1 00:00:07,298 --> 00:00:09,300 -So, it's a bank? -Yes. 2 00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:11,469 But deposit is your son spunk. 3 00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:13,638 Then bank give you money. 4 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:17,100 -What?! They'll pay me for my sweet Pete cream? 5 00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,351 How much? 6 00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:21,771 -Loads. And we split profits, 80/20. 7 00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:25,275 [ Bonaparte's "May the Best Sperm Wins" plays ] 8 00:00:25,316 --> 00:00:28,403 -♪ May the best sperm win ♪ 9 00:00:28,486 --> 00:00:31,197 ♪ May the best sperm win ♪ 10 00:00:31,322 --> 00:00:34,325 ♪ May the best sperm win ♪ 11 00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:36,077 ♪ May the best sperm win ♪ 12 00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:38,830 -Why are we at a sperm bank, Uncle Pete? 13 00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:41,458 -Well, Annie, some men are meant to be fathers. 14 00:00:41,499 --> 00:00:43,251 But me? I'm an uncle. 15 00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:46,338 So I gotta get rid of all my useless sperm somehow! 16 00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:48,214 -But you said you wanted to spend the day 17 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:50,550 bonding with me over baseball! 18 00:00:50,633 --> 00:00:52,719 Oh! Not bonding with yourself. 19 00:00:52,802 --> 00:00:54,846 Couldn't you do this another time? 20 00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:55,930 -It was on the way, Annie. 21 00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:57,724 This is me being practical here. 22 00:00:57,807 --> 00:00:58,892 -I'll wait in the car. 23 00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:01,019 -You don't want to see how the sausage is made? 24 00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:03,188 Huh? -Um, you know, that would be 25 00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:05,190 outrageously inappropriate. 26 00:01:05,272 --> 00:01:07,192 -Oh. Gotcha. 27 00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:09,903 See? Not father material! 28 00:01:09,986 --> 00:01:12,197 I'll take pictures. 29 00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:14,199 [ Baby cries ] 30 00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:18,912 -♪ I'm not as crazy as I used to be ♪ 31 00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:21,998 ♪ Some of my devils up and left me free ♪ 32 00:01:22,039 --> 00:01:24,084 ♪ To find a quiet space ♪ 33 00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:25,960 ♪ I'm not as out of place ♪ 34 00:01:26,044 --> 00:01:29,589 ♪ And I'm coming home again ♪ 35 00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:31,633 ♪ It's been too long a time ♪ 36 00:01:31,716 --> 00:01:34,219 ♪ Gettin' back what's mine ♪ 37 00:01:34,301 --> 00:01:38,807 ♪ And I can't remember why I went away ♪ 38 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:42,143 ♪ But it's lookin' now like maybe ♪ 39 00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:44,020 ♪ I can stay ♪ 40 00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:46,021 Is that any good? 41 00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:49,401 ♪♪ 42 00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:50,652 -You really think all this is -- 43 00:01:50,735 --> 00:01:52,904 [ Grunts ] -- necessary, Uncle Pete? 44 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,865 -If you get injured, what kind of uncle would I be? 45 00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:01,079 -Oh. Huh. -See? 46 00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:03,373 -When you're right, you're right! 47 00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:05,417 -Wow! You guys are amazing. 48 00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:07,293 Are you a Major League team? 49 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:09,044 -Naw, man, we're just kids. 50 00:02:09,086 --> 00:02:10,505 And we can't even afford shirts! 51 00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:13,091 -We've never gotten to play a real game, though. 52 00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:14,676 -We'd need someone to be our coach. 53 00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:16,469 -And no one's gonna take a chance 54 00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:18,888 on shirtless kids like us. 55 00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:20,473 [ Sighs ] 56 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,058 See you later, mister. 57 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:24,644 -Those kids look like they could really use an uncle. 58 00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:28,023 -Wait! Maybe you could be their coach, Uncle Pete. 59 00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:29,274 -What? -What'd she say? 60 00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:32,192 -Oh, boy! -And I can join the team! 61 00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:35,780 That way, we can get in even more uncle-niece bonding time. 62 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:38,783 -Oh, I'd love to, Annie, but if I remember correctly, 63 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:41,119 you have to be a father of one of the kids. 64 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,454 -No, Mister, that's the old rule. 65 00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:45,123 Now it can be anyone. 66 00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:46,666 Even pedophiles! 67 00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:49,127 -Oh! Well, if that's the case... 68 00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:51,087 call me Coach Pete. 69 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,465 You boys ready to win?! -Let's go! 70 00:02:53,548 --> 00:02:55,300 -Now we're talking baseball! -Yay! 71 00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:57,969 -Whoa! -Here, slugger -- catch! 72 00:02:58,053 --> 00:02:59,012 -Ugh! -Whoa! 73 00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:00,680 -[ Spits ] -[ Grunts ] 74 00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:03,475 -Welcome, grieving singles! 