- Ooh-hoo-hoo.
- My name is Paul Williams.
- Ooh!
- Hi-yah!
- Kia or a koutou. You have just found your way to Taskmaster.
We're here to celebrate and commiserate five comedians attempting to impress me
by completing tasks that would make an ordinary human say, 'No, thank you. I am leaving.'
Luckily, we don't have ordinary humans.
Instead, we have Chris Parker...
...Josh Thomson...
...Justine Smith...
...Kura Forrester...
...and Paul Ego!
They are the heroes of the story, and every hero needs a sidekick.
Unfortunately, all the ones with actual superpowers were taken, sadly,
so, I have with me a human who has the power of being here right now.
Say hello, everyone, to Paul Williams.
- So great to be here, Jeremy.
In past seasons, I've actually tried to have a musical episode on this show, and-and you haven't let me,
so I thought tonight could be the non-musical episode... - Ohh.
...where, uh, we just talk and there's no singing. So, don't sing.
- Don't sing. I'll be very upset if any of you start singing.
- ♪ Paul Williams. Paul Williams. Just a tiny little man in a tiny little suit.
♪ Paul Williams. ♪
♪ Got big shoes and plays the skin flute. ♪
The what now?
- Plays a what? - Skin flute. - Plays the skin flute.
- Do you play the skin flute? - I don't know the― No.
I don't know what that is. - Before they came up with the technology of making flutes out of,
you know, bamboo and, like, willow and stuff,
they would use the skin of their dead tribesmen and stuff... - Oh, yes.
- ...known as the skin flute. - I thought― I thought it was a penis.
I don't think so, Justine.
- Paul, please dip your grubby little skin flute into the slippery, invisible box in front of you
and pull us out a prize task, will you?
- This week's prize task ― the best weekend.
Whoever's brought in the best weekend will take home five points,
and whoever wins the episode will be taking home all five wonderful weekends.
- OK. Josh. - Yo.
- I'd like to see your best weekend first.
- Well, whoever wins tonight will have the pleasure of taking home this very voucher.
Yeahhhh, boy.
I love that.
- A voucher for a great weekend with David, is it? - There we go.
Yeah. It's a voucher for a great weekend with David. Um, and who's David?
Uh, it happens to be this guy right here ― David Thomson. It's my bloody dad. There we go.
Let's have a look at him on the farm.
Yep.
- You will not be idle on the farm; you will be put to work. Boy, I hope you've got your tetanusshot, um...
...because, uh...
you'll be sorting through the scrap iron!
And to top off the whole thing, when the sun goes down, Dad'll be more than happy to make you a cocktail.
His favourite ― rum and Thriftee.
- Rum and Thriftee. - KURA, PAUL EGO: Wow.
- That's a weekend. - Sounds like an amazing weekend.
What are the sleeping arrangements with your dad?
Oh, you go on the left.
- Justine? - I brought in a voucher for a really good weekend as well.
As someone may know, I am a huge Disneyland fan. I've been to all the Disneylands in the world.
My voucher is for the ultimate Disneyland experience, where I'm gonna take you to Rope Drop;
I'm gonna show you hidden Mickeys around the park;
we're gonna eat; we're gonna drink; and we're gonna have a great, great time.
- Um, Justine. Just cos I'm unfamiliar with this stuff, because I'm an adult,
but, um...
what's a superstitious lightbulb?
- I'll tell you what. Why don't you give up your stinky little weekend with your dad,
come with me, and I'll show you what the lightbulb is?
- Kura. - Well, I've brought in a memory of my own personal weekend,
but I'd be happy to take the winner there as well.
- There's a bit of a story that goes with it.
So, it was 2004. I was at home for uni holidays in Plimmerton.
So, my sister is a big rugby league fan and union fan, and she was like,
'Come down to the pub with me. The Bulldogs have just played the Warriors in town,
'but for some reason, they're out in Plimmerton.'
So I put on my best hoodie and jeans...
...went down to the Mana Esplanade― local pub,
and there were all these league players there, and I couldn't have given a shit,
until this one quite good-looking guy comes up to me.
He said, 'Hey, my name's Sonny, like sunny days.'
And I was like, 'Hi, I'm Kura, like school.'
And we hit it off, right? And so we're talking and chatting, and he's buying me drinks.
We had a little kissy wissy, like you do.
The night ends, and he says, 'Would you like to come back to my hotel room?'
And his cab's full of, like, all these big league players.
And I was like, 'No, thank you. I'm afraid.'
- And then he said, 'Well, is there anywhere we can go?'
And my sister was the manager of the local Pizza Hut at the time...
- ...which is right next to the pub. This is a true story. - This is a true story.
- And so, it's, like, the end of the night, and she gives me the key to Pizza Hut.
