1 00:00:09,183 --> 00:00:11,315 - Hey, mirror. Do my lips look kissable? 2 00:00:12,534 --> 00:00:14,014 Is it my face that's holding me back? 3 00:00:15,319 --> 00:00:17,278 Beauty influencer Dillin Jeremy! 4 00:00:17,321 --> 00:00:18,844 Is that really you?! - No, Annie. 5 00:00:18,888 --> 00:00:22,370 I'm a targeted AI brought to you by Cover That Girl makeup. 6 00:00:22,413 --> 00:00:25,503 Our eavesdropping algorithm tells me you're feeling insecure 7 00:00:25,547 --> 00:00:27,288 and are likely to make an impulse purchase? 8 00:00:27,331 --> 00:00:28,854 - That's true! 9 00:00:28,898 --> 00:00:32,423 - Let's cover up that homely loneliness with sex appeal. 10 00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:35,209 Simply accept the terms. - Oh, okay. 11 00:00:35,252 --> 00:00:37,646 - You've purchased our wet look tutorial. 12 00:00:37,689 --> 00:00:38,995 Maximum drip! 13 00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:45,393 - Annie. Why do you look like a melted gummy bear? 14 00:00:45,436 --> 00:00:49,049 - Are you trying to attract boys...or dryer lint? 15 00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:51,268 - Boy-- Oh. 16 00:00:51,312 --> 00:00:53,966 - Your face is really drippin' on the floor here! 17 00:00:54,010 --> 00:00:55,185 - Geez. Sorry. 18 00:00:55,229 --> 00:00:58,101 I tried a wet makeup look, but it's useless. 19 00:00:58,145 --> 00:01:00,843 I'll never have a boyfriend. - Aww, kid. 20 00:01:00,886 --> 00:01:04,020 That's just what I thought when I was your age. 21 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,413 And I was right! 22 00:01:05,456 --> 00:01:10,200 Not one boyfriend ever! 23 00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:43,755 Was that any good? 24 00:01:43,799 --> 00:01:48,847 - So, what's the main takeaway from our electoral college unit? 25 00:01:48,891 --> 00:01:52,329 - Women are not suited for higher office. 26 00:01:52,373 --> 00:01:54,375 - Oh, we have a new student today! 27 00:01:54,418 --> 00:01:57,204 Meet your new classmate, Kenton Burpy. 28 00:02:01,599 --> 00:02:03,558 Why don't you tell the class about yourself 29 00:02:03,601 --> 00:02:05,603 while I take a little nap? - Sure! 30 00:02:05,647 --> 00:02:09,955 Well, I was hit by a truck filled with sand and died. 31 00:02:09,999 --> 00:02:12,175 Then I went to Heaven. Then I came back! 32 00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:13,481 Then I moved to Fort Gator! 33 00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:15,439 - Ooh! - Any questions? 34 00:02:15,483 --> 00:02:18,703 - Bet you went to Heaven 'cause you're a virgin. 35 00:02:18,747 --> 00:02:20,183 - Maybe I am. 36 00:02:20,227 --> 00:02:22,185 Or maybe that's just want I wanted God to think. 37 00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:24,274 - Ooh! 38 00:02:24,318 --> 00:02:27,321 J.K. I'm 100% virgin and proud. 39 00:02:27,364 --> 00:02:30,193 - Xenu does not approve! 40 00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:33,065 - I was already drenched, but now I'm sopping. 41 00:02:33,109 --> 00:02:36,547 - Oh, boy. Yep, yep, yep. 42 00:02:40,029 --> 00:02:44,425 - Oh! It smells amazing in here! You made my favorite! 43 00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:47,254 - Pickled smelt and horsehair stew! 44 00:02:50,344 --> 00:02:53,129 Trophy, can you please do that somewhere else? 45 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,522 - No. I'm taking selfies with the stew! 46 00:02:54,565 --> 00:02:57,699 They're called stewfies, stew-pid! Keep up! 47 00:02:57,742 --> 00:02:59,918 - Aah! 48 00:02:59,962 --> 00:03:01,659 The stew is eating Shirty! 49 00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:05,054 Is there an emergency shirt hotline we can call?! 50 00:03:05,097 --> 00:03:06,577 - I'll try the suicide hotline. 51 00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:08,579 There must be an extension for shirts. 52 00:03:08,623 --> 00:03:11,756 - Stay with me, Shirty! Stay with me, Shirty! 53 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,671 Look at me! Look at me, Shirty! 54 00:03:17,762 --> 00:03:20,330 - Oh, no! Shirt-y-y-y-y! 55 00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:21,853 - Petey. Try calm down. 56 00:03:21,897 --> 00:03:24,769 I know Shirty give you feeling of safety and security, 57 00:03:24,813 --> 00:03:26,162 but Baba here for you. 58 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:29,165 Remember when you little boy? 59 00:03:30,514 --> 00:03:32,124 - Baba! Did Timmy's mommy call? 60 00:03:32,168 --> 00:03:34,910 He was supposed to come over and fly kites this morning! 61 00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:39,088 - Why is Timmy sleeping in the dead-person basement? 62 00:03:39,131 --> 00:03:40,524 - Timmy fly kite into traffic. 