1
00:00:12,658 --> 00:00:17,204
[Sarah Silverman] When it's time to make
your voice heard, there's only one choice.

2
00:00:17,288 --> 00:00:21,917
Only one strong enough and big enough
for our country's future.

3
00:00:22,752 --> 00:00:23,627
Dick.

4
00:00:24,754 --> 00:00:26,797
Dick isn't afraid to go hard.

5
00:00:27,465 --> 00:00:31,010
And where
others fall short, Dick goes long.

6
00:00:31,510 --> 00:00:33,596
Dick gets it done.

7
00:00:34,180 --> 00:00:35,890
[echoing] Dick is everywhere.

8
00:00:39,143 --> 00:00:42,855
You can trust Dick,
because Dick is in all of us.

9
00:00:42,938 --> 00:00:43,773
[man 1] I'm a Dick.

10
00:00:44,356 --> 00:00:45,232
[man 2] I'm a Dick.

11
00:00:45,316 --> 00:00:46,817
[woman 1] I'm a Dick.

12
00:00:46,901 --> 00:00:47,943
[woman 2] I'm a Dick.

13
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[child] I'm a huge Dick.

14
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[group] We're all Dicks.

15
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[Sarah Silverman] So when the time comes,
don't dick around.

16
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Vote Dick.

17
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I'm Nicolas Cage,

18
00:00:59,038 --> 00:01:00,873
and I approve this message.

19
00:01:06,045 --> 00:01:07,296
[bleep]

20
00:01:07,379 --> 00:01:08,506
[cat meows]

21
00:01:13,469 --> 00:01:14,470
Oh.

22
00:01:15,721 --> 00:01:18,933
And now we've come
to another fucking episode

23
00:01:19,016 --> 00:01:20,893
in our compendium of cuss words.

24
00:01:20,976 --> 00:01:22,269
And this one is unique.

25
00:01:22,353 --> 00:01:25,481
It is the only one
that started out as a first name.

26
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Nobody ever named
their firstborn "Shittered" or "Fucklyn."

27
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"Excuse me. Excuse me. Fucklyn,
have you done your homework?"

28
00:01:32,655 --> 00:01:34,698
"Shittered, inside voice, please."

29
00:01:35,324 --> 00:01:37,701
Only "dick" holds this distinction.

30
00:01:37,785 --> 00:01:40,663
It comes from a name.
And that name is Richard.

31
00:01:40,746 --> 00:01:42,540
But why Richard?

32
00:01:42,623 --> 00:01:43,999
Why not Jeffrey?

33
00:01:44,083 --> 00:01:46,168
"Hey, you! Suck my jeff."

34
00:01:46,252 --> 00:01:48,796
Doesn't quite have the same ring to it.
What about Daniel?

35
00:01:48,879 --> 00:01:50,506
"Suck my dan--" See? No.

36
00:01:51,173 --> 00:01:53,717
Oh, I know. "Suck my nick."

37
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Yeah.

38
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"Hey, nickhead, eat a nick."

39
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"Don't even think
about nicking me over, nickwad.

40
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Yeah, you wish
you had B.N.E, Big Nick Energy."

41
00:02:04,770 --> 00:02:05,938
I could get used to that.

42
00:02:06,021 --> 00:02:09,024
But until I can make
"nick" happen, we're stuck with "dick."

43
00:02:09,733 --> 00:02:14,071
A word that has had four different
meanings over the past 500 years.

44
00:02:14,155 --> 00:02:16,907
But what is it
about this word that makes it so…

45
00:02:17,491 --> 00:02:18,993
ubiquitous? [sighs]

46
00:02:19,493 --> 00:02:21,495
[typing]

47
00:02:22,997 --> 00:02:23,873
Dick?

48
00:02:23,956 --> 00:02:25,749
-Dick.
-Big ol' dick!

49
00:02:25,833 --> 00:02:27,126
Can you tell me a dick joke?

50
00:02:27,209 --> 00:02:28,919
I used to suck dick for coke.

51
00:02:30,754 --> 00:02:33,382
Now make yourself one, dick weed.

52
00:02:33,465 --> 00:02:35,551
It reduces everybody to a 12-year-old.

53
00:02:35,634 --> 00:02:37,386
Say "dick" or "pussy" and people…

54
00:02:37,469 --> 00:02:40,723
"Dick" is funny. It's sort of the same
structure as the word "fuck."

55
00:02:40,806 --> 00:02:43,893
"Dick" has great phonetics.
Just like a lot of other swear words.

56
00:02:43,976 --> 00:02:46,604
"Dick" is short. It's punchy.

57
00:02:46,687 --> 00:02:47,563
You dick!

58
00:02:47,646 --> 00:02:51,358
"Dick" sounds exactly
like a swear word in English should sound.

59
00:02:51,442 --> 00:02:53,736
You can almost make it multi-syllabic.

