1 00:00:00,467 --> 00:00:01,533 S and ears, señoritas. 2 00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:04,336 I'm sergeant bambino, commanding officer 3 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:05,938 Of this here maternal mission. 4 00:00:05,940 --> 00:00:08,206 In case you aren't aware, fort gator 5 00:00:08,208 --> 00:00:11,476 Has the highest teen-pregnancy rate in the nation. 6 00:00:11,478 --> 00:00:14,079 [ students cheering ] no, stop. That's a bad thing. 7 00:00:14,081 --> 00:00:16,348 Therefore, this mother's day weekend, 8 00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:19,083 Your good friends in the u.S. Military 9 00:00:19,085 --> 00:00:20,752 Will run an advanced simulation. 10 00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:24,490 We're calling it operation: Keep your legs closed. 11 00:00:26,493 --> 00:00:30,695 After self-impregnation, your a.I. Real baby embryo 12 00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:35,434 Will migrate up into your womb and expand to newborn size. 13 00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:38,637 In t-minus four to six hours, you'll give birth, 14 00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:43,041 Then care for your baby until a recon team comes to retrieve it. 15 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,576 But it won't be easy. 16 00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:48,246 These babies' sole mission is to get you to shake them. 17 00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:50,649 Your mission is to resist. 18 00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:51,850 Questions?! 19 00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:53,518 -Um, I don't want to do this. 20 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,387 -Spoken like a real parent. Next! 21 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,790 -I've already decided not to have kids 22 00:00:57,792 --> 00:00:59,858 For environmental reasons. 23 00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:01,794 Do I still have to participate? 24 00:01:01,796 --> 00:01:03,328 -Affirmative. -Aw. 25 00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:05,930 -According to our research, 77% of babies born today 26 00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:08,733 Contain more plastic than your average water bottle. 27 00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:11,736 So giving birth is a lot more like recycling than you think. 28 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:16,274 -But, mister, what happens if we do shake the babies? 29 00:01:16,276 --> 00:01:19,812 -One shake -- nothing. Two shakes -- also nothing. 30 00:01:19,814 --> 00:01:22,947 But three shakes and you're out of the reproductive game. 31 00:01:22,949 --> 00:01:27,352 Your girlie eggs will be frozen for a decade -- minimum! 32 00:01:27,354 --> 00:01:28,753 [ students gasp ] -frozen? 33 00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:30,489 Like, harvested and preserved cryogenically? 34 00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:31,623 -No, ma'am. 35 00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:34,026 Frozen like funds in a bank account. 36 00:01:34,028 --> 00:01:36,161 Now, I'll wait outside the classroom 37 00:01:36,163 --> 00:01:37,896 While you insert the babies. 38 00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:39,631 But please don't swallow them, 39 00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:42,100 As they're considered a choking hazard. 40 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,769 Okay, line up and serve your country, 41 00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,771 Ladies! 42 00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,040 [ baby cries ] 43 00:01:48,042 --> 00:01:52,777 -♪ I'm not as crazy as I used to be ♪ 44 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,647 ♪ some of my devils up and left me free ♪ 45 00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:59,518 ♪ to find a quiet space, I'm not as out of place ♪ 46 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:03,055 ♪ and I'm coming home again ♪ 47 00:02:03,057 --> 00:02:08,126 ♪ it's been too long a time gettin' back what's mine ♪ 48 00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:12,731 ♪ and I can't remember why I went away ♪ 49 00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:17,202 ♪ but it's lookin' now like maybe I can stay ♪ 50 00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:19,071 Is that any good? 51 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,608 -Baba, please take me with you! 52 00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:25,810 Every year, all you want for mother's day 53 00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,279 Is to be left alone. 54 00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:29,414 But this year, I want to do something together. 55 00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:31,015 How about a couple's massage? 56 00:02:31,017 --> 00:02:32,951 Or a mother-son tantric brunch. 57 00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:34,753 It's less sexual than it sounds. 58 00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:36,020 -No, peter. 59 00:02:36,022 --> 00:02:38,557 Old country way is mothers spend mother's day weekend 60 00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:41,426 Alone in forest, trapping and killing bear. 61 00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:42,961 That best gift. 62 00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:46,098 -Well, I'm making annie take me to the mama-con pub crawl 63 00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:48,166 For our first mother's day together. 