1 00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:40,231 Are you going to write any of this? 2 00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:40,967 I wrote plenty. 3 00:01:40,969 --> 00:01:42,068 Plenty? 4 00:01:42,070 --> 00:01:44,102 You wrote act one. 5 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,203 Well, there you are then. 6 00:01:45,205 --> 00:01:47,272 I don't mean you wrote act one. 7 00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:49,041 I mean, you wrote the words "Act I" 8 00:01:49,043 --> 00:01:50,843 at the top of the first page. 9 00:01:50,845 --> 00:01:52,511 I'm thinking. 10 00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:54,880 Well, what is it you're thinking? 11 00:01:54,882 --> 00:01:56,281 Do you know that you're never more than six feet away 12 00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:58,116 from a spider? 13 00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,184 Sure. 14 00:01:59,186 --> 00:02:00,987 It goes like this. 15 00:02:00,989 --> 00:02:01,921 You're never more than six feet away 16 00:02:01,923 --> 00:02:03,823 from a spider, baby. 17 00:02:03,825 --> 00:02:08,360 So you better stay away from my fly. 18 00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:09,729 That makes no sense. 19 00:02:09,731 --> 00:02:10,997 I liked it. 20 00:02:10,999 --> 00:02:12,330 Well, put it in some other play. 21 00:02:12,332 --> 00:02:12,965 It was your idea. 22 00:02:12,967 --> 00:02:14,834 No. 23 00:02:14,836 --> 00:02:16,502 My idea was that no matter how secure 24 00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:19,237 you are, how safe you feel, danger could 25 00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:20,606 be right at your shoulder. 26 00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:21,974 Ah, the spider is a metaphor. 27 00:02:21,976 --> 00:02:23,576 Or a simile. 28 00:02:23,578 --> 00:02:24,242 I can never remember the difference. 29 00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:26,946 Me neither. 30 00:02:26,948 --> 00:02:27,079 But whichever it is, it's an important theme for our play, 31 00:02:27,081 --> 00:02:27,713 isn't it? 32 00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:28,246 It is? 33 00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:29,015 Well, yeah. 34 00:02:29,017 --> 00:02:31,182 Think of it. 35 00:02:31,184 --> 00:02:33,485 We have Bridgette, a beautiful young woman in love, 36 00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,821 probably for the first time in her life, 37 00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:38,858 with Richard, about whom she knows absolutely nothing. 38 00:02:38,860 --> 00:02:40,926 I mean, he could be an axe murderer. 39 00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:43,062 But he isn't. 40 00:02:43,064 --> 00:02:44,096 Maybe he should be. 41 00:02:44,098 --> 00:02:46,032 An axe murderer? 42 00:02:46,034 --> 00:02:48,100 No, but a spider. 43 00:02:51,673 --> 00:02:54,205 I mean, maybe axe murderer is a bit much. 44 00:02:54,207 --> 00:02:58,476 But he should have, like, a dark side, a dangerous side. 45 00:02:58,478 --> 00:03:00,780 Well, I think he already does. 46 00:03:00,782 --> 00:03:04,215 Well, let's see what we have on him. 47 00:03:04,217 --> 00:03:06,652 "Richard enters. 48 00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:08,521 He is a pleasant-looking chap with a perpetual grin. 49 00:03:08,523 --> 00:03:12,091 He's wearing tennis clothes, holding a bat." 50 00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:17,765 Cricket, anyone? 51 00:03:23,137 --> 00:03:24,335 Wait. 52 00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:25,938 He's playing cricket? 53 00:03:25,940 --> 00:03:27,305 Why is he playing cricket? 54 00:03:27,307 --> 00:03:28,174 Who plays cricket? 55 00:03:28,176 --> 00:03:29,474 He's British. 56 00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:31,342 Why is he British? 57 00:03:31,344 --> 00:03:32,912 Why does it matter? 58 00:03:32,914 --> 00:03:35,581 Well, not scary, for one. 59 00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:38,084 I mean, the scariest thing about the British is their teeth. 60 00:03:38,086 --> 00:03:39,719 You know, they started taking better care of their teeth 61 00:03:39,721 --> 00:03:42,021 after the Austin Powers movies. 62 00:03:42,023 --> 00:03:42,922 Yeah, you're right. 63 00:03:42,924 --> 00:03:44,857 It's weird. 64 00:03:44,859 --> 00:03:45,457 OK. 65 00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:47,593 "Richard enters. 66 00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:48,226 He's a pleasant-looking All-American chap. 67 00:03:49,130 --> 00:03:51,163 He has a perpetual grin. 68 00:03:51,165 --> 00:03:54,066 He's wearing tennis clothes and carries a racket." 69 00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:54,569 Tennis, anyone? 70 00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:08,581 Gee, I'm shaking in my boots. 71 00:04:08,583 --> 00:04:09,915 He does seem kind of bland. 72 00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:11,751 Yeah. 73 00:04:11,753 --> 00:04:13,451 But remember, this is the first time 74 00:04:13,453 --> 00:04:15,788 we're seeing him before the main action of the play. 75 00:04:15,790 --> 00:04:19,859 And his line is an old cliche meant to evoke titters. 76 00:04:19,861 --> 00:04:24,329 I hope no line I ever write evokes titters. 77 00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:25,064 So what then? 78 00:04:25,066 --> 00:04:26,232 OK, OK. 79 00:04:26,234 --> 00:04:26,601 I think I have an idea. 80 00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:33,672 "Richard enters. 81 00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:36,441 He's a sly-looking fellow with an odd, almost unnatural smile 82 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:40,278 and dark, piercing eyes. 83 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:44,116 He's dressed in tennis clothes and holding a tennis racket. 84 00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:48,020 And we see that it is dripping with blood. 85 00:04:48,022 --> 00:04:50,323 Murder, anyone? 86 00:04:56,363 --> 00:04:59,098 I love it. 87 00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:00,365 And it can set up everything that's going to happen later. 88 00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:02,268 We haven't written what happens later. 89 00:05:02,270 --> 00:05:05,271 But even still, it gives everything we've written so far 90 00:05:05,273 --> 00:05:07,139 kind of foreshadowing. 91 00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:09,842 Something bad is going to happen. 92 00:05:09,844 --> 00:05:12,578 And never more than six feet away from a spider. 93 00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:13,411 I know just what to do. 94 00:05:13,413 --> 00:05:13,681 All right. 95 00:05:20,955 --> 00:05:26,225 You're never more than six feet away from a spider. 96 00:05:26,227 --> 00:05:27,193 Oh, no. 97 00:05:27,195 --> 00:05:28,928 No fucking way. 98 00:05:28,930 --> 00:05:29,360 I was just kidding. 99 00:05:29,362 --> 00:05:30,328 Yeah. 100 00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:43,374 Hello? 101 00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:44,475 Hello? 102 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,182 Who's there? 103 00:05:50,184 --> 00:05:51,317 Hello. 104 00:05:51,319 --> 00:05:54,153 I'm from next door. 105 00:05:54,155 --> 00:05:55,254 Next door? 106 00:05:55,256 --> 00:05:56,689 Yes. 107 00:05:56,691 --> 00:05:58,691 I'm staying with the Babcocks. 108 00:05:58,693 --> 00:06:00,391 Oh. 109 00:06:00,393 --> 00:06:00,761 OK. 110 00:06:05,700 --> 00:06:06,364 Hi. 111 00:06:07,268 --> 00:06:09,235 Richard Babcock. 112 00:06:09,237 --> 00:06:11,737 Oh, you're-- 113 00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:14,874 David and Nancy's nephew. 114 00:06:14,876 --> 00:06:17,843 Nephew? 115 00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:20,713 Aren't they a bit old to be your aunt and uncle? 116 00:06:20,715 --> 00:06:23,381 Great aunt and uncle actually. 117 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:24,583 Of course. 118 00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:25,385 How silly of me. 119 00:06:29,824 --> 00:06:32,758 Why didn't you come to the front door? 120 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,159 Why? 121 00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:37,229 Well, I was on the tennis court. 122 00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:39,598 And I walked across the lawn. 123 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,368 I saw the gate in the fence and came over. 124 00:06:42,370 --> 00:06:43,302 I'm sorry if-- I didn't mean to-- 125 00:06:43,304 --> 00:06:44,503 No, no. 126 00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:47,072 It's quite all right. 127 00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:50,709 I used that gate all the time when I was a girl. 128 00:06:50,711 --> 00:06:53,045 I used to go over and have milk and cookies with Nancy 129 00:06:53,047 --> 00:06:54,813 when I was young. 130 00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:57,516 Oh, I do love Aunt Nancy's cookies. 131 00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:59,285 She still bakes? 132 00:06:59,287 --> 00:07:00,352 I thought she was bedridden. 133 00:07:01,355 --> 00:07:04,023 She is. 134 00:07:04,025 --> 00:07:05,624 I was just remembering that's all. 135 00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:07,860 You used to visit? 136 00:07:07,862 --> 00:07:10,562 All the time when I was much younger. 137 00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:13,532 Funny how I don't remember seeing you. 138 00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:16,368 Maybe it was when I was away at school. 139 00:07:16,370 --> 00:07:18,070 Yes. 140 00:07:18,072 --> 00:07:20,105 I'm sure that's it. 141 00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:21,674 And you're staying with them, you said? 142 00:07:21,676 --> 00:07:22,975 Just for a little while. 143 00:07:22,977 --> 00:07:26,979 And where do you usually stay? 144 00:07:26,981 --> 00:07:29,548 Oh, I'm sorry. 145 00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:31,817 Won't you sit down? 146 00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:34,086 Can I get you anything? 147 00:07:34,088 --> 00:07:35,387 Thank you. 148 00:07:35,389 --> 00:07:39,925 I could use some cold water. 149 00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:45,130 I'm still a little sweaty from hitting all those balls. 150 00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:49,971 I'll be right back. 151 00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:12,458 I just realized I've forgotten to introduce myself. 152 00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:17,096 I'm Bridgette Nelson. 153 00:08:17,098 --> 00:08:20,532 Pleasure to meet you, Bridgette Nelson. 154 00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:22,034 I'll be right back with that water. 155 00:08:22,036 --> 00:08:24,937 Thank you. 156 00:08:24,939 --> 00:08:25,938 Or would you prefer some lemonade? 157 00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:26,839 Wow. 158 00:08:26,841 --> 00:08:27,740 Yes. 159 00:08:27,742 --> 00:08:28,974 Yes, lemonade. 160 00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:30,876 Yes. 161 00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:31,510 Yeah. 162 00:08:31,512 --> 00:08:34,346 Excuse me? 163 00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:37,383 Not-- I just-- lemonade. 164 00:08:37,385 --> 00:08:39,118 I get excited over lemonade. 165 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:41,086 That's-- I'm sorry. 166 00:08:41,088 --> 00:08:42,554 Yay, lemonade. 167 00:08:44,492 --> 00:08:44,992 OK then. 168 00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:00,806 What are you doing? 169 00:09:00,808 --> 00:09:01,673 Nothing, nothing, nothing. 170 00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:03,876 I'm sorry. 171 00:09:03,878 --> 00:09:08,914 I just-- I like to measure things, everything. 172 00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:11,617 Did you know that your door here is exactly 42 inches wide? 173 00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:14,086 Exactly. 174 00:09:14,088 --> 00:09:17,222 No, I didn't. 175 00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:19,758 Why exactly do you measure everything? 176 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:23,028 Is it some sort of OCD? 177 00:09:23,532 --> 00:09:24,963 Yes. 178 00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:27,599 Yes. 179 00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:32,505 I absolutely have to know how long and wide everything is. 180 00:09:32,507 --> 00:09:36,275 And I can't stop washing my hands. 181 00:09:36,277 --> 00:09:37,709 That's fascinating. 182 00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:40,012 It is. 183 00:09:40,014 --> 00:09:42,781 I have a friend who won't walk on tile floors. 184 00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:44,216 What a loon. 185 00:09:49,123 --> 00:09:49,190 Thank you. 186 00:09:57,731 --> 00:10:00,732 Well, I hope you enjoy the lemonade. 187 00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:05,671 It's completely homemade, or at least 188 00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:06,605 that's what it says on the bottle. 189 00:10:07,842 --> 00:10:12,111 Oh, I'm sure that I will. 190 00:10:12,113 --> 00:10:17,182 However, there's a little something I have to do first. 191 00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:29,394 Wait a minute. 192 00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:30,963 Isn't it a little early in the play 193 00:10:30,965 --> 00:10:33,232 to show that Richard's a psycho killer? 194 00:10:33,234 --> 00:10:34,501 And we haven't even really decided 195 00:10:34,503 --> 00:10:35,968 that he is a psycho killer. 196 00:10:35,970 --> 00:10:38,003 No, he's a psycho killer all right. 197 00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:39,872 But maybe you're right. 198 00:10:39,874 --> 00:10:41,440 Maybe we should hold back on the violence 199 00:10:41,442 --> 00:10:43,308 and let the tension build. 200 00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,577 If this was a movie-- 201 00:10:44,579 --> 00:10:45,612 That's the thing. 