1 00:01:37,501 --> 00:01:39,876 Are you going to write any of this? 2 00:01:39,876 --> 00:01:40,710 I wrote plenty. 3 00:01:40,710 --> 00:01:41,543 Plenty? 4 00:01:41,543 --> 00:01:43,418 You wrote act one. 5 00:01:43,418 --> 00:01:44,501 Well, there you are then. 6 00:01:44,501 --> 00:01:46,251 I don't mean you wrote act one. 7 00:01:46,251 --> 00:01:48,251 I mean, you wrote the words "Act I" 8 00:01:48,251 --> 00:01:50,335 at the top of the first page. 9 00:01:50,335 --> 00:01:51,793 I'm thinking. 10 00:01:51,793 --> 00:01:53,710 Well, what is it you're thinking? 11 00:01:53,710 --> 00:01:55,876 Do you know that you're never more than six feet away 12 00:01:55,876 --> 00:01:57,835 from a spider? 13 00:01:57,835 --> 00:01:58,668 Sure. 14 00:01:58,668 --> 00:02:00,001 It goes like this. 15 00:02:00,001 --> 00:02:01,293 You're never more than six feet away 16 00:02:01,293 --> 00:02:02,918 from a spider, baby. 17 00:02:02,918 --> 00:02:07,835 So you better stay away from my fly. 18 00:02:07,835 --> 00:02:09,210 That makes no sense. 19 00:02:09,210 --> 00:02:10,210 I liked it. 20 00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:11,835 Well, put it in some other play. 21 00:02:11,835 --> 00:02:12,668 It was your idea. 22 00:02:12,668 --> 00:02:13,876 No. 23 00:02:13,876 --> 00:02:15,418 My idea was that no matter how secure 24 00:02:15,418 --> 00:02:18,543 you are, how safe you feel, danger could 25 00:02:18,543 --> 00:02:19,918 be right at your shoulder. 26 00:02:19,918 --> 00:02:21,501 Ah, the spider is a metaphor. 27 00:02:21,501 --> 00:02:22,668 Or a simile. 28 00:02:22,668 --> 00:02:23,835 I can never remember the difference. 29 00:02:23,835 --> 00:02:25,585 Me neither. 30 00:02:25,585 --> 00:02:26,668 But whichever it is, it's an important theme for our play, 31 00:02:26,668 --> 00:02:27,293 isn't it? 32 00:02:27,293 --> 00:02:27,835 It is? 33 00:02:27,835 --> 00:02:28,543 Well, yeah. 34 00:02:28,543 --> 00:02:30,001 Think of it. 35 00:02:30,001 --> 00:02:32,376 We have Bridgette, a beautiful young woman in love, 36 00:02:32,376 --> 00:02:34,501 probably for the first time in her life, 37 00:02:34,501 --> 00:02:38,001 with Richard, about whom she knows absolutely nothing. 38 00:02:38,001 --> 00:02:40,376 I mean, he could be an axe murderer. 39 00:02:40,376 --> 00:02:42,418 But he isn't. 40 00:02:42,418 --> 00:02:43,626 Maybe he should be. 41 00:02:43,626 --> 00:02:45,418 An axe murderer? 42 00:02:45,418 --> 00:02:47,585 No, but a spider. 43 00:02:50,626 --> 00:02:52,918 I mean, maybe axe murderer is a bit much. 44 00:02:52,918 --> 00:02:57,710 But he should have, like, a dark side, a dangerous side. 45 00:02:57,710 --> 00:02:59,876 Well, I think he already does. 46 00:02:59,876 --> 00:03:03,710 Well, let's see what we have on him. 47 00:03:03,710 --> 00:03:05,376 "Richard enters. 48 00:03:05,376 --> 00:03:07,376 He is a pleasant-looking chap with a perpetual grin. 49 00:03:07,376 --> 00:03:11,376 He's wearing tennis clothes, holding a bat." 50 00:03:15,293 --> 00:03:17,751 Cricket, anyone? 51 00:03:22,751 --> 00:03:23,668 Wait. 52 00:03:23,668 --> 00:03:25,085 He's playing cricket? 53 00:03:25,085 --> 00:03:26,710 Why is he playing cricket? 54 00:03:26,710 --> 00:03:27,626 Who plays cricket? 55 00:03:27,626 --> 00:03:28,918 He's British. 56 00:03:28,918 --> 00:03:30,710 Why is he British? 57 00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:32,043 Why does it matter? 58 00:03:32,043 --> 00:03:34,085 Well, not scary, for one. 59 00:03:34,085 --> 00:03:36,668 I mean, the scariest thing about the British is their teeth. 60 00:03:36,668 --> 00:03:39,001 You know, they started taking better care of their teeth 61 00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:41,293 after the Austin Powers movies. 62 00:03:41,293 --> 00:03:42,335 Yeah, you're right. 63 00:03:42,335 --> 00:03:44,418 It's weird. 64 00:03:44,418 --> 00:03:45,001 OK. 65 00:03:45,001 --> 00:03:46,460 "Richard enters. 66 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,543 He's a pleasant-looking All-American chap. 67 00:03:48,418 --> 00:03:49,918 He has a perpetual grin. 68 00:03:49,918 --> 00:03:53,501 He's wearing tennis clothes and carries a racket." 69 00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:54,460 Tennis, anyone? 70 00:04:04,626 --> 00:04:07,793 Gee, I'm shaking in my boots. 71 00:04:07,793 --> 00:04:09,418 He does seem kind of bland. 72 00:04:09,418 --> 00:04:10,626 Yeah. 73 00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:12,043 But remember, this is the first time 74 00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:14,418 we're seeing him before the main action of the play. 75 00:04:14,418 --> 00:04:18,626 And his line is an old cliche meant to evoke titters. 76 00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:23,751 I hope no line I ever write evokes titters. 77 00:04:23,751 --> 00:04:24,626 So what then? 78 00:04:24,626 --> 00:04:25,501 OK, OK. 79 00:04:25,501 --> 00:04:26,460 I think I have an idea. 80 00:04:30,418 --> 00:04:32,043 "Richard enters. 81 00:04:32,043 --> 00:04:35,751 He's a sly-looking fellow with an odd, almost unnatural smile 82 00:04:35,751 --> 00:04:38,835 and dark, piercing eyes. 83 00:04:38,835 --> 00:04:42,960 He's dressed in tennis clothes and holding a tennis racket. 84 00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:47,376 And we see that it is dripping with blood. 85 00:04:47,376 --> 00:04:50,085 Murder, anyone? 86 00:04:55,835 --> 00:04:57,585 I love it. 87 00:04:57,585 --> 00:04:59,085 And it can set up everything that's going to happen later. 88 00:04:59,085 --> 00:05:01,001 We haven't written what happens later. 89 00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:04,460 But even still, it gives everything we've written so far 90 00:05:04,460 --> 00:05:06,085 kind of foreshadowing. 91 00:05:06,085 --> 00:05:08,626 Something bad is going to happen. 92 00:05:08,626 --> 00:05:11,876 And never more than six feet away from a spider. 93 00:05:11,876 --> 00:05:12,876 I know just what to do. 94 00:05:12,876 --> 00:05:13,501 All right. 95 00:05:19,418 --> 00:05:25,751 You're never more than six feet away from a spider. 96 00:05:25,751 --> 00:05:26,543 Oh, no. 97 00:05:26,543 --> 00:05:28,043 No fucking way. 98 00:05:28,043 --> 00:05:28,876 I was just kidding. 99 00:05:28,876 --> 00:05:29,710 Yeah. 100 00:05:40,085 --> 00:05:42,876 Hello? 101 00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:43,835 Hello? 102 00:05:47,710 --> 00:05:49,626 Who's there? 103 00:05:49,626 --> 00:05:50,501 Hello. 104 00:05:50,501 --> 00:05:53,501 I'm from next door. 105 00:05:53,501 --> 00:05:54,751 Next door? 106 00:05:54,751 --> 00:05:55,751 Yes. 107 00:05:55,751 --> 00:05:58,043 I'm staying with the Babcocks. 108 00:05:58,043 --> 00:05:59,918 Oh. 109 00:05:59,918 --> 00:06:00,543 OK. 110 00:06:05,043 --> 00:06:05,751 Hi. 111 00:06:06,585 --> 00:06:08,543 Richard Babcock. 112 00:06:08,543 --> 00:06:10,876 Oh, you're-- 113 00:06:10,876 --> 00:06:14,251 David and Nancy's nephew. 114 00:06:14,251 --> 00:06:16,543 Nephew? 115 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:19,751 Aren't they a bit old to be your aunt and uncle? 116 00:06:19,751 --> 00:06:22,751 Great aunt and uncle actually. 117 00:06:22,751 --> 00:06:23,918 Of course. 118 00:06:23,918 --> 00:06:25,043 How silly of me. 119 00:06:28,543 --> 00:06:32,085 Why didn't you come to the front door? 120 00:06:32,085 --> 00:06:33,085 Why? 121 00:06:33,085 --> 00:06:36,126 Well, I was on the tennis court. 122 00:06:36,126 --> 00:06:38,168 And I walked across the lawn. 123 00:06:38,168 --> 00:06:41,251 I saw the gate in the fence and came over. 124 00:06:41,251 --> 00:06:42,751 I'm sorry if-- I didn't mean to-- 125 00:06:42,751 --> 00:06:43,626 No, no. 126 00:06:43,626 --> 00:06:45,793 It's quite all right. 127 00:06:45,793 --> 00:06:49,043 I used that gate all the time when I was a girl. 128 00:06:49,043 --> 00:06:52,126 I used to go over and have milk and cookies with Nancy 129 00:06:52,126 --> 00:06:53,668 when I was young. 130 00:06:53,668 --> 00:06:56,835 Oh, I do love Aunt Nancy's cookies. 131 00:06:56,835 --> 00:06:58,210 She still bakes? 132 00:06:58,210 --> 00:06:59,793 I thought she was bedridden. 133 00:07:00,793 --> 00:07:02,835 She is. 134 00:07:02,835 --> 00:07:04,835 I was just remembering that's all. 135 00:07:04,835 --> 00:07:06,543 You used to visit? 136 00:07:06,543 --> 00:07:09,168 All the time when I was much younger. 137 00:07:09,168 --> 00:07:12,085 Funny how I don't remember seeing you. 138 00:07:12,085 --> 00:07:15,793 Maybe it was when I was away at school. 139 00:07:15,793 --> 00:07:17,085 Yes. 140 00:07:17,085 --> 00:07:18,835 I'm sure that's it. 141 00:07:18,835 --> 00:07:20,835 And you're staying with them, you said? 142 00:07:20,835 --> 00:07:22,001 Just for a little while. 143 00:07:22,001 --> 00:07:26,085 And where do you usually stay? 144 00:07:26,085 --> 00:07:28,668 Oh, I'm sorry. 145 00:07:28,668 --> 00:07:30,960 Won't you sit down? 146 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,293 Can I get you anything? 147 00:07:33,293 --> 00:07:34,293 Thank you. 148 00:07:34,293 --> 00:07:38,210 I could use some cold water. 149 00:07:38,210 --> 00:07:44,335 I'm still a little sweaty from hitting all those balls. 150 00:07:48,751 --> 00:07:49,668 I'll be right back. 151 00:08:09,251 --> 00:08:11,710 I just realized I've forgotten to introduce myself. 152 00:08:12,585 --> 00:08:15,710 I'm Bridgette Nelson. 153 00:08:15,710 --> 00:08:19,210 Pleasure to meet you, Bridgette Nelson. 154 00:08:19,210 --> 00:08:21,168 I'll be right back with that water. 155 00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,626 Thank you. 156 00:08:23,626 --> 00:08:25,168 Or would you prefer some lemonade? 157 00:08:25,168 --> 00:08:26,043 Wow. 158 00:08:26,043 --> 00:08:26,960 Yes. 159 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:28,210 Yes, lemonade. 160 00:08:28,210 --> 00:08:30,043 Yes. 161 00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:30,751 Yeah. 162 00:08:30,751 --> 00:08:33,335 Excuse me? 163 00:08:33,335 --> 00:08:36,210 Not-- I just-- lemonade. 164 00:08:36,210 --> 00:08:38,043 I get excited over lemonade. 165 00:08:38,043 --> 00:08:40,126 That's-- I'm sorry. 166 00:08:40,126 --> 00:08:41,626 Yay, lemonade. 167 00:08:43,835 --> 00:08:44,626 OK then. 168 00:08:57,751 --> 00:08:59,751 What are you doing? 169 00:08:59,751 --> 00:09:00,918 Nothing, nothing, nothing. 170 00:09:00,918 --> 00:09:02,251 I'm sorry. 171 00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:07,085 I just-- I like to measure things, everything. 172 00:09:07,085 --> 00:09:10,918 Did you know that your door here is exactly 42 inches wide? 173 00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:13,085 Exactly. 174 00:09:13,085 --> 00:09:15,835 No, I didn't. 175 00:09:15,835 --> 00:09:18,793 Why exactly do you measure everything? 176 00:09:18,793 --> 00:09:22,085 Is it some sort of OCD? 177 00:09:22,835 --> 00:09:24,126 Yes. 178 00:09:24,126 --> 00:09:25,876 Yes. 179 00:09:25,876 --> 00:09:31,085 I absolutely have to know how long and wide everything is. 180 00:09:31,085 --> 00:09:35,168 And I can't stop washing my hands. 181 00:09:35,168 --> 00:09:37,001 That's fascinating. 182 00:09:37,001 --> 00:09:38,376 It is. 183 00:09:38,376 --> 00:09:41,960 I have a friend who won't walk on tile floors. 184 00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:43,293 What a loon. 185 00:09:48,168 --> 00:09:48,793 Thank you. 186 00:09:56,293 --> 00:09:59,251 Well, I hope you enjoy the lemonade. 187 00:09:59,251 --> 00:10:04,168 It's completely homemade, or at least 188 00:10:04,168 --> 00:10:05,751 that's what it says on the bottle. 189 00:10:06,710 --> 00:10:10,251 Oh, I'm sure that I will. 190 00:10:10,251 --> 00:10:16,335 However, there's a little something I have to do first. 191 00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:28,001 Wait a minute. 192 00:10:28,001 --> 00:10:29,501 Isn't it a little early in the play 193 00:10:29,501 --> 00:10:31,835 to show that Richard's a psycho killer? 194 00:10:31,835 --> 00:10:33,210 And we haven't even really decided 195 00:10:33,210 --> 00:10:34,460 that he is a psycho killer. 196 00:10:34,460 --> 00:10:37,001 No, he's a psycho killer all right. 197 00:10:37,001 --> 00:10:38,251 But maybe you're right. 198 00:10:38,251 --> 00:10:40,168 Maybe we should hold back on the violence 199 00:10:40,168 --> 00:10:42,085 and let the tension build. 200 00:10:42,085 --> 00:10:43,501 If this was a movie-- 201 00:10:43,501 --> 00:10:44,460 That's the thing. 202 00:10:44,460 --> 00:10:46,168 Why isn't it a movie? 203 00:10:46,168 --> 00:10:47,960 Why are we even writing a play? 204 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:50,126 This is Los Angeles. 205 00:10:50,126 --> 00:10:51,960 Because it's a play. 206 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:53,543 But it doesn't have to be. 207 00:10:53,543 --> 00:10:58,835 Look, why spend the next few weeks, possibly months, writing 208 00:10:58,835 --> 00:11:04,043 a play that'll be put up at some tiny little black box theater 209 00:11:04,043 --> 00:11:06,210 and be seen by maybe a dozen people, 210 00:11:06,210 --> 00:11:08,335 because they know somebody in the cast? 211 00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,751 I mean, it'll just be some other fucking play in LA. 212 00:11:10,751 --> 00:11:13,210 We'll be lucky if we get even one review. 213 00:11:13,210 --> 00:11:15,460 Nobody cares about theater in La La Land. 214 00:11:15,460 --> 00:11:18,376 At least in the theater nobody can tell us what to do. 215 00:11:18,376 --> 00:11:20,085 The writer has power. 216 00:11:20,085 --> 00:11:22,418 No studio executive who's taken Robert McKee's course 217 00:11:22,418 --> 00:11:24,543 and now thinks he knows everything there is to know 218 00:11:24,543 --> 00:11:27,043 about writing can tell us what to write. 219 00:11:27,043 --> 00:11:28,960 But you can't make a living as a playwright. 220 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:31,168 There are thousands of successful playwrights. 221 00:11:31,168 --> 00:11:34,876 In the film business, you can be a lousy writer 222 00:11:34,876 --> 00:11:36,335 and still make a fortune. 