[upbeat music]
- You like it? - I love it, I love it.
So setting the tone for the evening...
Mm-hmm.
- Blushing rose sangria. - Mm.
- Do you think they'll like it? - Did you say blushing?
Blushing, it's gonna look like everybody's face
when they start spilling tea.
- Hello. - Hello.
Well, hello. Welcome to the party here.
- No, they're the party, hi. - You look so pretty.
Which one should we get? - So would you like--
I only drink something with an umbrella.
- A little bourbon. - Thank you.
It's beautiful. - Cheers.
- What's happening? - Hello--hi.
- Nice to meet you. - Very nice to meet you, too.
Please, by all means. - What's up?
- Well, hello, hi. - What's up, Moshe?
- Thank you. - Watch your feet here--hi!
♪ ♪
- Oh! - Hey.
And I thought I was doing something
with my "Fur Elise" earlier.
- We are-- - Let's see what happens.
♪ Baby, don't hold up ♪
♪ I want to know about last night ♪
♪ Please, yeah, come with the facts ♪
♪ Tell us all about last night ♪
♪ Oh, yeah
Come on in.
♪ Come with the facts ♪
- Welcome home. - Oh, you know what?
I should have worn my wedding dress.
- Yeah. - All right.
- I like that.
Here we go. - Oh, I love it.
Okay, get comfortable.
- Whoo! - Yes!
There's a lot of smack talking back there, by the way.
I Love a good smack talk.
All right, so, everybody, make yourself at home.
If you need a refill, let us know because we have
the finest bartender, in my opinion, back there.
Yes, that's right.
The highest-paid bartender in the industry.
- Yes. - All right.
So the name of this game is "About Last Night,"
and I love this game because it's all for a good cause.
At the end of the night, the winning couple goes away
with $20,000 for--
- Yes. - The charity of your choice.
For the charity?
- Yes. - No, uh-uh.
- Moshe-- - If you don't sit down--
I'm sorry, no. Nobody told me.
- You're getting SAG minimum. - Okay.
- Oh, my goodness. - [laughs]
So, Jonathan and Zooey,
thank you so much for being here.
- Thank you for having us. - Yes.
Zooey, We love you in "Elf" and "New Girl."
Thank you.
Jonathan, my fellow Canadian,
"Property Brothers," yes.
Natasha and Moshe, two of the best stand-up comedians
in the game right now.
- Wow, thank you. - Thank you.
I love it.
The Steph and Ayesha
of the stand-up comedy community world.
- Tituss and Pablo-- - Yes.
Thank you so much for being here tonight.
"Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt," I love it so much.
- Well, thank you. - This is your first TV debut.
It is, it is.
I guess we're popping a TV cherry!
Pablito!
All right, let's get into this first question.
This question is for Jonathan, Natasha, and Tituss.
Okay.
If the first month
of your relationship was a reality show,
what title would it most closely resemble:
"Married At First Sight," "Survivor,"
"F Boy Island," or "Naked and Afraid"?
Headphones on. - Okay.
And make sure you press play on that music.
I got my music on! Don't worry!
All right, I'm actually gonna come for you first, Pablo.
All right, let's do it. Definitely "Naked and Afraid."
- Really? - For sure, yes.
Care to elaborate?
I think that when we first met,
I mean, we were attracted to each other,
but there was still, like, that intimacy, like, fear
of getting to know each other, like, in a personal level.
He's much older than I am - Yeah.
And so there was that factor because I was so young
when we met, so...
Does he like it when you say he's much older than you?
- No, he doesn't. - He does not.
I'll tell you what. You can't tell, though.
No, you can't. He's aging backwards, actually.
- Mm-hmm. - Yeah.
- See what he says. - All right.
Let's see what he says, though.
I really hope you guys get this point.
- So I'm older. - Much older, actually.
Fuck you. How do you know?
[laughter]
We didn't think it. He said it.
- No--oh, you did? - Yeah.
Okay, yeah, so, like,
I was single for like ten years before--
- Uh-huh. - We met.
And then I was his first everything.
We were probably "Married at First Sight," maybe.
Oh. [buzzer]
Oh, no!
He said, "Naked and Afraid."
- God. - So no points this round.
- Okay. - Yeah.
It could have been "Survivor," too,
trying to keep up with a young man,
you know, get the heart going.
- This man-- - Moshe, I'm coming for you.
Okay, I think we'd be "F Boy Island."
Really?
Because I was, like, such a little slut
when I was a young man.