64 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,769 It's like santacon but for single moms. 65 00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:53,171 -I think I'm crowning! 66 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,240 Boil some water! 67 00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:56,508 Aaaah! 68 00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,443 -You think giving birth is gonna get you 69 00:02:58,445 --> 00:03:00,112 Out of taking me to mama-con? 70 00:03:00,114 --> 00:03:01,646 Well, think again. 71 00:03:01,648 --> 00:03:04,649 Being pregnant never stopped me from drinking. 72 00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:07,586 -This isn't a real pregnancy! Aaaah! 73 00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:10,923 I'm part of a secret government experiment! 74 00:03:10,925 --> 00:03:12,524 Aaaah! -That's either your shame 75 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,659 Talking or my tax dollars hard at work. 76 00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:17,662 So, yeah, win-win for baba. Good luck. 77 00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:19,331 -You, too, baba! 78 00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:22,935 And happy mother's day! 79 00:03:22,937 --> 00:03:24,202 Little help here? 80 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,204 -Sorry. I got to deliver a surprise 81 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:29,674 Picnic brunch to baba in the woods. 82 00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:31,075 [ watch beeping ] 83 00:03:31,077 --> 00:03:33,278 Shh! -Fine. I'll do it. 84 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:34,613 The sooner you can squeeze this thing out, 85 00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:36,148 The sooner we can mama-con. 86 00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:38,817 I did this when I was your age, so you can, too. 87 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,285 It doesn't take a genius. 88 00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:41,954 Okay, pull! 89 00:03:41,956 --> 00:03:43,422 Pull! 90 00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:44,689 Oh, oops. 91 00:03:44,691 --> 00:03:46,258 Push! 92 00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:49,027 [ coughs ] 93 00:03:49,029 --> 00:03:50,428 Oh, wet! 94 00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:51,563 Oh, get her off me. 95 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,298 Ouch! It's gripping! 96 00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:54,633 -Real baby activated. 97 00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:57,502 Initiating maternal-instinct test. 98 00:03:57,504 --> 00:03:59,972 Commence wail mode. [ wailing ] 99 00:03:59,974 --> 00:04:02,374 -[ gasps ] stop! Please! 100 00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:05,844 Stop! Please be quiet. 101 00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:09,914 -Oh, no! No! No, no! 102 00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:11,116 -Shake number 1. 103 00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:12,384 Bad mommy. 104 00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:13,452 -Problem solved. 105 00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:16,388 Let's go. -You cannot shake her. 106 00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:20,325 If it happens twice more, my eggs will be frozen. 107 00:04:20,327 --> 00:04:21,593 -Mommy detected. 108 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:24,196 Low self-esteem, people-pleasing tendencies. 109 00:04:24,198 --> 00:04:27,065 Commencing shake-temptation protocol. 110 00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:28,733 [ wailing ] -okay, way to be 111 00:04:28,735 --> 00:04:30,402 An assertive little girl boss. 112 00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:33,271 You know what you want, and mommy loves it. 113 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,739 Don't touch her. 114 00:04:34,741 --> 00:04:37,476 Sorry, but the baby and I should probably stay home. 115 00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:39,211 -Just leave it here, annie. What's it gonna do? 116 00:04:39,213 --> 00:04:40,545 Call 911? 117 00:04:40,547 --> 00:04:42,080 That's the great thing about babies. 118 00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:43,348 They can't. 119 00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:45,217 -Connecting to 911. -No, no, no. 120 00:04:45,219 --> 00:04:46,218 End call, end call. 121 00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:48,753 I can't leave her alone. -Fine. 122 00:04:48,755 --> 00:04:50,555 Bring it. I can't believe a baby 123 00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:52,758 Is ruining a perfectly good mother's day. 124 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,294 -[ imitates bear grunt ] 125 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:59,431 [ rustling ] 126 00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:01,633 -Surprise! Oh! 127 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:02,967 -Idiot! 