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SOCIALITE JOURNAL
ERŞAN KUNERİ'S CINEMA DEBUT

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[Erşan] Let's shoot in here.

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We can show everyone another room.

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I'd like to send the Erşan Kuneri fans
out there a little kiss.

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Oh, and to all of you actors
who like to reenact my films…

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[kisses] …well done.

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You kids are doing great work. Kisses.

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[woman] Tell us, Erşan,
would you do a movie or drama

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if they asked you today?

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00:00:38,291 --> 00:00:39,958
-Oh, no, no, my dear.
-[woman] You wouldn't?

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-Imagine me doing it.
-[man] Really?

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At this age, imagine how I'd play.
How could I?

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-[man] No, don't say that.
-Drama? Ah, not for me.

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-[woman] Why not?
-All that staring would bore me.

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-[both laughing]
-Besides, I'm well off financially.

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[man] That's great.

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-I'd get bored. I know I would.
-[man] Right.

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Hey, listen, how would you like to hear

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what a fan wrote to me on a postcard?

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[man] Yes, please.

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"My dear Erşan."

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-[man] Hmm.
-He says he loves all my films, of course.

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Then he calls me a "sly fucker."

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-Can you believe that?
-[woman laughs]

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-That's my fan base for you.
-[man laughs]

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-Yeah.
-"Sly fucker." That's what he calls me.

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"The Şeker Pasha film was great.
Who'd you steal the idea from?"

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-[man] Oh!
-Who did I steal it from?

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Same as always.

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From the best, of course. The very best.

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Picasso said that, you know.

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He said an artist
should steal from the best.

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And that's where I stole for Şeker Pasha.

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[theme music playing]

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In this heat, a fur coat?

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I don't care if I roast.
I waited for this long enough.

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[Erşan] Hmm.

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-Now, that is true love.
-Yeah, it was on sale.

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-Hmm.
-Hey, so how's it going?

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Mami, I think
I have really done it this time.

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I finished the scene
where Muhsin gets out of prison.

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Um, he comes backstage.

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Ali Nazik says,

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"Oh, master, I had to save myself" to him.

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Muhsin just goes,

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"How'd that work out for ya?"

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[gasps] I can already see
the audience just…

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Really, this is
something new, man, totally new.

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Well, that's great.
Erşan, this script is incredible.

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I mean, you've really outdone yourself
with this thing.

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To me, this script is about
more than those years.

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It's about the old world we've lost

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and all of the values we used to have.

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Yavuz, come in.

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Oh, Yavuz,
Fahriye Abla was an amazing film.

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That was a really great story.

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-Coffee?
-No, I'm not staying.

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Erşan, by chance were you
in the Galatasaray baths last week?

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I was.

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I left a file behind in the locker room.

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A script. Muhsin Bey.

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Muhsin Bey, but--

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[Yavuz] And worst of all,
it was the only copy.

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I was miserable when I couldn't find it.

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I think you left the baths
holding a file, didn't you?

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Oh, Yavuz, buddy, what I was holding was,

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uh… [exhales]

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Ali Nazik.

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You son of a bitch.
That's my masterpiece you took.

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[Erşan] Look, Yavuz.

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Yes, I took your script,

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'cause you're my favorite filmmaker.

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I mean, I love you
as much as I love cinema.

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So, that's why I stole it.
It's love, Yavuz.

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And compared to love,
what does life matter?

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Nice line and I forgive you.

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I'll use that in one of my movies.

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[chuckles] Of course, go right ahead.

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Hey, uh, if I stole from Tosun Pasha,
would that be all right?

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So, instead of writing anything,
you're hellbent on stealing?

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Yeah.

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[Yavuz] I would kill myself
if this was lost.

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Since you found my script,

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I'll allow it this once.

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-Tosun Pasha is at your disposal.
-[Erşan] Thank you.

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Hey, Yavuz, you know those comedians
Uğur and Necati?

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Let me tell you something.

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I think that Uğur
is perfect for Ali Nazik.

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Cast him in the movie, will ya?

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It's early, but perhaps.

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We'll see. Hopefully. We'll try.

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[laughs]

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Isn't it great
when movie people support each other?

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Yeah, right. I knew
there was something fishy going on.

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You've been bullshitting me all week
about Beyoğlu and lost values.

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-You're shameless.
-Gimme a break!

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Look, Yavuz was mature about it.

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It's not the world that's lost.
It's humanity.

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What's your problem?
I don't have time for this.

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Tülay, get me the script for Tosun Pasha.

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-[Tülay] But it was improvised.
-Go watch it and write down all the lines.

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We'll need a frisky soundtrack.

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[humming]

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Like this. You heard it yourself.

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The guy literally told me
to steal from Tosun Pasha.

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Oh.

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[Erşan sighs]

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Şeker Bahri. Tosun Pasha. Şeker Pasha.

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I'll wait till she's done.

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MONTAGE INDUSTRIES LLC

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[man] Necati!

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Necati!

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-Necati, where are the girls?
-In the living room.

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Damn it. This is just my luck.

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Of course this happens
when we were almost out of the woods.

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You mind showing me that diamond?
I wanna see it.

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Now, you listen here.

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If I catch you drinking any
of this shit while the pasha's here,

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I'll cut your balls off and give them
to the girls as earrings.

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-Understand me?
-[laughing] All right, Dad.

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I promise. Not even a sip, okay?

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Nartane!

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Nurtane!

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Yektane!

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SUGAR PASHA

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İkrah, hey.

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Pour some of that right in here, please.

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Help me out.

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Did you hear what he said?

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No, what did he say?

131
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What did he say?

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Nezaket.

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Okay, don't worry, I got this.

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All right, girls, listen to me.

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So I had to make a quick decision.

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The telegram gave me no chance to refuse.

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Um, are we in character right now?

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Yes, we stay in character.

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It's critical that we pay attention
to the way we act.

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Don't embarrass yourselves.

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Şeker Pasha will be here.

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His aide Mr. Şuğnu is with him.
Two people.

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They'll be here spending the weekend
with us for just a couple of days.

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I still haven't found a replacement
for the diamond.

145
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Of course, the original one
is here with me.

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[gasping]

147
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When the replacement arrives,
we'll switch it with this one

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and get out of here as fast as we can.

149
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But you said they're asking
for your daughter's hand.

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Which one of us is it?

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[Nurtane] Yeah,
did they say anything about that?

152
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No, they didn't mention that.

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It doesn't matter, does it?

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You can't be too careful.

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Yes, exactly.

156
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I mean, what if he wants to marry me?
I'd have to see him first.

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I will if I like him.

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Don't be ridiculous.

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It's my daughter.
I decide who she marries.

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That's what I'll say to him.

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[Necati] To Şeker Pasha?

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Do you really think if we tell him that,
he'll just accept it?

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That's right.
Şeker Pasha will go if we tell him to.

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-Why wouldn't he?
-I'm not so sure, Kirkor.

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All of Egypt belongs to him.
And I heard he's bought half of Üsküdar.

166
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Good Lord! I still don't understand

167
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why any man would need an entire province.

168
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It doesn't matter to us anyway.

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They're coming, and we will host them
in a kind, considerate manner.

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-And send them on. Understand?
-[man] Hey, Kirkor?

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Don't call me that, you idiot!

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[horse whinnies]

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Here they are.

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Leave the introductions to me.
I will welcome him like the soldier he is.

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Where's the sword? I'll get the sword.
Where is it? I know military discipline.

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I will give him
the best greeting you've ever seen.

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Bekir, my son.
Bekir, stop. Will you calm down?

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-The guy is a pasha.
-Bekir, calm down.

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Hey, wait! Damn it, wait!

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-Stop, man. Hold on.
-Bekir, don't you do it. That's enough.

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[shouts] You cut me, you fucking moron.

182
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Present!

183
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-Oh, can you believe this?
-Sir, just play along.

184
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Pasha, you are most welcome.
I'm Agah at your service.

185
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How are you, Master Agah?
Thanks for having us.

186
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Please. The honor is mine.

187
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Hey, boss, I heard you own half
of Üsküdar? Is that true? [laughs]

188
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[laughing] I'm sorry. The boy is mad.

189
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This is my son Necati.

190
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We welcome you, Pasha.

191
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You do, do you?

192
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Bless you, son, bless you.
Mr. Şuğnu, Agah's son and you are alike.

193
00:08:44,541 --> 00:08:47,791
-See it? [laughing]
-I don't follow, Pasha.

194
00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:50,333
-I'm only kidding. Please.
-The pasha and his jokes.

195
00:08:50,416 --> 00:08:52,041
His schedule is full,
so if you don't mind.

196
00:08:52,125 --> 00:08:54,375
-Not at all, sir. Please.
-This mansion is sick.

197
00:08:54,458 --> 00:08:56,458
Yes, Pasha, we have some problems
with the roof.

198
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The carpenter is fixing it next week.

199
00:08:59,083 --> 00:09:02,000
We have some minor financial
issues, if you know what I mean.

200
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:05,583
-No, no, it's really sick. Very nice.
-We like it. Right this way, Pasha.

201
00:09:05,666 --> 00:09:06,750
Please, sir.

202
00:09:07,583 --> 00:09:08,416
Stop it.

203
00:09:14,208 --> 00:09:16,083
Agah, it was a very bumpy journey.

204
00:09:16,750 --> 00:09:20,333
I'm afraid it was quite an uncomfortable
ride for the pasha in that carriage.

205
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The horses were running wild.

206
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The poor pasha got no sleep,
but we made it.

207
00:09:25,125 --> 00:09:26,208
I can never sleep.

208
00:09:26,291 --> 00:09:30,083
I can't sleep with someone else
driving me. I always keep one eye open.

209
00:09:30,166 --> 00:09:31,416
Oh, thanks, sweetie.

210
00:09:32,166 --> 00:09:33,458
Here, Pasha, here's your tea.

211
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:36,791
Pasha, this is my daughter Yektane.

212
00:09:38,875 --> 00:09:40,541
M-My pleasure, miss.

213
00:09:41,041 --> 00:09:42,500
Sweetie, please serve his aide.

214
00:09:44,416 --> 00:09:48,083
Miss Yektane, I don't need coffee,
but I would take your Turkish delight.