63 00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:46,138 Okay. Baba help you process feelings of loss. 64 00:03:46,182 --> 00:03:49,490 Here. Go to sleep. Like a bird! 65 00:03:57,976 --> 00:04:01,066 Baba, you're gonna have to cancel the Lemonham funeral. 66 00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:02,546 Without Shirty, I'm not sure 67 00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:05,462 when I'll be able to resume my duties as undertaker. 68 00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:07,334 - Just put on another shirt! 69 00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:09,161 - I have no other shirt! 70 00:04:09,205 --> 00:04:12,164 Shirty met all my needs, if you know what I mean. 71 00:04:12,208 --> 00:04:14,384 All my needs. - Ew! 72 00:04:14,428 --> 00:04:17,300 - I don't know why you turn to shirt for comfort 73 00:04:17,344 --> 00:04:20,085 instead of finding fertile woman your own age. 74 00:04:20,129 --> 00:04:22,392 - Because he has separation anxiety! Which is your fault. 75 00:04:22,436 --> 00:04:24,307 - Huh. I always thought it Shirty's fault. 76 00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:26,570 - Pete's never going to grow up 77 00:04:26,614 --> 00:04:30,008 unless you push him out of his comfort zone. 78 00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:33,925 - I'll have you know even my comfort zone is uncomfortable. 79 00:04:33,969 --> 00:04:37,146 - Trophy terrible mother, but she right. 80 00:04:37,189 --> 00:04:39,409 Time to snip-snip apron strings. 81 00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:43,500 Pete, you go to mall and pick out new shirt yourself! 82 00:04:43,544 --> 00:04:45,415 - You know I can't drive without Shirty! 83 00:04:45,459 --> 00:04:48,157 Okay. Baba drive you. 84 00:04:51,073 --> 00:04:54,424 - Every time I see him, my libido gets born again. 85 00:04:54,468 --> 00:04:57,122 - If it gets born one more time, 86 00:04:57,166 --> 00:04:59,342 I'm gonna need a bigger mop! 87 00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:01,126 - To prepare you for Friday's genetics quiz, 88 00:05:01,170 --> 00:05:04,129 today we're going to watch some of my old home movies 89 00:05:04,173 --> 00:05:06,306 and boo when my mother comes on screen. 90 00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:07,959 - Hey, Kenton. I was wondering. 91 00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:11,485 Are there boyfriends in Heaven? - Hm. I'm not sure. 92 00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:15,140 But I did get to play two-on-two basketball with the Steves -- 93 00:05:15,184 --> 00:05:17,360 Jobs, McQueen, and Hawking. 94 00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:19,536 - Sounds like a lot of two-way fun. 95 00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:21,233 I wouldn't know about that. 96 00:05:21,277 --> 00:05:23,410 - We can change that. Right now. 97 00:05:23,453 --> 00:05:25,803 Let me borrow your hand for a second. 98 00:05:25,847 --> 00:05:27,588 Here! Like the word of God, 99 00:05:27,631 --> 00:05:29,807 friendship bracelets are meant to be shared! 100 00:05:29,851 --> 00:05:31,548 - The chafe of friendship. 101 00:05:31,592 --> 00:05:33,420 I never thought it would happen to me. 102 00:05:33,463 --> 00:05:36,466 - Hey, me and my band, we're chillin' at my place tonight. 103 00:05:36,510 --> 00:05:38,555 You should come chill. Or whatever. No presh. 104 00:05:38,599 --> 00:05:40,383 - I'm feeling the presh, but it's good presh. 105 00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:41,950 I-I like the presh. 106 00:05:41,993 --> 00:05:43,386 - Great! It's a date. 107 00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:45,083 - A date... 108 00:05:51,046 --> 00:05:53,701 - Mom! Mom! Guess what! - No! 109 00:05:53,744 --> 00:05:56,399 I'm sick of hearing about new ways to recycle. 110 00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:59,533 Throwing plastic in the trash makes Mommy happy. 111 00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:00,882 - Something great happened! 112 00:06:00,925 --> 00:06:04,059 - You picked up my use-as-needed pills? 113 00:06:04,102 --> 00:06:05,190 - Well, yes. 114 00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:07,454 - And a boy asked me out! 115 00:06:07,497 --> 00:06:10,413 - Wait. A real boy? 116 00:06:10,457 --> 00:06:12,197 Baba! Get in here! 117 00:06:12,241 --> 00:06:13,416 - Baba here. 118 00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:14,461 - Baba been here. 119 00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:17,289 - Annie's going on her first date! 120 00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:19,596 - Trophy, remember when you 14? 121 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,598 Baba come with you. 122 00:06:21,642 --> 00:06:24,209 First date, third handjob. 