Thank you.
You are applauding yourselves.
I want you to spin the world map and I want you to stop it.
And you look at that nation, and it's Africa.
And it's shaped like the question mark,
but the thing is, it's Africa that has all the answers.
Africa is the motherland.
It is where all of God's creations were given life.
Don't... Don't be fooled by the white pigmentation.
I am, we all are...
Black and African by creation!
-This is a thank you for feeling this.
Yes!
There's a "help wanted" sign outside. You guys hiring?
Oh, yeah. Position's been filled.
Whatever, yo. -Hun, it ain't like that.
Like what?
All right. Hey, hey. I'm gonna need you to reach in
that register right now, and grab me that money.
-You little shit.
I didn't go through 37 hours of labor,
just to have some crackhead threaten my livelihood
and my baby.
Make America great again!
Yeah!
Oh, Come on. Hey, come on, man! Ah, sh--
Oh, my God! I knew you was gonna come here, man.
How you doing, man? So, you brought the homies with you, man?
I got my homies, but do you have my money? My $10,000?
-You know I'm good for it, man. You know I-- -I gave you plenty time.
I borrowed you when you came out of prison,
and your mother was sick, and needed medicine.
And I'm your friend.
Look, I'm a convicted felon. They're not hiring convicted felons out here.
-Get my money back from him. -Oh, come on, man.
-We're supposed to be cool. -You think I'm a bank?
I got an idea. I got an idea.
I just started my GoFundMe account.
All right? All these white folks gonna put mad money in there,
to ship my Black ass back to Africa, man.
And all of it can go to you.
-Right? See! -I will donate.
This is the stupidest idea I ever heard.
The stupidest idea he's ever heard.
Just give me two weeks and I'll get your money.
-I promise you. Just two weeks. -
Two days, man. Just two days.
-I'll give it in two days. -
Hold up. One second, one second.
Okay, sir. One second up.
Well, I ain't mean one second. I mean, give me a second.
I'll give you two days.
Two days, you bring me my money.
Or we have a big problem.
Big problem.
You came by yourself, I would have whipped your butt.
You say something?
No, man. I ain't say nothing, man.
Okay.
Fake-ass motherfucker, I can't stand these things.
You say something?
Nothing, man. I ain't say nothing!
I think you insult me, with your mind.
I said you was a nice guy.
Vladimir! Sergei!
Why you gotta call them back, man?
Tell me the truth.
I said you need...
Need to wipe that...
...corny-ass smile off your face every time you talk.
What smile?
-That one right there! -You-- that is not a smile.
You hurt my feelings.
You think I like to live with this smile?
It is affliction.
My mother born me with this.
Get out.
Send my love to your Grams.
Look, what you need to do is get your behind up, and go get you a job.
I'm about tired of this. I know what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna cut your food off,
'cause you stuck on stupid.
And while you're back there, roll me one of them blunts.
Gonna give me a heart attack.
You know I got the sugar.
I need something to calm my nerves down.
-Yo, Patel. Where you going, bro?
Oh, I'm going back home, man. Trump is now president,
and they're accusing people for voting illegally.
I don't want to get deported to Pakistan.
-But you're Indian! -They don't know the difference!
If I get deported to Pakistan, I'll be beheaded.
-I'm not Muslim. I'm Hindu! -Bro, the wall is not for Indians!
-I have to rush. I have to go, bro. -Yo, at least let me get you
-a suitcase, you can't go to India with a Glad bag! -Oh, man.
Thanks for that, but I don't need you, bro.
-Take care, bye! -But what about our Jim Magello party?
-Oh, see you! Good luck, bro! -Bro, our Jim Magello party!
Come on, man. I'll be beheaded! Bye!
Yo, can you believe that Patel's going back to India, man?
-That's crazy, man. All my Mexican friends are leaving. -Ain't it?
-But he's Indian. -Ah, man. You know I can't tell the difference...
-You cannot be that ignorant. -Hey, let's roll out, man. You know what I'm saying?
-Get some hoops! -My grandma putting all this pressure on me
to get this job, but I think I got it, bro.
Right here, we're gonna be Africans.
-We're going to be Africans? -Man, I promise you. Go find Peewee.
I shall find Peewee. I'll be back.
-All right, bro. -Good job.
Africa needs you!
Africa! Africa!
It's a magical place.
South Africa needs you.
Ladies and gentlemen of the Earth...
look at my brothers.
Africa is in dire need of money right now.
My brother hasn't ate in four days.
He only eats on Thursdays.
His inside is now outside.
Oh, thank you, my sister.
Thank you very much.
Need your money
Nigga, get out of here.
Africa!
Ah, can I get a hug?
-Africa needs clothes. -Ah, thank you.
-Oh, oh. -Yes, we need hug.
-Man, we need some help. -My African sister.
Please help Africa, my sister.
-On the behalf of Africa. -Ah, thank you.
-Africa needs you. -Oh, what would Jesus do?
-Africa! - Africa!
What are your names?
Uh, my name is Mbugelolo.
-Yes.
My name is Gorilla Mandingo.
Gorilla Mandingo, boom!
I am Mbap Longschlong.
-Yes, yes. Very good.
You know, you're not gonna believe this,
but I used to have a lot of strong African lovers,
-back in my day. - Oh!
Oh, tell him all about that!
No, he's lying. He lies.
Africans are special,
if you know what I mean?
Especially from the motherland.
I can give you more.
-Wh-- what? -Yes. What do you think?
-Discu-- discuss it with my colleague. -Oh, thank you. Yes.
-No-- what? What? -Please.
-Oh, hi. Um-- - You're my man?
I really have to get back to the ship.
-To the ship? -Yes.