215
00:09:49,958 --> 00:09:53,000
-I was in Crimea for my military service.
-[Pasha] You were?

216
00:09:53,083 --> 00:09:54,250
Where were you stationed?

217
00:09:54,333 --> 00:09:55,208
In the cafeteria.

218
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-Wow! That's where I served as well.
-[Bekir] Yeah.

219
00:09:57,458 --> 00:09:59,166
-Oh.
-[Şuğnu laughs]

220
00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:01,958
The pasha's jokes are only
for the quick-witted.

221
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[laughing]

222
00:10:04,458 --> 00:10:05,333
[Agah] Of course.

223
00:10:05,416 --> 00:10:07,500
The pasha is cute,
but then again, so is his aide.

224
00:10:07,583 --> 00:10:10,333
We just need to focus on
getting out of this safely.

225
00:10:10,416 --> 00:10:13,250
So gross. He said
he wanted my "Turkish delight."

226
00:10:13,333 --> 00:10:15,958
I've never seen such audacity. Hmm!

227
00:10:16,041 --> 00:10:18,583
I'm sure you didn't flirt
with him at all, little Miss Hot Pants.

228
00:10:18,666 --> 00:10:20,083
-[laughing]
-[Yektane shushing]

229
00:10:20,166 --> 00:10:24,083
Master Agah, you probably already know
what our intentions are.

230
00:10:24,166 --> 00:10:25,958
When would you like to proceed?

231
00:10:26,041 --> 00:10:28,291
After a few days, over the weekend maybe?

232
00:10:28,375 --> 00:10:30,916
And tell me, where will my pasha sleep?

233
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,458
Necati, for the pasha's quarters

234
00:10:33,958 --> 00:10:37,041
prepare the large guest room,
if you please,

235
00:10:37,125 --> 00:10:39,208
and for his aide,
the small room next door.

236
00:10:39,291 --> 00:10:42,500
Right. We'll need to room together
for security reasons.

237
00:10:42,583 --> 00:10:44,458
Hey, chief, if anyone
tries fucking with you,

238
00:10:44,541 --> 00:10:46,416
I'll fuck them back till they pass out.

239
00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:49,000
-Bekir, Bekir, I think you need some air.
-[laughing]

240
00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:52,375
-Necati, Bekir could use some fresh air.
-Mnh-mnh. [laughs]

241
00:10:56,166 --> 00:10:58,541
-Son-in-law, I assume.
-Yes, I'm afraid so.

242
00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:00,958
God punished me with my son-in-law.

243
00:11:01,041 --> 00:11:03,083
Don't worry, sir.
We're here to turn your luck around.

244
00:11:03,166 --> 00:11:05,333
There are in-laws, and there are in-laws.

245
00:11:05,416 --> 00:11:06,666
[Agah] You're too kind, sir.

246
00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:08,958
-Uh, your luggage?
-[Şuğnu] Well, we don't have any.

247
00:11:09,041 --> 00:11:12,208
My sire just travels with a little bag,
like this one.

248
00:11:12,291 --> 00:11:13,916
He always wears the same outfit, you see.

249
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,291
So, he says
he doesn't need luggage. Really.

250
00:11:16,375 --> 00:11:18,625
It's true, Agah. You understand… [laughs]

251
00:11:18,708 --> 00:11:20,833
…no matter where I am, this is all I need.

252
00:11:20,916 --> 00:11:23,250
Look, show you what I mean.
Just my toothbrush.

253
00:11:23,333 --> 00:11:25,541
And that's about it, sir.
Just this and this.

254
00:11:25,625 --> 00:11:27,833
[chuckles] Yes, of course, sir, very good.

255
00:11:27,916 --> 00:11:29,625
And three daughters, was it?

256
00:11:29,708 --> 00:11:31,916
No, I have four daughters. Three maidens.

257
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:33,750
That's the pasha's lucky number.

258
00:11:35,958 --> 00:11:39,083
-Your quarters, Pasha.
-[sighs] Perfect.

259
00:11:39,625 --> 00:11:41,166
[laughs] Well, sir,

260
00:11:41,250 --> 00:11:43,708
after a little pee and poo,
we'll be right downstairs, won't we?

261
00:11:43,791 --> 00:11:46,125
-Oh, yes, of course.
-Certainly, sir. Be my guest.

262
00:11:46,208 --> 00:11:47,958
Thank you, Master Agah. See you.

263
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:51,916
My, my, my, my, my. [sighs]

264
00:11:52,791 --> 00:11:56,125
Hey, man, the girl is pretty, huh?
Don't you think?

265
00:11:56,208 --> 00:11:58,083
The cafeteria in Crimea.

266
00:11:59,125 --> 00:12:00,375
I was just kidding with them.

267
00:12:00,458 --> 00:12:02,083
What's with the theatrics?

268
00:12:02,166 --> 00:12:04,083
Man, I just read the room and improvised.

269
00:12:04,166 --> 00:12:05,875
Listen, that man isn't stupid.

270
00:12:05,958 --> 00:12:08,916
We have two days, Apti.
Two days. So, stop playing around.

271
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,916
So how are we getting him to show us
the diamond? We had it written down.

272
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,833
-We did. Yeah, hang on.
-Stick to the script. Make it sound clear.

273
00:12:14,916 --> 00:12:15,916
Right, hang on.

274
00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:17,333
[Şuğnu] Ah.

275
00:12:17,416 --> 00:12:18,750
-"Master."
-Good.

276
00:12:18,833 --> 00:12:22,458
"I want to offer my future bride
a wedding gift of equal value."

277
00:12:22,541 --> 00:12:24,208
-"We should have it appraised."
-Appraised.

278
00:12:24,291 --> 00:12:25,375
That's what it says here.

279
00:12:25,458 --> 00:12:29,750
But I could add, "Agah, you sly bastard"
to help sell it.

280
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,958
Look, man, this is not a horse auction.

281
00:12:32,041 --> 00:12:33,875
Just say what's on the damn page.

282
00:12:34,458 --> 00:12:37,375
Mm, that girl.
Mm. She's really something else, boss.

283
00:12:37,458 --> 00:12:39,958
Oh, I wish we could take her with us.

284
00:12:40,541 --> 00:12:41,958
The girls are pretty.

285
00:12:42,041 --> 00:12:44,291
Especially the one with those eyes.

286
00:12:44,375 --> 00:12:46,791
-Which one?
-Whichever. Who cares?

287
00:12:46,875 --> 00:12:49,833
But seriously, there's no place
for emotions in our line of work, okay?

288
00:12:49,916 --> 00:12:51,916
Flirt all you want,
but never fall in love.

289
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:55,875
Listen, man, once we have that diamond,
we can have any girl we want.

290
00:12:55,958 --> 00:12:57,291
Can we buy half of Üsküdar?

291
00:12:57,375 --> 00:12:59,958
Kid, when we're done,
we can buy all of it. [laughing]

292
00:13:00,041 --> 00:13:02,458
I have an idea.
At some point, I could say,

293
00:13:02,541 --> 00:13:05,000
"Aide, come to me!"
And give you a little slap.

294
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,291
Well, if you have to.

295
00:13:07,833 --> 00:13:09,750
Okay, cool. I'll keep that in mind.

296
00:13:09,833 --> 00:13:11,250
Okay, we should poop now.

297
00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:12,458
I don't need to.

298
00:13:15,125 --> 00:13:17,791
Kirkor, I have
a really bad feeling about those two.

299
00:13:17,875 --> 00:13:19,208
Have patience, woman.

300
00:13:19,291 --> 00:13:21,583
It's too late now
to leave everything and run.

301
00:13:21,666 --> 00:13:23,625
Bekir, you moron, are you deaf?

302
00:13:23,708 --> 00:13:27,333
I told you not to get drunk.
You're going to ruin everything, you fool.

303
00:13:27,416 --> 00:13:29,875
Look, Kirkor,
we're almost through with this thing.

304
00:13:29,958 --> 00:13:30,833
Just take it easy.

305
00:13:30,916 --> 00:13:33,250
Necati, go to Şişhane at once.

306
00:13:33,333 --> 00:13:37,083
Track down that craftsman
and bring back the replacement stone.

307
00:13:37,166 --> 00:13:38,125
Got it. I'll go soon.

308
00:13:38,208 --> 00:13:40,833
I don't trust that pasha
and his aide one bit.

309
00:13:40,916 --> 00:13:43,791
Perhaps, I can even make them
leave right after dinner.

310
00:13:43,875 --> 00:13:45,875
[chuckles] Hold on, babe,
what's the hurry?

311
00:13:45,958 --> 00:13:47,375
Look at the girls. They're on fire.

312
00:13:47,458 --> 00:13:50,583
Maybe one of them will end up
a pasha's wife from this charade.

313
00:13:50,666 --> 00:13:51,750
You never know, do you?

314
00:13:51,833 --> 00:13:53,625
Come on, girl, what are you talking about?

315
00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:55,541
Ladies, do you hear yourselves?

316
00:13:55,625 --> 00:13:57,958
After we get the diamond,
we're getting the hell out.

317
00:13:58,041 --> 00:13:59,916
What are you talking about,
"pasha's wife"?

318
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,750
As soon as we have the diamond,
you're all gonna live like sultans.

319
00:14:02,833 --> 00:14:04,125
My God! What's wrong with you?

320
00:14:04,208 --> 00:14:05,500
I, for one, like the pasha.

321
00:14:05,583 --> 00:14:09,041
We're surrounded
by acrobats, singers, musicians.

322
00:14:09,125 --> 00:14:12,375
Having a pasha friend would be great.
I think you're wrong about this, Kirkor.

323
00:14:12,458 --> 00:14:13,666
I'm sorry, but I gotta say it.

324
00:14:13,750 --> 00:14:15,291
Oh, shut up, you drunk.

325
00:14:15,375 --> 00:14:17,583
Just remember, we have to
be out of this house

326
00:14:17,666 --> 00:14:20,250
before the real Agah
and his family show up here.

327
00:14:23,208 --> 00:14:26,375
And that's why
I'm the great Kirkor of Papatyan.

328
00:14:26,458 --> 00:14:30,416
I have what it takes to see this little
drama of ours through to the end.

329
00:14:31,125 --> 00:14:34,958
[chuckles] Oh, my goodness.
You have spared no expense on us.

