- ♪ We're tiny ♪ - ♪ We're toony ♪
♪ We're learning to be looney ♪
♪ And we'll be famous sooney At the college of our dreams ♪
♪ We got our admissions ♪
♪ Important for tuitions ♪
♪ Fulfilling our ambitions With our faculty esteemed ♪
♪ At Acme Looniversity We'll earn our toon degree ♪
♪ The teaching staff's Been getting laughs ♪
♪ Since 1933 ♪
- ♪ We're classmates ♪ - ♪ And roommates ♪
♪ We paid The out-of-state bills ♪
♪ Let's grab the books and go Class is about to start ♪
♪ They're furry They're funny ♪
♪ We're Babs and Buster Bunny ♪
♪ Their comedy is funny ♪
♪ And their friendship's Guaranteed ♪
♪ Hamton is worried And Sweetie's a tough birdie ♪
♪ And if you're lucky Plucky is the perfect... ♪
Frenemy!
♪ So here's where The greatest toons ♪
♪ All got their humble start ♪
♪ There's quite A lot of history ♪
♪ For teaching looney arts ♪
♪ We're tiny, we're toony We can't wait to be looney ♪
♪ Ring the bell Let's all come in And join the fun ♪
♪ And now class has begun ♪
Today's the day we're gonna find out!
What's wrong with you two?
As you may have seen,
the results for the aptitoon test are in.
I don't understand why we need to have a test
to tell us what we're destined to do with our lives.
I am very confident about what the future holds for me.
Eh, self-hatred masked as confidence?
So funny I forgot to guffaw.
I know it's gonna tell me
I'm destined to be a toon doctor.
I love having my choices reinforced
by official paperwork.
Remember, your results are conclusive,
foolproof, and never, ever wrong.
The horror, the betrayal, the outright lies!
I'm destined to be a...
...mad scientist?
No, no, no.
Mad scientists toil away alone
with no audience.
They have to be curious about things.
I'm only curious about myself.
What do your results say, Hamton? Are they good?
No, they're the opposite of good.
They're bad!
Ugh. No need to hogsplain what bad is.
It says according to my skills and interests,
I'm not supposed to be a toon doctor.
I'm supposed to be a...
...bad guy!
I don't get it.
I don't have a mean bone in my body!
Did you get my thank you card for your thank you card?
Yes!
I was just writing you a thank you card
for your thank you card for my thank you card!
What does yours say?
Something about toon star, I'm sure.
What does it say?
It says, uh... It says, um...
"Side character."
Did you say "side character"?
Second banana? Number two on the call sheet?
Ooh, it's worse than a sidekick.
At least sidekicks are with the hero the whole time.
Pals, buddies,
let's have a little perspective here, okay?
This test is just a bit of fun.
It doesn't mean anything.
In addition to your test,
did I mention you'll be paired with a faculty member
that matches your career path?
And they will be in charge of passing or failing you?
Okay, better do our best.
I always do the best.
Can't believe
Wile E. blew up our classroom this week
with a bucket of water.
He's just that good.
Never been happier to have a vacation out of nowhere.
Now this is living!
Babs, you're a genius.
Nothing like a peaceful, restful, relaxing dorm-cation.
Do you smell that?
Yeah, where is it coming from?
Not it.
None of these smells are it.
The smell we're looking for has, uh,
top notes of rotting fungus,
with a sailor's dirty pinky toe finish.
I'm getting hints of hot booger fried in flop sweat.
Do you smell that?
Ew!
Ah-choo!
I'm okay.
Don't use the swing if you don't want that sting.
A bad guy?
Oh, Mother's gonna be so upset.
I'll have to throw away all my pastel suits!
Hello, Professor!
It is I, Plucky,
destined to fulfill my destiny as a mad scientist.
Technically I am here to learn from you,
but what will you learn from me?
Side character. Not a dream I could see anyone wanting.
You're on the side, it's in the name.
What's your question, kid?
Um, what's it like to not be a superstar like Bugs?
Or, I guess, even Daffy?
Some would say your pal Tweety gets more attention than you.
Yes.
Y-E-S. Yes.
Buster, you think being second banana is bad?
Yes.
Did you ever wonder what we do
when the big boys are off doing the hard work of being a superstar?
Signing autographs, walking the red carpet, staying in shape?
No.
Side characters are off on adventures!
While the stars are married to schedules, obligations, and autographs,
we're out living our lives!
Oh, that sounds exciting!
It's not exciting,
it's mind-blowing!
Come on, kid.
I'll show you what it's like to be a side character.
Let's ride!
Ah-ha!
Smell this.
Ew!
Rancid, putrid, and disgusting!
What is that?
It was a P, B and J.
Now, it's a P-B and Decay.
Huh?
The smell!
It endures!
Thank you so much for meeting with me, Mr. Yosemite.
Anything to get you to stop saying "please."
What do you want?
Uh, well, sir, please,
if it's not too much of a bother,
I've drawn up this 95-bullet point rubric,
and if you wouldn't mind, please, just filling it out.
That would give me a good starting point
to develop my bad guy questionnaire.
Please?
Let's get something straight.
I ain't no bad guy.
You ain't?
No, I'm a gosh darn good guy!
You are?
That's the first lesson in being a bad guy.
You gotta think you're a good guy.
Let me show you.
Hold on there, hairball.
My name's Furball.
I don't care if your name's Denise.
What's in the bag?
Uh, my toony taffy?
You just stole his candy.
Wrong.
I just saved that boy from the dangers of cavities.
'Cause that's what a good guy would do.
So being a bad guy
is really just being a good guy in a threatening way.
Never thought of it like that.
Why do "mad scientists" have to stop there, right?
Why not more descriptors?