-We-- we must go. -Okay.
We are starving. I lost my legs, because I have no food.
I have no food. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Africa needs you.
Oh, love. Love. So much.
Drop that back in the bag, nigga.
Put it back in the bag, nigga.
Put it in the bag, my nigga...
Black people never give back to the Black people.
This is the problem with the America.
Africa loves you.
-Please, give to Africa. -You, I know you.
-No, don't. No, I am African. -You're not African.
-You are not African... -You are rubbish! I tell you--
Hey, hey! Hey, nigga! What the--
Hey, nigga!
Hey! Hey!
What is Mount St. Helens? -
I said, "What is Mount St. Helens?"
-Grandma, we're done here. You sipping on that lean again? -What is--
Don't worry about what I'm sipping on, boy.
What is Mount Olympus?
Now he's slamming stuff. He better count up.
-What is Mount Vesuvius? -Give me that.
-Oh, snap! Give me my stuff back! -Here, take this.
I don't want this. What the hell is this green stuff?
That's Gorilla Life, okay?
-Gorilla Life? -Yes.
-It's a real healthy drink for you. -Chlorophyll?
No. Hell, no. Chlorophyll drink.
Round about your age, you need to be drinking real healthy, okay?
-Now, drink that for me. -Don't worry about my damn age.
Last time I looked, I was a grown-ass woman,
and I don't want to drink no chlorophyll drink. Is this gonna
-make my shit green? -No, Ma. It's not gonna make your stuff green.
-How do you know? -Matter of fact, check your blood sugar while you're at it.
I'm not checking my blood sugar. I'm tired of this.
-Child, I'm tired-- I-- -Grandma, you gotta do it everyday.
Let me tell you what I got to do.
I got to stay Black, die and pay taxes,
and I'm gonna figure out how not to die and pay taxes, Goddammit!
And if I wanted to be pricked, I'd go get me some damn Viagra,
and walk my slaphappy ass down to the senior citizens center.
Let them prick me. How about that, buddy?
Can you please check this blood sugar?
You check and I'll give you your lean back.
You know what, you about getting on my damn nerves.
I'll check my blood sugar. I will check my blood sugar.
-You happy now? 158. 158. -I'm happy.
-Now, can I have my lean back? -No, drink that healthy juice.
-Right there. -Goddamnit, I want to slap this upside your Black-ass head.
Gorilla Life...
I'm telling you, yesterday, when I came here,
this park looked like-- look...
Hey, there's a white man, right there.
Hey, wait, that's the owner of that series. That's a whi--
-that's a rich white man, right there. -Okay...
That's not bad. That's not bad. We got one over here.
This park is empty!
Listen to me. I swear to you. Yesterday,
when I came here, it looked like Orange County.
It was like, white people, far as you can see.
-It looked like a Trump rally. -
-See, where they at now? -I don't know...
-Maybe they ain't up yet. -What do you mean?
White folks are the first to get up, man. They jogging at six A.M.
Why you wasting my time, man? I could be at home whacking off.
And you know he takes his whacking off seriously, man.
If he don't drain that lizard, you know how he be acting.
Why y'all yelling at me? I found the last park,
the lady gave us some money. True, y'all ain't found nothing.
Y'all keep yelling, but you find your own damn park.
-Sensitive. -And then y'all always hoping that he yelling at me,
like it's my fault and I ain't seen y'all do nothing.
Your Highness, we are so pleased to have found you.
Your Majesty, I am Dr. Zulu Zokoye,
diviner and Priestess.
Pardon our intrusion, Your Majesty.
But the King has died and...
the Oracle demands your presence.
-They've got stories with it.
These boys are good, man. - Wait, wait, look.
We got to step our game up, man.
He got them gladiator boots on.
He got that Air Jerusalem.
Oh, listen, man. Obviously, y'all take this look
way too serious than we are, but y'all can have this park.
-Ain't no white people here anyway. -Yeah.
Them shoes are killing me, though.
The state ain't coming down, nigga.
-Leave it a second.
Turn crappy music off.
Hey, Sebastian. You don't run away from me.
I tell you not to mess with me, but you don't listen, huh?
Vladimir, you know what to do.
-Oh, hey! Oh, oh.
Are you okay, Your Majesty?
Who?
Man, that's those nutcases that keep saying I'm their King.
I know this woman.
I see her on television.
She said she come to America, to bring King back to Africa.
Take that gun away from my King.
If you don't, I will have no other choice,
but to use divine African force.
What are you waiting for?
-Not a good idea. -Shoot them.
What?
I warned you.
What is happening?
I warned you.
This is ultimate cock-block.
Mm-hmm.
This is not a time or place for something like this.
You may not accept the decision of the Oracle,
but it is my place to enforce it.
What's this?
I see you have messed with the spiritual head
of the United States of Africa.
And now you're happy about it?
It's birth defect.
Yeah, I heard that before.
It's not funny!
-What? -He said,
"He will fucking kill you,
bitch motherfucker."
Whoa! You just spoke Russian?
Man, you've got to be CIA, 'cause I don't know
no Black person in the world that speak Russian.
The Oracle is divine and can speak any language,
through the Priestess.
Would you like them to shoot their... Hmm.
Ah, let me think about it for a second.
The power of the Oracle must not be toyed with.
-Ha! -
What do you desire, my King?
You know what?
Let them go.
Come. I'll do you a favor.
Why you do this to me?
You're welcome.
Why she hit me?
Your face. It is okay.
There's no stupid smile?
No more Tourettes?
You cured me?
No it ain't, it just came back!
No...
this is happy, joy face.
Stop smiling.
Now, smile again.
I'm cured.
I owe you, like the Starks.