202 00:10:45,614 --> 00:10:47,479 Why isn't it a movie? 203 00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:48,981 Why are we even writing a play? 204 00:10:48,983 --> 00:10:51,316 This is Los Angeles. 205 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,085 Because it's a play. 206 00:10:53,087 --> 00:10:55,387 But it doesn't have to be. 207 00:10:55,389 --> 00:11:00,659 Look, why spend the next few weeks, possibly months, writing 208 00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:05,598 a play that'll be put up at some tiny little black box theater 209 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,866 and be seen by maybe a dozen people, 210 00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:10,169 because they know somebody in the cast? 211 00:11:10,171 --> 00:11:12,304 I mean, it'll just be some other fucking play in LA. 212 00:11:12,306 --> 00:11:14,873 We'll be lucky if we get even one review. 213 00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:17,242 Nobody cares about theater in La La Land. 214 00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:19,579 At least in the theater nobody can tell us what to do. 215 00:11:19,581 --> 00:11:22,014 The writer has power. 216 00:11:22,016 --> 00:11:24,183 No studio executive who's taken Robert McKee's course 217 00:11:24,185 --> 00:11:26,185 and now thinks he knows everything there is to know 218 00:11:26,187 --> 00:11:28,754 about writing can tell us what to write. 219 00:11:28,756 --> 00:11:30,523 But you can't make a living as a playwright. 220 00:11:30,525 --> 00:11:32,991 There are thousands of successful playwrights. 221 00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:36,061 In the film business, you can be a lousy writer 222 00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:38,197 and still make a fortune. 223 00:11:38,199 --> 00:11:40,832 There's just as little chance of success, even less. 224 00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:42,034 Most movie scripts just end up taking space 225 00:11:42,036 --> 00:11:44,269 on your hard drive. 226 00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:46,205 At least we have a chance of someone seeing our play 227 00:11:46,207 --> 00:11:48,340 and nobody can fuck us over. 228 00:11:48,342 --> 00:11:50,943 Not everybody in the film business gets fucked. 229 00:11:50,945 --> 00:11:53,078 And we can negotiate for some real money. 230 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,480 One thing I know is true, in the film industry, 231 00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:57,015 you will get fucked. 232 00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:58,685 The only thing you're ever negotiating 233 00:11:58,687 --> 00:11:59,851 is the amount of the lubricant. 234 00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:00,452 All right. 235 00:12:00,454 --> 00:12:01,119 All right. 236 00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:01,453 Fine. 237 00:12:01,455 --> 00:12:02,655 Fine. 238 00:12:02,657 --> 00:12:04,856 It's a play, for now. 239 00:12:04,858 --> 00:12:05,791 But there's something I got to change. 240 00:12:05,793 --> 00:12:06,659 What? 241 00:12:06,661 --> 00:12:07,859 Richard. 242 00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:11,363 His name, it's too normal. 243 00:12:11,365 --> 00:12:12,264 Don't we want him to seem normal? 244 00:12:12,266 --> 00:12:13,932 No. 245 00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:16,435 I think he should be exceptional. 246 00:12:16,437 --> 00:12:20,138 And I think he's exceptionally good-looking, exceptionally 247 00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:23,108 charming, and he should have an exceptional-sounding name. 248 00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:24,644 What do you have in mind, Aloysius? 249 00:12:24,646 --> 00:12:26,411 OK, not that exceptional. 250 00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:31,216 But it could be something upper crusty, 251 00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:33,686 like one of those first names that can also be a last name. 252 00:12:33,688 --> 00:12:38,090 I went to school with a very WASP-y kid named Cooper. 253 00:12:38,092 --> 00:12:39,224 Cooper? 254 00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:40,959 Cooper. 255 00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:43,895 Cooper Babcock. 256 00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:44,597 I like it. 257 00:12:44,599 --> 00:12:45,531 It's-- 258 00:12:45,533 --> 00:12:46,331 Upper crusty? 259 00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:47,165 Upper crusty. 260 00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,868 Cooper Babcock it is. 261 00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:52,971 Search and replace and done. 262 00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:55,474 Maybe it's too upper crusty. 263 00:12:55,476 --> 00:12:56,643 No, it's fine. 264 00:12:56,645 --> 00:12:59,111 Let's move on. 265 00:12:59,113 --> 00:12:59,878 Now, what are we doing about this strangling scene? 266 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,213 OK. 267 00:13:01,215 --> 00:13:02,481 So we know that Richard-- 268 00:13:02,483 --> 00:13:03,882 Cooper. 269 00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:06,985 --Cooper wants the Picasso. 270 00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:10,389 But what if all he wants is the Picasso? 271 00:13:10,391 --> 00:13:14,594 Like we know he's a thief and the audience can know that. 272 00:13:14,596 --> 00:13:17,329 But we don't know that he's a psycho killer, 273 00:13:17,331 --> 00:13:18,765 because we haven't decided whether or not 274 00:13:18,767 --> 00:13:20,132 he's the psycho killer. 275 00:13:20,134 --> 00:13:21,266 What do we have so far? 276 00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:23,802 All right. 277 00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:24,604 We introduce Richard-- 278 00:13:24,606 --> 00:13:25,772 Cooper. 279 00:13:25,774 --> 00:13:27,906 --Cooper Babcock. 280 00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:31,410 And we see that he has done something 281 00:13:31,412 --> 00:13:34,146 bloody with the tennis racket, but we don't know what. 282 00:13:34,148 --> 00:13:37,883 We also don't know what he's done with Nancy and David, 283 00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:41,119 or if he's even related to them at all. 284 00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:44,657 But we do know that he is interested in the Picasso 285 00:13:44,659 --> 00:13:46,358 and he's not at all interested in Bridgette. 286 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:47,826 Aha. 287 00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:48,594 That's what we have to change. 288 00:13:48,596 --> 00:13:50,495 What? 289 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,030 That he isn't interested in Bridgette. 290 00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:53,432 What if he has plans to take the Picasso, 291 00:13:53,434 --> 00:13:54,734 but he's so taken with Bridgette that it 292 00:13:54,736 --> 00:13:55,400 puts a crimp in his plan? 293 00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:56,569 Hmm. 294 00:13:56,571 --> 00:13:58,571 That could work. 295 00:13:58,573 --> 00:14:00,540 But something's bothered me. 296 00:14:00,542 --> 00:14:02,775 I don't think we should show the bloody tennis racket. 297 00:14:02,777 --> 00:14:04,176 No, but it's great. 298 00:14:04,178 --> 00:14:06,779 That's a terrific, horrific image. 299 00:14:06,781 --> 00:14:08,480 Yeah, but it gives away too much. 300 00:14:08,482 --> 00:14:10,916 I mean, the audience should feel some sympathy 301 00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:12,417 for Cooper, at least a little bit. 302 00:14:12,419 --> 00:14:13,485 At first. 303 00:14:13,487 --> 00:14:14,721 But later on-- 304 00:14:14,723 --> 00:14:15,921 Later on is something else. 305 00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:17,757 Let's see where this takes us. 306 00:14:17,759 --> 00:14:19,191 I've got an idea. 307 00:14:19,193 --> 00:14:22,327 But in order for it to work, Cooper 308 00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:24,664 has to be much younger, like Bridgette's age. 309 00:14:34,375 --> 00:14:37,643 So how are you enjoying staying with David and Nancy? 310 00:14:37,645 --> 00:14:38,778 Oh, they're no trouble. 311 00:14:38,780 --> 00:14:40,879 No trouble at all. 312 00:14:40,881 --> 00:14:42,615 And how are you getting on with Milo? 313 00:14:42,617 --> 00:14:43,482 Milo? 314 00:14:43,484 --> 00:14:45,618 Yes. 315 00:14:45,620 --> 00:14:48,554 Don't you find him extraordinarily intelligent? 316 00:14:48,556 --> 00:14:50,857 Yes, of course. 317 00:14:50,859 --> 00:14:54,226 We've had many long conversations. 318 00:14:54,228 --> 00:14:56,928 He has a very interesting perspective on life. 319 00:14:58,499 --> 00:14:59,599 You're funny. 320 00:14:59,601 --> 00:15:02,067 Am I? 321 00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:04,002 You've had many long conversations with a dog? 322 00:15:05,573 --> 00:15:08,073 Well, they were rather one-sided. 323 00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,442 I could barely get a word in edgewise. 324 00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:15,414 You are funny. 325 00:15:15,416 --> 00:15:18,216 So where do you usually stay when 326 00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:19,752 you're not staying next door? 327 00:15:19,754 --> 00:15:21,286 I was in prison. 328 00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:21,721 Prison? 329 00:15:21,723 --> 00:15:22,688 Prison? 330 00:15:22,690 --> 00:15:23,589 No. 331 00:15:23,591 --> 00:15:25,023 Yes. 332 00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:29,428 At least it felt that way. 333 00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:32,330 So I decided to take a little time off. 334 00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:33,965 Mhm. 335 00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:36,935 For good behavior? 336 00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:39,572 Something like that. 337 00:15:39,574 --> 00:15:42,307 So what do you do? 338 00:15:42,309 --> 00:15:47,279 Well, I was at Bryn Mawr, graduated with highest honors. 339 00:15:47,281 --> 00:15:51,316 And I'm now, like most people, unemployed. 340 00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:53,753 Thank God I am filthy rich. 341 00:15:57,692 --> 00:16:03,128 Well, it does take a bit of the pressure off, doesn't it? 342 00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:04,897 Unfortunately, my parents' trust fund 343 00:16:04,899 --> 00:16:06,833 doesn't kick in until I'm 30. 344 00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:08,601 That is ghastly. 345 00:16:08,603 --> 00:16:12,638 Ghastly indeed. 346 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:18,043 So till then, I'll just have to survive however I can. 347 00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:20,513 Maybe tennis. 348 00:16:20,515 --> 00:16:20,582 Are you good? 349 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:30,222 Well, I usually hit what I'm supposed to. 350 00:16:30,224 --> 00:16:31,158 How's your serve? 351 00:16:34,228 --> 00:16:37,630 Hardly ever returned. 352 00:16:37,632 --> 00:16:39,231 Really? 353 00:16:39,233 --> 00:16:40,535 Then, you are good. 354 00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:53,211 Wait a second. 355 00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:54,379 What the fuck is that? 356 00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:55,515 Someone in a chicken costume. 357 00:16:55,517 --> 00:16:57,550 Yeah. 358 00:16:57,552 --> 00:16:58,651 I can see it's someone in a chicken costume. 359 00:16:58,653 --> 00:17:00,520 Why is it someone in a chicken costume? 360 00:17:00,522 --> 00:17:02,020 I thought it would be cool to introduce 361 00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:04,155 a surreal element to the play. 362 00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:05,691 You see, this is why I like the movies, 363 00:17:05,693 --> 00:17:08,493 because nobody just shows up in a chicken costume. 364 00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:09,996 That's the beauty of theater. 365 00:17:09,998 --> 00:17:11,731 There are no rules. 366 00:17:11,733 --> 00:17:13,599 If you want someone in a chicken costume, 367 00:17:13,601 --> 00:17:15,902 you can have someone in a chicken costume. 368 00:17:15,904 --> 00:17:17,937 Well, I don't want someone in a chicken costume. 369 00:17:17,939 --> 00:17:19,772 What do you got against someone in a chicken costume? 370 00:17:19,774 --> 00:17:20,740 It makes no sense. 371 00:17:20,742 --> 00:17:22,942 What if it made sense? 372 00:17:22,944 --> 00:17:25,043 How is it going to make sense? 373 00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:27,045 Watch and learn. 374 00:17:31,553 --> 00:17:34,020 Huh. 375 00:17:34,022 --> 00:17:36,321 Where is everybody? 376 00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:38,891 The costume party is tomorrow night, Blain. 377 00:17:38,893 --> 00:17:40,091 No, no, no, no, no, no. 378 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,561 That can't be right. 379 00:17:41,563 --> 00:17:43,729 Today is Friday the 16th, is it not? 380 00:17:43,731 --> 00:17:46,966 It's Friday all right, but it's the 15th. 381 00:17:46,968 --> 00:17:50,235 But he's in costume. 382 00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:50,738 Those are tennis clothes. 383 00:17:57,277 --> 00:17:59,712 So they are. 384 00:17:59,714 --> 00:18:02,582 My apologies. 385 00:18:02,584 --> 00:18:04,550 We were just having some lemonade. 386 00:18:04,552 --> 00:18:07,053 Ah. 387 00:18:07,055 --> 00:18:10,523 I think I could use something a little bit stronger. 388 00:18:10,525 --> 00:18:12,959 So could I, come to think of it. 389 00:18:12,961 --> 00:18:14,225 Cooper? 390 00:18:14,227 --> 00:18:16,161 I'm good with this. 391 00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:18,163 Blaine, this is Cooper. 392 00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:20,098 He's staying with the Babcocks. 393 00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:22,935 Really? 394 00:18:22,937 --> 00:18:25,871 My house is just abreast the starboard side of their house. 