- Nothing beats a good steak,
unless you're a vegetarian and you found out
that you ate steak because someone lied to you.
In that case, the steak didn't hurt you,
the truth did.
But this story isn't about the truth.
It's about a man.
A man who dreamed about buying a home
with the girl he loved.
But if he was gonna do all that,
he sure started off in the wrong spot.
♪ I got the crowd gathered 'round like it's fight night ♪
♪ Minor leaguers stay at home with your night light ♪
♪ Because I'm quite tight ♪
♪ They seen that Fury knows how to rock the mic, right ♪
♪ And get a right right ♪
♪ And a true, that ♪
♪ After I rock your whole crew gives me a few daps ♪
♪ They all really seem to love the way I do that ♪
♪ But I knew that ♪
♪ It's the same exact reason that your crews lack ♪
♪ Aiyyo who dat?! ♪
- Yo, who the fuck is that?
- Um, hi, it's Rob, Rob Smart.
I'm here to see an apartment.
- Why you ain't say that, man?
- Hey, DQ.
Are the countertops in there marble?
- Nah, they're the next best thing thoug
- Well, the kitchen's really nice.
You got tons of space for $1,200 a month
- Yes, sir.
You get a lot of bang for your buck here in Beekstead.
Speaking of which, the guy upstairs on the second floor,
he's in a rock band.
So it gets a little loud sometimes,
but they're pretty good, so...
- It's my girlfriend. Do you mind if I take this?
- Motherfucker.
She is way out of your league, bro.
No disrespect.
Well, look, if you need anything, just give me a shout.
Alright?
- Hey.
So do you maybe want to meet my parents another night?
- Uh, why would I want to do that?
- My parents are a little intimidating
and I don't want to scare you off.
- I appreciate you giving me the out, but I don't need it.
And I'm excited that I finally get to meet your parents.
And I have a feeling they're really gonna like me.
- Alright. Well, thanks for being brave.
So, are you on your way?
What is that?
Did you walk into a concert?
- Oh, Katie, it's just the neighbors. I love you.
I'll talk to you soon.
- Would you like some more wine, Rob?
- Absolutely.
- Dear, would you do the honors?
You're a tad bit more accessible to him.
- You got it. Say when.
- Oh, not too much though. I'm driving.
- So, Rob,
Katie says there's an interesting story on how you two met.
I would love to hear it.
- Okay.
Well, my friend Toby hits me up and says
"I know this great girl named Katie.
You're going on a blind date with her
and I'm not taking no for an answer."
So our blind date starts, we're talking,
I am having the time of my life
and Katie's laughing like a crazy person
so I'm going to assume she was having a good time.
And then Katie notices this guy staring at us.
So he comes over and says,
"Hey, I think you're supposed to be on a date with me."
And then at that moment,
I realized that Katie wasn't the Katie
I was supposed to meet.
I wasn't the Rob that she was supposed to meet.
My Katie stood me up.
And the thing is, I think it had to be fate
because what are the chances
of me meeting a Katie that was supposed to meet a Rob?
- Wow. That is really some story.
- Well, whoever that other Katie was, she messed up.
Rob's been great.
- You snooze, you lose.
Now that we're moving in together, things are just perfect.
- Hmm.
- Yeah, I meant to tell you,
we've been looking at apartments.
- So where are you looking?
- Oh, we saw some really nice places in Beekstead.
Beekstead?
Oh, that's a great place.
To get shot!
- Dad, it's not.
- I get it, Mr. Reynolds, Beekstead has its rough spots,
I'll admit it.
But if it makes any better,
Katie and I spend so much time in the bedroom,
that we barely go out anyway.
- Excuse me?
- Oh. Oh.
That was a terrible joke.
I'm just saying, we don't go out much.
Not that I can afford to anyway.
Mr. Reynolds?
- Call me Julius, please.
- Julius. Sure.
I just wanted to say how sorry I am for those jokes
in there.
They were insensitive, clearly not funny
and definitely not the first impression I want to make.
- It's okay, Rob. I understand and I accept your apology.
You can relax with me.
- Wow.
Wave of relief.
It's so hard meeting the parents for the first time.
- Oh, I hear ya, kid and don't sweat it,
we're just people.
And besides, I know you're a very nice guy.
- Thank you, Julius.
- Don't mention it.
I just need you to do me a small favor.
- Sure, anything.
- This whole thing with Katie,
I'm going to need you to find a way to end it
without hurting her too badly.
- Excuse me?
- This whole thing with my daughter and you,
it's not going to work out.
- Oh God. It's the jokes.
- No, it's not the jokes, Rob, it's you.
You're the joke.
Take a look at Katie and look at yoursel
Do you think you're anywhere near her league?
You're as far below her station as one can be.
I don't know what she sees in you.
I know what I see in you, and I see a peasant.
You like to tell stories? Write a book.
Nice guy? Make a friend.
But my daughter doesn't deserve a life lacking in worth
in a disgusting apartment in a dangerous neighborhood.
By the time I was your age,
I had already paid off this whole house
and I was looking to buy a yacht.
Do you think you'll ever be able to buy a house like this?
Never in a million years.
Now that's the life for Katie.
End it with grace, but end it, you must.
♪ I thought we could be ♪
♪ something special ♪
♪ baby ♪
- Take my hand, Madam.
- Ow. Fuck!
- Oh shit! Watch your head.
- I'm taking this blindfold off.
- No please. Just two seconds, two seconds.
- Rob!
- Okay. Okay. Okay.
That's perfect.
And...
now!
- Congratulations!
- What's going on?
- Today's the day, baby.
We're moving in together.
- What are you talking about?
- I bought us a mansion, baby.
- Rob, we've been looking at places in Beekstead.
You're going to tell me you bought a mansion?
- Damn right, I did.
- How is that even possible?
- Well,
you know how I had that conversation with your dad?
- I told you that wasn't a big deal.
- I know, but he said some things that I needed to hear.
I went into work the next day.
- Rob, I just feel like this was a huge decision
and it kind of bothers me that I wasn't a part of it.
- I just really wanted to surprise you.
- Wow.
- Oh, yeah.
And it came fully furnished.
- I think I just found my favorite part
of the house.
- So, I wanted to ask,
That thing you said outside about me not involving you,
was that a fight?
- I didn't think it was a fight.
- I don't know. It was tense.
Might've technically been a fight and if it was a fight,
we should, you know, make up.
- Well, maybe it was a fight.
- Howdy, neighbor.
- Hi, I'm Rob, Rob Smart.
Just moved in.
- Yeah, I see that.
I'm Sydney. Welcome to the neighborhood.
- Thank you. It is a beautiful place.
- Oh, it is, it is. A great place to raise a family.
- My thoughts exactly.
- How big's your litter?
- Excuse me?
- How many kids are you at?
- Oh, no, we're not up to that,
just me and my girlfriend.
- Oh, well, hot diggity dog. I'm sure she's a keeper.
You know, I got to tell Ginnie you guys just moved in.
She makes a mean casserole.
- Well, all right then.
- Yeah.
- Um, oh, I should probably get back to the lady.
- Yeah, yeah. Listen, I hear you, I hear you.
I should be on my way too. Alright?
Hey.
Good luck finding it.
- Huh?
- I said, "Good luck finding it." (laugh
- Finding what?
- The treasure.
- The treasure?
- Hidden in the house.
- What are you talking about?
- There's a,
you don't know?
- I don't know what you're talking about
- Shh, shh.
Now look, the last fella that lived in that house
was into some sketchy business.
I mean, he came to me to try to hide some money
from the IRS.
I said "No way, Jose, I run a legitimate accounting firm."
