♪ Head above water I'm making a way ♪
♪ It's the first of the month And the bills ain't paid ♪
♪ I'm saying Man, this feeling's like Good Times ♪
♪ Yeah Man, this feeling's like Good Times ♪
♪ Keep my family close Pick me up when I'm low ♪
♪ Help me down on this road And I'mma bring us back home again ♪
♪ Man, this feeling's like Good Times Yeah ♪
♪ Man, this feeling's like Good Times ♪
♪ And today I'mma get out my way, Momma ♪
♪ They try to spray But the spirit kept me safe, Momma ♪
♪ Again Man, this feeling's like Good Times ♪
♪ Yeah Man, this feeling's like Good Times ♪
♪ Hustling to survive I'm just doing my job ♪
♪ Feds be blocking my shine But the sun always rises here ♪
♪ Man, this feeling's like Good Times Yeah ♪
♪ Man, this feeling's like Good Times ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
[mysterious music playing]
[gasping] Oh God. No. No. Oh God, no.
Please tell me I've been shot. Ma!
[Beverly gasping] Oh God. Oh no, no. Oh God. Please tell me you've been shot.
I wish, but no. I think I got my first period.
-Shh. -What are you doing?
I'm making sure none of the busybodies around here catch wind of this.
I don't need nosy women
or future R. Kelly's to know you're fertile.
Ma? Grey's vagina got a bloody nose?
Get out of here. And not a word about this to your father.
You all need to keep it down in here.
This is my first day off in a year,
and nothing is gonna prevent me
from enjoying some well-deserved relaxation.
-Grey got her first period. -Gotta work.
Gotta chase that paper. Be home in a week when she's back to normal.
What's happening to me?
You'll lose 18 ounces of blood a month.
You'll want chocolate, but no amount'll be enough.
You'll get bloated, acne,
and your mood'll make you think serial killers are misunderstood.
And then, there are the bad days.
Would you do something about this before I bleed out?
There's that mood. Watch your tone.
Now, just sit tight. We'll get you cleaned up, easy-peasy.
What is that?
It's a feminine napkin.
Why can't I just have a tampon?
The white girls on the commercial say it's like not having a period.
-They even swim. -They're a gateway.
First tampons, then who knows what you're sticking up there?
Just pull that. Raise your leg. Okay. Around, up. There!
Well, this looks like a gateway to nothing but permanent celibacy.
[school bell ringing]
[grunting]
[sighing]
[indistinct chattering]
Grey, come up to the whiteboard for the first problem.
I have important things to tend to.
[sighing]
Grey, move.
No, thank you. Whiteboards are racist. I only solve problems on blackboards.
Yeah, yeah, we know. Get your ass to the board.
And try to be quiet if you don't mind.
Hmm. Okay.
[desk screeching]
What? Is there something wrong with your feet?
[Grey sighing]
[snoring]
[screaming]
Oh, shit. Aunt Flo's in town.
-She riding the red moose! -Yeah! It's shark week in Grey's pants!
[all laughing]
Grey, go to the nurse's office. Your womanhood is ruining my nap.
[mysterious music playing]
Is there a reason you didn't just hand me the period brochure?
Uh-uh-uh. We don't promote that type of lifestyle around here.
This isn't Planned Parenthood.
[grunts] Just flesh wounds, huh?
-[Beverly] Grey? Grey? -Oh, I'm back here.
Oh, Grey.
I tell'd you to keep it on the low, and you go and get documented?
Nurses gossip more than Wendy Williams.
Don't tell anybody means don't tell… [laughing] You got shot again?
Oh, you silly child. Kids, can't wrap 'em in Kevlar, can't abort 'em.
Well, not anymore. Oh, well, I'll take it from here.
[humming, gasping]
[suspicious music playing]
Why the hell is my front door open?
Ain't this some shit.
First day off in months, and it's the day we getting robbed.
Somebody picked the wrong house today.
Mm-hmm.
-[Reggie growling] -[man groaning]
Junior, why you ain't at school, boy?
No wonder you doing the tenth grade for the third damn time. You never go.
[Brittany knocking on door] Hello, Junior? It's me, Brittany. We spoke on the phone.
I'm here to buy the painting you posted. Can I come in, please? I'm scared.
