♪ ♪
- Hey! - Hi!
- You look beautiful. - Thank you so much.
Good to see you.
Got a little All About That Basil.
It's a gin-based cocktail.
Only person I know that drinks gin is my father,
and he gets wild. - Hello!
You had me almost peeing myself
watching your movie. - Oh, my God, thank you.
- "The Wrong Missy." - "The Wrong Missy."
From the moment we first put it on,
I was like, "What's happening?"
I'm about to. Ready, one, two, and three.
- Nice. - Hello.
- Hello! - Girl!
The gays have arrived. Here we are.
We're always a little late.
My blowout took longer than usual.
Oh, my--
You weren't even born when this was invented.
- We're gonna have some fun. - Oh, this will be fun.
♪ Don't hold up ♪
♪ I want to know ♪
both: ♪ About last night ♪
♪ Please share ♪
♪ Tell me the facts ♪
♪ Bare your soul ♪
both: ♪ About last night ♪
♪ Throw back ♪
♪ Keep it a hundred ♪
- Thank you. - Thank you.
Oh, thank you for having us.
Come get on this couch back here, everybody.
All right, anybody need a refill before we get started?
Refill? We just got them.
Well, perfect, then we're on top of things here.
- Mm-hmm. - That's right.
Stephen is back there at the bar.
Okay.
So if you need any refills throughout this game
that we're gonna play, just let us know.
I got you.
First off, we have Mario and Jerry.
Oh, it's so nice to be here with my fans.
I'm a huge fan of "Sex and the City."
Yeah.
Mario and Jerry have been together for over 30 years.
- Yeah, yeah! - Wow.
Just expose our age.
I'm sure you were married when you were kids.
Yeah, well, no, we got married
when it became legal in 2011,
which I thought was very kind of the government.
Instead of rounding up the homosexuals
and throwing us in the ocean--
- Whoa! - They let us get married.
Isn't that great?
Next, we have three-time NBA champ.
- Popcorn! - Whoo!
I feel so silly saying that 'cause I know you,
but we have Draymond Green
and actress extraordinaire Hazel Renee.
Hey, y'all.
And last but certainly not least,
Lauren, you may know her from her hit movie
"The Wrong Missy." - Yay.
And her very funny husband Mike Castle.
Hello.
Thank you, guys, so much for being here.
- Thank you. - All right.
So we're gonna get into this first question.
We're all very competitive. It's gonna be a brawl.
I can already tell.
This question is going to Jerry, Draymond, and Lauren.
Which could you not live without for one month:
sex, coffee, your phone, or weed?
Damn, that sucks.
Yeah, this is couples therapy.
This is not a game show.
We gon' learn a lot today.
Oh, absolutely. It's the beginning of the end.
Go ahead.
Babe, what could you not live without for one month?
- Sex for sure. - Okay.
Okay, I was just making sure
we're on the same page now.
Ten years in, we better be on the same page.
- I know. Cheers to that. - Congrats.
All right. Headphones on.
- Don't fuck this up, babe. - Damn.
I'm gonna come to you first, Mike.
Okay. She doesn't drink coffee.
Okay.
- Having just been pregnant... - Mm-hmm.
- She had no weed. - Okay.
I am torn between phone and sex.
Okay. Is that a common thing for you?
Well, sometimes both are involved, you know?
Wait, what?
A lot of videoing going on.
I am gonna go with-- I'm gonna go with sex.
Okay.
All right. - Okay.
So curious to know,
what could you not live without for a month?
Well, I was just pregnant for basically a year,
and I lived without three of those things
basically for a year, so I need my phone.
I need my phone. I can't live without my phone.
Did you fuck it up?
The fuck?
I'm so mad for you.
- Yeah. - I regret my answer.
All right? I feel bad.
Lauren, you have a brand-new baby.
Yes, yes, she's very new. Just six weeks old.
Is this one of your first date nights out?
This is our first time leaving the house--
- Literally the first. - Hey.
- No way! - At all really, yeah.
Like, for longer than an hour.
