Got your Popcorn, Candy, Drinks ? .... The Movie is Rolling ....
"Enjoy the Movie"
(man) Can I trust you?
(woman) Of course you can trust me, my dear Kjetil.
Because if I can, I might... I might get out of this place
where I'm so angry,
suspicious, and desperate.
I just wish we'd talked about all this before.
I've been so suspicious that I... that I went through your phone.
Huh?
You're right, though.
It's not my fault.
I saw all those text messages you sent to Daniel.
I saw everything you said to each other.
- Kjetil... - I saw the things that you two have done.
- How could you go through my phone? - No, it's good.
Because now I know. I know all of it.
Now I'm fully aware that you're just a lying, cheating whore.
- That's what you are. - All of it?
You don't know all of it.
Okay, no? Then what else?
I'm pregnant.
- What? - I'm pregnant.
We're having a kid?
Not us.
Daniel and I...
are pregnant.
Yeah. That's right.
I'm pregnant, and the father is your dead brother's son.
(dramatic music plays)
(groans)
(sighs)
(man) And... cut!
Ah! Phew.
Ah! I think that was a good one.
Yeah, thanks, that's done. Beautiful work, guys. Thanks.
- KJETIL: Lars? - Yeah?
Do we need to, you know, go again, or...
No, it's good. Thanks, yeah. It's great. Thanks. Gold.
Gold.
- Oh, hey. - Hey.
That scene earlier was great.
- Think so? - Mm-hm.
- Oh, I'm so glad to hear that. - Yeah. It was great.
Hey, I had a thought for the next scene...
We're going to the cabin this weekend.
Hmm?
I mean, me and Lisa are going.
- How are things with Lisa? - Oh, good.
It's, uh... Lisa's Lisa. But I'm good, and she's good.
- That's what matters. - That's really good.
Yeah. Last time it wasn't, so...
Yeah, it's been up and down, but we're good now.
Hmm.
- Tell her I said hi. - Mm.
But I hope that we can talk a little about the scene we're about to do...
Lisa said, this weekend, she's going, um... hiking.
- Mm-hm? - She's gonna head up to the mountains.
All alone.
So I said to her, "It's dangerous, yeah?"
Dangerous?
- (horns blare) - LARS: See you tomorrow at twelve.
- On the dot. - (man on phone) Yeah.
- LARS: Yeah, don't be late, okay? - (man) Okay.
- You got all the equipment? - Yeah. All good.
- Okay. Perfect. Thank you. - But... Hey.
- Are we, uh... taking the boat out? - Huh?
While we're there?
No, we're not taking the boat out. What the hell are you talking about?
No! No boat. You forget why we're going there?
TØYEN "SENI-WHORE" CENTER
(man) How are things with Lisa?
Lisa's Lisa.
- Mm-hm. - She's good.
We're headed to the summerhouse for a little R and R. A break.
- (chuckles) A break from what? - Don't start, Dad.
When's this TV shit gonna end, huh? You're not gonna be the next Hitchcock.
- When will you get... - Areal job, like you had?
Look where it got you. Well done.
I drove that bus to provide for my family.
For you and your mother. Oh, and I built that summerhouse.
Lisa's...
She's decided to go hiking in the mountains.
Planning this whole walk into the... the mountains,
- all alone. - (laughs)
You know, it's dangerous.
There's snow and ice. I've told her to be careful there.
Dangerous.
I loved that house.
(laughs)
A beer, a hammock. Looking out on the lake.
Hear the wind in the trees. Huh?
LARS: Yeah.
- I designed it myself, did you know? - Really?
Yeah. The architect wanted to turn the cabin around, right?
I said to him, "It's much nicer to see the sun come up,
- that..." - Than to see it go down?
- Yeah, because it gives you hope. - Mm-hm.
You know, that's the problem with your whole generation.
All you fuckers, nothing is ever enough.
What good a war would have done you. All you sorry fuckers.
So war is good?
- Certainly made me a man. - Uh-huh?
A man isn't something born. Men are made.
They're something forged, something hardened.
By pain. Great suffering.
And by blood.
Jesus Christ.
Fuck. I should have kicked the bucket there.
I shouldn't be sitting here.
I can't die like this.
Not here. Not like this.
(register bleeping)
(horn blares)
- Oh, hey! - Hey, Lars.
- Doing good? - Yeah.
That's good.
- Happy hunting! - Huh?
Hey! Ready for the cabin?
Yeah.
You park so damn close to this fence.
Improved Captions by Sailor420
!!! Hope you enjoy the film !!!
♫ Någen lige å ligga i teten ♫
♫ Andre lige sannheten ♫
♫ Någen lige bare leken ♫
♫ De lar andre ta støyten ♫
♫ De har fått det som de ville ♫
♫ For det har skjedd i det stille ♫
♫ Men etter solskinn kommer regnvær ♫
♫ O store dessverre ♫
♫ O dessverre ♫
♫ Når regnet blir hardt ♫
♫ Då ser me så klart ♫
♫ Når regnet blir hardt ♫
♫ Settes hardt i mot hardt ♫
♫ For når regnet blir hardt ♫
♫ Så kommer harmen ♫
♫ Så kommer varmen ♫
(music stops)
(alarm chimes)
What are you doing? Huh?
- Oh, hm. - Oh, it was on sale.
- I wasn't worried. - Oh, I know you weren't.
No, I wasn't.
No, I know we can't afford to buy nice wine. That's why I don't do it, okay?
(alarm stops)
Can we just forget about all of this and just relax, okay?
- Okay. - Mm-hm. Thanks.
Is that the new play
- you're auditioning for? - Mm-hm.
- Any good? - It's okay.
Ah, you'll get the role.
I'm not so sure..
The director is supposed to be a...
pretentious bastard.
- That's the whole point of our job. - Mm-hm.
(chuckles)
But this guy's a theater director.
- What are you saying? - Nothing, nothing.
Because I direct TV, right?
When you direct TV.
I am directing TV, though.
- And I got home early. - A soap opera, right?
Oh, yeah? And when was your last job, then, Meryl?
"Side effects can include drowsiness, dizziness, diarrhea
- and thoughts of suicide." - Don't talk like the crap you do's better.
That crap I do pays our credit card bills, in fact.
- I am so tired of arguing with you! - So then don't!
When we get there, I'm gonna lie in the hammock
- and not move for the whole weekend. - That's great.
Learn this part, and drink some wine...
Only reason I will ever move is to go to the fridge.
Or to go watch some TV.
I wasn't trying to say he's better than you, he's not.
He's just different. You're...
You're an amazing director.
Uh-huh. We both know that's some bullshit.
(both laughing)
(birdsong)
(Lars sighs)
- (bleep) - What the fuck?
What is it?
- (bleep) - Doesn't fucking work.
LISA: Honey, I'm home!
