1 00:00:04,610 --> 00:00:06,309 and may contain mature subject matter. 2 00:00:06,309 --> 00:00:13,109 Viewer discretion is advised. 3 00:00:13,243 --> 00:00:14,843 -What are you, on crack?! and may contain mature subject matter. 4 00:00:14,977 --> 00:00:17,476 How could you think we have different dads? 5 00:00:17,610 --> 00:00:19,476 -It explains so much! 6 00:00:19,610 --> 00:00:20,977 Like why we don't look related, 7 00:00:21,109 --> 00:00:22,710 why we're into vastly different things, 8 00:00:22,843 --> 00:00:24,643 why mom never talked about him... ever. 9 00:00:24,777 --> 00:00:26,176 -Yes, she did! 10 00:00:26,309 --> 00:00:28,309 She said he was a deadbeat drunk who finished after two thrusts. 11 00:00:28,443 --> 00:00:31,343 -Oh right. God, she shared way too much when she drank. 12 00:00:31,476 --> 00:00:34,010 -I can't believe you don't think we're real brothers! 13 00:00:34,143 --> 00:00:36,343 -Uh, that's not what different dads means! 14 00:00:36,476 --> 00:00:38,343 -Whatever, man! Quit distracting me. 15 00:00:38,476 --> 00:00:39,843 I'm trying to drive here, okay! 16 00:00:39,977 --> 00:00:41,343 (bang) 17 00:00:41,476 --> 00:00:44,076 I hit something, didn't I? -Totally hit a guy. 18 00:00:44,209 --> 00:00:46,076 -See what happens when you distract me? 19 00:00:46,209 --> 00:00:48,076 (beeping, bang) 20 00:00:48,209 --> 00:00:52,343 (apocalyptic music) 21 00:00:55,877 --> 00:00:58,176 (theme music) 22 00:01:16,309 --> 00:01:18,043 (growling) 23 00:01:23,843 --> 00:01:26,943 -Where'd you put the reusable shopping bags? 24 00:01:27,076 --> 00:01:28,943 Danika keeps bugging us to use them. 25 00:01:29,076 --> 00:01:30,743 "Just because it's the apocalypse, 26 00:01:30,877 --> 00:01:32,443 it doesn't mean we can't be ecoconscious." 27 00:01:32,576 --> 00:01:34,309 Ugh, shoot me now! 28 00:01:34,443 --> 00:01:36,810 (coughing) 29 00:01:36,943 --> 00:01:39,743 -Give this to General Hecks... 30 00:01:39,877 --> 00:01:43,877 Mutation cure... Please... 31 00:01:44,010 --> 00:01:45,910 -He's still alive?! 32 00:01:46,043 --> 00:01:47,676 I guess we better help the poor guy. 33 00:01:47,810 --> 00:01:49,910 Dude, can we drop you somewhere? 34 00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:52,109 (mumbling) 35 00:01:52,243 --> 00:01:54,676 You don't have to kill the poor guy, you psycho! 36 00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:56,843 -Don't call me a psycho. I'm putting him out of his misery. 37 00:01:56,977 --> 00:01:59,877 -Have a heart, will you? He can totally bounce back. 38 00:02:02,610 --> 00:02:04,410 Okay, maybe not... 39 00:02:05,410 --> 00:02:08,109 What is that? Let me see it. 40 00:02:10,543 --> 00:02:12,710 Here. You keep this. I'll keep the necklace. 41 00:02:12,843 --> 00:02:14,309 I need some bling other than my look. 42 00:02:14,443 --> 00:02:16,877 -He said something about this thing curing mutations. 43 00:02:17,010 --> 00:02:18,676 -Really? 'Cause it didn't do shit for him. 44 00:02:18,810 --> 00:02:20,943 -He said to give it to a... General Hecks. 45 00:02:21,076 --> 00:02:22,643 -I don't know who that is. 46 00:02:22,777 --> 00:02:24,743 But we went halfsies and there's no going back on halfsies. 47 00:02:24,877 --> 00:02:26,243 Them's the rules. 