1
00:00:00,467 --> 00:00:01,533
S and ears, señoritas.
2
00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:04,336
I'm sergeant bambino,
commanding officer
3
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:05,938
Of this here maternal mission.
4
00:00:05,940 --> 00:00:08,206
In case you aren't aware,
fort gator
5
00:00:08,208 --> 00:00:11,476
Has the highest teen-pregnancy
rate in the nation.
6
00:00:11,478 --> 00:00:14,079
[ students cheering ]
no, stop. That's a bad thing.
7
00:00:14,081 --> 00:00:16,348
Therefore,
this mother's day weekend,
8
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:19,083
Your good friends
in the u.S. Military
9
00:00:19,085 --> 00:00:20,752
Will run an advanced simulation.
10
00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:24,490
We're calling it operation:
Keep your legs closed.
11
00:00:26,493 --> 00:00:30,695
After self-impregnation,
your a.I. Real baby embryo
12
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:35,434
Will migrate up into your womb
and expand to newborn size.
13
00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:38,637
In t-minus four to six hours,
you'll give birth,
14
00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:43,041
Then care for your baby until a
recon team comes to retrieve it.
15
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,576
But it won't be easy.
16
00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:48,246
These babies' sole mission
is to get you to shake them.
17
00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:50,649
Your mission is to resist.
18
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:51,850
Questions?!
19
00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:53,518
-Um, I don't want to do this.
20
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,387
-Spoken like a real parent.
Next!
21
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,790
-I've already decided not
to have kids
22
00:00:57,792 --> 00:00:59,858
For environmental reasons.
23
00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:01,794
Do I still have to participate?
24
00:01:01,796 --> 00:01:03,328
-Affirmative.
-Aw.
25
00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:05,930
-According to our research,
77% of babies born today
26
00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:08,733
Contain more plastic
than your average water bottle.
27
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:11,736
So giving birth is a lot more
like recycling than you think.
28
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:16,274
-But, mister, what happens
if we do shake the babies?
29
00:01:16,276 --> 00:01:19,812
-One shake -- nothing.
Two shakes -- also nothing.
30
00:01:19,814 --> 00:01:22,947
But three shakes and you're out
of the reproductive game.
31
00:01:22,949 --> 00:01:27,352
Your girlie eggs will be frozen
for a decade -- minimum!
32
00:01:27,354 --> 00:01:28,753
[ students gasp ]
-frozen?
33
00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:30,489
Like, harvested
and preserved cryogenically?
34
00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:31,623
-No, ma'am.
35
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:34,026
Frozen like funds
in a bank account.
36
00:01:34,028 --> 00:01:36,161
Now, I'll wait
outside the classroom
37
00:01:36,163 --> 00:01:37,896
While you insert the babies.
38
00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:39,631
But please don't swallow them,
39
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:42,100
As they're considered
a choking hazard.
40
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,769
Okay, line up
and serve your country,
41
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,771
Ladies!
42
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,040
[ baby cries ]
43
00:01:48,042 --> 00:01:52,777
-♪ I'm not as crazy
as I used to be ♪
44
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,647
♪ some of my devils up
and left me free ♪
45
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:59,518
♪ to find a quiet space,
I'm not as out of place ♪
46
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:03,055
♪ and I'm coming home again ♪
47
00:02:03,057 --> 00:02:08,126
♪ it's been too long a time
gettin' back what's mine ♪
48
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:12,731
♪ and I can't remember why
I went away ♪
49
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:17,202
♪ but it's lookin' now like
maybe I can stay ♪
50
00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:19,071
Is that any good?
51
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,608
-Baba, please take me with you!
52
00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:25,810
Every year, all you want
for mother's day
53
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,279
Is to be left alone.
54
00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:29,414
But this year,
I want to do something together.
55
00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:31,015
How about a couple's massage?
56
00:02:31,017 --> 00:02:32,951
Or a mother-son tantric brunch.
57
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:34,753
It's less sexual
than it sounds.
58
00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:36,020
-No, peter.
59
00:02:36,022 --> 00:02:38,557
Old country way is mothers
spend mother's day weekend
60
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:41,426
Alone in forest,
trapping and killing bear.
61
00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:42,961
That best gift.
62
00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:46,098
-Well, I'm making annie take me
to the mama-con pub crawl
63
00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:48,166
For our first
mother's day together.
64
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,769
It's like santacon
but for single moms.
65
00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:53,171
-I think I'm crowning!
66
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,240
Boil some water!
67
00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:56,508
Aaaah!
68
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,443
-You think giving birth
is gonna get you
69
00:02:58,445 --> 00:03:00,112
Out of taking me to mama-con?
70
00:03:00,114 --> 00:03:01,646
Well, think again.
71
00:03:01,648 --> 00:03:04,649
Being pregnant never stopped me
from drinking.
72
00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:07,586
-This isn't a real pregnancy!
Aaaah!
73
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:10,923
I'm part of a secret
government experiment!