(sighs)
Home, sweet home. (chuckles)
♫ Jeg vil fortelle hva som hendte På et sted, helt innerst i en fjord ♫
♫ Der bodde tusen frelste Pluss en tenåring, og hennes unge mor ♫
♫ Vel, da skolen var slutt en sommerdag Kom datteren løpende som gal ♫
♫ Og hun sa, "Mamma, her er brev til deg Fra tilsynet for høg moral" ♫
♫ Oh, i brevet sto "Fru Johnsen De fostrer dårlig dotter Dykkar sjølv" ♫
♫ "De har altfor korte skjørt Og det seiast at de stundom drikker øl" ♫
♫ "De må kome på eit møte Det er no ikveld, i Bedehusets sal ♫
(clank)
♫ "Vi må ta dotter Dykkar frå Dykk Helsing Tilsynet for høg moral" ♫
♫ Klokken syv den samme kvelden Startet møtet ♫
♫ Og med ett så smalt en dør ♫
BASIL
♫ Og like inn i salen kom Fru Johnsen Kledd i miniskjørt som aldri før ♫
♫ Først da hun nådde prekestolen Snudde hun, og så ut på den fulle sal ♫
♫ Og sa, "Jeg har litt å si til Dere Voktere av stedets moral" ♫
LARS: Have you seen my wool sweater?
LISA: Which one?
The one I'm always wearing when I'm here.
The one I like, with the stripes, you know, that I wear when I'm here.
It's not in the closet?
I looked there, obviously.
LISA: No, haven't seen it.
Hey, you can't... It's important that they're not too thick.
That they're not that thick. Make them thinner, okay?
Okay.
Hey, don't, don't. Don't turn it down now!
But it's way too hot. Look at that. You'll burn them.
No. The butter's supposed to be like that. Crackling.
- Oh, come on, can't you just... - Hey!
- ...put them in the pan? - Aah!
- (sizzling) - (Lisa sighs)
Okay.
LARS: What do you think?
LISA: It's good.
LARS: I got Arvid to cut them for me.
They don't have New York strip at the store, so I had to draw it for him.
- You drew the steak for him? - Mm-hm.
What's up?
I think it's... fascinating how much time you can spend on...
On us having a nice meal and a nice night?
Of course. I'll do that.
When's your audition, huh?
On Tuesday.
If you're ready? All good?
There's a lot I've got to memorize, but...
- Well, what a great place to do it. - Mm-hm.
That, um... other thing?
- What other thing? - That, uh... that, um...
That thing, um... that thing you're writing.
You and that guy from your acting class.
- What's his name? - Diego.
- What's his name? Diego? - Mm-hm.
Mmm.
So, how's that?
It's going well. I think it'll work.
Great.
Is it rough?
Is it hard?
Mm-hm.
(chuckles)
It's good to write your own material.
Smart.
LARS: Okay.
That's one, two, three...
four, five, six, seven...
eight, and nine.
(Lisa chuckles)
Gurka. Cucumber. Triple score, bitch.
- 54 points. - Like fuck it is.
- What? - You can't use a Swedish word.
It's "agurk" in Norwegian. A-G-U-R-K.
- How come Swedish isn't allowed now? - It's the Norwegian edition of the game.
If Swedish was allowed, it'd be a Swedish box and rules.
- Well, I'm doing it. They're my points. - Then you lose.
- (scoffs) Are you serious? - Of course I'm serious.
(sighs)
- Okay. I'm over it. - Well, then it's "agurk".
12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18... 18 points. "Agurk".
(yawns)
You tired?
You get tired when you lose, huh?
Go upstairs, I'll clean up.
Good night.
Are we going to continue playing tomorrow, or do you give up?
- You're really far behind, you know. - (chuckles)
We'll play tomorrow.
Night, then.
(owl hooting)
(birdsong)
(sighs)
(clanking)
Come on, now. Come on.
Come on. (clears throat)
LISA: Lars?
- Yeah? - Can you come over here?
I can come, yeah. I'm coming.
(sighs)
What's wrong?
LISA: I need some help in here.
- (Lisa yells) - (Lars groans)
(coughs)
(gasps)
(groans)
(sighs)
What were you doing with this?
- The hammer? - Mm-hm.
I was... gonna fix the roof. Those roof things. You know?
(laughs) Roof things?
- Mm-hm. - Ah!
The shingles?
- Yeah. The shingles. - Uh-huh. Uh, yeah, yeah.
And this one?
- What are you doing? - What were they for, huh?
What about the rocks in the boat? What were they for?
(sighs)
I saw what you were doing by the edge of the forest.
What are you talking about? Why'd you zap me with a Taser?
(banging)
Ah, fuck.
Lisa, stop it. Come on! Hey!
Stop it.
If I was to guess, I'd say you were going to take the hammer,
hit me on the head, tie me up, take me out in the boat
and sink me in the lake with those rocks.
- (gasps) - Warmer?
The thing that I...
don't understand is, um...
what was the saw for?
Hmm?
Bodies float. So I was going to cut you into pieces.
(laughing) What?
(laughing loudly) No! What? Lars!
You were gonna... you were gonna dissect me?
- (laughing) - Mm-hm.
You? You can't even hold a raw steak.
(laughing)
(mimics whining)
(laughing)
But, I mean, what... What were you thinking?
What were you going to tell people?
That Lisa just went for a walk, that she never came home?
No... No! (laughing)
Are you kidding me? That was your plan?
(laughing) Oh!
Oh! You're so fucking stupid.
(laughing) Oh!
But hey... What I really...
really, really want to know, is what for.
What kind of idiotic motive do you have to murder me?
Let's start off with you being a lying bitch and a two-timing whore.
Hmm.
- When'd you realize? - When I got home one evening.
You were rehearsing with that classmate of yours.
And I saw it wasn't lines he was feeding you.
So you were going to beat me to death with a hammer and cut me up
because of Diego?
Because I'm screwing someone else?
Okay, but take a second and think.
Think hard. I know it's difficult for you,
there's not much going on up there, but try.
When's the last time we fucked? Hm?
Hm?
When's the last time you satisfied me, Mr. "Two humps and I'm going to sleep"?
Fucking whore.
I can't say that I'm surprised.
An idiotic motive, an idiotic plan, an idiotic man.
My plan, however...
Phew.
It's on a whole other level.
What was your plan, then?
Not was.
Is.
Hunting?
ONE DAY EARLIER
- Yeah. - You?
You know I hate guns.
But he was like, "Come on, Lisa. It's something we can do as a couple."
- But you can't even shoot, right? - No, but Lars can.
- So it can't be too tricky, huh? - Excuse me, Ms. Lisa?
I'm done with the leaves, so I'm heading out.
Oh, thanks, Victor. I'll send you the money.
Thank you so much.
- See you later. - See you soon.
Really soon.
(laughs)
(chuckles) He does some odd jobs for us,
of the easier sort.
I can't get over your hair. It's...
- Yeah. - You went blonde.
Yeah, it was for a role.
- An audition. - So, did you book it?
No.
- (chuckles) No. - (children shouting)
Your time will come.
You only need one good role. That's what Lars says.
Yeah.
That's what he says.
(horn blares)
- Happy hunting. - Huh?
We're hunting in the forest. I didn't really want to come, but...
you convinced me.