75 00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:04,934 As funeral home owner, 76 00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:08,396 Baba know it not easy being widow, widower, 77 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:09,689 or poly-widow-ous. 78 00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:12,484 So tonight is chance for Tender Endings 79 00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:14,736 clients to find new relationship 80 00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:17,155 with other heartbroken individuals. 81 00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:18,531 Who knows? 82 00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:21,826 Maybe you die first this time around! 83 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,661 -That would be nice. 84 00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:27,123 -Okay, grievers, start the mingle! 85 00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:28,500 [ Rolls tongue ] 86 00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:31,294 -And then I found out my blood pressure is high 87 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,838 because of genetics and diet. 88 00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:36,675 -Just like my Marjorie. 89 00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:38,802 -I agreed to play butler at this dinosaur museum 90 00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:40,970 because you said there were rich dudes. 91 00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:44,474 But you know I'm a gold-digger not an old-digger! 92 00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:46,309 -You catch well-to-do man here. 93 00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:50,855 Just -- just try not act like desperate half-dead woman. 94 00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:51,981 -Half-dead? 95 00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:54,359 Does that mean you'll be... dying soon? 96 00:03:54,442 --> 00:03:56,152 I'm Reginald Val Johnstone. 97 00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:58,154 And you are absolutely gorgeous. 98 00:03:58,196 --> 00:03:59,572 Mwah. [ Chuckles ] 99 00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:00,865 Enchanté. 100 00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,701 I couldn't help but notice you from across the room. 101 00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:04,369 Your beauty is casket-worthy. 102 00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:05,745 Where you been hiding her, Baba? 103 00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:09,207 -Oh, this my submissive daughter Trophy, 104 00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:11,835 who love to cook and keep house. 105 00:04:11,876 --> 00:04:15,839 She single and ready to marry for all the right reasons. 106 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:17,257 -You're a widower? 107 00:04:17,339 --> 00:04:18,382 -Sadly, yes. 108 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:19,884 All the money in the world -- 109 00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:21,386 and I have a lot of it -- 110 00:04:21,469 --> 00:04:22,887 [ Laughs ] -- 111 00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:25,890 couldn't save me from the heartache of losing a loved one. 112 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:27,267 -Really?! [ Tray, glasses crashing ] 113 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:29,519 So tell me more about this money, 114 00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:31,229 whatever that is. 115 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,897 What do you like to do with it? 116 00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:35,734 -My vice is spoiling the woman I love. 117 00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:37,736 Trophy, I need to know everything about you. 118 00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:40,280 How about we get to know each other better over dinner? 119 00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:42,657 Have you been to O'Shaunesseys? 120 00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:45,744 -Fort Gator's most expensive Irish pub? 121 00:04:45,784 --> 00:04:47,537 The waitlist is in the thousands! 122 00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:49,456 -Not if you're the owner. 123 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:51,249 [ Chuckles ] Ooh! 124 00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:52,334 [ Glasses clink ] -Oh! 125 00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:54,669 ♪♪ 126 00:04:54,753 --> 00:04:56,504 -You'll never believe what happened! 127 00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,465 So Uncle Pete and I found a stray baseball team, 128 00:04:58,548 --> 00:04:59,758 and I'm gonna join it and play! 129 00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:02,052 -And I'm gonna be their coach! -What?! 130 00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:03,762 Absolutely not! 131 00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,972 Being uncle to non-athletic niece 132 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:08,516 should be enough recreation for you. 133 00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:11,644 Remember why you had to quit tee-ball as child, Peter? 134 00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:13,396 -'Cause I was too good. 135 00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,231 -Uh, yes...that. 136 00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:18,651 And being on baseball team make you forget all about Baba! 137 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:20,695 -Well, you could come to our games. 138 00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:23,114 -Baba single mother with funeral home to run. 139 00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:25,700 Have no time for nine innings. 140 00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:27,452 Maybe two. Family first. 141 00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:30,538 -But family's why we want to baseball! 142 00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:32,624 Uncle Pete and I need more wholesome activities 143 00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:33,957 to do together besides trips 144 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,836 to the crematorium and the sperm bank. 145 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:40,340 Please, Baba, please! -Please, please! Please! 146 00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:42,175 -Fine! But, Peter, do not get 147 00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:45,512 overstimulated by competition and neglect niece. 