeah. 175 00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:07,920 - Laters, then. - Yeah. Laters, uh, cowboy. 176 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:08,960 What the fuck? 177 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:21,840 Darrien became involved in the show for the next few weeks, 178 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:24,640 giving me advice on bits that were and weren't working. 179 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:27,520 ...and maintain eye contact. 180 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:30,320 Rehearsing all kinds of hours to whip everything into shape. 181 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:31,680 Look at me. 182 00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:32,920 Three rows across the front. 183 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:36,200 Soon the televisions were shut off and the chairs faced the right way. 184 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:39,920 Even the bar staff dismissed customers who dared to ask when the football was on. 185 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:42,880 No, we're not showing it today. Try the pub down the road. 186 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:47,040 And the shows just flourished. 187 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:50,840 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage 188 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:52,880 Donny Dunn! 189 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:03,520 So my mum died today. 190 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:08,560 Yeah, I suppose this is what she would have wanted. 191 00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:09,720 Me to die with her. 192 00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:14,560 Every night, I would go out with Darrien 193 00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:18,240 and live life like a celebrity in the main private members' bar in town, 194 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:22,160 drinking cocktails until the early hours, talking endlessly about the show 195 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:24,600 and what we were gonna do with it when the festival was over. 196 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:27,080 We need to get you performing this show in London. 197 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:29,880 Darrien was like no one I'd ever met before. 198 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:30,960 A self-prescribed... 199 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:35,080 Buddhist, polyamorous pansexual with a taste for the finer things in life. 200 00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:37,480 Within two weeks of knowing him, he'd opened my eyes 201 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:39,920 to the kind of excitement I didn't even know existed. 202 00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:42,160 It's hard to yell for help chained to a radiator 203 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:43,720 with a ball gag in your mouth. 204 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:47,160 And as we sat in that private members' bar and put the world to rights, 205 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,760 I felt like I was gliding on the winds of change. 206 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:52,680 Like this man was dangling some keys to a secret club, 207 00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:55,560 and all I needed to do was take his hand and let him guide me. 208 00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:57,080 What are we doing in here? 209 00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:59,520 Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. 210 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,520 - They patrol the toilets. - Oh. 211 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:16,000 We need to get you writing scripts with me. 212 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,800 Yeah. That would be amazing, yeah. 213 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:19,520 - Are you ready? - Ready for anything, yeah. 214 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:21,920 Good. Here. 215 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:32,800 Fuck. 216 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:37,160 Good lad. 217 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:42,840 But all good things come to an end. 218 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,480 If you think that's bad, I was so drunk, 219 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:46,680 I ended up putting the hairnet on my penis. 220 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,200 Darrien went back to London early, 221 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,400 and I didn't hear from him for the rest of the festival. 222 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:56,600 Maybe he was taking a break or on holiday somewhere, 223 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:57,840 but it felt strange. 224 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:02,320 And as the flyers got binned and the posters came down, 225 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:05,360 the televisions came back on and the football started to play, 226 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:08,040 I questioned whether it was some crazy dream. 227 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:11,760 Whether it even happened at all. 228 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:12,960 That's it. 229 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:17,240 Feel like fire flowing through your veins. 230 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:18,960 Let it take you where it takes you. 231 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:22,120 In the months that followed, I went to acting school in Oxford. 232 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:25,920 I remember when I got in, I almost broke down crying with happiness. 233 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,560 But following everything that had happened in Edinburgh 234 00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:31,240 and despite meeting Keeley, 235 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:33,800 going back to a life of learning seemed like a misstep. 