123 00:06:24,253 --> 00:06:25,689 - Aww! 124 00:06:25,733 --> 00:06:27,996 You actually did a lot of the heavy lifting on that. 125 00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:29,650 - How else you learn? 126 00:06:29,693 --> 00:06:33,001 In old country, mother chaperone daughter's first date. 127 00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:36,918 Is family tradition, like not being able to afford college. 128 00:06:36,961 --> 00:06:40,225 - So, where we headed, Annie? Behind the bleachers? 129 00:06:40,269 --> 00:06:43,359 Dog track? Dialysis center? 130 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,013 - No offense, but I'd rather go alone. 131 00:06:45,056 --> 00:06:48,408 I really like him, and you can never act appropriately. 132 00:06:48,451 --> 00:06:49,713 - Sure I can! 133 00:06:49,757 --> 00:06:52,150 Just describe his penis to me ahead of time, 134 00:06:52,194 --> 00:06:53,891 then I won't be tempted to peek. 135 00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:56,677 - Mom! It's not like that. 136 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:59,506 He clinically died for 30 minutes, went to Heaven, 137 00:06:59,549 --> 00:07:02,639 then came back on a mission to tell people about God. 138 00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:04,641 I guess you guys have the "previously dying" thing 139 00:07:04,685 --> 00:07:06,730 in common. - Heaven's a lie, Annie. 140 00:07:06,774 --> 00:07:09,646 This guy's a liar. A virgin liar. 141 00:07:09,690 --> 00:07:11,169 - I'm a virgin, too, ya know. 142 00:07:11,213 --> 00:07:13,258 - Not the way you ride bike. 143 00:07:13,302 --> 00:07:15,696 - Baba, I'm as ready as I'll ever be! 144 00:07:15,739 --> 00:07:18,655 - Best of luck with handjob. - Fine. 145 00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:20,831 I want him to think I come from a good family. 146 00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:23,268 Can I at least tell him you're a troubled teen 147 00:07:23,312 --> 00:07:24,661 whose soul I'm trying to save? 148 00:07:24,705 --> 00:07:26,924 - I can still pass for a troubled teen. 149 00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:30,493 - Thanks. If I do lose my virginity tonight, 150 00:07:30,537 --> 00:07:33,801 I'll be thinking of you the whole time! 151 00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:37,239 - No! - Hoopah! 152 00:07:37,282 --> 00:07:39,633 Okay. I drive around parking lot. 153 00:07:39,676 --> 00:07:41,373 See you in 30 minute. 154 00:07:41,417 --> 00:07:43,506 - But how will I know which shirt is "the one" 155 00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:46,901 without your passive acceptance or glaring disapproval? 156 00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:49,730 - Snip-snip! Ooh! Here jar of nickels. 157 00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:53,385 After you find shirt, stop at powdered-milk store, 158 00:07:53,429 --> 00:07:55,866 buy two packet of chalk flavor! 159 00:07:55,910 --> 00:07:57,346 Wha-- Wait! 160 00:07:57,389 --> 00:08:00,305 Shoppers will think you incel with concealed weapon. 161 00:08:00,349 --> 00:08:02,656 There. Make the people feel safe. 162 00:08:11,055 --> 00:08:14,450 - Welcome to "Lids. But for Shirts. America!" 163 00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,757 Let me know if you need help. Uncle Pete. 164 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:20,282 - I need a new shirt. - Of course. 165 00:08:20,325 --> 00:08:22,545 This Vesper Cottondale's a close match. 166 00:08:22,589 --> 00:08:23,851 Soft and dependable. 167 00:08:23,894 --> 00:08:25,983 You'll notice the contrasting top button, 168 00:08:26,027 --> 00:08:28,551 the French placket, a curved hemline, 169 00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:30,771 and rear darts for a tailored fit! 170 00:08:30,814 --> 00:08:34,122 - This shirt's not giving me that same, "I'll be okay 171 00:08:34,165 --> 00:08:36,646 even if Mom's in the other room" feeling. 172 00:08:36,690 --> 00:08:38,256 - Completely understand! 173 00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:40,955 Try this one. Uncle Pete. 174 00:08:40,998 --> 00:08:42,739 - Let me ask you something. 175 00:08:42,783 --> 00:08:45,263 Would you be trying to sell me this physical assault 176 00:08:45,307 --> 00:08:48,919 with a hem and a collar if my mother was here? 177 00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:51,661 - I'm sorry? - Yes, you should be sorry. 178 00:08:51,705 --> 00:08:55,578 Sorry for preying on vulnerable, unaccompanied grown men! 179 00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:57,754 I'm taking my business elsewhere! 180 00:08:57,798 --> 00:08:59,582 - Elsewhere closed early today! 181 00:08:59,626 --> 00:09:02,803 - Oh, no! Now what, Shirty? 