148 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,055 Now, out of kitchen. -Yes! 149 00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:51,183 -When Baba do dishes, Baba need complete silence. 150 00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:52,977 [ Water running ] 151 00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:55,146 ♪♪ 152 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:58,274 -So I told her, "Why would I make a reservation... 153 00:05:58,316 --> 00:05:59,567 when I can just buy the resort?" 154 00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:05,490 [ Both laugh ] 155 00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:06,991 Should we head back to my place? 156 00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:09,994 I have a fully stocked bar and a barometric chamber, 157 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,204 if you're into that. 158 00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:13,957 [ Ominous music plays ] 159 00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:17,293 -Exactly how many dead wives do you have? 160 00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:18,628 -The heart wants what it wants. 161 00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:20,130 And mine wants to fall madly in love 162 00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:22,340 with terminally ill women, marry them, 163 00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:24,009 then repeat the cycle when they die. 164 00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:26,594 Think about it. I'm lonely, rich, horny, 165 00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:29,180 and simply dreadful in long-term relationships. 166 00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:32,183 And you're terminally ill. 167 00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:33,351 -Terminally ill? 168 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,436 -How long do you have left? 169 00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:35,854 Weeks? Days? 170 00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:39,190 Are those cockroaches on your thigh? 171 00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:41,776 I've never been with a woman 172 00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:44,529 who is literally decaying before my eyes. 173 00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,072 Oh, Trophy. 174 00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:48,616 Think of me as your personal Make-A-Wish Foundation 175 00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,618 that runs on sexual favors. 176 00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:52,996 -That's what I've been doing! 177 00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:53,997 ♪♪ 178 00:06:54,039 --> 00:06:54,998 -Surprise! 179 00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:56,957 Real baseball jerseys! 180 00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:59,377 Okay. We got Jorden, and... -Oh, boy! 181 00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:01,421 -...Jorden? Oh, no. 182 00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:05,050 They messed up and printed the same name on all of them! 183 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:06,259 -It's not a mistake. 184 00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:07,927 We all have the same last name! 185 00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:10,221 We're brothers. -Wow. 186 00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:12,432 I'd love to meet your parents someday, boys. 187 00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:14,809 They must have had so much sex. 188 00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:16,936 -We've got different dads. 189 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,563 But they died. 190 00:07:18,646 --> 00:07:22,150 And our mom... is in prison. 191 00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:23,443 For murder. 192 00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:24,652 -Aah! [ Whimpers ] 193 00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:26,696 -She's not a bad person. She just... 194 00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:29,407 kills to get out of things she doesn't want to do. 195 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:32,202 -Like our parent-teacher conferences. 196 00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:33,703 -And dentist appointments. 197 00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:35,121 -And her marriages. 198 00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:37,207 -Really? Tell ya what. 199 00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:39,751 Let's call this first play "Gettin' Away With Murder," 200 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:40,794 in honor of your mom. 201 00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:42,253 Whenever you're on a base, 202 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,839 just run to the next base without getting caught! 203 00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:46,549 -Uh, isn't that just stealing? 204 00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:48,051 -Haha, yep! 205 00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,679 -Since I can't catch, thanks for letting me pitch. 206 00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:53,264 You're the best, Uncle Pete! 207 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:56,308 ♪♪ 208 00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:57,727 -Finally, you home! 209 00:07:57,769 --> 00:08:00,689 Annie and Pete are all baseballers now. 210 00:08:00,772 --> 00:08:03,358 Baba need help with the dead. How was date? 211 00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:06,695 -I mean, Reginald is rich and handsome and rich and all, 212 00:08:06,778 --> 00:08:08,571 but what's the deal with the sickly wives? 213 00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,490 He have Dickhausen by Pricksy or something? 214 00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:12,242 -He loving husband. 215 00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:14,244 Pay for six platinum packages. 216 00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:17,580 How you think I afford finishing school for Goat? 217 00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:20,457 [ Goat bleats ] 218 00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:23,712 -I just hope he doesn't try to kill me or anything. 