330
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:38,041
Everything looks wonderful,
Master Agah. [chuckles]

331
00:14:38,125 --> 00:14:41,916
Pasha, that mutton leg is
from the Balıkesir region.

332
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,500
You know, that animal was fed
on nothing but wild thyme.

333
00:14:44,583 --> 00:14:46,541
Oh, sir, this is all way too much, really.

334
00:14:46,625 --> 00:14:48,791
-Sir, would you like some?
-Ah.

335
00:14:48,875 --> 00:14:50,416
Well, you know, Master Agah,

336
00:14:50,500 --> 00:14:52,708
we've had a chance
to get to know each other.

337
00:14:52,791 --> 00:14:55,041
You think sherbet is the way to go?

338
00:14:55,125 --> 00:14:57,916
[laughs] Perhaps some wine
is more to your taste.

339
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:01,125
Bekir, pour a glass of wine for the pasha,
if you would.

340
00:15:01,208 --> 00:15:02,125
[Bekir groans]

341
00:15:02,208 --> 00:15:04,708
Well, sir, you know,
as long as you can hold your liquor.

342
00:15:04,791 --> 00:15:05,750
-Right.
-Yes, certainly.

343
00:15:05,833 --> 00:15:08,166
Pasha likes to drink,
and he's not shy about it.

344
00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:10,250
[coughs]

345
00:15:11,708 --> 00:15:12,708
Sir.

346
00:15:13,666 --> 00:15:14,666
Merlot.

347
00:15:15,166 --> 00:15:17,208
And what a Merlot. [hiccups]

348
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:21,041
-I can tell from the smell of your breath.
-And you, Mr. Aide. [laughs]

349
00:15:21,750 --> 00:15:23,666
Excuse me, Father, may I have a word?

350
00:15:23,750 --> 00:15:26,333
Of course. Pasha, excuse me.
Would you mind if I…

351
00:15:26,416 --> 00:15:27,625
No, not at all.

352
00:15:30,708 --> 00:15:31,541
What's wrong, man?

353
00:15:31,625 --> 00:15:32,458
Here, boss.

354
00:15:32,541 --> 00:15:35,416
He said if anyone can tell this
from the real thing, they can fuck him.

355
00:15:35,916 --> 00:15:36,833
Wow!

356
00:15:36,916 --> 00:15:38,291
Master Ara said that?

357
00:15:38,375 --> 00:15:40,916
That's confidence. Okay, good to know.

358
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,833
-All right, show it to me.
-They're the same. They're the same!

359
00:15:43,916 --> 00:15:45,833
Holy shit balls!

360
00:15:45,916 --> 00:15:49,291
He may be a tricky bastard,
but that Ara is a real artist.

361
00:15:49,375 --> 00:15:51,208
It's an exact replica. Well done.

362
00:15:51,291 --> 00:15:52,791
Let me see it, Kirkor.

363
00:15:53,291 --> 00:15:55,583
-He's really done an exact replica.
-Careful.

364
00:15:56,208 --> 00:16:00,250
I mean, wow.
Let me see that. An exact replica.

365
00:16:00,333 --> 00:16:03,416
You gotta hand it to the man.
This is the real one?

366
00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:04,833
Yes, that's the real one.

367
00:16:04,916 --> 00:16:06,791
Hey, wait a second. You can't do that.

368
00:16:06,875 --> 00:16:09,916
-Now this. Now, this is the real one.
-[splutters]

369
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,583
No, that's the one I brought with me.
You took that one from me.

370
00:16:12,666 --> 00:16:14,750
-You take this. That's it. Here you go.
-Wait.

371
00:16:14,833 --> 00:16:16,958
-I brought the replica.
-Shh! All right, easy.

372
00:16:17,041 --> 00:16:20,166
-Kirkor, keep this, so there's no mix-up.
-Which one is the real one?

373
00:16:20,250 --> 00:16:21,541
It's that one.

374
00:16:21,625 --> 00:16:22,583
-Is it?
-You take this.

375
00:16:22,666 --> 00:16:25,208
-Keep it so we won't get confused.
-You moron. Stupid drunken mutt.

376
00:16:25,291 --> 00:16:28,041
How could you do this?
Why would you shuffle them around?

377
00:16:28,125 --> 00:16:31,041
-Now I can't tell which is which.
-No shuffling. So, is this it?

378
00:16:31,125 --> 00:16:34,000
-Give it to me. Asshole, hand it over.
-Don't get confused. Don't mix 'em.

379
00:16:34,083 --> 00:16:35,208
Hand it over!

380
00:16:35,291 --> 00:16:36,458
Master Agah.

381
00:16:36,541 --> 00:16:37,666
May I help you?

382
00:16:37,750 --> 00:16:38,916
Dinner's getting cold.

383
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:42,125
Sir, I have something I need to sort out.
I'll be right with you.

384
00:16:42,208 --> 00:16:45,291
I was gonna ask you to take out that
Buffalo's Eye diamond after dinner

385
00:16:45,375 --> 00:16:47,166
so that we can all feast our eyes on it.

386
00:16:47,250 --> 00:16:50,750
The pasha has been asking about it
since the road. He'd like to see it.

387
00:16:50,833 --> 00:16:53,916
I'll go polish it up for you, my friend,
and we'll be right with you.

388
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,000
You polish it.

389
00:16:55,791 --> 00:16:58,541
-Here, go and polish this fucking thing.
-Okay.

390
00:16:58,625 --> 00:17:01,916
Nah, it doesn't need polish. [laughs]

391
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:05,125
Oh, yeah, it doesn't need polish?

392
00:17:05,208 --> 00:17:08,958
We don't need to polish it,
you stupid fucking douchebag?

393
00:17:09,041 --> 00:17:11,333
How the hell can I tell them apart?

394
00:17:11,416 --> 00:17:13,625
We already know it's that one, isn't it?

395
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:15,375
[Kirkor] Oh!

396
00:17:15,458 --> 00:17:18,541
Oh, I'm very curious, Your Excellency.

397
00:17:18,625 --> 00:17:20,125
I don't know if you've heard,

398
00:17:20,208 --> 00:17:23,500
but Hatayspor and Silistra will
be playing at the stadium.

399
00:17:23,583 --> 00:17:24,833
Do you plan to attend?

400
00:17:24,916 --> 00:17:27,583
I think Silistra will win 2-0.

401
00:17:28,291 --> 00:17:29,791
I see. What about you, sir?

402
00:17:29,875 --> 00:17:34,166
Ma'am, you know that new football club?
It's only 15-days-old.

403
00:17:34,250 --> 00:17:35,625
-Fenerbahçe.
-In Kadıköy.

404
00:17:35,708 --> 00:17:37,500
[Şuğnu] Yeah, that's who I support.

405
00:17:37,583 --> 00:17:40,875
They give you that tense,
always on-the-edge feeling.

406
00:17:40,958 --> 00:17:44,541
We watched a game at Papazın Çayırı.
We led the whole time.

407
00:17:44,625 --> 00:17:47,583
We were still like,
that's how supporting Fenerbahçe is.

408
00:17:47,666 --> 00:17:49,208
It's always intense.

409
00:17:49,291 --> 00:17:52,416
They said they'd hire a new coach,
but I'll believe it when I see it.

410
00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:53,750
And your favorite novel?

411
00:17:53,833 --> 00:17:56,583
-Um, Superman, he's great.
-[shouts]

412
00:17:56,666 --> 00:17:58,541
Exactly. Superman.

413
00:17:58,625 --> 00:18:01,416
-Superman is just-- I mean, wow.
-You're right. He's amazing.

414
00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:05,666
My favorite novel is
by Recaizade Mahmud Ekrem. Araba Sevdası.

415
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:06,583
Wow.

416
00:18:07,625 --> 00:18:09,833
-Son of a gun! I mean, what?
-[laughing]

417
00:18:09,916 --> 00:18:12,125
Really, he's a fine dude.

418
00:18:12,208 --> 00:18:13,958
He's got some decent passages.

419
00:18:14,041 --> 00:18:17,000
-There's too much fuss about this guy.
-Yeah, nothing to write home about.

420
00:18:17,083 --> 00:18:19,333
-I mean, really. Overrated.
-Yeah.

421
00:18:19,416 --> 00:18:21,833
That's my aide. Now, listen to me.

422
00:18:21,916 --> 00:18:26,166
Agah, let's see the diamond,
that Buffalo's Eye.

423
00:18:26,250 --> 00:18:28,583
-We'll celebrate it together.
-[Agah] Certainly, sir.

424
00:18:28,666 --> 00:18:30,666
He asked about it the whole trip. [laughs]

425
00:18:30,750 --> 00:18:33,208
-Very well, sir. Here. Let me show you.
-So…

426
00:18:33,291 --> 00:18:37,000
Here's our world-famous family heirloom,
the Buffalo's Eye.

427
00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:39,916
If you'll allow me,
I'll say a few words about its worth.

428
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:43,583
To this day, no jeweler
has ever been able to appraise it.

429
00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:46,291
Could you buy Üsküdar with it?

430
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:48,458
More, more, Üsküdar's nothing. [laughing]

431
00:18:48,541 --> 00:18:51,750
-That much, huh? Wow. Bağlarbaşı?
-[laughing]

432
00:18:51,833 --> 00:18:55,875
Bağlarbaşı, Hekimbaşı,
Çavuşbaşı, all of them.

433
00:18:55,958 --> 00:18:58,250
-[laughing]
-I can hardly believe that, really.

434
00:18:58,333 --> 00:19:00,541
-And now I'll put it away.
-Not so fast, Agah.

435
00:19:00,625 --> 00:19:01,833
Agah.

436
00:19:01,916 --> 00:19:04,208
Agah, afraid I'll swallow it?

437
00:19:04,291 --> 00:19:06,250
I didn't mean that, sir, not at all.

438
00:19:06,333 --> 00:19:08,000
-No, no. Put it in my hand.
-That's right.

439
00:19:08,083 --> 00:19:09,291
[Agah] You're embarrassing me.

440
00:19:09,375 --> 00:19:11,916
-Put it in my hand, please!
-Yeah, go ahead.

441
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,875
-Sir, maybe you should slow down.
-Let me feel it before you put it away.

