1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,916
[applause]

2
00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:12,597
[men] Blair Buoyant, the clairvoyant.

3
00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:15,434
Good evening, vulnerable, grieving widows.

4
00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:19,685
My name is Blair Buoyant
and I, I am a clairvoyant.

5
00:00:19,769 --> 00:00:22,359
I've got a dead person
in my head right now.

6
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:27,359
And they are calling out
someone whose name starts with an A.

7
00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:30,284
Possibly an Aaron, or actually, no,
it is an Adam.

8
00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:33,123
Pretty confident that there is an Adam
in the audience.

9
00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:35,289
Adam, right there I reckon, Adam.

10
00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:36,448
Adam.

11
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,827
Adam. Adam.

12
00:00:39,497 --> 00:00:40,997
Adam. Adam.

13
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You, sir. What's your name?

14
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-Who, me?
-Yeah.

15
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:44,626
-Adam.
-I know.

16
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:47,711
[men] Blair Buoyant,
he knew there was an Adam.

17
00:00:47,797 --> 00:00:50,047
Now, Adam, we've never met before,
is that correct?

18
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,303
-Sure.
-No, sorry. That's a question.

19
00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:54,255
-Have we met before?
-Whatever you reckon.

20
00:00:54,345 --> 00:00:57,305
Adam, have we or have we not met before?

21
00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:58,430
-No.
-Great.

22
00:00:58,516 --> 00:00:59,926
-[chime]
-Don't wink.

23
00:01:00,018 --> 00:01:02,058
Now, Adam,
have you lost somebody recently?

24
00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:05,395
Yes. Recently, I lost my children
in a shopping center.

25
00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:07,192
Well, I left them in a shopping center,

26
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and then I fucked off to Disneyland
for three days.

27
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Well, that's not exactly what I meant.
Has somebody passed over? Have they died?

28
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Oh! Pretty sure my kids.

29
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Adam, it was your grandpa.

30
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How did you know?

31
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[men] Blair Buoyant,
he knew about your fucking grandpa.

32
00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:23,580
Moving along, Adam, he's saying
you have a huge, stressful problem.

33
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-Is that correct?
-I don't know.

34
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Okay, Adam. He's telling me to tell you
you need to forget about that problem

35
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and move on with your life, okay?
Because--

36
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-Okay, that's weird.
-[Blair] Why?

37
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It's just that my huge, stressful problem
is I'm bleeding out of my arsehole.

38
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But if he reckons forget about it
and move on,

39
00:01:38,556 --> 00:01:40,016
I'll buy a cork and I'll…

40
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[clicks] plug up my arsehole.

41
00:01:41,559 --> 00:01:44,519
[men] Blair Buoyant,
plugging up your arsehole.

42
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Nah, man.

43
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[men] Blair Buoyant,
don't plug up your arsehole.

44
00:01:49,984 --> 00:01:53,784
Now, Adam. Did your grandfather fight
in the Second World War?

45
00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:56,573
-Fuck, yeah. He did.
-And he was stationed in France?

46
00:01:56,658 --> 00:02:00,828
-Uh, well, yeah. Actually, he was.
-And he was part of the 17th Battalion?

47
00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:02,712
Yeah, but how did you know that?

48
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:05,249
And in the winter of 1943,
he took out a sniper

49
00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:07,003
that was holding his whole battalion down.

50
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[gasps] Oh my God.

51
00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:12,667
And the next summer, was he awarded
a medal of bravery? A medallion?

52
00:02:12,757 --> 00:02:15,297
-Okay, this isn't funny anymore.
-Adam, he's telling me you brought

53
00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:17,095
that very medallion here tonight.

54
00:02:17,178 --> 00:02:19,178
-Oh my God, Blair!
-Yes, Adam!

55
00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:21,474
I must've read the email wrong

56
00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:24,688
because I've brought
some pork medallions instead.

57
00:02:24,769 --> 00:02:26,189
-Pork medallions?
-Yeah.

