1 00:00:07,418 --> 00:00:09,876 ♪ It's original ♪ 2 00:00:10,376 --> 00:00:11,376 Like me. 3 00:00:11,918 --> 00:00:13,918 [opening theme music plays] 4 00:00:18,001 --> 00:00:21,584 [Arlo] ♪ We all need Someone to hold us up ♪ 5 00:00:21,668 --> 00:00:25,334 ♪ To help us on We make each other better ♪ 6 00:00:25,418 --> 00:00:29,251 ♪ Though the world's not always right Tough times, they can make us strong ♪ 7 00:00:29,334 --> 00:00:33,084 ♪ We all belong We're beautiful together ♪ 8 00:00:36,501 --> 00:00:38,876 ♪ We're beautiful together ♪ 9 00:00:40,876 --> 00:00:43,126 -[all] Yam… -[Arlo in sing-song] Yam… 10 00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:45,376 Yam, yam, yam, yam, yam… 11 00:00:45,459 --> 00:00:47,001 -Yam. -[chomping, chewing] 12 00:00:49,501 --> 00:00:51,001 -[gasps] -[rat chitters] 13 00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:53,918 Uh, Tony, what's going on? 14 00:00:54,001 --> 00:00:55,334 It's my parents. 15 00:00:55,418 --> 00:00:56,793 They finally died, huh? 16 00:00:56,876 --> 00:01:00,793 Worse. Worse! They're coming to visit. 17 00:01:00,876 --> 00:01:05,876 What? I love it when my dad visits me. Until I worry that I've disappointed him. 18 00:01:05,959 --> 00:01:09,793 But then I haven't. But… someday I really might. 19 00:01:09,876 --> 00:01:11,959 I love my parents. I do. 20 00:01:12,043 --> 00:01:17,376 But ever since I stopped committing crimes and started a legit pizza business, 21 00:01:17,459 --> 00:01:19,584 I feel like they don't respect me. 22 00:01:19,668 --> 00:01:21,001 Oh, come on. 23 00:01:21,084 --> 00:01:22,126 [Tony] No! 24 00:01:22,209 --> 00:01:25,043 I come from a long line of con artists, 25 00:01:25,126 --> 00:01:29,126 thieves, crooks, scammers, cheaters, tricksters, hustlers, swindlers, 26 00:01:29,834 --> 00:01:31,168 grifters, charlatans, 27 00:01:31,251 --> 00:01:34,501 counterfeiters, absconders, and… [inhales] …flimflammers. 28 00:01:34,584 --> 00:01:35,709 Neat. 29 00:01:35,793 --> 00:01:39,626 To them, if you're not scamming or stealing, you're a failure. 30 00:01:39,709 --> 00:01:43,168 You're living your dream, and your parents need to see that. 31 00:01:43,251 --> 00:01:45,084 -[groans] -This place is impressive. 32 00:01:45,168 --> 00:01:48,751 What if we help you give it a little zhuzh to make it sparkle? 33 00:01:48,834 --> 00:01:51,584 Yeah. We'll all help show them how impressive you are. 34 00:01:51,668 --> 00:01:54,126 You'd do that? For me? 35 00:01:54,209 --> 00:01:57,209 Of course. You just need a little glow up, honey. 36 00:01:58,168 --> 00:01:59,668 [Alia] They're not here yet. 37 00:01:59,751 --> 00:02:01,334 [Furlecia] Just a little bit more. 38 00:02:01,418 --> 00:02:04,709 -No sign of them yet. -And… yessa. 39 00:02:04,793 --> 00:02:06,084 [gasps] Wow. 40 00:02:06,168 --> 00:02:08,793 I'm so nervous my feet are sweating. 41 00:02:08,876 --> 00:02:09,918 [puddling] 42 00:02:10,001 --> 00:02:13,293 Doesn't matter. Voilà. I'm untouchable. 43 00:02:14,084 --> 00:02:15,959 -[hip hop plays] -[Alia gasps] 44 00:02:16,043 --> 00:02:17,043 [door chimes] 45 00:02:17,709 --> 00:02:20,834 Not even a hello? How rude. 46 00:02:20,918 --> 00:02:23,668 -They're coming today, right? -[thudding] 47 00:02:24,376 --> 00:02:26,543 [muffled, unintelligible yelling] 48 00:02:26,626 --> 00:02:28,251 -[dad] Alley-oop! -[mom] Ah. 49 00:02:28,334 --> 00:02:29,918 [traditional music plays] 50 00:02:30,001 --> 00:02:31,293 Tony's parents? 