- Ooh-hoo-hoo.
- My name is Paul Williams.
- Ooh!
- Kia or a koutou. Welcome to Taskmaster ―
the show that tests just how stretchy comedians' brains can get.
Those comedians are Chris Parker,
Josh Thomson,
Justine Smith,
Kura Forester
and Paulie Ego.
They have been doing my bidding on a homestead up north, but they haven't been alone.
My assistant ― and sometimes facial hairdresser ― has been there,
making sure they complete the tasks to the best of their abilities.
Please welcome said assistant and scissor man Paul Williams.
It's great to be here, Jeremy. And while I do appreciate our studio audience,
I would like to take a moment to say hello to everybody who is watching this on TV.
Zoom in, if possible.
Zoom in on me, please.
- You don't― No, no, no. It doesn't work like that.
You administer the tasks.
You don't direct the TV show.
You don't get a zoom in. It doesn't work like that. - OK. Sorry.
- No more of that. - OK.
- Let's start with a prize task, please.
- Tonight we're looking for the best thing to have on a desert island.
- Let's start with you, Justine. What did you bring in?
- Well, Taskmaster, I thought if I'm on a des― desert island.
Sorry, I was gonna say, 'dessert island, ' cos yum.
What I would really need and would make me really happy is a tiki bar.
It makes a desert island Yas Island.
- Wow. - Yeah.
And what you can't see there is it is fully stacked with vodka and soda.
And I'm gonna have a splash of that juice just to be healthy.
- Is there an ice maker?
- If you were stranded on an island, I put to you, Jeremy,
that you wouldn't really give a shit about the ice.
Like, sure, no one likes a warm drink,
but I think we can all agree that a warm drink, better than no drink.
- Totes. - That's her motto.
I've heard her say that before. She keeps saying it.
Yeah, so, I've got that tattooed on my back.
- Paul, what did you bring in?
- Well, I'm a guy who is always thinking about where my next meal is coming from.
So if I was stuck on a desert island, I'd wanna be making the most of the food that was available.
So I thought a great thing would be to take this...
A classic.
You know, a New Zealand icon ― the classic Edmonds Cookbook, but the Coconut Edition.
So, it's got all the best coconut recipes.
Like, you've got coconut muffins.
A couple of muffins there.
You can make some, obviously, coconut pizza there.
And then we finish it off with the classic coconut foo yong.
- Josh, what did you bring in?
- Well, I was less interested in having a good time on the island.
I was more interested in staying alive.
The human body can survive for three weeks without food, but only three days without water.
So I would like to present to you a solar desalination still.
Wow.
I've honestly seen one of those before, and I didn't realise that's what it was for.
- It looks like a couple of bottles glued together with about a hose coming up the middle,
and that is exactly what it is.
And what happens is down the bottom, the dirty water, it evaporates in the sun, goes up to the top one ―
you can see it condensing on the side ―
and it slides down, and it actually fills up the top water bottle.
And it really does work. It's a fun thing that you can build with your kids, sticking them. together
- And afterwards, once the kids have gone to bed, this also doubles as a...
Am I right?
- Yeah, you can put bong water in there, and it will still make it come out the top.
It does. It really works. I've done it with tap water.
I've also done it with some dirty water I got from a gutter.
And I've also done it with other stuff.
- Oh my...
- What's that? - Uh, just some other stuff.
Once you get a taste for it...
Is that piss water?
- Not any more. - Ooh.
- Kura... - I also am keen on survival.
But like Tom Hanks, I also know that to survive, it's all up here, right.
I mean, you've gotta have a pal, so I made a pal.
- Wow.
- Some might call him 'Wilson'.
This is...
Wilson.
- Spoiler alert ― we know what happened to Wilson.
Yeah.
Sorry.
- Oh, I haven't seen it.
- Oh, he went on to make some of the greatest tennis rackets in the world.
- Chris, what did you bring in?
- Well, it's all well and good making yourself drinks or hanging out with that broken volleyball,
but I present to you a boat.
And I'm getting the fuck off that island.
- So you decided to get off that island using oars, not a sail.
There are so many boats available, Chris.
I spent all my money on that holiday to Rotorua.
- I think, Kura, you get one point, because you could've taken anyone. You decided to take an old ball.
And also, you spoiled― All these people, most of them haven't seen Castaway.
For Castaway, it's all over for them. - I'll take it, yeah.
- You're right. - It's quite a new film
- Josh, two points for you. Don't wanna drink your own urine.