236 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,920 And as I pranced around in a leotard, pretending to be fire... 237 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:41,760 or doing vocal warm-ups... 238 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:45,480 ...or mimicking animals 239 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:48,040 and basically doing anything other than fucking acting, 240 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:50,520 I felt one of those impossible-to-articulate feelings 241 00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:51,480 in my stomach. 242 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:54,960 I missed Darrien. 243 00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:59,640 I missed the confidence he gave me, the feeling of relevancy, 244 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:02,640 of hope that one day my life might actually lead somewhere. 245 00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:08,400 Now, a body in a sea of black, I felt like a nobody again, 246 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:11,840 like I was shrinking from the world just as I developed a taste for it. 247 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,240 Donny. 248 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:16,680 Coming? 249 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:19,120 Yeah. 250 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,000 I'm sorry, I gotta take this. 251 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,800 All right, mate? Yeah. 252 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,640 No, it's great to hear from you. 253 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:06,440 Yeah. Yeah, no, I'm... I'm... I'm loving it. I'm really enjoying myself. 254 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:10,760 Um, look, is there a better time to chat? I'm actually in class right now. 255 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:14,200 What? Are you serious? You want me to write with you? 256 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:18,840 I mean, yes, mate. A thousand yeses. Of course. I mean-- 257 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:22,800 Donny, what are you playing at? She's fucking raging in there. 258 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,360 Yeah, I'll be two seconds, okay? I'll be two seconds. 259 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:28,120 Look, I've gotta go, but yes, 100%. 260 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:46,360 Donnie Brasco. 261 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:47,520 Sinéad O'Connor. 262 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:50,640 It's good to see you. You all right? 263 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:53,120 Yeah. Come in. 264 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:54,160 Thanks, yeah. 265 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,600 Wow, this place is amazing. 266 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:07,280 Oh, wow, you've got a cat. 267 00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:10,000 Fergus. We're very much in love. 268 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,280 I'm not surprised. 269 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:15,120 You're a lovely little fella, aren't you, Fergus? Hello, mate. 270 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:17,000 Cup of tea? 271 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:21,680 Okay, so I've actually written up a few scenes and stuff. 272 00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:25,960 Um, nothing major. Still needs a bit of work. 273 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:29,200 All right. 274 00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:35,840 Sixty pages. 275 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,600 Yeah, didn't take long. 276 00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:39,600 I tell you what. 277 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:43,880 Why don't you give me the gist? Be a good lesson in pitching. 278 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:49,000 Okay, well, it's about this guy called Nigel, 279 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:52,040 a high-flying lawyer who decides, at the age of 50, 280 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,240 to try his hand at professional wrestling. 281 00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:57,320 That's quite niche. 282 00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:58,520 Really? 283 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:02,000 Yeah. Who watches wrestling anymore who's above the age of six? 284 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,080 Yeah, no. Not me anyway. 285 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,040 Continue. 286 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:16,200 Anyway, basically, he gets the bug, and he starts wrestling more and more. 287 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:19,520 Soon he is struggling to keep the balance between his two worlds. 288 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:22,840 He starts, like, turning up to court cases with black eyes, 289 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:25,760 or he... he's forgotten to take his makeup off and, um... 290 00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:28,520 Well, so he has this choice to make. 291 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:31,160 Live his life as a lawyer 292 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:32,480 or Hangman Harry, 293 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:36,760 the mud-stompin', beer-swillin', bar-room brawler from Austin, Texas. 294 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:41,400 Hangman Harry is his wrestling name. 295 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:45,000 Needs more work. 296 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:48,000 Oh, but you... you haven't read it. 297 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,720 I'll read it when you sell it to me. 298 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:53,720 - I could sit in another room and try-- - Do you wanna get high? 299 00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:58,160 - What, here? Yeah, why not? 300 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,600 We can go out and grab a drink later. Be like Edinburgh all over again. 301 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,120 Yeah, sure. 302 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:23,160 Holy shit, you've worked with some comedy legends. 303 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:24,840 - What are they like? - Average. 