He started hiding the money in his mattress.
And when it started hurting his back,
he started hiding it in the walls.
I mean, you could hear him knocking all night long and
not in the carnal sense, if you get my drift.
- Wow. What happened to him?
- Oh, that guy's deader than rock music.
Had a coronary the size of a Mack truck.
Hey, listen, I will bet you a million
that the walls are still loaded with that cash.
I mean, it might be worth taking a peek.
- Well, I appreciate the heads up,
but I just dropped 4 mil on this place.
I don't think I'm knocking down any wall
- 4 million?
That's a steal,
knowing that you could double it with what's in there.
- Okay.
Okay. Well, I gotta get going.
So, it was a pleasure.
- Alright, son. See ya.
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute.
Hey, let me buy you a drink.
You know, the local watering hole is called the
Lighthouse Inn.
And if you really want to know the truth
that's where I really live.
So find me there
and I'll find you a nice bourbon with your name on it.
You got it.
- ♪ Oh, my pretty baby. ♪
♪ Oh my sweetie, baby. ♪
♪ I just can't believe I'm yours ♪
- Hey Matt.
- It's Rob.
- Right. Sorry.
- Oh, I was just um
testing the acoustics of the room.
- I have Janet on hold on line one.
- Great. Put her through.
- You just press one.
You were out for three weeks and already forgot
how to use the phone?
- This is Rob speaking.
- Hey Rob. Welcome back.
You sound better.
- Well, it's great to be back and I am feeling much better,
Janet, let me tell you.
- Good, because that was a lot of time you took off.
- Well, it's going to pay you back tenfold, Janet.
- Great to hear.
Listen, I got to ask you something.
- Shoot.
- Where the fuck were you this morning?
- Excuse me?
- Tenfold? You missed today's fucking meeting.
- Oh, that was today. I'm sorry, Janet.
I've just been so overwhelmed.
- I don't want to hear you took three weeks off
to not be overwhelmed.
You can't be doing this, Rob.
- You're right, Janet.
You're right. It won't happen again.
I promise.
- It better not happen again,
because this waterfront redevelopment is giving me
a fucking ulcer.
Everyone's working really hard.
I need you plugged in.
- Well, Janet, your electric bill's about to skyrocket,
because I am plugged in and I am running hot.
- Whatever. Listen, go down to Jason's office.
He'll fill you in.
I need you to put your heads together and poke
as many holes as you can, okay?
Your presentation needs to be ready to g
first thing tomorrow morning.
- Absolutely.
- First thing tomorrow morning,
you need to be in the conference room, presentation in hand.
- I'll be there, Janet.
This will be the -
Ahem.
- Hi. Didn't see you there.
- I have a Paulie Gatto on hold. He says it's urgent.
- Oh, shit.
Ah, can you tell him that I'm in a meeting?
- Okay.
- Yes?
- Hi. Yes.
Mr. Gatto says that he insists that you step out
of your fake meeting.
- You told him it was a fake meeting?
- No, I'm telling you what he said.
- Oh, well tell him that it's a real meeting.
- Sure.
- Amanda, I told you to tell Paulie -
- Hey Rob.
Tell Paulie what?
- To tell Paulie that my meeting just finished.
Hold all my calls.
Paulie, you really shouldn't - - Sit down.
- Now, look, Rob.
I'm not going to waste your time.
Circumstances have changed.
The boss wanted me to come down and let you know that we
need the money back by the end of the week.
- What?
No, we had it.
Big Sally-
- Mrs. Salerno.
- Huh?
- Mrs. Salerno. She doesn't like to be called Big Sally,
finds it infantilizing and condescending
- I'll make sure it doesn't happen again
I was just saying, she gave me the year and -
- Yeah. Unfortunately that's not gonna work.
See the boss's daughter just got accepted to the
prestigious Paris Academy of Art.
Problem is, it ain't cheap.
Paris Academy of Art charges $500,000 a semester.
And we're the criminals.
So long and short,
boss needs 4 million for four years of tuition,
room and board.
We go through the books, and what do you know?
We just gave you 4 million last week.
So let's even things out.
You give us some money back.
We'll make it up to you in some other wa
Want a drink?
- No, I'm okay.
- Oh, you should have one.
So, how's that sound?
- See, the thing is,
I kinda spent the money.
- Oh, I was really hoping you weren't going to say that.
On the other hand, your firm here,
they're going to be submitting the bid to be
the lead contractor on the waterfront redevelopment.
- Oh, I don't know. See, I've been out.
So I haven't really been brought up to speed.
- I'm bringing you up to speed.
Salerno Construction LLC is going to bid on those contracts
and Salerno Construction LLC will be awarded
those contracts.
Everything's supposed to be finalized on Thursday.
So either we get the contracts on Thursday,
or the 4 million on Friday.
- I, I don't know.
I don't have that kind of firepower here, so-
- Don't bullshit me, Rob!
You'll figure it out,
because if you don't, it actually becomes much more simple.
- Does it?
- Yeah, because I'm gonna kill you.
I'm gonna pull your fucking teeth out of your mouth,
slice you up in little tiny pieces,
and when they finally find your carcass floating
in the fucking river,
you'll be so disfigured, they won't even be able
to tell who you were.
You got that?
Who's she? Wife?
- Girlfriend.
- She's pretty.
See you real soon, Rob. Have a nice fucking day.
- Hedge fund guy would scoop it up,
but never in a million years would I have thought
it could have been you.
You really proved me wrong, Rob.
- Huh?
- It pains me to admit it, but I was wrong about you.
And I apologize for everything I said.
- Oh, it's okay.
- No, it's not okay.
The thought that I could have driven you away
from my daughter, oh, it eats me up.
My wife says this is Roman marble. Bam!
Sturdy, solid, outstanding.
I'm damn proud of you, son.
Damn proud.
- Thank you, Mr. Reynolds.
- Julius, please.
My daughter is in great hands.
- Look at you two, hitting it off.
- Honey,
your man is a keeper.
No doubt about it.
- Dad.
- Well, I'll leave you two love birds to it.
Why don't you help me find your mother?
- Yeah, she couldn't have kind of gone far.
- Mona! We're leaving.
- Looks like we had our first successful dinner party.
I'm going to go see them out, but I just wanted to -
- Oh my God.
♪ You got my attention, baby ♪
♪ And I can't make a move ♪
♪ Like a child that's starved for love ♪
♪ I'll stay there as long as I have to ♪
♪ I'll cry a river of tears ♪
- Good morning, sweetheart.
Are you feeling better?
- Yeah. I'm great.
I'm just gonna take a shower and I'll be as good as new.
- A little fog to start off our day.
We may get some hints of sun yet.
- There's my handsome man, looking much better.
- And now, over to our local news.
- I'm feeling much better, too.
- In other news, three bodies were found dismembered at the
site of the upcoming Sandy Shores waterfront redevelopment.
WHIC News is on the scene, bringing you the latest.
- Isn't that the project your firm is working on?
- The police at the moment are not saying anything,
but with five more bodies found and rumors they are tied
to organized crime,
residents worry that carnage might just be the new normal
in this waterfront community.
While we don't know much, one thing is clear,
and that is that Rob Smart is going to die.
The only way out of this certain and violent death is going
to work and sabotaging that proposal,
but the stress is on because if Katie finds out,
she is certain to leave him and never talk to him again.
With tensions running high,
the police commissioner will be releasing a formal
statement later this afternoon.
Until then, citizens are urged to remain vigilant.
Chuck Charles, WHIC News.
- Rob, what's going on?
- I can explain.
- You're sick.