51 00:02:31,376 --> 00:02:34,334 What'd I tell ya? Cheapest way for two people to travel. 52 00:02:34,418 --> 00:02:36,626 I told you, I prefer priority mail. 53 00:02:36,709 --> 00:02:38,793 My hair is a mess! 54 00:02:39,959 --> 00:02:43,793 -Eh. You sure this is the place? -This is the address he gave me. 55 00:02:43,876 --> 00:02:45,418 Ah… 56 00:02:45,501 --> 00:02:48,793 The underground casino must be in the back. 57 00:02:48,876 --> 00:02:49,793 [chuckles] 58 00:02:50,584 --> 00:02:56,459 Anyways, looks like we got a couple of marks in here. 59 00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:57,584 Hup! Ah… 60 00:02:58,251 --> 00:03:01,751 Now, who's up for a little game of chance? 61 00:03:01,834 --> 00:03:03,418 Uh… 62 00:03:03,501 --> 00:03:07,709 Who could play cards when there's such delicious pizza to be had? 63 00:03:08,418 --> 00:03:09,334 [clears throat] 64 00:03:09,418 --> 00:03:11,418 [under breath] Huh? Alia. Alia? 65 00:03:11,501 --> 00:03:15,376 [chuckles] Oh, right. This is my favorite pizza shop in town. 66 00:03:15,459 --> 00:03:18,751 The crust is good and so is the cheese. 67 00:03:18,834 --> 00:03:20,751 This place must be successful. 68 00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:23,084 All right, settle down, everyone. 69 00:03:23,168 --> 00:03:24,376 My baby! 70 00:03:24,459 --> 00:03:26,084 Mama! 71 00:03:26,168 --> 00:03:28,626 -Mwah! -[stammers] Papa! 72 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:31,376 Ah! Come here! 73 00:03:31,459 --> 00:03:32,418 [laughs] Oh! 74 00:03:32,501 --> 00:03:38,168 [inhales] So, who did you steal this pizza place from, eh? Eh? 75 00:03:38,251 --> 00:03:40,959 No, Pops, I, uh, I didn't steal. 76 00:03:41,043 --> 00:03:45,334 Oh, Tony, a pizza business is such a convincing front. 77 00:03:45,418 --> 00:03:48,251 [inhales deeply] It's not a front, Mama. 78 00:03:48,334 --> 00:03:50,209 It's… legit. 79 00:03:50,293 --> 00:03:54,001 -Tony! No! [sobs] -I thought we raised you better than that! 80 00:03:54,084 --> 00:03:57,168 Huh. [muttering] You're breaking your mother's heart! 81 00:03:57,251 --> 00:04:00,584 Mama, don't cry. Business is booming. It's a cash cow. 82 00:04:00,668 --> 00:04:02,709 I'm like the mayor of this place. 83 00:04:02,793 --> 00:04:04,793 Watch this. Everybody out! 84 00:04:04,876 --> 00:04:07,959 This is now a private dining establishment. 85 00:04:08,043 --> 00:04:11,168 -[Alia] They must be VIPs. -[Bertie] Wow, they must be the Governor 86 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,293 or the Governor's stepchildren or something. 87 00:04:13,376 --> 00:04:15,584 -[Alia] This place attracts a lot of… -[clatters] 88 00:04:15,668 --> 00:04:18,459 How much cash are you pulling in? 89 00:04:18,543 --> 00:04:22,209 Your cousin Tonzini Jr pulls in six G's a day 90 00:04:22,293 --> 00:04:25,084 with the laundry/laundering business. 91 00:04:25,168 --> 00:04:26,459 Twice that, Pops. 92 00:04:26,543 --> 00:04:30,001 I've even got my own personal assistant. [claps] 93 00:04:31,043 --> 00:04:31,876 Hi! 94 00:04:31,959 --> 00:04:34,043 [yelps] Get it off! Get it off! 95 00:04:34,126 --> 00:04:36,584 -Somebody get it off me. Get off me. -[clattering] 96 00:04:37,168 --> 00:04:41,043 Hello. Please… won't you join us. 97 00:04:41,126 --> 00:04:43,918 Well. [chuckles] To do, to do, sir. 98 00:04:44,001 --> 00:04:47,251 One of my finest pizzas coming right up. 99 00:04:47,334 --> 00:04:50,126 Something in here must be stolen. 