58
00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:28,571
I didn't know what you wanted,
so I got heaps of stuff.

59
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I got some sausages.

60
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-Adam…
-Do I just invoice you for the meat?

61
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:35,195
Your grandfather has one last message
for you.

62
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,410
-I've got some Pepsi, too.
-Go fuck yourself.

63
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Oh! How could he?

64
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-[sobbing]
-[emotional piano music playing]

65
00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:45,252
No!

66
00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:48,376
[static]

67
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:50,963
[Mark] Oh, damn it.

68
00:02:51,045 --> 00:02:52,165
Wait a second.

69
00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:54,415
That man, there.
The one on the television.

70
00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:56,087
He looks exactly like you.

71
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,586
And that man looks like you.

72
00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,097
And if you really think about it,

73
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:02,639
a hot dog can become anything,
even a lightsaber. Watch.

74
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,684
-[mimics lightsaber]
-Oh, wow.

75
00:03:04,767 --> 00:03:06,687
-[Zach] Mind if I…
-[Mark] Oh, cool.

76
00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:09,855
I'm a cannon on a big battleship.

77
00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:12,609
[beeps, fires]

78
00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:14,652
I'm a regular Lady and the Tramp.

79
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[moaning]

80
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:17,489
[yodeling]

81
00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:18,622
Oh, Zach!

82
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,368
I'm a regular wise guy!

83
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[grunting, screaming]

84
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[all scream]

85
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-[Zach] Fuck!
-[all] Holy heck!

86
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,750
It's pro-wrestler Awesome Kong!

87
00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:35,167
Which one of you said
you can outwrestle me?

88
00:03:35,256 --> 00:03:37,716
Uh… I don't think anyone said that.

89
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,510
Who said they could outwrestle…No one.

90
00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:43,104
-[laughs] Challenge accepted!
-[Mark] Oh, no. What are…

91
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:46,771
-No, we don't want to wrestle.
-In fact, let's make it interesting.

92
00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:51,768
I challenge you three knobs
to win more award necklaces than me

93
00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:54,226
in the Sydney 2000 'Lympic Games.

94
00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:58,487
Can Aunty Donna win more medals
than Awesome Kong at the 'Lympic Games?

95
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,410
-Challenge accepted.
-Yes!

96
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:07,211
And here's the thing. If we win,
you have to buy each of us a bonsai plant.

97
00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:11,878
[gasps] Deal. And if I win, you have to…

98
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:15,260
[bleep]

99
00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:18,218
[screams] …in my… [bleep].

100
00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:21,219
Oh my God.
We have to make you breakfast in bed?

101
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:24,851
Okay. Well, we challenge you
to a wrestling match!

102
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:26,681
-No!
-What? No!

103
00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:28,176
-[bell rings]
-[Awesome Kong screams]

104
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,268
[all screaming]

105
00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:33,364
[electronic beat playing]

106
00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:36,608
♪ One, two, one, two, Aunty Donna ♪

107
00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:38,033
[robotic voice] Broden.

108
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,571
Zach.

109
00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:41,034
Mark.

110
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Aunty Donna.

111
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:50,924
[screaming]

112
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,878
Grow, muscles. Grow.

113
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:59,723
Boys, I think we're gonna do pretty well
at this 'Lympics thing.

114
00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:00,759
[doorbell rings]

115
00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:02,552
-I wonder who that could be.
-Let's find out.

116
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:05,505
-Let's go find out. Let's go see.
-Oh, wow. Who could that be?

117
00:05:05,596 --> 00:05:07,176
Oh, I hope it's my mum.

118
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:10,937
Gentlemen, I'm looking
for Mr. Mark Samual Bonanno

119
00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:12,149
and one Zachary Ruane.

120
00:05:12,228 --> 00:05:13,518
What's it to ya?

121
00:05:13,604 --> 00:05:15,824
From the Anti-Doping Agency.
In accordance with our rules,

122
00:05:15,898 --> 00:05:17,858
I'm here to test urine
for prohibited substances.

