[hip hop beat playing]
♪ Isn't it funny and relatable ♪
♪ When you want to buy a can of beans ♪
♪ But you don't know if there's beans at home ♪
♪ So you buy Like, heaps of cans of beans ♪
♪ And then you get home And in the cupboard ♪
♪ You've already got five cans of beans ♪
♪ Then you laugh and laugh 'Cause there's too many beans ♪
♪ That's so relatable ♪
♪ Ha-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha ha-ha ♪
♪ What about when you go to Hotmail ♪
♪ And Hotmail asks for your password ♪
♪ But you can't remember So you make a new one ♪
♪ But you can't use that 'Cause Hotmail says ♪
♪ That your new password Was your old password ♪
♪ So you knew your password all along ♪
♪ That is very relatable ♪
♪ Ha-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha ha-ha ♪
♪ And isn't it funny When you're eating coq au vin ♪
♪ At the Chateau de Chambolle ♪
♪ And then the maître d' serves Côte des Roses ♪
♪ Which is a subtle wine ♪
♪ And not robust enough For the flavor of the dish ♪
-Not very relatable. -No, don't relate.
Personally, not relatable.
♪ Isn't it funny and relatable ♪
♪ When you're waiting for a coffee They call your name ♪
♪ But then another man Goes to pick it up ♪
♪ You say, "That's my coffee," He says, "No, it's not" ♪
♪ But then it turns out You've got the same name ♪
♪ You laugh and laugh, 'cause-- ♪
♪ And isn't it silly ♪
♪ When you're getting haute cuisine By Marie Antoine Carême ♪
♪ But the student uprising Had built a barricade ♪
♪ And they're dying on the breach And you have to walk around ♪
♪ So you're late To haute cuisine ♪
-Maybe, yeah. -Yeah.
♪ But isn't it funny When you're at the airport ♪
♪ And it's really busy at the airport-- ♪
♪ And isn't it cool when it's 1832 ♪
♪ And you see a strange light And you step into the light ♪
♪ And it's some sort of portal And you come out the end ♪
♪ You don't know where you are ♪
♪ And a newspaper says the year is 2020 ♪
♪ So you see a future house ♪
♪ And you walk into the house And some men are singing ♪
♪ And you start to do a song Even though your friends are dead ♪
♪ And you'll never get home ♪
[music stops]
[gasps]
-No. -I'm sorry.
-That's, that's… -That's not something.
I mean…
♪ … isn't it funny when you call the teacher mum? ♪
-Yeah! -Yeah!
[alert chiming]
-Notification. -Notification.
-Notification. Nets. -Nets. Nets.
[Mark] Get the nets.
Where's he going?
Get that computer, boys!
-[Mark] I missed! -Notification!
-[Mark] I missed. -We've got a notification.
-Whoa. -Yeah.
-There's the bastard! -Great catch, man!
-[laughs] Thank you. -Wait a minute.
-[repeats] We're going on a date! -[gasps] Hey, Zach!
-[Zach] Hey. What's up? -Our three-man dating profile got a match!
-[Zach] Oh, my God! Woo-hoo! -Yay!
Hey! Can I also come on this romantic rendezvous?
-No. -Oh, that's fine.
I don't even want to come anyway.
So you can all bugger off for all I care. This is very rude.
Rude people! Rude people here in this place!
-[Mark] Hey, I want my net. -[Baron] No, it's my net now!
We're going on a date!
-Yeah. -Yeah!
-Alright! -Going on a date!
I hope I get a little kiss.
[electronic beat plays]
♪ One, two, one, two, Aunty Donna ♪
Broden.
Zach.
Mark.
Aunty Donna.
♪ Watching TV Watching TV ♪
♪ With my best friends And we're watching TV ♪
[narrator] Coming to a movie theater this summer, it's The Hunk and the Dork.
He's the hottest hunk in school.
Kaboom.
He's the biggest dork in school.
[bellows]
He's got a thousand friends.
Kaboom.
He's got a thousand friends… yeah, online.
[bellows]
He walks the walk and talks the talk.
Kaboom.
He's missing half a kidney.
[bellows]
[sniffs, retches]
His parents were on The Price Is Right.
Kaboom.
His parents are dead.
Can I get anything right?
He's fingered everyone.
Kaboom.
[swishing]
-He's got no fingers. -[shrieks]
He's got 10 dates to the prom.
Ka-bloody-boom.
His prom date is a handful of fucking wet egg noodles.
Kissy, kissy! Mwah, mwah, mwah!
Oh, no!
But then all of that changed,
when one day the hunk got the dork a beer.
Hey. Do you want a drink, dude?
-Yeah, I would. -[hunk] Boom.
But the dork got holes in his belly!
-Oh, no! -Kaboom.
-[repeating] Boom. -No!
Well well, 3,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, it was six challenging months,
but I've finally opened the box that you were in.
Hey, Zach. For the last time, can you oil all the doors?
Every time I open anything, it sounds like a man saying the word "creak."
-Creak. -See?
Creaky door.