60
00:02:53,819 --> 00:02:54,862
Dey-uck.

61
00:02:54,945 --> 00:02:55,946
Dick-uh!

62
00:02:56,030 --> 00:02:57,781
Di-i-ickkk.

63
00:02:57,865 --> 00:03:00,701
I would say my--
my own use of the word "dick"…

64
00:03:00,784 --> 00:03:01,869
uh…

65
00:03:01,952 --> 00:03:02,953
besides…

66
00:03:03,913 --> 00:03:07,583
intimate exchanges in--
in the bedroom with my wife,

67
00:03:07,666 --> 00:03:10,044
like, "Honey, are you interested in…

68
00:03:10,878 --> 00:03:13,505
conducting business
tonight with this dick?"

69
00:03:13,589 --> 00:03:18,260
"Hey, Megan, have…
you seen my dick lately?"

70
00:03:18,344 --> 00:03:19,595
[laughs]

71
00:03:20,095 --> 00:03:23,641
"You should check it out.
There's been some developments."

72
00:03:23,724 --> 00:03:27,019
There's not that immediate, like,
taboo thing that happens

73
00:03:27,102 --> 00:03:30,397
when you say "fuck" or "shit"
or "ass" or any of those other words.

74
00:03:30,481 --> 00:03:32,566
Because "dick," like, you do have to have

75
00:03:32,650 --> 00:03:34,610
that, like, moment of pause
where you're like,

76
00:03:35,110 --> 00:03:38,239
"Okay, am I talking about
the… the body part?

77
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Am I calling someone an asshole?
Or am I just referring to my Uncle Dick?"

78
00:03:42,743 --> 00:03:44,453
[typing]

79
00:03:45,371 --> 00:03:48,624
"Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo."

80
00:03:48,707 --> 00:03:51,210
This is one
of my favorite lines of classical poetry

81
00:03:51,293 --> 00:03:54,171
from one of ancient Rome's
most beautiful writers, Catullus.

82
00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:58,634
It roughly translates to "I will butt-fuck
you and make you suck my dick."

83
00:03:59,385 --> 00:04:03,138
"Dick" has been used in art
and literature for thousands of years.

84
00:04:03,222 --> 00:04:06,725
So the use of--
of the dick as a sexual tool

85
00:04:06,809 --> 00:04:11,230
and words around the dick as a sexual tool
have always really been taboo.

86
00:04:11,313 --> 00:04:15,025
[woman] When archaeologists
were excavating Pompeii,

87
00:04:15,109 --> 00:04:18,195
they found the city awash with dicks,

88
00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:21,907
in the graffiti, in the sculpture…

89
00:04:21,991 --> 00:04:23,325
There were dicks everywhere.

90
00:04:23,909 --> 00:04:27,037
So when the archaeologists
removed the dicks,

91
00:04:27,121 --> 00:04:29,832
they put them in
what was called a secret museum,

92
00:04:30,416 --> 00:04:31,917
or a secret cabinet.

93
00:04:32,710 --> 00:04:36,880
Can you imagine a museum that's just
filled with all of these stolen dicks

94
00:04:36,964 --> 00:04:38,924
that were chiseled off of statues?

95
00:04:39,008 --> 00:04:43,262
I think it's beautiful that this museum,
like many households across America,

96
00:04:43,345 --> 00:04:45,264
has a cabinet full of dicks, you know?

97
00:04:45,347 --> 00:04:48,767
Personally, I have a
drawer next to the bed, not a cabinet.

98
00:04:48,851 --> 00:04:49,768
Um…

99
00:04:49,852 --> 00:04:51,562
A Ziploc bag full of dicks.

100
00:04:51,645 --> 00:04:56,358
Not as classy as the museum's, probably.
But it's a pretty impressive collection.

101
00:04:56,442 --> 00:04:58,444
[typing]

102
00:05:00,821 --> 00:05:04,950
We know for sure that "Dick"
started as a nickname for "Richard."

103
00:05:05,034 --> 00:05:08,954
How "Richard" became a nickname
for "junk," is a little more obscure.

104
00:05:09,038 --> 00:05:12,583
So the original naming of "Dick" was--
it was a nickname for "Richard."

105
00:05:12,666 --> 00:05:16,045
Like a lot of names in early England,

106
00:05:16,128 --> 00:05:18,630
there was a lot of rhyming with nicknames.

107
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[Nick Offerman] In the late 1500s,

108
00:05:20,299 --> 00:05:23,761
we get all the English rhyming nicknames.

109
00:05:23,844 --> 00:05:26,597
"Robert" becomes "Rob," then "Bob."

110
00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:29,475
"Margaret" becomes "Meg," then "Peg."

111
00:05:29,558 --> 00:05:32,895
And "Richard" becomes "Rick," then "Dick."