128 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,370 I nearly put bullet-sized hole in boy-sized head. 129 00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:07,039 What in the hell are you doing here? 130 00:05:07,041 --> 00:05:08,841 -I thought you might be hungry out here. 131 00:05:08,843 --> 00:05:10,308 Hungry for a son's love. 132 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,977 And! -No. I very full. 133 00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:15,247 Baba just rocky balboa a half-dozen eggs. 134 00:05:15,249 --> 00:05:17,115 -Well, I took the liberty of learning 135 00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:22,120 How to cook a delicious traditional old country brunch. 136 00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,588 Sad possum with a side of ryegrass, 137 00:05:23,590 --> 00:05:26,859 And to wash it down, your favorite, brown wine. 138 00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:30,262 -Ehhh! -Boo! 139 00:05:30,264 --> 00:05:33,198 -Eat my ryegrass, poor-planning strumpet! 140 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,599 -Boo! -Hyah! 141 00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:37,602 -Get husband, you nympho! -Shameful. 142 00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:41,273 Unwed teen mom give birth alone in shame cave. 143 00:05:41,275 --> 00:05:46,811 ♪♪ 144 00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:49,281 -[ grunting ] 145 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,484 [ baby crying ] 146 00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:54,887 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Aha. 147 00:05:54,889 --> 00:05:58,857 Tell me, little one, do you like the teat? 148 00:06:02,096 --> 00:06:04,096 [ groans ] 149 00:06:04,098 --> 00:06:05,964 [ gasps ] 150 00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:08,166 We have visitor. 151 00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,302 Hello, mr. Bear. 152 00:06:10,304 --> 00:06:12,104 We friendly. 153 00:06:12,106 --> 00:06:13,706 See? 154 00:06:13,708 --> 00:06:16,108 -[ roars ] 155 00:06:16,110 --> 00:06:18,176 [ baby crying ] 156 00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:21,113 -[ yells ] 157 00:06:21,115 --> 00:06:23,248 [ crying continues ] 158 00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:25,684 Hyah! 159 00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,186 Huh? 160 00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:30,589 Ha ha! 161 00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:32,124 Aah! [ grunts ] 162 00:06:32,126 --> 00:06:34,392 [ baby wailing ] 163 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,661 Girls, new enemy is bear. 164 00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:40,665 One day, we get revenge! 165 00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:42,334 -[ roars ] -[ gasps ] 166 00:06:42,336 --> 00:06:43,868 Peter, quick, run. 167 00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:45,537 Get out of here before bear take you away 168 00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:46,939 And raise you as its own. 169 00:06:46,941 --> 00:06:50,609 -I'm not going anywhere until you taste my brunch. 170 00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:53,345 -Shut up and go, stupid boy! 171 00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:57,682 -You'd rather shoot me than spend mother's day 172 00:06:57,684 --> 00:06:59,351 With your favorite son? 173 00:06:59,353 --> 00:07:00,752 Fine! 174 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:01,886 'scuse me. 175 00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:04,823 Aah! 176 00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:07,326 -[ roars ] 177 00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:11,696 -Oh, my god. This is better than I imagined. 178 00:07:11,698 --> 00:07:12,965 I can't wait to get in there 179 00:07:12,967 --> 00:07:15,968 And see what it's like to be a mom! 180 00:07:15,970 --> 00:07:18,437 Annie, will you shut that thing up? 181 00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:19,972 The moms are judging. 182 00:07:19,974 --> 00:07:23,375 -Either shove that baby back inside or go home! 183 00:07:23,377 --> 00:07:25,710 -I don't think she likes the loud music. 184 00:07:25,712 --> 00:07:27,512 -Move it along! -Sorry. 185 00:07:27,514 --> 00:07:30,048 No outside food or babies under 2 allowed. 186 00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:34,118 Moms are welcome to leave babies unattended in their hot car. 187 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,320 Next. 188 00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:40,258 -I am missing out on mama-con, and it's all your fault! 189 00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:43,195 -Whoopsie-doodle, bitch. 190 00:07:43,197 --> 00:07:44,663 -Mom! Stop! 191 00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,531 My eggs. Remember? 192 00:07:46,533 --> 00:07:48,066 -Shake number 2. 193 00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:50,202 -If you're not supposed to shake it, why does it have 194 00:07:50,204 --> 00:07:51,603 Such a stupid shakable face?! 195 00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:54,206 -It looks just like a normal baby, mom. 196 00:07:54,208 --> 00:07:57,075 -Exactly. 197 00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:59,944 -[ crying ] 198 00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:01,746 Well, I guess if I spy on baba 199 00:08:01,748 --> 00:08:03,482 From a distance, that will still count 200 00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:05,750 As us spending mother's day together, right? 201 00:08:05,752 --> 00:08:08,220 Oh, no! I can't spot her anywhere! 202 00:08:08,222 --> 00:08:10,555 I think I'm lost! 203 00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:12,691 Wait. What's that? 204 00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:15,027 Wow! 205 00:08:15,029 --> 00:08:17,362 1, 2, 3...17...56... 