48 00:02:26,376 --> 00:02:28,109 -Rafe, stop and think for once in your life! 49 00:02:28,243 --> 00:02:30,877 Do you know how valuable a mutation cure could be? 50 00:02:31,010 --> 00:02:33,109 -Dude, he was trying to bribe you 51 00:02:33,243 --> 00:02:36,410 so you wouldn't put him out of his misery, a.k.a. murder him. 52 00:02:36,543 --> 00:02:39,143 -Give it back or so help me, I'll... 53 00:02:39,276 --> 00:02:41,810 -Get over yourself, Gabe! 54 00:02:41,943 --> 00:02:43,777 There's no cure for mutations, okay? 55 00:02:43,910 --> 00:02:45,943 Stop having delusions of granules. 56 00:02:46,076 --> 00:02:47,476 -Grandeur. And I'm not. 57 00:02:47,610 --> 00:02:49,209 -Whatever, man! I'm keeping this. 58 00:02:49,343 --> 00:02:51,043 If you don't like it, you can suck it. 59 00:02:51,176 --> 00:02:53,777 -Suck a... (gibberish) 60 00:02:53,910 --> 00:02:57,910 (screaming) 61 00:03:01,143 --> 00:03:02,777 -Ow! 62 00:03:04,043 --> 00:03:06,410 You drew first blood! Ah! 63 00:03:12,777 --> 00:03:14,877 I hope that knocked some sense into you! 64 00:03:15,010 --> 00:03:16,376 I'm gonna go scavenging. 65 00:03:16,510 --> 00:03:19,743 You can join me once you stop being a limp-dick man-baby. 66 00:03:19,877 --> 00:03:21,576 (groaning) 67 00:03:21,710 --> 00:03:23,209 (barking) 68 00:03:27,610 --> 00:03:31,376 -Gabe, how you doing? Ouch! Not good by the looks of it. 69 00:03:31,510 --> 00:03:33,376 I bet I should see the other guy. 70 00:03:33,510 --> 00:03:36,043 -Rafe's the other guy and he's fine. What happened to you? 71 00:03:36,176 --> 00:03:39,043 -Got into a sticky situation, so I had to fake my own death. 72 00:03:39,176 --> 00:03:41,877 Again. Car explosion. Works every time. 73 00:03:42,010 --> 00:03:44,743 Hey, did you happen to see a guy here? A mutant? 74 00:03:44,877 --> 00:03:46,376 I was supposed to meet him. 75 00:03:46,510 --> 00:03:48,410 -Er... Um... No..? 76 00:03:48,543 --> 00:03:51,643 -Dammit! Well, I better scoot! -Um, need a ride? 77 00:03:51,777 --> 00:03:54,276 -Matter of fact, I do. 78 00:03:55,376 --> 00:03:59,243 -Gabe, wait! I forgot the reusable bags! 79 00:04:01,543 --> 00:04:04,243 -This is so cool! Hanging with Mr. Cobretti! 80 00:04:04,376 --> 00:04:06,676 -Call me... Johndoe. 81 00:04:06,810 --> 00:04:08,576 -Of course. Sorry. 82 00:04:08,710 --> 00:04:10,777 Um, so... What were you meeting that guy for? 83 00:04:10,910 --> 00:04:14,010 -Well, kid, I could tell you. But then, I'd have to kill you. 84 00:04:14,143 --> 00:04:15,910 -What?! -I'm kidding. 85 00:04:16,043 --> 00:04:18,843 But it's, uh, classified. -Oh... I see. 86 00:04:18,977 --> 00:04:21,977 -Turn here. It's like we're a team! 87 00:04:22,109 --> 00:04:25,143 What should we call ourselves? A combination of our names? 88 00:04:25,276 --> 00:04:27,843 "The Burn-brettis" or "The Gaydoes"? 89 00:04:27,977 --> 00:04:29,543 -Sure! 90 00:04:29,676 --> 00:04:32,943 And we'll get jackets with the name stitched across the back. 91 00:04:33,076 --> 00:04:34,643 -Really? -No, I'm screwing with you. 92 00:04:34,777 --> 00:04:36,943 Cool team jackets will get you killed out here. 93 00:04:37,076 --> 00:04:40,943 Wastelanders are real dicks about stuff like that. 94 00:04:41,076 --> 00:04:43,343 (screeching) 95 00:04:43,476 --> 00:04:44,843 -Wow! 96 00:04:44,977 --> 00:04:47,710 (thunder) 97 00:05:05,343 --> 00:05:07,076 -Thanks for the ride, kid! 98 00:05:07,209 --> 00:05:09,143 And I hope you and Rafe patch things up. 99 00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:11,510 -Ah, screw him! -Fair enough. 100 00:05:11,643 --> 00:05:13,010 You can head out now. 101 00:05:13,143 --> 00:05:15,309 You don't want to be anywhere near this place. Ciao! 102 00:05:15,443 --> 00:05:17,276 -Oh! 103 00:05:24,476 --> 00:05:27,309 -There's my big guy! How was the supply run? 104 00:05:28,309 --> 00:05:30,576 To hell with the pleasantries, 105 00:05:30,710 --> 00:05:32,877 give me my toe socks and personal lubricant, dammit. 