- You don't have to drink mine; you can drink yours.
- I don't wanna drink mine either. - You can drink Paul's. - I don't wanna drink his.
Paul's urine's very sweet.
- I don't even put it through the filter. I just go straight.
Yeah, it tastes like sweet navel orange.
I imagine that he's more of a lemon and barley sort of a man.
Lemon and barley!
Shall we continue scoring it?
- No. What other flavours? Creaming soda, I reckon. - Yeah.
- Three points for Paul.
Four points for Chris, because that dinghy's gonna be useless eventually. - Yeah, that's fair.
- And five points for Juzza. - Thank you.
Cos who doesn't want a tiki Bar?
Wade out into the lagoon of tasks, please, Paul, and fish me up another one, please.
- If you're crossing your fingers for a great task, it's your lucky day.
- Dramatic.
- Ooh. Hi, buddy.
- Hello, P Willy. Great to see you again.
- Cute.
Oh, thank you.
OK. I'm gonna focus on this one.
- This looks really hard.
Complete the fortune trail, then flip five consecutive heads.
Fastest wins. Your time starts now!
Are you feeling lucky, punk?
That was a great impression.
- Thank you.
- Right. So, if I'm a stats man, and I am a stats man,
I know that flipping five of the same coin tosses in a row is not easy.
- It's not, no.
Do you wanna see how they went? - I'd love to know.
- Up first, there are four of them, like the leaves on a lucky clover
or the fingers on the hand of an unlucky carpenter.
It's Justine, Kura, Chris and Paul.
Either walk under this ladder or put the ladder away in the shed.
Where's the ladder? What ladder? Oh.
- Definitely walking under it. - That's bad luck.
- Oh, mate. I don't believe in that superstitious crap.
- What happens if I get stuck halfway?
Either let the black cat cross your path or carry the cat for the rest of the task.
- Oh my God. That's so cute.
I'll carry it.
- This has really cheered me up, Paul.
- I'm gonna let it cross my path.
Either find the lucky penny or find exactly $13.
- How will I know what the lucky penny looks like? - It looks like a penny.
- I don't really know what a penny looks like, even though I'm quite old.
- One penny.
- Yeah. - Whoo!
- That's 13.
Either spill the salt or throw the salt container over your shoulder into the bin.
- Spill it?
It's bad luck.
- I don't care.
- Damn. That was close.
- Superstition can eat my arse.
Either open umbrella inside the caravan or close the 13 umbrellas in the study.
I'm not going to the study.
It's open inside.
Final. Flip five heads in a row.
- In a row.
- Fuck. - You're an arsehole. Anyone ever told you that?
- One... - What was the alternative?
- There's no alternative. - No.
One.
Two.
- Two.
Three.
- Four.
- One. - One.
- Two. - Two. Three.
Tails. What would you say to Lady Luck right now?
- Fuck ya, bitch.
- Oh, it fell off. Doesn't count. Still on four.
- Five.
- Five!
- Five. - Yes!
- Wahoo.
Ow. Shit.
- Are you worried about the bad luck? - Nah. Superstition's for cucks.
- Paul, I was watching you there, and you didn't seem to worry about anything other than the salt.
Any reason for that? - Yeah.
You know, it's becoming fairly evident that I always choose
the easiest and the most logical thing to do. - Is it?
- So as a 6'5" man, I should definitely go under a ladder rather than walk around it.
And then I should definitely try and throw a thing of salt behind my head exactly into a bin
rather than just pouring some on to the ground.
And then when given the option of having 400 coins,
rather than find an obvious penny, I should try and count exactly $13.
- About that... - Mm.
- He counted $6.45.
Yeah, so he did complete the course and flip the five heads in 5.10.
- Oh, that was quick. - But he did skimp on the $13.
So close to 6.50, which is half of $13.
- I think you should drop down one place. - OK.
- How did everyone else go? - Justine ― 8.51. - Mm-hm.
- Kura ― 14.27. - Whoa.
- Oh, and Chris, in a speedy 4.5 minutes. - Wow.
- That's good, man. - Chrissy Boo.
- Only took him 27 flips to get the five heads.
- Wow. - Wow.
- Which actually isn't even the fastest. Paul did it in 12.
- Wow. - What?!
- Justine ― 39.
Not too fair off the pace.
And Kura ― 86.
- Well, we've seen four coin-flippers finish the task, which means there is only one more to go.