74
00:03:10,925 --> 00:03:12,524
Aaaah!
-That's either your shame
75
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,659
Talking or my tax dollars
hard at work.
76
00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:17,662
So, yeah, win-win for baba.
Good luck.
77
00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:19,331
-You, too, baba!
78
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:22,935
And happy mother's day!
79
00:03:22,937 --> 00:03:24,202
Little help here?
80
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,204
-Sorry.
I got to deliver a surprise
81
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:29,674
Picnic brunch
to baba in the woods.
82
00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:31,075
[ watch beeping ]
83
00:03:31,077 --> 00:03:33,278
Shh!
-Fine. I'll do it.
84
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:34,613
The sooner you can squeeze
this thing out,
85
00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:36,148
The sooner we can mama-con.
86
00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:38,817
I did this when I was your age,
so you can, too.
87
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,285
It doesn't take a genius.
88
00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:41,954
Okay, pull!
89
00:03:41,956 --> 00:03:43,422
Pull!
90
00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:44,689
Oh, oops.
91
00:03:44,691 --> 00:03:46,258
Push!
92
00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:49,027
[ coughs ]
93
00:03:49,029 --> 00:03:50,428
Oh, wet!
94
00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:51,563
Oh, get her off me.
95
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,298
Ouch!
It's gripping!
96
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:54,633
-Real baby activated.
97
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:57,502
Initiating
maternal-instinct test.
98
00:03:57,504 --> 00:03:59,972
Commence wail mode.
[ wailing ]
99
00:03:59,974 --> 00:04:02,374
-[ gasps ] stop! Please!
100
00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:05,844
Stop!
Please be quiet.
101
00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:09,914
-Oh, no! No! No, no!
102
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:11,116
-Shake number 1.
103
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:12,384
Bad mommy.
104
00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:13,452
-Problem solved.
105
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:16,388
Let's go.
-You cannot shake her.
106
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:20,325
If it happens twice more,
my eggs will be frozen.
107
00:04:20,327 --> 00:04:21,593
-Mommy detected.
108
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:24,196
Low self-esteem,
people-pleasing tendencies.
109
00:04:24,198 --> 00:04:27,065
Commencing
shake-temptation protocol.
110
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:28,733
[ wailing ]
-okay, way to be
111
00:04:28,735 --> 00:04:30,402
An assertive
little girl boss.
112
00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:33,271
You know what you want,
and mommy loves it.
113
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,739
Don't touch her.
114
00:04:34,741 --> 00:04:37,476
Sorry, but the baby and I
should probably stay home.
115
00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:39,211
-Just leave it here, annie.
What's it gonna do?
116
00:04:39,213 --> 00:04:40,545
Call 911?
117
00:04:40,547 --> 00:04:42,080
That's the great thing
about babies.
118
00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:43,348
They can't.
119
00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:45,217
-Connecting to 911.
-No, no, no.
120
00:04:45,219 --> 00:04:46,218
End call, end call.
121
00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:48,753
I can't leave her alone.
-Fine.
122
00:04:48,755 --> 00:04:50,555
Bring it.
I can't believe a baby
123
00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:52,758
Is ruining
a perfectly good mother's day.
124
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,294
-[ imitates bear grunt ]
125
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:59,431
[ rustling ]
126
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:01,633
-Surprise! Oh!
127
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:02,967
-Idiot!
128
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,370
I nearly put bullet-sized hole
in boy-sized head.
129
00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:07,039
What in the hell
are you doing here?
130
00:05:07,041 --> 00:05:08,841
-I thought you might
be hungry out here.
131
00:05:08,843 --> 00:05:10,308
Hungry for a son's love.
132
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,977
And!
-No. I very full.
133
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:15,247
Baba just rocky balboa
a half-dozen eggs.
134
00:05:15,249 --> 00:05:17,115
-Well, I took the liberty
of learning
135
00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:22,120
How to cook a delicious
traditional old country brunch.
136
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,588
Sad possum with a side
of ryegrass,
137
00:05:23,590 --> 00:05:26,859
And to wash it down,
your favorite, brown wine.
138
00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:30,262
-Ehhh!
-Boo!
139
00:05:30,264 --> 00:05:33,198
-Eat my ryegrass,
poor-planning strumpet!
140
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,599
-Boo!
-Hyah!
141
00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:37,602
-Get husband, you nympho!
-Shameful.
142
00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:41,273
Unwed teen mom give birth alone
in shame cave.
143
00:05:41,275 --> 00:05:46,811
♪♪
144
00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:49,281
-[ grunting ]
145
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,484
[ baby crying ]
146
00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:54,887
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Aha.
147
00:05:54,889 --> 00:05:58,857
Tell me, little one,
do you like the teat?
148
00:06:02,096 --> 00:06:04,096
[ groans ]
149
00:06:04,098 --> 00:06:05,964
[ gasps ]
150
00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:08,166
We have visitor.
151
00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,302
Hello, mr. Bear.