I was like, "I think she's really special,
and I'm not gonna mess up my friendship with her."
She truly is my first love of all the women that I've dated.
Aww.
It's true, since we're getting vulnerable.
Yes.
That's what she'll say, "Fuck Boy Island."
I was jumping off the island,
swimming to shore, the great shores of our love.
- Aw. - Oh, my God.
- Oh. - Way to bring it home.
- Yeah. - All right, Natasha?
Everyone just agreed with you.
- Well, we'll see. - Welcome back.
Okay, "Naked and Afraid,"
"F Boy Island," and what were the other two?
We have "Married at First Sight," "Survivor"--
Okay, okay, I'll say, "Married at First Sight."
- Yeah? - What?
[buzzer]
- Oh, when we met? - No, we were friends--
The first month of your relationship.
- Of our relationship. - Yeah, but we met--
We were friends for ten years in the stand-up scene,
and she was with somebody else, and we--there's no way.
We didn't get married at first sight.
We got married at second decade.
[laughs]
Well, I guess the first month,
I started to, like, reframe my idea of him.
- Mm-hmm. - Got it.
- So in that reframing, I was-- - The moment.
And what did you think of me before, more of a--
- "F Boy." - [groans]
That's what he said.
Yeah, we've just got to make sure they don't get it right.
- That's right. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Zooey. - I mean, look.
Even though we're not married,
I would say "Married at First Sight"--
Yeah.
- Because he's so romantic. - Where did you meet?
- We met on "Carpool Karaoke." - That's cool.
Oh, my goodness.
And our first date, he planned--he sent me
an itinerary, which, I'm a Capricorn.
I was like, "An itinerary? I'm so excited."
How many beats were there to the itinerary?
Like, five.
- Wow. - It was like--
That sounds good.
It was like, 6:30, dinner. Then it was an escape room.
I'm out.
- I love it. - It was so cute.
- Let's see what he says. - Yeah.
I just broke this, by the way--I don't know.
- It pops back on. - All right.
If the first month
of your relationship was a reality show--
"Catfish."
- Which title--you know what? - Oh, was that--
That is not one of the choices, Jonathan.
Honestly, knowing how we met,
how fast we clicked--
Mm-hmm.
I Would have to say, "Married at First Sight."
Yes, yes, yes! [ding]
- You get a point! - Yes, yes, yes, yes!
- Boom, boom, boom, boom. - You get a point.
- Ahh! - Sorry, sorry, okay.
I wanted to make this official.
[laughter]
- Don't do it here, dude. - No, he's here.
Is this worse than the jumbotron?
You said, "Never do the jumbotron."
You guys are on the board, and no points here quite yet.
- Yike. - Okay.
So, Pablo, Moshe, and Zooey, this next question is for you.
And I want you guys
to just remember what we're playing for,
the winner of the game, 20 grand
for the charity of your choice.
- Yeah, babe. - Let's do it.
There is a medical breakthrough
that will allow men to carry a baby.
- Oh, no. - [laughs]
If you decided to have a baby,
who would carry it, you or your partner?
Headphones on.
- So that's a tough one. - Babe.
If you're asking me, knowing we've had three kids
and knowing how rough the pregnancies have been
and how much you actually enjoy giving birth,
I assume you would --
It sounds so weird.
That is such a man thing to say.
- You do, you do, no! - I really do.
She said that. Don't throw that on me.
I don't enjoy being pregnant, but I enjoy giving birth.
It's very strange, but it's true.
No, I am so fascinated by this.
I think women are so fascinating.
I enjoy it because I feel really strong in that moment.
- I scheduled my C section. - All right, you're saying --
I would carry it and somehow try
to transfer it right back to deliver,
but I'm definitely carrying for nine months, so--
Good luck. Natasha, I'm coming for you.
Okay, I have one baby. I only wanted to have one baby.
I froze my eggs when I was 37.
- Wow. - I met Moshe at 38.
I let him fertilize one of those babies.
I allowed him to fertilize one of my babies.
I would definitely--I
definitely think that he would agree to carry it.
Also, he would make a great pregnant person.
He likes to sit around, and...
- Let's see what he says. - That's hilarious.
Moshe, what were you jamming to?
Yeah, I was just listening
to the "Endless Honeymoon" podcast,
a podcast that Natasha and I do together,
doling out relationship advice.
Anyway, that's not a plug. That's just--
That's so stupid.
I wouldn't debase myself by plugging my new podcast.