Like the Lannisters, you mean?
Wait. Come back.
No.
Just go.
That was amazing! Had them Russians running out here,
like they didn't know what happened to him.
Man, you talking about some Lannisters.
Game of Thrones.I didn't know y'all watched that in Africa.
I thought y'all lived in trees and shit.
Oh, yes.
Even the American ambassador lives on
one of the tallest trees.
Right next to the British Ambassador.
Oh, even the French and the Chinese.
They live on big iroko trees.
I get it. I get it. I get it. No, for real, though, man.
Like, y'all said, like, I'm some kind of king or some shit,
like, is a nigga a real king?
The Oracle never lies, Your Majesty.
And that... Man, you just paid that debt like it was nothing.
Gave that dude $10,000!
Man, $5,000, I'd have been straight...
You know what I'm saying? Like...
Whatever you wish, Your Majesty.
Oh, shit. In that case, you can give a brother $10,000.
-Man, I got... Word? -Your wish is our command.
Damn!
$10,000, $5,000...
Oh, smack! You mind if I hold on to that?
Your wish... -Wow.
...is our command.
Yeah, woo-hoo.
Hold up. This ain't no set up, is it?
Come on, brothers just don't be handing people a whole bunch of money like that.
Where the cameras at?
I know there's some cameras in here somewhere.
Come on, man. I know I'm being Punk'd.
Look, if I'm being Punk'd, just come on out right now.
Come on, man.
Hey, this is all right. So, look,
I'm just gonna pay a couple bills,
as y'all can see on the cameras,
they just handed me this voluntarily.
It's all good. I'm the King, I think. Right?
All right, well just-- you know what? I'm just going to count this out in the crib.
Just wait for me, real quick. I'll be right back.
And then I'll be right back.
Don't go nowhere. Just wait right there. I ain't going nowhere.
Just gonna get some gas.
All right? Make sure the Russians are gone.
Oh, hey, guys!
Drinks on me tonight, baby!
Oh, boy. Miss Wright, this is...
This is fascinating. You realize that
this has not been seen since the 1870s?
The Priestess makes her first appearance in Egypt, 300 BC.
She saves the pharaoh and most of the ruling dynasty
by getting them out of the country,
before Alexander the Great can invade it with his armies.
She guides them through the Sahara Desert into West Africa.
She helps them rebuild the kingdom,
on the banks of the Niger Rivers.
They enjoy 1000 years of peace and prosperity.
Though, that's interrupted by the Portuguese
and the Spaniards, when they invade West Africa.
And once again she appears to save the royal dynasty.
She-- she leads them from the Niger River,
across the Atlantic Ocean over to Virginia in 1619.
They were the first to establish 12 colonies in the Americas.
Before the pilgrims arrived.
1619. You know what that does to our history?
But soon after they do arrive, the pilgrims and explorers,
and in this case, she is responsible for saving them
from starvation and death, because of the harsh winter.
That same harsh winter, in 1620 in Europe,
killed tens of thousands of people.
She establishes a 13th colony for the pilgrims, she...
Look at this. She-- she drafts a constitution,
giving equal rights to all citizens of all 13 colonies.
Look at this...
Manhattan Island becomes the capital of the United Colonies.
1776...
She reveals a secret plot to betray her,
and kill the leaders of the 12 African colonies.
She's forbidden, however, to do evil or see evil.
She invites all the leaders of all 13 colonies to a dinner.
She recognizes that there's someone in the dinner with her,
that was going to betray her and the 12 colonies.
She'll depart after the night. She'll return after 400 years,
and she'll take a king from amongst their descendants
back to Africa to rebuild the kingdom.
So, this is the year that it's going to happen.
This is-- this is just amazing.
...yeah, you know what I'm saying...
Everybody, she wants to know what I do for a living.
I'm King.
Yeah, baby!
I love kings.
Me too!
Sorry, sweetie.
See, where I'm from, we kings,
we rule with an iron fist.
-That's probably the 'shrooms! -
Okay.
Ah, okay, um...
Boom! We got some situations.
Your Majesty.
Y'all don't let up, do y'all?
A King stands while you sit?
On your feet, you half-race commoners,
-in the presence of the King! -
On your feet!
-Told y'all I was King. -
They work for me.
These boys have got it!
I told you they was going to find us, though.
-See, I told him y'all was gonna find us. -He's right.
All this was set up for y'all to find us...
'Cause I knew that y'all was the real deal.
See what I'm talking-- but how the hell did you find us?
The Oracle leads. We follow.
-Damn, I got to get that app! -We gotta get that app!
Keep your mouth closed, man. This is classified.
All right? Top secret stuff.
All right, ladies...
on behalf of Homeland Security, y'all need to get out.
This is some real king stuff we got to talk about,
-and y'all can't be here. -Will you call me later?
Yeah, keep your damn mouth closed.
All right? This is king shit. King talk.
-You know what I mean? -Oh, turn the lights down.
Sshhh!
Now... For real, how did y'all find me?
The Oracle shows us your location, Your Highness.
Every time? -Every time.
-You mean, even when I'm-- -Yes.
-Oh, damn. -
-A-- about that, Your Majesty... Not to worry. -But you know I got my Gra--
We have already taken care of that.
She's in the most prestigious adult living,
with 24-hour nurse care.
She sends her regards, with many bad words.
Yeah, that's Grams.
All right, but what about my homies, though?
So, you know I can't go nowhere without my homies.
-We come as a package. -Yeah. Ride or die.
You might as well kill us.
-This is how you do it, baby! -Hey, man!
Look, they even got you in a magazine, bro!
-Man, you look good, yo! Look at that! -I feel like Leroy Trunks.
Here you go, baby. Let me have another one.