Aw.
- I'm sick?
I'm sick. I'm sick.
Oh, I'm so sorry, baby.
Must've caught a stomach bug.
- Of course. It's fine.
Just take a sick day and I'll take one too.
- I'm going to kill you.
- Oh no, actually,
I got to go to work.
- No. You don't. And I'm canceling tonight's reservation.
- Don't cancel the reservation. It's our anniversary.
And really, really I'm not sick.
It was a one-time thing.
- You threw up last night.
- Who's keeping track? Two time thing.
Really, I'm great.
I just got to go to work and -
- Rob. I'm not having this conversation.
You're sick and if you're not gonna take care
of yourself, then I am.
So stop being a workaholic, get back into bed,
and if I see you doing any work at all,
you and I are going to have a big proble
- I don't understand.
You take one week off for a death in the family, I get it,
another week, because your girlfriend took you on vacation
to make you feel better, okay.
And then another week to move into a house you recently
inherited.
You promised that would be it.
And now you come in late on your first day back,
you miss a meeting that we scheduled to work around
your schedule, and now you're calling in sick?
Are you fucking kidding me?
- Janet, I'm sorry.
I'm honestly feeling under the weather.
- I don't care if you have Ebola and you're bleeding
out your face,
I'm here with Jason and he says you didn't even go to
his office yesterday,
so, what the fuck were you doing for eight hours,
playing solitaire?
- I was so busy that day, Janet,
it completely slipped past me.
- I really tried to give you an opportunity here, Rob.
I really did.
You know how important this waterfront redevelopment
plan is.
- It is very important, Janet.
It is very important.
- It's very important, Rob.
It's too important to be messing this up, I'm sorry.
You give me no choice. I gonna have to let you go.
- Janet. Please no, I have so many ideas
They will, they will knock your socks of
I promise.
- Hm, well maybe if you weren't such a fuck up,
you'd have the opportunity to express them.
- Oh shit. Oh shit.
Janet, please, I need this job.
I need this job, Janet, please.
I have worked my whole life for this.
I have earned this.
You know that I'm a kick-ass salesman.
I slipped up. I'm sorry.
You want me to break down crying again?
You know how much I loved my uncle
and now I'm sick.
I've been vomiting all over the place.
The carpets at the office are gorgeous, Janet.
You don't want me ruining them.
- Honey? Are you working?
- No. I'm not working.
I'm just talking to some friends.
- Who are you talking to?
- Oh, it's um,
Toby.
- Oh, how's he doing?
- He's great.
- Hi Toby.
When am I going to meet you already?
I'm starting to think you're avoiding me, you big flake!
- He says, "Hi."
Anyway, love you.
- Wow.
Well, I don't know what the fuck that wa
but obviously your second chance went out the window.
So if you're not too overwhelmed,
you can come into the office at your leisure,
pack up your things, and turn in your ke
because you're fucking fired.
- Oh, fuck.
- Hey, neighbor.
- Hey. Sydney, right?
- Righto, brother.
Get home from work early?
- No, took a sick day.
- Well, you don't look too sick to me.
- Yeah.
It's because I'm lying to you, Sydney.
I was fired.
And I told my girlfriend I was going to the doctor, but
I'm not, because I'm lying to her too.
- Oh, brother. The truth will set you free.
And heck, if that fails,
maybe a little bourbon might do the tric
Hey, hey, hey, Jo Jo,
two more, if you don't mind.
Don't look so sad, son. You'll get a new job.
- It's not just the job.
I owe a lot of money to some really bad people.
I don't know what to do.
- If you're that hard pressed for cash.
I'm telling you there's a fortune hidden somewhere
in that house of yours.
- You were serious about that.
- Darn serious.
Look, your house is like an ocean
and that money is lost at sea.
All you have to do is look.
- I'm not going to tear apart my dream house
on a wild goose chase.
- Nay, nay, nay.
If thy wits run the wild goose chase, I have done,
but thou hast more of the wild goose in one of thy wits
than I am sure I have in my whole five.
It's there, kiddo. I'm sure of it.
You just need to look.
- Can I have another, please?
- Now this one, the zuppa di pesce alla veneziana,
what's in that one?
- Ah, yes.
That is a choice assortment of fish in a light tomato broth,
highly recommended.
However, since it is your first time her
I do suggest you try the branzino,
it is our award-winning house specialty,
- The branzino?
- Absolutely to die for.
- Alright. That sounds great.
- And your order, sir.
- Oh, I'll have what she's having.
- The branzino, excellent choice. I can take your menus.
- Honey. You're allergic to fish.
- I am allergic to fish.
- Would you like to change your order, sir?
- Oh, um, I will have the chicken.
- As previously mentioned,
we have two chicken options this evening
We have a roasted chicken -
- The roasted chicken's fine.
- Very well. Your menus.
- Honey, I,
I want to talk about something that's been on my mind.
- Shoot.
- I know you've had a big week and maybe it's nothing,
but I can't help but feel that something is off.
- Off? I don't think so.
- It's just that since you met my parent
and you had that conversation with my dad -
- I promise, everything's good with your dad.
Great guy, seriously.
- Well, if there's anything else that's going on,
that's too much for you, you can tell me
You know that, right?
I love you and I want to be here for you
in any way that I can be.
- Katie, I want to tell you everything.
And I already have.
- Okay. I trust you.
- I have to go to the bathroom real quic
I'll be right back.
Why didn't you tell her the truth, Rob?
Because then she would leave you, asshol
But you owe her the truth.
You gotta tell her the truth, man.
Okay.
Let's do it.
- Hey Rob, is there room for one more?
What are the chances we end up in the same restaurant
on the same night?
That's a rhetorical question, Rob. The chances are high.
This is Mrs. Salerno's place.
- Mrs. Salerno owns this restaurant?
- Mrs. Salerno owns this town.
So, if could spare a moment of your time
Mrs. Salerno is having dinner in the bac
and it'd be quite rude of you not to say, "Hello."
- Oh, I really wouldn't want to interrupt her dinner.
- Please, Rob. I insist.
Mrs. Salerno, you remember Rob?
- Oh yeah. Oh wow, Rob.
Oh, Robert, welcome.
This is my daughter, Tori.
Tori, say, "Hello" to Robert.
- Can I be excused?
- Of course.
So now listen, Robert, how are you?
Do you have the food here yet?
- No, I just ordered.
- Ah, everything here is delicious.
What did you order?
- I got the roasted chicken.
- Oh, the roasted chicken is shit.
He's going to have the branzino.
You're going to love it. I promise. I promise.
You're going to eat every bite.
Well, come on, sit down, take a load off
So you know, we just wanted to check in, yeah,
take a moment of your time and make sure
that we're all set for tomorrow's delicate negotiations
for the waterfront redevelopment contracts.
- We're on track. Everything's as good as handled.
- Oh, look at that. Aye, aye.
Good as handled.
- Oh, shit!
- This was a test and you failed because you're stupid.
I have your balls in a vice and you chose to lie to me.
I know that you were fired from your job this afternoon,
because...
I have ears, eyes everywhere, you fuck.
You stupid motherfucker.
So now the vice tightens.
What is that sharp feeling you got there
Motivation! That's what it is.
- I was already motivated!
- Yeah, well, a little more never hurt.
- Maybe in your case it does. Doesn't it, Rob?
- You're going to get a phone call in two days.
You are not gonna want to miss that call
and you're gonna want to have my money when you answer.
Great.
- Oh, God.
- Great.
All right.
Aaaah!
- Hey, you were in there for awhile.
Are you still feeling sick?
- Really long line.
- At the men's room? That's crazy.