442
00:19:14,958 --> 00:19:16,208
[laughs]

443
00:19:16,291 --> 00:19:17,125
What's the rush?

444
00:19:17,208 --> 00:19:18,916
-My sire's jokes.
-Oh, yeah. [laughing]

445
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,666
-Very funny.
-For the quick-witted. Right.

446
00:19:21,750 --> 00:19:23,500
That's the Buffalo's Eye.

447
00:19:24,166 --> 00:19:26,916
-Oh, yes.
-May it bring fortune to its owner.

448
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,708
Yes, may I have it back,
sir, if you're done with it?

449
00:19:29,791 --> 00:19:32,708
-Mind if I take a look as well? Yeah.
-Not at all, sir, please.

450
00:19:32,791 --> 00:19:34,416
-Go ahead.
-Come to me. [sighs]

451
00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:38,208
Very nice, very nice.

452
00:19:38,291 --> 00:19:40,791
-Agah.
-What is it, Pasha?

453
00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:42,875
-All right, thank you. Here it is.
-They're pretty.

454
00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:45,583
-Yes, sir.
-The girls are pretty.

455
00:19:45,666 --> 00:19:46,625
[Agah] Thank you, Pasha.

456
00:19:46,708 --> 00:19:49,083
-Prettiest thing I've ever fucking seen.
-[laughing]

457
00:19:49,166 --> 00:19:50,333
-Sir.
-Come in here.

458
00:19:50,416 --> 00:19:51,791
-Yes.
-[Pasha] Eh…

459
00:19:51,875 --> 00:19:54,083
-Will you call me "son-in-law"?
-[chuckles]

460
00:19:54,166 --> 00:19:56,375
-Sir. [laughing]
-Can I call you "Daddy Bear"?

461
00:19:56,458 --> 00:19:58,833
-You're hilarious.
-Pasha, let's slow down, Pasha.

462
00:19:58,916 --> 00:19:59,916
Let's slow down a bit.

463
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,583
Would the pasha like a sorbet perhaps?

464
00:20:02,666 --> 00:20:05,458
Mm. I would very much like that.

465
00:20:06,666 --> 00:20:08,583
I'm so fucking wasted, Dilaver.

466
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:13,000
[laughing]

467
00:20:13,083 --> 00:20:16,208
-Easy, Pasha, Pasha. We're okay.
-[Bekir] Mr. Aide.

468
00:20:16,791 --> 00:20:19,166
Would you like
for me to play a little music?

469
00:20:19,250 --> 00:20:21,791
Oh, please. Please, do.
I need to use to bathroom, please.

470
00:20:21,875 --> 00:20:23,375
-Excuse me.
-[Agah] Of course, please.

471
00:20:28,416 --> 00:20:30,916
I will be back in a second. [exhales]

472
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,000
[Pasha] I'd drink this shit every day…

473
00:20:33,083 --> 00:20:34,541
[indistinct chattering]

474
00:20:34,625 --> 00:20:37,291
[gasps] Come on, I've got it.
Let's get out of here.

475
00:20:37,375 --> 00:20:39,458
Wait a second. They mixed up the diamonds.

476
00:20:39,541 --> 00:20:42,000
-The one you've got may not be real.
-Mixed up how?

477
00:20:42,083 --> 00:20:42,916
Nezaket.

478
00:20:43,583 --> 00:20:46,000
[clears throat] Of course, sir,
the bathroom is that way.

479
00:20:46,083 --> 00:20:46,916
Thank you, ma'am.

480
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:51,416
We're screwed.

481
00:20:52,125 --> 00:20:54,166
We can't leave yet.
The diamonds are mixed up.

482
00:20:54,250 --> 00:20:56,250
I know. I know. Bekir told me.

483
00:20:56,333 --> 00:20:58,250
[both exhale]

484
00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:01,875
[grunts] Do you happen
to have a lute I could play?

485
00:21:01,958 --> 00:21:04,333
I'm not sure.
It's upstairs. Check upstairs.

486
00:21:04,416 --> 00:21:06,791
[Pasha chattering indistinctly, laughing]

487
00:21:14,375 --> 00:21:17,583
I need to examine the other stone.
To compare the copies.

488
00:21:17,666 --> 00:21:19,083
[sighs] We'll talk tonight.

489
00:21:19,166 --> 00:21:21,416
-[gasps] I wish I could--
-Stop it!

490
00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:24,916
[Turkish music playing]

491
00:21:29,208 --> 00:21:31,500
[laughing]

492
00:21:34,791 --> 00:21:37,166
[Şuğnu] Play that thing, my friend.

493
00:21:37,250 --> 00:21:40,208
-[Agah] Bravo!
-[laughing]

494
00:21:40,291 --> 00:21:42,500
[in Turkish] ♪ Is that a horseman I see? ♪

495
00:21:42,583 --> 00:21:47,041
♪ Ask him if he's from Baghdad ♪

496
00:21:47,125 --> 00:21:52,041
♪ Ask him if he's from Baghdad ♪

497
00:21:52,125 --> 00:21:56,833
♪ I'm head over heels again
Trembling all over… ♪

498
00:21:56,916 --> 00:21:58,500
[laughing]

499
00:22:00,750 --> 00:22:01,583
[Kirkor exhales]

500
00:22:04,291 --> 00:22:07,791
-[in English] I know this seems bad.
-What are we gonna do with those guys?

501
00:22:07,875 --> 00:22:08,750
Listen, kids,

502
00:22:08,833 --> 00:22:12,291
we can no longer replace
the real stone with the fake one, okay?

503
00:22:12,375 --> 00:22:14,000
As soon as they're asleep,

504
00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:16,458
we're gonna take the two stones
and get out of here.

505
00:22:16,541 --> 00:22:17,666
Kirkor, hold on.

506
00:22:17,750 --> 00:22:21,041
The aide switched them at the table.
There are three stones. How can we leave?

507
00:22:21,125 --> 00:22:23,083
-Oh, fucking hell!
-Oh, no!

508
00:22:23,166 --> 00:22:24,375
Three stones?

509
00:22:24,458 --> 00:22:26,791
How can we know which one is which, huh?

510
00:22:26,875 --> 00:22:29,333
I mean, every game
should have rules, right?

511
00:22:29,416 --> 00:22:31,458
-What's going on?
-We can't leave yet.

512
00:22:32,083 --> 00:22:34,791
Why do you have the stone anyway, Kirkor?
Give it here.

513
00:22:35,625 --> 00:22:40,666
[in Turkish] ♪ I'm head over heels again
Trembling all over ♪

514
00:22:40,750 --> 00:22:45,041
♪ I'm falling in love all over again ♪

515
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:49,583
♪ I'm head over heels again
Trembling all over ♪

516
00:22:49,666 --> 00:22:51,250
♪ I'm falling in love… ♪

517
00:22:51,333 --> 00:22:52,791
[in English] Guys, stop it!

518
00:22:52,875 --> 00:22:57,000
-Stop the music! Just hang on a second.
-Pasha, maybe we should--

519
00:22:57,083 --> 00:22:59,500
Quiet now, aide. Your master's speaking.

520
00:23:01,041 --> 00:23:02,500
-Pasha.
-Yektane.

521
00:23:02,583 --> 00:23:03,416
Yeah.

522
00:23:03,500 --> 00:23:07,958
You are more precious than any diamond.

523
00:23:08,041 --> 00:23:09,791
[gags, inhales]

524
00:23:09,875 --> 00:23:13,666
And I would give away
half of Üsküdar for you.

525
00:23:13,750 --> 00:23:15,458
-Get over here, my aide.
-[Şuğnu] Oh!

526
00:23:15,541 --> 00:23:16,833
-My pasha.
-Give her the deed.

527
00:23:16,916 --> 00:23:18,208
Your Excellency.

528
00:23:18,291 --> 00:23:20,708
-Sir.
-Yektane is upset. Please, it's okay.

529
00:23:20,791 --> 00:23:24,625
Pasha, maybe her brother could get
a piece, just a small piece of Üsküdar?

530
00:23:24,708 --> 00:23:26,958
-Who's this prick?
-[Şuğnu] Wait, hold on.

531
00:23:27,041 --> 00:23:30,208
-I'm her brother Necati.
-[splutters] Necat-- Necati.

532
00:23:30,291 --> 00:23:32,375
-Look, I'm sorry.
-Why didn't you just say so, huh?

533
00:23:32,458 --> 00:23:36,125
-I'm really sorry. Forgive us.
-[Agah] It's okay. It's okay.

534
00:23:36,208 --> 00:23:37,750
-It's okay, man.
-He didn't do anything.

535
00:23:37,833 --> 00:23:41,208
No, we're good.
I just kissed him. We're good.

536
00:23:41,291 --> 00:23:44,000
-Wait a minute. Wait a minute!
-Master Agah, let's take him to bed.

537
00:23:44,083 --> 00:23:47,291
Everyone's invited to my engagement party
right here tomorrow night.

538
00:23:47,375 --> 00:23:48,250
Oh, no, no, no, no.

539
00:23:48,333 --> 00:23:50,083
-Sir, we'll be there.
-Promise me you'll come.

540
00:23:50,166 --> 00:23:52,875
Absolutely. We'd be glad to.
Anything for you, sir.

541
00:23:52,958 --> 00:23:55,541
-Master Agah, let's take the pasha to bed.
-Yes, this way.

542
00:23:55,625 --> 00:23:58,208
-Let's go. Come on.
-All right, sir, let's get you to bed.

543
00:23:58,291 --> 00:24:01,041
-I didn't mean to upset-- I'm in love.
-Sir, please, listen--

544
00:24:01,125 --> 00:24:02,583
I'm in love! [grunts]

545
00:24:02,666 --> 00:24:04,416
Sir, listen, this is upsetting me now.

546
00:24:04,500 --> 00:24:05,875
-You're upset with me?
-Please, sir.

547
00:24:05,958 --> 00:24:07,416
Look, the ladies are upset too.

548
00:24:07,500 --> 00:24:10,125
First of all, I'm sorry, everyone.
I'd like to apologize.

549
00:24:10,208 --> 00:24:13,291
-It's okay. It's okay.
-Am I upsetting you?

550
00:24:13,375 --> 00:24:14,833
Yes, I am upset.