304 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:27,600 No, you can't mean that. They're amazing. 305 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:31,120 I mean, some of them would be in my top five dinner-party guests for sure. 306 00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:32,200 Ever played that game? 307 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:35,560 You can invite anyone you want for dinner, but you can only pick five. 308 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:39,000 Ugh, sounds horrible. My home's a sacred space. 309 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:41,960 Takes someone very special to be allowed in. 310 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:45,560 {\an8}Come on, that's a cop-out answer. Who would they be? 311 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:48,360 Well, they wouldn't be celebrities. 312 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,160 They'd be leaders, gurus, spiritually awake. 313 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:53,800 That, or me around each place. 314 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:58,400 Six of you at one party. Jesus, I can imagine how many drugs there'd be. 315 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:03,640 I'll tell you mine. 316 00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:06,320 Gervais, Sacha Baron Cohen, Julia Davis, 317 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:09,760 Coogan or Pryor, and, I don't know, Gandhi or someone 318 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:11,760 because you need to look virtuous. 319 00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:19,280 - Do you wanna get really high? - Fuck yeah. 320 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:21,840 No, like, really high. 321 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:23,680 Fuck yeah. 322 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:33,560 - What was their secret, by the way? What do you mean? 323 00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:35,720 What did they all do to get where they are today? 324 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,840 Listen to me. 325 00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:40,720 I'm serious. 326 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:44,200 They threw themselves into everything I asked of them. 327 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,720 Wow, that's... that's awesome. 328 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:53,880 Here. Come sit next to me. 329 00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:58,880 What's all this? 330 00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:01,080 This is a bomb of MDMA. 331 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:05,400 And this is GHB. It's a relaxant. 332 00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,400 - It relaxes you. - Yeah. 333 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,760 Trust me. You haven't experienced anything like it. 334 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,080 I haven't experienced anything like you, that's for sure. 335 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:19,640 Fucking hell. That's disgusting. 336 00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:21,320 Little pain for a little gain. 337 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:35,560 The first time I came up was like nothing I'd ever experienced. 338 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:38,360 It felt like a beam of divine light shone down from space, 339 00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:40,760 through Darrien's roof and into his living room, 340 00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:42,280 exactly where I was sitting, 341 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:45,560 as warm Indian Ocean waves passed up and down my body. 342 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,640 And on that couch, Darrien spoke about my talents 343 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:52,080 in the same vein as all my comedy heroes growing up. 344 00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:54,120 You've got a big future ahead of you. 345 00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,160 A very big future. 346 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:58,760 With every sentence he said and every drug I took, 347 00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,200 I started to believe it, smell it, 348 00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:02,240 taste it, even. 349 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:04,480 That my dreams were quantifiable. 350 00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:07,600 That I could almost grasp them as they untangled before me. 351 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,720 No time to wait around. 352 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:20,520 You don't mind, do you? 353 00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:21,520 No. 354 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:24,760 Oh shit. 355 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:33,520 What? 356 00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:39,520 What's wrong? 357 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,680 I think I'm gonna puke. 358 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:51,480 No. Not in the cat bowl. 359 00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:01,840 You okay? 360 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:09,000 Let me pat your back. - Oh, thank you. I'm so sorry. 361 00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:16,200 Oh God. I'm so sorry. 362 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:47,160 {\an8}Stop! 363 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:12,040 Will almond milk do? 364 00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:25,000 There you go. That'll sort you out. 365 00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:31,720 I'm really sorry about that. 366 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:34,840 It's okay. We'll go slower next time. 367 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:56,080 I would love to pretend that's as far as it went. 368 00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:08,640 Hey, mate. How's it going? 369 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:12,840 Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm good. 370 00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,280 Look, I'm about to go into class, so if it-- 371 00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:16,960 What? 372 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,680 What? The channel have Hangman Harry? 