(man clearing throat)
Hello, hello. Testing, testing.
So, I always--
So, I always have white dudes coming up to me, like,
"Oh, dude, you still living at home? At your big age?
Oh, that's so weird."
Can we move past this dinosaur of a notion
that we're doing less well in life
just because we're with our folks?
Free food, no rent, laundry, done.
So, enjoy your downtown condo with your empty fridges
and your loneliness.
I'll be over here, emotionally fulfilled
with my loving family, right here at--
Right here at home. Right here at home.
Not hungry. I'll eat later.
Family eats together.
He says, as mom slaves in the kitchen.
Why don't you cook for once?
What the hell you say to me?
Hey. At least I'm getting married.
Not that lazy bastard.
Maanvi: I can't wait to leave this house.
Why would you say that to me?
- You want me to leave? - Yeah.
You realize I'm your fucking daughter, right?
(indistinct shouting)
♪ Ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ♪
♪ Ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ♪
♪ Ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ♪
I don't want to interrupt your work.
I know you got your fans waiting on you.
Nah, nah. You're good.
I'm pretty much done, anyway. Plus, I mean,
it's kind of nice to get to know you a little better.
Well, how about we get to know each other more intimately?
I've got some pictures I could send you.
Okay.
But I want to see what you're working with first.
Ah.
Maya: Whatever. I should let you focus.
No. It's-- I've just never sent anything like that.
Please. You've never sent a dick pic?
No. What if someone were to see it?
That's kind of the point.
I'll see it.
And, like, trust me. As a Brown woman,
I'm more scared of my pictures leaking than you.
'Cause honestly, I thought from your videos
you were more of a feminist,
but I guess I was wrong.
Oof. Now, you're hitting me right in the feminism.
- (giggling) - (sighing)
Okay. Yeah. Okay, yeah. I'll do it.
And be creative.
Don't just, like, thump it out there. Bye.
(beeping)
Creative?
Okay.
(laptop chiming)
(shutter clicking)
(clicking continues)
(knocking on door)
Supinder: Jasmeet! Open the door now.
Shit.
Damn. I don't know why
the door is always locked.
Hold on.
Open the door. I want to see what's going on.
Yeah. Just, uh, give me a sec. I'm just--
Sorry.
I was, uh, cleaning.
What? Why? It's the weekend. There's no tiffins.
Oh, my God.
I swear, there's a new Gurpurab every week.
All right. I'll go.
Jasmeet (in video): A white dude coming up to me, and, like--
(video fast-forwarding)
I don't even know what clothes I own at this point.
They just magically appear.
(phone vibrating)
(Indian pop ringtone playing)
Yo, Chippy. What's up?
Why aren't you answering my texts?
Sorry. One sec.
(whispering) Hey, hey. Excuse me. Hey.
Can you watch my laptop real quick?
- Yeah. Whatever. - Thanks.
Hello? Hey, yeah.
- Why are you whispering? - 'Cause I'm in the university.
What? Why? I thought you dropped out.
(in normal voice) No. It's the only place I can get work done
without anyone barging in on me while I'm naked or whatever.
You're naked in the university?
No. I was naked, but now, I'm here at the university.
Male student: Shut the fuck up, man!
(whispering) Uh, anyways, you know what I mean.
Yeah. I really don't. What time are you coming tonight?
Where?
To my cousin Bhavita's sweet sixteen.
Oh, shit.
Uh, yeah. About that--
Jasmeet, no. You promised.
I got so much work to do, man. Come on. You know these streets.
They're waiting on new content.
Never say that again.
You're Brown-Twitter-famous already.
Why are you always seeking the validation of the white man?
I'm seeking white money, dude. You of all people should know
we're not getting paid enough for what we do.
You still got to be there for your day ones,
like Bhavita and me.
Also, I didn't have time to get her a gift.
So, you're my gift.
(sighing) All right, all right.
Shit. Hold on a second again.
Hey. What happened?
What do you mean?
My laptop is gone.
Oh, yeah. Your friend grabbed it for you.
What friend?
I don't know. He was sitting over there.
There's no one there.
There was.
Who?
I don't know, dude. He was a Brown guy.