She's like, 'Go to Pizza Hut and have sex with him.'
And I was like...
So I open up Pizza Hut, offer this guy a Pepsi,
and then, on the swivelly chair at Mana Esplanade Pizza Hut,
I had sex with Sonny Bill Williams!
- It's like...
- you actually deserve a Queen's Honour for that. - Yep.
- Ca-Can I ask, was the all-you-can-eat dessert bar still going or...?
- She was the dessert bar, mate. - Yeah.
- And he had all he could eat. - Yeah!
So, tha― I guess that's my prize. The prize is knowing that story,
and...
- Yeah. I was just gonna say, 'What is the prize exactly?'
- If they're lucky, my shout, down to Plimmerton.
The Pizza Hut's still there, and I'll show you where it happened.
There.
- Now, Chris.
- OK. Do you remember in 2020 when we used to talk about where you went if you had COVID,
and then everyone would alert and find out about all your plans and stuff?
And so I vividly remember, as it was all happening, a family who went to Rotorua.
The whole weekend was announced on TV.
And all I could think at the time ― wasn't so much worried about the pandemic ―
but what a lovely weekend away.
So I went back through the news and found all the locations of interest...
...and I've booked that exact holiday, so... here we go.
So you get to stay at the Wai Ora Lakeside Resort and Spa.
Uh, this is all booked; very expensive.
You get to go to the Rotorua Heritage Farm and 3D Art Gallery,
which I think's gonna be fuckin' awesome.
My favourite ― Herbs and Spices Thai Restaurant. There's a dinner voucher there.
No haunted light bulbs. No weird― - It's not a haunted light bulb.
- No weird piles of rusty old metal... - Oh.
And no old cum-stained s― office chair.
It's just a lovely holiday in Rotorua!
OK, Paul.
- You're next. - Oh, man.
I'm really regretting what I did.
- On― On my weekends, generally, I like to get out into the garden and fire up the garden tools.
It's great fun. And that, at best, is probably, like, an OK weekend.
But, for me, what turns an OK weekend into an amazing weekend ― like, the best weekend―
is if you're sharing your weekend with The Weeknd.
So this is me and... incredibly, garden tool-loving pop artist The Weeknd cutting the front hedge.
- He comes round. We do that together. - With an axe.
- And he always insists on using the chainsaw. It's overkill, but he's The Weeknd ―
what are you gonna do, you know? So, you know. So, yeah, that's my weekend with The Weeknd.
It was― It was one of the best weekends I've ever had.
Yeah.
- Yeah, I think― You're right. - I'm really in with a chance.
- How am I gonna score this? Um... - Cum stains, cum stains, cum stains.
No, I think he u― I think he uses points.
Oh!
- I think one point for Kura. - What?!
Cos I don't want to see the spot where you―
- OK. - Even though I love the story. It was a great story. I―
- Great story. - Amazing.
- I totally appreciate the story. - You don't wanna see it? OK.
- I also don't wanna go to Disneyland with Justine particularly, so I'll go two points for Justine.
- Oh, that's really harsh. - Well, can I go by myself? It's― You came along with me.
If it was by myself, then I'd be into it.
- Chris' one's you can just go by yourself... - Yeah.
- Or pay for someone else to come along. - With that attitude,
you can fucking go right by yourself, thank you.
- Paul, I reckon I'll give you three points. - I am amazed.
- Me too. - Cos I like doing― I like a weekend of doing chores.
Josh, I think four points for you. Your father seems like a lovely man.
And I think, Chris, that's the best prize by a long way.
- Unbelievable. - Unbelievable.
- And what a win for Rotorua. They'll be stoked. - Yeah.
Herbs and Spices Thai Restaurant ― they do an amazing pad Thai.
Well, enjoy your meal for one.
- With a lingering eye on those freakin' weekends, let's get back to work.
I'd like to see a task, please, Paul. - This task is a real thinker.
- Uh-oh. - No.
- Hello, Kura. - Hello, Paul.
Oh no. Is it maths?
- Yuck.
Yuck.
- Not a problem for me.
Yep.
Someone's won that.
Gosh.
- What's wrong? - Can't open this one.
- Prove you're smarter than the other contestants.
- Smartest contestant wins.
- You have five...
squared?
- I don't know what that means.
Five to the power of two. Or is it two to the power of five?
- Five squared. Five fives are 25. Minus the square root of 25? 20― You have 20 minutes.
- The other contestants. Well, they're pretty thick, a lot of them.
Maybe not Kura, but the others are a bit stupid.
- I just saw your clock. I've got 20 minutes.
- OK. - Smart.
- What's something that I know?
You wouldn't know.
Hope that wasn't the task.
They'd just sealed it. It was so stuck.