123
00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:20,112
Why are you coming mid-'Lymp prep, man?

124
00:05:20,194 --> 00:05:21,994
Is that confirmation
that you're Zach and Mark?

125
00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:23,701
Well, you could've called ahead.

126
00:05:23,781 --> 00:05:25,371
My tests are, by design, unscheduled.

127
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,370
-Yeah, we were joking.
-Shall we?

128
00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:28,912
It's through here, man.

129
00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:32,460
-It's through here.
-Oh, why you gotta walk like that?

130
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:34,210
And there you go.

131
00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:36,132
Hey! Don't drink it. [laughs]

132
00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:37,380
Of course I won't.

133
00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:39,712
Oh, really?
You're not gonna drink the piss test piss?

134
00:05:39,797 --> 00:05:41,047
Absolutely not. That's absurd.

135
00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:42,472
Yeah, we were just joking.

136
00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:43,800
-I'd never do that.
-We know.

137
00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:46,045
I've never drunk piss in my entire life.

138
00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:48,677
-I didn't mean you were actually going to.
-That'd be ridiculous.

139
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,845
-Of course.
-Absolutely. Indeed.

140
00:05:55,813 --> 00:05:58,323
-He's gonna drink our piss.
-No, I'm not.

141
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,189
Then what's that?

142
00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:02,821
It's a beaker.

143
00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:04,114
That's a tiki glass.

144
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,867
Oh my God. You're right.
He's gonna drink our piss.

145
00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:09,409
You're gonna use that tiki glass
to drink our piss.

146
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:11,874
No, I'm not. I'm going to get samples
of both of your urine

147
00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:15,084
and deliver them to an approved
and accredited anti-doping laboratory.

148
00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:16,746
You see that?
He mixed our piss together!

149
00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:19,884
-Mark, are you seeing this?
-Oh my God! He's gonna drink our piss!

150
00:06:19,962 --> 00:06:22,132
He's making a little cocktail au piss.

151
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:25,885
No, I'm not. I'm enforcing the codes
of nine separate anti-doping authorities

152
00:06:25,968 --> 00:06:28,548
from around the world that ban a myriad
of different substances.

153
00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,138
I'm not drinking piss.

154
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,143
Yes, you are. You're gonna drink our piss.

155
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,015
Hey! Why's he sniffing coffee beans?

156
00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:37,062
He's resetting his palette
before he drinks our piss.

157
00:06:37,146 --> 00:06:39,146
Maybe he's just thirsty.
Can we offer you something?

158
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,282
Like, a juice or a Fanta or a Bovril?

159
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,569
-No, thank you.
-Right, so you're not thirsty?

160
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:44,533
Actually…

161
00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:47,779
I am the thirstiest that I've ever been.

162
00:06:47,865 --> 00:06:49,695
Oh my God!

163
00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:51,834
Oh my God! He's gonna drink our piss!

164
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:53,581
Don't drink our piss, mate!

165
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:56,043
I am a representative
of the Anti-Doping Agency.

166
00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:57,504
He's got a bib on!

167
00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:59,593
It says, "I drink piss."

168
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:01,999
-Don't drink our piss, mate!
-Gentlemen, stop.

169
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:04,798
For a long time, the sports industry
has been a cesspool

170
00:07:04,882 --> 00:07:08,302
of corruption, avarice and greed.
At the ADA, we say, "No more."

171
00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:09,929
That is why we will not stop

172
00:07:10,012 --> 00:07:13,352
until every drug cheat is caught, fined,
and removed from the industry.

173
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,643
That is our goal.

174
00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:20,396
That is our mission. And we will not stop
until our goal is achieved.

175
00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:24,398
[slurps]

176
00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:26,195
-There he goes.
-And he's drinking the piss.

177
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,279
Now here is what I would like to know:

178
00:07:28,364 --> 00:07:30,704
Do you think he joined
the Anti-Doping Authority

179
00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:34,333
because he liked drinking piss
and could get easy access to piss?