100 00:04:50,209 --> 00:04:54,918 So, I hear you've known Tony since birth, right? 101 00:04:55,001 --> 00:04:58,001 Yes, I gave birth to him. 102 00:04:58,084 --> 00:05:00,251 Fascinating. Fascinating. 103 00:05:00,334 --> 00:05:03,293 I have no idea how the birthing process works. 104 00:05:03,376 --> 00:05:05,501 -[thuds] -Okay, thank you, assistant. 105 00:05:05,584 --> 00:05:06,709 Here you are. 106 00:05:07,209 --> 00:05:09,418 -What is it, huh? -It's pizza, Mama. 107 00:05:09,501 --> 00:05:10,501 That's it? 108 00:05:10,584 --> 00:05:11,543 Just taste it. 109 00:05:11,626 --> 00:05:13,584 -Nothing crooked about it? -No. 110 00:05:13,668 --> 00:05:14,501 [both sigh] 111 00:05:14,584 --> 00:05:16,668 What would your ancestors think? 112 00:05:16,751 --> 00:05:20,626 Giving up our family traditions of stealing and swindling 113 00:05:20,709 --> 00:05:22,543 to make these little pizzettas. 114 00:05:22,626 --> 00:05:24,751 I'm doing what I love, Papa. 115 00:05:24,834 --> 00:05:29,168 Making delicious pizzas and selling them to paying customers. 116 00:05:29,251 --> 00:05:32,501 And it says right here, on my laptop computer, 117 00:05:32,584 --> 00:05:35,084 you've also got 5,678 emails. 118 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,543 Ha, ha, ha! 119 00:05:36,626 --> 00:05:38,834 [imitating computer noises] 120 00:05:38,918 --> 00:05:40,043 And… 121 00:05:40,126 --> 00:05:40,959 Oh! 122 00:05:41,043 --> 00:05:43,834 Banana phone call. Hello? A meeting? 123 00:05:43,918 --> 00:05:48,334 Sir Tony, the president wants to meet you and give you a medal for pizza-making. 124 00:05:48,418 --> 00:05:52,501 Uh, I stole this hot dog from a seagull that stole it from a man. 125 00:05:52,584 --> 00:05:54,793 Can your president do that? 126 00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:55,793 [growls] 127 00:05:55,876 --> 00:05:57,084 Assistant! 128 00:05:57,168 --> 00:06:01,501 Cancel the president and fetch my business helicopter. 129 00:06:01,584 --> 00:06:06,251 I want to show my parents the future of my pizza empire. 130 00:06:06,334 --> 00:06:08,043 -Oh, yes, sir. -[helicopter whirring] 131 00:06:08,126 --> 00:06:11,376 -[dad] Let's not get ahead of ourselves. -[mom] Is that a helicopter? 132 00:06:12,043 --> 00:06:13,293 Are those the cops? 133 00:06:13,376 --> 00:06:14,584 [exciting music plays] 134 00:06:19,418 --> 00:06:23,834 Sir Tony, esteemed guests, your golden chariot has arrived. 135 00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:25,418 [laughs] 136 00:06:26,418 --> 00:06:28,668 [dad] That's a pretty big chopper. 137 00:06:29,876 --> 00:06:32,751 Ooh, well, lot of gold on this baby. 138 00:06:33,334 --> 00:06:34,876 [shouting] This is nice. 139 00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:36,793 Eh. Seats are a bit stiff. 140 00:06:36,876 --> 00:06:40,126 Tell me more about this empire, my boy. [chuckles] 141 00:06:40,209 --> 00:06:45,876 Imagine your baby boy's little pizzettas as far as the eye can see. 142 00:06:45,959 --> 00:06:48,001 All the way to Jersey. 143 00:06:48,084 --> 00:06:53,709 Pizza joints on every corner with your baby boy's smiling face on every one. 144 00:06:53,793 --> 00:06:55,001 [laughs] 145 00:06:55,084 --> 00:06:58,584 A place where people gather and share delicious slices, 146 00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:01,209 -and no matter which Tony's you're at… -[meowing] 147 00:07:01,293 --> 00:07:03,584 …we treat you like family. 