♪♪
[ Car horns honking ]
-Will you step on gas pedal?
Movie about to start,
and Baba like talking loudly through trailers.
-I refuse to exceed the speed limit.
And for the last time, please put on your seatbelt.
-Seatbelt liberal hoax.
I may be Baba, but I'm not sheep. Drive! [ Annie groaning ]
-Maybe you could slow down just a smidge, Pete.
I had a lot of soup for breakfast.
-Ugh. No, go faster.
Plus, you're going the wrong way.
-I am not going the wrong way!
I could drive there with my eyes closed!
-Oh, yeah? Prove it!
-Oh, not the bugs! Not the bugs!
[ Tires squealing ]
[ Screams ]
-[ Grunts ] -[ Grunts ]
-[ Screams ]
[ Grunts ]
-[ Gasps ] Return of the soup.
-[ Screams ] -[ Retches ]
-Baba!
Did I die and go to hell?
Because that's what this feels like!
-[ Grunts ]
-Pete! You broke my nose, you broke Annie,
and you probably killed Baba.
Never would have happened if you hadn't been speeding.
[ Car horns honking ]
[ Helicopter engine stops ]
-Noooooooooo!
-[ Screams ] -[ Screams ]
-[ Groans ]
[ Down-tempo music plays ] [ Crying ]
-♪ I'm not as crazy as I used to be ♪
♪ Some of my devils up and left me free to find a quiet space ♪
♪ I'm not as out of place ♪
♪ And I'm coming home again ♪
♪ It's been too long a time gettin' back what's mine ♪
♪ And I can't remember why I went away ♪
♪ But it's lookin' now like maybe I can stay ♪
Was that any good?
♪♪
-[ Echoing ] Mrs. Fantasy? Mrs. Fantasy?
I'm Dr. Gush-Gibson.
[ Normal voice ] I'm 16 years old.
I just want to let you know that your surgery
was a great success.
-You look kind of young to be doctor.
-Well, due to budget cuts, Florida made it legal for anyone
over the age of 16 to become a doctor
as long as they hypothetically believe in themselves,
and I believe. -How bad is it, Doc?
-Well, your mother has broken over 400 bones in her body,
which is, you know, total skazz.
-[ Sobbing ] -Well, as you all can see here,
the crash reduced her bones to a fine powder,
so we had to snowball-pack her bone fragments together
to rebuild her entire skeleton from scratch.
So skazz. The only parts of you
that remained perfectly intact
were your lengthy breasts, which appear to be prehensile?
-Thank God her bosom survived!
I'll never be able to forgive myself for the rest!
-Ma'am, I think your son might have a case
of delicate flower syndrome.
-Doctor, during accident,
I saw entire life flash before eyes.
-That doesn't look anything like Cinderella's castle.
What are you, dumb?
-DVD go back in vault before I able to watch.
-[ Grunts ]
[ Rumbling ]
-Why that boy call that small man bitch?
I no understand. -[ Groans ]
You mean to tell me you've never seen "Breaking Bad"?
-Maybe once war end.
-Maybe. [ Rumbling ]
-[ Grunting ] You should really
be watching "The Wire."
-Have to finish "Mad Men" first.
-Baba, I think the baby's peeing.
-I was ready to watch mother of dragons,
not watch teen daughter give birth.
-"90 Day Fiancé," "Tiger King,"
and "Ozark" with them khaki pants?
What you binge during the pandemic, girl?
-Just give me jab, lady.
I single mother who bury the dead.
My whole life, something always keep me
from being caught up on popular TV series and movies --
poverty, war, work, Wordle,
raising children, shameful daughter, bathing goat.
-Well, your recovery is a perfect time to get caught up.
I suggest you start with "Friends." So underrated.
-Doctor, wait. Where remote?
Aha! Come on. Come to Baba.
♪♪
-Where am I?
Who am I?
And why is my butt so cold?
Is this how I always dress?
Oh. Stylin' clothes.
I should ask the sales girl if they're me.
Is the sales girl me? Who's me?
-[ Over P.A. ] Dr. Brittany St. Clair.
New teen internist, Dr. Brittany St. Clair,
please report to the O.R.
-Oh, I guess that's me. [ Chuckles ]
-Hey, you must be
new teen internist Dr. Brittany St. Clair.
-Okay, that's me.
I don't remember going to medical school,
but I'm ready to intern.