I love a good--
No, that was Snoop. That was Snoop.
- Got it. - That was probably Snoop.
So, honey, who would carry the baby if we had another one?
Okay, I had some time to think about it
while Snoop was rapping,
and I would like another kid kind of.
I'm happy with our family as is.
Do you know that?
- I mean, I talked him out of-- - Hold up.
- Having another kid-- - Hold up.
For, like, the first three years
of our relationship. I'm like, "I'll give you one."
Wait, wait, wait, you can't answer me
because I've got to give the answer.
I'm going to say I would--I'll just start with that.
I think she said I would.
And I would because if we were going to have the kid,
it would be on me to carry it because she does not--yeah.
You get a point. you're on the board.
- Love it, you're on the board. - I love it.
- Is that what you said? - I said it in a different way.
- Okay. - I love it.
- It's true. - All right, Jonathan.
So I became an instant dad.
You know, Zooey has two kids,
so we have two kids and they're amazing,
and we've talked about how we would be happy
with these two permanently.
It's a weird question. It's such a weird question.
It's the ultimate renovation project for you.
Yeah, exactly.
You've never done one of those before.
Does it come out the urethra? How does it happen?
- It's metaphorical. - Oh, oh, I see, okay, yes.
Yes, we're talking,
like, birthing pains and all of that stuff.
Yeah, and I have a very high pain threshold,
but it's--I mean,
I don't think there's anything like giving birth.
Do you like gaining 70 pounds?
He's tall. You won't notice it.
That's true, yeah.
- Spread out. - All right.
I'm going to say that I think she would say
that I would be okay--
- Okay. - To have the baby.
She already gave you two.
Exactly, she's done her work.
So I would be the pregnant "Property Brother."
Yeah.
So, Zooey, very curious to know who would carry the baby.
Jonathan. I've had two.
[ding]
I almost said the other one.
- Oh, thank god you did not. - You did a good job.
I did a good job, but, I mean, it was tiring.
Right, exactly.
If you can find out from the set doctor
if it's the urethra that it comes out,
I just need to know.
By the way, Jonathan, "Pregnant Property Brothers,"
highest-rated season of the show.
- I believe it. - Hundred percent.
I could do my own Caesarean with a Sawzall.
Okay, we have left Pablo.
All right, Tituss.
Okay, I have a high threshold for pain.
Okay.
Pablo gets, like, the sniffles
when he has a cold.
It's like--and he's in bed. I'm like, "girl."
[laughter]
I'd just rather take the pain than put up with his--
Got it, complaining. Nope, I got it.
I love your honesty.
- Let's see what he says. - Listen to me.
Hold on. Let me take a sip real quick.
Yeah, absolutely, take all the sips you need.
Also, can I have another glass of champagne?
- Bartender -- - Oh, innkeeper --
- I need more. - Four champs, please.
- I need more. - Let me get to it.
- Garçon -- - All right, Pablo.
Who is carrying this baby, metaphorically?
- Definitely me. - Definitely you?
- Yeah. - Why do you say that?
Tituss would not have the patience to bear pregnancy
for nine months.
Hey, babe, you've got a job to do.
Which one?
- Press that button. - I'm bartending.
Now, I'm a judge. I don't know what--this one?
Oh, you serious? [buzzer]
Yes.
Pablo, you can't take pain.
Pablo, how do you do with colds?
- No points. - Oh, thank you.
No kids and no points.
Stephen, where are we at with the score?
Jonathan and Zooey have two points.
Guys, let's just--let's not dwell on--yeah!
Whoo! My bad, sorry, sorry.
- Natasha and Moshe with one. - Don't brag so hard.
Okay, yay.
And we'll just leave it there.
- Oh, wow. - All right.
Tituss, Jonathan, and Natasha,
it is time to spice things up a little bit.
You're not gonna wear headphones this round.
Oh, okay.
But you are going to be blindfolded.
- Oh. - Oh.
- Are you okay with that? - Kinky.
- All right. - Okay, well--
So the lambada was famously called the forbidden dance,
but what dance do you do to turn your partner on?
But first, we're gonna blindfold you,
and your partner is gonna show us
what they think that dance is, so blindfolds on.
Yeah, Natasha put her blindfold on
ten minutes before our cue.
She really did.
She was like, "I'm just going to take a little nap."
All right, Pablo. I'm coming to you first.
- Oh, my. - What is Tituss' dance?
Ahh! - Hey, yes!