- How do you think you're gonna go on this one, Justine? - Uh, f― OK. Fine. Good.
- You all right? - I don't know.
- You seem on edge. - Yeah, I think I'd― Let's see.
- She's in the top 15 smartest people to have ever competed on Taskmaster New Zealand.
It's Justine Smith.
- Can you just Google 'random quiz questions'?
- OK, this is trivia questions for you.com. - Let's go.
- Who said the famous quote 'Knowledge is power'? - Winston Churchill.
- Sir Francis Bacon. - Mm, bacon. Yum.
- What temperature does water boil at?
- Oh, um... - minus something?
100 degrees Celsius. Minus?
Who is the founder of Apple Company? - Um, Bill Gates?
- Steve Jobs. - Shit! Shit. Shit. Bugger.
- How many times has Andy Murray won Wimbledon playing singles?
- Twice. - Correct.
I mean, yep. Next question.
- What does IPA stand for?
- Llll...
lager? - 'Lager' starts with an I.
- What'd I say? - You said lager.
- What is it? IPA? - Yeah.
It's not great, is it?
- Oh my God.
- Do you think anyone will do anything smarter than that? - Yeah, I do.
But I-I do enjoy a good quiz night. - Right.
- Disappointing lack of any kind of alcoholic beverages for that one. - Well, there was the IPA.
- Indian pale ale. - Yes.
I've learnt something too.
Can see what's happened there, haven't you?
- Same. I― pretty harsh editing, cos I got quite a few more questions than that right, Paul, didn't I?
- She did get some right, yeah. - Some right? I got quite a few right, actually.
OK.
Andy Murray was in there. - I'll Andy Murray you in a minute. - OK.
- Is he a tennis player? - Yeah. - Yeah.
There we go.
Thank you.
- Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. - Who's next?
- She's in the top 15 smartest people to have ever competed on Taskmaster New Zealand.
- It's Kura Forrester. - Yeah!
- I bet ya I could probably, like, speak another language better than them.
Maybe I'll speak some te reo Maori.
Kia or a. My name's Girl, or Kotiro.
Welcome to my interesting world.
Don't tell anyone, but I'm just using a little bit of Google.
- There are cameras filming this. - What?
- There are cameras filming this. - Well, I didn't consent to that.
Kerewa ―
to be clever.
Mohio ― understand.
Muremure ― crafty.
- Wait, you haven't consented to any― anything being filmed? - No.
Punenga ―
intellectual.
...tual.
I don't think there's an R.
- Here are some te reo Maori words for the colours. Mawhero.
Kahurangi.
Kowhai.
Kakariki.
- We've been filming... all your tasks.
- Nah, just kidding. - OK.
- What other words would you like to know, Paul? - Time's up.
- Kua pau. It's over.
Kua pa...
- Thanks, Paul. Kia or a. - Kia or a. - Ka kite.
- Beautiful use of reo there. There was a schoolteacher-y vibe going on there. I noticed that.
- Oh, kura means school. Yeah, but it also means precious. - Oh.
Why-Why didn't you say that to Sonny?
- Before we test the mental mettle of the other three taskers, it's time to take a paku whakata,
which means a small break. I'll― see, I know some things too actually.
- Yeah. That's beautiful. - We'll see you for more brain busting soon.
- Welcome back to Taskmaster. Paul Williams, describe for the people what is happening right now.
- We've challenged our contestants to prove that they are the smartest.
We've seen Kura and Justine. Now it's time for Chris Parker to prove Chris smarter than everyone else.
Here's Chris.
- Prove I'm smarter than the other contestants. Well, I don't know. I'm not working that out.
Is there a smart way I can get out of this?
What's a really smart way to do this? Can I get a massage?
- Hi, Paul. - Hello. Welcome to Chris' Day Spa.
- Do you find joy in massaging people for a living?
- This is my first one, to be honest.
- Yeah, you can tell.
You can sing to me if you like.
♪ Wouldn't it be nice
♪ if we were― ♪
No. I change my mind.
I don't want you to sing.
It's too weird. - OK.
- Ooh. What's that? What's this technique?
- I'm just kinda vibing it. - Yeah, freestyle. It's great.
I feel like, um, DJ decks.
Get in there. Beat the shit outta me, Paul.
Oh my God.
- Sorry. - No, that was perfect.
Do you feel smart? - I feel...
like the smartest person on this fucking show.
So good.
How was Paul's massage?
- It was easily the most uncomfortable experience I've ever had in my life.
It was one of the many experiences we had that I think has permanently ruined our friendship.
But we cool, eh?
- We cool. - We cool.
- Who's next into the intellectual arena, Paul?
- Based on the size of his body, you'd assume his brain is very tall. It's Paul Ego.