112
00:05:34,188 --> 00:05:36,273
Every single person
called Dick is a white guy.

113
00:05:36,357 --> 00:05:38,984
You will never meet
a Black guy called Dick.

114
00:05:39,068 --> 00:05:41,320
Factual. Does not exist.

115
00:05:41,403 --> 00:05:42,613
You lot can have that.

116
00:05:42,696 --> 00:05:45,074
We can dance. [chuckles]
You lot get Dick.

117
00:05:45,157 --> 00:05:47,034
And that's it. [laughs]

118
00:05:47,534 --> 00:05:49,495
So it's a nickname for "Richard"

119
00:05:49,578 --> 00:05:53,040
and then it became
used as just a term for "guy."

120
00:05:53,123 --> 00:05:55,042
Like, "Any Tom, Dick and Harry."

121
00:05:55,125 --> 00:05:57,586
Like, "Hey, guy," "Hey, dude."
It's like saying "dude."

122
00:05:57,669 --> 00:05:59,546
Then it gains this interesting meaning.

123
00:05:59,630 --> 00:06:02,007
It refers to a riding whip.

124
00:06:02,091 --> 00:06:03,258
Uh, a riding crop.

125
00:06:03,342 --> 00:06:05,302
And especially
the handle of a riding crop.

126
00:06:05,386 --> 00:06:09,431
During the sexually-repressed,
tightly-corseted Victorian era,

127
00:06:09,515 --> 00:06:11,934
people must've been clamoring
for things to call penises.

128
00:06:12,017 --> 00:06:13,811
In theory, someone went,

129
00:06:13,894 --> 00:06:17,523
"Riding crops,
oh, riding crops look like penises.

130
00:06:17,606 --> 00:06:21,860
And we call riding crops 'dicks,'
so let's call penises 'dicks.'"

131
00:06:21,944 --> 00:06:25,906
It's just too bad
they never called riding crops "nicks."

132
00:06:26,657 --> 00:06:29,827
"Dick" is a word that really symbolizes

133
00:06:30,411 --> 00:06:36,250
the strength
and the playfulness of the male genitalia.

134
00:06:36,333 --> 00:06:38,669
My favorite word for penis is "dong,"

135
00:06:38,752 --> 00:06:42,714
because it can almost be
like an onomatopoeia, you know?

136
00:06:42,798 --> 00:06:45,968
Like, it suggests sound in a certain way,

137
00:06:46,051 --> 00:06:47,719
sort of just like dong, dong.

138
00:06:47,803 --> 00:06:49,263
-Willy.
-The Package.

139
00:06:49,346 --> 00:06:50,431
My snake eye.

140
00:06:50,514 --> 00:06:51,682
Flesh banana.

141
00:06:51,765 --> 00:06:52,599
Johnson.

142
00:06:52,683 --> 00:06:53,892
-Meat wand.
-Prick.

143
00:06:53,976 --> 00:06:55,102
Skin flute.

144
00:06:55,185 --> 00:06:56,353
Tallywhacker.

145
00:06:56,437 --> 00:06:57,980
Lightsaber. [chuckles]

146
00:06:58,063 --> 00:07:00,315
-Tackle.
-The National Treasure.

147
00:07:00,399 --> 00:07:01,483
Choad.

148
00:07:01,567 --> 00:07:03,193
-Your lunch box.
-Pud.

149
00:07:03,277 --> 00:07:04,403
Peggy Sue.

150
00:07:04,486 --> 00:07:06,697
-Tockleys.
-Gravy Spigot.

151
00:07:07,239 --> 00:07:08,490
Eww.

152
00:07:08,574 --> 00:07:09,992
I believe that's all of them.

153
00:07:11,910 --> 00:07:14,663
It only took
a decade or so for "Dick" to go from

154
00:07:14,746 --> 00:07:18,876
the name of the kid you shot marbles with
to a double entendre that made us blush.

155
00:07:18,959 --> 00:07:19,877
How?

156
00:07:20,502 --> 00:07:23,755
We've been able to track it changing
from a word that was a nickname,

157
00:07:23,839 --> 00:07:25,883
that described someone named Richard,

158
00:07:25,966 --> 00:07:30,095
and then acquiring this profane meaning
where it refers to the male member.

159
00:07:30,179 --> 00:07:35,225
But it can also be, uh, just
a denigrating term for people in general.

160
00:07:35,309 --> 00:07:36,602
It's kind of like "asshole."

161
00:07:36,685 --> 00:07:39,980
And now no one
would call their baby boy "Dick,"

162
00:07:40,689 --> 00:07:43,150
for fear of being misconstrued.

163
00:07:43,233 --> 00:07:46,612
Very slowly,
this new meaning starts to take over

164
00:07:46,695 --> 00:07:50,073
to the point where, by the 1960s or 1970s,

165
00:07:50,157 --> 00:07:52,534
people aren't calling
themselves Dick anymore.