152
00:06:10,304 --> 00:06:12,104
We friendly.
153
00:06:12,106 --> 00:06:13,706
See?
154
00:06:13,708 --> 00:06:16,108
-[ roars ]
155
00:06:16,110 --> 00:06:18,176
[ baby crying ]
156
00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:21,113
-[ yells ]
157
00:06:21,115 --> 00:06:23,248
[ crying continues ]
158
00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:25,684
Hyah!
159
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,186
Huh?
160
00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:30,589
Ha ha!
161
00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:32,124
Aah! [ grunts ]
162
00:06:32,126 --> 00:06:34,392
[ baby wailing ]
163
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,661
Girls, new enemy is bear.
164
00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:40,665
One day, we get revenge!
165
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:42,334
-[ roars ]
-[ gasps ]
166
00:06:42,336 --> 00:06:43,868
Peter, quick, run.
167
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:45,537
Get out of here before bear
take you away
168
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:46,939
And raise you as its own.
169
00:06:46,941 --> 00:06:50,609
-I'm not going anywhere
until you taste my brunch.
170
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:53,345
-Shut up and go, stupid boy!
171
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:57,682
-You'd rather shoot me
than spend mother's day
172
00:06:57,684 --> 00:06:59,351
With your favorite son?
173
00:06:59,353 --> 00:07:00,752
Fine!
174
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:01,886
'scuse me.
175
00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:04,823
Aah!
176
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:07,326
-[ roars ]
177
00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:11,696
-Oh, my god.
This is better than I imagined.
178
00:07:11,698 --> 00:07:12,965
I can't wait to get in there
179
00:07:12,967 --> 00:07:15,968
And see what it's like
to be a mom!
180
00:07:15,970 --> 00:07:18,437
Annie, will you shut
that thing up?
181
00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:19,972
The moms are judging.
182
00:07:19,974 --> 00:07:23,375
-Either shove that baby
back inside or go home!
183
00:07:23,377 --> 00:07:25,710
-I don't think she likes
the loud music.
184
00:07:25,712 --> 00:07:27,512
-Move it along!
-Sorry.
185
00:07:27,514 --> 00:07:30,048
No outside food or babies
under 2 allowed.
186
00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:34,118
Moms are welcome to leave babies
unattended in their hot car.
187
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,320
Next.
188
00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:40,258
-I am missing out on mama-con,
and it's all your fault!
189
00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:43,195
-Whoopsie-doodle, bitch.
190
00:07:43,197 --> 00:07:44,663
-Mom!
Stop!
191
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,531
My eggs.
Remember?
192
00:07:46,533 --> 00:07:48,066
-Shake number 2.
193
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:50,202
-If you're not supposed
to shake it, why does it have
194
00:07:50,204 --> 00:07:51,603
Such a stupid shakable face?!
195
00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:54,206
-It looks just like
a normal baby, mom.
196
00:07:54,208 --> 00:07:57,075
-Exactly.
197
00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:59,944
-[ crying ]
198
00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:01,746
Well, I guess if I spy on baba
199
00:08:01,748 --> 00:08:03,482
From a distance,
that will still count
200
00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:05,750
As us spending
mother's day together, right?
201
00:08:05,752 --> 00:08:08,220
Oh, no!
I can't spot her anywhere!
202
00:08:08,222 --> 00:08:10,555
I think I'm lost!
203
00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:12,691
Wait.
What's that?
204
00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:15,027
Wow!
205
00:08:15,029 --> 00:08:17,362
1, 2, 3...17...56...
206
00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:19,631
99 bottles of beer on the wall.
207
00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:22,967
So this is where
that song comes from!
208
00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:24,369
[ chuckles ]
-[ sniffs ]
209
00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:28,507
Do I smell an adult mama's boy
with unmet needs?
210
00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:29,908
Ooh, hello, dear.
211
00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:31,243
I'm mother marnie.
212
00:08:31,245 --> 00:08:34,179
Why don't you come inside
for a nice cold beer?
213
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:37,182
-Oh!
-Make yourself at home, hon.
214
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:40,785
I'll be just a moment.
-[ chuckles ]
215
00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:43,988
[ gasps ]
216
00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:45,257
Those your sons?
217
00:08:45,259 --> 00:08:48,260
Bet you're excited to spend
mother's day with them.
218
00:08:48,262 --> 00:08:50,195
-I insist you join us.
219
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:52,330
-I'd love to spend mother's day
with my own mom,
220
00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:56,668
But she wants to be alone
and "avoid me today."
221
00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:58,403
-How peculiar.
222
00:08:58,405 --> 00:09:00,138
Oh, I couldn't bear the thought
of being away from my boys.
223
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:03,341
Would you mind if I took
your photo to hang up?
224
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:04,476
Say "beer."
225
00:09:04,478 --> 00:09:06,278
-Beer.
[ camera shutter clicks ]
226
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,813
[ grunts, body thuds ]
227
00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:12,084
-There. I think I finally
got her to sleep.