Prove you're smarter than the other contestants.
Well, first of all, I will, cos there's a spelling mistake there.
Should be an apostrophe and an extra E.
- Oh! - Do you have a pen?
'You're' is spelt Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E.
You're. Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E. The apostrophe takes the place of the A.
You
are smarter.
Tick.
10 outta 10.
100%.
Booyah.
- You've got 16 minutes and 42 seconds.
- That's fine. I'm gonna go and read my Hawking book.
Cheers, P Willy. That was really satisfying.
Oh, you missed one.
- And once again, smugness gets in the way of greatness. - Yeah.
Really did. Really did.
- You know, over the years, my wife and both my kids have said, 'You don't listen.'
And I used to think they were liars. And this show has proved that they're absolutely right.
- What did the task say exactly? There were two different 'your's, weren't there?
- Yes.
And both were incorrect.
Still, at least I didn't have your creepy little hands on me.
- If this were the end of the world, there would be only one more who could save us.
So who have we got left? - He was the dux of his primary school. It's Josh Thomson.
- 'Prove your smarter.' You've used the wrong 'your' for a start.
I don't wanna be pedantic, but if we gotta be smart, should be an apostrophe-R-E.
I've just gotta show off. I've gotta show off my intellectual capability.
Ask me something. - How's your day going?
- Good.
Uuum...
I know what this is.
It's a telescope.
- Did you just break my telescope?
- Yeah. I've just got a bit of a time thing at the moment. I'll come back to that.
I can speak a dialect of Yolngu which is Aboriginal from the people of Arnhem Land,
of the northwestern territories of Australia.
Means bouncing tits.
Ionic, Doric,
Corinthian.
This is the flowery one.
Oh, shit. I can't remember. This... This is, uh...
the Ro― the columns of the Classical period.
- We might have to blur that middle one. - - Yeah.
Yep.
- You got 34 seconds. - Goddammit!
Bummer.
- A lot of faff and paff there, but not a lot of proving that you were smart.
Although, the columns... - Mm-hm.
- How accurate were the columns?
- His drawings weren't super clear, but I do think he got Ionic and Doric maybe around the wrong way.
Bullshit, mate.
You wanna talk Classical columns? Let's talk Classical columns.
- Here we go. He's off. - JUSTINE, CHRIS: He's off.
- He's doing that thing again. - What thing?
- Yelling. - Yelling.
- It is hard though, because I think Josh is by far the smartest.
Yeah. I hate to admit that as well.
- But he fucked that up. - Fucked it so hard.
- Should we score this one? - Yes, please.
Let's― No. No, thanks.
- Justine, it's only fair that you get one. - Sure. I'll take that.
- I think, Josh, you come in with two points. - Mm-kay.
- Although, you got the 'you're' right, as did you, Paul, so you get three points,
but then, you were out of there quite quickly, and I thought that was quite smart,
whereas Josh just faffed around for a lot longer.
Kura, four points for you. Speaking another language is always impressive.
- Thank you.
- And five points for Chris because that's smart use of time, in my opinion.
- Yeah. - Well done, Chrissy!
- Paul, let's not do any more maths. Just tell us the scores, please.
- Out in first with a perfect 10 points, it's Chris Parker.
Fantastic.
Well, why don't we see these titans of intellect tackle another task?
- I've been told that I have to pre-face this task by saying that despite appearances,
the following task is not the 10th instalment of the Fast and Furious franchise.
Oh no.
- I'm sssso... - Ooh.
- Excited already. - We got a buggy?
- Oh my God. - Strength. Oh my God. - Oh, wow.
- Are we ponies? Golf cart! - Oh, right on.
- Hello, Chris. Hello, Paul.
- Hey, P Willy. - Hey, Paul.
- Hey, Paul! - Hey, Paul.
- Hello, Kura. Hello, Justine.
- 'Hello, Josh.' - Oh, well, you didn't say hello.
- What do you reckon it is?
Drive 11 complete laps without leaving the cart.
- Every lap, a rule will be added.
Rule one ―
- the cart must remain in motion and below 8km/h at all times.
- Each time a rule is broken, 100 seconds will be added to your time.
Fastest wins.
- Your time will start when Paul drops his flag.
So, we gotta drive 11 complete laps without leaving the cart. Every lap, a rule will be added.
- OK.
- OK. Less go!
- OK. So... - This is the attitude we need.
- I'm so excited. Yeah. - Ready?
- Are you ready? - We're ready.
- It's a great task, but I've never seen a bunch of adults so excited about driving around...
- I know. - ...in a generic golf cart.
- It was really neat. - What buggy team do I get to see first?
- Hello, race fans. Start your... 10 horsepower engines. It's Justine, Kura and Josh.
