1
00:00:09,183 --> 00:00:11,315
- Hey, mirror.
Do my lips look kissable?
2
00:00:12,534 --> 00:00:14,014
Is it my face
that's holding me back?
3
00:00:15,319 --> 00:00:17,278
Beauty influencer
Dillin Jeremy!
4
00:00:17,321 --> 00:00:18,844
Is that really you?!
- No, Annie.
5
00:00:18,888 --> 00:00:22,370
I'm a targeted AI brought to you
by Cover That Girl makeup.
6
00:00:22,413 --> 00:00:25,503
Our eavesdropping algorithm
tells me you're feeling insecure
7
00:00:25,547 --> 00:00:27,288
and are likely to make
an impulse purchase?
8
00:00:27,331 --> 00:00:28,854
- That's true!
9
00:00:28,898 --> 00:00:32,423
- Let's cover up that homely
loneliness with sex appeal.
10
00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:35,209
Simply accept the terms.
- Oh, okay.
11
00:00:35,252 --> 00:00:37,646
- You've purchased
our wet look tutorial.
12
00:00:37,689 --> 00:00:38,995
Maximum drip!
13
00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:45,393
- Annie. Why do you look like
a melted gummy bear?
14
00:00:45,436 --> 00:00:49,049
- Are you trying to attract
boys...or dryer lint?
15
00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:51,268
- Boy-- Oh.
16
00:00:51,312 --> 00:00:53,966
- Your face is really
drippin' on the floor here!
17
00:00:54,010 --> 00:00:55,185
- Geez. Sorry.
18
00:00:55,229 --> 00:00:58,101
I tried a wet makeup look,
but it's useless.
19
00:00:58,145 --> 00:01:00,843
I'll never have a boyfriend.
- Aww, kid.
20
00:01:00,886 --> 00:01:04,020
That's just what I thought
when I was your age.
21
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,413
And I was right!
22
00:01:05,456 --> 00:01:10,200
Not one boyfriend ever!
23
00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:43,755
Was that any good?
24
00:01:43,799 --> 00:01:48,847
- So, what's the main takeaway
from our electoral college unit?
25
00:01:48,891 --> 00:01:52,329
- Women are not suited
for higher office.
26
00:01:52,373 --> 00:01:54,375
- Oh, we have
a new student today!
27
00:01:54,418 --> 00:01:57,204
Meet your new classmate,
Kenton Burpy.
28
00:02:01,599 --> 00:02:03,558
Why don't you tell
the class about yourself
29
00:02:03,601 --> 00:02:05,603
while I take a little nap?
- Sure!
30
00:02:05,647 --> 00:02:09,955
Well, I was hit by a truck
filled with sand and died.
31
00:02:09,999 --> 00:02:12,175
Then I went to Heaven.
Then I came back!
32
00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:13,481
Then I moved to Fort Gator!
33
00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:15,439
- Ooh!
- Any questions?
34
00:02:15,483 --> 00:02:18,703
- Bet you went to Heaven
'cause you're a virgin.
35
00:02:18,747 --> 00:02:20,183
- Maybe I am.
36
00:02:20,227 --> 00:02:22,185
Or maybe that's just want
I wanted God to think.
37
00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:24,274
- Ooh!
38
00:02:24,318 --> 00:02:27,321
J.K.
I'm 100% virgin and proud.
39
00:02:27,364 --> 00:02:30,193
- Xenu does not approve!
40
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:33,065
- I was already drenched,
but now I'm sopping.
41
00:02:33,109 --> 00:02:36,547
- Oh, boy. Yep, yep, yep.
42
00:02:40,029 --> 00:02:44,425
- Oh! It smells amazing in here!
You made my favorite!
43
00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:47,254
- Pickled smelt
and horsehair stew!
44
00:02:50,344 --> 00:02:53,129
Trophy, can you please do that
somewhere else?
45
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,522
- No. I'm taking selfies
with the stew!
46
00:02:54,565 --> 00:02:57,699
They're called stewfies,
stew-pid! Keep up!
47
00:02:57,742 --> 00:02:59,918
- Aah!
48
00:02:59,962 --> 00:03:01,659
The stew is eating Shirty!
49
00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:05,054
Is there an emergency
shirt hotline we can call?!
50
00:03:05,097 --> 00:03:06,577
- I'll try the suicide hotline.
51
00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:08,579
There must be an extension
for shirts.
52
00:03:08,623 --> 00:03:11,756
- Stay with me, Shirty!
Stay with me, Shirty!
53
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,671
Look at me! Look at me, Shirty!
54
00:03:17,762 --> 00:03:20,330
- Oh, no! Shirt-y-y-y-y!
55
00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:21,853
- Petey. Try calm down.
56
00:03:21,897 --> 00:03:24,769
I know Shirty give you feeling
of safety and security,
57
00:03:24,813 --> 00:03:26,162
but Baba here for you.
58
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:29,165
Remember when you little boy?
59
00:03:30,514 --> 00:03:32,124
- Baba! Did Timmy's mommy call?