He had a beard, black jacket.
Okay. So, you gave my shit to a complete, random stranger
who was sitting at a different table than me?
You're getting mad at me? He's your friend.
He's not my friend! Which is why I asked you to--
You know what? Never mind. Which way did he go?
- Uh, he moved that way. - Oh, my God.
Chippy: Well, what's going on?
Fuck me, man!
Chippy: That might be weird. What happened?
- My laptop just got stolen. - No way.
Yeah. There goes that video I was working on.
Can't you just re-record it?
No. I can't re-record magic.
What kind of dick steals a laptop?
Dick?
Oh, my God.
(shouting) My dick!
Male student: I said shut the fuck up!
Neal: Wait. You took nudes?
Hey. How about not announcing it to the entire gurdwara?
Just please tell me your face isn't in them.
Oh, my God. Not the face, bro. Never the face!
What if they leak? You're going to be in so much trouble.
Okay. Well, I was horny and in a rush.
That's a bad combo. That's how I got kicked out of high school.
All right. Look. Can we not talk about this here?
It just feels kind of weird.
Plus I should be out there looking for my laptop,
but instead, I'm, like, stuck here
at another Gurpurab.
There's way too many Gurpurabs.
Right? Think about it. We have 10 gurus.
So, what, 10 Gurpurabs every year?
And death-Gurpurabs.
Yeah. Diwali. Vaisakhi.
- Oh, New Year's. - New Year's. Exactly.
That's, like, 23 mandatory holidays a year.
23! Isn't that insane?
- Excuse me. - Hey.
- Can I get a picture? - Sure.
(shutter clicking)
Other religions only have, like, one main dude, you know?
Jesus. Mohammad. Beyoncé. We got 10 guys, man. 10.
It's kind of beautiful, though, in a way, right?
Like, it just gives us more chances
to celebrate our divinity, you know,
and our devotion to the almighty--
Mother-- (bleep)! It's hot.
Hey! You said a bad word in the gurdwara!
It's okay...
...I get a pass.
Aren't you guys cousins?
Look.
Instead of racially dissecting me,
why don't you go upstairs and...
You damn heathen. Go.
Oh, let's sit here. Prime real estate.
And the gurus were humble beings, you know?
I'm pretty sure that they don't want us celebrating
meaningless rituals like their birthdays.
Wasting time.
Wait. Your time or their time?
'Cause I don't think they experience time.
Like, they're, like-- They're timeless.
What is time?
Neal: You know what I mean?
- Shit. It's Avtar. Hide me. - What? Hide you?
- From who? - Was in that guy's gatka class
when I was young, and kind of stopped going.
Singh!
(whispering) Sorry.
Hey, man.
(speaking in Punjabi)
I've been seeing you
posting more of those little internet videos.
Getting quite popular, huh?
Yeah. I mean, things are picking up.
Just remember not to go too Hollywood, now.
That dastar, that's our crown.
You carry a lot of responsibility.
So, don't do anything stupid, yeah?
(unclear). Boys, let's go.
(hearing Avtar's voice) So, don't do anything stupid.
Do anything stupid. Do anything stupid.
(woman crying)
Oh, look. Our little OnlyFans star is home.
What did I do?
Look!
Our top headline.
Jasmeet Dutta, YouTuber turned accidental porn star?
Yikes.
It's not that hard.
My life is ruined!
Yo.
(crying hysterically)
Get to work, boys.
(shouting, crying)
(cackling)
No, no, no! It's my laptop!
Oh! That thing was so expensive!
Oh, no, no, no!
All my million-dollar ideas.
No, dude! No.
What are you doing?
(in distorted voice) What am I doing? You did this.
I warned you not to do anything stupid,
and you let your nudes leak?
Look how upset you've made them.
They look pretty normal to me.
(shouting)
Dude, I got to get my laptop back.
Excuse me.
I been listening to both of y'all spewing nonsense
for the last 10 minutes.
I just got to say a couple of things real quick.
First of all, never the face.
- What's wrong with you, bro? - That's what I said.
My little sister watches your videos, man.
What if those pics leaked? I would have to hurt you.
Second, where was your laptop stolen from?