219 00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:26,506 -Trophy, you are undead corpse who cannot die! 220 00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:28,466 Don't make attempted-murder mountain 221 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:29,926 out of attempted-murder molehill. 222 00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:33,054 Now earn keep and help Baba shave corpses. 223 00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,179 -Sorry, Baba. 224 00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:35,974 Reginald's limo is waiting for me out front. 225 00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:36,975 Don't wait up! 226 00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:39,102 -Baba don't know what she hate more. 227 00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:42,230 Sex or baseball. 228 00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:48,653 ♪♪ 229 00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,822 -Y'all ready to go ham on these turkeys? 230 00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:52,782 -Yeah! -Whoo! 231 00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:55,535 -Let's go, Cadavers! 232 00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:56,536 [ Bat strikes ball ] 233 00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:57,787 [ Ding! ] 234 00:08:57,829 --> 00:08:59,039 -Ugh! -Oh, man... 235 00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:00,665 -Coach Pete, why did you have to let 236 00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:02,917 Annie pitch every inning? 237 00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,836 -Because I thought being a good uncle 238 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:07,172 was more important than being a good coach. 239 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,382 But now I'm beginning to rethink that! 240 00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:11,760 -The other team just looked so much happier 241 00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:14,304 when I threw the ball nice and slow. 242 00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:17,140 I think we really made some new friends today. 243 00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:20,018 Who's with me, Cadavers?! [ Players sigh ] 244 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,854 -Well, you know, Annie, they say there's no "I" in team. 245 00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:26,191 But come to think of it, there's no "Annie," either. 246 00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:28,401 Buck up, boys! We'll get 'em next time. 247 00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:30,695 -That's okay, Coach Pete, you don't have to pretend 248 00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:32,113 that you're gonna keep coaching us. 249 00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:34,532 -What? Why would you say that, my man? 250 00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:36,534 -Because we lost. 251 00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:39,287 And when you're bad, people leave you. 252 00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:41,206 -Look, I think we'll play better 253 00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:44,167 if we shift up some of the positions. 254 00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,086 Now...hmm, hmm. 255 00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:48,797 Okay. Annie, instead of playing in the next game, 256 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,382 you will not play in the next game. 257 00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:51,716 Everyone else, no notes! 258 00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,176 -Annie's off the team! -Whoo-hoo! 259 00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:55,887 -Now let's shake this off by getting some ice cream. 260 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,806 -Yeah! -What's ice cream? 261 00:09:57,889 --> 00:10:00,016 -Only if it's vegan and cruelty-free, right? 262 00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:02,352 Right, guys? -Ah, geez, sorry, Annie. 263 00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:05,230 The ice cream is kind of my way of making it up to the team 264 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,399 for ever letting you play in the first place. 265 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,943 Wouldja mind hanging back and cleaning up all the equipment? 266 00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:12,028 I think the bus will let you on with all that stuff. 267 00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:14,698 -What? Remember what Baba said! 268 00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:17,701 Baseball bad, uncle-niece bonding good. 269 00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:20,495 Is winning that important? -Yes. 270 00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:23,081 We can get back to bonding in the off-season. 271 00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:25,667 Hey! Wait up for Uncle Coach! 272 00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:28,712 -I wish they made uncles cruelty-free. 273 00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:32,298 ♪♪ 274 00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:33,717 -And over here is the sitting room, 275 00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:36,886 and over there is the standing room. 276 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,304 -And where's the kneeling room? 277 00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:41,182 -If you need to lie down, this is the bedroom. 278 00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:42,434 [ Women vocalizing ] 279 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:43,727 [ Off-key note hits ] 280 00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:45,979 -Are you sure you didn't murder them? 281 00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:47,439 -Oh, of course not. 282 00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:49,482 I even have a little rhyme that helps me remember -- 283 00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:54,946 cancer, heart failure, diabetes, Cancer, MS, "meningeetees." 284 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,948 By the way, what do you have? 285 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,117 -Oh, um...rabies. 286 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:00,493 Ahh! 287 00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:02,996 Gosh, I guess I'm a little l-lightheaded. 