- The branzini.
- Oh, there's been a mistake.
- But this is compliments of Mrs. -
- Oh,
no, no, I wanted this.
I really wanted to try it.
- But you're violently allergic to fish.
- I don't think that I am.
I'm good. Trust me.
- Enjoy your meal.
- Look, look at this.
Mmm.
See? I'm totally fine.
- Well, the good news is the anaphylaxis has responded
to the medication and is calming down quite a bit,
but you really should not be eating fish, Mr. Smart.
I don't know if you know this,
but you are deathly allergic to it.
- He does know this. Rob, what were you thinking?
- Gotta live dangerously, sometimes.
- In my professional opinion, you should not.
- Thank you, doctor.
- You're welcome.
I also looked at that a dog bite on your leg
and I must say it is highly irregular.
- You got bit by a dog?
- Dog bites usually present as multiple puncture wounds,
but this looked more like someone stuck a steak knife
in his leg and twisted it.
- Yeah, Doc. That's exactly what it felt like.
That dog's teeth, they were sharp.
- Like I said, unusual,
but no matter. We cleaned it up.
We gave you a rabies and tetanus shot, antibiotics,
CT, and MRI, with and without contrast, the works.
- Well, it's a good thing your job has such great
health insurance.
I can't even imagine what all of this would cost.
- Yeah, big time.
But if the insurance company is paying,
why pinch pennies, right?
It is your life on the line,
but I'm sure you'll be fine.
You'll be discharged in just a few days.
- Oh no, Doc, I need to check out tonigh
- I will let you two discuss.
- Baby, I just want to go home to our beautiful house.
- You're not going anywhere.
The doctor just said that you shouldn't
- This is totally ridiculous.
Look at me. I'm fine.
- You don't look fine at all.
You look like a pufferfish
and you didn't tell me that a dog bit yo
- I always look like a pufferfish.
Let's just get out of here.
- We're not going anywhere. You could've died.
- Okay.
You want to stay? We'll stay.
- Whoa, Nelly! What happened to you?
- I know. It was an allergic reaction.
But I need to talk to you
about the money that's hidden in the house.
If you help me find it, I'll give you a piece of it.
- Oh, it's not necessary, friend.
I have all the riches a man needs,
but I appreciate the offer.
Now, first order of business,
I'd start by taking down those walls.
- Any idea which rooms?
- Oh, geez, the amount of sheet rocking this guy was doing
over the span of years, I mean, best bet, all of them.
This cat had a lot of cash.
You better get yourself some tools.
- Okay.
Where am I supposed to get tools at two in the morning?
- Hey, excuse me.
Any chance you know where the tool -
Hey, excuse me.
Any chance?
- Hey, how's it going?
- Benadryl's aisle two.
- Thanks.
Any chance, do you guys carry power tool
- No.
- Uh, do you know anywhere I can get some tools?
- Hardware store.
- Are any open now?
- No.
- Look, you gotta have like a sledgehammer or a power saw
or something somewhere.
- Um. This is a pharmacy.
Please.
You're the only place that's open for miles.
If I don't get my hand on some tools, I'm gonna die.
- My boss has some in the back. I'll sell them to you.
- Really? That'd be amazing.
- All right. 500 bucks.
- You got it.
- Show me the money.
- Oh shit.
I don't have my wallet on me right now,
but could you spot me and I'll come back tomorrow.
- No,
- I know this is strange, but please, this is an emergency.
All right.
You want to play this game? I'll play this game.
I want to speak to your manager.
- I'm the manager.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Is there anything I can do to get you to change your mind?
- Yeah.
Take your fucked up face and leave my fucking store.
- Hey guys, can I speak to you for a second?
- Look, man, look, I don't know what you think you saw
back there but we definitely wasn't doing whippets.
- Yeah.
- I mean, it's medicinal purposes for the both of us.
We got cards.
- I need your help.
- Yo, what's wrong with your face?
Benadryl is in aisle two.
- I forgot my wallet and -
- Let me stop you right there, G.
We ain't got no cash.
- Okay. I wasn't asking for any,
but before I saw you shoplifting -
- Whoa, that's mad accusatory, man.
Let me stop you right there, chief.
We ain't steal shit.
- I just need you to steal some tools from me
that are in the back.
- Yo, are you a cop?
Are you trying to set us up?
- No, I'm not a cop.
- Prove it. Show us you're not wearing a wire.
- I'm not wearing a wire.
- Oh? Yeah, you prove it, bitch.
- Are you happy?
- Drop your drawers.
- What? Are you guys insane?
- You could have a wire on your dick.
Show us or we won't trust you.
- Fuck you.
You know, I don't have a wire on my dick
- That sounds like exactly what somebody with a wire
on their dick would say.
- Fine. Fine.
- Trust me now?
- It's a nice dick.
- Yo, man. We just fucking with you.
Cops don't wear wires on their dick.
- Wave your dick.
- He pulled his dick out.
- In the middle of a friggin' pharmacy
- He pulled his dick out
- In a pharmacy!
- Whoa!
Yo, yo. We gonna help you, we gonna help you.
Oh, shit!
He pulled his dick out.
Alright, look, I'm fucking with you, man
Yeah, I'm Clyde. This is Brick.
We get paid to steal shit quick.
What's in it for us, B?
- Steal the tools and then we will go back to my place
and I will pay you.
- All right. Yeah. Go pull your car up.
We'll be out in 10 minutes.
I ain't gonna lie, this house is fucking lit.
- That's a nice painting.
- I like the texture on the background for the trees.
- Yeah, that's Bob Ross shit.
- Yo, not for nothing, yo, this is a dope ass spot.
- Yo, my cousin Marlon used to rob hella places like this.
- What happened to that dude?
- He's doing 10 to 15 in Oswald.
- Damn, B. Shit always happens to the good ones.
- No, you know, he made a lot of great friends up there.
- Oh word?
- Yeah, he's doing really well.
- Oh, shit.
- He's got a social scene.
- Hey guys.
You said your names were Clyde and Brick, right?
Which one of you should I write the check to?
Okay. I will just make it to cash.
How does 200 sound?
- Mm. Yeah. We was thinking 10,000 sounds about right.
- Os.
- Yeah. - $10,000?
- Yeah.
- Are you guys nuts?
I don't have that kind of money.
Honestly, I don't have any money.
- Yeah, because I could see you slumming it in this
Taj Mahal looking motherfucker, right?
Hey, quit the bullshit, man!
We know you got it. You loaded.
- Guys. It's really not like that.
You think I want to destroy my house for the fun of it?
- What are you up to? Huh?
Yo.
He's hiding shit in the walls.
- Mmm.
- No, I'm not.
Yo, he's hiding stuff.
- I didn't even think of that.
- In the walls.
- I didn't even think of that.
- This wall?
- There's nothing in the walls.
- There's something in the walls.
- I'm not hiding anything in the walls.
- I know it's in the walls. (sniffs wall
- There are drugs in the walls.
- These walls are not filled with drugs.
- Yeah.
- Do you know how much yayo is probably
Yo, we could probably be like Tony Monta
in this motherfucker, yo.
- Say hello to my little friend.
- Hey, hey, hey!
I'm going to call the cops if you guys don't leave
right now.
So how about I finish writing this check and we can just
be on our -
Hey, hey! Stop, please! Please!
Please don't do this!
- Did you?
Did you hear something?
- No, I did not.
- Did you understand that?
- No. It was in snitch. I don't understand snitch.
- Ooh. Yeah. We don't have no Rosetta Stone for that shit.
- Guys, please.
- And we trusted you, dog. We went out on a limb for you.