228
00:09:12,086 --> 00:09:14,286
I'm gonna go set up
her crib upstairs.
229
00:09:14,288 --> 00:09:17,222
It's a tiny coffin.
230
00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:18,623
Don't touch her.
231
00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:20,425
-Yeah, yeah.
232
00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:23,495
I guess you are kind of cute,
at least while you're sleeping.
233
00:09:23,497 --> 00:09:25,630
Maybe you just had
to get used to me.
234
00:09:25,632 --> 00:09:28,300
I'm more of a mommy
than you realize.
235
00:09:28,302 --> 00:09:31,303
In fact, my womb
is full right now.
236
00:09:31,305 --> 00:09:33,772
Yes, with insects.
-Scanning.
237
00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:36,241
Insecure alcoholic
universally disliked.
238
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:37,842
Correction.
239
00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:40,112
Non-living human with worn-out
beetle-infested genitalia.
240
00:09:40,114 --> 00:09:41,246
Correction.
241
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,047
Subhuman cast member of
"bad girls club"
242
00:09:43,049 --> 00:09:45,717
Who was too ugly
to get camera time.
243
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:48,120
-You shady little bitch.
-What you gonna do?
244
00:09:48,122 --> 00:09:49,187
Shake me?
245
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,054
-Don't shake.
246
00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:52,657
Annie needs her --
-do it.
247
00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:55,127
You know you want to, grandma.
248
00:09:55,129 --> 00:09:58,063
-[ yelling ]
249
00:09:58,065 --> 00:09:59,264
-Shake 3.
-Oops.
250
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,466
-Potential maternity
terminated.
251
00:10:01,468 --> 00:10:04,603
Commencing
operation: Eggs on ice.
252
00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:06,204
Whoopsie-doodle.
253
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:09,608
-Okay, I've got the white-noise
machine on, and --
254
00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:11,676
Oh, my god!
255
00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:13,746
Did you shake her again?!
256
00:10:13,748 --> 00:10:15,948
-She begged me to!
257
00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:18,016
-I was hoping things
were getting better between us,
258
00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:20,685
But you act like
it's your job to ruin my life.
259
00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:22,687
-Annie, I hate jobs.
260
00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:24,088
I did you a favor.
261
00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:27,025
But if it's really
such a big deal to you...
262
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:29,361
[ grunts ]
-what are you doing?
263
00:10:29,363 --> 00:10:32,164
-I'm using my death powers
to "magic school bus" myself
264
00:10:32,166 --> 00:10:35,567
Into the baby and turn off
the strikes from the inside!
265
00:10:35,569 --> 00:10:36,901
-Mom, no. Wait!
266
00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:40,072
-Death power!
-Aah!
267
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:43,041
Huh?
268
00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:44,109
[ baby beeps ]
269
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:45,310
-I did it!
270
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,378
Hey, watch this.
271
00:10:46,380 --> 00:10:47,646
"I'm a baby.
272
00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:49,381
I poopy myself."
273
00:10:49,383 --> 00:10:50,649
Oh, wait.
274
00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,384
I think I actually did
just shit myself.
275
00:10:52,386 --> 00:10:54,186
-There's still three tallies.
276
00:10:54,188 --> 00:10:55,654
That didn't work at all.
277
00:10:55,656 --> 00:10:57,656
Come back out of there.
278
00:10:57,658 --> 00:11:00,325
-Okay.
Death powers!
279
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,861
And death powers.
280
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,997
Aw, crap.
It's not working.
281
00:11:04,999 --> 00:11:06,198
-What?! Why?!
282
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:10,002
-Annie, my powers have a truth
but no logic,
283
00:11:10,004 --> 00:11:11,336
Like a picasso painting
284
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,005
Or a season of "riverdale."
285
00:11:13,007 --> 00:11:16,875
My guess is, I'm like a husk,
and any actual death powers
286
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:20,412
I have or had [chuckles]
are because of the beetles.
287
00:11:20,414 --> 00:11:23,281
-So you're just stuck in there?
-Well, on the bright side,
288
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:25,884
Now you got to take care of me
on mother's day.
289
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:28,721
Is the, uh, booby bar open?
290
00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:33,291
-The new bro is waking up.
Look. He's coming out of it.
291
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:35,494
-Hey.
You're marnie's sons.
292
00:11:35,496 --> 00:11:37,629
Your mom's real nice.
293
00:11:37,631 --> 00:11:39,764
I guess I drank too much
and passed out.
294
00:11:39,766 --> 00:11:42,367
Whoa!
-Easy, now.
295
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,903
Sit and take a breather,
brother.
296
00:11:44,905 --> 00:11:46,971
Hey, how about
a nice frosty cold one
297
00:11:46,973 --> 00:11:49,107
To put some color
back in those cheeks?
298
00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:52,244
-Not really in a popsicle mood,
thanks.
299
00:11:52,246 --> 00:11:53,645
Oh, cold one.