206 00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:19,631 99 bottles of beer on the wall. 207 00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:22,967 So this is where that song comes from! 208 00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:24,369 [ chuckles ] -[ sniffs ] 209 00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:28,507 Do I smell an adult mama's boy with unmet needs? 210 00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:29,908 Ooh, hello, dear. 211 00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:31,243 I'm mother marnie. 212 00:08:31,245 --> 00:08:34,179 Why don't you come inside for a nice cold beer? 213 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:37,182 -Oh! -Make yourself at home, hon. 214 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:40,785 I'll be just a moment. -[ chuckles ] 215 00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:43,988 [ gasps ] 216 00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:45,257 Those your sons? 217 00:08:45,259 --> 00:08:48,260 Bet you're excited to spend mother's day with them. 218 00:08:48,262 --> 00:08:50,195 -I insist you join us. 219 00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:52,330 -I'd love to spend mother's day with my own mom, 220 00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:56,668 But she wants to be alone and "avoid me today." 221 00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:58,403 -How peculiar. 222 00:08:58,405 --> 00:09:00,138 Oh, I couldn't bear the thought of being away from my boys. 223 00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:03,341 Would you mind if I took your photo to hang up? 224 00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:04,476 Say "beer." 225 00:09:04,478 --> 00:09:06,278 -Beer. [ camera shutter clicks ] 226 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,813 [ grunts, body thuds ] 227 00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:12,084 -There. I think I finally got her to sleep. 228 00:09:12,086 --> 00:09:14,286 I'm gonna go set up her crib upstairs. 229 00:09:14,288 --> 00:09:17,222 It's a tiny coffin. 230 00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:18,623 Don't touch her. 231 00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:20,425 -Yeah, yeah. 232 00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:23,495 I guess you are kind of cute, at least while you're sleeping. 233 00:09:23,497 --> 00:09:25,630 Maybe you just had to get used to me. 234 00:09:25,632 --> 00:09:28,300 I'm more of a mommy than you realize. 235 00:09:28,302 --> 00:09:31,303 In fact, my womb is full right now. 236 00:09:31,305 --> 00:09:33,772 Yes, with insects. -Scanning. 237 00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:36,241 Insecure alcoholic universally disliked. 238 00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:37,842 Correction. 239 00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:40,112 Non-living human with worn-out beetle-infested genitalia. 240 00:09:40,114 --> 00:09:41,246 Correction. 241 00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,047 Subhuman cast member of "bad girls club" 242 00:09:43,049 --> 00:09:45,717 Who was too ugly to get camera time. 243 00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:48,120 -You shady little bitch. -What you gonna do? 244 00:09:48,122 --> 00:09:49,187 Shake me? 245 00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,054 -Don't shake. 246 00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:52,657 Annie needs her -- -do it. 247 00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:55,127 You know you want to, grandma. 248 00:09:55,129 --> 00:09:58,063 -[ yelling ] 249 00:09:58,065 --> 00:09:59,264 -Shake 3. -Oops. 250 00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,466 -Potential maternity terminated. 251 00:10:01,468 --> 00:10:04,603 Commencing operation: Eggs on ice. 252 00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:06,204 Whoopsie-doodle. 253 00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:09,608 -Okay, I've got the white-noise machine on, and -- 254 00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:11,676 Oh, my god! 255 00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:13,746 Did you shake her again?! 256 00:10:13,748 --> 00:10:15,948 -She begged me to! 257 00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:18,016 -I was hoping things were getting better between us, 258 00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:20,685 But you act like it's your job to ruin my life. 259 00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:22,687 -Annie, I hate jobs. 260 00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:24,088 I did you a favor. 261 00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:27,025 But if it's really such a big deal to you... 262 00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:29,361 [ grunts ] -what are you doing? 263 00:10:29,363 --> 00:10:32,164 -I'm using my death powers to "magic school bus" myself 264 00:10:32,166 --> 00:10:35,567 Into the baby and turn off the strikes from the inside! 265 00:10:35,569 --> 00:10:36,901 -Mom, no. Wait! 266 00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:40,072 -Death power! -Aah! 267 00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:43,041 Huh? 268 00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:44,109 [ baby beeps ] 269 00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:45,310 -I did it! 270 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,378 Hey, watch this. 271 00:10:46,380 --> 00:10:47,646 "I'm a baby. 272 00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:49,381 I poopy myself." 