- Stories.
- Since the dawn of time, we've relied on stories
to entertain and enlighten.
- Be they tales of adventure,
love, loss, or abject stupidity,
these sagas are passed down through generations,
a grand catalogue of our collective experience.
- But what about those epic stories
only shared among a small circle of friends?
How do they achieve the legendary status
they so richly deserve?
- By being told here.
- Welcome to the ultimate chronicle of humanity.
- This is "True Story with Ed and Randall."
[dramatic music]
- Good evening, and welcome to "True Story,"
amazing stories that Ed and I
are hearing for the very first time.
- I love surprises, so let's get started.
Welcome, Christine.
- Hi. - Thank you for being here.
- Thank you for having me.
- Before we start, I just want to know,
is this a story that your family
will be proud of you telling on national TV
or not so proud?
- I wouldn't say proud. - Okay.
- So where does your story begin?
- We are in Nebraska... - Okay.
- So not really much to do there, but...
- And this is where you grew up.
- Yes, born and raised.
My boyfriend at the time-- we dated for 4 years.
We knew each other since high school
and started dating freshman year of college,
and he proposed to me.
- Can you describe him? - He is tall.
- Tall. - I'm only 5'2".
He's 6'4" so... He's in construction.
He doesn't talk
unless he's spoken to, so he's really quiet.
- Oh, yeah, he's a classic man. - Yes.
- How did the proposal go?
- So he told a couple of my girlfriends
that he was going to propose, and they just told me
we were going to go to, like, a happy hour girls' night.
So I get there. My sister has a rose.
She gave the rose to my nephew, and he hands me a rose.
- What are you doing here?
I thought this was a girls' night.
[romantic music]
* *
Mom, Dad? Oh, my goodness.
* *
- And then after each block there would be, like,
a family member holding a rose.
- Grandpa, Grandma?
* *
Wow, this is the weirdest girls' night
I've ever been to.
And then, at the end of the road,
he was standing there with more roses.
* *
Christine, will you marry me?
* *
- It was really sweet. - This is amazing.
- Yeah. - He worked in
your whole family and your friends.
- How long were you planning for?
Like, when did this desire to get married first strike you?
- Probably 2 1/2 years in. - Into your life?
- Into dating him.
- Oh, dating him, okay. - Yeah, and ever since then...
- I thought you were 2 1/2 years old like,
"I've got to get married."
- No. Well, I always wanted to get married,
like, ever since I was little.
- But after 2 1/2 years of dating Jon,
you were like, "He's the one."
- Yes. - Okay.
- So we have a proposal. - I am, like, already planning.
I already know what dress I want.
- This is such a surprise.
I haven't even ever thought about a wedding.
Oh, God, it's really just all happening so fast.
I'll be right back.
[mechanism clicks]
[motors whirring]
[dramatic music]
I was, like, ready to get married.
I've always been super obsessed with weddings.
- And how are you feeling? - Very excited.
- Yes.
- And you had a date already. - I had a date in my mind.
He didn't know it, but I'd had a date for,
like, over a year that I was planning.
- Oh. Oh, my gosh. - Oh, wait a minute.
You were planning before the proposal?
- Oh, yeah, I was planning for a long time.
Bride's log, engagement day, 001.
Today is the beginning of the engagement,
set to last roughly 123 days.
Jon chose roses for the proposal,
a timeless choice.
I'll move forward
with Operation Wedding Gown this week.
Literally the week after that, I went and got my dress.
- You know how to make decisions.
- I do.
- You just move. - Yes.
- Okay, so I imagine you're feeling pretty confident.
You're ahead of schedule.
- Next up, though, in our life, we needed to get a house,
and we're looking for a house for the first time.
But we come across 30 acres of land, and I'm like,
"I really want that."
Again, I'm really good at making decisions.
- Yeah. - And he makes it happen.
This is where, like,
we're going to build our house and raise our babies.
Like, we already have it planned out.
- Wow. - And we go there often.
We have a 145-pound dog that we take to go running.
- I'm sorry. You do realize that,
whatever animal you have, it's not a dog.
- It's a mini horse. - If it's 145 pounds,
we're talking about either a baby hippopotamus or...
What is this animal?
- He's a Bernese Mountain Dog, but he's, like...
He's stacked. I don't know why.
- Okay, so you guys and your giant Sasquatch dog...
- Yes.
- Go to your land and just sort of,
like, spend time there.
- Yeah. I found these flowers that I decided to pick.
I want to incorporate these into the wedding.
They're pretty. They're white and green
and just perfect for filler flowers.
Get them back to my parents' house.
We literally filled their entire basement
with the flowers. Like, that's how many we had.
- This is so special. - Wow.
- I'm loving this. - Pretty much all I needed
to do at this point is get married.
- A lot of times, weddings are very stressful,
but you're just feeling excited.
- No, I'm super excited at this point.
- But you've also planned it to a T.
- Yeah, I planned everything. It was so perfect.
- Yeah. - Yes.
- Okay. - So where are we?