300
00:11:53,647 --> 00:11:56,114
You guys really like beer, huh?
301
00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:57,382
-Go on and try a sip.
302
00:11:57,384 --> 00:12:00,585
We brewed it ourselves.
303
00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:05,190
-That's nice.
-Note the, um, apricot.
304
00:12:05,192 --> 00:12:06,324
Huh?
-Come on, pete.
305
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:07,726
Try some.
-You got to try it, pete.
306
00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:10,595
-I don't really like beer,
but okay.
307
00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:12,397
Oh.
Tastes like beer.
308
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:14,599
-Sure does.
[ laughter ]
309
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:16,334
-Aw, pete.
-Pete!
310
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:17,602
-You notice the almond?
311
00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:20,605
Van thought
I was a nut to add it.
312
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:23,007
[ laughter ]
313
00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:24,943
-Oh, bucky.
314
00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:27,011
-Now, pete, I'm sure you've got
a lot of questions,
315
00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:28,881
And we're more than happy
to answer them.
316
00:12:28,883 --> 00:12:31,750
-Well, just off the top
of my head, where's marnie?
317
00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:33,552
And are we in prison down here?
318
00:12:33,554 --> 00:12:35,687
Also, do I taste
a little kumquat in that beer?
319
00:12:35,689 --> 00:12:39,023
-Ah, petey, this is gonna be
a bitter ale to swallow.
320
00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:41,560
But this here is
an eternal fraternity.
321
00:12:41,562 --> 00:12:43,495
A brewhouse of brotherhood.
322
00:12:43,497 --> 00:12:45,564
And there's no way out of here.
323
00:12:45,566 --> 00:12:48,967
From now on, there is only here.
324
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:50,835
-What?!
I can't stay here!
325
00:12:50,837 --> 00:12:54,372
-I felt the same way at first,
but now look at me.
326
00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:58,042
Sure, I haven't seen the sun
in six years, but --
327
00:12:58,044 --> 00:12:59,378
-Six years?!
328
00:12:59,380 --> 00:13:01,113
Why won't marnie let us out?
329
00:13:01,115 --> 00:13:03,982
-She expresses her love
through padlocks
330
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:06,184
And pretending she's leaving
to go on errands,
331
00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:08,052
But she's really just waiting
in the driveway
332
00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:09,988
For someone
to make a run for it.
333
00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:13,592
-We warned number 11 about
that, but he wouldn't listen.
334
00:13:13,594 --> 00:13:16,728
-Honestly, marnie is the best.
335
00:13:16,730 --> 00:13:19,531
I mean, she lets us crash here
for free.
336
00:13:19,533 --> 00:13:22,935
-And on fridays, she orders
pizza and rents a dvd for us.
337
00:13:22,937 --> 00:13:25,137
-Baba never lets me have pizza.
338
00:13:25,139 --> 00:13:26,738
She says it makes me hyper.
339
00:13:26,740 --> 00:13:28,941
-I think you're gonna
have way more fun
340
00:13:28,943 --> 00:13:31,209
Living under
marnie's floorboards.
341
00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:33,145
-Plus, we'll teach you
how to brew.
342
00:13:33,147 --> 00:13:38,082
You'll be whipping up tasty suds
with your pasty buds in no time.
343
00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:40,152
-I mean, when you put it
that way,
344
00:13:40,154 --> 00:13:43,288
It sounds like
a pretty amazing life!
345
00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:44,623
-Yeah!
-He gets it.
346
00:13:44,625 --> 00:13:47,492
-I never imagined my life
could be so good.
347
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,294
-Okay, brothers.
348
00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:50,695
But before we proceed,
349
00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:52,431
Could I have a moment alone
to pinch myself
350
00:13:52,433 --> 00:13:56,168
So I know this great situation
is real and not a dream?
351
00:13:56,170 --> 00:13:57,902
-No problemo, bro.
352
00:13:57,904 --> 00:14:00,104
We'll be in the grow room
checking on the hop harvest.
353
00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:02,240
Up top.
354
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:04,309
-[ gasps ]
[ watch beeping ]
355
00:14:04,311 --> 00:14:07,045
[ gasps ]
356
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:11,249
Come on. Send, send, send!
[ buzzer ]
357
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:12,384
-Jesus, mom!
358
00:14:12,386 --> 00:14:14,119
You really need to get
some fiber in your diet.
359
00:14:14,121 --> 00:14:15,788
-That was actually way
more solid
360
00:14:15,790 --> 00:14:16,989
Than I expected it to be, right?
361
00:14:16,991 --> 00:14:18,390
[ doorbell rings ]
-oh, no!
362
00:14:18,392 --> 00:14:21,059
That's my friends.
I forgot they were coming over.
363
00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:22,126
Play along.
364
00:14:22,128 --> 00:14:23,728
I don't want them to know
I failed.
365
00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:24,997
You're a baby the government
gave me as part
366
00:14:24,999 --> 00:14:26,398
Of a covert operation
to stop the human race.