I hate the thought of guns. Everyone knows it.
So... I'm walking behind you, and I...
I stumble.
And boom...
"No!"
"No! Oh, my God!"
"What a tragic accident. So awful."
(chuckles) Okay.
I get it.
- What? - No, it's just that
this is where your plan falls apart.
- How so? - Because, Lisa...
Because you're a terrible, awful, horrible actor.
You can't even act your way out of a speeding ticket.
You can't even fake an orgasm, can you?
All that screaming and godawful groaning you keep doin'?
I'm sure even Diego, as stupid, stupid as he is,
even he knows you're just lying.
Think of five years ago.
When I said to follow your dreams and move to Norway?
I was lying... through my teeth.
- Fuck you. - Fuck you!
You swallowed that whole fuckin' line, didn't you? You believed me entirely!
And you know why?
It's because I am so much better of an actor than you.
- Nah. - Yeah, I am.
You're a fucking bitter, useless, fourth-rate director.
Think of that movie you were gonna do. Of course you were gonna fuck it up...
- The deal fell apart! - So you just give up, then?
At least I had something to give up on, Ms. "Side effects can include..."
Just stop and look at that stupid blonde hair of yours.
Do you think you'll get more roles with that?
What's next for you, huh? Botox?
Or silicone?
- Actually, that might be for the best... - Hey, fuck you!
- Yeah, fuck you. - As if you're so much better.
- I am. - Remember that...
What's was her name? That dumb actress. Danielle!
- Who said the director told her... - Oh, my God!
- Are you starting this again? - Told her to take off her top
- so he could get a look at her breasts. - That was some "Me Too" bullshit, okay?
First of all, she was auditioning for a stripper,
- I needed to see if she was comfortable... - You needed to see if...
- (groans) - You're so creepy. Creepy and boring!
Every time I listen to your advice,
- it goes to hell. - Hm.
You were the one who told me to move to Norway for work.
- I was lying, you talentless fucking tit! - Enough!
Now, we're gonna get dressed and go for a long, long walk in the forest,
that ends up with me blowing your head off your neck.
I'm good, thanks.
Hm.
- You're good? - Yeah.
(yells)
(groans) You cunt!
Ow!
- You're so fucking pathetic. - (groaning)
If you don't do what I tell you,
I'll take your little hammer and shove it up your ass.
Nothing is going into my ass today.
Absolutely nothing.
- You're sure about it? - Oh, yeah. I'm sure about it.
(man yells)
(sighs)
What the hell took you so long?
(screaming)
FIVE DAYS EARLIER
(music thumping)
Want some?
No, I'm all right. I'm not five years old.
Why are we meeting here?
I thought it would be less suspicious, you know?
It's like how secret agents would meet.
Okay. Two adults, alone at a carnival?
Or two secret agents who are also pedophiles?
You're the one who needs me.
Yeah, 'cause there's one thing I won't... can't do.
Yeah, and I don't get it. That's the easy part, I mean, after it's over.
- It's like cleaning a reindeer. - Good. We're playing to our strengths.
But, um... I was wondering about my compensation.
The compensation? What do you mean?
Her policy is for a million. You get 500,000 and we move on.
I want it in writing.
You want it In writing? You want a contract?
A written document detailing how we're going to murder and and dismember my wife?
That's what you want?
- Yeah. - Ever heard of evidence?
Ever heard of "moron" before?
- I just want to be professional. - Be there at 12.
On the dot. Oh, and thanks so much for finding time in your schedule.
Goddamn snob.
Like I don't have a schedule. Of course...
Of course I have a schedule.
(screaming)
(whimpers)
- Morning. - (gasps)
Her face looks weird.
I think that's pretty common when someone smashes your head in with a shovel.
- (grunting) - Ah...
Sit down.
(gasps)
(sighs)
What?
What the fuck? Lars.
- Fuck, are you serious? - What?
You really dragged Victor into this?
Hey. Hey, Ms. Lisa.
I mean, Victor? Stupid Victor.
- Idiot Victor... - Hey!
- What? - Don't call me that.
Aah.
(sighs)
So the thinking is...
that Victor is going to kill me.
No.
It's not like that. Since Lars thinks it's gross,
we said that I would do the cleanup
- if he does the... - Hello.
- My job is to cut you to pieces. - Hey, let's just shut up.
LISA: Ah. Of course you can't do it yourself.
You fucking chickenshit.
- Shut your mouth! Both of you, stop! - You're a pathetic fool.
Just stop. It's my turn.
You're going to answer me, Lisa.
What the hell kind of reason can you have
to kill me?
I'm ready for it.
You mean apart from being a pathetic waste of life?
(sniffs)
Yeah, apart from that. Mm.
You're an irresponsible gambling addict
who buried our entire lives under his debts.
Oh, yeah, right. Fuck it.
LISA: "Just quit your job, Lisa."
"I'll take care of you. My salary's enough for the both of us."
- And it was! - Yeah, yeah.
You did all right for a few years, before people realized what a hack you are.
- Talentless fucking garbage. - Garbage?
- Oh! - You do realize
that we'll lose it all in two more months?
The house, and the car, and the cabin your father built for you.
- You just keep going like it's all fine. - What?
Expensive wines,
- and New York fucking steak. - What do you mean, we'll lose it all?
I bought the car. I bought our house.
Oh, and I got this summerhouse from my father.
- No, Lars. No, no. - Oh, yeah.
You know, when you get married, you share your belongings.
What's yours is mine, and what's mine is yours. So it's also mine!
(sighs)
(chuckles)
Oh, I get it.
You want the life insurance.
You were gonna kill me so you could...
- Be free. - Be free?
Okay.
Get far away from here and never look back again.
VICTOR: Huh. It's kind of funny.
- What? - Uh, it's just...
- What is? - Nothing. You shut it.
- It's also the life insurance we wanna... - Hey.
...uh, kill you for.
LISA: Mmm.
Diego.
- Well, it didn't help your case. - I get half.
Five hundred thousand.
- I'm buying a new RV. - Sorry, wait a minute. How much?
- Nice two-bedroom model. - Hey, Victor. Listen to me.
- That policy is for three million! - Let's all just shut up!
- Shut up, now. Keep it shut. Yeah. - (grunting)
Fuck, I can't wait to get rid of your nagging voice.
I'll never hear it again. Give me the hammer.
(Lisa grunts)
Give me the hammer.
- Uh... - (grunts)
- Hey. Stop it. - Let her talk.
- I wanna hear her out. - Can't we... Okay. You'll hear it.
- But I need... Give me the hammer. - Just let her finish.
- Stop joking. - Move, yeah?
- Give me the hammer. - Move!
(muffled grunting)
Hey!
Careful.
(muffled) Fuck you.
(gasps)
The insurance is worth three million.
Do you hear that? You'll get half of mine.
- A million and a half, if you shoot him. - LARS: Shut your mouth!
- Shoot him! Come on, do it. - Shut it!
Two million if you blow her head off right now.
- Lars, go die in a fucking hole. - Now! Do it!