- Bride log, day 121.
Today is Friday. The wedding is upon us.
Final preparations are being hashed out.
The rehearsal dinner was... perfect.
We're excited to get back and start the flowers.
We did this for both my sisters' weddings.
We did their floral arrangements,
so that's what we're doing with ours.
We stayed up doing that all night, and...
- And then the wedding is the next day.
- Yeah. Me and my sister keep on working,
and then we go to bed, and we wake up.
- And it's your wedding day, right?
- Yep, and we head to the ceremony site.
- How are you feeling? - Like, ready to go.
- Great, excited. - Yes, very excited.
- Okay. - I go with my checklist,
and I make sure everything is perfect.
I'm down at the ceremony site, and my aunt is, like,
"You need to go up and start getting ready."
It's at her house, so I go up to her house,
and I go and I wash my face,
and I'm, like, ready to get going.
My makeup artist is going to be there soon.
Like, almost instantly, my eyes start burning.
[disquieting music]
God, my eyes are, like, literally on fuego right now.
- And when you say burning, what are we...
Describe this sensation.
- Like sandpaper, like, in your eyes.
Yeah, that's fine. It's fine, totally.
I was like, "Oh, this kind of hurts."
And then my face started getting, like, flush and red,
but then it started getting bumpy, and it, like, went...
started going down my neck and down my arms.
- What?
- And I'm, like, "Okay, this isn't that good.
- These are hives. - Yes. And I have--
a couple of my bridesmaids were nurses, and they're like,
"Take this medicine. Take this."
I'm like, "I'm going to take whatever you guys give me."
Oh, Lord.
- As your bridesmaids, we're all about shots,
but as a certified nurse practitioner,
girl, you need a shot.
- So just give me everything. - Yes, opening the...
- Yeah. - That's what it felt like.
- Yeah. - All better.
- And I think it's going to get better,
but it's starting to get worse.
My hair lady gets there, and my sister is, like,
"Maybe just shut your eyes
while you're getting your hair done."
And so we put cucumbers over them,
and we were kind of just laying there.
- And what's going on in your head at this point? Is it...
- Oh, I thought-- - Has panic set in or, no?
- No, I was, like, "Oh, this will be better by 3."
- I love your attitude. - Yeah.
- Thank you. - Like, I would probably--
- It's not always that, but... - Yeah, no, but I would be
probably spiraling at that point...
- Yeah.
- Just, like, neurotically getting, like,
"Oh, this is going to be a disaster."
But you're just-- you're still in control.
- I'm, like, laying there with cucumbers,
and I fall asleep for an hour, and my hair lady wakes me up,
and she's like, "Hey, you're good.
I got your hair done," and I literally can't see,
not like blackout but, like, I cannot see.
- Can you see? Do you like your hair?
How does it look?
- Brown... or black.
- So mind state at this point-- is it the same,
"It's going to be fine"?
- Yeah, I don't know why. - Okay.
- And I was like, "It's all good, though."
- Right, because this wedding is happening,
and it's going to be perfect.
- Yeah. - So you're swelling up.
- Yes. - You can't see anything.
- Can't see.
- Your wedding is in four hours.
- I thought it would be smart to tell my mom I can't see,
and, like, if you know my mom, she's not dramatic.
- She's tough. - Yes.
I, like, walk down there, and I'm like,
"Hey, Mom, I can't see."
And she turns around, and she's like...
- Good God.
- Mom?
- She's like, "You need to get to the doctor now."
She was like, "You look so bad."
- Can you describe what your face looks like at this point?
- It's just swollen and bumpy and red.
If I looked up, it would help me keep my eyes open,
but I couldn't keep my eyes open,
so I would have to bend down, and if I bent down,
then snot would just, like,
this long would just pour out of my nose.
- And you still thought there would be a wedding?
- And I was, like, "I'm good." Yes, it got so bad
I just, like, kept shoving toilet paper up
because I looked better with the toilet paper.
- Wow.
- And then I was shaking so bad.
Like, I started running a fever or something.
So when we got to the urgent care,
it's a small town, and it's Labor Day weekend,
and we got there at, like, 11:45.
[pounding on door] [groaning]
- [sighs] Hello!
- [groaning]
Free tan.
- My daughter needs help. I know you're in there.
- This doesn't sound like a very urgent
urgent care facility. - No.
- This is urgent. Don't you care?
[light music]
Oh, my God.
- Where is Jon during all that? - I texted him.
- For precaution.
- So I don't normally do TikTok,
but I figured, what the hell? [cell phone buzzes]
Hang on. "Hey, babe, at the urgent care.
"Just a precaution, but I might be dying.
Love you."
[playful brass music]
So I'm fighting this bear,
and the bear knows Brazilian jiujitsu...
- So we get back to my aunt's house.
I take my nap, and my mom wakes me up.
She's like, "Hey you've got to get up."
And, like, my nicely done hair is just matted,
and it looks like literally a rat's nest everywhere.
And so I get up and hurry up, get my dress on.
My dad comes and gets me.
