[cymbal beat playing]
♪ Everything's a drum Everything's a drum ♪
♪ Did you know this cup is a drum? ♪
[drum beat]
♪ If that cup is a drum, Then my bum is a drum ♪
[drum beat playing]
♪ Pots, cups and even a bum ♪
♪ It's so much fun When everything's a drum ♪
[drum beat playing]
♪ Everything's a drum Everything's a drum ♪
♪ Can someone's willy be a drum ♪
♪ Can you make my willy go Pa ra pa pum pum ♪
[drum beat playing]
♪ I did a cum ♪
♪ Everything's a drum Everything's a drum ♪
♪ I got a bad relationship with my mum ♪
♪ And when I think about my mum Even that's a drum ♪
♪ Everything's a drum Everything's a drum ♪
♪ When you drum on things You can have a ball ♪
♪ Anything can be a drum Heck, even a wall ♪
♪ Everything's a drum Everything's a drum ♪
♪ Hey, did you know this pot is a drum? ♪
-[pot doesn't drum] -[beat drops]
I said, "Did you know this pot is a drum?"
[silence]
[dramatic note sounds, fades out]
Broden, what the fuck?
You were just playing it wrong.
When you came to me 15 years ago,
you told me that everything was a drum.
Everything is a drum.
I left my wife.
I let you drum on my penis.
Enough now, brother Mark.
No more lies!
-[pot still soundless] -[Mark] No more excuses!
For if that pot is not a drum--
-[clangs pot] Oh no, I got it! -Oh good!
♪ Everything's a drum Everything's a drum ♪
-[music drops] -Well now, boys.
You should try drumming without arms!
[glass smashing]
Wow, this dishwasher we've had for three years can talk.
You bet your bubbles I can.
I've just been waiting for the right moment to
[slide whistle] open up.
-Hit it, maestro. -[drum solo]
Whoa!
Alright!
-Now, boys. -Yes, dishy.
Considering you have those nice, big rooms down the hall,
and I live in this itty-bitty spot under the counter,
do you think that it's fair that we all pay equal rent?
I've never thought about it that way.
Let me put it this way…
Fuck you! I work for you!
You should be paying me!
Whatta shame, they had a good thing goin', didn't they?
Yeah, they had a really good thing going. What a shame.
Naughty dishwasher.
Well, Broden, Mark, Zach,
looks like we're going to need a new housemates--s.
Word of the day.
[electronic beat playing]
[robotic voice] One, two, one, two, Aunty Donna.
Broden.
Zac.
Mark.
Aunty Donna.
[Broden] Alright.
I can't wait for these housemate interviews. Who's the first candidate?
We've got Stinky Jim.
I smell so bad.
Stinky?
That's the worst thing a housemate can be.
-Who's next? -We've got Dusty Bob.
[blows raspberries]
Just a bit dusty.
Wartime British civilian.
We'll have to ration our beans.
Uh, Horny Hank.
I [bleep] loud. I [bleep] often. And I [bleep] with the door open.
Dad at barbecue trying to learn the new cool dance moves.
How do you do it?
I don't know what I'm doing. Do you know?
I'm havin' a go.
This is gonna be a long afternoon, boys.
Motivational speaker who lacks confidence.
Get off… Get off your bottom.
-No. -Okay. Sorry.
Guy who doesn't know how plural nouns work.
This is two pictures of one horse.
Thirty-year-old straight white man.
The Dark Knight is a brilliant film. Five stars.
Man who tries to cover his fart with a cough.
[farts]
Ahem!
I think you heard my fart.
Camouflage Santa.
I was getting spotted by the kiddos.
Cosplayer laying it on a bit thick.
You wanna know where I got this soda?
-Oh, it's brilliant. -Isn't it brilliant!
A cowboy.
Stick 'em up.
-A cowdoy. -A cowdoy
A cowsoy.
Thanks, carton of milk. We'll let you know in due course.