395 00:18:25,873 --> 00:18:27,339 I haven't seen you. 396 00:18:27,341 --> 00:18:28,941 How long have you been there? 397 00:18:28,943 --> 00:18:32,210 Just a few days. 398 00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:35,881 Cooper says he talks to their dog. 399 00:18:35,883 --> 00:18:39,919 In all fairness, we are speaking to a chicken. 400 00:18:39,921 --> 00:18:41,087 So we are. 401 00:18:41,089 --> 00:18:42,088 How silly. 402 00:18:43,891 --> 00:18:46,592 Well, cheers. 403 00:18:46,594 --> 00:18:49,629 The chicken costume was a last-minute decision. 404 00:18:49,631 --> 00:18:52,497 I was going to go as Freddy Krueger. 405 00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:56,602 But I've gone as old Freddy for every costume party 406 00:18:56,604 --> 00:18:58,438 and Halloween outing since I was nine. 407 00:19:02,376 --> 00:19:05,011 Well, it's a very good chicken costume. 408 00:19:05,013 --> 00:19:06,045 And it suits you. 409 00:19:06,047 --> 00:19:07,479 Mhm. 410 00:19:07,481 --> 00:19:10,281 It does, sort of. 411 00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:13,052 How so, would you say? 412 00:19:13,054 --> 00:19:17,155 Well, you see, I've got a dreadful heart condition. 413 00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:20,960 Any severe shock and I could drop dead right here. 414 00:19:20,962 --> 00:19:23,596 So naturally, I'm timid of things like horror 415 00:19:23,598 --> 00:19:27,500 films and violence, you know. 416 00:19:27,502 --> 00:19:30,670 But you dressed like Freddy Krueger. 417 00:19:30,672 --> 00:19:34,140 Well, if I dress like the scary thing, 418 00:19:34,142 --> 00:19:35,240 I'm not likely to get scared. 419 00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:36,108 Now, am I? 420 00:19:38,012 --> 00:19:41,947 Very clever. 421 00:19:41,949 --> 00:19:45,551 Look, I have all the stuff set up in the kitchen for tomorrow. 422 00:19:45,553 --> 00:19:48,353 Shall I be naughty and get us some snacks? 423 00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:51,957 Caviar, champagne, cocaine? 424 00:19:51,959 --> 00:19:53,526 Why don't you just ring for it? 425 00:19:53,528 --> 00:19:55,628 The staff has the night off. 426 00:19:55,630 --> 00:19:58,496 Oh my God. 427 00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:00,465 You have to actually get things for yourself? 428 00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:01,967 However will you survive? 429 00:20:01,969 --> 00:20:03,803 Very funny. 430 00:20:03,805 --> 00:20:03,938 I'll be right back. 431 00:20:10,778 --> 00:20:13,946 Oh, Blain, you and Cooper should get along famously. 432 00:20:13,948 --> 00:20:16,115 He was admiring my father's Picasso before. 433 00:20:16,117 --> 00:20:16,617 Was he? 434 00:20:22,023 --> 00:20:26,491 Admiring daddy's Picasso were we? 435 00:20:26,493 --> 00:20:30,395 What the fuck are you doing here? 436 00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:31,731 What the fuck are you doing here? 437 00:20:31,733 --> 00:20:34,867 I'm introducing a plot twist. 438 00:20:34,869 --> 00:20:37,069 So you're saying Blain and Cooper know each other? 439 00:20:37,071 --> 00:20:40,039 Not only know each other, but they're in cahoots. 440 00:20:40,041 --> 00:20:41,372 Cahoots? 441 00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:43,209 Who are you, Buffalo Bill? 442 00:20:43,211 --> 00:20:44,242 It's a perfectly good word. 443 00:20:45,312 --> 00:20:47,513 Yes. 444 00:20:47,515 --> 00:20:48,948 This is where we reveal that something 445 00:20:48,950 --> 00:20:52,151 is going on that the audience didn't realize. 446 00:20:52,153 --> 00:20:54,252 There's something going on that I didn't realize. 447 00:20:54,254 --> 00:20:55,521 Don't worry. 448 00:20:55,523 --> 00:20:56,055 I've got it all worked out. 449 00:21:00,828 --> 00:21:02,194 What the fuck are you doing here? 450 00:21:02,196 --> 00:21:04,563 Imagine my surprise when I come here 451 00:21:04,565 --> 00:21:06,198 and see you sitting there a day early. 452 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:07,066 It's not part of the plan. 453 00:21:07,068 --> 00:21:08,734 I improvised. 454 00:21:08,736 --> 00:21:09,935 Why leave a house full of witnesses? 455 00:21:09,937 --> 00:21:13,205 Drunk witnesses at a costume party. 456 00:21:13,207 --> 00:21:15,406 I could've taken the painting from right under their noses. 457 00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:16,341 No one would've identified you. 458 00:21:16,343 --> 00:21:17,308 Except you. 459 00:21:17,310 --> 00:21:18,476 You can trust me. 460 00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:19,645 You're in a chicken suit. 461 00:21:19,647 --> 00:21:21,914 Look, it's going to work. 462 00:21:21,916 --> 00:21:24,884 We take the painting tonight, take care of Bridgette. 463 00:21:24,886 --> 00:21:28,154 Then, tomorrow-- listen. --as the guests 464 00:21:28,156 --> 00:21:31,389 arrive, we among them, walk in to discover 465 00:21:31,391 --> 00:21:35,127 a horrible bloody scene. 466 00:21:35,129 --> 00:21:36,061 But-- 467 00:21:36,063 --> 00:21:37,963 Bloody scene? 468 00:21:37,965 --> 00:21:39,464 Does it-- does it have to be a bloody scene? 469 00:21:39,466 --> 00:21:41,667 Doesn't have to be, but I really, 470 00:21:41,669 --> 00:21:44,770 really, really want it to be. 471 00:21:44,772 --> 00:21:47,940 You're a sick fuck, Blain. 472 00:21:47,942 --> 00:21:51,243 Hey, you were down with the plan before. 473 00:21:51,245 --> 00:21:54,046 Remember robbery, murder, something Manson-esque? 474 00:21:56,184 --> 00:21:56,782 That was before. 475 00:21:57,384 --> 00:21:58,686 Before what? 476 00:22:01,956 --> 00:22:04,890 Before I met her. 477 00:22:04,892 --> 00:22:07,660 I like her. 478 00:22:07,662 --> 00:22:12,097 She's a real person. 479 00:22:12,099 --> 00:22:15,034 She's a stuck-up real bitch who deserves everything 480 00:22:15,036 --> 00:22:16,334 that's coming to her. 481 00:22:16,336 --> 00:22:17,069 Who's that? 482 00:22:17,071 --> 00:22:21,372 Oh, no. 483 00:22:21,374 --> 00:22:23,909 Just this chick from the club, walks 484 00:22:23,911 --> 00:22:25,511 around acting like a princess just 485 00:22:25,513 --> 00:22:28,781 because her parents are rich. 486 00:22:28,783 --> 00:22:31,217 I utterly loathe people like that. 487 00:22:32,753 --> 00:22:34,019 OK. 488 00:22:34,021 --> 00:22:36,722 Dig in. 489 00:22:36,724 --> 00:22:41,392 There's caviar, Scottish salmon, blinis, 490 00:22:41,394 --> 00:22:43,696 and grapes from my father's vineyard, food 491 00:22:43,698 --> 00:22:44,897 for the common folk. 492 00:22:46,499 --> 00:22:47,299 Common folk. 493 00:22:47,301 --> 00:22:48,667 Poors. 494 00:22:48,669 --> 00:22:52,638 Those poor people. 495 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:55,741 I saw you admiring my father's Picasso before. 496 00:22:55,743 --> 00:22:59,778 It's his pride and joy. 497 00:22:59,780 --> 00:23:02,615 I thought you were his pride and joy. 498 00:23:02,617 --> 00:23:04,917 Don't make me laugh. 499 00:23:04,919 --> 00:23:06,354 He couldn't auction me off for $50 million. 500 00:23:09,891 --> 00:23:10,556 It'll be OK. 501 00:23:10,558 --> 00:23:11,389 Wrong pipe. 502 00:23:11,391 --> 00:23:12,758 Wrong pipe. 503 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:13,626 You'll be all right. 504 00:23:13,628 --> 00:23:14,293 Won't you, buddy? 505 00:23:14,295 --> 00:23:15,527 Yes. 506 00:23:15,529 --> 00:23:16,795 $50 million you say? 507 00:23:16,797 --> 00:23:18,964 Yes. 508 00:23:18,966 --> 00:23:20,666 He had an offer for that for some art dealer. 509 00:23:20,668 --> 00:23:23,669 But dad turned him down. 510 00:23:23,671 --> 00:23:27,873 Now, if the father of some boy from a good family 511 00:23:27,875 --> 00:23:32,011 offered that for me, well, he'd sell in the blink of an eye. 512 00:23:32,013 --> 00:23:33,545 Oh, that's absurd. 513 00:23:33,547 --> 00:23:35,314 People don't sell people. 514 00:23:35,316 --> 00:23:37,216 Don't they? 515 00:23:37,218 --> 00:23:39,685 I mean, after all, it's the ruling class' 516 00:23:39,687 --> 00:23:41,720 most popular commodity. 517 00:23:41,722 --> 00:23:43,622 They sell each other their children, 518 00:23:43,624 --> 00:23:46,659 sell each other to the country. 519 00:23:46,661 --> 00:23:48,928 It's called American politics. 520 00:23:48,930 --> 00:23:51,063 Yes. 521 00:23:51,065 --> 00:23:55,668 Well, aren't you philosophical for a chicken? 522 00:23:55,670 --> 00:23:59,271 I thought of having someone steal the Picasso. 523 00:24:01,709 --> 00:24:07,012 As you were saying, steal the Picasso? 524 00:24:07,014 --> 00:24:10,582 Yes, just to spite my father and, of course, for the money. 525 00:24:10,584 --> 00:24:12,450 You need money? 526 00:24:12,452 --> 00:24:13,852 Absolutely. 527 00:24:13,854 --> 00:24:17,589 None of this is mine. 528 00:24:17,591 --> 00:24:20,392 I don't even really live here anymore. 529 00:24:20,394 --> 00:24:22,661 My parents are at their house on Martha's Vineyard 530 00:24:22,663 --> 00:24:25,397 and I'm crashing here. 531 00:24:25,399 --> 00:24:27,967 If they knew I was here, well, they'd call the cops. 532 00:24:27,969 --> 00:24:29,702 Why is that? 533 00:24:29,704 --> 00:24:33,706 Because I'm a bad, bad girl. 534 00:24:33,708 --> 00:24:35,341 Didn't you know? 535 00:24:35,343 --> 00:24:36,644 I don't believe I did. 536 00:24:40,948 --> 00:24:42,482 Bad how? 537 00:24:48,356 --> 00:24:49,588 Where have you been all my life? 538 00:24:56,564 --> 00:24:57,963 OK. 539 00:24:57,965 --> 00:24:59,698 She's the worst type of bad. 540 00:24:59,700 --> 00:25:02,001 One, she slept with a Mexican. 541 00:25:02,003 --> 00:25:05,137 Two, she's tattooed and pierced and voted for Barack Hussein 542 00:25:05,139 --> 00:25:06,672 Obama. 543 00:25:06,674 --> 00:25:08,540 He wasn't Mexican. 544 00:25:08,542 --> 00:25:10,509 He was from Ecuador. 545 00:25:10,511 --> 00:25:11,810 A Mexican. 546 00:25:11,812 --> 00:25:14,980 Anyway, far worse than that. 547 00:25:14,982 --> 00:25:18,884 I also used my father's electronic setup 548 00:25:18,886 --> 00:25:21,920 to eavesdrop on the two of you while I was getting snacks. 549 00:25:21,922 --> 00:25:24,089 OK. 550 00:25:24,091 --> 00:25:28,360 So you'd like to murder me, Blain, 551 00:25:28,362 --> 00:25:30,195 in a particularly bloody way? 552 00:25:30,197 --> 00:25:30,763 I would never. 553 00:25:30,765 --> 00:25:31,597 It's a joke. 554 00:25:31,599 --> 00:25:32,064 It's a joke. 555 00:25:32,066 --> 00:25:32,664 Never. 556 00:25:33,434 --> 00:25:34,366 Oh, fuck. 557 00:25:34,368 --> 00:25:35,134 Oh. 558 00:25:35,136 --> 00:25:36,402 Oh, fuck. 559 00:25:36,404 --> 00:25:38,604 The fucking bitch shot me. 560 00:25:38,606 --> 00:25:40,205 Bridgette. 561 00:25:40,207 --> 00:25:40,739 Bridgette. 562 00:25:42,076 --> 00:25:43,208 Stop. 563 00:25:43,210 --> 00:25:46,011 You help me right now. 564 00:25:46,013 --> 00:25:49,648 I could probably make it. 565 00:25:49,650 --> 00:25:53,252 We could go to Cedars or St. Joseph's. 566 00:25:53,254 --> 00:25:55,522 Oh, please. 567 00:25:55,524 --> 00:25:56,588 Please, help me. 568 00:25:56,590 --> 00:25:58,057 Please. 569 00:25:58,059 --> 00:25:58,757 Are you going to shoot me too? 570 00:25:58,759 --> 00:25:59,992 Oh, it hurts-- 571 00:25:59,994 --> 00:26:01,593 I haven't decided that yet. 572 00:26:01,595 --> 00:26:03,295 Depends. 573 00:26:03,297 --> 00:26:04,229 Please, brother. 574 00:26:04,231 --> 00:26:05,197 Help me, please. 575 00:26:05,199 --> 00:26:06,131 Please? 576 00:26:06,133 --> 00:26:07,332 On what? 577 00:26:07,334 --> 00:26:09,034 My feathers are bloody. 578 00:26:09,036 --> 00:26:10,903 Oh, please. 579 00:26:10,905 --> 00:26:12,505 Did you mean it when you said you liked me? 580 00:26:12,507 --> 00:26:13,439 Help me. 581 00:26:13,441 --> 00:26:14,706 Please. 582 00:26:15,209 --> 00:26:17,609 Yes. 583 00:26:17,611 --> 00:26:22,147 Yes, I did, very much so. 584 00:26:22,149 --> 00:26:24,650 There's a light. 585 00:26:24,652 --> 00:26:26,952 Oh, looks like one of those lights outside of a barbershop. 586 00:26:26,954 --> 00:26:28,220 What? 587 00:26:28,222 --> 00:26:29,321 Please. 588 00:26:29,323 --> 00:26:31,123 Oh, Jesus, Lord. 589 00:26:31,125 --> 00:26:32,357 Oh. 590 00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:35,194 Even right now. 591 00:26:35,196 --> 00:26:38,097 I think I see Gram Gram. 592 00:26:38,099 --> 00:26:40,065 I smell the cinnamon buns she made. 593 00:26:40,067 --> 00:26:41,033 Please. 594 00:26:41,035 --> 00:26:42,301 Oh. 595 00:26:42,303 --> 00:26:43,135 That's not grandma. 596 00:26:43,137 --> 00:26:43,669 That's Satan. 597 00:26:43,671 --> 00:26:45,304 Oh, please. 598 00:26:45,306 --> 00:26:46,573 Oh, goodness. 599 00:26:46,575 --> 00:26:48,807 You're making this very awkward. 600 00:26:48,809 --> 00:26:51,410 I made you a fucking friendship bracelet. 601 00:26:51,412 --> 00:26:53,580 Shut up about the bracelet. 602 00:26:53,582 --> 00:26:55,948 I'm very happy for you both, but I'm fucking dying here. 603 00:26:55,950 --> 00:26:56,715 Please. 604 00:26:56,717 --> 00:26:58,150 Not fast enough. 605 00:26:58,587 --> 00:26:59,151 Fuck. 606 00:26:59,153 --> 00:27:00,752 Oh. 607 00:27:00,754 --> 00:27:02,555 Shot again. 608 00:27:07,294 --> 00:27:09,328 Was that second shot really necessary? 609 00:27:09,330 --> 00:27:11,396 I think it was. 610 00:27:11,398 --> 00:27:14,833 Well, he was a racist chicken. 611 00:27:14,835 --> 00:27:16,802 What happens now? 612 00:27:18,005 --> 00:27:18,272 I haven't figured that out yet. 613 00:27:21,942 --> 00:27:24,409 So what happens now? 614 00:27:24,411 --> 00:27:25,878 I haven't figured that out yet. 615 00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:28,780 Look, I'm not sure about any of this. 616 00:27:28,782 --> 00:27:30,282 So we're saying Bridgette is the psycho killer, not Cooper? 617 00:27:30,284 --> 00:27:31,717 Yes. 618 00:27:31,719 --> 00:27:32,784 And she's the one with the plan. 619 00:27:32,786 --> 00:27:34,853 What's the plan? 620 00:27:34,855 --> 00:27:36,589 To steal her father's Picasso and blame it 621 00:27:36,591 --> 00:27:38,790 on Blain and another accomplice. 622 00:27:38,792 --> 00:27:41,160 You know, I actually like this. 623 00:27:41,162 --> 00:27:44,363 It's getting very classical stage mystery/comedy. 624 00:27:44,365 --> 00:27:46,498 You know, like Deathtrap or The Mousetrap. 625 00:27:46,500 --> 00:27:47,299 You're right. 626 00:27:47,301 --> 00:27:48,734 It is. 627 00:27:48,736 --> 00:27:50,736 Oh, fuck. 628 00:27:50,738 --> 00:27:52,938 We should change everything. 629 00:27:52,940 --> 00:27:55,642 We should go back and make it less like those plays 630 00:27:55,644 --> 00:27:57,342 and make it more movie-like. 631 00:27:57,344 --> 00:27:59,311 There you go with that movie thing again. 