60
00:03:32,168 --> 00:03:34,910
He was supposed to come over
and fly kites this morning!
61
00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:39,088
- Why is Timmy sleeping
in the dead-person basement?
62
00:03:39,131 --> 00:03:40,524
- Timmy fly kite into traffic.
63
00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:46,138
Okay. Baba help you
process feelings of loss.
64
00:03:46,182 --> 00:03:49,490
Here. Go to sleep.
Like a bird!
65
00:03:57,976 --> 00:04:01,066
Baba, you're gonna have to
cancel the Lemonham funeral.
66
00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:02,546
Without Shirty, I'm not sure
67
00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:05,462
when I'll be able to resume
my duties as undertaker.
68
00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:07,334
- Just put on another shirt!
69
00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:09,161
- I have no other shirt!
70
00:04:09,205 --> 00:04:12,164
Shirty met all my needs,
if you know what I mean.
71
00:04:12,208 --> 00:04:14,384
All my needs.
- Ew!
72
00:04:14,428 --> 00:04:17,300
- I don't know why you
turn to shirt for comfort
73
00:04:17,344 --> 00:04:20,085
instead of finding
fertile woman your own age.
74
00:04:20,129 --> 00:04:22,392
- Because he has separation
anxiety! Which is your fault.
75
00:04:22,436 --> 00:04:24,307
- Huh. I always thought
it Shirty's fault.
76
00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:26,570
- Pete's never going to grow up
77
00:04:26,614 --> 00:04:30,008
unless you push him
out of his comfort zone.
78
00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:33,925
- I'll have you know even my
comfort zone is uncomfortable.
79
00:04:33,969 --> 00:04:37,146
- Trophy terrible mother,
but she right.
80
00:04:37,189 --> 00:04:39,409
Time to snip-snip apron strings.
81
00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:43,500
Pete, you go to mall and
pick out new shirt yourself!
82
00:04:43,544 --> 00:04:45,415
- You know I can't drive
without Shirty!
83
00:04:45,459 --> 00:04:48,157
Okay. Baba drive you.
84
00:04:51,073 --> 00:04:54,424
- Every time I see him,
my libido gets born again.
85
00:04:54,468 --> 00:04:57,122
- If it gets born one more time,
86
00:04:57,166 --> 00:04:59,342
I'm gonna need a bigger mop!
87
00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:01,126
- To prepare you
for Friday's genetics quiz,
88
00:05:01,170 --> 00:05:04,129
today we're going to watch
some of my old home movies
89
00:05:04,173 --> 00:05:06,306
and boo when my mother
comes on screen.
90
00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:07,959
- Hey, Kenton.
I was wondering.
91
00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:11,485
Are there boyfriends in Heaven?
- Hm. I'm not sure.
92
00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:15,140
But I did get to play two-on-two
basketball with the Steves --
93
00:05:15,184 --> 00:05:17,360
Jobs, McQueen, and Hawking.
94
00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:19,536
- Sounds like
a lot of two-way fun.
95
00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:21,233
I wouldn't know about that.
96
00:05:21,277 --> 00:05:23,410
- We can change that. Right now.
97
00:05:23,453 --> 00:05:25,803
Let me borrow your hand
for a second.
98
00:05:25,847 --> 00:05:27,588
Here! Like the word of God,
99
00:05:27,631 --> 00:05:29,807
friendship bracelets
are meant to be shared!
100
00:05:29,851 --> 00:05:31,548
- The chafe of friendship.
101
00:05:31,592 --> 00:05:33,420
I never thought
it would happen to me.
102
00:05:33,463 --> 00:05:36,466
- Hey, me and my band, we're
chillin' at my place tonight.
103
00:05:36,510 --> 00:05:38,555
You should come chill.
Or whatever. No presh.
104
00:05:38,599 --> 00:05:40,383
- I'm feeling the presh,
but it's good presh.
105
00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:41,950
I-I like the presh.
106
00:05:41,993 --> 00:05:43,386
- Great! It's a date.
107
00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:45,083
- A date...
108
00:05:51,046 --> 00:05:53,701
- Mom! Mom! Guess what!
- No!
109
00:05:53,744 --> 00:05:56,399
I'm sick of hearing
about new ways to recycle.
110
00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:59,533
Throwing plastic in the trash
makes Mommy happy.
111
00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:00,882
- Something great happened!
112
00:06:00,925 --> 00:06:04,059
- You picked up
my use-as-needed pills?
113
00:06:04,102 --> 00:06:05,190
- Well, yes.
114
00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:07,454
- And a boy asked me out!
115
00:06:07,497 --> 00:06:10,413
- Wait. A real boy?
116
00:06:10,457 --> 00:06:12,197
Baba! Get in here!
117
00:06:12,241 --> 00:06:13,416
- Baba here.
118
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:14,461
- Baba been here.
119
00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:17,289
- Annie's going on
her first date!
120
00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:19,596
- Trophy, remember when you 14?
121
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,598
Baba come with you.
122
00:06:21,642 --> 00:06:24,209
First date, third handjob.
123
00:06:24,253 --> 00:06:25,689
- Aww!