Sir Alfred Hitchcock.
[violins screeching]
Superhero who got bit by a radioactive chameleon.
[superhero] I have the chameleon's greatest powers.
And it's his claws.
I have the claws of a chameleon.
Respectable judge who just ripped a massive ol' bong.
I sentence you to get me some chicken nuggets.
-Puppet. -Hi.
-Puppet with a plush puppy. -Hi.
-Puppet with a plush puppy and a plant. -Hi.
Just a plant.
-That's a good plant. -I like that plant.
Sorry, I forgot my plant.
-[puppet grunts] -[groans]
1970s investigative journalist.
We know about Cincinnati. And we know about Boston.
We need someone on the record. What do you mean, the White House?
Funny guy from work getting up at an open mic night for the first time
and everyone from work has come to support him.
What is it with Tinder these days? You get on there,
you swipe left, you swipe left,
you swipin' left, you swipe left, you swipe left,
you swipe left, am I right?
Shut up, Nadia!
Human guy people man.
[clanging] Hello. I'm a regular human.
Fuck you! [dishes clangs]
Great.
-Great, who's next? -We gotta, um, just…
Hang on, Zach. You've gone low res.
-What? Where? -Just, like…
-All over you. -Oh, my God. How embarrassing.
-I'm sorry. This never happens to me. -Did you have something strange for lunch?
Uh no, I just have really poor internet quality at my place.
Oh, right.
We can carry on if you're happy to?
[Zach] Oh, yeah, sure. I mean, it usually gets better again pretty quickly.
Oh, hang on, man.
No, you're frozen.
-[Broden] Yeah, you're cooked, man. -Should I call someone?
Well, who do you call for something like--
Hang on, you're back. But you're out of sync.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Go try walking in and out of the room. It might reset ya.
-Sure. -That helps me sometimes…
-Do a reset. -…when I go low res.
You know, how you switch a modem on and off?
-Sometimes then the Internet's better? -I know a fucking modem, yes.
Yeah, maybe that'll just work with a man is all I'm saying.
-How's this? -[static buzzing]
-That's fine. -It's fine. I don't give a fuck.
[electronic beat playing]
[Zach vocalizing]
[Mark] Zach!
-Was this you? -Was what me, mate?
Tell me if this was you or not because if this was you, this is genius!
Well, maybe it was me, maybe it wasn't me. Who knows, mate?
Mate, did you make the Wi-Fi name…
"Poo-Poo?"
Yeah, I did, mate. Yeah, I did. I did it to impress the new housemate.
How do you even come up with something like that?
This is Jackass-level brilliance, man.
Oh, boys. Oh, boys.
-Bit of a problem. -Yeah, what's up?
I'm trying to get some LimeWire songs.
Your Hoobastanks, your Sum 41s.
-Of course. -I can't connect. Is the dongle connected?
Oh, mate. No, the dongle is still connected.
Then what's going on? Something's amiss.
Only thing I can think of maybe that maybe happened
was that the Wi-Fi name changed.
Alright, I'll have a look, but I don't think that that would…
[distorted voice] What is this?
[funny laughter]
-Poo-Poo? -Yeah!
-[repeating] Lol. -Yeah.
-Mm-hm. -Very sharp.
-Very smart-- -[woman] Boys!
You changing the name of the Wi-Fi from D-Link 379 to Poo-Poo…
made me vomit on my shirt from laughter.
-Holy shit! -You did that!
Are you talking about Poo-Poo?
-Yeah. -Yeah, no. The Poo-Poo!
This is gonna be big for the community.
Hey, little Johnny.
-Come meet your new dads. -[gasping]
Thank you.
[majestic fanfare playing]
Hey, guys. It's me, Jerry Seinfeld.
[Seinfeld-esque theme plays]
Jerry Seinfeld!
I saw your Wi-Fi name, Poo-Poo, and I'm here to award you Funniest Ever!
-Aw, that's so sweet. -Oh, you didn't have to do that.