182 00:09:02,846 --> 00:09:04,805 - Remember what Baba always says. 183 00:09:04,848 --> 00:09:09,113 When God closes a shirt store, he opens a shirt kiosk. 184 00:09:09,157 --> 00:09:11,725 - She is so wise! 185 00:09:11,768 --> 00:09:13,204 - We've got a shirtless white male 186 00:09:13,248 --> 00:09:15,511 with a gun bulge in his pocket headed towards 187 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,600 the Me Love You Lawn Time Garden Center. 188 00:09:17,644 --> 00:09:20,211 I'll investigate as soon as I finish up with this 189 00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:24,128 doughy, salty subject I've currently got in custody. 190 00:09:24,172 --> 00:09:25,695 Over. 191 00:09:28,089 --> 00:09:30,482 - Hey, Annie! So glad you could stop by! 192 00:09:30,526 --> 00:09:33,007 Who's your friend? - Kenton, this is my mom. 193 00:09:33,050 --> 00:09:35,313 Er -- Did I say "Mom"? I meant "Moam." 194 00:09:35,357 --> 00:09:36,793 As in "my main moam." 195 00:09:36,837 --> 00:09:39,709 Like how guys say "main man." Girls say "main moam." 196 00:09:39,753 --> 00:09:42,494 She's a troubled teen I'm helping. 197 00:09:42,538 --> 00:09:43,974 - Very cool. 198 00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:46,803 Well, these are my bandmates and fellow believers -- 199 00:09:46,847 --> 00:09:49,589 Shayla, Dushane, and Deacon. 200 00:09:49,632 --> 00:09:50,894 - You're just in time! 201 00:09:50,938 --> 00:09:52,853 We're about to play "All God's Critters 202 00:09:52,896 --> 00:09:56,030 Got a Place in the Choir" on hand bells! 203 00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:59,773 - Whoa! This place is amazing! 204 00:09:59,816 --> 00:10:01,905 Look! A theater-sized popcorn popper! 205 00:10:01,949 --> 00:10:03,907 - Yeah, my dad sued the sand company 206 00:10:03,951 --> 00:10:05,866 that owned the sand truck that ran me over. 207 00:10:05,909 --> 00:10:08,564 My parents would've gotten even more money if I died 208 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:09,783 and didn't come back to life. 209 00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:11,915 My dad mentions that -- a lot. 210 00:10:11,959 --> 00:10:14,614 - So ya kicked the bucket then retrieved the bucket 211 00:10:14,657 --> 00:10:16,267 and put it back where it was, huh? 212 00:10:16,311 --> 00:10:18,922 - Yeah, except I made a tiny pit stop in between. 213 00:10:18,966 --> 00:10:21,795 A little place called... Heaven. 214 00:10:21,838 --> 00:10:23,492 Lying sack of garbage. 215 00:10:23,535 --> 00:10:26,451 - Speaking of, you guys want to play Seven Minutes in Heaven? 216 00:10:26,495 --> 00:10:29,759 Annie, you and Kenton can go first. 217 00:10:29,803 --> 00:10:31,805 - Fine, but it's against tradition. 218 00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:33,067 - I can't wait! 219 00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:35,722 - Maybe you can't, but Heaven can. 220 00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:37,854 - Your arm's gonna get tired. 221 00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:40,552 Okay. We have seven minutes to kill, possibly five. 222 00:10:40,596 --> 00:10:43,077 Any of you 18 and already have HPV? 223 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:44,905 If so, I'll play. 224 00:10:46,776 --> 00:10:49,823 - It's Succatash and the Mer! For your afternoon commute. 225 00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:51,389 We got traffic on the ones, Weather on the What! 226 00:10:51,433 --> 00:10:53,914 Succatash. Call us up, win some cash! Be caller number 9. 227 00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:55,393 Just answer the question of the day. 228 00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:57,700 Call to play. It's Ladies Day! Hey, ladies! Shopping! 229 00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,267 Let's open up the phones. 230 00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:01,617 - Ohh! Baba love shopping. 231 00:11:08,363 --> 00:11:10,887 - Welcome to "Shirts, Don't It?" 232 00:11:10,931 --> 00:11:12,759 - I'm Peter Fantasy! I'm in desperate need 233 00:11:12,802 --> 00:11:14,195 of a shirt and my mother's approval! 234 00:11:14,238 --> 00:11:17,111 Please hurry! - Need more information. 235 00:11:17,154 --> 00:11:19,417 - It needs to cover my chest and stomach, 236 00:11:19,461 --> 00:11:21,855 boost self-esteem, and reduce shame. 237 00:11:21,898 --> 00:11:23,073 - Still searching. 238 00:11:23,117 --> 00:11:25,597 - Faster! I've got a funeral to get to! 239 00:11:25,641 --> 00:11:27,077 Normal man shirt! But not itchy! 240 00:11:27,121 --> 00:11:29,340 Extra-grip buttons for sweaty thumbs! 241 00:11:29,384 --> 00:11:31,081 - You've selected "buttons." 242 00:11:31,125 --> 00:11:33,867 There are 1,500 shirts with buttons. 