180
00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:36,412
Or is there a culture
of piss drinking there,

181
00:07:36,497 --> 00:07:38,787
and he sort of just fell into it
over time?

182
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,842
I'm sorry, who are you?

183
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:42,132
Mark!

184
00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:43,051
[moans]

185
00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:44,381
[lips smacking]

186
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,054
This is my treasure.

187
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:47,966
What up, dudes?

188
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:49,470
Oh! Hey, bro. By the way,

189
00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:52,892
'Lympics called and they wanted to know
if you wanted to be an organ donor

190
00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:54,392
in case we die at 'Lympics.

191
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:55,934
You know what?

192
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:58,437
♪ Put me in an old man
Put me in a young man ♪

193
00:07:58,519 --> 00:08:00,769
♪ Re-purpose my arms
And put them on a girl ♪

194
00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:03,355
♪ Stick my heart in him
And my bones in them ♪

195
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:05,821
♪ And won't you deliver my liver to her ♪

196
00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:08,782
♪ But don't ever put me in Steve ♪

197
00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:11,033
♪ I don't wanna be in Steve ♪

198
00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:13,075
Yeah, we just need a yes or a no. So…

199
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,949
♪Put my plug in Doug
Stick my skin on Jim ♪

200
00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:18,247
♪ Ligaments and tendons
Shove 'em in Brendan ♪

201
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:23,631
♪ But just to reiterate, never in Steve
I got real bad vibes from Steve ♪

202
00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:26,131
♪ I'm not gonna go into it right now ♪

203
00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:28,474
♪ Let's just leave it at that ♪

204
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:29,970
♪ Put me in a boy ♪

205
00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:32,221
♪ Put me in a boy, put me in a boy ♪

206
00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:35,313
You probably should be a little more
careful with your phrasing there, Broden.

207
00:08:35,389 --> 00:08:36,269
You sound like a ped--

208
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,849
♪ If you've got yourself a kid
who needs a new knee ♪

209
00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:41,265
♪ Well, you can give that kid my kidney ♪

210
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,904
♪ Steve's a fucking pyro
There I said it ♪

211
00:08:43,981 --> 00:08:46,401
♪ I reckon he likes fires
But I got no proof ♪

212
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:48,744
♪ He lives in the hills
Where there's lots of fires ♪

213
00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:51,739
♪ But his house is always safe
And I reckon that's sus ♪

214
00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:53,872
Oh, man.
What the fuck are you talking about?

215
00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:56,370
♪ Give my nose and my toes
To a man with a hose ♪

216
00:08:56,452 --> 00:08:59,082
♪ Give my penis to a genius
And my taint to a saint ♪

217
00:08:59,163 --> 00:09:01,833
♪ But most of all, yes, most of all ♪

218
00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:05,496
-[emotional piano playing]
-Give my balls to underprivileged youth.

219
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:08,262
That's beautiful, man.

220
00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:09,969
All you need to do
is fill out this form.

221
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:12,299
-A form? Fuck that off.
-Right. Okay.

222
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:16,255
[electronic beat playing]

223
00:09:20,434 --> 00:09:21,604
Creak.

224
00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:25,653
Oh! Here's m'first customer for the day.

225
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:30,701
Look, a silly little street orphan
from the London streets.

226
00:09:30,778 --> 00:09:32,528
That's right. Both my parents are dead.

227
00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:36,283
Hey, would you like some lovely jims?

228
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:39,537
-Oh.
-[coughs] I got strawberry jim.

229
00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:41,540
I got raspberry jim.

230
00:09:41,622 --> 00:09:43,872
What is the difference
between a jam and a jim?

231
00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:46,918
A jam and a jim is the same thing.

232
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:51,383
♪ For when you have a silly jim,
a silly jim is fun ♪

233
00:09:51,465 --> 00:09:54,545
-I got raspberry, strawberry, orange jim--
-Zach?

234
00:09:56,512 --> 00:09:57,602
Is that you?

235
00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:03,814
Yeah. Yeah, it's me.