Let's see what your prizes are, huh? Shall we?
-If there's prizes… -Wow!
Clue, what did we get 'em?
[Clue] The Poo-Poo boys are going home with a Nokia 7200
thanks to Crazy John's Phones.
Aquila shoes, beautiful.
Let's not forget, a year's supply of Four'n Twenty Pies.
Congratulations, boys.
-That is good stuff. You beauty! -That is so nice.
Hey, while you're here, we were wondering
do you reckon we could be on Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee?
[dramatic music builds]
With the producers and the network and you know?
-Sorry. -It's just one of those things,
where if I said yes to everyone, it's a lot of coffee.
-Yeah. -Right? You know!
-Is it a maybe, or is it a no? -It's gonna be a no.
Okay, okay, boys. I gotta go get me some cool, new sneakers.
-Okay! -Okay. Bye, Jerry!
Hey, Jerry. Before you go, what's your Wi-Fi name?
[swooshing]
Pretty Fly for a Wi-Fi.
-That is so good! -Oh my God!
[Zach] Did you hear that?
That is so funny!
[Zach] Pretty Fly for a Wi-Fi?!
[Mark] I love that!
-See you, Jerry. -Yeah!
[cheering]
-Jerry frickin' Seinfeld… -Wow!
Compared to Pretty Fly for a Wi-Fi, Poo-Poo sucks.
I thought your name was Zach, not Two-Bit Hack.
-What are you…? -Oh…
Zach, it was just…
-That was just a joke. Zach… -[piano plays]
No, don't…
[Zach sobs]
Oh, no.
[Zach sobs]
-Well, I hope you're happy, Mark. -What?
You know he spent weeks and weeks cooking up that Wi-Fi name.
Hey, Broden. Shut up.
You are not nice!
[Broden sobs]
Good going, Mark, you sexy asshole. You've done it again.
Why won't you let anyone in?
[Mark sobs]
Hello. We need new Mark Bonanno posters, please.
[sighs, laughs]
-You'd like new posters? -Yes, please.
-As soon as possible. -A new batch as soon as possible.
As soon as possible?
Well, I'd like new posters, too. New post--
Now? In the middle of Poster Season?
It's gonna take six weeks.
-[Zach] Excuse me, six weeks? -Six weeks and that's…
a friend discount I'm giving you. Six weeks.
-Screw you. -Screw me?
Hey, screw you! Okay?
[sobs] Not today!
[sobbing continues]
Don't worry, Zach. Things might be looking kind of glum now.
But they'll be right as rain in no time.
-Jesus Christ! -[Mark] What is that?!
-Fucking thing on your fucking head! -What the fuck?!
Oh Jesus Christ!
-Don't fucking move! -Oh my God!
-[snipping]
-[squirting] -[screaming]
[electronic beat playing]
[Mark] A delicious peach.
Is your internet working? AltaVista won't load.
-Is that the new housemate? -No, that's just my stray man.
-Your what? -My stray man.
I found him walking around the city. He started following me home.
Now he just comes and goes as he pleases.
-Don't you, mate? -Yeah.
We gave him a bath.
-[stray man] Yeah. -Got him desexed.
Didn't we, mate?
-Yep. -[Mark] Been teaching him
a thing or two as well… Oh!
He loves this. Check this out.
Uh-oh.
-What's that? -They're your keys, mate.
[Mark] Go get 'em! Go get 'em. [laughs]
God, the neighbors' kids are in love with him.
-I'll tell you that much. -Found them.
Good man. Good man.
Hey, you're a good man. [laughs]
Hey, you hungry, fella?
-Sure. -[Mark] Yeah?
I'll go get him something. You two play nice, okay?
Okay. Well, stray man, thanks for coming. Now, Mark tells me--
You've gotta help me.
He's been keeping me hostage here for two fucking weeks.
-What? -Two weeks, man.
-I gotta get out of here. Please! -Christ! Alright!