Yeah, I'll give you a tip when we get back there, all right?
Tell her I ain't got no damn money, boy.
Buffalo soldier
Taken to America -Hey, do me a favor.
Hey, man, don't try to sing, 'cause, you know, you're not really a singer.
-So, let us do that. -Yeah, man. You need to get some singing lessons, bro.
-You know what, man?
-What? -Fuck...
Yo, yo, yo, yo -Again!
Yo, yo, yo, yo... -
Damn, look at all those people!
Man, they got on masks and stuff. I'm not going out there, man.
Yeah, last time I've seen that many brothers with masks on, I got robbed.
Somebody needs to go out there and make sure you cool. Come on, you need to go do it.
-Yeah, you ain't afraid of nothing. You should do it. -Nigga, I ain't going!
What do you mean you ain't going? We come all the way to sit on the plane?
Get your ass out there and talk to the people, make sure the King's okay.
-You're the strongest one. -Man, Charles, you a G, man.
Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. You the man.
-I'm the man. -That's what I'm saying.
I'm gonna do this, nigga. I'm gonna do this, nigga!
Woo! Yeah, nigga. I'm gonna do it for my King, nigga!
-Gonna do it for the King, nigga! -Do it! Do it!
-They about to eat his ass. -They're gonna eat his ass, for sure...
-Oh, da-- he dancing. -Oh, smack.
That's probably what they make you do. They probably make you dance,
-right before they boil your ass. -I-- I think he's hot.
-He's boogying, look! -Look, they dancing with him, though.
Okay, I think we're good!
-Give him five more minutes. -They really dancing with him!
No, it looks like they're sneaking and surrounding him to me.
See what I'm saying? Look at this, man. I want to go out there!
-He having fun, man. What are you doing in here? -I know!
-Okay. All right. -Come on, man. Let's go!
They'd have eaten him by now, let's go.
Woo! You see these places?
Welcome, Your Majesty.
Let this flower give warmth and joy
to the people of the United States of Africa.
You understand, baby? We got it going, boy! Dude, we popping!
Out here, we have a lion petting zoo I would like you two to see.
Hold on, you telling me y'all got real lions here right now?
-Y'all got giraffes too? - We have some giraffes.
I'll see y'all later, y'all go ahead, talk to each other.
-Oh, shit! -Oh, shit!
Nigga, they got a lagoon!
-Oh, shit! -Look, look, look, look, look.
Woo!
And these are the princesses
of the royal families of Africa, Your Majesty.
There are eight of them, that you can keep
to maintain your chambers, and one of them
that you can make your Queen.
Damn. So, who are those, uh, my real mothers?
Oh, no. These are the wives of the former King,
that you now inherit.
Come with me, let me talk to you.
Nigga, are you crazy?
Man, I can't be with no old-ass, shriveled up woman!
No, Your Majesty. You are to inherit them all,
and also be a husband, if you get my drift.
Man, that shit ain't drifting.
Who is that?
-Uh, no, Your Maj-- no, Your Majesty. Your M-- -Give me a second.
She is-- she is not of royal blood, Your Majesty.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa. -I'm sorry, Your Majesty. I'm late.
Is that an American accent that I'm hearing?
-Yes. -Man, what are you doing out here in this jungle?
-You call this "the jungle?" -Not like that. I'm just saying,
-you don't find women this beautiful in Africa. -Have you ever been to Africa?
Well, you know, it don't get no Blacker than me, baby.
That's sweet-- that berry gets real sweet around this thing.
Oh, man. I'll get it back later.
Oh, by the way, what's your name?
-Keke, Your Majesty. -O-Keke...
I like the sound of that.
Me and you gonna be O-Keke!
Where did they find him?
What-- what are you doing with him?
Seriously?
What does he want?
The Oracle has spoken. We have a King.
A King we know nothing about.
Besides, he does not have the royal pendant.
I have mine.
No African king has ever been crowned without one.
I move that we wait a couple of weeks,
to be really sure of what the Oracle is saying.
The Council of Chiefs has decided to move your coronation up by two weeks.
Man, I knew this was a scam, man.
-Look, fellas-- -Your Majesty, can I make you,
-like you Americans say, a deal? - Ha ha! Yes, a deal.
Now I'm bet that.
Suppose we request the Oracle...
to convince and prove to you within two weeks.
If in two weeks, you are not entirely satisfied,
then we will pay you handsomely and take you back to America.
We need this contract signed ASAP, mate.
-You have my word. - As what?
-You told us you were next in line for the throne. -I am.
-It was his clan. -Yes. Where did he come from?
He was approached by Dr. Zulu Zokoye,
a neurosurgeon who abandoned her practice,
after being summoned by the Oracle to become a high Priestess.
She told him that he was chosen to be the new King.
So, it's a conwoman and some idiot from Compton.
No American is going to take my place.
Goody! What exactly does that mean?
Just give me some days, I'll make sure they see a reason,
why we can't have that homie as our King.
We've given you a bucket-load of money.
Yeah, and you'd be in a terrible bind...
-Terrible bind. -...if we were to suddenly ask for it back.
I need this more than you, Mr. Wanker.
Relax. I won't let you down.
I'll take care of all of you.
It's "Wan-kay."
"Wan-kay."
Like, "Allez," "Manger," "Porte."
You foo-kay!
Everything we think we know about history,
has been an elaborate cover up.
These documents go all the way back to ancient Egypt.
300 BC...
when this Priestess mysteriously appeared.
She saved the royal dynasty from Alexander the Great's invasion.
She took them through the Libyan desert to West Africa,
or what we know as Timbuktu.
And she helps the royal dynasty
rebuild their kingdom, on the Niger River.