This is how you repay us? Hm?
Calling the cops on us and holding the drugs out from us?
Where your loyalty at, man?
- I promise you. There are no drugs hidden here.
- Oh yeah. I'll put a hole in this wall.
What am I gonna find?
- Millions of dollars in cash.
- You for real?
- Yes.
Supposedly, there's a fortune hidden in the house
and if I don't find it, Big Sally's going to kill me.
- Wait. No, no, no, no, no, no.
You talking about Big Sally?
No. Hell no.
I don't do Big Sally.
- I have to pay her $4 million by Friday
But, according to my neighbor,
there's at least double that, hidden in the walls.
- Clyde, may I sidebar with you for a moment?
- Absolutely.
- Okay. - Give us a second.
- I want a mansion, I want a fucking house.
I want a pool. I want a pool. I want a pool.
I want a pool. I want a pool so fucking bad.
- We talked about it.
We gonna help you, under one condition.
You can't say shit about me and Brick helping you.
Not to Big Sally, not to your mama,
not to your grand mama's mama.
Nobody.
You can take enough to pay Big Sally
and we gonna keep the rest.
- Absolutely. I think that's very fair.
- Alright.
Now, look, I'm going to untie you.
Don't you attack me, alright?
All that shit, tying you up, hitting you in the head,
"Fog of War" shit.
I was, I was in the moment.
- It's fine. - Okay.
- It's fine.
- I was in ROTC program, bro.
- It's cool. All is forgiven.
- Yippee ki yay, motherfuckers!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait!
- Yo, I am trying to get started.
- Maybe we can do it without destroying the house.
In fact, we can't damage the house.
It needs to be pristine.
- Why did we get the tools, if it's gotta be pristine?
Yo, you want this money or not, man,
cause you fucking around.
- I need the money,
but we gotta find it without damaging the house.
- So you want us to do demolition work, neat?
- No, no, no demolition work. Pristine.
- This is some stupid fucking shit.
- Good morning, beautiful.
Got you breakfast, eggs Benedict, fresh croissant,
and a black passion tea lemonade.
- Rob.
- It's okay. I woke up feeling great.
I'm sorry. How's my face looking?
- Your face does look better.
- See?
I was even able to run home and get you a change of clothes
so you don't have to rush back to the house.
- Did the doctor sign off on this?
- It was her idea.
So how about you take a fancy shower her
I brought you everything that you need
and then I'll drive you to the train so we can get back
to work and have a boring old workday.
What the fuck?
Hey, hey, guys? Guys?
you seriously took old antibiotics and flu medicine?
- Yo, those drugs are fucking me up.
- Mmm hmm.
- Oh my God. Did you find the money?
- Yo, we was getting ready to start figuring things out,
and then, you know, I-I guess the drugs kicked in.
- So you did nothing?
- We did drugs.
- Bro, you try looking in the wall without breaking it.
It can't be done.
- I am going to run out of time.
- Look, unless you rethink this whole pristine thing,
it ain't gonna happen.
- Yo, man, we'll be super careful.
And we'll only knock out the things we have to knock out.
Okay?
We'll be very...we won't do a bunch of damage.
- Yeah, we'll do it real conservatively, yo. Like for real.
And we'll break a little piece, a little piece,
that way, it's easy to patch up later.
- Word.
- Okay, please just do it.
Whatever you need to do, just do it.
I got to get going.
- Wait, wait, where the fuck you off to now?
- I am going to call my girlfriend and tell her
that there's a serious and dangerous gas leak in the house.
Then, I'm gonna book us a really nice hotel room,
tell her the gas company's paying for it indefinitely.
Then, and hopefully relatively soon,
you're going to call me and tell me that you
found the money, so I can pay Big Sally back,
hire a contractor to fix the place,
and then take Katie on a lovely vacation to Thailand,
so that the time that we get back,
she'll never know that anything was wron
- That is some pathological shit.
- Yeah, you a fucked up indivisible for that, yo.
- Guys, please, I am holding on for dear life.
Please just find the fucking money.
- Is it done?
- Yeah, man, we're done. Every room.
- I could kiss you on the lips.
How much was there?
- You're gonna want to come here
- Gimme.
- You destroyed my house!
- You're at a 10, I need you at 6. Alright?
Now you gotta understand,
we wasn't gonna find this money any other way
and you was going to be dead if we didn't find it, right?
You know, so, what's a house if you can't live in it?
- A coffin, yo.
- Word. A coffin.
A coffin with high property tax
in a fly ass school district.
- You said you were going to do it conservatively.
- Yo, conservatively wasn't working for you.
- Well you see, like on paper, like conservatively sounds
real good, but in like practical practicality practice,
it was real impractical, my G.
- So what'd you find?
- Well, we found that there are some structural issues
in the bedroom.
- Yes.
- And some termites between the dining room and the
kitchen.
Now if you get that shit inspected in the next 10 years,
get those termites out of there,
you gonna have a really nice house.
It's got great bones.
You just got to fix up all these walls,
you're gonna have wonderful place to liv
- Mmm hmm.
- The money! Did you find the money?
- No.
- All of this and you found nothing?
- No, we found out about the structural problems
in the bedroom.
- Yes.
- We found out about the termites between the kitchen
and the dining room.
I don't know who inspected this place,
but they must've been smoking a lot of crack because man,
I'm just a guy, I don't know shit,
but I can tell you that and I can tell you that.
And I can also tell you you should have the beams checked,
cause they're kind of wobbly.
- Yeah, creaks a lot.
- I am dead!
I am completely dead!
You guys fucked me! Both of you!
You destroyed my house for nothing!
I bet you did find it. I bet you two robbed me.
- Okay, now I'm going to stop you right there.
We ain't steal shit, man.
Yo, there wasn't shit in this house.
Shit, if you don't believe me,
watch my life for the next 10 years to see if the quality
of my life improves or see if my spending habits change.
- Yo, you would never find me that way,
cause I got like mad, modest habits, right?
I take the bus, I go to Taco Tuesdays, but yo,
we didn't find any money.
- No, we didn't find nothing.
Yo, and look, I know we had a deal to keep the rest,
but like yo, there ain't no rest, B.
So, uh, yo, we was thinking like,
you still break us off with the 10 Gs for like, you know,
stealing the tools and the work we did and shit.
- That's not happening.
- Yo, come on, man. All that work we did
- Yeah, and you failed. Your job was to find the money.
And you did not find the money.
So what the fuck am I going to pay you for?
- Dawg? We took apart every inch of this place.
- Every inch.
- The money's not here. So your issue isn't with us.
It's with whoever the fuck lied to you about it.
So why don't you slow your roll and take it up with them?
- Hi. Ma'am, I'm really sorry to bother you at this hour.
- Is everything all right?
Are you with the fire department?
- No. No. I'm Rob, your new neighbor from next door.
- Oh, you're new neighbor.
I was going to bake you a casserole.
Why are you making all that racket?
It's the middle of the night.
- Yeah, I'm really sorry about that.
And that's actually why I'm here.
I really need to speak with your husband
- He finally just got to sleep.
You're lucky we didn't call the police.
You better come back in the morning.
- Ma'am, ma'am.
I'm sorry, but I'm not taking no for an answer.
Your husband put me up to this
and I'm not leaving without talking to him.
- He's always up to something, isn't he?
I'll go get him.
- Who the fuck are you?
- Um,
is Sydney home?
I'm looking for Sydney.
- No, there's no Sydney here.
I'm Dick. Margie's my wife.
What do you want?
- There's no Sydney? Are you sure?
- Son, I've been living here for 45 year
If there was a Sydney, I'd know.