But as luck would have it, we've got a series of ads to watch first. We'll see you back after this.
- Welcome back to Taskmaster, where are a couple of Pump bottles and Josh Thomson's purse is on the line.
What is happening, Paul?
- Our contestants have been tasked with completing a trail of superstitions
before flipping five heads in a row on a coin.
Fastest wins.
- And with four down, there's only one person left, isn't there?
- This guy knows about luck; he's married to the luckiest woman in the world.
- Aw. - It's Josh Thomson.
- Love you, Liz.
There's a little string here.
I'm not superstitious. What could go wrong?
- Car crash on the way home.
- Jesus Christ.
Basically, it's are you lazy or do you wanna do a lot of walking?
I could've told you from the start.
- Standard flipping, please, into the hand, and no cheating. Just flipping.
- The hell are you talking about?
That's one? - Yes.
- Two. Three.
- No. - Piss!
I believed. I believed.
- Four.
Tails.
- Tails.
Tails.
- Three. - Three.
Four.
- Piss! Piss! Kiss my ass!
- It's tails.
- Thank you. - Tails.
Tails.
Tails. Tails. You want five heads in a row.
- Ooh. Thank you - OK.
Four.
- Tails.
- Aargh!
Sorry.
I've lost the use of my thumb.
- Four.
I think I've just gotta chill out. I'm just a chilled out guy.
- Tails. - Hm.
This what you wanna do? You wanna do this until the end of the day?
- Tails. - Piss!
- Tails. - Ooh.
- Tails. - If you give me five tails, man, I'll put this in my bum.
- Heads. - It's a big coin.
- Four.
Five.
- I wasn't ready for it. I wasn't ready for it. Shh.
Press the thing. - I've stopped the clock. - I don't know how to feel.
I don't know how to feel.
I might have done a little mistake in my pants.
I guess it was just bad luck.
I don't ever remember doing this. I can go now, right?
- Yeah. You've done it.
Thank you, Josh. - Thank you, Paul.
- Beautiful. - Oh. Goodness me.
So amazing.
- That was a truly spiritual experience. - Mm. It really was.
- I bet you're a changed man. - I felt like I was there for quite a―
I'm not usually that quick to, sort of, breaking tables, but...
- He was very quick through the course. Struggled with the flipping part.
20.10.
145 flips.
No.
- Also worth noting that if anyone had put the ladder away in the shed
or closed the umbrellas in the study, they would have found this.
A lucky, two-sided coin, with heads on both sides.
- Lucky none of us did it.
Aargh!
- Let it out. Let it out. Let it out. Let it out. Let it out. - Aah!
- Let it out. - Come on, mate.
He's been letting it out all series.
- That would be one point for Josh. - Yup.
- Two for Kura. - Yeah.
Three for Paul, four for Justine, and five points for Chris Parker.
- Well, after that transcendent coin-flipping experience,
I can't imagine what other heights we can achieve.
What's our next task, Paul?
- Task snobs may turn up their nose at this one, but it'll get bums on seats.
Hello, Chris. - Hello, Paul.
- Ye olde telephone box.
- Wow. This is very Doctor Who.
- Doctor who? - Yeah, Doctor Who.
- Which doctor, though? - What? - Which doctor?
- Not a witch doctor. - No.
- What doctor? - I can see what you're doing, Paul,
and I simply cannot be bothered engaging. Um...
Transform into an original superhero and save Paul.
Best new superhero wins.
You have one hour. Your time starts now. OK.
- What's wrong? - Ooh.
I like the ones where I don't have to use any energy. - You don't have to use energy?
- No.
I've gotta bring the noise.
- Maybe, like, a superhero that teaches you how not to be annoying.
It's, like, a manners superhero. - OK.
- I save you from being a dickhead.
- What's, like, an animal that we can base it on?
You know, it could be part of his back story.
Dove Man? Pigeon? Goose? The geese?
- You could be in trouble, and I could save you from something. - Mm.
I could be, like, enjoying some snacks. - Yeah, it's not very perilous.
Unless you've got, like, an allergy, and I stop you eating nuts.
Allergy Man.
Intolerance Guy.
- I'm thinking a New Zealand theme.
White. Good. The dairy industry ― backbone of the country.
- Did I put too much― I put too much on my eye, eh, Paul?
It's in my eyes.
- You know, I've gotta overcome a fear, or something, or something that a goose would be afraid of.
What a geese afraid of? - Do you want me to look that up? - Yeah.