288 00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:05,623 Maybe the virus has finally reached my brain... 289 00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:09,669 or maybe it's being by your side that's making me weak. 290 00:11:09,753 --> 00:11:11,838 [ Both moaning passionately ] 291 00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:14,549 -Annie, back so soon? 292 00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:17,302 Peter said he take team for Fro-Yo. 293 00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:19,512 -I wasn't invited. Apparently I can't "catch" 294 00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:22,474 or "throw" or "hit" or "run." 295 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:25,977 -But whole point of ball team was uncle-niece bond! 296 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,395 -Well, not anymore, I guess! 297 00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:28,688 -Baba cheer you up. 298 00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:31,483 There turnip sorbet in corpse freezer. 299 00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:33,234 -The only thing that would make me feel better 300 00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:35,070 is teaching Pete a revenge-driven lesson... 301 00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:37,322 by -- [ Gasps ] -- by coaching a baseball team 302 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:38,656 of our own to victory 303 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,241 against Pete's team at the championship! 304 00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:45,747 -Mm! It time to beat Peter at his own disgusting game. 305 00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:47,999 We go to sperm bank. -God, no! 306 00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:49,542 I've already seen the pictures. 307 00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,044 -Fort Gator Sperm Bank. 308 00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:52,671 This Peter Fantasy mother. 309 00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:56,007 Baba wondering if you know any fatherless children 310 00:11:56,049 --> 00:12:00,720 in need of structure, mentoring and base-balling. 311 00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:02,013 You do? 312 00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:03,014 Baba hold. 313 00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:05,350 ♪♪ 314 00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:07,435 -This ice cream is real good. 315 00:12:07,519 --> 00:12:09,187 Maybe we should lose more often! 316 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:10,397 [ Laughter ] 317 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,107 -Wait! No! Losing is BAD! 318 00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:14,401 Did I send the wrong message with the ice cream? 319 00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:16,069 I'm still getting used to this! 320 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:17,362 -Naw, Coach Pete. 321 00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:19,531 How 'd you get to be such a good coach? 322 00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:20,865 -I dunno. Maybe it's because I played 323 00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,909 a little ball myself back in the day... 324 00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:23,993 mostly Tee-Ball. 325 00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:25,995 I bet I could've gone pro if I had a dad 326 00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:27,330 to practice with. 327 00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,624 -Being a coach is kinda like being a dad. 328 00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:31,584 -Yeah, I guess there are a lot of similarities-- 329 00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:34,004 -Yo, imagine if Pete married our mom! 330 00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:35,255 -We would all live together 331 00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:37,173 and run plays over breakfast and stuff! 332 00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:39,342 -Coach Dad! Coach Dad! 333 00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:41,219 Coach Dad! Coach Dad! 334 00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:42,595 -All right, settle down. 335 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,222 As much as I'd love that... 336 00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:45,432 Your mother's in prison. 337 00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:47,892 And I'd say I'm more dad-adjacent. 338 00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:49,728 -What does that mean? Well, responsibility 339 00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:52,230 isn't really an uncle's strong suit. 340 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:53,565 They don't call me "Low-Stakes Pete" 341 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,525 just because I eat meat off the floor. 342 00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:57,360 -I think you're mad responsible. 343 00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:59,487 -Maybe, Knuckles, but here's the thing -- 344 00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:02,073 uncles are way better than dads. 345 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,909 And, guys, I'm not just any ol' uncle. 346 00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:08,413 I'm the uncle-hyphenate-coach that's gonna take you 347 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,248 all the way to the championships! 348 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,166 You got that?! 349 00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:12,500 -Yay! -Let's go! 350 00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:15,170 [ "Charge" plays ] 351 00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:18,298 -And there it is, the Cadavers have completely bodied 352 00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:20,508 the Whear and Associates Split Custodies. 353 00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:23,261 Looks like this team'll be saving those tears 354 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,263 for every other weekend. 355 00:13:25,347 --> 00:13:27,599 And that ball is gone! 356 00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:30,101 The Cadavers are headed to the championships! 