124
00:06:25,733 --> 00:06:27,996
You actually did a lot
of the heavy lifting on that.
125
00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:29,650
- How else you learn?
126
00:06:29,693 --> 00:06:33,001
In old country, mother chaperone
daughter's first date.
127
00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:36,918
Is family tradition, like not
being able to afford college.
128
00:06:36,961 --> 00:06:40,225
- So, where we headed, Annie?
Behind the bleachers?
129
00:06:40,269 --> 00:06:43,359
Dog track? Dialysis center?
130
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,013
- No offense,
but I'd rather go alone.
131
00:06:45,056 --> 00:06:48,408
I really like him, and you can
never act appropriately.
132
00:06:48,451 --> 00:06:49,713
- Sure I can!
133
00:06:49,757 --> 00:06:52,150
Just describe his penis to me
ahead of time,
134
00:06:52,194 --> 00:06:53,891
then I won't be tempted to peek.
135
00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:56,677
- Mom! It's not like that.
136
00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:59,506
He clinically died
for 30 minutes, went to Heaven,
137
00:06:59,549 --> 00:07:02,639
then came back on a mission
to tell people about God.
138
00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:04,641
I guess you guys have
the "previously dying" thing
139
00:07:04,685 --> 00:07:06,730
in common.
- Heaven's a lie, Annie.
140
00:07:06,774 --> 00:07:09,646
This guy's a liar.
A virgin liar.
141
00:07:09,690 --> 00:07:11,169
- I'm a virgin, too, ya know.
142
00:07:11,213 --> 00:07:13,258
- Not the way you ride bike.
143
00:07:13,302 --> 00:07:15,696
- Baba, I'm as ready
as I'll ever be!
144
00:07:15,739 --> 00:07:18,655
- Best of luck with handjob.
- Fine.
145
00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:20,831
I want him to think
I come from a good family.
146
00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:23,268
Can I at least tell him
you're a troubled teen
147
00:07:23,312 --> 00:07:24,661
whose soul I'm trying to save?
148
00:07:24,705 --> 00:07:26,924
- I can still pass
for a troubled teen.
149
00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:30,493
- Thanks. If I do lose
my virginity tonight,
150
00:07:30,537 --> 00:07:33,801
I'll be thinking of you
the whole time!
151
00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:37,239
- No!
- Hoopah!
152
00:07:37,282 --> 00:07:39,633
Okay.
I drive around parking lot.
153
00:07:39,676 --> 00:07:41,373
See you in 30 minute.
154
00:07:41,417 --> 00:07:43,506
- But how will I know
which shirt is "the one"
155
00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:46,901
without your passive acceptance
or glaring disapproval?
156
00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:49,730
- Snip-snip!
Ooh! Here jar of nickels.
157
00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:53,385
After you find shirt,
stop at powdered-milk store,
158
00:07:53,429 --> 00:07:55,866
buy two packet of chalk flavor!
159
00:07:55,910 --> 00:07:57,346
Wha-- Wait!
160
00:07:57,389 --> 00:08:00,305
Shoppers will think you incel
with concealed weapon.
161
00:08:00,349 --> 00:08:02,656
There.
Make the people feel safe.
162
00:08:11,055 --> 00:08:14,450
- Welcome to "Lids.
But for Shirts. America!"
163
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,757
Let me know if you need help.
Uncle Pete.
164
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:20,282
- I need a new shirt.
- Of course.
165
00:08:20,325 --> 00:08:22,545
This Vesper Cottondale's
a close match.
166
00:08:22,589 --> 00:08:23,851
Soft and dependable.
167
00:08:23,894 --> 00:08:25,983
You'll notice
the contrasting top button,
168
00:08:26,027 --> 00:08:28,551
the French placket,
a curved hemline,
169
00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:30,771
and rear darts
for a tailored fit!
170
00:08:30,814 --> 00:08:34,122
- This shirt's not giving me
that same, "I'll be okay
171
00:08:34,165 --> 00:08:36,646
even if Mom's
in the other room" feeling.
172
00:08:36,690 --> 00:08:38,256
- Completely understand!
173
00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:40,955
Try this one. Uncle Pete.
174
00:08:40,998 --> 00:08:42,739
- Let me ask you something.
175
00:08:42,783 --> 00:08:45,263
Would you be trying to sell me
this physical assault
176
00:08:45,307 --> 00:08:48,919
with a hem and a collar
if my mother was here?
177
00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:51,661
- I'm sorry?
- Yes, you should be sorry.
178
00:08:51,705 --> 00:08:55,578
Sorry for preying on vulnerable,
unaccompanied grown men!
179
00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:57,754
I'm taking my business
elsewhere!
180
00:08:57,798 --> 00:08:59,582
- Elsewhere closed early today!
181
00:08:59,626 --> 00:09:02,803
- Oh, no! Now what, Shirty?
182
00:09:02,846 --> 00:09:04,805
- Remember what
Baba always says.
183
00:09:04,848 --> 00:09:09,113
When God closes a shirt store,
he opens a shirt kiosk.