-Just chill! -Who wants some kibble?
[bell dings]
I do, I do! Yum!
-There you go, mate. -Thank you.
Alright.
Mark, can I talk to you by our prized armoire?
Sure.
-What's up, dude? -Christ, um…
I don't know how to say this, but…
-Your stray man… -Uh-huh.
… he attacked me.
-No. No. -Yeah.
No, no, no, no. He's a good man. He wouldn't do that.
I thought he was Conor McGregor. He was like, "I'm gonna fucking kill you."
-Oh God! -He's not safe to be round people.
Oh, Broden. I'm so sorry.
-Can I talk to him? -Yeah, talk to him.
Really sorry about that.
Hey, buddy, you enjoying the kibble?
-This is the best kibble… -Great.
Say goodnight. There you go. Say goodnight.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay…
Oh, no… [sobs]
My boy.
-My-- -[stray man gasps]
-Jesus Christ… -Shush. There you go, there you go…
[sobs]
My boy…
[man] And now for the man who shit himself in public
but is handling the situation quite well.
Stephen, how are you today, mate?
Man, I'm doing so good.
Everything in my life is really, really tip-top.
What's up with you, man?
Oh, me? I'm fantastic. Thank you.
Although I did just shit myself.
-So… -Well, there you go.
So, he shit himself.
[Mark] Change the channel. Change the channel!
Don't! I'm Italian.
-Hey, could you change the channel? -Absolutely.
Sweet. Thank you.
[man] It's Two Groups of Biologically Related People
Trying to Guess the Most Popular Answer To A Question.
It's pretty much just Family Feud.
Family Feud! I'm running a part…
-[thudding] -Oh, fuck!
[music drops]
[gasping]
-[uptempo theme plays] -Well, very good. Hey, guys.
-Let's meet the-- -[mailbox squeaks]
-[mailbox creaks] -[music drops out]
I've had it with this fucking thing!
Let's meet the Smith family. Hi, what's your name?
-My name's Bill. -[host] G'day, Bill. What's your name?
-My name is Ben. -G'day, Ben. What's your name?
-I'm Janiel. -G'day, Daniel--
No, Janiel.
-What? -Janiel.
-You mean Daniel. -Janiel.
-Janiel? -Janiel.
Jan… What do you mean, Janiel?
Think Daniel. Think January.
Smoosh them together. It's Janiel.
-Janiel. -My name is Janiel.
Alright. And what's your name?
My name is Danuary.
Well, there you go! The Smith family! Wow.
The magic of TV!
My producer tells me there's a bit more going on here, guys.
You're not just here to win a trip to Hawaii.
-Is that right? -[Bill] That's right.
We've got a real sick boy at home.
We wanna win this trip to Hawaii to lift his spirits
and give him a fighting chance.
Oh, Jesus. That's so special. That hurt me so much, I lost my stiffy.
-[Danuary sobs] -Boys, I'm so sorry to hear that.
-It's okay. -No, don't touch my fucking [bleep].
-Okay, yeah. -But we wanna help you guys.
We wanna help the Smith family. We wanna get that boy to Hawaii.
But the first question,
that's a walk in the park, guys, so all the best.
We're looking for the top answer to the question,
things you put in your mouth.
Oh!
This one's a nice, easy one. Let's play. What's your first answer?
-Great. A walk in the park. -[Grant] It's so easy.
-What's your answer? -That's a walk in the park,
-things you put in your mouth. -[Grant] Your answer?
Let's lock that in, Grant.
[Bill] Lock it in.
-A walk in the park. -Walk in the park.
A walk in the park?
Let's lock that in, brother.
You put that in your mouth?
Yeah. You take the concept, walking through a park,
put that in your mouth.
-Lock that in. -Gobble, gobble, gobble, Grant.
Yum, yum, yum.
Alright. A walk in the park.
[buzzer]
Ah, damn it!
That's very wrong.
[whispers] That's a surprise. We want common answers.