223 00:11:36,335 --> 00:11:39,126 There's just as little chance of success, even less. 224 00:11:39,126 --> 00:11:40,960 Most movie scripts just end up taking space 225 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,418 on your hard drive. 226 00:11:42,418 --> 00:11:45,001 At least we have a chance of someone seeing our play 227 00:11:45,001 --> 00:11:46,585 and nobody can fuck us over. 228 00:11:46,585 --> 00:11:49,251 Not everybody in the film business gets fucked. 229 00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:51,251 And we can negotiate for some real money. 230 00:11:51,251 --> 00:11:54,251 One thing I know is true, in the film industry, 231 00:11:54,251 --> 00:11:55,460 you will get fucked. 232 00:11:55,460 --> 00:11:57,335 The only thing you're ever negotiating 233 00:11:57,335 --> 00:11:58,918 is the amount of the lubricant. 234 00:11:58,918 --> 00:11:59,418 All right. 235 00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:00,085 All right. 236 00:12:00,085 --> 00:12:00,501 Fine. 237 00:12:00,501 --> 00:12:01,418 Fine. 238 00:12:01,418 --> 00:12:03,251 It's a play, for now. 239 00:12:03,251 --> 00:12:04,918 But there's something I got to change. 240 00:12:04,918 --> 00:12:05,793 What? 241 00:12:05,793 --> 00:12:06,585 Richard. 242 00:12:06,585 --> 00:12:09,960 His name, it's too normal. 243 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:11,293 Don't we want him to seem normal? 244 00:12:11,293 --> 00:12:12,418 No. 245 00:12:12,418 --> 00:12:14,460 I think he should be exceptional. 246 00:12:14,460 --> 00:12:18,085 And I think he's exceptionally good-looking, exceptionally 247 00:12:18,085 --> 00:12:21,626 charming, and he should have an exceptional-sounding name. 248 00:12:21,626 --> 00:12:23,293 What do you have in mind, Aloysius? 249 00:12:23,293 --> 00:12:24,960 OK, not that exceptional. 250 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:29,126 But it could be something upper crusty, 251 00:12:29,126 --> 00:12:31,960 like one of those first names that can also be a last name. 252 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:37,043 I went to school with a very WASP-y kid named Cooper. 253 00:12:37,043 --> 00:12:38,210 Cooper? 254 00:12:38,210 --> 00:12:39,960 Cooper. 255 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,918 Cooper Babcock. 256 00:12:42,918 --> 00:12:43,626 I like it. 257 00:12:43,626 --> 00:12:44,376 It's-- 258 00:12:44,376 --> 00:12:45,126 Upper crusty? 259 00:12:45,126 --> 00:12:46,001 Upper crusty. 260 00:12:46,001 --> 00:12:48,501 Cooper Babcock it is. 261 00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:51,626 Search and replace and done. 262 00:12:51,626 --> 00:12:54,293 Maybe it's too upper crusty. 263 00:12:54,293 --> 00:12:55,501 No, it's fine. 264 00:12:55,501 --> 00:12:57,168 Let's move on. 265 00:12:57,168 --> 00:12:59,001 Now, what are we doing about this strangling scene? 266 00:12:59,001 --> 00:12:59,960 OK. 267 00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:01,501 So we know that Richard-- 268 00:13:01,501 --> 00:13:02,501 Cooper. 269 00:13:02,501 --> 00:13:05,210 -Cooper wants the Picasso. 270 00:13:05,210 --> 00:13:08,335 But what if all he wants is the Picasso? 271 00:13:08,335 --> 00:13:12,876 Like we know he's a thief and the audience can know that. 272 00:13:12,876 --> 00:13:15,626 But we don't know that he's a psycho killer, 273 00:13:15,626 --> 00:13:17,501 because we haven't decided whether or not 274 00:13:17,501 --> 00:13:18,960 he's the psycho killer. 275 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:20,085 What do we have so far? 276 00:13:20,085 --> 00:13:22,501 All right. 277 00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:23,626 We introduce Richard-- 278 00:13:23,626 --> 00:13:24,543 Cooper. 279 00:13:24,543 --> 00:13:26,168 -Cooper Babcock. 280 00:13:26,168 --> 00:13:29,501 And we see that he has done something 281 00:13:29,501 --> 00:13:32,085 bloody with the tennis racket, but we don't know what. 282 00:13:32,085 --> 00:13:36,210 We also don't know what he's done with Nancy and David, 283 00:13:36,210 --> 00:13:39,085 or if he's even related to them at all. 284 00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:43,001 But we do know that he is interested in the Picasso 285 00:13:43,001 --> 00:13:45,293 and he's not at all interested in Bridgette. 286 00:13:45,293 --> 00:13:46,335 Aha. 287 00:13:46,335 --> 00:13:47,543 That's what we have to change. 288 00:13:47,543 --> 00:13:48,918 What? 289 00:13:48,918 --> 00:13:50,210 That he isn't interested in Bridgette. 290 00:13:50,210 --> 00:13:51,710 What if he has plans to take the Picasso, 291 00:13:51,710 --> 00:13:53,293 but he's so taken with Bridgette that it 292 00:13:53,293 --> 00:13:54,335 puts a crimp in his plan? 293 00:13:54,335 --> 00:13:55,376 Hmm. 294 00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,043 That could work. 295 00:13:57,043 --> 00:13:58,543 But something's bothered me. 296 00:13:58,543 --> 00:14:01,460 I don't think we should show the bloody tennis racket. 297 00:14:01,460 --> 00:14:02,585 No, but it's great. 298 00:14:02,585 --> 00:14:05,043 That's a terrific, horrific image. 299 00:14:05,043 --> 00:14:06,626 Yeah, but it gives away too much. 300 00:14:06,626 --> 00:14:09,168 I mean, the audience should feel some sympathy 301 00:14:09,168 --> 00:14:11,210 for Cooper, at least a little bit. 302 00:14:11,210 --> 00:14:12,210 At first. 303 00:14:12,210 --> 00:14:13,210 But later on-- 304 00:14:13,210 --> 00:14:14,418 Later on is something else. 305 00:14:14,418 --> 00:14:16,460 Let's see where this takes us. 306 00:14:16,460 --> 00:14:17,585 I've got an idea. 307 00:14:17,585 --> 00:14:20,501 But in order for it to work, Cooper 308 00:14:20,501 --> 00:14:23,418 has to be much younger, like Bridgette's age. 309 00:14:32,376 --> 00:14:36,251 So how are you enjoying staying with David and Nancy? 310 00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:37,460 Oh, they're no trouble. 311 00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,085 No trouble at all. 312 00:14:39,085 --> 00:14:41,501 And how are you getting on with Milo? 313 00:14:41,501 --> 00:14:42,376 Milo? 314 00:14:42,376 --> 00:14:43,751 Yes. 315 00:14:43,751 --> 00:14:47,293 Don't you find him extraordinarily intelligent? 316 00:14:47,293 --> 00:14:49,043 Yes, of course. 317 00:14:49,043 --> 00:14:52,251 We've had many long conversations. 318 00:14:52,251 --> 00:14:55,751 He has a very interesting perspective on life. 319 00:14:57,168 --> 00:14:58,460 You're funny. 320 00:14:58,460 --> 00:15:00,043 Am I? 321 00:15:00,043 --> 00:15:02,668 You've had many long conversations with a dog? 322 00:15:04,001 --> 00:15:06,210 Well, they were rather one-sided. 323 00:15:06,210 --> 00:15:09,126 I could barely get a word in edgewise. 324 00:15:12,001 --> 00:15:13,793 You are funny. 325 00:15:13,793 --> 00:15:16,710 So where do you usually stay when 326 00:15:16,710 --> 00:15:18,501 you're not staying next door? 327 00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:20,085 I was in prison. 328 00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:20,626 Prison? 329 00:15:20,626 --> 00:15:21,585 Prison? 330 00:15:21,585 --> 00:15:22,460 No. 331 00:15:22,460 --> 00:15:23,543 Yes. 332 00:15:23,543 --> 00:15:27,626 At least it felt that way. 333 00:15:27,626 --> 00:15:31,126 So I decided to take a little time off. 334 00:15:31,126 --> 00:15:32,626 Mhm. 335 00:15:32,626 --> 00:15:35,543 For good behavior? 336 00:15:35,543 --> 00:15:38,126 Something like that. 337 00:15:38,126 --> 00:15:40,085 So what do you do? 338 00:15:40,085 --> 00:15:45,335 Well, I was at Bryn Mawr, graduated with highest honors. 339 00:15:45,335 --> 00:15:49,835 And I'm now, like most people, unemployed. 340 00:15:49,835 --> 00:15:52,501 Thank God I am filthy rich. 341 00:15:55,501 --> 00:16:01,210 Well, it does take a bit of the pressure off, doesn't it? 342 00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:03,251 Unfortunately, my parents' trust fund 343 00:16:03,251 --> 00:16:05,543 doesn't kick in until I'm 30. 344 00:16:05,543 --> 00:16:07,251 That is ghastly. 345 00:16:07,251 --> 00:16:10,501 Ghastly indeed. 346 00:16:10,501 --> 00:16:16,751 So till then, I'll just have to survive however I can. 347 00:16:16,751 --> 00:16:19,085 Maybe tennis. 348 00:16:19,085 --> 00:16:19,793 Are you good? 349 00:16:23,835 --> 00:16:28,876 Well, I usually hit what I'm supposed to. 350 00:16:28,876 --> 00:16:30,251 How's your serve? 351 00:16:32,793 --> 00:16:36,418 Hardly ever returned. 352 00:16:36,418 --> 00:16:37,835 Really? 353 00:16:37,835 --> 00:16:39,710 Then, you are good. 354 00:16:50,876 --> 00:16:51,751 Wait a second. 355 00:16:51,751 --> 00:16:52,793 What the fuck is that? 356 00:16:52,793 --> 00:16:54,210 Someone in a chicken costume. 357 00:16:54,210 --> 00:16:55,543 Yeah. 358 00:16:55,543 --> 00:16:56,793 I can see it's someone in a chicken costume. 359 00:16:56,793 --> 00:16:58,626 Why is it someone in a chicken costume? 360 00:16:58,626 --> 00:17:00,335 I thought it would be cool to introduce 361 00:17:00,335 --> 00:17:02,168 a surreal element to the play. 362 00:17:02,168 --> 00:17:03,668 You see, this is why I like the movies, 363 00:17:03,668 --> 00:17:06,918 because nobody just shows up in a chicken costume. 364 00:17:06,918 --> 00:17:08,501 That's the beauty of theater. 365 00:17:08,501 --> 00:17:09,793 There are no rules. 366 00:17:09,793 --> 00:17:11,626 If you want someone in a chicken costume, 367 00:17:11,626 --> 00:17:13,876 you can have someone in a chicken costume. 368 00:17:13,876 --> 00:17:15,876 Well, I don't want someone in a chicken costume. 369 00:17:15,876 --> 00:17:18,251 What do you got against someone in a chicken costume? 370 00:17:18,251 --> 00:17:19,126 It makes no sense. 371 00:17:19,126 --> 00:17:21,210 What if it made sense? 372 00:17:21,210 --> 00:17:23,710 How is it going to make sense? 373 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,751 Watch and learn. 374 00:17:30,251 --> 00:17:32,501 Huh. 375 00:17:32,501 --> 00:17:34,251 Where is everybody? 376 00:17:34,251 --> 00:17:37,335 The costume party is tomorrow night, Blain. 377 00:17:37,335 --> 00:17:38,585 No, no, no, no, no, no. 378 00:17:38,585 --> 00:17:39,751 That can't be right. 379 00:17:39,751 --> 00:17:41,793 Today is Friday the 16th, is it not? 380 00:17:41,793 --> 00:17:45,418 It's Friday all right, but it's the 15th. 381 00:17:45,418 --> 00:17:48,626 But he's in costume. 382 00:17:48,626 --> 00:17:49,876 Those are tennis clothes. 383 00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:58,210 So they are. 384 00:17:58,210 --> 00:18:00,710 My apologies. 385 00:18:00,710 --> 00:18:03,210 We were just having some lemonade. 386 00:18:03,210 --> 00:18:04,876 Ah. 387 00:18:04,876 --> 00:18:08,918 I think I could use something a little bit stronger. 388 00:18:08,918 --> 00:18:11,710 So could I, come to think of it. 389 00:18:11,710 --> 00:18:12,710 Cooper? 390 00:18:12,710 --> 00:18:14,626 I'm good with this. 391 00:18:14,626 --> 00:18:16,460 Blaine, this is Cooper. 392 00:18:16,460 --> 00:18:18,876 He's staying with the Babcocks. 393 00:18:18,876 --> 00:18:20,626 Really? 394 00:18:20,626 --> 00:18:24,251 My house is just abreast the starboard side of their house. 395 00:18:24,251 --> 00:18:25,626 I haven't seen you. 396 00:18:25,626 --> 00:18:27,501 How long have you been there? 397 00:18:27,501 --> 00:18:30,210 Just a few days. 398 00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:33,876 Cooper says he talks to their dog. 399 00:18:33,876 --> 00:18:38,501 In all fairness, we are speaking to a chicken. 400 00:18:38,501 --> 00:18:39,710 So we are. 401 00:18:39,710 --> 00:18:40,668 How silly. 402 00:18:42,376 --> 00:18:44,543 Well, cheers. 403 00:18:44,543 --> 00:18:47,668 The chicken costume was a last-minute decision. 404 00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:50,251 I was going to go as Freddy Krueger. 405 00:18:50,251 --> 00:18:54,585 But I've gone as old Freddy for every costume party 406 00:18:54,585 --> 00:18:57,418 and Halloween outing since I was nine. 407 00:19:00,251 --> 00:19:03,418 Well, it's a very good chicken costume. 408 00:19:03,418 --> 00:19:04,751 And it suits you. 409 00:19:04,751 --> 00:19:06,001 Mhm. 410 00:19:06,001 --> 00:19:08,668 It does, sort of. 411 00:19:08,668 --> 00:19:10,835 How so, would you say? 412 00:19:10,835 --> 00:19:15,001 Well, you see, I've got a dreadful heart condition. 413 00:19:15,001 --> 00:19:18,918 Any severe shock and I could drop dead right here. 414 00:19:18,918 --> 00:19:21,876 So naturally, I'm timid of things like horror 415 00:19:21,876 --> 00:19:25,543 films and violence, you know. 416 00:19:25,543 --> 00:19:28,710 But you dressed like Freddy Krueger. 417 00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:32,293 Well, if I dress like the scary thing, 418 00:19:32,293 --> 00:19:33,835 I'm not likely to get scared. 419 00:19:33,835 --> 00:19:34,668 Now, am I? 420 00:19:36,501 --> 00:19:39,543 Very clever. 421 00:19:39,543 --> 00:19:43,376 Look, I have all the stuff set up in the kitchen for tomorrow. 422 00:19:43,376 --> 00:19:46,585 Shall I be naughty and get us some snacks? 423 00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:50,085 Caviar, champagne, cocaine? 424 00:19:50,085 --> 00:19:51,793 Why don't you just ring for it? 425 00:19:51,793 --> 00:19:54,043 The staff has the night off. 426 00:19:54,043 --> 00:19:56,335 Oh my God. 427 00:19:56,335 --> 00:19:58,751 You have to actually get things for yourself? 428 00:19:58,751 --> 00:20:00,418 However will you survive? 429 00:20:00,418 --> 00:20:02,043 Very funny. 430 00:20:02,043 --> 00:20:02,960 I'll be right back. 431 00:20:08,418 --> 00:20:11,918 Oh, Blain, you and Cooper should get along famously. 432 00:20:11,918 --> 00:20:14,751 He was admiring my father's Picasso before. 433 00:20:14,751 --> 00:20:15,543 Was he? 434 00:20:20,043 --> 00:20:24,501 Admiring daddy's Picasso were we? 435 00:20:24,501 --> 00:20:28,376 What the fuck are you doing here? 436 00:20:28,376 --> 00:20:29,960 What the fuck are you doing here? 437 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,626 I'm introducing a plot twist. 