And for about 1000 years, there's peace and prosperity.
Until the Portuguese and the Spaniards invade.
Again, she mysteriously appears,
and she takes them through the Niger River,
across the Atlantic Ocean, to Virginia.
Well before we thought Africans first arrived.
So, this is 1619.
The Priestess helps the royal dynasty establish 12 colonies.
First, in Virginia.
And again, there's peace and prosperity,
until the Europeans arrived.
And with the arrival of the Europeans,
the Priestess helps them establish a 13th colony,
specifically for the Pilgrims.
And she helps them get through that winter of 1620.
She also helps them draft the Constitution,
granting equal rights to all the citizens of these colonies.
They established Manhattan Island as the capital
of these united colonies.
And again, there's peace and prosperity until 1776.
The Founding Fathers plot to kill and betray the Priestess.
And she learns about this plot, so she hosts this dinner,
with the 12 leaders of the African colonies,
and the 13th colony of Europeans.
And it's there, at this feast that she...
lets them know, that she knows that
someone here will betray her...
like Judas and Jesus.
And she explains that, because she can't see or hear evil...
that she will be leaving.
But she also prophesied that she'll return after 400 years,
to take back an African King,
back to the homeland, to rebuild the kingdom.
The next night, the American revolutionaries
start a great fire, and they kill the African leaders,
and they take over the 13 colonies.
They enslave the Africans,
and they strip them of all of their rights.
And fortunately,
it's then that a new government is organized.
They call themselves the Society of Friends,
and they continue to spread the prophecy of the Priestess.
They oppose the slavery of these Africans,
that's building in the newly established American colonies.
They commission a marble sculpture of the Priestess,
and they write the prophecy on it.
Now, flash forward to the American Civil War, 1861.
They give this statue to President Lincoln.
And it's because of this statue,
that he signs the Emancipation Proclamation.
Abolishing slavery, essentially ending the Civil War.
But of course, as we know, Lincoln is assassinated...
and the new president, Andrew Johnson,
signs an executive order, to keep all information
on the Priestess as classified and secret.
He hides the statue in the Metropolitan Museum.
But, a small faction of the Republicans that control Congress,
also happen to be made up of members of the Society of Friends.
They impeach Andrew Johnson.
And...
flash forward all the way to 2020.
The Priestess has returned to fulfill her prophecy,
400 years later.
And she's come to take back an African King,
to rebuild the kingdom.
All hail, our good King!
Well, what have I done to deserve this?
Oh, this is a beautiful life.
Well, if it ain't my sexy, little librarian.
Good afternoon, Your Majesty.
Have a seat, baby.
What's up, shawty?
We're used to being called by our names, Your Majesty.
Marcus Garvey once said,
"If you have no confidence in self,
then you're twice defeated in the race of life."
You trying to kick knowledge to a nigga?
"And it's a slave's mentality and we must emancipate ourselves from it."
-Bob Marley. -Why do you hate me so much?
-I don't hate you. I hate the system. -What system?
The system that forces you on us as our King.
The system that decides who is pure and who isn't.
If it was up to you, would I be here?
I must leave now, Your Majesty.
Have dinner with me.
No, she cannot.
Please, let's talk outside. Man-to-man.
She is not royalty.
Royalty?
All of a sudden it matters?
I'm royalty now?
You used to be power, bro. I'm power now.
You've been here all this time,
dreaming, wishing you could have it.
Come on, man, just let it go, Daddy.
I got this.
Block, block. Block it like it's hot.
What was that about?
Bee-see-beep.
Bee-see...
Beep!
Block, block. Block it like it's hot.
A curse!
going somewhere
pay attention
I will not take some gun-toting,
drug peddling, egotistic low life as my king.
Is that so?
-Oh, my God!
What is this-- Oh my! Wahab!
And you are their mother! What type of ass--
I mean, what type of mother
lays out with her daughters like this?
-The kind that wants a tan. - Not the point!
Okay, okay. What is it with Africans and bikinis? I've seen National Geographic.
You guys are okay with bare titties hanging everywhere.
-But a bikini-- - That is different.
You are seeing Watusis
and Pygmies in the middle of the jungle.
Do you go shopping in Africa and go,
"Oh, look, there are some titties." No, you do not.
Maybe you would be in a better mood if we did.
Your daughter will stand trial for her insolence. And that is that.
-You know what? Maybe we should give them a show, let's push! -No!
Wahab, no. No, I cannot.
I cannot! I cannot!
We don't have to take this matter that far.
What we want is to keep them apart.
If we make foolish resolutions, it will become an issue.
I am convinced the young lady has gotten the message.
On the contrary, she must be punished.
She's but a little girl.
A little girl with the mind of an old woman.
Do not underestimate her.
Welcome to the proceedings of the Royal Court,
where matters regarding the King,
his family and estate are handled exclusively.
Rise! On your feet!
Yeah, rise on your feet!
Oh, damn!
I didn't really mean to crash the party and all that
but I ain't gonna have a seat. Stay down.
What's up, shawty?
Can you give the King a little kiss on the cheek real quick?
Don't worry, we got plenty of time for all that.
Your "shawty" is on trial.
She called you a gun-toting,
drug-dealing low life from America.
She did nothing wrong.
Everything she said is true. Let her be.
So, you're free to go.
Go ahead.
-What did you do, man? - I...
I stole a tuba.
My ailing mother and I have had nothing to eat for three days.
This man has done nothing wrong.
He's just hungry.
Immoral acts.
What did you do?
I featured in a music video that I...
I gave a guy a hug that wasn't even promising. And...
they said I should be punished.
I need you to teach me the ways of the people.