Don't do it, Reg.
She'll see Junior knocked out and call the cops.
Brittany's love calling the damn cops.
Absolutely not. Go away!
But what am I gonna do with all this cash?
This woman is the damn devil. Uh, be right there!
[Reggie grunting]
Oh, thank God. Wow. This is totally cray.
Sometimes artists exaggerate where they're from to seem more gritty,
but your neighborhood is a real shithole.
I'm genuinely afraid for my life. Check out my Fitbit stats.
Can't you just give me the money for this piece of junk and go?
[gasping] OMG, is that him? Is he dead?
What? No! No, no. He's not-- He's-- Oh, no. Oh. Oh. No, no. He's not dead.
I can't believe I own his final piece.
It has to be worth double. Does he have any mixtapes?
-Did you say double? -Fine, triple.
But I want a selfie in this apartment.
My friends will never believe this shit. Cover me.
Mmm. Dead artists are gold mines indeed.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, boy. Stay down. You might be on to something.
[grunting] Get in here, now.
God, this is the worst day ever.
Aye! Watch your mouth. This filth is not the blood of Jesus.
[Grey] No sanitary napkins? Of course.
What are you doing? Read my lips. No tampons.
Next thing you know, you'll end up giving birth in a public restroom,
and your life as you know it will be over.
[girl] Hey!
-[water bubbling] -[baby crying]
Well, if the stall fits!
Now, Mommy's going to teach you a trick. This is a makeshift napkin.
-We can even add wings. -I am not wearing a toilet-paper diaper.
Grey, put that down.
[dramatic music playing]
[grunting]
[Grey grunts]
[Grey yelling]
No!
[both grunting, yelling]
[baby crying]
I don't understand why I need to pretend to be dead to sell more paintings.
I gotta draw you a map, boy?
White people love their Black artists dead.
You're two out of three.
We're pretending the third happened. Like I do with your brother.
Okay, fine. But what does Dalvin have to do with this?
White people love buying drugs from him. You understand?
-[dramatic music plays] -[both screaming]
[both groaning]
Uh, where are we? What happened?
What happened?
You pulled on that whore-maker, and now we're here. I warned you, Grey.
You said I'd become pregnant and ruin my life.
Not that we'd get sucked into a magical tampon portal!
[creatures grumbling]
Dear Jesus,
please release us from the whore bondage of tampon spirits.
Break the chains of this filthy tamponland, God.
Oh, in the name of Jesus, I speak napkin life over my child,
and I ask that you get us out of here now. Please, Lord.
You going to grab that?
[sighing] It's Beverly again.
Nope. I know what it's about, and I'm not touching the uterus.
Not in this climate.
[creatures grumbling]
Ma, help! One of those things touched me. What are they?
-[woman] Firstly, they aren't just things. -Who said that?
[woman] These are the vessels from which all new life springs.
I wanna go home!
No, you wanted to be grown.
[woman] Ooh, bars!
[magical music playing]
Uh-uh. Who are you?
I am the Princess Hoo-Ha.
To meet y'all is my pleasure.
I welcome you both kindly to the most magical place ever.
-Beyoncé's closet? -The motherland?
No, no, no, no, though those do sound good.
Where you is right now is the womanhood.
Now, it may look like some pink room, but ladies--
Surprise! You in a woman's womb!
Are you saying we're in a uterus?
You heard me right. Isn't that just dy-no-mite?
No, it's unsanitary. These are my good shoes.
Unsanitary? No, it's like a self-cleaning oven
where miracles are born after just a skeet of loving.
My mother thinks skeet ovens are the source of all shame.
Because it is. That's what my Mama taught me.
That's just what gets passed down, and it's lame.
Don't hate the uterus. Hate the game.
[Beverly] What's up with the albino Skittles?
The eggs are celebrating you.
You saved their lives, and they're grateful.
You rescued them from somebody hateful.
How did we do that?
Your giant flying tampon killed Shonda Shame,
whose only goal in life was to make women feel her last name.
[upbeat music playing]
[eggs squeaking]
All right. Okay.
[Grey] Okay. All right.
Uh-uh. We don't need to celebrate. What we need to do is go home.
Then follow me, sister gal.
The only way out is through the birth canal.