373 00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:26,120 Holy shit. They love it? That's fucking... 374 00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:28,160 Yeah, yeah, that... that's incredible. I... 375 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:30,560 Oh, you want me to-- 376 00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:34,120 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, that makes sense. 377 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,840 Yeah. No, sure, yeah. I'll come. 378 00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:39,240 - That's huge. - Yeah. That's great. Thank you. 379 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:42,600 To have a massive channel backing you this early in your career. 380 00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:44,960 Darrien took me through everything the channel said, 381 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:46,320 and I beamed from ear to ear 382 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:48,800 as he spoke of series commissions and option periods 383 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,360 and all these fabulous things I didn't understand, 384 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:55,800 that by the time he cracked out the drugs, I said yes without hesitation. 385 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:03,800 I thought I'd blown it, you know. 386 00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:06,480 What? 387 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:07,400 This. 388 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:09,160 When I threw up. 389 00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:13,040 Don't be silly. 390 00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:18,400 It'd take a lot more than vomit for me to be put off with your talents. 391 00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:23,480 Thank you. 392 00:25:25,360 --> 00:25:26,680 Thank you so much. 393 00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:30,520 If there's anything I can do... 394 00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:35,120 Just... keep dreaming. 395 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:38,480 Oh. 396 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:41,680 That's easy. 397 00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,280 After I'd moved to London with Keeley, 398 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:51,560 I started taking drugs at Darrien's house almost every weekend. 399 00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:54,720 Here. We'll start off with the usual MDMA. 400 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,280 I had fully drunk the Kool-Aid of his promises, 401 00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:59,920 of believing that success was right around the corner. 402 00:25:59,920 --> 00:26:01,680 That I would have my own show by 30. 403 00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:03,840 A millionaire around the same time. 404 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:05,200 All stuff he said to me 405 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:07,520 before he spoon-fed me the latest chemical. 406 00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:10,440 I went from a guy who had smoked a bit of weed 407 00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:12,560 to week-long benders, high on crack. 408 00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:14,600 Chase the high. Don't be scared. 409 00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:15,560 And meth. 410 00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:18,600 You'll embrace your creative potential. 411 00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:19,920 And heroin. 412 00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:21,480 You're going places. 413 00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:24,400 When you take enough to reach that plane 414 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:27,400 where all thought stops and euphoria begins, 415 00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,680 talk of the future and fame and happiness 416 00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:33,960 feel almost as real as the chemicals that flow through your body. 417 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:40,760 It was only a matter of time now, surely. 418 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:46,920 I passed out many times in his company. 419 00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:51,960 I would often wake to find him lying next to me, 420 00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:55,560 his hands and mouth in various places as he searched around my body. 421 00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:06,320 I would stumble to the bathroom and find his putrid spit 422 00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:08,280 congealed around my genital area. 423 00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:13,240 Then every Monday he was back to his cold, callous self, 424 00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:16,040 giving me brutal script notes and making me do overnight rewrites 425 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:17,760 on a comedown, for no money, 426 00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:20,320 while I coughed up my latest throat infection. 427 00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:23,280 And still I went back. 428 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:26,920 - You're not spending my birthday with me? - No, I'm going round Darrien's. 429 00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:29,840 What the hell, Donny? Is this not a little bit strange to you? 430 00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,520 I don't wanna go away with your friends. I can't fucking afford it. 431 00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:35,520 So instead you're going to an old writer's house to take drugs. 432 00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:38,600 I know it doesn't make sense to you. But he's helping me with my career. 433 00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:41,560 What's he done? You've worked in a bar since you came to London. 434 00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:45,240 - You do everything for him for free. - I don't have time for this conversation. 