- You're gonna die! - You get three million, everything,
- if you shoot him! - And now she's lying.
- Look at her shitty lying. - You lie all the time.
- I'm so fucking tired of you! - You're a liar!
- (yells) Give me it! Now! Get off! - (grunting)
(Lars yells)
(groans)
- LARS: Let go of the fucking shotgun! - (Victor grunting)
(gun fires)
- Let go! - I want half of it!
I said you're getting everything!
Retarded idiot!
- LARS: Ow! - (Victor screams)
LISA: Oh... No, no, no...
- No, no, no... - Oh, my fucking God!
(groaning)
No! (screaming)
- Victor! - How...
- LARS: Shit! - How does it look?
- Not optimal, I'd say. - Oh, my God...
- You shot his whole hand off. - Can you please calm the fuck down?
- Calm down? - Yeah, calm down!
- Do something! - I'm trying to figure out what to do.
- But you won't shut your mouth! - Take him to the hospital.
- Are you crazy? - Before he bleeds to death!
- I have to run! - He's losing blood!
- Hospital! - Do something! You have to stop him!
(squelching cough)
(clock ticking)
(both gasp)
(Lisa whimpering)
Fuck.
- What the hell have you done? - I, uh...
You said - you said to stop... stop...
Stop the bleeding.
Stop the bleeding, Lars.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
(shudders)
Fuck it. What's another murder?
What? (gasps)
No, I don't think so.
- (yells) - (gun clicks)
(gun clicking)
It's a two-barrel shotgun, dumbfuck.
(yells)
(groans)
I'll have to reload, then.
(Lisa moaning)
(screeches)
(screams)
Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Aah!
- Fuck! - (panting)
- Ow! Ow! - (muttering) Come on...
(both yelling)
Come here! (roars)
- (high-pitched whining) - (man screams)
- (thumping and creaking) - (man yelling)
(thumping and yelling continue)
(all yelling)
(coughing)
["Møkkamann" by DumDum Boys plays]
THREE DAYS EARLIER
♫ Det er ikke min seng og ikke mitt tak ♫
♫ Så definitivt ikke min dag ♫
♫ Om to sekunder går sikkert ♫
♫ En vennlig sjel igang en sirkelsag ♫
♫ Jeg burde ikke være her ♫
♫ For hvor jeg er må gudene vite ♫
♫ Men akkurat nå hjelper guder lite ♫
♫ Jeg må bort vekk hjem - nå ♫
♫ Møkkamann nok en gang ♫
♫ Møkkamann ♫
♫ At det går an ♫
♫ Hvorfor alle er så happy ♫
♫ Går over min forstand ♫
- ♫ Og dessuten er det harry... ♫ - Do you think they're still after us?
- No, they would've caught us by now. - ♫ Å stirre i senk en slagen mann ♫
♫ Brå små flash av ting man burde glemt ♫
- ♫ Er jeg heldig... ♫ - Roy, what are you doing?
♫ Er det noe jeg har drømt... ♫
- I'm hungry. Real hungry. - ♫ Balanserer på kanten ♫
- ♫ Snubler du trekker noen ned... ♫ - Hey! Are you stupid?
We're hungry too, but we're not stopping to eat berries that might be poisonous.
I need food.
- ♫ Møkkamann... ♫ - I can't function hungry.
You can't function at all, you fucking lump of meat.
- ♫ At det går an... ♫ - Come on.
- ♫ Nok en gang ♫ - PETTER: Roy!
♫ Møkkamann ♫
♫ At det går an ♫
- (music stops) - Oh, fuck.
(birdsong)
(sighs)
- (thumping) - (buzzing)
(Petter growls)
(alarm whoops once)
♫ Det er ikke min seng og ikke mitt tak ♫
♫ Så definitivt ikke min dag ♫
♫ Om to sekunder går sikkert ♫
♫ En vennlig sjel igang en sirkelsag ♫
♫ Jeg gikk planken jeg gir blanke ♫
♫ Jeg blir neppe lyst i bann ♫
♫ Men akkurat når du føler deg trygg ♫
♫ Bryter helvete løs igjen ♫
♫ Møkkamann ♫
♫ For n'te gang ♫
♫ Møkkamann ♫
♫ At det går an ♫
♫ Møkkamann ♫
♫ Gang på gang ♫
♫ Møkkamann ♫
♫ Det er min sang ♫
We'll stay here a few days till things are quiet, then we'll push forward.
See if we can find a vehicle.
Looking like this?
The fuck kind of clothes are these, huh?
I think they're quite nice. Look at this sweater.
(car approaching)
Oh, no.
(car pulls up)
PETTER: Fuck.
DAVE: Is that...
Are they coming in here?
PETTER: Son of a bitch.
We'll get 'em. Let's crush 'em.
What if more are coming?
- We can't risk it. - (door bangs)
(sighs)
(ladder thumping)
PETTER: Come here.
(ladder creaks and thumps)
LISA: Honey, I'm home!
(Petter chuckles)
Nice. Mmm.
ROY: Petter!
Should have taken the meatballs.
Those aren't the balls I'm looking for.
If you know what I mean.
- Mmm. - Of course I know what you mean.
You think you're discreet, that you're subtle?
You're horny, okay? I get it.
Now shut up, I'm trying to think.
- ROY: Petter! - We can't use that ladder.
It's too noisy and they'll hear us.
Petter! Please.
What the fuck is it now?
- My stomach hurts. - You have an upset stomach?
(gurgling)
Why do you have an upset stomach, you think?
(gasps)
Try to think, Roy. Why do you think you have an upset stomach?
- Maybe... maybe it's, uh... - Maybe it's, uh...
(stomach gurgling)
Maybe it's the berries.
Yeah, the berries. You think?
(stomach rumbling and squelching)
I need the toilet.
What do you mean, the toilet?
I've gotta shit.
What the fuck you doing?
- Roy, God! You're not taking a shit here. - No, no.
You're not taking a shit here! You're not dropping a deuce in this attic.
Fuck!
- You better not. - I'm not shitting in my pants!
- No, no! - Pull up your pants! (growls)
I must preserve my dignity.
(farting and grunting)
- (liquid running) - (groans)
(farting and groaning continue)
- (air hissing) - (moans)
(splatting)
(sighs)
(groans)
- (sighs) - Fuck you, Roy.
- (Roy sighs) - Dignity?
(birdsong)
Oh, fuck.
(sighing[
Fuck.
Yeah... We're stuck here for a while.
[all sigh)
Good God, what a stench.
(fly buzzing)
Dave.
- Dave? - What?
We're just like that girl and her family, who hid in the attic.
Huh?
Who wrote that book you read in your cell.
Anne Frank?
We're hiding up here in the attic just like rodents, you know? (chuckles)
You missed the part where she sat down and took a shit all over the floor.
Can you be quiet? Shut up, okay?
(shotgun fires) (thumping)
(Lisa screams)
- Huh? - (clattering and banging)
(Lars yelling)
ROY: What happened?