- ♪ Yay! ♪
- On your marks,
get set,
go.
- This is gr― Oh, this is really nice. - This is so nice!
Josh, do you wanna grab the task, or shall I?
- I can grab it. You drive, you drive. - OK. Here we go.
You right, mate? He's got it. - Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going.
Rule two ― swap all shoes at the start of each lap.
- Here's mine, Thomo. You take mine. - OK.
- OK. We've swapped!
- Don't stop. Don't stop. - Take the bucket. Take the bucket.
- Bucket taken. - Yeah.
- OK, swap shoes. Swap shoes. - Great.
- We could just swap between us, eh? - Rule three ― put one duck in the bath every lap.
- Whoo-hoo! - OK.
Every lap shoes, every lap duck. - ♪ Every lap shoes. ♪
♪ Every lap duck.
♪ Every lap shoes. Every lap duck. ♪
- I need shoes. - OK, you― Whoo-hoo!
- OK, duck in. Duck in. Here's some shoes. I got some shoes.
- Whoo! Shoes.
- Rule four ― high five Paul and exclaim a new catchphrase every time you pass him.
- You got a catchphrase? - Yeah. Shit yeah.
- Yes! - Whoo! Well, all right!
- OK. Shoes, high five. - OK, new rule ―
honk your horn exactly once every minute for all remaining laps.
- Who's got a timer? - I've got a timer. OK, here we go.
Uh, honk it now.
Here comes a duck! - OK, here comes a duck.
- Don't stop! Don't stop! Don't stop! - Eye on the minute.
- OK. You are enough. All right!
- You get the glasses. I'll get the task. - OK, glasses. OK.
Rule six ― cool lap.
Everyone must wear shades for this lap. Shades on, shades on.
- Can I leave my shades on? I quite like them.
- Reach for the stars.
- You got all of it?
- Yep, I got it. - I got it.
Rule seven ― make Paul a decadent sandwich during this lap.
Duck coming. Duck coming. Here comes the duck. - Shoes. Shoes.
- I'm gonna go real slow. - Duck's in. OK.
- Real slow, love. - So that's a big sandwich.
Big sandwich. Big sandwich. - Yep, got it.
- Nah, nah, you're all good. - I could go― I could go a Sammie.
Go, Juzzy!
- It's Paul's sandwich!
- Pastrami?! Yum!
- Here's your sandwich, Paul.
- Thank you, Paul. - Thank you. - KURA, JOSH: Keep going!
- Sorry. Sorry.
- What's all that about, am I right?
- Grab it. Grab it. - OK.
- Rule eight ― scream 'This is fun' in unison exactly once every minute for your remaining laps.
- My God. - OK.
- This is fun. - I'm glad you're enjoying it.
- Shoes. - Duck in.
- You're the man. Yes, you are. You're the man. You'll go far.
One contestant must have a mouthful of sparkling water for this lap.
Do you mind if I do it? - Go for it.
What a―
- Task! Task! - Task!
- Sorry.
Everyone must stay still and make minimal noise for this lap.
Two, one. The horn.
This is fun.
- Taskmaster? More like ass-master.
At the end of this final lap, honk your horn exactly 21 times. - OK.
- ♪ Bye, little ducky. ♪
Hardly working or working hard? Am I right?
This is fun! ...fun!
- Stop the clock. - All right!
- That's my funnest one of all time. - That was very fun.
So good.
- Yeah. You guys really seem to have sorted out your teamwork issues.
We've had some problems in the past episodes, but look at that.
- Yeah. We really came together. - Amazing.
- It was a real window into what going to Disneyland with Juzzy's like.
'Shoes! Shoes! Take your shoes off!'
'This is fun!'
- There were quite a few rules. - A lot of rules, yes.
They completed the course in 14 minutes and 16 seconds,
but they broke nine rules for an additional 900 seconds. - What?!
- So the adjusted time was 29 minutes and 16 seconds.
Oh, bullshit!
- We're gonna take a quick pit stop to refuel and make sure we're all wearing the same shoes,
actually, that we came with. We'll see you after the break.
- Welcome back to Taskmaster, where these five comedians are battling it out
for an all-inclusive VIP weekend to Disneyland, which they have to pay for themselves.
So one more team to go. - Yes.
It's Chris Park-a-car
and Paul Ego-fast.
On your marks. - Get set.
Go.
- Oh my God! This is so much fun. - Brilliant.
I don't reckon we're over eight. We won't be over eight.
- Yeah, I got it. OK, swap all shoes at the start of each lap.
- OK. You put your foot on the brake. There's one of mine. Have you got that?
- Yeah, I got it. - OK.
Kee― Kee― No, you can't take your foot off.
Thank you. Got it? - Got it.
- Got it. Got it. Got it. Have we gotta swap shoes again?