166
00:07:52,618 --> 00:07:54,870
There are lots of Richards
and lots of Ricks.

167
00:07:54,953 --> 00:07:58,790
But if you know a Dick, he's
probably in his seventies or eighties.

168
00:07:58,874 --> 00:08:01,627
I don't think Dick will
ever go back to being a nickname.

169
00:08:01,710 --> 00:08:05,589
It's hard for words, once they become a
swear word or have a negative association,

170
00:08:05,672 --> 00:08:07,090
it's hard to go back.

171
00:08:09,301 --> 00:08:10,802
In the '60s and '70s,

172
00:08:10,886 --> 00:08:13,096
swearing norms were
being challenged everywhere.

173
00:08:13,180 --> 00:08:16,975
But in America, it was also
the era of tricky Dick Nixon.

174
00:08:17,059 --> 00:08:18,101
Tricky Dick.

175
00:08:18,185 --> 00:08:21,563
That's one of the times it really started
to take hold in the culture.

176
00:08:21,647 --> 00:08:23,232
Just hearing
the word "dick" like that,

177
00:08:23,315 --> 00:08:26,360
because it was his nickname
and a perfect descriptor, I mean,

178
00:08:26,443 --> 00:08:29,446
that is the essence
of who Richard Nixon is.

179
00:08:29,530 --> 00:08:30,447
He's "Dick."

180
00:08:30,531 --> 00:08:33,951
Richard Nixon, like,
he is king of all Dicks,

181
00:08:34,034 --> 00:08:36,411
in many senses of that phrase.

182
00:08:36,495 --> 00:08:40,415
"Dick" is used to describe a person
who is unpleasant,

183
00:08:40,499 --> 00:08:43,210
or… does antisocial things.

184
00:08:43,293 --> 00:08:46,255
Like, I can annoy
someone with my penis, certainly.

185
00:08:46,797 --> 00:08:47,631
Um…

186
00:08:48,382 --> 00:08:50,008
In a myriad of ways, it's…

187
00:08:50,634 --> 00:08:54,638
uh, was one of the special skills
on my résumé, right after tennis.

188
00:08:54,721 --> 00:08:56,848
I think we call people
we don't like "dicks"

189
00:08:56,932 --> 00:09:01,186
because dicks are
famously sort of unseemly.

190
00:09:01,270 --> 00:09:04,940
Like little sand worms
comin' ofrom ut your pants.

191
00:09:05,023 --> 00:09:07,901
We don't like that guy.
What's the ugliest thing I can think of?

192
00:09:07,985 --> 00:09:08,902
My penis.

193
00:09:10,404 --> 00:09:12,823
Nixon was hated by the very population

194
00:09:12,906 --> 00:09:15,158
that wanted to make
swearing more acceptable.

195
00:09:15,242 --> 00:09:20,205
Much like a "dick," Nixon kept
popping up in places he didn't need to be,

196
00:09:20,289 --> 00:09:21,999
like Vietnam.

197
00:09:22,082 --> 00:09:25,127
As we moved into the more progressive
Gen-X political climate

198
00:09:25,210 --> 00:09:27,170
of the late 1980s and '90s,

199
00:09:27,254 --> 00:09:30,591
the word was strengthened
and became a tool for political change.

200
00:09:30,674 --> 00:09:32,634
-[crowd cheering]
-[Sarah Silverman] The year was 1990.

201
00:09:32,718 --> 00:09:34,344
New Hampshire, USA.

202
00:09:34,428 --> 00:09:38,390
A man named Dick Swett decides
he wants to run for Congress.

203
00:09:38,890 --> 00:09:41,602
His opponent, Meldrim Thomson Jr.

204
00:09:42,102 --> 00:09:45,147
Meldrim complains to the ballot law
commission that Mr. Swett

205
00:09:45,230 --> 00:09:49,610
should appear as his name is listed
in the phone book, Richard Lantos-Swett.

206
00:09:49,693 --> 00:09:52,696
The assumption being, of course,
that idiots will think it's funny

207
00:09:52,779 --> 00:09:54,531
-to vote for a guy named Dick Swett.
-[laughs]

208
00:09:55,115 --> 00:09:56,908
The claim was denied.

209
00:09:56,992 --> 00:09:59,828
But Meldrim might have had a point,
because on election day,

210
00:09:59,911 --> 00:10:01,413
Dick Swett won.

211
00:10:02,831 --> 00:10:04,958
I think it's a beautiful comeback story

212
00:10:05,042 --> 00:10:08,962
for someone who was probably tortured
for their name for their entire life,

213
00:10:09,046 --> 00:10:13,008
and then finally had it come back and--
and win them an election.

214
00:10:13,091 --> 00:10:16,553
Because let's be honest,
nobody knew the issues in that race.