Grape Kool-Aid keeps geese away.
- Like Ribena.
OK. It's...
It's on the tight side.
Is that all the way up, that zip, or is there still a little bit of my back showing?
- And how are your eyes? - One of them is a lot better than the other.
- OK. - Yeah, I've kind of lost depth of perception.
- Right. Not many people talk about that as one of the other negative side effects of black face.
- Yeah, oh.
It's not black face; it's just black eyes.
Cos I― Superman had it. Ba― Blatman. Bla―
Sorry. Batman had black rings around his eyes. It's not black face.
- Some reasonably dubious costume choices there.
I don't know if I'm more offended by Paul's back...
- or your black face. - Oh, goddammit.
- Christ, if you think my back was bad, you should've seen my neck, my pussy and my crack.
Couldn't put that in.
- Actually, Paul, I think in that outfit, we did see all of that, to be fair.
- Some really revealing camera work. - Yeah, yeah.
- What an hon our to be able to see Josh and Paul's penises in this episode.
- OK, Paul, whose heroics do we get to see first?
- It's Peter Parker's less talented brother Chris Parker.
Life as a superhero can be a bit of a wild goose chase.
Sometimes you just feel like you're playing a game.
Sometimes you're a duck.
Sometimes...
you're the goose.
Paul was the only man I ever loved.
I formed a bond to him as a little gosling.
And he made love to me.
And I made love to him.
Paul!
I swore I was never gonna be a superhero again.
That is, until the Taskmaster messed with my Paul.
The Taskmaster.
The poo lakes!
Paul!
Not the poo lake.
Ribena ― my mortal enemy.
How will I save you?
My goose lasso.
Take a hold of my goose lasso.
Have you got it, Paul? - Yeah.
- Hold on tight, Paul. This is gonna hurt.
Take my hand.
Paul, don't die.
Don't die in the poo lake.
I've got you, Paul.
Curse you, Taskmaster!
OK.
Let's go back to my goose nest.
- Brilliant. - So good.
- So, let me get this straight.
I had pushed Paul into the poo lake, on a paddle board.
Why was he in the poo lake?
- Oh, look, this is the thing with these modern superhero movies. The story doesn't really matter.
It's more about that edgy vibe.
And that had lots of edgy vibe.
- Well, much like your local cinema, we've even more superhero films to show.
So who's saving you next, Paul? - His middle name is Alter. It's Paul Ego.
Help me.
I'm calcium-deficient.
I have very weak bones.
- It is I Milk Man ― New Zealand's foremost agricultural super hero ― and I hear a cry for help.
I shall pursue.
Forgot my trusty sidekick Moovin. Like Marvin, but with 'moo'.
I am Milk Man. I've come to save you, calcium-deficient weakling.
Here.
Hop aboard my trusty steed Moovin and we shall ride to safety.
And we're off.
We don't appear to be moving.
- We could just walk. - We could walk. Let's walk.
I guess we milked that exit.
- Is that an expression? - Yeah nah.
- Moovin had a few problems. Your trusty steed― - Yeah, yeah.
- ...wasn't so trusting there at the end.
- He wasn't moo-ving very well. No, no, no. I probably should've given him some milk as well.
I don't even know if cows like milk.
Like, if a cow drank some milk, would they just go, 'Is that Dave?'
It's like Josh drinking his own piss.
- Superhero stories are only made better by keeping people in peril,
so we're gonna leave you clinging to the rooftop for a commercial break. We'll see you in a moment.
- Welcome back to Task Master ― lovely to have your company ―
where we've been hanging out in Justine's tiki bar and having a couple of room temperature mojitos
and some of Paul's coconut foo yong.
What else are we doing, Paul?
- Currently, the task is to create a brand new superhero and save me from danger.
- Who's transforming in front of our eyes now, Paul?
- It's Josh Thomson.
What a beautiful outdoor breakfast buffet.
I might have some...
Can't remember what I'm allergic to.
Nuts.
- What?
- Nuts and most legumes.
You'll get anaphylactic shock.
- Oh. Thank you, Intolerance Man.
- Yeah.
- OK. Let's unpack that. - Mm-hm.
So, you live in a pile of leaves.
- Yeah. - Why do you not live in your car?
- Yeah, I mean...
- I don't like to question the motives of Intolerance Man.
He might've been looking for funguses or fungi
to figure out what other people might be allergic to on the forest floor.