367
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:27,532
Got it?
-Yeah.
368
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:28,600
Yeah, sure.
Government baby.
369
00:14:28,602 --> 00:14:30,535
I can do this.
-Hey.
370
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:31,870
How you guys holding up?
371
00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:34,206
Anyone hit three shakes yet?
372
00:14:34,208 --> 00:14:36,208
-Only two, but it was close.
373
00:14:36,210 --> 00:14:37,742
I haven't slept.
374
00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:40,145
And when we walked past dadology
this morning,
375
00:14:40,147 --> 00:14:44,216
She started talking about
how much more fun the dads are.
376
00:14:44,218 --> 00:14:47,285
-My mommy can't keep a man.
377
00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:49,822
-Once I told manny
I don't want kids
378
00:14:49,824 --> 00:14:53,492
And just want to be a cool aunt,
things got much easier.
379
00:14:53,494 --> 00:14:55,027
-This sucks.
380
00:14:55,029 --> 00:14:56,829
If the government's trying to
prevent unwanted pregnancies,
381
00:14:56,831 --> 00:15:00,165
Why won't they just make birth
control and abortion free
382
00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:01,766
And available to all?
383
00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:04,769
Right, guys?
384
00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:06,705
-Pbht!
Good luck with that.
385
00:15:06,707 --> 00:15:07,906
Wait.
What are you guys looking at?
386
00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:08,973
-Oh, my god, annie!
387
00:15:08,975 --> 00:15:10,975
Your baby has three strikes.
388
00:15:10,977 --> 00:15:15,313
Even my shitty-ass baby
doesn't have three strikes.
389
00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:17,716
-Danger!
Danger!
390
00:15:17,718 --> 00:15:19,651
-See you later, annie.
391
00:15:19,653 --> 00:15:21,053
-Good luck, annie.
-Baba.
392
00:15:21,055 --> 00:15:23,055
We weren't expecting you back
so soon.
393
00:15:23,057 --> 00:15:24,656
-Eh, day was bust.
394
00:15:24,658 --> 00:15:26,658
Peter's surprise
scare away bear.
395
00:15:26,660 --> 00:15:28,060
Oh, no.
396
00:15:28,062 --> 00:15:30,462
Annie, very sorry,
but baby resemble trophy.
397
00:15:30,464 --> 00:15:34,466
Will probably grow up to be
jezebel bimbo like trophy, too.
398
00:15:34,468 --> 00:15:35,734
Eh!
Horrible shame.
399
00:15:35,736 --> 00:15:37,469
-Baba, it is me.
400
00:15:37,471 --> 00:15:40,539
I put myself into annie's
government-assigned real baby
401
00:15:40,541 --> 00:15:41,606
Because --
-yeah, I no care.
402
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,141
Peter!
-He hasn't been back
403
00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:45,810
Since he left to bring you
a picnic in the woods.
404
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:47,212
-Push memory down, baba.
405
00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:49,347
Keep traumatic memory
in stomach,
406
00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:53,151
Pinned below rocky balboa eggs.
[ breathes deeply ]
407
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:54,687
-Son in danger!
408
00:15:54,689 --> 00:15:56,821
Repeat -- son in danger!
409
00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:58,957
Sending coordinates.
-[ gasps ] come!
410
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:01,826
We must save him now!
-Ugh! Really?
411
00:16:01,828 --> 00:16:03,695
It's just these baby arms
are so short.
412
00:16:03,697 --> 00:16:05,297
[ whining ]
-no!
413
00:16:05,299 --> 00:16:09,434
As mother's day gift to baba,
we all go save peter as family.
414
00:16:09,436 --> 00:16:10,769
-Good job, pete!
415
00:16:10,771 --> 00:16:12,104
Now I'm gonna teach you
the differences
416
00:16:12,106 --> 00:16:14,639
Between flaked and malted oats.
417
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:16,441
-Wow!
Oats got malted now?
418
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:17,576
Awesomeness!
419
00:16:17,578 --> 00:16:20,312
Come on, baba.
420
00:16:20,314 --> 00:16:23,047
-Pete better be eaten at least
from the waist down
421
00:16:23,049 --> 00:16:24,717
If he's making us
drive this far.
422
00:16:24,719 --> 00:16:27,252
-Shut baby hole!
According to son finder,
423
00:16:27,254 --> 00:16:30,322
He should be right about here.
[ tires screech ]
424
00:16:30,324 --> 00:16:32,124
Look like "hansel and gretel"
cottage,
425
00:16:32,126 --> 00:16:33,792
But of adult-boy kidnapper.
426
00:16:33,794 --> 00:16:36,261
-Let me take the reins
on this one, gang.
427
00:16:36,263 --> 00:16:39,331
Annie, grab baba's gun
and hide it in your pants.
428
00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:40,799
-What?
429
00:16:40,801 --> 00:16:43,001
-I need you to "yes, and"
me on this, annie.