-Well, I don't need a second opinion
to know there's immediate sexual tension between us,
Dr. St. Clair.
How about you join me on my rounds?
-I'd go "arounds" with you anywhere, Doctor.
[ Both laugh ]
-Oh, Doctor.
♪♪
-And that's when I realized, after what I did...
-[ Yawning ] -...I don't think
I can live with myself.
And it's a son's duty --
-If it makes you feel any better,
from the way you described the incident,
in painstaking detail,
it sounds like it was your sister's fault.
-You were not there, man!
You do not get to have an opinion on this!
Ugh! Can I please just get the keys to another hearse?
-My bad, sir. Looks like all the hearses
were rented out for...
ironic photo shoots.
-But on the phone, you said you had a hearse!
-I said I have a horse.
Want to loan her out? She brown.
-Come on, I need room for corpses.
-I got the perfect thing.
Hey, Vic. [ Whistles ]
-[ Chuckling ] Hey, let's do this.
-The A.I. is kind of old school,
but it runs great. Lots of room, too.
-Ooh. -Come on, kid. Hop in.
There's some warm bread sticks
in the glove compartment if you're hungry.
♪♪
-Okay, I'll take higher cheekbones --
above my ears, preferably -- hot dog-sized lips.
How big can you make my eyes?
[ Screams ] Geez latoosh!
No countdown?
-Sorry. [ Chuckles ] Today's my first day.
I've never done plastic surgery.
-Can you make my eyeballs bigger or not?
-It's like I told the rest of the trophy wives,
it depends on what YouTube videos I can find.
Why don't you go wait in the hall with the others?
-Ugh. The others?
♪♪
Goldie? [ Gasps ] It's been years!
-Oh, my God!
I remember you.
From the Sugarbabies and Trophy Wives
of Florida Association meetings.
-There's power in a union.
So, tell me, is this a good place to fish?
-Well, you might not find Prince Charming,
but there are a lot of Prince Andrews.
See those double doors over there?
All you gotta do is pick a guy
and wait for him to slip into a coma.
[ Chuckles ] Then you get a quickie marriage,
order one of these quacks to pull the plug,
and voilà, it's payday, bay-bay.
-[ Grunts ]
Ah!
what the...?
No! [ Alarm blares ]
-Ma'am, you pressed the emergency button.
This better be life-threatening.
-Yeah, emergency is I need new batteries for --
Annie?!
-Okay, "Annie." But we're doctors.
Don't you have a family
that can help with your TV?
-Why you dressed like white-collar professional
with good posture and high self-esteem?
Who you think you are?
-I'm Dr. Brittany St. Clair. [ Alarm blares, pager beeps ]
-I'm needed in the E.R.,
and you're needed next to M-E.
That's me, baby. Come on. -Plenty of liquids.
-[ Grunts ]
♪♪
-[ Sobs ] -Hey. Why so glum, kid?
-This morning, I totaled our hearse
and put my mother in the hospital.
She'll never forgive me.
-Marone. So, you're in the funeral biz, huh?
Just between us, I seen a lot of death
and betrayal in my day, too.
Back in Jersey, I was in the Frickazee crime family.
-You drove for the [whispers] M-O-B,
and you are of [whispers] Italian descent?
-Well, I was Jackie "The Taint" DeMenza's personal vehicle.
-Ooh. Why'd they call him The Taint?
-Well, 'cause he was somewhere between a dick and an asshole.
I was a made car. Nobody could touch me.
If a bird took a shit on my windshield,
his whole family would be wiped out.
I mean, from time to time,
I had to get my wheels dirty.
But you do anything to protect your family. Am I right?
-[ Screams ] -I was living the high life!
Until, one day, an undercover agent
got me dead to rights.
I wanted to protect Jackie,
but a couple of feds tried to get me to flip.
I'll never talk. What do you take me for?
A hatchback?
And, eventually, they succeeded.
[ Both grunting ]
[ Horn honking ]
I squealed like a punctured Michelin. [ Horn honking ]
I betrayed Jackie and the whole family that day.
I got off with a million miles probation
to be served here in Fort Gator.
Jackie got life.
Of course, I was dead to him after that.
-Baba will never love me again, either.
After what I did to her and her beautiful body!
[ Sobbing ]
-Aw, kid, don't be so hard on yourself.
Why don't you give your madre a call,
see if she needs anything?
[ Gasps ] Hey, maybe some cannoli, huh?
A nice, sweet canol. -Okay.