- Honey.
Honey, it's time to--God!
Oh, my beautiful girl.
You look...[gags]
You know, it's bad luck
to see the bride before the wedding--ah, ooh--
so... okay.
- Are you just in a state of denial,
or are you understanding what's happening
but still thinking you're going to power through?
- I'm thinking for some reason it's going to get better.
- Is no one going to just intervene and just say,
"This ain't going to happen"? - Mm-mm.
- Oh, no, you don't do that to Christine.
- No. - You don't do that.
- That was not on my paper.
- That wasn't on your checklist.
- It was not on my checklist.
- You seem like a very poised, intelligent,
put-together person,
but clearly, in this moment, you've gone insane.
- I really--I don't know what I was thinking.
- So then my dad grabs me.
He takes me down there.
- It sounds like the stuff of nightmares.
Like, you had rat's nest hair. - Hair.
- You're covered in red splotches.
- That's actually what it was, though.
It was not--I'm not, like, overexaggerating it.
["Pachelbel's Canon" playing]
- This has become a horror movie.
- Yeah. At this point, like,
literally when I got down to the aisle, I was like,
"I need to go to the hospital," so that was in my mind.
- There you go. - Um, hi.
- Ooh! - Oh! Hi.
Are you sure you want to do this right now?
- Yep, I do. I just want to get it over with. Let's go.
- Dearly beloved, we are gathered...
- Okay, you know what? Actually, you can skip that.
Nobody wants to hear it.
- Do you have kind of a sense of humor
about this in that moment, or are you just like,
"Let's get through this so I can get to the hospital"?
- I want to get through it to get it to the hospital.
- Christine and Jon would like a reading.
- No, we don't want that reading anymore.
Just keep going.
My pastor could see how bad it was, and he's, like,
"Okay, we're going to, like, dumb this way down."
Come on. - Marriage is a sacred vow.
- We know. Everybody knows that.
Just keep going.
- Okay, the couple have decided to write their own vows.
- [coughing]
I love how hot and tall you are,
and I love our giant dog. That should about cover it.
- Um... - Come on.
- I now pronounce you man and wife.
You may kiss the bride. - Finally.
- It's just chaos at this point.
- Yeah. I'm, like, "Let's just get done.
Let's do the kiss the bride and walk down."
- Yeah, oh, okay, rings.
Yeah, that one's yours. This is mine.
- Yep, yep, there we go. Done, yep.
- And then we do that.
- FYI, I also do exorcisms.
- You get married. - We get married.
- Congratulations. I mean, that's...
That's good.
- Thank you.
And I said, "We need to go to the hospital, like, right now."
We tried to get, like, a couple of family pictures
with, like, grandparents because...
- Of just you just like...
- Congrats. Smile.
- Congrats, guys.
Let's get a couple ph--oh--tos of the...
- You know what? I think we're going to have
to go to the hospital before we do that.
- Just a few more... few quick snaps,
a few quick snaps, just a couple quick snaps.
- At this point, it's fully "Weekend at Bernie's."
- Yeah, yeah.
- You're just like a corpse, basically.
- It was terrible.
- * Take it all the way *
* When I hear the music play *
* Because, baby, I can't help myself *
- * Hey, hey, hey *
- * I'm here to do my thing *
* Who knows what tomorrow brings *
* I'm never going to kiss and tell *
* I want to dance the night away *
* Until we see the light of day *
- When you left the wedding and went to the hospital,
was it just with Jon?
- Just hang in there, baby. We're almost there.
- My sisters--they wanted it to be all of us.
We had party buses,
and they were, like, following us to the ER.
[bridal party cheering]
- Wait, you're on your way to the ER,
and you have the wedding party following you?
Did they want to come along because they were like,
"Let's keep this party going"?
[upbeat music]
[heart monitor beeping]
- Face to face Get on the floor
* [Indistinct]
It's a showdown I'm going to take the crown
Beat [Indistinct]
That's your move That's all you got
- They're like, "Oh, this is an allergic reaction," like,
"It will get better in an hour with all these meds."
They gave me, like a bunch of steroids.
They gave me two shots in my butt.
- Does any of this make you feel better in that moment?
- No, they told me an hour, so I was like,
"An hour is going to be here, and I will be dancing."
- Wow. - That's what they told you.
- Yes, so I was in good spirits again.
- Your spirits are lifted, but you're still feeling horrific.
- Yes, horrible, not any better.
- And did they tell you what the allergic reaction was to?
- No, but my reaction was so bad at this point
and, like, itching, and I'm falling over my dress.
So my husband ran into Target.
I said, "Get me, like, athletic clothes, like, comfy clothes."
So he got me jammies, which was nice.
And I called Mom. I'm like, "Hey, what is going on there?"
And she was like, "It's getting
really, really, like, eerily awkward."
- Yeah, because, everyone's like,
"Uh, we just witnessed a snot fountain."
- Yeah. - Pass the gravy.
- And we're 3 1/2 hours late at this point,
and I'm changing on the interstate.
