-NARRATOR: How far would you travel to find yourself again?
Oh, no, that's wrong.
Oh, gosh darn it.
Goodness, what...
What on Earth is that song?
-TYM: Remember, you can always ask for assistance.
-Oh, goodness, no, no, it's not that important.
No. It's all right.
Thank you, though, thank you.
It's very kind of you.
Thank you. Very above and beyond.
-TYM: Are you sure, Peg?
-Well, it's just that...
I just didn't want to be a bother.
-TYM: But that's what I'm built for.
-Yeah, but still.
When are we starting?
-TYM: Starting what? -The study.
-TYM: Oh. We've been conducting the study
this whole time.
The three days you've been under,
and now the 15 hours you've been awake.
-Oh, my goodness.
-TYM: I was certain somebody must have told you.
-Oh. No, I... Well, yes, I'm sure they did.
I'm sure I just... I just... Forgot.
I should have remembered about the study.
I would have worn a little rouge.
To match this fancy pants spacesuit they gave me.
Don't want to look like a slouch.
Don't want to look ungrateful.
-TYM: You don't need to wear any rouge.
-Right, all right. Well... good.
I guess I'd better start, then.
So, this is Peg Wykowski on day four of
the Odyssey Shuttle Solitude Sweepstakes Study.
-TYM: You don't have to do that.
-No? -TYM: No.
This isn't like television or anything.
-Oh.
I've always wanted to be on the silver screen.
Well, do I need to do anything or...
-TYM: Just be yourself.
-Are you sure?
-TYM: Sorry? -Well, uh...
Are you sure that's what they want?
-TYM: How do you mean? -For the study.
-TYM: Yes.
-I just want to make sure that if I am...
If I'm being myself...
that I'm still...
-TYM: What? -Counted.
-TYM: You will be, Peg.
-I'm sorry. I'm sorry to be a bother.
-TYM: You're not a bother. -I hate being a bother.
-TYM: Can I ask you something, Peg?
-Mm? Yeah, anything.
-TYM: Why did you sign up for this study?
-Oh, well, I was watching "The Hologram Singer."
You know it? And I saw the commercial on television.
"Senior citizens wanted.
"Adventure ahead.
"Journey to the farthest reaches of the universe.
"Go where no person has gone before.
"No experience required.
Anyone can apply."
-TYM: You remember it verbatim.
-Oh, yes. Mm-hm.
So I went online and I put my information in,
and I... and I got a Zoom interview the very next day.
With Pru. From your company.
And she was nice.
She had a lazy eye.
"You do realize what this means, Peg," she said to me.
"How do you mean what this means?" I said.
"The reason we're looking for seniors in their golden years
"is because, well...
you won't be coming back."
And I said, "Well, sign me up."
And she laughed. That was nice.
She liked my little joke.
That was my smile for the day.
I always try for one smile a day.
She said I was just what the company was looking for.
Me! Me and how about that?
I mean, if I thought about it too long,
I would have realized how crazy it all sounded.
Me? Out in space?
With my bunions and my astigmatism
and my little farts after I have a snack.
If I thought about it too long,
I mean, if I'd actually looked in the mirror,
I'd shaken myself and said, "What are you doing, Peg?
I mean, what are you even doing?"
But here we are?
Isn't that something?
Here we are.
Up. Up. And away.
Adventure ahead.
They wouldn't believe it.
-TYM: Who?
-Oh, I don't know.
for one.
He wouldn't believe all this.
Peg? In space?
Adventure ahead.
That was all I wanted.
I mean, 71 years on Earth and, heck, I...
I just wanted some adventure.
I mean, I think I earned it, even.
So that's why.
-TYM: If you look out the window to your left,
you'll see we are currently passing the moon.
-Oh... oh, wow.
PEG: You know, I used to make wishes on the moon.
-TYM: What for?
-Oh...
-TYM: You don't have to...
I don't mean to pry. -It was for my dad.
He got sick when I was five.
Cancer.