430
00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:45,003
-Here's the last of it, boys.
[ men grunt ]
431
00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:48,073
How's that chicago-style
beer coming?
432
00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:52,010
-Oh, it's thick!
-And zero traces of ketchup.
433
00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:54,479
[ knocking on door ]
-ugh!
434
00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:57,682
[ knocking continues ]
435
00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:00,552
Ah. Can I...Help you?
436
00:17:00,554 --> 00:17:02,020
-Hi.
Sorry to bother you,
437
00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:03,888
But do you happen to have
a tampon for my mom?
438
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,157
She just got her period,
439
00:17:05,159 --> 00:17:07,225
And we're worried
it'll attract bears.
440
00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:08,827
-Sorry, dear.
441
00:17:08,829 --> 00:17:11,563
I haven't had a need for those
for many years now, I'm afraid.
442
00:17:11,565 --> 00:17:12,831
Take care.
443
00:17:12,833 --> 00:17:14,299
-Maybe she could use
your bathroom
444
00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:16,234
To macgyver something together
and clean herself up,
445
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:17,770
Because it's looking
and smelling
446
00:17:17,772 --> 00:17:19,371
Like texas chili down --
ow!
447
00:17:19,373 --> 00:17:21,106
-Please, mother to mother.
448
00:17:21,108 --> 00:17:23,375
I just need a minute,
and then we'll be off to resume
449
00:17:23,377 --> 00:17:26,779
Celebrating mother's day in
the middle of the remote woods.
450
00:17:26,781 --> 00:17:29,314
-[ sighs ] fine.
It's back and to the left.
451
00:17:29,316 --> 00:17:31,516
But I'm afraid I'll have
to ask you to be brief.
452
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:34,053
I have my own mother's day plans
to attend to.
453
00:17:35,589 --> 00:17:37,122
-Uh, lovely home.
454
00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:40,125
Very creative to make all
from bottle.
455
00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:41,860
You live here by self?
-Yeah.
456
00:17:41,862 --> 00:17:45,263
Me, myself, and I.
-Oh. I envious.
457
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:46,198
Hmm.
458
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:49,534
I bet it not often you
get a visitor.
459
00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:51,203
-Nope.
Hardly ever.
460
00:17:51,205 --> 00:17:52,871
Just my sons.
461
00:17:52,873 --> 00:17:54,873
The cabin is pretty hard
to find,
462
00:17:54,875 --> 00:17:57,476
If you don't know where to look.
463
00:17:57,478 --> 00:18:01,880
-These your son?
-Yes, my pride and boys.
464
00:18:01,882 --> 00:18:05,350
#boymom.
-[ gasps ] peter!
465
00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:06,551
-[ whistles ]
[ gun cocks ]
466
00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:08,487
-Drop it.
I'm holding a gun,
467
00:18:08,489 --> 00:18:11,824
And I am definitely comfortable
with that concept.
468
00:18:11,826 --> 00:18:13,558
-I knew one day,
a nosy mama bear
469
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,760
Would come looking
for her pathetic little cub.
470
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:19,498
-Where my peter?
-Now he's my peter.
471
00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:21,366
You'll never see him again.
472
00:18:21,368 --> 00:18:22,567
-Oh, yeah?
473
00:18:22,569 --> 00:18:24,837
-Activating marco polo mode.
474
00:18:24,839 --> 00:18:26,905
Marco.
-[ muffled ] polo.
475
00:18:26,907 --> 00:18:28,440
-They're under the floorboards.
476
00:18:28,442 --> 00:18:29,974
Oh, god, she killed them!
477
00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:32,177
-Or they're in
the creepy basement.
478
00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:34,046
That smells delicious!
479
00:18:34,048 --> 00:18:38,116
-You'll never get my boys
or my home microbrewery!
480
00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:39,651
[ grunts, chuckles ]
-[ gasps ]
481
00:18:39,653 --> 00:18:43,255
-Get away from
my daughter, witch!
482
00:18:43,257 --> 00:18:44,790
-Aaaaah!
483
00:18:46,727 --> 00:18:48,793
You ugly little bitch!
484
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:51,196
-Let go of my mother!
485
00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:54,466
-Use maternal instinct
to defeat predator.
486
00:18:54,468 --> 00:18:56,468
-Booby!
-Yeah, right.
487
00:18:56,470 --> 00:18:58,537
I mean, annie!
488
00:18:58,539 --> 00:18:59,804
-Huh?
489
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:01,206
-Aah!
490
00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:03,608
-[ gasps ]
way to go, guys.
491
00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:05,610
Mom! Are you okay?
492
00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:09,814
-Ugh, her leg tasted
like eczema lotion.
493
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:11,684
-Peter!
494
00:19:11,686 --> 00:19:13,552
[ siren wails ]
495
00:19:13,554 --> 00:19:14,753
-Please, don't leave!
496
00:19:14,755 --> 00:19:17,422
Don't abandon me!