Or he may not have thought it through.
- Let's get to another saving, eh, Paul. - It's a bird. It's a plane.
I should stop getting distracted by what's up there, because our next contestant, she's just over there.
It's Kura Forrester.
Hi there. My name's Dr DickSaver.
Today, I'm offering you a special deal for nine easy payments for $48.50.
I'm gonna save you from being a dickhead and doing dickheadish things,
such as eating too loudly...
- He's saved.
...litterin'...
Excuse me, sir. Is that your litter? - Yes.
- Try again.
Saved.
...being a know-it-all...
- I've read all of these books.
- Fuck off.
...and whinging.
- I'm very tired, and I feel very sick.
- Shut up.
Call this number now and you'll be saved.
- Thanks, Dr Dickhead.
Sorry.
Thank you, Dr DickSaver.
So stupid.
- So, Kura saved―
Sorry. Dr...
- DickSaver. - ...DickSaver, saved you from...
- Eating loudly. - Yeah.
- Littering. - Littering. - Yeah.
Being a geek. Reading too many books.
Whingeing about feeling sick.
God. Can't stand that shit.
- OK, Paul. Let's get stuck into our final hero.
- She's not Wonder Woman,
- but she does often wonder why women don't get paid as much as men. - Yes, I do.
- It's Justine Smith. - Yes, I do.
It was a calm day on the seas when Paul Williams and his ship set out to look for new adventures.
Suddenly, things got rough.
The sea got churny.
There was hail. It was a terrible, terrible storm.
The storm was mighty, and Paul was frightened, but he didn't say no.
He just carried on through the storm, hoping there'd be shelter.
But all was not lost for Captain Paul,
for here, shining the bright beacon of safety, was Reef Juzzy.
Reef Juzzy had saved many a man
with her bright, burning torch of...
safety.
Paul, it's me.
Reef Juzzy.
You're safe. I have saved you.
Come, Paul. Come with me and let me you save.
Come on. Come on, mate. OK. OK.
Oh. Watch your balls.
Here we are, Paul. You and I safe forever on a desert island.
Feel safe, Paul? - Um, yeah. I was cramping quite badly.
- Oh, I saved you from that. - OK. - And from the storm.
- We need to clarify something.
You almost performed the role of a lighthouse.
- Yes, that is what I was going for. But you know, Paul, he was in a rough space.
He was getting water chucked on him.
And then I gave him a little cuddle. That's always a nice, little addition to being saved.
- He was so into it too. - He went rigid with love.
Had a lighthouse of his own.
- This is quite a difficult one to judge because I think there are two different components
to this particular task.
There's the original superhero part, and then, I think, there's the Saving Paul part.
So I'll give out points for your original superheroes,
and then I'll give points for who saved Paul.
- I thought Reef Juzzy was probably one point for that superhero. - Aw.
- The milk man was two points. - OK.
- Cos I don't think Fonterra need a lot of help promoting themselves at this point in time.
- They're struggling, man. I'll tell you what, that almond is going through the roof.
- Dr DickSaver, three points. - OK. - Beautiful originality.
- Four points for the goose. - Thank you.
- And I thought five points for Intolerance Man. - Yeah, fabulous.
- But then we have the saving part of it.
In terms of what Intolerance Man did, I thought an allergy is not such a bad thing.
- So one point for your saving. - Oh. Allergies are no joke, mate.
- Two points for the goose, because I think, you know, what was Paul doing?
He was gonna get some faecal matter on him. - Yeah.
- Which is not too bad.
Three points for stopping Paul from being a dickhead. - OK.
Was unsuccessful.
And...
four points for calcium-deficiency, cos I think that's quite a―
Osteoporosis ― an important issue. - Sure. OK. Thank you.
- And five points, Juzzy, on the reef for the drowning.
And drowning is a serious thing. - Very serious.
- So, I think if you add those up...
- everyone gets six. - Yay.
- Thanks, Dad. - Thanks, Dad.
- How are the episode scores going, Paul?
- In first equal with 15 points. - It's Chris and Justine.
- It's time for a break so I can call up some Hollywood bigwigs and get Reef Juzzy II green-lit.
We've got even more tasking ahead. We'll see you shortly.
- Welcome back to Taskmaster, where these five comedians are competing to win a boat and an Edmonds Cookbook.
Paul, it's time for a task.
- This task was an elaborate way for me to get some pats on the back.
- No Paul. How weird.
- He's left his bloody plinth here.