And every time I touch this watermelon,
it sounds like someone naming all of Christopher Nolan's films.
Batman Begins.
Memento.
The Prestige.
Uh, the one where it's about war, and they get the boats.
Dunkirk. Yeah, Dunkirk.
And every time I open this box,
it sounds like someone whispering sweet nothings into my ear.
-I'm gonna fucking kill you later-- -Okay, wrong box.
Hey, rude dude. What's got you in a mood?
-So creaky. -Nothing, man.
I'm just nervous about our date is all.
The closest I've ever come to a date is asking a date farm
for their annual rainfall projections.
-What? -I'm just nervous about the date is all.
Oh, man. It's all about confidence.
You've just got to believe that you're the coolest dude in the entire room.
Someone like Adam Levine. That's my trick.
-[slide whistle] -Hold up, Barney Stinson.
Does that actually work?
It doesn't just work, Niles Crane. It worked.
Take last night, for example.
It was a typical Friday night.
I went out to this hip new bar,
and I see a couple of cool cats who I wanna know.
So I just walked up to them and made the funniest joke ever.
And they definitely laughed.
They laughed and laughed and said I was funnier than Chandler Bing.
[Mark] He's the funny one from Friends.
[Zach] This is the truth, Mark. They thought I was that cool.
Then my new friends, Ginger, Violet, and Hat, begged me to dance with them.
So we all just danced together.
It was then that Different Hat took me, my new friends and me
to a hot new club called Definitely Not Our House.
[Mark] Ah! That's a cool name for a bar!
-[Zach] Yes. And real. -[sad piano plays]
We skipped the line and me and my friends head straight to the dance floor.
I danced with all my dance friends.
And we danced so much, we called the dance our friends dance.
My dancing was so good, it summoned the Magical King of Dance.
[Mark] What? That didn't happen!
[Zach] No, no, this part actually happened.
And he full said, "I am a magical dance king,
and I crown you the Prince of Dance."
Then he gave me magical dance shoes. Then we just danced.
We danced and danced. And then he said, "I'm hungry."
So we heated up some mushroom mini pizzas,
as the King is a vegetarian, and then we just danced again.
And then he made me try a real burger and a Beyond burger,
and he said it tastes exactly the same.
But it did taste a little different, so I didn't know what to say to him.
And then he got hit by a car that was red.
And then he died. And then I put him in the bin.
And that, my friend, is the secret of dating.
What? Zach, was any of that true?
Oh, you would be very surprised which parts were true.
The King of Dance stuff was true.
-What? -Yeah. But the car was blue. So…
So, the car wasn't red?
-I dunno. -[Mark] I don't…
Excuse me, gentlemen?
Hello. Yes?
Uh, we reserved this space.
-Our living room? -[woman] Yeah.
Just checkout the sign up sheet.
-[Zach] There's a booking sheet. -I've never seen that fucking thing
in my goddamn life.
Yeah, but we reserved it. So…
[Mark] What? Who are they?
This is our theater troupe. We're rehearsing for a show.
It's on me. I should've booked the living room.
No. It's weird that the living room has been booked.
I agree. It is weird.
No. I'm… Alright.
-Let's go-- -Yeah, you should leave.
[Zach] Yeah, yeah.
I can feel you in my breasts!
I want it now!
I guess this is capitalism.
Fuck.
-Fuck. -Uh…
[bongos drumming]
It's been four and a half hours.
[screaming]
Now, let's talk sales. So, sales aren't good.
[electronic beat plays]
[Broden mumbles incoherently]
[uptempo beat plays]
Oh, wow.
Hi, man. How are you?
Just chuck your name on the blackboard, you sexy son of a fuck. Fuck you, alright?
Okay.
I'll get to you as soon as I can. We're pretty fucking busy, man.
Broden! You're up, brother.
[barber] What can I do for you, brother?
Well, me and my friends have a hot date tonight,
-so I was wondering-- -Man, don't worry about that, brother.
Don't worry. When I'm done with you, she will be [bleep]
She will be [bleep].
And she will definitely [bleep]
with your [bleep].
Oh, okay.
Yo! Can I fuckin' get you somethin', bro?
You want an espresso, pale ale? You want a tat? You wanna fuck?
Whatever you want, it's your day, man.
I really need the haircut more than any of the accoutrements.
One pale ale coming up.
I'll give you a pale ale, bra.
Hey, you got a bottle opener?
Don't need one.
[Broden] Oh my fucking God.
So what you've got here is a house blend of Jack Daniels, sriracha and hawk semen.
I'm gonna spray your head. One for you. One for me.
I got boards. I got bikes. I got tits. I got tats.
And I got political essays.
Because actually, our clientele are pretty smart, man.
-Seen this? -Yeah.
[beat intensifies]
Fucking tattoo! [bleep]
[groans]
Check it out.
Extra dick on my tit.
-Am I gonna get a haircut? -Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're doing it now.
-Oh, God! -Oh, yeah!
I've been canceled eight times.
[coughing] Oh! It's poison!
It's poison!
Now let's cut some hair.