497
00:19:17,424 --> 00:19:19,758
-Don't worry, marnie.
We'll stay right here.
498
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:23,228
-You guys know you literally
can't stay here, right?
499
00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:24,829
-What? That's official?
-Come on!
500
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,699
-Well, that's stupid.
-No fair.
501
00:19:26,701 --> 00:19:28,967
-Well, gang,
I guess this is goodbye.
502
00:19:28,969 --> 00:19:30,369
-No way, brother.
503
00:19:30,371 --> 00:19:32,304
You know what?
We could all move in together.
504
00:19:32,306 --> 00:19:35,307
Yeah, find a clutch two-bedroom
in downtown fort gator.
505
00:19:35,309 --> 00:19:37,309
We all sleep in one room
and use the other
506
00:19:37,311 --> 00:19:39,377
For a little home-brew setup.
507
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:40,178
You down?
508
00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:43,047
-Let me, uh, think about it.
509
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:45,183
-[ grunting ]
510
00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:47,051
Can one of you big boys
crack this for me?
511
00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:48,520
To the weekend, right?
512
00:19:48,522 --> 00:19:49,988
-Aww!
-Oh, yeah.
513
00:19:49,990 --> 00:19:53,057
-If you take even one sip,
I'm putting you in baby jail.
514
00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:55,527
-Damn! Couldn't resist
shaking it, could you?
515
00:19:55,529 --> 00:19:56,995
-It's complicated.
516
00:19:56,997 --> 00:19:58,931
But how'd you know
about the three-shake rule?
517
00:19:58,933 --> 00:20:00,665
-I used to be
a tech for real kid.
518
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:04,603
It was good, honest union work
deterring young folks
519
00:20:04,605 --> 00:20:06,138
From becoming moms.
520
00:20:06,140 --> 00:20:09,541
We also provided sentient
anti-loneliness teddy bears
521
00:20:09,543 --> 00:20:10,609
To the elderly.
522
00:20:10,611 --> 00:20:11,944
Marnie -- she ordered one,
523
00:20:11,946 --> 00:20:14,212
And I came here
to do the in-home setup.
524
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:17,482
And she made sure
I never left.
525
00:20:17,484 --> 00:20:18,417
I miss her.
526
00:20:18,419 --> 00:20:20,285
-Is there any way you can
undo the strikes?
527
00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:23,221
None of them were even my fault.
-Let me take a look.
528
00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:27,492
I can try rebooting it
to the factory settings.
529
00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:30,362
Wow.
530
00:20:30,364 --> 00:20:32,164
-Would you look at that, bucky.
531
00:20:32,166 --> 00:20:33,632
-Babies having babies.
532
00:20:33,634 --> 00:20:37,336
-This is the world marnie
tried to protect us from.
533
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:42,240
-Okay, if you thought that was
a normal mother's day,
534
00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:44,643
You might be a redneck.
535
00:20:44,645 --> 00:20:46,578
[ laughter ]
right?
536
00:20:46,580 --> 00:20:48,046
-Annie fantasy?
537
00:20:48,048 --> 00:20:50,382
I'm following the tracker
on real kid number 82791.
538
00:20:50,384 --> 00:20:52,050
Here to collect.
-Sure thing.
539
00:20:52,052 --> 00:20:54,919
Here you go.
She's been a real angel.
540
00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:57,055
-Zero shakes?
Very impressive.
541
00:20:57,057 --> 00:21:00,525
If you so choose,
you will make a great teen mom.
542
00:21:00,527 --> 00:21:04,062
-Some people just aren't
cut out to be teen mothers.
543
00:21:04,064 --> 00:21:06,264
-Don't I know it.
Sterilized 12 today.
544
00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:09,468
-Glad I'm not lucky 13.
Up top.
545
00:21:09,470 --> 00:21:11,936
-Best mother's day ever, baba.
546
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:14,473
Brunch with all your kids.
547
00:21:14,475 --> 00:21:15,340
-Right.
548
00:21:15,342 --> 00:21:17,942
All my kids. Hm.
549
00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:22,347
♪♪
550
00:21:22,349 --> 00:21:26,685
♪♪
551
00:21:26,687 --> 00:21:29,188
-[ grunts, groaning ]
552
00:21:32,827 --> 00:21:35,427
-[ growling ]
553
00:21:35,429 --> 00:21:41,500
♪♪
554
00:21:41,502 --> 00:21:46,971
-♪ baby, baby, baby bitch ♪
555
00:21:46,973 --> 00:21:51,976
♪ go conquer someone else ♪
556
00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:57,649
♪ people say, "how beautiful,
how sweet, how kind." ♪
557
00:21:57,651 --> 00:22:02,521
♪ you're perfect,
you've got nothing to hide ♪
558
00:22:02,523 --> 00:22:08,593
♪ but I, for one,
have seen the sun ♪
559
00:22:08,595 --> 00:22:12,598
♪ and the bitch that
you've locked up inside ♪