- This attractive path has been soiled by a plinth.
- This is like a weird version of The Bachelor, or something.
Pat Paul on the back. Paul is on the balcony.
If Paul films you on his all-the-way zoomed-in camera,
he will yell your name, and you must return to the mat and start again.
Every eight seconds, music will play for four seconds.
- When the music plays, Paul must film his feet.
- OK. Right. So, move when the music plays.
Fastest wins. Your time starts now.
- Who gets to try and touch you first?
- It's our South Island contingent ― Justine, Josh and Chris. - Ooh.
- Justine, I can see you.
I can see you, Chris. - Damn it.
- Chris, I can see you behind that tree. - Damn it.
Fuck.
- I can see you, Josh.
I see you. Yeah.
I heard something over here.
Back to the mat, please. - I'll make my way back.
- It's a sexy tree.
- I'm hearing footsteps.
I have no idea. It sounded like she was over there.
Where is he?
Sounded like a curtain.
- She's close. Definitely right here.
- Ooh! - Aah!
- I'm scared. I'm very scared.
Yes!
Oh my God.
It was me.
At one point, I was behind those two sticks.
- Oh, wow. - But you were looking out here.
- Justine, excellent camouflage there, hiding behind two stakes,
and then throwing yourself at the railing.
- I stopped behind those two sticks. I went, 'Oh, here we go.'
And then Paul was just like...
And I couldn't believe my luck, actually. - Amazing.
- And then up on the balcony. I mean... - I know. I know.
And I was literally like, 'I'm gonna have to go all the way back, ' and I was so close.
And then stupid, old Paul wasn't even looking.
- Who else do we have to see scrambling across the lawn towards your awaiting nape, Paul?
- It's a pair of sneakers; it's Kura and Paul.
I can see you, Kura.
Goddammit.
- I can see you behind the tree.
I can see you. I can see you in the trees.
- Dammit!
- I can still see you.
I can see you, Paul, behind the tree.
- Aargh.
- I can see you, Kura. You're just standing.
I can see you, Paul.
- This Rambo shit is overrated.
- I can see you, Kura, behind that tree.
- Stop looking!
- It's part of the task.
I can see you, Paul.
- Ooh.
Back to the mat.
I can see you.
No!
- Are you OK? - No.
- What's wrong?
- I'm tired.
- I've gotta return to the mat, so why don't I just take the mat with me?
It doesn't say the mate has to stay here.
- I can see you, Paul. You're just standing there.
- Yeah, I've just returned to the mat.
- OK. You've moved the mat. - Yeah, I'm on the mat.
- Hello. - Hello. Oh, I'll just return to the mat. Hang on.
- OK, thank you.
What the―?
There's a car, but I can't see Kura.
Too glary.
- Oh, I can see you.
- Yeah. Hang on. I'll just return to the mat.
- OK. Thank you. - No worries.
- A door has opened very close to me. I'm very scared.
Whoa. OK. - Gidday, mate.
- Fuck, it took me forever.
- That smile says it all. - Yeah, get that on Candid Camera.
- It's all I can get. It's very, very zoomed in.
- Kura, I think the Marines would be very lucky to have. - Oh.
- Paul... - Mm.
- How excited were you when you discovered that little hack?
Oh, I wish I'd discovered it earlier, you know.
I feel like the last five minutes, I really nailed it.
But I think I may have taken an hour to get to that point.
Cos I'm really heavy, and I'm quite big.
And I was wearing a bright red shirt in a forest.
- So, what were the scores in the end?
- Chris touched me in 13.09. - What?! - Whoa.
- Justine ― 9.24.
- Oh my God. - Juzzy!
- So good.
- Josh ― 8.45. - Whoa. - Holy shit.
Paul touched me in 22.21.
And Kura touched me in 44.01.
- Oh. - Wow.
- So that's one point for Kura, two points for Paul,
three points for Chris, four points for Justine,
and five points for Josh.
- It's time for our mandatorily scheduled stop to allow you to go and check out your windows
and make sure there's no creepy men in white suits steering at you
on a Handycam from the balcony across the street.
We'll see you after this.
- Welcome back to Taskmaster.
Let's see what the scores are saying as of right now. Thank you, Paul.
- Chris is in second place, with 18.
With a one-point lead, on 19, it's Justine Smith.
- I know you're all positively frothing at the idea of winning,
so let's do a live task to finish the night off.
Head up to the stage, everyone.