357 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,519 And what's that? 358 00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:33,480 There's another upstart team no one believed in 359 00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:36,858 that's tearing their way up the standings, too! 360 00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:39,694 The underdog Sperm Bank Sweet Creamers 361 00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:41,321 have managed to win every game 362 00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:43,156 thanks to some out-of-the-box coaching 363 00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:45,533 as well as blatant cheating. 364 00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:48,453 These plucky teams simply cannot be stopped! 365 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,205 Oh! You know what else can't be stopped 366 00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:54,084 is the growing sexual tension between Trophy Fantasy 367 00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:56,961 and Reginald Val Johnstone. 368 00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:58,129 And here we go. 369 00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,964 It's the wind up, and the pitch! 370 00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:03,009 Oh! It's a 24-carat diamond necklace! 371 00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:04,344 Right down the middle! 372 00:14:04,427 --> 00:14:05,679 Boy, oh, boy. 373 00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,472 What's gonna happen when these two teams 374 00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:08,723 and this lovesick couple 375 00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:11,226 come head-to-head at the championship game? 376 00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:16,022 -My family has kept me from being a winner my whole life. 377 00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:20,110 But now, we've become a family of winners! 378 00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:22,570 You're like the nephews I wish I had, 379 00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:25,323 with the muscles that I've always wanted. 380 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:28,076 Now Baseball. Baseball. 381 00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:29,160 Baseball! 382 00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:32,247 Hands in! -Cadavers! 383 00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:34,665 -Life about two things, boys. 384 00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:37,502 Family loyalty and revenge! 385 00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:40,130 Your sperm donor abandon you. 386 00:14:40,171 --> 00:14:44,926 So let Sperm Annie be fire you need under ass, okay? 387 00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:48,763 Also, Baba will give each player peck on cheek if win. 388 00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:50,181 -Should we do a "hands in" thing? 389 00:14:50,265 --> 00:14:52,142 Uncle Pete used to do that before every game. 390 00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:54,477 -No, no. I not know when they last wash hands. 391 00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:56,187 Baseball teams very dirty. 392 00:14:56,271 --> 00:15:00,608 -It's two all-star teams with creepy names and big dreams. 393 00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:02,360 -Why does that team look so familiar? 394 00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:03,862 Have we played them before? 395 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:06,656 -Nah. But they don't look so tough, right, Coach Pete? 396 00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,700 -They look so cool. 397 00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:10,493 -Hello, Peter. -Baba?! 398 00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:11,828 -Hello, Uncle Pete. 399 00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:14,414 -Annie, too?! How could you? 400 00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:15,874 -Since you abandoned me first. 401 00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:17,542 Think of it as a triple fudge 402 00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,210 double crossing with sprinkles on top. 403 00:15:19,294 --> 00:15:20,754 My new favorite flavor. 404 00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:23,089 -Annie, I didn't leave you behind. 405 00:15:23,173 --> 00:15:25,175 I threw you under the bus. 406 00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:26,926 There's a difference! 407 00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:30,096 -Best revenge is beat you and your team 408 00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:31,598 of fake baseball children 409 00:15:31,681 --> 00:15:36,311 with team of your real balls-ball children. 410 00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:38,646 -You mean the Creamers are my -- 411 00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:40,440 -All right, coaches, shake hands. 412 00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:44,986 -Maybe next time you want to shirk uncle and son duties, 413 00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:46,237 think twice. 414 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:50,909 Today, your sad-sack ejac strikes back, Flapjack. 415 00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:53,078 -And now to throw out the first pitch. 416 00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:56,373 Take your shirt off for Florida's governor -- 417 00:15:56,414 --> 00:15:58,208 Lil' Flor-Ida! 418 00:15:58,290 --> 00:16:01,711 -I'm happy to announce that I will be fulfilling 419 00:16:01,753 --> 00:16:05,548 the wish of today's winning team! 420 00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:08,968 For the Tender Endings Cadavers, we have... 421 00:16:09,052 --> 00:16:13,139 your mama, here all the way from Fort Gator 422 00:16:13,223 --> 00:16:16,935 Penitentiary's Death Row! 423 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:19,813 -Mama! -She got a new muzzle! 424 00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:23,733 -If the Cadavers win, she'll be released for the evening 425 00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:26,027 to marry the coach of the Cadavers 426 00:16:26,111 --> 00:16:29,531 so he can become their new daddy! 