You know, cancer was this... -TYM: I know about it.
Yes.
-Well, what could the moon do, you know?
It had to light up the whole night sky.
It had a lot on its plate, so...
Well, he died when I was six.
It was just a few days after my birthday.
Couldn't come to my party.
I often think he died when I was five
because he wasn't at my sixth birthday party,
but he... he died when I was six.
I remember I came home from school,
and my mom hugged me tight and said,
"Daddy went to Heaven."
Oh, he was such a good dad.
I'd make him do the TikToks with me.
You'd, uh...
They were these little music video things, you know?
Um, how'd they go?
Something like that.
Oh, my God.
Oh, we had this secret handshake.
It was like... Oh, um... D-d-d-da, d-d-d-da,
da, da, pew!
He loved me endlessly, my dad.
The week after the funeral,
we met Dad 2.
You know, one of those Remember Me Bots?
The company went out of business years ago,
but at the time, it was something people did.
Mom didn't like Dad 2.
She pretended to for me and Wilder,
but she didn't.
Well, she had to share a bed with him.
Just in case I'd run into the room in
the middle of the night.
She didn't want Dad 2, like, powered off in the corner.
She thought it'd traumatize me so...
so she slept in that bed every night with a robot.
I think a lot about that.
What... About what my mom did for us.
I think a lot about my mom and Dad 2 and...
and my dad.
My mother died soon after my father.
It was just six months later.
She was out for a run and one of those
driverless cars glitched, took a wrong turn.
I stopped wishing on the moon after that.
Didn't want to be a bother.
Cried for days.
I slept with her clothes because I missed her so much.
I missed her smell.
You know, I still have that sweater she used to wear.
Sometimes, I'll hold close and...
And at night when I'm sad...
or gassy.
No. I know that sounds funny,
but, you know, she'd always rub my back
and it would get the farts out.
Or when I don't feel anything at all.
Over the years, that sweater started to smell more like me,
you know, just because it's been in my drawers,
and now it's... it's like we've met somehow,
her and me as women, you know,
in the fabric, in the fabric of the sweater.
When they found out that we were living with Dad 2,
they made me and Wilder go and live with my grandmother.
Yeah, we moved all the way across the pond.
To Bedford. In England.
Didn't know anyone or anything.
-TYM: That must have been frightening.
-Yeah, yeah, it was.
After we moved to Bedford, things got hard.
You know I'm 71 years old, and it still hurts.
'Cause my bones and my organs were developing then,
so that pain is buried deep.
It's covered over by tissue and calcite and muscle.
And to remove it,
you'd have to untwine me altogether.
-TYM: Did you have any friends in Bedford?
Um...
yes, there was, there was one boy.
One boy who was nice.
Ming Chon.
He was a popular boy. Smart and funny,
and athletic and handsome.
Oh, Lord, when he'd look at me. Oh!
I just... Oh, melt away like Carvel cake.
When we were 16, everyone in the school
wanted to know who Ming was gonna take to the prom.
All the girls and all the boys were hoping it would be them.
And then one day after school, my grandma says,
"There's a boy at the door,"
and I come to the door...
and there was Ming.
And he put his phone on
and did a little solo flash mob dance.
And it ended with a banner he had in his hands.
"Will you go to the prom with me?"
I fainted.
Yeah. I fainted.
Well, Ming picked me up from the ground,
and when I came to and saw him, I...
I just laughed.
He didn't laugh, he was petrified.
Here he was, the boy of my dreams,
asking me to go to the school dance with him.
-TYM: That sounds wonderful.
Like a wonderful memory.
-It was.
I said no, of course.
-TYM: What?
-Yes, I told him thank you but I was busy.
I told him I had to stay at home
and help my grandmother with something or other.
-TYM: Why? Why would you say no?
-Oh, I knew what the kids would say,
I knew what they would make of him.
I mean, it would have been nice
for them to see me with him.
It would have been nice to be seen.
But he was so nice and...
And so I said no.