632 00:27:59,313 --> 00:28:01,413 You do know that The Mousetrap is the most successful, longest 633 00:28:01,415 --> 00:28:03,115 running play in history? 634 00:28:03,117 --> 00:28:05,784 And Deathtrap ran forever and they even 635 00:28:05,786 --> 00:28:08,487 made a movie out of it with Michael Caine and Superman. 636 00:28:08,489 --> 00:28:11,089 Christopher Reeve. 637 00:28:11,091 --> 00:28:11,624 If we can write a play even half as successful as those two, 638 00:28:11,626 --> 00:28:12,391 we'll have a hit. 639 00:28:12,393 --> 00:28:14,661 Think of it. 640 00:28:14,663 --> 00:28:16,828 Small cast, one set, thrills and chills and comedy. 641 00:28:16,830 --> 00:28:18,197 Nobody's writing plays like this anymore. 642 00:28:18,199 --> 00:28:19,398 Yeah, because they're old hat. 643 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,400 No, they're not. 644 00:28:21,402 --> 00:28:22,901 If you can write a good play in that genre, 645 00:28:22,903 --> 00:28:25,737 you can get it produced and make a lot of money. 646 00:28:25,739 --> 00:28:27,674 Community theaters love that kind of shit. 647 00:28:27,676 --> 00:28:31,611 What happened to the idea of a surrealistic, avant garde, 648 00:28:31,613 --> 00:28:33,812 mind-bending neo-noir thriller? 649 00:28:33,814 --> 00:28:36,683 Have you ever noticed that the avant garde never changes? 650 00:28:36,685 --> 00:28:37,749 If it's after garde, when was garde? 651 00:28:37,751 --> 00:28:38,817 I must've missed it. 652 00:28:38,819 --> 00:28:39,619 That would be apres garde. 653 00:28:39,621 --> 00:28:40,653 What would be? 654 00:28:40,655 --> 00:28:43,789 Our play, Murdertrap. 655 00:28:43,791 --> 00:28:44,356 Murdertrap? 656 00:28:44,358 --> 00:28:45,692 Yes. 657 00:28:45,694 --> 00:28:46,959 I just came up with it. 658 00:28:46,961 --> 00:28:49,761 Cool title, huh? 659 00:28:49,763 --> 00:28:52,364 Isn't it a little much like Deathtrap or The Mousetrap? 660 00:28:52,366 --> 00:28:54,066 Only in the "trap" part. 661 00:28:54,068 --> 00:28:55,801 Besides it makes a great movie title. 662 00:28:55,803 --> 00:28:57,236 Someday. 663 00:28:57,238 --> 00:28:58,237 Someday. 664 00:28:58,239 --> 00:28:59,071 All right. 665 00:28:59,073 --> 00:29:00,839 You've convinced me. 666 00:29:00,841 --> 00:29:03,308 After it's a huge Broadway success. 667 00:29:03,310 --> 00:29:04,910 One thing though. 668 00:29:04,912 --> 00:29:08,581 Don't these characters seem British? 669 00:29:08,583 --> 00:29:10,550 Why do you say that? 670 00:29:10,552 --> 00:29:12,084 Well, I don't know anyone like these people. 671 00:29:12,086 --> 00:29:13,151 Do you any British people like these people? 672 00:29:13,153 --> 00:29:15,821 No. 673 00:29:15,823 --> 00:29:18,323 But I think that it would be classier if they were British. 674 00:29:18,325 --> 00:29:19,791 OK. 675 00:29:19,793 --> 00:29:20,560 Let's make them British again. 676 00:29:30,538 --> 00:29:32,204 Is the painting in the lorry? 677 00:29:32,206 --> 00:29:33,939 Yes. 678 00:29:33,941 --> 00:29:36,174 And thank goodness no one saw me. 679 00:29:36,176 --> 00:29:40,345 This is Fanlee on the Bump, the most exclusive community 680 00:29:40,347 --> 00:29:42,114 off the roundabout to East Sussex. 681 00:29:42,116 --> 00:29:45,652 No one sees anything. 682 00:29:45,654 --> 00:29:46,020 Two lumps? 683 00:29:49,323 --> 00:29:49,356 Thanks, darling. 684 00:29:52,893 --> 00:29:55,528 So what do we do about Blain? 685 00:29:55,530 --> 00:29:58,030 Just leave him there behind the couch. 686 00:29:58,032 --> 00:30:00,799 Remember, we caught him in the midst 687 00:30:00,801 --> 00:30:04,803 of committing grand larceny and justifiably shot him. 688 00:30:04,805 --> 00:30:06,305 Mhm. 689 00:30:06,307 --> 00:30:08,741 Twice. 690 00:30:08,743 --> 00:30:10,275 The gun has a hair trigger. 691 00:30:12,413 --> 00:30:15,314 I think you should say we were being held captive. 692 00:30:15,316 --> 00:30:19,351 There was a struggle and the gun went off quite accidentally. 693 00:30:19,353 --> 00:30:21,721 Twice? 694 00:30:21,723 --> 00:30:23,021 Could be hard to explain. 695 00:30:23,023 --> 00:30:24,724 Not really. 696 00:30:24,726 --> 00:30:27,694 You were fighting for your life. 697 00:30:27,696 --> 00:30:29,861 I was fighting for my life? 698 00:30:29,863 --> 00:30:31,597 Well, the police will never believe 699 00:30:31,599 --> 00:30:32,099 that I could've disarmed him. 700 00:30:35,235 --> 00:30:36,769 Yes. 701 00:30:36,771 --> 00:30:39,739 You're quite right. 702 00:30:39,741 --> 00:30:40,606 We'll have to say I shot him. 703 00:30:40,608 --> 00:30:44,744 Oh, well. 704 00:30:44,746 --> 00:30:50,415 Now, how exactly do we explain the chicken suit? 705 00:30:50,417 --> 00:30:51,617 That's easy. 706 00:30:51,619 --> 00:30:53,285 We'll tell the truth. 707 00:30:53,287 --> 00:30:55,755 Blain mistook the date and thought 708 00:30:55,757 --> 00:30:58,457 he was going to be attending a costume party. 709 00:30:58,459 --> 00:30:58,758 All right. 710 00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:00,926 Yeah. 711 00:31:00,928 --> 00:31:02,894 Well, how do we explain me? 712 00:31:02,896 --> 00:31:06,164 You're my neighbor. 713 00:31:06,166 --> 00:31:12,270 Bridgette, I'm not really your neighbor. 714 00:31:12,272 --> 00:31:15,808 But you're David and Nancy's nephew. 715 00:31:15,810 --> 00:31:18,110 Unfortunately, not. 716 00:31:18,112 --> 00:31:20,747 Great nephew? 717 00:31:20,749 --> 00:31:23,281 Not even remotely related. 718 00:31:23,283 --> 00:31:25,651 But you are staying with them, aren't you? 719 00:31:25,653 --> 00:31:27,986 In a manner of speaking, yes. 720 00:31:27,988 --> 00:31:31,323 Whatever do you mean? 721 00:31:31,325 --> 00:31:33,091 I'm afraid I slit both their throats 722 00:31:33,093 --> 00:31:34,527 and buried them in the rose garden. 723 00:31:34,529 --> 00:31:34,893 Oopsie daisy. 724 00:31:34,895 --> 00:31:36,928 And Milo? 725 00:31:36,930 --> 00:31:39,965 Milo is just fine. 726 00:31:39,967 --> 00:31:43,870 What the bloody hell do you take me for? 727 00:31:43,872 --> 00:31:48,940 Possibly my soulmate. 728 00:31:51,311 --> 00:31:53,513 Oh, I was hoping you felt that way. 729 00:31:53,515 --> 00:31:55,080 I felt an immediate attraction towards you the moment 730 00:31:55,082 --> 00:31:57,349 I first laid eyes on you. 731 00:31:57,351 --> 00:31:58,518 And it's only deepened massively in the brief time 732 00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:00,820 I've known you. 733 00:32:00,822 --> 00:32:04,456 You are a complete sociopath without one single redeeming 734 00:32:04,458 --> 00:32:06,124 quality. 735 00:32:06,126 --> 00:32:08,828 I'm afraid that's entirely true. 736 00:32:08,830 --> 00:32:10,730 Kiss me. 737 00:32:10,732 --> 00:32:14,099 Oh, it still hurts. 738 00:32:14,101 --> 00:32:16,001 Oh, it's not happened yet. 739 00:32:16,003 --> 00:32:16,935 I think I did shit-- 740 00:32:23,578 --> 00:32:25,545 Please. 741 00:32:25,547 --> 00:32:28,246 I made you that fucking friendship bracelet. 742 00:32:28,248 --> 00:32:30,650 I gave you my last Livestrong bracelet. 743 00:32:30,652 --> 00:32:32,785 Hold on a tick. 744 00:32:32,787 --> 00:32:33,853 Help me, please. 745 00:32:33,855 --> 00:32:35,020 Please. 746 00:32:35,022 --> 00:32:36,889 We can stop for fro-yo. 747 00:32:36,891 --> 00:32:37,790 I know you love Menchies. 748 00:32:38,827 --> 00:32:43,529 Why don't you just die? 749 00:33:02,817 --> 00:33:04,251 Murder, anyone? 750 00:33:11,258 --> 00:33:13,325 So now, we have two psycho killers in the scene. 751 00:33:13,327 --> 00:33:15,026 Three if you count, Blain. 752 00:33:15,028 --> 00:33:15,994 Isn't that a bit much? 753 00:33:15,996 --> 00:33:17,095 No, no, no. 754 00:33:17,097 --> 00:33:19,364 The more, the merrier. 755 00:33:19,366 --> 00:33:20,999 You can never have too many psycho killers, Clarice. 756 00:33:21,001 --> 00:33:23,235 OK. 757 00:33:23,237 --> 00:33:24,002 But it's getting a little far-fetched. 758 00:33:24,004 --> 00:33:25,505 Well, isn't that the point? 759 00:33:25,507 --> 00:33:28,641 Isn't art supposed to be far-fetched? 760 00:33:28,643 --> 00:33:31,577 You don't plop down a hundred or even $12.50 to go see something 761 00:33:31,579 --> 00:33:33,513 that's fetched. 762 00:33:33,515 --> 00:33:34,680 I don't think that's an actual term. 763 00:33:34,682 --> 00:33:36,114 Why not? 764 00:33:36,116 --> 00:33:38,250 Why are things only far-fetched? 765 00:33:38,252 --> 00:33:39,919 Why can't they be merely-fetched or 3/4-fetched? 766 00:33:39,921 --> 00:33:41,754 I don't know. 767 00:33:41,756 --> 00:33:43,689 The point is, where do we go from here? 768 00:33:43,691 --> 00:33:44,957 We've already thrown out the whole outline. 769 00:33:44,959 --> 00:33:46,191 You know what? 770 00:33:46,193 --> 00:33:47,727 I think that's a good thing. 771 00:33:47,729 --> 00:33:49,394 Let's take this thing as far as we can. 772 00:33:49,396 --> 00:33:51,964 And I am not wild about them being British. 773 00:33:51,966 --> 00:33:53,198 OK. 774 00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:54,700 So make them American. 775 00:33:54,702 --> 00:33:56,869 I'll go back and change lorry to truck 776 00:33:56,871 --> 00:33:58,704 and make the other things in that scene more American later. 777 00:33:58,706 --> 00:33:59,104 All right. 778 00:33:59,106 --> 00:33:59,872 All right. 779 00:33:59,874 --> 00:34:00,506 All right. 780 00:34:00,508 --> 00:34:02,542 Great. 781 00:34:02,544 --> 00:34:02,909 Because I have an idea for what happens next. 782 00:34:02,911 --> 00:34:03,809 Carry on, old chap. 783 00:34:03,811 --> 00:34:05,210 I said not British. 784 00:34:05,212 --> 00:34:06,077 I just wanted to get that out there 785 00:34:06,079 --> 00:34:08,113 before we go all colonial again. 786 00:34:08,115 --> 00:34:09,615 All right. 787 00:34:09,617 --> 00:34:11,784 It's later now. 788 00:34:11,786 --> 00:34:14,020 Cooper, I'm worried someone's going to find the body 789 00:34:14,022 --> 00:34:15,353 and ruin everything. 790 00:34:15,355 --> 00:34:17,557 Don't even worry about it. 791 00:34:17,559 --> 00:34:20,091 Blain fit right in the grave next to David and Nancy. 792 00:34:20,093 --> 00:34:24,329 And he's now perfectly covered by David's prizewinning roses. 793 00:34:24,331 --> 00:34:26,866 Blain's disappearance won't be noticed for a while. 794 00:34:26,868 --> 00:34:29,367 He often disappears for months at a time and only returns 795 00:34:29,369 --> 00:34:31,771 when he runs out of money. 796 00:34:31,773 --> 00:34:36,074 But how ever are we going to explain David and Nancy? 797 00:34:36,076 --> 00:34:38,544 What? 798 00:34:38,546 --> 00:34:39,477 Why do we need to explain anything about them? 799 00:34:39,479 --> 00:34:42,080 What do they have to do with us? 800 00:34:42,082 --> 00:34:43,583 You're right. 801 00:34:43,585 --> 00:34:45,918 I hadn't thought of it like that. 802 00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:48,020 We're in the clear. 803 00:34:48,022 --> 00:34:49,855 Nothing can stop us now. 804 00:34:51,191 --> 00:34:52,257 Hello? 805 00:34:52,259 --> 00:34:53,993 Anybody home? 806 00:34:53,995 --> 00:34:55,695 Who can that be? 807 00:34:55,697 --> 00:34:56,361 I don't know. 808 00:34:56,363 --> 00:34:57,128 It sounds like a woman. 809 00:34:58,633 --> 00:35:01,299 Hello? 810 00:35:01,301 --> 00:35:02,535 Her voice doesn't sound familiar. 811 00:35:02,537 --> 00:35:04,804 I don't want to let her in. 812 00:35:04,806 --> 00:35:07,272 I think you have to. 813 00:35:07,274 --> 00:35:07,675 You can't do anything suspicious. 814 00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:20,318 Hello. 815 00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:21,887 Sup, bitches? 816 00:35:21,889 --> 00:35:22,955 I'm Mary Clemens. 817 00:35:22,957 --> 00:35:24,090 I'm a psychic. 818 00:35:24,092 --> 00:35:24,424 I live next door. 819 00:35:27,829 --> 00:35:29,260 Wait, wait, wait. 820 00:35:29,262 --> 00:35:31,229 We can't have a psychic next door. 821 00:35:31,231 --> 00:35:32,598 That's right out of Deathtrap. 822 00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:34,199 Well, cheese and crackers. 823 00:35:34,201 --> 00:35:35,333 I'll make it different. 824 00:35:35,335 --> 00:35:37,235 Yeah, it got all muddy. 825 00:35:37,237 --> 00:35:38,971 I am Mary Clemens. 826 00:35:38,973 --> 00:35:40,840 I am blind. 827 00:35:43,845 --> 00:35:44,977 Who's there? 828 00:35:44,979 --> 00:35:46,646 A blind woman? 829 00:35:46,648 --> 00:35:48,179 We can't have a blind woman. 830 00:35:48,181 --> 00:35:49,949 That's out of Wait Until Dark. 831 00:35:49,951 --> 00:35:51,249 We can't rip off two successful plays like that. 832 00:35:51,251 --> 00:35:51,984 It's not a rip off. 833 00:35:51,986 --> 00:35:53,318 It's an homage. 834 00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:54,152 An homage? 835 00:35:54,154 --> 00:35:56,354 Yes. 836 00:35:56,356 --> 00:35:58,591 And besides, Deathtrap had a psychic. 837 00:35:58,593 --> 00:36:00,626 And Wait Until Dark had a blind woman. 838 00:36:00,628 --> 00:36:02,795 But neither of those had a blind psychic. 839 00:36:02,797 --> 00:36:03,395 OK. 840 00:36:03,397 --> 00:36:05,698 It's an homage. 841 00:36:05,700 --> 00:36:06,799 But let's make her French and not a psychic. 842 00:36:06,801 --> 00:36:08,134 All right. 843 00:36:08,136 --> 00:36:10,335 I am Marie Clement de la France. 844 00:36:10,337 --> 00:36:13,105 I am blind and I am a medium. 845 00:36:13,107 --> 00:36:14,874 A medium? 846 00:36:14,876 --> 00:36:17,143 You mean a psychic, like in Deathtrap? 847 00:36:17,145 --> 00:36:19,277 No, not at all like that play. 848 00:36:19,279 --> 00:36:21,446 No. 849 00:36:21,448 --> 00:36:22,347 I cannot read mind or see the future. 850 00:36:22,349 --> 00:36:24,282 See, guys? 851 00:36:24,284 --> 00:36:25,084 Shit ain't nothing like Deathtrap. 852 00:36:25,086 --> 00:36:28,253 But I can tell the past. 853 00:36:28,255 --> 00:36:31,590 Also not like The Dead Zone. 854 00:36:31,592 --> 00:36:33,425 Won't you sit down, Ms. Clement? 855 00:36:33,427 --> 00:36:35,528 Merci beaucoup. 856 00:36:35,530 --> 00:36:36,829 Oh, um. 857 00:36:36,831 --> 00:36:38,229 It's just to your right. 858 00:36:38,231 --> 00:36:38,998 Oh, no. 859 00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:40,298 Sorry. 860 00:36:40,300 --> 00:36:40,231 Can you help her, please? 861 00:36:40,233 --> 00:36:41,000 Mhm. 862 00:36:41,002 --> 00:36:41,934 Here. 863 00:36:41,936 --> 00:36:42,835 Just-- right. 864 00:36:42,837 --> 00:36:43,169 No. 865 00:36:43,171 --> 00:36:43,869 No. 866 00:36:43,871 --> 00:36:44,235 Oh gosh. 867 00:36:44,237 --> 00:36:44,937 Almost. 