435 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,560 That night, Darrien presented me with acid. 436 00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:56,000 I'll take half of one. You take one and a half. 437 00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:58,800 I'll act as your guide so you feel safe. 438 00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:23,360 Let the music take you where it wants to. 439 00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:55,520 I sometimes think back to this image, 440 00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:57,640 me, mid-twenties, sitting high as a kite, 441 00:28:57,640 --> 00:28:59,240 watching this 55-year-old man 442 00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:01,600 dancing this odd Amazonian jig in front of me, 443 00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:03,040 when somebody asks me the question, 444 00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:05,320 "How did you get into comedy?" 445 00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:14,320 Keep telling me what you're seeing. 446 00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:19,800 Shimmering colors. The... outline of something. 447 00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:22,560 So I'm a phoenix right now? 448 00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:25,960 Is that what you're seeing? 449 00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:32,600 It's important that you see me as something strong. 450 00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:35,360 A phoenix. A knight. 451 00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:39,960 Maybe one of those wrestlers that you like. 452 00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:45,200 Suddenly, seemingly from nowhere, 453 00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:47,520 this clear, strong thought entered my head. 454 00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:51,480 -"He's trying to control your mind." - What's wrong? 455 00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:56,120 "This man is bad. This situation is bad. Get out now." 456 00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:57,520 Fuck! 457 00:29:58,120 --> 00:29:59,880 - Fuck! What's the matter? 458 00:29:59,880 --> 00:30:00,800 What's wrong? 459 00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:02,640 I can't see. All I can see is white. 460 00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:04,680 It's fine. It's fine. It's rebirth. 461 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:07,800 - I can't see. I can't fucking see. - You're safe with me. 462 00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:12,400 My subconscious, that I'd been repressing this entire time, 463 00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:16,480 had reared its head to shine the most obvious light on a fucked-up situation. 464 00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:29,960 What's happening to you? 465 00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:34,000 - This is bad. I'm being told this is bad. - It's paranoia. 466 00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:36,120 - Fight against it. - Turn the music off. 467 00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:37,240 It's off, it's off. 468 00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:39,280 Agh, fuck! 469 00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:41,160 Fuck! 470 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:43,840 Oh fuck! 471 00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:48,440 The fucking... Oh God! The fucking music! 472 00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:51,400 Agh, fuck! 473 00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:52,920 Have this. 474 00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:55,200 No. It'll help take the edge off. 475 00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:56,960 You've had it before. It relaxes you. 476 00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:05,960 No. No, try to keep it in. 477 00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:08,280 Swallow. Swallow. 478 00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:11,200 That's good. That's good. 479 00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:15,360 That was strong! That was strong! 480 00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:16,840 Okay. Okay. 481 00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:17,840 There. 482 00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:21,080 Breathe into my hand. Breathe. 483 00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:36,440 It's okay. 484 00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:39,360 It's okay. This is part of it. 485 00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:40,960 It's all part of it. 486 00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:43,160 Shh, shh, shh, shh. 487 00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:49,480 Shh. 488 00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:54,320 Relax. 489 00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:57,480 Relax. 490 00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:09,200 It's fine. 491 00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:12,200 No. 492 00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:52,120 - No. 493 00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:19,120 How'd you find it? 494 00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:25,000 You should shower. A wash in warm water will do you good. 495 00:33:56,880 --> 00:33:58,640 Fuck! 496 00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:13,280 Can I come in? 497 00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:23,280 Come here. 498 00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:44,120 I would love to say I left. 499 00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:48,280 That I stormed out and never went back. But I stayed for days afterwards. 500 00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:50,840 In fact, come Monday, I got an eye infection 501 00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:53,440 and lay on his floor as he bathed it in salt water. 502 00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:56,560 On Tuesday, I fed his cat while he took phone calls. 503 00:34:57,240 --> 00:34:58,960 On Wednesday, I finally went home. 504 00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:22,800 Hey, what's wrong? 505 00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:26,440 Oh, nothing. I just feel bad for how we left things. 