438 00:20:32,626 --> 00:20:34,876 So you're saying Blain and Cooper know each other? 439 00:20:34,876 --> 00:20:38,626 Not only know each other, but they're in cahoots. 440 00:20:38,626 --> 00:20:39,585 Cahoots? 441 00:20:39,585 --> 00:20:41,335 Who are you, Buffalo Bill? 442 00:20:41,335 --> 00:20:42,876 It's a perfectly good word. 443 00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,418 Yes. 444 00:20:45,418 --> 00:20:46,835 This is where we reveal that something 445 00:20:46,835 --> 00:20:49,960 is going on that the audience didn't realize. 446 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,710 There's something going on that I didn't realize. 447 00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:53,710 Don't worry. 448 00:20:53,710 --> 00:20:54,501 I've got it all worked out. 449 00:20:58,876 --> 00:21:00,043 What the fuck are you doing here? 450 00:21:00,043 --> 00:21:02,376 Imagine my surprise when I come here 451 00:21:02,376 --> 00:21:04,335 and see you sitting there a day early. 452 00:21:04,335 --> 00:21:05,418 It's not part of the plan. 453 00:21:05,418 --> 00:21:06,626 I improvised. 454 00:21:06,626 --> 00:21:08,001 Why leave a house full of witnesses? 455 00:21:08,001 --> 00:21:10,710 Drunk witnesses at a costume party. 456 00:21:10,710 --> 00:21:13,543 I could've taken the painting from right under their noses. 457 00:21:13,543 --> 00:21:14,793 No one would've identified you. 458 00:21:14,793 --> 00:21:15,626 Except you. 459 00:21:15,626 --> 00:21:16,668 You can trust me. 460 00:21:16,668 --> 00:21:17,876 You're in a chicken suit. 461 00:21:17,876 --> 00:21:19,543 Look, it's going to work. 462 00:21:19,543 --> 00:21:22,876 We take the painting tonight, take care of Bridgette. 463 00:21:22,876 --> 00:21:26,001 Then, tomorrow-- listen. --as the guests 464 00:21:26,001 --> 00:21:29,668 arrive, we among them, walk in to discover 465 00:21:29,668 --> 00:21:33,626 a horrible bloody scene. 466 00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:34,376 But-- 467 00:21:34,376 --> 00:21:35,710 Bloody scene? 468 00:21:35,710 --> 00:21:37,376 Does it-- does it have to be a bloody scene? 469 00:21:37,376 --> 00:21:39,793 Doesn't have to be, but I really, 470 00:21:39,793 --> 00:21:43,001 really, really want it to be. 471 00:21:43,001 --> 00:21:45,751 You're a sick fuck, Blain. 472 00:21:45,751 --> 00:21:49,001 Hey, you were down with the plan before. 473 00:21:49,001 --> 00:21:52,543 Remember robbery, murder, something Manson-esque? 474 00:21:54,543 --> 00:21:55,043 That was before. 475 00:21:55,793 --> 00:21:57,501 Before what? 476 00:22:00,126 --> 00:22:03,168 Before I met her. 477 00:22:03,168 --> 00:22:05,960 I like her. 478 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:09,751 She's a real person. 479 00:22:09,751 --> 00:22:13,126 She's a stuck-up real bitch who deserves everything 480 00:22:13,126 --> 00:22:14,710 that's coming to her. 481 00:22:14,710 --> 00:22:15,543 Who's that? 482 00:22:15,543 --> 00:22:19,168 Oh, no. 483 00:22:19,168 --> 00:22:21,876 Just this chick from the club, walks 484 00:22:21,876 --> 00:22:23,543 around acting like a princess just 485 00:22:23,543 --> 00:22:26,710 because her parents are rich. 486 00:22:26,710 --> 00:22:29,585 I utterly loathe people like that. 487 00:22:31,126 --> 00:22:32,460 OK. 488 00:22:32,460 --> 00:22:34,585 Dig in. 489 00:22:34,585 --> 00:22:39,043 There's caviar, Scottish salmon, blinis, 490 00:22:39,043 --> 00:22:41,960 and grapes from my father's vineyard, food 491 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,168 for the common folk. 492 00:22:44,876 --> 00:22:45,751 Common folk. 493 00:22:45,751 --> 00:22:46,960 Poors. 494 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:50,251 Those poor people. 495 00:22:50,251 --> 00:22:54,001 I saw you admiring my father's Picasso before. 496 00:22:54,001 --> 00:22:57,543 It's his pride and joy. 497 00:22:57,543 --> 00:23:00,835 I thought you were his pride and joy. 498 00:23:00,835 --> 00:23:02,585 Don't make me laugh. 499 00:23:02,585 --> 00:23:05,043 He couldn't auction me off for $50 million. 500 00:23:08,085 --> 00:23:08,918 It'll be OK. 501 00:23:08,918 --> 00:23:09,710 Wrong pipe. 502 00:23:09,710 --> 00:23:11,001 Wrong pipe. 503 00:23:11,001 --> 00:23:11,876 You'll be all right. 504 00:23:11,876 --> 00:23:12,751 Won't you, buddy? 505 00:23:12,751 --> 00:23:13,710 Yes. 506 00:23:13,710 --> 00:23:15,126 $50 million you say? 507 00:23:15,126 --> 00:23:16,668 Yes. 508 00:23:16,668 --> 00:23:18,876 He had an offer for that for some art dealer. 509 00:23:18,876 --> 00:23:21,126 But dad turned him down. 510 00:23:21,126 --> 00:23:25,210 Now, if the father of some boy from a good family 511 00:23:25,210 --> 00:23:30,085 offered that for me, well, he'd sell in the blink of an eye. 512 00:23:30,085 --> 00:23:31,585 Oh, that's absurd. 513 00:23:31,585 --> 00:23:33,585 People don't sell people. 514 00:23:33,585 --> 00:23:34,960 Don't they? 515 00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:37,876 I mean, after all, it's the ruling class' 516 00:23:37,876 --> 00:23:39,501 most popular commodity. 517 00:23:39,501 --> 00:23:41,626 They sell each other their children, 518 00:23:41,626 --> 00:23:44,626 sell each other to the country. 519 00:23:44,626 --> 00:23:47,251 It's called American politics. 520 00:23:47,251 --> 00:23:48,751 Yes. 521 00:23:48,751 --> 00:23:53,126 Well, aren't you philosophical for a chicken? 522 00:23:53,126 --> 00:23:57,543 I thought of having someone steal the Picasso. 523 00:23:59,335 --> 00:24:04,293 As you were saying, steal the Picasso? 524 00:24:04,293 --> 00:24:08,876 Yes, just to spite my father and, of course, for the money. 525 00:24:08,876 --> 00:24:10,710 You need money? 526 00:24:10,710 --> 00:24:11,960 Absolutely. 527 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:15,168 None of this is mine. 528 00:24:15,168 --> 00:24:18,001 I don't even really live here anymore. 529 00:24:18,001 --> 00:24:20,751 My parents are at their house on Martha's Vineyard 530 00:24:20,751 --> 00:24:22,960 and I'm crashing here. 531 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:26,085 If they knew I was here, well, they'd call the cops. 532 00:24:26,085 --> 00:24:27,668 Why is that? 533 00:24:27,668 --> 00:24:32,001 Because I'm a bad, bad girl. 534 00:24:32,001 --> 00:24:33,335 Didn't you know? 535 00:24:33,335 --> 00:24:35,251 I don't believe I did. 536 00:24:39,210 --> 00:24:41,043 Bad how? 537 00:24:46,210 --> 00:24:47,876 Where have you been all my life? 538 00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:55,960 OK. 539 00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:57,585 She's the worst type of bad. 540 00:24:57,585 --> 00:24:59,251 One, she slept with a Mexican. 541 00:24:59,251 --> 00:25:03,376 Two, she's tattooed and pierced and voted for Barack Hussein 542 00:25:03,376 --> 00:25:04,793 Obama. 543 00:25:04,793 --> 00:25:06,585 He wasn't Mexican. 544 00:25:06,585 --> 00:25:08,751 He was from Ecuador. 545 00:25:08,751 --> 00:25:09,751 A Mexican. 546 00:25:09,751 --> 00:25:12,710 Anyway, far worse than that. 547 00:25:12,710 --> 00:25:16,043 I also used my father's electronic setup 548 00:25:16,043 --> 00:25:20,126 to eavesdrop on the two of you while I was getting snacks. 549 00:25:20,126 --> 00:25:21,876 OK. 550 00:25:21,876 --> 00:25:26,126 So you'd like to murder me, Blain, 551 00:25:26,126 --> 00:25:28,251 in a particularly bloody way? 552 00:25:28,251 --> 00:25:29,001 I would never. 553 00:25:29,001 --> 00:25:29,793 It's a joke. 554 00:25:29,793 --> 00:25:30,251 It's a joke. 555 00:25:30,251 --> 00:25:30,918 Never. 556 00:25:31,626 --> 00:25:32,668 Oh, fuck. 557 00:25:32,668 --> 00:25:33,251 Oh. 558 00:25:33,251 --> 00:25:34,251 Oh, fuck. 559 00:25:34,251 --> 00:25:36,835 The fucking bitch shot me. 560 00:25:36,835 --> 00:25:38,335 Bridgette. 561 00:25:38,335 --> 00:25:39,001 Bridgette. 562 00:25:40,251 --> 00:25:41,085 Stop. 563 00:25:41,085 --> 00:25:44,001 You help me right now. 564 00:25:44,001 --> 00:25:47,210 I could probably make it. 565 00:25:47,210 --> 00:25:51,335 We could go to Cedars or St. Joseph's. 566 00:25:51,335 --> 00:25:53,668 Oh, please. 567 00:25:53,668 --> 00:25:54,918 Please, help me. 568 00:25:54,918 --> 00:25:55,960 Please. 569 00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:56,918 Are you going to shoot me too? 570 00:25:56,918 --> 00:25:57,918 Oh, it hurts-- 571 00:25:57,918 --> 00:25:59,918 I haven't decided that yet. 572 00:25:59,918 --> 00:26:01,376 Depends. 573 00:26:01,376 --> 00:26:02,293 Please, brother. 574 00:26:02,293 --> 00:26:03,418 Help me, please. 575 00:26:03,418 --> 00:26:04,335 Please? 576 00:26:04,335 --> 00:26:05,251 On what? 577 00:26:05,251 --> 00:26:07,043 My feathers are bloody. 578 00:26:07,043 --> 00:26:08,335 Oh, please. 579 00:26:08,335 --> 00:26:10,793 Did you mean it when you said you liked me? 580 00:26:10,793 --> 00:26:11,710 Help me. 581 00:26:11,710 --> 00:26:12,668 Please. 582 00:26:13,418 --> 00:26:15,460 Yes. 583 00:26:15,460 --> 00:26:20,168 Yes, I did, very much so. 584 00:26:20,168 --> 00:26:21,960 There's a light. 585 00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:25,043 Oh, looks like one of those lights outside of a barbershop. 586 00:26:25,043 --> 00:26:26,418 What? 587 00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:27,376 Please. 588 00:26:27,376 --> 00:26:29,293 Oh, Jesus, Lord. 589 00:26:29,293 --> 00:26:30,418 Oh. 590 00:26:30,418 --> 00:26:33,043 Even right now. 591 00:26:33,043 --> 00:26:35,710 I think I see Gram Gram. 592 00:26:35,710 --> 00:26:38,210 I smell the cinnamon buns she made. 593 00:26:38,210 --> 00:26:39,168 Please. 594 00:26:39,168 --> 00:26:40,168 Oh. 595 00:26:40,168 --> 00:26:41,085 That's not grandma. 596 00:26:41,085 --> 00:26:41,793 That's Satan. 597 00:26:41,793 --> 00:26:43,293 Oh, please. 598 00:26:43,293 --> 00:26:44,335 Oh, goodness. 599 00:26:44,335 --> 00:26:46,210 You're making this very awkward. 600 00:26:46,210 --> 00:26:49,126 I made you a fucking friendship bracelet. 601 00:26:49,126 --> 00:26:50,835 Shut up about the bracelet. 602 00:26:50,835 --> 00:26:54,043 I'm very happy for you both, but I'm fucking dying here. 603 00:26:54,043 --> 00:26:54,835 Please. 604 00:26:54,835 --> 00:26:56,168 Not fast enough. 605 00:26:56,793 --> 00:26:57,293 Fuck. 606 00:26:57,293 --> 00:26:58,835 Oh. 607 00:26:58,835 --> 00:27:00,793 Shot again. 608 00:27:04,835 --> 00:27:07,335 Was that second shot really necessary? 609 00:27:07,335 --> 00:27:09,043 I think it was. 610 00:27:09,043 --> 00:27:12,835 Well, he was a racist chicken. 611 00:27:12,835 --> 00:27:14,793 What happens now? 612 00:27:15,835 --> 00:27:16,835 I haven't figured that out yet. 613 00:27:19,918 --> 00:27:22,085 So what happens now? 614 00:27:22,085 --> 00:27:23,335 I haven't figured that out yet. 615 00:27:23,335 --> 00:27:26,001 Look, I'm not sure about any of this. 616 00:27:26,001 --> 00:27:28,418 So we're saying Bridgette is the psycho killer, not Cooper? 617 00:27:28,418 --> 00:27:29,460 Yes. 618 00:27:29,460 --> 00:27:30,876 And she's the one with the plan. 619 00:27:30,876 --> 00:27:32,168 What's the plan? 620 00:27:32,168 --> 00:27:34,293 To steal her father's Picasso and blame it 621 00:27:34,293 --> 00:27:36,543 on Blain and another accomplice. 622 00:27:36,543 --> 00:27:38,376 You know, I actually like this. 623 00:27:38,376 --> 00:27:41,876 It's getting very classical stage mystery/comedy. 624 00:27:41,876 --> 00:27:44,460 You know, like Deathtrap or The Mousetrap. 625 00:27:44,460 --> 00:27:45,376 You're right. 626 00:27:45,376 --> 00:27:46,835 It is. 627 00:27:46,835 --> 00:27:48,460 Oh, fuck. 628 00:27:48,460 --> 00:27:50,168 We should change everything. 629 00:27:50,168 --> 00:27:53,335 We should go back and make it less like those plays 630 00:27:53,335 --> 00:27:54,793 and make it more movie-like. 631 00:27:54,793 --> 00:27:56,376 There you go with that movie thing again. 632 00:27:56,376 --> 00:27:59,210 You do know that The Mousetrap is the most successful, longest 633 00:27:59,210 --> 00:28:00,501 running play in history? 634 00:28:00,501 --> 00:28:03,001 And Deathtrap ran forever and they even 635 00:28:03,001 --> 00:28:06,335 made a movie out of it with Michael Caine and Superman. 636 00:28:06,335 --> 00:28:08,126 Christopher Reeve. 637 00:28:08,126 --> 00:28:09,501 If we can write a play even half as successful as those two, 638 00:28:09,501 --> 00:28:10,335 we'll have a hit. 639 00:28:10,335 --> 00:28:11,960 Think of it. 640 00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:14,126 Small cast, one set, thrills and chills and comedy. 641 00:28:14,126 --> 00:28:15,960 Nobody's writing plays like this anymore. 642 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:17,335 Yeah, because they're old hat. 643 00:28:17,335 --> 00:28:18,835 No, they're not. 644 00:28:18,835 --> 00:28:20,210 If you can write a good play in that genre, 645 00:28:20,210 --> 00:28:23,043 you can get it produced and make a lot of money. 646 00:28:23,043 --> 00:28:24,835 Community theaters love that kind of shit. 647 00:28:24,835 --> 00:28:29,251 What happened to the idea of a surrealistic, avant garde, 648 00:28:29,251 --> 00:28:31,001 mind-bending neo-noir thriller? 649 00:28:31,001 --> 00:28:34,085 Have you ever noticed that the avant garde never changes? 650 00:28:34,085 --> 00:28:35,585 If it's after garde, when was garde? 651 00:28:35,585 --> 00:28:36,543 I must've missed it. 652 00:28:36,543 --> 00:28:37,543 That would be apres garde. 653 00:28:37,543 --> 00:28:38,418 What would be? 654 00:28:38,418 --> 00:28:41,793 Our play, Murdertrap. 655 00:28:41,793 --> 00:28:42,418 Murdertrap? 656 00:28:42,418 --> 00:28:43,501 Yes. 657 00:28:43,501 --> 00:28:45,001 I just came up with it. 658 00:28:45,001 --> 00:28:46,918 Cool title, huh? 659 00:28:46,918 --> 00:28:50,085 Isn't it a little much like Deathtrap or The Mousetrap? 660 00:28:50,085 --> 00:28:51,460 Only in the "trap" part. 661 00:28:51,460 --> 00:28:53,960 Besides it makes a great movie title. 662 00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:55,251 Someday. 663 00:28:55,251 --> 00:28:56,126 Someday. 664 00:28:56,126 --> 00:28:56,960 All right. 