243 00:11:33,910 --> 00:11:36,217 Here's the top choice based on your DNA 244 00:11:36,260 --> 00:11:37,609 and psychological profile. 245 00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:40,134 - Polyester cotton blend. Two arms. 246 00:11:40,177 --> 00:11:41,744 Ohh! A neck hole. 247 00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:44,616 This is promising. What's my size? 248 00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:46,009 - You've asked, "What's my size?" 249 00:11:46,053 --> 00:11:48,142 Connecting you to our award-winning 250 00:11:48,185 --> 00:11:51,145 user help portal and measuring center. 251 00:11:51,188 --> 00:11:53,016 - Please remain still for measurement 252 00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:56,890 while you enjoy this ad for Nester's Cheese Nebulizer. 253 00:11:56,933 --> 00:11:58,935 - Take that Nester Cheese straight to the dome! 254 00:11:58,979 --> 00:12:02,504 Nester's Cheese Nebulizer comes in new extreme flavors! 255 00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:03,940 Monterey Crack, 256 00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:06,203 Chili Con Gnarly, and Flamin' Flag! 257 00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:07,814 - Thank you for waiting. 258 00:12:07,857 --> 00:12:09,990 We have selected the properly sized shirt. 259 00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:13,384 Please take this 30-question satisfaction survey. 260 00:12:13,428 --> 00:12:14,951 On a scale of one to ten, 261 00:12:14,995 --> 00:12:17,954 how likely are you to purchase Nester's Cheese Nebulizer? 262 00:12:17,998 --> 00:12:21,262 - Six? What about my shirt?! 263 00:12:21,305 --> 00:12:22,872 - To purchase, please confirm you are ready 264 00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:26,049 for the first day of the rest of your luh-luh-life. 265 00:12:26,093 --> 00:12:27,747 - I do. 266 00:12:32,403 --> 00:12:34,754 It's no use, Shirty. 267 00:12:34,797 --> 00:12:38,061 I'll never satisfy Baba or replace you! 268 00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:39,889 - I have to go now. 269 00:12:39,933 --> 00:12:42,283 But know that Baba believes in you! 270 00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:44,154 And so do I. 271 00:12:44,198 --> 00:12:47,070 Find a new shirt, Pete! 272 00:12:47,114 --> 00:12:48,593 - I'm gonna do it! 273 00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:51,031 You'll see! You'll all see! 274 00:12:51,074 --> 00:12:53,381 This one's for my mother! 275 00:12:53,424 --> 00:12:54,817 - Oh, right. This guy. 276 00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:56,776 We got a topless incel talking about his mom, 277 00:12:56,819 --> 00:12:58,081 Definitely gonna shoot up the place. 278 00:12:58,125 --> 00:13:00,518 I'm gonna take him out. Ohp. Wait a minute. 279 00:13:00,562 --> 00:13:03,913 There's a note on his back. Ugh. False alarm. 280 00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:07,874 - And I guess my favorite kind of prayer is the bedside prayer, 281 00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:10,224 just 'cause it sums up the day so nice. 282 00:13:10,267 --> 00:13:11,878 Or the reverse-cowgirl prayer! 283 00:13:11,921 --> 00:13:13,749 That's when a cowgirl begs for the Lord's forgiveness 284 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,751 for all the saucy pants she wears. 285 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,361 How 'bout you? - I don't pray. 286 00:13:17,405 --> 00:13:20,364 But I have a poem I recite when I lose a sock from a pair. 287 00:13:20,408 --> 00:13:22,932 It's from the lost sock's point of view, 288 00:13:22,976 --> 00:13:26,283 wishing to be reunited with its mate. 289 00:13:28,285 --> 00:13:30,244 Kenton? Aren't you gonna kiss me? 290 00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:33,551 - Huh? We're here to play Seven Minutes in Heaven, silly, 291 00:13:33,595 --> 00:13:36,685 the game where I talk about Heaven for seven minutes. 292 00:13:36,728 --> 00:13:38,730 So, my grandma was there, but this time, 293 00:13:38,774 --> 00:13:40,994 she was super in favor of gay marriage. 294 00:13:41,037 --> 00:13:43,823 I also played a game of chess with Martin Luther King Jr., 295 00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:46,651 who spread the message that veganism is lit! 296 00:13:46,695 --> 00:13:48,784 - That sounds just like something MLK would say. 297 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:52,309 - Please don't interrupt, Annie! I only have seven minutes! 298 00:13:54,485 --> 00:13:56,270 - Hello. Is Baba caller nine? 299 00:13:56,313 --> 00:13:57,837 - You'll find out right after you 300 00:13:57,880 --> 00:13:59,882 answer our question of the day. Mer? 301 00:13:59,926 --> 00:14:02,232 - Tell us about your last breakup. 302 00:14:02,276 --> 00:14:04,800 You sound like a very passionate woman. 