- (gun cocking) - (Lisa screaming)
- (Lisa sighs) - (Lars grunts)
They're killing each other.
(struggling continues)
Oh, my God.
- (gun fires) - (screams)
- Sh, sh, sh! Shut the fuck up! - (stamping)
- (yelling) - (boards creaking)
Oh, shut the fuck up!
(all yelling)
(crashing)
(groaning)
(plaster falling)
(pacing)
(plate scraping)
(cans opening)
(pipes rumbling)
(Lisa groans)
(Lisa sighs)
(groans)
(grunts)
What's, uh...
What's... what's happening?
You know, this is steak!
Hmm. Mm-hm.
Hey, you're that lady, right?
From that commercial?
The one for the people whose cocks aren't working?
It's you, right?
I told you!
Shit.
A star and all. (chuckles)
No wonder the steak is good.
- Mmm. - DAVE: Mm.
What is it?
Tenderloin?
Hmm. It's New... New...
(coughs)
New York... New York strip.
- (Dave and Roy) Ooooh! - (Dave chuckles)
(Dave laughing)
Who are you? Wh... what are you doing here?
I'm Petter.
That's Dave.
And the lump of meat is Roy.
You shot my anus.
PETTER: According to your driver's licenses, you're Lars.
And you're Lisa.
Of course, we should stay out of your private affairs, but, uh...
it looks like you two hava a little, uh... relationship problem.
And, considering that guy there, one of you's also a killer.
It... it was him.
- He's the one who killed him. - You told me to.
- That's not what I said. - You shouted, "Stop him!"
- I told you to stop the blood. - You didn't say, "Stop the bleeding."
- I'd have done it. You said, "Stop him." - Yeah...
- I meant stop the blood. What else... - Okay...
- What you meant... You didn't say! - You're so fucking stupid.
- You're the dumb... - Okay!
I don't give a fuck about all that stuff.
It's a kick, huh?
- (chair creaks) - Huh?
Killin' a man in cold blood.
You feel it, right? It's a rush.
Ooooh.
Me and the boys here have broken free from state conservatorship, so to speak.
We hiked two days through the woods before we found your cabin.
Thought we'd settle down here.
- (chuckles) - Before you came barging in.
Do you have any idea what it's like
to be stuck in that shallow fucking attic of yours
for 24 hours, smelling nothing but Nazi mess?
- LISA: Um... - Okay. Come on, Petter. Enough talk.
So, our next order of business is cash. (sighs)
We have a... Well, a liquidity problem,
- I guess you could say. - (sighs)
PETTER: We've searched through all your wallets and pockets
and the luggage upstairs.
From that, we put together a few hundred.
And we found a thousand in the pockets of that dead guy,
so thanks for that one, Lars!
LISA: Mmm...
We have, uh... There's 2,000 kroner in the office.
In a ceramic bowl on the desk.
Take it.
Please, just leave us alone.
Please.
Thank you, Lisa.
That's kind.
Fuck! Enough talking.
What? Oh, my God!
Like I said, we've been in prison for a while, and...
you probably know that men have...
- (Lisa gasps) - ...natural needs.
(gasps) Please. I beg you.
I'm begging you.
I'll do anything. I'm begging you.
Anything you want, but just not that.
You know, the balls get fuller and fuller over the years.
- (Lisa sobs) - (Petter sighs)
They must be emptied. The gonads must be drained...
- (whimpering) - ...before it goes to the brain,
before it curdles.
Okay?
(gasping)
Let's see if you're satisfied now.
(chuckling) Oh...
(laughs) Shit.
You're an ice-cold motherfucker, Lars.
- (Lisa whimpers) - (Dave chuckles)
- (Dave sighs) - (gasps)
(sobs)
Okay.
Go on, then, Queer Dave.
(Lisa gasps)
- No, no! - DAVE: Come and help!
(gasping) No! No, no!
No, no, no, no! Help!
(grunting) No!
No! Let me go!
(Roy grunting)
No! (yelling)
No! No!
No! (yelling)
(thump)
(Lars yelling)
No, please!
Ah, no! No! I...
No!
- (Lars whimpers) - DAVE: Hey. Hold on.
- Want a little tip, Lisa? - LARS: No!
(groans) No!
Just relax.
(Lars groaning and grunting)
If you fight it...
- oh, a lot more pain. - LARS: No!
(grunting) No!
No!
- No! - ROY: Hey, hey.
(all laughing)
(Roy burbling)
- He's like a fish. - Oh, God! Please!
Please.
(Petter chuckles)
- (sobs) Please. Please. I don't... - (chair creaking)
- I haven't done anything. - (all laughing)
(sobbing) Please.
I've seen a lot of men beg in my life. Lars.
(whimpering)
You're gonna have to do a lot better than that if you want a chance.
I mean, don't you know who this is?
Huh?
This is Dave "Horse Dick" Eriksen.
(groans)
I'll be honest, Lars. It's gonna feel like two bodybuilders
are shoving a fire hydrant up there.
- (Dave wheezes with laughter) - I beg you. (sobs)
Really, really...
(crying)
Please...
Look... look...
look...
- Please. Enough. - (Lisa sighs)
- LARS: I'm afraid. - (sighs)
LARS: I...
(crying)
- Please. - I think we need to help you a little.
Please, please, no.
- (Lars gasps) - LISA: What... what...
- No! - (Lisa gasps) What? What...
- (Lisa whimperng) - (Lars panting)
No. You...
You can take everything I have! Don't use that on me.
Don't. No, no, no, please. Don't.
Don't do it.
- Don't... - Come on, Lars.
If you really sell this now...
- Yeah? - ...we might not let Dave loose on you.
- (Lars groans) - (Peter chuckles)
Oh, God! Please!
- I don't want to, please! No! - PETTER: Lars.
Calm down. Lars, Lars, Lars...
- Calm down. - Oh, God Oh! (gasping)
- Fuck... - PETTER: Sh...
- Focus, now. Focus. - (whimpering)
Hey, wait a minute, Petter.
- I'm not done yet. - Shh.
(Lars bellowing)
(wailing and groaning)
- (click) - (Lars and Lisa scream)
- (Lisa sobbing) - Oh!
(laughing)
(Dave chuckles)
PETTER: Oh, fuck!
- (whimpering) - That was intense.
(crying)
Lars.
You're not done yet, you know.
(Lars panting)
You should kiss my feet. Kiss my feet.
Come on. Kiss my feet, Lars.
(Lars sobbing)
Kiss...
Come, come. Come now.
Come here. Yeah, come here.
Come on.
No.
Use some tongue.
Use some tongue, Lars. Come on.
(whimpers)
There you go. Yeah.
That's a good boy, Lars.
(Lars sobbing)
That's a good boy.
(whimpering)
(Petter sighs)
Now, look up at your wife. Look at Lisa.
(sobbing)
And tell her that you're a little shit.
- Come on, Lars. Say it. - (cries)
- Tell her you're a little shit. - (Lars sobbing)
Come on, Lars. Tell her.
I'm a...
- (groans) - Louder, Lars.