-Please leave your message -- -Straight to voicemail?
Baba always takes my call.
Even when she's embalming a body.
She does this little voice
for the corpse to talk to me so I don't get scared.
-Speaking of embalming, uh, let's go to work, kid.
What are we doing today, compadre? Huh?
-Picking up corpses.
-[ Chuckles ] That I can do.
♪♪
-Hi, sweetie. It's me, your fiancée.
Do you need another blanket?
Oh. Ow!
-Does this look like Dave and Buster's to you, bitch?
'Cause I am not here to play games.
[ Gun cocks ]
-Oh, hi, sweetie.
I was just trying to remember
what bank we keep all of our stocks and bonds in!
-Bank? I lost all my money betting on the opening ceremony
of the Winter Olympics.
Plus, I don't marry eights.
-I am a dementia ward 10, you crotch pelt!
-Ooh. -It's me, your fiancée.
-Weren't we married once?
-Geez latoosh!
If it ain't Patrick Zatouby.
Those five weeks with you in Cabo felt like four.
Too bad you lost everything in the indictment.
You still broke? -Oh, yeah.
-[ Giggles ] Here's to getting yours.
-Ugh! The misogyny in this ward is unbelievable.
All I want is a dementia patient
to defraud. -[ Giggles ] Cheers!
-Is that so much to ask, God?!
-Excuse me. You there, flight attendant.
Can I get more champagne before we land in Monaco?
-Honey, it's me. Trophy, your fiancée.
-Fiancée? Trophy? Mmm!
Could I get that with a side of parmesan, Mommy?
-Exactly. We have so much wedding planning to do.
The dress, the venue. By the way,
do you know if any of your kids have RSVP'd yet?
-Oh, I don't have any children.
Children? What's those?
-Yes! I mean, of course you don't have any children.
Remind me, what line of work were you in?
-Well, I worked in oil.
I owned my own oil company.
Sold it by the yard.
-Thank you, God. [ Cha-ching! ]
And thank you, increased scarcity of fossil fuels.
-[ Over P.A. ] Code blue. Code blue.
-What have we got? -Double kidney failure.
Like, we need to do an emergency transplant.
-I was able to find a donor in the bathroom,
but we've gotta act fast.
-Scalpel. -Um, scalpel.
-Knife. -Knife.
-Um, right or left kidney?
-Doesn't matter, Doctor. They're like socks.
-Please, call me Jericho. Scissors.
-Doctor, I'm afraid all we have left is this adorable fork.
-You got this, Brittany.
-I think I did it. [ Monitor beeping ]
-Uh-oh, we're losing him.
Paddles. [ Defibrillator charges ]
I'm believing in myself, but it's not working.
-Should I give him mouth to mouth, Jericho?
-No!
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell.
It's just I kind of was hoping that
you'd give me mouth to mouth.
[ Smooch, both moan ]
-Aww! -Aww!
-[ Grunting ]
-[ Humming ]
-I don't know how this could have happened.
-[ Grunts ] Baba usually does the heavy lifting.
Hey, can you pop the trunk, Vic?
-Oy, this brings back memories.
Yeah, Jackie and me used to hide messy stiffs back there
on, uh, special occasions, huh?
Boy, we took care of each other.
Hey, you sure you don't wanna -- wanna visit your mom?
-No, I can't bear to see her like that.
All the beetles in the world can't cover my eyes enough
to unsee the damage I caused.
I wish I was as dead as this guy.
[ Arrow whistles, boy muttering ]
-No, don't say that.
Baba will get better and forgive you.
Your hearse will get out of the body shop.
And me? Once my speedo hits a mil?
Oh! It's destination Tailpipe Village, baby!
-Tailpipe Village? What's that?
-It's like paradise for cars.
Space to cruise around,
cobblestone streets for a nice massage,
fully operational body shop
in case you want to get a little work done,
cheap gas, and [chuckles] plenty of convertibles.
-Uh... -Let's just say
I'm packing an extra pair of jumper cables,
if you know what I'm talking about, right?
[ Laughs ]
That's how we have sex, in case that wasn't obvious.
-Don't you need a human to attach those?
-Yes. No, it's very degrading.
Alright, a-anyway, let's get this corpse to the crematorium
before he stinks up my culo, eh?
-[ Snoring ]
-Okay. 2:00 A.M., the hitching hour.
No one around to object to our love.
Mwah! Right, baby?