184
00:09:09,157 --> 00:09:11,725
- She is so wise!
185
00:09:11,768 --> 00:09:13,204
- We've got a shirtless
white male
186
00:09:13,248 --> 00:09:15,511
with a gun bulge in his pocket
headed towards
187
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,600
the Me Love You Lawn Time
Garden Center.
188
00:09:17,644 --> 00:09:20,211
I'll investigate as soon
as I finish up with this
189
00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:24,128
doughy, salty subject
I've currently got in custody.
190
00:09:24,172 --> 00:09:25,695
Over.
191
00:09:28,089 --> 00:09:30,482
- Hey, Annie!
So glad you could stop by!
192
00:09:30,526 --> 00:09:33,007
Who's your friend?
- Kenton, this is my mom.
193
00:09:33,050 --> 00:09:35,313
Er -- Did I say "Mom"?
I meant "Moam."
194
00:09:35,357 --> 00:09:36,793
As in "my main moam."
195
00:09:36,837 --> 00:09:39,709
Like how guys say "main man."
Girls say "main moam."
196
00:09:39,753 --> 00:09:42,494
She's a troubled teen
I'm helping.
197
00:09:42,538 --> 00:09:43,974
- Very cool.
198
00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:46,803
Well, these are my bandmates
and fellow believers --
199
00:09:46,847 --> 00:09:49,589
Shayla, Dushane, and Deacon.
200
00:09:49,632 --> 00:09:50,894
- You're just in time!
201
00:09:50,938 --> 00:09:52,853
We're about to play
"All God's Critters
202
00:09:52,896 --> 00:09:56,030
Got a Place in the Choir"
on hand bells!
203
00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:59,773
- Whoa! This place is amazing!
204
00:09:59,816 --> 00:10:01,905
Look! A theater-sized
popcorn popper!
205
00:10:01,949 --> 00:10:03,907
- Yeah, my dad
sued the sand company
206
00:10:03,951 --> 00:10:05,866
that owned the sand truck
that ran me over.
207
00:10:05,909 --> 00:10:08,564
My parents would've gotten
even more money if I died
208
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:09,783
and didn't come back to life.
209
00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:11,915
My dad mentions that -- a lot.
210
00:10:11,959 --> 00:10:14,614
- So ya kicked the bucket
then retrieved the bucket
211
00:10:14,657 --> 00:10:16,267
and put it back
where it was, huh?
212
00:10:16,311 --> 00:10:18,922
- Yeah, except I made
a tiny pit stop in between.
213
00:10:18,966 --> 00:10:21,795
A little place called...
Heaven.
214
00:10:21,838 --> 00:10:23,492
Lying sack of garbage.
215
00:10:23,535 --> 00:10:26,451
- Speaking of, you guys want
to play Seven Minutes in Heaven?
216
00:10:26,495 --> 00:10:29,759
Annie,
you and Kenton can go first.
217
00:10:29,803 --> 00:10:31,805
- Fine,
but it's against tradition.
218
00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:33,067
- I can't wait!
219
00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:35,722
- Maybe you can't,
but Heaven can.
220
00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:37,854
- Your arm's gonna get tired.
221
00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:40,552
Okay. We have seven minutes
to kill, possibly five.
222
00:10:40,596 --> 00:10:43,077
Any of you 18
and already have HPV?
223
00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:44,905
If so, I'll play.
224
00:10:46,776 --> 00:10:49,823
- It's Succatash and the Mer!
For your afternoon commute.
225
00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:51,389
We got traffic on the ones,
Weather on the What!
226
00:10:51,433 --> 00:10:53,914
Succatash. Call us up, win
some cash! Be caller number 9.
227
00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:55,393
Just answer
the question of the day.
228
00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:57,700
Call to play. It's Ladies Day!
Hey, ladies! Shopping!
229
00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,267
Let's open up the phones.
230
00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:01,617
- Ohh! Baba love shopping.
231
00:11:08,363 --> 00:11:10,887
- Welcome to "Shirts, Don't It?"
232
00:11:10,931 --> 00:11:12,759
- I'm Peter Fantasy!
I'm in desperate need
233
00:11:12,802 --> 00:11:14,195
of a shirt
and my mother's approval!
234
00:11:14,238 --> 00:11:17,111
Please hurry!
- Need more information.
235
00:11:17,154 --> 00:11:19,417
- It needs to cover
my chest and stomach,
236
00:11:19,461 --> 00:11:21,855
boost self-esteem,
and reduce shame.
237
00:11:21,898 --> 00:11:23,073
- Still searching.
238
00:11:23,117 --> 00:11:25,597
- Faster!
I've got a funeral to get to!
239
00:11:25,641 --> 00:11:27,077
Normal man shirt!
But not itchy!
240
00:11:27,121 --> 00:11:29,340
Extra-grip buttons
for sweaty thumbs!
241
00:11:29,384 --> 00:11:31,081
- You've selected "buttons."
242
00:11:31,125 --> 00:11:33,867
There are 1,500 shirts
with buttons.