551
00:24:14,916 --> 00:24:17,333
-I am so sorry. I'm sorry.
-I'm really upset. All right.

552
00:24:17,416 --> 00:24:20,250
I mean it. This is
disturbing Master Agah's household.

553
00:24:20,333 --> 00:24:23,875
-I am so sorry. I am so sorry.
-It's okay. It's okay. Really, it's okay.

554
00:24:23,958 --> 00:24:26,541
You've been a great host.
This has been great.

555
00:24:26,625 --> 00:24:28,875
-Let's go up to bed.
-Hang on. Wait a minute, please.

556
00:24:28,958 --> 00:24:31,083
-Hang on a minute. [shouts]
-No, sir.

557
00:24:32,041 --> 00:24:33,791
-I just--
-Listen to me.

558
00:24:33,875 --> 00:24:35,375
I just wanna say

559
00:24:35,875 --> 00:24:39,166
it's fucking bullshit
the way you patronize me

560
00:24:39,250 --> 00:24:40,875
just for mixing up my lines.

561
00:24:40,958 --> 00:24:42,708
-Asshole!
-Whoa, Pasha.

562
00:24:42,791 --> 00:24:44,416
[Pasha retching]

563
00:24:45,625 --> 00:24:47,875
That's it. Throw it all up.

564
00:24:47,958 --> 00:24:49,458
[coughs, grunts]

565
00:24:50,125 --> 00:24:52,500
Ugh! Man, I feel terrible.

566
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,791
It's all because I mixed wine with raki.

567
00:24:55,875 --> 00:24:56,958
I drank too fast.

568
00:24:57,041 --> 00:24:58,083
[groans]

569
00:24:59,041 --> 00:25:00,666
Oh, it must have been moonshine.

570
00:25:00,750 --> 00:25:02,791
I hope so.
I hope you go blind, you bastard!

571
00:25:04,250 --> 00:25:06,833
[groans] Wait a minute.
Did you get the stone?

572
00:25:06,916 --> 00:25:09,666
I did, but we can't leave.
They switched the damn things.

573
00:25:09,750 --> 00:25:11,666
What? Who? [retches]

574
00:25:11,750 --> 00:25:13,291
-Listen up.
-[gags]

575
00:25:13,375 --> 00:25:14,916
I'll tell them I'm Şeker Pasha.

576
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:16,958
I'll tell them
you switched places with me.

577
00:25:17,041 --> 00:25:19,666
You got it?
Tomorrow, you're the aide. I'm the pasha.

578
00:25:19,750 --> 00:25:22,625
No, you're not.
You're not the pasha. I am.

579
00:25:22,708 --> 00:25:24,458
Yeah, so you can take a shit in the foyer?

580
00:25:24,541 --> 00:25:26,458
I don't give a damn. I'm the pasha.

581
00:25:26,541 --> 00:25:28,833
I haven't read the other part yet.
I'm the pasha!

582
00:25:28,916 --> 00:25:30,166
And this is how you rehearsed?

583
00:25:30,250 --> 00:25:31,541
[groans]

584
00:25:33,208 --> 00:25:35,041
Gimme the stone. I wanna look at it.

585
00:25:35,125 --> 00:25:37,875
[groaning]

586
00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:44,458
Wait. It's gone.

587
00:25:45,333 --> 00:25:47,291
-What do you mean it's gone?
-It's not here.

588
00:25:47,375 --> 00:25:49,000
You had one fucking job.

589
00:25:49,083 --> 00:25:51,083
[retching]

590
00:26:28,041 --> 00:26:29,291
[Şuğnu] That's the plan.

591
00:26:29,375 --> 00:26:32,250
They don't call me
Dilaver of Ahırkapı for nothing.

592
00:26:32,333 --> 00:26:34,041
So don't fuck this up for me!

593
00:26:34,125 --> 00:26:36,375
[Pasha] Sounds like
you've already fucked it up.

594
00:26:36,458 --> 00:26:37,916
[Şuğnu] You're really pissing me off!

595
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,125
Here you go, babe.

596
00:26:39,208 --> 00:26:40,458
-Where?
-Good.

597
00:26:40,541 --> 00:26:41,375
Thank you.

598
00:26:42,416 --> 00:26:43,333
Listen to me.

599
00:26:43,416 --> 00:26:46,125
That freak Kirkor is stalling us,
but I can't figure out why.

600
00:26:46,208 --> 00:26:48,125
We were supposed
to take the diamond and leave.

601
00:26:48,208 --> 00:26:50,208
Now all of a sudden there's multiples?

602
00:26:51,083 --> 00:26:51,916
Huh?

603
00:26:54,958 --> 00:26:57,583
You guys, I was just eavesdropping.

604
00:26:57,666 --> 00:27:00,291
That aide's real name
is Dilaver of Ahırkapı.

605
00:27:00,375 --> 00:27:02,708
And that moron with him isn't Şeker Pasha.

606
00:27:02,791 --> 00:27:04,625
But who he is, I don't know.

607
00:27:04,708 --> 00:27:07,500
Here. The aide snatched this at the table.

608
00:27:07,583 --> 00:27:09,083
But God knows if it's authentic.

609
00:27:09,166 --> 00:27:12,708
Even if we could get out of here
with this, it might all be for nothing.

610
00:27:12,791 --> 00:27:14,500
-[gasps]
-Girls.

611
00:27:15,875 --> 00:27:17,666
Why aren't you asleep yet?

612
00:27:17,750 --> 00:27:20,416
Well, we couldn't fall asleep,
'cause we were nervous.

613
00:27:20,500 --> 00:27:21,458
Hmm.

614
00:27:46,916 --> 00:27:49,166
[gasping]

615
00:28:05,625 --> 00:28:07,583
-Is everyone asleep?
-Yeah, they are.

616
00:28:15,291 --> 00:28:17,125
I asked Ara to open his shop.

617
00:28:20,708 --> 00:28:21,541
Look.

618
00:28:22,416 --> 00:28:24,791
[gasps] This is handmade.

619
00:28:26,083 --> 00:28:28,416
And this is a pain in the ass.

620
00:28:28,500 --> 00:28:31,041
-Good, good. They're both good.
-[snorts]

621
00:28:31,666 --> 00:28:33,833
We'll take the others
from Kirkor and then…

622
00:28:33,916 --> 00:28:35,083
[snaps fingers, exhales]

623
00:28:35,166 --> 00:28:37,791
-…we're gone.
-[laughs] I love you, man.

624
00:28:38,833 --> 00:28:39,916
You what?

625
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:41,291
I'm sorry, man.

626
00:28:41,375 --> 00:28:43,500
I wanted to add another layer of intrigue.

627
00:28:46,166 --> 00:28:47,166
You're joking?

628
00:28:47,791 --> 00:28:50,791
-I'm joking, man. A little joke. I swear.
-Hmm.

629
00:28:51,291 --> 00:28:52,250
But you know,

630
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:54,208
there's another one.

631
00:28:54,708 --> 00:28:57,458
That fucking aide switched the stones.
You gotta believe me.

632
00:28:57,541 --> 00:28:59,916
Right now,
there are five stones in the house.

633
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:02,083
And we only know that these two are fake.

634
00:29:03,333 --> 00:29:04,541
Is that the truth?

635
00:29:06,708 --> 00:29:08,041
[gasps] Ah, shit.

636
00:29:49,625 --> 00:29:50,625
Dilaver, hey.

637
00:29:51,291 --> 00:29:52,291
What's going on?

638
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:54,708
We're having breakfast downstairs,

639
00:29:54,791 --> 00:29:57,916
and you're going to say that
you were always Şuğnu, the aide.

640
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,625
And if I ask for something,
you'll say "Yes, sir. Certainly."

641
00:30:00,708 --> 00:30:02,458
And what if I don't play along?

642
00:30:03,583 --> 00:30:05,583
I've meticulously planned this scheme.

643
00:30:05,666 --> 00:30:07,833
If you ruin it,
I promise I'll strangle you!

644
00:30:07,916 --> 00:30:11,208
And if you want your share,
then you'll shut up and play the aide.

645
00:30:12,125 --> 00:30:13,875
Dilaver. Dilaver!

646
00:30:28,958 --> 00:30:29,791
Pasha.

647
00:30:31,375 --> 00:30:33,208
-What the hell?
-Oh, Fahriye.

648
00:30:33,291 --> 00:30:36,500
How in God's name did we screw up
like this? This is a disaster.

649
00:30:36,583 --> 00:30:39,041
We were supposed
to be gone with the diamond by now.

650
00:30:39,125 --> 00:30:42,000
All right, all right.
So you give me the one you have.

651
00:30:42,083 --> 00:30:44,875
Come on! I stole
this diamond from Kirkor yesterday.

652
00:30:45,541 --> 00:30:46,666
Give me yours, come on.

653
00:30:46,750 --> 00:30:48,875
I can't tell
if it's real just by looking at it.

654
00:30:48,958 --> 00:30:51,083
Give it to me already. Fuck! [chuckles]

655
00:30:51,166 --> 00:30:54,208
I can't. They nicked it.
I don't even have it anymore. [gasps]

656
00:30:54,291 --> 00:30:56,166
-Good morning.
-Good morning.

657
00:30:56,791 --> 00:30:58,916
Good morning, sir, good morning.

658
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:01,958
Um, well, Mr. Aide, but this outfit…

659
00:31:02,041 --> 00:31:05,750
Sir, I am Vahap Talha,
also known as Şeker Pasha.

660
00:31:05,833 --> 00:31:09,000
I played a very traditional game
on your house.

661
00:31:09,083 --> 00:31:10,791
I switched places with my aide.

662
00:31:10,875 --> 00:31:13,750
Better I thought for many security reasons

663
00:31:13,833 --> 00:31:16,875
and to meet the girls,
I decided to conceal myself.

664
00:31:16,958 --> 00:31:19,375
How nice. I don't know what to say.

665
00:31:19,458 --> 00:31:20,666
And I'm not Master Agah.

666
00:31:20,750 --> 00:31:24,000
You see, I'm the gardener,
shoemaker and the village idiot.

667
00:31:24,083 --> 00:31:26,458
-[all laugh]
-But really, I am Şeker Pasha.