I'm just a girl, Your Majesty. The Chiefs--
Just help me to see it the way you see it.
-Your Majesty... -You don't even have to call me Majesty.
Listen, I understand that you may not agree that I'm your king,
-but it's fine. -But you are a king.
You've shown us all today.
Listen, I'm not who you think I am.
Hey, the King is here!
Hey! What's up, shawty?
Is that PCB? We trying to block all the people coming in here?
Is that the High Priestess? Priestess, what are you doing in the club, Priestess?
This is so boring in here. What kind of party you guys be holding out?
See, this is only for royalty.
And the diplomats.
Listen, this is my kingdom.
It cannot be boring. You got to be popping.
Yeah!
Come on, man. Let's get this party started.
Hey, DJ, play a song.
If the French, Spanish, British, Italians never portioned up into regions and countries,
we would be in Africa with no borders.
" by Rayge Smith continues]
True, without all their nihilism.
They just sail right in and put a piece--
"I claim this land in the name of the Queen."
" by Rayge Smith continues]
So, as long as we can strike deals with them
that to not put us in an unfavorable position, then we are good.
All right, give me-- give me one second. Give me one second.
-Yo, man. What's up, man? -What's up, guys?
I mean, we came over here for a purpose.
And now it seems like your purpose ain't our purpose.
Every time we see you, bro, you're either with that girl
or with these Chiefs or whatever.
Come on, man. You got to understand me, man.
I'm trying to make good decisions for the people here.
-Nigga, who are you, Marcus-ass Garvey? -Listen.
-Come on, nigga, this is fake. You know this. -No.
Don't say that word no more, man.
We don't use words like "Niggas" out here, man.
-Who are you, man? -I'm the same person, I ain't changed.
Nigga, you've changed.
-Come on, man. -You ain't the same, bro.
So, let me ask you. So if we decided to partner up with these oil companies,
they're giving us a lot of money for every man, woman and child?
Yes, Your Majesty, but I was hoping we could develop the land.
What's more important, skyscrapers and pavements or food and water for the people?
Food and water for the people.
Did you know that $25 billion can eradicate poverty?
Let's say, we take every drone and every bomb,
and convert it into fish and bread for the people.
Where is Keke?
Your Majesty, that is absurd
to have a girl in meetings about affairs of state.
How do you expect our youth to grow into developing
our own country, if we don't teach them now?
It's only in Africa, where a president can be in office 50 years.
Only in Africa.
Who go at? - Yeah, we go at!
On behalf of the King, we welcome you to our land.
Ladies and gentlemen... Mr. Wanker.
Uh, thank you. It's, uh...
It's "Wan-kay." It's actually Dutch.
But apart from that...
myself and Douglas completely agree
that our notion here today
is that everything that we put forward and suggest
is for the benefit...
of the people of this great nation and its Chiefs.
Hear! Hear!. -Thank you.
Your... Majesty.
If you ask me, I'll say, do this.
With my position, I'll support however I can.
I do not need anything. It's okay, I don't want anything from them.
Why haven't you pointed out how the people will benefit directly?
How about the land that can no longer be farmed on,
or the water is that no longer can harbor fish due to toxic waste from the oil?
-Your Majesty! -Mr. Wanker.
It's "Wan-kay".
She has a great point.
Well, we would seriously give some se--
consideration to implementing some of these changes,
but I think that what we need
is a primary conciliation before we make secondary concessions.
And I'd just like to point out that
you and all of your counsel would be considered
founder members, which entitles you
to a golden handshake as it were.
Sort of what they used to call "dash."
You see, how we look at it is that if we look after the Chiefs,
there's a sort of trickle down effect.
The last night, I actually took a look at that proposal you gave me.
You know, I be reading sometimes, you know what I'm saying?
But that look exactly like the same proposal
that y'all just offered my neighboring country.
And you know what's so funny?
I studied that same exact contract when I was in college.
It's a joint venture, right?
That's right, Your Majesty.
Y'all get 45%...
we get 55%.
Sounds really good, but only problem with that is
your 45% is on the gross, and ours is on the net. What's up with that?
The exploration of exploitation
-has to be bought. By us. -By who?
If y'all bearing all the costs,
why are y'all deducting before y'all give us our share?
It's-- it's sort of par for the course.
Uh, we wouldn't share the profits
until we've paid for costings, it's...
It's like a-- um, operational expenses.
How do we know what you're spending
this "operational cost?"
You actually came here in a private jet.
And I know you got kids. I mean, tuitions ain't cheep.
And goddamn, with that suit.
I've seen those before, that's like, $5000 plus.
Who's to say that you won't take those luxuries
and make them a part of your "operational costs"?
Can I just say, Your Majesty,
that there will be a certain amount of operational expenses
eligible for yourself and all of your Chiefs,
prior to us assessing whether we're going to profit.
-Sounds like a bribe. -Uh, sort of part par for the course.
Yeah, we're fair dinkum, Your Majesty.
How about I just hire you guys for exploration?
Because there's a lot of oil companies out here
that'd be very, very glad to be paid just for taking on the bidding,
like the Chinese.
Bastard Chinese.
All right, you two.
Tell me exactly what the heck is going on.
Well, Mr. Vice President, let's start first.
"Sabia," in classic Greek, means prophetess or priestess.
In Greek mythology, it was said that a priestess
saved the Pharaoh of Egypt,
along with a substantial portion of the ruling dynasty
when Alexander the Great's armies invaded Egypt.
Now, she did this by leading them across the Sahara,
to the forested areas of West Africa.
What does this have to do with US national security, huh?
Well, sir, it doesn't.
But in a way, it does.
So, according to this prophecy, the mythology
is that the Oracle has been to the US before.