- Yeah. - Okay, no points on this one.
Mike, you might need this right now.
I'm on my way. - Thank you. I appreciate that.
All right, Hazel.
What can he not live without for a month?
Okay, this is a little difficult
only because he's, like, newly found
in, like, the weed, cannabis area.
Oh.
So this is really tricky for me--
Okay.
Because I feel like he likes it so much
that he's like, "Oh, this is so cool.
"It's so casual.
Yeah, let's see this," and I'm like,
"You're so late to the party," but I give him that.
So...he loves sex, though.
- Okay. - Like, ridiculously.
Like, loves sex on, like, a whole nother level
that, like, my mind was never even used to,
and getting with him is like, yo,
we just got to hold on a second.
So I'm gonna say that he cannot go without sex.
- There it is. - All right, Draymond.
This is tough. The real answer is sex.
Yeah.
But I was in Tokyo for three weeks,
and so I feel like
because I was just in Tokyo for three weeks,
she's not going to say sex and say my phone.
But the answer is sex.
Thank God.
- It's sex. - Goddamn, it is sex.
You're confusing.
- It is sex. - I said sex.
- That's what she said. - Boom.
I'm so glad he's not that confusing on the court,
I'll tell you that much.
Poor Jerry sitting here like, "What are we clapping for?"
All right. Let's get into this.
- Hey, now. - So Mario.
- Okay, he doesn't smoke weed-- - Okay.
Because I have to carry him home if he does.
Right.
He gets lost in a kitchen that's this big.
- That's me. - Oh, yeah, so I'm like,
"What the fuck? Where are you?"
Coffee he's allergic to.
Sex, great, he loves it.
- Okay. - But, you know, look,
we look good, but we are elderly homosexuals,
and we've been together for 30 years.
So, you know-- - Give yourselves a break.
And it's still hot, and I love him.
- Got it. - But I will have to say
it's his phone 'cause he is a workaholic.
- Really? - He is a work--
It's just email.
I am the laziest man in show business,
and he is a workaholic.
- Okay. - Yeah.
- Let's see what he says. - All right.
Let's see what you say. - Oh, my God, I'm nervous.
It's a nerve-racking game.
- Definitely my phone. - Why?
Because who cares about the other things?
I need my phone.
I can get sex from the phone. I can call him up and go--
"Please come downstairs. I need sex."
- Oh, my goodness. - Wow.
I don't--you do not want to see me on any kind of weed.
- We heard about that too. - You don't.
You don't want to see. - We heard about that too.
You got it right. You get a point.
You got it right. Of course you did.
- You get a point. - My man.
So we've got a point for Mario and Jerry,
we've got a point for Draymond and Hazel,
and you're not on the board yet,
but there's still plenty of opportunity.
Wait, did we take this shot already?
Did you guys take your shot? - Oh, yeah.
It's getting really intense for me.
- Wait, where's the shot? - I'm so stressed.
- Cheers. - Cheers to you.
- That is hot. - Oh, shit!
Oh, my God.
It's hot.
- It's spicy. - It's burning.
Oh, God.
Hey, I'm an amateur bartender over here.
If that made you feel hot,
this question's certainly gonna make you feel hot.
- All right. - You okay?
- You guys ready? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
This question is going to Mario, Hazel, and Mike.
There's a new law that mandates that all couples
must now be throuples.
If you were in a throuple, what quality would you want
in a partner to add to your relationship?
Here are your choices: a good cook,
an activity planner,
a neat freak, or a freak in the bed.
- Okay. - Headphones on.
- I like this one. - Play that music.
All right. Mike, I'm coming to you first.
Okay, I'm gonna just not overthink this one
and say a good cook.
We're both bad at cooking,
so I'm gonna go with good cook
'cause we both can't do that, so...
- Do you cook at home at all? - Yeah, but we just suck at it.
Like, there's, like, one thing that we make all the time,
and we literally call it junk, and we'll be like--
- What is it? - "I'm gonna make junk."
It's, like, eggs and green peas and corn and--
That sounds disgusting.