148 00:07:03,668 --> 00:07:08,959 Mama, Papa, I'm going to franchise! 149 00:07:09,043 --> 00:07:10,001 [yawns] 150 00:07:10,626 --> 00:07:11,501 Where's the con? 151 00:07:11,584 --> 00:07:14,126 You're not moving in on anyone's territory? 152 00:07:14,209 --> 00:07:15,584 Agh, you're killing me. 153 00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:18,959 I mean, I might open some shops in Philly. 154 00:07:19,043 --> 00:07:20,834 Where's the skill? The edge? 155 00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:25,293 When your cousin franchised his money laundry/laundering business he was-- 156 00:07:25,376 --> 00:07:29,168 [upbeat music plays over headphones] 157 00:07:29,251 --> 00:07:31,126 How is this not enough? 158 00:07:31,209 --> 00:07:35,001 We're in my business helicopter, and you're still not impressed? 159 00:07:35,084 --> 00:07:37,168 I don't know. Did you steal it? 160 00:07:37,251 --> 00:07:41,001 For the love of pepperoni, no, I didn't steal it. 161 00:07:41,084 --> 00:07:42,501 Uh, I don't understand. 162 00:07:42,584 --> 00:07:44,584 Mama, hold me, I'm scared. 163 00:07:44,668 --> 00:07:48,418 Oh, where did my little Tony Baloney go? 164 00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:50,001 I'm right here, Mama. 165 00:07:50,084 --> 00:07:54,793 Agh! He's gonna give me a heart attack! You know what? He's been away too long. 166 00:07:54,876 --> 00:07:57,834 Maybe we ought to bring him back and set him crooked again. 167 00:07:57,918 --> 00:07:58,959 Wonderful idea. 168 00:07:59,043 --> 00:08:02,959 -And we can visit Tonzini Jr. -[kettle whistling, hooting] 169 00:08:03,043 --> 00:08:06,209 -We're not going to visit Tonzini Jr! -[unbuckles seat belt] 170 00:08:06,293 --> 00:08:08,001 [music continues] 171 00:08:08,084 --> 00:08:10,334 Out of my way. I'm landing this thing. 172 00:08:10,418 --> 00:08:11,834 [all] Whoa! 173 00:08:11,918 --> 00:08:13,251 [stammers] Steady, Tony. 174 00:08:13,334 --> 00:08:15,834 Don't tell me what to do! You're not my dad! 175 00:08:15,918 --> 00:08:17,418 You're right. Very sorry. 176 00:08:18,959 --> 00:08:19,793 [mom screams] 177 00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:22,834 [parents scream] 178 00:08:22,918 --> 00:08:25,001 [mom] At least come home with us. 179 00:08:25,084 --> 00:08:27,459 -I am going home! -[mom] Whoa! 180 00:08:28,334 --> 00:08:30,501 -[clatters, scrapes] -[tires screech] 181 00:08:33,209 --> 00:08:34,584 [groans] What happened? 182 00:08:34,668 --> 00:08:36,459 [gasps] Bagoo-mamia! 183 00:08:38,001 --> 00:08:41,501 Not the sign. We spent months working on that. 184 00:08:41,584 --> 00:08:44,376 Did you get everything out of your system? 185 00:08:44,459 --> 00:08:46,251 No! I didn't. 186 00:08:46,334 --> 00:08:48,501 I'll never be enough for you two. 187 00:08:48,584 --> 00:08:51,459 If I can't impress you with knowing the president, 188 00:08:51,543 --> 00:08:54,168 and having a business helicopter, I give up! 189 00:08:54,251 --> 00:08:56,001 [inhales] It was all a ruse. 190 00:08:56,084 --> 00:08:58,751 My friends helped me make over this place, 191 00:08:58,834 --> 00:09:00,001 -and myself… -[both gasp] 192 00:09:00,084 --> 00:09:03,751 …to seem insanely successful, so you'd finally be proud of me. 193 00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:06,001 But I'm coming clean. 