215
00:10:16,637 --> 00:10:22,225
Nobody was paying attention to what
party affiliation Dick Swett was in.

216
00:10:22,309 --> 00:10:26,688
They saw the words "Dick Swett,"
and they're like, "Hell, yeah."

217
00:10:28,273 --> 00:10:32,986
Playing with this ambiguity gets harder
as the word's profanity level gets higher,

218
00:10:33,070 --> 00:10:37,115
until we hit peak "dick" in the second
half of the 20th century.

219
00:10:37,658 --> 00:10:41,286
So "dick" is still at the vanguard
of censorship battles.

220
00:10:42,621 --> 00:10:46,458
"Dick" is unique because it comes
at its origin from a name.

221
00:10:46,541 --> 00:10:48,460
That's very different
from other profanity.

222
00:10:48,543 --> 00:10:52,047
It's special in that context matters
in a way it doesn't matter for "fuck."

223
00:10:52,130 --> 00:10:55,050
There's no one named "fuck"
you could possibly be referring to.

224
00:10:55,133 --> 00:10:59,471
There is a sporting goods place
named Dick's Sporting Goods.

225
00:10:59,554 --> 00:11:02,265
What were you thinking,
naming a sports shop that?

226
00:11:02,349 --> 00:11:08,230
I would be very awkward going there
as a child to get, like, a new volleyball.

227
00:11:08,313 --> 00:11:11,149
We've got a dessert
in, uh, Britain called "spotted dick."

228
00:11:11,233 --> 00:11:13,694
-That looks nothing like my spotted dick.
-[woman] Uh, right!

229
00:11:13,777 --> 00:11:14,611
[man laughs]

230
00:11:14,695 --> 00:11:17,698
They're now going
to call it, uh, "spotted Richard."

231
00:11:17,781 --> 00:11:18,990
It's really nice.

232
00:11:19,658 --> 00:11:22,869
[Nicolas] Let's not forget
a favorite pastime. Dick jokes.

233
00:11:22,953 --> 00:11:26,123
Because the word "dick"
makes people giggle so much…

234
00:11:26,206 --> 00:11:29,209
People wanna say
it's double entendre. It's just entendre.

235
00:11:29,292 --> 00:11:31,044
It's not hiding from anything.

236
00:11:31,128 --> 00:11:35,924
It's not like you're going, "Oh, I wonder
whatever 'dick' can be ascribed to."

237
00:11:36,007 --> 00:11:38,635
You know what they're talking about.
About somebody's dick.

238
00:11:38,719 --> 00:11:39,970
When you see it in these ways,

239
00:11:40,053 --> 00:11:43,223
it's just people having their cake
and dicking around with it too.

240
00:11:43,306 --> 00:11:45,642
I think every comic has a dick joke.

241
00:11:46,226 --> 00:11:48,145
I don't like eating bananas in public.

242
00:11:48,228 --> 00:11:50,564
That is so stressful
if you're a girl, like…

243
00:11:51,356 --> 00:11:54,860
It's so annoying, 'cause it's
such a portable, good snack, you know?

244
00:11:54,943 --> 00:11:57,946
But, like, if you're a girl
and you wanna eat a banana on the bus,

245
00:11:58,029 --> 00:11:59,531
or wherever you may be… [laughs]

246
00:11:59,614 --> 00:12:03,660
…all of a sudden, you're in the position
of like, "How do I de-dick this?"

247
00:12:03,744 --> 00:12:04,661
[laughter]

248
00:12:04,745 --> 00:12:08,832
I was primarily, for the first sort of
eight years of my career, just dick jokes.

249
00:12:08,915 --> 00:12:11,334
It doesn't matter, you know,
how old you are,

250
00:12:11,418 --> 00:12:14,129
you can still relate
to a good old-fashioned dick joke.

251
00:12:14,212 --> 00:12:16,298
And I'll tell you somethin'
about the dick jokes.

252
00:12:16,381 --> 00:12:18,508
It's like the rock and roll music, right?

253
00:12:18,592 --> 00:12:23,054
It goes away for a while, and they say
it's dead but then it always comes back.

254
00:12:23,138 --> 00:12:26,308
In a stand-up act,
you can do a few good dick jokes,

255
00:12:26,391 --> 00:12:29,603
but they are really hard
to keep up for 15 minutes,

256
00:12:29,686 --> 00:12:30,687
a lot like…

257
00:12:31,605 --> 00:12:32,439
dick.

258
00:12:32,522 --> 00:12:34,024
I'll never forget

259
00:12:34,608 --> 00:12:37,652
the one time I saw my dad's penis.

260
00:12:37,736 --> 00:12:39,738
[laughter]

261
00:12:40,655 --> 00:12:41,782
I said, "Dad…

262
00:12:43,158 --> 00:12:44,951
don't text me shit like that."