868 00:36:44,939 --> 00:36:45,638 Almost. 869 00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:46,237 Can you-- 870 00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:46,839 Are you OK? 871 00:36:48,943 --> 00:36:51,043 Sorry. 872 00:36:51,045 --> 00:36:51,844 You're finding it. 873 00:36:51,846 --> 00:36:53,211 Almost. 874 00:36:53,213 --> 00:36:53,244 You just need to do a 180. 875 00:36:53,246 --> 00:36:53,614 OK. 876 00:36:58,452 --> 00:36:59,819 Oh, goodness. 877 00:36:59,821 --> 00:37:00,285 Here. 878 00:37:00,287 --> 00:37:00,886 Take my-- 879 00:37:01,823 --> 00:37:02,188 OK. 880 00:37:02,190 --> 00:37:02,988 Just-- 881 00:37:02,990 --> 00:37:03,254 Here. 882 00:37:03,256 --> 00:37:04,355 OK. 883 00:37:04,357 --> 00:37:06,058 Now, easy does it. 884 00:37:06,060 --> 00:37:06,291 Easy does it. 885 00:37:06,293 --> 00:37:06,959 Voila. 886 00:37:06,961 --> 00:37:07,325 Yay. 887 00:37:07,327 --> 00:37:10,996 Voila. 888 00:37:10,998 --> 00:37:15,266 So you say you have the uncanny ability to see the past? 889 00:37:17,004 --> 00:37:19,038 Indeed I do. 890 00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:22,808 Excuse me, but don't we all have that ability? 891 00:37:22,810 --> 00:37:24,176 Uh, pardon me, but don't we all have that ability? 892 00:37:24,178 --> 00:37:25,611 No. 893 00:37:25,613 --> 00:37:27,278 own past. 894 00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:28,246 Everybody can. 895 00:37:28,248 --> 00:37:30,683 No one care. 896 00:37:30,685 --> 00:37:33,085 But with this power I have, which I did not ask for, 897 00:37:33,087 --> 00:37:36,021 I merely need to be in the presence of a person 898 00:37:36,023 --> 00:37:37,890 and I immediately see their whole life, 899 00:37:37,892 --> 00:37:40,559 like a movie or a play. 900 00:37:40,561 --> 00:37:42,895 Again, not like The Dead Zone. 901 00:37:42,897 --> 00:37:45,931 It is quite formidable. 902 00:37:45,933 --> 00:37:48,134 And you say that's why you've come here this evening? 903 00:37:48,136 --> 00:37:49,001 Oui. 904 00:37:49,003 --> 00:37:50,335 Quite so. 905 00:37:50,337 --> 00:37:52,238 But that is not the only reason. 906 00:37:52,240 --> 00:37:54,272 I have been summoned. 907 00:37:54,274 --> 00:37:55,207 Summoned? 908 00:37:55,209 --> 00:37:57,475 By whom? 909 00:37:57,477 --> 00:37:58,376 The dead. 910 00:38:03,117 --> 00:38:03,785 The lights are flickering, yes? 911 00:38:06,821 --> 00:38:07,452 The dead? 912 00:38:13,561 --> 00:38:15,094 Well, that's just a bit far-fetched. 913 00:38:15,096 --> 00:38:16,262 Wouldn't you say, Ms. Clement? 914 00:38:16,264 --> 00:38:16,996 No. 915 00:38:16,998 --> 00:38:18,164 No. 916 00:38:18,166 --> 00:38:19,064 It's quite fetched. 917 00:38:19,066 --> 00:38:21,399 Is that the correct usage? 918 00:38:21,401 --> 00:38:22,400 My English is not so well. 919 00:38:22,402 --> 00:38:23,135 No. 920 00:38:23,137 --> 00:38:24,570 It's OK. 921 00:38:24,572 --> 00:38:26,205 But let me get this straight. 922 00:38:26,207 --> 00:38:28,541 You're saying you communicate with the dead? 923 00:38:32,747 --> 00:38:33,779 Of course. 924 00:38:33,781 --> 00:38:36,816 I am a medium, after all. 925 00:38:36,818 --> 00:38:38,951 But I not only communicate with the departed. 926 00:38:38,953 --> 00:38:40,553 I bring them-- 927 00:38:40,555 --> 00:38:42,788 Fascinating, Ms. Clement. 928 00:38:42,790 --> 00:38:44,523 But what does any of that have to do with me? 929 00:38:44,525 --> 00:38:45,791 I don't even-- 930 00:38:45,793 --> 00:38:46,694 May I have your hand, Bridgette? 931 00:38:49,797 --> 00:38:50,930 How did you know my name? 932 00:38:50,932 --> 00:38:52,965 You're hand. 933 00:38:52,967 --> 00:38:53,833 Oh. 934 00:38:53,835 --> 00:38:56,135 It's here. 935 00:38:58,405 --> 00:39:00,039 What is it? 936 00:39:00,041 --> 00:39:03,175 Ma cher, I see everything clearly. 937 00:39:03,177 --> 00:39:04,710 What do you see? 938 00:39:04,712 --> 00:39:06,846 It is what I do not see. 939 00:39:06,848 --> 00:39:08,047 What is that? 940 00:39:08,049 --> 00:39:09,515 I do not see a penis. 941 00:39:09,517 --> 00:39:10,381 Say what? 942 00:39:10,383 --> 00:39:11,283 A penis. 943 00:39:11,285 --> 00:39:13,018 No? 944 00:39:13,020 --> 00:39:15,254 I do not see a penis. 945 00:39:15,256 --> 00:39:17,422 A penis? 946 00:39:17,424 --> 00:39:18,356 What the hell is that? 947 00:39:18,358 --> 00:39:20,726 It's happiness. 948 00:39:20,728 --> 00:39:23,729 It just sounds like "a penis," because she's French. 949 00:39:23,731 --> 00:39:26,966 But the audience is going to think she's saying "a penis." 950 00:39:26,968 --> 00:39:28,868 You think so? 951 00:39:28,870 --> 00:39:29,869 A penis. 952 00:39:31,305 --> 00:39:32,271 A penis. 953 00:39:33,774 --> 00:39:35,473 A penis. 954 00:39:35,475 --> 00:39:36,242 Maybe you're right. 955 00:39:36,244 --> 00:39:39,111 I'll add this. 956 00:39:39,113 --> 00:39:43,481 I do not see much happiness in your life. 957 00:39:43,483 --> 00:39:45,251 She's trying to say "happiness." 958 00:39:45,253 --> 00:39:46,252 Oui. 959 00:39:46,254 --> 00:39:47,853 Happiness. 960 00:39:47,855 --> 00:39:48,821 I thought she was saying-- 961 00:39:48,823 --> 00:39:50,756 No. 962 00:39:50,758 --> 00:39:52,324 We know what we thought she was saying. 963 00:39:52,326 --> 00:39:54,994 Bridgette, there is so much sadness in your life. 964 00:39:54,996 --> 00:39:55,493 Your father-- 965 00:39:55,495 --> 00:39:58,898 Please. 966 00:39:58,900 --> 00:40:01,767 I don't want to discuss my father. 967 00:40:01,769 --> 00:40:03,569 There's something really wrong here. 968 00:40:03,571 --> 00:40:04,435 You don't like where the story's going? 969 00:40:04,437 --> 00:40:05,403 No. 970 00:40:05,405 --> 00:40:06,404 It's not that. 971 00:40:06,406 --> 00:40:07,773 It's the characters. 972 00:40:07,775 --> 00:40:08,874 They have no inner lives. 973 00:40:08,876 --> 00:40:11,277 We don't really care about them. 974 00:40:11,279 --> 00:40:12,443 They're just pieces we're moving around on a chessboard. 975 00:40:12,445 --> 00:40:14,546 You're right. 976 00:40:14,548 --> 00:40:16,282 There's nobody to care about in this movie-- 977 00:40:16,284 --> 00:40:18,150 play, play. 978 00:40:18,152 --> 00:40:19,818 We need a moment, a glimpse into the soul, 979 00:40:19,820 --> 00:40:21,954 of one of the characters. 980 00:40:21,956 --> 00:40:22,922 Marie? 981 00:40:22,924 --> 00:40:24,156 Why Marie? 982 00:40:24,158 --> 00:40:25,724 Well, she's interesting. 983 00:40:25,726 --> 00:40:27,425 She's a blind, French, psychic. 984 00:40:27,427 --> 00:40:28,227 That's the problem. 985 00:40:28,229 --> 00:40:30,396 She's too interesting. 986 00:40:30,398 --> 00:40:32,564 Well, Cooper? 987 00:40:32,566 --> 00:40:33,599 We want to keep him sort of enigmatic. 988 00:40:33,601 --> 00:40:34,633 Don't we? 989 00:40:34,635 --> 00:40:35,868 You're right. 990 00:40:35,870 --> 00:40:38,537 That just leave Bridgette. 991 00:40:38,539 --> 00:40:39,705 I think I've got a way to go with her. 992 00:40:39,707 --> 00:40:42,741 Oh, a wise guy, eh? 993 00:40:42,743 --> 00:40:44,810 Well, be my guest. 994 00:40:44,812 --> 00:40:45,913 I think this will do it. 995 00:40:51,285 --> 00:40:53,519 You say you do not want to talk about your life, 996 00:40:53,521 --> 00:40:56,922 but what else have we but our lives? 997 00:40:56,924 --> 00:41:01,827 I don't want to talk about my life, because it's too painful. 998 00:41:01,829 --> 00:41:06,565 You say you do not see much happiness in my life? 999 00:41:06,567 --> 00:41:08,634 That's true. 1000 00:41:08,636 --> 00:41:12,271 Also, no love. 1001 00:41:12,273 --> 00:41:15,607 That's not exactly true. 1002 00:41:15,609 --> 00:41:26,852 I was in love once, with a boy named Eduardo, Eduardo Gomez 1003 00:41:26,854 --> 00:41:31,023 Alfonso de la Guapa. 1004 00:41:31,025 --> 00:41:35,527 My father did everything he could to break us up. 1005 00:41:35,529 --> 00:41:36,195 I'm sorry. 1006 00:41:36,197 --> 00:41:37,162 Why is that? 1007 00:41:45,272 --> 00:41:49,908 Alfonso was dark complected. 1008 00:41:49,910 --> 00:41:53,912 Even in these enlightened times of post-racial America, 1009 00:41:53,914 --> 00:41:58,884 my father was hateful. 1010 00:41:58,886 --> 00:42:06,158 He systematically destroyed our love, had Eduardo deported, 1011 00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:11,663 and forced me to have a late-term abortion. 1012 00:42:11,665 --> 00:42:17,970 Afterward, I hated my father with a passion. 1013 00:42:17,972 --> 00:42:22,941 My mother insisted that my father had acted out of love. 1014 00:42:22,943 --> 00:42:27,846 But I saw no love in his actions. 1015 00:42:27,848 --> 00:42:31,917 I, determined to spend the rest of my life 1016 00:42:31,919 --> 00:42:38,257 defying his authority, flaunting his prejudices, 1017 00:42:38,259 --> 00:42:42,428 I had many public affairs. 1018 00:42:42,430 --> 00:42:49,368 Black men, Brown men, even women. 1019 00:42:49,370 --> 00:42:53,806 You should've seen my father froth at the mouth 1020 00:42:53,808 --> 00:42:58,377 at the idea of his poor sweet little daughter 1021 00:42:58,379 --> 00:42:59,146 becoming a lesbian. 1022 00:43:02,917 --> 00:43:06,685 That was the final straw. 1023 00:43:06,687 --> 00:43:12,191 He threw me out and disinherited me. 1024 00:43:12,193 --> 00:43:15,260 I swore revenge. 1025 00:43:15,262 --> 00:43:20,599 And nothing can stand in my way, no code of morals or ethics 1026 00:43:20,601 --> 00:43:22,569 or laws. 1027 00:43:22,571 --> 00:43:24,770 I'm my own. 1028 00:43:24,772 --> 00:43:29,808 I own me. 1029 00:43:29,810 --> 00:43:30,377 And scene. 1030 00:43:41,155 --> 00:43:42,187 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 1031 00:43:42,189 --> 00:43:43,388 She's a racist? 1032 00:43:43,390 --> 00:43:44,857 No, but her father is. 1033 00:43:44,859 --> 00:43:46,792 And she's trying to get back at him. 1034 00:43:46,794 --> 00:43:49,928 I hate it. 1035 00:43:49,930 --> 00:43:52,931 It is a little overblown with the Judy Garland spot. 1036 00:43:52,933 --> 00:43:55,300 I just don't think we need it. 1037 00:43:55,302 --> 00:43:57,102 I mean, why do we care about her past? 1038 00:43:57,104 --> 00:43:58,737 We know she's a psychopath. 1039 00:43:58,739 --> 00:44:00,105 That's all we need to know about her. 1040 00:44:00,107 --> 00:44:00,607 OK. 1041 00:44:00,609 --> 00:44:01,306 Cut it. 1042 00:44:01,308 --> 00:44:04,176 It's cut. 1043 00:44:04,178 --> 00:44:09,214 Now, let's up the stakes here. 1044 00:44:09,216 --> 00:44:10,983 So you say you were summoned here by dead people? 1045 00:44:10,985 --> 00:44:12,384 Oui. 1046 00:44:12,386 --> 00:44:15,721 But it was very confusion. 1047 00:44:15,723 --> 00:44:19,691 I was summoned by a poulet. 1048 00:44:19,693 --> 00:44:21,793 Oh, no. 1049 00:44:21,795 --> 00:44:24,531 A poulet? 1050 00:44:24,533 --> 00:44:26,265 You mean a chicken? 1051 00:44:26,267 --> 00:44:27,366 Oui. 1052 00:44:27,368 --> 00:44:29,636 But not a chicken. 1053 00:44:29,638 --> 00:44:31,336 It was very, very confusion. 1054 00:44:31,338 --> 00:44:32,572 Yes. 1055 00:44:32,574 --> 00:44:35,874 It is very confusion. 1056 00:44:35,876 --> 00:44:37,776 Could you give us just a moment, please? 1057 00:44:37,778 --> 00:44:39,311 But of course. 1058 00:44:39,313 --> 00:44:40,746 Not a problem. 1059 00:44:40,748 --> 00:44:40,948 Oh. 1060 00:44:44,553 --> 00:44:47,152 I sense you have some champagne. 1061 00:44:47,154 --> 00:44:49,421 Oh, yes. 1062 00:44:49,423 --> 00:44:50,889 Should I-- 1063 00:44:50,891 --> 00:44:51,924 No, no, no. 1064 00:44:51,926 --> 00:44:53,325 It will speak to me. 1065 00:44:53,327 --> 00:44:57,062 I am a medium. 1066 00:44:57,064 --> 00:44:59,266 Bring some spirits back from the dead, including alcohol. 1067 00:45:03,638 --> 00:45:05,003 We have to get rid of her. 1068 00:45:05,005 --> 00:45:06,972 What can she know? 1069 00:45:06,974 --> 00:45:09,808 She knows about the chicken suit. 1070 00:45:09,810 --> 00:45:11,810 I want to find out what else she knows. 1071 00:45:11,812 --> 00:45:15,781 You play a very dangerous game, Bridgette. 1072 00:45:15,783 --> 00:45:18,551 Haven't you figured me out yet? 1073 00:45:18,553 --> 00:45:22,555 Danger is my middle name. 1074 00:45:22,557 --> 00:45:24,456 Sure thing. 1075 00:45:24,458 --> 00:45:26,825 But what about me? 1076 00:45:26,827 --> 00:45:28,227 I don't know your middle name. 1077 00:45:28,229 --> 00:45:29,161 Shirley. 1078 00:45:29,163 --> 00:45:30,495 Shirley? 1079 00:45:30,497 --> 00:45:30,998 William Goldberg III, yes. 1080 00:45:34,168 --> 00:45:35,535 Shirley. 1081 00:45:35,537 --> 00:45:37,469 I'm curious, Ms. Clement. 1082 00:45:37,471 --> 00:45:39,505 No, it's not two. 1083 00:45:39,507 --> 00:45:40,607 Um. 1084 00:45:40,609 --> 00:45:42,642 Marie, please. 1085 00:45:42,644 --> 00:45:44,142 I am not so formal. 1086 00:45:44,144 --> 00:45:46,211 Oui. 1087 00:45:46,213 --> 00:45:48,113 Marie, then. 1088 00:45:48,115 --> 00:45:52,084 How exactly do the dead communicate with you? 1089 00:45:52,086 --> 00:45:53,653 It is very interesting. 1090 00:45:53,655 --> 00:45:56,088 I get a cryptic-- 1091 00:45:56,090 --> 00:45:57,422 is that the word? 1092 00:45:57,424 --> 00:45:59,925 --a cryptic message. 1093 00:45:59,927 --> 00:46:05,197 A word, a phrase, like a text message in my mind. 1094 00:46:05,199 --> 00:46:08,934 So the dead text message you? 1095 00:46:08,936 --> 00:46:12,404 Yes, like a text, but not exactly. 1096 00:46:12,406 --> 00:46:14,439 Then, they tell me where to go and it must have the seance. 1097 00:46:14,441 --> 00:46:15,675 A seance? 1098 00:46:15,677 --> 00:46:16,743 Is that necessary? 1099 00:46:16,745 --> 00:46:17,776 Mademoiselle Bridgette. 1100 00:46:17,778 --> 00:46:18,977 Yes? 1101 00:46:18,979 --> 00:46:21,480 Yes, I am talking to you. 1102 00:46:21,482 --> 00:46:23,650 There is a departed soul who wishes to communicate with you. 1103 00:46:23,652 --> 00:46:26,552 It is tres, tres necessary. 1104 00:46:26,554 --> 00:46:28,521 Well, then, let's have a seance. 1105 00:46:30,024 --> 00:46:31,691 Bridgette. 1106 00:46:31,693 --> 00:46:33,859 What's the worst that can happen? 1107 00:46:33,861 --> 00:46:35,695 Either nothing or some disembodied spirit 1108 00:46:35,697 --> 00:46:39,131 raps on a table? 1109 00:46:39,133 --> 00:46:42,901 I must warn you, I'm not like the other medium. 1110 00:46:42,903 --> 00:46:46,471 Not only can I summon the souls of the departed, I summon-- 1111 00:46:46,473 --> 00:46:47,740 Whatever. 1112 00:46:47,742 --> 00:46:50,475 Sounds like fun. 1113 00:46:50,477 --> 00:46:51,644 Fuck it. 1114 00:46:51,646 --> 00:46:52,277 Let's have some fun. 1115 00:46:54,348 --> 00:46:56,348 I think this is where the intermission should go. 1116 00:46:56,350 --> 00:46:58,016 Intermission? 