It's actually delicious, but we call it junk.
Oh.
But I'm gonna say a good cook.
Okay. Let's see what she says.
And then we've got to just end the show
if I'm wrong, right?
Like, I can't deal with it. Okay.
Okay, so I would say we don't need an activities planner
because we don't like activities.
Activities are a lot of work.
My answer then is a cook because neither of us can cook.
Yeah!
Yay, you're on the board!
Thank you. Thank you. Oh, my God! Thank you.
They're on the board. You're still on the show.
You don't get to leave.
I said we had to leave if we got that one wrong.
Oh, my God, thank God.
We're keeping you here.
All right, Mario.
I cook him breakfast every morning.
- That's amazing. - Yes.
- That's so nice. - I do.
During COVID, 385 days,
I cooked every fucking night. I did.
He cooked a few times, but I cooked a lot.
You should be in our throuple.
And you just had a new baby, right?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'll be home.
I would say a neat freak because neither one of us
really likes to clean that much.
We do it, but I would say a neat freak.
- Okay. - All right.
Let's see what he says.
What I'm gonna say, what I want--
Yeah.
Freak in the bed, and this is why:
because I want my inside man
to be very gentle and loving and--
- Okay. - Supportive,
but I want my outside man to be just wrong.
- That was a fail! - I don't care.
- That was a fail! - And by the way,
I knew he wouldn't think I would say that,
but it was worth me telling the truth.
I would want the freak in the bubble!
We love the truth.
He said a neat freak. - Nope.
Because both of you don't really like to clean.
Nope. I can hire a maid.
You've never hired a fucking maid!
Because I don't care about that.
We're done.
I want to welcome you guys to the club of being wrong.
- I know, the losers. - Yeah, now we're even.
It doesn't feel great, but there's always room
to make up for it after, so...
Ayesha, I guarantee you
that felt great for me to say out loud.
- Well, moving on then. - Yes.
Hazel.
I'm gonna go with freak in the bed--
Okay.
Because we have these crazy conversations like,
"Oh, hypothetically, if we did this,"
and I'm like, "That's not happening,
so the answer is no," but--however--
But this is hypothetical. It's fine.
Yeah, hypothetical, I know for sure
this man to my right would pick a freak in the bed.
For sure. - All right. Let's see.
Let's see if y'all can stay perfect over here.
- Let's see. - No pressure.
Well, well,
Hazel is a neat freak,
so we don't need another one of those.
Hazel wants to do everything,
so we definitely don't need a activity planner.
Hazel can cook.
Okay.
A freak, you gotta add a freak.
Why do you have to add a freak?
Hey, you want to hit it?
But, no, why do you have to add a freak?
- You a freak too, by the way. - Oh!
- He was like, "Oh, oh, wait." - Oh, yeah.
"Oh, I get what she's saying."
No, you're a freak too.
I'm like, why we gotta even add somebody?
Why do we got to add somebody?
- Did I get it right? - Yeah.
I let you hit the button.
No, I told y'all, we fucking coming to win.
This is serious.
Just in case y'all are wondering,
the scores, it's real tight right now.
Draymond and Hazel got two,
Lauren and Mike got one, and Mario and Jerry got one.
This is where it gets really fun, you guys,
'cause we're going to finally switch these headphones.
Yay.
This next question is worth two points.
Back in the day, it was common to bronze a baby shoe
as a keepsake.
Never heard of it. - No.
- Oh, yeah, they did. - Yeah.
I think I had them in 1872.
I did. They bronzed baby shoes. They did.
Well, then I think you'll enjoy this,
'cause it's a little better.
If you were to immortalize a body part on your partner,
what body part would it be?
- On his? - Yes.
All right, Stephen, you would immortalize...
my mouth?
- What? - I'd immortalize your mouth.
Just give me your answer. Just give me--thank you.
No, it's the feet, though.
- That's so weird. - That's not weird.
Yeah, zoom in.
No, please don't.
I forgot lotion today and everything.
Moving on.
All right, Jerry. I'm coming to you first.