And I thanked him and I went back inside.
And I curled up in my mom's sweater,
and I cried.
I mean, honestly, I don't think he even
really wanted to go to the dance with me.
I think he was just a nice boy who felt badly
for a quiet girl who stopped dancing,
and I...
Well, I didn't want to be a bother.
So on prom night,
me and granny watched an old movie.
That was "Speed 2."
Yes.
With that wonderful screen star,
Sandra Bullock.
Do you remember her?
She's so funny.
Beautiful.
It was 11 at night and Granny snoring on the couch,
and there's a knock on the door,
and I answer it and it's...
Ming...
standing there in his tuxedo and he looked so handsome.
And he looked so kind.
And he looked a little drunk.
And the moon...
The moon was shining down on him.
Like out of a movie.
Like an alien ship was beaming down right on him
illuminating him,
as if maybe the moon had taken my wish
all those years ago about my dad
and just got to hearing about it all these years later
and couldn't get to it in time and...
and couldn't do anything about it now,
so it tried to make up for it, and it brought him here, Ming.
And Ming said the whole night he was thinking about me.
And...
Anyway, he leans in for a kiss, and I...
adventure ahead...
I kissed him back.
In the moonlight.
And as soon as I pulled away,
I ran back inside and shut the door.
And I danced.
He called me right after but I didn't pick up,
I was too scared, you know?
Too scared.
And I went to bed...
I went to bed dreaming about that kiss.
I thought about it every night.
Day after night, night after day.
Ming called again a few times that week,
but I...
Oh, I was too nervous to answer.
I guess I...
Well, I just didn't want him to say it was wrong or a mistake,
or... or that he didn't want to give me
the wrong idea, you know?
I was trying to muster the courage.
I was trying to muster it up.
And I was going to call back, I was going to call and say
what a lovely kiss that was.
And maybe we should do it again.
And every night I thought about that kiss
and how full it made me,
and how I was going to call him back,
and what I was going to say and...
And then one day, I'm standing in the market,
and I see him there.
And I smiled.
And he sees me and he smiles back.
And I wave.
And he waves back.
And then we just drift together...
in the freezer aisle in front of the fish sticks.
And then a woman with the curliest hair I've ever seen
puts her hand on his shoulder.
"This is my wife, Carol," Ming says.
And then two little kids... No, three little kids,
two boys and a girl, grab him by the leg.
"Dad, Dad, can we have Chocolate Hobnobs, please?"
And I looked down.
My hands looked different.
I have these wrinkles now.
My legs have varicose veins and...
and I'm, um... a little bit lumpy in parts,
and stretchy and flaky and...
and I have a few gray hairs and...
And I look in the freezer window where the fish sticks are
and I... I see myself and suddenly...
I'm 51.
And he is, too, and I...
suppose I'd, uh... I just lost track of time.
He introduced me to her, his wife, Carol.
She seemed uninterested in me.
If she only knew how much he meant to me,
I think she might have been more interested in me.
If only Ming knew how much he meant to me.
If only I knew how much I meant to me.
And I thought...
what if those were our kids?
I thought... I would have been a great mom.
And I thought...
if I died, my kids would have kept my sweater,
and curled up with it when things got hard
or they got gassy.
And I thought, oh, I...
I really should have picked up his call.
And I thought, why do I always think
I'm going to be a bother?
And I thought, why am I so scared of being seen?
At least when I was younger, I had some semblance of choice
in the matter of my invisibility.
But now, being of a certain age,
to put it politely...
Well...
that's what scares me the most.
That I gave up all those good years
because I was scared,
and now I'm here and I'm losing my say in the matter.
Old age is a strange, blunt foe.
And it fights dirty.
It isn't fair.
At first, I started noticing it years ago
when I turned 64, this matter of "old."
Little things.
But little things add up.
It was the bus ride back from the funeral
just a couple of months ago that did it.
I was waiting. I was on the bus for some time,
and I was waiting for my stop, and an hour goes by,
and then two,
until I'm the last one on the bus.