665 00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:58,168 You've convinced me. 666 00:28:58,168 --> 00:29:01,043 After it's a huge Broadway success. 667 00:29:01,043 --> 00:29:02,251 One thing though. 668 00:29:02,251 --> 00:29:06,335 Don't these characters seem British? 669 00:29:06,335 --> 00:29:07,876 Why do you say that? 670 00:29:07,876 --> 00:29:09,293 Well, I don't know anyone like these people. 671 00:29:09,293 --> 00:29:11,126 Do you any British people like these people? 672 00:29:11,126 --> 00:29:12,918 No. 673 00:29:12,918 --> 00:29:16,335 But I think that it would be classier if they were British. 674 00:29:16,335 --> 00:29:17,376 OK. 675 00:29:17,376 --> 00:29:18,460 Let's make them British again. 676 00:29:28,043 --> 00:29:30,168 Is the painting in the lorry? 677 00:29:30,168 --> 00:29:31,335 Yes. 678 00:29:31,335 --> 00:29:33,126 And thank goodness no one saw me. 679 00:29:33,126 --> 00:29:37,876 This is Fanlee on the Bump, the most exclusive community 680 00:29:37,876 --> 00:29:39,918 off the roundabout to East Sussex. 681 00:29:39,918 --> 00:29:43,585 No one sees anything. 682 00:29:43,585 --> 00:29:44,335 Two lumps? 683 00:29:47,126 --> 00:29:47,751 Thanks, darling. 684 00:29:50,460 --> 00:29:52,918 So what do we do about Blain? 685 00:29:52,918 --> 00:29:55,418 Just leave him there behind the couch. 686 00:29:55,418 --> 00:29:57,918 Remember, we caught him in the midst 687 00:29:57,918 --> 00:30:02,876 of committing grand larceny and justifiably shot him. 688 00:30:02,876 --> 00:30:04,210 Mhm. 689 00:30:04,210 --> 00:30:06,293 Twice. 690 00:30:06,293 --> 00:30:08,168 The gun has a hair trigger. 691 00:30:09,585 --> 00:30:12,251 I think you should say we were being held captive. 692 00:30:12,251 --> 00:30:17,251 There was a struggle and the gun went off quite accidentally. 693 00:30:17,251 --> 00:30:19,293 Twice? 694 00:30:19,293 --> 00:30:20,960 Could be hard to explain. 695 00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:22,251 Not really. 696 00:30:22,251 --> 00:30:25,210 You were fighting for your life. 697 00:30:25,210 --> 00:30:27,210 I was fighting for my life? 698 00:30:27,210 --> 00:30:29,043 Well, the police will never believe 699 00:30:29,043 --> 00:30:30,376 that I could've disarmed him. 700 00:30:33,126 --> 00:30:34,460 Yes. 701 00:30:34,460 --> 00:30:37,210 You're quite right. 702 00:30:37,210 --> 00:30:38,460 We'll have to say I shot him. 703 00:30:38,460 --> 00:30:41,918 Oh, well. 704 00:30:41,918 --> 00:30:48,168 Now, how exactly do we explain the chicken suit? 705 00:30:48,168 --> 00:30:49,210 That's easy. 706 00:30:49,210 --> 00:30:50,710 We'll tell the truth. 707 00:30:50,710 --> 00:30:53,001 Blain mistook the date and thought 708 00:30:53,001 --> 00:30:56,251 he was going to be attending a costume party. 709 00:30:56,251 --> 00:30:56,710 All right. 710 00:30:56,710 --> 00:30:58,460 Yeah. 711 00:30:58,460 --> 00:31:00,585 Well, how do we explain me? 712 00:31:00,585 --> 00:31:03,335 You're my neighbor. 713 00:31:03,335 --> 00:31:09,626 Bridgette, I'm not really your neighbor. 714 00:31:09,626 --> 00:31:13,460 But you're David and Nancy's nephew. 715 00:31:13,460 --> 00:31:15,960 Unfortunately, not. 716 00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:18,251 Great nephew? 717 00:31:18,251 --> 00:31:20,418 Not even remotely related. 718 00:31:20,418 --> 00:31:23,043 But you are staying with them, aren't you? 719 00:31:23,043 --> 00:31:25,585 In a manner of speaking, yes. 720 00:31:25,585 --> 00:31:28,585 Whatever do you mean? 721 00:31:28,585 --> 00:31:30,418 I'm afraid I slit both their throats 722 00:31:30,418 --> 00:31:32,210 and buried them in the rose garden. 723 00:31:32,210 --> 00:31:32,751 Oopsie daisy. 724 00:31:32,751 --> 00:31:34,626 And Milo? 725 00:31:34,626 --> 00:31:37,043 Milo is just fine. 726 00:31:37,043 --> 00:31:41,460 What the bloody hell do you take me for? 727 00:31:41,460 --> 00:31:46,751 Possibly my soulmate. 728 00:31:48,668 --> 00:31:50,460 Oh, I was hoping you felt that way. 729 00:31:50,460 --> 00:31:52,626 I felt an immediate attraction towards you the moment 730 00:31:52,626 --> 00:31:54,293 I first laid eyes on you. 731 00:31:54,293 --> 00:31:56,210 And it's only deepened massively in the brief time 732 00:31:56,210 --> 00:31:57,751 I've known you. 733 00:31:57,751 --> 00:32:02,293 You are a complete sociopath without one single redeeming 734 00:32:02,293 --> 00:32:03,626 quality. 735 00:32:03,626 --> 00:32:06,751 I'm afraid that's entirely true. 736 00:32:06,751 --> 00:32:08,293 Kiss me. 737 00:32:08,293 --> 00:32:11,626 Oh, it still hurts. 738 00:32:11,626 --> 00:32:13,626 Oh, it's not happened yet. 739 00:32:13,626 --> 00:32:14,751 I think I did shit-- 740 00:32:21,418 --> 00:32:22,710 Please. 741 00:32:22,710 --> 00:32:25,376 I made you that fucking friendship bracelet. 742 00:32:25,376 --> 00:32:28,335 I gave you my last Livestrong bracelet. 743 00:32:28,335 --> 00:32:30,501 Hold on a tick. 744 00:32:30,501 --> 00:32:31,751 Help me, please. 745 00:32:31,751 --> 00:32:32,626 Please. 746 00:32:32,626 --> 00:32:34,335 We can stop for fro-yo. 747 00:32:34,335 --> 00:32:35,501 I know you love Menchies. 748 00:32:36,376 --> 00:32:41,168 Why don't you just die? 749 00:33:00,501 --> 00:33:02,376 Murder, anyone? 750 00:33:08,126 --> 00:33:10,835 So now, we have two psycho killers in the scene. 751 00:33:10,835 --> 00:33:12,543 Three if you count, Blain. 752 00:33:12,543 --> 00:33:13,710 Isn't that a bit much? 753 00:33:13,710 --> 00:33:14,626 No, no, no. 754 00:33:14,626 --> 00:33:16,251 The more, the merrier. 755 00:33:16,251 --> 00:33:18,876 You can never have too many psycho killers, Clarice. 756 00:33:18,876 --> 00:33:20,293 OK. 757 00:33:20,293 --> 00:33:21,376 But it's getting a little far-fetched. 758 00:33:21,376 --> 00:33:22,668 Well, isn't that the point? 759 00:33:22,668 --> 00:33:25,418 Isn't art supposed to be far-fetched? 760 00:33:25,418 --> 00:33:29,168 You don't plop down a hundred or even $12.50 to go see something 761 00:33:29,168 --> 00:33:30,751 that's fetched. 762 00:33:30,751 --> 00:33:32,460 I don't think that's an actual term. 763 00:33:32,460 --> 00:33:33,501 Why not? 764 00:33:33,501 --> 00:33:35,085 Why are things only far-fetched? 765 00:33:35,085 --> 00:33:37,543 Why can't they be merely-fetched or 3/4-fetched? 766 00:33:37,543 --> 00:33:38,835 I don't know. 767 00:33:38,835 --> 00:33:40,751 The point is, where do we go from here? 768 00:33:40,751 --> 00:33:42,585 We've already thrown out the whole outline. 769 00:33:42,585 --> 00:33:43,585 You know what? 770 00:33:43,585 --> 00:33:44,835 I think that's a good thing. 771 00:33:44,835 --> 00:33:46,418 Let's take this thing as far as we can. 772 00:33:46,418 --> 00:33:49,793 And I am not wild about them being British. 773 00:33:49,793 --> 00:33:50,710 OK. 774 00:33:50,710 --> 00:33:51,918 So make them American. 775 00:33:51,918 --> 00:33:53,668 I'll go back and change lorry to truck 776 00:33:53,668 --> 00:33:56,335 and make the other things in that scene more American later. 777 00:33:56,335 --> 00:33:56,835 All right. 778 00:33:56,835 --> 00:33:57,543 All right. 779 00:33:57,543 --> 00:33:58,168 All right. 780 00:33:58,168 --> 00:33:59,501 Great. 781 00:33:59,501 --> 00:34:00,376 Because I have an idea for what happens next. 782 00:34:00,376 --> 00:34:01,251 Carry on, old chap. 783 00:34:01,251 --> 00:34:02,376 I said not British. 784 00:34:02,376 --> 00:34:03,418 I just wanted to get that out there 785 00:34:03,418 --> 00:34:05,835 before we go all colonial again. 786 00:34:05,835 --> 00:34:07,168 All right. 787 00:34:07,168 --> 00:34:08,626 It's later now. 788 00:34:08,626 --> 00:34:11,501 Cooper, I'm worried someone's going to find the body 789 00:34:11,501 --> 00:34:12,751 and ruin everything. 790 00:34:12,751 --> 00:34:14,418 Don't even worry about it. 791 00:34:14,418 --> 00:34:16,835 Blain fit right in the grave next to David and Nancy. 792 00:34:16,835 --> 00:34:21,126 And he's now perfectly covered by David's prizewinning roses. 793 00:34:21,126 --> 00:34:23,626 Blain's disappearance won't be noticed for a while. 794 00:34:23,626 --> 00:34:26,793 He often disappears for months at a time and only returns 795 00:34:26,793 --> 00:34:28,543 when he runs out of money. 796 00:34:28,543 --> 00:34:33,835 But how ever are we going to explain David and Nancy? 797 00:34:33,835 --> 00:34:35,418 What? 798 00:34:35,418 --> 00:34:36,876 Why do we need to explain anything about them? 799 00:34:36,876 --> 00:34:39,668 What do they have to do with us? 800 00:34:39,668 --> 00:34:40,918 You're right. 801 00:34:40,918 --> 00:34:43,335 I hadn't thought of it like that. 802 00:34:43,335 --> 00:34:45,460 We're in the clear. 803 00:34:45,460 --> 00:34:47,460 Nothing can stop us now. 804 00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:49,876 Hello? 805 00:34:49,876 --> 00:34:51,585 Anybody home? 806 00:34:51,585 --> 00:34:53,168 Who can that be? 807 00:34:53,168 --> 00:34:53,876 I don't know. 808 00:34:53,876 --> 00:34:54,793 It sounds like a woman. 809 00:34:56,251 --> 00:34:58,418 Hello? 810 00:34:58,418 --> 00:34:59,918 Her voice doesn't sound familiar. 811 00:34:59,918 --> 00:35:02,168 I don't want to let her in. 812 00:35:02,168 --> 00:35:04,335 I think you have to. 813 00:35:04,335 --> 00:35:05,751 You can't do anything suspicious. 814 00:35:15,335 --> 00:35:17,918 Hello. 815 00:35:17,918 --> 00:35:19,293 Sup, bitches? 816 00:35:19,293 --> 00:35:20,460 I'm Mary Clemens. 817 00:35:20,460 --> 00:35:21,543 I'm a psychic. 818 00:35:21,543 --> 00:35:22,418 I live next door. 819 00:35:25,210 --> 00:35:26,335 Wait, wait, wait. 820 00:35:26,335 --> 00:35:28,460 We can't have a psychic next door. 821 00:35:28,460 --> 00:35:30,001 That's right out of Deathtrap. 822 00:35:30,001 --> 00:35:31,626 Well, cheese and crackers. 823 00:35:31,626 --> 00:35:32,793 I'll make it different. 824 00:35:32,793 --> 00:35:34,710 Yeah, it got all muddy. 825 00:35:34,710 --> 00:35:36,501 I am Mary Clemens. 826 00:35:36,501 --> 00:35:38,335 I am blind. 827 00:35:41,335 --> 00:35:42,460 Who's there? 828 00:35:42,460 --> 00:35:44,001 A blind woman? 829 00:35:44,001 --> 00:35:45,376 We can't have a blind woman. 830 00:35:45,376 --> 00:35:46,793 That's out of Wait Until Dark. 831 00:35:46,793 --> 00:35:48,668 We can't rip off two successful plays like that. 832 00:35:48,668 --> 00:35:49,501 It's not a rip off. 833 00:35:49,501 --> 00:35:50,960 It's an homage. 834 00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:51,876 An homage? 835 00:35:51,876 --> 00:35:53,293 Yes. 836 00:35:53,293 --> 00:35:55,543 And besides, Deathtrap had a psychic. 837 00:35:55,543 --> 00:35:57,543 And Wait Until Dark had a blind woman. 838 00:35:57,543 --> 00:36:00,418 But neither of those had a blind psychic. 839 00:36:00,418 --> 00:36:01,001 OK. 840 00:36:01,001 --> 00:36:02,543 It's an homage. 841 00:36:02,543 --> 00:36:04,293 But let's make her French and not a psychic. 842 00:36:04,293 --> 00:36:05,335 All right. 843 00:36:05,335 --> 00:36:07,543 I am Marie Clement de la France. 844 00:36:07,543 --> 00:36:10,668 I am blind and I am a medium. 845 00:36:10,668 --> 00:36:11,876 A medium? 846 00:36:11,876 --> 00:36:14,001 You mean a psychic, like in Deathtrap? 847 00:36:14,001 --> 00:36:17,001 No, not at all like that play. 848 00:36:17,001 --> 00:36:18,376 No. 849 00:36:18,376 --> 00:36:19,960 I cannot read mind or see the future. 850 00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:21,293 See, guys? 851 00:36:21,293 --> 00:36:22,418 Shit ain't nothing like Deathtrap. 852 00:36:22,418 --> 00:36:25,418 But I can tell the past. 853 00:36:25,418 --> 00:36:28,876 Also not like The Dead Zone. 854 00:36:28,876 --> 00:36:31,001 Won't you sit down, Ms. Clement? 855 00:36:31,001 --> 00:36:33,043 Merci beaucoup. 856 00:36:33,043 --> 00:36:34,085 Oh, um. 857 00:36:34,085 --> 00:36:35,918 It's just to your right. 858 00:36:35,918 --> 00:36:36,585 Oh, no. 859 00:36:36,585 --> 00:36:37,543 Sorry. 860 00:36:37,543 --> 00:36:37,918 Can you help her, please? 861 00:36:37,918 --> 00:36:38,585 Mhm. 862 00:36:38,585 --> 00:36:39,335 Here. 863 00:36:39,335 --> 00:36:40,418 Just-- right. 864 00:36:40,418 --> 00:36:40,835 No. 865 00:36:40,835 --> 00:36:41,460 No. 866 00:36:41,460 --> 00:36:41,918 Oh gosh. 867 00:36:41,918 --> 00:36:42,543 Almost. 868 00:36:42,543 --> 00:36:43,043 Almost. 869 00:36:43,043 --> 00:36:43,751 Can you-- 870 00:36:43,751 --> 00:36:44,418 Are you OK? 871 00:36:46,501 --> 00:36:48,376 Sorry. 872 00:36:48,376 --> 00:36:49,418 You're finding it. 873 00:36:49,418 --> 00:36:50,418 Almost. 874 00:36:50,418 --> 00:36:50,918 You just need to do a 180. 875 00:36:50,918 --> 00:36:51,543 OK. 876 00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:57,335 Oh, goodness. 877 00:36:57,335 --> 00:36:57,835 Here. 878 00:36:57,835 --> 00:36:58,460 Take my-- 879 00:36:59,376 --> 00:36:59,793 OK. 880 00:36:59,793 --> 00:37:00,543 Just-- 881 00:37:00,543 --> 00:37:00,918 Here. 882 00:37:00,918 --> 00:37:01,751 OK. 883 00:37:01,751 --> 00:37:03,460 Now, easy does it. 884 00:37:03,460 --> 00:37:03,918 Easy does it. 885 00:37:03,918 --> 00:37:04,543 Voila. 886 00:37:04,543 --> 00:37:04,960 Yay. 887 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:07,751 Voila. 888 00:37:07,751 --> 00:37:12,918 So you say you have the uncanny ability to see the past? 889 00:37:14,418 --> 00:37:15,918 Indeed I do. 890 00:37:15,918 --> 00:37:19,543 Excuse me, but don't we all have that ability? 891 00:37:19,543 --> 00:37:21,793 Uh, pardon me, but don't we all have that ability? 892 00:37:21,793 --> 00:37:22,960 No. 893 00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:24,710 own past. 894 00:37:24,710 --> 00:37:25,710 Everybody can. 895 00:37:25,710 --> 00:37:27,335 No one care. 896 00:37:27,335 --> 00:37:29,960 But with this power I have, which I did not ask for, 897 00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:32,876 I merely need to be in the presence of a person 898 00:37:32,876 --> 00:37:35,085 and I immediately see their whole life, 899 00:37:35,085 --> 00:37:37,710 like a movie or a play. 900 00:37:37,710 --> 00:37:40,085 Again, not like The Dead Zone. 901 00:37:40,085 --> 00:37:42,585 It is quite formidable. 