668
00:31:26,541 --> 00:31:28,500
And this is the deed to half of Üsküdar.

669
00:31:28,583 --> 00:31:30,583
-Oh, my goodness. Is that real?
-Indeed.

670
00:31:30,666 --> 00:31:32,083
My aide Şuğnu.

671
00:31:32,166 --> 00:31:33,791
Uh, Mr. Şuğnu, please.

672
00:31:33,875 --> 00:31:37,375
[chuckles] Last night he had a little
too much to drink, so he could be asleep.

673
00:31:37,458 --> 00:31:38,458
Good morning.

674
00:31:38,541 --> 00:31:39,916
-Good morning.
-[Necati] Hey, Dad.

675
00:31:40,416 --> 00:31:44,333
[chuckles] You see, His Excellency
has been playing a joke on us.

676
00:31:44,416 --> 00:31:46,041
Wait, listen to me. It's not a joke.

677
00:31:46,625 --> 00:31:48,083
It was a traditional game.

678
00:31:48,166 --> 00:31:51,416
Like the ones where the aide and maid…
you know, something like that.

679
00:31:51,500 --> 00:31:52,958
[Bekir] I knew it. I swear.

680
00:31:53,041 --> 00:31:56,333
Hey, he may have fooled you,
but he never fooled me.

681
00:31:56,416 --> 00:31:58,000
-I'll kiss your hand. Allow me.
-No need.

682
00:31:58,083 --> 00:32:00,333
-Allow me, sir.
-You're crazy, son. [laughs]

683
00:32:00,416 --> 00:32:02,666
Your Excellency, breakfast is served.
This way, sir.

684
00:32:02,750 --> 00:32:05,125
Of course, but someone
should go get my aide.

685
00:32:05,208 --> 00:32:06,208
He should eat.

686
00:32:06,291 --> 00:32:07,875
-Certainly, sir.
-Right this way.

687
00:32:08,708 --> 00:32:10,458
-[Dilaver] Head of the table?
-Of course.

688
00:32:13,333 --> 00:32:15,041
-Good morning, Nezaket.
-Good morning.

689
00:32:15,541 --> 00:32:16,750
Good morning.

690
00:32:16,833 --> 00:32:18,791
I'm just going to go check on the aide.

691
00:32:22,916 --> 00:32:24,083
[Nezaket] Mr. Aide.

692
00:32:49,875 --> 00:32:51,666
[man] Here you go. They're the same.

693
00:32:56,791 --> 00:32:58,333
-Ah!
-[laughing]

694
00:32:58,416 --> 00:33:01,041
-Thanks.
-Great, my friend. Here, as promised.

695
00:33:02,875 --> 00:33:05,166
Listen, this watch is very valuable,
so if I don't

696
00:33:05,250 --> 00:33:08,250
see my money in a week,
I will show you no mercy.

697
00:33:08,333 --> 00:33:10,916
All right, all right.
I'll do my best, okay?

698
00:33:11,541 --> 00:33:12,750
This is good work.

699
00:33:13,250 --> 00:33:15,000
-Exactly the same. Exactly!
-[laughing]

700
00:33:16,083 --> 00:33:17,083
They are the same.

701
00:33:17,166 --> 00:33:19,000
Master Agah, I'm sure you'll agree,

702
00:33:19,083 --> 00:33:20,750
our lives are hard.

703
00:33:20,833 --> 00:33:23,333
And why? Because of prejudice.

704
00:33:23,416 --> 00:33:26,041
Whenever you go anywhere or do anything,

705
00:33:26,125 --> 00:33:27,375
people always wanna talk.

706
00:33:27,458 --> 00:33:29,916
First of all,
they call you a rich bastard.

707
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:31,833
And that's the least serious one.
Am I right?

708
00:33:31,916 --> 00:33:34,041
"Look at that asshole's carriage,"
they say.

709
00:33:34,125 --> 00:33:38,791
Or perhaps, "Too much contentment
has turned that fucker gay," I mean.

710
00:33:38,875 --> 00:33:40,458
I don't think they'd go that far.

711
00:33:40,541 --> 00:33:42,958
-[Nezaket] Shh!
-They would. Why wouldn't they?

712
00:33:43,041 --> 00:33:44,791
All right, enough, damn it. Just drop it.

713
00:33:45,708 --> 00:33:50,041
Pasha, if in any way,
we've offended you, please forgive us.

714
00:33:50,125 --> 00:33:51,458
My dear, pour him some tea.

715
00:33:51,541 --> 00:33:53,083
Oh, thank you so much. There's no need.

716
00:33:53,833 --> 00:33:57,708
Um, Pasha, I would like
to ask you a question, if you don't mind.

717
00:33:57,791 --> 00:33:59,166
Darling, now is not the time.

718
00:33:59,250 --> 00:34:01,208
No, Father, it's important.

719
00:34:01,291 --> 00:34:04,291
Is asking for his daughter's hand
all just part of your game?

720
00:34:04,375 --> 00:34:07,791
'Cause we were having a lot of trouble
understanding that. Was that it?

721
00:34:07,875 --> 00:34:09,916
Yes, if you would be so kind
to elaborate on that.

722
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:12,833
I mean, you come into our house
with this whole

723
00:34:12,916 --> 00:34:15,625
"I like your daughter,
and I'm gonna snatch her up" attitude.

724
00:34:15,708 --> 00:34:18,291
You know what I mean, sir?
But that's not how we were raised.

725
00:34:18,375 --> 00:34:22,458
Maybe I'm being too blunt.
I don't know what else to say, Excellency.

726
00:34:22,541 --> 00:34:25,416
Hey, if I called you "Dilaver,"
would that be clearer for you?

727
00:34:25,500 --> 00:34:28,666
[chuckling] Dilaver?
Where'd that come from?

728
00:34:28,750 --> 00:34:31,875
My name is no secret, you know.
It's Vahap, my dear.

729
00:34:31,958 --> 00:34:34,375
Any encyclopedia will tell you.

730
00:34:35,208 --> 00:34:38,250
You crazy girl.
How the hell did you come up with Dilaver?

731
00:34:38,333 --> 00:34:39,250
[laughing]

732
00:34:39,333 --> 00:34:42,625
Mrs. Nezaket, have you seen my aide,
by the way?

733
00:34:42,708 --> 00:34:45,291
I'm sorry. I knocked,
but there was no one in there.

734
00:34:45,375 --> 00:34:46,250
Oh, really?

735
00:34:48,791 --> 00:34:52,458
Master Agah, here's what
I think we should do.

736
00:34:52,541 --> 00:34:54,750
That great, big diamond you showed me?

737
00:34:54,833 --> 00:34:57,833
Now, what I have here, if you'll allow me,

738
00:34:57,916 --> 00:34:59,958
um, is a title deed. Look.

739
00:35:00,041 --> 00:35:01,625
It says Üsküdar here.

740
00:35:01,708 --> 00:35:05,208
It says Üsküdar, and it's actually, um,

741
00:35:05,291 --> 00:35:07,500
half of Üsküdar. That's what it says.

742
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:10,416
Half of Üsküdar. How shall I put this?

743
00:35:10,500 --> 00:35:11,666
Listen, um,

744
00:35:12,208 --> 00:35:16,500
I know this is nowhere near
its actual value, but how about

745
00:35:16,583 --> 00:35:18,666
I hand this title deed over to you

746
00:35:18,750 --> 00:35:20,875
and put that diamond to some good use?

747
00:35:20,958 --> 00:35:23,750
You know, like an engagement gift.
Could you accept that?

748
00:35:24,416 --> 00:35:26,375
Half of Üsküdar
is pretty generous, Father.

749
00:35:26,458 --> 00:35:28,666
Half of it, yeah, but which half?

750
00:35:28,750 --> 00:35:30,875
Oh, right. You know
when you're in Üsküdar?

751
00:35:30,958 --> 00:35:33,916
-Yeah.
-Salacak, the coastal part.

752
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:35,666
It's there, that half.

753
00:35:35,750 --> 00:35:38,416
Oh, the coastal side.
The coastal side will be very valuable.

754
00:35:38,500 --> 00:35:42,333
Indeed. Exactly half. And here it is.

755
00:35:42,833 --> 00:35:46,250
Well, Your Excellency,
I'm not sure what I should say right now.

756
00:35:46,333 --> 00:35:47,541
[knock on door]

757
00:35:47,625 --> 00:35:50,875
Necati, get the door
and see who that is, please.

758
00:35:50,958 --> 00:35:53,208
Half of it, the coastal side.
That half of it.

759
00:35:53,291 --> 00:35:55,291
[knocking]

760
00:35:57,916 --> 00:35:59,833
[high-pitched] I've been banging
since forever,

761
00:35:59,916 --> 00:36:01,791
and you wouldn't open it.
This is outrageous.

762
00:36:01,875 --> 00:36:03,833
Do you have any idea who I am?

763
00:36:03,916 --> 00:36:05,333
-No, I don't.
-No idea?

764
00:36:05,416 --> 00:36:06,250
Who?

765
00:36:07,375 --> 00:36:09,625
You don't even know that.
You must not know anything.

766
00:36:10,791 --> 00:36:13,000
Who the hell is this? Is he crazy or what?

767
00:36:13,083 --> 00:36:15,333
I mean, goodness!

768
00:36:15,416 --> 00:36:18,500
I scream my lungs out,
and none of you open the door for me?

769
00:36:18,583 --> 00:36:22,083
That boy over there with the fucking
mustache almost didn't let me in.

770
00:36:22,166 --> 00:36:24,000
I said I'm Yasemin,

771
00:36:24,083 --> 00:36:27,333
the nursing mother of Master Agah's
daughters, and he stared.

772
00:36:27,416 --> 00:36:29,666
-Which Yasemin?
-[Yasemin] You ask which Yasemin?

773
00:36:30,791 --> 00:36:33,083
Hmm! [muttering]

774
00:36:34,875 --> 00:36:36,416
Yasemin. Happy now?

775
00:36:37,208 --> 00:36:38,333
Who the hell is this?

776
00:36:38,833 --> 00:36:40,166
No frickin' idea.

777
00:36:40,666 --> 00:36:43,750
Girls, this lady was
your wet nurse. Yasemin.