To get to where you wanna go, you need to follow the monthly red flow.
Follow the monthly red flow?
The monthly red flow.
[grunts] And away we go to follow the monthly red flow.
Follow the monthly red flow. Follow the monthly red flow.
Yo-yo, my Tok-sik ******, what's good? Look, if you're into danger
and exploiting Black folks, come holla at your boy.
I'm hosting a memorial art show tomorrow at the project.
Come buy a painting that my dead brother painted when he wasn't dead my ******.
Details in the link. Yo, hit that motherfucker now.
Shit, they gonna be storming this place like the Capitol.
Hey, big boy, when I come back,
you better have my white-people-loan-out fee.
I can't believe it, my first art show!
I'm finally gonna experience people appreciating my work.
Yeah, except you know you can't be here, right, Junior?
-Huh? -What part of "dead" don't you understand?
I'm supposed to post and miss my own art show?
One way or the other, 'cause you either gonna play dead,
or I'm gonna make sure your ass is dead.
-[gasps] -Your choice.
[eggs squeaking]
[eggs grumbling]
Have you little omelets seen Shame around here?
Talk, or I'll have you all fertilized and carried to term.
And believe you me,
that's just where your troubles are beginning. You hear me, chicken?
[egg grumbling]
Slow down. They did what now?
They killed Shame,
and now they think they can just leave and tell the world that Shame's dead?
Do you have any idea what that'll do to me?
I'll be a laughingstock. People will think I'm an incompetent rube.
My name will be a national joke.
No one fucks with Grady Oscar Piles.
Vaginal vengeance will be mine!
Go find them now!
Above us are fallopian tubes carrying eggs to your uterine wall.
Over there is where the babies develop, which is the start of us all.
We really are incredible. Life literally can't happen without us.
Women really do rule! [chuckling]
[sniffing] Wait. What's that smell?
[Princess Hoo-Ha] Ooh, you do got a nose for sweets.
That there is the G-spot's treats.
It's the ultimate place to make you smile.
You probably gonna wanna stay awhile.
Grey!
[chuckling]
I love the G-spot. The goodies on this spot are on point.
Don't you ever fix your lips to say that again.
Relax, Ma. A little sugar never hurt anybody.
Child, please. Sugar might be sweet, but it also gives you cavities.
It starts with just wanting to try some.
Next thing you know, you're waking up to sugar bugs you can't get rid of.
Or even worse, sugar babies you can't afford to raise.
You understand me?
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Good. You shouldn't know what I'm talking about.
-What's the worst that could happen? -[gasps] Grey, look at your hand.
[groaning]
I don't feel so good.
Serves you right. Remember this.
-Just because this place-- -You mean the G-spot?
Yeah, that. Just because you like how it feels at the time
doesn't mean you won't pay for it later.
Swollen ankles will be the least of your problems.
Now let's go.
[eggs grumbling]
"Oh, no," is what the eggs say.
The patriarchy is on its way.
With Sister Shame now lying dead,
y'all gots a price upon your head.
Wait a minute. What is the patriarchy doing inside a woman's womb?
It's how they keep the women down.
But without shame as a weapon, they just a bunch of old-ass white clowns.
Ooh, we better run, hon.
But I can't. [groaning] My stomach!
[grunting] I warned you. But do you listen to me? No.
There they are! We found them.
Bring them to me so I can kill them.
[men growling]
It's the patriarchy.
The white man cometh to get his lick back.
If he catches your ass, he's not cutting no slack.
[all moaning, groaning]
Don't push my stomach.
[Grey yelling, farting]
[Grey sighs, farts]
-Sorry about that. -Don't be embarrassed.
That's a natural thing.
Just like the monthly blood your period bring.
I've had about enough of you and your rhyming, Queen Lacoochie.
This is my child, and she will not be tainted by your WAP agenda.
-Grey, you follow me. -But you don't know where you're going.
I have three kids. I think I can find a birth canal.
[mystical music plays]
Ugh, all these vaginas look the same.
Read my lips. We're lost.
[both laughing]
Not funny. You know we don't talk like that.
Why we gotta be so weird about how we were made?
My mama always said,
"God hid the female parts on the inside for a reason."
I'm so tired of your rules from the 1900s.
The world is different now.