By history of how many times he's said it out loud,
I'm gonna have to say my nose.
- Your nose? - I don't know why.
He's said that out loud.
Well, I don't feel weird
about my feet anymore, so there's that.
So I'm gonna say that.
- Okay. - Yeah.
Let's see what he says.
This is really hard.
I am really excited.
Well, this is hard because I love his face.
I love his arms. I love his chest.
- Aw. - I love his--
- Yeah, you can say it. - Penis. I love his dick.
I love his ass.
But--fuck, this is really hard.
Mm-hmm.
I would say his face.
Can you be more specific?
His lips.
Oh.
What's the one body part you've said out loud,
"I love your"...
- Nose. - Yes.
'Cause I like a strong nose on a guy.
Oh.
I don't like no little freaking nose.
- No point, but-- - Yeah, no--no two points.
All right, Draymond.
Honestly, it may have to be my hands and my feet
'cause that's what makes me money.
That's what makes us money. - Ah.
- So it may have to be that. - Mm-hmm.
- You have to pick one. - My penis.
There we go.
That was easy.
Once he got past the hands and feet, he's like--
I had to pick one.
All right. Way to switch it up.
I had to pick one.
Hazel, what are y'all adding?
All in bronze, or are we putting this in gold?
I mean, it's modern day. It could be gold.
Okay, gold. Let's go gold, all gold.
Sure.
I would immortalize his dick.
Oh!
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!
'Cause ain't nobody else gon' have it.
Ain't nobody else gon' have it. Ain't nobody else gon' have it.
And a lot of gold apparently.
- A lot of gold. - 24-inch--carat gold.
Lauren, you are up.
This is so hard
because my first thought was my vagina.
Mm-hmm.
But then I thought, is he gonna say that?
And then I thought, okay, if he doesn't say that,
maybe he would say, like, my butt or something.
I think he's gonna say my vagina.
I think I just have to go with that.
I just have to go with that.
- All right. - I can't.
Do you want to pick a metal too? Do you want--
- How about rose gold? - Something precious.
- Rose gold is cute. - Yeah.
- Aww. - Okay.
Well, first of all, I feel that this question is extremely odd
because it makes me think of her not being around
and me having this object,
and I'm going like, "Wow, look at her feet,"
or, like, some weird thing like this.
Yeah, that's a little creepy over there. Let's go.
- When you put it like that-- - You said feet.
You said feet, so I'm just like, I don't know.
Why are you holding the feet?
You're right. You're right.
- So for me, I go lips? - Okay.
- Which lips? - Why, is it possibly vagina?
Is that what you--
You can't-- what's your answer?
I will go her mouth, her lips.
You said lips, and it's another form of that.
Yeah, it was a different kind of lips.
You said vagina?
That was my first thought, but--
- You was almost there. - You were so close.
Mike, I don't think you're going home tonight, man.
I don't feel good.
I don't feel good, and I know you guys got it right
because there's all this celebration over here.
Luckily, Mike, you don't have to think about this anymore
'cause we have a heated game.
We have Draymond and Hazel with four points,
we have Mario and Jerry with one point,
and we have Lauren and Mike with one point as well.
Ayesha, I beg to differ that it's not a heated game.
We are losing.
I'ma tell you why. Listen, this next question--
Yes.
- Is worth three points. - Okay.
It's what we like to call the Naked Truth.
I have not seen this question,
so it's gonna be a total surprise to me.
Stephen, I believe you have the question on hand.
- I've been given the card. - He's been given the card.
Because I have not seen it either.
He's gonna read it first to make sure
I'm not gonna pass out.
And it's multiple or open?
This is definitely multiple choice.
- Oh, look at you, Suave. - Look at the swagger.
Look at Suave Bola.
His swagger is horrifying. Jeez.
You came in like a sexy Disney villain.
I'm just gonna sit right here, you know.
- Okay. All right. - See how I spun that chair?
Hi, nice to be close to you again.
I'm just your backup right now.