106 00:05:33,010 --> 00:05:34,510 -I don't have anything! 107 00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:37,643 (sobbing) 108 00:05:37,777 --> 00:05:40,010 -You okay, Rafe? 109 00:05:40,143 --> 00:05:42,710 -Sorry. I just... Gabe's being weird. 110 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,743 He's not making any sense. Like a non-slutty Halloween costume. 111 00:05:45,877 --> 00:05:48,543 -Oh! Let Auntie Suzette buy you a drink? 112 00:05:48,676 --> 00:05:50,043 -Give me a break. 113 00:05:50,176 --> 00:05:51,643 One drink and you'll have your hand down my pants. 114 00:05:51,777 --> 00:05:53,209 -I just meant so we could talk. 115 00:05:53,343 --> 00:05:55,676 -Every time we talk, you touch me inappropriately. 116 00:05:55,810 --> 00:05:57,943 Which I don't really mind, but you're married! 117 00:05:58,076 --> 00:05:59,943 -Hands to myself. Promise. 118 00:06:00,143 --> 00:06:01,510 -I don't know. 119 00:06:01,643 --> 00:06:03,476 I'm not really comfortable talking about my feelings and... 120 00:06:03,610 --> 00:06:04,977 (He burst into tears.) 121 00:06:05,109 --> 00:06:08,109 -Shit! We need to get to booze in you STAT! Come on, baby. 122 00:06:23,309 --> 00:06:26,076 -You know you want to go in. 123 00:06:26,209 --> 00:06:28,143 -But... Who are you? 124 00:06:28,276 --> 00:06:30,343 -"But... Who are you?" 125 00:06:30,476 --> 00:06:32,810 I am the one whose going to get your Popop back. 126 00:06:32,943 --> 00:06:34,676 Or the next best thing. 127 00:06:34,810 --> 00:06:37,276 -But Johndoe said I shouldn't be anywhere near this place. 128 00:06:37,410 --> 00:06:41,743 -Oh right, I forgot you're a limp-dick man-baby. 129 00:06:41,877 --> 00:06:43,743 Well, just scuttle off home 130 00:06:43,877 --> 00:06:46,810 and never find out if that thing can cure mutations. 131 00:06:46,943 --> 00:06:50,410 -Hey! Screw you! Can a limp-dick man-baby do this? 132 00:06:54,243 --> 00:06:58,209 -I can't believe I'm that guy's subconscious. 133 00:07:00,476 --> 00:07:04,710 -Ah! Sorry! Just looking for a place to, uh, peepee! 134 00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,176 Ah! 135 00:07:09,309 --> 00:07:13,743 (screaming) 136 00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:27,743 (growling) 137 00:07:31,143 --> 00:07:33,243 (shrieking, screaming) 138 00:07:37,576 --> 00:07:40,376 (screaming, shrieking) 139 00:07:45,877 --> 00:07:47,743 -Can I help you? 140 00:07:49,376 --> 00:07:51,943 (gasping) 141 00:07:53,743 --> 00:07:58,309 I'm General Aloysius Hecks, and this is my son, Boyd. 142 00:07:58,443 --> 00:08:00,376 (shrieking) 143 00:08:00,510 --> 00:08:03,643 Shhh, shhh, shhh, it's going to be fine, son. 144 00:08:03,777 --> 00:08:05,977 Daddy and Johndoe are doing everything we can 145 00:08:06,109 --> 00:08:07,476 for my best boy. 146 00:08:07,610 --> 00:08:09,043 (shrieking) 147 00:08:09,176 --> 00:08:12,476 Yes. Yes, I'll get you the orange juice too. 148 00:08:12,610 --> 00:08:15,843 -General Hecks, I'm Gabe. Gabe Burns. 149 00:08:15,977 --> 00:08:18,010 Sorry to barge in like this. I shouldn't be here. 150 00:08:18,143 --> 00:08:19,710 I'll just get out of your way. 151 00:08:19,843 --> 00:08:24,376 -You seem lost, son. Let me show you the way. 152 00:08:27,676 --> 00:08:30,910 -Okay. This is better. 