273 00:10:49,383 --> 00:10:50,649 Oh, wait. 274 00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,384 I think I actually did just shit myself. 275 00:10:52,386 --> 00:10:54,186 -There's still three tallies. 276 00:10:54,188 --> 00:10:55,654 That didn't work at all. 277 00:10:55,656 --> 00:10:57,656 Come back out of there. 278 00:10:57,658 --> 00:11:00,325 -Okay. Death powers! 279 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,861 And death powers. 280 00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,997 Aw, crap. It's not working. 281 00:11:04,999 --> 00:11:06,198 -What?! Why?! 282 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:10,002 -Annie, my powers have a truth but no logic, 283 00:11:10,004 --> 00:11:11,336 Like a picasso painting 284 00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,005 Or a season of "riverdale." 285 00:11:13,007 --> 00:11:16,875 My guess is, I'm like a husk, and any actual death powers 286 00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:20,412 I have or had [chuckles] are because of the beetles. 287 00:11:20,414 --> 00:11:23,281 -So you're just stuck in there? -Well, on the bright side, 288 00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:25,884 Now you got to take care of me on mother's day. 289 00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:28,721 Is the, uh, booby bar open? 290 00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:33,291 -The new bro is waking up. Look. He's coming out of it. 291 00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:35,494 -Hey. You're marnie's sons. 292 00:11:35,496 --> 00:11:37,629 Your mom's real nice. 293 00:11:37,631 --> 00:11:39,764 I guess I drank too much and passed out. 294 00:11:39,766 --> 00:11:42,367 Whoa! -Easy, now. 295 00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,903 Sit and take a breather, brother. 296 00:11:44,905 --> 00:11:46,971 Hey, how about a nice frosty cold one 297 00:11:46,973 --> 00:11:49,107 To put some color back in those cheeks? 298 00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:52,244 -Not really in a popsicle mood, thanks. 299 00:11:52,246 --> 00:11:53,645 Oh, cold one. 300 00:11:53,647 --> 00:11:56,114 You guys really like beer, huh? 301 00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:57,382 -Go on and try a sip. 302 00:11:57,384 --> 00:12:00,585 We brewed it ourselves. 303 00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:05,190 -That's nice. -Note the, um, apricot. 304 00:12:05,192 --> 00:12:06,324 Huh? -Come on, pete. 305 00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:07,726 Try some. -You got to try it, pete. 306 00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:10,595 -I don't really like beer, but okay. 307 00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:12,397 Oh. Tastes like beer. 308 00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:14,599 -Sure does. [ laughter ] 309 00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:16,334 -Aw, pete. -Pete! 310 00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:17,602 -You notice the almond? 311 00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:20,605 Van thought I was a nut to add it. 312 00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:23,007 [ laughter ] 313 00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:24,943 -Oh, bucky. 314 00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:27,011 -Now, pete, I'm sure you've got a lot of questions, 315 00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:28,881 And we're more than happy to answer them. 316 00:12:28,883 --> 00:12:31,750 -Well, just off the top of my head, where's marnie? 317 00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:33,552 And are we in prison down here? 318 00:12:33,554 --> 00:12:35,687 Also, do I taste a little kumquat in that beer? 319 00:12:35,689 --> 00:12:39,023 -Ah, petey, this is gonna be a bitter ale to swallow. 320 00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:41,560 But this here is an eternal fraternity. 321 00:12:41,562 --> 00:12:43,495 A brewhouse of brotherhood. 322 00:12:43,497 --> 00:12:45,564 And there's no way out of here. 323 00:12:45,566 --> 00:12:48,967 From now on, there is only here. 324 00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:50,835 -What?! I can't stay here! 325 00:12:50,837 --> 00:12:54,372 -I felt the same way at first, but now look at me. 326 00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:58,042 Sure, I haven't seen the sun in six years, but -- 327 00:12:58,044 --> 00:12:59,378 -Six years?! 328 00:12:59,380 --> 00:13:01,113 Why won't marnie let us out? 329 00:13:01,115 --> 00:13:03,982 -She expresses her love through padlocks 330 00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:06,184 And pretending she's leaving to go on errands, 331 00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:08,052 But she's really just waiting in the driveway 332 00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:09,988 For someone to make a run for it. 333 00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:13,592 -We warned number 11 about that, but he wouldn't listen. 334 00:13:13,594 --> 00:13:16,728 -Honestly, marnie is the best. 335 00:13:16,730 --> 00:13:19,531 I mean, she lets us crash here for free. 336 00:13:19,533 --> 00:13:22,935 -And on fridays, she orders pizza and rents a dvd for us. 337 00:13:22,937 --> 00:13:25,137 -Baba never lets me have pizza. 338 00:13:25,139 --> 00:13:26,738 She says it makes me hyper. 339 00:13:26,740 --> 00:13:28,941 -I think you're gonna have way more fun 340 00:13:28,943 --> 00:13:31,209 Living under marnie's floorboards. 