-First of all, it was the 1990s. -Yeah. That's what I said.
This way. Let's go.
[Grey] No.
I beg your pardon? That's exactly what got us in this mess.
Your problem is you don't believe fat meat is greasy. You gonna learn.
Oh, you'll be back.
You know why? Because you can't get out that way.
Ugh, that girl and her hard head.
Yeah, it's difficult to imagine where she gets it from.
[woman] The hood energy is palpable.
[man] Blackity Black.
Oh Lord! Lord, it should have been me.
Lord, coming through. Move!
Auntie of the deceased coming through. Oh, Lord, it should have been me.
Or it should have been Bev!
But mostly, it should have been Reggie.
Oh, Lord, why couldn't it have been Reggie?
-Because that ******-- -Relax.
Dalvin asked me to show up
and act like I'm sad to drive up the prices.
I need to protect my investment. I even brought in my PR guy.
He's a journalist for the Chicago Tribune and one of my best customers.
-Don't say nothing stupid. -You know--
Yo, what'd I just say?
[grunts] Thanks for supporting my Black dead son's art.
He was killed in a trap house by dealers and the police and white supremacists.
They all shot at him at once. Right before diabetes got him.
The tale of a young Black man.
It'll probably win an Oscar. It's so sad and shit.
Bidding begins in 30 minutes.
I accept checks as long as they're written on cash.
I'm surprised you came with me. Probably just to taunt me, huh?
Go ahead. Say it. I know what you thinking. Just spit it out.
Are you sure? 'Cause you have said--
I know what I said. And now I'm saying talk.
Ah, Bev, I love you, girl, but you are, respectfully,
so thick-headed, you didn't learn a damn thing.
No rhyme?
No, Bev. Just the facts.
Oh, I learned plenty.
Like, despite my best efforts, my baby
is gonna end up a fast-ass girl with a tattoo of a barbed-wire rose
and some boy's name written underneath it in cursive.
-Like you? -Come again?
Beverly, you been lying so long, you believe it.
You know you was a fast-ass girl.
[magical tone]
Me? That's not even barbed wire. That's barbed ivy, and I--
[sighs] Look, I just thought if Grey didn't know,
I could convince her to--
You mean shame her?
Fine, yes, shame her into being better than me.
Oh, I see.
So yo mama shamed you, and you became a fast-ass girl.
You thought you'd do the same to Grey and get the opposite result?
Yeah, but when you say it, it sounds crazy.
Do you see the flaw in your logic?
I do now.
And now she out there all alone with the patriarchy on her heels
'cause you wanna be right.
Oh no. What have I done?
I gotta get my baby. Grey!
[man sighing] It's a little pedestrian.
Right, that's what I was saying.
It looks like short folks crossing the street.
No, I meant ordinary,
boring, uninspired. Meh.
Meh? You don't "meh" my dead son. How dare you?
The most interesting thing about it is that he's dead.
Honestly, judging from the work here, not a great loss.
He was a damn fine artist.
He saw the world in his own bone-headed way.
Look at this! I don't get it, which means it's probably smart.
He had more talent in his toe thumb than you'll ever have.
And if you disagree with that, then we need to fight.
Aw, thanks, Daddy.
[upbeat music playing]
Hey, little girl.
I'm Danita.
What you doing on Tampon Trail all by your lonesome?
Danita, I'm not a little girl.
As of this morning, I'm a woman.
Girl, please. You flatter than sheet rock in Texas.
Girl, bye. I seen diving boards with more shape.
You sure you ain't a boy?
Just because I haven't desecrated my face with economically exclusionary cosmetics
in an attempt to serve the fetishized desires
of an oppressive Caucasian patriarchy
doesn't make me any less of a woman.
I'mma tell you right now.
You ain't getting no free drinks talking like that.
Shake that patriarchy like your mama taught you.
[club music playing]
[men cheering, whistling]
[robotic machine pulsing]
I wanna be a real woman.
Then you lucky you found us.
[soft music playing]
Oh. Um…
I look good?
Hell yeah!
[men cheering]
[moaning, screaming]
-[groaning] -[woman gasping]
What the hell is that?
Oh. No, no, no, no! That's the artist's soul.