153 00:08:31,043 --> 00:08:32,943 (screaming) 154 00:08:35,943 --> 00:08:39,810 -He called me an empty-headed ass clown! And a circus peanut! 155 00:08:39,943 --> 00:08:42,610 I don't know what "circus peanut" means. 156 00:08:42,743 --> 00:08:46,010 Guess I'm too much of an empty-headed ass clown to know. 157 00:08:46,143 --> 00:08:48,643 -Hum... -It just makes me so... 158 00:08:48,777 --> 00:08:50,309 so... so... 159 00:08:50,443 --> 00:08:51,877 I don't know, 160 00:08:52,010 --> 00:08:53,810 like I want to smash something and cry at the same time, 161 00:08:53,943 --> 00:08:56,309 like a super-strong baby. 162 00:08:57,309 --> 00:09:01,810 -That necklace really brings out the fire in your eyes. 163 00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:04,977 -Thanks, and thanks for explaining 164 00:09:05,109 --> 00:09:07,843 how half-brothers are still brothers. 165 00:09:07,977 --> 00:09:11,610 -No problem, sugar. You sure you get it. 166 00:09:11,743 --> 00:09:13,943 -Yeah, the puppet show you put on 167 00:09:14,076 --> 00:09:16,043 really crystallized it for me. 168 00:09:16,176 --> 00:09:18,309 If these two have sex with this one, 169 00:09:18,443 --> 00:09:21,176 their children will be half-brothers. 170 00:09:25,109 --> 00:09:27,376 -General Hecks, sir. 171 00:09:27,510 --> 00:09:31,643 (grunt) 172 00:09:31,777 --> 00:09:34,276 -Give me one good reason not to put a bullet 173 00:09:34,410 --> 00:09:36,676 through your damn skull, Cobretti. 174 00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:39,877 -Please, don't. It's the only skull I've got. 175 00:09:40,010 --> 00:09:41,610 -Where is the package? 176 00:09:41,743 --> 00:09:46,076 -Funny story. I don't have it because your guy didn't show up. 177 00:09:46,209 --> 00:09:48,743 -That's not a funny story. 178 00:09:48,877 --> 00:09:51,977 -I know, 'cause it ends with someone pointing a gun at me. 179 00:09:52,109 --> 00:09:54,476 But there's a surprise twist. 180 00:09:54,610 --> 00:09:57,243 -If it's you faking your own death, don't bother. 181 00:09:57,376 --> 00:09:58,843 -Aw... 182 00:09:58,977 --> 00:10:02,143 -So, what do you know about this Gabe Burns kid? 183 00:10:02,276 --> 00:10:04,510 -He's here? -In my office. 184 00:10:04,643 --> 00:10:06,943 -Ah, man, I told him to "amscra". 185 00:10:07,076 --> 00:10:09,076 Kids these days, they don't listen! 186 00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,977 -Or they don't know Pig Latin. 187 00:10:11,109 --> 00:10:13,643 -Sure they do! Everyone knows Pig Latin. 188 00:10:13,777 --> 00:10:16,376 -They do not! That's from when we were kids! 189 00:10:16,510 --> 00:10:18,276 It died with the grunge rock. 190 00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:21,476 -Well, anyway, General, Gabe's a nice guy. 191 00:10:21,610 --> 00:10:23,910 But not our kind of guy. 192 00:10:24,043 --> 00:10:25,576 You should just let him go. 193 00:10:25,710 --> 00:10:27,943 -Um... We'll see. 194 00:10:28,076 --> 00:10:30,810 Is he in any relation to the Burns woman in the bunker? 195 00:10:30,943 --> 00:10:33,343 -I don't think so. Who knows? I don't know. 196 00:10:33,476 --> 00:10:36,443 How would I know? Don't ask me, I wouldn't know. 197 00:10:36,576 --> 00:10:38,443 What? 198 00:10:39,443 --> 00:10:42,576 -You're a strange man, Cobretti. 199 00:10:45,343 --> 00:10:46,710 (sighing) 200 00:10:46,843 --> 00:10:49,543 (speaking Pig Latin.) 201 00:10:50,543 --> 00:10:54,777 It's Pig Latin for that was close! 202 00:10:54,910 --> 00:10:56,276 Stupid millennial! 