778
00:36:43,833 --> 00:36:45,666
Well, aren't you just a vision?

779
00:36:45,750 --> 00:36:49,666
Thank you, Nartane, Nurtane, Yektane.

780
00:36:50,375 --> 00:36:52,958
Agah, is that you, you old fucker?

781
00:36:53,041 --> 00:36:55,041
I recognized your voice. [laughs]

782
00:36:55,708 --> 00:36:58,875
Hey, why didn't you open the door for me,
you bed wetters?

783
00:36:58,958 --> 00:37:02,333
Oh, who is this? Who is this man?

784
00:37:02,416 --> 00:37:04,416
Oh, he is a stranger.

785
00:37:06,416 --> 00:37:08,291
Aww, oh, this medal came right off.

786
00:37:09,083 --> 00:37:11,458
Stop with this vaudeville act.
Get out of here.

787
00:37:11,541 --> 00:37:13,916
Here's your medal.
You can sit back down now, son.

788
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:16,125
Go on, sit. Hey, hey, hey.

789
00:37:16,208 --> 00:37:20,083
I have news for you,
frightful news, I might add.

790
00:37:20,166 --> 00:37:22,750
Everyone's been talking
about how that great, big diamond,

791
00:37:22,833 --> 00:37:24,041
you know the one I mean,

792
00:37:24,125 --> 00:37:26,875
that Buffalo's Eye
has been stolen from you.

793
00:37:26,958 --> 00:37:29,416
My dears, I have ears everywhere.

794
00:37:29,500 --> 00:37:32,333
So then, I immediately rushed
to the Grand Bazaar.

795
00:37:32,416 --> 00:37:36,875
And I asked the most clever sorcerers
to help in my research. [gasps]

796
00:37:37,541 --> 00:37:38,833
My!

797
00:37:39,333 --> 00:37:41,583
The stories I've heard

798
00:37:41,666 --> 00:37:45,208
about that diamond are scandalous.

799
00:37:45,291 --> 00:37:47,666
Begone, you pest.
Can't you see that we're talking?

800
00:37:47,750 --> 00:37:49,458
Calm down, Your Excellency.

801
00:37:49,541 --> 00:37:51,208
Leave the poor lady alone.

802
00:37:51,291 --> 00:37:53,208
Oh, my sweet baby.

803
00:37:53,291 --> 00:37:57,000
Pasha, you'll never believe
the things they told me.

804
00:37:57,083 --> 00:37:59,666
But the title deed,
we were just getting to it.

805
00:37:59,750 --> 00:38:01,125
-Yes.
-Dilaver, sir.

806
00:38:01,208 --> 00:38:02,958
I think you should let it go.

807
00:38:03,041 --> 00:38:04,208
Yes, that's right.

808
00:38:04,291 --> 00:38:07,583
You won't believe the news I have, Pasha.

809
00:38:09,083 --> 00:38:10,291
Bless you, baby.

810
00:38:10,375 --> 00:38:13,333
Thanks for the water. God bless you.

811
00:38:16,166 --> 00:38:17,250
Well, anyway,

812
00:38:17,750 --> 00:38:21,041
at long last,
I found myself at Zuhuratbaba's tomb.

813
00:38:21,125 --> 00:38:22,166
There's this man there.

814
00:38:22,250 --> 00:38:24,166
He takes one look at the water

815
00:38:24,250 --> 00:38:27,500
and tells me exactly where the diamond is.

816
00:38:27,583 --> 00:38:31,666
I took the trouble of going there
because we were old friends,

817
00:38:31,750 --> 00:38:33,875
and I was in your employment.

818
00:38:33,958 --> 00:38:36,416
I took the diamond and came here.

819
00:38:36,500 --> 00:38:38,208
Here you go, Master Agah.

820
00:38:38,291 --> 00:38:40,833
[chuckles] That's not possible, ma'am.

821
00:38:40,916 --> 00:38:42,750
I have the diamond myself right here.

822
00:38:42,833 --> 00:38:45,708
Hold on, Kirkor. Not so fast, babe.

823
00:38:46,208 --> 00:38:47,750
It could be the one I have.

824
00:38:47,833 --> 00:38:50,000
-Who's Kirkor? Nezaket.
-[gasps]

825
00:38:50,083 --> 00:38:53,333
We're selling each other out?
All right, then, take a look.

826
00:38:53,416 --> 00:38:55,458
Here's the real diamond.
The others are all fake.

827
00:38:55,541 --> 00:38:56,375
Show them.

828
00:38:56,458 --> 00:39:00,250
[gasps] Ma'am, this is the one
and only Buffalo's Eye. Bam!

829
00:39:00,333 --> 00:39:01,625
[Bekir] Maybe it's this one.

830
00:39:02,208 --> 00:39:04,375
Just thought I'd mention
since it's all out in the open,

831
00:39:04,458 --> 00:39:05,916
and we're speaking freely.

832
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:07,916
You know something? God damn you all.

833
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:10,916
I told you to stay in character
no matter what happens.

834
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:13,666
This guy hasn't broken character
for two days.

835
00:39:13,750 --> 00:39:16,750
Uh, Master Agah, trust me.
I am really Şeker Pasha.

836
00:39:16,833 --> 00:39:18,750
[Agah] Oh, please,
stop it, for heaven's sake.

837
00:39:18,833 --> 00:39:20,500
Master Agah, here's what we'll do.

838
00:39:20,583 --> 00:39:23,000
I'll take everybody's diamonds myself.

839
00:39:23,083 --> 00:39:26,625
I'll bring them to my jeweler,
and we'll learn which one is real.

840
00:39:26,708 --> 00:39:30,583
While we wait, you can keep
the title deed to half of Üsküdar.

841
00:39:30,666 --> 00:39:33,416
Wow, Dilaver, you're really something.

842
00:39:33,500 --> 00:39:35,875
There's no pasha and no deed to Üsküdar.

843
00:39:35,958 --> 00:39:37,583
This crook is Dilaver of Ahırkapı.

844
00:39:37,666 --> 00:39:41,500
-Master Agah--
-Kirkor. Kirkor. Kirkor Papatyan.

845
00:39:41,583 --> 00:39:42,625
All right, Papatyan.

846
00:39:42,708 --> 00:39:46,250
While you're at it, Nezaket and you
know each other, don't you?

847
00:39:46,333 --> 00:39:48,500
Why don't you tell us that story?
Go ahead.

848
00:39:48,583 --> 00:39:51,791
Okay, enough. You are Apti of Balat.
I think everyone knows that.

849
00:39:51,875 --> 00:39:53,750
You came here in disguise already.

850
00:39:53,833 --> 00:39:55,250
The pasha from earlier.

851
00:39:55,333 --> 00:39:58,750
But you guys already recognized him.
You recognize the pasha from earlier.

852
00:39:58,833 --> 00:40:01,041
-[all] No.
-You're kidding me.

853
00:40:01,125 --> 00:40:02,333
Ah, be quiet, will ya?

854
00:40:02,416 --> 00:40:04,708
Let's hear what the lady has to say.
Go ahead.

855
00:40:04,791 --> 00:40:07,291
My darlings, this water

856
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:10,166
is from an appraiser.

857
00:40:11,666 --> 00:40:12,916
Let's unburden ourselves

858
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:15,916
and place the diamonds
in the sacred water,

859
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:19,583
and we'll see who the lucky winner is. Ha!

860
00:40:19,666 --> 00:40:21,208
Yeah, come on, let's find out.

861
00:40:21,291 --> 00:40:22,500
I'll go first.

862
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:25,083
-Let's do this.
-[Dilaver] Right.

863
00:40:27,291 --> 00:40:29,791
-Here.
-Here, take this too.

864
00:40:31,125 --> 00:40:33,166
Yektane, sweetheart, thank you.

865
00:40:34,750 --> 00:40:37,666
[gasps] This one or this one?

866
00:40:38,250 --> 00:40:39,166
Maybe this one?

867
00:40:39,875 --> 00:40:41,916
This one or that pretty one?

868
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:44,666
Let's see which one it is.

869
00:40:45,458 --> 00:40:48,208
Abracadabra, alakazam.

870
00:40:48,750 --> 00:40:51,916
Come to Mama, little diamond.

871
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,583
One stone goes in, and another comes out.

872
00:40:54,666 --> 00:40:57,000
And just like that,
the lying snakes are out.

873
00:40:58,750 --> 00:41:01,625
Ooh, I could see
they're still in this room.

874
00:41:01,708 --> 00:41:04,208
Abracadabra, alakazam.

875
00:41:04,291 --> 00:41:06,458
Come to Mama, little diamond.

876
00:41:06,541 --> 00:41:09,708
Please return yourself
to your proper owner.

877
00:41:09,791 --> 00:41:11,416
-Shall I remove it?
-[all] Do it.

878
00:41:11,500 --> 00:41:13,000
Think you can trust me?

879
00:41:13,083 --> 00:41:14,333
[Bekir] Go ahead, take it out.

880
00:41:14,416 --> 00:41:15,625
-Take it out!
-Here!

881
00:41:15,708 --> 00:41:18,333
-[Agah gasps]
-Hey, are you fucking kidding us, lady?

882
00:41:18,416 --> 00:41:20,625
No, son, look. See it for yourself.

883
00:41:20,708 --> 00:41:23,500
So, all of them are fake,
and none of them are real.

884
00:41:23,583 --> 00:41:25,500
Where are the diamonds?

885
00:41:26,041 --> 00:41:27,208
What diamonds, man?

886
00:41:27,291 --> 00:41:28,541
Apti, I'll strangle you.

887
00:41:28,625 --> 00:41:31,083
Whoa! Easy now. Everyone back off!

888
00:41:31,166 --> 00:41:32,458
[normal voice] I'm Apti of Balat.

889
00:41:33,041 --> 00:41:35,708
You and all your fucking schemes, Dilaver.

890
00:41:35,791 --> 00:41:37,958
If I'd stuck with Kirkor,
I'd be a rich lady.

891
00:41:38,041 --> 00:41:40,083
Like you weren't the one
to bring me into this.

892
00:41:40,166 --> 00:41:42,083
So you were with him from the beginning.

893
00:41:42,166 --> 00:41:44,416
You even prepared
the fake stones for this.