263
00:12:45,035 --> 00:12:46,912
[laughter]

264
00:12:46,995 --> 00:12:51,541
Patton Oswalt has a great joke
about the fact that the word "dick"

265
00:12:51,625 --> 00:12:54,294
is censored on TV
if you're talking about a penis,

266
00:12:54,377 --> 00:12:56,671
but if you're talking
about a guy being rude,

267
00:12:56,755 --> 00:12:59,883
you can say, "He's a dick"
and it won't get censored.

268
00:12:59,966 --> 00:13:03,887
But if you're talking
about your penis being a jerk,

269
00:13:03,970 --> 00:13:06,973
you can say, "My dick is a dick"

270
00:13:07,057 --> 00:13:10,977
and on TV it will say,
"My bleep is a dick."

271
00:13:11,061 --> 00:13:14,898
We have this thing around language
and words we're not allowed to use.

272
00:13:14,981 --> 00:13:18,151
We wanna say them more.
We wanna say them all the time.

273
00:13:18,235 --> 00:13:20,904
When you tell us not to use them,
forget about it.

274
00:13:20,987 --> 00:13:22,823
It's our favorite word of the week.

275
00:13:22,906 --> 00:13:26,201
[Nicolas] However, the greatest example
of "dick" in the mainstream

276
00:13:26,284 --> 00:13:29,830
came in 2006, with this SNL digital short.

277
00:13:29,913 --> 00:13:33,208
♪ All the fellas out there
With ladies to impress ♪

278
00:13:33,291 --> 00:13:36,211
♪ It's easy to do
Just follow these steps ♪

279
00:13:36,294 --> 00:13:39,089
-♪ One ♪
-♪ Cut a hole in a box ♪

280
00:13:39,172 --> 00:13:42,384
-♪ Two ♪
-♪ Put your junk in that box ♪

281
00:13:42,467 --> 00:13:44,803
-♪ Three ♪
-♪ Make her open the box ♪

282
00:13:45,387 --> 00:13:47,597
♪ And that's the way you do it ♪

283
00:13:47,681 --> 00:13:48,849
♪ It's my [bleep] in a box ♪

284
00:13:48,932 --> 00:13:51,977
Saturday Night Live, as a phenomenon,
has always been about pushing boundaries.

285
00:13:52,060 --> 00:13:54,312
And so, why not "Dick in a Box"?

286
00:13:54,396 --> 00:13:57,274
"Dick in the Box" was
a fascinating cultural moment

287
00:13:57,357 --> 00:13:59,818
because it really spoke to

288
00:13:59,901 --> 00:14:04,197
the idea that men think
that their dicks are gifts to women.

289
00:14:04,281 --> 00:14:06,950
It's really a silly thing. Men think
that all the time, in fact.

290
00:14:07,033 --> 00:14:12,163
The box is a gift attached to them, and
they're like, "Dick in a box!" You know?

291
00:14:12,247 --> 00:14:15,000
And it's really funny,
because "Dick in a Box"…

292
00:14:15,083 --> 00:14:16,877
They couldn't even say it on television.

293
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:19,504
They win the Emmy and they can't even say

294
00:14:19,588 --> 00:14:23,258
the name of the skit that wins the Emmy.

295
00:14:23,341 --> 00:14:25,093
And that's how transgressive it is.

296
00:14:27,846 --> 00:14:31,141
Just saying "dick"
isn't patently offensive.

297
00:14:31,224 --> 00:14:33,393
Seeing dick, on the other hand…

298
00:14:34,269 --> 00:14:36,354
When you see a dick on screen, like…

299
00:14:37,272 --> 00:14:39,649
full-frontal nudity from a guy,

300
00:14:39,733 --> 00:14:43,153
it's like, "Oh, my God."

301
00:14:43,236 --> 00:14:47,449
I'm gonna sign these titties, so sit back
and watch how it's done, my friend.

302
00:14:47,949 --> 00:14:50,076
I'm gonna get-- Oh, shit! Oh! It's a dick!

303
00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:52,913
I love it. Every time I see-- 'Cause-- I--

304
00:14:52,996 --> 00:14:54,873
I'm so fascinated by them.

305
00:14:54,956 --> 00:14:57,542
It's so much more exciting
than seeing a bush.

306
00:14:57,626 --> 00:14:59,961
It's exciting to go back
and watch it in slow motion,

307
00:15:00,045 --> 00:15:03,673
and rewind it over and over
and pause it and study it.

308
00:15:03,757 --> 00:15:05,717
The visual culture of Hollywood is

309
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:08,720
participating in this
double standard in our culture,

310
00:15:08,803 --> 00:15:14,100
whereby dicks are seen
as okay and more acceptable

311
00:15:14,184 --> 00:15:18,897
when vulvas aren't yet,
but female nudity is over-represented,

312
00:15:18,980 --> 00:15:19,981
compared to both.