243
00:11:33,910 --> 00:11:36,217
Here's the top choice
based on your DNA
244
00:11:36,260 --> 00:11:37,609
and psychological profile.
245
00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:40,134
- Polyester cotton blend.
Two arms.
246
00:11:40,177 --> 00:11:41,744
Ohh! A neck hole.
247
00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:44,616
This is promising.
What's my size?
248
00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:46,009
- You've asked, "What's my size?"
249
00:11:46,053 --> 00:11:48,142
Connecting you
to our award-winning
250
00:11:48,185 --> 00:11:51,145
user help portal
and measuring center.
251
00:11:51,188 --> 00:11:53,016
- Please remain still
for measurement
252
00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:56,890
while you enjoy this ad
for Nester's Cheese Nebulizer.
253
00:11:56,933 --> 00:11:58,935
- Take that Nester Cheese
straight to the dome!
254
00:11:58,979 --> 00:12:02,504
Nester's Cheese Nebulizer
comes in new extreme flavors!
255
00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:03,940
Monterey Crack,
256
00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:06,203
Chili Con Gnarly,
and Flamin' Flag!
257
00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:07,814
- Thank you for waiting.
258
00:12:07,857 --> 00:12:09,990
We have selected
the properly sized shirt.
259
00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:13,384
Please take this 30-question
satisfaction survey.
260
00:12:13,428 --> 00:12:14,951
On a scale of one to ten,
261
00:12:14,995 --> 00:12:17,954
how likely are you to purchase
Nester's Cheese Nebulizer?
262
00:12:17,998 --> 00:12:21,262
- Six?
What about my shirt?!
263
00:12:21,305 --> 00:12:22,872
- To purchase,
please confirm you are ready
264
00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:26,049
for the first day of the rest
of your luh-luh-life.
265
00:12:26,093 --> 00:12:27,747
- I do.
266
00:12:32,403 --> 00:12:34,754
It's no use, Shirty.
267
00:12:34,797 --> 00:12:38,061
I'll never satisfy Baba
or replace you!
268
00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:39,889
- I have to go now.
269
00:12:39,933 --> 00:12:42,283
But know that Baba
believes in you!
270
00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:44,154
And so do I.
271
00:12:44,198 --> 00:12:47,070
Find a new shirt, Pete!
272
00:12:47,114 --> 00:12:48,593
- I'm gonna do it!
273
00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:51,031
You'll see! You'll all see!
274
00:12:51,074 --> 00:12:53,381
This one's for my mother!
275
00:12:53,424 --> 00:12:54,817
- Oh, right. This guy.
276
00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:56,776
We got a topless incel
talking about his mom,
277
00:12:56,819 --> 00:12:58,081
Definitely gonna
shoot up the place.
278
00:12:58,125 --> 00:13:00,518
I'm gonna take him out.
Ohp. Wait a minute.
279
00:13:00,562 --> 00:13:03,913
There's a note on his back.
Ugh. False alarm.
280
00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:07,874
- And I guess my favorite kind of
prayer is the bedside prayer,
281
00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:10,224
just 'cause it sums up the day
so nice.
282
00:13:10,267 --> 00:13:11,878
Or the reverse-cowgirl prayer!
283
00:13:11,921 --> 00:13:13,749
That's when a cowgirl begs
for the Lord's forgiveness
284
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,751
for all the saucy pants
she wears.
285
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,361
How 'bout you?
- I don't pray.
286
00:13:17,405 --> 00:13:20,364
But I have a poem I recite
when I lose a sock from a pair.
287
00:13:20,408 --> 00:13:22,932
It's from the lost sock's
point of view,
288
00:13:22,976 --> 00:13:26,283
wishing to be reunited
with its mate.
289
00:13:28,285 --> 00:13:30,244
Kenton?
Aren't you gonna kiss me?
290
00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:33,551
- Huh? We're here to play
Seven Minutes in Heaven, silly,
291
00:13:33,595 --> 00:13:36,685
the game where I talk about
Heaven for seven minutes.
292
00:13:36,728 --> 00:13:38,730
So, my grandma was there,
but this time,
293
00:13:38,774 --> 00:13:40,994
she was super in favor
of gay marriage.
294
00:13:41,037 --> 00:13:43,823
I also played a game of chess
with Martin Luther King Jr.,
295
00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:46,651
who spread the message
that veganism is lit!
296
00:13:46,695 --> 00:13:48,784
- That sounds just like
something MLK would say.
297
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:52,309
- Please don't interrupt, Annie!
I only have seven minutes!
298
00:13:54,485 --> 00:13:56,270
- Hello.
Is Baba caller nine?
299
00:13:56,313 --> 00:13:57,837
- You'll find out right after you
300
00:13:57,880 --> 00:13:59,882
answer our question of the day.
Mer?
301
00:13:59,926 --> 00:14:02,232
- Tell us about
your last breakup.
302
00:14:02,276 --> 00:14:04,800
You sound like
a very passionate woman.
303
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,324
Well, it was this morning.
304
00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:09,500
Baba finally had to snip-snip!