Um, the university centre.
Ah, say less. I know who has it.
Really?
Yo, bro. What you saying?
Yeah. Ahlie? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nah. Yeah. Nah.
I didn't watch the game yesterday, man.
Nah, nah, nah. Nah.
Okay. That's a bless.
Easy.
(beeping phone off)
Good news.
I found your laptop,
but we got to leave now.
I think I trust him.
Yeah. Let's go.
- Let's go. - All right.
(tires squealing)
So, where are we going again?
And who are you, and what's happening?
And when do you plan on killing us tonight?
We're going to meet those scammer guys
from Scarborough, man. The ones that stole your shit.
I mean, they go into libraries, malls, clubs,
jacking laptops and cellphones, B.
Anytime anyone leaves anything on their table,
their booths, their back pocket,
even their hand, man. Boom! Swiped.
How do you know all of this?
Ha. Busted a bunch of them
at a club I bounce at, man.
They've been doing it for weeks.
Targeting drunk guys, girls especially.
I mean, then, to top it off,
they act like they're helping you, bro.
They link you their phone to log into your account
to find your phone.
Bam! Now, they got access to your e-mails, passwords, cloud.
Everything, bro.
Wow. That's actually kind of genius.
I let a couple of them off the hook, man,
as long as they swung me the new 16C.
Neal: Oh, shit.
I think I got my phone from them, too.
Oh, damn! That's what's up.
Oh, shit.
Um, yo. Can we just pull over at the next light there?
I just got to pick somebody up.
You're so late. Let's go. Hurry up and park.
- Just get in real quick. - What? Why?
Look. Can you not ask a thousand questions for once
and Just get in?
- Okay. - Thank you.
- What's up, Neal? - Hey, girl.
What the hell's going on? Who the hell is this?
My guy, picking up some bitches. Okay. I see you.
Who you calling "bitch," bitch?
Damn. She's feisty, ahlie?
Chippy, this is Sunny. Sunny, Chippy.
Sunny's found a lead on my stolen laptop.
That's why you're not coming in to wish Bhavita happy birthday?
So you can run around with this fool?
Jasmeet: Oh, my God. Okay. One sec.
(buttons clicking)
There. Happy? Pretty sure she prefers this, anyway.
Oh, shit. Thank you.
Yeah. I just shot right back up to favourite cousin.
Yo. So, why is this laptop thing so urgent, anyways?
You got nudes on it or some shit?
(chuckling)
Please tell me that you left your face out of them.
Oh, my God, Jasmeet. No! Not the face.
Never the face.
Neal: I don't see what the big deal is.
I mean, nudes are great for publicity.
Think about Kim Kardashian, Chris Evans, Shrek.
Yeah. Well, they had the privilege of not being shunned
by the entire Brown community.
Plus, I'm trying to, like, lift our people up,
not set us back.
Well, I mean, maybe being the guy to unshackle the bonds
of sexual repression that have plagued
the Indian community for generations
is the ultimate form of lifting our people up.
I mean, we did invent the Kama Sutra, right?
Sunny: We?
Bro, aren't you white?
(phone ringing)
Sunny: Oh, shit. Hold that thought.
Yo. What's up, Mr. B.?
Sunny, what does your friend's laptop look like?
Jasmeet: 15-inches. Bunch of stickers on the back.
Keys get stuck sometimes,
but not for the reasons you think or whatever.
And where was it stolen from?
The university centre.
Oh, that's a bad spot. Many of my guys there.
You got to be more careful, my friend.
Sunny: He desperately needs it back.
The man's got some sensitive information on there.
- Feel me? - Was your face on them?
(sighing)
Oh, no. Not the face.
- Never-- - Don't. Don't say it.
Just looking through today's inventory.
Oh, no.
We just sold a laptop fitting that description,
not even an hour ago.
Is there any way to get it back? Please?
We don't do returns.
Our employees trust us in protecting their privacy.
- It's all about trust. - I like this guy. Respect.
Please. It's like a life-or-death situation.
Sunny, uh, you vouch for this guy?
100%, Mr. B. This is my boy.
Oh, good. Discount DJ Khaled is vouching for you.