All right. What movie title best describes
your last sexual experience with your partner:
"2 Fast 2 Furious,"
"Titanic,"
"A Quiet Place," or "Batteries Not Included"?
- "Batteries Not Included"? - We went there.
Yes.
All right, Jerry. I'm coming to you first.
Ah, I'm gonna say "A Quiet Place."
Ahh!
And do you care to give some context?
Nope!
- "Nope." - Okay.
- Nope. - Here we go.
- Let's see what he has to say. - We don't use toys.
Toys are for kids.
Toys are, like, cumbersome. I don't even like a cock ring.
I'm like, "Get it off." - Whoa!
I don't like those things.
I don't like extra things. I know.
They don't use them in basketball,
except--it's like a hoop without the net.
It's a hoop without the net,
maybe a little smaller depending,
but since you wanted to bronze your cock,
it might be the size of that for you.
Anyway... - Give us your answer!
Oh, I was probably a little drunk and sleepy,
so I would say "A Quiet Place."
- You got it right. - 'Cause you know.
- I know. - Yeah.
All right. All right. Great job.
- I can't believe. - Three points for you.
Lauren, you are up.
I feel pretty confident about this,
but he was looking nervous
before he put his headphones on,
but I'm going to say "A Quiet Place"--
- Okay. - Okay.
With no more context.
Makes sense, makes sense. Let's see.
- All right. Let's see. - Okay.
I feel like spiritually, "2 Fast 2 Furious"
and "A Quiet Place" are connected.
- Okay. - Okay.
- Spiritually. - Spiritually.
Yeah, because we have our baby,
I'm gonna guess... "A Quiet Place"?
This game is getting hot.
You tied. - Yes!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Thought it was gonna be-- oh, my God.
Draymond, this is for the gold.
He looks pretty confident.
I'm going to go "A Quiet Place"
because last night,
I was supposed to get the cheeks,
and Hazel went to sleep on me.
Said, "The cheeks."
And then she woke me up at, like, 4:30,
and I got them.
I got them.
But quietly, so this really is "About Last Night."
This is about last night. - This is about last night.
- Extremely literal. - It is about last night.
All right. We want to hear about it.
- This was last night. - I know it's not "Titanic"
'cause we're nowhere near "Titanic."
It's just not how we living these days.
How do you interpret "Titanic"?
"Titanic" is, like-- that was a three-hour movie.
Okay, got it.
I mean, that's like, you going.
Got it.
I didn't think about that. - We ain't there.
- Unreal. - Not "A Quiet Place."
Not "A Quiet Place." - Okay.
It could be-- oh, this is tricky.
Oh, last night, this is tricky.
I'ma go with "2 Fast 2 Furious"?
Damn. No.
We have a three-way tie.
Oh, my God, what did you say?
- Never thought I'd see it. - It was fast last night!
That shit was quiet as fuck!
You was saying stuff!
Well, listen, the past is in the past.
- Fuck me. - Thank you for doing this.
This is technically a new game here
because you're all tied with four points.
- Unbelievable. - So you can pick who's gonna
put the headphones on for this round.
- Ooh. - Oh, my.
What do you want to do?
I pick you to have the headphones on.
I put headphones on. That's my thought too.
Let's get into this.
Let's break some ties. You ready?
- Yes. - All right.
Based on your screen time,
are you more likely
to get recruited by the CIA, join a cult,
go into debt buying things you don't need,
or start an OnlyFans account?
So, Draymond, Draymond, I'm gonna come to you first.
Well, she's a whole fucking
Federal Bureau Investigation officer,
so it got to be CIA 'cause she is a detective.
All right. Let's see what she says.
A cult, nah, nah,
but what me and my girls do, though,
oh, we the FBI.
I tell him every day, like, "Listen,
"people need to start recruiting us and hiring us
"if they need some investigation,
they need background check on anybody, 'cause we got it,"
so I'ma go with the CIA.
You got it.
All right. Lauren, I'm coming for you.
I'm the feds all day.
Federal Bureau of Investigation.