194 00:09:06,084 --> 00:09:10,168 Mama, Papa, I love making pizzas. 195 00:09:10,251 --> 00:09:11,501 And I'm good at it. 196 00:09:11,584 --> 00:09:15,709 I run a clean business, and I make a decent profit doing it. 197 00:09:15,793 --> 00:09:18,959 If that's not enough to impress you, then so be it. 198 00:09:19,043 --> 00:09:20,918 [both whimper] 199 00:09:21,001 --> 00:09:23,168 I just wanted you to be proud of me. 200 00:09:23,251 --> 00:09:24,751 [both sobbing] 201 00:09:26,418 --> 00:09:28,626 -Would you believe that? -[gasps] 202 00:09:28,709 --> 00:09:31,543 Making like he knew the president? 203 00:09:31,626 --> 00:09:34,376 Getting the whole neighborhood in on it. 204 00:09:34,459 --> 00:09:38,043 Our little Tony bamboozled us. 205 00:09:38,126 --> 00:09:43,084 I knew you'd always be our little conman. 206 00:09:43,168 --> 00:09:45,334 You really had us going there, son. 207 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,334 [laughs] 208 00:09:47,251 --> 00:09:50,751 Why don't you show us what your shop is really like? 209 00:09:50,834 --> 00:09:52,793 [mom] And he told us he canceled 210 00:09:52,876 --> 00:09:55,501 -getting his reward from the president. -[all laugh] 211 00:09:55,584 --> 00:09:57,001 [Arlo] Ya should have seen it. 212 00:09:57,084 --> 00:10:01,251 [dad] The president wants to see my Tony? Gotta be kiddin'. I was kidded for sure. 213 00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:02,501 Fresh pie. 214 00:10:02,584 --> 00:10:05,001 Oh, Tony, Tony, Tony. 215 00:10:05,084 --> 00:10:07,293 We are proud of you. 216 00:10:07,376 --> 00:10:09,876 And your friends for fooling us. 217 00:10:10,418 --> 00:10:11,501 You know what else? 218 00:10:11,584 --> 00:10:15,876 I got a great steal on that mozzarella made by old cows just for you. 219 00:10:15,959 --> 00:10:20,334 And I can honestly say that cheese is legally aged. 220 00:10:20,418 --> 00:10:22,751 -[all laugh] -[door chimes] 221 00:10:23,334 --> 00:10:27,251 Oh, hey, Mr. Beauregard, thank you for lending us your helicopter. 222 00:10:27,334 --> 00:10:30,293 I would like to formally introduce you to my… Huh? 223 00:10:30,834 --> 00:10:31,668 Wait a-- 224 00:10:31,751 --> 00:10:32,668 Hold a second. 225 00:10:33,334 --> 00:10:35,668 -Where'd they go? -[helicopter whirring] 226 00:10:35,751 --> 00:10:37,834 [dad] No, that's the controller he pulled. 227 00:10:37,918 --> 00:10:40,459 Didn't you see him fly the dang thing earlier today? 228 00:10:40,543 --> 00:10:41,418 [mom] I got it. 229 00:10:41,501 --> 00:10:43,334 -[door chimes] -[gasps] 230 00:10:43,418 --> 00:10:44,334 Whoo-hoo-hoo! 231 00:10:44,418 --> 00:10:48,459 Hey, thanks for the business helicopter, Tony's friend. 232 00:10:48,543 --> 00:10:50,501 It was too good to pass up. 233 00:10:50,584 --> 00:10:52,334 -[mom] Ciao, suckers! -Ciao! 234 00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:55,876 -[mom] We got everybody's passwords! -Re… spect. 235 00:10:55,959 --> 00:10:58,543 Uh… Apologies, Mr. Beauregard. 236 00:10:58,626 --> 00:11:00,126 Oh, don't worry about it. 237 00:11:00,209 --> 00:11:03,126 I've been looking for a reason to buy a new one anyway. 238 00:11:03,209 --> 00:11:04,043 [door chimes] 239 00:11:05,251 --> 00:11:07,918 Oh, no, they done stole my laptop too. 240 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,001 [closing theme music plays]