Louder!
I'm a little shit!
(Petter laughs)
- Isn't he? (laughs) - LARS: I'm...
I'm a little shit. I'm...
(Patter and Dave laughing)
Yeah, this is starting to look all right.
- (whimpering) - PETTER: What do you say, Dave?
Ehhh... it's a little amateurish to me.
- Hmm. - (Lars sobs)
- Yeah, you think so? - Mm-hm.
All right.
Yeah. It looks like you're gettin' fucked anyway, Lars.
- (wails) No! - Roy!
No, I don't want to! No!
No! No!
No, no! No! No!
(screams)
Oh, no! No!
LISA: Wait! Stop, stop! Stop!
Stop. Stop! Stop it.
I have...
a lot of money.
A large amount of money...
in the bank in the city that I... that I put away.
(panting)
125,000.
We can go there tomorrow, when the bank opens.
I'll take everything out and give it to you.
Everything I have.
But not if you do what you were gonna do to him.
Or to me.
You follow?
(Lisa panting)
(Petter sighs)
What about poor Roy over here?
He was looking forward to having a...
short and stormy relationship with you.
Of course, that kind of money does help your case.
It can keep us out of trouble.
Mm-hm.
- Okay, it's a deal. - (gasps)
Ah, fuckin' A.
No one touches him.
(yells)
- (sobs) - (Petter sighs)
(gasping)
(retching)
PETTER: All right, Lars.
Looks like your wife saved your ass. Literally.
(sighs)
(Lars sobbing)
(sighs)
(groans and sobs)
(crying loudly)
(pellet clinks)
Hey, uh... Petter?
Mm?
How many people have you killed?
(pellet clinks)
Why do you ask?
I'm just wondering how many people you've really killed, because I've heard...
- Ow! Fuck! - Lie still!
I just... I just heard you were the worst bastard in there.
PETTER: Ah...
ROY: And I heard that, um...
Come on, now, what'd you hear?
ROY: That you robbed that bank.
And then you killed your whole gang?
All three.
Because you didn't wanna split the money, they said.
- (pellet clinks) - (sighs) So that's what you heard?
(grunts)
- Mm-hm. - PETTER: Yeah...
The headline's correct, but the details are bullshit, obviously.
What does that mean?
(Petter grunts)
I got rid of those guys, but it, uh...
wasn't for the cash.
I'm not a greedy boy, Roy.
- (sighs) - ROY: Then...
Why did you kill them, then?
They had no value.
Look at you, for example, right? You're here because...
your brother knew that guy at the security company.
(pellets clink)
In our little escape plan, that obviously had... value.
(applause on TV)
But, uh...
(unscrews bottle lid)
Do I have value now?
Ow! Fff...
Good as new.
And now you have value again.
Lars?
Lars, can you hear me?
How the hell did we get here?
I don't just mean here, I mean...
(sighs) I was so in love with you.
When we got together...
I thought that we would always be a team.
You and me.
I thought we would do all that stuff we talked about.
That I could...
have such a wonderful life with you.
(sighs) Then it's just...
Then it's just debts and arguments and...
disappointing each other.
And everything turns awful.
(sniffles)
And then...
Diego.
(scoffs)
(sighs heavily) I'm so...
I'm so sorry for that.
(sighs) It didn't mean anything.
Hey...
- It really meant nothing. - (sighs)
Fuck it. Just forget it.
It doesn't matter, anyway.
We'll both be dead soon.
(man 1) Can you name for me some of Parliament's most important tasks?
Pass laws, pass the state budget and watch over the government.
(woman) Tell us.
- Go ahead and tell us the answer. - Pass laws. Pass the state budget.
And control the government.
(laughs)
(man) You almost said it earlier.
- (woman) Yeah. - (man 1) What's the budget called
that estimates the state's income and bills?
- The state budget. - (man 2) State budget.
(man 1) Exactly right.
Damn, you're smart. You should be a professor.
Professor?
I could have been prime minister, if born in the right zip code.
(Lars sighs)
- (laughter on TV) - LARS: Hello?
(man 1) Next question is...
Sh.
- (switches TV off) - LARS: Somebody!
Hello?
- Lars... What are you doing? - Can someone come down?
Lars! Shut up! What are you doing?
- Can someone come down here? - Lars! Shut up! Shut up!
Lars!
What are you doing?
Lars!
Lars.
LISA: What the fuck are you doing?
- Roy. Go on down. - (Lars yells)
(thumping)
LARS: Please come down! Come down now!
(banging and clattering)
I need the toilet.
Piss your pants.
Um... It's, um... a number two.
The guy's gotta take a shit!
So let him take a shit.
(switches TV on)
(laughter on TV)
(Roy sighs)
You're not gonna do something, right?
- No. - No.
(cuts rope)
(Lars grunting)
(door creaking)
ROY: Hey, wait.
I'm just gonna see if you have anything you might...
surprise little Roy with.
- (water running) - Hm.
(door closes)
(banging)
You know what... you know what this means?
Look!
It means I don't like folks like you.
- Okay. - Hm.
Just give us that money.
The money is why Petter says I can't molest you.
- Yeah, exactly. - Mm-hm.
But I was thinking...
if you can just show your boobies to me, then...
You know, titties...
Then I can jerk it a little.
Mm... I don't know/
I don't...
think so.
I'll talk to Petter about it.
- Yeah. I'll talk to Petter about it. - (toilet flushes)
(yells)
(Roy grunts)
Lars!
Can you untie me?
Lars!
Lars! Lars!
(stairs creaking)
(gasps)
(panting)
(gasps)
(laughter on TV)
(man 1) Come back, dear!
Roy! How's it going down there?
(stairs creaking)
PETTER: Roy! What's the deal?
Fuck. He's as deaf as he is stupid.
(sighs)
(man 1) ...all the way to the final...
Roy!
(man 1) All right, baby! Are you...
(sighs) Fuck's sake.
Roy! What the fuck's going on?
Roy!
- Roy? - (Roy groans)
- (groans) - PETTER: What happened?
He hit me with a...
- He hit me with his sock. - Sock?
Fuck.
Fuck!
They can't have gotten far.
Come on, then.
Okay. Roy, take the road.
- Uh. - Dave, with me.
(Roy whistles)
Damn!
(spits)
(grunts)
Fuck... (panting)
Come on, come on!
Fuck!
A-ha!
- Bingo! - What you got there?
Nothing.
Give it here.
Come here.
Boat keys.
That's smart.
You would have made it too, if my flashlight hadn't broke.
You... still need me alive.
- For the cash. - The money doesn't matter now.
Your man hit me in the head.
So the rules say you've gotta die.
What fucking rules, huh? Huh?
Hey... Wait, wait, wait. Please, I beg you!
Do you know how many whores I've heard tell me that?
Move away from the fridge. I don't want to shoot it of there's still beer inside.
(stair creaks)
So, I've...
I thought some more.
About what you said in the basement.
That you wanna take off my top.
To see your tits.
Yeah.
Uh... Roy.
It was Roy, right? I mean...