427 00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:30,990 -Aww! -Don't look so worried, 428 00:16:31,074 --> 00:16:33,451 Coach Pete! I mean, Daddy Pete! 429 00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:34,911 We're gonna win! 430 00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:38,123 -For the Fort Gator Sperm Bank Sweet Creamers, 431 00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:43,795 they pleadingly request to meet their sperm-donor fathers. 432 00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:45,046 -Aww, ain't that nice? 433 00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:46,548 -Aww! 434 00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:48,425 -I, uh, certainly hope they find him... 435 00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:52,262 I mean, them! It can't just be one guy, okay? 436 00:16:52,303 --> 00:16:54,431 Okay?! -You get a daddy! 437 00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:55,515 You get a daddy! 438 00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:56,599 I want a daddy! 439 00:16:56,641 --> 00:16:58,268 Play ball! 440 00:16:58,309 --> 00:16:59,811 [ Cheers and applause ] 441 00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:03,398 -I've never dated anyone who owns a ballpark. 442 00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:05,233 -Well, I know the time is of the essence with us, 443 00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:06,608 my dearest dying Trophy. 444 00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:08,028 So I didn't just bring you here for baseball... 445 00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:09,319 -Ooh, yeah. 446 00:17:09,404 --> 00:17:11,239 Hi! 447 00:17:11,321 --> 00:17:12,656 -I think there's a little surprise for you 448 00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:15,785 in the stands... over there! 449 00:17:15,827 --> 00:17:18,204 -Oh, Reginald! 450 00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:20,623 That thing is huge! 451 00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:21,915 -Yes. Huge. 452 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,501 Like my love for you. 453 00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,086 Till death do us part. 454 00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:26,338 -Gah! 455 00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:30,091 Oh, Reginald, I think I actually do love you. 456 00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:30,925 [ Laughs ] 457 00:17:31,009 --> 00:17:32,052 -Yeah! -Congratulations! 458 00:17:32,135 --> 00:17:34,637 -Ugh! Tacky way to propose. 459 00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:37,349 Do it at Disney like a man! 460 00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:38,892 -And it's all tied up! 461 00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:42,020 Looks like Coach Pete is calling for another time-out... 462 00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:45,565 Could this be some sort of strategy to prolong the game? 463 00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:47,692 -What gives, Uncle Coach Daddy Pete? 464 00:17:47,776 --> 00:17:49,444 -Huddle up! Take a knee, fellas. 465 00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:51,363 I'll be honest. I was a little worried about 466 00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:52,530 the outcome of the game. 467 00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:54,741 -'Cause you think we might lose? 468 00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:56,368 -No, because you're probably going to win, 469 00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:59,537 which means your mom will be free to marry then murder me. 470 00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:02,415 But at the end of the day, it's winning I care about. 471 00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:04,417 So I've decided. When we win, 472 00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:07,212 I'll marry your mom and become your legal dad! 473 00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:10,548 -Do you really mean it, Coach Daddy? 474 00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:11,925 -I do. -[ Laughs ] 475 00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:13,885 -This game made me ask myself... 476 00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:15,553 if I were gonna be a dad... 477 00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,389 who would I want to be a dad to? 478 00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:21,226 A bunch of mini-me sperm store, DNA Kleenex jockeys? 479 00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,937 Or a team of incredibly muscular kids 480 00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:26,981 who look great with or without their shirts on? 481 00:18:27,065 --> 00:18:29,067 I love your hustle, I love your drive. 482 00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:30,944 I love that when I look in your eyes, 483 00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:33,697 I don't see a mirror of existential self-reflection. 484 00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:35,281 -Yeah! -Us too, Mr. Daddy! 485 00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:38,201 -Can we just play? -Cadavers on 3! 486 00:18:38,243 --> 00:18:39,744 1, 2, 3! 487 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,413 -Cadavers! 488 00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:43,373 -[ Slurps ] 489 00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:45,000 Now that we're engaged, 490 00:18:45,083 --> 00:18:47,002 I think there's something I need to tell you. 491 00:18:47,085 --> 00:18:49,045 -Go ahead, my perishing bride-to-be. 492 00:18:49,087 --> 00:18:51,172 Nothing you say could make me love you less. 493 00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:52,966 -Reginald, I don't have rabies. 494 00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:53,967 I've been faking it. 495 00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:55,427 But only because I love you, 496 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:59,723 and I find your money absolutely fascinating. 497 00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:01,141 -You're not dying?! 498 00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:04,060 -I actually can't die. Because I'm undead. 499 00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:05,937 But not like a vampire. 500 00:19:06,021 --> 00:19:09,107 More like Styrofoam in the way it can't decompose! 501 00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:11,234 -I never realized it until this very moment... 502 00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:13,111 but it's not the death I fetishize. 