That looks like the contents of my pockets after Rhythm & Vines '07.
Let's read out the task. And who are you gonna get to do it, Paul?
- Josh Thomson, please. - Ooh.
Follow the Taskmaster's orders. Most accurate wins.
Your time starts on Paul's whistle.
Put the duck in your left hip pocket.
Put the onion in your right chest pocket.
Hold the pencil in your right hand.
Put the ping-pong ball in your left chest pocket.
Put the keys in your right hip pocket.
Swap the item in your left pocket with the item in your right hand.
- Which left of pocket? - Which left of pocket? - Ooh.
- I've already done it.
Swap over the two items in your chest pockets.
Return the item in your right hip pocket to the table.
And hold the item from your left hip pocket in your left hand.
Put the item from your right chest pocket in your mouth
and the item from your right hip pocket into your left hip pocket.
Put the item from your left chest pocket in your right hand
and swap over the lightest item with the heaviest item.
Put the item on the table in your right chest pocket
and the item in your mouth in your left chest pocket.
And then finally, put the item from your right hand into your right hip pocket.
- Sorry. What was the last― And then take each item from the pockets on your left side
and swap them with the item in the corresponding pocket on your right side.
The end.
- Are those all your instructions? - Those are all of my instructions. No more instructions from me.
Why did we have to wear overalls?
- Pockets?
- Oh, pockets. - Pockets, yeah, pockets.
I was just gonna wait for you to get that one yourself.
- Whoo!
- OK. Shall we check how they did? - Yeah.
- In your left hand,
you should have...
a pencil.
In your right hand, you should have...
nothing.
Ooh.
- Nice, Josh. - Well done.
- In your left chest pocket, you should have...
a duck.
Oh no.
- I got nothing. - No one got that one.
Put that back in, please. Put it away.
In your right chest pocket, you should have―
Paul, which one of those was in your right chest pocket?
Both of them.
- Well, you were correct with one of them ― your keys.
- Oh, piss!
- In your lower left pocket, you were supposed to have an onion.
- Ooh. - Bastards. Shit.
So, Josh had an onion and some keys.
In your right pocket...
Chris, with most of his stuff.
What you should have in your lower right pocket was a ping-pong ball.
- Yas! - Yeah! - Yeah, boy. Yeah!
- So― - All day!
- Chris, Kura and Paul all had ping-pong balls.
- OK. That's everything. - Whoo! That was fun.
Come on down and let's score it.
Well, that was good fun, wasn't it? Tell me whose oniony mitts took out that task.
- It was actually a tie. - Wow.
- So, Chris got three correct. - Yes.
- Josh got three correct. - Mm-hm.
- Kura got three correct. - Oh.
- Paul got three correct. - Oh, whatever.
- And Justine got two correct. - Ooh. - Aw, Juzzy.
- All right. - Which does mean she was going into it with a one-point lead.
- Yes. - It's a Taskmaster New Zealand first.
We're going to a tiebreaker.
21 points each, Chris and Justine.
Fun!
- The winner of this task wins the episode.
For this task, Chris and Justine were asked to pop the champagne cork as far as possible.
They had two minutes to prepare and pop their cork. Here's how they went.
- Wow.
- Well, it doesn't really matter where I am, does it? It just has to go a long way.
- Wherever you pop from, I'll measure from your feet. - OK, great.
- Think I should get some kind of elevation. OK.
- Keep your feet there. Thank you.
Ooh, that's close.
- So, whose cork went the furthest?
Justine popped her cork...
A long time ago.
- Justine's cork went 11.18.
- OK.
- Chris' cork ―
- 16.89m. - Ooh.
- There we go. - It's fine. It's fine.
Winning this episode, ladies and gentlemen ― Chris Parker.
Congratulations, Chris.
Go and get your just desserts and take your desert island goodies from the stage. Please go ahead.
And that ends our episode.
We saw a life-changing experience over the flip of a coin,
a revolutionary new treatment for being a dickhead,
and Paul Williams finally getting the pat on the back that he deserves.
But we mostly saw that our winner for episode six is Chris Parker!
Good night, everyone. Po Marie. We'll see you next week.
Drink my piss.
Drink it! Drink it!
www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2022
- Bring in the virgin.
- The sex witch bids you enter.
- Piss. Aargh! Gah! Fuck!
- Goddammit. Goddammit.
- Yes. He is soaking.
- Look how comfortable Paul is.
A lot of that shit was his idea.