I couldn't say it down there, near the others, but...
I mean, especially not in front of my husband, but...
I think I want you, too.
I was thinking that I might...
come with you after we go to the bank.
I could be, uh... with you. (laughs)
I know we don't know each other that well, but...
I think that the two of us could...
I think that on the road, we could have... fun together.
I mean, a lot of fun. If you get what I'm saying.
(floor creaks softly)
- I don't know if I know what... - Oh, I think you understand.
I see it in your eyes.
I can see that you want to.
- But... - What? But what?
- But you're a, uh... - What am I?
What am I, Roy?
- You're a Jew... - (rattling)
(both yell)
(gunshot)
(Petter sighs)
- (Roy roaring) - (Lars groaning)
(all grunting)
- ROY: No! - (groans)
(screams) Come on, stop!
- (groans) - (screams)
(growling)
(coughing and gasping)
(screams)
(both yelling)
(screams)
- Fucking... - (choking)
- (cracking) - (groans)
(growling)
(Lisa gasping)
(Lars yells)
Lisa!
(screams)
(thump)
(gasps)
- (squelching) - (gasps)
(Lars gasping)
(Lisa sighs)
No.
No, no, no, no.
(crying)
Why?
Why did this have to happen?
What the hell did Roy ever do to anyone, huh?
Lars. Lars! Come here. Here!
(thump upstairs)
Come on.
(Lisa gasps)
I know how we ended up like this.
It wasn't your fault.
It's my fault.
Only mine.
(creaking)
When you tell me that... that I gave up, you're right.
I gave up.
And I blamed everyone else for it.
You. Work. That fucking debt.
Somehow, I became okay with it all falling apart.
(sighs)
I'm sorry.
(floorboards creaking)
(both gasp)
- They're coming. They're coming. - Sh,
They're coming! Shhh!
(floorboards creaking)
(gasping)
Shh.
Take the boat.
- What about you? - I'll come after.
Lisa.
In the kitchen with Roy?
That was the best goddam performance I've ever seen.
- (yells) - (Pettter grunts)
Fuck.
Oh! Fuck!
Come on, Lisa. Lisa!
(Petter roaring)
(yells)
Aaaah!
(yells)
- (yells) - (gasps)
Oh! (yells)
- Just hold that fucking whore for me. - (Lisa gasps)
(roars)
I just tried to be nice, Lars.
- Keep on good terms. - (whimpering)
(sighs) Stupid, stupid me.
- What... (choking) - (growls)
You live and you learn, you know, Lars.
- No! No! - Stay still. Stay still.
And you're gonna see what happens when you mess with Petter Larsen!
(spluttering) Oh!
I've killed people many different ways, Lars.
- (Petter grunts) - (engine starts)
Oh, fuck!
I've shot them, strangled them and...
LISA: No, no!
...I've burnt them, I've stabbed them, I've beaten them to a pulp...
Stop! No! (sobbing)
- Oh, God! - PETTER: In '92,
I cut a man's head off with a bottle opener.
But I have never put someone's head into a lawn mower.
So thanks for that!
- (Lars yells) - (Petter grunting)
- Oh! Oh, my God! - (growling)
Let him go! Let him go!
(screams)
(grunting)
(horn blaring)
(groans)
What in the halls of hell are you doing out here?
SIX HOURS EARLIER
(coughing)
(crickets chirping)
(clock ticking)
(buzzing)
(ringing tone)
(buzzing)
Oh, for the love of God, what the fuck do you...
(grunts)
- (sighs) Hello? - Hello.
Hello, yeah. It's Hans. Hans out by the fjord.
Hans?
I'm sorry for calling a strapping young man like you
- so late this evening. - (yawns)
But I was out driving my car, you see. I was going to, uh... the pharmacy.
You know, I need my medicine, and I wasn't sure I had any at home,
but anyway, there it was.
- Uh... - (groans)
Sometimes, the pharmacy's open late these days.
So I thought I oughta get some more,
in case I was all out of the stuff I have at home.
And so, I got some more, but then I got home
and saw that I already had some here, anyway, so that, you know...
- That... Well, that's all. - Hans, Hans!
Hans, why are you calling my cellphone
in the middle of the goddamn fuckin' night?
Well, uh, like I said...
- (groans) - ...I drove past your cabin.
Did I mention that?
Uh, and the light was on...
- It was on in the house. - That's because my son is there.
And there were a lot of cars parked all around the front.
On the outside. Also, also the main door was wide open...
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Uh... (sighs) Did you go check on him?
No, because you never know!
It could be a break-in or something...
- Something dangerous. - Yeah. Uh, Hans, Hans, that's great.
Thank you for giving me this call, okay? Good night.
- (dialing tone) - Yeah. No problem at all. Good night.
- (sighs) - (ringing tone)
Hi, this is Lars. I'm probably on set, so leave a message,
- and I'll get back to you after we... - (sighs)
♫ Jeg vil ha fri, shu-bi-dua, shu-bi-dua Jeg vil ha fri ♫
- ♫ Shu-bi-dua ♫ - Fucking asshole kid.
♫ Jeg vil ha fri Shu-bi-dua, shu-bi-dua ♫
♫ Jeg vil ha fri, shu-bi-dua, shu-bi-dua ♫
Goddamn piece of shit old man legs!
(sighs)
Ahmed, my dear friend.
So, I've got a little problem.
- You know my house by the lake. - Mikkel, get back to bed.
- And you know my name is Abid. - Listen.
They're breaking windows down there. His phone is off.
- I've got to go to my... - To your bed. We can talk about it later.
Take that bed and shove it up your ass!
- I don't have time for this! - Okay. That's enough.
♫ Whoo! ♫
(grunts)
(alarm chirps)
♫ Gi meg fri i kveld ♫
A goddamn homo-mobile.
♫ Oh, sitter her på trappa Venter på a' Martha ♫
♫ Venter på a' Martha Venter på a' Martha ♫
♫ Sitter her på trappa Venter på a' Martha ♫
♫ Venter på a' Martha... ♫
- (chiming) - ♫ Samme gamle leksa ♫
- ♫ Hu har glømt att veska ♫ - A goddamn spaceship shitbox.
♫ Ooh ♫
- ♫ Ooh, je blir fort fortvile' ♫ - (chiming)
♫ Itte lett å smile ♫
- (groans) You goddamn gas-suckin' whore. - ♫ Nå får a' jammen komma ♫
♫ Kaster meg i Glomma, ooh, ooh ♫
♫ Whoo! ♫
Hey. Fatty!
- Hey, come help me out. - ♫ Gi meg fri i kveld ♫
Fuckin' long-haired, Green-votin', draft-dodgin',
grass-smokin', tree-fuckin'...
♫ Whoo! ♫
What in the fuck...
Fuck!
(gasps) Mikkel!
- (lawnmower running) - Papa?
- My cabin! Fuck... - (whimpers)
Hey! Don't come closer.
One more step, and I'll cut.
You're feelin' tough for...
a guy with no gun.
- (screams) - (gasps)
Cut that, you little fucker.