506 00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:32,960 What bothered me most was the not knowing. 507 00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:35,440 What happened all those moments I passed out? 508 00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:36,440 Are you okay? 509 00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:39,240 Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Yeah. 510 00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:45,560 Did he ever believe in me, or was this whole thing preplanned manipulation? 511 00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:48,280 {\an8}Was he sober the entire time? 512 00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:53,200 {\an8}And what was he getting from it? Was it simply a desire to corrupt? 513 00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,600 {\an8}To achieve whatever his sick mind wanted to achieve? 514 00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:58,040 {\an8}Was that the turn-on, to ruin my life? 515 00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:01,960 Uh, look, do you wanna watch something instead? I'm... I'm not feeling it. 516 00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:03,160 No, shut up. 517 00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:10,600 I... I... I'm sorry. It's... it's... it's just not happening today. 518 00:36:13,720 --> 00:36:17,360 - It didn't happen yesterday either. - Maybe I need to take a break from it all. 519 00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:20,120 What? A break from sex or from me? 520 00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:25,240 Wow. 521 00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:28,160 Okay. 522 00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:43,800 After Keeley moved out, I fell to pieces. 523 00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:47,840 Now all that was left to do was stare at the memory of what happened. 524 00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:53,520 I started to feel this overwhelming sexual confusion 525 00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:54,880 crashing through my body. 526 00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:01,200 I thought it might pass, but it became an insecurity, 527 00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:03,680 which grew into a raging madness within me. 528 00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:08,200 I could never tell whether these feelings were because of him 529 00:37:08,720 --> 00:37:10,800 or whether they always existed deep down. 530 00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:15,040 Did it all happen because I was giving off some vibe I wasn't aware of? 531 00:37:15,720 --> 00:37:17,760 Or did what happen make me this way? 532 00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:21,080 I would feel like everyone who looked at me 533 00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:22,920 could see what I was going through. 534 00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:24,840 Like they were peering into my soul, 535 00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:27,280 seeing the rape and the doubts and the confusion. 536 00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:28,680 Like my eyes were these windows 537 00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:31,160 onto the most tightly-held secret of my life. 538 00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:33,240 I would dream of killing him, 539 00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:37,200 chopping his cock off or his tongue out, whichever had done me the most damage, 540 00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:39,800 and burning his body to the ground. 541 00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:45,480 So after months of hate and anger and confusion, 542 00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:47,080 I was left with no choice. 543 00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:57,840 Oh, fuck. 544 00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:02,360 I orgasmed quickly, 545 00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:06,200 in such a way that there was no denying my desires were shifting. 546 00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:09,240 Every day, the laptop called me to it. 547 00:38:09,240 --> 00:38:12,160 I felt confused. I felt angry. 548 00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:14,960 I felt like I was going through puberty all over again. 549 00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:20,160 Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. 550 00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:22,760 I started having reckless sex with people of all genders 551 00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:24,800 in this desperate pursuit of the truth. 552 00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:31,880 I would put myself in fucked-up situations where I'd almost risk being raped again 553 00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:34,320 in this attempt to understand the first time. 554 00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:36,240 Like if I'm passed around like a whore, 555 00:38:36,240 --> 00:38:39,400 then I might at least shed this idea that my body is part of me somehow. 556 00:38:42,600 --> 00:38:44,560 Like who cares if it happened before? 557 00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:47,280 It's happened a ton of times now, so what does it matter? 558 00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:55,080 But it mattered. 559 00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:58,280 It mattered because this is what he wanted. 560 00:38:58,800 --> 00:39:00,680 This is what he saw in me all along. 561 00:39:01,640 --> 00:39:04,720 Then a feeling so bitter I could almost catch it in my throat. 562 00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:08,160 That he'd been vindicated somehow. 563 00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:16,600 Now I was stuck, 564 00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:19,240 surrounded by pilsner misogynists so heteronormative 565 00:39:19,240 --> 00:39:21,480 I could do nothing but crave their approval. 566 00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:29,000 ♪ One is the loneliest number That you'll ever do... ♪ 567 00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:30,600 It was the stormiest weather. 568 00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:33,160 So many times I've been to Mallorca. It's beautiful. 