203 00:10:56,410 --> 00:10:58,710 Don't they teach you kids anything in school? 204 00:10:59,877 --> 00:11:04,109 -So, what brings you here so deep in the wasteland? 205 00:11:04,243 --> 00:11:06,209 -I guess the wind just kind of blew me this way. 206 00:11:06,343 --> 00:11:07,810 It's weird, I know. 207 00:11:07,943 --> 00:11:11,543 -Weird is kind of the way of the world now, isn't it son? 208 00:11:11,676 --> 00:11:15,543 -Yeah. Weird world indeed. Did you call me son? 209 00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:18,610 -Ha! Ha Ha! Just a turn of phrase. 210 00:11:18,743 --> 00:11:20,843 I've been waiting for someone like you: 211 00:11:20,977 --> 00:11:25,510 a young buck to mould in my image and assist in my mission. 212 00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:27,777 -Me? Really? 213 00:11:27,910 --> 00:11:29,376 -Put it this way. 214 00:11:29,510 --> 00:11:31,076 I haven't met anyone as promising as you 215 00:11:31,209 --> 00:11:34,143 since the guys we hired to pull off 9/11. 216 00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:36,276 -What's a 9/11? 217 00:11:36,410 --> 00:11:38,276 -I like you! 218 00:11:38,410 --> 00:11:41,176 But listen, this job requires unquestioning loyalty; 219 00:11:41,309 --> 00:11:45,076 someone who's willing to stop anyone who gets in our way. 220 00:11:45,209 --> 00:11:49,010 -You can count on me! Ouch! 221 00:11:49,143 --> 00:11:51,910 Quite a grip you have there, sir! 222 00:11:52,043 --> 00:11:54,443 -I'll never forgive myself 223 00:11:54,576 --> 00:11:57,510 for calling him a limp-dick man-baby. 224 00:11:57,643 --> 00:12:00,576 I really should have pulled down his pants 225 00:12:00,710 --> 00:12:03,176 and laughed at his ding-dong. 226 00:12:03,309 --> 00:12:05,610 -Pulling down a man's pants is always a good idea. 227 00:12:05,743 --> 00:12:07,977 Sorry. Force of habit. Go on. 228 00:12:08,109 --> 00:12:10,476 -Why are you always hitting on me if you're married? 229 00:12:10,610 --> 00:12:12,176 That's not really fair to Johnny. 230 00:12:12,309 --> 00:12:13,910 -Oh yeah? 231 00:12:14,043 --> 00:12:15,443 Well, before I mutated, 232 00:12:15,576 --> 00:12:17,443 Johnny was tapping side-ass all over town! 233 00:12:17,576 --> 00:12:19,243 No one told him it wasn't fair to me! 234 00:12:20,243 --> 00:12:22,943 -I didn't know that. Sorry. 235 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,743 -When it's a guy, everyone's all "yeah", 236 00:12:25,877 --> 00:12:28,476 but when it's a woman, everyone's all "no". 237 00:12:29,343 --> 00:12:32,443 Women have desires too, you know. 238 00:12:35,643 --> 00:12:37,576 -Why are you looking at me like that? 239 00:12:50,209 --> 00:12:53,309 -So, what exactly is your mission, sir? 240 00:12:53,443 --> 00:12:55,443 -Well, that's on a need-to-know basis. 241 00:12:56,710 --> 00:12:59,276 So listen carefully! 242 00:12:59,410 --> 00:13:03,176 It all started when the world ended. 243 00:13:04,276 --> 00:13:07,543 It was the very first exchange with an alien culture. 244 00:13:16,076 --> 00:13:19,843 We were trading Area 51 crash survivors 245 00:13:19,977 --> 00:13:22,576 for some human abductees. 246 00:13:23,643 --> 00:13:27,743 -USA! USA! USA! USA! 247 00:13:27,877 --> 00:13:29,443 Wooh! 248 00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:33,010 -Two advanced beings in exchange for a pair of drunken hayseeds. 249 00:13:33,143 --> 00:13:36,977 Not a good trade. But historic! 