- Put one duck in the bath every lap?
Oh, that's coming round. That's all right.
Yep, good. Ohh.
Got it. Right, swap shoes again.
- High five Paul and exclaim a new catchphrase every time you pass him.
- Oh! - Got it.
- Oh, we need a catchphrase. - Oh! Um, bring on summer.
- Bring on summer, baby. - Task. Task. Task. The task!
- Oh shit! - Can we reverse?
The ducks!
- We'll get the task and then the ducks.
- Can I get out? I can get out. - The car must stay in motion.
- You can't. You gotta stay in motion.
- Do we have to stay in the drive― - Get the ducks.
- But we― - No, that'll do for now.
- Honk your horn exactly once every minute for all remaining laps.
Yeah, let's do it.
A new catchphrase. - Hey, balls to the wall.
- Task! The task! The task! - Oh! The task.
Do I keep the... swap shoes.
- Cool lap ― everyone must wear shades for this lap.
- Yeah, nice. Got the duck?
- Here come Mr Nice Guys.
- Yeah. - We need a duck. We need a duck.
- Sorry. Go back for the ducks. You open that; I'll get the duck.
- Grab a couple.
Oh, fuck!
Fuckin' hell.
- Reversing. - Hang on, we're reversing. It's all right.
Caravan's fine. It's all good. It probably needed to be moved a bit.
How 'bout a duck? - I reckon I should get the ducks, actually.
- Yeah.
- I gotta make Paul a sandwich. Oh, we don't need―
- What?! You gotta make Paul a sandwich?
- Yeah. We don't need the shades anymore. - OK.
Yeah, bros before homeowners.
- Oi. - OK.
- Here's a lovely sandwich. - Thank you.
- Wha― Oh, we gotta say, 'This is fun' in unison. One, two, three.
- This is fun! - Once exactly every minute.
I'm glad you're enjoying it.
- I'll do the duck.
- See ya. I wouldn't wanna be ya. - That's not very nice.
- One contestant must have a mouthful of sparkling water for this lap.
I'll have that. - K.
- Better watch where you're putting those, big boy.
- Got enough ducks? - Yeah.
Everyone must stay still
and make minimal noise for this lap.
- Is that a radar in your pocket or have you got an erection?
- It's a radar. - Oh, yeah.
- At the end of this final lap, honk the horn exactly 21 times. - OK.
That's it. OK.
- One, two. - Three, four.
18, 19, 20...
21. - ...21.
Final catchphrase, yeah! - Booyakasha!
- That's a good one.
- Thank you, Paul. Thank you, Chris. - That was so good.
- Those crocs are comfortable. - They are comfortable, eh?
Yeah.
- That was brilliant! - Amazing. So good.
- I knew something interesting was about to happen when the banjo music starts up.
You're the first person to― to crash, uh, one of those into the caravan.
- The thing is, Paul would keep forgetting to get the task,
so then we'd have to do a little― we added this gorgeous little U-turn in.
And then we thought, 'Let's never do that again.'
Then all the ducks fell off the thing, and then we had to do it every time.
I'll tell you the worst part ― was me having to take the crocs off Paul's bare feet...
- Ew! Ew! - Ooh!
...and then, put that into my foot. It was honestly...
...awful.
It was like getting into a bath your grandad's just got out of.
- So, the time to beat was 29 minutes and 16 seconds,
and Paul and Chris' time before the rule penalty gets added on
was 11 minutes and 27 seconds.
- They made
15 errors... - Not bad.
- ...for an additional of 1500 seconds, taking their total to 36 minutes and 27 seconds.
- Oh no. - Not that bad.
Yass!
- Right. I think it should be three points to you guys; two points to you guys.
- Oh, thank you. Appreciate it. - Happy with that.
- It's time to take an ad break in our TV show that, in itself, is an ad for Herbs and Spices Thai Rotorua.
Let the herbs and spices transport you away. That's what they say. See you after the break.
- Welcome back to Taskmaster.
If you're just joining us, these five folks are vying to win a sensual weekend with Sonny Bill Williams
on Josh Thomson's dad's farm.
Sonny Bill not included.
- At a blistering 8K's an hour, Paul, why don't you speed us into the next task?
- This next task had our contestants 'rope-a-pull'.
- The spider hath
spun its web.
- Ah, there's been a drive-by roping.
- I guess I should get the task.
- Where is that pesky task?
- Do you want me to abseil up there?
- Um, just pull it down, ideally. - Oh, pu― Yeah, OK. Cool.
- I can pull it? - Hi-yah!
- Pull the rope to drop the duck.
- There's a lot of ropes.
- You cannot enter the house.
- Fewest rope pulls wins. Your time starts now.