1117 00:46:58,018 --> 00:46:59,084 What do we need an intermission for? 1118 00:46:59,086 --> 00:47:00,620 Movies don't have intermissions? 1119 00:47:00,622 --> 00:47:01,688 Well, they used to. 1120 00:47:01,690 --> 00:47:03,021 I remember seeing Ben-Hur. 1121 00:47:03,023 --> 00:47:04,389 They had a long intermission. 1122 00:47:04,391 --> 00:47:06,491 Well, yeah. 1123 00:47:06,493 --> 00:47:08,460 For one thing, Ben-Hur was, like, four hours long. 1124 00:47:08,462 --> 00:47:11,196 And for another thing, no movies have intermissions anymore. 1125 00:47:11,198 --> 00:47:13,065 This is not a movie. 1126 00:47:13,067 --> 00:47:14,701 And theatergoers expect an intermission. 1127 00:47:14,703 --> 00:47:16,335 I hate intermissions. 1128 00:47:16,337 --> 00:47:18,437 I mean, why give the audience the chance 1129 00:47:18,439 --> 00:47:21,039 to go out and discuss the play at the halfway point? 1130 00:47:21,041 --> 00:47:23,041 What if someone's like really enjoying the play 1131 00:47:23,043 --> 00:47:24,644 and they overhear somebody else saying, 1132 00:47:24,646 --> 00:47:26,378 gee, this plays sucks, and it changes their attitude 1133 00:47:26,380 --> 00:47:27,446 entirely? 1134 00:47:27,448 --> 00:47:29,047 That never happens. 1135 00:47:29,049 --> 00:47:31,216 Besides maybe the reverse can happen. 1136 00:47:31,218 --> 00:47:33,051 Somebody could think the play sucks, go out in the lobby, 1137 00:47:33,053 --> 00:47:35,555 hear someone else raving about it, and say, 1138 00:47:35,557 --> 00:47:39,191 I must've missed something that guy obviously appreciates. 1139 00:47:39,193 --> 00:47:40,760 Besides, what about the women who have to pee? 1140 00:47:40,762 --> 00:47:43,228 Men have to pee too. 1141 00:47:43,230 --> 00:47:45,832 Have you ever seen the line outside the restroom 1142 00:47:45,834 --> 00:47:47,466 during the intermission of a play? 1143 00:47:47,468 --> 00:47:49,468 The women are lined up from here to Zanzibar. 1144 00:47:49,470 --> 00:47:51,537 The men go in, unzip, pee, and they're out again 1145 00:47:51,539 --> 00:47:53,706 in 10 seconds. 1146 00:47:53,708 --> 00:47:55,207 Nobody ever leaves in the middle of a movie to pee. 1147 00:47:55,209 --> 00:47:56,743 This isn't a movie. 1148 00:47:56,745 --> 00:47:59,010 It's a play. 1149 00:47:59,012 --> 00:48:00,979 Besides, the little black box theaters 1150 00:48:00,981 --> 00:48:03,248 need time to sell their drinks and snacks. 1151 00:48:03,250 --> 00:48:05,117 Oh, yes. 1152 00:48:05,119 --> 00:48:08,153 The old $1 worth of white wine for $8. 1153 00:48:08,155 --> 00:48:10,155 What a value. 1154 00:48:10,157 --> 00:48:11,356 They need to make their money somewhere. 1155 00:48:11,358 --> 00:48:12,725 They're not making it at the box office. 1156 00:48:12,727 --> 00:48:13,793 All right. 1157 00:48:13,795 --> 00:48:14,259 You made your point. 1158 00:48:14,261 --> 00:48:15,728 OK. 1159 00:48:15,730 --> 00:48:18,063 We'll put the intermission here. 1160 00:48:18,065 --> 00:48:20,533 Now, for some reason, I have to pee. 1161 00:48:31,145 --> 00:48:32,645 Ladies and gentlemen, that concludes the first act 1162 00:48:32,647 --> 00:48:34,814 of our performance. 1163 00:48:34,816 --> 00:48:36,582 Please feel free to enjoy some refreshments in the lobby. 1164 00:48:36,584 --> 00:48:37,916 And when the lights flicker, make your way 1165 00:48:37,918 --> 00:48:38,618 back to your seats. 1166 00:48:51,465 --> 00:48:53,432 Ah, fuck it. 1167 00:48:53,434 --> 00:48:54,734 This play is too short for an intermission. 1168 00:48:54,736 --> 00:48:55,967 You're right. 1169 00:48:55,969 --> 00:48:56,569 Let's go right into act two. 1170 00:48:56,571 --> 00:48:57,637 All right. 1171 00:48:57,639 --> 00:48:59,971 OK, ball, you are ready? 1172 00:49:15,723 --> 00:49:18,490 The axis on planets must flip. 1173 00:49:21,596 --> 00:49:22,562 No, no, no. 1174 00:49:22,564 --> 00:49:23,729 Just the tip. 1175 00:49:23,731 --> 00:49:24,597 What does all that mean? 1176 00:49:24,599 --> 00:49:26,632 Shh. 1177 00:49:26,634 --> 00:49:29,267 You must remain silent during the incantation. 1178 00:49:29,269 --> 00:49:31,537 The spirits are very restless tonight. 1179 00:49:31,539 --> 00:49:32,971 Sorry. 1180 00:49:32,973 --> 00:49:34,607 This is my first seance. 1181 00:49:35,777 --> 00:49:38,310 No, no. 1182 00:49:38,312 --> 00:49:40,479 You must not touch the summoning candle. 1183 00:49:40,481 --> 00:49:42,849 It must remain lit for the duration. 1184 00:50:13,848 --> 00:50:16,816 Bridgette? 1185 00:50:16,818 --> 00:50:19,619 Bridgette. 1186 00:50:19,621 --> 00:50:21,152 Oh God. 1187 00:50:21,154 --> 00:50:23,823 That's Nancy Babcock's voice. 1188 00:50:23,825 --> 00:50:25,625 Oh, good Lord. 1189 00:50:25,627 --> 00:50:26,926 I only ever heard her screaming in pain. 1190 00:50:26,928 --> 00:50:28,159 I mean-- 1191 00:50:28,161 --> 00:50:28,462 It doesn't matter. 1192 00:50:32,099 --> 00:50:35,835 Marie has checked out. 1193 00:50:35,837 --> 00:50:38,336 Shit. 1194 00:50:38,338 --> 00:50:43,776 Bridgette, don't you want any more of my cookies? 1195 00:50:43,778 --> 00:50:45,210 No, I don't. 1196 00:50:45,212 --> 00:50:48,581 I never liked your cookies. 1197 00:50:48,583 --> 00:50:50,583 Whore. 1198 00:50:50,585 --> 00:50:55,988 You there, boy, what did I ever do to harm you? 1199 00:50:55,990 --> 00:50:56,989 Nothing, actually. 1200 00:50:56,991 --> 00:50:58,290 Nothing at all. 1201 00:50:58,292 --> 00:51:01,059 Then, why did you send me here? 1202 00:51:01,061 --> 00:51:05,163 It's so cold and damp. 1203 00:51:05,165 --> 00:51:07,700 I'm so sorry. 1204 00:51:07,702 --> 00:51:10,603 You know, if I could do it all over again-- 1205 00:51:10,605 --> 00:51:13,271 Yes? 1206 00:51:13,273 --> 00:51:14,740 I'd still kill you. 1207 00:51:14,742 --> 00:51:17,108 Just being honest. 1208 00:51:17,110 --> 00:51:17,679 I do love that about you. 1209 00:51:22,149 --> 00:51:24,917 Who the fuck ruined my roses? 1210 00:51:24,919 --> 00:51:27,520 David? 1211 00:51:27,522 --> 00:51:31,356 I tended those roses for 30 years. 1212 00:51:31,358 --> 00:51:33,926 And now, I'm fertilizer for them. 1213 00:51:33,928 --> 00:51:35,193 Hey, come on. 1214 00:51:35,195 --> 00:51:36,261 I put a lot of effort into that. 1215 00:51:36,263 --> 00:51:37,128 I was trying to be thoughtful. 1216 00:51:37,130 --> 00:51:38,664 Thoughtful? 1217 00:51:38,666 --> 00:51:40,967 You buried me with that shrew I've 1218 00:51:40,969 --> 00:51:44,070 been stuck with since I was 23. 1219 00:51:44,072 --> 00:51:46,438 Shut up, you old fart. 1220 00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:47,675 Oh, get your fat ass back in the kitchen. 1221 00:51:51,980 --> 00:51:53,913 I always thought of them as a particularly loving couple. 1222 00:51:53,915 --> 00:51:55,581 Yeah. 1223 00:51:55,583 --> 00:51:57,550 They seemed so compatible the way 1224 00:51:57,552 --> 00:52:00,720 they screamed each other's names when they died. 1225 00:52:00,722 --> 00:52:03,689 You just can't tell what goes on behind closed doors. 1226 00:52:03,691 --> 00:52:05,423 It's true. 1227 00:52:05,425 --> 00:52:05,560 Who knows what they're really up to? 1228 00:52:08,997 --> 00:52:11,030 They are gone. 1229 00:52:11,032 --> 00:52:13,465 Of course, I remember nothing. 1230 00:52:13,467 --> 00:52:14,834 Did you get a message? 1231 00:52:14,836 --> 00:52:17,302 Oh, not really. 1232 00:52:17,304 --> 00:52:20,171 Just some old neighbors dropping by. 1233 00:52:20,173 --> 00:52:22,775 That is very strange. 1234 00:52:22,777 --> 00:52:26,846 There was a very powerful and angry spirit which summoned me. 1235 00:52:26,848 --> 00:52:28,080 OK. 1236 00:52:28,082 --> 00:52:28,814 Well, we try again, huh? 1237 00:52:28,816 --> 00:52:29,115 Oh, please. 1238 00:52:29,117 --> 00:52:31,416 No. 1239 00:52:31,418 --> 00:52:32,217 You don't need to go to any more trouble. 1240 00:52:32,219 --> 00:52:34,185 It's been very interesting. 1241 00:52:34,187 --> 00:52:35,387 But enough is enough. 1242 00:52:47,835 --> 00:52:49,635 Milo? 1243 00:52:49,637 --> 00:52:51,070 You said you didn't kill him. 1244 00:52:51,072 --> 00:52:51,771 I know. 1245 00:52:51,773 --> 00:52:53,773 I know. 1246 00:52:53,775 --> 00:52:55,808 He looked so sad without the food and water he-- 1247 00:52:55,810 --> 00:52:57,743 and he also started to eat David's eyeball. 1248 00:52:57,745 --> 00:52:59,210 Oh. 1249 00:52:59,212 --> 00:53:01,246 I know. 1250 00:53:01,248 --> 00:53:02,915 It's like in less than half a day, 1251 00:53:02,917 --> 00:53:04,917 a dog can go from loving the shit out of you 1252 00:53:04,919 --> 00:53:09,021 to eating your eyeball out of your dead corpse. 1253 00:53:13,094 --> 00:53:15,594 Finally. 1254 00:53:15,596 --> 00:53:17,630 I've been trying to reach you guys for 20 minutes. 1255 00:53:17,632 --> 00:53:19,165 But the only thing I'm getting from this French lunatic 1256 00:53:19,167 --> 00:53:20,099 is a busy signal. 1257 00:53:20,101 --> 00:53:21,967 Blain? 1258 00:53:21,969 --> 00:53:23,035 Yes, Blain. 1259 00:53:23,037 --> 00:53:23,769 Who'd you think it was? 1260 00:53:23,771 --> 00:53:25,738 Elvis? 1261 00:53:25,740 --> 00:53:27,606 Do you have any idea how frustrating it is 1262 00:53:27,608 --> 00:53:30,442 to be on hold when you're dead? 1263 00:53:30,444 --> 00:53:34,013 Coop, I am very disappointed in you. 1264 00:53:34,015 --> 00:53:36,281 I didn't know she was going to shoot you. 1265 00:53:36,283 --> 00:53:38,117 You didn't seem to give a fuck that she did. 1266 00:53:38,119 --> 00:53:39,051 Hey. 1267 00:53:39,053 --> 00:53:40,186 You know me. 1268 00:53:40,188 --> 00:53:42,855 I go with the flow. 1269 00:53:42,857 --> 00:53:44,056 Hey. 1270 00:53:44,058 --> 00:53:44,957 You wanted to kill me. 1271 00:53:44,959 --> 00:53:46,291 Remember? 1272 00:53:46,293 --> 00:53:48,160 In a particularly bloody way. 1273 00:53:48,162 --> 00:53:50,196 But I didn't. 1274 00:53:50,198 --> 00:53:51,396 There's a difference between wanting to commit murder 1275 00:53:51,398 --> 00:53:54,466 and murdering someone. 1276 00:53:54,468 --> 00:53:57,603 Apparently, you didn't know that. 1277 00:53:57,605 --> 00:53:59,505 And now, you're going to have to face-- 1278 00:53:59,507 --> 00:54:01,173 --the consequences. 1279 00:54:01,175 --> 00:54:03,542 Consequences. 1280 00:54:03,544 --> 00:54:05,177 What consequences? 1281 00:54:05,179 --> 00:54:06,879 You're just a ghost. 1282 00:54:06,881 --> 00:54:08,681 Am I? 1283 00:54:08,683 --> 00:54:10,850 Marie here's been trying to tell you 1284 00:54:10,852 --> 00:54:12,350 that she isn't just any old French, blind, psychic medium. 1285 00:54:12,352 --> 00:54:13,919 No, no, no. 1286 00:54:13,921 --> 00:54:16,454 She does much, much more than that. 1287 00:54:16,456 --> 00:54:17,957 See that candle over there? 1288 00:54:17,959 --> 00:54:19,992 Yeah. 1289 00:54:19,994 --> 00:54:22,561 That's an ancient Egyptian summoning candle. 1290 00:54:22,563 --> 00:54:25,296 It was used by Isis, not that ISIS, 1291 00:54:25,298 --> 00:54:27,800 to raise Osiris from the dead. 1292 00:54:27,802 --> 00:54:30,401 Not only does Marie summon the soul 1293 00:54:30,403 --> 00:54:32,470 of the departed, she summons-- 1294 00:54:32,472 --> 00:54:34,173 - The body. 1295 00:54:43,184 --> 00:54:44,116 Hey. 1296 00:54:44,118 --> 00:54:46,185 I'm back. 1297 00:54:46,187 --> 00:54:47,452 Great to be back. 1298 00:54:47,454 --> 00:54:48,621 I'm just, you know, dead. 1299 00:54:48,623 --> 00:54:51,924 Ah. 1300 00:54:51,926 --> 00:54:54,627 You remember what a really, really bad hangover feels like? 1301 00:54:54,629 --> 00:54:56,427 Yeah, well, this kind of feels like that 1302 00:54:56,429 --> 00:55:00,298 plus the overwhelming desire to eat brains. 1303 00:55:00,300 --> 00:55:01,667 What kind of zombie are you? 1304 00:55:01,669 --> 00:55:03,202 Huh? 1305 00:55:03,204 --> 00:55:05,070 Zombies don't talk. 1306 00:55:05,072 --> 00:55:06,839 What? 1307 00:55:06,841 --> 00:55:08,473 Everything you know about zombies 1308 00:55:08,475 --> 00:55:09,742 you know from the movies. 1309 00:55:09,744 --> 00:55:11,911 That doesn't make them true. 1310 00:55:11,913 --> 00:55:14,647 Those movies don't get anything right. 1311 00:55:14,649 --> 00:55:15,981 What about the brains thing? 1312 00:55:15,983 --> 00:55:18,150 Nah, I made that up. 1313 00:55:18,152 --> 00:55:19,652 I mean, what possible good could eating brains do? 1314 00:55:19,654 --> 00:55:21,352 Really, think about it. 1315 00:55:21,354 --> 00:55:23,222 No. 1316 00:55:23,224 --> 00:55:24,924 I just want to kill you. 1317 00:55:24,926 --> 00:55:26,326 And there's nothing you can do about it. 1318 00:55:29,197 --> 00:55:30,563 Zombie? 1319 00:55:30,565 --> 00:55:31,396 Are you kidding me? 1320 00:55:31,398 --> 00:55:32,330 What? 1321 00:55:32,332 --> 00:55:33,032 Zombies are hot. 1322 00:55:33,034 --> 00:55:34,867 Hot? 1323 00:55:34,869 --> 00:55:36,467 There are five million zombie movies. 1324 00:55:36,469 --> 00:55:39,004 There's The Walking Dead and 28 Days Later 1325 00:55:39,006 --> 00:55:42,473 and Zombieland and Shaun of the Dead and Night 1326 00:55:42,475 --> 00:55:45,177 of the Living Dead and Return of the Living Dead and Dawn 1327 00:55:45,179 --> 00:55:47,046 of the Dead and Day of the Dead and Afternoon of the Dead. 1328 00:55:47,048 --> 00:55:47,847 I missed that one. 1329 00:55:47,849 --> 00:55:49,782 Whatever. 1330 00:55:49,784 --> 00:55:51,016 Zombies are played out, finished, over. 1331 00:55:51,018 --> 00:55:53,219 Hardly. 1332 00:55:53,221 --> 00:55:55,486 That's why they keep making new ones every year. 1333 00:55:55,488 --> 00:55:58,356 It's money in the bank, a zombie movie. 1334 00:55:58,358 --> 00:56:01,293 This, in case I haven't made it sufficiently clear, 1335 00:56:01,295 --> 00:56:02,828 is not a movie. 1336 00:56:02,830 --> 00:56:04,096 It's a play. 1337 00:56:04,098 --> 00:56:05,097 Fine. 1338 00:56:05,099 --> 00:56:07,266 It's a zombie play then. 1339 00:56:07,268 --> 00:56:09,568 There certainly aren't too many of those around. 1340 00:56:09,570 --> 00:56:11,971 That's because theatergoers want something 1341 00:56:11,973 --> 00:56:14,506 more than just the regurgitated pap 1342 00:56:14,508 --> 00:56:17,276 they can get any day of the week at their local multiplex. 1343 00:56:17,278 --> 00:56:20,279 Oh, people who go to the theater. 1344 00:56:20,281 --> 00:56:23,414 You really don't like common people, do you? 1345 00:56:23,416 --> 00:56:25,284 What do you mean by that? 1346 00:56:25,286 --> 00:56:27,452 Well, you've turned your nose up at popular culture, 1347 00:56:27,454 --> 00:56:29,255 as if they're stupid. 