313
00:15:20,065 --> 00:15:22,233
I'm that person
watching a sex scene like this,

314
00:15:22,317 --> 00:15:24,694
trying to see if there's a little bulge.

315
00:15:24,778 --> 00:15:27,656
And if there is, I'm happy.
If there's not, then it's not real.

316
00:15:27,739 --> 00:15:31,785
It's fictional. You've ruined everything.
You've ruined television for me. [laughs]

317
00:15:34,162 --> 00:15:35,538
Remember in middle school when

318
00:15:35,622 --> 00:15:39,542
every single teen boy was
obsessed with drawing phalluses?

319
00:15:39,626 --> 00:15:40,752
Why did we do that?

320
00:15:41,461 --> 00:15:43,964
When we see a car
with a light dusting of snow,

321
00:15:44,047 --> 00:15:48,301
why is our first instinct to sketch
a penis on that pure white carpet?

322
00:15:50,470 --> 00:15:52,013
Why did I just draw this?

323
00:15:52,097 --> 00:15:56,559
I'll tell you, out of all the swear words,
"dick" is the easiest to draw.

324
00:15:57,268 --> 00:15:59,437
It's the only one that has its own logo.

325
00:15:59,521 --> 00:16:02,399
None of the other ones you can draw
on the back of your school bag,

326
00:16:02,482 --> 00:16:05,068
on someone else, and put
a little piss coming out of it.

327
00:16:05,151 --> 00:16:06,444
Or come, whatever you will.

328
00:16:17,497 --> 00:16:20,959
There's no question that the word
and the image make us laugh.

329
00:16:21,710 --> 00:16:23,211
But don't be fooled.

330
00:16:23,294 --> 00:16:27,549
This seemingly silly swear word
still holds a dark power.

331
00:16:27,632 --> 00:16:29,300
I don't wanna
dick-shame anyone,

332
00:16:29,384 --> 00:16:32,387
but dicks get everyone
into a lot of trouble.

333
00:16:32,470 --> 00:16:33,304
[typing]

334
00:16:33,388 --> 00:16:34,806
[Nicolas] What's with dick pics?

335
00:16:34,889 --> 00:16:35,890
[London] Dick pics.

336
00:16:37,142 --> 00:16:38,268
I hate 'em. [gags]

337
00:16:38,935 --> 00:16:41,479
"Dick pics" sounds
a lot like a swear word.

338
00:16:41,563 --> 00:16:43,565
It's got the dick in there,
of course, but then,

339
00:16:43,648 --> 00:16:46,401
it's built from two words
that sound very similar,

340
00:16:46,484 --> 00:16:48,278
that have all those consonants in them.

341
00:16:48,361 --> 00:16:50,321
It rhymes. It makes it seem

342
00:16:50,822 --> 00:16:53,491
like the type of thing
that people might remember and repeat.

343
00:16:53,575 --> 00:16:56,995
I haven't sent a dick pic in…

344
00:16:57,078 --> 00:17:00,165
I would say 15 years was my last dick pic.

345
00:17:00,248 --> 00:17:03,418
I shoot out dick pics
with reckless abandon.

346
00:17:03,501 --> 00:17:07,005
Several of them have been leaked.
The reviews were good, so I left 'em up.

347
00:17:07,088 --> 00:17:12,385
We need consent if we're
going to have a-- a just sexual culture.

348
00:17:12,469 --> 00:17:16,473
And there is a rule for your dick pics.
Just don't send them without asking.

349
00:17:16,556 --> 00:17:19,809
I was looking on Craigslist
for a… a cleaning person

350
00:17:19,893 --> 00:17:22,437
and I was opening all these ads and
someone was like,

351
00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:24,272
"I clean everything, blah, blah, blah."

352
00:17:24,355 --> 00:17:28,735
And I open the ad and it was just a--
it was a massive dick pic. [laughs]

353
00:17:28,818 --> 00:17:31,112
And I thought it was just so funny.

354
00:17:31,780 --> 00:17:33,198
It was just so unexpected.

355
00:17:33,281 --> 00:17:35,283
But I-- I take it that most women--

356
00:17:35,366 --> 00:17:38,161
I'm married so I don't know,
but I take it that most women

357
00:17:38,703 --> 00:17:39,871
do not appreciate them.

358
00:17:39,954 --> 00:17:42,874
There's the old joke,
"Why do men name their penises?

359
00:17:43,541 --> 00:17:45,960
They don't want a stranger
making decisions for them."

360
00:17:46,544 --> 00:17:48,463
[Nicolas] How do you reference your penis?

361
00:17:49,005 --> 00:17:50,924
Nicknames for penises are…

362
00:17:52,217 --> 00:17:53,426
lame.

363
00:17:53,510 --> 00:17:54,886
But I get it.

364
00:17:54,969 --> 00:17:56,638
It's cute, it's fun.