303 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,324 Well, it was this morning. 304 00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:09,500 Baba finally had to snip-snip! 305 00:14:09,544 --> 00:14:11,676 - Oh, brutal! Vasectomy of the heart! 306 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,156 Why'd you cut him loose, Baba? 307 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,593 - Bet he was lousy in bed. Mm-hmm. 308 00:14:15,637 --> 00:14:17,813 - True. He still can't sleep through night. 309 00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,728 But he good boy. - Dag, girl. 310 00:14:19,771 --> 00:14:21,904 He sounds like a luh-luh-loser! 311 00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:23,514 - Petey not loser! 312 00:14:23,558 --> 00:14:25,734 He just do better with Baba help. 313 00:14:25,777 --> 00:14:27,954 - Sounds like Baba's not ready to let him go. 314 00:14:27,997 --> 00:14:31,958 What's your verdict, Succatash? - Own it! 315 00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:33,263 - Baba...own it? 316 00:14:33,307 --> 00:14:35,875 - Seems like you've still got feelings for him. 317 00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:37,572 Plus you're caller number 6! 318 00:14:37,615 --> 00:14:40,140 Succatash, Succatash. That sucka-sucka sucks! 319 00:14:41,576 --> 00:14:45,232 - Yes. Baba own it! 320 00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:47,930 Baba coming, Petey! 321 00:14:47,974 --> 00:14:50,890 - Ooh! - Hey! What the hell! 322 00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:52,935 - No! - Ew! He's running and sweating! 323 00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:55,459 - That won't work! I don't understand. 324 00:14:55,503 --> 00:14:57,113 Why can't I find it?! 325 00:14:57,157 --> 00:14:59,550 No! Not that! 326 00:14:59,594 --> 00:15:01,248 Get out of my way! - Ow! 327 00:15:01,291 --> 00:15:03,728 - Move! - Boy. Here we go again. 328 00:15:03,772 --> 00:15:06,906 - I've got a right to bare arms! - Oh, my gun's in the car. 329 00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:09,996 - Society's not gonna stop Old Petey boy 330 00:15:10,039 --> 00:15:11,736 from getting his last shot! 331 00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:12,955 - Oh, no, sweetie, you're gonna get shot again. 332 00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:15,044 - Xenu approves! - This is so boring. 333 00:15:15,088 --> 00:15:17,742 - Welcome to Only Pants. I'm Charlie Pants. 334 00:15:17,786 --> 00:15:19,919 No relation to the Only Pants Pants. 335 00:15:19,962 --> 00:15:22,182 Our same names are just a coinci-pants. 336 00:15:22,225 --> 00:15:24,924 - Please -- show me your finest shirt! 337 00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:27,143 - Did you catch the name of the store, pal? 338 00:15:27,187 --> 00:15:28,971 We only sell pants. 339 00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:31,931 - I hoped you were a store for shoppers who only have pants! 340 00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:34,063 'Cause right now that's all I've got! 341 00:15:34,107 --> 00:15:35,543 - Sir, I'm going to need you 342 00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:37,153 to lower your voice and exit the store. 343 00:15:37,197 --> 00:15:40,940 - Every day, I wake up and sexlessly touch the dead 344 00:15:40,983 --> 00:15:43,464 without issue, thanks to a very special, 345 00:15:43,507 --> 00:15:46,423 irreplaceable shirt that's now...gone! 346 00:15:46,467 --> 00:15:48,512 WHY WON'T YOU HELP ME?! 347 00:15:48,556 --> 00:15:51,037 - Hey, Fred! In here! We got us a code YIKES. 348 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,474 Put down your weapon! 349 00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:55,737 And put your shirt on! - Huh? 350 00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:59,045 Oh, no! The sign fell off! - Hands where I can see 'em! 351 00:16:03,701 --> 00:16:05,747 - Uh-agh... 352 00:16:05,790 --> 00:16:08,141 - Ugh! Stop! What are you doing?! 353 00:16:08,184 --> 00:16:11,231 When the bottle lands on you, you have to close your eyes 354 00:16:11,274 --> 00:16:14,016 and ask God to let you into Heaven some day. 355 00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:17,019 - Listen. Now, Annie didn't want me to mention this, but... 356 00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:19,108 I actually died and came back to life. 357 00:16:19,152 --> 00:16:24,287 Except you don't see me making a big deal out of it! 358 00:16:24,331 --> 00:16:25,941 Okay? 359 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,725 - You met God? 360 00:16:27,769 --> 00:16:30,728 - I don't know. I meet a lot of people. 361 00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:32,774 Now, can we make out already? 