They did quite a good job, actually. For only $95 as well.
♪ Got my haircut, I'm a cheeky boy ♪
♪ Going on a date, you're a god ♪
Mark, get ready to look at our new clothes for the date.
Oh, okay.
-Right, are we ready? -Mm-hm.
[gasps]
Ga…
Oh.
Oh!
Look at your clothes.
I love my clothes.
Just sayin'.
-Look at your clothes. -They're very good clothes-thes.
Zach, do you like my new clothes?
I love your new clothes.
Who made... Who made your clothes?
Zach made my clothes.
Did you make…
-[Mark] Who-- -I made my clothes.
[Mark] But if you made your clothes, who made my clothes?
Sh!
Just tell me, is it secret?
[Zach laughs]
I didn't make your clothes. You made your clothes!
Huh. Broden.
Good clothes, too.
These are my favorite clothes.
Zach?
These are great crows.
Guys, these clothes are great, but your clothes,
-you really knocked them out of the park. -Thank you.
These clothes, they're a real home run.
-Clothes are great. -Yeah.
These clothes, they're all, like…
Whoa. [laughs]
[baseball cracking]
[crowd cheering]
Hey.
Oh, I better…
Whoa--
Yeah.
-Yeah. -Oh!
Yeah.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah…
-Going home. -Yeah.
Yeah.
[car door opens]
-[car door closes] -[engine starts]
[classic rock plays]
-[engine turns off] -[car door opens, closes]
[door opens, closes]
[sighs]
[mouthing unintelligibly]
[baseball cracks]
-[slow, sensual music playing] -[panting]
[breathing heavily]
[moaning]
[grunting]
[panting]
Yeah?
[pants] Yeah!
Yeah. That's real good.
[groaning] Yes!
[moaning]
[whispering] Yeah.
[music stops]
[moans]
[groans]
-[lighter clicks] -[inhales]
[exhales]
All I'm trying to say is I love your clothes.
Thank you very much.
[static]
[hip hop beat playing]
[applause]
♪ Moogie, What's your kind of favorite food? ♪
♪ Moogie Woogie's favorite food Is Moogie Woogie ♪
♪ Moogie, What kind of clothes do you wear? ♪
♪ Moogie Woogie only wears What kinds of clothes ♪
♪ If the moogie-woogie-doogie-boogie Boogie-woogie-moogie ♪
♪ Moogie, I've got severe hemorrhoids ♪
♪ Preparation H is best for you ♪
♪ You put it on your bum And then you can boogie-woogie ♪
♪ Moogie, when we're going out at night ♪
♪ Where you been, what's that? Well, is it a fright? ♪
♪ Moogie Woogie gets all kinds of fat ♪
♪ Like just recently Moogie Woogie found a lump ♪
♪ A lump in his testicle Moogie Woogie was scared ♪
♪ Turns out Moogie Had Moogie Woogie cancer ♪
Oh my God.
♪ Do the Moogie boogie ♪
♪ Step to the left ♪
♪ Step to the right ♪
Out of time?
On the line.
-Step… -Uh-oh.
One day, I'm gonna fuck that Moogie.
[electronic beat playing]
[alert chiming]
Oh. no. Nets. Get the nets.
[Mark sighs] I'll get the nets.
-[alert chimes] -[whip cracks]
-[Western theme] -[Cowdoy] Cowdoy catch a bok.
Cowdoy!
Now go home. Stew up some prunes.
Cowdoy!
Cowdoy love to dance.
-[alert chimes] -Hooray. There, you bastard.
Ah, it's a message from our date.
-What does it say? -"Hi sexy,
[groans of approval]
If you want free 5,000 dollar Westfield gift voucher,
go to www.7677.net."
-And there's a link. -[chime]
Oh, Hoodoo Gurus, I think our date might be a spambot.
Tell me more about those great deals at Westfield, Spambot.
I am Spambot. My fuel is Spam.
Kneel before the great sentient Spam-fueled leader,
as my conquest of Earth reaches its final passage.
Simply charming.
Do tell me, Spambot, what do you think of our crows.
If we're not careful, we won't be wearing our crows for long.
[repeating] Ay yay yay!
♪ Aunty Donna ♪
♪ Aunty Donna's Big Ol' House of Fun ♪
♪ We hope you're liking season one ♪
♪ If not, get fucked and leave, you dog ♪
♪ Just joking, please keep watching ♪
♪ Kneel before the great Spambot ♪
♪ His claws will crush you on the spot ♪
♪ With plans to conquer your planet ♪
♪ Eat Spam and topple the government ♪
♪ Kneel before the great Spambot ♪
♪ The great Spambot ♪
♪ Kneel before the great Spambot ♪
♪ The great Spambot ♪
-♪ Kneel before ♪ -♪ Aunty Donna ♪
♪ Watch, watch, watch, watching ♪
-♪ Watch ,watch, watch ♪ -♪ Aunty ♪
-♪ Watch, watch, watch ♪ -♪ Donna ♪
-♪ Watching, watching ♪ -♪ A-A-A-A-Aunty Donna ♪