902 00:37:42,585 --> 00:37:45,710 And you say that's why you've come here this evening? 903 00:37:45,710 --> 00:37:46,418 Oui. 904 00:37:46,418 --> 00:37:47,460 Quite so. 905 00:37:47,460 --> 00:37:49,460 But that is not the only reason. 906 00:37:49,460 --> 00:37:51,751 I have been summoned. 907 00:37:51,751 --> 00:37:52,793 Summoned? 908 00:37:52,793 --> 00:37:55,001 By whom? 909 00:37:55,001 --> 00:37:55,835 The dead. 910 00:38:00,168 --> 00:38:01,668 The lights are flickering, yes? 911 00:38:04,168 --> 00:38:04,918 The dead? 912 00:38:10,376 --> 00:38:12,085 Well, that's just a bit far-fetched. 913 00:38:12,085 --> 00:38:13,835 Wouldn't you say, Ms. Clement? 914 00:38:13,835 --> 00:38:14,501 No. 915 00:38:14,501 --> 00:38:15,376 No. 916 00:38:15,376 --> 00:38:16,126 It's quite fetched. 917 00:38:16,126 --> 00:38:18,543 Is that the correct usage? 918 00:38:18,543 --> 00:38:20,001 My English is not so well. 919 00:38:20,001 --> 00:38:20,668 No. 920 00:38:20,668 --> 00:38:21,668 It's OK. 921 00:38:21,668 --> 00:38:23,001 But let me get this straight. 922 00:38:23,001 --> 00:38:26,001 You're saying you communicate with the dead? 923 00:38:30,043 --> 00:38:31,001 Of course. 924 00:38:31,001 --> 00:38:33,501 I am a medium, after all. 925 00:38:33,501 --> 00:38:36,210 But I not only communicate with the departed. 926 00:38:36,210 --> 00:38:37,710 I bring them-- 927 00:38:37,710 --> 00:38:39,543 Fascinating, Ms. Clement. 928 00:38:39,543 --> 00:38:41,918 But what does any of that have to do with me? 929 00:38:41,918 --> 00:38:42,960 I don't even-- 930 00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:44,501 May I have your hand, Bridgette? 931 00:38:47,001 --> 00:38:48,210 How did you know my name? 932 00:38:48,210 --> 00:38:50,418 You're hand. 933 00:38:50,418 --> 00:38:51,126 Oh. 934 00:38:51,126 --> 00:38:53,501 It's here. 935 00:38:55,793 --> 00:38:56,960 What is it? 936 00:38:56,960 --> 00:39:00,501 Ma cher, I see everything clearly. 937 00:39:00,501 --> 00:39:02,001 What do you see? 938 00:39:02,001 --> 00:39:04,043 It is what I do not see. 939 00:39:04,043 --> 00:39:05,126 What is that? 940 00:39:05,126 --> 00:39:06,960 I do not see a penis. 941 00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:07,918 Say what? 942 00:39:07,918 --> 00:39:08,793 A penis. 943 00:39:08,793 --> 00:39:10,085 No? 944 00:39:10,085 --> 00:39:12,751 I do not see a penis. 945 00:39:12,751 --> 00:39:14,585 A penis? 946 00:39:14,585 --> 00:39:15,710 What the hell is that? 947 00:39:15,710 --> 00:39:17,168 It's happiness. 948 00:39:17,168 --> 00:39:20,043 It just sounds like "a penis," because she's French. 949 00:39:20,043 --> 00:39:24,168 But the audience is going to think she's saying "a penis." 950 00:39:24,168 --> 00:39:26,251 You think so? 951 00:39:26,251 --> 00:39:27,251 A penis. 952 00:39:28,793 --> 00:39:29,751 A penis. 953 00:39:31,126 --> 00:39:32,668 A penis. 954 00:39:32,668 --> 00:39:33,501 Maybe you're right. 955 00:39:33,501 --> 00:39:35,918 I'll add this. 956 00:39:35,918 --> 00:39:40,501 I do not see much happiness in your life. 957 00:39:40,501 --> 00:39:42,710 She's trying to say "happiness." 958 00:39:42,710 --> 00:39:43,585 Oui. 959 00:39:43,585 --> 00:39:45,001 Happiness. 960 00:39:45,001 --> 00:39:46,168 I thought she was saying-- 961 00:39:46,168 --> 00:39:47,585 No. 962 00:39:47,585 --> 00:39:48,960 We know what we thought she was saying. 963 00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:52,168 Bridgette, there is so much sadness in your life. 964 00:39:52,168 --> 00:39:53,001 Your father-- 965 00:39:53,001 --> 00:39:55,793 Please. 966 00:39:55,793 --> 00:39:58,501 I don't want to discuss my father. 967 00:39:58,501 --> 00:40:00,210 There's something really wrong here. 968 00:40:00,210 --> 00:40:01,918 You don't like where the story's going? 969 00:40:01,918 --> 00:40:02,668 No. 970 00:40:02,668 --> 00:40:03,543 It's not that. 971 00:40:03,543 --> 00:40:04,876 It's the characters. 972 00:40:04,876 --> 00:40:05,960 They have no inner lives. 973 00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:07,710 We don't really care about them. 974 00:40:07,710 --> 00:40:09,710 They're just pieces we're moving around on a chessboard. 975 00:40:09,710 --> 00:40:11,043 You're right. 976 00:40:11,043 --> 00:40:13,543 There's nobody to care about in this movie-- 977 00:40:13,543 --> 00:40:14,835 play, play. 978 00:40:14,835 --> 00:40:16,918 We need a moment, a glimpse into the soul, 979 00:40:16,918 --> 00:40:19,251 of one of the characters. 980 00:40:19,251 --> 00:40:20,126 Marie? 981 00:40:20,126 --> 00:40:21,210 Why Marie? 982 00:40:21,210 --> 00:40:22,751 Well, she's interesting. 983 00:40:22,751 --> 00:40:24,543 She's a blind, French, psychic. 984 00:40:24,543 --> 00:40:25,251 That's the problem. 985 00:40:25,251 --> 00:40:27,626 She's too interesting. 986 00:40:27,626 --> 00:40:29,168 Well, Cooper? 987 00:40:29,168 --> 00:40:30,960 We want to keep him sort of enigmatic. 988 00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:31,918 Don't we? 989 00:40:31,918 --> 00:40:32,960 You're right. 990 00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:35,126 That just leave Bridgette. 991 00:40:35,126 --> 00:40:36,876 I think I've got a way to go with her. 992 00:40:36,876 --> 00:40:39,960 Oh, a wise guy, eh? 993 00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:42,001 Well, be my guest. 994 00:40:42,001 --> 00:40:43,626 I think this will do it. 995 00:40:48,001 --> 00:40:50,126 You say you do not want to talk about your life, 996 00:40:50,126 --> 00:40:53,168 but what else have we but our lives? 997 00:40:53,168 --> 00:40:58,251 I don't want to talk about my life, because it's too painful. 998 00:40:58,251 --> 00:41:03,835 You say you do not see much happiness in my life? 999 00:41:03,835 --> 00:41:05,876 That's true. 1000 00:41:05,876 --> 00:41:09,293 Also, no love. 1001 00:41:09,293 --> 00:41:12,001 That's not exactly true. 1002 00:41:12,001 --> 00:41:24,001 I was in love once, with a boy named Eduardo, Eduardo Gomez 1003 00:41:24,001 --> 00:41:27,626 Alfonso de la Guapa. 1004 00:41:27,626 --> 00:41:32,793 My father did everything he could to break us up. 1005 00:41:32,793 --> 00:41:33,335 I'm sorry. 1006 00:41:33,335 --> 00:41:34,168 Why is that? 1007 00:41:42,085 --> 00:41:46,126 Alfonso was dark complected. 1008 00:41:46,126 --> 00:41:51,001 Even in these enlightened times of post-racial America, 1009 00:41:51,001 --> 00:41:55,085 my father was hateful. 1010 00:41:55,085 --> 00:42:02,668 He systematically destroyed our love, had Eduardo deported, 1011 00:42:02,668 --> 00:42:08,043 and forced me to have a late-term abortion. 1012 00:42:08,043 --> 00:42:14,168 Afterward, I hated my father with a passion. 1013 00:42:14,168 --> 00:42:19,668 My mother insisted that my father had acted out of love. 1014 00:42:19,668 --> 00:42:24,293 But I saw no love in his actions. 1015 00:42:24,293 --> 00:42:28,251 I, determined to spend the rest of my life 1016 00:42:28,251 --> 00:42:35,043 defying his authority, flaunting his prejudices, 1017 00:42:35,043 --> 00:42:39,126 I had many public affairs. 1018 00:42:39,126 --> 00:42:45,793 Black men, Brown men, even women. 1019 00:42:45,793 --> 00:42:50,210 You should've seen my father froth at the mouth 1020 00:42:50,210 --> 00:42:55,293 at the idea of his poor sweet little daughter 1021 00:42:55,293 --> 00:42:56,751 becoming a lesbian. 1022 00:42:59,835 --> 00:43:03,251 That was the final straw. 1023 00:43:03,251 --> 00:43:09,210 He threw me out and disinherited me. 1024 00:43:09,210 --> 00:43:11,460 I swore revenge. 1025 00:43:11,460 --> 00:43:17,876 And nothing can stand in my way, no code of morals or ethics 1026 00:43:17,876 --> 00:43:19,668 or laws. 1027 00:43:19,668 --> 00:43:21,960 I'm my own. 1028 00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:27,001 I own me. 1029 00:43:27,001 --> 00:43:28,001 And scene. 1030 00:43:38,001 --> 00:43:39,168 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 1031 00:43:39,168 --> 00:43:40,210 She's a racist? 1032 00:43:40,210 --> 00:43:41,418 No, but her father is. 1033 00:43:41,418 --> 00:43:43,960 And she's trying to get back at him. 1034 00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:46,168 I hate it. 1035 00:43:46,168 --> 00:43:49,710 It is a little overblown with the Judy Garland spot. 1036 00:43:49,710 --> 00:43:51,835 I just don't think we need it. 1037 00:43:51,835 --> 00:43:53,960 I mean, why do we care about her past? 1038 00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:55,168 We know she's a psychopath. 1039 00:43:55,168 --> 00:43:57,210 That's all we need to know about her. 1040 00:43:57,210 --> 00:43:57,835 OK. 1041 00:43:57,835 --> 00:43:58,335 Cut it. 1042 00:43:58,335 --> 00:44:01,001 It's cut. 1043 00:44:01,001 --> 00:44:05,501 Now, let's up the stakes here. 1044 00:44:05,501 --> 00:44:08,043 So you say you were summoned here by dead people? 1045 00:44:08,043 --> 00:44:09,085 Oui. 1046 00:44:09,085 --> 00:44:12,418 But it was very confusion. 1047 00:44:12,418 --> 00:44:16,918 I was summoned by a poulet. 1048 00:44:16,918 --> 00:44:18,918 Oh, no. 1049 00:44:18,918 --> 00:44:21,376 A poulet? 1050 00:44:21,376 --> 00:44:23,376 You mean a chicken? 1051 00:44:23,376 --> 00:44:24,210 Oui. 1052 00:44:24,210 --> 00:44:26,335 But not a chicken. 1053 00:44:26,335 --> 00:44:28,460 It was very, very confusion. 1054 00:44:28,460 --> 00:44:29,376 Yes. 1055 00:44:29,376 --> 00:44:32,210 It is very confusion. 1056 00:44:32,210 --> 00:44:34,793 Could you give us just a moment, please? 1057 00:44:34,793 --> 00:44:36,210 But of course. 1058 00:44:36,210 --> 00:44:37,960 Not a problem. 1059 00:44:37,960 --> 00:44:38,376 Oh. 1060 00:44:41,210 --> 00:44:44,210 I sense you have some champagne. 1061 00:44:44,210 --> 00:44:46,418 Oh, yes. 1062 00:44:46,418 --> 00:44:47,960 Should I-- 1063 00:44:47,960 --> 00:44:48,835 No, no, no. 1064 00:44:48,835 --> 00:44:50,210 It will speak to me. 1065 00:44:50,210 --> 00:44:53,085 I am a medium. 1066 00:44:53,085 --> 00:44:56,751 Bring some spirits back from the dead, including alcohol. 1067 00:45:00,335 --> 00:45:01,960 We have to get rid of her. 1068 00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:03,501 What can she know? 1069 00:45:03,501 --> 00:45:06,126 She knows about the chicken suit. 1070 00:45:06,126 --> 00:45:08,126 I want to find out what else she knows. 1071 00:45:08,126 --> 00:45:12,460 You play a very dangerous game, Bridgette. 1072 00:45:12,460 --> 00:45:15,210 Haven't you figured me out yet? 1073 00:45:15,210 --> 00:45:19,501 Danger is my middle name. 1074 00:45:19,501 --> 00:45:21,251 Sure thing. 1075 00:45:21,251 --> 00:45:23,460 But what about me? 1076 00:45:23,460 --> 00:45:25,251 I don't know your middle name. 1077 00:45:25,251 --> 00:45:26,168 Shirley. 1078 00:45:26,168 --> 00:45:27,126 Shirley? 1079 00:45:27,126 --> 00:45:28,376 William Goldberg III, yes. 1080 00:45:31,168 --> 00:45:32,168 Shirley. 1081 00:45:32,168 --> 00:45:34,251 I'm curious, Ms. Clement. 1082 00:45:34,251 --> 00:45:36,585 No, it's not two. 1083 00:45:36,585 --> 00:45:37,501 Um. 1084 00:45:37,501 --> 00:45:39,418 Marie, please. 1085 00:45:39,418 --> 00:45:41,126 I am not so formal. 1086 00:45:41,126 --> 00:45:43,043 Oui. 1087 00:45:43,043 --> 00:45:44,376 Marie, then. 1088 00:45:44,376 --> 00:45:48,960 How exactly do the dead communicate with you? 1089 00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:50,460 It is very interesting. 1090 00:45:50,460 --> 00:45:52,960 I get a cryptic-- 1091 00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:54,126 is that the word? 1092 00:45:54,126 --> 00:45:56,168 -a cryptic message. 1093 00:45:56,168 --> 00:46:01,876 A word, a phrase, like a text message in my mind. 1094 00:46:01,876 --> 00:46:05,376 So the dead text message you? 1095 00:46:05,376 --> 00:46:08,376 Yes, like a text, but not exactly. 1096 00:46:08,376 --> 00:46:11,335 Then, they tell me where to go and it must have the seance. 1097 00:46:11,335 --> 00:46:12,460 A seance? 1098 00:46:12,460 --> 00:46:13,501 Is that necessary? 1099 00:46:13,501 --> 00:46:14,876 Mademoiselle Bridgette. 1100 00:46:14,876 --> 00:46:15,668 Yes? 1101 00:46:15,668 --> 00:46:17,501 Yes, I am talking to you. 1102 00:46:17,501 --> 00:46:20,210 There is a departed soul who wishes to communicate with you. 1103 00:46:20,210 --> 00:46:23,085 It is tres, tres necessary. 1104 00:46:23,085 --> 00:46:25,543 Well, then, let's have a seance. 1105 00:46:27,001 --> 00:46:28,168 Bridgette. 1106 00:46:28,168 --> 00:46:30,043 What's the worst that can happen? 1107 00:46:30,043 --> 00:46:32,585 Either nothing or some disembodied spirit 1108 00:46:32,585 --> 00:46:35,335 raps on a table? 1109 00:46:35,335 --> 00:46:39,001 I must warn you, I'm not like the other medium. 1110 00:46:39,001 --> 00:46:43,335 Not only can I summon the souls of the departed, I summon-- 1111 00:46:43,335 --> 00:46:44,626 Whatever. 1112 00:46:44,626 --> 00:46:47,460 Sounds like fun. 1113 00:46:47,460 --> 00:46:48,335 Fuck it. 1114 00:46:48,335 --> 00:46:49,085 Let's have some fun. 1115 00:46:50,501 --> 00:46:53,085 I think this is where the intermission should go. 1116 00:46:53,085 --> 00:46:54,293 Intermission? 1117 00:46:54,293 --> 00:46:55,710 What do we need an intermission for? 1118 00:46:55,710 --> 00:46:57,293 Movies don't have intermissions? 1119 00:46:57,293 --> 00:46:58,251 Well, they used to. 1120 00:46:58,251 --> 00:46:59,543 I remember seeing Ben-Hur. 1121 00:46:59,543 --> 00:47:01,168 They had a long intermission. 1122 00:47:01,168 --> 00:47:02,585 Well, yeah. 1123 00:47:02,585 --> 00:47:04,418 For one thing, Ben-Hur was, like, four hours long. 1124 00:47:04,418 --> 00:47:08,001 And for another thing, no movies have intermissions anymore. 1125 00:47:08,001 --> 00:47:09,418 This is not a movie. 1126 00:47:09,418 --> 00:47:11,335 And theatergoers expect an intermission. 1127 00:47:11,335 --> 00:47:12,585 I hate intermissions. 1128 00:47:12,585 --> 00:47:14,460 I mean, why give the audience the chance 1129 00:47:14,460 --> 00:47:17,168 to go out and discuss the play at the halfway point? 1130 00:47:17,168 --> 00:47:19,210 What if someone's like really enjoying the play 1131 00:47:19,210 --> 00:47:20,710 and they overhear somebody else saying, 1132 00:47:20,710 --> 00:47:23,168 gee, this plays sucks, and it changes their attitude 1133 00:47:23,168 --> 00:47:24,043 entirely? 