- I'm so sorry.
I must have gotten the wrong house.
Do you know which one's his?
- I'm telling you kid, there's no Sydney's in the
neighborhood.
- There has to be. There has to be a Sydney.
- You want a Sydney, you fly to Australi
Everybody on the street has lived here for at least the past
five years or so, except you.
Unless your name is Sydney, then there are no Sydney's here.
Now, it's 3 o'clock in the morning and I got to go to work.
Oh, and if you turn on that saw again, one more time,
I'll fucking kill you with it!
♪ Hellfire ♪
♪ Hellfire, that's where I'm bound ♪
- Rob, me boy, how are we?
- Confused.
- Confused? How?
- Well, we gutted and destroyed my house
The house, I might add, I did everything for
in the first place.
And wouldn't you know it? There was no money.
- That's peculiar.
- And then I went to your house to tell you,
only you weren't there, because you don't live there.
Apparently, you're not my neighbor.
- No, now son, that's not true. We're all neighbors.
- None of what you told me is true, is i
Why would you do that to me?
Everything I've been through, has been for that house.
And now the house is destroyed, because of you!
- No, you destroyed the house, Rob, not I.
I'm the audience, I'm here to watch.
I was hope and now hope is lost.
And now your life will be torn asunder by your thoughtless
grabbing beyond your means
and your endless, endless, endless trail of deceit!
No, your lies and your shortcuts were your undoing.
Not I.
- You want a piece of me, old man?
" 'Twas brillig and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe
All mimsy were the borogoves
And the mome raths outgrabe.
Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch
'Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun,
The frumious Bandersnatch!'
And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock with eyes of flame
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood
and burbled as it came.
One, two! One, two! Through and through
The vorpal blade did sniker-snack!
He left it dead, and with his head
He went galumphing-
- Aaaah!
I think I should have a lawyer.
- No, no, no, no, no.
You assaulted a homeless mental patient.
- What?
No, he said he was my neighbor--
- Yeah, we know.
- He has a lot of those.
You know, one of his personalities,
he thinks he's John Lennon.
- Not a John Lennon impersonator, but actually John Lennon.
- Gotta admire a guy that nuts.
We spoke to our eccentric friend and believe it or not,
he doesn't have to press charges.
- Doesn't have to, but could.
- Depends on what we ask him to do.
Big Sally is a clever operator
and we haven't been able to touch her.
- You ever hear of a rat, Rob?
Not vermin, like your new drug addled friends,
Clyde and Brick,
but a more traditional "wearing-a-wire" type rat.
- You want me to wear a wire?
- Well, it's not wire nowadays.
Technology has advanced so much.
We just install an app on your phone and boom,
we hear everything.
- Incredible, right?
- We'll also give you full immunity, too
- Full immunity, Rob, say whatever you want.
- As long as Big Sally's implicated in a major criminal
activity in front of you, we don't care what you say.
- Or what you do.
- Kill somebody.
- Steal things.
- Maybe some tools at the BargainMart.
- Or you can pull your dick out.
- It's all kosher.
- We got your back.
- Meaning the government.
- And it's all contingent on your abilit
to capture Big Sally in the commission
of a preferably violent crime.
- So, what do you say, Rob? Want to help your country?
- You know, I think before he helps his country,
he ought to get back to his girlfriend, don't you?
- Oh, that's right.
You left her in the city, at a hotel.
- Mm, he sooner he gets out of here,
the sooner he can get back to spinning that web of lies.
- Hey, baby! You up?
I tried calling and your phone kept going to voicemail,
and-
- Oh, shit.
Hey, I got us breakfast. Hope you're hungry.
Gotta say, I don't like the way you're looking at me
right now.
What was that for?
- Yeah?
- Jesus, Katie!
Okay, all right.
I can explain.
- No, it's my turn to talk
about how I woke up in a hotel room
and my boyfriend was gone.
And how, after I tried to call you a thousand times,
I went down to the front desk and they told me you left
in the middle of the night.
And then when I panicked and called the police
to report you were missing,
they told me they didn't even need to lo
because you were in custody for assaulting an old man.
- He's not going to press charges--
- No I'm talking.
So then I called your job
to let them know you were gonna miss another day of work.
And they told me you got fired.
And then I had my dad go check on the gas leak.
And not only did he tell me that was a lie,
but that the house was absolutely destroyed.
And there's two crackheads eating peanuts by the pool,
who say that they're your friends.
- They are not my friends.
- If the next thing that comes out of your mouth,
isn't the truth,
I don't know what I'm going to do.
- Okay.
I'll tell you the truth.
My name isn't Rob.
It's Matt.
- What?
- I didn't have a blind date that night. You did.
I was just sitting at the bar alone,
having a shitty day, because every day was a shitty day.
And then you come over thinking that you're being set up
with me?
With me!
Like that would ever happen in a million years.
You called me Rob and I went with it.
I don't have a friend named Toby. I made him up.
He doesn't exist.
- Your name isn't Rob?
- Well, it is now. I changed it legally.
But time went on and at every turn I just pictured you
leaving me,
because I'm shit and you're amazing.
And then when I met your parents,
your dad saw me for what I really am: a fucking loser.
And I thought,
if I buy this house, it would solve everything,
that I could prove that I was good enough for you.
I didn't get some job promotion.
I borrowed millions of dollars from some really
dangerous people.
And I did it all,
because if I could prove that I was good enough for you,
then I wouldn't have to worry about losing you anymore.
- You know what the worst part is?
You had me.
You always did.
And it wasn't because of some story
or because of some house, but because
you were good to me and I loved you.
And everything was just a lie.
- Not everything.
I love you. More than you'll ever know.
- I can't.
- Katie, please.
- I think it would be best if I went to my parents' house.
- You know what? You're right.
It's not safe for you with me.
- No, I need to leave you.
- Exactly, because I'm in danger,
you shouldn't be in danger, too.
- No, Rob. I mean that I think we should split up.
- Exactly, because being together right now,
until this resolves itself, is very dangerous.
- No, Rob. I mean that we're done.
Me and you, it's over.
♪ Somewhere on the scene ♪
♪ It got a little longer ♪
- Oh, I should've caught that one, yo.
Dammit.
You know lobsters don't die?
- Bullshit. If I eat a lobster, that shit stays dead.
- No, no, no, like if left to his own devices,
he can live forever.
- Yeah?
- They just keep growing and growing.
- Yo! Yo, we should get a lobster.
We could put it in this pool and we could keep that shit
alive for like a hundred years.
- 200.
- Word.
- Yeah.
Hey, yo, Rob, you want to get some lobsters?
Rob, I said, we want to get some lobsters, man!
Well fuck you too, motherfucker!
He's always acting like he's better than us, man.
You know, not for nothing,
I don't think you supposed to be diving in the shallow end
like that, man.
I think that's how you get CTE.
That's the shit that football players go
You start going crazy, they'll figure it out.
- Does he have a pipe?
- A what?
- A pipe, like a diving pipe.
Snorkel!
- Nah, nah, he ain't got no, I don't think he got a snorkel.
- Yo, he's fit.
- Yeah, he is. That's, he can hold his breath for
a long time.
Man, I'd have been gave up.
He'll be all right.
- Is that you?
- Me? Oh, yeah, that is probably me.
Let me go and check that.
My mom didn't take her dialysis this morning.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- How's she doing?
- Huh?
- How's she doing?
- Oh, she'll be all right, man.
- All right.
- She acting like a bitch sometimes though.
- Fuck.
Fuck.
I had the best girl in the world and now she hates me.
She hates me and I'm gonna die.