We just want to go say "thank you" to people and...
- Maybe explain to them, yeah.
- Yes, people were trying to make us do an entrance.
I said, "I won't walk in there if you guys do an entrance.
"I don't want any of that.
I just want to get in there, say 'Thank you.'"
- Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome the bride and groom.
[upbeat music playing]
- I've got this one.
* *
She's all good. She's all good.
We're playing golf soon. Okay.
Okay, okay.
Okay, look out. Let's go.
Oh, up we go.
Full recovery. We're good.
- Somebody started our first dance,
and I'm literally in pajamas.
[slow dance music playing]
* *
I don't think our feet, like, came off the floor.
It was that cringy.
* *
- And what were you and your husband
saying to each other as you, like, swayed back and forth?
- This is so bad.
- And now for the father-daughter dance!
- Are you feeling any better, physically?
- No. I, like, blacked out, and my sister is like,
"What is going on?"
I'm, like, "I don't know. I just need to go home."
So I laid under my grandparents' table
a lot of the night with ice packs.
- Hi.
- [hacking]
- Thanks for having us. Beautiful ceremony.
- Hey, just thank you so much for the blender.
It was so kind of you.
- Sure thing, any time.
- Get home safe. [retches]
I'd get out for a second and be like,
"Oh, thanks for coming,"
and then I'd crawl back under their table.
- Were people partying and dancing all around you?
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, and people stayed like an hour after, like,
the wedding was supposed to be and dance.
My dance floor was hopping.
[upbeat music playing]
* *
- Babe!
- [wretched gurgling]
Yeah, they had to kick everybody out.
Everyone out! - Still dancing!
Go Christine! Go Christine!
- Wow, and so when did you start feeling better?
- It took 4 days to get my eyesight back.
- Oh, wow.
- I, like--I wore sunglasses
for, like, four days in the house.
- Christine, what the hell happened?
What were you allergic to?
- The flowers. - Yep.
- So it wasn't an allergic reaction.
They're very poisonous, and I guess
they can kill cattle if, like, cattle ingest them.
- Oh, my gosh.
- And so that's why the allergy meds never worked.
- You weren't having an allergic reaction.
You had been poisoned. - No, they were literally--
I was poisoned by flowers.
- And when you were picking them just for fun,
you were rubbing them on your eyes and all over.
[romantic music]
[laughter]
- [sighs softly]
* *
It was from washing my face,
and then the sap underneath my nails
because I had just gotten my nails done,
so they were longer.
- So when you washed your face, the toxins got into your eyes.
- Yes.
- Just for the sake of Randall and me
and our audience at home, what kind of flower
was that that we need to avoid at all costs?
- It is snow-on-the-mountain. - Snow-on-the-mountain.
- Do not touch it, ever.
- Snow-on-the-mountain. That is a very misleading name
for a deadly flower. - Yeah.
- It's a lovely-sounding flower.
- Yep.
- Looking back on this, did you come away with any lessons?
- Don't pick wildflowers. - That specifically.
- Don't pick wildflowers. Don't have a checklist
and make it go exactly according to plan,
because it's never going to go according to plan.
- So maybe be a little less stringent about taking control.
- Yes.
- Well, you're married now. - We have three...
well, about to be three babies, so we're good.
- Wow. - Okay.
- Three babies in three years, so...
- Incredible.
- And you guys are happy.
- Happy, and a wedding day is a wedding day.
- Christine, thank you so much.
- Thank you. - That was amazing.
- Incredible.
I'm so glad for the happy ending
because I was getting real worried there.
- * I'm going to take it all the way *
* When I hear the music play *
* Because, baby, I can't help myself *
* I'm here to do my thing *
* Who knows what tomorrow brings *
* I'm never going to kiss and tell *
* I just want to have fun *
* Show me what you've got *
* Because the floor is getting hot *
* I want to see the way you move *
* It's time to get it on *
* Going to party all night long *
* This is what we do *
* La la la la *
* I'm all about *
* Come and get it *
* Come, come and get it *
* La la la la *
* I'm all about fun *
* Come and get it *
* Come, come and get it *
* I want to dance the night away *
* Until we see the light of day *
* Come give me some *
- What do you think, Randall? Ready for another one?
- Yes, I am. Hello, Gastor.
- How is it going, y'all?
- It's going great. How are you?
- Always good, always good, homie.
- Before you go into it... - Yeah.
- If this story was a movie... - Yeah.
- What would be the soundtrack?
- It's up-tempo. It's action.
There's love. There's drama.
That's where we at.
- So set the stage for us.
Where does the story begin?
- This starts in 2008.
- And how old were you at this time?
- I was about 24.
- 24, okay.
- Hey, so I've got something to tell you.
- All right.
Well, I've got something to tell you, too,
but I want you to go first.
- I'm pregnant.
- Me and my girlfriend, Gabby--
we found out we were expecting a kid, you know?
Wow. No, this is... This is amazing.
Normally this is exciting, great news.
This was also scary at the time.