362 00:16:32,817 --> 00:16:34,558 - Well, uh, if you really went to Heaven, 363 00:16:34,602 --> 00:16:36,952 how does Steve Jobs take his coffee, hm? 364 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:40,260 - There is no Heaven! Kenton is a liar! 365 00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:43,959 - Moam, I know you're troubled, but Annie and I 366 00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,700 were just getting to the good part. 367 00:16:45,743 --> 00:16:47,223 - It's not what you think. 368 00:16:47,267 --> 00:16:49,051 - Kenton, you can drop the savior act. 369 00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:50,792 Annie's willing to give you handjobs 370 00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:53,099 entirely based on your face. 371 00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:56,885 And if she chickens out, as many women do, I'm here to help. 372 00:16:56,928 --> 00:16:59,279 - We need to wait till marriage for up-and-downs! 373 00:16:59,322 --> 00:17:01,281 I think you better go. 374 00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:02,804 - Listen. 375 00:17:02,847 --> 00:17:05,372 I died for real, kid, and there's no afterlife. 376 00:17:05,415 --> 00:17:07,591 Just admit it. You made it up! 377 00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:10,246 - Annie! I'm not lying. I swear. 378 00:17:10,290 --> 00:17:12,770 - Prove it! - Wh-- How? 379 00:17:12,814 --> 00:17:14,903 - Well, why don't you and I have a friendly little 380 00:17:14,946 --> 00:17:17,427 come-back competition? 381 00:17:19,734 --> 00:17:21,692 - Then Mother sent me to find a new shirt without her! 382 00:17:21,736 --> 00:17:24,173 - Baba coming! - And get some powdered milk! 383 00:17:24,217 --> 00:17:26,175 Here! I'll show you! - He's reaching for his weapon! 384 00:17:26,219 --> 00:17:28,699 - Beep-beep! Baba here! - Everybody reach for yours! 385 00:17:34,488 --> 00:17:37,665 - Please no shoot! He good boy! 386 00:17:37,708 --> 00:17:39,928 Baba should have been here! 387 00:17:39,971 --> 00:17:44,019 - Stand down. We got a mama's boy, not a bad boy. 388 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:47,196 All clear. Just a different kind of "yikes." Over. 389 00:17:48,763 --> 00:17:50,895 - Sorry about your nickels, Baba. 390 00:17:50,939 --> 00:17:53,246 I wasn't able to find a shirt. 391 00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:55,378 - Is Baba fail, Petey. 392 00:17:55,422 --> 00:17:58,555 Snip-snip was bad plan. No worry. 393 00:17:58,599 --> 00:18:00,862 I retie apron strings... 394 00:18:00,905 --> 00:18:02,646 ....even tighter! 395 00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:08,217 - No! - Kenton, you can't! 396 00:18:08,261 --> 00:18:09,697 - Don't do it! - Kenton! 397 00:18:09,740 --> 00:18:12,308 - I need to prove I would never lie to a friend. 398 00:18:12,352 --> 00:18:14,180 Actually...a girlfriend. 399 00:18:15,572 --> 00:18:17,879 - Somebody seems to care more about Annie 400 00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:19,228 than he does about God! 401 00:18:19,272 --> 00:18:21,230 - You're just jealous! What? 402 00:18:21,274 --> 00:18:24,015 Everyone knows Kenton gives you impure thoughts. 403 00:18:24,059 --> 00:18:26,192 - He gives all of us impure thoughts! 404 00:18:26,235 --> 00:18:27,541 - Come on, Kenton! 405 00:18:27,584 --> 00:18:29,978 If God were real, he wouldn't have all day. 406 00:18:30,021 --> 00:18:32,981 - You mean "she." - Oh, now I'm sure you're lying. 407 00:18:33,024 --> 00:18:34,939 Let's get on with it! - It's true! 408 00:18:34,983 --> 00:18:37,246 God is super busy, and she doesn't appreciate 409 00:18:37,290 --> 00:18:39,292 when people waste her time, same as Ben Stiller. 410 00:18:39,335 --> 00:18:43,122 - Kenton, no! Let's go back in the closet and pray instead! 411 00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:45,559 And maybe, if you feel like God would be cool with it, 412 00:18:45,602 --> 00:18:47,430 you can guess my bra size. 413 00:18:47,474 --> 00:18:48,779 - Annie, if I don't make it back, 414 00:18:48,823 --> 00:18:50,651 know that in spite of everything 415 00:18:50,694 --> 00:18:54,611 my friends and Moam said, I don't think you're boring. 416 00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:56,352 But if I do get to return, 417 00:18:56,396 --> 00:18:58,224 I'll ask God if we can lay the groundwork 418 00:18:58,267 --> 00:19:01,183 for some light kissing in three to six months. 419 00:19:01,227 --> 00:19:03,316 - Oh, Kenton. Please don't do it. 420 00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:07,233 - Time to play Seven Minutes in Heaven. For real. 421 00:19:09,626 --> 00:19:12,151 - Now Baba protect you wherever you go. 422 00:19:12,194 --> 00:19:16,329 It too late for you to be well-adjusted grown man. 423 00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:20,855 Baba learn from wise man name Succatash to just "own it." 424 00:19:22,683 --> 00:19:24,772 - Mmm. It's perfect! 