236
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:07,647
[spluttering] I don't know what you…
What is this? What are you doing?

237
00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:10,612
Just trying to do some character comedy,
I guess.

238
00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:13,993
We're very busy today.
We have a lot of training to do for 'Lymp.

239
00:10:14,071 --> 00:10:14,911
[Zach] Yeah.

240
00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:17,028
I'm gonna go.

241
00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:19,661
-Do you have any notes for me?
-No, it's all good, man.

242
00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:21,754
-S'all good.
-Fucking jam… jims… I…

243
00:10:22,496 --> 00:10:24,616
[man] It's the classic games of basketball

244
00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:26,627
from the golden era of basketball.

245
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:29,799
Today's unforgettable classic
is the final of…

246
00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:31,507
1907.

247
00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:35,179
[Mid-Atlantic accent] Here come the teams
for the basket and ball grand finale.

248
00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:36,839
Today, we look on in fervent glee

249
00:10:36,927 --> 00:10:40,767
as the Toronto Pennywhistles tussle
with the East India Trading Company.

250
00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:43,478
-[bell dings]
-And we're off. And the boys are away.

251
00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,309
Nothing better
than a good gentleman's game

252
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:46,814
of basket and ball.

253
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:50,016
Oh, and we see Tim Lincoln-Water going
for the dunk. And he's been dunked.

254
00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:52,777
And for that, he'll receive a free toss
at the peach basket.

255
00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:54,110
We see the game official there,

256
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,315
Clyde Whittings, removing the peaches
from the basket.

257
00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:58,485
Shooting the ball
is George "The Giant" Winters,

258
00:10:58,574 --> 00:11:00,164
standing at a whopping four foot three.

259
00:11:00,242 --> 00:11:03,082
-[whistle blows]
-He lines up, and he's done it.

260
00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:06,582
That earns 27 points for the Pennywhistles
and aren't they merry.

261
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:07,496
[bell dings]

262
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,801
Oh, and Willie Winters
has bodged the toss there.

263
00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,838
And Kenneth Jellibond
is letting him know about it

264
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:15,012
with a bit of argy-bargy.

265
00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:18,721
Of course, the penalty for argy-bargy
is being sent off to war.

266
00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,263
[drum roll and march]

267
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:24,266
There they go, off to join
the 2nd Battalion on the Western Front.

268
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,480
-[cheering]
-[whistle blows]

269
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:28,810
-[siren wailing]
-And there's the three-quarter time siren.

270
00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:31,646
And the boys huddle for a slice of orange,

271
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,742
'fore sitting down to a delicious roast

272
00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:37,029
of marten with steamed sprouts,
mashed potatoes,

273
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,873
boiled neeps, beef gravy, and Gatorade.

274
00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:43,199
-[bell clangs]
-But Erwin Johnson is fresh back

275
00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:46,655
from the war, and he's running.
And oh, no, he's got shell shock.

276
00:11:46,747 --> 00:11:47,747
He's not sure where he is.

277
00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:51,455
The team doctor's seeing to him there,
and yes, it's shell shock.

278
00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:54,674
But that's nothing
a quick bout of war won't fix.

279
00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:55,795
There he goes,

280
00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:58,181
off to join the Light Horse Brigade
on the Eastern Front.

281
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:01,221
-[bell ringing]
-And the town crier has entered the pitch.

282
00:12:01,303 --> 00:12:04,353
The town crier is permitted to enter
the pitch and stop play at any moment

283
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,522
with news from afar.

284
00:12:05,599 --> 00:12:08,269
Europe is in disarray

285
00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:13,522
as Franz Ferdinand announce a new tour.

286
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:18,067
Check out livenation.com/franzferdinand.

287
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:19,704
Long live the Queen.

288
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:22,986
[announcer] Yes, very good.
I saw Franz Ferdinand at Coachel--

289
00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:25,695
And a woman is on the pitch.
She's stolen the ball. She's running.

290
00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:27,326
And she's escaped on horse-drawn cart.