Why is he so sticky?
Now to put you in a coma.
Death powers.
[ Belching ]
[ Groans ]
-Welcome to Holofficiant,
the no-questions-asked insta-marriage app.
Please scan the faces of the two or more
individuals getting married.
If one individual is unconscious,
please hold their eyes open manually when scanning.
-Say "Cheese." -Individual number one, do you?
-Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, uh-huh.
-Individual number two, do you?
If individual is non-responsive,
please do your best impression of them now.
-[ As Tyler ] I do.
-I now pronounce you legally married.
You may now have access to each other's assets.
♪♪
-Brittany, I'm really falling for you.
-I don't need a chest X-ray to know
you've stolen my heart.
-What do you say? Let's get married.
-Oh, Jericho. Then we can go into private practice.
-Well, how about we go practice
on each other's privates right now?
[ Both moan ] [ Pager beeps ]
-[ Gasps ] -Damn.
Guess instead of getting to third base,
we'll have to help a junkie with third-degree burns.
-That's just how it is when you're teen doctors in love.
♪♪
-You know, Vic, I was thinking, why retire?
After Baba recuperates and hopefully forgives me,
you could keep driving for Tender Endings.
You'll love Baba.
-Oh, that's real sweet of youse, Pete.
But I've had a hard life.
Tailpipe Village is -- it's my reward,
my pot of gold at the end of el rainbow.
-Vic, I don't know how to break this to you,
but there is no Tailpipe Village.
-[ Laughs ] [ Horn honks ]
Oh, that's a good one.
Oy, what are you, an atheist, too?
-Someone just made that up to make you feel less afraid of --
of, you know, hitting a million miles.
But we all gotta hit a million miles sometime.
In fact, listen, Vic.
I decided to try
and find Jackie... -[ Gasps ]
-...when you were getting your oil change
back at the last stop. -Oh.
-I'm sorry to tell you this,
but Jackie died seven years ago.
-Oy, I guess I'll never be able to make it up to him.
-Maybe not, but you can say goodbye.
Turns out he's buried at the mob cemetery
a few towns over. Let's go now.
-Hey, can we stop and get Jackie some Chianti first?
That was his favorite.
♪♪
-Okay, docs, time for a little euthanasia --
Fantasy?! Where have you been?
And how did you get attending physician privileges
at this hospital?
Ooh! Mama need you to do her a solid.
-You need a stool sample? -Maybe later, Teen Dream M.D.
But for now, I need you to pull the plug on my husband, Tyler.
I'm ready for my suffering to end. [ Cellphone camera clicks ]
-Sweetie, you do it. You're good with plugs.
-You have a boyfriend? -I have a fiancé.
We're eloping after our shift.
-A doctor?
Oh, I'll miss you, babe.
Once I cash in my widow bucks,
I'll spring for the honeymoon. [ Door opens, woman gasps ]
-Were you about to pull the plug on my husband?
I wanted to do that!
-I mean, we were, upon his wife's request.
-But I'm his wife.
And I'm gonna sue your bush off, bimbo.
Believe that.
-Joke's on you, bitch. My bush is full of bugs.
Just ask my oil baron husband.
-Oil baron? [ Scoffs ]
-Dad didn't work in oil.
He worked in foil.
Foil Baron was the name of his failed foil company.
He bankrupted the family!
-You're -- You're lying.
He said he didn't have any kids.
-He has Alzheimer's!
He says all kinds of shit.
-[ Chuckles nervously ] You know what?
I have dementia, too.
I'm also a patient here, so there you go.
But I've never been more proud of you,
whoever you are.
-Sorry about that, folks.
Would you like to do the honors, Mrs. Tyler?
-[ Groans, panting ]
-Trophy, where you been? Baba almost die.
Use death powers to turn on television.
Baba need to know what happen at end of "Lost."
-We can watch TV at home, Baba. I gotta get out of here.
Maybe I can use my powers to heal you.
-Oh, I'm good.
[ Grunting ]
Next time Baba break 400 bones,
we go to hospital with batteries.
Okay, I text Pete. He come get us.
Where Annie? -She and Dookie Howser
are running off to get married or something.
It's just you and me now.
-Eloping with doctor. [ Grunts ]
Not as good as marrying doctor in big wedding,
but, yeah, it's still impressive.
♪♪
-I think it's that one up there.
♪♪
-Oh, geez. It's so good to see you, Jackie.