250 00:13:38,576 --> 00:13:41,510 And when the alien's ship took off... 251 00:13:48,209 --> 00:13:50,977 (screams of terror) 252 00:13:58,810 --> 00:14:03,543 (screams of terror) 253 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,610 -Oh no! No, no, no, no, no, no! 254 00:14:09,043 --> 00:14:11,877 (shrieking) 255 00:14:28,510 --> 00:14:31,109 (growling) 256 00:14:34,676 --> 00:14:38,943 -... I escaped with a barely noticeable skin mutation. 257 00:14:39,076 --> 00:14:42,943 -So... Aliens caused the apocalypse?! 258 00:14:43,076 --> 00:14:47,777 -That's right. Here, taste this, son. It's my specialty. 259 00:14:49,043 --> 00:14:51,143 -Mmm. Is this Chinese? 260 00:14:51,276 --> 00:14:53,410 -I didn't ask what country the prisoners were from 261 00:14:53,543 --> 00:14:55,576 when I threw them into the pot. 262 00:14:55,710 --> 00:14:57,276 In any case, 263 00:14:57,410 --> 00:14:59,743 the aliens left behind examples of their technology, 264 00:14:59,877 --> 00:15:02,309 which were scattered hither and yon in the blast. 265 00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:05,476 -Hey, that looks just like... 266 00:15:05,610 --> 00:15:08,376 -You are exactly what I was looking for. 267 00:15:08,510 --> 00:15:11,209 -I feel the same way. 268 00:15:11,343 --> 00:15:14,910 -This is the piece Johndoe was supposed to bring back! 269 00:15:15,043 --> 00:15:17,576 But his contact didn't show up. 270 00:15:18,576 --> 00:15:20,443 When assembled properly, 271 00:15:20,576 --> 00:15:23,843 this is a machine capable of curing any mutation... 272 00:15:23,977 --> 00:15:25,877 even my boy Boyd's. 273 00:15:26,010 --> 00:15:29,276 My mission is to build that machine. 274 00:15:29,410 --> 00:15:31,643 -But you need one more piece? 275 00:15:31,777 --> 00:15:35,843 -Exactly. Now, how about some target practice? 276 00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:39,743 -General, sir. I know where the last piece is. 277 00:15:42,243 --> 00:15:44,109 -(Rafe): Ah! 278 00:15:44,243 --> 00:15:46,710 All right! Almost there. 279 00:15:46,843 --> 00:15:50,010 -What's almost there? You just keep poking the starting gate. 280 00:15:50,143 --> 00:15:54,010 (moaning weirdly) 281 00:15:54,143 --> 00:15:56,843 -How about now? -That's not it! 282 00:15:56,977 --> 00:15:59,076 -Seriously? Are you sure? 283 00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:01,910 -Yes, Rafe, I'm pretty sure I know the location 284 00:16:02,043 --> 00:16:04,810 of the mystical tunnel from which all life emanates 285 00:16:04,943 --> 00:16:07,710 because I visit it with my hand twice a week. 286 00:16:07,843 --> 00:16:11,476 -Right! Of course. Sorry. Twice, really? 287 00:16:11,610 --> 00:16:15,143 -Is this like your first time? -No. It totally isn't! 288 00:16:15,276 --> 00:16:18,610 I've done sex on hundred of women and they all loved it! 289 00:16:18,743 --> 00:16:20,777 Oh, I can't lie to you. 290 00:16:20,910 --> 00:16:23,010 Technically, this is my second time. 291 00:16:23,143 --> 00:16:26,376 My first time was all scaly, slimy and fishy 292 00:16:26,510 --> 00:16:28,276 and not because she was a mutated river trout. 293 00:16:28,410 --> 00:16:30,109 It was 'cause I don't shower much. 294 00:16:30,243 --> 00:16:31,610 -I noticed. 295 00:16:31,743 --> 00:16:35,710 -Um... So, how was the foreplay? Did I do that okay? 296 00:16:35,843 --> 00:16:39,343 -Ew! It was fine right up until you asked! 297 00:16:39,476 --> 00:16:41,943 -Just fine? -It was fine, Rafe. 298 00:16:42,076 --> 00:16:44,343 -Like "good fine" or "bad fine"? 