291
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:28,463
And there's the siren.

292
00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:31,419
And Toronto has defeated
the Trading Company 27-0.

293
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:34,996
The losers, as punishment,
are sent to war.

294
00:12:35,504 --> 00:12:37,764
And to the winners go the spoils.

295
00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:40,594
They receive a celebratory trip to war.

296
00:12:41,385 --> 00:12:43,925
There you go, men.
For the many bayoneted men.

297
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:45,433
Damn German krauts!

298
00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:48,484
This shot put sure is heavy.
I hope it doesn't hit anyone...

299
00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:50,228
while I practice.

300
00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:55,864
-[thudding]
-You know, you could've gone

301
00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:59,071
-to a regular doctor for this, Broden?
-Yes, but I was hit with a shot put,

302
00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:00,993
so I came to a sports doctor.

303
00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:04,531
[man] Dr. Michelle Brasier, M.D.,
is the most sought-after sports physician

304
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:05,827
in the industry.

305
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:08,540
When you're taking care of pro athletes,
you have to be aware

306
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,421
that their injuries might be
a little bit different.

307
00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:13,249
-Hey, Michelle. How're you?
-[Michelle] Hi.

308
00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:14,594
Good. I'm good, Mark.

309
00:13:14,668 --> 00:13:17,208
-How are you feeling?
-I think I've got a cold.

310
00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:19,336
It hurts when I swallow.

311
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,552
Um, my arrow's quite itchy,
which has been a shame.

312
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:25,675
But otherwise, I'm fine.
I can do all the normal stuff I do.

313
00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:27,773
-[Michelle] Okay.
-Like, this isn't a problem for me.

314
00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:30,729
I built it and they didn't come!

315
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:31,850
Okay. What's that?

316
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:33,806
Kevin Costner's full of shit, man!

317
00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:36,766
I've pulled my ham string.

318
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,777
-[Michelle] What's happened?
-Oh, God! Oh, man!

319
00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:41,530
I don't know. I was just walking around.

320
00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:44,622
And then,
I ran into a visual effects makeup team

321
00:13:44,698 --> 00:13:48,078
and they took me into their trailer,
and then they applied this onto me.

322
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,500
-Careful!
-It hurts?

323
00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:51,708
No, not at all. Not in any way.

324
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:55,379
I actually used to work with children
and taking care of professional athletes

325
00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:57,631
is not that different.

326
00:13:57,711 --> 00:13:59,591
We're out of sync.

327
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:00,672
No, you're not.

328
00:14:00,756 --> 00:14:01,916
Yes, we are.

329
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:04,967
-Let's dive in.
-Let's dive in.

330
00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:06,432
Oh!

331
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:07,562
[strings play]

332
00:14:07,638 --> 00:14:10,268
[heavy breathing]

333
00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:15,689
-[generic hard rock playing]
-[mimicking motorcycle engine]

334
00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:17,571
[Michelle] How did you get that in here?

335
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:21,438
Did you know that a sneeze
is one-eighth of an orgasm?

336
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:24,567
-I'm not sure that's--
-I've sneezed seven times today.

337
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:26,655
What's that? Is that pepper?

338
00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:28,410
-Don't sniff it.
-[Mark] It's coming.

339
00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:30,622
-Don't cum. Don't cum in the office!
-No, it's coming.

340
00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:35,081
Okay.

341
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:37,291
[Mark] I'm drowning!

342
00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:38,206
[Michelle] Uh …

343
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,416
Oh my God!

344
00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:42,134
Oh my God! A shark!

345
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:43,875
Oh, God!

346
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:45,130
Oh, God!

347
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:48,177
Sports injuries can present
in many different ways.

348
00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:51,642
For example, often they will present
as a sort of structure

349
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,644
for some fucked character comedy.

350
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:58,646
[vocalizing a big top melody]

351
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,281
-Would you like to croquet?
-[Michelle] Uh…

352
00:15:01,358 --> 00:15:02,938
-[Zach] Balls!
-Okay.