I love it.
- Yeah, all right. - All right.
We got you.
- Moshe? - Here?
Yeah, sure
I think this...
[laughter]
I love it.
I mean, these are hard acts to follow, so...
Zooey?
[laughter]
- That's amazing. - I love it.
All right, cut that music. Blindfolds off.
- That was phenomenal. - This is very exciting.
I'm afraid. I'm very afraid.
Chooch, What's my dance?
He's turning you on.
Yes.
Kind of slow.
You are throwing that thing back, babe, good job.
- Yes. - Can you return the favor?
Yeah, what was that like again?
Oh, Ayesha, we want to see it.
- It's a subtle twerk. - We want to see it.
We want to see it, Ayesha.
Whoo! - Yeah!
He does like--he's like the wedding king,
and he does this thing where he's like...
Aw.
Walks around, and he's like...
- I love it! - Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Whoo!
You know how to play to the crowd.
You've got to play to the crowd.
I know how to do that.
All right. Let's see it, Tituss.
Oh, dear god. So I don't dance.
- Uh-huh. - Um, okay, pipe down.
Music might help.
- Yeah, put that -- - Most--okay.
So mine is not entirely dissimilar
to what you just did.
Let's see it.
But I pull my pants down, and then I do like this.
♪ ♪
For the point! For the point!
- Yes! - That's two, right?
That's two points, right?
Yes, that's two points.
- I love you, baby. - Hold on, I'm not visualizing.
I need to see the whole dance.
Ahh!
That was identical.
But I also do it when there's no music.
Perfect, with the pants down.
With the pants down. It's a mating call.
- Yeah. - Oh, my God.
- All right, Natasha. - Okay.
To really turn Moshe on,
I usually, like, get down on the floor.
- Whoa! - Oh, shit!
It's usually like a...
Uh-huh.
If we get really crazy.
Natasha, I'm--I love you so much.
Is that too much?
No, I love you so much. I love it so much.
I mean, I don't care. It's my butt.
I was--you know what?
That was fantastic.
But I feel like he did his dance.
The way we turn each other on, really,
nobody is dancing to turn each other--the way
we turn each other on, is to make each other laugh.
All right, Jonathan. You're up.
There's only one thing I could think of.
Cue that music, please.
Oh, I want to see this.
- Oh, my God. - Oh, God, wow.
Wow! [ding]
- Wow. - Oh, my goodness!
They're too good! What is that, like, dinosaurs?
No, no, it's all--it's ponies.
It started as a joke because--
How often are you listening to "Pony"?
I do this dance, and it's so ridiculous,
and it makes him laugh every time.
So when I do that dance-- - Aw.
Stephen, where are we at with the points?
Still in the lead, Zooey and Jonathan have four.
We have a new second place, Tituss and Pablo
with two points, and Natasha, Moshe,
you've got one, still in it, though, still in it.
Still in it.
This next question is worth three points.
Yeah, it's called, "The Naked Truth."
Stephen and I have not seen it.
Stephen hasn't seen it either. - You're making it interesting.
You cannot blame us for this question
'cause we have not seen it.
I'm going to sit over here this time --
All right, I'm reading it.
Because I want to see their faces
when they answer this questions.
- Zooey, Moshe, and Pablo-- - Okay.
This question is for you, three points here.
How much does your best friend
know about your partner's lovemaking:
Only the good stuff, only the bad stuff,
or they could accurately draw your partner's privates?
Headphones on.
What does their best friend know about you?
So, Natasha, we're going to start with you.
Do you need to hear the options again?
No, I got it.
He 100% does not say,
I hope, anything bad about us having sex.
So I feel like I would say only the good stuff.
- Only the good stuff. - His best friend.
His best friend, yeah.
But random strangers? Everything.
Let's see what he says.
So the question is, how much
does my best friend know about our lovemaking?
Yes, yes.
Who the fuck is talking to their best friend
about fucking their wife?
We're about to find out.
Yo, when I fuck my wife, ooh-wee.
We're about to find out.
That's the love of my life right there, ooh.
So I'm going to say only the good stuff.
I'm waiting for that bell to ring.
- I know. - Ding, ding, ding.
I had to give a dramatic pause for it.
[ding] - Oh!
Yes, three points, three freaking points.
Oh, great.
- See, you guys are up there. - I said only the good stuff.
- So now you're tied. - Yeah, yeah, we're tied now.
They haven't answered yet.
All right, Tituss.