1348 00:56:29,257 --> 00:56:30,756 What's wrong with a little commercial success? 1349 00:56:30,758 --> 00:56:32,157 You've got it all wrong. 1350 00:56:32,159 --> 00:56:33,726 It's not that I dislike people. 1351 00:56:33,728 --> 00:56:34,793 I just want to give them something 1352 00:56:34,795 --> 00:56:36,262 worthwhile, thought-provoking. 1353 00:56:36,264 --> 00:56:37,129 Oh, really? 1354 00:56:37,131 --> 00:56:38,898 12 people at a time? 1355 00:56:38,900 --> 00:56:41,200 With a movie, you can reach millions. 1356 00:56:41,202 --> 00:56:43,502 You can write a movie on your own time. 1357 00:56:43,504 --> 00:56:46,538 We agreed to write a play. 1358 00:56:46,540 --> 00:56:47,373 All right. 1359 00:56:47,375 --> 00:56:50,242 All right. 1360 00:56:50,244 --> 00:56:53,478 I just want to write a play that could be adapted into a movie. 1361 00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:56,148 Besides, this is only the first draft. 1362 00:56:56,150 --> 00:56:59,385 Why don't we play it out to the end and see how we feel then? 1363 00:56:59,387 --> 00:57:01,954 Whatever. 1364 00:57:01,956 --> 00:57:04,556 I just don't want to keep having the same argument with you. 1365 00:57:04,558 --> 00:57:05,391 Now, where are we? 1366 00:57:05,393 --> 00:57:05,824 All right. 1367 00:57:05,826 --> 00:57:08,193 OK. 1368 00:57:08,195 --> 00:57:10,696 What I have is that the David and Nancy zombies come 1369 00:57:10,698 --> 00:57:11,997 crashing back into the room. 1370 00:57:11,999 --> 00:57:12,765 Two more zombies? 1371 00:57:12,767 --> 00:57:13,666 Are you kidding me? 1372 00:57:13,668 --> 00:57:15,433 We can't have that. 1373 00:57:15,435 --> 00:57:17,102 How are you going to get two actors 1374 00:57:17,104 --> 00:57:20,205 to audition for non-speaking zombie roles in a play? 1375 00:57:20,207 --> 00:57:22,308 Well, you know, in a movie, there are 1376 00:57:22,310 --> 00:57:24,243 thousands of extras lining up. 1377 00:57:24,245 --> 00:57:26,011 Again, that's a movie. 1378 00:57:26,013 --> 00:57:28,547 This is a play. 1379 00:57:28,549 --> 00:57:32,851 How then, are we going to explain that Blain comes back 1380 00:57:32,853 --> 00:57:35,421 as a zombie, but David and Nancy don't? 1381 00:57:35,423 --> 00:57:36,188 I don't know. 1382 00:57:36,190 --> 00:57:37,189 This is so stupid. 1383 00:57:37,992 --> 00:57:38,524 All right. 1384 00:57:38,526 --> 00:57:39,825 I've got. 1385 00:57:39,827 --> 00:57:39,961 I think I've got something. 1386 00:57:44,932 --> 00:57:48,901 Brains. 1387 00:57:48,903 --> 00:57:52,571 David and Nancy are staggering across the lawn, very slowly. 1388 00:57:52,573 --> 00:57:53,973 They're going to take at least 20 minutes. 1389 00:57:53,975 --> 00:57:55,541 Oh, they don't look so good. 1390 00:57:55,543 --> 00:57:58,177 Brains. 1391 00:57:58,179 --> 00:57:58,846 Big brains. 1392 00:58:02,283 --> 00:58:03,649 We have to do something. 1393 00:58:03,651 --> 00:58:06,518 Yes, you have to die. 1394 00:58:06,520 --> 00:58:08,887 But don't worry. 1395 00:58:08,889 --> 00:58:10,589 It's not so bad, once you get past the worms eating 1396 00:58:10,591 --> 00:58:12,624 your flesh. 1397 00:58:12,626 --> 00:58:14,693 The medium, this has all happened because of her. 1398 00:58:14,695 --> 00:58:15,995 You're right. 1399 00:58:15,997 --> 00:58:16,996 We have to snap her out of it. 1400 00:58:16,998 --> 00:58:18,263 You fend off Blain while I try. 1401 00:58:18,265 --> 00:58:19,898 Yes. 1402 00:58:19,900 --> 00:58:21,000 Marie. 1403 00:58:21,002 --> 00:58:23,235 Marie, wake up. 1404 00:58:23,237 --> 00:58:26,138 Marie, you have to wake up. 1405 00:58:26,140 --> 00:58:29,141 Bridgette, I miss you. 1406 00:58:29,143 --> 00:58:32,311 Ay, dios mio. 1407 00:58:32,313 --> 00:58:33,779 Eduardo? 1408 00:58:33,781 --> 00:58:35,214 I miss you, cara mia. 1409 00:58:35,216 --> 00:58:35,616 You're dead? 1410 00:58:39,120 --> 00:58:41,186 It's so hot in here. 1411 00:58:41,188 --> 00:58:42,254 Ay, dios mio. 1412 00:58:43,724 --> 00:58:45,257 You're in hell? 1413 00:58:45,259 --> 00:58:47,826 No, in Ecuador. 1414 00:58:47,828 --> 00:58:49,962 Enough with Eduardo. 1415 00:58:49,964 --> 00:58:51,296 She's just connecting with the dearly departed, 1416 00:58:51,298 --> 00:58:51,699 like the dearly deported. 1417 00:58:57,338 --> 00:59:00,906 Happy birthday to you. 1418 00:59:00,908 --> 00:59:06,612 Happy birthday to you. 1419 00:59:06,614 --> 00:59:13,352 Happy birthday, Mr. President. 1420 00:59:13,354 --> 00:59:17,489 Oh, why do I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop? 1421 00:59:17,491 --> 00:59:21,193 Jack, if you don't call me back, I'm going to take all these-- 1422 00:59:21,195 --> 00:59:22,828 --pills. 1423 00:59:22,830 --> 00:59:24,997 Now, she's Marilyn Monroe. 1424 00:59:24,999 --> 00:59:26,598 Is she buried in the rose garden too? 1425 00:59:26,600 --> 00:59:28,333 No. 1426 00:59:28,335 --> 00:59:30,503 She's just a disembodied spirit. 1427 00:59:30,505 --> 00:59:32,571 Haven't you heard that sometimes happens to suicides? 1428 00:59:32,573 --> 00:59:33,806 Keep going. 1429 00:59:33,808 --> 00:59:34,573 What should I do? 1430 00:59:34,575 --> 00:59:35,207 I don't know. 1431 00:59:35,209 --> 00:59:36,875 But do it fast. 1432 00:59:36,877 --> 00:59:39,011 Chicken Boy's wearing me the fuck out. 1433 00:59:39,013 --> 00:59:40,212 I should've been Freddy Krueger. 1434 00:59:40,214 --> 00:59:41,548 No. 1435 00:59:41,550 --> 00:59:42,214 It's a good chicken suit. 1436 00:59:48,756 --> 00:59:49,290 Sacre bleu. 1437 00:59:55,196 --> 00:59:56,028 Shit. 1438 01:00:01,435 --> 01:00:04,303 You haven't seen the last of me. 1439 01:00:04,305 --> 01:00:06,672 I'll be back. 1440 01:00:09,110 --> 01:00:09,675 Fuck you. 1441 01:00:34,335 --> 01:00:42,474 Bridgette, was it really necessary? 1442 01:00:46,714 --> 01:00:49,648 Apparently. 1443 01:00:49,650 --> 01:00:52,417 This is all insane. 1444 01:00:52,419 --> 01:00:53,252 Yes, it is. 1445 01:00:53,254 --> 01:00:56,455 I know. 1446 01:00:56,457 --> 01:00:57,322 But it's over now. 1447 01:01:13,774 --> 01:01:14,840 Seriously? 1448 01:01:14,842 --> 01:01:16,475 Kung Fu and Karate? 1449 01:01:16,477 --> 01:01:18,744 How are we going to do that? 1450 01:01:18,746 --> 01:01:20,547 We'll use stunt doubles, of course. 1451 01:01:20,549 --> 01:01:21,648 It's a movie. 1452 01:01:21,650 --> 01:01:23,516 No one will ever know. 1453 01:01:23,518 --> 01:01:27,554 It's a fucking play. 1454 01:01:59,720 --> 01:02:02,020 I might be some bloody poultry, but you're no match 1455 01:02:02,022 --> 01:02:05,157 for my Kung Fu stylings. 1456 01:02:05,159 --> 01:02:08,427 Let's go then, Kung Pao chicken. 1457 01:02:21,676 --> 01:02:22,510 Let's go, Cooper. 1458 01:02:29,651 --> 01:02:30,949 How is this happening? 1459 01:02:30,951 --> 01:02:33,151 I killed Marie? 1460 01:02:33,153 --> 01:02:34,587 Must be the fact that the candle's still burning. 1461 01:02:34,589 --> 01:02:35,521 You get to the candle. 1462 01:02:35,523 --> 01:02:36,355 I'll handle chicken boy. 1463 01:02:36,357 --> 01:02:36,755 All right? 1464 01:02:36,757 --> 01:02:36,957 OK. 1465 01:03:16,964 --> 01:03:19,831 We can't afford to choreograph any more. 1466 01:03:19,833 --> 01:03:22,267 Blow the fucking candle out. 1467 01:03:33,648 --> 01:03:33,947 Thank you. 1468 01:03:37,484 --> 01:03:40,052 This is awful. 1469 01:03:40,054 --> 01:03:42,655 Kung Fu zombies? 1470 01:03:42,657 --> 01:03:46,391 Hey, that's a great title. 1471 01:03:46,393 --> 01:03:49,428 I can't believe my name is going to be on this. 1472 01:03:49,430 --> 01:03:50,630 Are you kidding me? 1473 01:03:50,632 --> 01:03:52,364 This is great stuff. 1474 01:03:52,366 --> 01:03:54,266 Boy, oh, boy. 1475 01:03:54,268 --> 01:03:54,968 Wait till you read the ending I come up with. 1476 01:04:00,675 --> 01:04:01,873 To us. 1477 01:04:02,309 --> 01:04:02,309 To us. 1478 01:04:06,914 --> 01:04:09,816 It has been quite an evening. 1479 01:04:09,818 --> 01:04:12,785 Yes, it has. 1480 01:04:12,787 --> 01:04:14,986 It's a good thing that bit with the candle worked. 1481 01:04:14,988 --> 01:04:16,756 I was about to be zombied to death. 1482 01:04:16,758 --> 01:04:19,324 That's right. 1483 01:04:19,326 --> 01:04:22,427 I was about to be pecked to death by a zombie chicken. 1484 01:04:22,429 --> 01:04:25,230 Wow. 1485 01:04:25,232 --> 01:04:25,631 I've definitely done enough digging in that rose garden. 1486 01:04:25,633 --> 01:04:26,398 That's for sure. 1487 01:04:26,400 --> 01:04:27,232 Four bodies? 1488 01:04:27,234 --> 01:04:29,034 Yeah, that's enough. 1489 01:04:29,036 --> 01:04:29,604 Thank goodness there's you. 1490 01:04:33,307 --> 01:04:35,775 Yeah. 1491 01:04:35,777 --> 01:04:37,810 You're pretty remarkable. 1492 01:04:37,812 --> 01:04:40,145 As are you. 1493 01:04:40,147 --> 01:04:42,414 We're sort of made for each other. 1494 01:04:42,416 --> 01:04:43,583 I think so. 1495 01:04:50,991 --> 01:04:52,792 I don't think this is what romantic comedy writers would 1496 01:04:52,794 --> 01:04:53,628 call a "meet cute." 1497 01:04:56,631 --> 01:04:58,330 A meet cute? 1498 01:04:58,332 --> 01:05:00,600 Yes. 1499 01:05:00,602 --> 01:05:03,536 You know, when the boy meets the girl in the movie. 1500 01:05:03,538 --> 01:05:06,138 She's having an online romance with him, but doesn't know it. 1501 01:05:06,140 --> 01:05:09,908 Or he's a widow who goes on the radio 1502 01:05:09,910 --> 01:05:11,109 and she falls in love with his voice. 1503 01:05:11,111 --> 01:05:15,914 Or, well, you know. 1504 01:05:15,916 --> 01:05:19,951 I mean, what like a Tom Hanks-Meg Ryan kind of thing? 1505 01:05:19,953 --> 01:05:21,687 Yes, exactly. 1506 01:05:21,689 --> 01:05:22,555 OK. 1507 01:05:22,557 --> 01:05:22,789 For sure. 1508 01:05:22,791 --> 01:05:23,890 OK. 1509 01:05:23,892 --> 01:05:24,456 That shit's crazy. 1510 01:05:24,458 --> 01:05:26,592 Yeah. 1511 01:05:26,594 --> 01:05:27,727 Some people don't even think that a triple murder 1512 01:05:27,729 --> 01:05:29,327 is that romantic. 1513 01:05:29,329 --> 01:05:30,663 I know. 1514 01:05:30,665 --> 01:05:33,064 I guess some people don't. 1515 01:05:33,066 --> 01:05:36,268 That's why we're so right for each other. 1516 01:05:36,270 --> 01:05:38,003 There aren't many people capable of accomplishing 1517 01:05:38,005 --> 01:05:38,970 what we've done together. 1518 01:05:38,972 --> 01:05:41,607 That's damn right. 1519 01:05:46,781 --> 01:05:49,116 That's why I feel so bad. 1520 01:05:51,786 --> 01:05:53,351 Bad? 1521 01:05:53,353 --> 01:05:55,822 Why? 1522 01:05:55,824 --> 01:05:57,824 You might've noticed that it's getting a bit difficult 1523 01:05:57,826 --> 01:05:58,658 to move your extremities. 1524 01:06:01,094 --> 01:06:02,262 I put a little something in your champagne. 1525 01:06:06,233 --> 01:06:07,600 I'm sorry, but I still need someone 1526 01:06:07,602 --> 01:06:09,468 to blame the Picasso on. 1527 01:06:09,470 --> 01:06:11,904 And, well, Blain is buried in the rose garden. 1528 01:06:11,906 --> 01:06:12,239 So-- 1529 01:06:15,577 --> 01:06:18,746 Was it-- was this really necessary? 1530 01:06:21,749 --> 01:06:24,951 I think so. 1531 01:06:24,953 --> 01:06:25,818 I can't feel my body. 1532 01:06:30,558 --> 01:06:33,425 You can still feel your mouth, apparently. 1533 01:06:33,427 --> 01:06:34,794 Psych. 1534 01:06:42,269 --> 01:06:46,772 I don't drink champagne. 1535 01:06:46,774 --> 01:06:48,106 What do you mean? 1536 01:06:48,108 --> 01:06:50,943 I saw you drink it all day. 1537 01:06:50,945 --> 01:06:52,645 You should pay more attention. 1538 01:06:52,647 --> 01:06:54,947 I actually didn't eat or drink a single thing 1539 01:06:54,949 --> 01:06:56,616 since I've been here. 1540 01:06:56,618 --> 01:06:57,917 Thank you. 1541 01:06:57,919 --> 01:06:59,117 Am I? 1542 01:06:59,119 --> 01:07:00,452 I'm good with this. 1543 01:07:00,454 --> 01:07:03,288 To us. 1544 01:07:03,290 --> 01:07:04,857 Well, the police will never believe 1545 01:07:04,859 --> 01:07:06,893 that I could've disarmed him. 1546 01:07:06,895 --> 01:07:08,828 Why is that? 1547 01:07:08,830 --> 01:07:13,064 Because, one second-- 1548 01:07:13,066 --> 01:07:13,400 OK. 1549 01:07:26,313 --> 01:07:33,385 Because I intend to drink now. 1550 01:07:33,387 --> 01:07:35,320 I have no idea what you're saying. 1551 01:07:35,322 --> 01:07:42,394 I said- I intend to drink now. 1552 01:07:42,396 --> 01:07:43,829 There's something really distracting in your mouth. 1553 01:07:43,831 --> 01:07:46,632 I just can't. 1554 01:07:46,634 --> 01:07:48,534 You're killing recalling the fucking moment.. 1555 01:07:48,536 --> 01:07:49,602 Huh? 1556 01:07:49,604 --> 01:07:51,037 Fuck. 1557 01:07:51,039 --> 01:07:53,305 I don't-- 1558 01:07:53,307 --> 01:07:57,075 Because I intend to drink now. 1559 01:07:58,813 --> 01:07:59,645 Oh, you're a vampire. 1560 01:07:59,647 --> 01:08:00,813 Good. 1561 01:08:00,815 --> 01:08:01,013 You picked up on that. 1562 01:08:01,015 --> 01:08:01,948 Yes. 1563 01:08:01,950 --> 01:08:02,982 Finally. 1564 01:08:02,984 --> 01:08:04,684 Thank you. 1565 01:08:04,686 --> 01:08:06,719 I had to put this shit for you to-- 1566 01:08:06,721 --> 01:08:07,185 you get it. 1567 01:08:07,187 --> 01:08:07,787 I'm a vampire. 1568 01:08:07,789 --> 01:08:08,688 Right? 1569 01:08:08,690 --> 01:08:10,121 Yes. 1570 01:08:10,123 --> 01:08:10,088 I can put this in my pocket now. 1571 01:08:10,090 --> 01:08:10,790 Yeah? 1572 01:08:10,792 --> 01:08:11,857 Yeah. 1573 01:08:11,859 --> 01:08:13,491 Sorry. 1574 01:08:13,493 --> 01:08:16,896 Now, I don't know how I missed it. 1575 01:08:16,898 --> 01:08:17,630 Yes. 1576 01:08:17,632 --> 01:08:20,131 Yes. 1577 01:08:20,133 --> 01:08:23,335 Hey, you know how I said I slit the Babcocks' throats earlier? 1578 01:08:23,337 --> 01:08:24,436 Bit their throats. 1579 01:08:24,438 --> 01:08:25,738 Fucking bit those throats. 1580 01:08:25,740 --> 01:08:26,438 You bit them. 1581 01:08:26,440 --> 01:08:28,106 You want to know why? 1582 01:08:28,108 --> 01:08:28,774 You want to know why? 1583 01:08:28,776 --> 01:08:30,408 I do. 1584 01:08:30,410 --> 01:08:31,176 Because that's how I roll, brother. 1585 01:08:31,178 --> 01:08:32,277 That's how I roll. 1586 01:08:32,279 --> 01:08:34,412 I bite throats. 1587 01:08:34,414 --> 01:08:36,682 Well, this is perfect. 1588 01:08:36,684 --> 01:08:39,819 Now, you can turn me into a vampire 1589 01:08:39,821 --> 01:08:42,356 and we can keep killing and killing for all eternity. 1590 01:08:46,159 --> 01:08:47,593 That shit would be dope. 1591 01:08:47,595 --> 01:08:47,595 Mhm. 1592 01:08:55,970 --> 01:09:05,310 But, unfortunately, nah. 1593 01:09:05,312 --> 01:09:06,246 I'm too much of a commitment-phobe. 