353
00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:05,817
-[Zach] Another ball.
-Okay.

354
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,065
Where's Peter Pan?

355
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,987
Where's the Pan man?

356
00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:12,615
Hello, love. M'name's Jan,

357
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:14,503
-and I've got lots--
-Zach?

358
00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:17,287
[Zach] Yeah.

359
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:19,463
Just trying a new character.

360
00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:22,713
I, um, I… don't like my job.

361
00:15:22,796 --> 00:15:25,716
[electronic beat playing]

362
00:15:25,799 --> 00:15:27,089
[all laughing]

363
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:30,006
They're phenomenal. Wow. Okay.

364
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:32,345
Thanks for a great 'Lympics, everyone.

365
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:34,431
Hey, I won 42 gold and 20 silver.

366
00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:37,556
I won 30 gold, and I think three bronze.

367
00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:41,975
-All I got was brown.
-[sad wah-wah trumpet]

368
00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:43,976
Well, I don't know how you did it,

369
00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:46,105
but all the training paid off.

370
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:47,775
Here are your bonsai plants!

371
00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:50,663
Oh, wow! This is so cool!

372
00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:52,581
-Bonsai!
-True to your word.

373
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:54,660
-You take care of them.
-We will.

374
00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:58,867
Well, I better be off
to my big empty mansion now.

375
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,668
[emotional piano music playing]

376
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,251
-Uh, time out.
-Yeah.

377
00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:06,966
[indistinct conversation]

378
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:08,629
Hey, Awesome Kong.

379
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,428
Did you wanna stay for lunch?

380
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:12,351
It is Christmas after all.

381
00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:15,019
Oh, boys. I'd love to!

382
00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:16,639
[all laugh]

383
00:16:16,725 --> 00:16:18,305
'Tis the season.

384
00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:19,524
[Zach] Our hats!

385
00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,113
[Awesome Kong] Oh, wow!

386
00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:22,478
Such a great holiday.

387
00:16:22,564 --> 00:16:25,444
[all gasp] It's snowing!

388
00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:27,526
-[sleigh bells jingling]
-[all laugh]

389
00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:34,581
[laughter grows creepier]

390
00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:35,583
[shutter clicks]

391
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:39,420
[man] Merry Christmas from Aunty Donna
and Awesome Kong.

392
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:40,708
And Ronny Chieng

393
00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:42,751
♪ Aunty Donna's Big Ol' House of Fun ♪

394
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,665
♪ We hope you're liking season one ♪

395
00:16:44,753 --> 00:16:46,553
♪ If not, get fucked and leave, you dog ♪

396
00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:48,170
♪ Just joking, please keep watching ♪

397
00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:49,967
♪ Oh-ah, oh-oh-ah ♪

398
00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:52,050
-♪ That's the sound of us training hard ♪
-♪ What? ♪

399
00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:53,796
-♪ We trained hard to be awesome ♪
-♪ Yeah ♪

400
00:16:53,887 --> 00:16:55,967
♪ Kong picked up dumbbells
And put away our bongs ♪

401
00:16:56,765 --> 00:16:57,725
♪ Oh-ah ♪

402
00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:00,017
-♪ Oh-oh-ah ♪
-♪ What ♪

403
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:01,729
♪ Oh-ah ♪

404
00:17:01,812 --> 00:17:03,312
♪ That's the sound of us… Oh-oh-ah ♪

405
00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:05,396
♪ Oh-ah ♪

406
00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:07,443
-♪ Oh-oh-ah ♪
-♪ What ♪

407
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:08,992
♪ Oh-ah ♪

408
00:17:09,069 --> 00:17:10,739
-♪ We trained hard to be ♪
-♪ Aunty Donna ♪

409
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:14,737
♪ Watch, watch, watch, watching ♪

410
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:18,910
-♪ Watch, watch, watch ♪
-♪ Aunty ♪

411
00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:22,286
-♪ Watch, watch, watch ♪
-♪ Donna ♪