To the colony of Virginia, before this country was founded.
Now, the Oracle is a divine spirit
who guides through the Priestess, they're one and the same.
And the Priestess in 1619,
led the royal family out of West Africa
across the Niger River, across the Atlantic Ocean,
and to the colony of Virginia.
In order to escape the invasion of West Africa
by the Portuguese and Spanish during the slave riots.
Greece, Africa, Virginia...
Fake news.
That's what I'm getting.
This sounds like other stories, fairy tales.
You know what I need from you two? I need proof. Where's the proof?
All right, Mr. Vice President, let's start here, a little closer to home.
The Society of Friends.
That was the beginning of the abolitionist movement
here in the United States.
Now, they were founded in 1776,
in reaction to when the Oracle and the prophecy was omitted
from the draft of the American Constitution.
Now, the same Society of Friends,
several decades later,
they commissioned a statue of civility.
And when it's finished, they ship it to Washington D.C.
and they give it to President Lincoln as a gift.
It sparked the Emancipation Proclamation.
And subsequently the Civil War.
After the assassination of President Lincoln,
President Johnson sent the sculpture to New York, and signed an executive order
to classify all documents and records of the Oracle
and the Priestess, as well as the prophecy.
Those records have been sealed since 1870.
Look, I can't take this fairy tale to the President.
Okay? I need evidence.
I need concrete proof.
Where is the proof?
The proof is in the base of the statue.
In the marble is chiseled Sabalia's prophecy.
Anything else? What was the prophecy?
-Hmm? -Prophecy was that she would return in 400 years.
And when was this 400 years?
This year, sir. The year 2020.
Well, I need to see this prophecy for myself.
I'm not gonna take anything to the President that's not concrete.
And if you say that it's in marble, I want to see it in marble.
Where is it again?
We understand the statue is in the basement
of the Metropolitan Museum in New York.
All right.
Well, that's where I'll be.
I'm gonna be there in an hour.
Thank you.
Nigga crazy. I think he really thinks his kingdom came.
Acting like he's been Marcus Garvey.
He's-- -Oh! Shit. Do you think I'm a fool, man?
Come on. We came out here to have a good time and this fool want to--
want to rule the kingdom?
-Right? -She's got giraffes and shit.
We know your real name's Sebastian!
Your name ain't no damn Akon!
-Ass, yeah. Sebastian... -Yeah.
You got these motherfuckers fooled, you ain't got us fooled! Tell your guards that.
-Let's get out of here before the guards come. -
-Oh, shit. Let's go. -This got you tripping.
Psst. Put that shit out, man. Put it out!
Got your back.
Let's see.
You little rebel.
-Are you sure that's him? -Positive.
That's fine, if you want to show him.
-Is it good? -Ah, it's better than good, mate.
You're not gonna believe this.
Well, well.
Oh! Straight A student scholarship all the way to postgrad at UCLA.
-Goldman Sachs. -Until he went to prison.
After he got out, no one would hire an ex-con, so he was the one who did this.
Name's Sebastian.
Wait, how does he come up with Akon?
-Wanker. -It's "Wan-kay."
No, no, I mean this prick. Just look at him.
Well, it's not him.
He's pretending to be someone else.
All we need to do is threaten to expose his scam.
If the locals found out the truth, they'd probably eat him.
Phone that horsehair waving buffoon,
Chief what's-his-name, and tell him
-we're about to make him a king. - I'm on it.
-Wanker! -Hey, hey, tosser!
Yee-hee!
Fantastic, Mr. Wanker.
All right, fine, Mr. "Wan-kay" Good news, good news.
I'm really happy about this.
I'm the King, but if you knew what I was gonna tell you, you wouldn't call me that.
You've told us all you've been locked up for being a drug dealer.
I'm not a drug dealer, okay?
I had four joints that I was holding for friends at a party.
For four joints?
As delicate as those little fingers.
But listen, that's beside the point.
Your Majesty! This is important.
Yo.
My nigga. I'm-- My nigga, I need to holla at you.
Yo. What did I tell you about that word, man? Why are you still using it?
Come on, man.
Your Majesty. I need to talk to you.
-All right, talk to me. Tell me what you got to tell me. -I can't.
What do you mean you can't? Of course you can. I just said to tell me what--
Dude, I'm just tired of hiding shit!
-Yeah? Yeah? -Yeah. Yeah.
What's this, man?
I just saw them and they asked me to confirm all this and I couldn't lie.
-Your Majesty? -Later, later.
-Your Majesty. -Later!
Just-- just leave me for a minute.
Leave!
Your Majesty. Your Majesty. Your Highness.
-King... King... King Sebastian, isn't it? -Look. Look, look.
-Isn't that ironic? - I can explain.
He was the Roman saint bludgeoned to death in the Senate,
in front of his own emperor. That's apt, isn't it?
Now, I'm sure you can explain. I'm all ears.
So is the population and half of the UN.
Now, we have adjusted our offer, as you requested.
It now includes a first class plane ticket,
a passport and a very generous compensation package upon signature.
Now, we withhold this information for 24 hours,
by which time you will be a millionaire, out of jail,
and still in one piece, leaving us to crack on.
Pleasure doing business with you.
Are you crazy?
They're offering you millions of dollars.
All you got to do is sign the paper and we're rich!
We go back to America, we're balling.
Dawg, it's the first time that we felt home being somewhere.
We ain't got to watch our back. We ain't got to hustle.
These people accepted us as family, bro.
What are you talking about? You're not even the real king!
I just can't do it.
You see? See, Pewee has some damn sense.
That's why he got the hell up out of here.
I'm your only friend!
I'm all you have left here, bro, it's right here.
Let's get the money and let's leave.