[ Sobs ] Can you ever forgive me?
Oh, God!
-Tell him how you feel, Vic.
-[ Sniffles ] I want you to know,
I've never forgiven myself.
And I hope you're up there in heaven
just shaking 'em down and busting God's balls.
Oh, this one's for you, Jackie.
-[ Gasps ] Vic, he must have forgiven you.
-Oh, would you look at that? He did love me.
[ Laughing ] Oh!
Jackie "The Taint" forgave his old limousine.
-I'm happy. [ Cellphone chimes ]
Oh, my God! It's Baba! She wants a ride home!
I'm coming, Baba!
Your clumsy, car-crashing boy is coming!
-Uh, maybe I'll drive.
♪♪
-What'd that moron do? Stop for sweet cream?
What the hell's taking so long?
-I know that blonde bitch is around here somewhere.
There she is! Get her!
-Aw, crap.
[ Engine revs ] [ Stuttering ]
-[ Gasps ] -Pete!
-[ Screams ] [ Tires squealing ]
[ Pete and Vic groaning ]
Don't you die on me, Vic.
-Oh, kid, it's over for Vic. I'm leaking out bad.
Oh, I can feel my engine shutting down.
-No, help is on the way. I'm gonna get you fixed up.
Just hold on. Don't go towards the headlights, Vic.
Stay with me!
-Karma's a bitch.
But guilt, Pete,
it's a no-good rat bastard.
Don't beat yourself up.
Don't beat...yourself...up.
-No!
-[ Grunts ]
-[ Sobbing ] -[ Grunts ]
-[ Groans ]
I drove poorly and hurt someone I care about...again.
The ones I love the most always get Pete-ed in the end.
-It not your fault, Petey.
It fate. Or Trophy.
-Well, hello again, Mr. Fantasy.
I didn't think getting into car crashes was genetic,
yet here we are.
I guess this kid doctor with no medical training
still has a lot to learn.
-It seems you've dislocated just about everything,
but no fractures, oddly.
You must get a lot of calcium.
-Annie? -Don't even try, Pete.
Annie's lost her memory,
but somehow gained enough medical knowledge
to become a resident doctor and resident hottie.
She's kind of being a diva about it, if you ask me.
The student surpasses the master.
-What you want to watch, Petey?
I hear "Twin Peaks" is nice, grounded, linear show.
Work, damn you! [ Grunts ]
-Oww!
Huh?
Baba, please try to have better aim
when lobbing medium-sized objects.
-And she's back, ladies and gentlemen.
-Uncle Pete? Oh, no.
What's going on?
-Well, while you've been busy gallivanting around
doing real medical procedures with your boyfriend,
we've been suffering.
-I have a boyfriend? How is that possible?
-Dissociative amnesia.
[ All gasp ]
-Who are you?
-I'm the real Dr. Brittany St. Clair,
and I believe Annie suffered a concussion
that caused her to forget who she is and stuff.
-Oh.
-I'm sorry.
I can't be with you any longer.
I fell in love with a confident teenage doctor.
But the truth is, you're only one of those three things.
-Which one? -Oh, I see.
[ Gasps ] Did we ever, you know?
Oh, well, I'll just have to imagine it
in my own way, over and over.
-[ Over P.A. ] Doctors Gush-Gibson and St. Clair,
code blue, code blue.
-A patient needs our help, and I need your phone number.
[ Both laugh ]
-Aw, too bad, chica.
I know exactly how you feel.
My man got back with his ex today, too.
Oh, us Fantasy bitches are too wild to lock down, anyhow.
-Um, hello?!
I made and lost a friend today, as well,
if anyone cares.
-Many friend lost in season three of "Sopranos."
Will Baba finish series before Baba dead?
Hard to say. Hour-long episodes.
-My friend Vic was also a mobster from New Jersey.
He thought he was going to a better place,
but he's probably being chopped up
and sold for parts as we speak.
-[ Gasps ] Who would do that to a person?
-He talking about rental car. [ Pete sobbing ]
-Oh, okay. -Oh. Uh-huh.
♪♪
-[ Chuckling ] Heh, heh, ho!
Oh-ho!
[ Laughs ] Tailpipe Village, baby!
[ Engine revs, tires squeal ]
Hey! Bada bing, bada Buick.
-[ Giggles ]
[ Both laugh ]
-Oh! Oh-ho-ho-ho!
What's your name, gorgeous? -[ Giggles ]