503 00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:15,905 It's the taking care of you until you die that I love. 504 00:19:15,947 --> 00:19:17,741 You're the perfect woman, Trophy. 505 00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:19,701 Deathly but not dead. 506 00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:22,746 [ Both moaning passionately ] 507 00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:25,457 Also, no biggie, but I have a daughter. 508 00:19:25,540 --> 00:19:27,250 -Oooooh! Is she dying? 509 00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:28,376 -No. -Oh. 510 00:19:28,460 --> 00:19:29,961 Well, that truly does change everything. 511 00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:31,588 I'm sorry, but the wedding's off. 512 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:34,841 I'm just not the father type. [ Helicopter blades whirring ] 513 00:19:34,924 --> 00:19:36,301 -No! -Goodbye, my love. 514 00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:37,969 -Goodbye! 515 00:19:38,053 --> 00:19:39,971 -Hi! Name's Clive. 516 00:19:40,055 --> 00:19:41,639 Did I hear wedding's off? 517 00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,850 My kink is jilted brides. 518 00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:46,144 Wanna rebound right into my... 519 00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:48,772 -Bottom of the 9th, and it's anyone's game. 520 00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:50,315 -[ Grunts ] -It's going... 521 00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:52,150 it's going... and it's gone! 522 00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:56,279 -Yes! All right! -The Cadavers have won the game! 523 00:19:56,321 --> 00:19:59,324 And here comes their proud mama, now a free woman, 524 00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:01,951 whatever that means in the state of Florida. 525 00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:04,037 -Oh, wow. Here comes the bride! 526 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,623 I'm ready to marry you and be the coach/father 527 00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:08,124 your kids n-- -Aah! 528 00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:11,503 You made me sit all the way through 529 00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:14,506 that boring baseball game! 530 00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,841 -[ Choking ] 531 00:20:16,925 --> 00:20:18,802 -Get your hands off me! 532 00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:21,262 -Back to death row with you, mama. 533 00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:22,305 -Excuse me. 534 00:20:22,347 --> 00:20:23,848 Did I just overhear that you're on... 535 00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,600 death row? 536 00:20:25,684 --> 00:20:27,185 Reginald Val Johnstone. 537 00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:28,019 Mwah! 538 00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:30,146 Enchanté. -Well, hello. 539 00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:33,358 [ Both moaning passionately ] 540 00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:36,528 -Glad Trophy rebounded okay. [ Chuckles ] 541 00:20:36,611 --> 00:20:38,321 Did your team leave already? 542 00:20:38,363 --> 00:20:40,740 -It was revenge team. Baba no care. 543 00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:43,076 Baba say goodbye, no problem. 544 00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:44,703 Plus, they have early bedtimes. 545 00:20:44,786 --> 00:20:48,039 -Annie, I'm sorry I chose being a coach and sweet victory 546 00:20:48,123 --> 00:20:49,457 over bonding time with you. 547 00:20:49,541 --> 00:20:51,751 -I'd expect that kind of move from a father 548 00:20:51,835 --> 00:20:53,503 but not an uncle. -You're right. 549 00:20:53,545 --> 00:20:56,089 I really swallowed the ball on this one. 550 00:20:56,172 --> 00:20:57,841 -It's okay, Uncle Pete. 551 00:20:57,882 --> 00:21:00,593 Being disappointed comes easily to me. 552 00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:02,095 Revenge, not so much. 553 00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:04,389 -If only you could run. Or catch! 554 00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:06,975 I mean, look how happy those kids are! 555 00:21:07,058 --> 00:21:09,310 Those kids were always jacked on the outside. 556 00:21:09,394 --> 00:21:12,605 But now their self-esteem is just as swole. 557 00:21:12,689 --> 00:21:13,940 I really made a difference. 558 00:21:14,024 --> 00:21:15,275 -I'd like to go home now. 559 00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:17,861 -Let me just go say goodbye to the team. 560 00:21:17,902 --> 00:21:19,529 -Great game, coach. 561 00:21:19,571 --> 00:21:22,991 I'm a baseball scout, and I'd like to offer your entire team 562 00:21:23,074 --> 00:21:25,285 a full scholarship to baseball school. 563 00:21:25,368 --> 00:21:26,578 -Wow! -I can't believe it! 564 00:21:26,661 --> 00:21:27,954 -What's a scholarship? 565 00:21:28,038 --> 00:21:30,081 -That's very kind of you. -Once they graduate, 566 00:21:30,165 --> 00:21:33,209 it's a direct pipeline to play in the MLL. 567 00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:35,503 -The Major Little Leagues! -The Major Little Leagues! 568 00:21:35,545 --> 00:21:37,422 -You're goddamn right, boys! 569 00:21:37,505 --> 00:21:40,342 -This is an even better outcome than me marrying your mom. 570 00:21:40,425 --> 00:21:44,596 Baseball scholarships come with way more benefits than dads do. 571 00:21:44,679 --> 00:21:46,931 -We'll miss you, Coach Pete! 572 00:21:47,015 --> 00:21:49,809 -Aww! [ Children sigh ] 573 00:21:49,893 --> 00:21:51,561 -Don't forget about us! 574 00:21:51,603 --> 00:21:55,106 -Give em' hell, Lil' Momo! 575 00:21:55,148 --> 00:21:57,275 Welp, I'm going back to being a mortician, 576 00:21:57,359 --> 00:22:01,279 but I hope I'm always remembered for playing with the Cadavers. 577 00:22:02,030 --> 00:22:04,949 -♪ May the best sperm win ♪ 578 00:22:04,991 --> 00:22:07,827 ♪ May the best sperm win ♪ 579 00:22:07,952 --> 00:22:10,789 ♪ May the best sperm win ♪ 580 00:22:10,872 --> 00:22:13,792 ♪ May the best sperm win ♪ 581 00:22:13,875 --> 00:22:17,796 ♪♪ 582 00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:20,006 [ Ominous music plays ] 583 00:22:20,090 --> 00:22:22,967 -We'll get him next time, right? 584 00:22:23,009 --> 00:22:24,177 -Right? -Right? 585 00:22:24,260 --> 00:22:26,054 -Right? -Right? 586 00:22:26,137 --> 00:22:28,348 -Right? -Right? 587 00:22:28,431 --> 00:22:29,474 -Right?