341 00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:33,145 -Plus, we'll teach you how to brew. 342 00:13:33,147 --> 00:13:38,082 You'll be whipping up tasty suds with your pasty buds in no time. 343 00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:40,152 -I mean, when you put it that way, 344 00:13:40,154 --> 00:13:43,288 It sounds like a pretty amazing life! 345 00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:44,623 -Yeah! -He gets it. 346 00:13:44,625 --> 00:13:47,492 -I never imagined my life could be so good. 347 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,294 -Okay, brothers. 348 00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:50,695 But before we proceed, 349 00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:52,431 Could I have a moment alone to pinch myself 350 00:13:52,433 --> 00:13:56,168 So I know this great situation is real and not a dream? 351 00:13:56,170 --> 00:13:57,902 -No problemo, bro. 352 00:13:57,904 --> 00:14:00,104 We'll be in the grow room checking on the hop harvest. 353 00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:02,240 Up top. 354 00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:04,309 -[ gasps ] [ watch beeping ] 355 00:14:04,311 --> 00:14:07,045 [ gasps ] 356 00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:11,249 Come on. Send, send, send! [ buzzer ] 357 00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:12,384 -Jesus, mom! 358 00:14:12,386 --> 00:14:14,119 You really need to get some fiber in your diet. 359 00:14:14,121 --> 00:14:15,788 -That was actually way more solid 360 00:14:15,790 --> 00:14:16,989 Than I expected it to be, right? 361 00:14:16,991 --> 00:14:18,390 [ doorbell rings ] -oh, no! 362 00:14:18,392 --> 00:14:21,059 That's my friends. I forgot they were coming over. 363 00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:22,126 Play along. 364 00:14:22,128 --> 00:14:23,728 I don't want them to know I failed. 365 00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:24,997 You're a baby the government gave me as part 366 00:14:24,999 --> 00:14:26,398 Of a covert operation to stop the human race. 367 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:27,532 Got it? -Yeah. 368 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:28,600 Yeah, sure. Government baby. 369 00:14:28,602 --> 00:14:30,535 I can do this. -Hey. 370 00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:31,870 How you guys holding up? 371 00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:34,206 Anyone hit three shakes yet? 372 00:14:34,208 --> 00:14:36,208 -Only two, but it was close. 373 00:14:36,210 --> 00:14:37,742 I haven't slept. 374 00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:40,145 And when we walked past dadology this morning, 375 00:14:40,147 --> 00:14:44,216 She started talking about how much more fun the dads are. 376 00:14:44,218 --> 00:14:47,285 -My mommy can't keep a man. 377 00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:49,822 -Once I told manny I don't want kids 378 00:14:49,824 --> 00:14:53,492 And just want to be a cool aunt, things got much easier. 379 00:14:53,494 --> 00:14:55,027 -This sucks. 380 00:14:55,029 --> 00:14:56,829 If the government's trying to prevent unwanted pregnancies, 381 00:14:56,831 --> 00:15:00,165 Why won't they just make birth control and abortion free 382 00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:01,766 And available to all? 383 00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:04,769 Right, guys? 384 00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:06,705 -Pbht! Good luck with that. 385 00:15:06,707 --> 00:15:07,906 Wait. What are you guys looking at? 386 00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:08,973 -Oh, my god, annie! 387 00:15:08,975 --> 00:15:10,975 Your baby has three strikes. 388 00:15:10,977 --> 00:15:15,313 Even my shitty-ass baby doesn't have three strikes. 389 00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:17,716 -Danger! Danger! 390 00:15:17,718 --> 00:15:19,651 -See you later, annie. 391 00:15:19,653 --> 00:15:21,053 -Good luck, annie. -Baba. 392 00:15:21,055 --> 00:15:23,055 We weren't expecting you back so soon. 393 00:15:23,057 --> 00:15:24,656 -Eh, day was bust. 394 00:15:24,658 --> 00:15:26,658 Peter's surprise scare away bear. 395 00:15:26,660 --> 00:15:28,060 Oh, no. 396 00:15:28,062 --> 00:15:30,462 Annie, very sorry, but baby resemble trophy. 397 00:15:30,464 --> 00:15:34,466 Will probably grow up to be jezebel bimbo like trophy, too. 398 00:15:34,468 --> 00:15:35,734 Eh! Horrible shame. 399 00:15:35,736 --> 00:15:37,469 -Baba, it is me. 400 00:15:37,471 --> 00:15:40,539 I put myself into annie's government-assigned real baby 401 00:15:40,541 --> 00:15:41,606 Because -- -yeah, I no care. 402 00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,141 Peter! -He hasn't been back 403 00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:45,810 Since he left to bring you a picnic in the woods. 404 00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:47,212 -Push memory down, baba. 405 00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:49,347 Keep traumatic memory in stomach, 406 00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:53,151 Pinned below rocky balboa eggs. [ breathes deeply ] 407 00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:54,687 -Son in danger! 408 00:15:54,689 --> 00:15:56,821 Repeat -- son in danger! 409 00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:58,957 Sending coordinates. -[ gasps ] come! 410 00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:01,826 We must save him now! -Ugh! Really? 411 00:16:01,828 --> 00:16:03,695 It's just these baby arms are so short. 