1134 00:47:24,043 --> 00:47:25,251 That never happens. 1135 00:47:25,251 --> 00:47:27,043 Besides maybe the reverse can happen. 1136 00:47:27,043 --> 00:47:29,251 Somebody could think the play sucks, go out in the lobby, 1137 00:47:29,251 --> 00:47:31,543 hear someone else raving about it, and say, 1138 00:47:31,543 --> 00:47:35,335 I must've missed something that guy obviously appreciates. 1139 00:47:35,335 --> 00:47:37,418 Besides, what about the women who have to pee? 1140 00:47:37,418 --> 00:47:39,251 Men have to pee too. 1141 00:47:39,251 --> 00:47:42,126 Have you ever seen the line outside the restroom 1142 00:47:42,126 --> 00:47:43,626 during the intermission of a play? 1143 00:47:43,626 --> 00:47:45,543 The women are lined up from here to Zanzibar. 1144 00:47:45,543 --> 00:47:48,251 The men go in, unzip, pee, and they're out again 1145 00:47:48,251 --> 00:47:49,751 in 10 seconds. 1146 00:47:49,751 --> 00:47:51,960 Nobody ever leaves in the middle of a movie to pee. 1147 00:47:51,960 --> 00:47:53,543 This isn't a movie. 1148 00:47:53,543 --> 00:47:55,168 It's a play. 1149 00:47:55,168 --> 00:47:57,126 Besides, the little black box theaters 1150 00:47:57,126 --> 00:48:00,085 need time to sell their drinks and snacks. 1151 00:48:00,085 --> 00:48:01,293 Oh, yes. 1152 00:48:01,293 --> 00:48:05,001 The old $1 worth of white wine for $8. 1153 00:48:05,001 --> 00:48:06,251 What a value. 1154 00:48:06,251 --> 00:48:07,543 They need to make their money somewhere. 1155 00:48:07,543 --> 00:48:09,543 They're not making it at the box office. 1156 00:48:09,543 --> 00:48:10,418 All right. 1157 00:48:10,418 --> 00:48:11,085 You made your point. 1158 00:48:11,085 --> 00:48:12,168 OK. 1159 00:48:12,168 --> 00:48:14,251 We'll put the intermission here. 1160 00:48:14,251 --> 00:48:17,293 Now, for some reason, I have to pee. 1161 00:48:27,126 --> 00:48:29,210 Ladies and gentlemen, that concludes the first act 1162 00:48:29,210 --> 00:48:30,751 of our performance. 1163 00:48:30,751 --> 00:48:32,751 Please feel free to enjoy some refreshments in the lobby. 1164 00:48:32,751 --> 00:48:34,543 And when the lights flicker, make your way 1165 00:48:34,543 --> 00:48:35,376 back to your seats. 1166 00:48:48,126 --> 00:48:49,543 Ah, fuck it. 1167 00:48:49,543 --> 00:48:51,418 This play is too short for an intermission. 1168 00:48:51,418 --> 00:48:52,418 You're right. 1169 00:48:52,418 --> 00:48:53,293 Let's go right into act two. 1170 00:48:53,293 --> 00:48:54,168 All right. 1171 00:48:54,168 --> 00:48:56,793 OK, ball, you are ready? 1172 00:49:12,043 --> 00:49:15,168 The axis on planets must flip. 1173 00:49:18,251 --> 00:49:19,168 No, no, no. 1174 00:49:19,168 --> 00:49:20,251 Just the tip. 1175 00:49:20,251 --> 00:49:21,418 What does all that mean? 1176 00:49:21,418 --> 00:49:22,751 Shh. 1177 00:49:22,751 --> 00:49:25,376 You must remain silent during the incantation. 1178 00:49:25,376 --> 00:49:28,293 The spirits are very restless tonight. 1179 00:49:28,293 --> 00:49:29,543 Sorry. 1180 00:49:29,543 --> 00:49:31,251 This is my first seance. 1181 00:49:32,626 --> 00:49:34,376 No, no. 1182 00:49:34,376 --> 00:49:36,668 You must not touch the summoning candle. 1183 00:49:36,668 --> 00:49:39,710 It must remain lit for the duration. 1184 00:50:10,543 --> 00:50:13,501 Bridgette? 1185 00:50:13,501 --> 00:50:16,376 Bridgette. 1186 00:50:16,376 --> 00:50:17,501 Oh God. 1187 00:50:17,501 --> 00:50:20,418 That's Nancy Babcock's voice. 1188 00:50:20,418 --> 00:50:21,710 Oh, good Lord. 1189 00:50:21,710 --> 00:50:23,751 I only ever heard her screaming in pain. 1190 00:50:23,751 --> 00:50:24,751 I mean-- 1191 00:50:24,751 --> 00:50:25,585 It doesn't matter. 1192 00:50:28,585 --> 00:50:32,585 Marie has checked out. 1193 00:50:32,585 --> 00:50:34,210 Shit. 1194 00:50:34,210 --> 00:50:40,376 Bridgette, don't you want any more of my cookies? 1195 00:50:40,376 --> 00:50:41,585 No, I don't. 1196 00:50:41,585 --> 00:50:45,251 I never liked your cookies. 1197 00:50:45,251 --> 00:50:46,585 Whore. 1198 00:50:46,585 --> 00:50:52,501 You there, boy, what did I ever do to harm you? 1199 00:50:52,501 --> 00:50:53,626 Nothing, actually. 1200 00:50:53,626 --> 00:50:54,668 Nothing at all. 1201 00:50:54,668 --> 00:50:57,501 Then, why did you send me here? 1202 00:50:57,501 --> 00:51:01,793 It's so cold and damp. 1203 00:51:01,793 --> 00:51:03,710 I'm so sorry. 1204 00:51:03,710 --> 00:51:07,293 You know, if I could do it all over again-- 1205 00:51:07,293 --> 00:51:09,793 Yes? 1206 00:51:09,793 --> 00:51:11,168 I'd still kill you. 1207 00:51:11,168 --> 00:51:13,460 Just being honest. 1208 00:51:13,460 --> 00:51:14,793 I do love that about you. 1209 00:51:18,418 --> 00:51:21,626 Who the fuck ruined my roses? 1210 00:51:21,626 --> 00:51:23,626 David? 1211 00:51:23,626 --> 00:51:27,460 I tended those roses for 30 years. 1212 00:51:27,460 --> 00:51:30,460 And now, I'm fertilizer for them. 1213 00:51:30,460 --> 00:51:31,501 Hey, come on. 1214 00:51:31,501 --> 00:51:32,543 I put a lot of effort into that. 1215 00:51:32,543 --> 00:51:33,751 I was trying to be thoughtful. 1216 00:51:33,751 --> 00:51:34,876 Thoughtful? 1217 00:51:34,876 --> 00:51:37,210 You buried me with that shrew I've 1218 00:51:37,210 --> 00:51:40,460 been stuck with since I was 23. 1219 00:51:40,460 --> 00:51:42,376 Shut up, you old fart. 1220 00:51:42,376 --> 00:51:44,751 Oh, get your fat ass back in the kitchen. 1221 00:51:47,668 --> 00:51:50,585 I always thought of them as a particularly loving couple. 1222 00:51:50,585 --> 00:51:51,710 Yeah. 1223 00:51:51,710 --> 00:51:53,335 They seemed so compatible the way 1224 00:51:53,335 --> 00:51:56,543 they screamed each other's names when they died. 1225 00:51:56,543 --> 00:52:00,210 You just can't tell what goes on behind closed doors. 1226 00:52:00,210 --> 00:52:01,418 It's true. 1227 00:52:01,418 --> 00:52:02,585 Who knows what they're really up to? 1228 00:52:05,501 --> 00:52:07,210 They are gone. 1229 00:52:07,210 --> 00:52:09,918 Of course, I remember nothing. 1230 00:52:09,918 --> 00:52:11,335 Did you get a message? 1231 00:52:11,335 --> 00:52:13,251 Oh, not really. 1232 00:52:13,251 --> 00:52:16,543 Just some old neighbors dropping by. 1233 00:52:16,543 --> 00:52:18,376 That is very strange. 1234 00:52:18,376 --> 00:52:23,501 There was a very powerful and angry spirit which summoned me. 1235 00:52:23,501 --> 00:52:24,460 OK. 1236 00:52:24,460 --> 00:52:25,293 Well, we try again, huh? 1237 00:52:25,293 --> 00:52:25,835 Oh, please. 1238 00:52:25,835 --> 00:52:27,293 No. 1239 00:52:27,293 --> 00:52:28,460 You don't need to go to any more trouble. 1240 00:52:28,460 --> 00:52:30,543 It's been very interesting. 1241 00:52:30,543 --> 00:52:32,001 But enough is enough. 1242 00:52:44,418 --> 00:52:45,918 Milo? 1243 00:52:45,918 --> 00:52:47,751 You said you didn't kill him. 1244 00:52:47,751 --> 00:52:48,376 I know. 1245 00:52:48,376 --> 00:52:49,710 I know. 1246 00:52:49,710 --> 00:52:51,710 He looked so sad without the food and water he-- 1247 00:52:51,710 --> 00:52:54,335 and he also started to eat David's eyeball. 1248 00:52:54,335 --> 00:52:55,918 Oh. 1249 00:52:55,918 --> 00:52:57,251 I know. 1250 00:52:57,251 --> 00:52:58,876 It's like in less than half a day, 1251 00:52:58,876 --> 00:53:00,835 a dog can go from loving the shit out of you 1252 00:53:00,835 --> 00:53:05,543 to eating your eyeball out of your dead corpse. 1253 00:53:09,751 --> 00:53:11,335 Finally. 1254 00:53:11,335 --> 00:53:13,293 I've been trying to reach you guys for 20 minutes. 1255 00:53:13,293 --> 00:53:15,543 But the only thing I'm getting from this French lunatic 1256 00:53:15,543 --> 00:53:16,710 is a busy signal. 1257 00:53:16,710 --> 00:53:18,418 Blain? 1258 00:53:18,418 --> 00:53:19,335 Yes, Blain. 1259 00:53:19,335 --> 00:53:20,293 Who'd you think it was? 1260 00:53:20,293 --> 00:53:21,585 Elvis? 1261 00:53:21,585 --> 00:53:23,876 Do you have any idea how frustrating it is 1262 00:53:23,876 --> 00:53:26,418 to be on hold when you're dead? 1263 00:53:26,418 --> 00:53:29,918 Coop, I am very disappointed in you. 1264 00:53:29,918 --> 00:53:32,043 I didn't know she was going to shoot you. 1265 00:53:32,043 --> 00:53:34,751 You didn't seem to give a fuck that she did. 1266 00:53:34,751 --> 00:53:35,501 Hey. 1267 00:53:35,501 --> 00:53:36,501 You know me. 1268 00:53:36,501 --> 00:53:39,418 I go with the flow. 1269 00:53:39,418 --> 00:53:40,293 Hey. 1270 00:53:40,293 --> 00:53:41,418 You wanted to kill me. 1271 00:53:41,418 --> 00:53:42,418 Remember? 1272 00:53:42,418 --> 00:53:44,585 In a particularly bloody way. 1273 00:53:44,585 --> 00:53:46,001 But I didn't. 1274 00:53:46,001 --> 00:53:47,710 There's a difference between wanting to commit murder 1275 00:53:47,710 --> 00:53:50,460 and murdering someone. 1276 00:53:50,460 --> 00:53:53,418 Apparently, you didn't know that. 1277 00:53:53,418 --> 00:53:55,876 And now, you're going to have to face-- 1278 00:53:55,876 --> 00:53:57,585 -the consequences. 1279 00:53:57,585 --> 00:53:59,960 Consequences. 1280 00:53:59,960 --> 00:54:01,460 What consequences? 1281 00:54:01,460 --> 00:54:03,376 You're just a ghost. 1282 00:54:03,376 --> 00:54:04,585 Am I? 1283 00:54:04,585 --> 00:54:06,335 Marie here's been trying to tell you 1284 00:54:06,335 --> 00:54:08,835 that she isn't just any old French, blind, psychic medium. 1285 00:54:08,835 --> 00:54:09,960 No, no, no. 1286 00:54:09,960 --> 00:54:12,626 She does much, much more than that. 1287 00:54:12,626 --> 00:54:14,460 See that candle over there? 1288 00:54:14,460 --> 00:54:15,793 Yeah. 1289 00:54:15,793 --> 00:54:18,460 That's an ancient Egyptian summoning candle. 1290 00:54:18,460 --> 00:54:21,376 It was used by Isis, not that ISIS, 1291 00:54:21,376 --> 00:54:23,793 to raise Osiris from the dead. 1292 00:54:23,793 --> 00:54:26,501 Not only does Marie summon the soul 1293 00:54:26,501 --> 00:54:28,960 of the departed, she summons-- 1294 00:54:28,960 --> 00:54:30,585 The body. 1295 00:54:39,751 --> 00:54:40,543 Hey. 1296 00:54:40,543 --> 00:54:42,460 I'm back. 1297 00:54:42,460 --> 00:54:43,626 Great to be back. 1298 00:54:43,626 --> 00:54:45,043 I'm just, you know, dead. 1299 00:54:45,043 --> 00:54:47,418 Ah. 1300 00:54:47,418 --> 00:54:50,376 You remember what a really, really bad hangover feels like? 1301 00:54:50,376 --> 00:54:52,043 Yeah, well, this kind of feels like that 1302 00:54:52,043 --> 00:54:56,376 plus the overwhelming desire to eat brains. 1303 00:54:56,376 --> 00:54:58,085 What kind of zombie are you? 1304 00:54:58,085 --> 00:54:59,418 Huh? 1305 00:54:59,418 --> 00:55:01,543 Zombies don't talk. 1306 00:55:01,543 --> 00:55:02,793 What? 1307 00:55:02,793 --> 00:55:04,626 Everything you know about zombies 1308 00:55:04,626 --> 00:55:05,918 you know from the movies. 1309 00:55:05,918 --> 00:55:07,751 That doesn't make them true. 1310 00:55:07,751 --> 00:55:10,793 Those movies don't get anything right. 1311 00:55:10,793 --> 00:55:12,126 What about the brains thing? 1312 00:55:12,126 --> 00:55:13,876 Nah, I made that up. 1313 00:55:13,876 --> 00:55:15,960 I mean, what possible good could eating brains do? 1314 00:55:15,960 --> 00:55:17,918 Really, think about it. 1315 00:55:17,918 --> 00:55:19,418 No. 1316 00:55:19,418 --> 00:55:20,710 I just want to kill you. 1317 00:55:20,710 --> 00:55:23,043 And there's nothing you can do about it. 1318 00:55:25,710 --> 00:55:26,835 Zombie? 1319 00:55:26,835 --> 00:55:27,918 Are you kidding me? 1320 00:55:27,918 --> 00:55:28,710 What? 1321 00:55:28,710 --> 00:55:29,501 Zombies are hot. 1322 00:55:29,501 --> 00:55:30,710 Hot? 1323 00:55:30,710 --> 00:55:32,085 There are five million zombie movies. 1324 00:55:32,085 --> 00:55:34,751 There's The Walking Dead and 28 Days Later 1325 00:55:34,751 --> 00:55:38,001 and Zombieland and Shaun of the Dead and Night 1326 00:55:38,001 --> 00:55:40,710 of the Living Dead and Return of the Living Dead and Dawn 1327 00:55:40,710 --> 00:55:43,210 of the Dead and Day of the Dead and Afternoon of the Dead. 1328 00:55:43,210 --> 00:55:44,126 I missed that one. 1329 00:55:44,126 --> 00:55:45,543 Whatever. 1330 00:55:45,543 --> 00:55:47,460 Zombies are played out, finished, over. 1331 00:55:47,460 --> 00:55:48,876 Hardly. 1332 00:55:48,876 --> 00:55:51,126 That's why they keep making new ones every year. 1333 00:55:51,126 --> 00:55:54,001 It's money in the bank, a zombie movie. 1334 00:55:54,001 --> 00:55:57,626 This, in case I haven't made it sufficiently clear, 1335 00:55:57,626 --> 00:55:59,043 is not a movie. 1336 00:55:59,043 --> 00:56:00,501 It's a play. 1337 00:56:00,501 --> 00:56:01,210 Fine. 1338 00:56:01,210 --> 00:56:02,918 It's a zombie play then. 1339 00:56:02,918 --> 00:56:05,168 There certainly aren't too many of those around. 1340 00:56:05,168 --> 00:56:07,918 That's because theatergoers want something 1341 00:56:07,918 --> 00:56:10,001 more than just the regurgitated pap 1342 00:56:10,001 --> 00:56:13,043 they can get any day of the week at their local multiplex. 1343 00:56:13,043 --> 00:56:16,001 Oh, people who go to the theater. 1344 00:56:16,001 --> 00:56:19,460 You really don't like common people, do you? 1345 00:56:19,460 --> 00:56:20,918 What do you mean by that? 1346 00:56:20,918 --> 00:56:23,585 Well, you've turned your nose up at popular culture, 1347 00:56:23,585 --> 00:56:24,918 as if they're stupid. 1348 00:56:24,918 --> 00:56:26,960 What's wrong with a little commercial success? 1349 00:56:26,960 --> 00:56:28,085 You've got it all wrong. 1350 00:56:28,085 --> 00:56:29,501 It's not that I dislike people. 1351 00:56:29,501 --> 00:56:30,835 I just want to give them something 1352 00:56:30,835 --> 00:56:32,543 worthwhile, thought-provoking. 1353 00:56:32,543 --> 00:56:33,210 Oh, really? 1354 00:56:33,210 --> 00:56:34,626 12 people at a time? 1355 00:56:34,626 --> 00:56:36,960 With a movie, you can reach millions. 1356 00:56:36,960 --> 00:56:39,543 You can write a movie on your own time. 1357 00:56:39,543 --> 00:56:42,918 We agreed to write a play. 1358 00:56:42,918 --> 00:56:43,710 All right. 1359 00:56:43,710 --> 00:56:45,626 All right. 1360 00:56:45,626 --> 00:56:49,168 I just want to write a play that could be adapted into a movie. 