And even with all that,
I still don't have the balls to kill myself.
- Shit got deep.
- That shit got sad.
- Yeah, I didn't like that.
- Mm mm.
- Yeah, that was dramatic.
Yo, is that your phone?
Yo, that shit's fucked.
You might wanna put that in some rice or something.
Not brown rice because they don't absorb the same.
- No.
- I don't care about anything anymore.
- Well, that's just a matter of having the wrong attitude.
Interesting bathing suit, little over dressed,
if you ask me.
- What do you want?
- You missed our phone calls.
Me and the boss, we were getting really worried about you.
- Well, I appreciate the concern,
but you can go fuck off.
And you can tell Big Sally that she can fuck off too.
- Excuse me?
- I knew you were dumb,
but I didn't realize you were deaf.
So there's the door.
Don't let it hit you on the way out, you wannabe
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson looking piece of shit.
- Oh, shit!
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, yeah? Yeah?
Do it. Do it, you fucking pussy.
Pull the fucking trigger. You took everything from me.
Fucking do it! Come on, put me out of my misery!
You fucking did this to me! Come on!
- Jesus, kid. You lost your fucking mind
Hey.
Yeah, he's being difficult.
It's for you.
- I don't give a -
- Rob? Rob?
- Katie?
- Rob, who are these people?
What the fuck did you do?
- That's enough of that.
- If you hurt her, I swear to God.
- Oh, look at the change in the attitude
You have a lot of Mrs. Salerno's money.
So you got one more shot to save your girlfriend's life.
- What do you want me to do?
- Remember those waterfront redevelopment contracts?
- I was fired! Remember?
I can't do anything.
- Well, we're going to need you to go burn your old
office down.
- Why?
- Because, good luck starting a construction when you're
trying to pick up the pieces after a horrible fire.
Then, hey you fuck up.
You get caught, it's a fired, disgruntled employee.
Not us. Call when it's done.
- Okay guys, I need your help.
- No way. You still owe us from the last time.
It's always drama with you, dawg.
We don't need the aggravation.
We out.
- Dawg, I don't need the headache, yo.
- Well, what the fuck am I supposed to d
- Get burning.
- Hello? Anyone here?
It's Rob. Just here to get my stuff.
Hey!
♪ Call my name, yeah ♪
♪ Come and say my name ♪
- What's up, bitch? Check out the whip!
- Turn the fucking music off!
- What?
- I said, "Turn the fucking music off!"
- I can't hear you.
- Turn the fucking music off!
- Why the fuck you yelling, man?
Trying to get the cops called on us? Tripping.
- Where'd you get this car?
- This? Got this from Big Sally.
- You stole this car from Big Sally?
- Listen, man.
I ain't worried about that shit, man.
She got like 50 other cars.
- Yo, that's not all we stole, B.
We hit the medicine cabinet. We hit the jewelry cabinet.
Yo, we are set for life, son.
- Are you guys fucking crazy?
My girlfriend's life is on the line.
- Hey, yo, the Rock and her, man. They all fucking talk.
Yo, think about it.
When you bitched out the Rock, did you die?
No. You didn't.
You still alive.
He all talk.
And besides I know for a fact,
your girl ain't gonna get touched.
- And why is that?
- We rescued her, dawg!
- Yo, she's in the trunk, dawg!
- Yeah. - She's in the trunk?
- Yeah, she in the back.
- What the fuck?
- Yo, yo, yo!
- Don't go in there. She vicious, man.
- Yo, yo, yo. Don't go on there man.
Yo, I'm telling you she'd been a bitch ever since
we put her in there.
- She been scratching me in the eye.
She tried to bite me in the arm.
- She's like a fucking honey badger, like a raccoon.
- Shut the fuck up! - She got me in the nuts!
- Open the fucking trunk.
- All right. Look, I'm gonna be honest with you.
We had to knock the bitch out.
Look, she's a fighter.
She got a left like a motherfucker.
- Open the trunk.
- All right.
- I said what I said.
- Take it into your own hands.
- Yeah.
- You two are the most inept people I have ever met
in my entire life.
- Yo, what's inept mean?
- So, Brick, you like eggs?
- I like eating them.
- I'll trade you this egg for those earrings.
- What the fuck am I going to do with an egg,
shove it up my ass?
- It's your favorite breakfast food, right?
- Yeah, but I plan on selling my cut, not eating it.
- Trade you this cat and these eggs
for them earrings.
- Word.
- It's like shark tank.
- Oh, Oh! Look at the diamonds on that ring.
Oh my God. Oh, that is nice.
You walk up in the club with that and they know it's a real
OG in the house.
Oh my God!
- Oh, oh, oh, yo my man got a Rolex.
- Yo.
- What the fuck is this?
"May your memory bless us in death,
as your smile blessed us in life."
Whatever that means.
Oh, shit.
This is Big Sally's husband.
- No, it is not.
- I don't want it anymore.
- Yeah, fuck that. I'm good. I'm good.
- Nope. Mm mm. I don't want that no more
- I don't want none of this shit. Fuck that.
Nah, man, I don't want that shit neither, man.
I don't need anybody haunting me from beyond the grave.
- Yo!
- What?
- It should haunt Rob.
- Oh, shit, that's diabolical as fuck.
- Hey. - I ain't do nothing.
- What if we bring her back and just say
it was a big misunderstanding.
- Nah, man, stop bitching, dude.
Look, I used to be scared of Big Sally, too,
like an hour ago.
Then I realized yo, she ain't going to do shit
and we got the leverage.
- Yo, what's leverage?
- Look, the way I see it, she got a hostage,
now we got a hostage.
Look, I done watched enough movies to know,
we gotta do like a hostage exchange.
Everything gonna be cool.
I know you feel weak,
but you ain't never been stronger than this moment.
Yo, it might be the fumes and the pills we took,
but yo bro, I see a tunnel out of this bitch.
Yo, we gotta unlock this shit.
Brick, wake her up.
- Yeah. Okay.
- Yo, girl. Girl, hey, wake up.
Hey, girl. Yo, come on.
Yo, come on. Wake up, wake up.
Hello. Hello.
What did you do to her?
Hello. Hello.
- Hey.
- Aaah! - Aah, geez!
Ah, I hope you guys are having fun,
because you're going to be looking over your shoulders
for the rest of your pathetic little lives.
You're dead.
You're all dead.
- Yeah? Well your mom's already gonna kill me.
So if you don't give me the passcode to your phone,
I'm going to bring you to hell with me.
- That shit's intense.
Shit, that's that alpha male shit, man.
That's what I'm talking about.
- I need to call your mom.
Just give me the passcode so I can end this, please.
- I don't have a password.
- You don't have a passcode?
- Fucking idiots.
Tori
- Mrs. Salerno, it's Rob.
First off, I just want to apologize-
- You motherless fuck. You stupid motherfucker.
I should've known it was you,
because you're the only person stupid enough
to come into my place, kidnap my daughte
and leave your fucking girlfriend behind with me.
I'd almost respect the balls on you,
if I didn't know I was about to chop them off
and shove them down your throat.
If you don't bring my daughter back,
I'm going to kill your girlfriend.
And it's going to take me a month to do it.
- Please, no. Mrs. Salerno, I'm sorry.
Please let me talk -
- Yo dawg! You are doing it wrong.
- You're going to get her killed!
- Yo, bitch. - Relax, man.
- You are talking to Rob's representative, now.
We're going to do things a little different, you heard?
- Oh, really?
- Yeah, but first off, we're not negotiating.
We're starting with, we're going to murder your
bitch ass daughter, bitch.