894
00:41:44,500 --> 00:41:46,750
All we wanted was
to steal like decent people.

895
00:41:46,833 --> 00:41:48,750
Damn you! You fucked up my foolproof plan!

896
00:41:48,833 --> 00:41:50,375
Where the hell are the diamonds?

897
00:41:50,958 --> 00:41:54,333
No one's going anywhere. Either we're
in this together or it's over.

898
00:41:54,416 --> 00:41:55,958
Drop it! Hey, drop that.

899
00:41:56,791 --> 00:41:58,291
Hey, uh, Kirkor was your name?

900
00:41:58,375 --> 00:42:01,750
Yes, damn it. I put up
with your pasha thing for two days.

901
00:42:01,833 --> 00:42:04,625
-I'll make you pay for this. You'll see.
-Did I tell you I was a pasha?

902
00:42:04,708 --> 00:42:05,875
I was an aide when I got here.

903
00:42:05,958 --> 00:42:08,333
This motherfucker botched it,
so I had to become the pasha.

904
00:42:08,416 --> 00:42:09,250
Drop the gun.

905
00:42:09,333 --> 00:42:12,166
Bekir, drop it,
or I'll put a bullet between your eyes.

906
00:42:12,250 --> 00:42:13,958
-Do it, man. Go ahead. I dare you.
-Wait!

907
00:42:14,041 --> 00:42:16,750
Kirkor, man, no one
in your crew is even listening to you.

908
00:42:16,833 --> 00:42:18,583
Come on, just think about it.

909
00:42:18,666 --> 00:42:20,583
One of those stones has got to be real.

910
00:42:20,666 --> 00:42:22,541
So why don't we take them
all out and share them?

911
00:42:22,625 --> 00:42:24,458
Then we can leave here in peace, can't we?

912
00:42:24,541 --> 00:42:27,750
Oh, please, do you think I'd do business
with crooks like you?

913
00:42:27,833 --> 00:42:29,583
Besides, who the hell are you guys?

914
00:42:29,666 --> 00:42:32,000
Man, I'm not even asking
for half of everything.

915
00:42:32,083 --> 00:42:34,708
We can split it in ten,
and you can get seven, right?

916
00:42:34,791 --> 00:42:36,875
We get three.
Seven tenths and three tenths.

917
00:42:36,958 --> 00:42:38,833
No, no, it takes too long to calculate.

918
00:42:38,916 --> 00:42:42,291
Hold on, everybody. I worked my ass off
to get my part right.

919
00:42:42,375 --> 00:42:44,916
-I deserve the diamond.
-Shut up! I'm tired of this shit.

920
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:46,416
Wait, my love, please.

921
00:42:46,500 --> 00:42:48,375
-My love?
-I'm just kidding, man.

922
00:42:48,458 --> 00:42:50,250
I'll shoot you first. I'm not kidding.

923
00:42:50,333 --> 00:42:52,416
-Take out the stones.
-No, don't do it, dummy. Don't!

924
00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,166
What's going on here? Who are you people?

925
00:42:59,250 --> 00:43:01,250
Sir, well, we're just--

926
00:43:01,333 --> 00:43:04,083
Uh, I wish we had some funny music.

927
00:43:04,166 --> 00:43:06,458
-Maybe in the background.
-[whimsical music playing]

928
00:43:07,083 --> 00:43:08,333
Um, that way, you'd see

929
00:43:08,416 --> 00:43:11,541
that we are not the kind of
people you think we are, really.

930
00:43:11,625 --> 00:43:13,833
[humming]

931
00:43:13,916 --> 00:43:15,958
You know, zithers playing. That stuff.

932
00:43:16,041 --> 00:43:17,041
Silence, ponce.

933
00:43:17,125 --> 00:43:18,958
-[music stops]
-Ponce is really great.

934
00:43:19,041 --> 00:43:21,166
Honestly, that's my favorite word
from this era.

935
00:43:31,291 --> 00:43:32,208
[sighs]

936
00:43:32,791 --> 00:43:35,333
-İkrah, well, is this all of them?
-Yes, sir.

937
00:43:37,166 --> 00:43:40,208
Kirkor, sir. Actors, I presume.

938
00:43:40,791 --> 00:43:41,708
I am.

939
00:43:41,791 --> 00:43:43,958
And an actor's journey is a strange one.

940
00:43:44,458 --> 00:43:46,041
Besides, what is an actor?

941
00:43:46,125 --> 00:43:48,666
You see, sir,
we exist only as long as we play.

942
00:43:48,750 --> 00:43:49,958
And once the play is over--

943
00:43:50,041 --> 00:43:53,291
And thievery is what,
a personal hobby of yours?

944
00:43:53,375 --> 00:43:55,375
We gave in to temptation, sir.

945
00:43:55,458 --> 00:43:58,250
Whoever told you that there was
a diamond in this mansion

946
00:43:58,333 --> 00:43:59,750
is the biggest offender of them all.

947
00:44:00,541 --> 00:44:02,041
Yes, there is a stone here.

948
00:44:02,125 --> 00:44:03,708
Called the Buffalo's Eye.

949
00:44:04,625 --> 00:44:06,416
Necati, son, show them the stone.

950
00:44:09,666 --> 00:44:10,500
Here it is.

951
00:44:11,750 --> 00:44:13,791
Same as yours. They're exactly the same.

952
00:44:13,875 --> 00:44:17,541
Hey, tell me, can we buy half
of Üsküdar with that thing?

953
00:44:18,833 --> 00:44:20,791
You couldn't hire a carriage
to Üsküdar with this.

954
00:44:21,625 --> 00:44:23,000
It's from the chandelier.

955
00:44:23,583 --> 00:44:25,666
Our craftsman Ara made this for us.

956
00:44:26,333 --> 00:44:28,750
In fact, the stone is totally worthless.

957
00:44:28,833 --> 00:44:31,583
Oh, but the diamond rumor has spread.

958
00:44:31,666 --> 00:44:33,375
Myth is better than truth, you see.

959
00:44:33,958 --> 00:44:35,291
It holds no value at all.

960
00:44:35,833 --> 00:44:38,250
We have a game
of showing it off from time to time.

961
00:44:38,333 --> 00:44:39,416
The stone is worthless,

962
00:44:39,500 --> 00:44:42,500
except as a way
to separate friends from enemies.

963
00:44:43,208 --> 00:44:44,708
It shows our values.

964
00:44:44,791 --> 00:44:46,833
And it shows where we truly stand.

965
00:44:46,916 --> 00:44:48,458
It is a touchstone, my friends.

966
00:44:49,125 --> 00:44:52,083
Perhaps now you understand
what I mean by that.

967
00:44:52,166 --> 00:44:55,083
Now get the hell out.
I won't call the police.

968
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,375
Master Agah,
permission to kiss your hand, sir.

969
00:44:58,458 --> 00:44:59,666
Never.

970
00:44:59,750 --> 00:45:01,375
Thought I'd give it a shot.

971
00:45:09,541 --> 00:45:11,833
If I see you here again,
I'll kick your asses.

972
00:45:11,916 --> 00:45:14,833
You douchebag. Just shut up
and mind your own business.

973
00:45:14,916 --> 00:45:16,375
-Move.
-We're going.

974
00:45:16,458 --> 00:45:18,208
Well, it was certainly nice meeting you.

975
00:45:18,291 --> 00:45:19,166
Fuck off!

976
00:45:19,916 --> 00:45:20,791
Go.

977
00:45:22,041 --> 00:45:24,833
-What'll you guys do now?
-We'll start by walking that way.

978
00:45:24,916 --> 00:45:26,083
Have you ever acted?

979
00:45:26,166 --> 00:45:28,458
No, please, I've seen a few plays,
and that's it.

980
00:45:28,541 --> 00:45:31,250
-But you played the wet nurse well.
-Thank you. Thank you very much.

981
00:45:31,333 --> 00:45:33,875
And, sir, was I a better aide
or a better pasha?

982
00:45:33,958 --> 00:45:35,625
Son, you're not much of an actor.

983
00:45:35,708 --> 00:45:37,500
Yeah, people say that a lot to me.

984
00:45:37,583 --> 00:45:39,208
But I was the best drunk ever.

985
00:45:39,291 --> 00:45:41,250
No, no, he was the better drunk.

986
00:45:41,333 --> 00:45:43,916
-At one point, I thought he shit the bed.
-Oh, man.

987
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:46,291
All right, just get in
and you can keep talking. Come on.

988
00:45:46,375 --> 00:45:49,083
-Come on, come on. Come with us. Come on.
-Let's go. Why not?

989
00:45:50,500 --> 00:45:52,500
-Come on.
-[Dilaver sighs]

990
00:45:53,541 --> 00:45:55,625
-Come on. [grunts]
-Oh, thank you, man.

991
00:45:56,500 --> 00:45:57,333
Let's move it!

992
00:45:57,416 --> 00:45:59,041
-[Necati 1] Yeah.
-[Apti sighs]

993
00:46:04,583 --> 00:46:07,166
If we could just get some sweet music
playing in the background,

994
00:46:07,250 --> 00:46:08,958
we could end this thing on a high note.

995
00:46:09,041 --> 00:46:11,625
You're right. I think
it's time they start playing some.

996
00:46:11,708 --> 00:46:13,875
-[laughing]
-[upbeat music playing]

997
00:46:22,791 --> 00:46:26,083
THE END

998
00:46:28,666 --> 00:46:32,083
I just hate that attitude
of angry old men, don't you?

999
00:46:32,166 --> 00:46:35,791
So now I'd like to send you off
with a nice little song.

1000
00:46:35,875 --> 00:46:37,333
See? Neco.

1001
00:46:37,875 --> 00:46:39,958
A voice out of this world. [laughs]

1002
00:46:40,041 --> 00:46:42,916
Written by Olcayto Ahmet Tuğsuz.

1003
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:44,958
All right, I'm going to play it now.

1004
00:46:51,666 --> 00:46:55,125
[dance music playing]

1005
00:46:56,750 --> 00:46:58,750
[man singing in Turkish]

1006
00:47:23,625 --> 00:47:24,833
[in Turkish] Take it away.

1007
00:47:24,916 --> 00:47:26,916
[music continues]

1008
00:49:31,375 --> 00:49:34,083
[theme music playing]