Stuck here in the projects, forever cashing welfare checks
y'all pay with your hard-earned taxes.
-Boo. -[woman screaming]
[woman] He's not dead. Let's get out of here.
Do you know how much money you just lost me?
I only wanted to see people appreciate my work,
but I got something better.
I heard you defending me.
You don't think I'm completely talentless after all.
Oh, H-- H-- Hold up now. I never said that.
No, you said my paintings were good,
but you didn't get them because you're not smart enough.
No argument there. But I'll tell you what, Pop.
I get my talented toe thumbs from you. You're like the Picasso of hustlers.
The family's lucky to have you looking out for us.
That's perfect, father-son con men.
I'm gonna write a takedown piece so harsh,
you'll wish you really had died.
Wait a minute now. Nobody talks about me and mines.
-Let me show you out. -Wait!
[Reggie grumbling]
That was so sweet how you exploited your son
and then stood up for him.
Now where my money?
We all taking a hit on this one. You can't get blood from a stone.
It ain't your stones I'm interested in.
-But I will sell your kidney. -You wouldn't.
Man, I ain't survived this long being a nice guy.
First installment is due before nap time Tuesday.
Don't make me wake up cranky. You wouldn't like me when I'm cranky.
I got news for you. I don't like you ever!
[sighing]
Son. I'm sorry I never told you before how really proud I am of you.
-Well? -Now clean this mess up, boy.
I know it's good. I got it, baby.
Grey LaVaughn Evans! Where did you get that ass, young lady?
[clears throat]
So, if this is how you wanna look,
I support you.
My mother never trusted me
because the patriarchy convinced her she couldn't.
Well, the generational trauma stops right here.
I want you to be proud of being a woman.
So, if this is how you wanna look,
[nervous laugh] even if you want tattoos, I-- I support you.
No matter what you, uh, you choose.
Bars?
Yes, Beverly, Bars.
But I don't.
-I don't want any of this. -[Beverly] Oh, thank God!
[Beverly] I love you, baby.
[magical tone]
That was so lovely.
I wish my mama said that to me.
Yes, that was quite something.
But did you really think, after all this, that I'd let you leave
to spread the word that Shame is dead?
Do you realize what would happen?
Yes, women would have domain over their bodies, their minds,
and their destiny, and shame would be gone forever.
Sounds just as crazy coming out of your mouth.
Shame will live on if it's the last thing I do.
Say your goodbyes. It's time to die.
Boo. Ooh, lines.
It's Bars.
[both yelling]
Quick. Jump on the whore-maker-- I mean, lifesaver.
-That must be the way to the birth canal. -Let's go.
[both grunting]
[both screaming]
-[yelling] -[both screaming]
[screaming]
[panting]
Grey? You hit your head.
Are you okay?
I'm better than okay.
[upbeat music playing]
["I am Woman" by Jessica Williams plays] ♪ I am woman ♪
♪ Hear me roar ♪
♪ In numbers too big to ignore ♪
♪ And I know too much To go back an' pretend ♪
♪ 'Cause I've heard it all before ♪
♪ And I've been down there on the floor ♪
♪ No one's ever gonna keep me down again ♪
♪ Oh yes I am wise… ♪
Son, your stroke game is weak. You gotta make love to the canvas.
Reggie, back away from my child.
Nah, that's okay, Mom. Dad's just trying to nurture my genius.
Look, babe, you don't understand the art market.
Black artists don't have to die broke because they usually die young.
So, the whites short the market, we ball out, and we die out.
Aw, that's great, babe. Lunch is ready.
Break time! Not for you. Time is money.
Yeah, my money.
And go easy on the Spam, Mom. I need his organs in tip-top shape.
Well, joke's on you.
My organs started failing ten years ago, boy.
That was the best bath ever.
Are you still, uh-- How can I put this delicately?
Leaking?
Leaking? Like we're broken faucets?
Isn't that just like a man to tell us something is wrong,
when that's how it's supposed to work?
Well, for your information, yes,
we're actually both on our period.
Doesn't it feel good to say that out loud?
-Does it have to be that loud? -[Beverly] Yes.
If there's one thing I learned today,
it's that women will never be silenced.
Girl power!
I'm confused, ladies. Is it woman power, or is it girl power?
-Both. -Both.