- Are you insane? - Yo, dawg.
- Give me the phone! - Yo dawg, she will call back.
- She won't! - She will call back.
Dawg.
- Word. - Holler.
- You motherfucker.
You are on my list now, you piece of shit motherfucker!
Do you understand me?
- Doop.
- You can't.
- I have her right where I want her, daw
- She's not going to call.
- She will.
- Word. - Holler.
- You hang on me again and I will turn your balls
into chopped meat!
And I will feed it to the pigeons in the fucking park!
You understand me?
- Oh yeah. I could do that all night.
- Word.
Big Sally, before you say anything else stupid
and I hang up again, get this.
We got bolt cutters and your daughter's got fingers.
So you better start taking us seriously,
before we got to act seriously.
Understood?
- I want to talk to my daughter.
- You're talking to me, now, motherfucke
We're going to do a hostage exchange, yo
We're going to meet at the parking garag
Yanktown Boulevard, in two hours,
or you are going to start planning one fucking funeral.
- I want to talk to my daughter.
- Oh, okay.
Is there anything you would like to say to your mother,
right now?
Please talk.
- Mom. - Psych!
- That's what I'm talking about, B!
That's what I'm talking about!
- Yeah.
- That's the intention, leverage!
- Leverage, motherfucker!
- That's what I'm talking about, man!
That's what I'm talking about!
Whoa! - Woo!
- See that? Leverage.
- You guys really had my back.
- Hell yeah.
Listen, man, we understand that you're the nice guy
and it's okay to be the nice guy.
- Totally, get it.
- That's why you call Clyde and Brick and we do the shit
that you can't do.
- Better than you would do it, bitch.
- Word.
- All right. Well, let's go.
- Alright yeah, man.
Oh, shit.
- What?
- That anti-anxiety pill,
that just kicked in to like level two.
- No, no, that's funny, cause I don't feel -
Oh.
Oh, yeah, level two.
- Yeah.
Yeah, man. I ain't gonna lie.
You on your own man, with everything we taught you.
- What? - Yeah.
- You can't do this to me.
- Oh, it's done.
- That's what level three feels like.
- Y'all got a bed in here?
No, that desk looks comfy.
- Do, do, do...
Oh, God. Ow, my nuts.
Oh, my nuts. Oh, God.
- Hey Rob?
Do me a favor and turn all the lights off when you leave.
Thanks.
- Aah.
- Oh, yes.
- La, la, la.
- Hey, I just want to say how sorry I am for everything.
And I really, really didn't intend
for any of this to happen.
So,
I hear you're into art.
- What are you doing?
- Just making conversation.
- No.
- So what kind of bands are you into?
- Just close the fucking trunk, please.
- Hm.
- You know Rob, you really are a stupid motherfucker.
- Where's Katie?
- Get the girl.
Where's my daughter?
- I need to know that once we do this,
you're not going to kill us.
- Let me be clear.
The only person who has been dishonest this entire time
is you.
So yeah, our word is good.
Where the fuck is my daughter?
Oh my God. Oh my baby.
Oh, oh, oh, my baby.
Oh, did he hurt you? Oh, baby.
- I'm so sorry for everything.
- You fucking see this?
- Let's get of here.
- Wait. There's one more thing.
I forgot.
I lied.
- What? Forgot to bring your guns?
- You're a tornado, Rob.
I mean, look how much damage you caused just
from buying a house.
This here, this is me doing you a favor.
♪ I could fight like a wounded soldier ♪
♪ And allow the war to rage ♪
♪ I could work like a slave ♪
♪ Enduring everyday ♪
♪ Although Master wields no chains ♪
♪ No fighting now ♪
♪ Tie on down ♪
♪ And light the spoon ♪
♪ Lover be a friend ♪
♪ Stick a needle in ♪
♪ Feel it flowing through ♪
♪ And fade to blue ♪
- I don't know what the fuck that was.
I mean, what the fuck was that?
- Strange things happen around here, boss.
- All right, let's kill these motherfuckers.
- Drop the gun now!
- Just one second.
- Good to see you again, Mrs. Salerno.
- I trust that the local PD read you your rights.
We wouldn't want you skating off on a technicality.
You're a hard fish to catch.
- You must have swapped three cars alone coming here,
but he is much easier to follow.
- We have a nice video of you pulling the trigger.
- And I've got one of your goons,
who'll make a deal and tell us some othe
interesting things.
Man, do we have some good deals to go around.
- You know, it's kind of funny, if you think about it.
After all that you've done, how careful you've been,
the murder she goes down for,
is some guy she's never even met.
- I'm not complaining.
- So enjoy prison, Big Sally.
- I think you're going to enjoy it a whole lot.
- All right. Get her the fuck outta here
- Hey, is it cool if I talk to you for a minute?
- Rob, you saved my life,
but you're the reason why I'm here in the first place,
so if you're about to beg me to take you back,
then I just can't do it.
- I'm not.
Look.
This whole mess was me trying to control everything.
I tried so hard to win you over.
And all I had to do is be myself.
So I have to accept what's what.
And if that means you never want to see me again,
then I, I have to accept that too.
I hate it.
But I accept it.
I'm not going to ask you to take me back
I just want you to know how truly sorry I am for everything.
Would it be okay if I gave you a ride home?
- Sure.
Is that a -
- Katie Reynolds,
Will you marry me?
- No.
But maybe I can be okay with trying to actually
get to know you.
- Really?
- Yeah. Let's start over, Matt.
- It's Rob. It's legally Rob.
- Come here.
- And that's the story of Matt Davies,
a man who bit off more than he could che
and swallowed it whole.
Bought a house he couldn't afford and made it
into the home he earned.
And finally became an honest man.
Oh, and in the end, he found the treasure after all,
happiness and peace of mind.
And as for me,
well I'm dead, all right.
I mean, hell I was going to die sometime anyway, wasn't I?
It was just a matter of time with all the drinking I did.
Well, I'd best be on my way.
I'm headed to a spot up north I hear is just heaven.
So be true.
Be good.
Maybe I'll meet you up there for a bourbon sometime.
♪ I got the crowd gathered round like it's fight night ♪
♪ Minor leaguers stay at home with your night light ♪
♪ Because I'm quite tight ♪
♪ They seen that Fury knows how to rock the mic right ♪
♪ Right, and get a right right ♪
♪ And a true that ♪
♪ After I rock your whole crew gives me a few daps ♪
♪ They all really seem to love the way I do that ♪
♪ But I knew that ♪
♪ it's the same exact reason that your crews lack ♪
♪ Aiyyo who dat?! ♪
♪ You know the name, type it in caps ♪
♪ The life of the party with straws ♪
♪ And we siphonin Pabst ♪
♪ Drunk as a bum, ♪
♪ Kinnoga brown bag it and blaze ♪
♪ Fraggin your regiment ♪
♪ Rip every dragon I slay ♪
♪ Off of respect I step like I'm walking on props ♪
♪ So high that when I drop rhymes, ♪
♪ It looks like dots ♪
♪ Rippin you out of your skin like I'm openin gifts ♪
♪ In front of a sucker and burn like a solar eclipse ♪
♪ This is the of-fi-CIAL raps that combat the arti-fi-CIAL ♪
♪ When I'm pulling out my automatic pis-TAL ♪
♪ Click click, CLICK, click, POW ♪
♪ Ooh ooh, CHILD, sick sick, STYLE ♪
♪ Raps to combat the arti-fi-CIAL ♪
♪ When I'm pullin out my automatic pis-TAL ♪
♪ Oooh ooh, OOH, ooh ooh, CHILD, click click, POW ♪