365
00:17:57,138 --> 00:18:00,892
I don't-- I've never dated anyone
that has had a nickname for their dick.

366
00:18:00,975 --> 00:18:02,477
Wait. Wait, wait. Hold on.

367
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,187
What do I think about nick-- What?

368
00:18:04,270 --> 00:18:06,940
Wait. There are people out there
who don't nickname their dick?

369
00:18:07,023 --> 00:18:10,276
I call my… my dick, uh, "Little Elvis,"

370
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:12,987
'cause I've got
some shaft hairs on the side,

371
00:18:13,071 --> 00:18:14,489
and it looks like sideburns.

372
00:18:14,572 --> 00:18:18,159
Every time I have sex with a guy,
I nickname their dick.

373
00:18:18,243 --> 00:18:19,786
I've called 'em "Bruce."

374
00:18:19,869 --> 00:18:21,162
I've called one "Penelope."

375
00:18:21,246 --> 00:18:24,749
I saw a dick, it definitely looked like
a Penelope. It was very dainty and pink.

376
00:18:24,833 --> 00:18:28,211
I have never nicknamed my penis.

377
00:18:28,294 --> 00:18:33,049
Um, it has never done anything for me
that would warrant a fun nickname.

378
00:18:33,133 --> 00:18:34,592
It's only gotten me into trouble.

379
00:18:34,676 --> 00:18:37,178
So, no. You don't get a nickname.

380
00:18:40,098 --> 00:18:41,766
You've done well, my friend.

381
00:18:41,850 --> 00:18:43,768
I was actually just talking about you.

382
00:18:44,394 --> 00:18:47,897
I am so proud
of all we've accomplished together.

383
00:18:48,857 --> 00:18:50,859
We've been through hell too. [sighs]

384
00:18:50,942 --> 00:18:54,154
There were a few times there I…
I thought I might lose you.

385
00:18:54,904 --> 00:18:57,991
But you always, always came.

386
00:18:59,534 --> 00:19:00,535
Do you mind?

387
00:19:01,286 --> 00:19:03,037
I'm FaceTiming with my accountant.

388
00:19:04,038 --> 00:19:05,790
Did you think-- [sighs]

389
00:19:06,457 --> 00:19:10,211
Naughty, naughty, naughty.

390
00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:13,464
"Dick" is such a satisfying thing to say.

391
00:19:13,548 --> 00:19:16,843
It's a satisfying thing to say,
and a satisfying thing to get.

392
00:19:16,926 --> 00:19:19,804
Dick, dick, dick. Nick, nick, nick, nick.

393
00:19:19,888 --> 00:19:21,347
I think it was just fun to say.

394
00:19:21,431 --> 00:19:23,516
I mean, penises are pretty special.

395
00:19:24,017 --> 00:19:27,103
Uh… not to say that they're more special
than anything else, but they are…

396
00:19:27,645 --> 00:19:31,608
in fact, used in this
relatively important act

397
00:19:31,691 --> 00:19:36,279
that continues
to preserve the species' existence.

398
00:19:36,779 --> 00:19:40,366
So I guess you could forgive
a little bit of obsession with them.

399
00:19:40,450 --> 00:19:42,368
This is what I think
about the whole thing.

400
00:19:42,452 --> 00:19:44,913
You can say what you want
about the dick, right?

401
00:19:45,622 --> 00:19:48,416
But we all--
They've stood the test of time.

402
00:19:49,167 --> 00:19:53,713
We've been using statues of penises
and different phallic things.

403
00:19:53,796 --> 00:19:56,633
We all like dick in one form or another.

404
00:19:56,716 --> 00:19:59,260
We may not like
the people they're attached to.

405
00:19:59,844 --> 00:20:01,721
In fact, most people don't.

406
00:20:02,722 --> 00:20:05,391
But the actual object
of the penis is a winner.

407
00:20:07,060 --> 00:20:10,980
♪ My name is Dick
And I am awesome ♪

408
00:20:12,065 --> 00:20:14,984
♪ Everybody loves me ♪

409
00:20:15,068 --> 00:20:17,987
♪ Because I am awesome
My name is Dick ♪

410
00:20:19,072 --> 00:20:20,990
♪ And I'm really, really awesome ♪

411
00:20:22,075 --> 00:20:25,995
-♪ He's really awesome, yeah ♪
-♪ Uh-huh, my name is Dick ♪

412
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,998
♪ And I am awesome ♪

413
00:20:29,082 --> 00:20:33,002
♪ Oh, yes, my name is Dick
And I'm awesome ♪

414
00:20:33,086 --> 00:20:35,004
♪ Back me up, backup singers ♪

415
00:20:35,088 --> 00:20:37,632
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah! ♪

416
00:20:39,092 --> 00:20:41,010
♪ He's really awesome, yeah ♪