1361 00:56:49,168 --> 00:56:51,501 Besides, this is only the first draft. 1362 00:56:51,501 --> 00:56:55,710 Why don't we play it out to the end and see how we feel then? 1363 00:56:55,710 --> 00:56:57,293 Whatever. 1364 00:56:57,293 --> 00:57:00,710 I just don't want to keep having the same argument with you. 1365 00:57:00,710 --> 00:57:01,710 Now, where are we? 1366 00:57:01,710 --> 00:57:02,126 All right. 1367 00:57:02,126 --> 00:57:03,751 OK. 1368 00:57:03,751 --> 00:57:06,710 What I have is that the David and Nancy zombies come 1369 00:57:06,710 --> 00:57:08,043 crashing back into the room. 1370 00:57:08,043 --> 00:57:08,960 Two more zombies? 1371 00:57:08,960 --> 00:57:09,835 Are you kidding me? 1372 00:57:09,835 --> 00:57:11,043 We can't have that. 1373 00:57:11,043 --> 00:57:12,626 How are you going to get two actors 1374 00:57:12,626 --> 00:57:16,001 to audition for non-speaking zombie roles in a play? 1375 00:57:16,001 --> 00:57:18,168 Well, you know, in a movie, there are 1376 00:57:18,168 --> 00:57:20,251 thousands of extras lining up. 1377 00:57:20,251 --> 00:57:22,168 Again, that's a movie. 1378 00:57:22,168 --> 00:57:24,001 This is a play. 1379 00:57:24,001 --> 00:57:28,585 How then, are we going to explain that Blain comes back 1380 00:57:28,585 --> 00:57:31,626 as a zombie, but David and Nancy don't? 1381 00:57:31,626 --> 00:57:32,251 I don't know. 1382 00:57:32,251 --> 00:57:33,210 This is so stupid. 1383 00:57:34,168 --> 00:57:34,835 All right. 1384 00:57:34,835 --> 00:57:35,835 I've got. 1385 00:57:35,835 --> 00:57:36,668 I think I've got something. 1386 00:57:41,210 --> 00:57:44,085 Brains. 1387 00:57:44,085 --> 00:57:48,043 David and Nancy are staggering across the lawn, very slowly. 1388 00:57:48,043 --> 00:57:50,001 They're going to take at least 20 minutes. 1389 00:57:50,001 --> 00:57:51,960 Oh, they don't look so good. 1390 00:57:51,960 --> 00:57:54,335 Brains. 1391 00:57:54,335 --> 00:57:55,501 Big brains. 1392 00:57:58,293 --> 00:57:59,710 We have to do something. 1393 00:57:59,710 --> 00:58:02,751 Yes, you have to die. 1394 00:58:02,751 --> 00:58:04,210 But don't worry. 1395 00:58:04,210 --> 00:58:06,793 It's not so bad, once you get past the worms eating 1396 00:58:06,793 --> 00:58:08,126 your flesh. 1397 00:58:08,126 --> 00:58:10,918 The medium, this has all happened because of her. 1398 00:58:10,918 --> 00:58:11,960 You're right. 1399 00:58:11,960 --> 00:58:13,001 We have to snap her out of it. 1400 00:58:13,001 --> 00:58:14,585 You fend off Blain while I try. 1401 00:58:14,585 --> 00:58:16,085 Yes. 1402 00:58:16,085 --> 00:58:17,085 Marie. 1403 00:58:17,085 --> 00:58:19,043 Marie, wake up. 1404 00:58:19,043 --> 00:58:22,043 Marie, you have to wake up. 1405 00:58:22,043 --> 00:58:25,210 Bridgette, I miss you. 1406 00:58:25,210 --> 00:58:28,626 Ay, dios mio. 1407 00:58:28,626 --> 00:58:29,835 Eduardo? 1408 00:58:29,835 --> 00:58:31,335 I miss you, cara mia. 1409 00:58:31,335 --> 00:58:32,168 You're dead? 1410 00:58:35,043 --> 00:58:37,251 It's so hot in here. 1411 00:58:37,251 --> 00:58:38,376 Ay, dios mio. 1412 00:58:39,960 --> 00:58:41,376 You're in hell? 1413 00:58:41,376 --> 00:58:43,918 No, in Ecuador. 1414 00:58:43,918 --> 00:58:45,335 Enough with Eduardo. 1415 00:58:45,335 --> 00:58:47,126 She's just connecting with the dearly departed, 1416 00:58:47,126 --> 00:58:48,251 like the dearly deported. 1417 00:58:53,126 --> 00:58:56,960 Happy birthday to you. 1418 00:58:56,960 --> 00:59:02,418 Happy birthday to you. 1419 00:59:02,418 --> 00:59:08,668 Happy birthday, Mr. President. 1420 00:59:08,668 --> 00:59:12,751 Oh, why do I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop? 1421 00:59:12,751 --> 00:59:17,418 Jack, if you don't call me back, I'm going to take all these-- 1422 00:59:17,418 --> 00:59:18,751 -pills. 1423 00:59:18,751 --> 00:59:20,668 Now, she's Marilyn Monroe. 1424 00:59:20,668 --> 00:59:22,918 Is she buried in the rose garden too? 1425 00:59:22,918 --> 00:59:24,085 No. 1426 00:59:24,085 --> 00:59:25,876 She's just a disembodied spirit. 1427 00:59:25,876 --> 00:59:28,710 Haven't you heard that sometimes happens to suicides? 1428 00:59:28,710 --> 00:59:29,876 Keep going. 1429 00:59:29,876 --> 00:59:30,668 What should I do? 1430 00:59:30,668 --> 00:59:31,251 I don't know. 1431 00:59:31,251 --> 00:59:32,460 But do it fast. 1432 00:59:32,460 --> 00:59:34,918 Chicken Boy's wearing me the fuck out. 1433 00:59:34,918 --> 00:59:36,418 I should've been Freddy Krueger. 1434 00:59:36,418 --> 00:59:37,376 No. 1435 00:59:37,376 --> 00:59:38,418 It's a good chicken suit. 1436 00:59:44,918 --> 00:59:45,918 Sacre bleu. 1437 00:59:51,335 --> 00:59:52,043 Shit. 1438 00:59:57,168 --> 01:00:00,293 You haven't seen the last of me. 1439 01:00:00,293 --> 01:00:02,793 I'll be back. 1440 01:00:05,126 --> 01:00:05,835 Fuck you. 1441 01:00:29,918 --> 01:00:38,501 Bridgette, was it really necessary? 1442 01:00:42,793 --> 01:00:45,543 Apparently. 1443 01:00:45,543 --> 01:00:48,418 This is all insane. 1444 01:00:48,418 --> 01:00:49,376 Yes, it is. 1445 01:00:49,376 --> 01:00:52,335 I know. 1446 01:00:52,335 --> 01:00:53,293 But it's over now. 1447 01:01:09,876 --> 01:01:10,751 Seriously? 1448 01:01:10,751 --> 01:01:12,126 Kung Fu and Karate? 1449 01:01:12,126 --> 01:01:14,210 How are we going to do that? 1450 01:01:14,210 --> 01:01:16,501 We'll use stunt doubles, of course. 1451 01:01:16,501 --> 01:01:17,460 It's a movie. 1452 01:01:17,460 --> 01:01:19,335 No one will ever know. 1453 01:01:19,335 --> 01:01:23,376 It's a fucking play. 1454 01:01:55,001 --> 01:01:57,918 I might be some bloody poultry, but you're no match 1455 01:01:57,918 --> 01:02:00,876 for my Kung Fu stylings. 1456 01:02:00,876 --> 01:02:04,376 Let's go then, Kung Pao chicken. 1457 01:02:17,501 --> 01:02:19,001 Let's go, Cooper. 1458 01:02:25,376 --> 01:02:26,960 How is this happening? 1459 01:02:26,960 --> 01:02:28,335 I killed Marie? 1460 01:02:28,335 --> 01:02:30,293 Must be the fact that the candle's still burning. 1461 01:02:30,293 --> 01:02:31,251 You get to the candle. 1462 01:02:31,251 --> 01:02:32,251 I'll handle chicken boy. 1463 01:02:32,251 --> 01:02:32,876 All right? 1464 01:02:32,876 --> 01:02:33,293 OK. 1465 01:03:12,168 --> 01:03:15,418 We can't afford to choreograph any more. 1466 01:03:15,418 --> 01:03:18,043 Blow the fucking candle out. 1467 01:03:29,543 --> 01:03:30,210 Thank you. 1468 01:03:33,251 --> 01:03:36,001 This is awful. 1469 01:03:36,001 --> 01:03:38,210 Kung Fu zombies? 1470 01:03:38,210 --> 01:03:41,668 Hey, that's a great title. 1471 01:03:41,668 --> 01:03:45,043 I can't believe my name is going to be on this. 1472 01:03:45,043 --> 01:03:46,293 Are you kidding me? 1473 01:03:46,293 --> 01:03:48,085 This is great stuff. 1474 01:03:48,085 --> 01:03:49,418 Boy, oh, boy. 1475 01:03:49,418 --> 01:03:51,210 Wait till you read the ending I come up with. 1476 01:03:56,626 --> 01:03:57,543 To us. 1477 01:03:58,168 --> 01:03:58,626 To us. 1478 01:04:02,418 --> 01:04:05,668 It has been quite an evening. 1479 01:04:05,668 --> 01:04:08,001 Yes, it has. 1480 01:04:08,001 --> 01:04:10,210 It's a good thing that bit with the candle worked. 1481 01:04:10,210 --> 01:04:12,543 I was about to be zombied to death. 1482 01:04:12,543 --> 01:04:14,251 That's right. 1483 01:04:14,251 --> 01:04:18,335 I was about to be pecked to death by a zombie chicken. 1484 01:04:18,335 --> 01:04:20,085 Wow. 1485 01:04:20,085 --> 01:04:21,418 I've definitely done enough digging in that rose garden. 1486 01:04:21,418 --> 01:04:22,126 That's for sure. 1487 01:04:22,126 --> 01:04:23,001 Four bodies? 1488 01:04:23,001 --> 01:04:24,585 Yeah, that's enough. 1489 01:04:24,585 --> 01:04:25,960 Thank goodness there's you. 1490 01:04:29,126 --> 01:04:31,293 Yeah. 1491 01:04:31,293 --> 01:04:33,626 You're pretty remarkable. 1492 01:04:33,626 --> 01:04:35,501 As are you. 1493 01:04:35,501 --> 01:04:38,126 We're sort of made for each other. 1494 01:04:38,126 --> 01:04:39,376 I think so. 1495 01:04:46,001 --> 01:04:48,418 I don't think this is what romantic comedy writers would 1496 01:04:48,418 --> 01:04:49,960 call a "meet cute." 1497 01:04:52,376 --> 01:04:54,168 A meet cute? 1498 01:04:54,168 --> 01:04:55,626 Yes. 1499 01:04:55,626 --> 01:04:58,335 You know, when the boy meets the girl in the movie. 1500 01:04:58,335 --> 01:05:01,293 She's having an online romance with him, but doesn't know it. 1501 01:05:01,293 --> 01:05:05,126 Or he's a widow who goes on the radio 1502 01:05:05,126 --> 01:05:06,793 and she falls in love with his voice. 1503 01:05:06,793 --> 01:05:11,001 Or, well, you know. 1504 01:05:11,001 --> 01:05:15,710 I mean, what like a Tom Hanks-Meg Ryan kind of thing? 1505 01:05:15,710 --> 01:05:17,585 Yes, exactly. 1506 01:05:17,585 --> 01:05:18,293 OK. 1507 01:05:18,293 --> 01:05:18,710 For sure. 1508 01:05:18,710 --> 01:05:19,543 OK. 1509 01:05:19,543 --> 01:05:20,251 That shit's crazy. 1510 01:05:20,251 --> 01:05:21,626 Yeah. 1511 01:05:21,626 --> 01:05:23,335 Some people don't even think that a triple murder 1512 01:05:23,335 --> 01:05:25,126 is that romantic. 1513 01:05:25,126 --> 01:05:26,085 I know. 1514 01:05:26,085 --> 01:05:28,085 I guess some people don't. 1515 01:05:28,085 --> 01:05:31,376 That's why we're so right for each other. 1516 01:05:31,376 --> 01:05:33,501 There aren't many people capable of accomplishing 1517 01:05:33,501 --> 01:05:34,626 what we've done together. 1518 01:05:34,626 --> 01:05:37,418 That's damn right. 1519 01:05:42,210 --> 01:05:45,251 That's why I feel so bad. 1520 01:05:47,668 --> 01:05:49,126 Bad? 1521 01:05:49,126 --> 01:05:50,751 Why? 1522 01:05:50,751 --> 01:05:53,251 You might've noticed that it's getting a bit difficult 1523 01:05:53,251 --> 01:05:54,293 to move your extremities. 1524 01:05:56,168 --> 01:05:58,418 I put a little something in your champagne. 1525 01:06:01,501 --> 01:06:03,085 I'm sorry, but I still need someone 1526 01:06:03,085 --> 01:06:04,460 to blame the Picasso on. 1527 01:06:04,460 --> 01:06:07,793 And, well, Blain is buried in the rose garden. 1528 01:06:07,793 --> 01:06:08,376 So-- 1529 01:06:10,793 --> 01:06:15,001 Was it-- was this really necessary? 1530 01:06:17,418 --> 01:06:20,460 I think so. 1531 01:06:20,460 --> 01:06:21,543 I can't feel my body. 1532 01:06:25,710 --> 01:06:29,126 You can still feel your mouth, apparently. 1533 01:06:29,126 --> 01:06:30,460 Psych. 1534 01:06:37,876 --> 01:06:42,293 I don't drink champagne. 1535 01:06:42,293 --> 01:06:43,501 What do you mean? 1536 01:06:43,501 --> 01:06:46,251 I saw you drink it all day. 1537 01:06:46,251 --> 01:06:47,710 You should pay more attention. 1538 01:06:47,710 --> 01:06:50,418 I actually didn't eat or drink a single thing 1539 01:06:50,418 --> 01:06:52,251 since I've been here. 1540 01:06:52,251 --> 01:06:53,710 Thank you. 1541 01:06:53,710 --> 01:06:54,668 Am I? 1542 01:06:54,668 --> 01:06:56,126 I'm good with this. 1543 01:06:56,126 --> 01:06:58,501 To us. 1544 01:06:58,501 --> 01:07:00,126 Well, the police will never believe 1545 01:07:00,126 --> 01:07:02,543 that I could've disarmed him. 1546 01:07:02,543 --> 01:07:04,251 Why is that? 1547 01:07:04,251 --> 01:07:08,918 Because, one second-- 1548 01:07:08,918 --> 01:07:09,501 OK. 1549 01:07:21,668 --> 01:07:28,501 Because I intend to drink now. 1550 01:07:28,501 --> 01:07:30,668 I have no idea what you're saying. 1551 01:07:30,668 --> 01:07:37,251 I said- I intend to drink now. 1552 01:07:37,251 --> 01:07:39,376 There's something really distracting in your mouth. 1553 01:07:39,376 --> 01:07:41,335 I just can't. 1554 01:07:41,335 --> 01:07:44,210 You're killing recalling the fucking moment.. 1555 01:07:44,210 --> 01:07:45,251 Huh? 1556 01:07:45,251 --> 01:07:46,710 Fuck. 1557 01:07:46,710 --> 01:07:48,626 I don't-- 1558 01:07:48,626 --> 01:07:52,501 Because I intend to drink now. 1559 01:07:54,168 --> 01:07:55,293 Oh, you're a vampire. 1560 01:07:55,293 --> 01:07:56,168 Good. 1561 01:07:56,168 --> 01:07:56,793 You picked up on that. 1562 01:07:56,793 --> 01:07:57,710 Yes. 1563 01:07:57,710 --> 01:07:58,626 Finally. 1564 01:07:58,626 --> 01:07:59,793 Thank you. 1565 01:07:59,793 --> 01:08:02,251 I had to put this shit for you to-- 1566 01:08:02,251 --> 01:08:02,793 you get it. 1567 01:08:02,793 --> 01:08:03,460 I'm a vampire. 1568 01:08:03,460 --> 01:08:04,376 Right? 1569 01:08:04,376 --> 01:08:05,418 Yes. 1570 01:08:05,418 --> 01:08:05,835 I can put this in my pocket now. 1571 01:08:05,835 --> 01:08:06,460 Yeah? 1572 01:08:06,460 --> 01:08:07,543 Yeah. 1573 01:08:07,543 --> 01:08:08,668 Sorry. 1574 01:08:08,668 --> 01:08:12,626 Now, I don't know how I missed it. 1575 01:08:12,626 --> 01:08:13,293 Yes. 1576 01:08:13,293 --> 01:08:14,876 Yes. 1577 01:08:14,876 --> 01:08:18,876 Hey, you know how I said I slit the Babcocks' throats earlier? 1578 01:08:18,876 --> 01:08:19,835 Bit their throats. 1579 01:08:19,835 --> 01:08:21,210 Fucking bit those throats. 1580 01:08:21,210 --> 01:08:21,918 You bit them. 1581 01:08:21,918 --> 01:08:23,501 You want to know why? 1582 01:08:23,501 --> 01:08:24,418 You want to know why? 1583 01:08:24,418 --> 01:08:25,543 I do. 1584 01:08:25,543 --> 01:08:26,668 Because that's how I roll, brother. 1585 01:08:26,668 --> 01:08:27,918 That's how I roll. 1586 01:08:27,918 --> 01:08:29,876 I bite throats. 1587 01:08:29,876 --> 01:08:31,751 Well, this is perfect. 1588 01:08:31,751 --> 01:08:34,543 Now, you can turn me into a vampire 1589 01:08:34,543 --> 01:08:38,335 and we can keep killing and killing for all eternity. 1590 01:08:41,585 --> 01:08:43,210 That shit would be dope. 1591 01:08:43,210 --> 01:08:43,626 Mhm. 1592 01:08:51,335 --> 01:09:00,251 But, unfortunately, nah. 1593 01:09:00,251 --> 01:09:02,168 I'm too much of a commitment-phobe. 1594 01:09:04,626 --> 01:09:06,251 Yeah. 1595 01:09:06,251 --> 01:09:07,626 Couldn't have you around like that, not too much, not 1596 01:09:07,626 --> 01:09:08,335 too much. 1597 01:09:08,335 --> 01:09:08,710 Oh, shit. 1598 01:09:08,710 --> 01:09:09,335 No. 1599 01:09:13,376 --> 01:09:14,335 But I'll tell you what. 1600 01:09:17,543 --> 01:09:19,918 I'll keep that summoning candle shit 1601 01:09:19,918 --> 01:09:23,251 and I'll summon you back, from time to time, 1602 01:09:23,251 --> 01:09:26,543 like it's a booty call, like a vamp and chill or some shit. 1603 01:09:26,543 --> 01:09:27,293 Yeah. 1604 01:09:27,293 --> 01:09:27,918 Yeah. 1605 01:09:27,918 --> 01:09:29,376 We could do that. 1606 01:09:29,376 --> 01:09:30,793 We could do that. 1607 01:09:30,793 --> 01:09:33,001 We could. 