305
00:14:09,544 --> 00:14:11,676
- Oh, brutal!
Vasectomy of the heart!
306
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,156
Why'd you cut him loose, Baba?
307
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,593
- Bet he was lousy in bed.
Mm-hmm.
308
00:14:15,637 --> 00:14:17,813
- True. He still can't sleep
through night.
309
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,728
But he good boy.
- Dag, girl.
310
00:14:19,771 --> 00:14:21,904
He sounds like a luh-luh-loser!
311
00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:23,514
- Petey not loser!
312
00:14:23,558 --> 00:14:25,734
He just do better
with Baba help.
313
00:14:25,777 --> 00:14:27,954
- Sounds like Baba's
not ready to let him go.
314
00:14:27,997 --> 00:14:31,958
What's your verdict, Succatash?
- Own it!
315
00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:33,263
- Baba...own it?
316
00:14:33,307 --> 00:14:35,875
- Seems like you've still
got feelings for him.
317
00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:37,572
Plus you're caller number 6!
318
00:14:37,615 --> 00:14:40,140
Succatash, Succatash.
That sucka-sucka sucks!
319
00:14:41,576 --> 00:14:45,232
- Yes. Baba own it!
320
00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:47,930
Baba coming, Petey!
321
00:14:47,974 --> 00:14:50,890
- Ooh!
- Hey! What the hell!
322
00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:52,935
- No!
- Ew! He's running and sweating!
323
00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:55,459
- That won't work!
I don't understand.
324
00:14:55,503 --> 00:14:57,113
Why can't I find it?!
325
00:14:57,157 --> 00:14:59,550
No! Not that!
326
00:14:59,594 --> 00:15:01,248
Get out of my way!
- Ow!
327
00:15:01,291 --> 00:15:03,728
- Move!
- Boy. Here we go again.
328
00:15:03,772 --> 00:15:06,906
- I've got a right to bare arms!
- Oh, my gun's in the car.
329
00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:09,996
- Society's not gonna stop
Old Petey boy
330
00:15:10,039 --> 00:15:11,736
from getting his last shot!
331
00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:12,955
- Oh, no, sweetie,
you're gonna get shot again.
332
00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:15,044
- Xenu approves!
- This is so boring.
333
00:15:15,088 --> 00:15:17,742
- Welcome to Only Pants.
I'm Charlie Pants.
334
00:15:17,786 --> 00:15:19,919
No relation
to the Only Pants Pants.
335
00:15:19,962 --> 00:15:22,182
Our same names
are just a coinci-pants.
336
00:15:22,225 --> 00:15:24,924
- Please --
show me your finest shirt!
337
00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:27,143
- Did you catch
the name of the store, pal?
338
00:15:27,187 --> 00:15:28,971
We only sell pants.
339
00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:31,931
- I hoped you were a store for
shoppers who only have pants!
340
00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:34,063
'Cause right now
that's all I've got!
341
00:15:34,107 --> 00:15:35,543
- Sir, I'm going to need you
342
00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:37,153
to lower your voice
and exit the store.
343
00:15:37,197 --> 00:15:40,940
- Every day, I wake up
and sexlessly touch the dead
344
00:15:40,983 --> 00:15:43,464
without issue,
thanks to a very special,
345
00:15:43,507 --> 00:15:46,423
irreplaceable shirt
that's now...gone!
346
00:15:46,467 --> 00:15:48,512
WHY WON'T YOU HELP ME?!
347
00:15:48,556 --> 00:15:51,037
- Hey, Fred! In here!
We got us a code YIKES.
348
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,474
Put down your weapon!
349
00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:55,737
And put your shirt on!
- Huh?
350
00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:59,045
Oh, no! The sign fell off!
- Hands where I can see 'em!
351
00:16:03,701 --> 00:16:05,747
- Uh-agh...
352
00:16:05,790 --> 00:16:08,141
- Ugh! Stop! What are you doing?!
353
00:16:08,184 --> 00:16:11,231
When the bottle lands on you,
you have to close your eyes
354
00:16:11,274 --> 00:16:14,016
and ask God to let you
into Heaven some day.
355
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:17,019
- Listen. Now, Annie didn't want
me to mention this, but...
356
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:19,108
I actually died
and came back to life.
357
00:16:19,152 --> 00:16:24,287
Except you don't see me
making a big deal out of it!
358
00:16:24,331 --> 00:16:25,941
Okay?
359
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,725
- You met God?
360
00:16:27,769 --> 00:16:30,728
- I don't know.
I meet a lot of people.
361
00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:32,774
Now, can we make out already?
362
00:16:32,817 --> 00:16:34,558
- Well, uh, if you
really went to Heaven,
363
00:16:34,602 --> 00:16:36,952
how does Steve Jobs
take his coffee, hm?
364
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:40,260
- There is no Heaven!
Kenton is a liar!
365
00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:43,959
- Moam, I know you're troubled,
but Annie and I
366
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,700
were just getting
to the good part.
367
00:16:45,743 --> 00:16:47,223
- It's not what you think.
368
00:16:47,267 --> 00:16:49,051
- Kenton, you can
drop the savior act.