I'm gonna go really common.
I'm gonna go with something I put in my mouth every single day.
-[Grant] Great idea. -Which is a DVD box set of The Crown.
-Lock that in. -Lock it in.
You take that, you put that in your mouth?
Yes, every single day. Yum, yum, yum.
A plastic CD you put in your mouth?
Every day at around 7:00 a.m. before I go to work, I…
-[slide whistle] -I put the whole thing in my mouth.
[Bill] What's the other option?
You can't put a subscription in your mouth, Grant.
-I'm going to put up The Crown on DVD. -[Ben] Yeah.
-Mm-hmm. -Gotta re-explain the game.
[Ben] Okay.
Box set of The Crown.
[buzzer]
-No. -Ah, damn it!
So, you've wasted two opportunities.
You've got one more chance, for the love of Jesus Christ of Nazareth,
Janiel.
Okay, I'm gonna take a cue from my grandfather,
and I'm gonna say shotgun.
-I'm skipping you. -It's okay. He's dead.
Moving along! Moving along!
Moving along. I'm gonna retrace my steps.
-[Grant] Good idea. -I wake up. I get out of bed.
-Yeah. -I go to the bathroom.
-I pick up my toothbrush. -Yes.
I take my toothbrush.
-Toothbrush! -Put it towards my mouth.
-Put it up there! -And it casts a shadow!
-Lock it in! -Toothbrush?
No, shadow.
What the fuck do you mean, shadow?
Grant, are you aware of the power of shadows?
No, I'm not aware of the power of shadows!
No, no, no, no, no, sorry. Sorry if I misspoke, that's our answer.
"Are you aware of the power of shadows."
Lock it in, chomper.
-Lock it in. -Come on, Grant.
-Lock it in! -Come on, Grant.
[vocalizing] Lock it in!
-Lock it in, Grant. -All in!
-Lock it in.
-That's a really fucked thing to say, man.
-[bleep] -I'm sorry, Grant.
"Are you aware of the power of shadows?…" is on the board.
-[bell dings] -Yeah!
Your sick boy's going to Hawaii.
Will your boy be healthy enough to travel?
He will be if we stop putting bleach in his soup.
Oh! "Bleach in his soup"…
-is also on the board. -[bell dings]
-[cheering] -I've been Grant Denyer.
And remember to love your family, even when you're feuding.
And I just don't mean biological family. Anyone can be a family member,
even a housemate or a dishwasher,
if it could talk. [laughs]
[stirring music plays]
♪ When we were toge-- ♪
-[all groan] -I hate that dumb fuck.
-So rude with that rent stuff. -[Broden] Yeah.
Cowdoy's a way better housemate.
Cowdoy pays rent, no questions asked.
-I clean all the dishes. -[Zach] I love you, cowdoy.
I ain't no lippy fuck.
I think we should up his rent, though.
I ain't got lip, I gotta clean them dishes with a…
[spits, dings]
Oh, no. Sheriff…
[Western music plays and cuts out]
♪ Aunty Donna ♪
♪ Aunty Donna's Big Ol' House of Fun ♪
♪ We hope you're liking season one ♪
♪ If not get fucked And leave, you dog ♪
♪ Just joking Please keep watching ♪
♪ Aunty Donna's Big Ol' House of Fun ♪
♪ We hope you're liking season one ♪
♪ If not get fucked And leave, you dog ♪
♪ Just joking Please keep watching ♪
♪ Please keep watching ♪
♪ Please keep watching, don't get fucked And please keep watching ♪
♪ Please keep watching ♪
-♪ Please keep watching don't get fucked ♪ -♪ Aunty Donna ♪
♪ Watch, watch, watch, watching ♪
-♪ Watch, watch, watch ♪ -♪ Aunty ♪
-♪ Watch, watch, watch ♪ -♪ Donna ♪
-♪ Watch, watch ♪ -♪ A-A-Aunty Donna ♪