1594 01:09:08,983 --> 01:09:11,517 Yeah. 1595 01:09:11,519 --> 01:09:12,051 Couldn't have you around like that, not too much, not 1596 01:09:12,053 --> 01:09:12,818 too much. 1597 01:09:12,820 --> 01:09:13,019 Oh, shit. 1598 01:09:13,021 --> 01:09:13,387 No. 1599 01:09:18,026 --> 01:09:18,392 But I'll tell you what. 1600 01:09:22,563 --> 01:09:24,930 I'll keep that summoning candle shit 1601 01:09:24,932 --> 01:09:28,701 and I'll summon you back, from time to time, 1602 01:09:28,703 --> 01:09:30,936 like it's a booty call, like a vamp and chill or some shit. 1603 01:09:30,938 --> 01:09:31,737 Yeah. 1604 01:09:31,739 --> 01:09:32,437 Yeah. 1605 01:09:32,439 --> 01:09:34,006 We could do that. 1606 01:09:34,008 --> 01:09:35,206 We could do that. 1607 01:09:35,208 --> 01:09:37,677 We could. 1608 01:09:37,679 --> 01:09:42,213 So you do care something for me. 1609 01:09:42,215 --> 01:09:45,918 I knew we had a connection. 1610 01:09:49,991 --> 01:09:52,958 What? 1611 01:09:52,960 --> 01:09:57,129 You just so happened to have a wooden fucking stake on you? 1612 01:09:57,131 --> 01:09:59,665 I lied about my last name. 1613 01:09:59,667 --> 01:10:01,366 It isn't Nelson. 1614 01:10:01,368 --> 01:10:03,401 It's Van Helsing. 1615 01:10:03,403 --> 01:10:05,104 Oh, of course. 1616 01:10:05,106 --> 01:10:07,338 My family has been luring vampires 1617 01:10:07,340 --> 01:10:09,441 to their death for centuries. 1618 01:10:09,443 --> 01:10:11,276 Is that really necessary? 1619 01:10:11,278 --> 01:10:11,612 Quite. 1620 01:10:15,449 --> 01:10:16,582 Am I out of blood? 1621 01:10:16,584 --> 01:10:19,217 I might be out of blood. 1622 01:10:19,219 --> 01:10:19,787 You can die now. 1623 01:10:22,255 --> 01:10:23,689 No. 1624 01:10:23,691 --> 01:10:25,290 I've got a little blood left. 1625 01:10:25,292 --> 01:10:26,892 I have to bleed out first. 1626 01:10:26,894 --> 01:10:26,828 Welp. 1627 01:10:30,698 --> 01:10:32,732 It's such a skinny stake. 1628 01:10:32,734 --> 01:10:35,333 What a slow death you've appointed me to. 1629 01:10:35,335 --> 01:10:37,837 It's been fun. 1630 01:10:37,839 --> 01:10:38,336 Yes. 1631 01:10:38,338 --> 01:10:39,471 Thank you. 1632 01:10:39,473 --> 01:10:41,406 At least you say that. 1633 01:10:41,408 --> 01:10:42,141 God, compliment me while I die, why don't you? 1634 01:10:42,143 --> 01:10:42,608 Is it 11:00 already? 1635 01:10:42,610 --> 01:10:45,211 Wow. 1636 01:10:48,281 --> 01:10:49,949 This is the final straw. 1637 01:10:49,951 --> 01:10:51,751 Ghosts I was OK with. 1638 01:10:51,753 --> 01:10:54,053 I even begrudgingly accepted zombies. 1639 01:10:54,055 --> 01:10:57,056 But Kung Fu zombies and Marilyn Monroe and now a vampire? 1640 01:10:57,058 --> 01:10:58,389 And Van Helsing. 1641 01:10:58,391 --> 01:11:00,159 Van Helsing? 1642 01:11:00,161 --> 01:11:02,128 And how many times do you think you 1643 01:11:02,130 --> 01:11:04,130 can shock an audience with a supposedly dead character 1644 01:11:04,132 --> 01:11:06,031 suddenly springing up? 1645 01:11:06,033 --> 01:11:08,333 This is just bad writing. 1646 01:11:08,335 --> 01:11:11,203 This is 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pounds bag. 1647 01:11:11,205 --> 01:11:13,438 I'm for scrapping the whole thing and starting over. 1648 01:11:13,440 --> 01:11:14,974 You don't know what you're talking about. 1649 01:11:14,976 --> 01:11:16,842 You don't know a good thing when you see it. 1650 01:11:16,844 --> 01:11:20,246 This screenplay could be our meal ticket. 1651 01:11:20,248 --> 01:11:22,515 Oh, I see. 1652 01:11:22,517 --> 01:11:24,984 You were just pretending to collaborate on a play. 1653 01:11:24,986 --> 01:11:28,319 This whole time, you were writing your cheap exploitation 1654 01:11:28,321 --> 01:11:29,889 film for the mindless masses. 1655 01:11:29,891 --> 01:11:32,390 You say that like it's a bad thing. 1656 01:11:32,392 --> 01:11:33,526 I'm deleting the whole thing. 1657 01:11:33,528 --> 01:11:35,027 Oh, no you are not, my friend. 1658 01:11:35,029 --> 01:11:36,427 No, no. 1659 01:11:36,429 --> 01:11:37,129 Do not hit that delete key. 1660 01:11:37,799 --> 01:11:38,429 Dammit, Charlie. 1661 01:11:38,431 --> 01:11:38,800 Don't make me do this. 1662 01:11:54,381 --> 01:11:57,382 "Damn it, Charlie. 1663 01:11:57,384 --> 01:11:57,985 Don't make me do this." 1664 01:12:10,330 --> 01:12:12,097 Knock, knock, honey. 1665 01:12:12,099 --> 01:12:13,999 I'm kind of working here. 1666 01:12:14,001 --> 01:12:15,433 Oh. 1667 01:12:15,435 --> 01:12:17,069 Well, I didn't hear any typing. 1668 01:12:17,071 --> 01:12:19,772 So I thought that it was OK. 1669 01:12:19,774 --> 01:12:21,974 Whether you hear me typing or whether you 1670 01:12:21,976 --> 01:12:24,610 don't hear me typing, whatever the fuck you hear-- 1671 01:12:24,612 --> 01:12:26,411 Jack Nicholson in The Shining. 1672 01:12:26,413 --> 01:12:27,179 Very good. 1673 01:12:30,051 --> 01:12:34,352 Well, at least you're not typing "All work and no play 1674 01:12:34,354 --> 01:12:38,324 make George a dull boy." 1675 01:12:38,326 --> 01:12:40,759 Yeah. 1676 01:12:40,761 --> 01:12:41,994 No. 1677 01:12:41,996 --> 01:12:43,662 Thank heaven for that. 1678 01:12:43,664 --> 01:12:46,599 How's the writing going today? 1679 01:12:46,601 --> 01:12:48,868 Well, to be honest, I've been fighting with myself 1680 01:12:48,870 --> 01:12:51,770 the whole day. 1681 01:12:51,772 --> 01:12:56,308 It's that old art versus commerce argument. 1682 01:12:56,310 --> 01:12:57,375 Yeah. 1683 01:12:57,377 --> 01:12:58,177 Yeah. 1684 01:12:58,179 --> 01:12:58,378 Exactly. 1685 01:13:02,350 --> 01:13:03,582 Bridgette? 1686 01:13:03,584 --> 01:13:05,584 Oh, yeah, yeah. 1687 01:13:05,586 --> 01:13:07,219 Are you basing a character on me? 1688 01:13:07,221 --> 01:13:09,788 Just the name. 1689 01:13:09,790 --> 01:13:12,457 So she's nothing like me? 1690 01:13:12,459 --> 01:13:14,727 Unless you're a total sociopath with no redeeming qualities, 1691 01:13:14,729 --> 01:13:15,761 then no. 1692 01:13:15,763 --> 01:13:18,097 She is nothing like you. 1693 01:13:18,099 --> 01:13:19,064 Oh, yes. 1694 01:13:19,066 --> 01:13:22,134 That would be me. 1695 01:13:22,136 --> 01:13:26,939 You know, honey, I was thinking. 1696 01:13:26,941 --> 01:13:30,441 Maybe you should think about getting someone, another writer 1697 01:13:30,443 --> 01:13:31,409 to work with you. 1698 01:13:31,411 --> 01:13:34,546 You mean, collaborate? 1699 01:13:34,548 --> 01:13:36,048 I'm deleting the whole thing. 1700 01:13:36,050 --> 01:13:36,815 Damn it, Charlie. 1701 01:13:36,817 --> 01:13:38,684 Don't make me do this. 1702 01:13:38,686 --> 01:13:41,654 I don't know if that'd work out so well. 1703 01:13:41,656 --> 01:13:44,690 But at least then you wouldn't be, you know, 1704 01:13:44,692 --> 01:13:47,259 spending all your time cooped up down here, all alone, 1705 01:13:47,261 --> 01:13:50,229 in a room, talking to yourself. 1706 01:13:50,231 --> 01:13:51,030 OK. 1707 01:13:51,032 --> 01:13:52,765 You know what? 1708 01:13:52,767 --> 01:13:54,767 I'll consider it for my next project. 1709 01:13:54,769 --> 01:13:55,734 OK. 1710 01:13:55,736 --> 01:13:57,336 It's just a thought. 1711 01:13:57,338 --> 01:13:58,771 I mean, you know I worry about you. 1712 01:13:58,773 --> 01:14:00,873 You don't have to worry about me. 1713 01:14:00,875 --> 01:14:03,309 Actually, I think I've really written something good here 1714 01:14:03,311 --> 01:14:06,145 and has commercial value. 1715 01:14:06,147 --> 01:14:06,979 You've said that before. 1716 01:14:06,981 --> 01:14:07,478 I know. 1717 01:14:07,480 --> 01:14:08,814 I know. 1718 01:14:08,816 --> 01:14:09,882 But this one is different. 1719 01:14:09,884 --> 01:14:14,019 This one has, well, everything. 1720 01:14:14,021 --> 01:14:16,121 Well, I hope so. 1721 01:14:16,123 --> 01:14:17,957 We could use some money. 1722 01:14:17,959 --> 01:14:21,193 I know. 1723 01:14:21,195 --> 01:14:23,062 What about your dad? 1724 01:14:23,064 --> 01:14:24,596 Do you think, like, he'd maybe loan us some 1725 01:14:24,598 --> 01:14:26,298 till I can sell this? 1726 01:14:26,300 --> 01:14:27,465 Oh, boy. 1727 01:14:27,467 --> 01:14:29,467 My father? 1728 01:14:29,469 --> 01:14:30,569 You must be kidding? 1729 01:14:30,571 --> 01:14:33,305 I mean, you know what? 1730 01:14:33,307 --> 01:14:34,472 I know. 1731 01:14:34,474 --> 01:14:36,442 Let's steal his Picasso. 1732 01:14:36,444 --> 01:14:37,276 Oh, now, there's a thought. 1733 01:14:37,278 --> 01:14:39,678 Hmm? 1734 01:14:39,680 --> 01:14:40,679 All right. 1735 01:14:40,681 --> 01:14:41,280 Coming to dinner? 1736 01:14:41,282 --> 01:14:42,081 Yeah. 1737 01:14:42,083 --> 01:14:43,916 In a little bit. 1738 01:14:43,918 --> 01:14:46,285 I just want to put one thing in here 1739 01:14:46,287 --> 01:14:48,587 before it falls out my ears. 1740 01:14:48,589 --> 01:14:52,591 You know, the kids would like to see their father sometime. 1741 01:14:52,593 --> 01:14:56,428 Bridgette, my darling, love of my life, I'll be right up. 1742 01:14:56,430 --> 01:14:58,998 But I'll bash your brains in. 1743 01:14:59,000 --> 01:15:01,066 I'll bash your fucking brains right in. 1744 01:15:01,068 --> 01:15:02,034 That was good. 1745 01:15:02,036 --> 01:15:02,434 That was-- 1746 01:15:02,436 --> 01:15:05,037 Thanks. 1747 01:15:05,039 --> 01:15:05,671 That was good, but I don't think you quite have it exactly. 1748 01:15:05,673 --> 01:15:06,772 All right. 1749 01:15:06,774 --> 01:15:08,674 I'll keep working on it. 1750 01:15:08,676 --> 01:15:10,676 And I got to work on this. 1751 01:15:10,678 --> 01:15:12,644 But I will be right up. 1752 01:15:12,646 --> 01:15:13,979 Tell the kids I'll be up in time for dessert. 1753 01:15:13,981 --> 01:15:16,582 OK? 1754 01:15:16,584 --> 01:15:17,916 I just really need to get this down before I forget it. 1755 01:15:17,918 --> 01:15:18,584 OK. 1756 01:15:18,586 --> 01:15:18,652 All right. 1757 01:15:28,195 --> 01:15:29,528 Love you. 1758 01:15:29,530 --> 01:15:32,331 Love you. 1759 01:15:32,333 --> 01:15:36,635 Kung Fu Zombies, the screenplay. 1760 01:15:37,304 --> 01:15:38,570 We fade in-- 1761 01:16:07,301 --> 01:16:09,601 What the hell just happened? 1762 01:16:09,603 --> 01:16:11,904 Where am? 1763 01:16:11,906 --> 01:16:15,808 What-- why does everything seem so much smaller? 1764 01:16:15,810 --> 01:16:17,578 Am I in a dollhouse version of my house? 1765 01:16:22,450 --> 01:16:27,019 Are those credits rolling by outside my smaller house? 1766 01:16:27,021 --> 01:16:28,887 Whoa. 1767 01:16:28,889 --> 01:16:30,222 How the hell did you get in here? 1768 01:16:30,224 --> 01:16:31,323 All right. 1769 01:16:31,325 --> 01:16:32,991 George, George, relax. 1770 01:16:32,993 --> 01:16:33,560 I know this is a little freaky right now. 1771 01:16:33,562 --> 01:16:34,893 Yeah. 1772 01:16:34,895 --> 01:16:35,461 This is actually a movie. 1773 01:16:35,463 --> 01:16:35,629 What? 1774 01:16:39,568 --> 01:16:42,067 I was writing a movie. 1775 01:16:42,069 --> 01:16:42,801 I know that. 1776 01:16:42,803 --> 01:16:45,104 Not exactly. 1777 01:16:45,106 --> 01:16:48,173 You're actually a character in a movie I directed. 1778 01:16:48,175 --> 01:16:48,707 Hold on. 1779 01:16:48,709 --> 01:16:50,142 Hold on. 1780 01:16:50,144 --> 01:16:51,544 Explain to me what's going on. 1781 01:16:51,546 --> 01:16:53,712 Guys. 1782 01:16:53,714 --> 01:16:54,046 Guys, guys, kill the credits for a second. 1783 01:16:54,048 --> 01:16:54,446 Oh. 1784 01:16:54,448 --> 01:16:55,280 Thank you. 1785 01:16:55,282 --> 01:16:56,048 That's very unsettling. 1786 01:16:56,050 --> 01:16:56,682 Oh. 1787 01:16:56,684 --> 01:16:57,282 Thank you. 1788 01:16:57,284 --> 01:16:58,050 Thank you. 1789 01:16:58,052 --> 01:16:58,951 Thank you. 1790 01:16:58,953 --> 01:16:59,251 That was so unsettling. 1791 01:16:59,253 --> 01:16:59,751 Yeah. 1792 01:16:59,753 --> 01:17:02,522 Yeah. 1793 01:17:02,524 --> 01:17:02,855 You should feel like you got a little bit more breathing 1794 01:17:02,857 --> 01:17:03,255 room, a normal size again. 1795 01:17:03,257 --> 01:17:04,456 Yeah, yeah. 1796 01:17:04,458 --> 01:17:06,325 So what's going on? 1797 01:17:06,327 --> 01:17:08,260 OK. 1798 01:17:08,262 --> 01:17:10,062 So like I was saying, you're actually 1799 01:17:10,064 --> 01:17:12,831 a character that was written by my father for a play 1800 01:17:12,833 --> 01:17:16,168 that he created and then I turned into a movie. 1801 01:17:16,170 --> 01:17:19,104 You're played by an actor named Maurice LeMarche. 1802 01:17:19,106 --> 01:17:21,306 I'm not familiar with his work. 1803 01:17:21,308 --> 01:17:22,941 Voice actor? 1804 01:17:22,943 --> 01:17:23,842 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1805 01:17:23,844 --> 01:17:24,443 Pinky and the Brain. 1806 01:17:24,445 --> 01:17:25,744 Yeah, yeah. 1807 01:17:25,746 --> 01:17:26,011 He was a friend of my father's. 1808 01:17:26,013 --> 01:17:26,546 Oh. 1809 01:17:26,548 --> 01:17:27,547 Yeah. 1810 01:17:27,549 --> 01:17:28,213 Your dad wrote on that? 1811 01:17:28,215 --> 01:17:28,881 Yeah, yeah. 1812 01:17:28,883 --> 01:17:30,682 Yes, yes, yes. 1813 01:17:30,684 --> 01:17:32,519 I liked his episodes particularly. 1814 01:17:32,521 --> 01:17:37,590 So you're saying then that I, George the screenwriter 1815 01:17:37,592 --> 01:17:40,192 and playwright, am not real. 1816 01:17:40,194 --> 01:17:41,894 Well, I mean, are any of us? 1817 01:17:41,896 --> 01:17:43,729 I'm actually not really the director. 1818 01:17:43,731 --> 01:17:46,131 I'm a character named "The Director" 1819 01:17:46,133 --> 01:17:48,167 that the director is actually playing inside of his own movie 1820 01:17:48,169 --> 01:17:49,835 that was written as a play. 1821 01:17:49,837 --> 01:17:52,237 I mean, I was almost really recast 1822 01:17:52,239 --> 01:17:53,573 because I couldn't learn my lines. 1823 01:17:53,575 --> 01:17:55,508 Wow. 1824 01:17:55,510 --> 01:17:56,576 That's got to be a comedown. 1825 01:17:56,578 --> 01:17:57,809 I know. 1826 01:17:57,811 --> 01:17:59,945 I really feel for the actor. 1827 01:17:59,947 --> 01:18:02,748 So are you telling me I'm just words on a page? 1828 01:18:02,750 --> 01:18:05,117 Words on a page. 1829 01:18:05,119 --> 01:18:10,389 So when the movie ends, do I just disappear 1830 01:18:10,391 --> 01:18:12,457 and I'm gone for good? 1831 01:18:12,459 --> 01:18:13,292 No. 1832 01:18:13,294 --> 01:18:14,459 No. 1833 01:18:14,461 --> 01:18:15,628 I'm not saying that. 1834 01:18:15,630 --> 01:18:18,730 Some works, they last forever. 1835 01:18:18,732 --> 01:18:19,033 Nothing's ever really gone for good. 1836 01:18:22,870 --> 01:18:23,302 All right. 1837 01:18:23,304 --> 01:18:24,169 Cut. 1838 01:18:24,171 --> 01:18:24,703 Cut it. 1839 01:18:24,705 --> 01:18:24,872 Cut.