- This is amazing, yeah. Oh, my God, come here. Wow.
- What were you going to say? - It doesn't matter.
- I was not in a place where I could afford a kid.
- What is it?
- Um, I'm broke.
From I've seen, they cost a bit of money.
I don't know if you are aware.
- Yeah, it adds up.
- Can you describe Gabby?
- Yeah, Gabby is the most loving person I know
with the scariest eyebrows I know at the same time.
- What do you mean, "Scariest eyebrows"?
- Like, she gets across all her threats
by just, like, changing the arch over her eyes.
It's a talent. I don't know how she does it, like,
because you see it's a score.
Like, during the day, you see them just slowly arch.
- Yeah. - And, like,
you do something nice, they go back to straight.
- So you use those eyebrows as your...
- That's my barometer.
[alarms blaring]
- Gastor, get in here now!
- Dear God.
- Oof. - Yeah.
- Not only were we dating for a while at this point,
she's my best friend's older sister, right?
- Oh, yeah. - My boy, George, and I.
Like, we've known each other since, you know, we were 13.
I want to make sure that I live up to,
you know, my promises to him as a man and as his boy,
and the other part of that comes from my dad.
Like, I asked him,
"What do I do here, like, in this dynamic?
Like, how do I provide for them?"
And he looked me in the eye, and he said...
- Heavy, high, far.
If something is heavy, what do we do?
We pick it up. - Ah.
- If it's far, can you guess?
We go get it. What about if it's high?
- Reach. - That's right.
- Yeah. - We reach for it.
- And to this day, I still don't know if he, like,
literally meant, like, just pick stuff up or, like...
- You have a deep conversation with your dad, and he's, like,
"No, no, no, I just literally meant picking stuff up."
- Yeah, but I took it to heart.
- Even in those dreams, keep it heavy, high and far.
- My dad's words, like, really, like, weighed on me,
and I felt like I was failing to live up to that, you know?
Like, I wasn't making enough money.
She's still living with her parents.
- So what were you doing at the time?
- I had a part-time job.
I was loading trucks in Brooklyn,
just, like, loading trailers.
It was a union gig, so I knew that, like, eventually,
if I did this long enough, I could, you know,
become a full-time driver and work there.
And finding out that we were going to have a kid kind of,
like, put pressure on that.
But that wasn't something that,
like, I controlled the timeline on.
- Yep. - So I started playing poker
after work, you know, to make extra bread.
- So I would, like, go from 5:00 to 10:00,
load these trucks.
After work, I'd call in, check in on Gabby,
see how things were with her,
and then I would go play in these, like,
shady underground rooms in Brooklyn and Queens.
- So you're in these poker games.
Is your hope to kind of get one big score?
- Yeah.
- Or you're just kind of incrementally winning?
- Yeah, at this point, honestly, like,
just the amount I was winning,
it wasn't realistic for me to be, like,
"Yo, we're going to cash out, buy the house,
and I'm moving out."
- Yeah.
- Were you feeling the pressure also from Gabby's eyebrows?
- Yeah, I mean, indirectly, like,
what really, like, hurt the most is, like,
as much as I wanted to give her,
Gabby didn't really want a lot.
Like, she was real, like,
low-maintenance as an expecting mom.
And really all she wanted was, like, this one thing.
She had a craving
for Applebee's maple butter blondies.
- Hey, I suddenly and very randomly
got a craving for a maple butter blondie.
- She would regularly, like, hit me up and say,
"Hey, I want one of these things," and they're beautiful.
- Is there ever ice cream involved?
- Of course. Ice cream is actually on top,
so the maple butter blondie has, like, a warm blondie.
Then, it has a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top,
walnut chunks, caramel and maple butter syrup.
- That's a piece of art. - I'm telling you.
- I've never had one.
Can you describe what they taste like?
- Magic. - Magic?
- Yeah, it's beautiful. Whatever brings you joy,
happiness, picture that moment. It's like that, every bite.
- So are you picking these up, like, once a week, every day?
- This is my challenge, right?
So she would work 9:00 to 5:00. I'm working 5:00 to 10:00.
And all the Applebee's that were in our area
closed at 10 o'clock. So when she would call me...
- Maybe you could pick me up a maple butter blondie?
- I couldn't do anything about it.
They had already closed.
Like, even if I got out early that day, right, like,
it was, like, let's, say 9:30. The kitchens were still closed.
- What happens to her eyebrows when she's eating the blondie?
[soft music]
- It's the only time they're, like parallel.
They go back to even. You know?
- And these maple butter blondies are a key to that?
- Instant reset button, instant.
- Okay. - Yeah, okay.
- I couldn't deliver on this, you know,
because they kept closing.
- Yep.
- Some of our friends in Queens...
They opened up a new Applebee's in Fresh Meadows, Queens,
and I started getting text messages.
My homegirl Gayle have seen-- hit up my homegirl Lara,
and they're like, "Yo, there's a new Applebee's
in Fresh Meadows,"
and I'm like, "Yeah?" And they're like,
"Yo, but the closing time is 11:00 at this one."