Magnificently mad scientists.
Devastatingly handsome mad scientists.
Huh.
No one ever tells you how flattering lab coats are.
Asking me not to speak is like asking me not to live,
not to thrive,
not to exist!
I can't fail!
Maria and Ralph will be shamed
out of their intellectual circles!
If it means passing, I will find the strength.
Goodbye, sweet beak.
Smell anything?
Oh, yeah, it's still here.
And it's worse, maybe?
Ugh!
I don't know what else we can do!
We have to accept this as our new reality!
We live in a stink hut.
We're no better than the boys!
Don't ever say that.
There's one more possibility.
What?
When's the last time you, you know...
Know what?
Took a bath?
A bath?
What are you insinuating, Babs?
It's just that I noticed from living with you
that, uh, you're not really a bather
or a showerer,
or even a freshen-upper kind of toon.
Are you keeping a spreadsheet of my baths or something?
No!
Yes?
The smell is not coming from me!
We have to be sure.
And there's only one way to be sure.
Oppressive social stigma,
trying to sanitize nature, hates the environment.
This is how it starts!
How what starts?
It!
Use soap, please!
You think I could do all this if I was a big star?
Toons would be stopping us left and right.
Please,
I need another autograph.
I ruined the last one.
Thanks.
Okay, take 475.
Action!
Cut!
From the top.
- In five, four, three, two... - Ugh, I'd kill for a day off.
Working stiffs!
Hi-yah!
Woo-hoo!
- Yeah! - Whoo! Rock on!
Woo-hoo! Side characters for life!
The water is so clean,
and the bottom isn't even slimy!
Soap should be illegal!
Uh, are you okay?
This is a very difficult time for me.
Ooh, this is an exciting, new look.
The angry, pink orb.
Mind your business, skunk.
What's the big deal? It's just a bath.
Oh, no.
Oh, no. I've made a mistake.
A very big mistake.
Okay, remember, on the surface,
you might look like a rough, tough meanie,
but in here, you're being good.
Okay, you can do this.
Look, Calamity made me a friendship bracelet.
Isn't it sweet?
Mais, what?
Why would you do this?
If you and Calamity ever stop being friends,
that bracelet will only serve
to remind you of your heartache!
Now get going, ya varmints!
Did I do good?
No...
You did bad.
I've never had a son.
I've never wanted a son,
I don't like sharing bathrooms.
But this moment here,
well, I've never been more proud
of a little toon in my whole dang life.
Oh!
Oh, look at my sad, beakless face
unable to truly express myself!
I'm not learning how to mad scientist,
I'm being relegated to lowly lab assistant!
Time to do things my way.
I did it!
I've once again fought the soapy abyss...
...and I'm standing here to tell you of it!
I am purified!
That's great. Real great. Great news all around.
What's that?
Nothing.
Doesn't smell like nothing.
Smells like a root rot stew.
Like an old fish shoe.
As a matter of fact,
it smells like all of that at once.
That's so interesting! I don't smell anything!
Oh, really?
Then it won't bother you if I do this!
Okay, get it away from me!
You got a lot of explaining to do, bunny.
Okay, fine!
The smell is my fault!
It's one of my Brother Bubba's homemade mushroom soups.
He gave it to me before I went back to school!
We've been back at school for months!
No, Sweetie...
before I went back to middle school.
Are you mad?
What do you think?
My best friend made me take a bath for no reason.
If it makes you feel any better,
you smell like eucalyptus.
Yeah, it does kind of make me feel better.
Stop playing soccer!
It'll never catch on in these here parts.
That's my boy!
No music!
It'll give you unrealistic expectations about love!
You took the being bad like dirt on a rock.
Yes, you did.
You're gonna do so darn good on your report.
Uh, everything okay, Hamton?
That mustache.
It's unhygienic!
My mustache!
My man-sculinity!
Oh, why?
You're too good at being so bad!
Oh, dear.
I'm sorry!
I call this Plucky's theory of everything.
A body remains at rest unless acted upon by a Plucky.
When a body is acted upon by a Plucky, stuff happens.
If two Pluckys exert forces on each other...
That's impossible,
because there's only one Plucky!
I might be the best mad scientist ever!
My work here is done.
Ah, so relaxing.
The best.
Remember when you thought I was the stinky one,
but really you turned out to be the stinky one?
Yes.
That was hilarious!
Wait, what's that smell?
What? Oh, no!
Smells like...
...justice!
I've done it.
I've become a successful bad guy!
Me again.
Buster Bunny, pass.
Plucky Duck, pass.
Hamton J. Pig...
Woo-hoo! Pass too, eh?
Very good, well done.
Hope you all learned some lessons about who you are
and what you are destined to be.
- I sure did. - Uh-huh.
Well, forget all of it! The assignment is canceled.
The aptitoon test may be foolproof,
but my organization skills are not.
Looks like I mixed up the tests and gave everyone the wrong results.
Oopsie, your tests mean nothing.
What?
Are you telling me an avenue for toons to shower me with adoration
has been ripped away from me?
I disagree, Professor.
I think these tests do mean something.
Oh, you do, do you?
I learned a lot from Dean Granny.
I always thought that being a star
was the only way I could get satisfaction out of a toon career,
but I see now that being a side character
has lots of great aspects I never even considered.
And I learned I'm great at everything.
Especially science.
And I got to find a side of me
that's the meanest, rootin' tootin' bad guy this darn place ever did see.
But sweet baby piggy,
am I relieved that the tests were wrong!
Oh, well, good.
Then I guess it wasn't a mistake.
It was what they call a blessing in sheep's clothing.
Should we tell him that's not the phrase?
I think the best thing is to say nothing.
Just smile and nod.
Mm-hm.