I just can't.
They're gonna kill you, man.
And I ain't gonna be here when they do.
Look, they offered me a plane ticket and some cash.
I'm gonna take it. I'm going.
Sebastian.
He's right, you know.
They'll kill you. In the room, if you say anything,
they'll tear you apart.
These people are animals.
This ain't the ghetto. This is the jungle.
Mr. President.
Every bit of information I come across
points to the Oracle being real and very powerful.
It's an entity who works through a divine and chosen Priestess.
2000 years ago, she saved the Pharaoh and the ruling dynasty
from the destruction of the armies of Alexander the Great.
And for over 1000 years, they lived in peace and prosperity
on the banks of the Niger River.
Until about 1619,
when the Portuguese and Spanish invaded Western Africa.
It was at this time during this invasion that the Oracle
saved the royal family
by sailing them across the Atlantic Ocean to Virginia.
Do you really believe this, Malcolm?
Uh, yes, sir.
It's written in stone at the Metropolitan Museum.
I've seen it with my own eyes.
I believe it's as if the Oracle has revealed this information to us,
and that we never would have known otherwise.
It's sort of like the, uh,
story of Joseph in the Bibles.
So, what would you advise I do?
Well, about this situation, I'd... say one thing.
It's an election here, sir.
And this could be very helpful politically.
It's in our best interest to...
protect Sebastian.
Help him rebuild Africa as a way of reparations for
400 years of slavery and oppression in America.
And I believe with this effort this will help the African-American vote
to go back to the Republican Party.
Mr. President, history would remember you
as the man who made Africa great again.
I mean, do you understand that, sir?
You will do the one thing that nobody has ever done
in the history of the world.
Made Africa a whole sovereign nation.
And given it its own independence from White European influence.
What's so great about this Alejandro guy?
And why do they call him great?
-He's, uh, a conqueror-- -I think he's Alexander the Liar.
-Yes. -He never met the Priestess in the Libyan desert.
I'm the chosen one.
-The Priestess returns during my presidency. -Yes.
I'll be the greatest president in the history of the world.
Europe's been sucking the breast of Africa for far too long.
400 years is long enough. We're cutting off their aid.
And a few other parts, if you get my drift.
I told the European leaders at the NATO meeting,
especially the French president,
the US will no longer spend taxpayer money
protecting their interests in Africa anymore.
I'll withdraw all US troops from Africa.
You know what?
I never liked President George Washington.
Some third rate historians claim that he's the richest president of all time.
Well, I'm here to tell you that he's not.
I'm the richest president of all time.
George Washington had plantations.
He was a slave owner and he was racist.
I didn't like that other fella either. Jefferson.
-The one that had sex with all the Black girls. -Yeah.
I really loved President Abraham Lincoln.
He freed the slaves and won the war. And I love winners.
That was a great win for the United States.
-The Civil War. - I love his attitude.
I never liked President Andrew Johnson.
Sleazy, crazy Johnson's what I like to call him.
I bet he had something to do with the assassination of President Lincoln.
My foundation has donated so much
to the Metropolitan Museum.
Can-- can I see your pictures?
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
We have a picture of the Priestess.
She's pretty hot.
When do I get to meet her?
Very soon.
This is her now. 2020.
I don't know what she uses, maybe a lot of cocoa butter.
Yeah. -There's another one right here.
The statue of her in Metropolitan Museum.
She's not wearing a bra.
I'm sorry, sir.
She'll be back in 400 years to choose a king.
These are the maps of her travels,
leading them from the area of Egypt
down to the Niger River.
Did you draw this?
I did, actually.
And here's a map of Africa.
We get Sebastian to unite all these nations here.
-Hmm. -When you do that, sir,
you will be the greatest man in history.
I'll be the greatest president of all time, won't I?
All time, sir.
You will be the one man who made Africa great again.
Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.
I-- I have, I have-- What do you call one of them?
-Hi-- uh, Holiness. -Your Holiness.
I don't think that we've actually been introduced.
I know who you are, Mr. Wanker.
Uh, it's "Wan-kay", um... Wow.
It seems I underestimated His Majesty
and I may have underestimated his people.
So I suppose what I'm asking you for is, uh...
Would you furnish me with some advice?
You don't seem to try to understand his people.
Ever heard of emotional intelligence?
Bye, Mr. Wanker.
Bye.
"Wan-kay." I, um... understand the people.
Look that up.
Uh, hello, Your Majesty.
I am Vice President Malcolm Youngblood.
I'm honored to call you on behalf of the President of the United States.
He wishes to congratulate you.
Mr. President is so proud, as is the entire nation, that
that an American citizen was chosen to become king.
And, Your Majesty, on a personal note,
I just wanted to say this is, uh...
the happiest day of my life.
Where are they?
-How you dey? How-- - I dey!
-How you dey? -I dey!
-I understand the people. How you dey? -Hey!
Fellow Americans,
as you may all be aware,
the news of the arrival of the Oracle to our nation
has been on all major news and social media.
I've just received a briefing from the National Security Council
that it is indeed true
that an American citizen has been chosen by the Oracle
to be the new king in the Kingdom of Africa.
I have spoken with His Majesty the King
and I have told him how proud I am,
as is the entire nation to have an American king.
Tonight... I signed the executive order
that authorizes Vice President Youngblood
to lead a White House delegation,
along with congressional leaders,
to Africa for the coronation of the new king.
I've also put forth an executive bill to Congress...
called the African Renaissance and Reparation Act.
Requesting Congress to gift $1 trillion to the American King.
This will be used to protect and rebuild Africa
as a form of reparations
for 400 years of slavery.
May God bless the United States of America...
and make Africa great again.