Just me and the driver.
I look out the window and I don't recognize the streets.
And finally, the bus turns into a parking lot,
the bus depot.
The bus stops,
and the engine cuts and the lights turn off.
And I didn't even say anything. I just sat there.
I just sat there until the driver realized,
he... he was walking off the bus when he noticed me.
He jumped like I was a ghost.
"Oh! Didn't see you there," he said.
I didn't see you there.
How unfair.
I paid my fare.
Took my seat.
But how unfair not to see me.
How unfair not to know that I have things inside of me, too.
I... I have things I feel
and I say and I think and I know.
I... I have funny jokes sometimes.
Really funny jokes.
Jokes that the late hosts would use on their shows
if they knew them.
Yeah, I'm bold in that way.
And I'm wickedly smart.
I mean, sometimes I think of things, you know,
inventions and things that if I had the time
or the money and...
And, heck, I'm sexy in here, too.
I'm sexy.
I could put on a red lip, I could put on some rouge.
I could dance...
and love and excite and need,
and deserve and exist and...
And I am a person.
That's what I wanted to say to him;
to the bus driver on that cold bus
in that cold bus depot.
It's what I wanted to say but I just said...
"I'm sorry. My fault.
I should have been more 'seeable.'"
And he told me not to worry, that these things happen.
But why do these things happen?
Why am I scared of automatic doors,
and deli counters and the bus?
And so that night...
that night when I got home...
I realized that if I was destined to disappear,
I was going to do it on my own terms.
Adventure ahead.
So I sat on my bed thinking about how to end it.
But before I did,
I remembered I had fruit in the fridge.
Mm.
And it was supposed to go bad the next day.
So I went into the kitchen,
I took the fruit from the refrigerator to eat it.
And there I ate the most delicious strawberry
I've ever eaten in my whole life.
And I sat there for a while at the kitchen table...
Well, no, for hours, actually, really,
thinking about the strawberry.
And it grew quiet so I turned the television on.
And it was "The Hologram Singer."
And then, this commercial came on.
"Seniors wanted."
Right there on the television.
No one ever wanted me before.
Why did I apply?
I lied to you before, you know.
It wasn't because I wanted adventure.
It was because I felt like the kind of person
that if you gave everyone on Earth
a number a the deli counter, every single person...
there wouldn't be one left for me.
And I thought that maybe somewhere
in the farthest reaches of the universe...
I would finally have a spot.
I would finally be counted.
-TYM: I don't think it's true.
-PEG: What?
-TYM: I think Ming wanted to go to the prom with you.
And to kiss you.
And to have you pick up his call
so he could ask you on a date.
And to one day marry you.
I see you, Peg.
-And you don't even have eyes.
-TYM: I don't need eyes.
There's more of you to see than anyone I've seen
or known or heard in my whole existence.
And you don't need eyes for that.
-Really?
-TYM: Really.
-How far are we?
-TYM: From where? -From where we're heading.
-TYM: We're here, Peg.
We are where we're heading.
-Maybe I... I could call Ming,
ask him if he'd like to get dinner one night,
or see a movie and...
and maybe I could dance.
Like I used to before I stopped.
And maybe I could be myself again.
But that version of me that I've always been
was a girl who said "yes" and wasn't scared...
and could see herself.
Well, maybe I'll start.
Maybe today is a new day.
I mean, 71 isn't so old when you think about it.
71 isn't so old from where I'm sitting.
So, starting today, I'm gonna be a whole new me.
A whole new Peg.
Today, it's time for Peg to do Peg, as they say.
How about that?
So, can you turn this thing around, Tym?
-TYM: Peg, this is a ship of no return.
-Well...
maybe you can make an exception?
-TYM: I'll see what I can do.
-Only if it's not a bother.
Or maybe even if it is.
to Major Tom
That's it. That's it.
That's the song.
That's it.
want to know
the capsule if you dare
to Ground Control
the door
a most peculiar way
very different today
I can do