1608 01:09:33,001 --> 01:09:37,418 So you do care something for me. 1609 01:09:37,418 --> 01:09:41,376 I knew we had a connection. 1610 01:09:45,585 --> 01:09:47,501 What? 1611 01:09:47,501 --> 01:09:52,335 You just so happened to have a wooden fucking stake on you? 1612 01:09:52,335 --> 01:09:55,043 I lied about my last name. 1613 01:09:55,043 --> 01:09:56,793 It isn't Nelson. 1614 01:09:56,793 --> 01:09:58,918 It's Van Helsing. 1615 01:09:58,918 --> 01:10:00,043 Oh, of course. 1616 01:10:00,043 --> 01:10:02,501 My family has been luring vampires 1617 01:10:02,501 --> 01:10:04,710 to their death for centuries. 1618 01:10:04,710 --> 01:10:06,918 Is that really necessary? 1619 01:10:06,918 --> 01:10:07,543 Quite. 1620 01:10:10,876 --> 01:10:12,001 Am I out of blood? 1621 01:10:12,001 --> 01:10:14,710 I might be out of blood. 1622 01:10:14,710 --> 01:10:15,751 You can die now. 1623 01:10:17,918 --> 01:10:18,918 No. 1624 01:10:18,918 --> 01:10:20,460 I've got a little blood left. 1625 01:10:20,460 --> 01:10:22,418 I have to bleed out first. 1626 01:10:22,418 --> 01:10:22,793 Welp. 1627 01:10:26,001 --> 01:10:27,626 It's such a skinny stake. 1628 01:10:27,626 --> 01:10:30,793 What a slow death you've appointed me to. 1629 01:10:30,793 --> 01:10:33,376 It's been fun. 1630 01:10:33,376 --> 01:10:33,876 Yes. 1631 01:10:33,876 --> 01:10:34,793 Thank you. 1632 01:10:34,793 --> 01:10:36,126 At least you say that. 1633 01:10:36,126 --> 01:10:37,418 God, compliment me while I die, why don't you? 1634 01:10:37,418 --> 01:10:38,085 Is it 11:00 already? 1635 01:10:38,085 --> 01:10:40,793 Wow. 1636 01:10:43,585 --> 01:10:45,126 This is the final straw. 1637 01:10:45,126 --> 01:10:46,626 Ghosts I was OK with. 1638 01:10:46,626 --> 01:10:48,668 I even begrudgingly accepted zombies. 1639 01:10:48,668 --> 01:10:52,460 But Kung Fu zombies and Marilyn Monroe and now a vampire? 1640 01:10:52,460 --> 01:10:53,876 And Van Helsing. 1641 01:10:53,876 --> 01:10:55,043 Van Helsing? 1642 01:10:55,043 --> 01:10:56,751 And how many times do you think you 1643 01:10:56,751 --> 01:10:59,335 can shock an audience with a supposedly dead character 1644 01:10:59,335 --> 01:11:01,126 suddenly springing up? 1645 01:11:01,126 --> 01:11:03,043 This is just bad writing. 1646 01:11:03,043 --> 01:11:05,960 This is 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pounds bag. 1647 01:11:05,960 --> 01:11:08,126 I'm for scrapping the whole thing and starting over. 1648 01:11:08,126 --> 01:11:09,751 You don't know what you're talking about. 1649 01:11:09,751 --> 01:11:11,626 You don't know a good thing when you see it. 1650 01:11:11,626 --> 01:11:15,710 This screenplay could be our meal ticket. 1651 01:11:15,710 --> 01:11:17,126 Oh, I see. 1652 01:11:17,126 --> 01:11:19,543 You were just pretending to collaborate on a play. 1653 01:11:19,543 --> 01:11:23,376 This whole time, you were writing your cheap exploitation 1654 01:11:23,376 --> 01:11:24,793 film for the mindless masses. 1655 01:11:24,793 --> 01:11:27,418 You say that like it's a bad thing. 1656 01:11:27,418 --> 01:11:28,626 I'm deleting the whole thing. 1657 01:11:28,626 --> 01:11:30,543 Oh, no you are not, my friend. 1658 01:11:30,543 --> 01:11:31,543 No, no. 1659 01:11:31,543 --> 01:11:32,501 Do not hit that delete key. 1660 01:11:33,085 --> 01:11:33,668 Dammit, Charlie. 1661 01:11:33,668 --> 01:11:34,668 Don't make me do this. 1662 01:11:49,668 --> 01:11:52,626 "Damn it, Charlie. 1663 01:11:52,626 --> 01:11:53,876 Don't make me do this." 1664 01:12:05,543 --> 01:12:07,126 Knock, knock, honey. 1665 01:12:07,126 --> 01:12:09,460 I'm kind of working here. 1666 01:12:09,460 --> 01:12:10,501 Oh. 1667 01:12:10,501 --> 01:12:12,043 Well, I didn't hear any typing. 1668 01:12:12,043 --> 01:12:14,460 So I thought that it was OK. 1669 01:12:14,460 --> 01:12:16,543 Whether you hear me typing or whether you 1670 01:12:16,543 --> 01:12:19,668 don't hear me typing, whatever the fuck you hear-- 1671 01:12:19,668 --> 01:12:21,835 Jack Nicholson in The Shining. 1672 01:12:21,835 --> 01:12:22,543 Very good. 1673 01:12:24,543 --> 01:12:29,543 Well, at least you're not typing "All work and no play 1674 01:12:29,543 --> 01:12:33,793 make George a dull boy." 1675 01:12:33,793 --> 01:12:36,126 Yeah. 1676 01:12:36,126 --> 01:12:37,043 No. 1677 01:12:37,043 --> 01:12:38,710 Thank heaven for that. 1678 01:12:38,710 --> 01:12:41,126 How's the writing going today? 1679 01:12:41,126 --> 01:12:44,043 Well, to be honest, I've been fighting with myself 1680 01:12:44,043 --> 01:12:46,501 the whole day. 1681 01:12:46,501 --> 01:12:51,751 It's that old art versus commerce argument. 1682 01:12:51,751 --> 01:12:52,835 Yeah. 1683 01:12:52,835 --> 01:12:53,626 Yeah. 1684 01:12:53,626 --> 01:12:54,043 Exactly. 1685 01:12:57,710 --> 01:12:58,960 Bridgette? 1686 01:12:58,960 --> 01:13:00,543 Oh, yeah, yeah. 1687 01:13:00,543 --> 01:13:02,460 Are you basing a character on me? 1688 01:13:02,460 --> 01:13:04,918 Just the name. 1689 01:13:04,918 --> 01:13:06,918 So she's nothing like me? 1690 01:13:06,918 --> 01:13:10,043 Unless you're a total sociopath with no redeeming qualities, 1691 01:13:10,043 --> 01:13:11,001 then no. 1692 01:13:11,001 --> 01:13:13,501 She is nothing like you. 1693 01:13:13,501 --> 01:13:14,168 Oh, yes. 1694 01:13:14,168 --> 01:13:17,043 That would be me. 1695 01:13:17,043 --> 01:13:21,293 You know, honey, I was thinking. 1696 01:13:21,293 --> 01:13:25,626 Maybe you should think about getting someone, another writer 1697 01:13:25,626 --> 01:13:26,501 to work with you. 1698 01:13:26,501 --> 01:13:29,501 You mean, collaborate? 1699 01:13:29,501 --> 01:13:31,126 I'm deleting the whole thing. 1700 01:13:31,126 --> 01:13:32,001 Damn it, Charlie. 1701 01:13:32,001 --> 01:13:33,293 Don't make me do this. 1702 01:13:33,293 --> 01:13:36,168 I don't know if that'd work out so well. 1703 01:13:36,168 --> 01:13:39,085 But at least then you wouldn't be, you know, 1704 01:13:39,085 --> 01:13:42,168 spending all your time cooped up down here, all alone, 1705 01:13:42,168 --> 01:13:45,626 in a room, talking to yourself. 1706 01:13:45,626 --> 01:13:46,168 OK. 1707 01:13:46,168 --> 01:13:47,543 You know what? 1708 01:13:47,543 --> 01:13:50,043 I'll consider it for my next project. 1709 01:13:50,043 --> 01:13:50,918 OK. 1710 01:13:50,918 --> 01:13:52,043 It's just a thought. 1711 01:13:52,043 --> 01:13:53,585 I mean, you know I worry about you. 1712 01:13:53,585 --> 01:13:55,126 You don't have to worry about me. 1713 01:13:55,126 --> 01:13:58,251 Actually, I think I've really written something good here 1714 01:13:58,251 --> 01:14:01,168 and has commercial value. 1715 01:14:01,168 --> 01:14:02,293 You've said that before. 1716 01:14:02,293 --> 01:14:02,918 I know. 1717 01:14:02,918 --> 01:14:03,876 I know. 1718 01:14:03,876 --> 01:14:04,918 But this one is different. 1719 01:14:04,918 --> 01:14:09,168 This one has, well, everything. 1720 01:14:09,168 --> 01:14:11,126 Well, I hope so. 1721 01:14:11,126 --> 01:14:13,251 We could use some money. 1722 01:14:13,251 --> 01:14:16,210 I know. 1723 01:14:16,210 --> 01:14:17,710 What about your dad? 1724 01:14:17,710 --> 01:14:19,668 Do you think, like, he'd maybe loan us some 1725 01:14:19,668 --> 01:14:21,668 till I can sell this? 1726 01:14:21,668 --> 01:14:22,751 Oh, boy. 1727 01:14:22,751 --> 01:14:24,543 My father? 1728 01:14:24,543 --> 01:14:25,626 You must be kidding? 1729 01:14:25,626 --> 01:14:28,668 I mean, you know what? 1730 01:14:28,668 --> 01:14:29,543 I know. 1731 01:14:29,543 --> 01:14:31,335 Let's steal his Picasso. 1732 01:14:31,335 --> 01:14:32,626 Oh, now, there's a thought. 1733 01:14:32,626 --> 01:14:35,001 Hmm? 1734 01:14:35,001 --> 01:14:35,835 All right. 1735 01:14:35,835 --> 01:14:36,585 Coming to dinner? 1736 01:14:36,585 --> 01:14:37,210 Yeah. 1737 01:14:37,210 --> 01:14:38,585 In a little bit. 1738 01:14:38,585 --> 01:14:41,126 I just want to put one thing in here 1739 01:14:41,126 --> 01:14:42,918 before it falls out my ears. 1740 01:14:42,918 --> 01:14:46,918 You know, the kids would like to see their father sometime. 1741 01:14:46,918 --> 01:14:51,251 Bridgette, my darling, love of my life, I'll be right up. 1742 01:14:51,251 --> 01:14:53,710 But I'll bash your brains in. 1743 01:14:53,710 --> 01:14:56,126 I'll bash your fucking brains right in. 1744 01:14:56,126 --> 01:14:57,168 That was good. 1745 01:14:57,168 --> 01:14:57,793 That was-- 1746 01:14:57,793 --> 01:14:59,335 Thanks. 1747 01:14:59,335 --> 01:15:00,960 That was good, but I don't think you quite have it exactly. 1748 01:15:00,960 --> 01:15:01,876 All right. 1749 01:15:01,876 --> 01:15:03,626 I'll keep working on it. 1750 01:15:03,626 --> 01:15:05,751 And I got to work on this. 1751 01:15:05,751 --> 01:15:07,085 But I will be right up. 1752 01:15:07,085 --> 01:15:09,210 Tell the kids I'll be up in time for dessert. 1753 01:15:09,210 --> 01:15:10,960 OK? 1754 01:15:10,960 --> 01:15:13,126 I just really need to get this down before I forget it. 1755 01:15:13,126 --> 01:15:13,835 OK. 1756 01:15:13,835 --> 01:15:14,210 All right. 1757 01:15:23,335 --> 01:15:24,751 Love you. 1758 01:15:24,751 --> 01:15:27,126 Love you. 1759 01:15:27,126 --> 01:15:31,835 Kung Fu Zombies, the screenplay. 1760 01:15:32,418 --> 01:15:33,793 We fade in-- 1761 01:16:02,043 --> 01:16:04,793 What the hell just happened? 1762 01:16:04,793 --> 01:16:06,210 Where am? 1763 01:16:06,210 --> 01:16:10,251 What-- why does everything seem so much smaller? 1764 01:16:10,251 --> 01:16:13,043 Am I in a dollhouse version of my house? 1765 01:16:16,751 --> 01:16:22,126 Are those credits rolling by outside my smaller house? 1766 01:16:22,126 --> 01:16:23,668 Whoa. 1767 01:16:23,668 --> 01:16:25,293 How the hell did you get in here? 1768 01:16:25,293 --> 01:16:26,168 All right. 1769 01:16:26,168 --> 01:16:27,460 George, George, relax. 1770 01:16:27,460 --> 01:16:28,793 I know this is a little freaky right now. 1771 01:16:28,793 --> 01:16:29,793 Yeah. 1772 01:16:29,793 --> 01:16:30,668 This is actually a movie. 1773 01:16:30,668 --> 01:16:31,085 What? 1774 01:16:34,460 --> 01:16:37,043 I was writing a movie. 1775 01:16:37,043 --> 01:16:37,960 I know that. 1776 01:16:37,960 --> 01:16:39,376 Not exactly. 1777 01:16:39,376 --> 01:16:43,335 You're actually a character in a movie I directed. 1778 01:16:43,335 --> 01:16:44,001 Hold on. 1779 01:16:44,001 --> 01:16:45,001 Hold on. 1780 01:16:45,001 --> 01:16:46,751 Explain to me what's going on. 1781 01:16:46,751 --> 01:16:48,043 Guys. 1782 01:16:48,043 --> 01:16:49,168 Guys, guys, kill the credits for a second. 1783 01:16:49,168 --> 01:16:49,543 Oh. 1784 01:16:49,543 --> 01:16:50,126 Thank you. 1785 01:16:50,126 --> 01:16:51,168 That's very unsettling. 1786 01:16:51,168 --> 01:16:51,835 Oh. 1787 01:16:51,835 --> 01:16:52,335 Thank you. 1788 01:16:52,335 --> 01:16:53,043 Thank you. 1789 01:16:53,043 --> 01:16:53,960 Thank you. 1790 01:16:53,960 --> 01:16:54,376 That was so unsettling. 1791 01:16:54,376 --> 01:16:55,001 Yeah. 1792 01:16:55,001 --> 01:16:56,751 Yeah. 1793 01:16:56,751 --> 01:16:57,710 You should feel like you got a little bit more breathing 1794 01:16:57,710 --> 01:16:58,251 room, a normal size again. 1795 01:16:58,251 --> 01:16:59,335 Yeah, yeah. 1796 01:16:59,335 --> 01:17:01,501 So what's going on? 1797 01:17:01,501 --> 01:17:02,876 OK. 1798 01:17:02,876 --> 01:17:04,335 So like I was saying, you're actually 1799 01:17:04,335 --> 01:17:07,168 a character that was written by my father for a play 1800 01:17:07,168 --> 01:17:10,501 that he created and then I turned into a movie. 1801 01:17:10,501 --> 01:17:13,960 You're played by an actor named Maurice LeMarche. 1802 01:17:13,960 --> 01:17:16,293 I'm not familiar with his work. 1803 01:17:16,293 --> 01:17:17,876 Voice actor? 1804 01:17:17,876 --> 01:17:18,793 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1805 01:17:18,793 --> 01:17:19,460 Pinky and the Brain. 1806 01:17:19,460 --> 01:17:20,501 Yeah, yeah. 1807 01:17:20,501 --> 01:17:21,085 He was a friend of my father's. 1808 01:17:21,085 --> 01:17:21,710 Oh. 1809 01:17:21,710 --> 01:17:22,418 Yeah. 1810 01:17:22,418 --> 01:17:23,168 Your dad wrote on that? 1811 01:17:23,168 --> 01:17:23,960 Yeah, yeah. 1812 01:17:23,960 --> 01:17:25,126 Yes, yes, yes. 1813 01:17:25,126 --> 01:17:26,793 I liked his episodes particularly. 1814 01:17:26,793 --> 01:17:32,293 So you're saying then that I, George the screenwriter 1815 01:17:32,293 --> 01:17:35,001 and playwright, am not real. 1816 01:17:35,001 --> 01:17:36,418 Well, I mean, are any of us? 1817 01:17:36,418 --> 01:17:38,210 I'm actually not really the director. 1818 01:17:38,210 --> 01:17:40,168 I'm a character named "The Director" 1819 01:17:40,168 --> 01:17:43,001 that the director is actually playing inside of his own movie 1820 01:17:43,001 --> 01:17:44,293 that was written as a play. 1821 01:17:44,293 --> 01:17:46,876 I mean, I was almost really recast 1822 01:17:46,876 --> 01:17:48,751 because I couldn't learn my lines. 1823 01:17:48,751 --> 01:17:50,168 Wow. 1824 01:17:50,168 --> 01:17:51,751 That's got to be a comedown. 1825 01:17:51,751 --> 01:17:52,543 I know. 1826 01:17:52,543 --> 01:17:54,126 I really feel for the actor. 1827 01:17:54,126 --> 01:17:57,793 So are you telling me I'm just words on a page? 1828 01:17:57,793 --> 01:17:59,501 Words on a page. 1829 01:17:59,501 --> 01:18:05,126 So when the movie ends, do I just disappear 1830 01:18:05,126 --> 01:18:07,585 and I'm gone for good? 1831 01:18:07,585 --> 01:18:08,376 No. 1832 01:18:08,376 --> 01:18:09,251 No. 1833 01:18:09,251 --> 01:18:10,251 I'm not saying that. 1834 01:18:10,251 --> 01:18:13,085 Some works, they last forever. 1835 01:18:13,085 --> 01:18:14,460 Nothing's ever really gone for good. 1836 01:18:17,960 --> 01:18:18,376 All right. 1837 01:18:18,376 --> 01:18:19,210 Cut. 1838 01:18:19,210 --> 01:18:19,876 Cut it. 1839 01:18:19,876 --> 01:18:20,251 Cut.