369
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:50,792
Annie's willing
to give you handjobs
370
00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:53,099
entirely based on your face.
371
00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:56,885
And if she chickens out, as many
women do, I'm here to help.
372
00:16:56,928 --> 00:16:59,279
- We need to wait till marriage
for up-and-downs!
373
00:16:59,322 --> 00:17:01,281
I think you better go.
374
00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:02,804
- Listen.
375
00:17:02,847 --> 00:17:05,372
I died for real, kid,
and there's no afterlife.
376
00:17:05,415 --> 00:17:07,591
Just admit it. You made it up!
377
00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:10,246
- Annie! I'm not lying. I swear.
378
00:17:10,290 --> 00:17:12,770
- Prove it!
- Wh-- How?
379
00:17:12,814 --> 00:17:14,903
- Well, why don't you and I
have a friendly little
380
00:17:14,946 --> 00:17:17,427
come-back competition?
381
00:17:19,734 --> 00:17:21,692
- Then Mother sent me to find
a new shirt without her!
382
00:17:21,736 --> 00:17:24,173
- Baba coming!
- And get some powdered milk!
383
00:17:24,217 --> 00:17:26,175
Here! I'll show you!
- He's reaching for his weapon!
384
00:17:26,219 --> 00:17:28,699
- Beep-beep! Baba here!
- Everybody reach for yours!
385
00:17:34,488 --> 00:17:37,665
- Please no shoot!
He good boy!
386
00:17:37,708 --> 00:17:39,928
Baba should have been here!
387
00:17:39,971 --> 00:17:44,019
- Stand down. We got
a mama's boy, not a bad boy.
388
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:47,196
All clear. Just a different
kind of "yikes." Over.
389
00:17:48,763 --> 00:17:50,895
- Sorry about your nickels, Baba.
390
00:17:50,939 --> 00:17:53,246
I wasn't able to find a shirt.
391
00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:55,378
- Is Baba fail, Petey.
392
00:17:55,422 --> 00:17:58,555
Snip-snip was bad plan.
No worry.
393
00:17:58,599 --> 00:18:00,862
I retie apron strings...
394
00:18:00,905 --> 00:18:02,646
....even tighter!
395
00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:08,217
- No!
- Kenton, you can't!
396
00:18:08,261 --> 00:18:09,697
- Don't do it!
- Kenton!
397
00:18:09,740 --> 00:18:12,308
- I need to prove I would
never lie to a friend.
398
00:18:12,352 --> 00:18:14,180
Actually...a girlfriend.
399
00:18:15,572 --> 00:18:17,879
- Somebody seems
to care more about Annie
400
00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:19,228
than he does about God!
401
00:18:19,272 --> 00:18:21,230
- You're just jealous! What?
402
00:18:21,274 --> 00:18:24,015
Everyone knows Kenton
gives you impure thoughts.
403
00:18:24,059 --> 00:18:26,192
- He gives all of us
impure thoughts!
404
00:18:26,235 --> 00:18:27,541
- Come on, Kenton!
405
00:18:27,584 --> 00:18:29,978
If God were real,
he wouldn't have all day.
406
00:18:30,021 --> 00:18:32,981
- You mean "she."
- Oh, now I'm sure you're lying.
407
00:18:33,024 --> 00:18:34,939
Let's get on with it!
- It's true!
408
00:18:34,983 --> 00:18:37,246
God is super busy,
and she doesn't appreciate
409
00:18:37,290 --> 00:18:39,292
when people waste her time,
same as Ben Stiller.
410
00:18:39,335 --> 00:18:43,122
- Kenton, no! Let's go back in
the closet and pray instead!
411
00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:45,559
And maybe, if you feel like
God would be cool with it,
412
00:18:45,602 --> 00:18:47,430
you can guess my bra size.
413
00:18:47,474 --> 00:18:48,779
- Annie, if I don't make it back,
414
00:18:48,823 --> 00:18:50,651
know that in spite
of everything
415
00:18:50,694 --> 00:18:54,611
my friends and Moam said,
I don't think you're boring.
416
00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:56,352
But if I do get to return,
417
00:18:56,396 --> 00:18:58,224
I'll ask God
if we can lay the groundwork
418
00:18:58,267 --> 00:19:01,183
for some light kissing
in three to six months.
419
00:19:01,227 --> 00:19:03,316
- Oh, Kenton.
Please don't do it.
420
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:07,233
- Time to play Seven Minutes
in Heaven. For real.
421
00:19:09,626 --> 00:19:12,151
- Now Baba protect you
wherever you go.
422
00:19:12,194 --> 00:19:16,329
It too late for you to be
well-adjusted grown man.
423
00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:20,855
Baba learn from wise man name
Succatash to just "own it."
424
00:19:22,683 --> 00:19:24,772
- Mmm. It's perfect!
425
00:19:24,815 --> 00:19:26,643
- Yes. Baba very good mother.
426
00:19:26,687 --> 00:19:30,517
Now go do funeral
for paying customers.
427
00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:50,319
- Hey, Steve!