- Oh. - Game-changer, you know.
- Yeah. - Now, I've got the option.
You know, if I get out early from work,
Gabby got that craving,
I can make that drive, you know?
- How far is it to Fresh Meadows?
- Yeah, Fresh Meadows is roughly,
like, 30 minutes away from me in Brooklyn.
- Okay. - So it's an aggressive drive,
but if you inspired, you can make it happen.
- Well, you want to get those eyebrows on the level,
so you'll make that trip.
- Exactly, you know? - Yeah.
- So, you know, I got the opportunity soon after.
Like, you know, she gives me a call, and, like,
I'm coming out the building, and she like...
- Hey, today was rough,
and I really have that craving again.
- And I said... Yeah, babe, I got you.
- Yeah. - You know?
I hung up the phone.
I called up the Applebee's in Fresh Meadows.
Lovely young lady picks up.
She said, "Hi, this is Stephanie from Applebee's."
I'm like, "Hi, Stephanie. My name is Gastor Almonte.
I mean business." I said,
"I need a maple butter blondie. I'll be there in 20 minutes."
I hung up the phone, got in my car.
- He means business. I need our best guys on this.
Let's move. Go, go, go.
- Who means business this late in the day?
- Ritchie, I swear to God.
- I got there. - Yeah.
- Twenty minutes later, I'm at the Applebee's,
and she has my maple butter blondie ready.
She a champ, you know?
5.99--total with tax, it comes to 6.53.
I give her $10, a generous tip, and she worth it.
- Yes, she is. - Yeah.
- I'm in the car about to drive back, you know,
and I'm thinking,
"If I get to Gabby's crib on time,
"I could drop off the blondie.
I can still make it to one of the card games tonight."
- Yeah. - You know, so this is perfect.
I'm crushing this heavy, high, and far thing. It's easy.
- You're about to hit a grand slam.
- Yeah.
- I'm driving. I get on the Jackie Robinson.
It's this highway that connects Brooklyn and Queens.
Speed limit on the Jackie is 45. I was doing 80.
- Oh, okay, okay. - Whoa.
Because you don't want the ice cream to melt.
- Exactly, I had a valid reason.
- Yeah.
- This is a legit emergency, like: pregnant lady delivery,
someone might die, ice cream can melt.
Like, those are the three reasons you could speed.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- That's how I read it, you know.
So I was doing what I felt was within the legal range.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You get stopped. You have a good excuse.
- Exactly. So I did get stopped.
[siren wailing]
Like, he came over to the car,
and, like, he was chill at first, you know?
He was like, "Hey, yo, listen, man,
what's the emergency?" you know?
It was a great first question as a cop, you know?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Like, he's not even saying like, "Yo, you in trouble."
He's trying... No, "What's going on?"
- And you have the perfect answer.
- And I told him. I was like, "Listen, Gabby is pregnant.
"She's having cravings.
"I'm trying to make dreams come true.
That's what I'm trying to do right here."
- Can we describe this cop?
- He would be like Richie Cunningham.
- Hey, there! - Oh.
- Like, he's someone that,
like, tucks in his shirt on Sunday, you know?
- Right, right, right, right. - Like,
you don't need to do that. Your boss ain't here.
- He seems like a nice enough guy.
- Right.
- But he's also about the rules.
- That ice cream is no excuse. - Exactly.
- Yeah. - Yeah. He gets my paperwork.
He goes back to his car, and I'm thinking,
"All right. He's going to look up my stuff,
but he's going to see my paperwork clean."
- Yeah. - He's going to know
about this ice cream situation. I'm going to be Gucci.
- You're going to make dreams come true,
but you see those guys up there?
So are they. They're doing construction,
and the way you're driving, you can make it dangerous
for those hardworking fellows to do their job, so stay safe.
- So he gave me my ticket, you know, and he's like,
"Listen, man. It's $110 ticket.
Drive safely. Have a good night, sir."
And normally, that would have put me down, you know,
but I still got the dessert.
I'm still getting home to Gabby's. It's all good.
- How melted is the ice cream at this point, just a little?
- I took some precautions. I had the AC blasting.
I figured I could warm the blondie,
but you can't cold the ice cream.
- No. - Right.
- And, you know, like, she opens the door,
and I'm holding a bag from Applebee's,
and she knows it right away, so she's happy.
- Took you long enough.
- These blondies aren't going to maple butter themselves.
- Cutie.
- Okay. Bye. Enjoy it.
But, you know, I said good night.
I get in the car, and I'm going to drive off to the game.
So I'm feeling great,
and five minutes into the card game,
I get a call from Gabby. I'm thinking,
"Oh, I'm going to get more cookie points.
"She's so happy. She's through the moon.
She's going to be calling me."
I'm feeling great. I pick up the phone.
It's anything but. She is hysterical.
She's crying. She's sad, and she's like,
"Gastor, you're not going to believe this, man.
"Like, I put the blondie
"in the microwave to warm it up.
"I thought I hit 30 seconds. I hit three minutes.