I tell my best friends everything.
- Yeah? - They could draw his dick.
But, like, it would only be the good stuff.
Okay.
Yeah, he would only tell his best friends the good stuff.
I would tell them everything.
Yeah, all right. Let's see what he says.
So... - Only the good stuff.
- Hey! - Yeah.
Yes. [ding]
- Opa. - It's correct.
Three points, that's three points.
That's correct.
Look, you so nervous.
Hallelujah.
May I just say, though, that all of Tituss' friends--
No, you can't.
- Know your private parts. - They can draw them.
All right, Jonathan.
Don't want to feel overconfident,
but I've never met someone who is classier
and more modest than Zooey,
so I would say only the positive stuff.
Okay.
Okay, so this is a trick question
because there are only good things to say about Jonathan.
[ding]
- Whoo! - Three points.
You guys can draw it for yourself right now.
Seven points for Zooey and Jonathan, our winners today.
Our winners for the night,
so you have won $20,000 - for Baby2 - Baby.
- I'm so excited! - That's amazing.
But now we'd like to sweeten the pot a little bit
and give you the opportunity
to win 5,000 more for your charity
by beating us in a little game we call "Beat the Currys,"
so here is how it's gonna work:
Five rapid-fire questions blindfolded with martini drinks
to represent each of us.
Whoever gets the most questions right wins.
If we win, you all get money for your charities.
If you win, you get 5,000 more.
- Okay. - So I have a question.
So Tituss and Pablo are gonna
ask you the questions and do the buzzer.
Yes.
You guys are gonna play each other, and we're gonna
what, just fuck off?
Like, how did this happen exactly
where we got deselected?
Where is the game show commission when you need them?
Basically, yes, but we do need cheerleaders.
Because if we win-- - We can do that.
Your charities are going to get some money.
- Okay. - All right?
Okay, all right.
- That's right. - In three, two, one, go.
Who is the bigger hit at parties?
♪ ♪
[ding]
Oh, God, it's good.
Who is more likely to skip a shower?
Ew.
[ding]
Oh, who is most likely to join a cult?
Wow!
Who is the better driver?
♪ ♪
[ding]
- Wow. - Keep them coming.
- Wow. - Who initiates sex more often?
[buzzer]
That's a good relationship.
I'm okay with that answer. It was good.
- That's it, that's it. - Oh, oh, my God, okay.
We've got to talk about that last one.
The sex one? I feel like it's me more.
But, you guys, that's a very balanced relationship.
Yeah.
- We said the same thing. - We both want the same thing.
All right, okay, all right.
Headphones off. Four is the number to beat.
- Left is Zooey. - Zooey.
- Right is Jonathan. - Yeah.
- Here we go. - Yep, here we go.
Who is the bigger hit at parties?
♪ ♪
[ding]
Who is more likely to skip a shower?
Ooh, um...
♪ ♪
[buzzer]
- Oh, all right. - Damn it.
Who is most likely to join a cult?
Um...
Jonathan would join my cult.
Um...
♪ ♪
Oh! [buzzer]
- No. - Who is the better driver?
- Oh, wait, no. - Who is the better driver?
Oh, uh... [ding]
Who initiates sex more often?
♪ ♪
Oh, no.
[buzzer] - Okay.
Healthy relationships here.
- We won. - All right.
So you guys only got two. We got four.
Now everybody gets money for their charities tonight.
- Yes. - That's great, yes.
All right, you guys.
Well, whether you win, whether you lose, we all win
because we all get to go home with each other.
- Aw. - Yes.
- So keep the love alive. - We do?
I can cut off these cameras and get the real party started.
- Yeah. - This is so much fun.
Yay, thank you.
- I'll give you a hug. - Thank you so much.
Yes, terrific. It was amazing.
♪ ♪
- That was hilarious. - That was.
It was so much fun.
I really didn't know
what the outcome was going to be this time.
I didn't either.
Is it wrong that I kind of want to wear Ayesha's dress?
No. I mean, she looks stunning.
And you would stunning in that dress, too.
- Okay, you promise? - I promise.
All those game nights and escape rooms--
- I know, they paid off. - They paid off.
Pretty excited.
And clearly I'm moving right into producing
"Pregnant Property Brother," the series.
There is no universe in which you are married at first sight
when you've known each other for a decade.
That feels obvious.
- Okay, okay, sorry, hon. - Hey, this is our room.
Oh.
Still a bit of an F boy, but just for her.
♪ ♪