299 00:16:44,476 --> 00:16:46,576 -I'm still here, aren't I? 300 00:16:46,710 --> 00:16:49,010 What are you doing? 301 00:16:49,143 --> 00:16:51,276 -And I'm in! 302 00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:54,143 Oh, man, that's nice! Really nice. 303 00:16:54,276 --> 00:16:57,710 Oh, it's like... like being welcome into a realm of pleasure 304 00:16:57,843 --> 00:16:59,576 I never knew existed. 305 00:16:59,710 --> 00:17:02,243 -Dude, that's my belly button. 306 00:17:06,977 --> 00:17:08,843 -The schematics detailing exactly 307 00:17:08,977 --> 00:17:11,343 how to configure the alien detritus are hidden inside 308 00:17:11,476 --> 00:17:15,309 the AENUS of this area's government Super bunker. 309 00:17:15,443 --> 00:17:17,109 -Bunker? 310 00:17:18,443 --> 00:17:20,109 -Fire! 311 00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:25,410 Oh, oh! Great shooting, kid. 312 00:17:25,543 --> 00:17:28,476 Once I cure my son and myself, 313 00:17:28,610 --> 00:17:31,343 we're going to cleanse this world of mutants. 314 00:17:31,476 --> 00:17:33,109 -Ah... 315 00:17:33,243 --> 00:17:35,810 -Now, go get me that last piece of the machine. 316 00:17:35,943 --> 00:17:38,510 -Er, what do you mean by "cleanse"? 317 00:17:38,643 --> 00:17:42,543 -I meant we'll get rid of all the mutants. 318 00:17:42,676 --> 00:17:45,543 -Okay, but by curing them? Or... 319 00:17:45,676 --> 00:17:47,743 -Don't sweat the details. You got this. 320 00:17:54,076 --> 00:17:56,243 (laughing) 321 00:17:56,376 --> 00:17:58,676 -Why are all of those thoughts that were flying around my head 322 00:17:58,810 --> 00:18:00,243 suddenly gone? 323 00:18:00,376 --> 00:18:02,476 Why can I see everything so clearly now? 324 00:18:02,610 --> 00:18:05,543 Why do I have a newfound focus and understanding? 325 00:18:05,676 --> 00:18:08,810 -Hush now, honey. That's just the afterglow. 326 00:18:08,943 --> 00:18:11,676 -But I know what I have to do now. 327 00:18:11,810 --> 00:18:15,209 -That's a lot of epiphanies from just 58 seconds of rumpy-pumpy. 328 00:18:15,343 --> 00:18:16,777 Where are you... 329 00:18:16,910 --> 00:18:18,777 -Focus, Suzette. 330 00:18:18,910 --> 00:18:21,410 I have to go find Gabe and make things right between us. 331 00:18:21,543 --> 00:18:22,910 -Christ! 332 00:18:23,043 --> 00:18:25,810 Even virgins run out on you once they've dropped their load! 333 00:18:25,943 --> 00:18:28,743 -General? I'm heading out. I'll be back with your... 334 00:18:28,877 --> 00:18:31,843 -Son, you are my reason for living. 335 00:18:31,977 --> 00:18:33,810 I swear I'll fix you very soon. 336 00:18:33,943 --> 00:18:36,843 As long as that needy twerp makes good on his promise. 337 00:18:36,977 --> 00:18:39,543 -He... spot infi... 338 00:18:39,676 --> 00:18:42,843 -Infiltrate. Come on, sound it out! 339 00:18:42,977 --> 00:18:45,810 -Infiltrate the ene... meneme... 340 00:18:45,943 --> 00:18:48,243 -Enemy compound. 341 00:18:48,376 --> 00:18:51,410 All right, enough reading. Reading's for freaking dorks. 342 00:18:51,543 --> 00:18:53,943 Let's strip and rebuild this AK-47. 343 00:18:54,076 --> 00:18:57,209 -All right! -Ah, love that hustle! 344 00:18:57,343 --> 00:19:00,010 That's why you're my favourite! 345 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:04,676 (shrieking) 346 00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:08,343 -Yes! Orange juice. I heard you the first time. 347 00:19:09,943 --> 00:19:12,910 (crying) 348 00:19:15,610 --> 00:19:18,576 -What's with the sissy little baby tears, big guy? 349 00:19:18,710 --> 00:19:22,176 -Why am I always second best? 350 00:19:22,309 --> 00:19:24,910 -It was more of a rhetorical question. 