I burnt the blondie."
- Oh, no.
- I don't know what to do, you know?
I don't know how to...
I'm not an expert in how to unburn blondies.
- Unburn a blondie, yeah.
- You know, I don't know that...
That's not covered at heavy, high and far.
That's not my department.
- I don't think anybody
is an expert on unburning blondies.
- You burn a blondie, it's burned.
- It's burned. That's it. - Yeah.
- You know, I don't know what to do, so I'm like,
"What do you need, honey?" Like, "What can I do to help?"
And she's like, "Honestly, like, you know,
"I really appreciated you. I just wanted to vent,
but, you know, thank you for trying to get the blondie."
- Oh, that's very nice of her. - Yeah.
- A reasonable take on the situation.
- Great, you know, a beautiful response.
She understood the dynamic, but, you know, I thought
about, like, you know, those words again.
- Keep it heavy, high and far. - And I was like,
"Yo, this is, like, a chance for me
to really step up here as a man."
Then I called up the Applebee's,
you know, "I still mean business."
- Yeah.
- Stephanie, you ever heard of heavy, high and far?
Those are the pillars of my pursuit
as a provider right now.
Heavy is my heart because I love my family.
High is the mountaintop I'm trying to lift
the mother of my child to.
And far is the distance between me and you right now.
You feel me?
- Gastor, you have inspired, enlightened,
and entertained me.
Of course I feel you. How can I be of assistance?
- I'm going to need you to get me
another maple butter blondie.
- Oh, you don't know? I'm sorry, Gastor.
The kitchen--It's closed.
- Ooh.
- And I was like, "Stephanie, I gave you $10
"to cover the maple butter blondie, tax and tip.
"I will give you that $10 and an additional $20
if you can get me another maple butter blondie."
- She said, "Gastor, I'm going to make it happen."
- And I--my sense is that
that's not even about the money for Stephanie.
It's just about hearing in your voice how important this is,
and she just wants to help you out.
- Yeah, she's on the team. She's one of us now.
- She's on the team. - You know, she's bought in.
- Yeah. - You know she's with it.
She wants to come to the baby shower, everything.
- She's there. - Yeah.
- You know? I already know they close at 11:00.
It's 10:30. I'm making a phone call.
It's a half-hour drive
with no traffic when I'm coming from Gabby's as is.
I'm coming from 5 minutes further.
- Yeah.
- So I've got to book it, you know?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- So I get back on the Jackie. I'm doing 80 on the 45 again.
I get pulled over a second time.
- Ay...
[siren wailing]
- I see the cop come out the car.
It's the same cop.
- Same guy. - Oh, boy.
- Me and Richie Cunningham.
- Oh, no. - He's doing it again.
- Here comes Richie Cunningham.
- Okay. - First time, he was cool.
This time, he was a little less cool, you know...
- Yeah. - Understandably so.
- You again? What is the emergency, friend?
- To be honest with you, officer, you see,
what happened was I'm trying
to make a dessert delivery tonight, okay?
I'm trying to make dreams come true.
- He cuts me off. He's like, "Yo, license and registration."
- Oof. - And he was like,
"Listen, man, I told you before.
"Those guys are trying to set up.
"They're about to start in five minutes,
"and the way you're driving is making it dangerous
"for them to get started.
On top of that, you're putting your life in danger."
He gives me my second $110 ticket for the night.
- What's your vibe when you get pulled over that second time?
Are you just like, "Gah"?
- Yeah, this was on me.
Like, I've got to take ownership.
- Yeah. - You know, the first one,
I felt like I had done all the calculations.
I'm justified. I've got ice cream.
- So how much time is left after Richie Cunningham leaves?
Are you, like... - I'm done.
It's 11 when we done talking, so I get on the phone.
I'm trying to call them,
and, like, I see her standing by...
in the bar area by the phone, so I know she sees--
she hears the phone ringing. I know I'm trying.
- Hello? - Stephanie, it's--it's me.
Don't you remember?
- Gastor, my brother, how could I forget?
Also, we spoke, like, 30 minutes ago.
- Listen, I know I've made some mistakes.
- "Some"?
- But I need that maple butter blondie.
I've got family out there,
and you're a part of that family now.
You're a part of the team. We've made it this far.
- Gastor, I-- I can't do this anymore.
- Don't--don't say that. Yes, you can.
- No, I literally can't. We're closed.
- But the maple butter blondie is already done.
- Yeah.
- Like, you already did the mission, you know?
"I promised you the $10 for the maple butter blondie,
"tax and tip,
the $20 for getting it done after the kitchen was closed."
- Yeah.
- "I will give you another $20, Stephanie."
And she said, "I got you."
She came through. She snuck out,
unlocked the door, handed me the maple butter blondie.
I gave her $50 as a dep.
We hugged, you know. It was emotional.
- This was a moment. - Yeah, I felt great.
She felt good about what she did,
had to be the biggest tip she made that night, as well.
- Yeah. - So it was a great, like,
moment for all of us.