- Is the duck in the bucket?
- This is not the first time I've come across a duck in a bucket.
- Which one's got the duck in it?!
- Mm-kay. Which puller are we gonna see first, Paul?
- Here, completing one of the things off her bucket list,
which is a list of things she wants to do with buckets, it's Justine Smith.
- So, the duck is maybe in one of these buckets.
I'm assuming the duck is yellow, so I'm just gonna do that.
Not a duck.
Oh, that's got water.
Ooh.
That made me feel uncomfortable for some reason.
OK, the yellow theory, maybe not working.
Thought that was an iPad.
Oh, I'm enjoying that, though.
Little bit of Disneyland.
Um, OK. That's that.
What was that? Is that a duck? - No, that― that was my yo-yo.
That was my xylophone.
- Close to a duck.
- In what way? - It's an egg!
I'd have been happier with it if that was the first rope I pulled,
but I'm happy there was a duck in the bucket
and it wasn't some mysterious clue I was missing.
- Why'd you choose that one? - Duck ― I mean, there's three letters in the word duck―
four.
- Can't blame the editing. - Not this time.
No, you can't.
- How long did that take? 12, was it? - It was 12 rope pulls, yes.
- 12's pretty good. - How many buckets were there?
- Uh, 26 buckets.
- Who's up next? - Let's watch 'Pull' Ego pull 'thee' rope.
I feel like a trick is involved, Paul.
That is definitely not a duck.
I'm just gonna have to pull all of them. We'll go every second.
No. Confe― OK.
Oh! Ohh!
- Oh, this is really―
How many― How many pulls is that now?
It's a hell of a mess. I don't have to clean all this up, do I?
Oh, there's nothing in that one at all. That probably doesn't even count.
I reckon it's either this one or this one.
It's not that one either.
This is still one pull.
- I think that's two rope pulls.
P Willy, you're a.
That's not a duck either.
I reckon it's misdirection and there are no ducks.
Well, I'm not gonna win fewest pulls. We're doing all of them.
We're gonna commit to every bucket. I'm an every bucket guy from way back.
Was that literally the last bucket? - I think it was second to last.
- I'm just gonna check the envelope in case it says 'the most number of pulls wins.'
Yep. That's what it says. Mo― No, fewest. It says fewest. - Yeah.
Yep.
- How many buckets did Paul pull? How many ropes?
So, there was a total of 26 ropes, and he pulled 25.
- That's amazing. That's like 99%.
- Why 26 buckets?
- Uh, because there are 26 letters in the alphabet.
Oh my God!
- What, so each bucket had something in it... - Yes.
- So, D for duck. - Yeah.
- Fourth bucket. - Yeah.
- There we go. Look at that. - Yeah, you could've put those up there. That would've been better.
We would've got it really fast. - Not everyone could have done as badly as Paul, though, surely.
- Should we find out? - Yeah.
- She's the Sonny Bill Williams of finding ducks. It's Kura Forrester. - Oh God.
- Can you tell me which bucket the duck's in?
- I can't, sorry. - Worth a shot, though, eh?
Ducky!
I'm pulling this one cos it looks like it's got something in it.
A QR code?
I feel like this― this is a riddle.
'Scan me.' Yes, I will.
Hope it sees where the duck is.
Taskmaster. Use the fourth!
Wow!
- Thanks, Paul. - Thank you, Kura.
- See ya later. - See ya.
- Well done, mate. - Thanks, mate.
- Well done. - Got lucky.
- Impressive, Kura. Impressive, using technology.
- Thank you. - Uh, it was three rope pulls.
- Three rope pulls. See, that's quite impressive. - Really good.
- A little bit of luck involved in that, though, you gotta say...
- For sure! - ...that you pulled the QR one.
- Yeah. - I mean, the other two also pulled the QR one.
Justine thought it was an iPad, and Paul...
Did I? - Yeah, I paid no attention at all
to any of the other things in the buckets. - No, I didn't either.
- Like, at no point did I go, 'Oh, this is a show that's often got clues as to what the thing is.
'Maybe I should look at what the things are.'
No, you dumb fucko, just keep pulling the ropes.
- Who are we gonna see next, Paul? - These two are really 'quack' up. It's Josh and Chris.
- I mean, is there a way of working it out?
Or... is there a hack?
- Just gotta make some sort of situation.
- Can you please get me some tape, a mirror and a stick?
It's just wet from the dew.
- I've seen ducks have sex before. Pretty gruesome stuff.
- I generally stay away from those types of websites.
- My phone's connected to my watch, and I can see what my watch― ph― watch―
I can watch what― I can― I can― I can―
I can watch... what was the question?
- Oh!
I saw something yellow in that one.
A lemon!
You could see how I thought that was a duck.