Have you seen God around?
428
00:19:50,363 --> 00:19:52,234
- She's over there
making it rain
429
00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:55,150
with Luke Perry
and Nipsey Hussle.
430
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,891
- Get them umbrellas ready,
Texas!
431
00:19:56,934 --> 00:19:58,806
Oh, hey, Kenton.
- Hey, little brother.
432
00:19:58,849 --> 00:20:00,721
He missed us and came back.
433
00:20:00,764 --> 00:20:02,331
Welcome home forever, Kenton.
434
00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:03,898
- Actually, God, I hate to ask,
435
00:20:03,941 --> 00:20:06,335
but could you
send me back again?
436
00:20:06,379 --> 00:20:08,859
I'm only here because
my girlfriend's friend
437
00:20:08,903 --> 00:20:10,818
didn't believe me about Heaven.
438
00:20:10,861 --> 00:20:12,428
- I'm sorry.
439
00:20:12,472 --> 00:20:15,257
A few years ago, I had to make
a policy of two lives only.
440
00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:19,218
Somebody -- I won't say who --
ruined it for everyone.
441
00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:21,045
- It was Steve Irwin, wasn't it?
- It was.
442
00:20:21,089 --> 00:20:22,351
I'm sorry, Kenton.
443
00:20:22,395 --> 00:20:24,223
- What?!
But Annie's waiting for me!
444
00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:27,269
- Annie means well, honey, but
she's from a messed-up family.
445
00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:30,751
And Trophy isn't her friend.
That's her mom.
446
00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:32,361
- You mean her moam.
447
00:20:32,405 --> 00:20:35,364
- Baby, you're better off
up here with us.
448
00:20:35,408 --> 00:20:37,061
- Hey. Is Trophy here yet?
449
00:20:37,105 --> 00:20:39,107
At least now she'll know
that Heaven's real.
450
00:20:39,150 --> 00:20:40,282
- Well...
451
00:20:48,072 --> 00:20:50,249
- It's been seven minutes!
- Kenton?
452
00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:52,033
Come back! Come back, Mom!
453
00:20:52,076 --> 00:20:54,035
- Um, it's pronounced "Moam."
454
00:20:54,078 --> 00:20:55,819
- How could you leave me again?!
455
00:20:55,863 --> 00:20:59,388
And take the first and maybe
only boyfriend I'll ever have!
456
00:21:02,435 --> 00:21:04,437
- Yes! I win!
457
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:07,135
The afterlife
is a dark, boring void.
458
00:21:07,178 --> 00:21:08,919
In your dead face!
- Kenton?
459
00:21:08,963 --> 00:21:11,531
- Move away from the light,
Kenton! Move away!
460
00:21:11,574 --> 00:21:13,359
- Tell God I've never been naked!
461
00:21:13,402 --> 00:21:15,796
- Maybe he died for our sins?
462
00:21:15,839 --> 00:21:18,755
- Forget him.
He was clearly a fraud.
463
00:21:18,799 --> 00:21:19,974
Here's all you need to know.
464
00:21:20,017 --> 00:21:22,106
When you suppress
your sexual urges
465
00:21:22,150 --> 00:21:24,718
in the name of religion,
things get weird.
466
00:21:24,761 --> 00:21:27,416
- Maybe he died so we can
touch...tongues?
467
00:21:27,460 --> 00:21:30,332
- Or rub our ankles
together in hot tubs?
468
00:21:30,376 --> 00:21:32,421
- Kids, it doesn't matter
who or what you do.
469
00:21:32,465 --> 00:21:34,118
There is no God.
470
00:21:34,162 --> 00:21:36,207
- We were gonna lightly kiss
in three to six months,
471
00:21:36,251 --> 00:21:38,993
pending God's approval,
and now he's...
472
00:21:39,036 --> 00:21:40,516
- Gone forever!
473
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:43,432
But we will get
those pudgy little fingers
474
00:21:43,476 --> 00:21:47,610
around some other teen's peen
before ya know it.
475
00:21:55,226 --> 00:21:57,359
Hey, God?
- Are you happy I paired you up
476
00:21:57,403 --> 00:21:59,230
with Anna Nicole Smith
for eternity?
477
00:21:59,274 --> 00:22:01,450
- I am. Totally. Yeah.
It's just, um --
478
00:22:01,494 --> 00:22:03,583
Can you tell me
how to get my pants off?
479
00:22:03,626 --> 00:22:05,889
The waist won't budge,
and there's no zipper.
480
00:22:05,933 --> 00:22:09,153
And I'm pretty eager to finally
have sex since I died a virgin.
481
00:22:09,197 --> 00:22:10,938
I even turned down
a tuggie huggie
482
00:22:10,981 --> 00:22:13,680
so I could get back to Heaven!
- Oh, honey.
483
00:22:13,723 --> 00:22:16,552
You were supposed to get sex
out of your system on Earth.
484
00:22:16,596 --> 00:22:21,383
Up here, pants never come off,
and no one has genitals.
485
00:22:21,427 --> 00:22:23,342
It's Heaven!