Hey, Stephanie.
I'll see you at the baby shower.
- I'll bring the blondies. - Yeah.
- How much money have you spent?
- At this point, I'm $50 in on the second blondie...
- Yeah.
- Ten on the first, so that's 60,
and then I've got two $110 tickets.
- Right.
- So that's 220 plus 60. I'm at 280.
- So this is... You're taking a hit for...
- I'm telling you. I'm getting beat up right now.
- Yeah. - But I got the blondie.
- Yeah. - I'm good, you know?
So I get in the car.
- Now, you've got the ice cream.
- I've got the ice cream again.
I've got the same dynamic, but I'm still justified now.
We back to 80 being a valid way to drive.
I thought... Ooh, let's go.
Buckle up.
It's going to be a bumpy ride.
I get pulled over again.
- I think we can agree your decision to drive 80
on the Jackie Robinson Parkway was not a good bet.
- I agree, and, you know, it should not be done in general.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Oh, here we go again.
Three times, this highway is the death of me. You know?
- Is it Richie Cunningham again?
- It can only be Richie Cunningham.
- Yeah.
- He comes out of the car,
and he's looking at me,
and he's just as confused about the moment, too.
Like... - Because...
- This is the third time. - It's the third time,
and your story is exactly the same.
- Yeah, and, you know, like... - Can I--
can I guess what the first thing he said was?
What's the emergency, friend?
[laughter]
For the love of god, Gastor,
what the hell is the emergency?
- He was on a first-name basis with you.
- Is this a computer simulation that's glitching right now?
- What? - Is this "Punk'd"?
Is this "Punk'd," huh? - No.
- You got cameras here? - No.
- Because I don't know how it's possible
I'm seeing you for the third time in one night
on the same stretch of highway.
- You hurt his feelings a little bit.
- I did, and it felt extra bad
because I really, really think it's Richie Cunningham.
- Do you have a ticket fetish? Huh?
Because that's the only way
that it makes sense that I'm seeing you again.
- So he leaves. He goes over to his car.
He comes back, and he just throws the ticket.
- He had it ready.
- Yeah, like he just had it ready.
He just chucked into my window.
I'm not even, like, disagreeing.
I'm not putting up a fight.
- Yeah. - I'm broken.
- Yeah.
- Like, it's just been a frustrating day.
- Yeah. - And, you know, he sees it.
Like, he sees me, like, shutting down.
He could tell, like, I'm... My headspace is different.
Like, I'm not making eye contact with him.
I'm letting him kind of, like, blow off steam.
I felt, like, my hands shaking. Like, I felt nervous.
Like, everything didn't go to plan,
and this is what I was told to do.
This is heavy, high and far. Why isn't it working?
- Mm-hmm. - And I was like,
"Like I told you before, my wife is pregnant.
"She had cravings.
"I got a dessert, and this is the first time
that I could actually deliver on it."
I'm never gonna get Gabby
her maple butter blondie.
- What did you just say? - And I was like,
"I've got a maple butter blondie."
And he's like,
"Oh, that's the one with the vanilla ice cream."
And I was like, "Yeah, you a fan, too?"
He's like, "Of course,"
he said, "but you've got to get that home.
The vanilla ice cream is going to melt."
And I was like, "All right. So now you on board.
"You feel me.
You understand what I've been dealing with all night."
- Okay, let's go. Follow me.
- He goes back to his car.
He turns on the siren, and he pulls up to me,
says, "Follow me,"
and he escorts me through the whole construction zone...
- Whoa.
- Saves me valuable time. - Richie Cunningham.
- Coming up clutch, you know? - Wow.
- We get through the construction site.
I pull even to his car. He said, "Hey, man. Be safe.
Have a good night, sir," you know?
Said it every time... - Yeah.
- But this is the first time I believed it, you know?
- Yeah.
- The moment that Richie Cunningham turned.
Was it all about the--like, he understood the blondie,
or he understood that it was about Gabby
and about, like, a boyfriend stepping up for his girlfriend?
What was he--
- Yeah, I'd like to think that he kind of got that dynamic,
like in terms of this not being about me.
I get to Gabby's house, and I'm holding another bag,
and I see, like, tears coming down her eyes, you know,
because this is, like, the ultimate surprise,
and, you know, she gives me this big hug.
You know, we kiss, and for the first time,
I really feel like I could provide,
you know, for her and for my kid
because, you know, I would do anything for them,
you know, heavy, high or far.
- Whoa. - That's my story, brothers.
- Man, thank you. - Yes.
- Thank you for sharing. - Gastor, that was incredible.
- Appreciate y'all, man.
- That was incredible.
- Thank you for having me.
- That is an awesome, awesome story.
- And now you see right there the look of disgust,
the look of defeat, you know? This is, like, you know...
- The look of, "I'm going to kick your"--
- They said I couldn't do it.
They saw this little pint-sized girl.
They said I couldn't get 8 pounds out of that,
but they were wrong.
Eight pounds, 8 ounces, out of this little thing.
I did it.