569 00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:35,800 You can have these all-inclusive things where you just... 570 00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:38,240 Everything is for free. Like, everything. 571 00:39:38,240 --> 00:39:40,600 Dates and relationships by the dozen. 572 00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:43,280 All of which started off in the gutter of what happened. 573 00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:45,200 ...but I think I'm gonna stick with... 574 00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:48,680 I wasn't interested in love. I had no capacity for it anymore. 575 00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:51,280 I just wanted these people to provide fucking answers. 576 00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:54,800 You know in Mallorca, when they ask if you want to do aqua aerobics? 577 00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:57,040 You don't need to ask me five million times-- 578 00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:59,840 Excuse me, sorry. Can I... I'm just gonna nip to the bathroom. 579 00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:01,600 I'll be right back, yeah? 580 00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:03,880 ♪ The loneliest number... ♪ 581 00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:06,640 As I spurned and alienated every single one of them. 582 00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:12,080 You could do a 360, screech around the place, just zoom off. 583 00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:15,240 ♪ That you'll ever know... ♪ 584 00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:21,680 A lot of people, they've gone back to shooting film now. 585 00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:23,720 I think I'm just gonna stick to digital. 586 00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:26,920 Until I met... 587 00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:30,240 ♪ Now I spend my time ♪ 588 00:40:30,240 --> 00:40:33,360 ♪ Just making rhymes of yesterday... ♪ 589 00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:34,600 Hey. 590 00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:36,720 You're cuter in person than you are online. 591 00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:40,760 Honestly, some of the dates I've been on, 592 00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:43,840 the guys turn up 15 years older than their profile picture. 593 00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:48,400 She was everything I wanted. Everything I needed. 594 00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:50,320 Smart, funny, confident, strong. 595 00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:52,760 Come back with me tonight. 596 00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:55,920 But with every hand-hold or lingering stare 597 00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:58,200 came a crushing sense of anger and shame 598 00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:00,680 that I was falling in love with her, 599 00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:03,880 that I couldn't hide in anonymity anymore. 600 00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:05,160 Just don't tell Tony. 601 00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:10,120 ♪ The loneliest number That you'll ever do... ♪ 602 00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:12,200 And, perhaps most bitter of all, 603 00:41:13,040 --> 00:41:16,600 that I might not feel this way if he hadn't done what he did. 604 00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:21,240 But when Martha turned up, 605 00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:24,480 all that confusion faded... 606 00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:30,000 as she reached, seemingly without effort, 607 00:41:30,600 --> 00:41:34,240 into the darkest pockets of my insecurity and turned them to light. 608 00:41:34,240 --> 00:41:37,000 Should be illegal to have your bone structure too. 609 00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:39,280 They should tax you for it. Man tax. 610 00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:42,080 Martha saw me the way I wanted to be seen. 611 00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:44,600 ♪ One is the loneliest number... ♪ 612 00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:47,200 So when it came to the point of going to the police, 613 00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:51,680 I just couldn't stand the irony of reporting her but not him. 614 00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:54,200 Can I help you? 615 00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:58,280 There was always a sense that she was ill, that she couldn't help it, 616 00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:02,280 whereas he was a pernicious, manipulative groomer. 617 00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:05,880 To admit to her was to admit to him. 618 00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:08,760 And I hadn't admitted him to anyone yet. 619 00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:12,960 - So when the policeman asked... - Why'd it take you so long to report it? 620 00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:20,680 I don't know. 621 00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,440 Go home, look through her emails, 622 00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:28,200 and when you find something of significance, come back. 623 00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:31,560 Until then, unless we see some proper evidence, 624 00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:32,960 there's nothing we can do. 625 00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:37,720 And with that, I was back to square one. 626 00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:45,160 ♪ One is the loneliest number That you'll ever do ♪ 627 00:42:46,240 --> 00:42:52,760 ♪ One is the loneliest number That you'll ever know ♪ 628 00:42:54,040 --> 00:43:01,520 ♪ One is the loneliest number ♪ 629 00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:08,320 ♪ One is the loneliest number That you'll ever do ♪ 630 00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:12,560 ♪ One is the loneliest number ♪ 631 00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:15,720 ♪ Much, much worse than two ♪ 632 00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:24,360 ♪ One is a number divided by two ♪ 633 00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:31,920 ♪ One ♪