425 00:19:24,815 --> 00:19:26,643 - Yes. Baba very good mother. 426 00:19:26,687 --> 00:19:30,517 Now go do funeral for paying customers. 427 00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:50,319 - Hey, Steve! Have you seen God around? 428 00:19:50,363 --> 00:19:52,234 - She's over there making it rain 429 00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:55,150 with Luke Perry and Nipsey Hussle. 430 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,891 - Get them umbrellas ready, Texas! 431 00:19:56,934 --> 00:19:58,806 Oh, hey, Kenton. - Hey, little brother. 432 00:19:58,849 --> 00:20:00,721 He missed us and came back. 433 00:20:00,764 --> 00:20:02,331 Welcome home forever, Kenton. 434 00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:03,898 - Actually, God, I hate to ask, 435 00:20:03,941 --> 00:20:06,335 but could you send me back again? 436 00:20:06,379 --> 00:20:08,859 I'm only here because my girlfriend's friend 437 00:20:08,903 --> 00:20:10,818 didn't believe me about Heaven. 438 00:20:10,861 --> 00:20:12,428 - I'm sorry. 439 00:20:12,472 --> 00:20:15,257 A few years ago, I had to make a policy of two lives only. 440 00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:19,218 Somebody -- I won't say who -- ruined it for everyone. 441 00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:21,045 - It was Steve Irwin, wasn't it? - It was. 442 00:20:21,089 --> 00:20:22,351 I'm sorry, Kenton. 443 00:20:22,395 --> 00:20:24,223 - What?! But Annie's waiting for me! 444 00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:27,269 - Annie means well, honey, but she's from a messed-up family. 445 00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:30,751 And Trophy isn't her friend. That's her mom. 446 00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:32,361 - You mean her moam. 447 00:20:32,405 --> 00:20:35,364 - Baby, you're better off up here with us. 448 00:20:35,408 --> 00:20:37,061 - Hey. Is Trophy here yet? 449 00:20:37,105 --> 00:20:39,107 At least now she'll know that Heaven's real. 450 00:20:39,150 --> 00:20:40,282 - Well... 451 00:20:48,072 --> 00:20:50,249 - It's been seven minutes! - Kenton? 452 00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:52,033 Come back! Come back, Mom! 453 00:20:52,076 --> 00:20:54,035 - Um, it's pronounced "Moam." 454 00:20:54,078 --> 00:20:55,819 - How could you leave me again?! 455 00:20:55,863 --> 00:20:59,388 And take the first and maybe only boyfriend I'll ever have! 456 00:21:02,435 --> 00:21:04,437 - Yes! I win! 457 00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:07,135 The afterlife is a dark, boring void. 458 00:21:07,178 --> 00:21:08,919 In your dead face! - Kenton? 459 00:21:08,963 --> 00:21:11,531 - Move away from the light, Kenton! Move away! 460 00:21:11,574 --> 00:21:13,359 - Tell God I've never been naked! 461 00:21:13,402 --> 00:21:15,796 - Maybe he died for our sins? 462 00:21:15,839 --> 00:21:18,755 - Forget him. He was clearly a fraud. 463 00:21:18,799 --> 00:21:19,974 Here's all you need to know. 464 00:21:20,017 --> 00:21:22,106 When you suppress your sexual urges 465 00:21:22,150 --> 00:21:24,718 in the name of religion, things get weird. 466 00:21:24,761 --> 00:21:27,416 - Maybe he died so we can touch...tongues? 467 00:21:27,460 --> 00:21:30,332 - Or rub our ankles together in hot tubs? 468 00:21:30,376 --> 00:21:32,421 - Kids, it doesn't matter who or what you do. 469 00:21:32,465 --> 00:21:34,118 There is no God. 470 00:21:34,162 --> 00:21:36,207 - We were gonna lightly kiss in three to six months, 471 00:21:36,251 --> 00:21:38,993 pending God's approval, and now he's... 472 00:21:39,036 --> 00:21:40,516 - Gone forever! 473 00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:43,432 But we will get those pudgy little fingers 474 00:21:43,476 --> 00:21:47,610 around some other teen's peen before ya know it. 475 00:21:55,226 --> 00:21:57,359 Hey, God? - Are you happy I paired you up 476 00:21:57,403 --> 00:21:59,230 with Anna Nicole Smith for eternity? 477 00:21:59,274 --> 00:22:01,450 - I am. Totally. Yeah. It's just, um -- 478 00:22:01,494 --> 00:22:03,583 Can you tell me how to get my pants off? 479 00:22:03,626 --> 00:22:05,889 The waist won't budge, and there's no zipper. 480 00:22:05,933 --> 00:22:09,153 And I'm pretty eager to finally have sex since I died a virgin. 481 00:22:09,197 --> 00:22:10,938 I even turned down a tuggie huggie 482 00:22:10,981 --> 00:22:13,680 so I could get back to Heaven! - Oh, honey. 483 00:22:13,723 --> 00:22:16,552 You were supposed to get sex out of your system on Earth. 484 00:22:16,596 --> 00:22:21,383 Up here, pants never come off, and no one has genitals. 485 00:22:21,427 --> 00:22:23,342 It's Heaven!