Oh, one minute.
(minions laughing)
Mr. B.: Good news! We just located the buyer,
and he's willing to give it back at the same price he paid.
Dollar 600, cash. Meet him at the sweet shop
in 30.
Got it. Thanks, G.
Thank you.
Jasmeet: Okay. So, they steal my laptop
and I have to pay to get it back?
Sunny: Well, the buyer paid for it.
Yeah, with the money that those scammers now have.
Okay. So?
So, shouldn't they be paying the money
to get it back?
Wait. Why would they do that? You're buying the laptop.
Yeah, which was stolen from me by them.
Which means it belongs to someone else now.
Am I making sense here?
1000%.
Oh, my God. Of course none of this makes sense.
They're scammers.
Look. You still have to go through with it
to get it back.
Whoa!
Tighten your mouth. We're here.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where you think you're going?
To get my laptop?
Chill. Shit could go sideways.
Too much heat in these streets, man.
(woman speaking indistinctly in Punjabi)
Um, okay. No offence, but I just met you,
so I'd rather go get it myself.
Listen, bro. What if he knows who you are,
gets smart, and starts asking for more money?
I'm just--
Give me that.
All right.
Ooh. We should hot-box a car.
No, dude. You know I don't smoke.
Plus, I don't want to be horny and paranoid.
Neal: Why? That's, like, the perfect combo.
Chippy: I don't want my sari to smell.
See, this is why I vape.
Neal: I don't trust computers.
You don't think your vape is recording everything you say?
Uh, what's happening?
What the fuck?
(phone vibrating)
Hello?
Sunny: Yo. This dude figured out who you are.
He's asking for more money.
Dude, how?
I told him.
Okay, and why would you do that?
Bro, my bad. I was just telling him
how excited you were to get the laptop back,
'cause you're working on a video and shit.
And he's all, like, "Oh, he's a filmmaker?"
And I'm, like, "Nah. He makes online videos.
Yo, like, People love him. Like, gets billions of views."
Okay. First of all, I don't get anywhere near that.
And then he's all, like, "Oh, yeah? Is that big money?"
And I'm, like, "I think so.
"Like, a dollar a view or some shit.
He's probably raking in mad cash."
(sighing) None of that is remotely true.
And then, this motherfucker started asking for more money,
talking 'bout, "Yo. If he wants his laptop back,
"he could give more than 500 bucks.
"Like, what's 50 grand to a dude like that?"
and all this other shit.
50 grand?
Nah, bro. Don't be ridiculous. I talked him down to 15.
Oh, my God. Okay. You know--
Yo. That's the guy that was in the library.
No, I'm not.
Yeah. That's the guy that stole my laptop!
No, I didn't.
Wait. If that's the guy that stole your laptop,
and he works for Mr. B--
This is part of the scam, dumb ass.
Oh, damn. This is some inception-level shit.
All right. You know what? I'm coming in.
What are you doing? Should we go after him?
Yeah. This place has really good jalebis.
What the fuck, dude?
Oh, shit. Right behind you.
- In here! - Bro, chill. Relax.
Dude, I don't bullshit, man. Just give me my laptop back.
(indistinct shouting)
Chippy: What's happening?
Yo, back up.
I want all the money you got, or else I'll drop--
Oh, fuck! (yelping in pain)
Chippy: Oh, my God!
Dude, what the fuck, man?
Dude, now the jalebis are going to taste like laptop.
Hey. Fuck you! I burned myself.
You did that, and you've destroyed
my friggin' laptop, man.
All you had to do was pay me.
Now, we both take an L.
Ow.
Well--
Well, at least now, no one's going to see your nudes.
And we know where to get another laptop from.
Neal: Guys?
We're saved.
The last of the non-laptop jalebis.
Dig in.
Mmm. No laptop taste.
I had to get a new laptop.
My old one is... fried.
Yeah, yeah.
Thanks.
(phone vibrating)
Nope.
(beeping)
So, I always have people coming up to me, being, like,
"Oh, you still living at home? At your big age?
Oh, that's so weird."
Like, can we collectively move past this dinosaur of a notion
that we're being held back in life
because we're living at home?
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Ah ♪