Okay, my first thought was join a cult
because he gets into, like, weird shit online,
but then I thought that makes more sense with CIA
because he, like, researches things,
and he likes to learn languages,
like, learning Japanese on his phone.
- Okay. - I'm gonna say CIA.
All right.
Yeah, I've got to just pick something.
- All right. - So okay.
You're up. Hi.
All right. I'm gonna go with CIA
'cause you're gonna be, like,
Japanese learning or something.
Wow, that's--
Fuck yes.
- We know each other. - All right. All right.
Yes, we do. We fucking got it.
Okay, as Diana Ross once said, it's my turn.
All right, Mario.
I think it's CIA 'cause he's always reading the news,
and he's very--you know, he's very investigative.
He has instincts about people and things or--
Okay. Let's see what he says.
I feel like you tried to say that extra loud,
but that's okay.
- Well, yeah, because yeah. - Okay.
- Welcome back. - Oh, man.
This should be really easy,
and I don't know why people were laughing about it,
but definitely go into debt buying things I don't need.
It doesn't work then.
- Oh! - What?
What are you always reading online?
What are you always doing?
I don't know what I'm always doing.
You're always reading the news.
He said you're looking at the news,
so he said you would get recruited by the CIA.
Because you're so knowledgeable.
- 30 years. - I see it--
Exactly, 30 fucking years.
Everything I buy, I don't need.
This is why I should have put on the fucking headphones!
All right.
So we have yet again a tie,
a two-way tie this time,
which means that we've gotta play a round of sudden death.
- Sudden death. - That sound all right?
- Let's do it. - Yes.
I'm gonna give you an open-ended question.
Okay.
And whichever couple gets closest to the answer wins.
Okay? When you guys are in an argument--
- Oh, God. - Yeah.
What percentage of the time
do you win the argument?
Headphones on. Mike, I'm coming to you.
Okay.
I think that a cornerstone of our relationship
is, I go absolutely out of my way
to admit that I'm wrong,
so I'm gonna go ahead and just go with--
I'm gonna go 90.
- 90. - Yeah.
All right, Lauren.
I guess I would say I win, like, 60% of the time.
- Okay. - Okay, just hold that thought.
All right, Draymond.
I am not good at saying I'm wrong.
You don't say?
People think I'm always just talking,
and I actually only talk when I know I'm right.
- Okay. - Oh, God.
I'm going to go 15%.
- Okay. - Go.
Yeah, this is not fun. This is not fun.
Hazel, what percentage of the time
do you win the argument?
Realistically...
70%, which is like a C.
You win 70% of the time.
- I got the math. - All right.
So, Hazel, you said 70%.
Draymond said 15%,
so that's a 55% difference.
Over here, Mike, you said 90%.
Lauren said 60%. Y'all were 30% off.
- You guys are the winners. - You were 50% off.
I feel bad!
I feel bad. She said I feel bad.
Listen, Lauren and Mike, that means you win $20,000--
- Yay! - For your charity.
- Oh, that's really amazing. - That's so cool.
But I must say that everyone here is a winner tonight
because you get to go home with the loves of your life.
That's right, baby.
- That's true. - So what do you say
we cut these cameras off and get the real party started?
- All right. - Does that sound all right?
- That's so cool. - Yay.
All right. Let's do it.
both: ♪ About last night ♪
♪ Please share ♪
♪ Tell me the facts ♪
♪ Bare your soul ♪
both: ♪ About last night ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
Oh, my God, we won!
- That was amazing. That was-- - It was amazing.
Usually when a couple went with their gut,
they got the answer right.
Those instincts are everything.
I just knew for sure we were gonna come in here.
Hey, you were talking about your stomach hurts,
"A Quiet Place." - We was gonna win.
We was gonna be going against our good friends,
and now look at us.
30 years, and we lost.
And they were together, what, three years?
Three years, but you know what?
I'm glad they won. They're a lovely couple.
I did a very bad job at first,
and then I continued to do a bad job,
and then suddenly I did a good job.
But you know what? I don't really want to know
that much about you. I like it this way.
both: ♪ About last night ♪
♪ ♪