412 00:16:03,697 --> 00:16:05,297 [ whining ] -no! 413 00:16:05,299 --> 00:16:09,434 As mother's day gift to baba, we all go save peter as family. 414 00:16:09,436 --> 00:16:10,769 -Good job, pete! 415 00:16:10,771 --> 00:16:12,104 Now I'm gonna teach you the differences 416 00:16:12,106 --> 00:16:14,639 Between flaked and malted oats. 417 00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:16,441 -Wow! Oats got malted now? 418 00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:17,576 Awesomeness! 419 00:16:17,578 --> 00:16:20,312 Come on, baba. 420 00:16:20,314 --> 00:16:23,047 -Pete better be eaten at least from the waist down 421 00:16:23,049 --> 00:16:24,717 If he's making us drive this far. 422 00:16:24,719 --> 00:16:27,252 -Shut baby hole! According to son finder, 423 00:16:27,254 --> 00:16:30,322 He should be right about here. [ tires screech ] 424 00:16:30,324 --> 00:16:32,124 Look like "hansel and gretel" cottage, 425 00:16:32,126 --> 00:16:33,792 But of adult-boy kidnapper. 426 00:16:33,794 --> 00:16:36,261 -Let me take the reins on this one, gang. 427 00:16:36,263 --> 00:16:39,331 Annie, grab baba's gun and hide it in your pants. 428 00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:40,799 -What? 429 00:16:40,801 --> 00:16:43,001 -I need you to "yes, and" me on this, annie. 430 00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:45,003 -Here's the last of it, boys. [ men grunt ] 431 00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:48,073 How's that chicago-style beer coming? 432 00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:52,010 -Oh, it's thick! -And zero traces of ketchup. 433 00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:54,479 [ knocking on door ] -ugh! 434 00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:57,682 [ knocking continues ] 435 00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:00,552 Ah. Can I...Help you? 436 00:17:00,554 --> 00:17:02,020 -Hi. Sorry to bother you, 437 00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:03,888 But do you happen to have a tampon for my mom? 438 00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,157 She just got her period, 439 00:17:05,159 --> 00:17:07,225 And we're worried it'll attract bears. 440 00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:08,827 -Sorry, dear. 441 00:17:08,829 --> 00:17:11,563 I haven't had a need for those for many years now, I'm afraid. 442 00:17:11,565 --> 00:17:12,831 Take care. 443 00:17:12,833 --> 00:17:14,299 -Maybe she could use your bathroom 444 00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:16,234 To macgyver something together and clean herself up, 445 00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:17,770 Because it's looking and smelling 446 00:17:17,772 --> 00:17:19,371 Like texas chili down -- ow! 447 00:17:19,373 --> 00:17:21,106 -Please, mother to mother. 448 00:17:21,108 --> 00:17:23,375 I just need a minute, and then we'll be off to resume 449 00:17:23,377 --> 00:17:26,779 Celebrating mother's day in the middle of the remote woods. 450 00:17:26,781 --> 00:17:29,314 -[ sighs ] fine. It's back and to the left. 451 00:17:29,316 --> 00:17:31,516 But I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to be brief. 452 00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:34,053 I have my own mother's day plans to attend to. 453 00:17:35,589 --> 00:17:37,122 -Uh, lovely home. 454 00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:40,125 Very creative to make all from bottle. 455 00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:41,860 You live here by self? -Yeah. 456 00:17:41,862 --> 00:17:45,263 Me, myself, and I. -Oh. I envious. 457 00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:46,198 Hmm. 458 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:49,534 I bet it not often you get a visitor. 459 00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:51,203 -Nope. Hardly ever. 460 00:17:51,205 --> 00:17:52,871 Just my sons. 461 00:17:52,873 --> 00:17:54,873 The cabin is pretty hard to find, 462 00:17:54,875 --> 00:17:57,476 If you don't know where to look. 463 00:17:57,478 --> 00:18:01,880 -These your son? -Yes, my pride and boys. 464 00:18:01,882 --> 00:18:05,350 #boymom. -[ gasps ] peter! 465 00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:06,551 -[ whistles ] [ gun cocks ] 466 00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:08,487 -Drop it. I'm holding a gun, 467 00:18:08,489 --> 00:18:11,824 And I am definitely comfortable with that concept. 468 00:18:11,826 --> 00:18:13,558 -I knew one day, a nosy mama bear 469 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,760 Would come looking for her pathetic little cub. 470 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:19,498 -Where my peter? -Now he's my peter. 471 00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:21,366 You'll never see him again. 472 00:18:21,368 --> 00:18:22,567 -Oh, yeah? 473 00:18:22,569 --> 00:18:24,837 -Activating marco polo mode. 474 00:18:24,839 --> 00:18:26,905 Marco. -[ muffled ] polo. 475 00:18:26,907 --> 00:18:28,440 -They're under the floorboards. 476 00:18:28,442 --> 00:18:29,974 Oh, god, she killed them! 477 00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:32,177 -Or they're in the creepy basement. 478 00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:34,046 That smells delicious! 479 00:18:34,048 --> 00:18:38,116 -You'll never get my boys or my home microbrewery! 480 00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:39,651 [ grunts, chuckles ] -[ gasps ] 481 00:18:39,653 --> 00:18:43,255 -Get away from my daughter, witch! 482 00:18:43,257 --> 00:18:44,790 -Aaaaah! 483 00:18:46,727 --> 00:18:48,793 You ugly little bitch! 484 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:51,196 -Let go of my mother! 