- There's a duck. - There's a duck in the blue one.
Eh!
Oh, which one was it?
Which one was it? - What do you mean?
There's something in here.
- Yeah! I mean, it's a toy duck. It's not an actual duck.
Oh shit! Which one was it?
- What? - Oh... it's the blue one. It's gotta be the blue one.
That blue one, eh?
Which one is it?
- I swear this is a duck.
Ah!
Clever! Clever!
- Great mirror work from you.
- Yeah. How long was I actually doing that for, cos it felt like ages.
- It was quite a while. - Yeah.
- He took 36 minutes. - Yeah.
- 36 minutes? - So long.
- Yes. But, uh, two rope pulls from Chris. - Yeah.
- Amazing. - That's very good.
Yeah. It's not very many, is it?
No.
- But Josh found it in one pull. - Yeah, well done.
- Wow. - One pull.
- One point for Paul, two points for Justine, three points for Kura,
four points for Chris and five points for Josh Thomson.
- Nice, Jo shy. - Well done, Josh.
- All right, it's time for you all to go and tug your own bucket and see what comes out.
We'll see you after these ads.
- Welcome home. We've missed you.
It's almost time to send someone home with a heavily discounted weekend of action
courtesy of Chris Parker and Grab One, but we still have one more task to complete.
First of all, however, Paul, what are the scores?
- With a two-point lead, on 16, it's Chris Parker out in front.
- It is all to play for. Let's head up on to the stage for the live task.
Those are some beautifully art-directed toilet brushes on plinths.
Paul, who's gonna read out the task?
- Josh Thomson. - We believe in you, Josh. - Thanks. That's very nice.
Trick the Taskmaster by hiding your toilet brush
either in your reusable shopping bag or on your person.
The Taskmaster can ask one question per player and make one accusation of each brush's location.
If his accusation is wrong, you move on to the next round.
If his accusation is correct, the player will leave the game. Last player standing wins.
You have 20 seconds to hide your toilet brush while the Taskmaster averts his gaze.
- Is that me? Or, do I have to get― Oh.
- Oh, his gaze. - Oh, the gaze. His gaze.
Oh, there was just a...
Your first 20 seconds starts on Paul's whistle.
- Everybody understands? - Yes.
OK.
10 seconds.
OK.
You're holding your bag behind you, Chris?
- Yeah. - Is that my question?
I believe that was your question.
- It's on your person, Chris.
Dammit-uh.
Really good. - Josh?
- Hey.
- It's in your bag. - Hey?
- I'm not even gonna ask you a question. It's in your bag.
I forgot. Fuck.
You're good at this, I know.
- You haven't put it up your dress, have you, Justine?
- Nope. - It's on your person.
- Ooh.
Eh! Well done.
- What year were you born, Kura? - 1985.
- Good year. - Mm.
- It's in the bag.
- Oh! - Eh!
- Nice work.
- Paul. - Yeah, I wasn't born in 1985.
- Is it in the bag or on your person, Paul?
I'm not telling you.
- It's on your person.
- Then how do you explain this?
Yes, baby!
Ooh, ugh! Wow.
Wow!
- That's round one. For round two, we'll be adding a second toilet brush.
Same again. 20 seconds to hide both on my whistle.
- Justine. - Hi.
- Are you a fan of supermarket shopping? - I am.
- They're on your person.
Yep.
That was amazing.
First time I've ever seen someone shit out two toilet brushes.
Kura.
What's your favourite Pizza Hut pizza?
Easy. Chicken and bacon with barbecue sauce.
- I believe that the brushes are on your person.
Then how do you explain...
- this? - Eh!
Well, that means that you guys came first equal.
- Yes! - We took it! - Come on down.
- Yes, queen! - Wow!
- Take a seat, please.
I think it'd be good to score that five points for each of you guys.
- Thank you. - And one point each for the boys.
- Yes! Yes, yes! - What?!
- One for the boys. - One for the boys.
- And as always, someone must have won that episode, Paul.
In second place with 16, Kura.
- And winning the episode with 17,
- Chris Parker! - Chrissy!
- Chris Parker wins, meaning, like a recent divorcee, the weekends all belong to you.
Yeah. - Go and grab them, Chris. Enjoy the spoils.
Tonight, we've found our ducks, we've discovered new massage techniques
and learnt that the boiling point of water is indeed above zero.
And our winner for this fourth episode is Chris Parker!
Thanks for your company tonight. See you next week. Po Marie. Good night.
- All the information you need is in the task, yeah.
- When your girlfriend goes, 'Do you wanna go out for dinner?'
do you just go, 'All the information is on the task'? - Yeah.
- Fuck!
Yeah!
I'm not the Taskmaster, but I'd say, phwoar, nailed it.