Papa!
(gasps)
You're gonna watch me while I kill your son
and fuck your daughter-in-law while you bleed.
Papa!
(roars)
- Papa, no! - Get in the car!
Oh, my nose...
(spits) What nose? - (groans)
(laughs)
DAVE: Fuck!
(groans)
It's fucked. (moans)
They fucked it.
(yells)
(Lars groans and coughs)
- Lisa? - Hm?
Get down to the boat and get it ready.
What?
- Don't go back. - There's somethin' I gotta do.
No. Mm.
I have to.
- Hey. Stop whining. - (groaning)
- Hey. Look at me. I said, look at me! - (crunch)
- (wails) - Look at me.
Go inside, and bandage that wound.
- Yeah. - Okay.
I'll take care of them.
- (whimpers) - Okay?
(yells) Uh-huh...
(groans)
Fucker!
(panting)
Okay. Come on.
- Come on. Oh, come on. - (squeaking)
- (engine catches) - Come on, yeah.
(gasping)
Damn it.
(screams)
(yells) Fuck, fuck, fuck! Come on!
(beeping)
Fuck.
(groaning)
(groans and gags)
(retches)
(screams)
(coughing)
(sighs)
(groans)
(grunting)
(grunts) No more pain.
- (crunch) - (screams)
Okay... (panting)
- (sloshing) - Uh...
- (crunch) - (yelps)
Going fishing?
- (screams) - (yells)
(growls
[yells)
(gasping)
No gun in a nursing home.
(whimpers)
What do you want from me?
Why not just take the boat and get away?
Because, you fucking Swedish cunt...
I still need that money.
You're getting it for me.
(yells)
Okay, okay.
Listen, I got people who owe me money. Big time.
(panting)
(gasps and groans)
Don't do it, please.
Please.
(whimpering)
No. Oh, please. No, not my dick.
No, no, no, no, no, no!
(groans)
Dave "Horse Dick" Eriksen, was it?
I didn't mean it, okay? I really wasn't gonna do it.
It was just... It was all just a joke.
I swear.
That's a nice sweater.
Huh?
- (gun fires) - (Dave screams)
(sighing)
(chuckles)
(sighs)
Oh.
Lars?
How are you? (coughs)
How are you doing?
I'm good, Papa.
I just... just shotgunned the guy in the balls, so...
I'm proud of you.
That's my boy.
(birdsong)
(sighs)
You were right.
It is nicer to see the sun rise than...
...see it set.
(engine starts)
Adiós, Dave!
(yells)
Are you really gonna leave your partner behind like that?
There are no real friends in my world, Lisa.
Either you have value, or you don't.
And Dave definitely has no value now.
Why are you so preoccupied wirh Dave?
He was gonna make mincemeat out of your husband's ass.
(gasps)
That scene down in the basement...
Your husband laying there, begging like a little girl and drooling on my shoes.
Where do you think he is now?
Hiding in the woods like a little shit...
(yelling)
Come on, you fucker! (yells)
(screaming)
(hissing)
(men grunting)
What the hell got you thinking you can fucking fight?
(gun cocks)
Adiós, Petter.
(laughing)
What the fuck? That's the stupidest shit I've ever seen!
(chuckling)
(yells)
(yelling)
(engine spluttering)
- (continues yelling) - (crunching)
(bellowing)
And now you're gonna fucking die,
you little good-for-nothin' piece of shit rat.
(choking)
(growling)
(Lisa yells)
Sorry, but you have no value now.
(yelling)
(gurgling)
(sighs)
- (yelps) - (Lisa gasps)
(yells)
(whimpers)
(yells)
- (groans) - (yells)
(both gasping)
(birdsong)
(footsteps)
(groans)
(sighs)
Police are an hour out.
- Hey. - Hmm?
When we were down in that basement...
Those billiard balls, how did you...
(gasps)
(whimpers)
At least we're both alive.
We're still underwater, just like before.
No money. Too much debt.
We're still fucked, Lisa.
["Kontroll på kontinentet" by Kaizers Orchestra plays]
- Huh. Yeah... - Hmm?
How about, uh...
♫ Den skal vær mann Som kan gå med min hatt ♫
♫ Den skal vær kald som tar øve mi makt... ♫
THREE HOURS AND FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER
♫ For å gå med mine sko ♫
♫ Men han må ha sin egen pistol ♫
♫ For du vett kva som står i testamentet ♫
♫ Oh, du vett kva som står I testamentet ♫
♫ At den som tar hånd om min Constanze ♫
♫ Får min hatt, får mine sko Får mitt extravanganza
♫ Ta kontroll på kontinentet ♫
♫ Oh, ta kontroll på kontinentet ♫
♫ All right, ta kontroll på kontinentet ♫
♫ All right, ta kontroll Ta kontroll, ta kontroll på kontinentet ♫
SURVIVED TERROR ON CABIN TRIP
FIVE DEAD IN CABIN MASSACRE
ESCAPED MURDERERS KILLED BY MARRIED COUPLE
(woman) What can you tell us?
♫ Og eg ber om å bli godt parfymert ♫
♫ Eg skal lukte godt Når eg først skal gå ner... ♫
What do you think made it so that the two of you survived?
I think... Well, I think that...
our love, and how strong it is
let us survive, yeah.
(applause)
And now, your story is being turned into a feature film.
♫ Ta kontroll på kontinentet... ♫
Yeah, that's right. It's gonna be a film.
(applause)
BIDDING WAR FOR SCRIPT RIGHTS
STORY SOLD FOR MILLIONS
MAKING MOVIE WITH HOLLYWOOD STARS
(creaking)
(man) Yeah...
We're gonna have some fun now.
Hell, yeah, we are.
(men laughing)
Aaah! Queer Dave.
♫ Eg ser det for meg ♫
♫ Det kryper imot meg... ♫ - Take it away.
♫ Ser det for meg, ser det for meg ♫
♫ Ser det for meg... ♫ - Like hell you are.
♫ Åh, mi søster, ah, mi søster ♫
♫ Nå vett eg kven som er tyster ♫
♫ Åh, mi søster, ah, mi søster ♫
♫ Eg hørte alt du sa ved mi kiste ♫
♫ Oh, Fader Martin, oh, Fader Martin ♫
♫ Eg syns dette begynner ♫
♫ Å lukte bensin ♫ - (man)Cut!
♫ Og mi Costanze Og min Constanze ta min hatt ♫
- ♫ Ta mine sko, ta mitt extravaganza ♫ - All right, thanks.
- On set in five. - ♫ Ta kontroll på kontinentet ♫
Thank you so much, everybody.
♫ Ta kontroll på kontinentet, all right ♫
That was exactly what happened.
♫ All right, ta kontroll, ta kontroll Ta knotroll på kontinentet ♫
♫ Whoa-ah-oh-oh ♫
♫ Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh ♫
♫ Whoa-ah-oh-oh ♫
♫ Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh ♫
♫ Whoa-ah-oh-oh ♫
♫ Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh ♫
["Så som så" by DumDum Boys plays]