351 00:19:25,043 --> 00:19:27,209 -I thought things would be different this time. 352 00:19:27,343 --> 00:19:30,410 I thought finally I'd found a place where I was important. 353 00:19:30,543 --> 00:19:33,076 -Oh boy, where's a car to blow up when you need it? 354 00:19:33,209 --> 00:19:36,476 -Turns out I'm just Gabe Burns, the poor man's Rafe, 355 00:19:36,610 --> 00:19:40,076 Batman's Robin, Eric Roberts to Julia Roberts. 356 00:19:40,209 --> 00:19:41,977 America to Canada. 357 00:19:42,109 --> 00:19:45,843 (gun clicking) 358 00:19:45,977 --> 00:19:47,343 -Dammit! 359 00:19:47,476 --> 00:19:50,376 -Well, maybe if I get that last piece the General needs, 360 00:19:50,510 --> 00:19:51,877 he'll see me for who I am. 361 00:19:52,010 --> 00:19:53,576 -Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on, kid. 362 00:19:53,710 --> 00:19:55,643 This is not a world you want to be part of. 363 00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:58,476 You're in way over your head. 364 00:19:58,610 --> 00:20:01,143 Like a drowning man, except not nearly as quiet. 365 00:20:01,276 --> 00:20:03,977 Get out of here, Gabe, for your own good. 366 00:20:04,109 --> 00:20:06,476 And for what it's worth, you are important. To St. Zephyr. 367 00:20:06,610 --> 00:20:09,410 So go back there and forget about General Hecks. 368 00:20:09,543 --> 00:20:11,710 -Ah! But! But! 369 00:20:11,843 --> 00:20:13,543 -Save yourself while you still can. 370 00:20:13,676 --> 00:20:16,877 -Wait! Can I use the bathroom? I still need to peepee! 371 00:20:26,209 --> 00:20:28,043 -Nice shooting! 372 00:20:28,176 --> 00:20:30,010 -Rafe? You came back for me? 373 00:20:30,143 --> 00:20:32,810 -Look at all these reusable bags. 374 00:20:32,943 --> 00:20:34,543 What? 375 00:20:34,676 --> 00:20:36,343 (groaning) 376 00:20:36,476 --> 00:20:38,743 -Good work, son. 377 00:20:40,510 --> 00:20:44,476 -Give me that necklace! -What? I don't have a necklace. 378 00:20:45,376 --> 00:20:49,343 -He's lying. I bet he's hiding it in here. 379 00:20:49,476 --> 00:20:52,743 If he won't hand it over, just kill him and take it. 380 00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:54,243 -Shut up! 381 00:20:54,376 --> 00:20:55,843 -I didn't say anything. 382 00:20:55,977 --> 00:20:57,343 -I'm not talking to you! 383 00:20:57,476 --> 00:20:59,376 -Gabe, this is your chance! 384 00:20:59,510 --> 00:21:01,710 Bring the general that piece of the machine 385 00:21:01,843 --> 00:21:03,576 and you'll be number one! 386 00:21:03,710 --> 00:21:05,143 You'll be important! 387 00:21:05,276 --> 00:21:07,943 And you'll make Rafe look like a pile of garbage in comparison. 388 00:21:08,076 --> 00:21:09,977 -That's a hell of a big gun, Gabe. 389 00:21:10,109 --> 00:21:12,209 And I thought you were just happy to see me. 390 00:21:12,343 --> 00:21:15,710 -See? He's a moron! And he smells. 391 00:21:15,843 --> 00:21:20,643 Put him out of your misery and take your destiny, Gabriel! 392 00:21:20,777 --> 00:21:23,910 -He's my brother! I can't. -Of course, you can't! 393 00:21:24,043 --> 00:21:28,543 You're pathetic. Nothing but a limp-dick man-baby. 394 00:21:28,676 --> 00:21:30,710 -Shut up! 395 00:21:37,977 --> 00:21:39,610 Rafe! No! 396 00:21:39,743 --> 00:21:44,176 (yelling): No! 397 00:21:44,309 --> 00:21:49,143 Closed Captioning: Épilogue Technical Services Inc.