485 00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:54,466 -Use maternal instinct to defeat predator. 486 00:18:54,468 --> 00:18:56,468 -Booby! -Yeah, right. 487 00:18:56,470 --> 00:18:58,537 I mean, annie! 488 00:18:58,539 --> 00:18:59,804 -Huh? 489 00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:01,206 -Aah! 490 00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:03,608 -[ gasps ] way to go, guys. 491 00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:05,610 Mom! Are you okay? 492 00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:09,814 -Ugh, her leg tasted like eczema lotion. 493 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:11,684 -Peter! 494 00:19:11,686 --> 00:19:13,552 [ siren wails ] 495 00:19:13,554 --> 00:19:14,753 -Please, don't leave! 496 00:19:14,755 --> 00:19:17,422 Don't abandon me! 497 00:19:17,424 --> 00:19:19,758 -Don't worry, marnie. We'll stay right here. 498 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:23,228 -You guys know you literally can't stay here, right? 499 00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:24,829 -What? That's official? -Come on! 500 00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,699 -Well, that's stupid. -No fair. 501 00:19:26,701 --> 00:19:28,967 -Well, gang, I guess this is goodbye. 502 00:19:28,969 --> 00:19:30,369 -No way, brother. 503 00:19:30,371 --> 00:19:32,304 You know what? We could all move in together. 504 00:19:32,306 --> 00:19:35,307 Yeah, find a clutch two-bedroom in downtown fort gator. 505 00:19:35,309 --> 00:19:37,309 We all sleep in one room and use the other 506 00:19:37,311 --> 00:19:39,377 For a little home-brew setup. 507 00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:40,178 You down? 508 00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:43,047 -Let me, uh, think about it. 509 00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:45,183 -[ grunting ] 510 00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:47,051 Can one of you big boys crack this for me? 511 00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:48,520 To the weekend, right? 512 00:19:48,522 --> 00:19:49,988 -Aww! -Oh, yeah. 513 00:19:49,990 --> 00:19:53,057 -If you take even one sip, I'm putting you in baby jail. 514 00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:55,527 -Damn! Couldn't resist shaking it, could you? 515 00:19:55,529 --> 00:19:56,995 -It's complicated. 516 00:19:56,997 --> 00:19:58,931 But how'd you know about the three-shake rule? 517 00:19:58,933 --> 00:20:00,665 -I used to be a tech for real kid. 518 00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:04,603 It was good, honest union work deterring young folks 519 00:20:04,605 --> 00:20:06,138 From becoming moms. 520 00:20:06,140 --> 00:20:09,541 We also provided sentient anti-loneliness teddy bears 521 00:20:09,543 --> 00:20:10,609 To the elderly. 522 00:20:10,611 --> 00:20:11,944 Marnie -- she ordered one, 523 00:20:11,946 --> 00:20:14,212 And I came here to do the in-home setup. 524 00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:17,482 And she made sure I never left. 525 00:20:17,484 --> 00:20:18,417 I miss her. 526 00:20:18,419 --> 00:20:20,285 -Is there any way you can undo the strikes? 527 00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:23,221 None of them were even my fault. -Let me take a look. 528 00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:27,492 I can try rebooting it to the factory settings. 529 00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:30,362 Wow. 530 00:20:30,364 --> 00:20:32,164 -Would you look at that, bucky. 531 00:20:32,166 --> 00:20:33,632 -Babies having babies. 532 00:20:33,634 --> 00:20:37,336 -This is the world marnie tried to protect us from. 533 00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:42,240 -Okay, if you thought that was a normal mother's day, 534 00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:44,643 You might be a redneck. 535 00:20:44,645 --> 00:20:46,578 [ laughter ] right? 536 00:20:46,580 --> 00:20:48,046 -Annie fantasy? 537 00:20:48,048 --> 00:20:50,382 I'm following the tracker on real kid number 82791. 538 00:20:50,384 --> 00:20:52,050 Here to collect. -Sure thing. 539 00:20:52,052 --> 00:20:54,919 Here you go. She's been a real angel. 540 00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:57,055 -Zero shakes? Very impressive. 541 00:20:57,057 --> 00:21:00,525 If you so choose, you will make a great teen mom. 542 00:21:00,527 --> 00:21:04,062 -Some people just aren't cut out to be teen mothers. 543 00:21:04,064 --> 00:21:06,264 -Don't I know it. Sterilized 12 today. 544 00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:09,468 -Glad I'm not lucky 13. Up top. 545 00:21:09,470 --> 00:21:11,936 -Best mother's day ever, baba. 546 00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:14,473 Brunch with all your kids. 547 00:21:14,475 --> 00:21:15,340 -Right. 548 00:21:15,342 --> 00:21:17,942 All my kids. Hm. 549 00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:22,347 ♪♪ 550 00:21:22,349 --> 00:21:26,685 ♪♪ 551 00:21:26,687 --> 00:21:29,188 -[ grunts, groaning ] 552 00:21:32,827 --> 00:21:35,427 -[ growling ] 553 00:21:35,429 --> 00:21:41,500 ♪♪ 554 00:21:41,502 --> 00:21:46,971 -♪ baby, baby, baby bitch ♪ 555 00:21:46,973 --> 00:21:51,976 ♪ go conquer someone else ♪ 556 00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:57,649 ♪ people say, "how beautiful, how sweet, how kind." ♪ 557 00:21:57,651 --> 00:22:02,521 ♪ you're perfect, you've got nothing to hide ♪ 558 00:22:02,523 --> 00:22:08,593 ♪ but I, for one, have seen the sun ♪ 559 00:22:08,595 --> 00:22:12,598 ♪ and the bitch that you've locked up inside ♪